ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Nova Pumps

high black heel with metal heel

I've wanted to feature this pretty heel for a while now, but it keeps going out of stock — so good news if you like it, because it's back in stock!

Let's take a second to talk about the hemming here — how do we feel about the hemming? I feel like the pants should be slightly higher if the pants are cropped (not much, just .5-1 inches) — and if they're straight, full-length pants they should be several inches longer, at least hitting the top of the heel.

In any event: the shoes are $299, available in whole sizes at Nordstrom, and AllSaints. AllSaints has some other colorways on sale; so does Revolve. Bloomingdale's is mostly out of stock, but if you prefer that store, note that they also carry the heel.

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Sales of note for 12.5

172 Comments

  1. Perhaps this makes me a rube, but I don’t understand what’s going on with the heel. Are there parts missing?

    1. That looks like a horrible accident waiting to happen.

      Or is this because most women would never wear such a shoe outside?

      Survival of the fittest I guess.

    2. It looks like the wearer got caught in a sewer grate and ripped off half the heel.

    4. Yeah, I had to double check that its not April 1st yet. I would not call this a pretty shoe.

    5. Yeah, that was my first thought too…did they really go for the broken heel look on purpose??
      And then to have it called ‘pretty’ in the article…hahahaha.

        2. I agree with the others here. It is very expensive, and not a MINOLA BLAHTNICK, which might be worth the price if it gets you cute guys who are marrageworthy. But good luck finding either, at least not in NYC. PTOOEY!

  2. We’ve had some recent breakups on here – can anyone help me think this through? My bf and I signed a one year lease through October 2023. For work, he travels 2-3 weeks a month, I travel 1-2 weeks a month. We wanted to live together to see if it helped us get more time together. Turns out – it’s just not a good fit. I want to split up and move on. I could wait a few months but it doesn’t feel right to hide it from him. I don’t anticipate any major fights, we have the space to sleep in different rooms, but I don’t have the money to pay both my share of rent here and at a new place. Any ideas for how to navigate 6 months of this? Given the last few months, I expect we will only both be here at the same time for about 3-5 days a month.

    1. Does your lease have an early termination clause? If there is a one or two month rent penalty to leave early, it might be worth it to just pay that and move to separate places.

    2. are his finances different – will he be able to absorb the second half of the rent? also, will he be surprised or overly upset about the breakup, or do you feel like you’re approaching a mutual breakup? (and: if you stayed how would you feel if he brought a girl home in those 3-5 days a month?)

    3. Break up and get a roommate? Or both of you move out and sublet. Or talk to your landlord about breaking the lease. S/he might let you out of it if you can find a renter. We did the latter when we bought a house with 5 months left on our lease.

    5. Don’t wait to break up with someone for months once you know you want out. He’ll sense someone is wrong anyway and you’re wasting both his and your time. Can you sublet your apartment? You’d be surprised how easy it is to find someone on Facebook or other rental sites.

      I know someone who lived with their ex for nine months (my friend offered to take on the lease but the ex refused, clearly this was messy). It wasn’t ideal but they survived.

    7. Honestly, if you are only going to be there 3-5 days a month at the same time for just six months, I’d break up and be prepared to sleep in different rooms. It won’t be great but if it’s worth it financially it’s definitely do-able.

      On the other hand, be prepared for him to move out in a huff and leave you with the full rent. Can you afford that?

    8. Only you know how you guys will interact. To me, 3-5 days a month doesn’t sound like all that much—especially if you’re out running errands or meeting up with friends during some of that. And if you have the ability to both have your own room. But that’s assuming this will be pretty mutual and not that deep and that you’re already living pretty separate lives anyway with all the travel. Unconventional? Sure. But not sure if it’s worth the hassle for what will amount to 2-3 weeks in the end. I think we’ve all dealt with a hell roommate for longer, and this may not reach anywhere near that level,

    9. If both of you travel for work, it could be really easy for one of you to move out and the other to get a roommate. Generally the LL only cares about getting paid and making sure the tenants can “pass” a background check. I’d jump at the chance to have a roommate who was only around 1-2 weeks a month back when I was single. Assuming you are located in a major city with single people, this shouldn’t be hard to figure out.

  3. I don’t recall if I learned it here or via my tailor but I was taught (ages ago) that women should tailor their slacks for a ‘no break’ hem as a negative break was too informal, and a full break (or even a half break) looks sloppy. I am primarily seeing negatives breaks on jeans/pants these days and I am having a very hard time adjusting my eye to it!
    I will also die on the hill that tailoring is an art and that it is shocking how many actors/actresses who are dressed for major awards shows have badly tailored clothing – even if you are lent the clothes surely the brand wants them to fit the wearer well to best showcase the design?!?

    1. I actually suspect that this photo is an example of the stylist hemming to showcase the design of the shoe. I would hem them lower if I was wearing them in real life, but as a potential buyer of these shoes, I want to see a photo where I can see the entire shoe.

    2. With heels, I go for ‘no break’ (i.e., ankle pants) or almost a full break (where the hem is maybe .25″ off the floor when wearing shoes of the desired height).

      The less-dramatic breaks tend to look like ill-fitting pants on me.

      I think the pants used for the product shot were chosen because you can see the whole shoe, not because they’re the best look.

    3. Angie of the perfect pants length has updated her guidelines. Straight pants as currently worn should have no break. She wears hers fairly short.

      When I started buying straight leg jeans this fashion cycle, I searched out tall lengths because my inseam is 32” barefoot, 34” with shoes. But that causes a break when I’m wearing straight leg jeans and it doesn’t look right to my eye. I ended up having to hem them (let’s be honest, I just cut one pair off for a raw hem) to ankle lenth – not “ankle length” that hits above the ankle, but to my real ankle, where the hems don’t touch the top of my foot.

      1. pS even though I have adopted the new straight leg hem length, I refuse to adopt high-water flare legs. I can’t think of anything less flattering and fashion victim-y.

        1. Cropped flares are great on me! I am a “flamboyant gamine” type, so cropped sleeves + cropped pants 4 eva.

          1. I support your love of cropped flares. I’m not sure about them on me, but they don’t look bad. I’m playing around with a pair now. With the right shoes, I think I like them.

            But, I love the slightly shrunken look, whether it’s ankle pants or bracelet sleeves. When I used to go to big science meetings, the slightly short pants and close-fitting jackets (with or without shorter sleeves) were worn by a lot of the Europeans, so I think of it as European scientist chic and I rather aspire to it.

        2. Here here on high-water flares. As someone who lived through the original flares (70s and 80s) high-water flares are just wrong on so many levels.

        3. No kidding…they make the wearer look like they hit a growth spurt and have to wait till mom gets paid to get new pants.

    4. The pants are hemmed like this because the pants don’t actually matter, they want potential buyers to see the entire shoe.

    5. I’m struggling with the shorter pant lengths in general. I think I’m still traumatized by being a 5’8″ teen in the ’90s, when it was still really hard to find longer lengths. Also, I love the cropped look on others but I don’t feel like the proportions are right for me. It seems that the very deliberately cropped pants look better than the ones that are just slightly shorter than what we’re used to; those still look awkward to me.

      1. I’m 5’1”, formerly 5’11” with disproportionately long legs, and I feel your pain!! I am actually happiest when ankle lengths are in, though, because everything fits me that way.

        Too-short flares meant to be full length are the worst for me.

  4. The kitchen reno thread this morning reminded me of a question I’ve had for a bit: How do I begin to price out what a kitchen reno would cost? Can I go ask a designer to do a bunch of planning but then possibly say “Oh, that looks great, but it’s going to take me 2 years to be ready to spend that much”? I’ve already upgraded all the appliances in my kitchen, so now it’s “just” cabinetry and countertops I’d want to change. I want some idea of whether this is going to be like $5K or $50K to get what I want.

    1. Cabinetry and countertops is the meat of a reno. It depends where you live and how DIY you go but generally this is in the $50k ballpark not the $5k one.

      1. Is this still true if it’s more a remodel than just a renovation? I’m talking take out this wall, move utilities because the position of stove or sink are changing?

        1. We spent $65k in a LCOL city on a kitchen remodel where we didn’t move or rewire anything, so… yes? And this was almost 10 years ago now, there’s been a lot of inflation in this industry in the last few years.

          1. Oh I wasn’t doubting the $50k price tag. What I meant was if you move walls, have electrical or plumbing work done, could these items be even more expensive than ‘just’ purchasing cabinets and countertops (which the previous poster said are the biggest line items)? Like the OP, I just have no sense of what these things could cost.

        2. If you are reconfiguring the layout to that extent – removing walls, espec if load bearing, moving appliances – all of a sudden you need an engineer and way more plumbing/gas/electrical work, permits, etc. That adds a LOT. Think $100K rather than the $20-$50 just counters and cabinets might be.

      2. No it’s not. Not if you don’t need to make big changes to plumbing or floors or walls. This isn’t cheap but it’s not the majority cost of big remodels.

    2. Countertops and cabinets are a bit like buying a car in that there is a HUGE variation in cost. It helps to know what material you want (for countertops) – wood (butcher block, walnut), metal (stainless steel, copper, etc.) will be much cheaper than real stone and composite stone is cheaper than a slab. Ditto with cabinets – wood cabinets with custom heights and extras like pull out shelves are more expensive than MDF with just standard flat shelves. I’ve heard very good things about Ikea cabinets – our contractor used them in his kitchen – I’d probably start there and get a quote on cabinets and then figure out what is left in your budget for counters. Alternately – Lowes and Home Depot are great starting points for off the shelf cabinets and reasonable counter material options.

      1. +1 on the Ikea rec for cabinets.

        There’s a nice article this week on Mr Money Mustache about re-doing your kitchen. He is incredibly handy and re-does all of his kitchens himself, and describes how to do so. But he also gives great tips/advice, and almost made me feel like I could design my new kitchen myself and how to design smart / save $.

        1. Emily Henderson’s blog recently had a review of Ikea cabinets a year or so after they were installed. They seem to wear out very quickly.

          1. Yeah, this is not the area where I’d choose to skimp. I’d sooner go for a less extensive countertop than buy cheap cabinets. Also, you may be surprised at what you can find locally. Our semi-custom cabinets ended up costing slightly less than a set designed at Home Depot or Lowe’s.

          2. My sister said, re furniture, one of those things that has stuck in my brain: spend money on things that move. Dressers with drawers you open and close every day need to be made better than bookshelves that stay put. I think cabinets fit into that: you open and close your kitchen cabinets every day, and are going to be annoyedAF if they start to get like, off-kilter from use. That is unlikely to happen with an entryway bench or a TV stand.

    3. You are upfront that you’re asking for a quote for materials and labor for cabinets and countertops. You may get something like a labor quote + an allowance for materials, which may or may not match up with the quality of finishes you want. Maybe ask for quotes if you use Corian vs granite vs marble or something so you get a sense of how much your taste will influence the spend.

    5. we did a kitchen reno of our tiny, tiny, tiny one-butt kitchen — it was $20k to do cabinets, new stove, microwave, tile.

    6. I just redid cabinets and counters in my house last year. I have a U-shaped, medium-sized kitchen. Cabinets were Shenandoah brand from Lowe’s, sage color, MDF material, the doors aren’t completely flat, there’s like a recessed panel part. Mostly normal cabinets with no fancy features, though we have a lazy susan piece, pantry piece, and spice drawer/cabinet thing. White quartz counters. The cabinets with install labor were $15,087 and the counters with sink and install were $2,500. Over Memorial Day there was a 40% off sale, which is when we placed our order.

    7. I would expect you’ll have some electrical and plumbing if you replace cabinets and countertops, which necessitates pulling the sink, and electrical because when they remove the cabinets you have an opportunity to open the walls and put in some electrical outlets. Also if you’re using a licensed contractor they will probably want to upgrade the outlets to meet current standards. So I’d add that on to your mental estimate.

      My rule of thumb is to take what the contractor says, double the cost, and double the time.

    8. Assuming you aren’t gutting your kitchen or changing the footprint, which it sounds like, you can price this at Home Depot with no obligation. Doesn’t mean you have to use them, but you can get a rough idea of price.

    9. If you are just doing a kitchen, it’s worth a conversation with one or two kitchen renovators (I mean the companies that specialize in kitchens, sometimes it’s kitchen & bath) to get a sense of ballpark. It’s also a good way to get ideas, especially on specialized cabinetry that might really improve your functional usage.
      (It won’t be $5K, that’s probably low just for the countertops unless you have a really tiny kitchen.)

    10. In addition to what’s already been said, this also depends heavily on the size of the kitchen and the cost of labor in your area. I once renovated a medium sized kitchen in NYC with custom cabinets and granite, and labor was about half the cost. In a LOC area with a large kitchen, that ratio would likely be very different.

    11. Measure your counter length. You can get a price for install easily. If you have an island and you go medium head for materials you’ll be over $5k. Do you need a new sink/faucet? $500++

      Cabinets- measure the ones you have now, take to Home Depot for a quick quote. If you want nicer than Home Depot grade, add a good 75%.

      Are you keeping your floors? Lights?

    12. I went to a kitchen store with a floor plan and their designer put together a sample and priced it out pretty quickly. It wasn’t the final design or anything, but just knowing rough costs was nice. Granite & Marble places can also tell you price per square foot, so you can measure and estimate.

      1. Depends on what you want to move. Walls and plumbing are hard and expensive, but most other things are not. Even a gas line can be stretched a couple of feet as long as it stays on the same wall.

    14. Just know it will be far more than you think. I just did the following: refinished existing cabinets, had a built-in desk removed and replaced with new a cabinet to match existing cabinets, new cabinet hardware, new plumbing fixtures, new sinks (main and small prep sink in island), new stove hood (replaced an ugly modern one with a more traditional wood one), and new countertops. My cost was almost $70K (medium-sized kitchen and low end of HCOL city). I did pick some very expensive countertops (it was a choice I knew I was making), but there were so many unexpected costs I didn’t anticipate since it wasn’t a “complete gut” job (wiring, rerouting air vents, lighting changes, altering plumbing to fit farmhouse sink, fixing trim to account for uneven ceilings in my 1950s home, etc.).

      2. I’m not sure I would call a kitchen that is big enough for two sinks “medium sized”…

    15. We had an kitchen cabinet company give us a ball park of ~$1k per cabinet that you’re going to replace. That ended up being about right for us. MCOL city we got 17 cabinets for about $18k, spent about $7k on quartz countertops, and $5k on removal and replacing the backsplash

    16. Nope- problem is that kitchen redos could cost 5k (to refinish cabinets or buy new appliances or redo counters) or 50k (new low end/refinished cabinets, new counters, new appliances, countertops and maybe flooring) or 200k (all custom designer built cabinetry, high end finishes, moving appliances/plumbing).

    17. the cost will vary a ton based on how much structural, plumbing, electrical etc needs to be done or if its just a literal replacement of everything you currently have with the exact same layout. I would go to several contractors to get quotes. We went with a design build company and interviewed 7 of them before settling on one and got initial very ballpark-y quotes. Then we got a specific design (7k) that came with a construction estimate. Then we signed construction docs with a fixed price (this is how it generally works with design build). In late 2022, we spent 230k on a kitchen remodel, but also moved a powder room, added some earthquake safety features, re-did old electrical, and we’re in a HCOL city on the west coast. We are actually thrilled with it and it was a great use of money for us (DINKs) but def be prepared for things to cost more than you think or than the estimate says – not only are materials but labor is very expensive and in high demand rn!

    18. As a very general ballpark average, my contractor said a kitchen reno costs about 10% of the house value (bathrooms are 5%). I assume this works out because materials and labor are more expensive in areas with higher housing prices and vice versa. And obviously you can add upgrades to go way over.

      1. Was not very accurate for us -bought our house for $300k (in a bidding war) and our fairly basic kitchen reno was $60k, so 20% and that was with no reconfiguring anything and nothing overtly “fancy.” We could have spent double that, easily, if we’d moved things around or purchased higher end finishes.

  5. Any ideas for relatively comfortable heeled black sandals? I have a party coming up and I’d like to wear them with pants – but my pre-COVID ones seem outdated. Thanks.

    1. I will always sing the praises of the Margaux City Sandal for comfort while still looking cute!

    5. It’s maybe more casual/trendy than what you’re picturing, but I have some lug sole platform sandals with a high block heel that are some of the most comfortable shoes I own. I bought them last year and can’t find my exact model online but see Steve Madden Sohoo, Steve Madden Cool Planet, and MIA Ivelisse for the same vibe.

  6. I need leads on bathing suits with supportive tops, preferable tankinis (will be worn under a rash guard in any event). 28ish band size. D+ cup size. Kiddo refuses to go for a fitting, so this is approximate. 30 bands are raiser to find but I suspect they are too large and not supportive enough. Needs to be sporty (vs s*xy) because kid still isn’t even a teenager yet and does not like creepy attention or gazes. Everything from last year isn’t supportive enough.

    1. Have you tried brands like Nike? You might also want to check sports stores like Dick’s for tween-appropriate suits. Maybe REI, too.

      2. +1 – look at sporty brands for sporty styles. I’d recommend going to swimoutlet(dot)com and seeing what they have that can work for your kid. Not sure about sizing, it probably varies.

    2. Athleta? Not sure if Lulu does swimsuits? Athleisure brands are coming at this from a sports bra perspective.

      Tommy Bahama has cute tankinis. Some have more of a supportive bra top vs. just a stretchy bandeau – check the file name. These are pricier but do have a young-flirty look without being super revealing as to the actual b–b.

    4. Under a rashguard I’d do a regular bikini top, not a tankini. A tankini + rashguard is a lot of wet, cold fabric. Check out Athleta in size xxs for sporty, supportive options.

      2. +1 – I like the JCrew rash guards and then you can pair with whichever bikini top fits her best.

    6. lands end has a lot of options like this.
      some of the great bra brands make them in that size – they’re frequently on sale at the lingerie sites like herroom or bare necessities.
      https://www.herroom.com/panache-sw1351-catarina-balconnet-tankini-swim-top.shtml
      https://www.barenecessities.com/birdsong-coastal-plaid-ruffle-halter-underwire-tankini-top-s10234-coapl_product.htm?pf_id=BirdsongS10234COAPL
      https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-chlorine-resistant-high-neck-to-one-shoulder-multi-way-tankini-swimsuit-top/id_374142?attributes=43307,43325,44090,44256,44407,50466

    8. If you can’t find an appropriate bra-sized suit, I would try a Speedo or similar suit meant for competitive swimming and get it tight. It will still be full coverage and the support will come from compression, plus the strap across the mid-back at the bra line helps a lot. I was at least a C cup in HS and we jogged in our speedos before swim practice with no shelf bra or anything. (I shudder to think now).

    9. If the rash guard is for modesty, I would get a bikini type for underneath or she will be hot and uncomfortable.

      Athleta is great for supportive and sporty but not sexy. My 9.5 y/o wears it exclusively.

      1. Second Freya as a small rib cage – large bust adult. I know that she’s not an adult or teenager yet, but I had to endure years of uncomfortable bras and insufficient support because I was going for more age appropriate options.

    12. Title Nine tends to sell cute, functional suits that do not read as s3xy. Look for the lines that are particularly noted for providing support. Bonus points for models being real women engaged in sport activities.

    13. Jolyn, Funkita, other competitive swimwear brands that have two piece practice suits.

  7. Is anyone else reading the MLS soccer report by Alston and Bird? It is a wild ride. I feel like I may not be the perfect parent but at least I am not the Reynas.

    1. Yes and I’m jealous. What a fabulous investigation to work on as an attorney

      1. I worked on a similarly high profile investigation and can confirm it was really cool.

    2. I feel really sorry for Rosalind Berhalter who thought Danielle Reyna was her best friend for decades. What a betrayal.

      1. What a piece of work — I like that A&B noted her non-cooperation. And also Claudio wanting real refs, not female refs, for his kid’s game. I guess they don’t get how everything digital leaves a trail and that people have memories when it comes to WTF conduct.

        The betrayal kills me — she knew this for decades and just used it when it suited her for a vendetta for benching her kid for his attitude. No wonder the kid, despite what must be adequate talent, is a stinker. I’m sure they have now killed the career they wanted to push forward.

  8. Help me not panic.
    I am meeting my BF’s mother tonight. It is an event where there will be others, not an intentional “meet the parents” introduction. But I know I am going to have to spend some time talking with her, and I need safe subjects to discuss because I know that there are some topics I want to avoid (esp. politics, which I would not intentionally bring up of course). I think we are going to get along fine, but I feel like I have a bit of a tightrope to walk in terms of my presentation, most especially because she had my BF young, and he and I have a pretty big age difference, and it turns out I am closer in age to her than I am to him by a few years. At this point, I want her to see me as his GF, not as her peer. Also, I am a lawyer who grew up in a small town but with “city” parents and have been in big cities since college. His family is proud of their small town and “country” roots and interests. His mother has made a nice life for herself, but he is the first in his family to go to college and he has a (light) blue collar job. How do I keep this light? Despite our differences, I really like him and I want that to be what I convey.

    1. Just guessing, you are around 39, he’s 28, she’s 47? I really think you just need to communicate as people, not numbers. It doesn’t have to be weird.

      1. You are pretty close. Thank you for the reminder to not borrow trouble. I have in my mind that she is going to look at me and think, “If this lasts, you will be why I don’t get grandbabies.” But BF says she does not ever pester him and doesn’t seem to care about that.

        1. You’re assigning a lot of baggage and making a lot of assumptions about her. Just be nice. Treat her as a new person you are meeting.

          1. I don’t disagree. That is why I asked for help getting my head to a better place. I will follow the valuable advice I have been given, but I do want to present as his friend and not her new friend (at least for now).

    2. I’d ask her a lot of questions about where she lives and what she likes about it, how your BF grew up, what the family liked to do together, what has changed, what she is enjoys doing now (ex. hobbies/travel/working)…… Sounds like your small town upbringing is a perfect way for you to appreciate and reminiscence about some parallels or contrasts with your own small town childhood.

      She just wants to learn that you are decent, nice person, interested in your son / his family and not self centered / selfish. Hopefully just that!

      I would totally be worried about the age thing too (!) although it shouldn’t matter, and try not to dress ultraformal.

    3. Let your boyfriend take the lead. The first time you meet his mom he should be by your side pretty much the whole time.

    4. Maybe throw in a personal question or two about your boyfriend if it makes sense to do so … like what was he interested in as a kid (has he always loved Bruce Springsteen, was he good at sports, silliest Halloween costume, has he always done a lot of X in his free time, how long has he been a fan of favorite food, IDK something that might be relevant to the situation or event). The questions about the boyfriend are intended to be a nice way to get to know him a little better/express your interest in him/position you in girlfriend territory — but still keep it light.

      1. This would be my approach. Something like this “BF told me the story about how you all used to go camping every summer and he’d would always get stung by a bee on the first day.” Let her tell you her version of the story. Then you tell her about your summer vacations. Boom; you’re getting along.

        My partner is 13 years younger than I am and his mother had him young. So she’s about 8 years older than I am. We have tons in common and get along very well. Good luck!

  9. How do you feel at the end of the day? I’m bone tired tonight and am not sure what’s normal I walked kiddo to school (2 miles), worked from home til 3, picked kiddo up, took him to the playpark and dropped him at judo (3 miles). I came home and made dinner and my legs are tired, my feet are tired, and I could happily stay snuggled on the couch for the rest of the night.

    Normal days involve 4-6 miles of walking or cycling, depending on what I have on. Im not out of breath or sweaty while walking so I don’t think it’s a fitness issue.

    1. It seems normal to be tired after that much walking. But a couple ideas: are you dehydrated? Are you in your period? Both those things make me feel more tired than usual.

    2. That sounds normal to me. And you are way more active than me with all that walking/cycling!!

      But I guess the question is … is that normal for you? Just lately? for months? years?

      With fatigue, I always think about the key things – Am I sleeping enough/well. Am I possibly depressed. What is my overall stress level. And do I need a check-in with my PCP / am I behind on my well-woman stuff. Because incredibly common things for women like low iron or thyroid changes often manifest as fatigue. They are so common that they are almost standard for your yearly well woman check after a certain age.

    3. One of the issues with using a screen name is that people remember what you say – so I remember you saying you wake up very early. Are you getting 8+ hours of sleep? I’d start there.

      1. I get 7-8 hours but would prefer 9. I travel most weeks, and don’t always sleep well whilst away, but it’s gotten better and I can often sleep an extra hour whilst in work city.
        I had a bunch of blood work done in January, but never got results so thanks for the motivation to check that off.
        I have lupus so a certain degree of physical / mental fatigue is fairly normal, but my legs feel weirdly heavy by the end of the day. Maybe I need shoes with a bit of bounce to them.

        1. Ahhh… lupus. Definitely get your lab results, as it sounds like your doctors are a bit sloppy and should have released the results to you without you asking. I would also think about checking in with your rheumatologist depending on how you are treated/followed for your lupus. Lupus is such a diverse/variable disease that has fatigue with it, and flares are different for different folks, you should make sure you check in if you think this is a new change. And unfortunately, as you know, when you have a medical issue that gives you some fatigue as your baseline…. any other thing that can compounded that fatigue may be more than additive (or feel so, because your baseline is higher). So if you are more active/sleep worse/are stressed etc… you crash more.

          1. Definitely – lupus is important context for “why am I so tired” in your case! (Good shoes never hurt anyone though.)

        2. +1, find out the bloods. You know what’s a wrong amount of exhaustion for you. In my case it was a calcium deficiency. (I had been exhausted for months, though.) Hope yours either passes or is solvable, too.

    4. Stress is stress, whether it’s physical or mental/ emotional. Is there other stuff going on in your life? Or, sometimes this is just the normal state of being a parent. This is why my 4yo (who does not nap, mind you) can get up at 6 and be rolling around her bed singing at 8.30pm, whereas I get up slightly before her and am utterly knocked out by kid bedtime. Sometimes there is a hormonal component too, depending on where you are in your cycle – I definitely have much less energy some days of the month.

    5. What kind of shoes do you wear? I can’t walk that much without wearing actual walking or hiking shoes. Anything else will result in foot and leg pain by the end of the day.

      1. Same. I have casually walked a fair bit the last few weekends wearing fashion sneakers and found my feet and legs to be very fatigued in the days after. Last night I walked 3 miles with purpose in Merrell walking shoes and feel fine.

      2. This. When my commute had a lot of walking I just went full on working girl and wore actual athletic sneakers.

    6. Wow! That’s a lot of walking in one day. Impressive (I mean that genuinely) but definitely not the norm in modern society. I think almost anyone of normal-to-good fitness levels would be tired after all of that.

    7. So, I disagree with the posters that 4-6 miles per day is a lot. 10K steps, which is what is recommended for all adults for baseline level fitness, is about 4.5 miles. Living in an urban environment, it’s very easy to hit more than 10k steps just commuting, going to the grocery store, stopping off at a coffeeshop mid-afternoon, and other parts of going about daily life. I think those saying it is ‘a lot’ of walking are simply living a car-based lifestyle.

      It also seems like an illness/bloodwork/sleep deprivation issue to me

      1. I think we know as a society, most working people do not walk that much. Clearly that’s reflected on this site, where many people are trying to be active. And health studies have shown 10k is way above average for adults in the US.

        And many of us are not commuting the same as you. It is a luxury for most of us to be able to easily walk commute to work. Nevermind that so many of us work from home.

      3. I agree if all you walk in a day is 4 miles it’s not that much. But she’s doing 4-6 miles of dedicated walking in addition to all the normal daily steps, which usually adds up to several miles. I’m sure she’s at 15-20k steps if not higher.

        1. I don’t think so. The normal amount of walking doesn’t add up to another 6 miles. I walked 20,000 steps yesterday on vacation and that was 10 miles.

          1. Not 6 miles, but definitely another two or three. Regardless of the exact number of steps I think the point is that she’s basically doing 4-6 miles in addition to the baseline walking everyone does. I’m one of the people who said that was a lot and I don’t think I live a “car-based lifestyle.” This is a lot of walking, even for an active person who lives in a city.

  10. Copenhagen hotel recs, anyone? My travel agent has given me a dizzying list of 12 hotels ranging from $500-plus per night to less than half that, and I don’t know how to begin to evaluate them. Any suggestions re: location, or specific hotels you’ve loved?

    Thanks in advance!

    1. The Nobis Hotel was very nice and super close to the Tivoli Garden (and the War Museum which was super interesting). Though, I doubt those will be as high on your to-do list if you don’t have a child in tow!

    2. Radisson Collection Royal has the historical advantage of being the epicentre of Mid-Centur Modern Scandinavian design, if that’s something you enjoy.

    4. I’ve stayed at the Copenhagen Strand (don’t recommend… tiny room, even by Copenhagen standards… it was a squeeze for the suitcases for two people), and the Hotel Kong Arthur r which was well located for me and some of the things I wanted to see, had a comfortable lobby with wine hour every night from 5 to 6, but no Bellman and the lobby is half a flight off the street so you need to be able to manage your own luggage.

    5. I stayed at the Scandic next to the Planetarium for one night. It was close to the central train station and near Tivoli, and it had a free breakfast buffet that was decent. Rooms were smallish, but it had everything I needed – even a clever window seat built into the desk.

    6. Can you give your travel agent your criteria and ask them to narrow it down? I feel like this is their job, certainly if it’s causing you stress!

    1. Just, like, to replace a coffee or Coke habit? Spindrift, lemonade, unsweet watermelon tea with lemon slices (I’m southerly enough that you can get this at the gas station, but it’s amazing).

    2. Hot vanilla. Vanilla is one of most underappreciated flavors, I feel.

      Skim milk
      Vanilla extract
      a little Splenda

      Warm it up in the microwave.
      My favorite night-time drink.
      Tea doesn’t do it for me.

      1. Reminds me of a tweet or something that said, “do you know what a decadent society we live in that vanilla means plain?” I love vanilla.

    5. My favorite is ginger tea that I make simply by boiling fresh ginger in water. I boil it down to make it potent and then add water when I have a cup. Drink hot or cold. Add lemon or lemonade for a twist.

    6. Decaf black tea. Maybe not technically zero caffeine but very close. I am sensitive to caffeine but can have many cups of decaf tea without issues.

    7. I like rooibos as a substitute for hot, black tea. I use milk, no sweetener. (UK builder’s brew). It’s too sweet for me, but there’s honeybush as well.

      Hot herbal infusions: mint or hibiscus are my favourites, nettle is also great.

      If you meant cold tea, I have nothing…

    9. I have some weird German brand of fennel tea that I like with a little honey, when I don’t want a sweet hot drink.

      Celestial Seasonings makes an apple cinnamon blend that’s quite good. I also tried their maple ginger tea, which tastes kind of like pancakes. Oh, and Trader Joe’s ginger turmeric tea is also nice.

      Harney and Sons decafe Assam (loose leaf) is the only decafe black tea I’ve found that doesn’t taste slightly off. Hasn’t been in stock for a while so I ordered their decafe Ceylon. Haven’t tried it yet, though.

    12. Twinings has a tea called buttermint which is really mint + vanilla and it is lovely, even unsweetened.

      1. Another vote for Twinings – they have a few I love: Winter Spice, which is very hard to find in stores, but their Unwind (easy to find) is a close second. And I’ve gotten 2 people hooked on their Nightly Calm, which is so delightful, but also very hard to find in stores. Idk, maybe I just don’t live in a Twinings area, but I have to resort to ordering tea online!

  12. Have you ever used a voice coach to improve the overall quality of your speech? My voice is too high and I think it has held me back professionally.

    2. I know this is not what you are asking, but I had to chuckle because voice teachers (for singing) are all about maximizing your natural voice, not changing it. Mine is currently working hard to get me to accept the idea that I actually have a high voice, not the nice low voice I thought I had because I was doing it all wrong.

      Don’t try to change yourself. Just drop the affectations like baby talk, uptalk, and vocal fry.

  13. I am going to an 80s themed dance party soon. I don’t like spending a lot on costumes, so will probably just do a musician tee and jeans. But shoes? To me 80s are all about sneakers, but I don’t want to dance when I am wearing sneakers. What shoes did we wear in the 80s? And if it is heels – Any suggestions for comfortable heels?

    1. Tassel loafers
      Pointy almond toe pumps and ballerinas
      “Peter Pan” almond suede booties
      Peep toe anything

    3. For a different eighties look you could do leggings – bonus for stirrups – and an oversize double-breasted blazer.
      Plastic earrings and scrunchie.

    5. jelly flats
      chuck taylors, bonus points if you draw on them
      slip-on checkerboard vans
      mid-heel colorful pumps with bows
      doc martens
      weejuns with scrunchy socks
      suede boots that folded over on top
      black canvas mary jane slippers
      black granny boots
      colorful cowboy boots
      creepers, especially with pointy toes
      chunky men’s oxfords from the thrift shop

    6. I loved my very very pointy toed Mia brand flats in the 80s and would have danced in them for sure. I would do the stripe of blush on the cheekbones look, and wear my hair as large as I could get it. One side up one side down was very big. I also believe I rocked a side pony and got compliments on it, but I had to make my bangs look as big as possible given that the rest of my hair was relatively flat.

  14. I got on the tulle skirt bandwagon from earlier but help me! Can I style a pink or black tulle skirt for a non profit gala that is not black tie, more c*cktail? I feel like I understand how to dress it down but not up but I believe it’s possible. Thanks!

  15. I’m having some weird jealousy feelings lately. We’re doing ok, I’m proud of how much we’re making and saving. But I just found out my ex neighbor was paid $850k last year (part of a big public scandal), which is blowing my mind. then my other neighbor’s house went for sale and the pictures on zillow are stunning – she clearly put a ton of work in the house. Just makes me feel like I’m not living up to my potential $$ wise and it’s not even like I’m creating this beautiful space for my family, we’re just exhausted and cluttered and dirty dishes all the time.

    1. I hear you. One of my coworkers sold his house. I peeped it on Zillow and it’s much grander than mine. I was a bit jealous. But I don’t know his financial situation and I’m not comfortable with a lot of debt. I have socked away a lot for savings. At the end of the day, we all make different decisions depending on what is important to us as individuals. And the houses for sale are always staged.

    2. One of my neighbors constantly tells me they’re doing really well financially: told me how much they have in retirement the day we met, recently told me they’re thinking of remodeling their house. She tells me this unprovoked, in passing on my way to the mail box. It’s very strange. She’s my parents’ age, so my first thought is “you’re twice my age…you should be doing better than me.” But it also brought up some jealousy/inadequacy for me for the first few years we lived here. Anyway, she’s paying for her only daughter’s wedding this year and we’re set to retire in about two years (we’re 37). So I think we’re doing fine: sink full of dirty dishes notwithstanding. Tl;Dr the grass is always greener.

    3. Go back a re-read today’s earlier thread. We are all out here wishing we could remodel our kitchens.

    4. So, the neighbor making $$$ is part of a scandal – would you really trade places? She/he (or their family) probably feels icky about making all that money.

      Maybe the other neighbor put a ton of work into the house specifically to sell it. Maybe she had it staged. She probably put all of her clutter away for the professional pictures. Keep those things in mind.

      If you’re living in the same neighborhood as someone making $850k/year and someone who put a ton of $$ into renovations or decorating, it sounds like you live in a very nice neighborhood. When I’m feeling feelings like those, I try to remind myself how lucky I am. Truly, we are the luckiest of the lucky in terms of our material needs and wants being met. We hit the jackpot.

      If you want your house to be nicer, then make that a goal you can work towards. Can you get more cleaning help, if that’s the main issue? Small-ish (relatively speaking) upgrades can make a space feel more luxe, like paint, new window treatments, rugs and lighting.

      1. no, zero jealousy towards the people and even the houses in a way (we all have the exact same footprint) – i think i’m more jealous of the fact that (with #2) she actually finished all of these house projects that i wish i could do but never have the time or energy to or am waiting on my husband on things like finding someone to install wallpaper and a chair rail thing.

        with #1 i think it’s about money mindset – I know some people make that much, obviously, but i consider this to be an upper middle class neighborhood, not a ritzy one – it’s just kind of reset my perception of where i am with the Joneses.

        (the scandal is… interesting. the neighbor isn’t a huge part of it because he was just one of 10 executives or so who got crazy bonuses at a public nonprofit; it’s only the CEO who is making headlines and maybe under criminal investigation so far.)

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