ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 188 Comments

Coffee Break – Tamsin Pump

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We featured this pump a few months ago in a purple/black spotted haircalf, but Amazon (which actually has a ton of new bags and shoes marked down) has a number of other Tamsin pumps for really reasonable prices right now. Take, for example, these “rose lizard” pumps, pictured (with the name of the pump spelled wrong) — they were $325, but are now marked to $134.28, and I can see them being a great “nude for me” color for a particularly pale lady. Included in the Amazon sale, there are simple black pumps, my beloved purple pumps, and a few “statement” pumps (red/orange leopard, anyone?). Definitely worth checking out. (Over at the Loeffler Randall website, there are a variety of other colors on sale for $175-$245; ShopBop also has very limited quantities of the pump marked from $147-$195.)  Tamsin Pumps (L-all)

Sales of note for 4/24/25:

  • Nordstrom – 7,710 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including 100s of new arrivals
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
  • Boden – 25% off everything (ends 4/27) (a rare sale!)
  • The Fold – Up to 25% off
  • Eloquii – Spring Clearance: Up to 75% off + extra 50-60% off sale
  • J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Up to 60% off sale styles + up to 50% off summer-ready styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 15% off $100 + extra 20% off $125
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – 3 pieces for $198. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Friends & Family Event: 30% off entire purchase, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

188 Comments

          1. My office blocks certain websites like FB and YouTube, and where the image would be I get a similar blocked logo to if it was a link to FB, etc.

        2. Kat, I can see the pumps and I use the FIREFOX browser! Use Firefox! Yay! But to expensive! FOOEY!

          I know it can be FRUSTRATEING FOR THE HIVE, but it depend’s on your Browser, Frank says.

          Just remember the LESSON what my dad, who is VERY smart, told me:

          Don’t SWEAT the PETTY stuff
          and
          Never PET the SWEATY stuff!

          Dad tries to help me with these saying’s and I told him he was right! YAY!! He turned down MENSA but still can get a job at DUKE U. I am not sure I want to visit North Carolina all the time. I do NOT like to FLY! FOOEY!

    2. Can’t see images today either. Tried IE and Firefox. If I check from my iPhone (with Safari), the images will show.

    3. In Chrome. Images were working this morning for me (and are working on other posts) but on this post, I can’t see an image.

  2. I`d like to send a special shout out to all the Canadian (and northern US) ladies who have been dealing with the cold this week. I have completely abandoned stylish on my 15 minute walk to the office (had a slightly embarassing moment this morning in Starbucks as I was snow-suiting up and got my crossbody purse strap tangled in front of my hood) but statistically the temperature should only be moving up from here!

    1. Yup, yesterday I wore a dress and tights but today I waved the white flag and went with pants. I’m also wearing my big moon boots that feel like I’m walking with pillows strapped to my feet. No cute leather boots this week. I’ve always said that one of the true signs of mental maturity is that you don’t care how you look on days like this as long as you’re warm!

    2. Thank god I broke down last week and bought a full length puffy down coat. It came just in time for the really cold weather. Highly recommend the Eddie Bauer Essential Down Duffle Coat — it’s got the best hood I’ve ever encountered on a coat.

      1. How low does it go? It looks to be just below knee length on the model. I already have a knee length down jacket (JCrew) but am looking for one that goes all the way down.

        1. I received this coat for Christmas and LOVE it! I am 5’9 and have a size regular small and it goes below the knees on me. Really like the adjustable features on the wrists and waist – helps to make it very well-fitted and cozy. Sadly, EB doesn’t make size small tall (they start with medium tall) , but this coat fits me well anyway.

          1. Thanks! I am trying to figure out if it would be long enough for my purposes. I don’t want to get a whole new coat for just a few inches but it’s been so cold this week that even those few inches are starting to look worthwhile.

        2. Sorry, just seeing your question now. I’m 5’7″ and it comes down about three inches below my knee. Not quite to mid-calf, but definitely below the knee. I thought about buying the tall size, to get a little bit more length, but I was worried that then the sleeves would be too long. And I was right, they definitely would have been — if anything, my arms are slightly on the long side and the sleeves on the regular size are just perfect (meaning, just slightly long so that your wrists are exposed to the cold).

      2. Hahaha. I bought this coat the minute I sat down at my desk the first day it was really cold. Glad to hear good things!

    3. i HATE getting my purse stuck on my coat hood.

      i’ve been rocking my northface arctic parka all week. not exactly super-professional, but it doesn’t look like a sleeping bag and makes my 15m walk to work downright bearable.

    4. I’ll make you feel better about yourself. At 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant, I’m definitely waving the white flag at work: black yoga pants, white cotton shirt, long gray cardigan, black tennis shoes. Sigh. I’ve given up.

    5. Yes, and here in Calgary it really hasn’t been that bad. Our high today was supposed to be zero Celsius (32 F).

      My sympathies to everyone who is dealing with unusually cold weather the last few days!

    6. Puffy down coat, fleece-lined overall snowpants, Russian-style fake-fur hat, plus the hood. And ridiculous boots called Hot Paws. Oh, and did I mention the neoprene face mask thing with breathing holes? It is COLD in Winnipeg!

  3. Are there any good plus size work style blogs? I follow a bunch of blogs that are run by thin women, and I am feeling a little blah about their choices not working for me. I know that cap hill style sometimes does plus options, which I really, really appreciate, but I am looking for all- plus all the time

    1. girl with curves has been mentioned before, though her choices are a bit more out there as of late

    2. Boardroom Belles (how obvious is it that one of the gals who runs it is my best friend and I’m totally plugging her, all the way, all the time? Kat, feel free to delete if you don’t want that on here) is run by regular sized/thin girl and a medium to plus sized woman, so their posts reflect both of these women’s shopping habits and outfit preferences, which makes for a nice variety I think. They also do outfits rather than items.

      The Curvy Fashionista is another great resource.

      1. “regular sized/thin girl” and a medium to plus sized woman”? Is the girl vs woman distinction related to age or size?

        1. Good to know I wasn’t the only one that noticed that. Let’s hope it’s age since the matronly plus size options already make me feel older than I am.

          1. Well, their site says they are “two young women”, so maybe it’s just Maggie’s view

          2. I didn’t read it as how Boardroom Belles markets itself, but as how Maggie characterized it. While I can tend toward larger/more matronly like Anon at 4:37, I would be more concerned if I were the “thin girl” who is viewed as “girl” and all of the stereotypes that can go along with that perception.

            I hate that these discussions are even necessary, but it seems to me that if that sort of (likely unconscious) stereotype bleeds onto pages of a blog for overachieving professional women, what is it like in the general working world? Of course, my assumption here is that readers have a more open mind and are more conscious of presumed stereotypes relating to women, clothing, weight, etc than the general working population.

          3. I’m sorry, English isn’t my first language – the woman/girl thing was totally unintentional. They are both young women (and I called them that in the later part, too). I guess it’s just that I know one of them really well and often refer to her as “my girlfriend” that I interchangeably call her girl/woman/and a lot of other string of embarrassing endearments…

    4. Riffing on that – any blogs for professional tall women? I’d love something petite only for people looking out for extra long clothes.

      1. I’m pretty tall. I don’t try on everything I post about but I generally post about brands and stores where I know I can find smth that fits me. Stores with tall sizes that I LOVE: Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Express (for pants only). Theory is also still okay in terms of pants lengths.

        1. I love Eddie Bauer for tall items. I like knowing that everything on the website comes in tall. Its discouraging to find some really great sweater and then discover that it comes in regular and petites but not talls. Occasionally I will also find something in the tall section at Lands End.

    5. I read Wardrobe Oxygen a lot. Alison is currently a size 12, I think, but she’s been up to 18. She does work in a business casual office, however.

    6. Also, are they any brands of sweaters that have exceptionally long sleeves? If I buy long sleeve tops/sweaters they have to be tall or the sleeves are not long enough. I’m wondering if there are any off-the-rack brands that have longer than usual arms.

      1. If you buy cashmere, you can “stretch” the sleeves when you hand wash at home. It totally works.

        Your friend,
        Stretch Armstrong

  4. The money-saving posts are helpful – I know I need to buckle down. I am (voluntarily) thinking that I will be taking a 30% pay cut due to a job change that I am excited about. The food-saving threads have been a little helpful, but also overwhelming. For someone who does not cook or know much about it or cooking, is there a getting started on saving money on groceries guide? For example, I understand I should eat seasonal vegetables and fruits, but I don’t know what is seasonal at what times. I know I should cook bigger meals and freeze them, but where to start on recipes or meals that freeze well? I know I should plan meals that don’t require special ingredients every time, but I don’t even know how to read across recipes to start planning for that. I also would prefer to use whole foods and eat less processed foods and breads, but I am intimidated by things like “go buy xyz cut of meat.” Does anyone have “getting started” suggestions?

    1. Start slow. What do you know how to make? What are your favorite dishes? Can you learn how to make those dishes? Look at some recipes for those dishes. Practice making those dishes. Learn how to cook a protein, learn how to cook a vegetable (steaming is pretty easy). Experiment with ingredients. Sites like AllRecipes generate recipes by taking a list of ingredients you have on hand and giving you ideas. Don’t worry about meal planning and freezing ahead quite yet. Once you know your likes/dislikes and skill level, you’ll figure out what makes sense for you. If you don’t like leftovers, or they go to waste, then you know to reduce the recipe. Meals don’t have to be fancy. If you want an omlette and a side salad for dinner, that’s fast and healthy.

      I also think that reading cookbooks helps. The Joy of Cooking is a great resource cookbook, it gives techniques and tips, along with some basic recipes. A few cooking blogs that I find useful, especially since they include pictures, are Pioneer Woman, Dinner: A Love Story, and Gina’s Skinny Taste. You can also search online for what produce is in season (this can vary a bit by where you live).

    2. I’ve mentioned it here before but I cannot recommend the book “An Everlasting Meal: Cooking with Economy and Grace” by Tamar Adler highly enough. There are some recipes, but mostly what she does is just go through how she takes raw ingredients and turns them into meals – she talks about different techniques (there’s a chapter on boiling things) and different types of ingredients (there’s another chapter on beans). And as she goes along, she also tells you what to do with different kinds of leftovers, turn ingredients into different types of meals, and what to do if you mess something up. For instance, one chapter suggests roasting vegetables on the weekend, and then gives you all sorts of different quick meals to turn those roasted vegetables into during the week. It’s also beautifully and lyrically written.

      1. Seasonal = cheap at the grocery store, and usually in the prime spots when you walk in. But, you shouldn’t be buying much fresh produce – frozen is much cheaper, probably healthier (they pick when perfectly ripe and hold it there, rather than having it degrade on a truck) and less likely to get wasted. Only buy produce that is cheap or that you really like. For groceries in general, look for things that are useful for a lot of different meals (pasta, cheese, eggs, chicken breasts, etc) and won’t spoil, and use your freezer to stock up on sales.

        The way that my husband and I got really into cooking and learned how despite being complete novices came from watching the food network (we had some roommates who watched it all the time for some reason). Of course, that was before it got taken over by reality/competition shows, but if you have a DVR, the instructional shows still come on during the day – I would recommend anything by Rachel Ray (she’s annoying, but quite good – particularly “30 Minute Meals”), Good Eats, and Giada Delaurentes (sp?) in particular. You don’t have to “watch-watch” them, just put them on in the background while you do something else. You’ll still pick up a lot, and you’ll see things that look so yummy that you are inspired to make them (recipes are on the website).

        Good luck! Cooking really is easy and fun when you get into it.

    3. Seasonal things are things that are probably on sale/cheaper at any given time. It can be hard to recognize this if you don’t normally buy food and so can’t see if asparagus is suddenly more expensive than usual, but you can look for “specials” in the supermarket for an idea of what to buy. There are also lots of websites to tell you what’s in season in your area. Google “seasonal produce.”

      In terms of recipes, look for simple ones with few ingredients and/or ingredients that are either basics you will need again and again or things you already have on hand. For instance, if you don’t usually make pad thai at home, buying all the stuff you need will be expensive. But if you find a few recipes that require the same spices and seasonings, it will make more financial sense. Same with using fresh ingredients you only need a tiny bit of. E.g., fresh herbs can add up – so if I am buying fresh dill, I try to use it in a few things so I didn’t just get it for one or two sprigs; I can add it to veggie soup, I can throw it in a goat cheese omelet, add it to a zucchini
      pie, throw it into some potato pancakes, make an herb crusted salmon … so on.

      One of the easiest things to freeze is soup. Non-cream soups freeze best. You can also make a double portion of meatballs, and freeze half for later (uncooked). Just make sure everything is well covered/sealed.

      Another something to keep in mind is what can and cannot be substituted. This gets easier with time, but if a recipe calls for something you don’t have google around for easy substitutes – maybe it’s already in your pantry.

      To get you started I can give you the easiest, cheapest, most delicious recipe I can think of, and, bonus, it requires all easy to stock items.

      The easiest homemade tomato sauce (more or less from Alice Waters): all you need is one 28 oz can of whole or chopped tomatoes (get a good one, without additives), 1/4 cup olive oil, and 4-5 garlic cloves (or more if you like garlic), plus salt to taste. Heat olive oil on med. flame in heavy sauce pan, add chopped garlic cloves, saute 1-2 min. until fragrant, add tomatoes (chop if nec.) plus remaining juice, heat through, and simmer on low about 15 min. Season with salt and pepper to taste. You can add your whole wheat (or not) pasta of choice, pour it over meat, cook it with eggs, whatever. It’s seriously the best tomato sauce ever and it takes no effort, skill, or money to make. You can keep it in the fridge about a week to ten days, maybe longer, but it rarely lasts that long with us.

    4. Go to Amazon and look up Starving Students Cookbook. It will pull up that book and a few others like it. The recipes are simple, and will help you get more comfortable in the kitchen, and you can go from there. You will be surprised how easy it is to improve from 1 can of this + 1 can of that served over spaghetti. Also know that when you are starting out cooking, you will need “specialty” ingredients, because you don’t have them yet. You’ll find there’s a period of buying basic spices, pantry staples like flour, sugar, oil, etc. and once you’re past that things will seem less expensive.

      2. There’s another cookbook called “Help, My Apartment has a Kitchen!” that is really basic. I really love that book. All the food is yummy and super-simple.

        1. The guy I dated in college and lived with for some time afterwards had a copy of this book. Its really cute and basic and explains a lot of the cooking processes.

    5. Real Simple has some great recipes and meal-planning guides, and their “10 ways to cook X” features have helped me think about new ways to use some really basic foods. Simply Recipes is another great site that isn’t too complicated, with lots of vegetarian options (meat is expensive!) And America’s Test Kitchen has helped me learn so much more about the hows and whys of cooking than anything else. I highly recommend their most recent cookbook (The Science of Good Cooking), but I also listen to their free podcasts whenever cooking seems too daunting, or when I just want to feel inspired. Good luck!

    6. I’m in a similar situation and my go-to right now is chili. It is SO easy to make I’ve found I can’t mess it up even when I do actually mess up (last week I accidently put double the cayenne – it was just extra spicy!). I just put a few cans of crushed tomatoes, a few different types of beans, and some ground meat (brown it on a skillet) into a huge pot. Throw in some chili powder or cayenne pepper and any other veggies you like and let it sit for as long as you want! This freezes perfectly so you can make chili for weeks.

    7. Watching the Food Network and Rachel Ray’s 30 minute meals books really did help me a lot when I was first learning to cook (note, Rachel Ray’s portion sizes are completely out of whack and she uses a very generous amount of oil in a lot of her recipes, so I don’t think they’re particularly “healthy” as written). The TV shows showed me how to do basic things like, chop an onion or effectively peel garlic (who would have thought that smashing it makes it easier?!). Cooking Light, the magazine, also has a number of good recipes and has an index at the end that categorizes food into things like “freezer friendly” or “make ahead”. Their online recipe database is at myrecipes.com.

      I think your best resource for education is going to be the internet. If you Google “seasonal fruits and vegetables” the first link that comes up is an about.com article that should help you (and you can sort by season rather than by vegetable). I will say, I don’t notice too much of a price difference for a lot of these items across seasons (except for things like fresh berries), but I do notice a quality difference. Buying produce from farmers markets, if you have one near you, is also a good way to buy seasonally because they simply won’t have out of season produce.

      Start searching for things like “easy weeknight meals” and “best freezer friendly meals” and other similar terms. Also, think about what you like to eat and what you order when you’re out and try to find recipes for those items that seem manageable to replicate at home. Or ask your mom for your favorite childhood recipes.

      For menu planning, I can share what I usually do, and admittedly I do not do things like coupons. I think about what proteins I want to eat, or if there is something I am particularly craving, and then I plan vegetable sides to go with that. I come up with a list of things that I’m going to make that week. I will usually plan something that requires a little more effort or time on a Saturday or a Sunday, and then easier things during the week. I try to prep everything for the week during the weekend (like peel and chop all the carrots, mix together any marinades, etc.), this way when I get home everything is set for me to just turn on the oven.

      For recipes that require a special ingredient, like truffle oil, to plan additional recipes with that specialty item, start googling things like “recipes with truffle oil.” Chances are that you’ll find something that sounds delicious and easy, that you can easily replicate at home.

      When you’re first starting out with cooking, honestly, stay away from recipes that intimidate you. Your short term goal should be to actually cook, feed yourself, and get over any fear you have in the kitchen. You will have both great and terrible outcomes, and that’s normal. Have fun!

    8. I learned to cook from Marc Bittman’s “How to Cook Everything.” I bought some items at the grocery store that looked good / fit in my budget, and then looked them up and followed his recipes. They are straightforward, high quality, and don’t require a lot of ingredients, and he assumes you know NOTHING. He also has some great sidebars on additions / other techniques, so that gave me the confidence to do some experimenting. As I got more comfortable with the basics I moved on to more sophisticated ingredients and recipes.

      “Cuisine At Home” is also a great quarterly magazine that teaches simple techniques with seasonal ingredients.

      Seasonal produce: winter = root vegetables and citrus; spring = lettuces, greens, beans; summer = tomatoes, peaches, zucchini/cucumbers; fall = squashes and apples.

      1. “How to Cook Everything” also has great information in the back like what temperature to cook meat to, etc.

        1. How to Cook Everything is AMAZING. It also comes as $10 iPad app, which I find even easier to navigate because the book can be a bit too much at times.

      2. Another plug for HTCE – it took me from being someone who ate out every night to cooking at home most days. I have their iPhone app which is great for finding recipes for things you already have on hand

    9. Many cookbooks and websites have a section of pantry tips that tell what staples to get and what basic equipment you’ll need. They are very similar, but of course you should use one from a source for the kind of recipes you plan to make. For me, meal planning was essential, because it really bothered me to have things left over & not know how to deal with them. If you’re ok tossing away unearned food, the planning is less of an issue.
      I’m going to try a fashion analogy here; forgive me if it goes awry.
      You need some basic staples that can be worked into many combinations (from pantry notes). At first you should focus on a few simple go-tos that you won’t mind repeating. After that should come all the trimmings. A possible exception is that if you see a scarf and really like it, you might build your wardrobe around it. If there’s a fantastic dessert or whatever that looks great, go ahead and start with it. Next time you can make a main course that could precede it, etc. eventually you’ll make a multi purse meal you love. And then you start new pairings for each those items.
      Bon appetit!

      1. This. Examples of stuff we try to always have on hand: canned tomatoes, canned black beans, canned or jarred artichokes, pasta, chopped nuts to sprinkle on salad, canned tuna, onions, cheese, olive oil, good vinegar, salt, pepper, chili powder, eggs, flour and sugar. Once you start making recipes you will start learning the ingredients that come up over and over again in the ones that you like.

    10. I have been making a lot of soups and I inevitably have leftovers, which I throw in the freezer, but I wasn’t using them for dinners. I finally realized that each container would give me two lunches so I’ve started thawing a container of soup to bring to work. So much easier at lunch.

      When I was starting out, I used Jane Brody’s Good Food Book. Lots of inexpensive recipes for meals without a lot of meat. I still make some of them. Just made the curried lentils this week!

    11. Check out “How to Pick a Peach.” It’s a great guide for shopping and preparing seasonal produce.

    12. Check out Weekly Eats by Cook Smart. It’s a free meal planning email list. I don’t always do it in full due to dietary restrictions but it focuses on fast (<30 mins), healthy foods. They email you a shopping list and recipes every week and include things you can do ahead if you have time to cut down on day-of cooking time. The ingredients overlap so you don't waste them, but you end up eating foods throughout the week that are different enough that they definitely feel like separate meals.

      1. This sounds very interesting! My partner is watching calories. Are the recipes low-cal? And how do I sign up?

    13. All these suggestions are great – I’d also calculate the cost per meal of what you cook. Don’t hold yourself accountable in the beginning, just keep track (i.e. the ingredients of this dish cost me $15 and I got two dinner (DH and me) plus one leftovers for lunch, so the cost per meal is $5). To save money your cost per meal has to be less than take out. I try to keep my cost per meal at $4 or below, personally.

    14. I have a subscription to cooksillustrated [dot] com. I know how to cook, but their library is pretty extensive and they also have product reviews, photo instructions, and the food science based reasons on why they have you do things.

  5. Have a question for those with spouse and kids. Do you have time for activities unrelated to work? If so, is your spouse supportive of those activities?

    I have an activity, call it basketmaking, that I used to do once or twice a week before kids. Now the activity is one night a week and occasional half-days on weekends, roughly during the school year. Spouse has always been jealous of the time spent in this activity, but tolerated it well until we had kids. Now with two kids, spouse sulks on the day of the activity and gets mad whenever the activity is on the weekend. (I got a babysitter for those weekend times.) Spouse also said that maybe we don’t have time for activities any more, whereas previously spouse had said that no, I should continue to be involved with basketmaking.

    But I really like basketmaking and would like to continue to do it. (Sporadic involvement is not really possible.) WWYD? Is this a temporary thing while the kids are little?

    1. I don’t have a spouse/kids, but I had married parents (and have married friends/relatives/etc). And your spouse’s behavior seems a little odd to me. Is he jealous because he doesn’t have free time for an activity? Does he think you don’t spend enough time with the children? Does he think you don’t spend enough time together as a couple? If it was less of a time commitment, say 2 hours on a saturday, would he still mind? You can’t lose your whole identity just because you’re a mother now, it’s good for you to have time away from the family (it makes you a better mother and a better wife). I think you need to figure out the real reason behind his problem with your hobby.

        1. Also agree. Encourage your spouse to find his own basketweaving activity. What is he doing on the weekends when you are basketweaving and the kids are with a sitter?

          1. Spouse works a lot, frequently late into the night, so while I am at basketweaving on the weekend he would normally be sleeping or spending time with me and the kids.

            I think he may be jealous because he doesn’t have enough free time. Also, his version of basketweaving is more closely connected to his work (all is done on the computer) so it is not so clearly a break for him.

          2. I think pushing him to find a hobby, or another hobby, if the first is too close to work, would help his attitude.

            No kids here, but almost-spouse gets a little jealous/disgruntled with my hobby, even though it’s a few nights a month sort of thing and almost all my other free time is spent with him.

            It dawned on me a year or so ago that the reason he gets crabby is that he works a lot and doesn’t have any hobbies outside of work except for maybe going to the gym. So if I’m not around, he just works more. I’ve tried to encourage him to find something, but to no avail!

      2. Agreed – I think it was good for me growing up to see that my parents had activities and interests outside of parenting.

    2. I occasionally feel resentful about my SO’s friends and outings and hobbies and when I really question why that is, I realize it’s because I either feel neglected or because I’ve neglected doing the things that really recharge me. As long as you’re not neglecting your spouse and kids and spending an inordinate amount of time on your happy, I think your SO maybe needs a push to do his own thing.

      1. I agree. When I feel resentful, it’s about 99% to do with me (particularly, as you say, not doing the things that really recharge me). You might tell Mr. TJ… that you feel you are a better mom and wife when you basketweave but that you’d really like to have a date night just with him & get a sitter for that too &/or watch the kids when he does his basketweaving or if he wants to get away.

        Have you tried calmly asking him what he’s really thinking?

    3. Hobbies are important. I find that my partner and I have a lot more to talk about when we’ve done our own thing for a few hours, apart from each other.

    4. I have three kids, the youngest is about to turn 2. I do not have a hobby, but I do try to get together with my friends for dinner once a month and I run most evenings (on a treadmill in our bedroom). My husband has to take care of the kids while I do these things. He plays softball one evening a week. I used to be very resentful of this time, particularly when the youngest was a baby. I felt like he was leaving me home with the kids while he got to go out and have fun. He always encouraged me to sign up for something too, but I didn’t want to be away any more than I had to by working full-time. I eventually realized that this was not a healthy attitude and that my kids would be fine if I was gone for a few hours once a month to have dinner with my friends, or an hour in the evening to excersize. Now that I do these things, I am much less resentful and actually enjoy taking the kids to watch him play (and it is getting easier as the baby is getting older.)

      Sorry that was so long. I think it is normal and in fact a good idea for parents to have things they do on their own. Maybe your husband needs to find an outlet too.

    5. I struggle with finding time to see friends and do things outside of work as well. I go to the gym daily but that is my only leisure activity, and I do it before my spouse and child wake up so it has never been an issue. I’ll admit to being jealous that my spouse has time for a weekly happy hour with friends, watching tv, etc. largely because his job is less demanding than mine (says the woman whose last day off was Christmas). I only remark on his use of his free time when he is not doing his fair share of the work around the house.

    6. How old are the kids? Would it make you jealous if he and they did little adventures together (the sort of thig he likes) while you’re off basket weaving?

    7. Just a thought, but I had an ex who spent a ton of time each week on a hobby but failed to do basic things around the house because they were “too busy” which drove me insane. This by default left me holding the bag for all of the basic cooking/cleaning/general housekeeping stuff which made me resentful of him. They always took it as me “hating his hobbies” but it was really me pissed off that they weren”t helpful around the house and expected me to do it all.

      I would just make sure that your spending this time basketmaking wasn’t inadvertently pushing the bulk of responsibilites to him and he had time to explore his personal interests as well.

  6. Does anyone have experience with Massimo Dutti clothing? They have some great pieces, but I’m unsure about sizing. Is it similar to Zara (ie. runs small/narrow) or should I size up even more?

    Thanks!

    1. I haven’t tried on much there (or bought anything…even though it’s all so pretty!), but I’d say it does run small.

    2. For Americans it probably runs smaller than what you are used to. Personally I don’t think it runs as small as Zara. For example at H&M I can fit into their Small or 38-40 clothes (let’s talk about the disparity between their nominal and letter clothing another time), at Zara it will be a 38-40 in their nominal size clothing, but a LARGE in letters. At Massimo Dutti I also fit into 38-40 in their number sizes but a Medium in letter sizes. Typically in European brands I am a medium, so Massimmo Dutti is pretty accurate but compared to American sizing you’d probably have to go up.

      1. This is very helpful! I know exactly what you mean about H&M. I’m usually a XS/S, but the pants are way too tight below a 6.

        It seems like they have a good return policy as well, just in case it doesn’t work out. Thanks!

  7. I’m going to do my first television interview in a couple weeks, and I’m trying to figure out all the hair/make-up/clothing logistics ahead of time. Any advice would be very much appreciated:
    1. What should I wear? A suit? Sheath dress + blazer? What colors? I’m pretty fair, so I’m worried that black will wash me out too much on camera… but I’m also pretty young, and don’t want to seem girlish in pastels.
    2. Make-up: How much? It’s a fairly serious news program, but I do want to look put-together, not tired or washed out.
    And finally, who’s your favorite reporter/anchor on TV right now, style-wise? Content-wise?

    1. I’ve heard most people who occasionally have to do TV like Makeup Forever HD foundation since HD tv’s let people see every imperfection. When I’ve been to a news studio, people wear MORE make-up rather than less. Are you sure they aren’t doing your make-up there? If they offer, take it. I would also suggest wearing color on TV. If you notice, a lot of women don’t tend to wear black. Can you get away with any richer colors/jewel tones?

      1. They’re going to come to my office, so I’m assuming on my own for make-up and such. I think some colors could work well—I just don’t know what to do about a non-black jacket.

    2. 1. I would do sheath dress + blazer if you already have them, and if not, a suit with a top that is interesting but not too loud (maybe a nice color + statement necklace). You can wear gray or jewel tones if you want to avoid pastels.

      2. A lot of makup — blush/bronzer, lip color, eye liner, eye shadow. The camera will seriously wash you out.

      3. Style-wise, Soledad O’Brien. Content-wise, Rachel Maddow. With the caveat that I only watch the news when I am at the gym, so I am not familiar with most of the broadcasters. I like Mika Brzezinski’s hair and makeup, but I don’t usually love her clothes.

      1. Thanks! I also don’t normally watch a lot of TV news, so I’m trying to keep CNN on in the background now when I’m getting ready in the morning. (Need to pay more attention! So far I’ve only noticed anchors’ clothing when it’s distracting…)

    3. How exciting! Congratulations!

      I have been in your shoes a couple times also as a relatively young (25) professional and I found this article really helpful:

      http://www.corporatefashionista.com/what-to-wear-on-tv-5-tips-to-looking-great/

      My basic tip is to wear very saturated colors. I wore the J Crew Memo dress in teal to a couple interviews and felt excellent (and thought I looked pretty good). The best thing is if you know where they’re going to shoot you (like if they are coming to your workplace) so you know what kind of background you’ll be under. If it’s a talk show style seated interview, I prefer to have a dress that covers my knees or wear tights/hose (non shiny so it won’t seem too reflective on camera) — the one time I didn’t, I found when I watched it, all I could stare at were my bare kneecaps. If it’s a talking-head style interview, then just make sure the neckline is super flattering to your face. Keep shiny jewelry to a minimum.

      Part of the color/look thing depends on what you’re on the news for – if you’re doing a damage control spin-terview for a financial firm, you’ll obviously be more buttoned up and toned down, if you are promoting your new women’s health startup, you could have a bit more fun with colors and shapes.

      If they aren’t doing makeup on site (sometimes they do) I’d wear what you usually wear but just a little heavier (though not so much to be vampy!). Usually, they are adept enough with lighting that it’s not like you need to wear stage-makeup-stage-makeup, unless you’re actually in the studio. Also, style your hair a bit “bigger” than normal (not Snooki, just a bit more volume) so it doesn’t come across as flat on screen.

      Good luck! Sounds so exciting.

    4. Also make sure you use a brand of makeup that is conducive to photo / TV lighting. Think MAC, Smashbox, there are some others. The reason is that some of the makeups with minerals in them that are made to diffuse light (and look great in real life) make you look really washed out or a weird color on camera.

      If the makeup you currently use looks good in a flash photo, you’re ok.

  8. OK, ladies, try to be my (fabulously stylish) career coaches for a minute. My background is that I kicked butt in law school (mid-ranked state university), but got out just as the you-know-what was hitting the fan, economically speaking. I landed a state trial court level clerkship the first year out, which was great, but my job search from it only led to a lot of really, really polite rejection letters. From there, I took a job with a start-up for a little over a year, but didn’t really have any luck getting business going and wasn’t making enough to get by. Was offered a job with a very small but more established firm in another city and reluctantly moved. I’ve been at that firm for close to two years.

    Before law school, I worked for a large insurance company. The work was unchallenging and I thought I could do more, which was why I left. But I mostly liked the company and thought that I would have liked to come back and work in their legal department. Otherwise, I saw myself going in to biglaw with a focus on health. I thought that my academics and focus on that niche would help get me through the economic turmoil, but I was dead wrong.

    My current firm is tiny, and does general civil litigation. I’m doing mostly family law (which I hate and swore I would never, never do), personal injury, and probate. I mostly eat what I kill, so if I don’t work or the clients don’t pay, I make very little. Although I’ve occasionally had some good months, overall, work has been slow, clients are slow to pay (and I’m still learning how to work with that), and I just have not been making near what I had hoped, and I often find the work miserable. On top of that, I very much feel that I do not know what I am doing. Although I’m now almost 4 years out of law school, it still seems like every issue is brand new and that I am constantly getting hit with procedural pitfalls I had no knowledge of. The other attorneys are always willing to answer questions, but I rarely know what the question I need to ask actually is. Given my success in law school, I feel like I stink at my job.

    However, I could absolutely not ask for a better working environment. Everyone is extremely nice and treat me like family. I am rarely pressured and never spoken down to, my hours are flexible, and I have a great amount of freedom (perhaps too much). The thought of leaving for an unfamiliar environment makes my head hurt.

    I simply do not know what to do. In theory, I would like to change the focus of my practice within this firm for something more profitable and focused. I have that freedom, but I have simply no idea how to actually make that happen or what direction to turn towards. Also, I desperately want to be *good* at my job, but I have no idea how to improve my skills – it’s like a different game every time. On the other hand, I very much miss working for a big organization, with policies and procedures and a large peer group. I’m trying to watch the listings, but there are virtually none in my area. At this stage in my career, I have a hard time seeing myself changing focus to a different field or law firm “type” (i.e., I doubt that biglaw would want me now), and I can’t see how I have the knowledge in, well, anything, to go to in-house or similar, although I really think that I would have been better suited to a specialized focus in a large, bureaucratic environment, the exact opposite of what I have now. Add to that that I work in a small, tight knit legal market and my bosses know just about everyone, so I’d be terrified to do informational interviews or let it be known that I’m looking.

    What should I do to build some business, improve my skills, or change my focus? Help!

    1. I feel like I really want to respond to your post…my life is yours, backwards. I went to law school, wanting to do litigation, now I work for a giant insurance company. And I have to say, it’s not bad. I’m curious as to what sort of insurance work you did, could you use that background to either develop a business law portion of the firm, or get into a bigger firm that does work for insurance companies, as businesses? We work with lawyers on a regular basis who do that kind of work, and maybe it’d be a good way to move up the ladder to get into the legal dept of an insurance comapny.

      If you’d like to, I could go into more specific ideas, if you want to shoot me an email, dewithane@gmail.com

    2. I think you should start by identifying what makes you happy. For example, autonomy is incredibly important to me. It’s pretty much job priority number 1, so I’ve passed up on offers at more lucrative and more prestigious positions because I would have given up a considerable amount of autonomy. Do you think you would be happy in your current city/position (same type of law any everything) if you built some business and improved your skills? If not, you may want to strongly consider actively seeking out a change in your focus. Even if you’ve been out of school for five years, you still can. In the interim, it never hurts to get out an focus on building business. You may incidentally find out about other career opportunities that way and potentially bring home more bacon in the interim.

    3. First of all, you’re super smart.

      I’ve been practicing 7 years. I find “procedural pitfalls” all the time. This is totally normal, and it’s just what the practice of law is all about. You aren’t dumb if you miss them. It’s normal. You don’t know everything, and never will. Even the people practicing 30 years screw up.

      Unfortunately, family law pays the bills. Ask most family lawyers why they do it. I’d bet very few of them do it because they like splitting up families. There’s just a huge market. And sometimes we have to support ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with that.

      If you feel you can talk to your boss, I’d do that, and frame it as sort of a “mentorship” thing. Like ask your boss for long-term career advice. After 2 years, it’s pretty normal to be keeping an eye open for other opportunities.

      You won’t find anything else if you don’t reach out to people in your area and ask questions about what’s available.

      I joined a few women’s lawyer groups this year, and they’ve been super-helpful. Is there a women’s bar association near you? Find someone in a practice area where you’d like to be, and ask them to lunch. Your current co-wokers/boss don’t need to know you’re going. (Don’t call it an “informational interview”, though. You’re just asking questions. Low key. No pressure.)

    4. As for learning more about your specific practice areas, does your local bar association have practice-specific committees? I’d join their mailing lists and keep an eye out for CLEs on topics that you either think you should know more about, or want to know more about.

    5. Could you work out an agreement with your firm to do some personal injury contingent fee work but they pay you some sort of base until you get into a rhythm and settlements start coming in? It is a bit cliche but there are tons of car accident cases, you pick the ones where liability is not in question and the injuries are pretty big. It is pretty easy to learn and most settle before trial. It is rather lucrative.

    6. As far as procedural pitfalls, sometimes even I put my foot in it on an obscure issue, and I’ve been doing it for 6 years on a pretty autonomous basis (not the work, but I’m always handed things and been told “go figure it out”). That being said, I live from either the Rutter Guide or the Matthew Bender. I never do anything without it (ok, some things that I’ve done 1000 times). You need to get your own personal copy and tab the heck out of it.

      If you ever want to do anything but PI, probate and family law, you need to start doing it right now. Even if you do it for free. No, I’m not kidding. Those are two areas you can get pigeonholed in pretty quickly, and you might already be there. Have some friends that need start up documents? Do it for free. Easy trademarks? Make them cover the hard costs, but do it for free. Then you can put it on your resume. Some of my best, most eye-catching experience has come from freebies! One of my biggest experience-gainers was something the firm got, but I was too junior to bill on – so I didn’t. I agreed to do the work outside of my normal billables so they could just track my hours and not bill for them. It was amazing, the client was a major recording artist, and that’s now on my resume.

      I formed my first 501(c)(3) for free. Created my first corporation, stock offering…even my first trial was for our family business. I won the thing, too.

      I’m not trying to be harsh, I’m really not. I went an entire year without making any income to speak of, but my resume from that time is spectacular. Lots of non-profit, but big name work. I actually love the insurance stuff, and their litigation can be fun because sometimes an issue really pushes an insurance company’s buttons and they’ll take it all the way to trial, or at least binding arbitration.

      Get your hands on anything and everything you can, and try not to get to bogged in the family/probate/PI land.

      1. Aaaa, no, don’t just jump into trademarks because it’s easy! It is not easy.

        Signed, a trademark attorney who frequently cleans up dabblers’ messes.

  9. Has anyone tried a pregnancy workout dvd series (or book with exercises) they can liked? I was checking out Tracy Anderson’s Pregnancy Project or Amazon has a few different dvd series – looking for some sort of excerise program, preferably one that is mostly at home.

    1. I had a DVD with Summer Sanders and I loved it (equipment needed was one of those resistance bands, which is really fun to use).

      1. I have this too, and really like it! Summer is peppy without being obnoxious.

        I also like the “Perfect Pregnancy Workout” strength training. It’s led by some Cirque de Soleil performer, and demonstrates easy, intermediate and advanced variations for each exercise. It has only 1 workout (unlike Summer’s which has 3, one for each trimester, but I’ve been doing all three the whole time so I don’t get bored), but the three different levels let you mix it up a little. Equipment needed – just a chair, and some light weights (could substitute a resistance band).

        I have Shiva Rea’s prenatal yoga DVD and am not a huge fan… it’s too easy, and the pregnant women in body stockings creep me out. I’ve just been sticking with my regular Shiva Rea yoga DVDs (yoga shakti and fluid power) and skipping the serious twists and inversions.

    2. If you have an ipad/iphone, I highly recommend Pregnant and FIT! (an app) by Mindy Berla. She used to be my real-life trainer in SF, and she is FABULOUS. She is very careful about injury, uses good form, and is very professional/serious about acheiving results. I am not (and have never been) pregnant, but several of my teammates/girlfriends have used this app after I recommended it and just loved it. I hope you do too!

      (google Mindy Berla Pregnant and FIT! and it’ll come up)

  10. I found out that a friend lost her baby. We know each other through our husbands, so we are not super close–I don’t even have her phone number–but my husband and I were one of very few people who knew of the pregnancy (long story way and she was waiting to tell friends/family until she got through the high-risk weeks). Especially because I’m one of the few she told, I want to reach out, but I have no idea what’s appropriate in these circumstances. Any suggestions?

    1. I had a miscarriage in October, and the responses that I appreciated most were simple “I am so sorry about what happened. I hope you are feeling ok. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know. I’m here to talk about it if you want, and I’m also here if you don’t want to talk about it. Whatever you need.”

      1. Also, since you were one of a small group of people who knew, do reach out and say something, even by email. You can cc your husband and her husband if you don’t feel close enough to say something to just her. Getting a small condolence from an acquaintance is so much better than feeling like no one cares what happened.

      2. This. Have your husband get you her contact info. I think it’s great you’re reaching out!

      3. +1. Going through a miscarriage can be really isolating, especially when you haven’t told many people. Having someone acknowledge the loss can be a huge comfort, even if it is just a simple email or phone call to ask how she is doing and to say you’re sorry for her loss.

      4. Totally agree with the above, having miscarried two weeks ago myself. Hearing someone tell you that they are sorry for your loss really helps with the isolation.

    2. Would a card saying, “Thinking of you during this difficult time” be appropriate? Or flowers?

      Or bringing over food?

    3. Yeah, I agree that you need to reach out. I would think a simple “thinking of you” phone call or email with an honest admission that you want to do something but aren’t sure if she’d prefer A, B, or C. Would work. Make it specific enough that she knows you aren’t bluffing, but give her wiggle room. Seems to me that people *could* buy themselves whatever you give them; the point is that you care.

    4. Agree with all the advice. If you didn’t hear the news from her yourself (and I’m assuming you heard through your husband from her husband), I would just each out with a simple email or text message and tell her you were thinking of her and there for her if she needed anything. Very, very few people knew when I had my loss and I greatly appreciated the small gestures from those that did know — even several weeks after the fact. Even though you aren’t close, since you knew her “secret”, I think it would actually be more awkward to ignore it like it never happened.

  11. Anyone have any advice for managing a (difficult!) team and setting/meeting deadlines? This is my first time managing a large, complex project and I am having trouble getting going and getting any momentum. Advice on planning out a large project would help too. Any books or blogs would be a plus!

    1. I found this book quite helpful on project management, though the book is heavily focused on software development but lot of stuff could be similar across industries.
      “Making things happen” by Scott Berkun.

    2. I have done a lot of project management. You need to find a “check-in” system that works (and it may not be the same for all aspects of the team, depending on how it’s broken up, who’s senior/who’s junor/who reports to you/who is elsewhere). Whether it’s a weekly call, or a status sheet that is circulated on say, Monday, for Thursday delivery, make sure that you are keeping track of who’s doing what, where the output/deliverable is going, and the “big picture” schedule. I find Gantt charts can be helpful, as can monster checklists. Always make sure to assign ONE person to be responsible for each part of the project so as to avoid “diffusion of responsibility.” Mostly, get organized and break it down into pieces.

      Once you have set up a system, make sure it’s efficient and meets your goals. If it’s inefficient, it will cause people to tune out, so make sure your meetings/teleconferences/email status updates are relevant, punchy and to the point.

      Good luck! It’s really satisfying when a difficult project comes together.

  12. Anyone have any experience with a “flexible PTO” policy? My company switched over from a really lousy vacation policy to a policy where employees can take “whatever amount of time off they need.” What does that even mean? Just that as long as you’re doing your job and meeting your goals, go ahead and take as much time off as you want?

    The lapsed Catholic in me is thinking about how difficult it already is to take a vacation…and now this? Now I have to say “DO I REALLY NEED THIS VACATION?!” every time i want to go somewhere? Blah.

    1. On the plus side, along with this announcement we were told jeans are now acceptable any day of the week.

    2. We have that. It sucks. There’s a ton of pressure to just never take vacation at all.

      1. Yeah, the policy states something laughable like, “as long as business needs are being met”– which is basically never. I already get emails round-the-clock because i work directly with colleagues in 4 time zones, so the work/life boundaries have long been blurred. I do make myself feel better knowing that my boss never objects to any vacation requests because she’s been terrified i’ll leave the company for some time now. It also meant I got a new office and can work from home :)

        1. What did you have in PTO before? I’d use that as a guideline and in the first year do a little bit more and the next year a little bit less year. Don’t just never go on vacation. Also, I wouldn’t start out with the “less year” otherwise you setting expectations for next year too low and I feel that you are in a position too take a bit more – especially since your boss is terrified you’ll leave. When you’re taking off a little bit more try to group it into fewer vacations and at times where it doesn’t matter so much. Is the entire office empty and less busy around the holidays? Great, take 5 days here instead of 2. You catch my drift….

      2. And it also means that if you leave/get fired, they don’t have to pay you for vacation days you didn’t take.

    3. We don’t have flexible PTO in writing (we do have a “use your vacation days whenever/however you want, there are no company holidays and any day you take off is a vacation day” written policy) but practice in actuality. There is definitely pressure to come in on the not-so-big holidays (I was jealous when everyone was off and I was stuck in the office on MLK Day, for example!) because you don’t want to be the *only* one of your coworkers not to come in.

      That said, if you manage it responsibly, it can be awesome. Getting to leave when your work is done/take a few days off if nothing is in the pipeline/plan a trip without worrying about counting “days” is fantastic.

    4. For my small firm, it means “no vacations ever!” When I take time off, I best be plugged in with laptop and cell. It’s pretty tough here, but your mileage may vary.

  13. Ladies, please have an elevator speech prepared, particularly if you are interviewing. It pains me when, if I ask someone what what she does or to tell me a little about herself, she gives a rambly/disorganized answer that makes it sound as if she’s never heard the question before. You’ll seem so much more poised if you have a cogent answer you can comfortably spit out.

    1. AskAManager just had a point today on how “tell me about yourself” isn’t a great interview question since it often leads to vague answers that aren’t that helpful.

      1. Agreed. Its an absolutely annoying question. Oh, you want me to explain 33 years of myself as a human being to you in 5 minutes. You want to know that I’m worried because my grandmother is sick and my mother bears all of the burden of taking care of her? You want to know that I love spaghetti and meatballs and could eat it every meal for a month before I got sick of it? You want to hear that I am on a quest to replicate an outfit photograph of a cream colored skirt and peach top from pinterest? You want to know that I really, really, really want my boyfriend to propose to me? Tell me about yourself is silly. Ask about specific qualities. I am a thousand things. I could not possible tell you about myself. I can tell you why I think I’m good for this job. Or about what I loved at my last job. Or about classes I took in school. Or my work style.

        1. Yep, I hate this question too. And I was happy to see that while AAM didn’t want to hear about where you grew up, the OP did — in other words, interviewees can’t easily guess what they should be saying. “Tell me about yourself” is not the same as an elevator pitch (or at least, it isn’t obviously the same / isn’t the same to all interviewers). Instead, why not ask, “Why are you interested in this job / why would you be a good fit / what in your background makes you interested in this position?”

          1. BUT …. this questions gives you SOOOO much leeway to tell a GREAT (and truthful) story about yourself instead of just having to answer one question with a mediocre but truthful answer. Maybe you really hate your current job/boss – this is your opportunity to emphasize everything else you’ve been doing that is amazing (professionally) and only touch upon the current job. And of course, in 99% case your interviewer won’t give a penny about your pinteresting relationship history….

        2. I am going to have to disagree on this one. That question is the biggest soft ball ever – it’s a gift! The interviewer is giving you a chance to say pretty much whatever you want, and if you do it right you frame the follow up questions as well. There’s probably a 50% chance of this question coming up in all your interviews and taking 2 minutes to prepare a good response will go well.

          Or, you know, you can talk about the meatballs if that’s your thing.

      2. I think the only times I’ve ever gotten that are as a settling in/gettin down to business question. I generally give a little grin with wide eyes, softly say “all about me?” or something like that, then give a couple basic job related facts–degree, specialty, current employer & projects, why I’m interested in the job, followed by something like “what else do you want to know?” Usually gets a chuckle & admission that the question is impossibly broad, and then more focused questions.

        1. I do campus interviews and I always ask this question as a starter. When I’m interviewing students I start by saying “I’ll tell you a little bit about myself, then would love to hear about you.” I want to get them comfortable before jumping into questions and expect to hear where they are from, about their major, perhaps school activities, and maybe why they are interested in the position.

          Seems like a total layup to me. An experienced professional should just give a high level summary of past work experience and how they ended up applying here.

    3. I am really, really bad at the whole elevator speech thing. And there are so many times that I’m in this situation where somebody says “tell me about yourself”. I get so tongue twisted and nervous. I really need a 3-minute spiel. I would really love if the OP or anyone else would give some suggestions of what you want to hear. I can’t tell you how helpful this would be. How much personal vs. how much professional? What sorts of details? It doesn’t help that I have a rather convoluted personal history (lived in many countries, very unusual professional background) and it seems really weird/difficult to give a quick but meaningful summary.

      1. I agree that this is a silly question but I think everyone needs to be prepared for it because it is so likely to be asked. I think the idea is to give a brief overview and include a little bit of something that cannot be gleaned off your resume alone. For instance, you could say, “I have lived in X number of countries, most recently in ——–. I went to law school/chose my career path because I was really interested in —-. Currently, I do —-. I am really interested in this opportunity/position because ———–”

        If anything, you sound like you would have a lot of really interesting info to contribute to this kind of question and would benefit from it being asked.

      2. Nothing personal. Places of residence only as they’re relevant to the job/your resume. Remember that it’s differen from the elevator pitch. Prepare both.

    4. It pains ME to read “PSAs” that I thought might contain helpful information but are actually just someone b!tching about something relatively minor that an interviewee did. If the interviewee generally comes off as rambly, disorganized, and not-very-put-together, fine, but if you’re writing her off because she gave a long answer to a question that begs a long answer, then I hope she finds employment with someone who won’t be so hypercritical of her.

      1. Totes agree. I can answer this question competently because I’ve been to enough interviews, but it always makes me think less of the interviewer who couldn’t be bothered to come up with a specific question (and perhaps hasn’t read my resume).

        1. Or maybe the interviewer has read a hundred resumes to get it to a handful of in-person interviews, had been interviewing people all day and needs a little refresher to keep the candidates straight. Seriously, why all the piling on the OP? I think any professional should have this figured out for interview situations, a random networking encounter or when you are meeting new people?

      2. I didn’t write her off. I gave her the thumbs up for the next part of the hiring process. I wished she’d been prepared to what is a very common (if possibly useless, per above comments) question. “Well, I grew up in X, went to school at Y, started out working at ABC doing chachacha, went to DEF and did X, and have been there ever since.” Pretty innocuous stuff.

        1. Otherwise known as information succinctly provided on her resume.

          I agree that she should have had a prepared response, since it is such a common question, but I think it’s absurd that it’s such a common question.

        2. I’ve never quite understood the point of it. The general outline is what the resume is. I’ve always seen interviews as a chance to drill down into the bulletpoints and to get an overall feel for the person.

        3. So what it really means is “which one are you?” and possibly “do you have some personality to go along with the resume?” Is that right?

          1. That’s it exactly. You obviously have at least some of the credentials/skills/experiences I want because you’re sitting in the interviewee chair, but I want to know if you can show me some of the personality/attitude/fit I want to work with 40+ hours a week.

    5. I had two sales guys cold call (actually stop by the facility) the other day and they couldn’t give me a succinct definition of what their company does. But they’d like to setup a meeting and talk to us about it.

      Um, no.

      1. What is it with that? Twice now I’ve had sales guys just show up to our law firm and ask to speak with the managing partner, or me if they couldn’t get him. Um, no. You can’t just randomly stop by a law firm and walk in to see an attorney with your sales pitch.

        When I say “send us some literature” they say, “oh, well, can I have your email, printing literature is too expensive.” Pass.

    6. Dudes, “Tell me about yourself,” is something you should be able to answer in a manner reflecting positively on yourself, regardless of the actual utility of said question in the interview context.

    1. I have one!!! It’s pretty amazing. Also, The Stick works well for legs — tight IT band, cramping calves, etc.

      1. Yup, my BF uses The Stick every night before bed. He gets really tight sacroiliac ligaments and that is the only thing that works.

      2. i just use a rolling pin instead of The Stick…though would be tougher to explain that one in the office, i suppose.

  15. Has anyone been to Portugal? I was thinking of taking a solo trip there in February for about 6 days and going to Porto and Lisbon and anywhere else that was worth going. I was a little bit concerned about hte petty theft there – I had some pretty bad experiences in Spain when I went solo last year. Thanks for any advice!

    1. I can’t speak to that area specifically, but in my various travels in Europe I’ve found that the off-season has much less theft. Obviously you still want to use common sense, but I find I don’t need to be extra vigilant.

    2. Loved Portugal. I went to Lisboa–didn’t get robbed or anything (stayed in a hostel), went with my sister and two male friends from college. I really liked Lisbon, but my favorite was going to day-trips to towns near Lisbon–esp. Cascais, although I also liked Sintra a great deal. And you must go to Belem and have pasteis de nata there; I miss them every day!

      Also, the hostel I stayed at was very good — please email me at ptoncor*or**** at gmail if you are interested in knowing more.

    3. went to both, and LOVE Porto; some parts of town might seem dodgy, but I never had any problem.
      Algarve is also great, amazing beaches.
      IMO – petty theft is only a problem if you let yourself be a target… don’t carry valuables, try to read maps and co before you venture in the street, and keep your money in a place you can easily reach (ie, not on the front pocket in your huge packback like I did when I was younger….)
      have fun!

    4. I’ve been. It was about 10 years ago, so I can’t comment on petty theft now, but agree with the general travel tips re not looking like a victim. At the end of the day, you probably don’t look Portuguese either, so, you just have to roll with it and keep your valuable safe and your antenna up. I didn’t feel unsafe in Lisbon or Oporto.

      I also really loved Braganca (a moutainous region near Galicia). The Atlantic coast was totally gorgeous–we did a road trip from Spain. You can also do a cool train trip up the Douro to see where they grow all the Port. The seafood was amazing, and the wine fantastic. If you tour port houses, make sure you go to Taylor Fladgate. It’s the best.

      I love to use Lonely Planet’s thorn tree forums and concierge dot com when I am planning travel to other countries–I hope their websites help you. You’ll have a great time!

    5. Loved Portugal! I went to Lisbon and then headed south to the Algarve — all about three years ago, when I traveled alone for several weeks. I had no concerns about theft, but I also didn’t have any such concerns when I have been to Spain in my trips there.

      Lisbon is a great city — not big, but great food and music and festivals and people. I haven’t been to Porto, but I have heard only great things about it. I look forward to another reason to travel to Portugal, so you should absolutely take advantage of your opportunity!

    6. Have been to Lisboa and Sintra. Loved both. Did not go to the beaches. Don’t miss Belem.

  16. Just got an interview for a job I think I’d be PERFECT for! Very unhappy in current job, so hooray! But trying not to get overexcited (had just gotten to the point that I wasn’t checking my phone every hour to see if they’d called). Wish me luck on Tuesday!

  17. Booo… I really like and want these shoes, but they are out of my size :(

  18. I have an all-day meeting at a big law firm coming up. I’m an attorney and am meeting with our outside counsel and a bunch of non-attorneys to handle a bunch of issues that have come up and interview some candidates for various things. What is appropriate dress? My office is business casual unless we’re in court. If it helps I’m in the Midwest and the meeting will be in a large and cold city.

    1. It sounds like you’re the client. That means you wear whatever you want. But when I was in BigLaw (in DC), dress for client meetings was typically suit separates (i.e., a jacket but not a suit).

    2. If you’re the general counsel, you’re the client— outside counsel should be kissing your butt even if you’re in pajamas! That said, if you want to *look* authoritative as well, in Chicago biglaw, I’d say suit or suit approximation (sheath with blazer, or dressy separates). The lawyers you meet with will probably be thusly attired, although firm attorneys who don’t have court or client meetings could be in all manner of business casual.

    3. They’ll likely be in suits, and if it were me (even as the client) I would probably go with a cute suit but not an “interview suit.”

      If you are THE general counsel? You’ve arrived, and I personally would wear some amazing outfit that consisted of dark jeans, cute top, and blazer with great jewelry or accessories. If you ever make it to being THE general counsel, you have arrived.

      1. Is this really true? About the GC statement? Many friends and colleagues are pushing me in this direction because of my decade + spent hiring and firing as a human resources manager for tech companies. I have been hesitant to go that route because litigation seems more appealing, but I can’t say why (change of pace? feels more lawyerly?). Right now, I’m working as an administrative judge, but this position is not long term and I need to soon start seriously considering other options. There are a number of GC positions posted in my area (or at least, positions that would eventually lead to GC), and I’ve kept them in the back of mind, but I haven’t applied because … well, I don’t know why. I guess I thought that these positions were for when I got burnt out on litigation. Am I crazy? Honest questions, I’m seriously having career planning issues!! :)

        1. and I should clarify, I mean in an administrative judge role, not a full ALJ.

        2. For me it is true – I’ve only been in litigation 6 years, but I’m well and truly fried. Also, GC seems to be “the new partner” – I just saw an ABA article about how many GC position salaries are outstripping partner salaries. But in-house has always been my goal, and GC is as far as you can go there.

        3. I think this depends on your market. As a former West Coast-type, I can see this passing muster. In the midwest or east coast, though, wearing jeans to a meeting, even as the GC (and perhaps especially as the GC), would be a huge faux pas.

  19. Dear boyfriend – please don’t start a texting conversation with me and then stop responding. It’s REALLY annoying.

    Signed – yes I know I’m petty but probably better to vent here than make a snarky comment to him about it

    1. I thought the ability to have asynchronous conversations was one if the pluses of texting.

    2. Yeah, if you’ve got an actual back and forth conversation going – in whatever medium – then it’s rude to drop off the face of the planet mid-conversation without saying “brb” or something. This annoys the sh!t out of me too, and I’d definitely bring it up (in a nice, non-accusatory way) sometime; he probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.

    3. I so totally disagree with this. The whole point of texting is that it’s *not* a phone call – you don’t have the same obligations of a timely response as you do when someone is sitting on the other end of the line – particularly if the conversation isn’t time-sensitive. Who knows? Maybe someone walked into your boyfriend’s office and he couldn’t exactly say, “Sorry, let me finish this text convo before I finish that project,” or something similar. If you want a synchronous conversation, call.

    4. So when you saw him later and asked about his day, did you find out (in a non-snarky way) what the interruption was?

  20. Sorry for the threadjack–long-time lurker here–but HELP!

    I spilled coffee all over my cream colored (wool) Lady Day Coat from J. Crew a few hours ago, and just got home. Any ideas as to how to get it out? Why I didn’t get a darker color I don’t know….

    Thanks in advance!

    1. Take it to the cleaners! Resist the urge to do it yourself. I had red wine spilled all over a light grey cotton suit (not my fault, a colleague bumped into me) and my cleaner was able to get out every last spot. DON’T RUIN YOUR COAT BY FIDDLING WITH IT. TRUST THE PROFESSIONALS. :)

      1. Thanks! That’s what I was sitting here thinking…do I trust the cleaners, or not….

    3. I have the cream colored Lady Day coat, and it has not been a picnic getting stains out of it (the only thing worse was a cream-colored, waffle-textured wool coat. NEVER AGAIN…). Tide-to-go has gotten small coffee stains out, but unfortunately it made the fabric white instead of cream at the same time. Even the cleaners can’t always get some stains out, so I’d say definitely, definitely do not try to do it yourself.

      Despite these pitfalls, you didn’t get a darker color because white/cream coats are simply fabulous, classic, Jackie-O wonderful :)

      1. They ARE simply fabulous, and I was so proud of myself for getting out of my usual dark-colors-all-winter routine. Dropped it off at the cleaners today, and have my fingers crossed. Thank you ladies!

  21. Anyone have any suggestions for dyeing a suit? I have an Italian wool suit that I love, love, love that was very expensive (a gift as I was graduating college). Somehow, when I was traveling, something spilled on the cuff and leeched all of the dye out of that section of the fabric. I don’t know what to do! I’d be okay with it ending up a shade or two darker overall, but ideally it’d be the same color it is now. I’m in a new city, and don’t know how to go about finding a professional that does this sort of thing– they’d have to match the “colorless” area to the still-dyed-its-original-color area.

    Also, if anyone has specific recs, I’m in NYC.

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