ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 302 Comments

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Cotton Boucle Elbow-Sleeve Jacket

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. royal blue tweed jacket from red fleeceThis shrunken tweedy jacket from Red Fleece looks fabulous — even with the minor hesitation that elbow sleeves can feel hard to style. I like the saturated color, the fringe details at the waist, shoulder, and sleeves, and yes, I even like the buttons, which feel slightly military-inspired, which is definitely a trend going on. (There is a matching miniskirt. Sigh.) I like it as styled here, where the volume comes from the loose, untucked tank top but the ankle pants are still skinny — but another option would be to wear the blazer with something higher volume on the bottom, like a flared, swingy dress or some wide trousers (or, ooh, high-waisted trousers, which then solves the conundrum of whether to tuck or not). The blazer is $198 at Brooks Brothers, available in sizes 0-14. Cotton Boucle Elbow-Sleeve Jacket Looking for a more affordable option? This ribbon-trimmed white blazer is only $119 and similar. This plus-sized shrunken tweed blazer is only $65. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

302 Comments

  1. Talk to me about extended warranties for vehicles (warranties by the car maker not a third-party). I still have the option of purchasing a Subaru extended warranty post-purchase. I know a deciding factor is to consider how long you plan to own your vehicle… but this is my first car … in my late-thirties.
    I grew up in large city taking subways/buses. I have used the vehicle to get to work for the past two years and it’s our only family car (husband/no kids). We have the money to do this, but is it a waste of money?
    TIA!!

    1. In a word… probably. Have you used your warranty much with the car currently? I think a better bet would to save enough money in an emergency fund to take care of any expenses — and then if you don’t need the money, you still have it for other purposes.

      1. Yeah, this. We tend to keep cars a long time – my car is almost 20 years old, and my husband’s is a bit more than 5. I am actually looking forward to having the extended warranty on the latter end very soon because I’ll never have to go the dealer for service/repair again.

    2. as a fellow-Subie owner, I would hope that you plan to keep your bee-yootiful Subaru for many years to come. in which case, I’d get the warranty.

      I’m still rocking my 2005 Impreza with 110,000 on her with no end in sight.

    3. For a brand new vehicle that has a known reliable tract record (Consumer Reports)……no, it isn’t worth it.

      But…. My father bought a 3 year old “pre-owned” but certified Lexus RX and he bought the warranty. He had never bought a “fancy” car like this before, and only bought it because he and my Mom couldn’t get in/out of a regular car anymore due to their health/loss of mobility issues. Anyway, my Dad is a HUGE worrier, and even though he knew this was a reliable brand (Toyota) he brought the warranty for peace of mind. He has plenty of money so the cost was not a problem for him. Even he knew it was probably not worth it.

      But in the end it was. A lot of the newer cars cost a small fortune when something small and electrical breaks and needs to be replaced. This happened a few times on his “new” car. He saved money in the end. But he also felt that he had to always take the car to the dealer for oil changes etc… In case they found an issue that the warranty would cover. That was often more expensive (oil changes at the dealer are not the cheapest) and it was very inconvenient to have to drive to the dealer for everything.

      I have inherited some of my Dad’s realization that having the best insurance you can comfortably afford is a good thing. It has helped me for health insurance, apt insurance, and car insurance. But even I would not buy the warranty for a new reliable car.

      1. RE: dealer oil changes — they can be. The dealers around here are competitive with the quick lube places because they want to get you in the door. Also remember that you can take your Lexus to Toyota for warranty service, often cheaper (I did this with my Acura at Honda.) I also always try and negotiate oil changes in when I purchase, they’re often willing to throw in a few years.

    4. Look at how long the warranty is and what it actually covers. We turned down the extended warranty on our latest new Toyota because our cars typically start having issues shortly after the warranty would have expired, and because the cost for a comprehensive warranty that would cover the things most likely to break was about equal to the average cost of one big repair. We figured we’d take our chances.

      The calculus changes somewhat with a Subaru. Although the older ones were very reliable, more recent models have had a lot of quality issues (according to my personal experience as well as my Subaru mechanic). My 2012 Impreza has had oil consumption and transmission issues and has required replacement of both parts of the A/C system as well as the catalytic converter. I really wanted to love it, but it’s just a piece of junk. An extended warranty might have helped with some of those issues.

      1. It is so good to hear that someone else has had trouble with their Subaru! I have a 2015 forester that has had a host of problems – and the dealers I have been to, in multiple states, have been really rude to me. At one point they claimed they never did a warranty service on my brakes even though I showed them the paperwork! I never had any problems with my Mazda and none of the other Subaru owners I know have had problems – so I was starting to think it was just me.

    5. I would agree as cars are less easy to work on so prices go up and up. My Forester saved my life in a tbone when someone came flying through a red light as I was making a protected left (with a left only light). Good thing I was hit on passenger side and was driving solo. Used to be a domestic make only person… Subie forever! Get the extended policy if you plan on keeping it.

    6. My dad has an arrangement with a guy in LI where if there is a problem with his car, they pick it up and fix it within 24 hours. They also give him the LEXIS loaner and he drives away with it IMMEDIATELEY. He has had a few issues, but swear’s by the warranty. He says it is part of his deal with the car, which he paid a lot of money for. He says it is better then his Lincoln deal, which also has him cruzing around LI and up to Weschester to see Ed and Rosa and the kid’s every other week. Dad also drives to NYC but will NOT house his car here b/c he knows the guys joy ride it when he is NOT using it. Good luck, and get the Warranty he says! YAY!!!

  2. Anyone wear diamond studs everyday? What size are they? What size ‘looks right’? There’s a milestone gift in my future and wondering if this is something I want or not…

    1. Yes, studs are pretty much the only earrings I wear now. For me one carat each/two carat total weight is the right size. For reference I’m 5’7, high plus size, shoulder length hair.

    2. I’d suggest trying on a bunch of sizes to see what’s flattering for your ears. But generally speaking, if it’s not something you’ve been longing to have an excuse to buy, I’d find a different milestone gift. For me, it would be an elegant watch… or let’s be real, a master bathroom reno.

    4. I think it depends if you have attached/detached lobes as to what looks best. I’d get some cheap CZs in a variety of sizes and wear them to see what works for you. Another option to consider if you want more presence without the huge cost (because above 1ctw, you’re looking 2-3k+) is getting diamond earring jackets and either gemstone or diamond centers. I got the scalloped jackets from ID Jewlery for $950 to wear with 5mm studs and they’re perfect! (4mm stud center would have been more economical, but oh well). Now I have some lab rubies, sapphires, etc. that I switch out.

      1. +1

        It depends.

        Buy the dupes, see what works with your face/hair/style.

        For me I was startled to discover that 1ct was way too big and I only wear them for formal occasions.

        I wear my 0.5 black diamond studs almost every day at work. I have a slender face with a pixie haircut.

      2. I was quoted like $3k for under 1 ct per ear, is that unreasonable? I know these things vary a lot depending on quality. What is a reasonable price to pay for 2 ctw (total) studs?

        1. Huge $ range depending on quality/source. Where did you get that quote?

          Honestly, I look at Costco…and consider that a decent price. I’ll let others suggest their favorite source.

          1. I’m the person you’re responding to – I looked at a local jewelry store. I would prefer to support a local business but not if it’s going to cost me thousands of dollars. I’ll take a look at Costco for pricing, thanks for the rec.

          2. I hear you. I also like to support my local businesses, but with jewelry in particularly… especially staple pieces that look similar no matter where you buy them…. I couldn’t bring myself to pay for the premium to buy local.

        2. Depends on how high quality you want to go and how picky you are. For under 1ctw, like .50ctw, each stone should be around $250-$400 ish for great to excellent quality. So under 1k. Costco has a great deal on these. When you jump to 1ctw, each .5ctw stone is going to be around 1k-2k each, so about 2k-4k total (costco has some in this range and this size). When you get to 1ct each, or 2ct total, it very quickly balloons in price. It would not be uncommon for each 1ct diamond to be 5k-8k each, so 10-16k. Remember, that’s a common engagement ring size. So you’re wearing 2 engagement rings on your ears. You can look at a place like Costco for a sanity check on prices. Good retailers would be Costco, Whiteflash, Brian Gavin Diamonds, James Allen or ID Jewelers. You can save some doing Costco but you’re not going to have as much control on exactly the diamonds you’re getting and the stats you’re willing to compromise on.

    5. Yes, I have a pair that are .25ct each and they’re perfect! I work in a not terribly high paying field, and my office is largely business casual, so anything larger wouldn’t be practical for my life. Mine came from Blue Nile and I’ve been super happy with them. I wear them every day.

      1. That’s about the size I wear too. Though mine are mossanite for obvious reasons. I am 5’6 with a fairly slender build so they are enough to sparkle without being a distraction.

      2. I have the same size, 0.25 ct, that I bought for myself ages ago when I graduated college and I wear them everyday. They have the twist/screw backing so I don’t have to worry about losing them.

    6. I have a pair and they are small, and not to sound catty, but honestly, they are too small for me. I think so much depends on your height/hairstyle/earlobes and general manner of dressing. On a lot of people these would be fine, but except for a modest wedding set, I tend to wear much larger jewelry (chunky men’s style watch, big semi-precious stone right hand ring, chunky bracelets, etc.). If I had to do it again, I’d have waited a year or two and gone for a larger set.

    7. I wear 0.5 carat in each. I’m 5’1 and generally a small person and I don’t think I could go any bigger.

      I also got CZ for like $15 and don’t see a meaningful difference between these and diamonds. I originally also wanted diamonds for a milestone gift, but am so, so glad I went this route instead.

      1. I also wear a half carat round diamond (set in platinum, three prongs) in each- I’m 5’9 and 175. This size is enough to zhush me up a little, but still allows me to wear a statement necklace, bracelet, etc without having too much on. I also wear a tiny, quarter carat diamond on a pendant daily, and my wedding band is quarter carat round diamonds all the way around- that seems like plenty of diamonds for daily wear.

        For earrings, honestly, it might also depend on the size-shape of your earlobes. Go try on a few and see what you like best- shape and size! I found that I liked the three prong setting, but my mom wears a princess cut pair with an eight prong setting.

      2. I posted above. I wore CZ studs for years, ranging from $5-$30 a pair (the $30 pair had nicer settings). I have recently inherited my mother’s engagement ring and I had a jeweler match the stone and make studs, as I don’t wear rings. More than one person–who are aware that I now have diamond studs–has complimented me on the quality of the diamonds when I was actually wearing the CZs. If you only care about the sparkles, stick with CZ and spend the big bucks on something else.

    8. I don’t know what size the earrings I wear are because they’re my grandma’s, but they are small gold and diamond studs. I’ve worn them almost every day in my corporate job, grad school, and business casual internship, and they’ve always worked. They also have a slightly unusual shape so apparently that stands out a bit, but never too mu h.

    9. I got some for a milestone gift that I specifically requested. I don’t wear them everyday but at least 2-3 times a week. They are an excellent easy option. I second the advice to buy a “set” of cz ones in the various sizes and see what looks good on you. I’m 5’3 and I have 4 prong studs that are about 5.5mm each, which is about 2/3ct each. On me they are big enough to notice but no so big that they are inappropriate for everyday earrings. I’m in BigLaw now but I wanted something I would feel comfortable wearing in a post-BigLaw life if that happens.

    10. I have the Stella & Dot Sparkle studs or something like that. They were very inexpensive but are probably about the size of a half carat, maybe? I wear them almost daily because they’re easy (and I also am not worried about them).

    11. I received a pair of really good diamond studs (1.75 carat total weight, abt $5K) from my DH for my 50th birthday 7 years ago. Haven’t worn anything since. I’m 5’9, 160 lbs, chin length curly hair that covers my ears. I think of them as my Steve Jobs’ black turtleneck – goes with everything and one less decision to make in the morning.

    12. I’m Indian, so I wear some version of diamond earrings pretty much every day- even in my casual tech office.
      Square or round ones are the staidest, but if you feel unsure about traditional shapes, Vrai and Oro and Aurate both have more casual looking pieces that you could pretty much never take off

    13. Since you’re asking, I do not wear them every day. I saved up for and bought some .5 each studs and… I never wear them. I guess I like an earring with more presence. I’m tall and larger and I feel like they’re too dainty or young on me. I change my earrings out daily. If I’m going to wear an earring for a few days in a row, they’re probably going to be the Davidyur man starburst studs in yellow gold, or a yellow gold flower with a center diamond studs that I got from my neighborhood jeweler (shoutout to 14 karats in Berkeley)

    14. Mine are .5 carat each and I wear them every day. The place where my husband bought them will let you trade up so I’m planning to go up to 1 c when I turn 40, or graduate from my ultra-part-time masters program.

    15. I wear diamond studs every day, 1.25 ct in each ear. I know this may be an unpopular option but my husband actually found them for me through someone who was selling them I think post-divorce. He met her at the original jewelry store, got them appraised/verified they were what she said they were, and then had the diamonds totally reset in new earring posts. We saved several thousand dollars doing it this way. Juts a suggestion!

  3. Has anyone seen any black skinny pants at the N sale that are slimming? I am looking for non-jeans that have some substance to the front to help with my tummy. Side zips are generally the worst for that, in my experience, but I could be convinced.

    1. Haven’t tried them personally but a vlogger I follow (Elle Florence) recommends the Halogen skinny ponte knit pants

  4. Boyfriend told me last night that he cheated on me. He seems really remorseful so I think I’m going to give him another chance. I’m just really sad and wish I could lay in bed all day instead of being at work. Anyone got advice to make today less awful?

    1. I don’t have any solid recs, but I’m sorry that happened to you. When I have those kind of days I try to take a long walk to help me process the news and get rid of some of the anxiety blahs. Easier said than done in the middle of summer. Be gentle with yourself.

    2. There’s not an objectively right/wrong answer here, but I would urge not to feel like you “have” to give him another chance because he’s really remorseful. You can forgive him and move on without trying again with him if that’s what is best for you and that would in no way make you unreasonable. If you want to stay with him, do it because you want to. If you guys are serious enough to be talking about marriage and a family, seriously ask yourself whether you would be able to trust him to keep that level of commitment.

      And hugs. I’m so sorry; infidelity is so hard to deal with. Try to see if you can leave work early and treat yourself to something nice on the way home.

    3. Make yourself an appointment to get tested for STIs, schedule some time to hang out with your best girl friends, and schedule something you love for yourself. Focus on getting through one hour at a time, knowing you’ve got some good stuff on the horizon to look forward to.

      I won’t tell you to dump him, but…

      1. +1 million to the getting tested (he should, too).

        My (now former) BIL cheated on my sister and b/c some things can take a while to show up, this has been a very unpleasant reminder of his straying (at least the ones he ‘fessed up to).

          1. This happened to me a couple of years ago, with similar timing with a doctor’s visit. My obgyn was fabulous – caring and no-nonsense, in a way that made me feel empowered and safe. Wishing you the same!

      2. I agree with the OP. Get tested IMMEDIATELEY for STD’s, as you do NOT know what he might have picked up from her. Dad says we are PEETRIE dishes and carry whatever is inside us to give it to men who stray/cheat. He always wore protection overseas, but still got something (he would NOT say what). FOOEY I say. I won’t tell YOU to DTMFA, but that is what I would do if I found out my boyfriend cheated with another woman. DOUBEL FOOEY on that!

    4. Nope sorry today is going to be awful. Don’t fight it. And don’t make up your mind to forgive him just yet. Give yourself time to be hurt and angry. Plan some weekend time without him (like the entire weekend). Go walk in the woods. Get your nails done. Have a girls brunch

      1. Agreed, don’t make any decisions yet. Take the weekend to yourself or to spend with friends. Give yourself some time and space to think and feel through everything.

        I think a lot of women have a knee jerk reaction to be empathetic and forgiving. Then later you start Thinking and Analyzing and everything he’s said and done over the past couple of weeks/months start to look very different. Maybe your experience will be different, maybe you will be able to forgive, but that’s not a decision you need to make today. I’m very sorry you’re going through this.

    5. Why are you giving him a second chance? He doesn’t respect you or your relationship.

      1. *sigh* she didn’t come here wanting to dump the guy. She wants to move forward with the relationship for now.

        You will find that telling people without knowing anything about their lives just to dump people is not helpful.

    6. Husband did this too (basically flirting online). Not to scare you but it was a sign of deep problems in our marriage. We’ve now been in therapy a year. I’d suggest you consider a counselling session for yourself (you are worth it and it might be free depending on your professional association) and couples counselling.

      Be good to yourself today. As dumb as it sounds but something for yourself that makes you feel good.

    7. You don’t have to stay with him; understand that if you do, the recovery process for the relationship could be rough. My long-term boyfriend in high school cheated, and when I chose to stay with him, the following four months were awful, because I didn’t trust him, he kept lying and sneaking around with the friend he cheated with, and then getting angry with me for not trusting him. It was really bad, and ended in an angry breakup.

      Now, that might not be your experience, in fact it might not be because he freely admitted it (I had to drag it out of my ex). But you’d still be in for months of you not being able to trust him and him needing to earn that trust back, and that can still be more stress than the relationship is worth. Take some time for yourself, hang out with your friends, and really figure out what you want to do.

      1. He said an old friend texted him one night asking to get drinks, and it just.. happened. He clearly had ample opportunity to say “hey I have a girlfriend, I’m not gonna do this” but he didn’t. He has since blocked her on everything and swore up and down that it was the biggest mistake he’s ever made and he deeply regrets it. I don’t want to leave him – he otherwise has been great and I thought the relationship was going really well, we’ve been together almost 9 months. He said he’s going to start going to therapy seriously now.
        Thank you for the kind words.

        1. It was not an accident. I think everyone has a friend like this, someone who they know things could get out of hand with. Responsible adults will make a point to avoid this person at all costs and especially not drink around them. He made the choice to not only see her but to drink with her, he knew this was about to happen and he went for it anyways.

          2. He also said he hadn’t talked to her in at couple of years and there was no history, she texted him out of the blue. They were friends back in high school and now she lives in our mid-size city. He kept it a secret from me for a little over a week.
            I’m just so angry. I have a friend like what you’re talking about and I stay far far away. I feel betrayed.

          3. You feel betrayed because you were betrayed.

            I’m so sorry this happened!

            I have no advice but I’m sending love and support and echoing everybody who says be extra kind to yourself today.

        2. Yikes. Does he have a history of infidelity? What about other types of impulsive decision-making? I’ve never been in your position, so maybe what I’m saying is useless, but I have a hard time imagining how someone in a happy relationship could just cheat like that because, what, he feels like it? (Not saying that it’s permissible or acceptable or understandable if the relationship isn’t happy, but just noting that lots of times people who cheat are seeking something perceived as ‘missing’ from their relationship….which motivates them to do things they consider inconsistent with their values.) What’s he going to do if your relationship ever hits a rough spot?

        3. Two good signs: one, it was a one night thing and not some ongoing affair he hid for months (they’re both bad but the latter is so much worse), and two, he already blocked her out. Going to therapy is also a good sign, I think, so if you don’t want to leave, I don’t think staying would be a foolish decision here. But if he slips up again, definitely ditch him.

        4. Did he tell you about friend when she contacted him and before they went out together?

          That would influence whether I stayed in the relationship or not – did he plan and go on a date with another woman or was it a drunken mistake. I guess I can understand a drunken one off mistake. Maybe. But if he planned to get together with an old friend of the opposite sex for something that looks like a date, and he didn’t tell me about it – no. That means he knew he had something to hide when he was sober and had his wits about him. If that’s the case then I would not trust that he’s not going to do this again. In fact I would seriously question whether this was the only time. I don’t think that sort of dishonesty and entitlement just goes away.

      2. Truly no offense meant, but it’s really hard to compare high school relationships to adult relationships 95%+ of the time.

        1. I disagree.

          HS relationships are often the ones you imprint on and have the longest tails. They are a big deal (maybe b/c in HS our worlds were smaller). Relationships in college / my 20s were a dime a dozen. Everything in HS was significant and happened in a fishbowl, even before everything was documented on social media.

          The younger you are, the more you will remember how crushing it was to discover your first cheating BF (luckily I was in college; it really stung). A friend’s roommate dated him later and I was all “He will have other GFs.” I didn’t want to be right but we became friends over that.

          1. Yeah, my high school/early college boyfriend was a serial cheater and it screwed me up for a looooooong time.

          2. I don’t think she was suggesting that HS relationships aren’t significant, just that it’s hard to compare them to an adult relationship. In fact a lot of what you say supports that – in HS, everything is SUCH a big deal. It’s all new and shiny, emotions run high, and everyone knows everyone else’s business. As an adult you can make more measured decisions but you also have a lot more decisions to make.

          3. I just googled my first cheater (sophomore year in college). His bio says he has three daughters. I think that this must be his penance.

    8. Sorry to hear that. This may sound glib but might advice would be to think about leaving him. Even if it’s just thought exercise. There’s a lot to these decisions like length of time together, children, etc, but you are not legally tied to this man. Keep in mind that he has had time to ruminate on this but you haven’t it is brand new for you.

      Cheating comes down to a lack of respect, so for me it is a deal breaker but there are some narrow situations where I could see myself trying to work through it. Just because he feels remorseful doesn’t mean you need to forgive him. (In my experience, a majority do but it doesn’t mean they stop doing it- people can feel bad and still continue doing the bad thing)

    9. Surprised no one has mentioned this, but you should get STD testing and ask him to too, especially if he didn’t use barrier methods when he cheated.

    10. I’m really sorry. Sending you virtual hugs!

      Nine months is not a long time. My ex husband cheated on me, and I divorced him. Had I known after 9 months, I would have ended it. Not telling you what to do, but he could be showing his true character at this point. I feel like there’s a honeymoon period of about 5-6 months at the start of a relationship when people are on their best behavior.

    11. Against my better judgment I am going to reply.

      Husband and I have been in a ten year relationship. He began cheating shortly after the birth of baby one and at a time where he felt that I wasn’t paying enough attention to him or caring about our relationship. It was also a time where I was reaching an incredible of personal success at work and in terms of recognition in the community for work I was doing. He cheated with women who were relatively older than me and not at all successful career wise. It was strange for me but made a weird kind of sense in hindsight.

      There are a lot of people who told me to immediately dump him and move out. Those people are not your friends and not giving you good or useful advice.

      What people should do in this situation is listen. Be there for someone. OP’s situation is more complicated than a few sentences long. No, I don’t for a second believe she’s going to forgive this guy just because he is remorseful. There’s probably more going on than that – maybe she loves him, maybe their finances don’t make a breakup easy, maybe they work together etc. Most of us can’t just get up and leave a relationship, even one that’s nine months old. Give her some time to think about what she wants to do.

      This lady asked for stuff to get her through the day not for you guys to question her life choices. Treat yourself to a small affordable luxury. Be gentle to yourself if you make mistakes or feel upset today. Take some time to be alone or with friends depending on what you need. Reach out to people who will listen and not give you advice. Take stock of what you want in life and see what you can do to get there.

      I survived a cheating husband who went on to cheat again before we mended things. We’re in a really good place now (and yeah, I’m sure some of you are convinced he is out right now cheating). The thing is that it is my life and I’m happy staying in this relationship. I’m doing fine. OP needs to be doing fine for her too.

      1. You posted about this here before, right? If you’re the person I’m thinking of, I’m glad you guys are doing well.

        1. I may have? We’re doing the best we’ve ever done now. :)

          I honestly needed to recognize that some of my behavior and attitude wasn’t helping and address some of my own issues.

          Took me a while to realize that (since I started therapy with the attitude that he was the cheater and it was him who needed to change). But we both changed a lot and are doing well.

      2. Thank you. I appreciate the kind response. I’m going to see Mamma Mia 2 with my best friend later and probably just cry a lot. I’m glad you and your husband are doing well.

        1. It’s going to be okay. I can say that after my husband cheated on me once and then again while in therapy. I actually haven’t thought about him cheating on me in ages. It’s just not a huge deal in my life any more even though it was the worst thing that had happened to me at the time.

          Whatever happens to your relationship you will get through today and then the next day and the next. You take care of yourself.

        2. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. I hope you are able to continue to treat yourself to fun things this week.

          Obviously each relationship is very different and each person is different, but if it helps at all, I’ve been in something similar to your husband’s shoes. I drunkenly made out with a coworker about a year into my relationship with my then-boyfriend, now-husband. It was a case of being immature, drunk, and intoxicated with the feeling of being wanted. It “just happened,” sure, after a full night of flirting and increasing alone time. I told my husband the next day, he was incredibly hurt, and somehow miraculously forgave me and decided to remain in the relationship. I have never cheated on him again (nor had the slightest desire to), and was so horrified about what I’d done that I am now extremely conscious about how much I drink and who I do so with.

          So if it helps you in the slightest, our story has had many years of happily ever after since that night.

  5. Which products do you only buy name brand ? Which products have you had bad experiences with buying generic?

    I’ll start. I have learned to only buy name-brand Q-tips, toothpaste, face wash (I just buy the Target version of Cetaphil) and teeth whitening strips.

    I see no difference when buying generic or store brand products for toilet paper, sandwich bags, aluminum foil, laundry detergent, or dish soap.

    2. Mayonnaise. I bought store brand mayonnaise once. So gross. Hellman’s forever.

      3. Mayo too, but it’s Best Foods here out on the WC

        Toothbrush heads. I bought some generic oral B electric toothbrush replacement heads and had bristles falling out Day 2

        feminine products – Tampax pearl only for this vaj

        A weird one – gel nail color at the manicurists – I will only get OPI. I find all the other gel brands have chipped and peeled on me. I can get 2.5 weeks out of the OPI.

    3. Any fellow Texans with me that HEB generics are the BEST? #irrationalloveforagrocerystore

      1. HEB family of brands are absolutely the best. They restock their own brands daily so everything is VERY fresh. They also stand by their products no questions asked. It makes grocery shopping so simple!

    4. Ducolax — only name brand. I’ve tried the generics (from multiple stores) and not the same. Same with Azo.

    6. On the flip side, We have had really good experiences with the generic Kirkland brand at Costco.

    9. This is anecdotal, but I was told that, while most pain relievers are fine for store brand, Aleve is somehow better for arthritis/cartilage issues than the store brands. I’ve never actually done the research on it myself, but I have stuck to name brand Aleve. All other OTC meds (omeprazole, allergy meds, etc) I buy the Target or Walgreens brand.

      1. This makes sense if it is a time-release drug. I take brand name rather than generic prescription meds for a particular condition for the same reason.

        While the requirements for generics are that the ACTIVE ingredient be essentially the same for the brand and generic, the other ingredients are not required to be the same. In particular, for drugs that slowly release into your bloodstream, the quality of the ingredients that govern this release can be important.

        1. Yes, I learned this the hard way. Generic time-release meds are not all interchangeable. I don’t know if any are objectively better or worse, but you can (i.e., I have) run into trouble if your pharmacy randomly switches from one to another.

          1. Yup. My insurance actually won’t pay for the generic version of the drug I take daily, because of this issue. They will only pay for the brand name – I have to remind the pharmacist of this every time.

    10. Tampons. If I’m literally shoving it into my body, I want quality and consistency. I’ve been using Tampax Pearl for as long as I remember and I will accept no substitutes.

        1. +2000 on the horror of store brand tampons. Generic pads I have had good luck with, though, both Walgreen’s and CVS.

      2. I used to think the same, but the chemicals in Tampax and similar store-brands freaked me out when I considered I’d be using them for life (and contributing to landfills so severely). I switched to a Divacup and period underwear for back-up and have never been happier.

      3. The generic cardboard tampons are THE WORST. Every so often I think they can’t be that bad and buy a box, then I remember why I always say “never again.”

      4. This is going to sound funny, but after I got a raise last year, the thing I “treated” myself to is to no longer buy store brand tampons!

    11. Baking chocolate. Ghirardelli or bust. Quality chocolate makes the biggest difference in baked goods and Ghirardelli is the best I can reliably find at the grocery store.

    12. Peanut butter. Skippy or Jif only please.
      Q tips. The store brand ones seem to get really fuzzy

      I think that’s about it. I have very little brand loyalty and generally just buy whatever is cheapest.

      1. try a PB with only peanuts or peanuts and salt listed as the ingredients. so delicious! you do have to stir them upon opening then keep in the fridge.

        1. Respectfully, I would rather never eat peanut butter again. I find the “natural” stuff just so gross.

          Kraft smooth all the way.

          2. Curious – why the quotes? The natural stuff IS natural. Jiff, Skippy, etc., are so full of sugar and other fillers they are more accurately a sweet spread reminiscent of actual peanut butter.

            FWIW, I hated the natural PB as a kid but now cannot stomach the unnatural ones. They taste so fake.

          4. They’re so different that it makes sense to me that people strongly prefer one or the other. I personally only like Valencia (Trader Joe’s has a reliable one). I don’t know if that’s more being a peanut butter snob or more not really liking peanuts that much.

        2. I’ve tried the natural peanut butter and just can’t get into it. I know it’s much healthier–I think it’s the oil separation part that bothers me. What SHOULD bother me are the chemicals in Skippy and Jif that prevent the oil from separating but…
          MagicUnicorn I’m the same as you but with yogurt. I used to eat the regular sweetened kind until I switched to plain Greek yogurt in college. Now the regular yogurt is sickeningly sweet to me.

          1. If you refrigerate it, it won’t separate. Stir it once when you first open it and you’re good.

    13. Glad Press N Seal wrap was life-changing and I don’t think a generic exists yet.
      Cheez-Its.
      Simple Human garbage bags. They just fit the can better and are only a few cents more per bag.

      1. Simple Human products are so good they almost make me feel better about the world. They’re actually way more cents per bag than what I usually buy, but it’s one case in which you truly get what you pay for.

    14. Actually, I buy name brand for nearly everything. But one thing I insist on is name brand garbage bags. I’m not brand loyal, but I do not trust generics after bad experiences and it is not worth risking having to replace all my rugs due to a busted bag to save a few pennies.

      1. Ha, I oppoasitely go with generics for most things, but agree one should always buy name brand garbage bags. The heartbreak of a broken kitchen trash bag is one I will only suffer once.

    15. I will try the generic of everything at least once and stick with it if it works & is cheaper, but have switched back to brand-name-only for toothpaste, razors, dishsoap & dishwasher detergent, olive oil & other cooking oils, chocolate, and cheese (although I go less for “brands” than I do for actual, real cheese, no oily Kraft junk) for quality reasons.

      For generics, my local grocery has an in-house whole milk yogurt that is the thickest, yummiest thing ever. Far superior to every fancy/Greek/brand yogurt we have ever tried. And their Oreo knock-offs are somehow tastier than the real ones.

    16. Listerine. There is no substitute, and it’s probably too good to be true. I’m sure at some point they’ll tell me the alcohol levels in it cause mouth cancer.

      2. There actually have been studies on that. It may increase the risk a little if you use it a lot (like 3 times a day a lot), but it’s not enough I’d worry about it. Don’t smoke or drink excessively and get vaccinated for HPV and you’ve pretty much controlled for the major oral cancer risks.

    18. There are few things I don’t buy generic, but the things that I do buy brand name include cream cheese (must be Philadelphia), Coca-cola, Doritos, frozen dinners (though the only one I really buy is Stouffer’s fettuccine alfredo- so good!), toothpaste, and deodorant (does generic deodorant even exist?). When I used to drink OJ on the regular, I’d always buy brand name. My spouse insists on Tide for laundry detergent but I think I used to buy generic before we moved in together.

      1. I recently converted to the Raskas cream cheese my Costco sells. But I agree that off-brand cream cheese is often not up to snuff.

  6. Talk to me about bulking up from lifting weights. I started a body weight and light weight lifting program about a year ago, and while everyone says it’s impossible to “bulk” from this amount of weights as a woman, I’ve probably gained a size or two in tops (mostly through shoulders, upper back and biceps) and around 8 lbs on what I think is mostly muscle. Is there any way to keep lifting but reverse this? I like the shape of having real, toned muscle but would like to be able to wear clothes with sleeves as we are getting near fall.

    Do I need to cut calories/diet more while exercising, cut back on weights, or just accept this is the new normal? For reference, I exercise 4-6 times per week, around half weights and half cardio/HIIT, and I’m around 5’8″, 155 lbs, and ~24% bodyfat.

    1. I have the same experience. I’ve heard over and over that women don’t bulk from lifting, but my arms definitely get bigger when I’m doing traditional workouts until I get really, unsustainably serious about my diet.

      I know she gets a lot of hate, but Tracy Anderson’s arm workouts, ballet workouts, and yoga have helped me draw everything in without feeling like I’m getting bigger. Maybe try mixing in some different styles of workouts to see what happens?

    2. I’ve only been lifting for a little over a year, so I’m no expert, but what has worked for me has been keeping weight amounts low and rep numbers high. I always do cardio first and treat weights as an extension of that. I’ve got noticeable muscle definition but no bulk. I tend to avoid anything to focused on shoulders/back though, to avoid what feels like an inevitable swimmer-style spread (I have naturally broad shoulders, they don’t need encouragement.)

    3. I’ve had good results with Barre classes. High reps, really low weight, with some cardio mixed in. It’s really good for toning what you’ve got instead of bulking.

      1. I just started barre about a month ago, and I love it so far! I’ve noticed that my arms, back, and thighs especially have been a little less squishy these days.

      2. I have to echo comments below about how much this varies individually. I know barre has a reputation as “toning, not bulking,” but since I started (first taking, then teaching) I’ve gone up 2 sizes on my 5-2″ frame. So yes, you can bulk up on barre. I think the image (as with ballet) is due to the fact that barre attracts people with willowy bodies naturally. Don’t even get me started on the “muscle lengthening” claims! That’s just not how it works.

        Some of us simply have to make a decision about whether we care more about being as small as possible, or being as strong as possible. I can’t have both.

    4. So I am almost exactly your doppelganger, 5’9″ with a muscular build, and my shoulders/arms immediately bulk as soon as I start lifting. I am one of those people who needs to be bulking and then cutting if I want to look super fit while lifting (otherwise I just bulk…). I eat healthy but am not interested in tracking my macros and watching my diet to the degree that I’d need to actually look really lean. I did it for a few years in my 20s and I looked phenomenal but it just isn’t sustainable for the lifestyle I want.

      Anyways, now I do an intense spin class for HIIT and lots of pilates and yoga. I have plenty of leg muscle from spin class and have reasonable strong shoulders from all the planks and body weight work. I’m not jacked like I used to be when I was lifting, but I’m okay with that and I’m able to fit my shoulders/arms into blazers, etc. I’m currently a size 6-8 and 150 lbs.

      In summary, for my body, the options are 1) weight training and eating reasonably healthy, which makes me strong but bulky-looking, 2) weight training and watching what I eat really carefully, which makes me look amazing, or 3) spin/pilates/yoga and eating reasonably healthy, which is a nice balance between not revolving my life around my diet and still being very happy with how I look/fit into clothes.

      1. Not the OP but in a similar boat as both of you– can you elaborate on #2? That’s my current plan, although I’m OK with getting a bit bigger, I do want it to look toned and not just… larger. So I guess this is cutting body fat while adding muscle instead of just adding muscle? By eating carefully do you just mean calories, or do you take a more strategic approach?

        1. I basically needed to eat low carb, no alcohol, didn’t eat past 7, and really watched the level and consistency of my calorie intake. I think my calories were probably about 1600/day. Currently I’m more like 2000 calories/day, I have about 7 glasses of wine a week, and my calorie intake fluctuates a lot depending on the day.

          I’d recommend reading “Thinner Leaner Stronger: The Simple Science of Building the Ultimate Female Body” by Michael Matthews if you want a really structured approach to your diet and weight training.

    5. I think while, true, generally, it isn’t true for some of us. I bulk immediately and heavily. I start Jillian Michaels, 30 Day Shred and gain five pound of muscle, every time, no fail. It is astonishing and most people wouldn’t believe it. If I do, any lifting, whatsoever, I double my quad and bicep measurement in weeks. I look great, but I get BIG. My husband is super envious but the only thing I can do is just not lift. I focus on the Jillian type stuff, Tabatas, HIIT, Ploymentrics etc. I gain a small amount of muscle but usually loose a bit of fat that evens out the scale after a bit.

      1. yeah it probably depends a lot on the person. I’m just a lean and tiny person- I’m a competitive boxer and have a lot of upper body strength and it’s not really all that apparent. I’ve had to had the sleeves let out on one of my MM dresses, but otherwise I just don’t bulk. It kind of frustrates me actually. I think bulk is just so pretty and have been trying to get it forever.

    6. I played a DI sport in college (water polo) and we lifted heavy. We had a variety of body types. All of us ranged in height from 5’4″ to 6’2″. By position, we had the same lifting routine. All of us swam a lot, so we already had big shoulders and arms. Some of my teammates bulked huge and some didn’t. It really does depend on your own metabolism, and to say, blanket, that women can’t bulk is patently untrue. I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it. I lifted 3x a week year round for eight years. I was one of the extreme skinnies on the team (we worked out so much it was hard for me to put on weight/I had very low body fat), but even I had bigger arms when we lifted.

      There is research re lifting slow and heavy versus fast and light and how that can contribute to bulking, but again, really depends on body type and how you put on muscle.

    7. This does vary by individual, both in your sort of native ability to pack on muscles mass, and in the sense that if you start out with very little muscle mass in your upper body to begin with adding almost any amount of strength is going to increase bulk. You sound pretty lean, so it doesn’t sound to me like cutting calories is going to change your size that much, especially not in your shoulders. If you’re gaining a size in the shoulders, it’s muscle.

      Do you really dislike the size you are? I have added probably 5-10 pounds of shoulder muscle in the past 5 years since I took up rock climbing, and it has definitely changed my size in tops. I’ve never thought of this as a bad thing though, it’s actually more a point of pride, even though it’s frustrating to find tops with sleeves sometimes.

      1. Not the OP, but posted above that I’m in a similar boat. My problem is that as my (already pretty large) shoulders get bigger and my stomach gets smaller, it’s harder to find clothes that fit. I’m happy with how I look, but the v-shape is harder for me to dress. If it fits in the shoulders, it’s way too big around my waist and makes me look bigger than I am in a way I don’t like. If it fits in my torso, the shoulders are way too small. Hubs has the same problem with his squat-thighs and waist ratio.

        1. I don’t deny the problem. It is definitely frustrating and makes a lot of looks (the shrunken blazer pictured today!) not work for me at all. I just don’t mind having this particular problem, because I like my shoulders.

          1. I love Tracey Anderson for this reason. It sucks everything in and no size gain.

  7. Hive, where can I find Boss/Elie Tahari level suiting? Whenever I go to the Nordstrom or Bloomingdales website, I can never find both (let alone all 3) matching pieces of a suit. And if I go to the brands’ websites, they have even fewer options. I’m open to new brands as well as places to buy these brands (I’m in NYC). Brooks Brothers is on my radar, and Reiss and Theory unfortunately don’t fit right. Thanks!

    1. I think Brooks Brothers is your best bet here. I feel like they try less hard to be “trendy” and actually provide all the parts of a suit for most styles. The stores are also good about ordering stuff in for you if they don’t have it in stock. Their online shop is a bit clunky, but will show you everything they have.

    2. Bloomingdales has Hobbs, which is at a similar quality level.
      Lafayette 148 is expensive, but has their own site where you can almost always find both halves in stock.
      Bloomingdales also has Basler.
      Escada might also be an option.

  8. Sorry this jacket just looks off to me. She looks like she is stuffed into the wrong size.

    1. Agreed, but I love the color. I’m always on the hunt for this medium saturated blue and wonder if the photo is accurate to reality.

    2. I love. She could probably use a size bigger, but that doesn’t mean the jacket is off.

    4. Personally, I love the shrunken style. It definitely reads as edgier because of the shrunken-ness, so maybe wouldn’t be appropriate in some offices. But I literally gasped when I saw it because it’s so perfectly my style, which most of the picks here simply aren’t. Makes me feel like I can maintain my hipster edge while still being a respectable attorney/politician, even if that edge has been sanded steadily since undergrad.

      1. I’m building outfits for this jacket in my head. Favorite’s so far: With a black/grey Sonic Youth t-shirt and skinny jeans for a party. Over an olive green dress for a speaking engagement. Or a black dress for an important meeting.

        I believe I know what I want for my upcoming birthday.

      2. Me too! I love everything about it but the sleeves – I am always cold so elbow sleeves don’t really do much for me.

      3. Yes! I also like to try to keep some professionally appropriate edginess in my work wardrobe.

  9. Argh! My shoulder issues are making it hard to carry my regular tote if I train/walk to work. Can anyone recommend a wheeled bag that will accommodate legal size files? Not a giant briefcase width-wise, just something that will fit my files and my shoes and snacks.

    Bonus if it comes in not black. I looked at Knomo (nice but black) and Tumi (too luggage-looking and too expensive) so far.

    1. Used to have a Voyage to go go bag with wheels. Was great patent leather and did well for travel and conferences. I got it from ebags… good luck. Let us know what you find!

    2. I just use whatever wheeled bag from Office Depot (or wherever our office supplies come from).

      My assistant orders another for me whenever one breaks (usually about 12-18 mos) and my office pays for the cost. It’s considered just another office supply because I am taking work home (much like my office does not want ergo issues to arise in my work space, they also don’t want ergo issues to arise while transporting my work). It might be worth checking whether your office can just provide one.

      IME the bags get dirty and the wheels break because my walking/train commute is hard on bags so it isn’t worth having any particular or nice brand. (I have a boot mat type thing in my coat closet where I leave the bag so I don’t drag whatever was on the ground into my house via the wheels.)

  10. Question for those at biglaw firms: does your evaluation include feedback from other associates, including those less senior than you? My firm only considers reviews from partners in the formal evaluation, and I think this may shield some associate bad behavior. I got dinner last week with in house friends that explained that their company do what they call 360 degree reviews where everyone that you work with contributes to your review. I’m curious whether this review structure is in use at other firms.

    2. I’ve worked in three firms and none have used 360 reviews. I agree that it probably shields bad behavior but I don’t think the firm really cares. From a business perspective, the purpose of reviews is to highlight associates the firm wants to retain/promote and to create a paper trail for associates they want to push out/fire. I’m not sure that 360 reviews would serve either purpose because the reviews that matter are the ones that come from the associate’s manager(s), i.e. partners.

      Notwithstanding all this, I think it’s a shame that more senior associates don’t review more junior associates. Partners generally aren’t working directly with juniors so the juniors (and the firm) are missing out on valuable, honest feedback from the people who are actually managing them. I felt this way as a junior and I still feel this way as a senior associate. I do my best to give informal feedback instead.

      I’m also not sure feedback from juniors to a senior would be that valuable. Like I said I hear your point about shielding bad behavior; I’ve definitely worked with seniors who were bullies for no good reason. For like 90% of senior associates, though, there’s a reason they’re giving you an unreasonably tight deadline or whatever – it’s because the partner dumped it on them at the last minute but they don’t necessarily tell you that because why. The work’s got to get done. I think it would be unfair to criticize the senior for something they have zero control over, and I think that’s what would happen if you had 360 reviews.

    4. We have both, as two different processes. The 360 reviews are only done once you’re senior enough to supervise people and they’re more of a feedback-gathering exercise, not your formal review. The formal review includes partners and sometimes very senior associates if that is the person supervising you.

      1. My old biglaw firm did the same (international AmLaw 50, based in NYC). The junior reviews were more designed to help you develop as a supervisor, but I suppose theoretically someone who got terrible reviews from junior associates could have repercussions.

    5. I’m in-house now, but at my firm, reviews were partner-only. My husband works in a corporate environment (non-law) and they have peer reviews. So this may be field-specific?

  11. Recs for good shoes to keep in the office with a standing desk?

    I work in a business casual, leaning towards formal office. I can’t stand for long periods in my low-heel pumps without my feet hurting. So far, I’ve been trying to block the front of my desk and going shoe-less, but probably need a longer term solution. Need something flat, with good support, and looks okay in a business environment. I’ll change to pumps to go to meetings. TIA!

    1. Instead of focusing on shoes, consider getting a mat specifically made for a standing desk. Once I got one of those, I was able to use my standing desk for hours.

      1. I actually have one of these, but still hurts to stand in my pumps or even my AGL flats after a while.

      1. This is what I do. I have two desk in an L shape, one standing and one not, and the regular desk blocks the view of my feet from the door.

    4. I take off my shoes and stand on my squishy mat, and so does everyone else. It allows the men in the office to show off their sock game! When someone comes in to talk to me, I step off the mat and into my shoes, which I always leave right on the edge, so that I’m wearing shoes during the meeting.

  12. I have a unique opportunity to argue for workplace flexibility in a company that has never had it. I have been pulling studies that show that flexibility allows workers to feel more engaged and productive, and this ultimately benefits the company. I’m really excited for this conversation because I think I could make a real impact. This hive mind often offers very good tips for this sort of thing – anything else I should be doing to prepare? Other arguments for this type of benefit?

    2. Check out a Claudia Goldin’s research showing that workplace flexibility closes the gender gap (not completely but helps). HBR has short, easy to read versions and her paper is online.

    3. See if you can find evidence for how flexibility/remote work increases employee happiness and productivity because of decreased commute time (this argument may be most compelling if you live somewhere with terrible traffic). I have heard anecdotally that Patagonia really has the workplace culture dialed down – maybe see if they have some examples since they get so much publicity?

  13. I am not the poster from yesterday but also planning a trip to the Bahamas. Best section of Atlantis to stay in when traveling with a 2 and 3 year old (plus us and grandparents?)

    And anything i should plan in advance?

    Thanks all!

  14. Hello all! I’m the poster from a million years ago who asked what to wear to a law day fun run.

    If memory serves me correctly I was assigned the task of handing out water and run shirts so I didn’t get to run. It was very amusing handing women the size x small shirt they’d ordered (they were all warned it was tiny) that might fit a seven year old.

    Anyway, became a lawyer, got married and had a kid since then. Have not worried about anything as silly as fun run attire in ages. Hope you all are well :)

    1. HAHA that would never be me! I am always paranoid about the t-shirt being too small for me so I normally end up with one that’s too big!

      Congrats on being a lawyer/wife/mom!

    2. Thank you for checking back in and the update! Happy to hear you’re doing great!

  15. Today, I caught the youngest associate at work hiding with an ice pack and when I cornered him he said he he gets cluster headaches. He took his laptop and went to a small meeting room but felt the need to keep working and have the lights on so people don’t think he is slacking. He is only 22, even younger than some of our interns and this is his first job. I was heartbroken that he didn’t feel comfortable just saying “I need a break, I’ll be back in 30 min” and leave his laptop behind. He doesn’t report to me but is there anything I can do? Would talking to his project manager be too overbearing office mum?

    1. Yes…I might be basing this too much on personal experience but he may well be hungover and using “cluster headaches” as a more socially acceptable excuse. He’s a grown man, he knows his limits.

    2. Yes. I think it would have been fine to say something to him in the moment like “you know that if you have a headache, you’re welcome to take a break, right?” But definitely don’t go to his project manager.

    5. Don’t be his office mother. That’s not your job and you don’t even really know him. He can figure his own health and work life out.

    6. I might get shot for this but the fact that it’s a man, I’d think he is perfectly ok walking away without even labeling it as a break. If it were a woman, I might think she feels the need to prove herself more and I’d want to tell her it’s ok (know your office and all that). Also, how exactly do you corner someone at work… isn’t it a breach of their personal space of sorts?

    7. You just used the words “caught” and “cornered” and now you’re “heartbroken” (and apparently confused??) that he didn’t feel comfortable talking about his health issues.

      What.

      Christ on the cross do not go talking to his supervisor about his *health issues.*

    8. I would NOT want or appreciate you doing anything about this (and I’m honestly not sure what even makes you think a 3o minute break would help). Let it go.

    9. Cluster headaches are awful and more common in men, and so severe that some people commit suicide when they have them.

      Unfortunately, a 30 minute break would not help him. This is probably why he was trying to work through it.

      You could point hi towards whatever resources at your firm assist with accommodations, medical referrals etc… He needs a very good headache neurologist as good treatments are available.

      Please try not to embarrass him or “catch” him…..

      1. Ummm……you do realize that the OP is the man’s colleague and not his mommy right??? He is a grown a$$ed man who managed to graduate law school and pass the bar! No doubt he knows how to use his insurance (or use whatever other resources your firm has available) to book an appointment with a doctor to discuss this issue.

        It’s simply amazing to me how even other women seem to task women with emotional labor.

        1. I agree with your broader point, but I don’t think he’s a lawyer (his boss is a ‘project manager’) and he’s 22, so basically just straight out of college.

        2. I had no idea at 22 about any of this stuff. I was terrified i would love my job. In fact, I didn’t see a doctor for migraines at all until I was 27. I just didn’t know you saw a doctor for “headaches”. shrugs. I grew up in a poor family that never went to the doctor unless it was for a shot/required/very sick.

          2. Right. But everyone was 22 once and they figured it out. It’s not a job for his office mommy who is heart broken. He can ask his own parents, but since we’re now assuming he’s poor and his parents have never been to a doctor — he can ask a friend, show up at urgent care or frankly even ask someone at work how to find a PCP but it should be HIM bringing it up with someone he WANTS to talk to — not office mommy deciding he MUST confide in her.

          3. Anon at 12:11

            So much hate…. really necessary?

            Sometimes simple kindness to a young employee is enough.

            I didn’t take very good care of myself at 22. I still don’t take very good care of my headaches at 42…..

    10. This is super weird.

      Basically stop what you’re doing. This is a grown man leave him alone. Maybe remind him that HR or a professional help body exists and leave it.

      Office mum is also gross. Yuck.

    11. Have to ask — did you feel it was ok to corner him and “drag” medical info out of him because he’s young, so of course he should have no expectation of privacy and should want to talk to any older lady acting like she wants to help?

      Are you like this when you see females with ice or a heating pad — that should want to confide in you about how bad that time of the month is and you being heartbroken refer them to the GYN while assuring them it won’t hurt bc they have the gentlest touch ever? Do you need to know who has acid reflux and who was referred to a cardiologist a year ago but hadn’t gone yet so you can convince him a heart murmur is NBD but should be checked?

      Get over yourself and stop being the office mom. No one likes it — they’re too polite or too worried about themselves to say it. They are 22 not 12 and you’re not THEIR mom — you’re the coworker lady and it’s none of your business how or when they figure their stuff out.

      1. I have two office moms. But it’s different because I chose them to be my office moms and we know each other well- it’s a running joke. But I’ve also had older women office mom me when we don’t have a relationship and it’s awful.

  16. My brother is having surgery and will be stuck in bed for at least a week afterward. He is married, no kids. I do not live nearby. I would like to send a very nice care package of things that could make being in bed a little less terrible and to take care of my SIL. I’m thinking in the $200 range. I was thinking about a gift card for meal delivery service, but I’d like more. They already have Netflix and Amazon Prime so they’re set on the entertainment front. Ideas?

    1. What about some simple games he can play from a bed? I know TV gets boring after a while, even if you have all the streaming in the world. Some ideas: Fox in the Forest, Roll through the Ages, Skip-bo…?

    2. Best wishes for your brother.

      A big jigsaw puzzle that can be done on a table between the bed and your SIL? Does your brother have some hobby that involves handwork and you can get him some supplies? Adult coloring books? A big fluffy luxurious pillow or two?

      1. Those all sound great. Also, how about a game that he could play with SIL/any visitors?

    3. When I was in the hospital after my c-section, I loved having a large water bottle/cup with a straw that I kept next to the bed and which I could drink from without worrying about spilling on the bed. Not fancy or mind blowing, but something I very much appreciated. That and comfy slippers.

  17. Due to health reasons I can’t fly until next spring and can’t go on long road trips. I live in NYC and have a bunch of vacation coming up. Where would you go if you could train a max of 5 hours or drive a max of 4 hours? New to this area so any ideas are welcome! Looking for long weekend plans especially. My husband and I would love a nice place to spend our anniversary in October.

    1. Beacon, NY! easy 1.5 hour train ride, super walkable town, museums (Dia! Storm King!), cute restaurants, beautiful water views, etc etc

    2. Mohonk Mountain House or the Sagamore. In general the Adirondacks are a spectacular place. East end of Long Island, fire island, and brandy wine valley. Hudson Valley. Berkshires.

      1. +1 Mohonk. Make reservations for your anniversary dinner at the nearby Culinary Institute.

    4. Finger Lakes (NY – Canandaigua, Naples, Keuka Lake, Seneca Lake)
      North Fork (hit Greenport, Long Island and nearby towns)
      Cape May, NJ (lovely stay at Virginia Hotel)
      Check out the blog Escape Brooklyn for ideas re: Catskills and Adirondacks
      Newport, RI
      +1 Berkshires +1 Beacon NY
      I would skip Poconos. I’m not impressed, unless I just don’t know where to go.

    6. Beacon is great. Of course, you’re in easy Amtrak range for Baltimore/Philly/DC/Boston. Some more offbeat suggestions: Waterfire in Providence RI (they have at least one lighting in October – check the schedule). Jim Thorpe, PA if you’re into cute towns and outdoor activities (biking/hiking/rafting). Rent a “deluxe” cabin in Hickory Run State Park in PA during foliage season for a rustic & romantic & isolated camping getaway.

    7. Berkshires (Old Inn on the Green)
      Watch Hill or Newport, RI (Ocean House in Watch Hill is spectacular)
      Greenport (Sound View Inn)
      Anywhere in the Hamptons (Sag Harbor is my favorite town)
      Boston
      Lake Placid
      Washington/Roxbury, CT (Mayflower Grace)
      DC

    8. If you are new to the east coast and haven’t been, DC. I’m a strong believer that all Americans should visit, and it can be a very affordable trip since so many attractions are free. Other good city options are Boston and Philly.

    10. We love the Brandywine Valley, just outside of Philly: Longwood Gardens, the Wyeth Museum, cozy Bed and Breakfasts, Historical battlefields. I think the NYTimes did one of their “36 Hours In…” series on the Brandywine Valley. Speaking of, we find tons of good weekend ideas in the “36 Hours In…” archives. We have the book, but I think you can search online by location.

  18. Anyone here live in Boise, Idaho? Considering a relocation from the Bay Area (for a lot of reasons) and I have some family nearby, but no one in Boise proper. Would appreciate any recommendations or perspectives.

    2. I posted a response but it’s in mod (maybe because I forgot to put in a name). I’ve been in Boise since 2010. What do you want to know?

      1. Great, thank you! First, I would love to know about general quality of life – how’s traffic? Can you afford a nice apartment in a nice neighborhood? Do you have enough cultural opportunities (would love to go to the symphony occasionally, for example)? Second (and not sure if you’re outdoorsy), how is the access to hiking and skiing? Are there any other fun outdoorsy activities within city limits or nearby that you would recommend? Basically, we want to move to improve our quality of life at a lower cost and I want to know if that’s possible there.

        2. The cost of living is staggeringly lower. That alone will be a shocking improvement in quality of life.

          The lack of diversity will also be startling.

        3. Basically you’ve listed all of the reasons people move to Boise.

          Traffic: Essentially everything is 15 minutes away. People complain about traffic if they have to wait through more than one red light to get through an intersection. Boise is definitely growing, so traffic is getting worse but it’s still very easy to get around. There are lots of places where you can walk or bike downtown. Boise is a small city, so if you live in Boise proper, you probably have a neighbor who bikes to work.

          Cost of housing: This is really going up and FYI almost everyone in Boise blames people like you who are coming from California because a lot of them have a bunch of cash from selling a California home and can outbid the locals—just be aware of that attitude, which is very prevalent, and when you meet someone don’t lead with the fact that you came here from California. A lot of houses in Boise aren’t that great but the inventory is very low so most houses don’t stay on the market very long. I don’t know anyone who rents but the news says the rental market is similar. That being said, there are tons of apartments and condos being built close to downtown and the prices are going to be very inexpensive compared to the Bay Area.

          Culture: Boise is small so you’ll need to adjust your expectations. We have a symphony, ballet, etc., but they’re not world class. However you can always go to Sun Valley in the summer for big events. We have an outdoor theater called the Shakespeare Festival (even though it has non Shakespeare plays and musicals). Boise is on the way from Oregon/Seattle to Salt Lake City/Denver so if music groups are driving, they’ll often stop and play here.

          Outdoors: This is the best part of Boise. Almost everyone is outdoorsy and we have tons of activities. Bicycling is huge in Boise (road and mountain) and we have lots of bike lanes and trails. The foothills surround Boise on two sides and have hiking and biking. A river runs through Boise and there’s a bike/pedestrian route next to it. We have large parks named for prominent women throughout downtown. Idaho has amazing rivers for whitewater and fishing. We have a reservoir close to downtown for boating. Mountains are really close (Stanley/Ketchum to the southeast and McCall and Garden Valley to the north). Idaho is known for its natural hot springs. We have a really cheap but outstanding local nonprofit ski resort with tons of trails that’s about 30 minutes from downtown. It has mountain biking and other events in the summer. You can get a discount on the season pass your first year, but the best deal after that is buying a pass during the Presidents’ Day sale. I’m probably forgetting a ton of stuff, but basically Boise has amazing access to outdoors activities.

          Crime/homelessness: This is becoming more of an issue, but Boise is still incredibly safe. It’s more a problem of providing for our homeless since they are getting left behind in the housing market.

          Other things: Idaho is a very red state that is dominated by agricultural interests. Politics may be a shock to you. Boise is pretty liberal but the rest of the state is really conservative. Idaho has very limited diversity. It’s better in Boise, but it is still extraordinarily white. Finally, Boise neighborhoods are very distinct (north end, east, southeast, bench, west) so take time to figure out where you want to live. And if you want to sound like a local, the s in Boise has an s sound, not a z sound.

          1. This is so helpful – thank you! Boise sounds like the perfect city for us to research in-depth. I have family in Ketchum and I’m aware of some of the issues you mentioned re: diversity and politics. That will certainly be a challenge but I’m willing to give it a try.

          4. Not relevant to Boise but if you ever find yourself in Visalia CA it is the same – Vi-Sail-Ya and not Vi-Zail-Ya

      2. There are several great articles in Sunset re Boise. Google sunset mag and Boise and you’ll find them. Also, Sun Valley is shockingly close–less than 2 hours. Every time I’ve visited Boise, I’ve had a blast. it does go to very rural very fast once you’re outside town though. It’s very “Western” and like others have said, not at all diverse.

    3. Boise is the new Denver, and Denver is the new Portland. Everyone I know in the Bay Area is moving to Boise these days.

        1. They like it. I think that the whiteness and lack of diversity is a little overwhelming, and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t miss the Bay Area a little bit – but everyone loves the lack of traffic and the lower housing prices.

  19. Looking for multi-vitamin recommendations. Should I look for specific percentages of certain vitamins, or does everyone just buy a woman-specific multivitamin from one of the well known brands and call it a day?

    1. Some vitamins can do more harm than good (synthetic E, synthetic B vitamins if you have methylation issues), and dosage matters a lot. Why do you think you need a multivitamin? In short, talk to a doctor.

    2. Costco generic brand vitamins are preferred by my doc for consistency. Talk to your doctor about how much calcium you need based on your diet, as a multivitamin may not be enough. You should not t are a multivitamin with iron without recs from your doctor. Also talk with your doctor regarding your vitamin d needs.

      1. Just asked my doc yesterday about daily calcium needs and she suggested 1000mg of calcium and 1000mg of VitD. I’m 40 and work an office job (so not a ton of sunlight during the week)

        1. Make sure you divide that calcium up in servings/supplements throughout the day. Your body can’t absorb more than 400-500mg of calcium at one time. So if you get one serving of calcium in the morning with your breakfast yogurt, take a supplement pill at lunch and dinner, for example.

          Often the “instructions” on calcium supplement bottles are wrong, and don’t tell you that you need to split the pills to get the best results.

          FYI – if your vitamin D level is low, make sure it is re-checked after you start a vitamin D supplement. I don’t absorb oral vitamin D well, and get very little sunlight exposure. So I had to take 2000iu of Vitamin D a day to get my level into the normal range. My father has to take almost 4000iu per day!

  20. I’m thinking of purchasing the Longchamp le pliage tote in purple (or bilbery, as it is on their site). I am quite an indecisive person, especially when it comes to making purchases and I’m now starting to wonder if purple is too much of a statement color and I just go with black. Ladies who rock colorful bags, please talk me out of this so I don’t add an umpteenth black item to my closet….

    1. Have you been debating this decision for 7 years? That’s the last time they were stylish. Snark aside, purple is a great bag color – it goes with greys blacks navy’s Browns etc

    2. Buy the purple bag. If you find you don’t like it, give it to me (kidding!) since purple is my power color. But really, life get SO boring with all black everything and purple is the perfect pop of color that’s not as in your face as a bright red, but different enough to be interesting.

    3. What color is the inside of the bag? My biggest problem with my black Le Pliage tote is that the inside is a black hole where I can never find anything, especially because there are basically no organizational pockets.

    4. I always have a non-black bag and I usually get tons of compliments on having a colored bag! Go for it!

      signed,

      currently carrying a royal blue bag

    5. @10:23 – ha, not 7 years but I have been thinking about it for a while! I was raised to be super frugal so have a really hard time spending more than $25 on anything and am finally ready to pull the trigger that will make me very happy… even if it is dated.

      @10:25 – thank you! They have a lovely light blue online right now too, but I like the purple much better. Off to the Nordstrom website I go tonight….

      @10:26 – I use mini pouches within a bag, so the lack of pockets/organization actually really appeals to me. I got mine off Amazon a few years ago if that’s helpful.

    6. Are you getting the nylon one? It’s not worth it. Within a couple months the corners had completely ripped open. It was a piece of junk. It’s a really common problem with these bags.

      1. +1

        Totally impractical, overpriced, not professional looking. If you were a law student with money to burn, then maybe if you loved it,,,,?

        OP, if you are normally careful with money, don’t waste it here.

        Purple is a great color though!

      2. Anecodote – I’ve had the opposite experience. I’m surprised at how well the one my teenager has is wearing. I posted below – she uses it for an overnight bag and occasionally when she needs to carry more heavy books / etc to school than her backpack can fit. She also uses it on sports travel/ tournaments. This thing has been thrown in the truck of a bus, into gym lockers, and even checked as baggage and it still looks new.

        I prefer leather bags so I don’t carry one (but oh my, longchamp’s leather bags are so pretty) but she has wrung a lot of use out of hers since I bought it for her at the NAS at least four years ago.

    7. I have Bilberry and LOVE the color. It looks great with black, gray, navy, and tan. It’s a really subdued purple.

      1. This. I have the Bilberry too. It’s a dark, understated purple. Much more interesting than boring black.

    8. I’ve had the black on black for years and it is definitely a black hole, but useful and doesn’t scream le pliage as much as the colors+brown leather.

    9. I love my black longhcamp and use it for travel etc. I do see them in court pretty frequently. Just saw a navy one today and a star family lawyer attorney has one she carries as an additional bag with files in it. (I’m in a small but very wealthy/ritzy city – NYC suburb). I don’t think they are dated at all. They are a classic.

      1. I agree – everyone likes to rag on them here, but unless you are in a profession/office where people are *really* paying attention to what you wear (and they’re in head to toe chic designer clothing), I think Longchamps are fine. I’ve tried several times to switch to a different work bag and end up returning whatever I buy and sticking with the Longchamp. It just works for me and if anyone gave me crap about it, I would let them know they’re welcome to buy me something different anytime.

        1. I also think they’re fine. I don’t carry one but women in my office do and I don’t clutch my pearls. I truly do not get the love for the OG/OMG, which i ordered and thought looked like a diaper bag, vs the Longchamp which is at least more streamlined.

          My teenaged daughter has the purple color – she uses hers for an overnight bag – and it’s a really pretty color.

        2. Agree. The darn thing is the only bag I’ll drag my court papers around in.It’s light and strong and I really don’t care how fashionable it is.

      1. omg that is gorgeous. I always forget that Barney’s house brand bags are fantastic, and surprisingly reasonably priced when on sale.

        1. Um, no, gorgeous is not a word that describes that bag. It’s fine. Especially for $60. I’m sure it’s good quality for that price. But it’s a very utilitarian looking tote that is almost bordering on ugly.

          1. Oh my gosh, you’re right. Wow. Thank you so much for bringing that to my attention.

      2. Thanks! Just purchased! (And with an additional 10% off for first order!) @Moss: I shall always think of you, anonymous C-ret-te commenter when I use it!)

        1. Fantastic! I do love the Barney’s in-house design. The quality I think is very good and I happen to like very simple designs. I hope you enjoy your bag :) Cheers to you!

    11. I have it and it’s not “very” purple, or at least not bright purple. I use it quite a bit with all of my outfits (which cluster in the black or navy color schemes).

    12. I have a red Le Pliage and while I only use it occasionally (sometimes as a weekender bag, always pack it when I go on vacation, stuff like that) it’s held up very well – still looks like new 5+ years later and I’m so glad I went with a color instead of a neutral.

  21. I have a purple patent leather Coach bag with interesting pleating. Its not a great size for work so I don’t carry it as often as I would like but whenever I do it makes me so happy. I say go for it. Maybe its not the bag you carry for a big meeting / event but as an everyday bag, purple is totally fine. (But even on this I probably would. At 35, if someone thinks less of me because I have a purple Coach bag that is their problem, not mine.)

  22. Does anyone have a recommendation for a work fashion blog/instagram where the person lives in the South or another climate that has four seasons? I follow 9 to 5 chic and extrapetite and like both of them but a lot of their outfits, especially 9 to 5 chic, do not really translate to my mid-South city where I have a real summer and real winter.

    1. Boston definitely has four seasons…way more so than the south. I have a lot of issues with Extra Petite, but she definitely changes her outfits up based on the seasons.

    2. Wardrobe Oxygen is in Baltimore or somesuch.
      Hi Sugarplum although it’s not all clothes, also décor/food.
      Kendi Everyday, if she’s still around? I mostly follow European fashion blogs now so not sure.

  23. Any recs for drug store non-waterproof eyeliner and mascara?

    I’d like to start wearing eyeliner more, but I’ve never found one that works for me. And I’ve been using Covergirl’s LashBlastFusion mascara, but while twice I’ve gotten a tube and it’s been amazing, I’ve also gotten two tubes that got clumpy and nasty, so I’d like something that’s consistently good.

    1. Maybelline Full and Soft. I’ve used this for years. I’m also allergic to most waterproof mascaras. I’ve never had a problem with this one, and it does not run throughout the day (problem I had with Mary Kay).

    2. L’Oréal voluminous mascara is the best IMO. I’ve been using it for 20 years. I like the new version (paradise? It’s the voluminous mascara but it’s in a pink bottle).

    3. I really like Almay’s twist-up eyeliner pencils.

      Right now I’m using Covergirl Flamed Out mascara, which I like a lot (it makes a noticeable difference, but it’s not a super HI I’M WEARING MASCARA look), although it’s my first tube so I can’t speak to how consistent it is. I also put it on my brows and it makes me look a tad more put-together without having to figure out actual brow makeup.

    4. Revlon ColorStay pencil eyeliner. I have just switched to the CG one you mention and have had good luck.

    5. Not technically drugstore, but the Ulta store brand is great for both mascara and liner. And when they go on sale, they are actually cheaper than most drugstore options.

    6. I really like the Rimmel Scandal Eyes Liquid Eyeliner, which I purchased on a whim this spring. It has a new-to-me applicator–almost like a rollerball pen–but I find it really easy to use *and* easy to take off.

  24. Ideas on where to shop for furniture/decor for a guy who is very much not at all design-knowledgeable or design minded?? BF just moved into a new place and needs to buy a few pieces of furniture and a lot of artwork/decor/“stuff”/rugs to make it feel like a home. I’d guess his budget is fairly open (he’s not opposed to Target but also just bought a $2500 chair at Room & Board so…).

    He likes leather, clean lines, “gray things” and wood/metal together, slightly industrial things. I was thinking Room & Board, Crate & Barrel, Wayfair…I like the idea of searching antique stores for fun decor but not sure I can get him on board with that.

      1. Yeah, OP, do you actually enjoy this? I would guess not because you’re having to ask here for recommendations. Because I’d tell my bf to use the internet himself to figure this out. No need to do it for him.

      2. The more I think about this the funnier it is. I’m picturing being the guy in this situation and being like “I’m moving!” and my girlfriend immediately is all “How are you decorating, what do you like, OMG WHAT IS A GREY THING how dare you not have a more specific style and design…etc…” My imaginary self is considering not giving my imaginary girlfriend my new address at all.

      3. +1 – he doesn’t “need” anything more than he wants to buy. So, unless he wants artwork/decor, he doesn’t need it, just to put something on the walls. And really – that stuff works better to create a home when you accumulate it organically.

        Is he actually asking for help, or are you volunteering?

      4. Not mothering at all. I enjoy decorating my own house and he likes how my place feels “homey” and asked for help.

        My budget tends towards the thrift store/IKEA price range and is much more feminine, so industrial/masculine is not on my radar since I don’t look at that kind of thing in stores.

        Didn’t know helping a guy I love decorate his house was SO wrong…good lord.

        1. OP, don’t take it too personally. Everyone has been all feisty and critical of everyone lately. It’s almost not worth posting here anymore.

    3. Honestly, I would shop with the intention that all of this stuff would become yours one day, if that is where the relationship is headed. Don’t get too into finding his style.

  25. Has anyone been to the Westin Grand Cayman? I had mentally bookmarked it for a vacation this winter with a toddler (there are non-stop flights to Grand Cayman from our home airport, so the travel is easy) because it’s supposed to have great snorkeling right from the beach (a priority because we’re not sure how many excursions we’ll be able to do). But the prices are really $$$$ (over $600 a night with taxes and fees and no food included). We can afford it, but it seems like a lot to pay for just a hotel room. Looking in early December, so high season but not the crazy Christmas/NYE holiday pricing. If anyone has been and can share their experience and whether they think it’s worth it, I”d appreciate it!

    1. I’ve been to Grand Cayman 4 times on scuba trips with a small group of friends, in both July and November. We usually stay in West Bay (Villa Pappagallo) and do a VRBO rental. My perspective is a bit different since we are all child-free adults and are diving rather than snorkeling, but there three things I think you should consider:

      1. The water is going to relatively cold in December, and the beach will be windy. Average water temp in December is closer to 80F than the 86 or 88 F in the summer, and although that sounds pleasant, once you are spending a long time in the water you really feel the difference. The winds in November also made it unpleasant to spend a lot of time lying on the beach or relaxing outside. and those wind patterns last through January at least.

      2. That wind chop will likely make it difficult to snorkel. A lot of locations have to limit shore diving or change the access points in November due to high surf, and that will have an even bigger impact at the surface for snorkelers than for divers.

      3. I’ve never snorkeled off 7-mile beach, only off of West Bay, but the reef is a similar distance away from the shore all along the west side of the island up to the West Bay area where we stay, so I don’t think staying at the Westin offers any particular access advantage. There are lots of places you could look at.

      If you want to ask more questions, let me know here. I love diving Grand Cayman, and am happy to provide more info!

      1. Hmm good to know. I have a heavy wetsuit and have snorkled in ~80F water before so I don’t think that will be an issue but the wind certainly might be. Do you know if those wind patterns apply to the Caribbean generally or if other islands will be nicer in early December? We’re fairly locked in to that time frame unfortunately.

        1. I don’t know about wind in any other parts, sorry. I’ve only been to Grand Cayman in that region of the world.

  27. Any recommendations for long-ish cardigans? I’m looking for something to dress up and/or cover bare shoulders in maternity tops, so ideally hitting around the leg/hip bend. Everything seems to be either hip-bone-length or mid-thigh (and casual).

    1. Halogen has a longish cardigan that is part of the NAS. It is a boyfriend cardigan, so it may be a little more casual than you are looking for, but I’ve been happy with the version I bought last year.

Comments are closed.