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As we get into rainy season, I have to say: I don't mind walking in a bit of rain, and sometimes even making a dash through a downpour is unavoidable. But dressing for the rain is key — I'm far more comfortable if I'm wearing a hooded rain jacket (I have this one after tons of great reader recommendations, and it's got a nice deep hood), a brimmed hat so my glasses don't get wet, and rainboots like either of these bestsellers.
But the bag component is tricky — sure, you can always tuck it under your coat, but that's less than ideal if you've got a long commute in drizzle. So I was happy to see this waterproof backpack that converts to a north/south tote. It seems perfect for anyone biking to work or with more than a 2-minute walk to their subway station, and I like that it's pretty affordable at $125. (I'd also take this bag on a vacation in a heartbeat since it always seems like we get stuck in the rain!)
The bag also comes in a pretty dusty blue. Shift Waterproof Backpack
Looking for more backpacks for work? We've just updated links from our last roundup!
Update: Hunting for the best work backpacks? Some of our favorites in 2024 are below — see the full post for all the details!
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
WHBM dress experience
Anyone have experience with White House Black Market sheath dresses? They are beautiful on line but I have never had one or tried one on…..hows the quality? fabric? sizing? TIA!
Anon
I have a few that I really like. I only need to wear them for presentations, conferences, etc so I haven’t worn them very often but I like the quality. I’m petite and petite length is perfect. Mary Orton on Instagram posts pictures while wearing them sometimes.
Ducky36
In my experience they run short in the torso. I usually buy petite sizes, but at WHBM I need regular lengths. The fabric and stitching is usually a good quality for what you pay. They tend to sell clothing with some stretch to it, not traditional suiting fabrics. Sizing is similar to Ann Taylor, bigger than Theory.
WHBM dress experience
OP here, good input thank you…..
anon
+1 that everything from WHBM runs very short in the torso. I’ve had to send back such pretty things :(.
Anonymous
Ooh, now I’m going to look at WHBM. Haven’t shopped there but most of my dresses have to be altered to shorten the torso. Thanks!
AG
I’m with you; I can NEVER find dresses that fit my super short torso. Thank you!
Jennifer
Wow! I actually own this backpack. I’ve carried for a year and it has held up great. The bag doesn’t hold a ton. Seriously, 2 Swell water bottles, my glasses case and a book is about it. The straps can be unbuckled and stashed in the bag if you need it to be more formal. I purchased it at the Rains store in Copenhagen.
Anon
Update post – I’m the crawl in a hole poster struggling with depression who was taking Lexapro but felt like it wasn’t helping. It does help my anxiety though so doctor left that and added 150mg of Wellbutrin this morning. Feeling really encouraged and hoping this medicine helps. I know side effects are different for everyone but given the popularity of Wellbutrin, feel free to tell my your experiences with Wellbutrin. (Also it says on the bottle to take it in the morning but I take my Lexapro at night due to drowsiness and would like to take them at the same time. Does anyone else take it at night? Waiting on a call back from dr office for additional instruction on that one).
Anon
Hi there – glad you’re back. I’m the poster who was mad at your GP for prescribing and leaving you alone for 8 weeks.
When they say Wellbutrin is an upper, they mean it. You don’t want to take it at night – I mean, you can if you want to be bouncing off the walls at 3 am instead of sleeping – but stick with taking it in the morning.
I hope your doctor is slowly introducing you to Wellbutrin and not just telling you to dive right in with 150? If your doctor did tell you to dive right in with 150, please, please find a new medical professional who’s more educated about mental health. Leaving you alone for 8 weeks with Lexapro is unforgivable in my book, and if they just told you to pop 150 Wellbutrin in the morning, that’s inexcusable. It’s easy to think that anti-depressants are so common that we don’t need to be concerned about them, but they’re serious drugs that mess with your brain’s chemistry and shouldn’t be treated lightly by anyone.
As for me, well, Wellbutrin turned me into a manic, jittery, heart-racing, sobbing disaster. It was like I was on speed. Have you seen that commercial where the lady buys 18 DSLRs in the middle of the night? Yep, it was like I was bipolar, that’s how “up” Wellbutrin made me. I also felt wretched physically – aches and pains and generally like I had been hit by an 18 wheeler. Needless to say, I’m one of the people for whom Wellbutrin is not a good fit.
Anon
Yikes, looks like I will be taking in the morning. Thanks for your feedback and I really appreciate the concern. I am seeing her again in 4 weeks. I do like her so hoping this medicine works out. I’m sorry it didn’t work for you, those side effects sound awful and I hope you found something that suits you better. She did say that 150 was the standard intro dosage and that it goes up to 450. I am only on 10mg of Lexapro and started out with 5mg so I guess it depends on the medication as far as dosage.
Anonymous
What my psychiatrist told me about bupropion is that it can cause or increase anxiety for the first few weeks, but after that it improves anxiety. She also said that in general it can take a few weeks to really kick in. To me the “increased anxiety” felt like lights were too bright, cars were too fast, grocery stores were too colorful, etc. But this went away just as she had promised. I would expect it to keep you up at night if you took at night.
Hope this helps
I’ve been on 20 mg/lexapro/day for a few years now but since last summer, the depression has come back and this fall and winter were pretty bad – definitely crawl-in-a-hole, go-back-to-bed, cry every day, kind of thing. My shrink prescribed Wellbutrin early March and said 4-6 weeks for it to take effect…. literally the first/second week of April I started feeling better, almost exactly 4 weeks, and now I’m feeling better, like, things are do-able, I have a little bit of goals and motivations, I don’t WANT to complain, stuff like that. So, here’s hoping you’ll get there.
Yes it is a morning medication, not evening because it does give a little bit of a buzz.
Anon
I’m glad it’s helping you! May I ask what dosage of Wellbutrin you started with? She said (and I’m reading) that 150mg is the starting dosage for Wellbutrin but it does seem a bit high
MomAnon4This
I think I’m on 30 or 50 mg/day.
Not sure about Wellbutrin but my dr. said up to 75 or 100 mg is not uncommon with Lexapro. So I know that the dosages can go up there.
Anemone
Are you on the SR or the XR? On the SR you definitely don’t want to take it at night on the XR once you are used to it and it’s built up in your system it should matter less when in the day you take it (it has for me). I had pretty gnarly insomnia to start with but now have no worse sleeping problems than before. 150MG is not really considered the therapeutic dose for major depression but maybe they prescribe you lower doses when you are on more than one antidepressant? Or perhaps they want to ramp you up slowly? I am taking it (300MG XL) for MDD with anhedonic characteristics and its been literally a life saver for me. I think I missed your first post so I don’t know the nature of your symptoms- but Wellbutrin in particular seems to be considered really effective for this kind of depression. I’m moving on to a psychiatrist now but my PCP medicated me first and didn’t even consider giving me a traditional SSRI with so much lethargy and apathy. I was definitely jittery in the beginning and had to really remember to eat and drink regularly but it all evened out at the end and my anxiety eventually became better than it was before- I’m still anxious but haven’t had a full blown panic attack since being medicated. But if you end up being one of the people it doesn’t work for please don’t give up and please seek out therapy if you aren’t seeing one already. I too hear the lexapro/wellbutrin combo is really helpful for some folks. You can get through this. You aren’t alone. Feel free to post a burner if you need more support. Also as a side note -because I’ve noticed its really comorbid with depression and anxiety-maybe double check that you don’t have ADHD as a complicating factor.
Anon
I did really well on the Lexapro/Wellbutrin combo for quite some time. The Wellbutrin is definitely an “energizer” so I recommend taking in the morning. I agree with the poster who mentioned that if the doctor is just throwing you on a 150mg dose, get another opinion/see someone else better trained in how these meds work. My GP reallllly screwed up with my mental health meds and it caused a lot of issues in my life. I cannot recommend enough that you see a psychiatrist who will monitor your dosage and help you find not only the right dose but the best med(s) that work for you. Doing that was a huge life changer for me. Depression & anxiety are so tough, and I hope you are doing ok.
Maudie Atkinson
That combo has been really great for me. One point of note: the Wellbutrin gives me really strange, really vivid dreams. At first they were pretty disruptive, but I got used to it eventually.
Natalie
I too started out on just Lexapro and felt like it wasn’t doing anything, but I felt the positive effects of the Lexapro/Wellbutrin combo very quickly. I started out on 10 mg Lexapro and 150 mg Wellbutrin, however I have since decreased to 75 mg Wellbutrin and did not experience any noticeable side effects with the decrease. I will say that I unfortunately have had bad night sweats since starting on this combo, but don’t want to stop taking it as it has helped with anxiety/depression so much. Hoping to reevaluate at the 6 months mark (I miss wearing cute pajama sets!). Would love to know if anyone else has experienced this side effect?!
Anonymous
I think it would be weird not to experience increased sweating on Wellbutrin. I don’t know about night sweating in particular though; you might want to check with your PCP to make sure there’s not another cause for night sweating that Wellbutrin is just exacerbating.
Anon
Not sure if you will see this, but my husband went on Wellbutrin and felt immediate positive effects, sure that he would love it. Once it was fully in his system, he unfortunately suffered an allergic reaction side effect, where his chest, legs, and arms turned bright red (looked sunburnt) and he itched incredibly badly, so he had to go off it because it was the worst itching he had ever experienced. I mention this because if you suddenly start itching, you may not link it to Wellbutrin right away and think instead it is fabric softener or some outside source that is making you itch. Luckily my husband was only on it for a week, so he got it out of his system fairly quickly. It was really a shame because mood-wise, he felt great.
Rainbow Hair
I really like Wellbutrin. I added it to Zoloft. I started on 150 and now take 150 twice a day, first thing in the morning and then midday (then Zoloft before bed). The only real side effect was a week of aphasia — which was hella weird but it went away.
The best thing I noticed after a few weeks on the combo was that I could DO things again! Like, when I was just on the Zoloft, I had stopped sobbing on the floor because life was too hard, but getting through the day — taking care of the kid and my job — was about *all* I could do. With the addition of Wellbutrin, I feel so much more like myself. I can do my hobbies after the kid is in bed, instead of just crawling into bed myself! Going to the gym is not inconceivable!
I hope it’s as good for you as it has been for me.
Anon
Makeup PSA: the Anastasia Beverly Hills “Sultry” palette is going away as it was apparently limited edition so get it now if you’ve wanted it! Sephora took it off its shelves but I was able to get one today as they still had them in the back. Looks like it’s still available online but likely not for long.
anon
Are you a creature of habit when it comes to clothing? Even when I try to break out of my mold, I tend to gravitate toward the same stuff. Example: Went to D!ck’s to try on running clothes, thinking I’d upgrade. Ended up with a new style of shorts, but the same Nike dry fit tee I’ve bought 10 times before. It’s not really a problem, I guess, but I find it curious that I go back to favorite items even when I’m trying to do something different!
I successfully broke my habit of defaulting to t-shirts all the time for casual wear — that was a big win for my wardrobe. I’ve added more neutrals than I ever used to wear, but I’m still a sucker for color and just can’t quit it even though my “fantasy” wardrobe is sleek neutrals. Know who you are, I guess!
Anonymous
I have some beatup old fleece pants. The fleece is threadbare. The waist elastic is shot.
I have a new pair, but I reach for the old ones.
I’m moving soon, so my deal with myself is new house / cannot have old pants and they’ll be trashed as a last thing on my way out.
Anon Etsuko Fan
I was jus thinking earlier today how I am one step away from becoming Elizabeth Holmes in her black turtleneck and black pants. Only my “habit” is the MM LaFleur Etsuko. I own it in navy, black, forest green, claret, chili, patterned black and white, pea green, coblat and purple. I hate almost every other dress I own or worry if I’m too formal/casual/too bright/too stuffy for work, so it’s always one of the Etsukos. My “sitting around the house wearing leggings and a sweatshirt” consists of the same Uggs zip up sweatshirt in charcoal, black and burgundy. I’d like to say this is my capsule wardrobe and that everything in my closet otherwise is empty and pristine. But alas it is not. I just hide this capsule amidst a ton of crap that I buy and never ever wear . Oh, and I have a pair of sandals that are really comfy and work well whether formal or casual–I have those in blue, pink, black, sliver and gold (they look good with the Etsuko….) I seriously have a problem.
Anonymous
I’m feeling better about have two Etsukos now. I do feel like the black is perfect. I have a lighter gray color and I feel like my lumps and bumps hide in the black (like it traps light and doesn’t show surface variations the way gray does) but are exposed in the gray.
Erin
I have four Tahari dresses in a similar style – navy, magenta, kelly green, and teal. I call them my “lady lawyer costume” because they are perfect for a meeting/event that requires a conservative outfit. They’re 3/4 sleeves, not too short, and a modest neckline. Win!
Kale
Which Tahari dress? Can you post a link? The Etsuko is too constricting on the shoulders for me but Tahari tends to fit me well.
cat socks
Yes, definitely. I have different types of uniforms that I wear throughout the year. I don’t mind though. I know what types of clothes make me feel great and I stick to those. For example, fit and flare or swing dresses look best on me, so I have multiples of those. As I get older, I’m less into trying trends.
Idea
I used to get the same tops in the same styles, just different colors.
I have pared down my styles and colors to know what looked best on me, but my new effort past 6-8 months or so is to get more patterns, less solids.
So… yes. I am a creature of habit.
anon a mouse
But what did you find to substitute for t-shirts for casual wear? I have the same issue….
Anon
I try to be a creature of habit for simplicity’s sake, but I have a nasty knack for falling in love with things that get discontinued. The search continues…
Anonymous
I have duplicated the same suit in different colors, the same silk tank, and the same leather tote, and I literally cannot count how many pairs of Stuart Weitzman kitten heels I have worn over the years. I am also brand loyal on lingerie because it’s hard to find the right cut.
Anonymous
I have eight Talbots merino wool sweaters in different colors, because they fit great, are super warm and awesome quality (espcially paired with Uniqlo extra warm heattechs underneath on super cold days), and go well with all my black/navy/charcoal/brown winter suits. Picked them up on Black Friday and december sales and lived in them all winter. I swear I don’t work for them!
Anonymous
Older professionals, especially older attorneys on this board, help me not want to dig a ditch to China and never return?
I made a mistake that will necessitate a motion for relief under California civil procedure. In short, it’s basically the “attorney falls on the sword” statute. After I learned about it I wrote up several detailed emails to my boss in which I reflected on how it happened, what I should have done differently, and what I could be doing to fix it. Some of them may have also included profuse apologies and declarations of taking complete and utter responsibility, even though I, as a junior associate who inherited the case, may not be 100% responsible. For the sake of anonymity I won’t go into details about that percentage.
The boss is beyond busy and has replied only to the emails including solutions to point out ways to make the solution better. He never acknowledges the apologetic parts, and has not yet written reprimands other than “yikes.” We had one in person discussion about it in which I asked clarifying questions about how to implement the solution and he answered, not unkindly. This also happened the night before I was supposed to go on vacation and I may have commented that I thought about cancelling to fix it. The response seemed like a wry chuckle.
My personal life isn’t great right now since I’m also dealing with my mom’s cancer treatments, but in the meantime how do I function and stop waiting to be fired?
Anon
Therapy and medication for anxiety. You made a mistake. That’s not great, but we all make mistakes. You owned it, you figured out a solution for it, the boss seems satisfied with your solution. These are all good things. This is not a situation in which you should be paralyzed with fear or embarrassment and if it is, you need some mental health help.
Anonymous
In therapy, but kind of just started and we haven’t scratched this surface yet.
Anon
I think if you were going to be fired, that would have already happened. I also think that your boss does not think this is as big a deal as you think it is– hence the “wry chuckle.” Source– I have screwed up several things that were pretty major. They were all able to be fixed eventually. The only time my boss got mad at me was when it was something that I had noticed, thought was not a big deal, and not brought to his attention. With the worst thing I screwed up, I brought it to his attention, and I think he saw it as a sign of maturity that I was willing to deal with the fall out (even though we were both aware that it was our paralegal that made the screw up– I just didn’t catch it). My guess is that your boss is thinking the same way– he is probably impressed with the fact that you are owning up to the problem and trying to fix it on the front end instead of waiting for it to blow up.
Mistakes happen. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Look for a solution and move on.
Anonymous
I’m not senior by any means, but my short time in the legal world has taught me that while you want to do it right the first time, far more things are fixable than I initially thought.
Rainbow Hair
Same. Especially when I was working in commercial litigation at a tiny firm, I learned that mistakes are not great, but that most things don’t need 110% perfection.* Problems can be fixed, generally. And judges are loath to punish a litigant for its attorney’s mistakes.
*Sort of a tangent, but it was such a trip to move from Big Law where the expectation was consistently A+ work, to Small Law where no one wanted to pay me for the extra hours to take work from “solid B that gets the job done” to A+.
Assoc Atty
+1. Way far more things are fixable than I initially thought as well. I still get panic attacks when there are errors but its gotten much easier to talk myself down and find a solution afterwards once I realized this.
Idea
Exhale.
You’re still here. Even if you do get fired guess what? You’ll be ok.
One idea… can you look up other attorneys that have filed similar motions and see what they’re doing now? They survived, you will too.
Your boss likes you and is your corner, s/he is not going to confront you over this at this time. You’re on the case together, not against each other. You’re ok.
Anonymous
Well, I’m not a lawyer and I don’t know your boss, but …this sounds like a good response on his part, to me. He didn’t berate you, he responded to your solutions, he kindly answered your questions . . . isn’t that all good news?
As for how to handle it, you forgive yourself for messing up, do what you can to make it right (which you’re doing), recognize that you’re not going to feel peaceful about this anytime soon (but that’s OK, you’ll live through it). Recognize that you’re already emotional because of your mom, and therefore don’t put too much stock in how you feel about this work thing. Recognize that even if you were to lose this job, you’d be fine. You’ll have learned how to fix a mistake and live through it. And put it into perspective. While the situation at work is tough, coming on top of your mom’s illness, it’s not in the same realm, at all. It’s not life and death. You can always find another job, if you need to.
Go on vacation. Hug your mom.
It’ll be OK. That clause exists because it’s needed, because people make mistakes.
Anonymous
On the boss front, I want to echo this response, especially if this happened at the end of the week. I messed up something on a Thursday once, and we didn’t talk about it until the next week. At that point I’d had time to cry it out, watch a rom-com, sleep, and work out. I was in such a better headspace to discuss it, and didn’t fall to pieces. You know your boss, but don’t catastrophize. This may be an action of grace.
Of Counsel
Take a deep breath.
There is a reason they call it “practicing” law. I can still distinctly recall walking into a partner’s office in tears about a mistake I made as a new attorney sure I was getting fired. I have never forgotten what he said: “Mistakes happen. All I can ask is that you tell me when they do and that you try not to make the same one twice. Learn the lesson and move on.”
That was 25 years ago and I am still making mistakes and learning lessons. You will keep doing the same. Learn the lesson and move on. It is going to be OK.
Jules
I can’t tell you not to beat yourself up over this, since I do that myself, way too much. But, as others have said, everyone makes mistakes (not just junior attorneys, we all do still*); you fix them, learn and move on.
I did something similar in my first year of practice; a case we had filed was actually dismissed over my error and I had to do a motion – with a mortifying in-person court appearance – to get it reinstated. I don’t remember the details, but a full 30 years later I remember how horrible I felt. I also remember even more vividly how kind the senior partner was to me. He made me laugh, showed me the appropriate fall-on-my-sword mechanism to fix it and we moved on. If your senior person was furious, you’d know it. He’s probably remembering his own early mistakes.
Breathe, you will be fine.
*Two recent mistakes I caught that were made by opponents of mine, both men in their 60s with 40+ years in practice: One filed a lawsuit against my client and got his own client wrong (he named the county commissioners as plaintiffs instead of the independent county agency that has to sue and be sued in its own name). The other, counsel for a large hospital organization, filed in federal court a good 500 pages of documents with unredacted patient information. He was a complete, condescending, pompous ass throughout the litigation and it was all I could do to take the high road when pointing this out and suggesting he ask to replace his exhibit. Because I told myself, we all make mistakes and maybe next time it will be me.
RR
Take a deep breath. Your boss doesn’t sound mad, and he’s probably done the same thing before. You took responsibility and are fixing it. He’s not going to panic with you, but he’s also not responsible for talking you out of being stressed. As someone who has been practicing for almost 20 years, I’ll tell you candidly that it’s the panicking that annoys me more than the mistake. You will make mistakes. Take responsibility, work with me to fix them. But, be practical and calm. It’s good to apologize, but it’s not great to wallow and want me to wallow with you. This has a solution, and you are implementing it. You being stressed doesn’t make it more fixed. Fix, learn, move on. Focus on your mom and the things that matter.
Anonymous
+1,000
Anonymous
I think I’ve yet to panic in a way that anyone can notice the extent of, it’s been more like crying while driving away from work, taking long bathroom breaks/long coffee breaks, and debating not getting up in the mornings/not going to bed in the evenings. The pace of hidden panic has just picked up after vacation, is all. The only time I even let on that I was the slightest bit panicked was in wry commentary in person, I think I asked another senior attorney to review my motion since the boss was out and chuckled a little too hard at some of his suggestions.
Anonymous
Omg it’s been more than a day or two and you’re stillthis upset? Please get some therapy. You gotta learn to be more resilient.
Senior Attorney
You’re fine. I promise. You did the right thing by fessing up and taking steps to fix it. That is hugely important and a lesson some people have to learn the hard way. (I heard once that the majority of white collar criminals are in jail for something they did AFTER the investigation began, and I believe it. The cover-up is always going to be worse than the original mistake.)
Now you need to stop apologizing before your boss gets irked at all the apologies. Everybody makes mistakes. Shake it off (or at least pretend to shake it off), and move on. And whatever you do, don’t cancel your vacation.
Hugs to you and your mom.
Anonymous
OP Anon, yea, half of my mortification is that I’m still mortified. I know full well it’s going to look worse at some point soon if I appear stressed over something I should be moving on from, which makes it worse because I’m so jetlagged that it’s like I’m hungover and being tired is making everything process slower. I’ve basically lived this week by pretending, doing easy assignments, and taking a lot of coffee breaks.
(jetlagged meaning yes, I did go).
Anonymous
You just keep doing your job. We have all made mistakes. Nothing about this suggests your boss is thinking of firing you, nor is there anything else you can do to change his mind if he wants to.
Anon
Put yourself in your boss’s shoes. He is beyond busy as you say. What would you want. You would want the situation remedied as soon as possible, with as little of your (the boss’s) time involved as possible, and you would not want to deal with anyone’s emotions over and over.
In practice that means
1) stop apologizing. I’m serious. Not one more time.
2) fix the mistake yourself
3) come to your boss with solutions, not problems. Even if he has to do something himself, prepare it for him to the extent you can.
Breathe. Move on.
Anonymous
The problem with 2 is that it’s an entirely new situation. I spent probably half of my vacation time in nonbillable hours reading cases about it but there is no exact match to the situation so that’s feeding into my anxiety, I can’t predict that if I do x, y will happen.
I’ve always been a torture myself in private kind of person, I don’t let anyone else see me cry or be less than perfectly composed. It’s driving me crazy that this is slipping.
Anonymous
Your boss doesn’t seem freaked out, and he has more experience with your court, so rely on his judgment. I have seen lawyers on the other side completely blow deadlines and the court has granted relief. I have also filed a day late at 4 in morning due to an attack of word processing gremlins the night before. Get some rest, and do your level best on the motion and everything else you have on your plate.
Anon
Why do we all carry professional liability insurance? Because we all screw up sometime. If this is not a “report it to the carrier” offense. You will be fine. Even if it is, you will likely be fine. It sucks but it will be just a blip in a few months. My major screw up, I missed a hearing! It was a series of calendaring fails that required a parade of horribles to occur. Everything worked out and if anything, the extra time likely led to a better settlement.
Anonymous
The links for the boots and jacket aren’t working?
Kate
A few years ago, I got a rare disease and was sick for an extended period of time – lost a ton of weight/hair loss, etc. Over the last few years, I’ve gotten healthy again and am generally happy with what my ‘new’ body can do. I’m starting to shop for this body and not just buy temporary clothes, if that makes sense. That said, I’m struggling to get used to having a much smaller chest – approximately went from a C to an A and a smaller band size. I’m not interested in implants for personal reasons. Are there any styles you wish you could wear as a well-endowed lady, or styles you love to wear as a smaller-chested lady? Trying to find some light in this, with some new wardrobe upgrades!
BabyAssociate
Wrap dresses/top!
A
+100000000
Idea
Bralettes – no underwire, just shelf bras or almost camisole undershirts.
Spaghetti straps or like the slip dresses of 90s days…
Can you rock strapless? That might be fun, especially a bandeau swimsuit.
You’re beautiful.
Anonymous
There are so many cute bralettes I wish I could wear but that have been impractical for me. In fact, I am much smaller chested (and generally sort of… deflated… womp womp) after nursing my babies, so maybe I will try some of these now too!
Monday
+1. I would love to wear a pretty bralette with a low-armhole tank top on weekends, so that the lace shows on the sides. This will never be doable for me, so enjoy it for me!
Also, some dresses or shirts can be worn without a bra if you’re small enough in the chest. I’m always jealous of that.
Anonymous
I am small-chested but I wouldn’t want to go without a bra. Things still feel to floppy when you move around. And I still like some lift (otherwise, mine so sideways, like into my armpits).
My tween can go bra-less and people with implants apparently can do the same (it’s like they are self-supporting???).
Anon
Wrap dresses and shirts/dresses with a deep V neck. Also just running around (not to the office but in more casual settings) bra-less or in a bral3tte.
Anonymous
Flat chested, but what I’ve heard from my well-endowed friends uniformly is: halter tops (they are my favorite for warm weather).
Also: high-impact sports (tennis, running) and having your jackets actually button.
Finally: even tarty clothing doesn’t look tarty on us. So you can wear really fashiony pieces while it is basically a snoozefest on the inappropriateness front.
PolyD
Button down/up shirts!
Look for that movie about scammers with Amy Adams… I can’t remember the name, Jennifer Lawrence was in it too. Set in the 1970s and Amy Adams wore these gorgeous slinky very low v-neck dresses. So, probably not for work, but fabulous for evening.
Maybe check out some ballet dancer instagrams for ideas? Audrey Hepburn? Your body is healthy and beautiful and you should have some fun dressing it!
Anonymous
American Hustle is the movie :)
ATL rette
Super deep V necks, skimpy spaghetti strap tops, anything with a built in bra, bralettes.
Anon
Super deep v necks for sure! There’s a deep v summer salt swimsuite that’s taunting me that I wish I could wear.
Anonymous
shirts with open backs without a bra
anne-on
I’m not at all busty and have a relatively and high waist, so I find 1950’s/60’s styles look really great on me – fitted sheaths, a lines that are VERY fitted in the chest/waist and then flare out to the hips, tulip cut skirts, etc. I also really love never having to worry if a top if too low cut, all I’m showing is sternum (think Lupita at the Oscars in her baby blue dress). Yes, deep v halter dresses and tops are also great. I don’t love wrap styles personally because I think they work better on busty curvy bodies which isn’t me! But you go for it if you like them!
Anon
YES! Basically anything that can be worn without a regular bra. Strapless, low back/backless, deep Vs, spaghetti straps, back cutouts, slip dresses, anything silk. Also those super cute lace bralettes. These are all things that I am dying to wear but can’t with my larger chest that needs underwire, cups, and bra straps.
For inspiration, I second the poster who mentioned Amy Adams in the movie American Hustle. Keira Knightly and Gwyneth Paltrow also come to mind. If you give us a sense of what vibe you’re going for, we might be able to come up with some more IG/blogger/celeb inspiration for you!
Anonymous
Im seeing lots of styles with a sleeveless shirt has a high neckline, and sort of goes in at the shoulders. That is only for the smaller chested and looks cute to me. Bandeau tops for swimsuits, any kind of delicate top that requires a strapless bra, cami dresses (seem to be everywhere right now). Turtle necks for when it is cold out. Plunge v-necks for a going out or evening look.
-I have a lot of ideas for things that I can’t wear, F cup.
Kate
Ladies, thank you!! I generally have a pretty classic style, but am open to trying new things. I wear a lot of dresses, as they have been forgiving as my weight has fluctuated. I have never really worn anything with a V because in the past I have had cleavage – so things like wrap dresses, V necks, didn’t even cross my mind. Strapless should work and it’s on my list to go bra shopping now that my size seems to have ‘settled’ so that will go on my list. I would have no idea where to start with IG/etc., so welcome all suggestions! FWIW, with many mall brands, I’m about a size 0, regular size (too tall for petites). Trying to start saying “athletic” instead of “curve-less” which is (unfortunately) what I’ve caught myself thinking. Thank you again!
Is it Friday yet?
As an “athletic” lady, two brands that tend to work well for me are Theory and Reiss. I wear a lot of sheath dresses from both (actually, mostly v-necks!), and they are definitely cut for a more straight up and down frame. Being small also means you can get away with more fitted dresses, without getting to va-va-voom, so it opens up more possibilities. I am a 00/0 in mall brands, and am a pretty consistent 2 in Theory and a 2/4 in Reiss.
Anonymous
I second this. As the tall curvy opposite of an athletic body, Theory and Reiss are always miles away from fitting even if I get the biggest size. I’m about an 8 in Hugo Boss and 8/10 Banana Republic, but even a 14 in Theory would just hang straight up and down oddly.
Anonymous
Check out Extrapetite! I’m not in petite sizing but find her outfits to be well coordinated.
Anonymous
So many! Backless, strapless, wrap, cut outs!
Anon
Too warm for the upcoming summer (but probably on clearance now!): nice turtlenecks, particularly the ribbed close-fitting ones. They’re so sleek looking, but with my bust I either look like a saggy mess or a jacked-up watermelon smuggler.
Anon
If I had A cups (not my F cups) and had nips that pointed forward and not toward the ground, I’d ditch my bras for sure. I’d also wear a v neck down to my navel. This is all for going out, mind you.
Anon
Look up “What not to wear” original book from Trinny and Susannah. In that, Trinny I believe has a A cup and they specifically address what to wear for her body shape and what not to wear.
A
Wrap dress
Bikinis
Strapless
One shoulder
Spaghetti straps
Bralettes
Halter necks
I’m envious just typing this.
Ribena (formerly Hermione)
Great timing, Kat. I got absolutely soaked on my way to a book event last night (plus it was too warm to cycle with my jacket zipped up, so the whole front of my dress was sodden).
I have a casual backpack that’s completely waterproof from Joules, one of our U.K. brands, and I love it so much. I didn’t have to worry one second about the stuff in there, even while I looked like a drowned rat.
Anon
Can we start suing anti-vaxxers for the harm they’re causing everywhere? I found out I wasn’t immune last year (maybe because I was born before 1989 when the vaccine was in the single dose, maybe because I have autoimmune diseases) and I may be at risk if these idiots continue infecting people. What are the next steps here to bring about change and stop people from willfully infecting others (that’s how I see it)? I already live in CA where the “religious exemption” laws have been tightened, but now there’s a potential outbreak at UCLA, one of the largest campuses in the country.
Anon
Yeah it’s awful. Can you get immunized again or does your health prevent that? Most doctors will offer boosters to adults who only had one dose or who can otherwise demonstrate they don’t have immunity. (Also before a lot of people panic, when the vaccine recommendations changed in 1989, most children were offered a second dose. My husband and I are both early 80s babies who received an MMR booster in the early 1990s. I believe after 1989, many schools required a second dose for entry, so unless your parents opted out you were likely fully immunized.)
Anon
The college outbreaks really scare me, especially this close to the end of the semester. I feel like UCLA students are basically done with the year, and are just about to spread out across the US/world for the summer.
Anon
UCs are on quarter system (other than Berkeley) so they aren’t done until mid June but I agree with this. And generally that anti vaxxers should have to pay some sort of consequences. It’s insane that people are dying from an entirely preventable disease.
Worry about yourself
Are colleges no longer requiring vaccinations? That’s scary, if that’s the case.
anon for this
It’s terrifying. I am vaccinated, but I have a weakened immune system and am very sympathetic to the immuno-compromised. I also have a toddler who can’t get the second MMR dose for another year — I know the first is like 93% effective but it’s still very concerning.
I would support people being able to opt out by paying a very high fee/tax. Like you don’t want to vaccinate your kid? It’s $100K per kid, and they can’t attend public schools. The public is going to end up subsidizing the risks these people are taking and it seems only fair to make the people who are taking the risks pay for part of it.
Anon
I could get on board with that, but I favor civil and/or criminal charges for the parents in the end. I don’t think anyone can or should be tied down and forcibly vaccinated, but they can be unvaccinated while paying out lawsuits or serving time.
Anon
+1 I think you should be banned from at minimum schools, hospitals and doctors offices if you don’t vaccinate. It’s unfair to expose vulnerable populations because you took an unnecessary risk.
Anonymous
Pediatricians are already refusing to take families with unvaccinated kids into their practices. But I don’t think it’s increasing vaccination; I think it’s probably just increasing the market for homeopathy, essential oils, etc.
Anonymous
The efficacy of vaccine programs depends on a minimum percentage vaccinated. I think people should have to compete for the remaining slots (and everyone who medically cannot be vaccinated gets a slot automatically). Doctors can sort out who is next in line. There are many people who react badly to vaccines, but not so badly that it’s worth the failure of the entire vaccination program.
Anon
Someone I know is super anti-vax and posts stuff on FB about measles being a minor routine childhood illness and that she’d rather her kid have that than autism from the vaccine. She’s smart about a lot of other things and it just boggles my mind that she’s this dumb about vaccinations. I just hide her posts.
Anon
I don’t understand how many educated people don’t vaccinate. Lots of people die from measles! It’s certainly not a minor disease. Also vaccines don’t cause autism.
And finally, I have to say even if vaccines did cause autism I find that line of thinking so disgusting. That you’d rather your kid potentially die from a preventable disease than potentially have autism. What a horrible world view and disgusting implication about people with autism. I have no interest in maintaining friendships with anti vaxxers for this reason.
Anon
Yeah I agree. The “autism is worse than death” part of the anti vaccination movement bothers me a lot. I think a lot of people (most people?) wouldn’t choose autism if they could design their children, but I would certainly rather have an autistic kid than a dead kid! (To say nothing of the fact that you also risk – potentially many – other people’s lives by not vaccination).
How to pick realtor when selling apartment?
We’re considering selling our investment property (current tenant lease expires this summer) and wondering what to look for when it comes to selecting realtors. We could just go with the agent who sold us the apartment (he’s fine, still active in the area) but we also really liked the seller’s agent when we bought the place a few years ago. And then, to further complicate the matter, our current tenant in the property is also a realtor though I don’t think he’s usually active in my area. The plus side of asking him though would be that it would give him an incentive to tidy things up and present the apartment in the best condition which might make it easier to sell or fetch a higher price.
FWIW, this is a co-op building in NYC (not Manhattan).
Any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated. We’ve never sold a property before so not sure best way to proceed.
Thanks!
NOLA
Ugh. Just a little pity party. After having to reschedule for tonight, the guy I just started dating canceled (for a good reason) in a rather terse text. Not even a sorry or I hate to cancel. I know, from the past few weeks, that he tends to be terse when he is in work mode, but it still hurt my feeling. Bleah. I need to take it less personally and assume that everything will be fine. Ironically, part of the reason we had such a hard time scheduling in the first place was my schedule, but he has more things come up at the last minute. For what it’s worth, he has a big project launching in the next month and that is priority 1.
Anonymous
Move on! That’s the joy of dating. There is no reason to try hard to make this work.
Anonymous
Yep. Exactly this. Next! Men are like buses, there’ll be another one along in a few minutes.
This is also why it’s always best to date multiple men at the same time until you lock it down with someone. Dating more than one guy keeps you from getting too invested in one who may not be that invested in you.
Anonymous
Maybe I’m getting you confused with other posters, but I’m definitely a believer in “if it’s too much work, it’s not meant to be” … and “relationships should be easy, especially in the beginning.” If this is the same guy that also recently cancelled on you to do yard work … well, he can’t prioritize correctly. You’re right that everything will be fine, but that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily going to end up with this guy. Especially since he didn’t appear to make any moves to reschedule and is just kicking his availability down the road to sometime after he launches his project … It’s possible things will improve then, but on the other hand, there is literally always going to be some form of yardwork that needs to be done. I’d leave it on him to make the next move/effort to reschedule and keep looking in the meantime! Only time will tell, but you seem awesome so I’m rooting for you.
NOLA
Nope, not the same poster.
Worry about yourself
From the looks of it, even if you had been able to go on that first date, you’d be in for weeks or even months of dates pushed or canceled at the last minute for the same reason, something always coming up at the last minute for him. You don’t need that. Your schedule might make dating certain people tough, but eventually someone will come along who can roll with it, and will hold tight to the plans you are able to make.
Ellen
Or if he is worth it, wait for him to step up. Otherwise, do move to a guy who will give you the attention you crave. In turn, make sure you know how to properly reward the guy for being there for you.
NOLA
We’ve already been out a few times. Even though I told him my schedule was crazy, he wanted to try and get together.
Anonymous
Bummer :( good luck with this guy, or the next one!
NOLA
Thanks! It’s interesting. I’ve been on Match since about February and this is the first guy I clicked with, although I don’t see him as relationship material. We’ve been having fun and going on dates. I suddenly am getting a lot more interest from guys that are closer to what I might be looking for, so at least there’s that.
Monday
Well that’s awesome, NOLA!
In support, I will mention that every guy who’s been difficult to schedule with has also ended up being “unavailable” emotionally as well (my experience). The “terse when in work mode” thing was exactly the case with the last guy I dated, and in fact he would sometimes snap at me just because he was stressed. That’s not acceptable in the first stages of dating! Let us know how it goes, but in support of you I would say that he may be more work than he’s worth. Perhaps the new prospects are more promising!
NOLA
Thanks, Monday! I felt sorry for myself last night, but it’s been silence from him, so I’m done. Moving on!
Diploma Frames
I’ve decided that I would like to get my law school diploma and state bar certificate framed… now that I’ve been practicing law for more than ten years (ha!). I don’t want to spend too much on this project. Can anyone recommend where I can get okay looking frames? I was interested in getting some through Amazon (that include matting) but am worried they won’t look very good when they show up. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
Anon
I was just talking to someone about this. Your school bookstore likely sells frames made for the diploma with the school name/seal. Sites like framing success dot com also seem to partner with some schools.
Another anon
I have had good experiences with ArtToFrames.com . Custom sizes are relatively inexpensive – choose whatever you want and insert the diploma yourself once it arrives. Just once an item arrived to me with scratched glass and they replaced it with no trouble and at no cost.
Diploma Frames
Thanks! That’s actually the vendor I was looking at! :)
couch rider
honesyly just take them to costco
Anonymous
I went to michaels – not sure if it is a national chain? It is a craft store similar to HobbyLobby – and got nice looking frames with a mat in an accent color that looked nice in my office and happened to go with my school colors. I no longer have my framed degrees etc up in my office but when I did people frequently complimented the frames.
Anony
I’d like to second this and add that A.C. Moore and JOANN Fabrics are also good options. I recently had my law school diploma and bar certificate framed at JOANN’s, and they look beautiful.
The original Scarlett
I’d send them into Framebridge, but I use them for everything frame related. Just curious what you plan to do with them? Mine are collecting dust in the garage – I’d rather have pretty things on my walls at work and at home.
Diploma Frames
I just got upgraded to a much bigger office at my law firm and I have a lot of empty wall space to cover. :)
LittleBigLaw
Curious to hear if any of you have ever been “Pence’d”in the workplace and how you handled it. I’m newish at my job and the young partner who serves as my official mentor has been great – generally open-door policy for questions, encouraging, has advocated for others to assign me work, etc. But today I learned that he took at least one of the male associates out for lunch to do his mid-year evaluation, while mine was in the office. I wouldn’t have thought much about this maybe except I also overheard him earlier in the week saying something about how he has to “tone it down” sometimes so “no one gets the wrong idea” and his wife doesn’t get upset (no idea the context or rest of the conversation). Which has made me wonder if everyone else (all males) also got lunch meetings. I don’t really see that it would matter much either way bc of how supportive he’s been, but it did make me go hmmm.
Anon
I think you’re jumping to conclusions a little bit. The conversation could have been about anything, you admit you have no idea what the context was, so I’d try to just put that out of your head completely. I can see why you feel the optics of the lunch are unfair and there probably is a bit of sexism, whether conscious or unconscious, since he seems to be more buddy buddy with your male colleagues. But that doesn’t make him Mike Pence or mean that he can’t be alone with women.
LittleBigLaw
Absolutely true. I don’t think one lunch is a big deal at all. Just the coincidence made me generally curious about how common the Mike Pence thing actually is and if anyone has experienced it without negative effects to their careers.
Anon
If your mentor is already advocating for you and if he doesn’t have lunch meetings with you but otherwise meets you at work to discuss work related stuff, what’s the big deal?
SSC
Eye makeup issues here. Every time I wear either dark circle concealer underneath my eyes or eyeshadow primer on my upper eyelids, no matter how carefully I apply, I still end up with some of the product migrating to my contacts and obscuring my vision. I have to rinse my contacts about an hour after applying my makeup. Often, more product seems to make its way back onto my contacts, and I have to rinse again. Can anyone tell me what I’m doing wrong? I’ve had this problem for years, and I used to deal with it by just skipping the concealer, but at 35 that’s not an option anymore.
Diploma Frames
I would guess that you’re using too much product. I’m certainly no makeup expert, but when I’ve taken classes at Sephora or viewed tutorials on their YouTube channel, they tell you to use a surprisingly small amount of product.
anon
+1. Also have dark undereye circles and am over 35. Less is more.
Anon
Are you getting it into the corner of your eye? I would try to avoid going too far up in that area, maybe it’s slowly sinking into your eye after a bit
Diploma Frames
Thanks! That’s actually the vendor I was looking at! :)
Anonymous
any recommendations for a house cleaner in the waltham/newton area?
Mollie
My boyfriend just dumped me. I turn 41 next week. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I feel like my life is over. Please someone tell me it will get better.
AlexisFaye
It will get better. It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself and grieve. You lost something. Take a shower, try and hang out with friends (compassionate ones, who will understand your loss and not just say “eh, you can do better!”). Watch a move in your jammies. Go for a run. Whatever lets you feel without drowning in the feeling.
Give it a few months. You are enough, all on your own.
hugs.
Monday
I endorse all of this, and yes it will get better.
Check out the Baggage Reclaim podcast. She’s wise, authentic, and I find her voice and accent comforting. When I was dealing with hurt recently, I basically had her on in the background all the time.
Book suggestions:
No One Tells You This
It’s Not You- 27 (Wrong) Reasons Why You’re Single
Take care of yourself. Your life is far from over.
NOLA
I’m so sorry! Take care of yourself and grieve all weekend. I was divorced at 41 and I thought it was the end of the world, but it was the start of a better decade. I only wish I had had the sense not to marry him at 32 when I thought I wanted to be married.
Anon
Big hugs from Canada! Take it easy on yourself, It’s not your fault! There’s nothing you could have done to not be split. It was just not meant to be. We all deserve partners who are 100% into us and will treat us with respect, love and care. IF not, a split is so much better than dragging things or getting married and getting divorced later.
Indulge in self care, massage, facials, whatever floats your boat!
Anonymous
You’re true love is out there. Now that you are not distracted with the wrong person you will find him. I met the love of my life at 43. It will happen!!! Lots of hugs. I know this is very hard.
Senior Attorney
I’m late to this, but I’m here to tell you I married the wrong guy at 40 and spent the next 15 years being miserable. You dodged a bullet! I met The One at 56, married him at 57, and swear to God it was worth the wait.
Hugs. The waiting is awful.
Liz
niacinamide
I usually use lotion p50, but the website rarely works and customer service is poor. Any other recommendations for niacinamide products, like a toner?
Lizochka
I order P50 online from Rescue Spa in Philadelphia – never had a problem. That stuff is amazing, right??