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Many moons ago, back in the days when I would haunt DC's Eastern Market flea market every weekend (it was a stone's throw from my apartment!), I got a plastic red beaded necklace for a pittance. It was a round, short necklace, with the beads knotted together like pearls. I intended to cut it up and use it for the beads (this was also back in the days when I still had time for a necklace-making hobby), but instead wound up wearing it EVERYWHERE. It ended up being the perfect pop of red that brought color to my pale skin/dark hair. Admittedly, red lipstick does the same, but red lipstick can smudge, bleed, wear unevenly, dry your lips out, and require constant reapplication/vigilance — whereas the necklace, well, doesn't. Anyway, I was heartbroken when it broke a year or two after I got it, and have been searching for a new one ever since. This may just be the one I was looking for. (Note that the bright red is now sold out; the burgundy is pictured.) It's $275 at Avenue 32 — and note that it comes in several colors. (The black might also be awesome, particularly if you like the fashion bookends theory.) Diana Broussard Burgundy Resin Nate Chain Necklace
A couple of more affordable options are here and here.
(L-5)
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Frumptastic
Someone posted this comment on the morning post- thoughts?
“LOL at anyone thinking this is an actual fashion blog. The picks are horrendously out of style, and most of the “what are you wearing” or “what would you wear to this” comments describe outfits that are so frumpy it’s comedic. It’s a community of professional women that happened to form around a bad fashion blogger, not a true fashion blog.”
Nati
I don’t even really think it’s worth discussing a comment like that or drawing further attention to it. If she doesn’t like the fashion picks, she is entitled to that opinion and is not being forced to read this blog or purchase the pieces it suggests.
Anonymous
Why would you repost this?
Nati
Yeah, to summarize, my thought is “who cares?!”
Anonymous
Shrug. What is a “true fashion blog” anyway? Is this trying to be a true fashion blog, or is fashion only part of the mission statement.
Sounds like grumpy hyperbole to me.
CPA Lady
I mean, I shop mostly at talbots, so its not like I’m some kind of fashion icon, but the point of this blog isnt about fashion on the runway or the kind of fashion you can wear if you work at a trendy art gallery. It’s about dressing for a conservative law office for the most part. So of course that’s going to be more “frumpy”. I dont always like what Kat picks, but I think whoever posted that missed the point of this blog a little bit.
Anonymous
It’s not frumpy though.
Frumpy may win on passing in a conservative work environment, but it’s not getting an A+, either.
Signed,
Selina Meyer is my style icon (although I’m not so big on sleveless dresses)
Anonymous
Selina is my style icon too! Although the actual clothes she wears are way too expensive for me.
ace
Ditto… there was a gorgeous dress she work, WITH SLEEVES, a few episodes ago that I was obsessed with. Stalked it to find that it’s from Victoria Beckham and retails at $2000+. Yowza
Anonymous
Yeah she wears a lot of VB. I loooved this one (looked a lot better on TV than in this pic). https://wornontv.net/31535/
WITH SLEEVES
Unrelated but I think WITH SLEEVES is going to be my new handle.
Just sums up this site well, and piggybacks of FLEECE TIGHTS for those who remember.
2 Cents
Fellow Talbots shopper here. I think of this as a “work fashion blog” because that’s what it is. I love a good fashion blog(ger), but I can’t wear 90% of the stuff they show anyway, because I’d a) never have a place to wear it or b) wouldn’t be caught dead in it. (Crop top? No thanks.)
Bonnie
+1 I consider myself fairly fashionable and trendy but there are not many fashion blogs with clothing that is appropriate for my job and age. I do like and have bought some of Kat’s picks and enjoy getting fashion ideas from others.
This necklace definitely is not going on my buy list though. ;-)
anon
I guess I agree with the comment. I’m also not really interested in “real fashion blogs.” I don’t think anyone would call me frumpy-looking, but I’m definitely not on trend or super stylish. I like clothes and like to pick things that look good on me, but I care a lot more about other things, so this blog suits my needs. I
Cat
Yeah it’s phrased rudely and taken out of context here, but I pay very little attention to the actual garments featured here, as most of them aren’t really my style or what I see around the office.
Regarding people’s advice on what to wear, I respectfully disagree with the “frumpy” characterization — conservative doesn’t mean frumpy.
Daisy
+1
kag
+1
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
I don’t know. I sort of tend to agree…I don’t particularly think of myself as a fashionista and I’m sure that OP would describe my clothes as frumpy. But the picks here have been really out-of-touch for working women since Kat stopped working, and I think it’s gotten dramatically worse in the last year. Kat’s style has never been as close to my own as CapHillStyle or Extra Petite, and that’s fine – style is so individual – but in the last few months my jaw has really dropped at some of the outfits she’s suggested. Many commenters have said over and over again that they only come here for the comments and not the fashion, and I think that’s really all the OP was saying, although she kind of said it in a mean way.
I will also say, and maybe you’ll write me off as mean or jealous, and perhaps I am a bit, but considering that Kat earns a very healthy income from this blo g (I think she has said six figures), and that the blo g’s success is really because of the comments section, and not at all due to the content she posts, it is surprising and disappointing to me that she doesn’t interact more with the comments or at least respond to the suggestions/requests made here. There have been so many threads lately complaining about various blo g features – there was one this morning about how over-moderated the comments are – and it’s frustrating to see the owner of the business do absolutely nothing about it. I would understand ignoring the comments a bit more if most people were coming to see Kat’s brilliant outfit suggestions, but they’re not. This s i t e is really nothing with the “hive.”
Anonymous
Fashion = what, exactly?
Something from Project Runway?
Couture?
Something from Forever 21?
Solids + buttons, no zippers (Amish style)?
Street style?
The OP from this morning doesn’t seem to know her audience.
...
I think there is just too big a group for everyone to be happy with the picks. Big Law people need different fashion than casual offices, where the fashion is very different from those who work from home which is different than those who often travel for business. Not only are fashion needs different, but different ages/shapes/types/budgets make it near impossible for everyone to like everything. If I like one thing per month, I consider it a win since that’d mean it’d be right for my age/size/shape/budget/wardrobe needs.
troll
Stop feeding the trolls.
Wendy
“True” fashion blog or not, I do enjoy seeking Kat’s suggestions and the hive’s comments on them. Some I like, others not as much. But I check them out every day.
Wendy
Arggg! That should be “seeing” not “seeking”.
WestCoast Lawyer
Has anyone tried Sonnet James who can comment on the sizing? I’m usually a size 10 in BR pants and a size 6/8 on top. I love the look of their dresses for the weekend but am concerned that they might run small or be too tight across the hips.
Anonymous
I think I’ll take my chances with a lipstick…
Mindy
It keeps making me think of Mr. T and how he slept with the heavy neck chains and bracelets on, “to see how my ancestors, who were slaves, felt.”
Anonymous
I really like this necklace.
Ellen
To each his own when it come’s to opinion’s, but I think this necklace SUBJUGATE’S us as women, b/c it looks like we are being CHAINED!
Dad told me to respect other peeople’s opinion’s b/c we need to be a free country, but he also said that opinion’s are like tuchuses. Everyone has one, and most everyone’s smelles very FOOEY!
Moreover, THAT is all that Frank would need b/f he would start pulling me around by this chain. DOUBEL FOOEY on this!
Do you see you or a do you see a warped version of you?
How separated are your views of your body from the people who love you? I recently saw a photo of myself in a bathing suit where I thought my stomach looked deflated, by b**bs were too small, and my butt had dimples. I thought it was a horrrrrrrrrrrrrrible photo and I started thinking about what I was eating, why I wasn’t moving more, and why no one told me I looked so crummy these days. A few seconds later, a friend who saw the photo commented on how great my b*tt looked and another said something about how she wished she was as thin and killer curved as I am. A bit later, my guy commented that he thought my b**bs looked way too perfect and he initially wondered if they were fake when he first saw me naked. Granted, I still need to eat healthier and move more, but it makes me wonder if other women are experiencing these differences of opinion between our image of ourselves and how others see us. With bathing suit season upon us, I thought I’d ask!
Anonymous
I sure hope so. Ha.
Anonymous
Look at pictures of yourself from when you were young and reflect on how great you actually looked when you thought that you looked terrible. I think it is pretty common and that people should stop being so hard on themselves.
Anon
Yes this is something you learn with age- you see pics that make you cringe a little at the time. Ten yrs down the road you’ll see these and think, gee I looked nice. DH also has this with pics of himself so pretty universal I’d say.
Anonymous
Do you need to eat healthier and move more? Or do you need to spend less time obsessing and perfecting what sounds already like a pretty great body?
anon a mouse
It’s body dysmorphia and it’s a real thing.
lawsuited
Yes, my own views and the views of people around me are quite different, but I always think I look bomb whereas the people around me are probably interpreting something closer to reality and being pretty kind about it. It’s reverse body dysmorphia, and it really improve my mood.
Anonymous
Hah, I’m like this too.
Blonde Lawyer
Ditto. I wonder if this has to do with how we grew up. I was pretty under weight as a teen so I never worried about being “fat.” I now have an inch to pinch but in my head I’m still skinny. I bet people who struggled with their weight have a lot harder time seeing themselves as skinny even if they are now. We probably still see ourselves as we looked in our teens.
lawsuited
Who knows, but I’m plus size and have never been skinny, even as a kid. I just don’t consider being fat and looking bad to be the same thing at all.
Anon
Ditto. I’m overweight and I know it, but I still think of myself as a bit skinnier than I really am, and get surprised when I see myself in photos. Not in the mirror so much; there’s something different about a photo, somehow, maybe the context of other people and/or surroundings for scale.
SW
Me too. I objectively understand that I am 35 pounds heavier than I was in college, but I still think I look the same until I see a photo.
Anonymama
I think this is sad but true. I think we all tend to focus on our faults the most when we look at ourselves, while the people who love us just see the things they love, and the world at large either doesn’t notice or thinks we look just fine and normal. I generally think I look average to pretty, but my husband thinks I am The Hottest Thing Ever.
I do think we are kind of socialized to scrutinize women’s bodies and appearances to a kind of frightening level, and of course the body we scrutinize most is our own. I’ve started having a hard time with even fairly kind celebrity fashion blogs (like gofugyourself) just because Internet comments so quickly veer into just critiquing every tiny detail to an absurd level.
bridget
Men are (usually) a lot easier on women than women are on themselves or other women. (The ones who are not often have big issues that come out in other ways.)
I think it can be helpful to assess whether your clothes flatter you or if you are (for example) gaining weight in a way that is not attributable to pregnancy, age, etc. (There was a point at which my clothes stopped fitting, and I wasn’t getting any exercise. So I got my butt into gear – working out every other day – and now stuff fits again.) You don’t want to wake up one day and try to figure out how you became frumpy and maintaining good health is a process.
But it’s a huge problem when the focus is on perfection or the standard is other women, not “a good version of yourself.”
#splurgewithoutsplurging
Favorite wardrobe/accessory item you own that’s under $20 and why? (feel free to provide links or photos if you can find ’em)
#splurgewithoutsplurging
purplesneakers
Silver hoops I bought off Amazon for something like $10. They don’t suit everyone, but if they work for you, I highly recommend them!
CherryScary
Navy blazer with white piping i got on super clearance at the Limited a few years ago for $7.50.
Anonymous
A lot of my favourite dresses or tops are from Old Navy. The thing is, their good stuff goes fast and then seems to disappear forever from their website, so I pounce when I see something I like.
welp
I’m supposed to start a new BCP pack today and totally forgot to take it at my usual time (around eight a.m.) while getting ready for work this morning. If I take it at five o’clock this afternoon, am I okay, or do I need to abstain for a week (or, eek, a month)? FWIW, it’s Junel. Thanks in advance for any help!
anon
If it’s a new pack, if you take it at 5 tonight, you can take it at 5 for the rest of this month and be fine. You should check your package insert (or google it), because I think even if you take it at five and then want to take it at 8 the rest of the month, it still might be fine– with my BCP, that depends on where you are in your cycle (first day of period, or not).
anonymous
1.) google. Not trying to be rude, but there is a wealth of information out there… more then the anecdata you’ll get here. You may even find info that is brand-specific.
2.) instructions on how to handle this scenario are in the packet of medication.
Each pill brand is so different it’s risky to rely on anecdata for something like this. GENERALLY, with most brands I’ve seen, if you miss one, you’re ok. Two days in a row, you need to start a new pack and abstain.
welp
I googled, and results were inconsistent. Some indicated that it was okay to take a pill at five today and continue normally for the rest of the month. Others said that since it’s the first pill in the packet and I’ve been taking just the sugar pills for the past seven days, backup protection was necessary.
I called the GYN’s office and couldn’t talk to a nurse, and the friendly folks at CVS just told me that no birth control is100% effective and that the more methods you use, the better off you are. That was all I got; the pharmacist didn’t get around to asking what pill I take. And I mentioned the first-pill-of-the-pack issue, and he said that was the first he’s heard of it. So… help.
And thanks to all for the answers here.
L2L
I had a similiar situation a few years ago……was supposed to start a new pack at 9pm, but didn’t end up taking 1st pill until the next morning around 8/9am. The pharmacist told me to use backup protection for 2 weeks. I believe I was over cautious and used condoms for the entire month until my next period.
Lyssa
With the caveat that I’m certainly not a doctor, I’ve always understood the rule to be that if you miss two, then you take extra precautions. I did what you’re describing many times for the almost 10 years I was on them, even on a low-dose, and never had a problem (and got pregnant easily when I went off them, so I know it wasn’t just me). So, I would just take it when you get home and assume everything is fine.
Anonymous
I would read the packet insert specific to Junel, but FWIW the insert for mine says that if I miss a pill or am too late taking it, I just need to abstain/use backup for 48 hours (beginning with when I either took the pill late or took the next day’s pill if I missed a day entirely). That’s for micronor, and it’s my understanding that Micronor/the mini pill generally is especially fussy about taking at the exact same time every day. I would be surprised if a combo pill meant an entire month of backup method compared to that. I’m definitely not a doctor though, that’s just my lay speculation.
Anonymous
Ummm also condoms?!?
Anonymous
Why would you abstain? Just use backup BC if you’re worried.
Anonymous
I’m 99% sure they tell you to take it at the same time every day so that you don’t forget to take it altogether. Not because your body will reject the effects if you take it 18 hours apart rather than 24.
Timing
No, they tell you to take it at the same time every day so that your body doesn’t “think” it is time to ovulate. The pill tells your body not to ovulate, and if it gets that message at 8 am every day, great. If it gets that message at 8 am every day, and one day it’s noon and still hasn’t gotten that message, your body thinks “Oh, didn’t get the ‘don’t ovualate’ message today– time to ovulate!” So if you take it at 5 that night, it’s too late– you’ve already ovulated.
The reason the effectiveness decreases with each day that you miss the pill or take it later than normal is because your body doesn’t ALWAYS ovulate as a result of missing the pill or taking it late, but it will eventually.
ovulation
It’s not quite so straightforward – a few hours isn’t enough for your body to immediately ovulate (drugs don’t completely magically leave your system after 24 hours). Your levels could fall to a place where you are more likely to ovulate, but a few hours shouldn’t make a huge difference… whereas a whole day (or two) certainly can.
cbackson
Is it a minipill/progesterone-only pill? If so, then yes, you need to use backup. If not, no big deal.
Serafina
I used to take Junel! I’m pretty sure the package instructions have details on this, but I think you can either take one at 5 and then another at 8 ont he same day (it says if you miss one, take it when you remember and take the next one at your normal time. Maybe use backup for a day or two to be safe.
Also with the combo pills it’s okay if you don’t take it at the same time every day. With the progesterone-only, you really do have to take it at the same time (or within an hour or two) every day.
BBG?
Hi hive! Anyone here have thoughts on BBG? Obviously I have seen a few bloggers talk about the program but am thinking it might be a good way to get myself back into a good workout routine. I am particularly attracted to being able to work out from home, in short, high intensity sessions and also like the fact that the workouts are spelled out in advance. I find I do best with the accountability of a plan.
Does anyone have any thoughts or experience with BBG?
Anonymous
You can probably search through recent comments, I think someone here was talking about it this month. If you are interested just do it, though. Don’t overanalyze it.
newbinlaw
it is great, and if you have a home area for working out that would accommodate it (benches, weights, jumping, etc) then it is ideal. I found the arm workouts to be a little much for me, but I still do the full body and leg workouts mixed in with other stuff. My legs never looked as good as when I was sticking to the program.
Boudoir photo shoot
Have you ever done a boudoir photo shoot? Would love to hear stories/advice/etc!
Anonymous
I’ve seen some that someone had done in college (in the 90s) and I will just say that they can look comically dated very easily.
As a photographer, I’d think of things differently and probably invest way too much time in picking a photographer, a backdrop (or place), lighting, outfits, shoes, hair, making sure I was having a good grooming day. I’d be worse than a bridezilla! I’d also think about color v black/white, ISO (you can go for a grainy look — maybe you like that), focus length, etc.
Also, there may be nothing s*xy about it — new people and reflectors (could be someone holding a reflector to bounce light in a way that the photograph needs it) in what doesn’t feel like a private moment.
Anonymous
Yes, and it was fun! The photographer came to my house and took pics in different rooms, different shoes, accessories, etc. I liked it because it was my stuff and I could be comfortable in my own place. My favorite shot was one in my kitchen of all places!
Anony
Yes! I did one and am very happy that I did.
I looked through the portfolios of a few different photographers online before booking one, which I chose based on the fact that she the people in her portfolio looked like clients, not models, and she did a nice job of flattering all sorts of different body types. I purchased a package that included professional hair and makeup.
The package I bought included three different outfits. A word of advice would be to consider outfits beyond just bra and panty sets. My favorite shots wound up being in a bustier that felt verrrry over the top when I was buying it, but looked fantastic in photographs.
The photo shoot itself was not awkward but wasn’t super fun. I have a new respect for what models do. A lot of the poses felt very contorted or uncomfortable or silly, but looked great in the finished product. I was very grateful to the photographer for knowing just how to pose me because most of the poses didn’t feel natural.
Wendy
I did this last year when I got re-married last year much to the delight of my new husband. I found a fetish photographer who had a kinds of ideas. I went with a red corset with matching lace gloves, black fishnets gartered to the corset and black knee-high boots with stiletto heels. He wanted to add a riding crop but I thought that was going over the top. I am so happy with the photos and everyone who has seen them has raved about them.
Do it!
Late to the party, but if you’re still reading, do it! I actually did a different spin and had my amateur-photographer husband take the shots. We made a weekend of it and went to a trendy hotel in our city, had champagne and strawberries, and did a very stylized shoot. I had some fans that I picked up on a trip and we shot with those, I made two feather hairpieces and did an up-do with cat-eye make-up, etc. The shots look gorgeous, some sassy, some old-Hollywood glam, and we had so much fun taking breaks (a-hem) between outfits.
I also did a shoot for my sister, and she LOVED her photos. She gifted a book of them to her husband for the wedding, and of course, he loves them, too. One of her other bridesmaids assisted on the shoot, and we had some drinks and shot for ~2 hours. It was a really fun girls day for us, and and the shots turned out beautifully.
And finally, one of her friends saw the shots and asked if we could do a shoot for her, and same thing, she loved it. Each person has their own personality and style, so as long as you’re having fun and enjoying yourself, the shots will be wonderful. If you’re comfortable with it, bring along some girlfriends or your SO… it’s fun to see the reactions and get ideas for poses/styling :)
Let Go
My husband, along with a group of others from his team, was let go today without any warning. He’ll receive some severance and we have a significant financial cushion in place, so combined with my salary, we’ll be fine financially for at least the next 18-24 months. Logically, I understand this, but inside, I am panicking. He’s our main breadwinner and is a super ambitious, career-oriented guy who was in a pretty senior role, so this is a blow to both our finances and his ego.
Does anyone have any advice or perspective? Literally neither of us has ever been out of work since we started our careers 10-15 years ago, so this is foreign territory and I am trying not to lose it. I am spiraling into “We’re going to be homeless and he’s never going to work again”, which isn’t true, but I just need to hear from those who have been there and had this turn out okay.
Wildkitten
Go on a vacation, then cut your spending and talk to a career coach.
Anon
Nah, don’t go on a vacation unless you want to be doubly stressed about losing the job and the cost of the vacation. It’s not a smart financial move unless you have TONS of savings.
Anonymous
I disagree. I mean…I wouldn’t book a luxury cruise or a trip to Australia, but a few days away at a location within driving distance or with cheap flights and hotels (I’m thinking less than $1000 for two people) is not going to make a noticeable dent in your savings and will do a lot for your mental health. Or go stay with friends and family who live somewhere fun, as I suggested below.
Let Go
I appreciate the advice! We actually just got back from one large and one smaller vacation within the last quarter, so I’ve tapped out my vacay time for now. I may look to take a day or two off to spend with him within the next month or so, though. We live in a vacation destination, so we could pull off a ‘staycation’-type weekend pretty easily and cheaply.
Anonymous
So sorry to hear that. I know someone else whose company had big layoffs today, I wonder if it’s the same one. It sounds like he/you are financially much better off than most freshly laid off people. Lay-offs are always a blow to the ego, but often they lead to something much better. When I was involuntarily unemployed, I found it helpful to not force myself to abstain from everything that involved spending money. Obviously you should be prudent, but when you’re laid off and you’re upset about that and then you feel like you can’t take a vacation, can’t go out to eat, can’t get tickets to a sporting event you wanted to see, etc., it’s easy to really spiral into misery. So assuming you have the financial cushion to do so (which it sounds like you do), keep living your life. Keep frugality in mind but don’t deprive yourself of things you can afford that give you pleasure. As far as what you can do, just keep reminding him that you’ll be ok and that you want him to find something that’s a great fit for him, not take the first job that’s offered, and that your salary and your combined savings gives him the freedom to do that. FWIW, being laid off from my first job out of law school was the best thing that ever happened to me. It took me almost six months but I landed in a really well-paying job that I love. I think lots of people who have been laid off have similar stories. Hugs!
Anonymous
Girl pull yourself together. He’s the one who needs support here. You have 24 months of savings. You will not be homeless. Be stronger than that. Yes, it will be hard. But also in a bigger sense it will be fine.
Anonymous
You need to not panic. It’s practically unheard for people to be out of work for two years, and surely you could extend your savings even longer than that by making some adjustments to your lifestyle. Your role here is too support him and the best way you can do that is by being calm and reassuring, even if you’re faking it.
Anonymous
*to support him. gah i miss edit!
asdfjkl
Very sorry you’re dealing with this. You’re where I was in January 2015. My major advice is to be kind to yourself and to him. Neither of us slept well for a few days after the layoff. Meeting up with a friend helped me a lot: she was a calm voice of reason against my panic (which I had been holding back because DH had enough of his own). There were a couple of hard months (mostly emotionally) but, 17 months later, I think we’re in a better position.
asdfjkl
On a practical note, whose health insurance are you on? I believe his layoff is a qualifying event for switching to yours. Also, if his is better it may last until the end of the month (giving time for prescription refills, etc).
Let Go
Thanks for both the emotional and practical advice. We’re on his and will have coverage for a few more months, though I think there may be a two week gap when his ends and my new open enrollment becomes effective. I will check with my HR team this week.
Digby
Most likely, your employer has to offer you a special enrollment opportunity due to the loss of your spouse’s coverage. In general, the rule is that if you are losing other coverage, and notify your employer within x-number of days of the loss of the other coverage (employers usually use 30 or 31 days as the window), and provide proof of the loss (for example, the COBRA notice from your spouse’s employer), your employer has to let you enroll even though it’s not annual/open enrollment season.
This Call is Being Recorded for Quality
Not quite the same but I struggled a LOT to find a job right out of law school and I was f-ing BROKE. Like lived with 4 roommates in a run-down apartment in a lousy part of town broke; holes in my shoes broke; ramen eating broke. I ended up taking a job as a telemarketer. A few months later I got a real lawyer job with a decent salary and awesome benefits. But, during those miserable nights wearing a headset and getting cursed out by strangers, I was devastated thinking that this could be my life forever.
So, there’s one anecdote on being in a low point that turned around and went up.
Anonymous
Do you have any friends in awesome places you could go visit or friends or family members with vacation homes? In this situation, a change of scenery can be really great for the soul, but it can be tough to spend money right now even if you can objectively afford it. A really cheap vacation to a friend’s home could be a good solution. Even if you can’t go anywhere, you might think about taking a day or two off next week to hang out with him, if that’s something you think would make him happy.
Emmer
Unless he’s in a really struggling or hard-to-enter industry (journalism, publishing, academia), he’s probably going to be fine if he’s in a senior role with a proven track record. Let him take a few weeks to digest the shock of this, then support him as he job hunts. He, and you, will be fine.
Feel Your Pain
So sorry to hear you are going through this. Same thing happened to my husband 7 years ago. I made slightly more than him, but his losing his job felt devastating since our take-home pay would essentially be cut in half. The day after it happened, I remember going to the mall to get something necessary for one of our children, and I felt like I was the poor match girl who was standing on the outside looking at people who had money. Then I pulled myself together, went through our finances for the past 6 months to see what we spent money on, categorized the expenses to see what we really needed, and realized that we had plenty of money to live on until he found a job. In fact, he decided (after some soul-searching) that he didn’t want to go back into a job in the industry he was in before, and went back to school for three years to get a second degree. He is now working in a job he likes much better. So ultimately it all worked out. I agree with the commenters who say to be strong and reassuring for him, but be sure you have someone you can express your own fears to. Then take practical steps (like going through your budget) to give yourself some peace of mind. Good luck!
Coach Laura
Let Go – Does his severance come with any free transition or career counseling? Some companies will do that for layoffs so he could ask. Sometimes it helps to bounce ideas off someone and if he were to use one, that might help your anxiety some. Also, your husband has a built in venting/support group with those coworkers – maybe a weekly happy hour with spouses/partners would be helpful.
Anon for this
I was fired a few months ago and the support of my spouse is the primary reason I didn’t end my life. (That’s not hyperbole.) Do not underestimate how hard this may be for your husband. For the first month, I truly could not walk by my office building without crying, ate constantly, didn’t shower until 5 and only because I wanted to be showered before my husband got home . . . you name it.
What my husband has done that has made this bearable has been to never ask what I did today (probably bad because I’m not making progress on finding a new job and might be doing better with more accountability, but not feeling judged has been really helpful), encouraged me to see a therapist, cut back financially in other areas so I could work out with a trainer more often rather than less, encouraged me to not tell the true story to anyone I didn’t want to tell, and generally just have my back.
Being fired was the worst day of my life. I got through it in large part because of the support of people on this board, my friends IRL, and my husband. If you can be 1/2 as supportive as my husband has been, you’ll come through this. Good luck.
purplesneakers
Because a friend of mine is going through this, and because I’m curious…
You’re moving to a foreign country, and for various reasons you’re limited to a suitcase, a backpack, and a handbag. What do you take with you? Assume that it makes sense to buy most things in your destination country.
My list:
– two weeks’ worth of clothes
– a few months’ worth of my meds + common OTC meds
– spices (lesson learned after having to have my mother ship me a box last time I went to Europe)
– my planner and stickers
– and my stuffed cat.
What would you ladies take/leave behind? My poor friend is in decision fatigue mode right now and I would love to be able to offer her advice.
Anony
This really depends on which country. England or Vietnam? Canada or Eritrea? My list would change depending on which country so can you tell us country?
lawsuited
+1 It really depends on the country. I would not be able to find any clothes my size in China, so would need to prioritize clothes heavily. I would struggle to find my usual beauty and health products in Swaziland, so would prioritize taking a bigger supply of those.
Anonymous
Assuming I can buy most things in the destination country, I think I take a suitcase full of clothes and personal care products, a backpack with all of my tech stuff (laptop, phone, ipad, external harddrive, etc) and important documents, and a handbag full of cash, makeup, medications, and a book or two. That being said, if I can really get most of what I need in the destination country, I probably just take a couple weeks of clothes, important documents, a laptop and my phone.
Anonymous
Having done this, this list is closest to what I brought. I also brought some stuff I couldn’t buy in the destination/very home based items. When I went back, I brought some stuff I discovered wasn’t available there (including a good pillow!).
Also, plenty of converters and adapters.
Anonymous
I agree with most of this list but I’m really confused by the spices in Europe. Where in Europe were you that you couldn’t find decent spices or that Amazon didn’t deliver to?
Definitely not my experience that you need to bring spices.
Terry
Not the OP but in 2008 I hand delivered 10lb of chocolate chips to a friend in Germany. It’s strange what foodstuffs become unavailable, and suddenly essential, once you cross a border (either direction).
Wildkitten
Laptop. Kindle. Running shoes. Fahrenheit thermometer (for taking your temperature if you get sick.)
Mindy
This totally depends on the destination as I find it hard to find clothes that fit/are flattering to cusp sizes (10P-14p) in Asia… also, depends on how much disposable income I have at the moment because if it’s really expensive to buy certain basics, I’d bring those too.
handbag – basic toiletries makeup/phone/wallet/meds
backpack – camera/laptop/external drive/chargers/etc.
Suitcase – underwear/shoes/clothing; ziploc bags
I moved to Japan with the above, but since I was studying for the LSATs, prep books took up a lot of space/weight.
Anonymous
Don’t assume you can find everything in another country! I am admittedly a picky shopper, but I had a hard time finding bras and swimsuits overseas.
I would identify anything you are particular about and stick up on that.
Weil-Cornell Hospital
Any recommendations for sending a Kosher gift basket to someone in Weil-Cornell hospital (68th street in NYC)?
Zabar’s is on the other side of the city. I imagine that there is a neighborhood place that delivers goodies all the time but google is not pulling up anything promising.
tesyaa
Try ordering from Oh Nuts. Not sure if Zabar’s is kosher enough for someone who you know requires kosher.
SW
Not sure it’s Kosher enough, but Eli’s is on the east side and does gift baskets.
orange
Prime Butcher Baker is a place my work caters from for a few very observant people — they probably do some kind of muffin basket or something.
Scarlett
Zingerman’s? We’ve gotten nice gifts from there
LondonLeisureYear
Delicious, but very not kosher. Haha they have a pork section in their catalog.
Miss Mollie
Hi ladies! I’m looking for your perspective on an issue.
My BF and I have been together for 2 years. He is generous with my parents with gifts on holidays, their birthdays, and mother’s/father’s day. They are also generous with him on holidays and his birthday. I have also remembered his parents (who are divorced)on holidays, their birthdays, and mother’s/father’s day. For the second year in a row, his family (mother, father, brother) have failed to remember my birthday with anything….even an email message wishing me a happy birthday. I am not expecting gifts, but it hurts my feelings that they can’t even say happy birthday to me. His brother also didn’t even say happy birthday, even though I have chipped in on the brother’s gift and birthday dinner. I have told my BF that this bothers me, but he has said nothing to his family, which makes me feel worse.
My first question is: am I over reacting with all of this or do I have a right to feel hurt?
My second question: how can I handle situations in the future where I am expected to give his family members gifts? Should I tell him that we should skip this practice altogether or continue to buy gifts for his family members?
TIA everyone!! :-)
Anonymous
In short, yeah, I think you’re over-reacting. I’ve never received an acknowledgement of my birthday from my in-laws and most of my friends don’t either. A few might get a card or something but I don’t know anyone that regularly gets gifts. But I also don’t give birthday gifts to them. If you’re giving them gifts, then I suppose it is a little rude that they don’t reciprocate. I’d stop giving them gifts. Was that done at your BF’s suggestion or something you did on your own? If the latter, it’s possible he feels you’re overstepping a little bit.
Anonymous
You do you. [This bothers you, true, but they are who they are. You may inspire change in them (or not). But you can’t complain that they don’t suit you or won’t change to suit you. Hopefully BF makes up for this to you (with kindess, not aplogies; you can’t pick your family after all.]
If you are a gift giver and birthday-rememberer, then you keep on trucking even in the presence of non-givers or non-rememberers. If it would feel petty or spiteful to stop, then don’t be that.
Daisy
I understand the disappointment in not getting a birthday greeting from them, but it is not something you can get mad at him for, in my opinion. He cannot control them. You can control you. If a birthday greeting that you give needs to be returned, then don’t offer them to his family.
Anonymous
If your BF is anything like mine he’s talking to his family about you less than you are talking to your family about him- so his family may not feel as close or as much a part of your relationship and your family feels with him.
I wouldn’t worry about it or think it’s indicative of anything. Also, his family just may not be a big gift-giving family? Do his parents make a big deal out of his birthday? It might just not be a big part of the culture of his family (I know gift giving is not a big deal in my family).
Miss Mollie
Thank you all for your comments! I really appreciate it!
I guess I still don’t know how to handle the situation where I feel pressured (and it has happened) to remember his family with gifts. Do I just say, “I will be sending a card but cannot remember ‘name’ with a gift this year.”
Cat
I would say “oh, I was under the impression we weren’t exchanging gifts as I don’t receive them from ‘name'”
Meg March
See if you can just sign your name to your BF’s gift.
Anonymous
I don’t understand. Who is pressuring you? If your BF is telling you “you have to buy my mom a gift for her birthday” then he should be doing the same to his mom for your birthday and if he won’t, that says a whole lot about he prioritizes you versus his family and you should listen to what his actions say. If the potential gift recipient is pressuring you, that’s very rude, and I would just ignore that person. Don’t announce you’re not getting them a gift. Just smile and nod, and when the time comes don’t send a gift.
lawsuited
+1 I don’t understand who is pressuring you either. If it is BF, just ask him to write both your names on the card. “I will be sending a card but cannot remember ‘name’ with a gift this year.” seems like a very stilted, formal thing to say to your BF, so maybe it’s another family member that is pressuring you? In which case, they are acting very strangely and it’s fine for you to laugh it off.
Anonymous
Pressured by who? Him? “Nah they never remember mine”. By someone else @raised eyebrow.
Anne Elliott
Why do you need to come up wi an excuse? Pick up the phone, wish them, that’s it. Or send a text.
Why even bother with cards?
An
I think it is a little unusual to give your bf’s family gifts on their birthdays (and vice versa), so I wouldn’t take their not giving you one as a slight. It seems inappropriate for your BF, particularly of only 1 or 2 years, to expect you to chip in on gifts for them and it is probably overstepping for your to volunteer to help out in that areana. I think common expectation level is if they are an active FB user, they may want to wish you a happy birthday on Facebook.
Scarlett
I was going to say if you’re not on FB or they aren’t, I’d have low birthday expectations. I only remember people’s birthdays who are on there these days.
Wildkitten
I get presents from them for Christmas but that’s it. This is a LOT of gift-giving, and gifts are my love language.
lawsuited
1. Yes, I would consider your upset an overreaction to your boyfriend’s parents and brother not emailing you to wish you a happy birthday. They likely don’t remember when your birthday is – I wouldn’t expect them to have committed it to memory after 2 years. Of course, you can feel hurt, but I wouldn’t make this the hill you die on.
2. Add your name to the card of whatever gift your BF is giving his mom/dad/brother.
Anonymous
Thanks again, ladies! Your comments have been very insightful. I am probably more sensitive than I should be about these situations…
To answer the questions of who would be pressuring me, I do feel some pressure from BF himself, but most of it comes from BF’s brother’s girlfriend. Just to give you all 1 example: brother and girlfriend were living with my BF earlier this year. Brother’s birthday is in February. Well, 2 days before brother’s birthday, my elderly father sustained a head injury and was in the ICU for 2+ weeks. I was in the hospital pretty much this whole time. BF told me that himself, Brother, and brother’s girlfriend were all going out for dinner to celebrate the brother’s birthday. I told BF that this was not a good time for me because of my father and I suggested they celebrate themselves. They did that, but then scheduled another celebration where I was told by brother’s girlfriend that I HAD to attend (“because a birthday celebration wouldn’t be complete without me” — Yeah right!) and was told by her to contribute to his gift and dinner. That is why felt a little hurt when the brother and brother’s girlfriend could not even send me a text message to say happy birthday. It made me feel used. Hopefully, that gives you some background.
Anyway, thanks again to all! :-)
Anonymous
Yeah – this is a person who doesn’t get an opinion on your gift giving priorities. You did it a couple times, and she didn’t pressure Brother to reciprocate, so I think you can stop giving into that pressure.
She’s being weird.
lawsuited
+1 You should be upset at brother’s girlfriend for being weird about making you pay for her own boyfriend’s birthday gift/dinner, rather than the bit emailing you on your birthday thing. And practice saying no to her, or tell your BF to say no to her.
Anne Elliott
Your BF sounds like a d i c k. I would be mad if my DH went for dinner to celebrate a birthday instead of being at the hospital supporting me. And vice versa.
Why are you even bothering with your BF’s brother’s GF’s silly opinion?
Anon
How do you handle it when you HATE your job and have no desire to do work (which is usually ok bc it’s not hard to phone it in) and now you suddenly have 2 significant projects to get done in 2 weeks? How do you motivate yourself to do them and do them well enough?
Shopaholic
Pomodoro method, post-it to do list and lots of treats sprinkled in between!
Anonymous
Remind myself it’s not coal mining and I like getting paid.
Anonymous
Someone posted this here a few months ago and I’ve been using it ever since “I’m not a coal miner!” Awkwardly… I work for a law firm that represents a lot of coal companies. Soooo I have to be really careful about not saying it out loud!
Anonymous
Just because it’s not coal mining doesn’t mean it isn’t hard for the person stuck in the lousy situation. Have some empathy.
Anonymous
She ASKED how we get through it!! This is literally what I tell myself to do so.
I keep forgetting my fake name
Don’t take it personally. Some people are great at birthdays (you and your family) and some are not (his family). It is unreasonable to expect his family to be great at birthdays.
If you are a birthday person and enjoy celebrating others, by all means, get them a gift. If you don’t really enjoy giving gifts, or if you are a score keeper and don’t want to give a gift where there is no quid pro quo, stop. They won’t even notice.
Anonymous
PSA for all the RHONY fans out there- If you’re not already listening to Casey Wilson’s and Danielle Schneider’s podcast B*tch Sesh, you are missing out! Episodes come out on Thursday (for RHONY; when they were doing RHOBH is was Wednesdays). It’s a GEM.
Easily Excitable
Ooh, thanks for the tip. I’m a Watch What Crappens devotee, but I’ll definitely check this out. And this post was a great excuse to mention that Kristen of RHONY wore that Diana Broussard necklace last season in the cream color, and it looked amazing.
Desserts for a BBQ?
I am tasked with bringing dessert to a barbecue this weekend — lots of foodie adults and little kids. Any easy go to suggestions?
anon
Fresh berries with homemade whipped cream and wafer cookies. Blueberry or blackberry or peach cobbler with ice cream.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t bring fruit — I don’t consider that dessert even when paired with cream. Cobbler is fine since it’s an actual dessert made with fruit.
Anonymous
Sopapilla cheesecake bars. Pinterest. AMAZING and the most frequently re-requested item I make.
Anonymous
I’m sure this dessert is delicious but I can’t get over how much it sounds like “soap”
Anonymous
Try pronouncing it so-pa-pee-ya, instead of soap-pa-pee-ya. :)
Frozen Peach
Unbelievably easy to do, extremely popular. Make some without salt for the kids. (But salt is KEY).
http://deliciouslyyum.com/salted-chocolate-dipped-mandarin-slices/
Anonymous
Chocolate wafer icebox cake. Maybe grill some fruit and serve it with granola and ice cream.
Libby
Banana Pudding. My go-to for any picnic type event.
Easily Excitable
Do you have particular recipe you love? I have been suffering (suffering!) from intense banana pudding cravings and may make some for Father’s day celebration.
Banana Pudding Recipe
Finally a question I can answer! 2 boxes of Jello banana cream pudding, one can sweetened condensed milk, on pint heavy whipping cream, 4 cups whole milk. Mix all this together, then layer with Nilla Wafers and sliced bananas. Keep refridgerated till serving.
Make and serve if you like firm cookies. Make night before if you prefer softer cookies.
This recipe has extended romantic relationships long past their natural expiration date.
Easily Excitable
Yay! Thanks so much. You’ve made my weekend already.
lawsuited
I’m not sure where you are, but in Ontario we’re coming up on strawberry season, so I would make strawberry shortcake or a strawberry ice cream ring (250ml of cream, whipped; 1 can of condensed milk, 1 tub of full fat plain or vanilla yoghurt; 1 tub of strawberries, diced; mixed together and frozen in a ring pan. So. Good.)
rices
Holy eff lawsuited that sounds amazing.
Anonymous
Ice cream cake – bake a boxed cake in a pan but leave room, thaw ice cream, spread ice cream, freeze. Cover the top with sprinkles, choc curls etc. If you cannot store it in a freezer until serving, pack it in dry ice or a cooler.
cbackson
Trifle!
-Buy angel food cake, tear into 3×4-inch pieces. Soak in sherry, rum, or other delicious booze-things.
-Macerate fresh strawberries in sugar or if you don’t have good strawberries where you live, thaw frozen ones and macerate in sugar
-Make whipped cream
-Layer angel food cake, macerated berries, and whipped cream in a glass bowl or trifle dish. The final layer should be whipped cream which you can decorate with fresh berries.
You can also make a separate kid version that is not booze-soaked but it is less delicious. Or you can bring ice cream for the kids because kids like that.
Wildkitten
Is there a site like this for teachers? I have a cousin trying to figure out dress and manner codes for teachers.
LondonLeisureYear
No, not really. Is she student teaching or did she get a mentor teacher if she just got hired? Its all so school specific. I worked at schools where I had to wear skirts/heels at least 3 days a week and on Friday’s if you wanted to be casual you had to buy the school sweat shirts or t shirts to wear those. I also have worked at schools where jeans, tshirt, and sneakers are what everyone wears. What age group?
Wildkitten
She’s student teaching but she has questions like – what is an appropriate gift for a fellow teacher? – that seem right up the alley of thissite-but-for-teachers
I'm Just Me ....
http://mixmatchfashion.com/ Tara is a special ed teacher. I think she does a monthly round up of teacher bloggers, so that may yield more blogs.
https://teachershavelivestoo.com/ is more casual than the above blog.
Wildkitten
Thank you!
Elbe
The Diana Broussard Nate necklace is a classic. I have one in Seal – it is navy/grey/brown and goes with just about everything that I own. I always receive compliments when I wear it. I prefer her marbled versions of the Nate necklace because they are more complex and more versatile. These are classics.