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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 194 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Linley Leather Rounded Hobo

Coffee Break

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Cole Haan Linley Leather Rounded HoboI love a good Cole Haan bag. I have so many of them that I've actually had to put a moratorium on purchasing them… But if I didn't have my little moratorium, I'd be eyeing the Cole Haan selection at 6pm — lots of great hobos and totes. Take this Linely Rounded hobo, available in this gorgeous teal, as well as basic black, silver, tango red, and a darker zinfandel red. It looks simple and stocked with the usual Cole Haan details (key fob, technology pockets, nice lining, etc). The bag was $328, but is now $202 at 6pm.com. Cole Haan Linley Leather Rounded Hobo Update: Amazon has the hobo for slightly less in some colors (like the silver, down to $130) — prices range from $130-$297.50. (L-all)  

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. momentsofabsurdity

    PSA – No idea on brand, but Emploi New York has some nice, basic dresses for sale on Groupon Goods today

    http://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-emploi-new-york-dresses?c=all&p=8

    From the description:
    “Fed up with the stultifying selection of women’s work wear, the staff at Emploi New York designed a collection of dresses specifically to transition from the office to an evening out. Fashioned largely in solid, seasonal hues—such as deep navy for winter, or crisp white for spring—the dresses act as a blank canvas for accessories. By day, they pair well with pumps or flats, blazers, hard hats, and other 9-to-5 essentials. At night, the same dress takes on an edgy style with the addition of boots, stilettos, or dangling earrings. The staff design the dresses in their New York office, and the apparel is stitched in the same city.”

    Can’t speak to their quality, but the dresses look okay, and basic, for reasonably inexpensive prices.

    • Susie

      Thanks, I’ve been looking for a dress to wear with my hard hat for a while now! It’s not as easy as you might think.

        • momentsofabsurdity

          Potentially stupid question – in work environments where you have to wear a hard hat, I’ve always been told (when touring) that I should wear long pants and close toed shoes as well. Is that a common rule (and if so, how do you work dresses in) or is that just my limited experience in those environments?

          • Ru

            I dress a bit…differently, due to my religion. I wear a dress over pants, with steel-toed boots and a hijab.

            If you’re in a hard hat environment, shirt with sleeves, long pants and closed-toe shoes are a minimum (OSHA rules). Cover up as much as you can – keep the grime from touching your skin.

          • Irene Adler

            MOA: Not a stupid question, one I had to ask when I started my job. I work for a General Contractor (non – engineer support function, so infrequently in the field) and what you describe is common. Closed toed shoes are good, but I mucked up a nice pair of flats and started wearing my Docs (oh, the 90’s happened!). In addition to what Ru describes, we get to wear safety vests, gloves, and goggles. Fluorescent orange *is not* my friend.

    • LaLaLa

      A lot of those dresses are just so clingy and too bodycon for me (and my workplace). They just look like the local-made versions of the less frumpy (but too “evening-oriented”) dresses at Kohls.

      What we said about those butt-hugging pants in an earlier thread today applies to some of these dresses. Plus, one of them has a weird horizontal keyhole slash in the chest area (from the Spring/Summer 2013 Collection.)

  2. Jessica Glitter

    Ah, Paris. I am in the beginning stages of planning a trip to Paris and am feeling a bit clueless about the whole thing.
    Does anyone have good recommendations for Paris-centric books, websites or blogs? (or just advice for the trip).
    Also – any thoughts on budget for a week? (me and DH, and maybe our toddler…but I’m not so sure about the toddler).
    TIA!

    • Merabella

      My mother and I stayed in Paris for a week back in 2007 – so numbers may be different now. We stayed in a budget hotel, but if I had to do it again I would rent an apartment. Home away from home kind of idea – this may be especially good if you bring your toddler since you can make breakfast/lunch at the apartment and have a bit of a home base to travel around the city.

      I would also highly suggest getting the week long metro pass – it can get you around the main part of the city, and if you decide to take trips to Versailles, you can always pay extra.

      I absolutely loved the Rodin Museum and the D’orsay. Those were my favorites of the trip. The Louvre was nice, but a bit overwhelming, and you really have to make a plan before you go (and be prepared for the Mona Lisa to be disappointing).

      Don’t forget to build in time just to walk around. The parks are gorgeous, and would be fun with or without your toddler.

      And eat all the croissants/crepes you can!

    • Becky

      I’m planning my second Paris trip this summer too. Well Paris and Spain so even more exciting. I have found the Fodors Paris forum and the Viator website very helpful for suggestions of what do to.

    • a.

      I read a good number of expat blogs, and one of my all-time favorites is the Paris-based Ella Coquine at ellacoquine.com

    • Cat

      DH and I are going for 4 nights and are renting an apartment in the 5th (pretty studio with balcony) for about $200/night. We found ours through Flipkey (I think affiliated with Tripadvisor) but were considering VRBO options as well. You’ll have even more flexibility staying for a week as that is the minimum for many apt rentals. We found that apartments are definitely tiny by U.S. standards, but are actually perfect as a stand-in for a hotel room.

      Bookmarking this thread — I think our struggle will be choosing the Major Sites that we want to prioritize in order to leave room for relaxing walks / cafe time. So far leaning towards skipping the Louvre and Versailles this time around, and probably the Arc and Eiffel climbs (shouldn’t ND and Sacre Coeur be enough to get pretty Paris rooftops?). Can anyone advise on whether it’s worth it to get drinks or a meal at the restaurant in the Eiffel?

      • Eleanor

        I’ve never eaten there, but I’ve heard from others that it’s overly expensive and mediocre.

      • Anonymous

        Better than the Eiffel restaurant, not very far from the Champ de Mars, you have “les deux abeilles”, rue de universite. It’s a cute tearoom/restaurant that serves light lunches at noon or tea/cakes in the afternoon. It’s frequently full, so maybe book a table in advance. It’s neither cheap nor expensive, as far as I remember.

        I’m not really into old paintings, but I loved the Quai Branly Museum (tribal arts). Very well designed and fascinating. The “Musee des Arts Decoratifs” has usually at least one exhibition on fashion but otherwise I found it disappointing (it’s no match to the London V&A).

        Then, if you are fed up with culture and old buildings, and are curious about the world and how it works, spend a day at the “Cite des science”. It a bit away from the city, but really really interesting. There are a lot of activities for children, too.

    • Jules

      Second (or third) the recommendation for an apartment instead of a hotel. NYHabitat dot com has a large selection of rentals in Paris, which you can sort by neighborhood, price, number of bedrooms, etc.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Planning an overseas trip seems totally overwhelming to me too. I just need someone to read my mind to know what I want and plan accordingly. I’ve gotten as far as knowing we are going to Amsterdam and a second (yet to be decided) city, possibly Paris. I’m struggling with too many options!

    • TBK

      For lunches, consider going to a grocery and picking up a baguette, some cheese, some saucisson sec (French salami), and some fruit then take it to a park to eat. It’s tasty, tres French, and inexpensive (plus I bet your toddler will love being able to pick at a little of this and a little of that).

    • J

      I lived in Paris for a couple years after I graduated college. With the caveat that this was from early 2006-2008, here are the favorites I immediately remember:

      Museums: Les Invalides (Napoleon’s minivan-sized tomb, mainly – but I love that gold dome), the Pompidou
      Shopping: Les Puces de Saint-Ouen flea market – it’s all the way at the end of a metro line (I think 4? at Clignancourt). While not as great as the impromptu markets that pop up around Paris and nowhere near as good as those in Berlin, it’s the biggest in the world and a must-see for anyone who loves a treasure hunt. Lots of great vintage (avoid the clothes, lots of them are American and can be found much cheaper stateside) and if you like tacky things, I got a great airbrushed sweatshirt there once because I was 22 and could wear whatever I wanted. There’s a good organic farmer’s market in the 6th near Blvd Raspail.
      Food: I couldn’t afford anywhere fancy when I lived there, I liked a chain called Chez Papa.
      Night life: I liked going out on Rue Oberkampf in the 11th. There’s a great little bar called Le Kitch that I loved.

    • qwerty

      spottedbylocals is a great blog website that has platforms for different european cities with local contributors, i had a lot of fun planning a recent trip to amsterdam and brussels based on some suggestions i found there.

    • new york associate

      I really enjoyed the book Paris to the Moon, which is a memoir by Adam Gopnik about his years living in Paris. It’s not a travel guide by any means, but I think it would help enrich your experience. A week in Paris sounds divine – have a wonderful time!

      • Vino

        Agree! Perfect Paris read. Also A Moveable Feast.

        I’ve been three times – twice solo and once with friends. Definitely rent an apartment and buy groceries. So nice to come home and enjoy some bread, cheese and wine at the end of the day. I stayed in the 4th arrondissement on Il de la Cite one trip – incredible being right behind Notre Dame and very centrally located. But St. Germain in the 6th is definitely my favorite neighborhood I’ve stayed in.

        I also highly recommend Rick Steves’ guidebook for a first-time visit to Paris. His itinerary suggestions are spot on – good mix of must-dos and some off the beaten path. Just don’t flash the book around if you want to try to blend in!

        A few of my favorites:
        The stained glass windows of Saint Chapelle
        Notre Dame – see if you can visit during a concert
        The flea markets
        Reading/strolling in the Luxembourg Gardens
        Musee D’Orsay
        Shakespeare and Company Bookstore
        Cooking classes with “Cook’n” with Class” – loved the morning market one
        Early morning runs along the River Seine – not the most friendly running territory, but if you are a runner, it’s an amazing way to see the city as it’s waking up
        Versailles (totally worth the day trip, especially in good weather)
        A Normandy daytrip… a friend wanted to go see the D Day beaches, I wasn’t terribly interested, but we went by train and hired a guide to take us around and it was an incredibly moving day – plus I just think it’s nice to get outside the city and see a smaller town (we enjoyed Bayeux)
        Evening walks – every time I’ve gone, have ended up just walking for hours exploring neighborhoods, but it’s especially beautiful at night – budget plenty of exploration time

        And finally, I’d recommend learning some basic French phrases before you go. You can most definitely get around without it. But I’ve found at least making an attempt with a little courtesy French is always well-received.

    • SoCal Gator

      We are planning a trip to Paris for this Christmas. Our son is graduating from college (in December, a semeser early) and he and his girlfriend will be spending amonth in paris staying in an aprtment owned by a friend of my husband in the 9th arrrondissment. My husband and I plan to fly over to join them for Christmas. We have very little planned at this point and have to start by getting our plane tickets and where we will stay arranged — we would like to stay near the kids. We have looked at staying at an partment through some website linked to tripAdvisor but not settled on anything. It seems it would be cheaper to do that for a week to ten days than to stay in a hotel.

      We are flying out of Southern California so airfare will be pricey. Any suggestions on that score would be welcome as well as any vacation rental websites that anyone can recommend. I think we have to start getting this planned pretty soon so we don’t miss out as things fill up at the holidays (assuming we are not already too late).

    • Houda

      I have read a book called “La Parisienne” by Ines de la Fressange, it talks Paris fashion how to dress, where to go and things to do. Highly recommand it

  3. visiting Dallas

    Any ‘rettes in Dallas that can help with giving me an idea of what areas are safe/what areas to avoid? I am going for a business trip where I am traveling alone (24, not really an experienced traveler at all). I’m staying in the Crowne Plaza in Dallas Love Field and alos the Hilton Anatole for a week long trip. I just happened to google them and found some comments about how they (esp the Crowne Plaza) are in a ‘sketchy’ area that is ‘not good for single women.’ I don’t want to overly freak out but the comments are kind of scaring me – the crime maps seem to say this area is mostly vandalism/theft, and these are big hotels.. but are there any areas I should avoid? Thanks for any help!

  4. lunch awkwardness?

    Anyone experience lunch anxiety? I feel weird eating at my desk, but I hate eating in the lunchroom. But I like to bring my lunch, to save money and eat healthier foods, so I can’t go out five days a week. I just want to eat by myself without coworker comments about my lunch.

    I’m probably over-thinking this, but I’m curious what you all do — eat at your desks, go out, grab something, eat in a cafeteria, or something else entirely!

    • Diana Barry

      This reminds me of being in college, when I would get a roll and fruit for lunch and eat it in my room so I didn’t have to sit next to people I didn’t know. (Yes, I am an introvert and shy!)

      I just eat at my desk, unless I have a lunch meeting. Our lunchroom is kind of dark and depressing (and small!) anyway.

    • mascot

      If I eat at my desk, I close the door. If you want to eat in the lunchroom, grab a table by yourself and bring work/book/newspaper. People generally will leave you alone if you have your head down and are engrossed in something. I don’t get many comments about my lunch, except maybe “oh that looks good” or something along those lines. Are you bringing lunches that have exotic ingredients or is your office just really intrusive?
      I also like to go out to lunch and get out of the office.

    • Merabella

      I generally bring my lunch (probably about 4 times a week). I usually eat at my desk and put earphones in, but my desk is pretty isolated, so I don’t have a problem with it. I have brought my own dishes/cutlery and I have found that this makes sitting at my desk a bit better.

      I never eat in the lunchroom because there are people in my office that talk to you, even if you have a book or something – and I just like being alone.

    • Susie

      I try to get away from my desk, though I do like to eat with other people. Sometimes I eat with my team in the cafeteria – I usually bring my lunch and they usually (but not exclusively) buy in the cafeteria but it works out okay and no one comments on it, others bring lunch too sometimes. Sometimes I go off campus with coworkers. If I’m alone I usually eat quickly at my desk and go for a short walk outside.

    • TO Lawyer

      I eat at my desk with the door closed, usually reading something non-work related but if I’m really busy I’ll do some light work reading or research while I eat.

      Maybe it’s antisocial but I actually feel like I get a bit of a break and it doesn’t end up taking that long, especially if I bring my own lunch.

    • NOLA

      I’m generally an extrovert but I don’t really like making chitchat with people over lunch. I’d rather eat at my desk, listen to sports talk radio, get caught up on email or this site. I usually just want to be by myself awhile.

    • Alice

      YES!

      I like to bring my lunch and eat at my desk, usually taking 15 minutes or so for “me” reading–its fast, and its less embarrassing than being in the lunch room on the days that I get hungry and eat my lunch at 10am.

      The problem is but I’m in a cube, and I’m constantly self-conscious about whether my food smells, and whether everyone can hear me chomping.

      I never bring anything that has to be heated–I do salads, leftovers, or often bentos that can be kept at room temperature–so that my food is less likely to smell.

      Keeping my food consumption quiet is more of a problem. Today I had tofu, rice, and lightly steamed broccoli (and a cupcake leftover from an office party). It may have just been me, but the broccoli seemed very loud….

      • L

        As a cube newbie, here’s a delicate question, is there a way you’re able to communicate you’re still “on lunch” once your food is done? I’m a quick eater and I have to take an hour for lunch (ridiculous yes) so I use that time to catch up on personal stuff. But once I’m done with my food, it kind of looks like I’m slacking off rather than taking a lunch break. Any advice?

        • Lyssa

          Back when I was a cube dweller, I would keep my dishes and utensils up and out, so that it looked like I had just finished eating a second ago, until I was done. No one ever gave me any trouble about it.

        • Alice

          No idea, as I too am a cube newbie. Luckily one of my computer screens faces tilts away from the cube entrance, so (I think) it’s indistigishable whether I’m reading for work, or reading for myself…

          I do hate it when someone drops by to ask a question and my face is full of food, though.

        • goldribbons

          Politely saying, “I actually find I’m more productive the rest of the day when I’m able to take a proper lunch break. Could we have this discussion when I’m finished [at xx time]?” This will take a strong backbone but if said calmly and politely, to a handful of people, you should be able to clearly establish you need your lunch break.

    • Anon8

      I’m in cubicle land, but most people eat lunch at their desk. I usually eat lunch at my desk and spend some time catching up on blogs via Google Reader.

    • Introvert

      My coworkers regularly ask me to come sit down in the lunch room with them, and I love my coworkers…but I just don’t like eating down there. I like to have my lunch hour to read (a book! not work-related!) and zone out. I don’t read a lot at home because I like to spend time with my husband at night, so that’s my reading time!

    • a.

      At my former job, I ate at my desk. I said it was so my students could find me during their lunch breaks, but honestly, a big part of it was avoiding the gossipy, negative atmosphere in the break room. I didn’t feel weird about it, but people would ask about it at the beginning of the year, and it was easy to have a ready-made excuse–I’m sure you could come up with something equivalent, on the off chance someone asks you.

      Now, I eat lunch at a table of gossipy, negative Spanish women, who all talk at the same time, at lightning speed. But it’s free food, and usually pretty tasty, in addition to being a basically mandatory element of my school’s culture, so I’m stuck. Much as I long to go run and hide somewhere with a Tupperware full of salad.

      • Rumpus

        why specify “Spanish” women? and, did you mean that they’re all women from Spain? because that’s only appropriate as a demonym if you did.

        • goldribbons

          a. is living in Spain right now, so she meant Spanish women as the women in her life right now as opposed to American women who reside in the US.

          • Rumpus

            regardless, it’s a borderline offensive way to characterize the people of a country in which she is presumably a guest. if she sits at a table of gossipy, negative women, that’s unfortunate, but if she’s already in Spain, why the need to point out that they’re Spanish women? are Spanish women are particularly gossipy and negative?

    • Lyssa

      I really like eating at my desk and surfing the web, but I have often felt bad in the past for missing out on a possible networking opportunity (I wish that I had eaten in the lunchrooms on the few occassions where I was free at lunch when I was summering, for example). My office now doesn’t have a lunchroom, so it’s my desk all the time, unless I go out (maybe once a week). It’s a good time to read this site and a few others, so I actually resent (a little) when someone interfers with it.

    • AnonyMissAnxiety

      Our lunchroom is so small, that only 5-6 people can eat there at a time. And the same clique is always in there. As a newish employee, I feel left out that there isn’t room in there for me most days. So I got into the habit of eating at my desk and perusing the web and handling personal business.

      But I do feel like I am missing out on a networking opportunity. My one cow0rker who has been here longer than I have has managed to insert herself into the lunchtime gathering and seems to have a better “friendship” going with our mutual supervisor than I do, despite her being rather rude much of the time. I don’t know how to force my way in there though…bring my own chair from my office and squeeze in at the table?

    • anon

      So many introverts on this blog! I enjoy some solo time and eat at my desk most of the time, but if a few friends happen to be eating in the break room when I walk in to get my lunch, I join them and always enjoy it. I also like to take a walk at lunch. Clears my head! It’s nice to get outside. It’s good to have alone time, but it’s also good to be social once in a while, especially because my job is pretty solitary. I’ve read stats that people are much more likely to enjoy their job if they have one or two friends at work. It takes some effort sometimes to make friends, but I think it’s worth it to not always keep your head down and stay by yourself.

    • gov anon

      I bring my lunch and eat it while reading at my desk. But I’m an strong introvert and just want to be away from people for awhile. I guess I’m anti-social.

  5. visiting Dallas

    Anyone in Dallas that can help with giving me an idea of what areas are safe/what areas to avoid? I am going for a business trip where I am traveling alone (24, not really an experienced traveler at all). I’m staying in the Crowne Plaza in Dallas Love Field and also the Hilton Anatole for a week long trip. I just happened to google them and found some comments about how they (esp the Crowne Plaza) are in a ‘sketchy’ area that is ‘not good for single women.’ I don’t want to overly freak out but the comments are kind of scaring me – the crime maps seem to say this area is mostly vandalism/theft, and these are big hotels.. but are there any areas I should avoid? Thanks for any help!

    (sorry, other version was in moderation)

    • SunnyD

      My eyes kinda bugged out when I saw you’re staying at the Crowne Plaza. I wouldn’t stay there (other Dallas ladies may disagree). Unfortunately, Love Field isn’t in a great part of town.

      If you want to email me, please feel free: SunnyD6206 [at] aol . com.

    • JJ

      Yeah – the Anatole is a nice and safe hotel, but not a lot is in walking distance. However, you’re very close to the newer, fun part of town called the Design District.

      I wouldn’t really want to stay anywhere near Love Field other than the Westin close to there, which looks like it was recently renovated. Is your work located somewhere close to there? There are lots of better options on Lemmon, closer to Uptown.

    • HM

      I agree. The Crown Plaza at Love Field is not in a great area of town. See if you can stay at the Anatole all week.

      Are you going to have a car (you probably should, as cabs are not readily available)? Uptown, which is a short drive from the Anatole, has some great bars and restaurants. If you want to do a bit of high-end (window) shopping, recommend Preston Village. If it’s nice weather, think about checking out Katy Trail Icehouse for good vibes and people watching.

  6. Coalea

    I typically do my grocery shopping once a week, on Sunday (occasionally on Saturday). Most weeks I buy a package of Kaiser rolls to use throughout the week for sandwiches, but I find that by Wednesday they are starting to go stale and by Friday they are almost inedible. Does anyone have any tips to keep bread products fresher longer? I currently just keep them in the original packaging on a shelf in the pantry.

    • Nonny

      Keep them in the fridge, or, as I do, in the freezer and defrost as needed.

    • k-padi

      I know this is weird but I freeze bread products. I make sure the bag is sealed and in the freezer they go. The bread will thaw between making the sandwich and lunchtime.

      • Marilla

        Yep. Slice and freeze. I take out frozen sliced bread every morning, make the sandwich with frozen bread, and it’s ready to eat by lunch. (Potential bonus… keeps your lunch cool? No idea how effectively though.) My hsuband usually has a bagel/roll sandwich so we pre-slice them when we get home from the grocery store, individually bag them in ziplocs, and he does the same thing for his lunches. The fridge will cause your bread to go stale quicker – freezing it keeps it fresh.

      • KC

        Not weird at all. Freezing is the way to go (the fridge can dry out bread, in my experience).

    • a.

      I had no idea until reading this thread that freezing your bread was weird or unusual. OP, freeze your bread.

      • JJ

        Seriously. Where are these people that can eat a loaf of bread before it goes bad? I think I freeze every bread product I buy, unless we’re having people over for dinner.

        • LaLaLa

          [sheepishly raises hand]

          I love carbs and I love bread most of all. I admit that I have never had any problems finishing a loaf before it goes bad.

  7. Susie

    I think this purse is very cute, I like it but I wouldn’t use it as my everyday take-to-work bag. So for a weekend bag it’s a touch too big and still a bit more then I’d spend.

  8. What the heck?

    I am expecting my first baby at the beginning of May. My aunts on my father’s side in my hometown have offered to throw me a baby shower, which I’m very appreciative of, mostly as a last chance to get together with cherished friends and family before the baby comes, as I live about a day’s drive away. My mother has decided that there is a grown cousin (my only female cousin on her side of the family) that absolutely must be invited, that I absolutely refuse to invite – for long reasons that are valid to my husband and I– in short, this grown woman throws temper tantrums in public at least weekly. She is banned from her children’s recitals, school sports, etc and was escorted by police out of a restaurant last summer for throwing a chair at a waitress. I care about everyone else coming to this shower a lot and I would choose not to have a shower than put everyone through what I am 100% will happen if she is invited (there will be tears and screaming, possibly hitting/kicking – from her, not me!). My mother refuses to acknowledge that these temper tantrums have occurred at every other family get together for the past 25 years. Everyone else in the family acknowledges cousin’s behavior. My mother’s ‘motivation’ is that she wants to be seen by my grandfather(who is in his last year of life, and very wealthy) as someone who is trying to bring the family together, and this is a public way she can show that off. She’s said exactly that to me.
    Is there a respectful way that I can (1) have a baby shower and see the people I love without subjecting them to abuse/physical damage; (2) continue to get along with my mother? It really has surprised me that this is a hill she is willing to die on, and she has said that if Cousin X isn’t invited, than she will not participate in my baby shower OR come to the hospital/our home to visit the baby – that if I’ve decided every individual can decide who they want to be friendly, then she’ll wait until my baby is old enough to decide for itself whether it wants to see her.

    And why is all this drama happening? I did not think baby showers were drama-filled events. I’m just confused and sad.

    • Em

      Wait, your mother is threatening to not visit her new grandchild if your demonstrably unstable relative isn’t invited to a baby shower? Does your mother have a history of instability or petty and manipulative behavior? Because honestly, that sounds as crazy as anything your cousin has done and personally might make me very, very reluctant to have a family party that includes her either.

      • hoola hoopa

        Um, yes, that’s my reaction as well.

        My other thought is that your aunts are hosting the shower, so why is your mom even able to pull this? Can’t you just work it out with the aunts?

      • Anon1

        Is your mom usually this difficult? I feel like this is one of those things where you have to do what is best for your (new) family – you, your partner, your child. This celebration is not about your Mom, but about you and your baby. I would also tell her that you are hurt by her attitude to put her self-interest before yours, and to be aware that this is a pivotal point in your life and that her attitude is likely to have an effect on your relationship for years to come.

      • anon

        Yes, mine too. If emotional blackmail is her normal M.O., I wouldn’t think you’d want her around you or the baby anyway. So go ahead, mom – make my day. You say you won’t visit if I don’t do what you want? Well, I’m not doing what you want. Now what?

    • Bewitched

      Congratulations on your pregnancy! I’m always so sorry to see these kinds of posts, but they remind me that there is dysfunction in almost every family (including my own). I think the only thing you can do is firmly state your position and abide by it-no cousin at the shower. If your mom regrettfully decides that she won’t attend or see your baby, those are her choices. I would, of course, still reach out to mom and keep her posted on the remainder of the pregnancy and delivery. Hopefully she will come around, but I think she’s using intimidation and bullying to try to get you to back down instead. Good luck-you sound like you are very responsible and thoughtful, and I wish you much happiness with your new baby!

      • JJ

        This is exactly what I was going to say. Hold your ground and then make whatever effort you need to offer your mother time to see the baby at the hospital, after it’s born, etc. If your mom remains irrational, I would keep her updated on everything re: pregnancy/labor/birth/baby so that you have a clean conscience and can say that you tried your best.

        The most important thing at this juncture is your new family: you, your husband, and new baby.

      • Sydney Bristow

        As someone who grew up with an entire side of my family acting very much like your mother in this situation, I completely agree with this suggestion.

        Focus on what is best for you, your husband, and your child at this point. Let your mother make her own decision. Hopefully she will realize what she is doing, but you should be mentally prepared if she does not.

        Best of luck and congratulations!

    • Carla

      Your mom isn’t the host. She has no say in the matter. If she follows through on her threats, then she is a terrible person, and you don’t want her around you and your new baby, anyway. I suspect they are just bluffs and she’s trying to bully you. Don’t let her.

      Sounds like you should learn now how to protect your future child from your mom’s psychodrama. Better start standing up to her now.

    • CW

      Yikes. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Have you talked to your aunts about this at all? Are they in agreement with you? Is it in someone’s home? If yes, can the person whose home it is in put their foot down and say that your cousin cannot be invited? If it’s at a restaurant or other public space, can your aunts refuse to pay for her?

      In terms of the relationship with your mother, this is a more tricky one for me because if I were in your shoes my first inclination would be to tell my mother that her attempts at emotional manipulation and blackmail were backfiring, and I’d be happy to not have someone like that in my kid’s life. But, if you want to preserve your relationship with your mom, I guess you need to ask yourself whether this is the hill you’re willing to die on. I understand not wanting your cousin invited, but if other family members are not willing to stand up to your mom, I think this becomes a battle of wills between you and your mom. If you do agree to let your cousin be invited, can you have some people attend the shower (your husband, your father, etc.) with the specific purpose that they will remove her from the premises if she gets out of control?

    • Anastasia

      I have nothing to add about the baby shower beyond what others have said, but I am worried about your cousin. That does not sound like the behavior of a healthy person – is she in mental health treatment and/or has she been screened for neurological and genetic diseases that might cause such erratic behavior?

      • LaLaLa

        Actually, there are plenty of healthy people (physically and mentally) who behave like the OP’s mom. It’s not a medical condition to be a manipulative b*tch who has pretty much admitted that she’s going to make her own daugher (soon to be a new mom)’s life more complicated and difficult, so she can present herself well in the hopes of getting a bigger share of her own father’s money.

        Some people just suck. It’s not a medical condition.

          • LaLaLa

            Anon1, you’re right. Reading fail on my part.

            But I think what I said re: Mom may apply to the cousin, too. The cousin just has fewer of the social niceties that most people have (the not throwing chairs, bit.) Also, I can’t rule out the possibility that even if there’s some mental illness, it’s just interwoven with what is at heart, an incredibly nasty, aggressive natural temperament.

    • Sugar Magnolia

      You are right not to want to inflict your cousin on the other shower guests.

      And you are also right to be confused and sad by your mother’s childish emotional blackmail. You should come right back and ask her how the grandfather would feel if she follows through on her threat to estrange herself from her unborn grandbaby! (OK you really shouldn’t do that, because it is childish, but it is a good point.)

      Frankly, if money is such a huge motivator for your mother and if she prioritizes it over her own daughter’s happiness, you probably don’t want her at the shower or in your child’s life.

      I am sorry you are going through this right now.

    • hellskitchen

      Tell your mom that if she’s that concerned about being seen as bringing the family together, perhaps she and the unstable cousin and others can host a separate shower for you and invite your mom’s side of the family. I am hoping that she doesn’t actually offer to do this but at least it will point out that if she cares about this so much, she should put in the effort

      • bega

        I’ve heard two people say this in my lifetime, but those people are so obviously more concerned with material things and appearances than family and relationships anyway, and so they just say it to make themselves feel better about the fact that there is nobody in their extended family who cares enough about them to celebrate having a baby.

      • Brit

        This “rule” of etiquette applied to the parents & any siblings who lived in the home with the bride-to-be. Since almost no one gets married right from home, it’s a total anachronism. But in any case, she’s talking about her aunts— which was never “tacky.”

        And bega, that is a really mean thing to say about anyone. This was a longstanding rule of etiquette. Just because someone adheres to it doesn’t mean no one loves them. Be nice.

  9. BB

    How do you guys store your cosmetics in your bathroom? Any recs on good storage/organizers?

    I’ve been dealing with weekly work travel + two households for the past few years so my cosmetics always lived in a travel bag that got dumped on a bathroom shelf, then zipped up and taken on the next trip. Now I finally have one household + no work travel. I have a sink with maybe 10″x20″ of counterspace and the medicine cabinet is really shallow. I’m thinking of getting a small glass or vase for the long things (brushes, mascara), but am not sure what to do about the flat things (eyeshadows, powder).

  10. Matilda

    You know those days when you hit the button to make the coffee and the water runs through and then you realize you forgot to actually put coffee in the filter and have to start all over, and hours later you realize that was probably a sign that you should have just gone back to bed and skipped Thursday altogether? Yeah. Those days.

    In other news, my office has just implemented a “jeans Friday” policy once a month. So now I am trolling the interwebs for denim trousers because even with office permission I am not willing to wear my weekend jeans to work. Does anyone have a recommendation that’s available this season?

    • Monday

      One workaround idea: denim pencil skirt. I own a few. You can do everything else the same as you would Mon-Thurs, but you’re technically participating in “Jeans Friday.” (Just to note: how unfortunate that this policy leaves you needing to buy new things to just meet another expectation on a particular day, as opposed to being any release of pressure)

      • Matilda

        THIS. Preach it, sister. That was exactly my response — I’ve spent years putting together a professional wardrobe for a “suits only” office, and now need to throw “professional jeans” (whatever that means) into the mix. I also wish they hadn’t announced the policy in the first week of its implementation (i.e., I learned Tuesday evening that I need jeans for tomorrow), but that’s a whole other issue.

        Hmmm. Pencil skirts. I like it. Do you have any faves?

        • Monday

          Mine are from past years, but from J. Crew and J. Crew Factory or outlet stores. I can’t check now, but I think they’re a standard item, i.e. you should be able to find whatever latest versions they have.

          If this is only a monthly occasion, maybe the pencil skirt purchase can be One and Done!

          • Mpls

            The Jcrew Trouser jean tends to live in the sale section at about $80, in both regular and Tall lengths.

        • Kontraktor

          I got a tolerable ‘dressy’ demin pencil skirt (it is seamed like the Nordy’s Halogen skirt and more of a flat/slightly sheen-y denim) from Kohls. I wear it a lot in summer on Friday’s when it feels too warm for jeans. I’ve found some good cotton/spandex printed pencil skirts from Macy’s and Kohls as well.

      • Susie

        I’ve toyed with the idea of wearing a denim skirt, but I only have one and I think it may hug my “buttockal area” too much to make it work appropriate even for casual Friday. (If I have to ask, then it probably is, right?!)

    • Susie

      I’ve gotten “trouser jeans” at Banana Republic and Macys for casual Fridays.

    • TO Lawyer

      I don’t know if this will be helpful, but we have casual fridays and I don’t always like wearing jeans so I’ll wear something trendier than normal (but still professional) or something more casual than my mon-thurs work clothes but not jeans. I have some knee-length sweater dresses I love for this purpose. Because of how I dress during the week, it’s obvious I’m dressed down but it’s not my skinny jeans…

      • KC

        I have a similar mentality to casual Fridays. I only wear jeans 25% of the time, but use the other Fridays as a chance to wear trendier/more casual clothing (ie. colored trousers, sweater dresses, twill ankle pants, etc.).

    • Suzer

      What about something jeans-style, but another fabric – cords in the winter, twill in the summer? The new bright colored skimmers from Gap look cute. You could wear that with a white top and grey cardigan to tone it down.

    • Kontraktor

      Dark jeans in general are probably fine. I don’t think they need to be trouser jeans specifically- just darker wash, nicely fitted to you, and well kept.

      Also, if you don’t feel comfortable wearing jeans, I find floral/printed/more casual pencil skirts and flats nice alternatives for casual Fridays.

    • SoCalAtty

      I’ve just discovered White House Black Market’s jeans. Their suits fit me perfectly, and so do their jeans. Their dark wash jeans that are more “trouser” style work with my current work wardrobe (mostly suits) and I usually wear them with my usual work shoes / heels.

      Also, I have to admit…Wranglers! I bought a pair of their “Aura” line last week because I wanted something with flat seams I could ride in. They are a really dark wash and are now going into my “jeans Friday” rotation.

      (Also, I know I’ve been missing, but I can report that my new in-house gig is AMAZING!! I keep pinching myself. This is so much better than firm life. I’m gone by 5:30-5:45, and that’s pretty much it – holidays are actually holidays, and no one emails me at 9pm wanting to know when some hearing on something that I already added to the firm Outlook cal is! I got my first round on comments back on some proposed drafts, and the comments were “that’s great! Send it out!” I’m still in disbelief, but the fact that I work with amazing other attorneys that also have lives and are nice human beings helps.)

      • Jules

        Second the rec for WHBM jeans (but beware, the black ones tend to stretch waaay out by the end of a long day).

        And yippee for SoCalAtty and the new job! So happy for you.

    • Matilda

      Thanks, everyone! I didn’t even know WHBM had jeans, and I do like the look of the Wrangler and BR ones.

      I’m sort of wary of going too far off the strict “denim” definition, at least for a little while — the memo we got makes it very clear that “jeans Friday” is not a carte blanche of any sort, and there is a history of weirdness here around women’s clothes and whether they are “appropriate.” Honestly, I’d just bag on it altogether, but I appreciate what they’re trying to do, and I want to be a team player.

      Also, the Gap skimmers are adorable, and a much better price than the similar Garnet Hill pants I’ve been eyeing for a bit. Hm.

  11. Flat feet?

    Does anyone use any over the counter shoe inserts for flat feet? Went to see a podiatrist recently, who recommended custom orthopedic inserts, but the price is just impossible for right now. Looking to pick up some dr. scholls or the like at CVS, any recommendations?

    • Merabella

      Go to Wal-Mart and get on that thing that scans your feet. The inserts are on the pricier side, but they are less expensive then custom orthopedic inserts.

    • Sugar Magnolia

      I have inserts for plantar faciatis and they are too large to fit in most normal shoes. Keep that in mind too when looking for inserts.

    • Browneyedgal

      Yes – I have flat feet and plantar fasciitis. Orthaheel makes awesome insoles. They even have narrow ones that fit into dress shoes. More expensive that Dr. Scholls, but wont break the bank. Worth every penny. They sell them on Zappos.
      If you need extra arch support on top of that, Dr. Scholls sells these arch bump things (they look like a little hill) that you can add.
      Good luck!

  12. Shoes for walking on cobblestone

    I am searching for a pair shoes that will be comfortable to wear while sightseeing in Prague. I am looking for shoes that are (1) comfortable and won’t kill my feet after hours of walking, (2) versatile (in that I can pair them with cropped pants, shorts, or skirts, and (3) not ugly. I don’t have a set price range and am willing to pay for shoes that are worth it. Thanks!

  14. LaLaLa

    Layoff poll threadjack:

    A good friend of mine is likely to be laid off. She works at a large financial institution in NYC. It’s one of many having large-scale layoffs. But because it’s a large company and it was in the news, everybody is talking openly about it, and um, there are some betting pools about who will be let go because (they’re IN JUNIOR HIGH…ooops, I meant: some people are really mean there!)

    1) Is your company having layoffs?
    2) If so, are they expected to be a few here and there, or large-scale? (double-digit % of employees to be laid off)
    3) Is your company and its management upfront about it, or are they happening stealthily, with “victims” told to keep quiet about their impending layoff?

    • Anonymous

      1) My old company did a few months ago…which is why it’s now my old company (don’t worry, I have a sweet new position I love)
      2) About 40% of people (!!)
      3) Local management didn’t find out until the evening before, so things were pretty quiet and then blew up quickly.

    • Anon

      I’ll bite. I posted last week about my situation.

      1) yes
      2) a few here and there (but we are very small so that’s really only how it works), although it represents a fair % of our workforce.
      3) not upfront, we are expected to keep quiet (I’m the 3rd/maybe 4th? victim). Also found out that the other partners didn’t even know about some people’s situations until after the fact.

    • Flamingo

      Random layoff anecdote: A good friend of mine used to work at a mid-size firm / org. (not law) – think 150 employees. The firm decided to restructure the entire set up of the place, and the restructuring was discussed over the period of the year, so most employees were wondering what was going to happen.

      When they were ready to announce the changes, they decided to bring everyone into the auditorium where they had posted the new org charts. If you found your name in a box – yay – you are safe! If your name was not in the box, then you were encouraged to apply for an empty box, but otherwise your position was not going to continue. Understandably people FREAKED out. Definitely a red flag to go find a job elsewhere.

      • Equity's Darling

        Isn’t that one of the methods they use on reality shows? I swear they do that with America’s Next Top Model like every other season (minus the empty boxes you can apply for).

        If your method of laying off people is the same as ANTM’s way of letting “models” know they’re on the show, you’re doing it wrong.

      • Gone Anon

        Legend has it (sounds more mysterious than just saying “my older coworkers told me”) that at my firm, when major layoffs were happening, they used to call you in for a meeting with your supervisor. Not sure if anything was said about being laid off at all during the meeting, but when the person would go back to their own desk a white box would be waiting for them, and that’s how they were “told.” Pretty inappropriate, IMO.

      • LaLaLa

        Oh my, that’s just ….cruel.

        It combines the worst elements of the confusion/chaos of musical chairs with something akin to an episode of Survivor.

        I once worked at a firm where a whole division was let go, but their own division head wasn’t told. He found out when one of his junior people tried to go to the office on Sunday morning as usual to get some work done and found out his card key didn’t work. He asked the front desk and they said, Sorry, can’t let you in unless your card works or you are somebody’s guest. So he called a colleague in a different division (same company, same floor) to make him the “guest.” And then he found out he wasn’t supposed to be there at all because they were all going to be let go officially on Monday. Ugh. (I am friendly acquaintances with the guy who let him in as a “guest.”)

      • anon

        I experienced a version of Flamingo’s scenario at a subsidiary of MetLife in the 1990s. Big auditorium, everybody sat down, new org charts put up on the screen, survivors relieved – those let go not so happy. This was with no warning.

      • Miss Behaved

        At the company I used to work for, they once did a layoff where they called the entire department in for a meeting and told them some of them would be laid off. They were told to go back to their desks and wait for a phone call during the next hour. If the phone rang, it would be HR telling them that they were being let go. This happened before I got there, but one of the guys on my team got a call from a friend and almost had a heart attack.

    • Anon2

      I might work at the same company as your friend.

      1) Yes.
      2) Fairly large scale, spread across divisions. Something is coming very very soon for my group, with an approximate 20% impact.
      3) It is generally known (as in, a newsworthy item + general messages from the CEO about the bottom line). In my group, the ‘victims’ will be told that day that they have been let go. Even their managers don’t yet know, and won’t until that morning.

      The stress is killing me. FWP, I know.

      • LaLaLa

        I think you do work at the same company as my friend. This sounds almost exactly like what she told me was going to happen. Good luck to you both and hang in there.

    • Anon

      I’m very lucky. We had HUGE growth for both 2011 and 2012, and are projected to grow just modestly this year (which is good, because that kind of growth isn’t really sustainable).

    • Pest

      My BIL works for a government contractor and he was laid off because of sequestration cuts. I don’t know all the details, but a large portion of his division was cut and his company’s administration was up front about it.

    • ss

      Actually, this kind of thing is covered avidly by the business press – search in the usual way for ‘layoffs’ + ‘Bloomberg’ or ‘WSJ’ + any industry you may be interested in, and the ‘Dealbreaker’ blog follows financial-sector lay-offs quite closely. Don’t expect the gory details though – many people in the financial sector will be well aware that failure to comply with their non-disclosure obligations will be at their own peril, when job-seeking or if they have received some form of financial settlement.

      My sympathies for any ‘r e t t e s or their loved ones going through this. It is a crushingly dehumanising experience, even when handled professionally.

    • Jill

      This is the way they happened at my former employer:

      1. Your boss schedules an early-morning meeting with you a few days in advance, which is not necessarily a red flag if you have regular meetings with your boss.
      2. They axed people from every department, but tried to limit to to remote people unless there were no remote people in your department.
      3. No one knew except the bosses and we were shuffled out of there ASAP after the meeting. If you work remotely, your coworkers don’t find out until they try to email you. No one ever mentions that people have been laid off, and the actual number of victims is unknown.

  15. Anon

    Question for the lawyers in the hive: I was just talking with a colleague about our private practice days. The short story is that she and I both had horrid experiences (her at a small firm and me in big law). We both think we will want to go into private practice but have been pretty scarred by our prior experiences. So my question is: Are there any attorneys out there who enjoy their practice and practice in a reasonable workplace with normal people (I had things actually thrown at me, so my standard is pretty low). I also have a young family and would like to see my kids grow up. Anyone?

    • Susie

      By private practice do you mean going solo or partnering with your colleague? I know a lot of sole practitioners (mainly estate planning related, most formerly with small firms but some from biglaw) and they all love it. Although you are busy you have a lot more flexibility with your schedule and working from home. I personally would not start my own practice because I don’ t want to deal with the administrative side of business and also worry where my next client comes from, but as I said I know a lot of people who love it.

    • Em

      I’m at a small boutique firm and I love it. Reasonable hours (I mean, it’s law practice; emergencies come up, but nothing like BigLaw); interesting work; nice people. I won’t say normal people – they’re extremely quirky – but good people and nothing is thrown. So it’s possible, I think.

    • Anon

      I work in BigLaw for a small-ish (60 lawyers) office of a global firm. I have reasonable hours in that my billable requirement isn’t horrible, and I pretty much can do them whenever I want to (I generally get to the office by 9:30, leave around 6:00, and then work at home later into the evening). Of course, if something crazy is going on, I have to work long days, but the partners I work for are awesome about not letting things go until its an emergency to get it done. Pretty much everyone is great to work with. Its like the unicorn of BigLaw.

      TL;DR: Its is possible.

  16. LinkedIn Question

    I live in a pretty small city where everyone knows someone that knows someone. I recently applied for a job that I would love. When looking for information about the position, etc., I happened to click on the hiring person’s LinkedIn account. LinkedIn helpfully told me that we have a few connections in common and asked if I’d like LinkedIn to do an introduction. Basically, LinkedIn will send an email to my connection that has the hiring person as a connection and say that I would like to be introduced to hiring person. I know my own connection fairly well. I have known him for 10+ years and are not friends in the traditional sense, but whenever I see him, I would say hello and perhaps exchange pleasantries. So, a couple of questions:

    1) Is this a terrible idea and is the hiring person just going to see me as a pushy person?
    2) If this is in fact NOT a terrible idea, should I do it through LinkedIn, or should I email my contact directly and ask him how he knows hiring person and whether he’d be willing to introduce me?

    • AEK

      (1) I think it’s always a great idea to work the connections you have. (2) But I’d do it outside of Linked In. I’m not sure why I have that instinct— perhaps because I’m a crotechety old fogey who thinks the efficient social-networking way is too easy / too impersonal? I think maybe you have a better chance of a meaningful introduction if you directly ask your contact.

    • TBK

      2) And email your contact directly. I’d phrase it as “I just applied for a job at Initech. I believe Bill Lumbergh works there — is he a friend of yours? I’d love to have some insight on the company and the position, if he’d be willing to talk. At the very least, I was wondering if you’d be comfortable handing my resume along to him.”

    • kc esq

      I don’t see how being LinkedIn connected to the hiring person will get you a job. I would call or email your contact to ask if he is willing to put in a good word for you with the hiring person. You can, of course, mention that you saw they are connected on LinkedIn.

      • LinkedIn Question

        My understanding is that its not LinkedIn connected. I could ask to connect to her directly if I wanted to. Its an introduction. But, its virtual, rather than in person. My instinct was to contact my connection directly as well. I sat there staring at the LinkedIn screen for a while and was so hesitant to do it. I’ve already submitted my resume for the position and haven’t heard anything for a while. The job listing site shows the posting as closed, but that my application is still pending.

    • Divaliscious11

      Why don’t you reach out to your connection and see if he/she can facilitate an introduction, or at least forward your resume, while still following the hiring channels? In my experience, it is extremely hard to get a good job without having a contact or a connection – for every listing companies are getting an overwhelming number of resumes, so you could be great, but if you are the 454534th submission, they may not get to you.

    • anon

      I had a friend do this once. He simply emailed me and asked, “I noticed you are connected to so and so on LinkedIn. Do you know them professionally or personally?” And then I responded with yes, I’d be happy to introduce you. It was that simple. I was happy to help because he was truly a good friend. But I think that’s a nice way to ask because most people have some old/random connections on Linkedin who you don’t really know that well and you wouldn’t want to introduce them to someone else because they aren’t really a legit connection.

    • AG

      This is not a bad idea at all. This is exactly how LinkedIn is supposed to be used.

  17. Ellen

    At lunch, a guy from the Express Mail delivery dropped his package’s in the lobby right in front of me, I think just to look up my skirt. Fooey on him. He could NOT see any thing anyway b/c I was wearing my new down coat tho it was NOT butoned up. I bet he was suprised and disapointed. FOOEY!

    Myrna met some guy on the subway, ESTEBAN, who want’s to go out with her. ESTEBAN is a building engineer, whatever that is. She said to him that she had a freind (me) and she would only doubel with him if he had a freind, so ESTEBAN is goieng to tell Myrna who his freind is that can meet me and mabye go out together. At this point, I am exausted, and will mabye meet him b/c he can NOT be any worse then Gonzalo, who never apologized for rubbeing my breast. I told Myrna he had BETTER NOT make any clickeing noieses either b/c my dad will get realy mad if he find’s out. DOUBEL FOOEY ON THAT.

    I am watching TV tonite with Myrna. She is brienging over a new DVD so we can eat popcorn. YAY!!!!

  19. Emmabean

    Ladies, I am in need of some quick advice!

    Tonight is my last session with my absolutely fantastic personal trainer. I’ve been seeing her for 2 months (approx.) and have had excellent results. I’d like to get her a gift certificate as a token of my thanks, but I am unsure of: (1) where the certificate should be for – I was thinking lululemon or perhaps a restaurant for a night out with her boyfriend; and (2) what amount the certificate should be in. (And, also, is this a thing – should I even be doing this?)

    For those of you who have better gifting etiquette than I do – please help!

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I don’t think you *have* to get her a gift since presumably, you’ve been paying her for her work. If you want to, I think it would be nice though! I think a lululemon certificate would be nice and fitting, but would probably need to be at least $60 (if not more – honestly, with lululemon I would almost say $100) for it to be useful, since the clothes there are so expensive. I think that’s easier than a restaurant gift card though, unless you know her tastes/there’s a place she mentioned she’d like to try.

    • Susie

      I personally wouldn’t, especially if it’s at a mainstream chain gym (24H, Crunch). I think a sincere thank you and mention that you would gladly recommend them to a friend is sufficient. I’d get them a Starbucks/Jamba Juice type gift card if anything. The problem with Lululemon is even a $25 gift card only gets you one sock (maybe the pair if they’re on sale), so unless you want to go much higher I’d only do it if I know the person shops there anyways. (Saying that as someone who’s a $25 Guess gift card in my wallet for probably 10 years now, never managed to find anything I want to pay the difference on)

    • CW

      I get my personal trainer gifts for certain events (right before I got married and holidays. I can’t remember if I got him anything at the 1 year mark, or for his birthday). I think I have typically spent about $100 on a gift (but the cost of the session is roughly that, so YMMV). I’ve gotten him gift certificates to spin classes, or other specialty fitness gyms that he’s mentioned. The next one that I’m planning on giving him is for a local tea place that he loves to go to.

      I think if you know her tastes / specific places that she’s mentioned, go with that. But if not, Lululemon is a great option, and she’ll appreciate you thinking of her.

    • Emmabean

      Thanks for the advice, ladies! I ended up not getting her a gift – if I had, I would have spent $75-100, and in the end I felt like I’d only been training with her for ~2 months so that seemed steep, especially considered the amount of money I’d already paid her! I did, however, agree to write a “success story” she could put on the wall of the gym and use to promote herself, so I guess that is a tip in its own way.

  20. Blue

    Can I just vent for a minute about how frustrating birth control is? I’ve tried BCPs four times over the years, with awful side effects every time. This time my gyno recommended the Nuvaring and said that I probably wouldn’t have the side effects. But after 24 hours the mood side effects were AWFUL. Depressed, angry, irritable. I’m a different person when I’m on it. Luckily I now recognize the signs, so I can stop using it immediately instead of feeling horrible for months on end. But UGH. I’m probably going to end up trying the Paraguard now (nervous about the hormones in the Mirena), but given all the horrible experiences I’ve had with every other kind of birth control, that makes me nervous too.

    No real point to this vent, but it’s just so frustrating. Why isn’t there just a magical solution? Or, why don’t men have to deal with this too?

    • Granola

      I know there have been plenty of threads on this, and you weren’t really asking for advice, but my experience was just like yours and Paragard has been wonderful for me. I wish I had gotten it sooner! No side effects at all. I just don’t want you to think you have to suffer through feeling cr*ppy on hormonal BC.

    • Rita

      You are not powerless. You can make your man deal with it by not agreeing to do anything with or to him unless he takes over the birth control, either with condomsand/or with the permanent operation that will solve the issue at hand. Men should not be allowed to shoot their wads into us and then just leave us with the mess in our bedsheets for us to clean up, as well as the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. If we are going to be equal, we must be willing to put the ultimatum to them. In this connection, just as our founding fathers said: “No taxation without representation,” we should now put it to our men: “No penetration without preparation.” Believe me, if they want a place to keep their weenies warm, they will engage in adequate preparation. I’ve been there and done that. No headaches or side effects for me!

      • Blue

        For me at least, it’s not that guys won’t use condoms (I’ve never had one give me any problem with it). It’s just that condoms are not the most pleasant thing (in my opinion) and not has effective as other forms of birth control. As for the permanent operation, I’m only 25 and want kids eventually, so permanent solutions are not for me. Of course both of these methods are totally fine for some people, but it’s just not what will work for me at this point in my life.

    • Divaliscious11

      I love my paraguard and am very sad that my baby just turned 10 and it must come out soon. I have a bad time with hormones, and we are done with kids so its the Mr’s turn…

    • I am a banana.

      I love my Paraguard. I had one terrible period on it (probably because it was my first one where I was not on hormonal BC in three years) and more pimples than usual for a few months (for the same reason). Otherwise it’s been smooth, easy, happy sailing. I also wish I’d gotten it years ago.

  21. CH

    Unrelated, but: long-time lurker, and very impressed with the community here! I’m a recent law school grad and just moved to Seattle, where I know no one, from my long-time home base in MA. Are there other Seattle-area ‘rettes, and if so, any chance of a meet-up? I love my DH, but feel like I’m going crazy without any female friends to chat to lol

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