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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 226 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Silk Sleeveless Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Everlane Silk SleevelessWe just rounded up silky button-fronts, and so it was with some interest that I noted that Everlane just launched three new versions of its' silk blouse: sleeveless, short-sleeved, and a basic silk shell. I have mixed feelings about wearing sleeveless blouses (laundry reasons, appropriateness reasons — know your office!) but if you're a fan of wearing them, this looks like a nice, simple basic. It's available in six colors for $60. Everlane Silk Sleeveless (Click here if you're new to Everlane and need an invite.) Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-1)

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Comments

  1. Male VPL

    Not sure why this jumped out at me today, but I was waiting for my breakfast muffin today and noticed a lot of male VPL. It looks like boxer briefs are giving guys the same mid-thigh line that made me give up things like yummy tummy bike-short type underwear.

    #equality

    • ning

      True that. DH tried to wear regular boxers with slim-ish seersucker trousers once, and I had to educate him on how to avoid VPL. He was clueless.

      • Cb

        We realised my fiance’s suit trousers are too tight. Had to order new ones and realised that women at least have the luxury (??) of spanx.

    • Ellen

      Yay! As for the OP, I hate it when men’s underwear show’s thru what they are weareing. Men at the gym alway’s come up to me and start stretcheing and showeing their leg’s to me then they bend over and for some reason they think that we enjoy seeing their tuchuses, either with or without their underwear showeing. FOOEY! One guy kept doeing it near me b/c there is a mirror near the elleypitcal machine I like to use and he alway’s comes up and start’s stretching in front of me (and the mirror). Then he look’s at me and raises his leg. I do NOT understand what the leg thing is — all I can think of is the dog I had as a child, Terry, who alway’s lifted his leg when he went to the toilet. I onley figured out what he was doieng when I got in the way, and from then on, I learned NOT to get between your dog’s leg and a tree. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      Speakeing of which, Willem said he was thinkeing of BILLEING me for telling him I do NOT want to go to Belgum. I was shocked about that and told Myrna. She said that I should just ignore him, and it is a good thing I did NOT go to Belgum b/c she know’s peeople who said men are very chovanestic who live there. I do not want any man to be chovanestic to me. It sound’s GROSS and that is why I did not want to learn anything about wifeley duties from the mother and grandmother over there! TRIPEL FOOEY!

    • Blonde Lawyer

      With the slim fit pants and the summer fabrics starting to come out I’m noticing some visible bulges out and about. Thankfully, not at work. My husband definitely has at least one pair of dress pants where I can say “yup, the goods are right there.” Not skin tight and plastered but definitely an outline or different “fit” in that spot.

      I’m just waiting for some dude to write in “due to my generous endowment, I find it difficult to wear trendy slim fit dress pants. Which is more professional, to see the outline of my junk or for me to wear baggy less fashionable attire? I want to appear up to date and hip but I don’t want to be accused of sexual harassment either.” LOL

      • CKB

        LOL! My dh has very athletic thighs and no butt, so the pants he buys that fit his thighs don’t ever have that issue, thank goodness. And dressing up for him is khakis, which also helps. I finally convinced him a couple years ago that pleated front jeans and khakis, while more comfortable, are just not as good a look as flat front.

      • KLG

        I dated a guy for awhile that was normally endowed but “front hung” and honestly it was terrible trying to find him pants that didn’t seem to highlight his junk.

        • Diamond Lil

          Yeah – I had to have the talk with my DH when he wanted to upgrade his wardrobe that due to his body shape, some clothing lines / trouser cuts would be more “flattering” than others. He’s tall and skinny, but with a round butt and well-endowed in front, so he was getting it from both sides. Thankfully, the male fashion blogs are talking about this a bit.

    • Natalie

      Too many men are wearing trousers too tight, especially when they are in a light/unforgiving fabric like a light gabardine. They should drape nicely from the waist and seat, not hug the thighs!

  2. In the Pink

    Hi all. I am looking for a purple (true, not lilac) v neck cardi without hip pockets…with so much navy in spring/summer wardrobes, this would be a great accent! But like a needle in the haystack it seems.

    so far, the usual suspects have come up empty (Talbos, Nordies, ATaylor)

    Anyone able to help? I just am so tired of the “flapping” of the scoop neck cardis when worn open or belted with only the center bunch of buttons used.

    Thanks for any ideas!

    • Kathryn

      That indigo looks very close to navy. If it were still winter, I would wear a black jacket with it, with black tights. I like black and dark blue together.

      For spring/summer, maybe a cream-colored jacket. I could see the right tone of pink/salmon looking good with it too, maybe with a ligter-colored necklace. I do love the neckline.

    • Anon

      Just FYI–I own this in black and it is REALLY tight in the chest area. I’m busty, but this fits tighter than your average Adrianna Pappell (which generally fits an hourglass figure really well).

  4. Anon

    My SO travels fairly often for work. While looking for floss, I came across a used bottle of lube in his toiletries bag. I’m trying not to jump to conclusions. What would you do if you were in my situation?

    • Anon Too

      I hear that lube can be useful (required?) for an unc*rc*mcised man when m@sturbating. (I have no firsthand experience as my DH is not in this category, but I have heard this before.)

      • Anon

        Never heard this (which doesn’t mean it isn’t true for some), but it is definitely NOT required.

        • Anonymous

          Second that it is not *required*, but no idea if it is useful for some. IME with one uncirc*mcised ex, it wasn’t needed or helpful.

          • anon

            Why do you have to use little stars to say uncircumcised? It’s not a curse word.

          • Anonymous

            I just followed the lead of the poster above–had no idea if it would end up in moderation, and since the hours it can sometimes take for a post to get through moderation render the comment useless, I figured I’d use the asterisk to be safe.

      • Anon Too

        I meant c*rcumcised, and did the signs to avoid moderation. I never know what will be moderated.

    • Anon for this

      I am clueless about whether men ever use lube for their, ahem, personal activities. Maybe some do?

      I would ask him about it in a non-accusatory tone.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      Would assume it’s for personal activities that he does alone…makes it even more likely since he travels so much alone for work.

      • non

        I understand that it can make solo activities seem a bit less like solo activities. That said, I always pack for work trips as if everything in my bags might be dumped out at any time in front of my co-workers, so I’m surprised that this made the cut for a travel bag (assuming it’s not left in there from a together trip).

      • emeralds

        +4. The majority of my gentleman callers have kept it on hand for that purpose (or a large bottle of hand lotion on their bedside tables…I see what you’re doing there, dudes). But if it bothers you, ask him about it.

        • emeralds

          Also now that I’ve read through the thread a little more…I’m really surprised by how surprised some people seem to be by this? IDK if I just have a skewed sample but I really thought this was pretty much de rigeur.

    • Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie

      Honestly I would freak out. But that’s because of me knowing my husband and what he does or doesn’t use for various activities. Does this strike you as a harmless thing or something more serious. What does your gut say?

      • Anon

        I would also freak out (internally) and would definitely ask him about it (in a non-freaking out manner). If you don’t bring it up you will probably just dwell on it. That being said, as a lot of people have pointed out, there could be a reasonable explanation for this. It’s not quite the same as say finding condoms.

        • Joanna Toews

          Agreed re. condoms.

          I WISH it was de rigueur for gentlemen to carry lube for heterosexual casual encounters, but that’s too considerate to be realistic.

          My un-circced DH doesn’t need lube or lotion for his solo activities, but I think a lot of guys do.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Does he happen to have another bottle he uses in his normal getting ready routine that you just haven’t noticed? I have one friend with serious shaving issues that can only shave with lube, not shaving cream or soap or dry or anything else. She buys KY in bulk. I have another friend, this one a guy, who is a biker (of the pedal variety, not motor) and also buys KY in bulk for friction issues. I’ve never asked for details but made fun of him for the giant bottle of lube in his bathroom once. It is also reportedly good for “chub rub” and people who get irritation in the rear after eating spicy foods.

      That said, if you haven’t noticed him using it on the reg, I would give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it is for solo activities but I would still ask him about it to ease your mind a bit.

      • wolverine

        Mind sharing more? Does the lube help her prevent razor burn or ingrowns? If so I need to try this.

    • Ginjury

      I’m on team solo use. I just find it hard to believe that if he were indeed cheating, he would have needed lube. I also hope no one is foolish enough to carry evidence of their extramarital affairs back home after a business trip. The fact that you’re asking the hive about this is concerning though. Do you have reason to believe it might not be for solo use?

    • OP

      Thanks for the input. I just found it a bit bizarre, as it’s not something that we typically use in our activities together and I (perhaps incorrectly) thought that men use lotion for solo time. It is definitely a new bottle, as it was clearly purchased in the foreign country he last visited. He’s never given me any other reason to mistrust him and I didn’t find a smoking gun (e.g. condoms), so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

      • PinkKeyboard

        I would say solo activities. My stepson had a very large container of astroglide hidden in a workboot and it was certainly not being used with anyone but himself.

    • NWanalyst

      Well, I have been in your situation. My DH finds lube useful for a variety of solo situations, and I have indeed found it in his travel bag. I thought it was a bit weird at first, but we have enough trust between us by now that if he said he needed 100 condoms to build a piece of modern art, I would not automatically assume that he was thinking about cheating. That said, he does have to explain himself.

      • Shay-La

        I agree with this, even if you trust that it’s for solo activities, for your own piece of mind, mention it in a non-confrontational way. It’s only going to eat away at you, and it may be embarrassing, but you’re in a relationship–this is one of those communication moments where you shouldn’t be penalized for admitting you just need to know for piece of mind. Otherwise, you might begin to over analyze smaller issues.

  5. Anon

    Help needed. My DH and I have been happily married for about 10 years. We are late 30’s/early 40’s. Lately he wants to go out to Happy Hour every Friday night with coworkers. I am worried about this on so many levels because he typically doesn’t get home until well after midnight. He always invites me to join them so I don’t quite think he’s having an affair but I wonder if he has a crush on someone at work and these events are his way of getting to spend time with her outside of work in a “legitimate” way. Either that or maybe some kind of midlife thing where he wants to go out again every weekend. He is the one orchestrating the events among coworkers.
    Mostly I don’t get why this is so important to him all of a sudden. I have friends at work and we go to lunch or the occasional HH, but I have no need to go out with them every single week. He has to work this Sat for most of the day and still plans to go out this Friday night. I told him “if I had to work all day Sat, I would be staying home Friday and resting to get ready for it.
    I have never gone. I have been doing some big projects at work and I am exhausted by the time I get home on Friday but I’m thinking of joining them tomorrow just to assess the situation.

    • Em

      It sounds like maybe you have different socialization needs and he’s found this as a way to fulfill his. I’m in your camp – I want nothing more than to come home on Friday and collapse in front of Scandal – but plenty of late 30s/early 40s people aren’t like that and do get energized by going out socially. That’s not inherently bad and this may be a good way of reconciling your different styles in this area.

      Though, I agree, going to assess seems like a good idea. (Also, I’m assuming you don’t have kids he’s leaving you home alone with.)

    • Carrie

      I would definitely go, and see what’s up.

      While I am always a fan of having time separate/with friends even when you are in a couple, this is a little worrying to me. Especially, since he is staying until midnight, every week.

      Is drinking an issue? Do you not socialize very much, otherwise? Is he unhappy at work? Actually, another woman was not at the top of my list…

      • Lissy

        I agree – go and see what it is all about!

        And another thing – I think it is perfectly reasonable of you to ask him not to go b/c you would like to spend some time with him.

        • Male VPL

          Or go to the HH and then make a dinner reservation for the two of you at 8 or so so that you can have some lower-energy couple time and not all craziness. Plus, your feet will probably be killing you by then.

        • locomotive

          I agree with this as well. As long as he is able to go occasionally, you should be able to ask him to skip for date night, for example. Neither of those has to be a weekly rule!

    • Anne Shirley

      Go! If you’re really busy at work and just want to relax on Friday night , and he wants to unwind by socializing , to me it sounds pretty great he’s found an outlet for that while letting you chill. I’d go this week and see how you feel about it, and then talk to him- do you want him with you some Fridays? Home at 10 so you can garden? Completely reasonable to ask, but it sounds like you haven’t asked him to spend time with you, you’ve just made a passive aggressive comment about managing his sleep/work schedule, which seems unfair.

      • Anonymous

        The gardening reference totally flew over my head for a minute, and I was like “why on earth would they go outside to garden after 10pm when it’s dark?!” Ha, time for caffeine.

      • Olivia Pope

        I agree with this. If you want to spend more time with DH, just say so and go on a date. (I am a firm believer that watching a movie on the couch with my husband is an excellent date.)

        Your husband keeps inviting you, so I don’t there’s any affair. It sounds like he’s become friends with people at work (good) and wants to socialize (good for extroverts). It’s okay if he wants to relax by going to HH with co-workers and you want to relax by staying at home.

        Honestly, after this winter I am gearing to socialize WAY MORE than my normal amount because I have spent 90% of my evenings under a blanket on the couch.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        The all of a sudden part could be that they just hired some people that he clicked with. Maybe there was no one he wanted to go to HH with before and now there are some people his age or similar to his personality that now make it worthwhile.

    • LawyrChk

      You obviously know your DH better than any of us do, but I just would not find this worrying at all if it were my husband. We hang out together alone at least one night per weekend, but we are both accustomed to going out with friends the other night if so inclined. If you are really worried, go with him if you want or ask him to come home on Fridays occasionally. I do not see wanting to be more social for a brief period as a sign of a mid-life crisis and this (or assuming he’s having an affair) as odd conclusions to draw given the facts you included.

    • Anon

      Normally, I would encourage you to go. But only if you can go without being passive-aggressive. Honestly, if my husband ever told me that I should stay home on a friday night because I have to work Saturday, he would be in for a huge fight because grownups can figure out how to manage their own time.

      Maybe he’s bored and needs to socialize more. It doesn’t really sound like you’re up for that so he’s finding a new avenue.

      • Anon

        Thanks everyone. I am probably super-sensitive to this bc at one job when I was much younger, I used to go out a lot with coworkers and I saw 2 married coworkers – one a very good friend – turn an office flirtation/attraction into an affair. But I honestly wasn’t being passive-aggressive w the comment about staying in to rest on a Friday before I had to work tho. Maybe I’m just too overworked, but I have zero desire to stay out to 1 AM and then be at work at 7 the next AM taking care of clients.

        • Bonnie

          You can also go for a little while and leave before he does. I frequently do this with DH’s happy hours just because I feel left out when they start talking about work. But I think it’s important for me to show up for a while to support DH.

          • Anonish

            I say go, at least once, as well. And just in case, I probably would “surprise” him that afternoon that I was going, so nobody had time to change any arrangements. (But my first husband cheated on me so I’m naturally suspicious of everyone all the time). The fact he asked me to go with wouldn’t suffice for me, personally, bc in my experience (which is sadly far too vast), cheaters often make offers they know you will refuse bc it deflects attention. (And really, their faces when you take them up on it are priceless. “You want to see my computer history? I’ll show you right now if you don’t believe I wasn’t doing X” “Ok. Pull it up. Now.” *stunned silence*

            This, for me, would be important enough that if I had to take one personal day or call in sick one Saturday to work I would do it. (Though, I operate on 5 hours of sleep pretty frequently so I don’t think I would need to).
            You can always take your own transportation, that way, if it is clear nothing is up, you can go home early and leave him to play with his new friends with a peaceful heart and get a good nights sleep.

            If my current husband ever cheated on me I think I would die of shock, because it would be so fundamentally out of character. He goes out with friends all the time, and I never go. He goes to Vegas by himself for work frequently, I never go. I never worry. But if something tickled the back of my brain? I’d check it out, even with him.

    • Bonnie

      Go and see for yourself what’s going on. I also like the idea of making a late dinner reservation for just the two of you. Just tell him that you miss spending time with him.

    • Anon

      What is with all the posters being so suspicious of their spouses and all the enabling commenters acting like this is something to be alarmed by?

      • Anon

        Because there’s usually a reason for the change. And changes like this are usually person-driven. Can be good, can be not good. Like when Kevin Spacey started working out in American Beauty — it would have been good if he had had a come to Jesus moment re fitness issues, but that wasn’t the case.

        • Anon

          1) That’s a movie. 2)He also complained to his wife about their lack of s*x. If the rest of your relationship is perfectly fine, I think automatically jumping to the fact that your SO is interested/ hooking up with someone else is problematic. I, personally, wouldn’t want to be in relationship that has such a low level of trust. Not to mention, coming to strangers on the internet to find out whether your SO is cheating on you is completely ludicrous.

    • Anonski

      I don’t want to scare you or be negative, but this is exactly what happened with a friend of mine and her fiance. He started going to HH with the folks from work, it turns out because there was a new temp secretary that had started, and he liked her. HH with the group lead to him driving her home which led to dating, which of course led to the break up of my friends’ relationship. He never told her; she finally realized what was going on when he talked about her frequently, and mentioned details like where she lived.

  6. Maddie Ross

    Just a quick endorsement of Everlane. I haven’t bought any silks there yet, but I’m super happy with their t-shirts. Very soft. Modern cut. Fast shipping and very nice packaging.

        • Maddie Ross

          On the larger side. I bought a medium, which is my normal t-shirt size at ON or J.Crew, and it’s a tad big. Probably should have gone small.

        • Scout

          Forgot to add this – I’m with preg anon the white t-shirts look great- but do I have to wear a cami underneath? Are they thick enough or will my bra show through?

          • Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie

            If you have a nude or blush pink color bra you do not have to wear a cami underneath. I love that about these shirts. Also, I found the v-neck t-shirts true to size while the tank tops ran big on me.

          • Scout

            Thanks again- ordering right now! Shipping is free for 2 or more items and for 2 or more items – can’t wait to get them!

          • PolyD

            Thanks for the shipping info, for some reason I can’t find it on the site. What’s the charge for returns?

            I have been tempted to buy some nice, drapey tees, rather than depending on Target, and I have seen nice things about Everlane.

          • Scout

            All I see is 90 days return/exchange – not sure what the charge is for returns.

            I’m really stoked about the free shipping though- they just took it off after I made an account when I was checking out. I figure I’ve spent $15 in much worse ways so I’ll see how this goes.

        • Rural Juror

          For the “regular” t-shirts (not the Ryan, but like the V-neck or U-neck) I generally take a medium whereas in a J.Crew t-shirt I would take a small. For the Ryan -tshirt or tank I take a small.

    • cbackson

      Sadly, I found their shirts to be enormously boxy. Not just a little boxy, but the small was so voluminous that I didn’t even try the extra small. These were the silk blouses, though.

        • Everlane

          I don’t find them boxy at all. I would say their stuff is true to size. Read their sizing charts. They are accurate. The t shirts are cut so they are not skin tight. I prefer that to J Crews last several years of see through skintight poorly sewn offerings. The silk shirts are cut similarly to Equipment silk shirts (but at a third of the price). This means they can be buttoned over female bodies without gaping at the chest. I am a 32dd and wear a small in the t shirt as well as the silk shirts.

          • cbackson

            Just to provide more concrete data points, I’m a 34A and generally a 2-4, and I was absolutely drowning in the silk shirts. Even tucked in, it looked like I’d put on my dad’s dress shirt (from a size perspective, since my dad doesn’t really rock the silk shirts).

          • TO Lawyer

            Thanks for that cbackson. I am pretty much the same size as you (and smaller on top) and it seems like these shirts are n’t going to work for me. I’m still curious about the tshirts though…

      • Topanga

        I don’t either. Anything that needs an email address or me to sign up to look at, gets closed as soon as I open the window now.

    • Evarlane question

      they say in the “about” section that they tell you their price and their mark-up, which I found interesting and commendable. But, couldn’t actually find that information anywhere. anyone else have luck?

  7. Tired and Pregnant

    Vent to no one in particular. I was raised to believe I would be a high-achieving chick and that girls could do anything boys could do and until now, I’ve really felt like that was true for me. Over the past two years, two male peers and I have all had our first baby and are expecting our second and I’ve watched them get promoted above me. And they totally deserve it, have outperformed and delivered more than me, but I’m just bummed that I look at them and think, THEY didn’t spend months trying to get through meetings without puking, THEY have wives that are teachers and primary caregivers for their babies, THEY probably don’t require 10 hours of sleep for the 19 months total that they’re expecting, THEY don’t have to think about how to hide that they’re not drinking for 3 months at work events before they announce, THEY don’t have to worry about looking professional and not like a whale. And I’m just whining and yes, my body is making a miracle, but I’m just having a day where it feels so not fair. Anyone else go through?

    • Male VPL

      Maybe that’s why we live longer — gives us more time to get things done

      I just put the blinders on — I do me as best as I can.

    • Anon

      Only one child, but I know that I’ve slipped in my performance due to pregnancy, maternity leave, juggling pumping and working, getting my work load up after maternity leave, taking my previously prime billing time in the evening (after meetings/calls end and before exhaustion sets in) to spend an 90 min – two hours with my toddler, avoiding working on weekends, not being able to catch up on sleep from being up late working because toddlers don’t sleep in in the morning. So really, it’s not surprising that I don’t perform at the same level as my peers.

      • Maddie Ross

        This. I’ve slipped too with the additional calls on my time that I know the guys with stay-at-home/part-time worker wives in my office have not. And though I’m not progressing as fast, I am generally happy with the balance that my life has now (having to leave at a set time rather than working until 8 or 9 every night, actually eating a real dinner, spending time with my family and not my computer on the weekend). I figure as long as I’m still moving forward, I’ll be content if it’s not quite as fast.

    • Lissy

      Yes. And I get mad that I was raised to be a high-achieving chick without anyone telling me that I may want to be a stay-at-home mom. But now that I have 100k of student loans (plus all the other s…to pay for), how can I do that. I made my bed, I’ll lie in it. But I won’t like it, and I certainly won’t pretend that it is all rosy whenever some young lady looks to me for advice on going to law school.

      • Senior Attorney

        I don’t mean this to be condescending, and I hope it doesn’t come across that way, but: When my son was little I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom, too. But like you I had the golden handcuffs firmly in place and that wasn’t an option. Now, 20-plus years later, I’m glad I stayed in the workforce. It was hard, but he turned out great, I value my career, and more than anything I value my financial and personal independence. So… I know it’s hard right now with young kids, but you’re not necessarily condemned to a lifetime of feeling like you made a bad choice.

        • anon2

          +1. I think we are of about the same age – and while not a lawyer, I chose to work (1 kid). I know the grass can always be greener on the other side of the fence, but please always keep at least some part of your ability to provide for yourself (and your children) in play. You don’t know what the future will hold. Layoffs, death, divorce – can’t always be predicted. You need to be able to make your own way in the world. I’m at an age when I’m seeing this borne out both for the good and the bad. Always protect yourself (and your kids).

        • MiddleCoast

          This. I am 55, working the entire time while having and raising three children. There were times when it was extremely tough and I really envied the stay-at-homes ability to interact more at school. Especially when I was putting in 70 hours a week. But I perservered and it was worth it. My kids have turned out well, my working was just a fact of life in our household.

          My stay-at-home friends are now wallowing a bit as their kids leave the nest and they don’t know what to do with themselves. I see many divorcing as their children were the focus of their lives, when left alone with their spouse they find the relationship lacking. They are stuck taking mediocore, entry-level jobs as that is they only thing they are qualified for.

          Meanwhile, I worked, raised my kids, went back to school part-time to earn a Master’s degree in a different field and am looking to be changing fields once my youngest graduates from High School. I feel I have so many choices ahead of me, on how to live my life, due to working hard and constantly scanning the horizon, in order to set myself up in order to take advantages of future opportunties as they arise.

      • BKDC

        This! I’m in the same boat and silently cursing those moms that don’t have to worry about being the breadwinner.

        • Senior Attorney

          If it’s any comfort, a lot of them are silently cursing you back.

          When I left my first husband way back in 1992, a whole lot of those SAHMs sidled up to me in the elementary school parking lot and whispered “I’d be doing what you’re doing if I could afford it.”

          Being a mom is tough no matter where you’re sitting.

          • anon for this one

            I have to say that I see how poor the relationships are between many of my male colleagues and their SAHM wives, and it has definitively and permanently put me off of ever staying at home. A couple are really happy with their choices, but in many, the working husband pretty clearly no longer respects his wife now that she’s no longer a professional, and the SAHM has pretty much entirely subsumed her identity into mothering. Career advancement isn’t the only reason a lot of the partners in my practice group work until 11 PM every night – it’s that when they go home, they no longer have common ground with their spouses. Their marriages have become more like a merger of an income-generating unit and a household-management unit.

            I know how easy it is to look at those sleek-haired, perfectly dressed, SAHM wives of your co-workers and to be jealous of the fact that they have lots of time with their kids and don’t face the external pressures of the demands of clients (who don’t care about you as a person, and don’t give you back the love and affection that a child does). But man, if the fights I hear through our thin office walls are any indication, the grass is definitely not necessarily greener.

        • kjoirishlastname

          not just breadwinner, but sometimes bread-contributer. We could not live on my salary, or my DH’s alone, even if we removed all childcare costs. We *could* but it would mean basically starting our lives over from scratch: selling our vehicles, selling our house, etc…DH is primary breadwinner, but it’s only 55/45 in our household.

          Senior Atty is right: being a mom is hard no matter what. There will probably be sadnesses, regrets and missed opportunities every step of the way, regardless of which path you choose/chose. I love my job, I’m really good at it, but there are a lot of days that I wish I could SAH. Like the days that my nanny takes off, and I spend the morning with my little guy. Going to the library, the park, fixing lunches & taking naps. Cleaning the house, doing yard work. Running the household. I do enjoy those things too (to an extent), but MY reality is that I spend 40-50 hours a week outside of my house. Sometimes more.

          Due to meetings, this is the second week in a row that I haven’t been home till after the kids are in bed T, W, Th. I’m looking at the same schedule next week, and the week after.

          It’s hard, and the best thing we can do is support each other, regardless of our SAH/WOH lifestyles.

      • PinkKeyboard

        If it helps.. i’m 27 now and my Mom was an attorney (now retired) and really wanted to stay home with me but my Dad felt that a lot of the problems in his first marriage stemmed from his first wife staying home (with my half sister) so she went back to work. She is much happier it worked out that way now.

        • cbackson

          My mom was also not stay-at-home, and honestly, I feel like I benefited enormously from the fact that I saw her as a professional, and not just as my mom. And from being exposed to a variety of different caregiver adults and having to learn that you are required to adapt your behavior to your circumstances.

        • Senior Attorney

          Same here. My mom always worked (and I was born in 1958 so she was in the minority among my friends’ moms) and I was always proud of her. In fact, when I was in sixth grade I won a Mother of the Year essay contest, bragging about her and her career!

          And I always worked and my son and I are super close and always have been. Honestly I don’t think it would occur to him to wish I’d stayed home full time.

      • Anon

        I can relate to your post so much I almost started crying. I was always gung-ho “I will work and do everything a man can do” and now I am a bread winner and seriously wish I could just have a baby and quit (like fantasize about it).

      • Philanthropy Girl

        Lissy – I so understand that feeling. I’m expecting, and it looks like DH will be primary care giver since he can work from home and I can’t – plus being primary breadwinner and main holder of school debt. I think life is too short to live with regrets, or to wish I could do it over, but if I could change things now, I would.

      • Profmama

        Read The Feminine Mistake, about how high achieving women drop out the work force, and then face middle age divorce/ death/ layoffs – and regrets. This book scared me straight when I wanted to stay home after my daughter (now 2) was born. I don’t ever want to be in the position that my mom was in: divorced in mid-40s (about my age) after having been out of the work force for 20+ years. Despite two masters degrees, it was hard for her to get her career going, and there were many lean & difficult years.

        As the ever-tired mom of a toddler, I envy the SAHMs – but our kids will be in school in a few years, and I’d be totally bored at that point. Trying to just survive these exhausting, sleepless early years for the greater good of my family & career.

    • Anon

      Girls can do anything boys can do but you have to think of it as a whole life package. I think if you read your own comments again you’ll realize that you’re doing more than they are (work + pregnancy + child care). They are only doing more than you at one thing. It’s the work equivalent of the working mom who is frustrated that she doesn’t have time to do homemade stuff like a stay at home mom – it just is that way sometimes – it’s not good or bad.

      These guys just have more time/physical ability than you do to devote to work right now.It sucks and it’s frustrating but it just is. It’s cheesy but just focus on being your best self with the resources you have and don’t worry abou them.

      • sweetknee

        I agree with Anon at 10:30. I am a partner at a small firm in the Southeast, and have two kids, now 10 and 14. I will admit that it took me longer to make partner than some of the guys whose wives had kids. I just had to adjust my perspective. You mentioned being raised to believe that you could be a high achieving person. I think you just might need to adjust your idea of what achievement is. Achievement is not just corporate/job. Part of your achievements are raising your kids to be productive, healthy, kind human beings. You might not see it in them yet if they are really young, but the time that you can’t spend billing right now will pay off for your kids down the road.

        You are high achieving. . just in lots of additional ways than promotions and job titles.

    • kjoirishlastname

      big hugs, girl. You are right–we women manage WAY more than men do with ALL regards to childbearing and child-rearing. Kudos to all of us who manage to scrape by some way or another. It’s hard, and it’s disparaging, and it isn’t 100% fair.

      super big hugs. You are building a human.

    • Anon for this

      Maybe the message should be instead that girls can do anything boys can do if, like boys, we decide not to gestate or nurse our own babies. Maybe we are putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves. Yes men can be equal partners at home but they can’t be pregnant or nurse or pump. There was an article awhile back that surrogacy could become the rich executives way of having a baby without setting her career back. There is adoption too. And not having babies. This doesn’t help your situation at all but I think we do a disservice to ourselves acting like pregnancy and given birth is no big deal and just a blip.

      If it makes you feel better though, many of us, including guys, will have a dip in our careers for sickness, divorce, depression, aging parents, car accident, whatever. Maybe that will happen to the guys you are seeing excel now and you will pass them again at that time.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yes. Careers are long. Things happen. You are in the hardest part right now and you have all kinds of wonderful achievements ahead of you.

      • hoola hoopa

        I agree.

        I’ve decided that childless women in their 30s and 40s are the ones who have to carry the torch. They are moving the mountains with hard-driving careers, participation in philanthropic or community organizations, etc while I’m making mac and cheese, changing diapers, rinsing pump parts, and putting kids to bed. I’m changing the world one kid at a time and all that… but not quite the same. I had to make peace with that. I cheer my friends from the sidelines, and I like to think that helps. I’m raising the next generation so that they don’t have to.

        Also agree about career slumps for everyone. You still have plenty of time to regain ground. Particularly once your kids enter school, you’ll find your stride again.

    • anony

      Tired- I’ve been where you are. Hang in there. The only consolation that I can offer is that after you are done with pregnancy and the kids are older, the skills that you are learning now (multitasking, achieving through adversity) can be applied to your job and you may shoot ahead and recover lost ground. As the primary breadwinner for 15+ years, I can attest that it does suck to see how time consuming birthing can be.

    • T. McGill

      I am with OP on the heart of her vent (or my take on her vent) — I love being a mom, and I know that my husband loves being a dad, but I think that being a working mom is more limiting than being a working dad. Working dads are still viewed as the breadwinners by employers, people who HAVE to work, while working moms are seen as more of the discretionary income people (regardless of what your profession is). In my experience, and from my observations, it does not seem that fatherhood has many negative impacts on a man’s career, while motherhood does cause career setbacks. I say this as someone who is concerned that I am going to be passed over for a promotion this year due to pregnancy, whereas a male co-worker who is about to be a father probably won’t be. Yes my hours this year are going to be lower (between pregnancy exhaustion and maternity leave), but that should be a blip in light of past performance and my potential future performance.

    • Tired and Pregnant

      Thanks so much all! This is why I love this community. In my heart, I know I’m making the right decisions for me, but some days it just feels lonely. But not with you guys around to remind me that many are going through this and that there is a longer and broader view to consider.

  9. Thistle

    Can anyone help me? On a whim I bought a bubblegum pink demin jacket. Now I don’t know what to do with it. It just seems so bright and “in your face”. How can I dress it so I don’t feel like I’m in fancy dress, or is it not possible?

  10. Harumph

    I’m wearing a new, spring-is-here pink blazer with bracelet sleeves, but without a bracelet. Now that I’m at work, I think it looks dorky, but I can’t really take it off and just wear my knit tee in my office (cold, not appropriate).

    And the office supply closet doesn’t have any pens that I like.

    Can I go home now?

    • Lavinia

      I initially read this as you saying the office supply closet didn’t have any pens you liked that you could use to draw a bracelet on your arm.

      Time for more coffee.

      • Anon

        Your comment made my day – laughed so hard I nearly fell off of my chair. Thanks for saving what started out to be a rough day!

    • if you're my colleague who wore a pink blazer today

      … you looked awesome. Carry on.

  11. Pregomama

    How much time to all you working moms spend with your kids? I’ve got a 6-month old in daycare, and I drop her off at 9 and pick her up around 5. She gets up at 6-7am and I work from home, so we spend about 2 full hours of time together most mornings. The other hour is showering/emails. Once she’s home, I spend about 1.5 hours of real time with her before her 8pm bedtime (I work until 6 or 6:30 from home, but DH gets to play with her at 5).
    So she’s getting quality parent time for 4-5 hours every day with at least one parent. I know that sounds like a lot when I type it out–she’s at daycare for 8 hours, asleep for 2-3 of them and probably eating for a full hour in total–but I’m having major working mom guilt. We CAN swing it financially for me to be home, but I really do think it’s a “grass is greener” thing. I’d be bored home 100%, and we’d be slowing down on our savings goals. I just got promoted and have been kicking @ss at work. My boss offered me a part time arrangement when I got back from maternity leave as an option before quitting (in a “please know the door to part time is always open so don’t just leave!”)….I guess I’m feeling tempted. In all reality, I wish my weekends were 3 days long. 3 days of full time baby and 4 days of work seems like a nice balance.

    I just know if I tried to scale back to 4 days a week I’d have a lot of trouble sticking to that and not letting the work bleed into that 5th day.

    • Wildkitten

      You’re doing fine. If you stayed home with her she’d probably sleep through most of it anyway.

    • Anonymous

      2 hours a day during the week, sometimes less. I leave for work before my son wakes up. We get home at 7 (sometimes later for me, but if at all possible I try to make it home for dinner and work more after he goes to bed) and he’s in bed at 9. When I work on the weekends, I try to do it when he is asleep. I know I’d lose my mind if I was at home, and I’m the breadwinner several times over, so this works for us for now. I’d prefer to have another hour at home on weeknights, but that really isn’t feasible due to job demands and commutes.

    • Male VPL

      Two children, 3.5 and 5. I have a weird schedule where I bring them to daycare by 8.30 and pick them up around 4, then log in again after 8.30 once they are in bed (only if needed, which may be 50% of the time). I’m not setting the world on fire with my career.

      BigLaw, branch office, the main difference is that most of my work is for my own clients.

      I have daycare mom friends who have gone to 80% schedules (4 days) just to ease up on the pace of juggling. We have two dominant employers who are big into that (at least at some levels) and also work-from-home at least on a several-days-per-week basis if not exclusively.

    • kjoirishlastname

      2 boys 3 and 5. We have a nanny who comes to our house at 7:45. I’m supposed to be at work around 8-ish, but lately, it’s been closer to 9. I see the kids briefly in the morning, but then not again till I get home at 5. Every week, I have rescue squad duty from 6p-10p on Thursdays, so I go straight from work. On Saturday afternoons from noon-4, I also have duty.

      Most weeks, I can also count on one work meeting in the evening. Many weeks, it is more than 1 meeting, and typically 5-7/8 or if it starts late, it’s 6-10.

      I work in local gov’t, but due to my position and the need for me to be available for citizen questions, I’ve never pushed the issue of working from home, or alternative hours.

      So, the only real time that I get with the kids is *some* evenings, *most* Sundays, and *most* Saturday afternoons.

    • Diana Barry

      I think you’re doing just fine. At that age 4-5 hrs/day is a lot of parent time! Also, it sounds like you enjoy your job and are doing really well, so I would hang onto that. :)

      I see the kids 630-815 in the morning (715 if I have to drag them out of bed), then at night from 515-7 or 730. I do work 80% so I see the little one every Friday am and then am with them Friday pm.

      When I had a 6 month old, I also felt like I never saw the baby, but they do change and wake up more when they get bigger, so you get an extra half hour during the week and more time with them on the weekends.

      • Carine

        Same, except for the 80% part. The part about changing stages is good advice, too. It was hard to be away from her so much for the first 6-9 months, and then it actually got a little harder when she started getting super interactive. Now, I have an almost-2 year old and honestly, some days, four hours is plenty! In a span of mere minutes she’s alternately effervescently cheerful and a tearful, screaming monster. I still miss her like crazy on Mondays, but it can be so nice to sit in my quiet office alone.

    • hoola hoopa

      Mine are 2 and 5. One hour in the morning to get them (and me) up and out the door. Not exactly quality time, so I’m not sure I’d count it. Then we have two hours after work/pick up before bedtime routine, which includes making and eating dinner. Usually my husband makes dinner so that I can be with the kids, which is nice. Then an hour for bedtime routine.

      I don’t mean to sound hard, but you’ll get used to it. I felt the same way when my first was a baby. My approach is to make the weekends count. We keep structured and individual activities to a minimum so that we can focus on family time.

      I’ve also started leaving two hours early one day a week and alternate picking one of them up early. The two hours are easy to make up after they go to bed, but it feels like more time with them since it’s high quality.

    • CKB

      I have 3 kids – 8,11 & 14. I leave before they are up (usually) in the morning, and get home around 5:30. They are in bed about 7:30-8, and dh & I take turns telling them lights out (even my 14yo – he still likes this nightly tradition). About once a month I work late & don’t make it home before they are in bed. They each have one night during the week that they are involved in an activity, but we try to limit activities because family time is pretty important to us. Dh works part time, or is in the office while they are in school, so they get lots of dad time. On the weekends we try to do things as a family (starting a family karate class this Saturday). My youngest is the only extrovert of the kids, so the older boys are more than happy to hang out at home. Youngest often plays outside with friends in the evenings. Older kids don’t seem to do ‘playdates’ around here. Even oldest ds’s friends aren’t as in to hanging out with friends on the weekends.

      When I started back to work f/t (after almost 8years as a p/t WAHM working when they were sleeping) it was really hard on me. But I see my boys growing up into great people, who come to dh or I when they have problems, who are obedient and haven’t yet gone through any rebellious stages (fingers crossed) and I realize that what we’re doing seems to be working OK.

    • Sarabeth

      Three days a week, it’s 1-2 hours depending on when she wakes up. The other two days I work from home, so more like four. Honestly, the days when I see her for four hours are enough for me! I would love to be able to do that every day, though.

  12. Diana Barry

    Ladies – footwear question.

    I volunteered to be a marshal (kind of like an usher?) at my undergrad U’s commencement. This is outside mostly on grass around Memorial Day, so it should be warm but you never know. Required dress is black skirt/top or black dress with or without matching blazer. I will prob wear some kind of sheath dress (super 120s or similar). What do I wear on my feet? All the male marshals will be wearing morning dress.

    • NOLA

      If it’s mostly on grass, I’d say flats or wedges. A nice black wedge pump would work. I don’t have to worry about grass at graduation, but I do have to go up and then down a set of stairs without a good railing in front of all of the graduates and the entire audience. It makes me choose my shoes very carefully!

    • lucy stone

      I have to go to a lot of outdoor events in the summertime and I’ve found Cole Haan wedges to be my best friend. They have a decent sole so that you don’t slip, look dressier than heels, and you won’t be aerating the lawn. I think either the Air Tali OT or the Milly could work for this.

  13. Senior Attorney

    Email question:

    My divorce is dragging on and on so in the interest of making SOMETHING happen, I have filed for a civil name change outside the divorce proceedings, and it should be final within 90 days or so. I would like to establish a new email address with my new (old!) name.

    I’ve used earthlink for years, but the storage capacity is tiny, plus I understand that having an earthlink email marks me as an old fogey. I’m thinking gmail, with an address as close as possible to my actual name. Right? Is that what we’re doing these days?

    Any other suggestions?

    • NOLA

      That’s what I did – even before my name was changed officially with my divorce. I have a fairly common name so I had to use firstname.mi.lastname and it’s a pain to give that address to a cashier in a store, but it works. It was the first thing I did when I knew we were separated and moving toward divorce (just waiting the requisite number of months of separation). It helped me get my identity back. I also changed my work email (and forwarded for awhile) and got a new ID at work. Every little bit helps!

      • Senior Attorney

        My new/old name is pretty common, too, and any variant I’d use will have to have numbers after it. I’m thinking SRAttorney999@gmail.com, where S is my first initial and R is my middle initial. Is that good or dorky?

        • NOLA

          That sounds reasonable to me. A friend of mine has used her birth year as the numbers and, I have to say that I would not do that! She is 68 and doesn’t look it. I wouldn’t advertise my birth year. I’ve seen people use random numbers or their zip code. As long as it’s not something like surfergrrrrl, I think you’ll be good.

          • Brit

            Whenever I’ve had to add dates to an email, I use my birth month/day instead of year.

          • SALAD

            You could use your birth date (mo & day) instead of your birth year. So, NOLA311@—- if, say, your bday was March 11.

          • Anonymous

            I think the periods help visually, but Orangerie is right that they have no technical effect in terms of differentiating addresses–if someone already has SRAttorney, you can’t be S.R.Attorney.

            Actually though, a neat tool with gmail is that you can give out your address to certain senders with periods, others without, and have your e-mail be sorted/labeled/autoarchived/whatever based on whether it was sent to the address with or without periods. For example, give it out with the periods to friends and without to retailers, so any email sent to you without the periods could automatically be shipped to a “retail” folder (I’m guessing you’d still want to check it in case a friend missed the periods, but in general it’s a good way to sort).

            Though personally, I use a random “surfergrrrrl” type address that I’ve had since high school for any online retail accounts and mailing lists. I like to keep it completely separated from my “real” e-mail, and the dorkiness of the username makes me embarrassed to say it out loud, so I’m not tempted to give it to stores that ask at checkout.

          • Baconpancakes

            I had no idea about the periods! It makes it easier to read, though. I’ll keep in mind the sorting option!

          • Senior Attorney

            LOL I was thinking the numbers might be dorky!

            And Baconpancakes, thanks for the tip about the periods. Didn’t know whether they were standard or not.

            NOLA, funnily enough my earthlink email does have my birth year numbers and I will not be sorry to see them go!

          • hoola hoopa

            I wouldn’t say it’s dorky because at a certain point people kind of have to use them. However, I’m not a personal fan either. My mother and I have had success using the first two letters of each name (FiMiLa), which for both of us makes something kind of cute, easy to remember, and still reminiscent of our names. Worth a try for you.

          • Senior Attorney

            OMG I am so loving all these suggestions!

            The first two letters thing makes a really cute one for me, so I may go with that!

      • Anon

        That’s my address too (firstname.mi.lastname). It’s the same format I have on my credit cards, so it’s actually pretty easy to give it to store cashiers/etc. — I just hand them the card and say it’s just like that with periods in between.

    • Former Partner, Now In-House

      I may be an out-of-step privacy nut, but the thought of Google mining the word content of my emails has kept me far, far away from Gmail. It creeps me out.

      On the other hand, I may be an out-of-step independence nut, too, because I never changed my last name.

      • Moonstone

        Fellow privacy nut asks: What do you think about a Chromebook? They are exactly what I need for light computer use, but I am afraid to go that deep in the Google universe.

        • Former Partner, Now In-House

          No Chrome. Do not like. I use IE, except on my apple products.

          • Former Partner, Now In-House

            Oops. You asked about a Chromebook, not Chrome. Sorry. I don’t know much about Chromebooks, but I would be inclined to try a Surface or an iPad instead.

            Small rant: my iPad is worthless for any business purpose. Cannot view redlines. Cannot edit docs. I know there are workarounds, but really. One of my tasks now is to see whether the new Office for iPad is robust enough to make my iPad business-friendly.

          • cbackson

            iPad sucks for word processing, but it’s awesome for being able to actually handle email, etc. in long meetings without having to schlep my laptop, log in via VPN, etc. And for note-taking. I use it a ton for work, just not for word-processing tasks. I haven’t tried Office for iPad yet.

      • Anonymous

        I have a friend that has similar concerns, so she uses Yahoo. I personally find the Yahoo interface (along with any other interface I’ve tried, such as school and ISP accounts) to be just awful. And maybe I’m missing something on the internet security front, but if the NSA is collecting all of this data anyway at the time of creation or on a set timeline so that they catch all data before it goes off the provider’s servers, it doesn’t matter how long the e-mail provider keeps it. I’m much less sketched out by a corporation mining my e-mail to offer me ill-targeted ads for Purina because I have the word “dog” in an e-mail, than I am by the government accessing my e-mail, which they can do with any major provider.

        • WestCoast Lawyer

          My Yahoo account keeps getting hacked/spoofed – whatever. All I know is every so often my email address sends a bunch of emails with a random link to all my former contacts, even though I deleted all of my Yahoo contacts months ago. I’ve tried every fix I can find on the internet, reset my password so many times I can barely remember it, it’s driving me nuts. And every time I get a random link email from someone else it’s from a Yahoo domain, so I do think it’s a security flaw within Yahoo. The only reason I haven’t changed to another host is that I’ve had my Yahoo account for so long and the idea of having to try to migrate all my friends and shopping sites to a new address seems like a huge headache.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Yep, gmail is the thing now, unless you don’t like the word mining Former Partner mentioned, or if your name is already taken, in which case, check out Outlook.

      Also, the periods in gmail are meaningless, so you can throw in periods to make it look better, but if you’re say, typing it in on a phone or other tiny annoying keyboard, skip the periods to make it a little easier.

      • Senior Attorney

        Ah. Outlook looks good and a better version of my name is available! Thanks!

        • MiddleCoast

          I’m a current gmail user, but I recently signed up for a Microsoft live.com account. I really like the fact that the browser is Outlook and I can access a cloud version of OneNote, Word, etc. All free at this time. I’m so used the MS Office at work that using it online for personal stuff is great. Also, gmail changes their interface often enough that it is irritating – as soon as I get used to it, they change it.

        • Anon99

          I would ding someone for having an ‘outlook.com’ email address on their resume.

          (I work in non-Microsoft tech.)

      • Blonde Lawyer

        Also a fan of Outlook. I had the ancient hotmail and could create a new Outlook email that goes to the same box that way I can easily keep all my archives.

    • ORD

      I’m still on earthlink and my teen daughter is embarrassed about that. Then again, she’s embarrassed about everything I do.

    • cbackson

      Nothing helpful to add, just that MAN, did it feel good when my email was “me” again. I’m sorry the divorce is dragging, but yay for getting this little bit of normalcy back!

      • MiddleCoast

        Yep – Also, use this as an opportunity to clean up your contact list. Do not let it auto import your old list! It takes awhile to add contacts by hand, but it is worth it to clean up your list. Keep your old account active in case you need to reference anything, just log in once a year.

        I have two accounts, one for friends and famly, one for everyone else.

    • Senior Attorney

      Wow, you all have been so helpful. Thanks so much!

      I was not all that happy with the gmail interface, and I didn’t even know about Outlook. So after much consideration I have decided on FiMiLa at Outlook. It makes, like, a cute little word-type-thing and should be easy to remember. Thanks, hoopa hoopa! I would never have thought of that and I am unreasonably happy with it! :)

      So to celebrate I just ordered myself some new social calling cards from American Stationery with my new name and email and my cell phone number. They make me smile: http://www.americanstationery.com/pink-dot-calling-cards.html

  14. Skincare question

    I’m late to post today so might repost later on the afternoon thread – does anyone have/recommend Dr. Hauschka products? I saw them when I lived abroad and again the other day at Whole Foods and I know I’ve heard good things, but they’re more expensive than I would usually go for. I’m mostly looking for a good daily moisturizer/facial sunscreen with natural ingredients and without tons of additives. My skin tends to be dry and I also have a touch of rosacea. Any thoughts?

  15. Lo & Sons OMG Review?PSA

    Hi guys, I’ve been wearing my OMG for over a year now and it has really been bugging me lately. I first want to say that it is excellent quality and looks great. It has held up amazingly in the year I have had it. BUT I hate wearing it. I’m just posting this in case anyone is considering buying one and one of these tips might save you the money. Or maybe someone else has these issues and has found a way around them?

    My issues are as follows:

    1. the long adjustable strap is made of a fabric that is really, really slippery. Especially with certain coat combinations (I’ve been wearing a pea coat for the past what feels like eternity, and it does not want to sit on my shoulder without sliding off).

    2. This stems from the above comment. The long strap is too short for me to comfortably wear as a cross-body. This is why I have been wearing it on one shoulder (and having it slide off non-stop). I am only 5’5 so this might not be a problem if you are shorter. For me if I wear it cross body it goes across my back, none of it touching my behind. It is a struggle to get on cross-body because of the strap. I have it adjusted as long as it can go.

    3. The short leather handles – for whatever reason they aren’t sitting on my shoulder well either. Could be the rounded top of the bag, could be the handles are too short, could be that they’re too stiff- no idea.

    4. Holding the leather handles and having the bag straight down at your side, it very nearly touches the ground. Again I am 5’5 FWIW.

    5. Since the laptop pocket is on one side and the bag is pretty soft due to the fabric, if I have my laptop in the pocket it pulls down that entire side of the bag making it lose all structural integrity.

    6. It is not wide enough for a legal size folder and if you try to squeeze it in, the metal zipper may rip the corners of your folder.

    That’s it. Beautiful bag, excellent quality, but every time I wear it those things drive me mad. I do often travel with it and slide it on to the handle of my rolling carryon – love using it that way.

    • Male VPL

      FWIW, I only use mine (an OG) for travel (but I bring a clutch so as not to use it as a purse except when in the airport or going to/from). I commute in a car now, so I don’t need a super-efficient bag for everything. I did take off the cross-body strap to save weight though.

    • Parfait

      #5 is what irritates me. I schlep a laptop everywhere and my bag is pretty lopsided-looking now. I wish the laptop pocket were reinforced in some way.

    • Philosophia

      Thanks much for posting this report. I’ve been eyeing the OG/OMG and the like for some time as shoulder issues are driving me away from same-shoulder toting and toward a combination of just-right-for-my-hands handles and just-right-for-my-torso crossbody strap (not to mention light weight and durability). I’m an inch taller than you, short-waisted and long-limbed, and the only way to keep my current totes from dragging on the ground is to loop the handles once around my hand, which is really awkward. Will keep an eye open for advice from the ‘r e t t e s as we continue the search for the One True Tote Bag.

  16. petitecocotte

    I had been stalking the Everlane website for months and finally broke down and bought two band collar silk blouses recently. I love how the band collar drapes and am very impressed that the blouses don’t gape at the chest. (I’m not even particularly endowed in that area, but still have the gaping problem). I want to buy a couple more and am kicking myself for not trying them sooner, as the size/color options for the band collar blouses are pretty limited now.

  17. Dulcinea

    Hi everyone,

    I just got invited to a cousin’s wedding and the dress code says “black tie optional.” I take this to mean I can wear a long gown if I want to (yay!!! I love getting dressed up and rarely have the opportunity).

    However, I wonder if that will make me look dorky/unstylish if most of the other women are wearing c**ktail attire? I am 30, the wedding is in suburban Philadelphia area, so I am trying to predict whether most people will select the “option” of black tie or just stick with c**ktail. I am also trying to decide how much I care about whether people think I look dorky….

    Would love to hear what others think about this issue!

    • Wildkitten

      I assume that means the bridesmaids will be in floor length dresses, so you can definitely wear your awesome long dress and not stick out.

    • Anonymous

      Blacktie optional is so annoying in that way. It isn’t actually a thing- you are having a black tie affair or you are not. If you are not, I can tell by the venue and time whether this is a “church dress” affair or a ctail dress affair.

      I would imagine most people would choose dressy shorter dresses but dont think you would look out of place with a longer dress.

      • Dulcinea

        Agreed it is annoying….I think people do it because they *want* guests to dress very formally, but they make it “optional” because they know there are a lot of guests who will hate it and/or can’t afford it.

    • preg 3L

      I just went to a “black tie optional” wedding in NYC. Most women were in long dresses — but they ranged from maxi dresses to really gorgeous more “traditional black tie” dresses. My DH wore a tux and looked a little overdressed. I’d say wear a long dress and your date can wear a suit + bow tie (which is what most men did).

    • buffybot

      In my experience, even for “black tie optional,” people are trending away from long gowns. That doesn’t mean you’d look out of place or be the only one, but if you are sensitive to being a fashion outlier, I think that’s something to consider.

      Certain factors would make long dresses seem more likely/appropriate — namely, is it a nighttime wedding/reception (like, starting after 5?). Also, if it’s in a hotel or other ballroom/elaborate indoor type place, I think long gowns might end up being more common. A garden party/tent vibe will definitely skew towards the c*tail dresses.

    • I am a banana.

      Sounds like she got a scholarship, though? My caveat to people who ask is not to go unless you have a full ride scholarship or can independently finance it. And it seems like she knows why she wants to go.

      I had none of those things and four years out, I’m actually starting to think it was a good decision anyhow. Who knew.

    • cbackson

      I saw that was all all, Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy wait NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

      I am actually pretty much the world’s happiest lawyer, but like converting to Judaism, I generally tell people (at least) three times not to go to law school before I start giving actual advice on how to do it.

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