Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Denver Round-Hem Cashmere Sweater
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’m not quite ready to think about sweater season yet, but if I were, I would be looking at this dark emerald number from Alice + Olivia. I like that it has a slightly slouchy, relaxed fit, but it looks sophisticated, not sloppy. I would wear this with a pair of dark ankle pants and some cool flats, like these oxfords from Cole Haan.
The sweater is $375 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes XS–XL. It also comes in neon orange.
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Sales of note for 12.5
- Nordstrom – Cyber Monday Deals Extended, up to 60% off thousands of new markdowns — great deals on Natori, Vince, Theory, Boss, Cole Haan, Tory Burch, Rothy's, and Weitzman, as well as gift ideas like Barefoot Dreams and Parachute — Dyson is new to sale, 16-23% off, and 3x points on beauty purchases.
- Ann Taylor – up to 50% off everything
- Banana Republic Factory – up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
- Design Within Reach – 25% off sitewide (including reader-favorite office chairs Herman Miller Aeron and Sayl!) (sale extended)
- Eloquii – up to 60% off select styles
- J.Crew – 1200 styles from $20
- J.Crew Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off $100+
- Macy's – Extra 30% off the best brands and 15% off beauty
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
- Steelcase – 25% off sitewide, including reader-favorite office chairs Leap and Gesture (sale extended)
- Talbots – 40% off your entire purchase and free shipping $125+
Sales of note for 12.5
- Nordstrom – Cyber Monday Deals Extended, up to 60% off thousands of new markdowns — great deals on Natori, Vince, Theory, Boss, Cole Haan, Tory Burch, Rothy's, and Weitzman, as well as gift ideas like Barefoot Dreams and Parachute — Dyson is new to sale, 16-23% off, and 3x points on beauty purchases.
- Ann Taylor – up to 50% off everything
- Banana Republic Factory – up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
- Design Within Reach – 25% off sitewide (including reader-favorite office chairs Herman Miller Aeron and Sayl!) (sale extended)
- Eloquii – up to 60% off select styles
- J.Crew – 1200 styles from $20
- J.Crew Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off $100+
- Macy's – Extra 30% off the best brands and 15% off beauty
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
- Steelcase – 25% off sitewide, including reader-favorite office chairs Leap and Gesture (sale extended)
- Talbots – 40% off your entire purchase and free shipping $125+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
I’m really struggling with work stress and eating too much take out, which leaves me feeling bloated. I’m cooking for 1. What are your favorite easy recipes? Bonus if it uses an Instant Pot.
It’s summer so I lean into salad. I like arugula, stone fruits, tomatoes, and feta. With grilled/broiled shrimp/chicken/salmon.
I like to roast a couple of bone-in chicken breasts and use the shredded meat in salads, wraps, etc. When things are really crazy I spend the extra $ on things like pre-chopped veggies. It’s still cheaper and healthier than takeout.
Following!
I do like making lentils in the instapot and using them as a base for grain bowls.
The Skinnytaste One and Done cookbook has lots of healthy Instant Pot recipes! I really like the chicken and lentil soup from that book — super easy to prepare. The recipe makes a lot of soup, but it keeps well in the fridge or freezer and you can eat it for lunch all week. There are also good one skillet and sheet pan recipes in there too.
I find Instant Pot and other large appliances require you to make more than just one or two portions, so they’re not that helpful to me in cutting portion sizes down. I really like my Blue Apron or Hello Fresh boxes which give me the right portion of ingredients for 2 portions (dinner + lunch the next day), and were pretty much all easy to make. If I make a standard recipe for 4, I always end up over eating–this may not be a problem for you, but just sharing my perspective!
Agree with others that I really like making salads. I often batch make several chicken breasts at a time that I marinate and grill, add whatever veggies I want, and top the salad with balsamic vinegarette (l!nks to follow). I love a George Foreman grill for this if you have one but if not, a standard grill would be fine or I’m sure you could even bake and then maybe broil for the last few min?
This is my favorite chicken marinade: https://www.modernhoney.com/the-best-chicken-marinade-recipe/
And this is my favorite balsamic vinaigrette: https://barefeetinthekitchen.com/best-balsamic-vinaigrette/
They’re both spot on, and I often double the recipe and keep in the fridge to have on-hand.
Thanks! I just bought a George Foreman grill :)
Whoa! Big move! Enjoy all the changes.
Thanks! Loving it so far!
I thought the same – congratulations on the change and good luck!
A friend talked me into getting this Le Creuset roaster (link to follow) which is the perfect size for one filet of salmon or other fish or one chicken breast. I buy the fish that’s individually wrapped and frozen, just defrost quickly in a bowl of cold water. Marinate (generally just the bottled stuff from TJ’s or Wegmans), throw in some veggies, bake/broil, serve over rice/quinoa made in the rice cooker. Super quick and easy.
https://www.lecreuset.com/signature-oval-baker/LS2088.html?dwvar_LS2088_color=Oyster&dwvar_LS2088_size=5%2F8%20qt.&quantity=1
When I was cooking for 1, my favorite thing to do was broil a giant piece of salmon, roast a ton of veggies, and make a giant thing of rice. I would eat it for dinner for several days.
For the instant pot, I make vats of chilis, stews, and soups. Freeze portions in freezer bags. Before I start work, a put a bag in the fridge. It’s thawed and ready to microwave when I get home. Serving over rice or pasta makes it feel more like a meal.
Omelettes. I like a goat cheese omelette with a small baby arugula salad on the side, dressed lightly with a little olive oil (I find arugula doesn’t need acid.)
I love the Daily Harvest bowls – it’s just a pile of frozen veggies and seasoning. I microwave for 5 minutes and then add some protein (usually chicken, but a fried egg or leftover meat from another meal all work). High in fiber, and very satiating.
I agree that it’s very nice to have prepped veggies. We found a local place that was normally dine in for lunch but pivoted to prepared meals (mostly grain bowls and burritos/wraps) in the pandemic. They’re far lower in salt and higher in fresh veggies than takeout, and they’re about halfway between the cost of cooking for ourselves and buying takeout. My husband started to lose weight for the first time in a year with their food! This is all to say — there might be a middle ground effort wise that’s still healthier than takeout.
GM Monday! How has your work life balance changed, improved or declined since COVID started? I traveled more than 50 percent nationally…sometimes 90 percent travel. Used to seeing customers and colleagues in many places it has been an adjustment. For personal health and life this is an improvement-more time to spend with family and on exercise and self care. Will things ever go back to early 2020? Do you want to go back?
Mine has been decimated. My work now is my life in a much bigger way than it was before. Partly that’s because of the pandemic itself – I haven’t been able to do much else – and partly that’s due to WFH effects – with my desk in my living room I find it difficult to mentally switch off (and I’m lucky not to have my desk in my bedroom). Even watching a film on a Sunday, my desk is in my eye line and so I start thinking about the challenges of the week ahead in a way I never used to when work was in a different building.
At first it declined immensely due to dealing with immediate work COVID-related challenges. I also went through some personal stuff which made work even harder. But now, it’s great! I WFH when I want, go into the office when I want, work about 40 hrs a week, and am overall much happier.
My experience has been really similar! It was totally awful for months due to insufficient child care, unpleasant personal issues, and intense work deadlines. Now that I’ve adjusted and my kids are back in school/summer camp, however, I am much happier with my “balance” than I was pre-Covid. I have a lot of flexibility to decide when I work from home and how much, which is a big factor in that. I have used the time that I used to spend commuting to work out much more frequently and get errands done during the week, rather than over the weekend, and that has also made a big difference in my happiness. I don’t know how I managed the old way for so long!
I was 50 percent domestic travel. I am amazed at how much better I feel without mild jet lag. I have also really enjoyed not eating road food.
Me too — Huge improvement in QOL.
Huge improvement. Taking away over two hours of commuting a day was an obvious boost and I have never struggled with maintaining boundaries at home. When the workday is done, I close my computer and walk away, that’s it. I love not being in close proximity to the low-performing men who make a big show of themselves in the office. I love getting more quality time with my husband and cat. I work out more. I sleep more. Never going back!
While I will eventually have to do some work travel again, I think that the time has come for virtual meetings and site visits 99% of the time. It’s not even a virus thing, but a climate change thing. We can’t keep flying one person across the country for a two hour meeting with a clear conscience. It’s not right and it’s not necessary.
This!
OP here….agree with Anon at 9:56 AM and Anokha….I don’t think we will go back to all of the travel we used to think was a major advantage (I am in sales) and it is certainly better for the climate…but the boundaries and disconnectedness…not sure yet what the right balance is.
+1! Rethink work travel!
Tremendous improvement. I spend my old morning commute time asleep and my old evening commute time working out. No boundary issues at all. Never will go back to the old rat race.
More than a year later, I’m still struggling. Covid has meant that I can spend more time with my family and working out, which has been amazing. But I also have really struggled with drawing work boundaries, and feel increasingly disconnected from work. Not sure what the right answer is…
We started shut downs in March 2020 and I on-boarded in April as things were really ending. I’ve never met my team, never been in my office. I’ve always been remote. We’re supposed to start going back in this month. My work/life balance is absolute sh1t, I haven’t done anything the last year or so and I’m still exhausted. While I’m anxious about going back, especially with delta and the return of mask mandates, I’ll appreciate the routine and the separation, I think.
Tremendous improvement. I had been looking for a new job even before COVID hit, and WFH was the dream I never realized I had. I found a job a permanent remote job about 8 months ago and it’s been great ever since (I had a gov’t butt in seat job that I loathed). I don’t think I will ever return to a FT office job. At this point I would only consider hybrid or full remote jobs for the rest of my career, most likely (admittedly, I am mid-career, so perhaps if I were more junior, I would not feel the same way).
I worked long hours pre-pandemic and still do, but find it’s a bit worse now. While I like that WFH means no commute, so much of my work is team-based and that makes it really hard to do remotely. I really miss being able to just turn to the person next to or across from me and ask a quick question; I was in the office twice last week, and realized how much of a difference that makes. Also, I recently started in a new role at my same company and onboarding has been a bit of a nightmare.
I saw an improvement at first but now I’m seeing a big drop in work life balance and productivity. In the beginning of the pandemic I felt like we were all a team getting ish done despite the obstacles. Now I feel like employees and bosses are pitted against each other. It’s like pulling teeth to get work done. Even people who have always been good at wfh are now slacking both in terms of hours and quality of work. Idk if it’s exhaustion or because it’s summer or what but something’s gotta give.
Or Delta. A lot of people at my work are newly stressed about the pressure to come back to the unmasked office (“we’re all vaccinated!”) given the explosive rise of the variant and community transmission in our area. It definitely affects morale.
I think a lot of this is summer. I work in BigLaw and even in BigLaw, work slowed down quite a bit in August.
Covid has drastically improved my work life. I work a tech job that is traditionally remote, but my Good Ol’ Boy Mad Men company swore that butts in seats were a necessity for all employees. Then, suddenly, remote was magically possible during quarantine, and my boss used a ton of capital to let us keep it.
I work an extra 30 minutes a day remotely, but still come out ahead, because my commute was about 75 minutes each way (rural living, stuck here due to family caregiving).
I am casually job searching since my company has no room for advancement, but the pressure is off for now.
Things were really hard for me but are slowly getting better. I have always loved my job and never thought about doing anything else, but working from home, with my desk in my bedroom (I represent people who are incarcerated. It made it really hard to disconnect at the end of the day after talking to people in prison from my bedroom), and while trying to help my children with virtual school just about broke me. I started looking for a new job but didn’t find anything that seemed interesting. I told my husband how unhappy I was and he told me I could just quit if I wanted to. I didn’t really want to do that. I moved some things around at home and was able to get my desk out of my bedroom, my kids are finally going back to in-person school, started running again, and I have starting enforcing better boundaries and am doing much better. I go into the office one or two days a week and that is a nice balance.
I was going to suggest swapping desk space with your kiddo. Wherever they were doing school from home is now your WFH and they school from home at your bedroom desk. I’m glad to hear things are getting better.
I’m now a permanent WFH employee and that has helped me get into a regular exercise routine. I had a lot of difficulty trying to workout when commuting to/from work.
I used to travel once a quarter for planning meetings done in person that would last 3-4 days. Now that is all done online. Work overall has gotten more busy and due to people working in different time zones, I have meetings that go until 5 or 6 at night. That’s not so bad since I’m at home. I can still get dinner started instead of commuting home and then doing the whole evening routine.
My office building shut down which was going to happen regardless of covid. The company shut down several satellite offices to save money. My company has had people working remotely even pre-covid, so the transition to WFH full time wasn’t that big of a deal. I work on software development.
Huge improvement. I got laid off at the beginning of the pandemic (the feeling was mutual) and started my own business. I’m on my retirement glide path now and loving it. I work a bit less than full time.
OMG are any T&E lawyers following the situation of the founder of Scholastic Books right now (guy seems to be “something” with his ex-wife, dies on a walk with her and one adult kid, leaves everything to GF (possibly ex-GF), which is a surprise to ex and adult kids). IDK why ex thinks that she would be a consideration in a will. And I’m sure adult kids will not starve (they seem to be a filmmaker and a guy doing a Walden-live-off-the-land thing, which means either he is wealthy, the Unibomber’s second coming, or both). Juicy WSJ article today.
[I have always thought T&E was fascinating, but am probably ill suited to counseling people who are feeling very strong emotions; maybe you’d need to be a therapist and then go to law school.]
I can’t get to the full article, but it’s clear Luchesse is not some random stranger off the street. The family needs to deal with it and get over themselves. I am never ever going to inherit this much money. Ever. But if for some reason my parents decided to leave everything to my sister and nothing for me, I would not fight it.
These wealthy families who fight over everything where the deceased was of sound mind when making their decisions should be embarrassed.
Thank g-d for the Daily Mail: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9850461/Late-owner-1-2B-Scholastic-publishing-cuts-family-leaves-company-past-flame.html
I think it’s fabulous. She worked for the company for 39 years. She can actually step in and fully own it and run it.
The GF seems to be a long-term exec there (OTOH, so was the ex-wife). OTOH, it seems that the GF status was on the DL (she was an exec for a long time before being the GF) and things may have cooled. Kids didn’t know her. But she is a legit adult competent to run the company and in her 50s IIRC, not some Don Draper-type conquest from the typing pool.
This is very shades-of-Dynasty or those type shows.
The kids jobs are the sort that only rich kids have. I’m sure that the one kid isn’t in 6 figures of debt from film school.
The ex-wife should have had her interests taken care of in divorce court or via a prenuptial agreement. Doing some quick math (Robinson died at age 84, with sons who were 34 and 25), she’s twenty years or so younger than he is/was, and by the time they had kids, had long since been CEO and President of Scholastic. This isn’t judging! It’s just that there were ample opportunities for her to protect her interests, rather than complain that he didn’t bequeath huge sums to her.
I’m curious if the sons were taken care of via trusts, and the only issue is that the Will left things to Lucchese.
By all accounts, Lucchese is a brilliant businesswoman who did tremendous things getting Scholastic into the digital age and was EVP of the company in her own right. It does not seem inherently unreasonable that she would control his company’s voting shares. Perhaps those more well-versed in company succession can weigh in; it would seem that leaving a huge number of voting shares to people unfamiliar with operations could create chaos.
Yeah one of the kid was angling for a board seat. I guess if you give people $ they will go away, but if you invite angry people in, it just creates mischief.
[CPA, sort of horrified by the family businesses I used to work on and grateful to do public company work now.]
“By all accounts, Lucchese is a brilliant businesswoman who did tremendous things getting Scholastic into the digital age”
She clearly also did a brilliant and tremendous thing (for her bank account at least) getting into the founder’s bed!
Ew. Be better.
Why the sexism? Robinson’s bedroom activities aren’t diminishing his abilities at the helm.
Or hers.
Kat, please look into this.
Haven’t seen the article but this is a giant reminder and PSA to update your beneficiaries. Some states have laws that protect those that forget (assume an ex was supposed to be changed out) but that can be bad too if you wanted your ex to be your beneficiary because they are still parenting children with you or similar situations. Also, don’t forget to do a QDRO if you need to after a divorce. (Form that lets you split a retirement account.) If you haven’t done it and the ex dies, you are often out of luck.
Can’t comment on the legal aspects with the will, etc. but as someone who consults on succession planning – in my experience, the leader in need of a succession plan usually has one in their head that they may not have ever spoken to anyone about before I show up and start asking questions. I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with company owners who assume that one of their kids, or one of their subordinates, will take over their job, but have never explicitly had that conversation with the people in question. I have had owners assume children who have nothing to do with the business currently will step in and take over once they retire or die (and those folks are sometimes seriously dismayed to discover that nope, kid in question has absolutely no interest in running the business you killed yourself to build and will sell it if it’s given to him/her). In other cases I have been the one to break the news that the “heir apparent” in the company is not the exec’s choice to lead the business, and those conversations are always difficult.
I have to wonder if invested parties at Scholastic asked Robinson (the now-deceased CEO) about a plan and how granularly or pointedly they asked. Even someone who is in excellent health knows that at age 84, their time is limited. He had obviously thought about it if he made the will; the question to me is why he didn’t let anyone know beforehand. Probably because he didn’t want to deal with the emotional fallout that is now occurring, which is kind of a spineless approach to the whole thing. In any case, regardless of the family’s wishes it should be clear that Robinson either didn’t have confidence in the sons (or other family members) to lead the business or felt the chosen successor was a better selection, for whatever reason. Again speaking from my experience, people in their 80s who have run successful businesses for decades don’t tend to think with their genitals, even if that’s what the family wants to believe. There are likely some good reasons Robinson didn’t give the business to his children and those reasons should be explored and honored, rather than the family assuming this was a situation where the old man (who I’m sure will go from being portrayed as “sharp as a tack” before death to “doddering and senile” now that he’s made a decision people don’t like) just wanted to make the mistress happy after he was gone.
Thank you for that, it was fascinating. I suppose I’m a little biased in favor of the designated successor. I’ve had somewhat similar cases in style (although definitely not as large in scope) and it’s incredibly frustrating to deal with people, who had no involvement with the business except to receive handouts and who become incensed when the new owner doesn’t really have the same plan to support the hangers-on, cry foul. I mean, some of this is definitely the result of Mr. Robinson not being clear and up-front with his family about the plan, but the entitlement is real.
Question for the coupled ladies who are the breadwinner – has anyone ever told you that you’re the man in your relationship? How did you respond? I’m a visibly pregnant cisgendered straight woman married to a cisgendered straight man. We both work but it’s obvious from our positions that I make more. An acquaintance offhandedly commented that I’m the man in my marriage and I shouldn’t take mat leave because I should be at work. I said – “what do you mean by that?” – followed by silence. She doubled down; well you make more so you’re the man. And then sat there in silence for a few minutes until I excused myself from the conversation. I’ll probably have to see this person again and I’m wondering how to deal with this if it happens again. She’s also pg and has a full time job so it’s not as if she’s ignorant about the realities of working and pregnancy.
We urge women not to become SAHMs b/c of how that could affect family / power / decision-making dynamics. We live in a world where $ = power, which guys typically have and women typically don’t. I am president of the Pollyanna Naive People’s Club and get what she’s saying (and maybe you are in the same boat?). But I’d just shrug and move on. It’s a thing, but why make a big stink about it when someone remarks on it?
No, and that person is utterly ridiculous. The only other options I can think of are kind of obnoxious (like – “oh, did you not get paid during your leave?” or “sure, I’ll get right on that when Spouse is the one growing the baby”) so… think you did your best.
I’d go with “wow that’s wildly sexist and offensive”
Not my job to make rude people comfortable
Yes. This – 100%. The speaker needs feedback that this is wildly sexist and offensive, not to mention just STUPID.
I think you handled it spot on. Wide-eyed wonder: “What could you possibly mean?” “Why does that make me the man?” “Wait, am I not a woman???” *Gesture at your baby bump* “Then WHAT IS THIS and why is it growing in my belly???”
Ha I love this!
So you’d respond to your acquaintances sexism with casual bigotry and violence against the tr*ns community? It’s not only women who can get pregnant.
Biologically, you’re wrong.
Not in the way you have but my husband and I don’t really follow traditional gender norms in my household so I’ve had people say he does the wife duties and I do the husband duties. I haven’t really found that offensive but I guess no duties should be gendered. This isn’t like a SAHH situation. It’s more he grocery shops, cooks, cleans. I take out the trash, pay the bills, get the cars serviced.
I mean the fact that you didn’t murder this person on the spot is so big of you. This person would no longer be around for me to run into again. If it happens again, I think you get to say, point blank: “You know, you’ve said that before, and I think it’s incredibly rude and sexist and appreciate it if you didn’t say things like that, for your own sake as much as mine.”
I would probably phrase it as “You’ve said that before, and what I hear is that you cannot appreciate my professional success without diminishing my identity as a woman and I find that really narrow-minded.” but same sentiment.
No one has ever told me that but it would bug me.
It sounds like you handled it really well – create a situation where the other person had to explain so the awkwardness could bubble up to the surface. I am totally impressed. If she doesn’t bring it up again I would not bring it up again either; I would assume that she knows she messed up and not bringing it up let’s her save some face. On the other hand, if she brings it up / repeats such a sentiment I would get a lot more direct. “It’s 2021. Calling me the man in the relationship because I earn more reinforces sexist ideas about women’s professional lives. Please don’t do it again.”
Not specifically but I’ve gotten a few “joking” (eye roll) comment about how I must wear the pants in the relationship. To which I always respond with, in our relationship we prefer when no one is wearing pants, which makes them super uncomfortable and shuts them up. I think you responded brilliantly. I always find a deadpan question what do you mean works really well in these type of situations. And if the person doesn’t immediately apologize and appear sufficiently mortified I usually move on from the relationship.
I’m absolutely stealing that line for the next time someone comments on me wearing the pants in my relationship!
Haha me too! That is brilliant. We get comments like that a lot too–simply because my husband always discusses things with me and usually defaults to what I want to do. I currently make more money than he does, but even when he made more money we always discussed things. People see it as him needing my permission to do things or as me being bossy. But he is a grown man and can make his own decisions. We have just always communicated with each other and made decisions together. He is in someways a stereotypical man–likes cars, beer, sports haha, but also handles laundry, we split cooking and cleaning, and he is more crafty than I am so helps the kids with projects including sewing and also got really into cake decorating when the kids were young and would make their birthday cakes. People always assumed I made them!
Stating the obvious: she’s nuts and this is about her issues. She obviously has some serious Opinions about how her life is going now that she’s expecting and she’s projecting them onto you.
I would just say that it’s really sexist to say that men earn more than women and that she obviously does not understand the point of maternity leave. If she persists, tell her straight-up to fix her own issues.
I’m told I give good glare. I’d like to think that my B1tch Brow and Laser Eyes would singe this person from the upper atmosphere.
I am the sole earner and have gotten one or two “sugar momma” comments, but I blow them off. An explanation would require oversharing family stuff that isn’t their business. I don’t reward rudeness with juicy details.
I think I read this here at one point (or maybe it was in Dear Prudence) but ever since I saw it, I’ve used it: I respond to statements like this with “Wow, what an incredibly rude (or sometimes “strange”) thing to say.” I don’t follow up. I said what I said. The person with the bizarre comment then gets to feel like the a** they are, especially if we are in front of other people. In your case, OP, the comment made was both rude and strange so you could use both. “What an incredibly rude and strange thing to say.” Full stop. Then “Well, anyway” and then either continue on with the conversation, or change the subject.
Who knows where people like this come up with this stuff; it’s obviously some kind of deep-seated insecurity on her part that’s leading her to try to take you down a peg. If I had to speculate I would say she’s either jealous of your career success or the amount of money you and your husband make. Neither are things you need to explain to anyone or apologize for. So if you see her again, and she’s clueless and ill-mannered enough to make another comment, you can handle it as I outline above, or just give her a weird look, or use the “Okay, WOW. Well, ANYWAY” thing I’m sure you’ve seen on TV to shut her down.
Idk if I saw the advice on AskAManager or Dear Prudence, but I also rely heavily on “return awkward to sender” in these situations. “What an odd thing to say” is the perfect response to all types of weird comments, at work or socially
Obviously phrasing it as your being “the man” is ridiculous, but is it possible that she is imagining that you will have to take unpaid/ reduced pay leave and can’t imagine how you will afford it? Of course that should get filed under “not her business,” but I know several couples who have implied that they don’t have savings and essentially could not go even a month without the primary breadwinner’s salary–she might have been angling for info on how you can afford to take a decent mat leave.
Nothing that explicit although some people definitely don’t get it / judge my husband. I think you handled it terrificly! Hopefully person never goes there again but if just shut it down as you did the first time.
Both of you should take parental leave, concurrently or sequentially. Maternity leave will always be looked down upon until men take it too.
Ps I am also the “man” in my marriage – husband was a SAHD for a few years, my salary was always 3-4 times his, he’s retired now and I’m still working etc. But I don’t think I would think you’re friend’s reference was cute and I would absolutely cut it off if she tried that crap again.
*your
My autocorrect is driving me crazy
My husband has been a Stay at Home Dad for over 8 years, while I work. We live in the south, a state I’ve heard described as not even the buckle of the Bible Belt, but the little thing that holds the buckle in place. Both our families are highly conservative and we both grew up in families where the dad was the primary breadwinner.
I’ve never heard anything remotely close to that. Never, not a bit. That’s ridiculous.
I got vaccinated the first week I was eligible (was in the last group in my state). And I’ve been back in mask once Delta came to our city (we are in a red area and have been since early July). I am just done with the wont-vax people. It’s a good thing I don’t work in healthcare (those people are legit pulling their hair our now), b/c at this point, it’s Play Stupid Games; Win Stupid Prizes.
Any recommendations for how to deal with any in my (educated, relatively well-off) crowd (who will smoke weed all the day long and eat Cheetos but won’t get a shot b/c their body is a temple and the won’t be a guinea pig (so not the “my freedom” crowd))??? I am just about done with some people. If my kids don’t go to school again this year, I am probably going to their houses with a torch and giant stick.
Why do you consider people you obviously loathe “your crowd”? I simply don’t socialize with people I don’t respect.
I am finding that people keep their not-ever-going-to-get-vaxxed status in the closet, especially since they are so (rightly) reviled when found out.
Ha, I know what you mean about the Cheetos crowd – I hate seeing people who vape all day long and eat Slim-Jims as a snack talk about “toxins” in the vaccine.
Hmmm. In my area the “toxins” anti-vaxxers are afraid of non-organic vegetables, and think we should ban baby formula and Diet Coke. They’re at least walking around Whole Foods with two masks and gloves so maybe that’s something? I’m still not sympathetic.
Don’t waste your breath. You won’t convince them. If you really think they are open minded, send them articles about how the vaccine isn’t really “new” and the technology has been around a long time. If their issue is MRNA, isn’t one of them (maybe J and J) something else?
My issue for the COV-idiots who are local and family (this is a surprise that they are anti-vaxxers on this poing), I’m pretty sure we’re done doing anything inside with them since I have one kid who is too young for a vaccine (they have one of these, too, but one older kid who could get the shot). My unvaxxed kid I think is a legit concern for any place she might be unmasked and inside (e.g., Thanksgiving dinner, birthdays). I might see them in a park, but right now I’m so annoyed at them that I probably couldn’t be civil (taking my year of frustration out on them), so I’m just “busy” for the foreseeable future.
Correct – the J&J isn’t MRNA. Even I, who have the most bizarre allergies and reactions to everything, experienced nothing but some fatigue and a super sore arm with J&J.
mRNA
sorry… I can’t help myself. I’m a geneticist.
You realistically can’t convince anyone. I do think that the subset of people who were hesitant in taking a new vaccine will start getting shots once the vaccine has been formally approved.
I really wish the FDA would give full approval for the vaccines. The govt has been pushing us all to get these vaccines for 8 months, the FDA can’t now say no these were never safe, they have to approve it. Just give it full authorization already and take one excuse away from people. I’m so sick of hearing about the red tape that’s preventing what should be a foregone conclusion.
Totally agree. C’mon FDA!
That’s a terrible idea. People who want to wait for full approval are not going to be mollified by a rushed approval process. They don’t want the pretty stamp; they want what that stamp represents. You will NEVER improve the vaccination rate by hustling the process.
No advice, but on a positive note, my company (>100K employees nation-wide) initially said they would not be requiring vaccines for their employees, but then we got an email at the end of last week that said that they’re rethinking that policy and that if you remain unvaccinated to expect office access to be increasingly restricted, to not be allowed to go to conferences or in-person trainings, and to be required to test regularly. I think with Delta in the mix, this is going to become more and more common at private employers and basically squeeze people into doing it. My industry operates in a lock-step way so if my employer requires it, it’s likely that all the other major companies in my industry will, forcing anyone in the industry to get vaccinated or be unemployed with no prospects.
Ugh, to me that sounds like rewarding the anti-vaxxers. They get to work from home and avoid travel?
Seriously.
I think the only way we’re going to get the majority of Americans vaccinated is though employers requiring it. We’ve tried the carrot approach (free beer, lotteries, etc) and it hasn’t gotten the numbers where it needs to be. I saw something about vegas and the casinos saying basically, “we’re not requiring you to get vaccinated. But if you don’t want to, then you have to wear a mask and be tested every day. Oh, and we’re going to charge you $15 per test.”
I think the last part, not only requiring testing but charging people for it, would really be the only way to get numbers up where we need them. $15 a day/about $600 a month in a four week month is enough to get a lot of people to get a free vaccine.
Agree completely.
Shun them, if you can?
I am lucky that my crowd is all vaccinated and very pro-vaccinated. We’ve had a few get-togethers ( we get food inside then all go outside to eat) and the hosts are very clear that anyone who comes must be vaccinated (and we all happily shared our vax status, so we know who is vaccinated).
My boyfriend has a good friend who refuses to get vaccinated for stupid reasons (and yes, they are stupid reasons, I’m not pussyfooting around and being delicate about the feeeeeelings of anti- vax people who are just plain out wrong) and BF won’t go see him, even though we both are vaccinated, even outdoors, until dude stops being ridiculous and gets the shot.
I think this can be effective. Host BBQs in your backyard, but say on the invite that “only vaccinated people are invited because we want this to be safe for all!” Post pictures of the BBQ on social media. If asked to attend an event, ask if everyone is vaccinated and decline to attend if the answer is no (citing your reason, of course). Peer pressure can be extremely powerful.
+1 the only unvaccinated people we allow at our gatherings are our friend who has a health issue and has been advised not to get it but also self-isolates (we are the only people she sees other than her husband and her son), and the kids who are too young to get vaccinated. Even then we are outside 95% of the time. Everyone else is out and we don’t feel badly about it.
What to do when you really want to get together with people, but find out that they aren’t vaxxed? I have plans for this afternoon which involve me getting on a commuter train for the first time in a year and a half, but one of the people I was going to meet isn’t vaccinated. And because I asked about status, they told me that THEY don’t feel comfortable getting together with me. I want to see people. I want to be social (outside). But I also want to know what risks I am exposing myself to. And by asking, I’ve made someone angry. How can politics get fixed when I can’t even get together with friends with different views?
They’re angry because they’re embarrassed. No one who is vaxxed or is unvaxxed for good reason gets angry that someone asks about vax status. It’s only the unvaxxed and intransigent that get defensive.
That person is ridiculous. You are not the larger risk here. I would cancel this visit and not feel badly about it.
A close friend of mine found out two weeks before a trip that one of the other three people going wouldn’t be vaccinated, even though this person said they would be, and my friend said thanks but no thanks, I’m out. She has a kid who is too young to be vaccinated and she, rightfully, didn’t want to chance exposing her kid unnecessarily.
I have social media accounts and only use them for pet pictures and pics of me getting each shot. I wish more people would do this, as it normalizes it among peers / relatives / friends and also lets you know who has gotten it.
At this point I think the best strategy is lobbying employers to make vax mandatory.
Well, these days I am directing my anger at the FDA.
Why the h3ll aren’t you giving expedited final approval and endorsement of this vaccine so the anti-vax crowd can stop using this as an excuse for not getting it, and so more organizations can start requiring vaccination?
Hundreds of millions of doses have been given. Safety data has been scrutinized more than any other vaccine ever.
This delay for reasons of procedure/ethics is only undermining confidence in the FDA. You think we are all going to flip our disbelief the moment the FDA says “good to go!”. You have already been telling us to take it for months!!! Instead we will just breathe a sigh of relief, and say…. “what took you so long?”
Rumor is approval will be in September for Moderna.
so you think an expedited approval won’t make antivaxxers focus on how it is rushed, once more? I mean, I am cynical enough to think that not even a regular, by the book approval will convince them (because they live in a different reality where a youtube channel rando is more trustworthy than the combination of government, medical and scientific establishment), but expedited for sure won’t.
I’m not so worried about making them feel comfortable since, as you pointed out, anti-vaxxers are going to twist logic to fit their narrative no matter what happens. More importantly to me, expediting an FDA approval will allow employers to require it, so they can find a new job or just get the shot. Interestingly enough this sounds very similar to the argument for Hobby Lobby not funding birth control… and wasn’t that upheld in court?
+1
Yes
I agree with you. Many employers, wisely or not, are waiting for full approval before requiring employees to have the vaccine.
“I’m not so worried about making them feel comfortable”
Then watch the numbers of vaccinated continue to plateau. As someone who has professionally worked in politics, let me explain something basic: meet people where they are.
Your anger at the FDA is misplaced. I hope folks are not pinning their hopes on FDA approval of the vaccine resulting in millions more people being vaccinated because I think that is really unlikely to happen. We have anti-vaxxers in my distant family (thankfully I never have to see or interact with them in person, I just see their ridiculousness via Facebook) and while they have trotted out the “It’s not fully FDA approved” line when it’s convenient for them, they also use a wide array of other excuses for not getting vaccinated. When the vaccines receive full FDA approval, the anti-vaxxers will just cook up another excuse why they’re not getting the shot. Similar to how once the “study” linking the measles vaccine to autism was thoroughly debunked and withdrawn, there were still a large number of people who had “done their research” on the Internet and refused to vaccinate their kids for measles.
I agree with the poster above who said we have tried the carrots – we’ve dumped carrots on these people, more than they could ever consume – and now it’s time to try the stick. My company is going to do what has been mentioned – you can either get vaccinated or you can get tested every three days and we’ll deduct the cost of the tests from your paycheck. Some people can do their jobs from home and without traveling, but for the majority of our folks they won’t be able to meet their performance goals without doing one or both of those things, and if they can’t meet their performance goals, they’re out at the end of the year. We don’t have to say “get vaccinated or your fired,” there are more subtle ways to effect compliance. And I think with not just the Delta, but other variants circulating (one of which is going to really break through the vaccine, sooner rather than later) it’s time to effect compliance. No more BS and trying to “be respectful of people’s beliefs.” My belief is that I want to live, I want my son and my husband and my parents and my brother and my friends to live, and I do not believe that anyone has the right to endanger others because they choose to believe in lies and pseudoscience. Enough already.
I hate to be the “is that legal” person but I thought employers were required to pay for all tests that were a condition of employment. So, pre-employment drug tests for example must be paid by the employer. I would love employers to charge employees for required COVID testing but I don’t think it will be allowed, particularly where they can keep going to CVS and get it done for free.
Our lawyers have advised us to wait until someone challenges it and then figure out from there what we can and can’t do. Likely we won’t be able to pass the cost of testing on to employees but we’re going to burn that bridge when we come to it. If people want to go get tested at CVS for free daily, and CVS can get them tested and provide them with results in a timely manner that still allows them to be at work on time and not violate our tardiness policy, great.
I’m with you. I have trouble finding any empathy for the anti-vax crowd.
So little. I have one friend who is anti vax (waiting for FDA full approval) and I love her, but I think she’s an absolute idiot on this. But there’s no point in engaging. I told her I would only see her outdoors with masks until my kids are vaxxed. But I’m lucky to be in an area with high vax compliance.
They are guinea pigs – just pigs self-assigned to the “control” group.
Touche!
+1
I just don’t socialize with them. There are people I saw regularly before the pandemic (extended family, bible study group members) that I literally have not seen a single time since the pandemic started. They weren’t taking precautions during the pre-vax phase and they aren’t vaccinated now. I appreciate the time we spent together, but the friendship chapter is over now.
I interact with non vaxxed people in a professional capacity and in general public spaces. That’s it.
I feel you. I had some patience for the vaccine hesitant earlier this year, but it’s gone. Mainly because everyone who won’t get the vaccine thinks their reason is good enough to deserve an exception, and they’re going about their lives like we have herd immunity – which we don’t, because too many people are holding out on getting it. At this point, I’m just gonna say that if you’re still waiting to get the vaccine, fine, but do the waiting at home. Stop going to bars and restaurants, stop going to concerts, stop going to parties, stop demanding inclusion in vax-only spaces, basically live like it’s last summer when there was no vaccine and wear a mask when you have to go somewhere. If you wanna do all the fun stuff that opened after the vaccine came out, you need to also get the vaccine.
This. You don’t have to get a vaccine, but you shouldn’t be able to participate in certain social activities if you’re not vaccinated.
There’s nothing you can say that’s going to make them get that you’re right and they’re wrong. They’ll take your smug self-righteousness as more proof that they’re doing the right thing. So just don’t engage with them. I know everybody wants that perfect, cutting line that will shut them up and prove you right, but it’s not gonna happen.
Does anyone have a dog who did not do well when boarded (refused to eat, lost a lot of hair)? Is it worth trying a new facility? Having a pet-sitter come (he is a very large dog who is a barker — that might be off-putting to a teen, so are professional adult dog sitters a thing?)? There is a place about an hour away that is like a farm — would something radically different be worth trying?
We finally took a vacation (and with Delta will likely be done for a while) and after 2 years it was great to go somewhere! But our dog, who we got during the pandemic, looked like a different dog a week later (at a great facility that our dog friends use and love and their dogs love).
You can definitely hire an adult dog sitter to come and live in your home while you are gone! I’ve asked the vet if they know anyone or can spread the word I’m looking. Vet techs are sometimes interested in making extra cash.
This is what we do too.
We have a high-anxiety dog who gets separation anxiety and must have been in a shelter for an extended period, because he did terribly the one time we tried to board him. Would not eat, wouldn’t leave the kennel he was in for any reason, curled up in the corner shaking. This was at a top-shelf boarding facility where the kennels are like rooms in a house and he was boarded with our other dog; it didn’t help at all. The boarding facility did everything they could (one of the attendants eventually got him to eat and leave the kennel to go to the bathroom after she spent about three hours trying to console him) but they recommended to us that he not be boarded again. We now use a local house-sitting service that comes to our house and stays in the house with our dogs when we’re out of town. They have some folks who have worked for them for years (we’ve had the same person stay now three times) and they background check and bond and insure everyone who works for them. He still gets anxious but having someone there with him, and staying in his own environment, helps a lot.
There are absolutely professional dog sitters (usually also dog walkers), so I’d suggest having a person who regularly hangs out with your pup. What stuff this the boarding place offer? My girl loves activity, so she goes to a farm-type facility that offers group play, nature walks, and lots of activities daily (not sure potty time and supervision). They also offer private accommodations. There’s something for every dog, but what I think your pup may benefit the most from is a dog walker (often these folks have training backgrounds) (not via Wag, but a local company) who also does pet-sitting at home.
Our couple best friends take their super chill golden retriever to a super cute facility that is nice, but also very chill. No doubt our girl would get kicked out of there. She is a hunting breed, so she needs a job/activities/and people who understand her.
It’s worth the spend. We love having both options!
If you use a dog walking service, check if they are a member of PSI Pet Sitters International. It’s the sign of a professional, bonded company.
Please, please don’t use Rover. There are of course good sitters on there, but also they do limited background checks (if at all) and there are scammers who don’t take care of the animals at all and horror stories. Use somewhere like PSI, where the sitters are experienced and bonded.
ugh, foxes are vandalizing my yard!! Leaving lots of poop, dead animals and digging around in the pots or knocking them over! Any advice for repellent?
This might sound weird, but check out coyote urine granules on Amazon. It has worked for us with repelling wildlife. Good luck!
I’m not sure about foxes, but I successfully repelled other rodent type small animals from invading our garden by getting one of those high frequency sound emitters.
You need to be very careful with those devices and the amount of space given. If something were able to irritate an animal the size of a fox, you’re also potentially targeting unsuspecting neighbors’ pets and not just hamsters and guinea pigs.
We had a family living under our deck a few years ago. For what it’s worth, one day mid- or late-summer (?) they all just moved out and never came back. You may be just at the cusp of them naturally leaving. We didn’t try it (we didn’t want to disturb the family and actually liked watching them), but I believe coyote urine is sometimes used as a deterrent. Some lawn and garden places sell it.
Have you tried hemp seed protein? I have had a number of uncomfortable GI issues. I recently picked up some help seed protein powder from Trader Joe’s on a whim and I love it! I’m so regular, no discomfort, no feeling like there’s a brick in my stomach! And I’m getting protein and iron! I feel so dumb for not trying it before or even thinking about trying something like this. Of course now I’m wondering if this is just a honeymoon period or there’s some weird consequence.
I did try the Bob’s Red Mill hemp seed hearts in yogurt and oatmeal, but I didn’t notice any difference. Maybe I will try this; thanks!
How do you use it? Add to smoothies?
OP here – i add it to half a cup of milk or water and down it. It is gritty and sandy, not terrible but also not delectable. It has made such a difference for me that I really look forward to it everyday.
You remind me of Hank Green singing the praises of Metamucil, lol! Glad you found something that improves your well being!
I have family members who regularly take Psyllium Husk, this sounds similar.
Psyllium husk is really great for having good BMs.
My DH has had great results with psyllium husk powder
I wonder if US football will be like soccer everywhere else, where teams are just named after where they play (Washington Football Team seems to be much better to just stay with forever vs Cleveland Guardians). And Manchester has figured out how to have two teams (Man City and Man U), so even if NYC teams had to do this, they’d figure it out (esp. / even if they play in Brooklyn or NJ).
Nope. Absent pushback regarding a r@scist name, there’s no incentive. Also: I think we’ll see the end of football first. I’m honestly confused as to how people don’t worry about their kids playing it given the possibility of long term brain damage from repeated concussions.
Places with two professional teams have a long history of soccer as the thing that ALL boys play when growing up, and where there are many levels of leagues. I think the UK has at least 8 tiers of regulated football leagues, from pro level down to people who have day jobs or maybe a rec league fielded by a company. So Manchester actually has dozens of teams, and in recent history, two teams have been successful enough to have broader name recognition.
LOL of course it’s not going to be like that. Why would any other team change their name?
Moment to scream about work:
My team coordinates a multi-department project. Well, one of our other departments – who only has about 15% of the total of this multi-department mega projects is always just… difficult. Think, all of us are on a quarterly reporting schedule, but they (Annoying Department) MUST be 3x a year (why?). And… it’s always like this.
A couple months back, I basically had to pull a huge work product back, work all weekend, and overall tick off a bunch of people because Annoying Department called me literally 15 minutes after I hit send – of course, a week after their comments were due and they had a month before that to make comments – because I basically needed to rewrite a huge section to accommodate their ‘needs’.
So I now have something that was a huge amount of time, energy and $ to set up a separate section just for Annoying Department. And this morning I literally got an email which said that they are going to pull out of this project and basically, I now have a custom system built… which apparently nobody is going to use.
Ohhh that’s so frustrating! Right now I am working on a project with a similarly-difficult set of people and holy moly am I sick of it. If only I could wash my hands of it entirely and let them flounder … but sadly that’s not an option.
It is made significantly better that when I (professionally, in a factual way) communicated this up to the Big Boss, her response was just…. hysterical laughter.
You need an exec sponsor to get Annoying Dept on board.
Today in “things I never thought I’d clean”…how the hail is the inside of my mailbox so gritty and filthy? It looks like someone poured a fine layer of soil inside!
For anyone with kids who are in middle school and you have a 529 plan (that maybe will fund 50% of State U tuition), when do you plan to stop having it invested in the market and transition to just keeping cash in it? We don’t really know what caliber of student Kiddo is, but imagine that some State U somewhere will be an option.
I had Kiddo during the post-Lehman crash, so I remember a world where your investments were worthless, you got sacked and couldn’t find new work, and you also couldn’t sell your house at any price and downsize. That is truly a worst case scenario, but I think that at some point, funds should maybe be 1/4 cash before the kid is a senior, but is there a rule of thumb from ramping from investments to cash? And do people try to draw on the $ equally across 4 years or take it all to avoid writing a check and when it runs out, it runs out?
I live in NY and our 529 plans are like retirement funds that adjust to become more conservative in their holdings as the target date for using the funds gets closer. According to this info, by the time the kid is in middle school years, the funds are shifting significantly from stocks to bonds. I expect most 529 plans function similarly, but you may want to confirm.
https://www.nysaves.org/home/which-investments/age-based-options.html
Yep, TDF based on high school graduation year.
Same here. I had our financial advisor look at our son’s 529 investment options and he recommended keeping it in the graduation-year adjusted fund. Our son graduates in 2024 and the investment mix is already getting pretty conservative; I’m not worried about losing substantial value if there’s a market downturn.
I’m glad NY is on this. My state is more concerned with people putting $ in (which is fair) that I have not seen anything on the getting-$-out side.
I don’t know of a state that does not offer targeted funds based on the year of high school graduation/college enrollment. Check with your state.
I’d invest in a target date end fund if it’s affordable. Morningstar has a great chart here:
https://www.morningstar.com/articles/844386/how-to-allocate-assets-for-college-savings
Mine has an auto investment option where you just enter the year you’ll need the funds and it invests mostly in stocks at first and then switches mostly to bonds.
You’re both over-thinking this and under-thinking it. Your 529 should adjust the mix of investments as your kid gets older, so that it’s all very conservatively invested when s/he is starting college.
As of now, you are able to fund 50% of state U tuition, which does not include room and board or other fees. What is your plan for paying the balance? Financial aid? Are you eligible for need-based aid? Is merit aid an option?
The value of a 529 is that the money grows tax-free. There is very little benefit to putting money in when your kid is a senior; it will grow tax-free for a very short amount of time but be subject to penalties if withdrawn and used for other reasons (ex., kid doesn’t go to college, you lose your job and need the money to keep a roof over your heads). Money invested now will grow tax-free for several years.
If you’re worried about the mix of investments and want a quarter of it in cash, you can simply… save in cash for the next couple of years without the 529. Not necessarily a bad idea, especially if your kid isn’t sure what s/he will do with college.
As for when to withdraw the money: depends on your own cash flow. The money will grow in the account, provided the market goes up; on the other hand, nothing stops you from saving money from your salary when your kid is a freshman and spending that to pay the senior year bills.
As I mentioned above, we’re going back to the office. I’ve seen the space, so I know it’s a semi-open cubicle in a room. There’s obviously some desk andn office supplies available, but I want something that’s a little cuter or more personable. Assuming I don’t make it look like Lisa Frank threw up, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that right? I’m thinking file folders that would be on the desk and one of those big mouse pads that sit under keyboard too and maybe a fake plant. I’m not really a leave all my pen and stuffs on the desk kind of person, so I probably have all the other stuff talked away and just have a cup of it’s okay if you steal this pen type of pens and a Post-It notes out so that way people leave me messages if they needed to. But my special personable stuff would be in my drawer
I used to leave out a pen pot (shaped like a pencil, pretty cute), labelled phone chargers (so if someone borrowed them I could find them easily), and sticky notes. We have a clean desk policy for info security reasons so file folders on the desk would have been a no-go.
I’m moving to a job with all women and I am SO EXCITED to get all the cute office supplies and not have to worry one iota if they are “professional.”
I’ve realized I’m not interested in spending my own $ on office supplies even if they are prettier. A lovely computer background of a vacation pic you took does wonders for making a space feel more like “you” and it doesn’t cost a thing!
There’s a bit of know your office, but I am in an office in a sea of cubes and I have tons of personal stuff in my office – pictures, paintings, a promotional towel from a playoff series in the NHL, a dry erase easel with my word of the day, even a carnival like stuffed animal that was a gift from a coworker and a calendar featuring that animal. I also have my own lamp, an iPhone speaker/charger, and some other items that make me smile. So yea, I am on team personalize your space so that work isn’t as unbearable as it would be without fun stuff.
BAHAH I am not evisioning everyone thinking I have a giant stuffed animal in my office. It’s not large. It sits on the corner of a bookshelf! hahahaha
Ha ha yeah I’m not thinking dorm room, just more me
OK, so there has been a lot of upheaval directly above me this summer (I just met my 3rd direct supervisor since 7/1). The 2nd one left last Monday and lectured my entire department on our habit of keeping our office doors closed. According to her, we are all suspected of “taking downtime” behind closed doors. I can’t tell who was suspecting this – her or the CEO.
I keep my office door closed because my office is by the staff cafeteria, the truck delivery bay, and is frequently passed by supply or laundry carts rattling all the way down the hall, and I focus much better when I can block that all out. Not sure what previous boss has said to current boss or CEO, but is this something I can push back on if it turns out it’s still going to be enforced?
You can try.
“Doors being closed” is not a protected class so they can certainly require you to keep them open as a condition of employment. I’d spend more time trying to figure out why there is so much turnover and why your CEO and bosses are so tuned into whether you all are wasting time. . .these kinds of things happen in very troubled work environments where people are trying to distract from bigger issues or find low-hanging fruit to terminate. Is your place of employment in financial trouble or legal trouble?
I already know why there is turnover and that the place is dysfunctional, and I’m looking for a new job. I included that bit of context to illustrate how I thought there might be an opportunity to evade this edict from a boss no longer around.
I would push back! It sounds like you have a legitimate reason for it. I also work with my door closed because I am easily distracted by what is going on outside my door!
Yes. 100%.
Even if you were taking “down time” is that really a problem? Salaried people usually get to take breaks as they see fit.
I’m not salaried, unfortunately; neither are my department-mates. We all get our hours in and our work done, so I think the Anon above is right on about looking for low-hanging fruit. I’m just not sure what applies under new boss vs. old boss, including what counts as low-hanging fruit.
Given Covid, I think it’s normal to close doors to private offices that might used to have been open. I’d focus more on productivity. Can you proactively report the work you’re getting done in some way? It seems like that’s the real issue.
This. I have a comment in mod below but we all started closing our doors when the pandemic hit and never looked back.
The COVID train of thought is a good idea. Thank you both.
As far as proactive reporting, does my meticulous use of our project management software count? The CEO and previous boss didn’t/don’t really check it, but I can use it to prove that I’ve gotten work done.
I wouldn’t lose a second’s sleep over what someone who quit thought.
1000 times this. It may have been some kind of parting shot from her on her way out the door.
Exactly. If the new people want the same thing, they will say so.
Our office culture was always open door, but we all transitioned to closed doors during the pandemic as a safety measure to keep the germs from floating around. Is that a tack you can take?
LOL on the idea of “taking downtime” being some kind of huge problem. Every job I have ever worked as a professional, there are times that are busy and times that are slow. In the slow times yes, people are “taking downtime” i.e., working on personal-life tasks, reading articles on the Internet, etc. Are people sleeping behind their desks ala George on Seinfeld, because that might be something to get upset about. Otherwise the company needs to manage to get the results they want, not to make sure people are spending every moment of their work time on work. OP, I would definitely push back on this if you’re asked to keep your door open. The location of your office is a good reason to close your door but there’s also this whole trust-the-staff issue your management should be concerned about.
I close my door because a group of 20 something assistants sit directly outside my office and like to chat all day. I don’t resent it because I was the same way at their career stage/age! But it’s super distracting. I have a very thick door so I can’t hear anything through it. I put a sign up that says “please come in” and it’s effective. I take it down if I don’t want anyone coming in but that’s rare.
Does anyone else who uses Hulu have recent problems with Autoplay? Mine used to just roll over to the next episode of whatever show I was watching, but suddenly it’s jumping to random shows I’ve never watched and refusing to stay on the same series. They’re all really weird picks that don’t fit my watching habits or profile preferences, like 80s daytime soaps when I’m a sci-fi and Adult Swim type of person. Online searching is giving me nothing.
Do you have a Roku? I’m having similar glitches with Netflix through my Roku.
+1
We have tons of issues. But we have an early generation Roku. When the Apps have updates, the gliches happen more. Sometimes unplugging the device can help. But sometimes after an update, we can’t access the App at all. Like with our early generation Roku, we can’t watch HBO on our TV anymore. But to buy a new Roku device we have to buy a new TV so …. we watch HBO on our computers.
Interesting! I’m just using a Samsung Smart TV. I should try Hulu on my Mac and see if it still happens there.
We’ve been having issues, too! Sometimes we have to exit Hulu and restart the app (we use Firestick) to get back to our show.
Yes! Mine is constantly jumping to Days of Our Lives. I have a Samsung smart TV, no Roku.
Tipping question – do you tip housekeeping staff when you stay at a hotel? If you do, what is the amount you leave?
Yes, indeed! I do $5 per person per day.
Always. ~$2-3.
If it’s a one-day stay then $5. If it’s mutiple days, then $5 every other day because I hang the do not disturb sign every other day.
$3-5 per day, depending on the amount of mess we make (like if it’s a beach vacation and we’ve dragged in some sand). Two adults, no children.
Yes, always. It’s an often unpleasant job, and unless the workers are in a union (which many may be in some big cities, but that’s about it), housekeepers are underpaid. I usually leave $5 a cleaning, although I left more on the few occasions when I traveled during the height of COVID. I generally don’t get housekeeping services during the middle of a stay unless I’m there a week or more, but I tip each time I know workers are coming in.
Wow, I always leave double what I see here. $10-20 for each day I am requesting housekeeping. If I can afford to vacation and stay at a nice hotel, it’s the least I can do to someone who is taking care of the space.
How much do you usually pay for a hotel room?
I see your point. I guess it all depends. I haven’t stayed at a hotel since before the pandemic, but in USA (mostly city destinations), it wasn’t unreasonable for me to spend $200-400 a night on a decent hotel.
I normally leave 5 dollars, and normally am in the 70-150 dollar room range. If I could afford 400-dollar rooms, yes, I would absolutely bump housekeeping as well, and I think 10-20 is very reasonable for a 400 dollar a night room.
So, I stay in $100/night hotel rooms, and I’ve convinced my husband that it’s worth upgrading to Hampton Inn over Comfort Inn because the improved breakfast options save us a pile of money. No way am I paying another $20/night – we can’t afford that.
If you’re spending $400/night on a hotel room, tip whatever you like – ten dollars is a rounding error in your nightly rate.
A tip is a tip – they do get paid, you realize that right?
If I decline housekeeping service each day and only tip on the last day, are the housekeepers better off (like are they paid by room or by hour?) I ask because I usually do not need housekeeping service during my stay.
Housekeepers are paid by the hour. I am a union lawyer and am aware that, pre-pandemic, at least one union representing hotel employees was urging guests not to use the no-housekeeping option at places like Marriott; the idea was that if there are fewer rooms to clean every day there will be fewer jobs and could be layoffs. I’m sympathetic to that, but I also do not need clean towels every day – or fresh bars every day, which I used to see at some fancy hotels – and the waste drove me crazy. I can make my own bed and I strongly prefer the privacy so I decline the serivce most of the time. But I tip if I somone brings me, say, extra coffee packets or something during my stay.
Yes! Always when abroad, and most often at home. I normally leave about three to five dollars per night, more on the last night when there is more work. I stay at mid-range hotels, not the Dorchester.
I have found, traveling in Europe, that it’s a good idea to leave a note along with the tips to make it very, very easy and unambiguous that the money left is actually a tip, and not just cash randomly left in room. Sometimes staff have ignored the money I left as a tip, I’m assuming afraid to be accused of stealing – even if left on pillow. I have also experienced that the housekeeping staff has taken the tips and later brought them back (different euros same amount), which obviously meant I had done something wrong in how I left them.
I have started to write “Thanks!” in the local language and a smiley or flower or something similar on the notepad, and leave the money on the pad. 19 out 20 times that will be okay, and I occasionally even get nice notes in return.
Where I live in Scandi, minimum wage for housekeeping start at 17 US dollars per hour (and in addition normal Scandi pension, sick leave, paid holidays, paid maternity leave, free schools and health care). That’s not stellar, but it’s a lot better than places I visit abroad. Even so I do tip at home as well, but that is truly optional. I know that a lot of people doing the housekeeping jobs are immigrants and students, and I want them to earn more.
That’s so interesting. I don’t generally tip when I’m in a country where tipping is not customary, because I think the tipping system is horrible and I don’t want to export it into countries that have actual living wages.