Thursday’s Workwear Report: Contrast Topstitch V-Neck Dress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This is a fun twist on a basic navy A-line dress. The contrast topstitching is super flattering and highlights the best feature a dress can have — pockets! Second-best feature? The V-neck has a hidden snap closure to keep the top in place. I would wear this with a white or bright-colored blazer or cardigan that hits at the high hip.
The dress is $89.40, marked down from $149, and it comes in sizes 0–18. Contrast Topstitch V-Neck Dress
It's quickly selling out, unfortunately — so here are a couple of other options: this one for $59.97 and this one (definitely on the more casual side) for $79.95.
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Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
I think I might be too late with this link but maybe it will be helpful somehow: here are resources to do Passover online https://jewishphilly.org/passover-2020-resources/
Disney is expanding its website including virtual rides https://www.simplemost.com/virtually-ride-disney-attractions/
New Jersey is among other states looking for COBOL programmers https://onezero.medium.com/our-government-runs-on-a-60-year-old-coding-language-and-now-its-falling-apart-61ec0bc8e121 COBOL is a 60-year-old language that is nonetheless very stable.
I love all the animal videos that people are posting! Here’s penguins taking a walk. https://m.startribune.com/watch-penguins-roam-around-the-conservatory/569365362/
Today is Thursday! I am glad to be here with you all.
For more animals going new places, here’s Texas State Aquarium’s sloth going on a field trip to other exhibits: https://youtu.be/5JUy7c-PRfM
<3 <3<3
S
Oh, to hang from a stick while a nice young man carries me through an aquarium
I snorted my tea at this. Same.
Best comment!
I don’t think we have posted the second John Krasinski episode here yet. For those of us that missed out on Hamilton because of the current circumstances, it is very soothing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oilZ1hNZPRM
It was great. But I must say, Robert De Niro was my favorite part, lol.
It was wonderful! I’m finding Hamilton to be very soothing at the moment.
I love Hamilton, but would never call it soothing.
It’s the familiarity of it that’s soothing – when so much around is uncertain I can reach back to this music that I know inside out and which expresses the wide range of emotions better than I can.
“There is suffering too terrible to name, you hold your child as tight as you can, and push away the unimaginable.”
I have heard there is a live youtube broadcast of Hamilton this weekend? but i cannot find the link! I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE!
Also, for opera fans, Andrea Bocelli is giving a youtube concert on Sunday from an empty cathedral in Italy. it’s also free on youtube. I have a calendar placeholder for that one!
If anyone finds this, please report back with the vital info!
+1 adore him
Looks like the sing along was cancelled, or suspected to be cancelled: https://www.thebostoncalendar.com/events/hamathome-live-sing-along-of-entire-hamilton-album-with-cast-members
The penguins roaming around places have been my favorite videos lately. I am kind of obsessively checking Shedd Aquarium’s twitter for new adventures of Wellington.
+1 the penguin adventures are amazing
Struggling a little this afternoon. It’s 4pm on Thursday ahead of the four day weekend (UK) and I should be skipping out of work to go to the pub or sharing Mini Eggs with my colleagues. Never thought I’d miss mundanity like that!
My UK colleagues are getting ready for their 4 day weekend but they don’t sound as peppy as they usually do. I’m struggling too today… everything seems kind of blurry and my motivation/productivity is low. There’s nothing “wrong” with me, I’m just… whew.
Good luck to you and I hope you find something nice this weekend, maybe some sunshine or a flower or some chocolate!
My first talent acquisition job was with a well-known pharmacy chain, and COBOL was often one of the requirements for tech jobs, but they didn’t want to pay a senior engineer’s salary, so they wanted a “more junior person with COBOL experience.” AIX too, sometimes. It was stressful.
Ha! the imaginary cheap + experienced coder.
My favorite is when they ask for 10 years of experience with some technology that has only existed for 5.
Work-life question
I am a somewhat recent manager at a small (<50) person company. We are all WFH now, and I found out that of my 2 direct reports one likes WFH better than being in the office, and one does not. My general philosophy is that you should be in the office for meetings and collaborative work, but if it’s heads down work wherever you want to work (including a coffee shop it that’s secure) is fine with me. I also don’t care what time anyone comes/leaves as long as the work gets done.
My workplace is somewhat meeting heavy (more so WFH) and definitely a place where people want to see you in the office somewhat regularly. They’re also super flexible about WFH when you need it, but very few people have a consistent WFH schedule. This is a combination of people liking to be in the office anyways and just that that’s how it’s done.
This experience is also showing me that I would love
to WFH one day a week – no commute, get some household errands done with that time, quieter. Do you think it would be too much to give 1 day of WFH each week for my team after we’re back from coronavirus? This would be optional, of course, and the person who doesn’t want to WFH wouldn’t have to do it.
Of course it wouldn’t be too much. You’re proposing an optional benefit that many people would love, not mandating it. Go for it!
I would let them dictate their own WFH schedule, whether it is WFH more than one day or not WFH at all.
This is not a place where anyone could
suddenly go to like 3 WFH days a week, and as I said, my idea would be optional. I would like it to be a consistent day or to get advanced notice (which gets annoying if it’s a weekly thing) just to make scheduling easier.
I think this arrangement works best for everyone when it is, with rare exception for specific needs, a consistent day of the week for each person. That alleviates the manager having to get weekly notices of which day which employee will be out and potentially searching for an employee in the office who is working at home. It also makes scheduling meetings easier. The ideal for me would be that the full team picks the same day to work remotely every week (and then if someone has a specific need on another day, they can also take that time to WFH), but that might not work if there is a need for a team member to report in-person to other groups in the office.
Absolutely not. The company where I work has instituted a flex-time policy (pre-COVID), where employees are able to WFH up to one day a week. Some people use it, some people don’t, but it’s great to have it as an option!
I would love this. If you don’t like WFH, you don’t have to, and if you do, it’s a straightforward allowance. You won’t worry about abusing the system because the guidance isn’t clear on where the lines are.
Of course not
Of course it’s not too much – tons of businesses already did this well before COVID. Once you have the appropriate infrastructure set up, it’s fine.
When it’s time, however, I would take the temperature (ha ha) of your office to determine – would they rather have one set day off (some offices like Wednesday, some like Friday) or would they rather everyone be able to flex their own WFH day. If the latter, think through what’s the appropriate notification schedule – do you want people to be able to pick Tuesday this week and Wednesday next, or do you want people to commit to a given day (if they’re going to WFH).
Yes, don’t be too rigid about the day. My office allowed “WFH every-other-Friday” and encouraged us to make all doctor’s/personal appointments on those days, but my main doctor doesn’t have hours on Fridays. We were eventually allowed to work from home one day every two weeks, but picking the day (and notifying our supervisor in advance if we needed to change it for some reason). That has worked a lot better for everyone so far.
I like the combination of some flexibility with some “core” office hours. If everyone picks a different WFH day then you lose some of the benefits of having people in the office. I think something like x number of Wednesdays or Fridays (or whatever combination) with the expectation that certain days are days that everyone is in the office and when critical in person meetings are scheduled can be helpful.
I think 1 day a week isn’t too much to ask. I would say if it is going to be different days for different team members, they either need to block it on their schedule or communicate very clearly to everyone else that they will not physically be in the office. Makes it much easier if Joe always takes Fridays to WFH and Suzy always takes Wednesdays, etc. but I don’t think you need to be that rigid as long as it is communicated.
DH has WFH one day a week, and it’s great. He schedules all of his doctor’s appts that day and can take the dog to the vet, have repair people come, etc. It definitely makes him more productive during the week since he can be “on” while he is in the office and not dealing with personal things.
But is that WFH? If he is doing dr appointments and vet visits?
I’m all for flexibility and WFH, but it sounds like many people are not actually working from home as attended.
I’m assuming she doesn’t mean all on the same day.
I work every day in the office, and by design have most of my medical stuff by my office. I leave my office and do a dentist appointment and come back without giving it a second thought as to whether I worked that day or not. Of course I did! I try not to also take a long lunch that day or anything, mostly so I don’t get too far behind rather than anyone caring, but still.
I could see the need for WFH for this being you envision doing a similar scenario, but most of your appointments are by your home as opposed to your office.
Also, having people come work on your house doesn’t always take a ton of time, per se, but you do often just need to be physically there, and can legit work while they are doing their thing.
(If she does mean he’s doing 2 or more of these on the same exact day every time though, then, agreed).
WFH once a week has been a standard setup in almost every place I’ve worked. As long as you know who’s working from home and when, it should be fine.
In my last job, my manager started to get nervous about optics with too many people being out at any given time, and he was worried our department was getting a reputation for not being there for the people who needed us, so he did pull back on the reigns a bit. You may want to consider if this could be an issue for your team, and maybe have it so that no more than two people can WFH on a given day, with a little flexibility for illnesses and the like.
Coming in a little late to say that this is exactly how I and my team operate. Everyone has a set day of the week that they work from home, although we also have some flexibility to switch days on occasion if necessary. It has worked perfectly, and frankly I think everyone really appreciates having the perk.
Well I’m in SF and my work is very flexible, we can work from home as much as we want. If it were *me* I would request everyone come in just one day per week, ideally on the same day so you can have team meetings etc.
I wear mostly dresses (with fleece tights!) all winter, and the last four weeks I’ve been in loungewear. Well, I unpacked my spring/summer clothes this week.. and I’ve gone up 2 pant sizes (my size won’t even zip). My weight has only changed a few lbs but I think I’ve lost a lot of tone over the last year. I’m 31. I’ve never tracked food but I’ve heard it’s helpful. There are so many apps, I’m overwhelmed. Any guidance? I’d like to be more mindful, then start working out later. I’m ok with being a larger size for a while but I love my wardrobe and want to get back into it!
I’ve used myfitnesspal and am satisfied with the free version. If you want to be very diligent, it helps to weigh out your food for a while so you have a true gauge on how big one serving size is – most people underestimate calories consumed and overestimate calories burned.
Yup. Plus one to all of this. I’ve used myfitnesspal for years and a digital scale is super helpful when you’re starting out (and even when you’re not).
I have also used myfitnesspal (free). I dislike tracking food because I am not someone who repeats meals or eats much packaged food, so I find it hard to calculate things, but this has been okay. I do like to be able to look back and see if I am making good choices. And just by consistently making good choices — the best one available at that time, even if it is fast food and occasionally it is — and putting a hard stop to the meal at 80% full, I was able to lose a significant amount of weight (I need to reduce more than “a few pounds”) over about 3 months. I started working out after that and ramped up the nutrition restrictions further then and I’ve made more progress in the following 4 months. Good luck!
Yes, hard stop is key. My motto is “no such thing as one more bite.”
I love the food tracking functionality in the Fitbit app–I think you might need to have purchased a fitbit to activate it though. I lost my fitbit years ago but still use the app. Otherwise My Fitness Pal has similar functionality, though because there’s SO many user-submitted food entries in it, I find it difficult to locate accurate food matches sometimes.
Seconding a digital scale. My stomach is a bottomless pit, so having a scale to measure out exact portions has been a life and waistline saver.
I like the free version of MyFitnessPal. The biggest key is consistency in tracking the food and then tracking the results. Even if you’re always off by 100 calories a day, if you are tracking the same way all the time and getting the results you want, that’s fine. But you can’t be meticulous one week and “close enough” the next week. In my case, I go with “close enough” all the time. I have some consistent rules for inputting food that I don’t make myself. For example, any grilled chicken that I don’t prepare goes in as 1-2 servings of Chipotle chicken. And fried chicken that I don’t prepare myself goes in as however many Chic-Fil-A nuggets I think it equals. Both of those fast food places have their menus in MFP, and the calories and macros account for the cooking oils, standard serving sizes, etc. I drink whey protein shakes nearly every day, and I have a few different flavors. The macros might differ by 1 gram here or there by flavor or brand, but I just use the entry for whatever it was the first time I input whey protein and I don’t worry about it. I don’t always repeat the exact same meals, but I know the rough approximations and I’m ok not being 100% accurate. A soup that’s some amount of meat, vegetables, and broth gets input as the “white chicken chili” recipe to start, and then I tweak as needed if it’s really off from the original. I have a couple beef dishes, a couple chicken dishes, and a couple ground turkey dishes set up as recipes and I know the calories and macros are roughly the same. And since I always use this system, the variance is consistent and I get the results I want. As mentioned above, the biggest thing is not eating cookies and ice cream all the time… I don’t want to see that in my history randomly because those are the choices that are hurting my results. An extra half cup of milk or yogurt that wasn’t tracked exactly is not the thing that’s making me gain weight, ha.
What’s worked for me is a few hard and fast rules. Not so many that it’s hard to keep track of or feels too restrictive. Mine are: no meat before dinner, half of my lunch/dinner plate needs to be fruits or veggies (so I can get seconds but half of them have to be fruits or veggies, often that’s enough to decide I’m not actually still hungry), no alcohol or dessert on “school nights”. I highly recommend the book Slim by Design.
Can we do a book thread? I enjoy historical fiction and just read and liked The Indigo Girl. I’m a bit oversaturated on WWII-era books and would love some more colonial era recommendations.
In other books, I also really enjoyed Know my Name and A Woman is No Man.
I recently read Say Nothing, about what happened in Northern Ireland during the Troubles, based on recommendations from here, and that book is an amazing read.
I started Say Nothing last night, and it’s so well written! I’m really looking forward to it.
Agree with this; it’s gripping and reads like a novel, although it can be heavy; after it I needed to go back to something lighter.
The Marriage of Opposites
The Namesake
I loved the movie of The Namesake!
If you like historical fiction with a bit of twist: My Real Children by Jo Walton. Sort of a trippy alternate worlds view of a woman’s life through six decades.
I found Say Nothing really stressful to read. Maybe this isn’t a great cultural moment to read about neighbors murdering each other. Or maybe it is! Do what makes you happy.
I’m reading James McBride’s Deacon King Kong, which is set in the 1970s. His Good Lord Bird, about Frederick Douglass et al, is also extremely good.
I honestly don’t enjoy colonial period stuff, because the setting is such a bummer to me, but here’re some other things I’ve liked lately: Todd Bess’s Crawford mysteries are enjoyable. Fiona Davis’s The Chelsea Girls was only briefly about WWII. Abide with Me by Elizabeth Stout was very good.
This isn’t fiction, but if you have an appetite for social history, I really enjoyed Book of Ages: The Life and Opinions of Jane Franklin. It is about Benjamin Franklin’s sister and the lives of women of the colonial era.
That is a wonderful book. So glad someone recommend it since I am getting here so late.
I’ve been continuing my read around the world and recently enjoyed “the girl with the louding voice”, “my sister the serial killer”, convenience store woman, and Kim jiyoung born 1982. Any recs for Latin America very much welcome!
Convenience Store Woman is totally not my normal type of book I’d read, but I was really drawn into it. I thought it was a really interesting perspective on what is happiness.
Oh, and for your Latin America question, this is more Caribbean but hopefully counts? Claire of the Sea Light by Edwidge Danticat. It’s about a young girl and her family in Haiti.
For latin america I LOVED the house of the spirits (or most things by Isabelle Allende), which introduced me to Pablo Neruda in high school – also strongly recommend his beautiful poetry!
I LOVE this book and have re-read it many times. I also liked Eva Luna and The Infinite Plan.
I also loved House of the Spirits. For a newer Allende novel, I really enjoyed Maya’s Notebook.
We’ve just picked My Sister The Serial Killer as the next book for my new book club! We had been talking about setting one up since December and then finally committed to it once it was clear we were going to be staying inside for a while and had the inaugural session on Tuesday.
Oh it’s a quick, thought provoking read. I think you’ll enjoy it.
For Latin American writers: Gabriel Garcia Marquez–One Hundred Years of Solitude or Love in the Time of Cholera. I would also consider Jose Marti, Gabriela Mistral, and of course Isabel Allende and Pablo Neruda as mentioned above.
I have been thinking about Love in the Time of Cholera a lot lately, thinking there will be some sort of Love in the Time of Covid fiction explosion soon enough.
That’s what I’ve titled my memoir (read: word document) chronicling the experience of two extroverts, at least one with commitment issues (me), quarantining together much earlier in a new relationship than we otherwise would….
I just read The Murmur of Bees which takes place in Mexico during the 1918 flu pandemic then the Mexican Revolution. Great read for Latam history.
The Air You Breathe by Francis de Pontes Peebles. Set in 1930s Brazil and a fantastic read.
It Would be Night Caracas by Karina Sainz Borgo was really good. No sugar coating in this story of fleeing a war torn country, but I enjoyed it.
Cb, do you have a list running somewhere of your picks? I’d love to do the same – sounds like a great idea!
Orphan Master’s Son in Korea was an excellent read. The Huntress is partially based in the US, and partially in Europe during and after WWII, but I learned a lot about the Russian “night witch” female bomber pilots during WWII from it.
Ah – I didn’t realize that Orphan Master’s Son was by an American author, so may not be what you’re looking for.
Not colonial but Pachinko is historical and takes place in Korea and Japan if I’m remembering correclty.
I really enjoyed Pachinko! I have to admit, I’m embarrassed at how little I knew about Korea and Japan’s historical conflicts that take place as the backdrop of the story. Fascinating history and beautifully written.
Yes Pachinko was wonderful!
I recently found myself reading Mary Jemison and also Olaudah Equiano. I think I was only been assigned excerpts from these in school, unless I’ve forgotten a lot! Not fiction, but best sellers.
Anything by Geraldine Brooks. Caleb’s Crossing is colonial, but Year of Wonders is about the plague and somewhat appropriate right now. I also liked His Good Lord Bird and Pachinko mentioned above.
Read “Year of Wonders” recently and was struck by how much I identified with the narrator’s sense of isolation.
This makes me want to read this next.
I’m rereading Outlander. I needed some comfort reading. I’m also thinking about rereading Eligible.
I LOVE Eligible! I read it before I read Pride and Prejudice and still loved it.
These all look great – thank you!! Adding to my library hold list as we speak…
I just finished Erik Larson’s “Isaac’s Storm” about the 1900 hurricane that devastated Galveston. It’s not fiction, but written in a narrative style. He’s one of my favorite authors and he brings these moments in history to life based on extensive research. I find his process fascinating. This one in particular was heavy to read given the tragic outcome of the storm, but still very compelling. His other books are great too!
Check out Penny Vincenzi! Almost all of her books are historical, I’ve loved them all!
I have found out that someone in my life is stockpiling over 100 surgical and more than 50 n95 masks at their home. This person has lupus, and is stocking plaquenil (hydroxychloroquinine) to share with their friends and family. I know, because some of each were offered to me, and then this perosn dropped a packet of plaquenil and an n95 mask in my mailbox after we saw each other out and about and I wasnt wearing a mask. I acknowledge that this person’s autoimmune disorder means they are at risk for serious infection- but I’m frustrated by this person’s use of “generosity” for garnering favors and holding power over others in their life (Covid aside, this is a long pattern of behavior). Most egregiously, at the grocery store the other day when I suggested that this person donate the rest of their hoard to a hospital, this person said “It’s not my fault that I have the good sense to stock up and those doctors and nurses didn’t do the same! And now I wont put myself at risk bringing these to hospitals- would you want to go into a hospital at this time?”
It’s not someone who will listen to reason, so I dont know that I have a clear action to take here, but I just needed to vent about how ridiculous and selfish this is.
Vent heard and agreed that this person is acting selfishly and immorally. (I wouldn’t begrudge them a few masks, but hundreds are uncalled for.) If I were you I’d cut them out of my life. No one needs that toxicity.
IDK — person may have a legit fear driving this and a sense of also saving people that this person cares about. I am just erring on the side of “scared people being scared” vs throwing the hammer down. Suppose this person donates some — is 10 the right number to keep? Is 5? Once you let these go, they are not likely to be replaced.
My workplace donated our stockpile and sent everyone but 1 or 2 people home to WFH for good, thinking that if we WFH we shouldn’t need them (true for most; not likely true for all). IDK if we kept some for the at-work workers.
It is ridiculous and feel free to return that mask or donate it to someone who needs it and don’t be at all thankful.
I don’t think you can do anything. I think the cdc and local governments have created this situation by discouraging the public to buy masks and then insisting the public wear masks. We can’t ask everyone to play by the rules when the rules are contradictory.
Offer to drop them off at the hospital for them?
Well, honestly, I’d keep an N95 mask if someone were to give it to me. (As it stands, my husband, a physician, has exactly *one* N95 mask that he has to re-use for the indefinite future.)
You said that this was a person you saw at the grocery store – so it sounds like it’s a casual acquaintance / friend, not like your sister or mother or anything – so it sounds as though you could avoid interaction with them pretty easily.
I have lupus and under the supervision of my doctor I have reduced my dose of plaquenil for the next three months (unless it becomes a problem — then we will ramp it back up). I have a couple of cloth masks if I need to go out when others are out (I have moved exercise to 4AM so I have no risk of seeing anyone and I honestly have no other reason to go out). Those on the front lines are much more at risk and they need it much more than I do. I would never make my own stockpile if they needed it… I find it selfish…
Out of curiosity and if you don’t mind sharing, why have you reduced the dose?
The health system where I am a patient was having trouble getting enough for all its patients recently and they asked for volunteers to try a reduced dose. I was curious what would happen if I stepped down my dosage given how long I have been on it at this dosage and also thought if it does help for any COVID-19 patients, the medical community is going to need all they can get. So I volunteered. To be clear, I have amazing doctors who are checking in on me often and none of them ever made me feel like I had to do this. It was my choice in an attempt to help others that may need it more than I do. My dosage was stepped down nearly three weeks ago and I am doing really well on the lower dosage. Hopefully that continues. If not, I can tell you that my doctors will definitely jump in immediately to adjust my dosage and do anything else necessary.
It sounds like this person has a history of annoying behavior, but the fact that she has a legit illness does make this harder. I would not count on changing her mind or her behavior.
+1 I’d cut this person out of my life if not permanently at least until this has passed.
Omg hydroxychloroquinine is not candy, as discussed here recently. It can be useful, but people shouldn’t just take it like that. In any case this person doesn’t sound like she can be convinced. Please donate any masks you receive, ask her to donate some and show the articles about doctors not having enough PPE, but beyond that I don’t think there’s much for you to do. And fingers crossed no one has an adverse reaction to hydroxychloroquinine
Dad agrees with you. I think peeople who are having immune issues get all caught up in the moment and loose sight of reality if it doesn’t apply to them. They do NOT realize that health care workers are on the line for them, and they should support them. I know a doctor at Mt Sinai who works in the ER and I would give him any kind of supplies if I had them, b/c he sees whoever comes in the door, and trust me, they get all kinds up there. Dad did not want me dating him b/c he treated Ebola patients a few years ago, and that made me sad, b/c he was cute, smart and not a dirtbag like most other men I meet. Anyway, have a great day, HIVE! I am stuck inside and I don’t even have any mask, tho I did order a nice silky cloth one from Amazon! YAY!!!!
It sounds like the issue here is that this person is not actually your friend. You sound unhappy and annoyed about her pattern of using “generosity” to extract favors later. You don’t have to stay friends.
As for the masks, I can’t say I blame anyone with a serious illness for stockpiling them. We’ve gotten so much contradictory information and people are scared. While it would be better if she donated a good portion of them to hospitals, I don’t think it’s downright evil that she obtained them in the first place. She’s also giving them to friends instead of hoarding a massive, 1000+ stockpile in her own basement.
It sounds like she doesn’t want to give out her masks to strangers, but (maybe for twisted psychological reasons) likes to give them to acquaintances. If you don’t want to just cut her out of your life, I might be asking her for masks for people I know. “My boss’s husband’s niece is a nurse and only has a cloth mask! Do you still have any N95s?” But I think it’s also fine to conclude that playing her game is not worth it.
“but I’m frustrated by this person’s use of “generosity” for garnering favors and holding power over others in their life”
It only becomes “power” if you let it. She gave you plaquenil and masks. You can do what you like with those things – donate them to hospitals, health care workers, etc. as you see fit. She has no “power” over you and her gift to you does not obligate you in any way to do anything you don’t want to.
You have been heard. She is irrational.
You could lie and say you know x number of people who need these things, then take them and donate them. But that is a little over the top as well…The masks are likely contaminated now…
While I get your frustration (I too, had a social climbing *friend* who offered to send me n95 masks), I can also symphasize with her. I have an autoimmune condition, so I thought about ordering some n95 masks back in January. I actually only needed a few, but since they were cheaper if the order was larger, I reached out to a doctor friend to see if she and her doctor friends would like to order with me (just in case of a pandemic). She laughed it off and told me that masks are not helpful, like I was some sort of idiot. So I ended up not going through with it. Now she has created a nonprofit to raise funding to buy n95 masks. I donated to her campaign and feel for her, but a part of me is quite annoyed at her complete 180.
This is probably a weird thing to post on a fashion blog, but I’m realizing that I don’t miss dressing up, at least not yet. I’m not wearing PJ pants every day, but I’m pulling out my more utilitarian stuff and wish I could do this all the time. My daily uniform is usually stretchy jeggings + comfy sweater or cardi if I have Zoom meetings, and jeggings + elevated hoodie or fleece if it’s a no-meeting day. I’m still doing light makeup because it makes me feel good mentally. I am comfortable and don’t feel like a slob. I’ve gained back some mental space from thinking about what’s appropriate to wear for any given meeting and situation. I realized that I was definitely using work fashion as armor for uncomfortable situations and to fit in/project authority — and I’m just not having those feelings in my current environment. So freeing. Going back to business/dressy business casual will be hard.
I identify with this as well. I’m just not into clothes and I feel best and like myself I’m comfortable, functional items. Definitely going to be hard to go back…
I’ve gotten a ridiculous amount of use out of all the company-branded t-shirts that used to languish in my closet. Both comfy and team-spirit-y!
Good idea!
The last week I worked fully at work, mostly alone, I wore jeans and mildly offensive t-shirts every day and did a Fb series of photos. My colleagues were offering to buy me new ones!
I’m going to miss my uniform of leggings and t-shirts. I (weirdly perhaps) prefer to sit cross legged on my chair when I’m working and this is pretty hard to do in work clothes.
I prefer to sit like that too! No one can tell on conference calls.
My office is casual to business casual anyways, so I’m wearing regular clothes on top, leggings on the bottom. My house is kinda drafty, so actually sweaters on top
Same! I never “sit right” in chairs.
I’d been moving my wardrobe in a more utilitarian direction before all this anyway.
I sit like that too. This is my desk chair https://www.wayfair.com/Willa-Arlo-Interiors–Jeanne-43-Barrel-Chair-X111754366-L54-K~W001817299.html (not this exact chair but this style)
WFH 6ish years.
https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/grovelane-teen-acosta-swivel-barrel-chair-w001354147.html I think this is the actual model. My dog usually comes and sits behind me for a while until it’s time to run the mailman off. (through the closed door; I’m Team Mailman)
Oh wow that’s wonderful! I would love to do that so much but I need a large screen to do my job so I’m stuck at a desk.
I have this pulled up to my desk! :) I have my laptop plus other monitor, wireless keyboard and *IMPORTANT* rollerball mouse!
I hope more people will be allowed to work from home more often if we ever get out of this quarantine.
I think everyone looks better in casual clothing, as long as they are neat and groomed. Not everyone looks that good in business attire, even if they are neat and groomed.
I’m still going to work and still wearing work clothes (although admittedly comfortable work clothes — today it’s a sweater dress and a cardigan) and I find it boosts my morale to get dressed every day even though pretty much nobody sees me. Obviously I’m the outlier.
Same here, exactly. I’m also tending to wear flats more often, bigger earings and more color than my usual basic black and gray, because I need some bright spots right now and why not? Today I’m in a blue and white polka dot ponte dress, an orchid pink cropped cardigan and – after the temp dropped by 35 degrees overnight – navy tights and wine faux-suede ankle boots.
I’m the opposite. I really miss wearing dresses, heels, makeup, etc. I also miss my office and co-workers, and actually having in person hearings and trials, so I can’t wait to get back.
Hey guys! All of the home cooking and resulting food waste has made me want to finally start composting. I’m a city dweller with a small apartment, no spare freezer space, and no yard. I know my city collects compost at farmers markets. Any tips? I’m happy to get a specific container if it will prevent smells (I’m very sensitive) and flies.
Be well!
My city collects compost at farmers markets, but they have suspended the program right now (and farmer markets have gone to pre-order pickup only). So this is a great idea, but check out your city’s website – you may need to wait.
I really think that this is good intention but a bad idea! I have a table top compost bin that I empty every 2-3 days into a backyard composter. If your apartment is small, you don’t have freezer space, and you don’t have an outdoor destination for your compostings, you’re quickly going to find yourself with a foul bucket of moldering food and paper scraps. And bugs.
If you’re interested in using your food scraps more efficiently, maybe consider putting those carrot scrapings and onion skins to work in your stock pot instead?
Huh? My husband and I live in a condo, keep our compost in a gallon-sized tupperware in the refrigerator and take it out to take to the market. No need to buy anything special or to have it sit on your countertop and create smells. It’s actually significantly decreased the smell coming from our trash (admittedly also because we’ve cut WAY back on meat consumption) and it doesn’t smell in the refrigerator at all. Until now DC’s compost disposal has been open on Saturdays but Muriel Bowser just announced the closure of farmers’ markets without a special social distancing plan waiver, so TBD as to whether we’ll be able to continue for the near future.
Lots of cities have a composting program where you can get basically a bucket with a lid, and the company or organization will tell you what kinds of scraps to put in there then pick it up once a week. The one where I live is called Urban Food Loop if you want to see what this looks like. Every few months, you can pick up a bag of compost or donate your compost to another organization if you don’t have a use for it yourself. As long as you keep the lid on the bucket and you don’t put prohibited scraps in there (such as meat scraps), I’ve found that flies and odor aren’t a problem. The community garden near me also has this type of program, but you have to take the scraps down there yourself to add to their composting set up. I would start with those types of resources. If you want to actually produce the compost in your apartment instead of just collecting scraps for it, I *think* you have to use worms in this sort of situation.
I have a small countertop compost bin that I collect certain food scraps in that are easy to add to flower beds (egg shells, coffee grounds, etc.). The lid has charcoal filters and it has a washable internal bucket. It’s easy to keep it clean and stink-free while collecting some scraps. I live in the burbs so it’s easy to deposit these into my garden. I’m not sure what you would do with them until the farmer’s markets open back up unless there a county/city facility still open where you could safely deposit them in the meantime.
I bought it on the river site. It’s the Relaxed Gardener Kitchen Compost bin, but there are loads of other options.
I have a semantic side note, since I am not sure what you meant. When it was food at some point, and went bad or you just don’t want it anymore, it’s food waste. Egg shells and avocado peels are kitchen scraps.
Unless you have counter space for an open bowl that you can empty 2-3 times a week, or a balcony, I don’t know if you will get happy with composting in a small apartment. If you have a sink garbage disposal, you can look up your city’s guidance (some encourage use because the water treatment facility is set up to extract the biomatter from the water stream). If it makes you feel any better, as part of the landfill, the kitchen scraps will still turn into dirt, it will just not be used because it’s mixed in with landfill.
This jumped out at me as well. My first thought was that if OP is cooking more, she should have less food waste. We aren’t wasting anything right now. I am freezing all kinds of leftover bits of vegetables that I wouldn’t usually bother with.
I collect my scraps in my freezer. Most compostable bags are 3 gallon size so it helps to have a 3 gallon size tupperware in the freezer with a bag — if it fills up I just tie it off and put another bag in. My city also picks up from individual houses if they signed up for it, so I drop mine off at a friend’s house once a week when the farmers market is not in season.
I think this is such a great thing to do, btw. I’ve become much more conscious of what I waste since I started doing this. I’m more thoughtful about not buying too much fresh food and not letting it go bad, and not creating other types of waste either. I’m down to about 1 grocery store bag of garbage a week and twice that for recycling. (My household is just me and a preschooler and a cat).
Oh duh I just saw that you said no spare freezer space. My bin takes up less than 1/4 of the space in my freezer. I have a standard size fridge — the kind you find in many rental apartments. I would encourage you to eat through some of that ice cream until you make space in there — it’s for a good cause ;)
I also think that this would work fine in the fridge if you took it out at least once a week.
we keep scraps in a small open bin next to our trash can in compostable bags, that get transferred to the freezer when full. We take it to the farmer’s market once a week. The bin and trash can are open but in a drawer. It is small enough (and we cook enough) that smells/bugs aren’t usually an issue. However you normally keep your trash from stinking should be relevant here – you are just moving compostable food out of that space into a different one.
I have an Oxo compost bucket with a lid and it doesn’t smell as long as it’s closed. We do need to empty it every day or two though so I’m not sure how practical it is in an apartment. You could maybe get one of those small bins that have compostable bags and then move the bags into a big sealed bag that you could take to the market once a week.
May not help the OP but I’m in the burbs. I keep a large tupperware with a lid under the sink (or let’s be honest, most days, it’s on the counter) and put scraps in there. Every few days I take it outside. I put it all in the back corner of my yard, in the same pile where i put yard waste. Sometimes, I get motivated and “layer” it, and mix it up. Sometimes I put things directly into the garden beds (esp. in the late fall when I know it will sit and decompose all winter). Mostly, it sits there for a year and eventually is dirt.
I’m fortunate enough to live in a city with curbside composting so I just have an open bowl on the counter for eggshells, onion skins, stems, plate scrapings, coffee grounds etc. because I’m able to take it out to the outdoor compost bin daily. I’m posting because I wanted to say that if I lived in a small apartment with no outdoor composting bin, I probably wouldn’t do it. I get fruit flies within a day in any kind of warm weather.
One way to use up food scraps is to keep a bag in your freezer for onion tops and bottoms, carrot peels, and the ends of celery stalks. You can use these to make stock when you have a full bag. If you’re a vegetarian, make a veg stock. If you eat chicken, throw chicken bones in the same bag until it’s full for a great chicken stock.
I have a <5 year old laptop. I am thinking of getting me a new one b/c the kids need one now that we may be homeschooling (and homecamping this summer) into the fall. What is a good home computer that I can Zoom on (new use)? I otherwise am not a gamer. I watch TV on a TV or phone (not a computer). I use the computer for household spreadsheets, taxes (K-1 person with multistate filings), etc. If it matters, spouse has an apple desktop and I LOATHE it, so non-Apple computers. I have a separate laptop for work.
Honestly, any computer you get at Costco or BestBuy will fit these criteria. If you need video, and don’t want to deal with peripherals, make sure it has a built in webcam. For me, work and personal preference is that I have a 10-key keypad, so that rules out small laptops for me. These are the kinds of things you need to consider rather than processor speed, RAM, etc… any new computer will have more than enough computing power for your needs.
A chromebook might work for you. So easy to use. And cheap!
I thought that chromebooks were basically cheap junk — basically consumables. Like that is why K-8 schools use them (maybe K-12?) but businesses don’t.
Chromebooks are not actual computers. They can only run software in the cloud.
Chromebooks are glorified tablets, but they have their uses and I love mine.
I don’t game or use heavy-duty video/photo editing softwares so I don’t need anything powerful. For my email, browsing, and typing (Google docs and spreadsheet), the Chromebook fits my needs. It starts up and shuts down very quickly, battery life is amazing and the OS apparently comes with antivirus protection (though I also have a pop-up blocker).
We get a new chromebook about every 4 years. It sounds like a good fit for you too. I do our taxes on it, zoom, make our Christmas cards and photo books, plan travel, household budget, cast Youtube videos. We are fully bought in to Google and all their products (Gmail, Google Drive, Google Photos, Google Sheets (taxes/budgetting) we pay for additional storage monthly because we are over the free limit due to photos, but I like that I can access from anywhere. Our current Chromebook (Toshiba) will no longer charge, so I’m debating on getting a Surface instead, but don’t think the price is justifiable for our needs. The only time I wished I had a “real” laptop was when I was job hunting and formatting a resume in Google Docs was impossible. So if your kids are needing it for writing assignments, maybe get something that can use all the functionality of Word instead.
I have a chromebook! Bought in 2014, and it is still going strong. Very low storage space, so I have to use external hard drives, and I also haven’t had to use it for work until now. Great battery life, I love how quickly it starts up. I use it to browse internet and watch netflix occasionally.
I have the high end Chromebook (Pixelbook) from Google, and I LOVE the thing. I never use office apps on my personal laptop other than maybe a doc editor to do a resume or something, and Google docs is way more than sufficient for that. Otherwise, I just use it to browse the internet.
May I suggest a Lenovo Yoga. It’s a tablet/laptop that actually works as a laptop (rather than the surface). My kid is using mine all the time for things.
I agree that the Lenovo Yoga is a good hybrid, but it also seems like a lot of computer for kid if only a kid is using it!
I have bought several Wirecutter recommended products and have been happy with all my purchases. I have not bought any of their recommended computers.
Google failed me on this one, but my homeschooling-for-now kids asked why it is not pronounced VEJ-an (like vegetable) vs VEE-gan. I have no answers. Maybe someone knows?
Their spring break starts tomorrow — yay! No pretend schooling for a week.
Because English does not follow standard pronunciation rules. There are exceptions for everything.
Perhaps coz it sounds too close to a female body part that many are uncomfortable saying ;)
? people say “vegetable”
Vej-an sounds a lot more like vagina than vegetable does. Not saying that’s the reason, I think English is just weird. But it is a lot closer to the body part than vegetable is.
Vegemite
Dusting off some elementary school spelling tricks here, but I believe soft vs. hard g is governed by the letter that follows the g. If it’s an “e”, “i”, or “y”, it goes soft (e.g., angel, gymnasium, ginormous), otherwise I believe it’s hard. Obviously it’s english so there are bound to be a million exceptions (e.g., anger), but that’s how I usually think about it!
Because vegans need to make everything difficult!
KIDDING- love and respect my vegan family members.
That’s what I would tell my kids ;)
Because the “g” is followed by an “a,” which makes it a hard “g.”
In “vegetable”, the “g” is followed by an “e,” which makes it a soft “g.”
You would never say “gay” as “jay”, would you? or “forgot” as “forjot”?
The root being “veg” is throwing me. As is the VW Karman Ghia. And the state of Virginia. And the zodiac sign Virgo. I can maybe get to the G being a hard G and not a J-sounding G. But why is the E then a long E? Why not keep the E sound of “vegetable” but then the word has a hard G sound — VEGH-an?
This English langauge is not intuitive.
Daughter
Laughter
Doesn’t English often stress and lengthen the vowel in the first syllable of words that in Latin or French or whatever had a short vowel and were accented elsewhere? “David,” “Michael,” “angel,” etc.
My teen daughter is VEE-gan and my husband pronounced it “VAY-gan” and we’ve all just accepted it. Fortunately, my daughter is not an Offended Vegan type.
I think he pronounces it that way because he read it before he heard someone say it and his imagined pronunciation imprinted on him.
My dad pronounces Feta cheese FAY-TA. We’ve corrected him but he just doesn’t get it.
Why is it even “vegan”? The work vegetarian makes sense to me. There should not be a “vegetable” based word for what vegan means.
I’ve seen medical sources use the term “strict vegetarian” to mean “vegan.” I believe vegetarian has meant vegan before, but since lacto-ovo vegetarianism won out in popularity, vegans needed a new term?
“The letter “g” comes close to following a phonics rule similar to the one for the letter “c.” For example, it is always pronounced /g/ unless it is followed by an “e,” “i” or “y.” Thus, we have game, got, and gum, as well as glad, grand, and rugby. And, as with the “Rule of c,” it’s true that the letter “g” makes the /j/ sound only when followed by “e,” “i” or “y,.” Unfortunately, however, you can’t be certain that it will be pronounced /j/. In some such cases “g” still makes the /g/ sound.”
Vegetable is followed by an “e”, so is soft. Vegan is followed by an “a”, so is hard. I’m not sure how much value that explanation will have for kids — just one of the weird things about English.
This is like how the G in gif stands for “graphic” because gif is an acronym, but graphic has a hard g and most people pronounce gif as “jif.”
https://mashable.com/2014/10/21/mispronounced-words-tech/
Does anyone have a double desk set up? DH and I currently use our kitchen table to do work, but we would like to put 2 desks in a spare room or potentially a 2 person desk. If anyone has any recommendations for specific desks, layouts, or stores I should be looking at, it would be greatly appreciated! Hoping to spend under $400 per desk.
We have 3 Alex drawer units and 2 table tops from IKEA set up along 1 wall. The whole set up cost less than $400 and doesn’t look that much like office furniture which is clutch for a guest room.
Are you handy or willing to take on DIY? Because this sounds like it has strong IKEA hack potential! One of my friends recently did this in her kids’ room, following some plan she found on Pinterest. It turned out really nice.
I’m no help, we’re just using a long folding table….
We just use a couple of Lifetime folding tables from Costco side by side. 10 years going strong.
We are using an L shaped desk. I have the short end of the L that has the ergonomic keyboard drawer because I’m considerably shorter than my husband. He has the long end of the L and uses the regular desktop for his laptop and a shelf over it for his monitor. We are sitting in folding chairs because two regular office chairs don’t fit there. We might upgrade the chairs soon though.
We did two sturdy file cabinets with a door on top. Not the prettiest solution but very functional. Each of us ends up with a two-drawer file cabinet for storage. The hole for the handle on the door is perfect for cords and it is definitely long enough for two people to use. Cost well under $400 and will be easy to take down when we are no longer WFH. I spray painted the file cabinets and the door fun colors to brighten the mood.
We are a two desk family but we need to be in different rooms. Don’t discount that. Someone being on a call or a zoom while the other person is trying to get work done is … well I was going to say fodder for divorce attorneys but I’m being hyperbolic.
Maybe divorce attorneys invented double desks as a business generation tool?
Hm this is an interesting point. Do you both WFH frequently? DH studies after work (no ability to WFH) and I don’t expect to WFH regularly when this is all over, so I didn’t think we would have a hard time working in the same room in the future. But you are right that we’ve both had zoom calls at the same time already.
Thank you to the responses above! I hadn’t really considered DIY, but will look into it. LOVE the door idea especially to hide chords.
Random PSA but I’m reading two career books right now that I really like and I think they’re timely in terms of this being a time “set apart” in some ways from the day to day of our careers. “Designing Your Work Life” by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans from Stanford D-School and “Working Identity” by Herminia Ibarra which is from before Design Thinking got to be cool but is very related. Both about evaluating what is important to you in your career and practical thoughts about making changes to your work and career.
My pre-order of Marie Kondo’s Joy at Work book arrived yesterday. I’ve only read the intro but it sounds like it will be a similar read as to your recommendations. I’m looking forward to it.
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-09/coronavirus-may-reactivate-in-cured-patients-korean-cdc-says
This has me worried today. Probably my anxiety talking. Not doing well today – week 5 of work from home.
Could it be dodgy test results?
The only other re-activating virus I can think of is how chicken pox as a child can become shingles when you are >50. There are other coronaviruses than this one, so I think that scientists will know how the virus typically behaves. My guess is “error rate on test results.”
I saw this weeks ago. The best defense against this virus is to get healthy and stay healthy. Healthy, non-overweight people are not dying of this. They obscure the pre-existing conditions data at the health depts., they try to say on CNN that obviously overweight people who have died have no pre-existing conditions (when they were prob too young to be screened or had bad insurance/didn’t see a doc regularly), etc…Tired of it.
This is completely untrue and stigmatizing.
How is this “completely untrue”? I have viewed the stats posted privately by my state’s health dept, and very few don’t have co-morbidities. Those reported to have none that I have personally seen are very overweight and probably haven’t had proper screening for co-morbidities as they are young. Further, obesity is not seen as a healthy state by any of the major health organizations due to future and sub-clinical issues lurking.
If you are confusing being hospitalized/dying with the virus with GETTING the virus, yes, everyone can GET the virus. To most, it will self-resolve. That is a fact stated by governors and health professionals for weeks.
If we want to talk facts and data, I can talk facts and data. If you want to talk about how you are hurt because you or your SO is obese and has health conditions and you don’t want to accept that/mitigate your risk factors…Speak to your mental health professional about that.
Yeah that one day old baby who died of COVID really needed to work out more, fat slob.
You sound really awful and judgmental. Try toning it down and being less victim-blamey.
So I chose my heart valve disease — I did something unhealthy to cause that? The person below me lived unhealthy to cause their asthma? Hate to break it to you but neither of us caused these things by eating too many cupcakes. I’m happy for you that you’re young and healthy. Congratulations on not choosing to have heart or lung issues, you were smart to do that.
It is, in fact, “completely untrue” that “healthy, non-overweight people are not dying of this.” How dismissive and hurtful to the families who have lost loved ones unexpectedly. Your implication that people with health conditions matter less is also damaging and offensive. I’m not going to engage with you any further though.
The AP article I read said that the cause of death was not known and autopsy results were pending. An earlier report from a week prior said that babies tended to get mild symptoms. Irresponsibly, many news outlets reported covid as a cause of death but we have no idea since the baby was essentially dead when brought to the hospital. The baby was from a pretty rough area, so anything could have been at play there.
I really thought a lot of this was just genetic. For example, there are studies on the genetics of susceptibility to cytokine storm. If concentrations of ACE2 receptors are truly relevant, that’s something that varies from person to person too. And the genetics that make people weak to one disease can sometimes make them strong to another, so it’s not like there’s some ideal out there either.
We were talking about fear here, not sympathy/empathy for lives lost. I was trying to bring some needed data into the conversation.
I sympathize with your heart valve disease, and I hear your frustration. I wish others would work on their health so that people like you wouldn’t have any fears about ICU beds or needed equipment. Unfortunately, even with all of the measures taken, some will be at risk until we have a viable vaccine (which could take years), so I think it is everyone’s responsibility to mitigate risk factors when they can (instead of yelling at me) and stay home/get assistance from others to do so if they are vulnerable.
I am really sorry you are such a terrible person that you honestly feel that posting things like this is appropriate.
I hope no one you know dies of the disease.
Google “just world fallacy.”
I know this is not a “just” world, but this virus seems to take certain people. The data says that. Look at it.
Agreed. It is one thing to say “overweight older people” and “people with underlying conditions” are the most affected. To say healthy normal weight people are not affected at all is an absolute lie and shame on you for poster at 11:26 for saying it. There have been many younger, not overweight, and healthy people dying of this, just not nearly as many older or overweight. It can hit anyone. And it can leave young healthy people with long term lung issues.
What the actual eff? I assure you that I did nothing to “deserve” my asthma, which is one of the pre-existing conditions that can worsen COVID-19. I am thin and fit, I eat a healthy diet, and none of that will get rid of asthma.
That’s true. Asthma and things like that are outliers. I feel for you because there are so many (with reversible conditions) who could be working on their health right now and reducing their chances of being hospitalized and taking a bed from you, and they are busy baking cookies and ordering their favorite junk food takeout. That’s what I’ve been focusing on and I neglected to mention you.
Well, gosh, it makes me feel so much better to know that I am an outlier. I’ll still be dead, though.
God you’re awful.
Actually, I’m reading this now: “Interestingly, research so far does not suggest any link between having asthma and getting a more severe COVID-19 illness, or between asthma and coronavirus deaths.” https://www.goodrx.com/blog/how-does-coronavirus-affect-people-with-asthma/
Talk to your doc.
Could you maybe consider that people here are struggling and maybe this is not the appropriate outlet for your anger and aggression? Please take your BS elsewhere. Thanks.
I’m trying to help some of the people who are worried, and also help some of the people realize that they have some control over their health outcome. Why is this so terrible? We can’t live in a state of extreme fear.
Some are struggling because they are a little unnecessarily afraid, and some are struggling because they feel powerless over their health outcomes. Bringing this information to light helps them and it can help everyone as a whole if people decide to act.
No one is calling you a terrible/ugly/unworthy person if you are overweight or have a lifestyle disease. I’m just saying those things are huge risk factors and add to the overall burden of the coronavirus. Instead of snapping pics of those violating social distancing, maybe you should think about your own contribution to this problem.
“No one is calling you a terrible/ugly/unworthy person if you are overweight or have a lifestyle disease. I’m just saying those things are huge risk factors and add to the overall burden of the coronavirus. Instead of snapping pics of those violating social distancing, maybe you should think about your own contribution to this problem.”
Congratulations, you are the person everyone is living to hate on these days. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and think that you may be one of the folks who is really struggling with social isolation and that’s where these thoughts are coming from. On a better day, in a better time, I hope you have more empathy for others and less judgment in your heart than this. If that’s not true – maybe that’s why you’re lonely. Not just now, but all the time.
“I’m trying to help some of the people who are worried, and also help some of the people realize that they have some control over their health outcome. Why is this so terrible? We can’t live in a state of extreme fear.”
You apparently are.
So you think an obese person can stop being obese in the next two weeks while the virus peaks. Okay, sweetpea. I guess that is a nice way to get to feel superior and convince yourself you’re safe.
In what universe do you think this is helpful? There are no lifestyle changes in the world that could make someone who is overweight/obese or has T2 diabetes not in a timeframe that would make a difference on the relevant timeline. You’re just being unnecessarily cruel by suggesting that people who have these conditions are somehow responsible if they get this disease because people fail to social distance properly.
I think it’s not technically true that you can’t make lifestyle changes in a relevant timeframe (you could buy a continuous blood glucose monitor and lower your blood glucose and insulin levels in a week or two, which would have immediate effects on immune function). However, that doesn’t change the fact that this whole way of looking at our situation and other people caught within it is madness.
They are saying we will be locked down until at least July. Those who say they cannot improve their blood glucose levels, they cannot reverse their heart disease, they can’t lose at least 10 lbs and get healthier are just lying to themselves. I want more people to live, you want more people to complain, die, and exist in a state of perpetual fear.
What I’m saying is “madness” but those already at risk spending this time at home talking about what unhealthy restaurant they want takeout from or what they are baking is not? If YOU are vulnerable and likely to be hospitalized, YOU stay home. Even if you go out once per month with a mask on and stay away from others, you are still at risk. You will still be at risk when the lockdown is over. This quarantine is not a magical situation where when it is over, you will magically be safe. Going to TJ’s every 6 weeks will not make you magically safe. When you are at risk, you are at risk. Period.
Since you are sooooo into data please post support that people can actually accomplish losing weight on that timeline or reverse T2 diabetes on that timeline. You clearly buy into the trope that people are just lazy and that’s why they have these diseases but in reality it’s far more complicated than that. And there’s actually a lot of evidence that shaming like you’re doing adds to stress and makes it harder to achieve these health goals.
LOL that you think losing 10 lbs is going to make a meaningful difference.
“I want more people to live, you want more people to complain, die, and exist in a state of perpetual fear.”
You don’t. You want to be a jerk and upset people. Just go away.
Yup – I’d love to know how my extreme idiopathic scoliosis as a teen (which led to life-long reductions in pulmonary and cardiovascular capacity) is all my fault. Please, tell me more.
LOTS of people with underlying conditions look healthy and live active lives, but are terrified of this illness because it can easily take us out.
What has your doctor said? That you could easily be “taken out” if otherwise healthy?
If you are otherwise healthy, and you obtain prompt care with proper equipment available, I’m sure you have a great chance of survival. NY has been sounding the alarm on their own equipment shortfalls and that will help everyone, so you will likely have a bed and a vent if you need one. Have you spoken to your doc?
Have you seen the survival rights for people who need invasive ventilation?
I have seen the survival rights, because my state health dept (NY) had written an extensive report on them when they decided we had enough vents 5 years ago and even prior to that. Luckily, when the covid situation evolved, our Gov stepped up and is getting us and everyone else a lot more (despite the reports on how to ration). So far, no one has died due to lack of vent and people are working every day to keep it that way.
-rights +rates. I guess the argument is that the vast majority of people who didn’t survive had comorbidities and the majority of those could have taken better care of their health, so the just world hypothesis is (mostly) secure. Aside from the few unlucky cursed, it’s work ethic and clean living that ensures survival. Or is it willpower? Maybe positive thinking? All three?
The few unlucky cursed can get a better chance of survival if those with reversible conditions like obesity/T2 diabetes/heart disease take action to keep themselves out of the hospital to ensure a better chance that others have needed beds/equipment/staff available and to them. And that they are attentive and alert due to less overcrowding.
It makes no sense to me to yell at everyone to stay at home for the foreseeable future (we are talking about the rest of the year or more for some, right), when those same people aren’t doing what THEY can do to stay out of the hospital and make it less chaotic for other people who may really need it. Instead, again…those same people…want to yell about victim blaming and how I shouldn’t judge them about their weight, etc.
“It makes no sense to me to yell at everyone to stay at home for the foreseeable future (we are talking about the rest of the year or more for some, right), when those same people aren’t doing what THEY can do to stay out of the hospital and make it less chaotic for other people who may really need it. Instead, again…those same people…want to yell about victim blaming and how I shouldn’t judge them about their weight, etc.”
Thanks for posting this and making it clear your entire chain of responses is coming from a place of your anger and your fear. I know being quarantined is hard. I know we would all like to resume our normal lives. Blaming and shaming people is not the answer. It is also unbelievably selfish to make other people feel bad to make yourself feel better. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. And I hope you read some of these responses and make a decision to BE better tomorrow.
“My” fear? I don’t have an underlying condition and I am not overweight. I spent a good part of last month with a dry cough which started with a fever. My lungs felt odd, and it hurt to breathe sometimes. I called everyone I could call and was not eligible for a test. Yes, I stayed home even though my doc said I could go out. Yes, I told everyone who had been near me to stay away from those who are vulnerable for at least 3 weeks. Yes, I researched the illness more while I was home. Yes, I am concerned about my own experiences and how poorly this seems to be handled. But no, I’m not afraid of dying. Yes, I am afraid that people will be jobless and homeless, and that less fortunate children won’t get the education they deserve, and those are rational fears as opposed to irrational fears.
So you think everyone who is speaking up in favor of social distancing is fat? That is the dumbest thing I’ve read today .
I’m not saying everyone speaking up in favor of social distancing is fat. I’m saying many are publicly acting irrationally and I’m taking note. Do you think that in two months of perfect social distancing, those at risk will suddenly not be at risk? That is not experts are saying. They are talking about “waves” over the course of years.
Not exactly.
Some young, healthy people are dying of it. Most of the people dying are older (over 60) or have preexisting conditions – the number that I saw was that 2.5% of people who died from it had no preexisting conditions. (The list was short, maybe six diseases or conditions.) But a lot of people have asthma, or people have Type 1 diabetes, and there’s not much to do about that.
Every case I’ve seen on the news claiming to have had no co-morbidities were significantly overweight when I went to all of the stores/their FB page for recent photos of their entire body. Yes, this is obsessive, but I am concerned as everyone is about this virus. The DJ, the teacher, the assistant principal…All very overweight when you Google and look at photos. I don’t see a Chris Cuomo type.
Everyone, like Chris, can contract the virus, though. And spread it.
>I went to all of the stor[i]es/their FB page for recent photos of their entire body.
Excuse me but what the actual fucking fuck is wrong with you.
Did you see Chris Cuomo’s chest x-ray that appeared completely normal? I doubt he even had it.
You are seriously gross. Instead of telling other people to check in with their mental health providers, take your own advice.
Using a worldwide tragedy and an opportunity to feel smug about being thin and judgmental about people who aren’t is sociopathic behavior.
I want to know who is getting sick and dying. For my own sake. Of course I am curious about those who died, as are you. I’m curious about everything related to this, as are you.
“>I went to all of the stor[i]es/their FB page for recent photos of their entire body.
Excuse me but what the actual fucking fuck is wrong with you.”
Yeah, I have the same question. It sounds like your fatphobia and your Covid-19 anxiety have combined and the result is that you are becoming a terrible, terrible person. This kind of behavior is not normal, FYI.
So you checked out the Facebook pages of 10,000 Americans? Wow, you have a lot of free time.
I’m looking at the pages of those from news reports. Still waiting to see a Chris Cuomo type fatality. Chris being a long time, known health nut without a spare tire.
“when I went to all of the stores/their FB page for recent photos of their entire body.”
You are creepy AF and need to get a better hobby and a therapist.
“I want to know who is getting sick and dying. For my own sake. Of course I am curious about those who died, as are you.”
You don’t get to “know” who is sick and dying. I mean, WTF? HIPAA? Hello? You’re gonna stalk random news articles and gofundmes to try to suss out who died of Covid 19 so you can perpetuate your freak out? I am not actually curious about those who died. I am *empathetic* to those who died and their loved ones. I am curious about data. Other people’s tragedy isn’t my amusement or obsession.
The ADA has said that diabetics with well-managed blood sugars are at a lower risk of dying. We are not powerless. We can help ourselves and we can help others.
I think that some of this is what some people have truly wrecked bodies — unchecked T2 diabetes, smoking history for decades, hypertension. Some of is prior years of bad decisions or where you have some control and some is bad genes/bad luck. I don’t feel like being merely overweight is a big problem compared to the population that is older AND has significant co-morbidities.
Well, this is a condition that makes it hard to breathe. When I hear people who have lost significant weight talk about how their lives have changed, they all mention they don’t get winded walking across a room or something similar. The people who have died were big people. I know half the country is big, but we can’t pretend there aren’t issues associated with that. I know my own doc has said something when I approached the overweight BMI number, and also the underweight BMI number when I was younger.
You do know that BMI is not a perfect measure, right? According to BMI charts, I’m overweight when I’m a size 2/4 in mall brands. No reasonable person things that BMI is the be all end all of the world
That’s true. Doctors still use that as a guide. Those reported on who were “healthy” did not have a healthy distribution or amount of weight. People really have some mental issues when it comes to this.
Healthy, non-overweight people are not dying of this? Are you for real?
Lauren, show me an example of a healthy, non-overweight person who has died from this. With the babies, the cause of death was unknown. We don’t know about conditions in babies. A previous report said babies had very mild symptoms. At least one baby was from a very economically depressed, crime riddled area and came to the hospital basically dead. All of the “young and healthy” people dying from this on the news were overweight. Why do our docs care about our weight and let us know when our BMI is high if that has nothing to do with our health?
You are doubling down on your ridiculousness and hysteria and it’s not a good look for you. Take a step back. Get off the Internet for awhile. Take a walk.
You keep saying I am wrong, but can provide no information to support that I am wrong. You are calling me “hysterical” because you wish to believe that “Everyone Is Going To Die” and that is not true. Experts are saying that is not true.
I have a longer comment in moderation, but I’m not sure why any of what you’re arguing about here matters. The chronic conditions you’re talking about aren’t things people can fix overnight – they require longterm behavioral change and in many cases we don’t actually have much evidence that people can make that change stick. We’re in an urgent pandemic situation now, and we need a strategy that responds to the needs of the population we have now, not some hypothetical future population where everyone has lost weight. Maybe it makes you personally feel better to know your odds of getting really sick are lower if you’re generally healthy? Okay, that’s great. But our population as a whole is pretty unhealthy, and that’s the population we need to protect.
“You are calling me “hysterical” because you wish to believe that “Everyone Is Going To Die” and that is not true. Experts are saying that is not true.”
No one is saying “everyone” is going to die. You’re still sounding hysterical, frankly. We want to prevent the deaths we can prevent. That’s what the quarantine is for. I am one of the people who has posted that I think we need to plan to end the quarantine sooner rather than later but I understand the necessity of it.
Going to repeat the advice to get off the Internet and take a walk. You have gone down some kind of mental rabbit hole that is not serving you.
I was reading how those who manage their diabetes are faring better than those who don’t. It doesn’t take a long time to normalize your blood sugar, especially when you are at home and are more in control of what you eat. What I see here is a lot of excuse making. Antibody tests and vaccines can take months. We’ve been in lockdown for a month. How much could someone have improved their health in that time? Those closer to normal weight can lose up to 2.5 lbs a week, and those who are overweight tend to lose more at first.
I don’t think you understand the quarantine if you think that simply staying home for a month or so is going to solve this. Maybe you should go into your own mental rabbit hole and do some reading.
Since you insist, google the marathoner who was the picture of health who died of COVID. He was thin, fit and had run 83 marathons. That’s just one of many examples.
I cannot believe I’m even indulging this.
“Maybe you should go into your own mental rabbit hole and do some reading.”
Um, thanks for the suggestion but no thanks. If I end up in the dark mental place you are in right now, for me that would be worse than getting Covid-19.
Marathon running isn’t exactly considered healthy, and it has been known to cause issues in many as the long distance exertion is seen by the body as a stressor. I still don’t consider that case to be surprising. I myself had stopped distance running long ago due to this…with many others. https://www.heart.org/en/news/2019/03/01/is-long-distance-running-good-for-the-heart
Lauren B your responses on this and many other COVID topics are fear-mongering, dramatic and rude. We get that you want a national lock down, but you need to look at the data and reevaluate your position.
Given what we know about the state of health in this country, the lack of access to medical care, and the EXTREMELY well-documented difficulty of maintaining significant weight loss, I think your comment isn’t particularly relevant. We need to figure out how to manage this disease in the country we have, not in some mythical nonexistent America where those challenges don’t exist. And given what we know about weight and weight loss, “lose weight and keep it off” isn’t a practical solution to controlling COVID in the US in the short term. Effective public health interventions work with the population we have, not some ideal-state population.
Put differently: yup, the US is full of fat people. They’re at higher risk. A lot of them are people I love, and I know that even if losing weight and keeping it off were easy, that’s a years-long project and doesn’t help right now. Their lives matter too.
In regard to maintaining weight loss, many many sources point to a low glycemic diet over a fad diet for weight loss. We also have to acknowledge the mental health aspect behind weight that is ignored. Our medical system is doing a poor job helping people with this things because they are too busy profiting from them. But for those who are motivated, the info and help is there. There is so much information online, and with those fitness trackers and apps where you can monitor your food intake and movement…even the food substitutes we see available at the stores…the environment is better than ever for those looking to lose weight.
What is practical, is not getting takeout or baking every day, and that is all I see on social media. These are the same people yelling at people on walking trails and in parks.
Of course we all have big people in our lives that we love. But the big people in my life aren’t yelling at others for going to Target or being on the sidewalk in front of their house walking their dog. Too many are busy saying “Darn you all to heck…stay away from me, I’m vulnerable”. But they’re not willing to do anything about why they’re vulnerable.
You’re missing the point. We’re in a pandemic. We are trying to figure out how to respond in a very short timeframe. Substantial weight loss does NOT occur over a very short timeframe. Again, I’m sure it makes you feel better to look at stats about who’s dying and who isn’t, but it’s largely irrelevant to our national approach to dealing with the next 90 days.
Yuck. Just stop.
This pandemic is not going to resolve in a “short timeframe” from what everyone says. Have you been avoiding the news? There is plenty of time for people to help themselves, but clearly, just saying that is triggering for many. You can lose a good amount of weight in four months. You can improve your blood sugars in four months. You can reverse heart disease in four months. They say July is the earliest we can even think about getting back to “real life” but I suspect it will be much longer.
I think the point is that everyone should be in charge of their own health to the extent possible.
Exercise. Stop smoking. Eat a healthy diet.
Put yourself in the best position you can go survive.
I would agree if that’s what she said but it’s not. At all.
Wow.
I’m overweight – have been my whole life. The only time I wasn’t overweight, it was due to a highly successful (and dangerous) case of anorexia. I’ve had asthma since birth. Oh, and I’m also 10 weeks pregnant.
Should I just end it all now so that my baby and I don’t inconvenience you?
I think an important part of the “who is getting seriously ill if they get it” stats are – who are the people in your life that you want to shield.
In my country (not the US), about 3/4 of the people who need the most intensive care are men who are overweight, have diabetes or a heart condition (like high blood pressure). Okay, so how to use that information for anything remotely useful? Help nudge your loved ones at risk to get care long before they need the ventilator machines! Encourage uncle Bob who “has never been sick in his life” to actually pay attention if he suddenly coughs like mad and claims “a cold”. Don’t accept “I can take you to the shops” from Dad who’s been wheezing and taking betablockers the last seven years, but tell him to actually shelter in place, etc. I think you can use information in a meaningful way even though there’s no way the at-risk can change the cause of why there’s an additional risk.
I think the takeaway from this is that it takes longer to recover fully than they were thinking originally. The good news is that it still doesn’t seem as if they can be re-infected or that the strains are mutating. I think anecdotally the course of the disease seems to involve some peaks and valleys and maybe it’s not over as quickly as they thought. But I think this is the ‘least worst’ option, that we need more time to really heal up.
*solidarity elbow bump* on a tough day.
Are the people getting ill a second time though? I thought they were testing positive without being symptomatic. You’re generally infectious before you have symptoms and for the first week after you have symptoms, but then the infectiousness drops off very quickly. The fact that some virus exists in their body doesn’t mean they’re spreading it. It seems like people who remain asymptomatic and people who are pre-symptomatic are a much bigger concern as far as spreading goes.
+1. I live in a hotspot, and my in-laws have decided it’s safe to see their children and grandchildren after 14 days of quarantine. It seems like asymptomatic people could be spreading the virus for longer than 14 days. Also, they’re still doing things like retrieving mail, getting groceries delivered, and getting takeout–I’m not saying they shouldn’t be doing these things (so am I), but they’re not zero-risk, and you don’t get to decide you’re an exception to the stay-at-home order so you can see your grandchildren on Easter.
I just got an e-mail saying to confirm my e-mail with TikTok and I have only clicked on TikTok videos via FB (not many), which is associated with another e-mail account. Anyone else get this recently?
Getting more upset about my lack of privacy now that I keep trying to open a new FB account and first, they wanted a photo of my license, and on the second attempt, they want a “clear photo of my face”. I just want to see updates on local businesses and organizations and Facebook is the only way I can accomplish this now. Ugh. They shouldn’t be getting away with this, but when you have people in gov’t who are 100 years old and don’t understand technology, this is what we have.
You can’t care about your personal privacy and be on Facebook. The track record speaks for itself and any “privacy solution” dependent on the acquisition of more information is not a solution. Facebook and privacy cannot be reconciled–you are either in or you are out. Choose wisely. BTW, you can live a full and rich life without Facebook.
+1. I got rid of FB due to privacy concerns and I haven’t missed it. I thought I might, but it’s actually been so easy.
Facebook is tracking you whether or not you have an account. https://www.cnet.com/news/shadow-profiles-facebook-has-information-you-didnt-hand-over/
I just forego getting updates from local business etc if they are only on FB. If I am directly asked to do something on FB (like by my yoga studio and local coffee shop), I tell them that I avoid FB due to privacy concerns so that they know that they are not reaching some of their audience by sticking to FB only. I’m just one person, but I hope that like voting and recycling, I am making a difference.
I had long thought that plain cloth masks were good for pollen but didn’t actually filter out viruses. And I had read that in studies mis-use (I’m not 100% clear on what that entails — maybe a mix of touching the mask front and not laundering it so the inside is also filthy /germy) actually made people worse off (sicker) than unmasked people.
Today’s paper had a lengthy opinion screed column in it basically accusing the unmasked of spewing their droplets everywhere as if to kill people and make them go home and scrub themselves. I honestly feel like that is an over-reaction and that masks are at best virtue-signalling and at worst may make people sicker through mis-use. But since WHO and the CDC differ on this, I feel that people can be wrong but everyone is doing the best that they can and only the sick crazies out there are going around coughing on produce and screaming that they have it.
And because real main health authorities differ on this, can you even get a real answer backed by real data?
no you cannot get a real, unbiased answer.
You can go check out peer-reviewed literature. Maybe there’s a meta-analysis somewhere that answers this question.
There are several articles that explain studies of mask effectivity by material type. That is about the best you can get. From what I’ve seen the main conclusion is “some protection is better than none” and certain fabrics are more protective than others for you, but nothing is close to a medical grade mask in effectiveness. There is so much unknown the medical practitioners are trying to throw everything they have at it, especially with questions as to how viral load may or may not effect the severity of the illness. So yeah, if that triple layer cotton mask filters out your biggest spit droplets from you talking, breathing and the occasional sneeze or cough , and with that 60% of virus exposure, that’s a win versus the 100% without.
Just wear the recommended mask (two layer cotton with some sort of filter in the middle, even if it’s just tissue) out of your house as it can literally only help and doesn’t hurt anything. Switch out mask when that one gets damp.
My understanding is the cloth masks may protect *other people* from your coughs/sneezes/etc. So overall, it’s good for the population as a whole to have everybody wearing them.
There’s a difference between protecting against the virus in an aeresolized environment (as produced by intubation, for example) and protecting against the larger droplets of water and mucus that the virus is in after a typical cough, sneeze, breath, etc. If you catch the droplets, you effectively catch the virus with them in most normal circumstances.
People have tested cloth masks, and at least some of them are effective enough against droplet transmission that it’s absolutely worth wearing them. See for example: https://newsroom.wakehealth.edu/News-Releases/2020/04/Testing-Shows-Type-of-Cloth-Used-in-Homemade-Masks-Makes-a-Difference
the point of cloth masks is so that those infected (sometimes unknowingly!) do not cough/breathe/spray their respiratory droplets that contain the virus as much, and so fewer other people get infected. the idea is not to use them to protect yourself necessarily but if EVERYONE used them, rates of spread would drop due to those infected spreading fewer droplets around. it’s not just virtue signaling. it’s trying to protect others by reducing the spread of your own droplets.
think about it – if someone is smoking near me from me i can smell the cigarette smoke. if someone coughed in the same place their droplets can travel to me too.
i mean do what you want. masks reduce droplet transmission and myself and my family are wearing them and we’re encouraging our friends to. my dad is an internal med doctor and he is lobbying for everyone he knows to wear them to reduce transmission to others
Oof, yeah, I’m sick of people throwing tantrums when they see umasked people. Are they a good idea? Probably, but I’m not convinced they’re that necessary to prevent spreading germs, because simply breathing in an open space is most likely not spreading the virus.
That said, if wearing a mask will help my neighbors feel safe, and show them that I’m taking this crisis – and their health – seriously, then sure, I’ll do it.
+1
Long story but I’m hoping some of you will have insight. I had done bankruptcy restructuring work in 2008-11 in NYC biglaw. It’s what I wanted to do but there wasn’t enough work in my firm in that space once the economy upturned so I ended up back in commercial litigation. Ultimately left biglaw, private practice, and NYC and (maybe naively) thought if there’s another downturn, I’d love to get back in. We’ll see how this plays out but I’m now interested in connecting with 2-3 midlaw firms in my state. I realize this may be a pipe dream because every day law firms are announcing furloughs so why would they hire even in BK. But this is something I’d like to try and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.
But question is — how do you even reach out in this new state of the world? I don’t really have contacts at these firms — or very attenuated ones (like I met someone at a conference one time 4 years ago); I clerked in state so my judge may know someone. In the past you’d go out to coffee with someone, introduce yourself and then see if they’d introduce you to that department. I think the days of coffee sitting 1 ft away from a stranger and shaking hands with new people are long gone. Plus reaching out now makes it seem like you are divorced from reality as people are fearful of health, chasing kids around and trying to hold onto jobs; they likely are not wanting to do networking calls. As it stands now my current job has a pension that vests in 7 more weeks and my state is under lock down for 9 more weeks minimum. Do I just sit tight for 2 months or even one more quarter and see if filings rise and then send out resumes or talk to people?
Reach out to the HR person if there is one to see if they are hiring. If no HR person, reach out to a mid level partner on Linked In.
I think bankruptcy/restructuring is going to be one area of the law that isn’t hurting over this crisis (unlike so many other sectors of the economy). It can’t hurt to reach out.
My husband wrote a book! It is being published and will be live for ordering on Amazon this afternoon. I have a gift coming- but shipping delays mean it wont be here this afternoon. He’s been working really hard on this- What’s a good way to celebrate the occasion? We could open a special bottle of wine, I could do some special gardening favors, I could write a nice card/note?
Hooray!! Congratulations to him! Maybe put a big congratulatory sign in the window if he’s the kind of guy who likes attention?
Is this for real? No, you do not offer special favors in celebration of his achievement. You do those things only because you feel like it and you both agree to do them.
Agree with this. Stick to a bottle of wine and maybe make a cake or something if he has a sweet tooth.
Uh, presumably she does feel like it and presumably he will agree.
But it’s just gross to suggest that it’s a reward for his publication.
I don’t know. I think sex is fun and I think it’s fun to do fun things to celebrate celebratory events. YMMV. We also do birthday sex and anniversary sex and I don’t think that’s gross, either.
I don’t think it’s gross either. Let’s assume OP knows her husband better than you do and that he would also perceive this as a treat.
The tone policing is too much around here.
So I am the only one here who would be appalled if my husband expected “special gardening” for his birthday or a promotion? Holy cr@p.
I think there’s a difference between lovingly and freely giving “special gardening,” and expecting it to be given as a part of a celebration. Neither OP nor anyone else has said anything being expected by their partner or anything done without full, enthusiastic consent by both parties.
@1:31 you might not be the only one who would be appalled! But OP suggested the exact opposite…
Right! Good grief people are cranky!
I would be a palled if he expected it. But I often offer it, because it’s something I know he loves and is I want to do for him.
Some people like to celebrate with champagne. Some people like to celebrate with chocolate. Some people like to celebrate with a soul cycle class. Some people like to celebrate by gardening. If you’re not into it then don’t participate but I’m not into judging other people’s extra curricular activities involving consenting adults.
Err, she’s his wife, not his editor. Seems like a perfectly appropriate way for her to help him celebrate or, you know, pass another day in quarantine.
Heck, we gardened the other day because we were bored and couldn’t think of something we wanted to watch on TV.
Are you saying that people in long-term, committed relationships can’t offer fun “gardening” favors to celebrate special occasions? What?!
Yeah there’s a lot of reading into this comment. Why is the assumption that she’s not into it or he expects it?
The phrasing as a “favor” is what’s throwing people off, I think. To me, favor implies something you wouldn’t normally do/be interested in and I don’t believe that women should ever have any kind of s*x that they aren’t enthusiastic about. If what you actually meant is simply something special/out of the norm that you know your partner will love, that has a different vibe.
This.
To me, “favor” has always been a euphemism for oral, handplay, etc.–something more one-sided, at that particular moment, than vaginal or anal sex. That doesn’t mean the person giving it isn’t enthusiastic, or that overall balance is not achieved in the long run (maybe even later that night).
Help! A friend of a friend is a mortgage broker so I figured I’d throw them a bone and hire him to procure my mortgage because it can’t be that hard, or so I thought. Big mistake because apparently my friend is awful at their job and I managed to get a better mortgage myself in 10 minutes. DH doesn’t want to fire friend because that would be mean, but I cannot consciously sign a bad mortgage to be nice. Idk what to do.
Omg seriously? Of COURSE you fire friend. They aren’t going to be paying the higher mortgage for 30 yrs. If it makes your DH feel better offer to fire them yourself.
I know but friend did all the pre approval and what not so if we fire them then all that work is basically unpaid which I feel icky about. My working theory was to maybe cut friend a small cheque, like 1k? It’s not as much as the commission would have been but then I feel less like I took advantage of them.
Absolutely not. Part of being a mortgage broker is giving the best rate you can and understanding that customers WILL shop for the best rate. You do not owe him anything else. Plus the “pre-approval” is for the most part talking to you for an initial call and gathering paperwork and plugging in some numbers. You really want to pay him 1k for an hour worth of work, tops?
Yeah, we used a different broker for our pre-approval process than we ended up using for our actual mortgage for reasons. Granted, neither were friends so we didn’t have that aspect, but I suspect it happens all the time.
No, no, no. Good Lord. That is not how any of this works.
If it makes you feel better, reframe it so that your friend wasted YOUR time by putting you through the process for nothing.
Just say thanks, but I found a better rate elsewhere.
This.
This. One slightly uncomfortable conversation vs years of paying too much on a mortgage.
This, or offer friend a chance to beat it. It’s purely a numbers game, you gotta go with the best numbers.
+1, tell the friend the better terms and give them a chance to meet/beat it. Then if friend can’t, he knows it’s about business and isn’t personal.
It’s business here, not friendship. Keep that in perspective first and foremost.
If you got a better rate elsewhere, then I think you just say that. I can’t imagine friend would hold it against you if you were able to save money by going with someone else.
A friend of a friend got us our first mortgage, but I absolutely shopped around and sent him the details of the better deal I got. He took that to his boss and got us a deal to beat it. It’s business. I’ve probably had to do this in 2 or 3 other situations too. Sometimes the friend won my business, sometimes they didn’t. All are still friends though.
If you were talking about a small purchase, I would probably just go with my friend for the sake of a friendship. But not on a mortgage! I’m not made of money!
What? No. Share the better rate you got and see if the friend can meet/beat it. If they can meet it, sure, use them. if not, go with the better rate!
I wanted to share this link to “Berkeley in Place”, a short film featured in our local online news today.
I don’t know or have any affiliation with the film maker. I just thought it was extraordinary to see my very urban small city so empty during the middle of the day. We really do live in historic times.
https://www.berkeleyside.com/2020/04/08/what-does-berkeley-on-lockdown-look-like-from-the-sky
As a fellow Berkeleyan, thanks for sharing!
hey, this Berkeleyan saw it too, that’s a really cute film!
I’m born and bred in Berkeley too!
it seems like Fauci is starting to cave to White House Pressures by saying that a typical summer is in the cards. Obviously I would love that! But in my state at least we have limited testing, in large part due to the federal government not sending enough resources for testing. i realize this is wreaking havoc on the economy, and under normal times i tend to trust government guidance, but i am starting to get nervous that they are going to relax restrictions before it really is safe and then there will not be proper reporting of spikes in cases because people will be so resistant to resuming social distancing.
White House pressures or finally re-evaluating the garbage models that have been consistently wrong? Really wrong.
Some positive news, CVS and Walgreens are rolling out parking lot testing for covid-19. Hopefully this can help people from spreading it unknowingly.
Fauci is a very strong, assertive person. He’s not caving into anyone. He said summer travel might be possible, but he didn’t make any promises and he said specifically said a return to normalcy was contingent on things like widespread testing that we clearly don’t have yet.
Fun fact: My grandfather worked with Fauci and thought very highly of him.
I know I don’t handle online classes well. This was a truth I had to learn to accept about myself after having a summer where 9 credit hours of online classes somehow robbed me of all my time 5 days a week (they weren’t that intense, it shouldn’t have cost me that much) and another semester where I got a B in a class I could have gotten an A in had I not routinely forgotten about its existence. I am just bad at them. I know there are ways to do better, I admit that I am not attentive enough, I don’t write enough things down, and I am disorganized in places I know I shouldn’t be. I know this about myself and in turn I avoid online classes as much as I can.
Now that the ‘rona is in full force, I’m on week 3 of doing FIVE online classes. I have missed two lectures because I misread an email and thought we weren’t doing Zoom meetings. I had to miss a mandatory seminar because I misheard the professor on Zoom and thought he said 1:30 and not 10:30 (and I didn’t think to go back and check the email he had sent). I was late on an assignment because I had intended to check the due date and put it in my calendar but by the time I remembered to do that again the due date had passed. The work that hasn’t been late has been done at the last minute. I have mountains of reading to catch up on even though I feel like I spend all my time on schoolwork (my attention span is like a gnat). Every morning I have to join a language class where I am meant to be an active participant but doomed to cut someone else off every time I speak (or just not heard at all).
My university offered to let people take a pass or fail grade at the end of the semester if they score higher than a C, and it won’t count toward your GPA, or to let you accept your letter grade. I had As in all of my classes before moving online. I still have those As but only by the grace of professors who are understanding enough not to penalize my late work–which I still feel horrible about because I know that if not for that I would have a low B at this point. I’m lucky to have really good professors who have been very understanding about all of this and made the transition to online courses as smooth as possible (I can’t imagine trying to teach a non-European language over a Zoom session and have been very impressed by how well that prof in particular has handled the situation). I need all of these courses to graduate, it’s too late to drop, and I need to get a 4.0 GPA to have any shot at getting into programs I want to attend after this. Had everything remained in person, I would have been fine, and that would have seemed like I was on a solid track to do so, but now that I’m on a slippery downhill slope with online coursework I feel like that may be becoming unattainable because I am not managing this transition well.
End whine, going to go back to doing my assigned readings so I can write a some d*mn good papers.
I’m copy-pasting wholesale from a friend on Facebook who made this post share-able. She’s been working from home for years now and I thought this was good advice. Hopefully it helps you manage this transition a little more effectively.
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I know a lot of people are working from home and there’s a lot of advice about putting on pants and getting fresh air and defining your work hours and space, etc.
Diving a little deeper, though, here’s what makes my work-from-home days efficient and that are not related to whether or not I wear real pants.
* I use Toggl, a free time-tracking site, to track how long each project takes me. When I know the little ticker is going, I stay focused on the article I’m working on. This gives me a realistic snapshot of how long tasks take, and, at the end of the day, gives me an exact idea of how I spent my time.
* I have my “Daily 3.” These are my three top priorities that, if I get nothing else done, I’ll feel good about these tasks being completed.
* I ask myself: “What do I want to accomplish in the next hour?” throughout the day.
* I am a huge believer in the Pomodoro Technique. It’s the opposite of multitasking. You get to channel your entire focus into one task at a time and then take a mental recess.
* Be compassionate with yourself and cut yourself some slack. (Borrowed this from one of my favorite editors). These are trying times. If you are distracted by what’s going on that’s a reminder that you are a human.
* When a worry or anxious thought pops up, treat it like it rudely interrupted you and say to yourself “I can’t deal with you right now, I will get back to you when it’s more convenient for me.” I actually try to “schedule” my worry. By doing this, I set aside time and space to not just think about what is upsetting me, or at the root of my anxiety, but also come up with solutions and work through it.
* Pet your dog a lot.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, and I know it’s tough. This virus has thrown a lot of people into situations they work hard to avoid.
I had a semester in college my senior year of college where I had similar issues to what you’re describing. My professors, most of whom knew me well by then, gave me a LOT of grace. One gave me an A in the class despite me not completing about half of the coursework. Another told me he’d waive about half the coursework (I did the other half late) and just give me a C, which he later bumped up to a B- because apparently somebody did less than I did. I felt guilty as f*ck at the time, and I felt like a failure. I realize, looking back, that the professors were humans who had seen students struggle for various reasons, and they had faith in me and my future success.
Also, it turns out that I was struggling because I was dealing with a major trauma, and in the midst of that, I was in an anxiety spiral. I didn’t really know that at the time but figured it out in therapy later. We are all dealing with a trauma right now. I’m not a mental health professional, but some of your statements suggest you’re also dealing with anxiety.
So (1) give yourself grace, and allow your professors and institution to give you grace, (2) if available, seek some counseling through your school via telehealth, (3) do the best you can, given the circumstances.
Hey, I’m a professor. I am cutting my students lots of breaks right now, not because I’m a softie, but because this is a genuinely difficult time in all sorts of ways. I don’t think it’s fair to my students to have their performance recorded on their transcript as a C when I know that they’d be getting As or Bs if we were still on campus. My university has gone to mandatory pass/fail for all undergrads; but even if they hadn’t, I was planning on grading this semester incredibly generously. None of us signed up to teach or learn under these circumstances.
Point being, I’m glad your professors are being understanding–but also, you deserve that! It’s not cheating. Be honest with your professors about what’s going on with you, and I an 90% sure that at least some of them will do what they can to make sure you succeed. For example, I’ve allowed a few students to skip the midterm paper in one class, which was due 5 days after we got instructions to leave campus. They couldn’t get situated to start working on it for a couple of weeks, and I didn’t want them to get even further behind on other work (either for my class or their other classes) while trying to finish that paper. Instead, I’m weighting all the other written assignments in the class more heavily for them. They’re still achieving all the essential learning goals for the class, although they are missing out on some writing instruction and feedback. It’s the best solution for a deeply imperfect situation
Another professor here. Take the CR / NC grading option. Pretty much every university in at least the developed world is switching to online classes with varying degrees of chaos. Going forward when you apply to other programs, a Spring 2020 semester of CR grades will *not* hurt you.