Tuesday’s TPS Report: Brea Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Cynthia Steffe Brea DressHmmn: both Zappos and Bloomingdale’s have this Cynthia Steffe dress on nearly identical sales today (was $255, marked to $179.99 at Zappos today and $178.50 at Bloomingdale’s). Zappos has sizes 0 and 2, Bloomie’s has sizes 8 and 10 left. I like the structural details on this dress — the darts, the seams, the defined waist. I particularly like the way the back and the sides are dress (at least on top) are black — I think the effect would be very slimming. Nice. Cynthia Steffe Brea Dress

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]


  1. Motoko Kusanagi :

    I like this! Sadly, at 33 inches in length, it would be scandalously short on me for the office :(

    • downstream :

      hmm…the model says she’s 5’5″, and the dress looks like it’s an OK length on her.

      Related, her waist size is 26″, which is almost normal-ish for a model (still small but not ridiculous like a 24″ or 25″ waist)

    • Divaliscious11 :

      Agreed. Really cute but too short….

  2. Gorgeous! I have something similar from the gap (with a fuller skirt) and I love the structural details and silhouette.

  3. Dear Mamabear & Brooklyn Esq.,

    You are both fired. Because after yesterday, I now want ALL THE ALEXIS BITTAR.

    For reals.



    • Anon in sf :

      I know. I discovered that brand about 2 years ago, and have slowly been building up my collection, mostly of things from the “Miss Havisham” line — think metallic stone encrusted pieces. I love it, and always get tons of compliments when I wear the pieces.

      • I really want the Miss Havisham horseshoe necklace (link to follow), but a lot of the reviews say that the chain is just too thin for the necklace and that it breaks fast. I have a few other pieces of his but no necklaces. I know if I buy from nordies I’ll be ok, but I really like it and don’t want it to break. Any experience with the necklace?

    • If you want to be poor, you should check out the day about two-three days ago that Kanye and I had a tumblr battle for Hijabeng (Ru) where we helped her shop for bracelets. You can see a lot of it on her tumblr because she reblogged it or we both tagged it with her name.

      • Because my tumblr is a mess, I recommend looking at Kanye’s and TCFKAG’s tumblrs for ALL THE JEWELRIES (with no spaces).

        tcfkag.tumblr. com/tagged/hijabeng

        wailingbeansidhe.tumblr. com/tagged/hijabeng

    • I adore Alexis Bittar. I only wish it went on sale more often. There are three pieces that I am really lusting after right now, but they are pretty expensive. Does anyone other than Nordstrom carry it?

    • Went to 2 Alex Bittar stores in NYC and fell in love. I wanted everything. My SO was enamoured by the giant mountain lion (I think) in the window in the Soho store.

    • Ditto. I’m now dreaming of crystal encrusted pretties.

    • Oh sad, I’m fired. Ah well, at least I’m wearing my (only) Bittar bangle and looking FAB today. ;)

    • Brooklyn, Esq. :

      Sorry, gurl. But isn’t it great? :)

  4. I wonder if the Zappos model’s real name is Mika.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      Was wondering the same thing.

      Would be better if they measured the garment from shoulder to waist for each size. I am a long-waisted person, and suspect that the waistline on this dress would hit too high, causing a Regency-pregnancy look.

  5. My tuchus would never fit this. In court now! Yay!

  6. Love this color.

  7. This time just C :

    After last week’s tell-your-deep-dark-secret thread, I decided to make some changes in my life and have started the change process. Thank you to this awesome community of support.

    • Good for you making healthy changes! Not related to my secret, but I have also decided to make a healthy change – not giving up sugar entirely but dramatically cutting back by eliminating chocolate peanuts. Too much stress in my life has meant carrying the bag of chocolate peanuts to my bedroom when I get home from work. Now I just have to figure out how to always have healthier options in the house.

      • I am really trying to reduce sugar too. I have a fro yo addiction (not to mention an Almond Joy problem. And do we really have to talk about Snickers?). Good luck to ya.

        To C: congratulations!

      • I gave up sweets, candy, and hot chcoolate. I’ve been eating an absurd amount of carrots, they satisfy my need for sweet and crunchy.

        • Wow, switching to carrots is some serious commitment. I switched to apples and fresh ground peanut butter. Maybe carrots one day.

        • The crunchiness makes all the difference! Sometimes I think I snack not because I’m hungry, but just because chomping is a nice bit of stress relief. I used to chew gum for this reason, but always forget to buy more when it runs out.

          • Agree. And having carrots with hummus makes it more of a treat a not a chore! It’s the crunch I’m after too.

        • If you want variety, try banana chips! They are sweet and crunchy and I keep them in my desk with my other emergency food :)

          • I get masala banana chips. They are delicious.

          • Rosie, those sound delicious. Now for a bit of google fu…

          • If you are in the DC area, I highly recommend Patel’s grocery store in Rockville. We also get a large assortment of microwavable meals there for a dollar each. The masala banana chips we like come in a huge bag that is silver on one side and clear on the other and are $4-5–they don’t have that much salt or oil, so they seem fairly healthy.

          • beware – banana chips can secretly be bad for you – they’re usually covered in oil and sugar. very high calorie content.

        • I lost a ton of weight once on carrots and fat free pretzels. Sweet and salty :)

      • I have totally given up refined sugar, and while it was a struggle at first, I’ve totally broken the habit. I feel awesome, and I’ve lost 10 lbs. I really never thought I’d see this number on the scale again, even after (unsuccessfully) doing Weight Watchers.

        • I just started trying this! I have been getting mild headaches off and on, and was thinking that it might be due to sweets. No sugar since yesterday, and so far so good (no headache). Not sure I can keep it up completely, but I am going to work on it slowly!

      • On a related note, today is the bring your kid trick or treating around the office day, and out department put our candy next to the printer. Ughhh I want m&ms….

    • Congratulations! I’m doing the same thing (not related to my secret) but have been trying to make some changes in my life over the last week or so and I’m happy to say it’s starting to make a (slight) difference already!

      This community is amazing for supporting each other :)

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      Good on you for making some changes.

      I’ve also been motivated to make some changes (must remember to sign up for MFP), but I’ve finally cut out Trader Joe’s Chocolate Almond Clusters. They were my major weakness and I’d go through 2 containers/week. Way too much sugar.

    • Kontraktor :

      Yay for changes. I am making some too. I am trying to lose about 5lb. Last week I walked a ton. Yesterday my husband and I walked 1.5 mi and I even ran 1.5 mi straight. I didn’t think I could do that. We will walk maybe 2-3 mi. tonight and try running again Wednesday and Friday. We are planning a large dinner on Saturday so I am also planning a looong walk for the morning. We already eat pretty well, but I cut out Chees-its (used to bring a small baggie to work) and am trying to not eat random small things after dinner (like a couple of cookies with tea). I am hoping we/I can keep this up!!

  8. Happy Mole Day!

    (none of my friends celebrate Mole Day so I’m hoping someone around here does).

    • lucy stone :

      I am having flashbacks to Chemistry for Engineers. Happy Mole Day!

    • Thank you so much! I was trying to figure out why something about 10/23 was tugging at my memory – I thought maybe I had forgotten a friend’s birthday – and you made me realize it’s because it’s Mole Day.

      Happy Mole Day!

      • Ok. Now I am curious. What is mole day?

        • It celebrates Avagadro’s Number, which is 6.02 x 10^23. Chemist use it as a measurement of atoms. It’s like Pi Day (3/14).

          • Sigh – explanation incomplete. Avagadro’s number is a mole of “things”. It’s a huge number, which makes it good for measuring atoms, b/c you can get an actual real world weight for a mole of atoms, like a mole of gold, or silver, or what have you.

          • I love that you had to come back and expand on your explanation.

          • To further clarify, there are 6.02 x 10^23 atoms in a mole. So if someone sells you a mole of gold, you are buying 6.02 x 10^23 atoms of gold.

            If you talk in moles rather than in atoms, you can express your numbers more easily because they are smaller, which is helpful for calculations and constants in chemistry. For example, the constant R = .0821 kg-L/mole-K. If you were to express it in moles instead, you would have to divide it by 10^23, which would be a much much much smaller number (.0821 x 10^-23).

          • I got a point of extra credit in chemistry for calling my chem teacher at 6:02 on 10/23. (Calls were invited). He laughed in class because apparently everyone called at 6:02 am, not 6:02 pm…

          • I finished and realized that I hadn’t made the connection between Avagadro and mole :)

          • To futher expand upon Viv – it’s really helpful for all of that stoichiometry (chemical accounting/conversions).

          • Fact: stoichiometry is one of my most favorite words.

          • Related: you can have a mole of anything (not just atoms). To wit, what if you had a mole of moles? http://what-if.xkcd.com/4/

          • I love that we have so many smart women on this blog. I am so *not* a science or math person, my eyes glazed over at 6.02 x 10^23…..but I can definitely appreciate the Mole Day sentiment in theory!

          • @jessBee, wow. That is beautiful.

          • Every. Single. One. of the new “Xkcd What If”s are Brilliant and High-larious. He also often references or ends up talking about nuclear weapons/explosions, which is my day job, so I get irrationally excited about jokes relevant to my job on the internets.

    • Thank you for the reminder!

    • Mole Day! Not as tasty as Pi Day, unfortunately, but still worth celebrating :)

      • Find a dish with mole sauce and call it a win.

        • That is such a good idea. I have a dinner meeting with a bunch of fellow math types this evening, and now I think we need to have it at a restaurant serving up mole. (Uh, that’s mole as in mol-ay, not cooked mole the animal)

          • Teehee, if your restaurant serves up mole (the kind with teeth) rather than mole (the kind with chocolate), run away! (Although you could seek out a fondue place and split the difference…)

          • I know – I kind of grossed myself out there (accidentally) and now I’m not sure I want dinner at all. Ever again.

        • Um, Godzilla, you are a genius. That’s all.

          • LUCKY SZ 8/10 :

            But whatever are we going to eat on Corduroy Day (11/11)???

            PS: Thanks for the explanation(s)!

          • Google informs me that there is corduroy cake http://www.coolest-birthday-cakes.com/coolest-corduroy-bear-birthday-cake-50.html

    • That is so wild. I actually remember this was highschool chemistry class.

  9. Atlanta ladies, I tried to send up a meetup planning email last night, but oddly, can’t tell if it worked. If you didn’t get it, please let me know! Or reply here with your preference among the following:

    -Drinks THIS Friday
    -Brunch Saturday
    -Brunch Sunday
    -Drinks NEXT Friday
    -None of these options work for me! I will propose something else in my reply.

  10. Toronto ladies! I sent an email out about a possible meet-up. If you didn’t get it or want to be on the list, email me at toronto [dot] [this site] @ gmail dot com and I’ll add you.

  11. phillygirlruns :

    initial review:

    i bought the suzi chin/maggie london dress that was featured last wednesday, 10/17. based on the reviews, i ordered two sizes – the larger of the two came yesterday.

    quality-wise, the dress is great – the jersey is heavy and very substantial, the neckline is interesting and the dress feels very well-constructed. i was not crazy about the belt – it’s a double-stand skinny belt, which by itself is neat, but feels and looks pretty cheap. the dress looks fine without a belt, though, and i have several i could swap in.

    sizing though? weird. it fits me fine in my lower body, but the top is just…oddly large. it may be a function of the dolman sleeve and more structured fabric, but it feels huge through the shoulders and not in a flattering way. i think the next size down will be too small on my lower body, but we’ll see when it comes.

    i like the dress enough to try it out in petites just to see if that helps. for reference, i’m short (5’3) but not petite, hourglassy at 32DD-28″ w-35″ hips, wear a 4 or 6 in j.crew and ann taylor. i bought a 6 and an 8 and have tried on the 8 so far.

    • phillygirlruns :

      link to dress: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/suzi-chin-for-maggy-boutique-belted-dolman-sleeve-sheath-dress/3195897?origin=category&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=Flame&resultback=1692&pprd=0,1&cm_ven=Linkshare&cm_cat=partner&cm_pla=10&cm_ite=1&siteId=j3wYAlndgaI-pbeb3I7fqRqHhwbUqN5z4Q&pprd=0

    • I bought that dress before it was featured here and had the same problem. I have an hourglass figure and it fit on top and was way too snug below the waist. I’ve had the same problem with other suzi chin dresses at nordies. They all look so lovely and versatile on nordies’ website. I keep ordering them and having to return them. It’s frustrating.


  13. Since this is apparently the Meetup thread ;o)

    SF Meetup
    Sun Nov 4
    Rosamunde, 2832 Mission Street, SF
    Near 24th & Mission BART

    Beer and Sausages and Bad-Ass Chicks! (Vegetarian sausage options available)

    • e_pontellier :

      Meetup thread! NYC this Thursday, 8pm, Grey Dogs on W 16th st btwn 7th/8th aves!

  14. With all the hoopla around inaccurate data on law school employment rates – is there a place to get accuarte data on employment stats on recent grads? I am looking specifically for firm placement for T14 programs.

    • No. Best thing (if you are thinking about law school) is to contact some current 3Ls at those schools and ask what their sense is of hiring for recent grads. It will be anecdotal, but perhaps more accurate than “data” that schools put out.

    • Law School Transparency breaks down the reported numbers into better pictures of how many students are really captured by the data law schools divulge.

    • Chicago is very transparent; they have full data on employment for the past couple of classes on the website.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      This may be less helpful where you are looking at T14 rather than regional law school/law firms but I suggest picking your market, picking your preferred firm size, and looking at all those firm’s websites, scrolling the bios of the newer attorneys. You will see what schools they have hired from, what activities those students participated in, how many attorneys they hired that year, etc. It can take up to a full day to research all this but it can be really eye opening. When I did this, I realized my preferred market was hiring WAY more local in-state not tier 1 students. The few “big for the area” firms were hiring tier 1 but also hired from my local in-state school. I went with local in-state (cheaper). But, the market I was looking at was VERY unique so absent research showing the same results, I would assume your mileage will vary. You can also use linked in to view other people from your potential school. You will probably only see name and title but you will get a hint if it says xyz, JD versus, xyz, attorney at big firm, or xyz, solo firm. You have to read between the lines but it can give you a more realistic picture than what career services sells you.

    • I don’t think data can keep up with market conditions so I second Viv’s suggestion. Also, talk to recent grads in addition to students as some firms are playing the “let’s wait until after the bar exam to hire them so we don’t have to pay for that” game.

  15. Fey and sudden :

    Also, thanks so much for the pore advice (no pun intended :) I think I’m going with the mint masque someone recommended.
    Do any of you attach expectations to an outfit when you’re searching for it? I’m having a hard time summing up what I mean. Let me try: for example, say you have a big date coming up or a speaking engagement with a networking group. But instead of being rational and saying, oh I’ll wear something I already have that’s nice and appropriate, you create a quest. You say, “I must find a shirt that will make me sexy, but mature, but not overdressed” or “I must find a skirt that is adorable, and slimming and graceful.” You then enter on a shopping rampage, trying on everything, and finding nothing, because you’ve attached so many adjectives to the object.
    I guess not so much of an advice question as a “I wonder if others do this” or suggestions on how to get better at not doing so.

    • So clearly I’m not working this morning since I’m all over this thread but yes, I do this and sometimes it makes it impossible to find something. I try to minimize it by doing two things:

      1) Imagining the image I’m trying to portray at all times (i.e. for work, professional but still feminine and relatively youthful, and I try to enumerate exactly what that means to me… so pencil skirts, silk blouses, colourful blazers etc., or for dates, sexy but not too scandalous, which usually results in something short and tight on the bottom, but relatively conservative on the top). I keep lists of items in my phone at all times, so if I get a hankering to go shopping but don’t really need anything, I’ll try to get something off that list

      2) Sometimes for a big event i.e. date, networking event, I’ll feel better if I have something new so I either try to get a new accessory for my existing clothes OR I’ll look at my closet to try to imagine the kind of outfit I want to wear. Then at least I get an idea of the kind of thing I’m looking for and it makes it easier to envision what I’m looking for when I’m in a store.

      But sometimes, when I’m shopping, I’ll just end up frustrated because I’ve put such ridiculous adjectives on what I’m looking for. I usually go home with nothing and end up pulling an outfit I already have from my closet and it works perfectly. (I should probably take this as a sign to shop less).

    • I used to do this all the time. I now own too many clothes, many unworn with the tags still on. What I do now is treat clothes and shoe shopping like an activity, like going to the museum or the movies. It is deliberate and NOT an emergency. It helps me objectively consider whether I truly like something or not. I would say I don’t buy a single thing 97% of the time.

      • I annoy my friends with my insistence on only buying if I really love an item. I can come away from a full day of shopping with nothing, which is fine by me, as the hunt is most of the experience anyway.

        I once heard the advice that you should never buy a new outfit to get your picture taken in (like, professional photography setting) because you might not notice if the fit is off until it’s too late. I’ve adopted this mentality for most occasions after too many events where I bought a new dress, only to find myself readjusting it the whole time. Having a smaller closet of well fitting pieces ensures I know whatever I put on will look nice, and then stretches me to creatively style what I have so I don’t end up pairing the same items together every time I wear them.

        • I like going shopping by myself WAY MORE than going with friends or family. Some people or too slow or too fast or too tired or too hungry or blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Shopping is me time.

          • Agreed. I like shopping at my own speed. If I do go shopping with friends/family, it is mostly of the, “let’s split up and we’ll meet back here for lunch” variety.

          • I agree completely! I take occasional shopping trips to Baton Rouge and the outlet mall that is on the way but when I take someone else it becomes this grueling day. I get in and out of stores pretty quickly and walk away if I’m not interested. But I have sat for hours while my friends tried on clothes. And I come home late and exhausted.

          • This is my BFF on a shopping trip:

            I like this. Do you like it? Yes? I don’t know. I think it makes me look hippy. I’m not going to get it. Would you mind if we went back to that first store? I want to try that on again. Do you like it? I like it. You do like it? Yes? I think I should get it, right? I’m getting it.

            I was going to wear that thing today but when I put it on I hated it. It is awful. Why did you let me buy it? We should go back to that fourth store and try on that one. Can you go after work?

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        I have the same problem with too many clothes (many still with tags on them.)

        At this point, I’m more than happy to be a shopping chaperone to friends– I’ll hold (hand)bags, take photos if my friend wants to (so she can decide which looks better later on), find errant salespeople, or go find the sizes myself if there’s nobody working on the floor that I can see.

        I’ve done this for a dear friend’s out-of-town relative who has relocated to NYC and wanted to update her wardrobe from sporty-Floridian to soignee, sophisticated NYC corporate. We hit 12 stores and joked that if this were a movie this would be her fashion transformation montage sequence, like the one in “The Devil Wears Prada.” :-)

        • SHOPPING CHAPERONE. This is what I am. All the satisfaction of hunting down stuff without buying it.

    • Kontraktor :

      I don’t know if I create a quest per se, but I definitely find myself thinking I would like something new more often than I should. I mean, yes there are occasions where perhaps I don’t really already have something. But most of the time, I make the event out to be something more special than it is and say, ‘Oh well I need a new suit/blouse/whatever’ for that. I then look around a lot and don’t find anything that is that affordable, and then I remind myself that I probably have something already I can pick from…

    • Maddie Ross :

      Yup. And spend too much money on the quest. And end up with several items that are fine, but just seriously not me. Oh, and even better is when in the end I wear something I already had in my closet.

    • I think one way to avoid this is to not shop for event-specific outfits (wedding dresses and similar excepted).

      If I am shopping for item A (office suits) and I come across item B (dinner dress), for which I am not shopping, I try to be open to item B. If item B is otherwise appropriate (price, color, fabric, fit, goes with things I already own), then I will buy it even though: (1) it is not what I was looking for, and (2) I may have no immediate need for it (i.e., I have no dinner date coming up but I do in general have dinner dates in my life). Then the next time I need a dinner dress, I have it.

      This is admittedly not a perfect system.

    • Yes. I don’t think of it as a shopping emergency though – it’s those pesky expectations. My flying into a tear about outfits usually means I’m nervous/etc./[insert feeling] about that event in question and trying to distract myself. If I can get to the bottom of THAT, I usually find an outfit is either in my closet or a far less loaded purchase.

    • I do this. Well, something similar. I create an item in my head, i.e., a black sweater with X sleeves, X neckline, and X material and then get mad when I can’t find it. This drives my husband absolutely CRAZY.

    • For me, it’s less about having unrealistic expectations and more about pretending that clothes will make me something that I’m not, or will make something happen that I want to happen. When I had a food service job when I was in school, I had the hardest time not buying completely impractical clothes. I didn’t want to be working at a restaurant, I wanted to be working in an office. So I absolutely pined over “office clothes.” Sometimes I bought them even though I couldn’t wear them. In the winter, when I’m just SO TIRED of winter, I pine over, and sometimes buy swimsuits even though I hardly ever go swimming, even in the summer. I’ve really tried to nip this insanity in the bud, but sometimes when I’m unhappy with something in my life, it pops back up.

      That said, I’ve always dreamed of having a dress that would make me look like Jessica Rabbit (how ’bout those expectations!!). I have a very hourglassy figure, and have never really felt comfortable showing it off. Maybe someday.

      • Yep, that’s what I’m trying to keep in mind – buy clothes for the life I have, not the life I want. On the other hand, sometimes it’s useful to think about what the clothes I am drawn to say about the life I want, and see if I can change things. Although that usually does not mean starting with buying out the Boden catalog.

    • I do that every time I’m a guest at a wedding. For some reason, I have a really hard time wearing “work clothes” to a wedding. I’m working on it.

      I think I heard about this book here, but Shop Your Closet by Melanie Charlton Fascitelli was an excellent read for me. The chapter she does on fashion made me realize that I’m drawn to classic looks and I need to quit trying to make trendy clothes work on me because then I’m uncomfortable and adjusting them constantly. It’s a great read and has me super pumped to clean out my closet.

  16. Does anyone have any experience with shoes from the Spanish Balearic islands? I am thinking of Avarca Pons sandals (link to follow) for wearing with casual dresses/skirts and pants around town or while traveling during the summer. Curious to hear any reviews.


    • Here is the link to the wedges I am considering:


      They also come in flats.

    • No experience, but when I visited Spain last year, everyone, man, woman and child, wore them (in the flat variation). I hope this means they are comfortable.

  17. applesandcheddar :

    How was the DC meetup? I’m really bummed I missed it, but I was out of town. Hoping there is another one soon!

    • I may be biased, but I thought it was great! Hope you can make it next time.

      • Jenny, I emailed the DC corpor— yahoo address and offered to organize the next one – not sure if you are still checking that address.

        • Thanks! I haven’t checked in a couple of days, but I will do so and get back to you.

  18. Interview logistics help! :

    I have an interview tomorrow that I am super excited about- yay!

    It is a firm job, located four floors down (same building, same lobby) from my current firm job. I’m having a lot of anxiety w/r/t the need to check in at the front desk in the lobby and have security walk me to the elevator with a key card for the interview-firm’s floor. And the leaving of the interview, where I may well enter from the interview-firm’s floor into an elevator with people from my current firm. It’s a 12 story building that my firm occupies half of, so it seems realistic or even likely that I may run into somebody.

    Any thoughts on how to handle this?

    • After the interview, can you take the stairs?

    • I would definitely wear a disguise.

      • Scratch my suggestion. Go with the disguise. And a foreign accent.

        • momentsofabsurdity :

          Find an interview buddy and synchronize your watches. Switch briefcases and wigs with one another in the elevator. Subterfuge is key.

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            Hire a team of lookalikes with the same briefcase as you. Think Thomas Crown Affair (starring Pierce Brosnan and the incomparable Rene Russo.) :-)

    • And the reason I suggest stairs is because I would imagine it would greatly reduce the likelihood of running into someone.

    • At least in the town that I work in attorneys from different firms end up meeting to talk about cases, to collaborate on pro bono or bar activities or for any number of other reasons. I would not think it odd to see one of my collegues headed into any of the other firms in town.

      • this. And if anyone asks when you get into the elevator, just say “oh, a meeting.” then quickly deflect: how was lunch? or, what are you doing for lunch? , etc. you could have been meeting a friend who works there, could be anything. Good luck with your interview!!

    • lucy stone :

      Is it plausible that you would be meeting with an attorney from that firm for work? Or do you have a classmate that works there that you could say you stopped in to say hello to?

    • You should be able to address this with your contact person at the firm you are interviewing with. Simply call/email and remind them that you submitted your application in confidence, and given that your current firm shares a building with them, would there be some way that you could handle the logistics to minimize the chances of an awkward encounter with your current colleagues.

      • Mountain Girl :

        This is an excellent idea. The disguise is more fun but this would probably be the approach I would take.

    • AnotherLadyLawyer :

      Same elevator bank? If your key card will work, I’d go with that. We have a other firms in our building and if you were in the same elevator bank, you could go to any floor, but couldn’t get into the floor… So you could try that? Aside from that, maybe you could call the receptionist or the recruiting person from the other firm and explain and ask if there is some way they can get you to their floor without going through security (maybe you can pick up a key card early or just have them leave all necessary cards with the security desk with a note). As for leaving the interview, I have to be honest, I would be a bit terrified of the same thing and would probably try to figure out a way to take the stairs (can you do that? even if you have to walk all the way to the bottom of the building?). Sorry for all the stress, but congrats on the interview!!!

    • I don’t have any bright ideas for going in, but as for coming out and getting on the elevator with people you know: if they ask, just say you were visiting a friend who just started working there (or dropping off something related to a volunteer gig, or some other story). My experience is that as long as you don’t act as though anything’s out of the ordinary, they’ll do/think the same.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      re-delivering a package that was wrongly sent to your office? Also, could you just call the person who scheduled the interview with your concerns? They know you work upstairs. Maybe instead of “checking in” the scheduler can be waiting for you in the lobby and take you directly to a conference room to wait.

      A while back, I went to therapy at the same place as several of my clients. The office housed multiple therapists so there was a good likelihood of running into a client in the waiting room. I told my therapist my concern and she worked out with reception that I could walk in, waive to reception (who knew to expect me) and proceed directly back to the staff kitchen and wait there until my appointment. They kept my credit card on file for my co-pays and I would call when I got home to schedule my next appointment instead of doing it at the window on the way out. If someone saw me, it looked like I was there for business, not an appointment.

    • Interview logistics help! :

      Thanks everyone!

      I had written a longer response but got the posting too fast error. In sum, thanks for the great ideas and I think I will contact recruiting.

  19. Almost There :

    The Halogen plaid suit at Nordie’s from a few weeks ago that I have been stalking has finally gone on sale! YAY!


    • Almost, you are the bestest in the whole world! I completely forgot about that suit, but I am desperately in need of a full suit that fits me, and the Taylor pants are the only pants that fit me (after a trip to the tailor). I am buying this right now. Thank you so much for the heads up!!

      • Almost There :

        Glad someone else is excited! I haven’t tried on the Taylor pants – can I ask what body type you have?

        • I am SO. Excited. ;o) I am the pearest of the pear. My widest point is the top of my thighs (i hate the term s-bags ;oP) and I HATE trying on work pants, they all look horrible on me. But the cut of the Taylor pants and the super wide waistband are awesome. I go a size up basically so they fit my thighs/hips, and then my amazing tailor takes in the waist band at the back so it smoothly goes over my b*tt and then the waistband ends up sitting comfortably on my low waist, w/ no muffin tops, etc.

          I have the taylor pants in multiple colors, but have been unable to buy a full suit (pants & skirt) from any other place, because i just cannot wear the pants. So, this is totally making me ridiculously happy right now. ;o)

          Ok, there is my pre-coffee novel about pants and my hips ;o) Thanks again!!

        • ALSO: just bought a full suit: Jacket, Skirt & Pants for under $200. Frugal/broke ‘r e t t e s take note. ;o)

        • That’s my shape too, and I can highly recommend the Taylor denim trousers.

    • Former MidLevel :

      I have been stalking this, too! Thanks for the heads-up.

  20. Almost There :

    Ok… one more question about that darn green shirt from last week –

    Do we think it is ok to wear said green shirt to a conference/career fair, with charcoal gray suit? I will be attending as job seeker, handing out resumes.

    • Kontraktor :

      I think it’s fine, but as you remember, some commenters insisted that a blue button down/something a little more stuffy would be better. So, you’re going to get a range of a opinions and it ultimately comes down to what you are comfortable with and what you want ot convey. Honestly, I feel in the hustle/bustle of a career fair, nobody is going to notice your shirt. Those reps are seeing so many people that what you wear probably won’t make much difference. I think if wearing a green shirt will help you feel more confident and more like yourself, wear it. If wearing a more stuffy/conservative choice won’t feel like you, assuming you want to put the most ‘you’ foot forward, don’t wear that. I feel we stress a bit too much about what to wear to interviews/events/etc. There are some general parameters to adhere to, so stick to those and you’ll be fine. I have gotten jobs and not gotten jobs and everything in between wearing a huge variety of outfits, so honestly I feel clothing decisions (like black dress vs. gray dress vs. gasp purple dress or something) are arbitrary. If somebody isn’t going to hire you because you wore a red top or something, they probably would have found some other pithy thing to reject you on anyway.

      • Almost There :

        Thanks for such a detailed answer. I just read all these materials (career office, law-job interview books, etc.) saying black-suit-white-button-down-pearls-2-in-heels that it makes me nervous. But wearing a button down shirt with my suit makes me feel very uncomfortable and way too stuffy (plus I think it makes me look chunky). It is just a little hard to trust myself when I haven’t done this very much, but think you’re right – if they don’t want green-shirt-wearing-me, I might not want them either.

        • Kontraktor :

          I think you will be fine. Your suit sounds really conservative, and the green top is as well- it’s just a bright color! But it has a high neckline, sleeves if you take your jacket off, etc. And you can pair with a more simple or conservative necklace. You will look great.

          Not like an anecdote of n=1 means anything, but I wore a bright pink dress to a final round interview and got the job. For another job, I had to do about 10 interviews (not kidding), and I wore a variety of suits, separates, and even just plain old skirts and blouses (gasp) and I was offered there too. Then again, I have not gotten offers when wearing a more traditional black suit/blouse. So… I truly feel it is arbitrary and the very specific details of clothing matter a lot less than we’d like to think.

          I’ve said a lot too on this site that I believe in the whole person concept when it comes to dressing. People can tell when somebody walks in and is well put together, green shirt or not. You put together a really sharp outfit where everything coordinates/is good quality/fits you well, and people will say… wow, how put together and refined she is, and not so much.. look at that ugly green shirt. At least that is what I believe.

        • I was one of the “wear a stuffy outfit” people and I say green top for career fair is 100% okay.

        • I refuse to wear a button down with my suit. I look stupid. Secret is sleeveless buttondowns!

          I”ve only had a few situations where I NEEDED the buttondown look. And that’s how I pulled it off.

    • Koktraktor is 100% right. And I vote wear the green shirt.

  21. relationship? :

    I love seeing all of the helpful feedback you guys give others, so thought I would post my own dilemma. If you date someone for five years (albeit mostly long distance for extended periods of time and finally not), are you supposed to be ready to know if you want to be with them forever? Age is mid-late 20’s, and both of us are working now.

    Basically, I found out the other day that he wants to get engaged relatively soon, and I’m not ready to say “this person forever” just quite yet. Am I just putting off an inevitable break-up, or do people grow into these things? He’s my first boyfriend, and I’ve always been very independent, so I think that might be causing some commitment reservations. I definitely think I’ll have to make a decision within a year or so, but I wonder if I just keep extending the timeline (I thought I would have made a firm decision when I moved to this city, mostly because of him).

    I know people date for longer than this before they get engaged/married, and it’s not that I don’t see it happening in our future, it’s just I’m not ready to say yes yet… I’m not necessarily looking for “break up now” or “don’t” answers, but I always find your guys’s anecdotes or provoking questions to be really helpful.

    • anon for this :

      Here’s my anecdote. I’ve been with my current SO for 7 years, since my freshman year of college. Before him, I dated someone for 3.5 years in high school. I basically haven’t been single since I was 14 years old (and that was 11 years ago).

      And I’m also not marrying my current SO anytime soon. People are constantly asking me when we’re getting engaged, married, etc. I have a convenient answer – we’re currently doing long distance (grad school on opposite sides of the country) so it logistically doesn’t make sense. But it’s not just logistics.

      I do think we will get married in the future. We’ve discussed our futures many times, we love each other and we’re planning our post grad school jobs/job locations around our future life together – similar to how you recently moved to be near him.

      But neither of us are ready for marriage. Because we got together so young, we’ve always worked on having lives separate from each other where we could learn and grow at our own pace and try to develop as individuals. So that has meant separate activities, separate friend groups, grad school in cities better suited to our academic interests, etc.

      Don’t get me wrong – we have a wonderful life together too. We share the same primary friend group, we see each other twice a month despite the distance, we lived together in college and in all likelihood, much more than 50% of our “growing up” has been together. We have an incredibly strong relationship, rooted in an amazingly fun friendship.

      But neither of us are quite ready to reduce our “individual lives.” And I believe the kind of commitment you make through engagement, and then marriage, requires an increased commitment to your partner. For us, that increased commitment will mean focusing a little less on ourselves and a little more on “us.”

      And I’m just not ready for that. And neither is he. As I said earlier, we see ourselves together in the long term. But we’re in no rush to get married – we’re enjoying our life together as we always have, and when we’re ready, we’ll take the next step. But if he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I wouldn’t be ready to say yes.

      Obviously this is slightly different than your situation cause your SO wants to get married. And you sound less sure that you want to be with him long term. But I didn’t know I wanted to be with him forever until about 4 years into the relationship. And I believe it was similar for him. Marrying someone is a major commitment – it’s ok to take a long time to really experience and work on your relationship, and then decide whether you’re ready for that commitment. Especially when you start dating so young.

      Sorry that got so long!

    • Anne Shirley :

      I see this as two questions: do you want to marry him, and are you ready to be married at all. I’d be concerned if the answer was yes I’m definitely ready to be married now, but I’m not sure about the guy.

      • I was thinking the exact same thing. Not sure if it applies to you, but I know I went through a period of sadness when I realized my single life was slipping away. (I think I wrote about this on this site before.) I had been single most of my adult life and, while I had always really wanted to get married, I had never realized how much I would be giving up to be in a relationship. I definitely took a deep breath and looked around at what I was leaving behind before I made the decision to go forward in a relationship that was clearly and quickly heading toward marriage. So it’s possible that you’re just seeing what you’d be giving up and feeling a little wistful over that, which is fine and normal (although people rarely talk about it). I’m very happily married although I still sometimes miss the freedom I had. But as Anne Shirley says, if it’s not marriage per se but marriage to this guy that you’re unsure of, I’d look deeper into that.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        +1 This exactly.

    • Why aren’t you ready to say yes after five years? Not that it’s a bad thing, just something to think about.

    • Not exactly the same, but I met my now-husband when we were freshmen in college. While I knew for years that we had a good thing going, it was about 6.5 years before I was ready to say I wanted a lifetime commitment. I needed to grow into the right person, prove to myself that I could make it on my own and we could work through major projects before being ready to get married. I had commitment issues from growing up that I worked through as well.
      Definitely if you are only recently living in the same city, you could grow into being ready to make a lifetime commitment in the next year or two even if you aren’t ready now. Some people know right away and some people take time to know.

    • You should consider that he’s ready to be engaged. Regardless of if you are “right” or “wrong” about being in this relationship for 5 years and not ready to commit, it sounds like he is. And that has a lot of potential to take things south, quickly. Also–do you live together? (just curious).

      My best friend was dating a great girl for 3+ years. She started talking marriage, and he sort of freaked out– not about her specifically, but about the sheer “finality” of marriage. Yes, he loved her. Yes, he was very happy with her. No, there was nobody else. But marry her? How was he to know if she was the “right one”? All his friends were married/getting married, so he felt a lot of pressure. He went to therapy for a while to work things out.

      [Turns out that the g/f found out he was in therapy to work through this, and FREAKED OUT and broke up with him citing an inability to understand how he could possibly feel anything other than readiness to wed…and three years later met someone that he DID feel ready to marry and now they’re engaged. Awwww.]

    • A few things to think about…

      1) Can you ultimately picture yourself marrying & being happy long-term this person? Maybe not now, but 2/4/6/8 years from now? Despite the fact that I loved my first boyfriend dearly, and we dated seriously for 5 years, I could never realistically picture myself marrying/being happily marrying him, no matter how old I was. We were young enough where that wasn’t an issue for a long time, but when it started to matter, I knew it was a sign that I needed to move on.

      2) I’m now in a serious relationship heading towards marriage, and I definitely understand your feelings of “Is this it? Am I ready?” I have definitely had those moments in the last few months. What I ultimately realized was that my excitement, love, and joy that I had found someone so awesome to build a life with far outweighs my fear of “losing” my independence and “giving up” the single life I’d built for just me. That little fear isn’t completely gone, but it definitely pales in comparison all of the positive feelings I get from thinking about a lifelong commitment to my current SO. Which feeling are you experiencing more – the excitement/joy or the fear/sadness/uncertainty?

      • TO Lawyer :

        Are you me? This is exactly how I feel. My first boyfriend was amazing but I could never see myself marrying him, mostly because I didn’t really feel like I remain completely independent with him. My current SO and I are definitely heading towards marriage, although an actual proposal is still a ways away and because of the guy he is, I’m not afraid of losing my independence. Instead, I’m excited at the prospect of becoming a real team with him. I haven’t felt that with anyone else I’ve dated.

        How do you feel about the prospect of a future together? Maybe not now but in the foreseeable future?

  22. LUCKY SZ 8/10 :

    Ugh, thanks to Kat’s NM post I spent all of my morning on their site. Productivity, Bad. Found this great dress and it’s not in my size. Closet, Very Sad. I hope it finds a good home with one of you fantastic ladies. Not quite for work but would look great for soooooooooooooooooooooo many of life’s other occasions. Hard to beat the price, too — ~$40 with discount.

  23. Tech-saavy Ladies, I need your help.

    I have a whole bunch of travel coming up next year, and I’m thinking of investing in a tablet. I currently have an iPhone and a Kindle, so it seems kind of ridiculous, but I’d really like to have the capability to watch movies and TV shows on flights. My current laptop has the world’s bulkiest battery, so that’s not really an option. I don’t want to spend a ton of money or have an expensive monthly bill for data or whatnot. Any recommendations?

    • Kindle Fire

    • Maddie Ross :

      Truth told, I adore my iPad. I have a kindle too (old school that only gets books, not kindle fire) and still use it, but mostly at home or while on vacation (not on the plane anymore generally). For me, my iPad has fully replaced my computer when traveling for work, unless I specifically know I have to draft something while I’m gone.

      • Seconding iPad. I have a very low-tech (books only) Kindle that I do love for traveling for fun, because you can load it up with ALL THE BOOKS!! For work, I took the iPad to a conference last year and found it to be perfect for answering emails, even taking notes, and I’m sure I wasn’t fully optimizing my use. It’s nice and portable and good for watching movies on, too.

        And here I give a shout-out to KLM’s Airbus – I have never been a plane with so many movie options! It was unbelievable. I totally did not need my own source of movies to watch.

    • Apple is making a major announcement at 1 pm PT today, which is likely to introduce an iPad mini for around $330. If that’s your price range and you’re okay with a (reported) 7 inch screen, I’d go for that. For size, movies can be 2GBs each and remember to leave 1 GB for “other stuff” that’ll need to be on there. I have a full-size iPad and love it for TV and movies, so if you want the extra three inches of screen, I’d go for the 16GB full-size iPad without 3G for about $500?

    • DC Association :

      The iPad is awesome. I agree with Maddie Ross that the iPad can sub as a work computer while away if all you’re really doing is reading and writing emails.

      Look on Apple for refurbished older generation iPads. They work just as well, have the same warranty as a new one, and cost less. When the new iPad came out, i got a refurbished iPad2 with 32G memory instead of the base-level 16 for $400. So…$100 less than the regular price i would have paid for less memory. They might even have 1st gen iPads. Take a look.

      • I second this. I buy all of my apple products refurbished. To one up that, I wait until right after a new line comes out, then they drop the price of all the previous models by $50-100, AND i buy those refurbished. So, I can usually save a couple hundred bucks, which leaves me room to buy extra power cords, etc. ;o)

        To get to the refurbished, go to the apple store online, and scroll alllll theee wwayyyy dddooowwwnnn, and in the left side column, you’ll see a tiny “Refurbished” The apple store is updating right now, but it either says Refurbished Store, or Refurbished Items or something like that. they add new ones all the time, so keep an eye on there for exactly what you want, size, etc, and then be ready to snap it up.

    • Not a tablet, but I have an netbook that I love – the HP mini. Its a real computer with a real (although slightly shrunken) keyboard, and is about the size of an average tablet when closed, although a little thicker. Great for web surfing, watching downloaded shows, email and basic tasks in Word & Excel. My husband & I each have one, and we love them. We only have WiFi, so no paying for data or anything like that.

    • Thanks! Follow up Q because I am really clueless about this stuff: If I get a Kindle Fire or an iPad without 3G, I assume that means there will be no monthly costs? Has anyone done this and regretted not having the 3G capability?

      • My iPad is Wi-fi only and I am fine with it. I do have the ability to tether it to my iPhone through a data plan (Verizon), but I don’t really need that given the widespread wi-fi access these days.

      • DC Association :


      • Laura Holt :

        No monthly charge for the iPad if you don’t do 3G. I have an iPad with no 3G and do not regret it at all. I can use the wifi in my home, office, or where it is free (some airports, etc) but I have found there is a lot you can do with it without wifi including read Kindle books, read magazines I have downloaded through the NextIssue app (you pay $10/month for unlimited access to about 30 magazines and can download issues to your device, space permitting), listen to music and watch downloaded movies and TV. Since you said you wanted to watch TV/movies on flights, be aware that unless you pay for wifi on the flight you will only be able to watch what you have already downloaded from iTunes, you won’t be able to use Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Instant or other streaming services.

        • Can you download movies from sources other than i*Tunes, like Amazon, onto the i*pad?

        • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

          This is super helpful, as I’ve been pondering whether to get 3G or not; the places where I spend 90% of my time have wi-fi, so I should be OK.

          Thanks, Laura Holt, and don’t let Remington take all the credit, even if he flashes that 120-watt smile. :-)

      • I have an iPad that’s wi-fi only and haven’t regretted not getting 3G. I usually have enough books stored on it to get me through any data-free spell, and if I’m desperate to check email I can always use my phone or stop into a Starbucks/other place with free wi-fi. I should note I have wi-fi access at home/work and most airports I travel through have free wi-fi as well.

    • I love love love my iPad. I was weary about getting one because I wasn’t sure I would have any use for it — boy, was I wrong! I use it all the time, and it is fantastic when you are traveling.

    • Former Partner, Now In-House :

      I love my iPad for this. My suitcase used to be half clothes and half books. Now I still take some books (guide books (need to be able to grab and go) and sometimes others), but I read on the iPad both on the plane and at the destination. Some considerations:

      1. You cannot use the iPad during take off and landing or 30 minutes before/after. I totally do not believe that if I use my iPad to read something that already resides on it (no live Internet connection), the plane will fall out of the sky. FAA disagrees. So, bring a book or magazines to tide you over.

      2. I don’t like to use my iPad near the pool or at the beach. Water. Sand. Sunscreen. Seems bad.

      3. I stream Netflix on my iPad at home, and it is really convenient. I haven’t figured out how to watch movies on my iPad on a plane. Maybe someone can help with this? If you do this, I beseech you to bring earphones with you. Please. I’m talking to you, Israeli dude watching bad Israeli sitcoms on my recent flight.

      4. Get on the plane with a full battery and bring a charger. Some planes have outlets. Not all do.

      5. Added benefit to iPad: you can connect to your home or office computer if you want to see something on those computers while you are away. I use gotomypc for my home laptop and pocketcloud for my office computer. They are not perfect, but they work in a pinch.

      • To watch movies/TV on a plane: buy them on iTunes. Before you get on the plane, and when you have an internet connection, start each show/movie and let it run just for a few seconds. (For some reason it needs to do this while connected to the web.) Then when you’re on board, voila! entertainment!

      • Former Partner, Now In-House :

        6. I learned this one from a bad experience: Confirm well before you get on the plane how many pages are in the book you will read on board and how many of those pages are “book” and how many are “extra material.” I planned to read Albright’s “Prague Winter” on a cross-country flight. It looked like it was long enough to get me there. I realized about 2 1/2 hours into the flight that about half of the pages were bibliographic material and endnotes. I had no other reading material with me. Not a happy camper.

      • Ipad/Kindle use – if your wireless is off, there shouldn’t be a problem. BUT – the flight attendant can’t always tell whether the wireless is on or off from a cursory glance, nor do they have the time to check every single device, so they say turn them off and put them away.

        That being said. You could totally have it put away and the wireless still on, and the FA wouldn’t be able to tell, right?

      • Divaliscious11 :

        For battery-life perspective, I boarded a flight from Chicago to Honolulu (9 hours) at 9 am last December, my daughter used iPad2 entire flight (apps & tv shows), then while we waited to get our rental car and then in the miserable traffic to Waikiki. Battery finally died 7 minutes from hotel…..

  24. GLH (Guest List H**l) :

    Wedding stuff warning!

    For those of you who made it far enough into wedding planning to get to the guest list without eloping or deciding to live in sin…

    What parameters did you put on inviting work people?

    The numbers mean I can’t invite everyone in my practice group, but there are a few people I would like to invite — people I work with a lot or would socialize with out of the office if we all weren’t here 10-12 hours a day. I also know my former assistant REALLY wants to come.

    The venue isn’t small, but the guest list is ever expanding, especially since people come in groups (both social and familial), so there really isn’t a ‘scale back the wedding to punch and cake and invite everyone’ option.


    Also if anyone else is interested in a secret facebook group or email list for wedding planning — please let me know! Everyone here seems so much more sane than websites devoted to wedding planning.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      I didn’t invite any work people to my wedding. I was upfront about trying to keep the wedding small (< 100) to close family and friends-who-help-bury-bodies. Everybody was fine with that.

      One particularly persistent coworker kept saying it'd be nice if coworkers were invited and I said,

      "Actually, no, it wouldn't be "nice," because it creates obligation on top of obligation– I don't want to feel obligated to invite folks who aren't close family or friends, and I don't want those who get those obligation invites to feel obligated to attend or buy a gift."

    • DC Association :

      When I got married, I was late 20s and hung out with my co-workers A LOT. And my fiance did, too. So, I invited a lot of co-workers, my boss, and the head of my association b/c it was politically correct…and the bosses were travelling for a board meeting and I knew they couldn’t attend anyway ;)

      I think if you stick to inviting only people who you go out with socially (or would if time allowed), then that is a safe bet. You could also tell them your invite parameters and ask them to keep it to themselves that they were invited. People understand.

    • I eloped so take this advice with that in mind, but most of my friends who had weddings basically did not invite any work people because then it created a “were you cool/close enough to be invited to the wedding?” issue. My friends felt like it was kindergarten rules: Invite everyone or no one because feelings will get hurt. They all decided it was too much to invite everyone, so they: 1) did NOT talk about the wedding at all at work to avoid “you’re not invited to my party” problems and 2) when confronted by nosy co-workers, said “we’re keeping it to close friends and family.” If the wedding party pics (which I suggest you do not bring in to work) show a huge crowd, just mention that you have a TON of relatives, hence the need to restrict the guest list. So, unfortunately, that would keep your former assistant off the guest list, too. Congratulations and try to enjoy the fact that you’re happy to marry a great person!

    • If I’d cried in front of them and shared a home-cooked meal, they made the cut. So, basically, people that weren’t just coworkers but true friends.

    • LadyEnginerd :

      Only professional mentors (PhD advisor and postdoc advisor/current boss). They both come with spouse/kids, so two work people take up six slots. I think that is more than enough work people for me, and both will have a lasting influence on my career, so by inviting them I’m fostering a lifelong relationship.

    • This story might be relevant if your concern is offending the coworkers who aren’t invited:

      One of my coworkers, whom I like a lot, recently got married in the city where we work in a medium sized ceremony. One or two of the people from our office with whom he works closely were invited and attended. No one else was invited. I would have loved to go, but was I offended that I did not get an invitation? Nope, not at all. Weddings are expensive and it made sense that he picked the people he did. I say go with who you want to and can afford to have at your wedding, and hopefully your other coworkers will be grownups enough to realize that your guest list makes perfect sense for you — and that’s all that matters.

      If you are really worried about drama and want to take extra measures to minimize it, try to only invite people with whom you clearly work more, or more closely, than others who aren’t invited. (Your former assistant is a great example.) You may have to leave out a few people you like, but then you have a clear rationale for inviting the people you did that isn’t just “I like coworker X better than I like you, uninvited coworker Z.”

    • Mountain Girl :

      If there was anybody you worked with who was a close friend before you took your current job than I would invite them. Otherwise, I would walk a wide circle around inviting work people to my wedding.

      Many of my work friends were invited to my baby shower 15 years ago. When I look at the shower pics they are full of people I only see once a year at a conference. And, my kids have absolutely no idea who those people are. Your work friends will change as you move through your career. I would keep my wedding list to those who are constants in my life.

      We have all different kinds of friends. Some are like annuals. They grow and bloom and provide us much enjoyment for a season. Some are like perennials. They return year after year and despite seasons of dormancy or neglect. We need both kinds of friends but I would make sure all of my perennials were included on my guest list before I even considered including any of the annuals.

      • Excellent simile, Mountain Girl. I will remember this and think it is great advice.

        (From someone who expects to be in the wedding planning biz within the next couple of months and is *dying* with trying not to look at Style Me Pretty when she isn’t even properly engaged.)

    • If I had socialized with someone in the past year – not counting work parties, strictly socializing – then they were invited. If not, no invitation. I applied this to friends too, so some of them didn’t make the cut. I invited 60, 30 attended and it was perfect. (This was an Elvis-officiated wedding in Vegas, so it needed to be small.)

    • Do you actually want them there? Am I reading it right that youve actually never socialized outside of work? if that is the case they would not make my cut, because it means if you end up working different places they won’t be your friends anymore(not in a bad way, you are just not going to make the effort if you are not even making the effort now)

      “people I work with a lot or would socialize with out of the office if we all weren’t here 10-12 hours a day.” sometimes you end up working with people you want to see after 10 hours. thats how they make the jump from coworker to actual friend. it sounds like you just really like some of your coworkers(which is awesome) but that they aren’t actually friends. so i wouldn’t invite them, personally.

      • Meg Murry :

        I agree with this statement. Do you socialize with them in other ways like going out to lunch? If they invited you to a party at their house on the weekend would you want to go? What about one of their weddings? Has your fiance met any of them? Do you care if they come to the wedding or not? That was my cutoff for friends – if I WANTED them there that day and would feel sad if they RSVP’d that they couldn’t come, I invited them. In your case I might just invite the former assistant and no other co-workers.

    • I invited the only coworker that I was close, personal friends with (we hung out outside of work).

      DH invited his boss as a formality, but he and his wife came (it was a flight for them!). It was really nice.

    • My husband and I gave ourselves one work-related invite each, and mine went to a friend in my field who is not a co-worker. I liked some of my then-co-workers and loathed others. It would have been awkward to invite a large chunk only (even though there was a clear divide — for me a test was: have I ever had a purely social interaction with this person (e.g., no expense account invovled and purely voluntary; have I been in that person’s house other than for a work-related event)). It was not a local wedding, so that make it a bit easier. Then, I got back from my honeymoon and there was major drama within the group, so I am SOOOO glad that I don’t have any of the idiots in my wedding pictures (and the ones who I would have wanted to be there are still my friends a decade later).

    • GLH (Guest List H**l) :

      Thanks for the input everyone! I’m still back and forth on inviting anyone from work, but it seems like if I do invite people, I don’t need to invite everyone (e.g. the guy I see once every two weeks or so by the coffee maker).

      Luckily I think this is an issue I can table for a few months while we get a handle on everything else. And avoid the wedding talk (which I’d like to do anyways, but people keep asking) aside from comments like “keeping it small” and “long time friends and family”.

    • lucy stone :

      I work for a city. I invited everyone who worked in my suite, the mayor, the judge (who I appear in front of 2x/week), the court clerk, and the court officer. I don’t think anyone else was offended they weren’t invited and all the city hall ladies threw me a shower whcih was very sweet.

  25. Need a Nordie's Ninja :

    I tried this suit on at the store last week and love it, but I can’t find the skirt online, only the jacket. How can I find the skirt?! (Please ignore ugly belt, it will be removed.)


    • http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/halogen-cross-weave-skirt/3308306?origin=keywordsearch&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=100

  26. Spanx tights? Someone posted yesterday raving about them. I’m looking for tights that have a control top and will actually stay up. But are the Spanx tights as restrictive as the Spanx bike short style undergarments? Those always make me feel like I’m going go lose all circulation — the control is great, but I can’t wear them for a whole day of work. Or can anyone recommend a good brand of tights that actually has a control top?

    • I was the one who posted about them yesterday but others chimed in. I don’t think they’re restrictive at all. In fact, I felt like the top wasn’t even as restrictive as other control top tights. But they stayed up all day and I wasn’t tugging on them at all. Important since I was singing at a funeral yesterday and was standing up and sitting down for about an hour in front of over a hundred people I didn’t know!

  27. Almost There :

    OMG iPad mini is official! ” It’s 7.2 mm thick. It’s as thin as a pencil. It weighs .68 lbs, 53 % lighter than the 4th gen iPad.” Swoon…


  28. Ladies…I was hoping for a Mole Day Miracle. But unfortunately, at my dentist appointment today I had a cavity. So it looks like I have to get serious about taking care of my teeth. So that’s my new thing now and I’m writing it here, so that it’s real. Also, I like my new dentist. But that’s neither here nor there.

    • ambrrozhia :

      Commiseration. Left the military and went about a year without seeing the dentist. Now I’m paying the piper with 9 (!!!!!!!!) cavities. The dentists stated the chemistry of women’s saliva changes as they “age.” Hmmmm whatever. I blame it on too many bourbon and coke nightcaps. :/

    • Seriously overdue for the dentist, and then broke a cap last night while flossing. Lovely. My jack-0-lantern smile and I will be visiting the dentist ASAP for some extensive repairs.

  29. I was disappointed to realize that I missed this post yesterday, and when I visited Bloomingdale’s today the price had returned to $255. I decided to call the customer service line to see if they would honor yesterday’s price, as they still had my size in stock. After just 5 minutes on the phone, they honored the $178.50 sale price (along with the free shipping that comes with orders over $50), without any issue. Very easy experience, so today was a point in Bloomingdale’s column for customer service. I’ve never done that before, but I figured that it was worth trying, given the $76.50 difference in price.

  30. Happy Weekend! Anyone have fun plans?

    Finally connected my Fitbit to MFP (I work in tech, why was that so difficult??) and joined the Ladies Fitness Parties group which is my new incentive to get long walks in. Fingers crossed that today’s snow shower was a fluke.

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