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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Eyelet Cotton Shirt

A woman with long brown hair wearing an off-white, button-front eyelet shirt, blue jeans, and a brown belt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

If it’s spring, you know I’m looking for white eyelet tops for work and for the weekend. This cotton blouse from Lauren Ralph Lauren would work for both! I love the juxtaposition of the menswear-inspired silhouette with the distinctly feminine eyelet fabric.

I would wear this with a pleated midi skirt and a blazer for a business casual look.

The top is $155 at Macy’s and comes in sizes 1X–3X; Zappos has it in XS–XL and petite S–L for $145. It also comes in six other colors.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

307 Comments

  1. Online dating rant. It feels like 50% of the men I match with on the apps lack basic conversation skills. I ask them a question, they answer it but don’t ask a question back. I end up doing all the work keeping a conversation going and I’m tired of it. What can I say to these men? I can’t just let it go anymore, they need to know how annoying this is!

    1. Don’t date them – men/partners are not improvement projects. Move on to the next one.

      1. Yeah I get it but, not OP, it sucks when it’s been years and hundreds of men

      2. Men are not improvement projects doesn’t really apply in this situation. She’s just trying to go on a date, not marry these guys.

        1. Right, so pointing out their shortcomings serves no purpose whatsoever. They aren’t worth wasting any more time over.

        2. That may be part of the problem (some people are painfully awkward at dating, but fine once you know them).

          Not the guys who say they want a sense of humor or intelligence and mean “laughs at all my jokes and listens to all my soapboxes” though.

    2. This is my experience too. It’s super common. Don’t say anything to them, just move on. If they were interested in talking to you they would make more of an effort.

    3. Isn’t it funny how many of these same men say on their profiles that they’re looking for good conversation?

      The great thing about un-matching is that you can say your piece and then pull the plug so you don’t have to deal with their response. I’m sure someone will say this is rude or cruel, but women are totally dehumanized on dating apps and I just can’t care that much about bluntly rejecting a man who is wasting your time and energy.

      I’d give one line and then un-match. I’ve said things like “I’m asking all the questions and it’s gotten boring” or “this is too weird, take care.”

      1. They say they appreciate a sense of humor, too, but that generally means someone who will laugh at their lame jokes, rather than someone who is funny.

        1. Oh yes. In fact, my friend and I have a theory that many men are actively turned off by women who are funny, especially if we’re funnier than they are.

          Similarly, when they say they want an intelligent woman, too often what they really mean is simply someone who can nod along with what they are saying. Anything more than that and, whoa….

          1. I am really not trying to be Smug Married because I dated those guys over and over and over… half the reason I married my husband is that he thinks I’m hilarious and is impressed with my mind. We are good in different areas and he isn’t at all put off by the fact that I’m probably a lot better at math than he is.

        2. +1 I feel like “good conversation” and “sense of humor” is strangely code for “will laugh at my lame jokes and find my playing devil’s advocate endearing”

          1. hahahahahahaha “find my playing devil’s advocate endearing” so, so very true.

    4. Nothing, with online dating you pass on 99.9% of people. Be highly selective, go out immediately and then chat if you click. Don’t waste your energy this way!

      1. Yep! Be selective! Talking myself into various guys was the biggest dating mistake I made. When I met my husband, I immediately swiped right and was crazy about him from the first date.

    5. Most men on dating apps are the worst and the pool of decent single men gets shallower as we get older. It’s terrible! But on a positive note, I was single, even happily single, for 4 years until I met my bf on Bumble. We are total opposites in so many ways but it works and we are moving in together this summer! Also we are both late 30’s so it is possible to find a decent guy online! It’s a tough place to be but try to keep at it while enjoying the single life!

      1. This is my story, and my take, as well. It’s not something you can work at or even a “numbers game.” Dating apps are awful, but sometimes you find your person. I was analog dating before the apps became mainstream, and it wasn’t any different.

        1. Glad to hear it! I wanted to be encouraging and definitely not a humble brag or anything! People told me I should write a blog or have a podcast since I had so many unbelievably bad dates!

      3. This was my story too – met my now-husband on bumble at almost-38 and we are now married with 2 beautiful kids, six years later. Hang in there OP!

        1. Same here-met my husband at 39 on the League, and now married with a great kid. It just has to work out once!

        1. She should stop “trying to keep a conversation going” then. They don’t need her feedback. They’re not worth her time.

          1. She’s given up on the conversation and wants to express her annoyance, for her own benefit and not theirs.

    8. YES! This is one of my least favorite aspects of the apps. I will ask 2 questions, and if there’s no attempt at reciprocal communications after the 2 questions, I unmatch summarily.

    9. > What can I say to these men?

      “Thank you for the coffee. I am not feeling a connection, but I wish you the best of luck moving forward!”

  2. Has anyone had or had a kid with dental surgery like wisdom teeth extractions and done it just with alternative Tylenol and Advil for pain? Or do you really need the opioids?

    My teen is having this soon and I don’t want to undermedicate but opioids scare me.

    1. It’s individual. Don’t undermedicate your kid. Listen to the doctor’s advice. Personally, I was ok with laughing gas and Advil. My sister needed days of opioids.

      1. As a parent, I’d argue that the dangers of overmedication outweigh the dangers of undermedication here.

        1. And as someone who didn’t go to med school, I’d recommend listening to a real doctor.

          1. I don’t know why, but real doctors who went to med school in my experience often seem to downplay the side effects of the meds they prescribe. Maybe I have bad luck or bad genetics for meds, but I’ve learned to second guess doctors if I don’t want to suffer needlessly when it comes to meds that are only for my comfort anyway.

            However, I wouldn’t know this if I never even gave them a try. If I were a parent, I would rather my kid try opioid pain meds for the first time while I’m around to support them, because I can’t imagine they’ll never be prescribed them for the rest of their life?

          3. No actually, most real doctors were pretty honest and alarmed about opiods from the beginning. You’re thinking of the lawyers, lobbyists and politicians who tied their hands with that “Pain is the fifth vital sign” nonsense.

          4. 11:49, then how do you explain the urgent care doctor who insisted on writing me an Rx for a week’s worth of Vicodin for an ear infection? I shredded that prescription immediately. Or the nurses in the hospital where I had my baby who completely ignored me except to aggressively push Percocet, even though my doctor had okayed the ibuprofen I wanted?

          5. Nooooooope. I was once prescribed 3 refills of opiods when I actually needed half a bottle. Doctors are not infallible.

          6. Doctors are required to take less than a semester in pain management. They are not experts, but the pharmaceutical companies are experts in getting doctors to prescribe their products.

          7. Lol doctors were not and are not careful with opioids. I got a bottle of Vicodin for a standard V delivery. I needed Tylenol for maybe 2-3 days. Definitely didn’t need opioids let alone a bottle. I disposed of it safely but I’m sure many don’t.

      2. This is so true. Reaction to pain is so varied. I had part of my colon removed this past fall and was in agony int he hospital until they found the right thing to throw at it. Once home, I only needed the opioids the first day or two even though I was told I might need a couple of weeks. A blood thinning agent like Advil also may not be the best–Tylenol may be more appropriate. That’s why it’s important for it to be a decision between doctor and patient. Pain medication has its place and management involves a lot of variables– it isn’t for someone not familiar to decide like a rando internet stranger.

      3. I agree with this. I had 2 kids get their wisdom teeth out by the same surgeon 6 months apart. The first had a less complicated extraction and did not get a prescription for opiods.

        The second had a more complex extraction. We were given a script for less than 10 pills of the opiods with strict instructions to only fill and use if absolutely necessary. We didn’t need them, thankfully, but it was comforting to have just in case. I also appreciated that the surgeon was careful and took a very personalized approach to medication.

        Not sure if it matters, but I live in Canada.

        1. Almost exactly the same experience, in Ontario
          1 kid took 1 oxy, and said they didn’t work, switched to Tylenol 3
          2nd kid was worried about the oxy, so same doc gave us Tylenol 3, he took 1: then switched to extra strength Advil
          He also called us at home 8m each time to check in and talked to me and each kid
          Was very comforting to have less meds than more

    2. My kids mainly didn’t take the opioids, but some kids will really need it for the first 24-48 hours. They give you like a week’s worth of pills, which shouldn’t be needed under any normal circumstances. I would not forbid it, but just be very cautious about dispensing more than 3-6 doses in total (and dispose of any leftover meds immediately).

    3. I didn’t take opioids for my wisdom teeth but I only had two removed and it wasn’t that bad. I’m sure for most people it’s much worse. Don’t let your kid suffer.

      1. I didn’t take mine (they made me vomit) and this was in the day where they gave you 30! I alternated Tylenol and aleve and was totally fine. I have four impacted teeth extracted and none were easy removals. But I didn’t have an complications either.

    4. Both my kids needed the meds for 2 evenings. They were fine in the daytime.
      Mercy.
      Had they needed it in the daytime I would have given the meds even though there is familial history of massive problems in that area ~ there is no reason to be in pain.

    5. IIRC, when I had mine out about 10 years ago they just prescribed the heavy duty ibuprofen (600 or 800). The biggest thing for me was not taking the antibiotics on schedule and I got a minor infection which was even more painful.

      1. Same for me back in 2003! My dental surgeon said he was wary of prescribing opioids. I felt pretty okay within 24 hours, and the ibuprofen managed the pain just fine for me. I think this is the smart approach.

    6. Our 10-yr old just had dental surgery and was fine with both tylenol and advil (like we used to do for high fevers when he was little – advil first, tylenol 2 hours after, advil 2 hours after that, etc.). They also offered tylenol with codeine pills – we took the presecription but didn’t fill it. I’d ask about the tylenol/advil combo, and take a presecription for the opoids (no more than 24-48 hours) just in case. I have a high pain tolerance but wouldn’t judge anyone who needed more pain meds for the first few days.

    7. I had my wisdom teeth out in 2019 (as an adult, obviously). My doctor as a rule doesn’t prescribe opiates for wisdom teeth and I was totally fine with Tylenol/Advil. I don’t think I have a particularly high pain tolerance either. Of course everyone is different, talk to your doc, etc.

      1. Ditto. I had 1 tooth that had broken through the surface, and they popped it right out and honestly hurt less when I left the office than when I arrived and very minimal pain/swelling. At a separate time, I had 2 impacted wisdom teeth taken out surgically. I think they gave me one or two opioid pills for after the surgical extraction, but I didn’t need them. Advil was fine for both surgical and non-surgical removals. With the surgical one, it was important to regularly ice it. I ended up buying multiple gel-style ice packs and an ace bandage and used the bandage to wrap around my head keeping the ice pack in place on my cheek. Not the cutest look, but very effective. Swapped out the other ice packs periodically as they warmed up.

    8. The oral surgeon who took out my daughter’s wisdom teeth doesn’t routinely prescribe opioids. She was fine with Tylenol. I took the opioids when I had my wisdom teeth out decades ago and they made the recovery much worse.

      1. +1, they gave me codeine and I was sick (nausea/vomiting) for a week! If I had just taken the tylenol and advil I feel like I would have been fine.

    9. Yes, my son had an extraction a few months ago and we only used Tylenol (1000mg) and Advil for his pain; we never used the hydrocodone the oral surgeon gave us. I posted about this before, but the oral surgeon strongly recommended we use the least powerful pain meds to start and only use the opioid if my son’s pain was bad and nothing else was working. They are well aware that a lot of teenage addictions start after oral surgery and we were given an informational brochure about it at the surgeon’s office. Ask your surgeon what he or she recommends.

    10. I did it with the large-dose (800mg?) ibuprofen IIRC. Basically, I was OK with being achy and sore, but it blunted any sharp pain.

      If your kid has a lower pain tolerance, I think drs today are mindful of prescribing only a few days (like 2-3) of opioids.

      1. I would be extremely hesitant to give a kid opioids. IME, they cause vomiting, constipation, confusion, and lethargy without actually helping the pain any more than Advil.

    11. Not a kid or teen, but I have had several dental surgeries without use of opioids. It’s not terrible.

    12. I’ve had a few oral surgeries including wisdom teeth, and I don’t remember ever taking anything other than ibuprofen. The key is to start the meds before the pain starts. That said, everyone experiences pain differently, so some may need the stronger stuff.

    13. I remember being on Percocet for a week after my wisdom teeth were taken out at 21. But didn’t take any of the opioids prescribed after my c-section or later hernia surgery. Kids need a little more coddling than adults? I think you’re a good parent to question the prescription. It’s a tough call, so watch your kid and pay attention to what they need.

    14. For me, Advil is actually more effective than opioids. Opioids don’t kill the pain, they just make me so sick and miserable that I’m distracted from the pain.

      1. Even when something like codeine does help knock out the pain for me, it’s a hard call for me whether the pain or the side effects of the med are worse. (I realize that there are levels of pain where this would be an easy call, but I guess I just haven’t experienced that from things like dental work.)

        1. +1. Vicodin, Percocet, and morphine all make me various levels of nasueated and/or itchy. I’ve had multiple major surgeries and once I was off the morphine drip I went straight to tylenol with codeine or (preferrably) just larger doses of advil.

        2. Me too. Not worth it. I delivered a baby without medication because the vomiting is so bad for me (I wanted an epidural but it was too late).

    15. I think a larger dose of ibuprophen is fine for most people. My dentist used to prescribe vicodin with ibuprophen and now just says to take 600 mg of advil and somehow that works for most patients.

    16. I’d say take the prescription for a couple pills if the doctor is offering, and try to medicate without opioids. I had six wisdom teeth (!!) so I imagine my recovery was worse than most, but having Tylenol3 or something like that around was a godsend for a couple nights. That said, I had one percocet and it made me so nauseous an constipated and sick to my stomach that it set my recovery back.

      1. I think you took my wisdom teeth (1 budlet that never grew; 3 missing).

        I remember watching one Super Bowl where there were multiple ads for opioid-induced constipation in the first quarter and I just about spit out my chicken wing. Just knowing that that was a thing made me unlikely to take them and that was before Dopesick scared the crap (ha) out of me. I am firmly on Team Alternate Advil and Tylenol and did that for sinus surgery.

    17. I think it’s individual. I had my wisdom teeth extracted one by one (months apart) and only needed tylenol on the first day or so. I definitely did not need opioids. You can always get the prescription, hold it just in case, and then return if it’s not used.

      For pain context I’ve slipped a disc in my spine that DID need opioids the first 2 weeks.

    18. I had my wisdom teeth pulled at 19, I filled the script but only needed it for a day. The dr will probably write the Rx in case it’s needed. Assuming that’s the recommendation, I would follow it, get the Rx just in case and flush the pills after a couple days.

    19. I work in the addictions field. There has been a LOT of movement in the past few years toward prescribing fewer opioids. Prescribers now are constantly getting lots of educational information about this issue- they know when and when not to prescribe and they are very aware of the opioid crisis. The majority of doctors and dentists do not prescribe opioids anywhere near as freely as they once did. If your doctor says your kid will need opioids, then allow your kid to take it. Most prescribers won’t give a script for more than a few pills these days anyways- the chances of getting addicted with that amount in such a short time are very small.

    20. My son was ok with just alternating advil/tylenol. I was surprised as a 40yo that I didn’t need opioids either.

      When I had my first surgery, it was a really painful spine disk fusion surgery and they took a piece of bone from my hip crest instead of a cadaver bone, so doubly painful. When I was released from the hospital, I took the advil/tylenol during the day and only the opioid at night to sleep. When my then sister-in-law heard that, she was aghast that I didn’t take more. She “needed” more. Two years later, we found 22 pain pill bottles in her car from 15 different doctors when she went to rehab. (This was before centralized Rx systems.) So I think if a kid really needs it in the first two days, then they should be used with caution. Using it at bedtime for the first day or two is normal. Using it 24/7 for a few days to me is a slippery slope. If the pain is that bad after a day or two, a consult with the surgeon is needed.

    21. I’ve had 4 adult teeth removed in my teens, for braces. I was fine with Tylenol, ice, ice cream, and watching cable tv all day.

    22. I had two very awkward wisdom teeth out as a teen, and each time I had extra strength Ibuprofen around the clock for several days. I also had saltwater rinses in the tooth gap with a big plastic syringe at set hours.

      I don’t know what they gave me for the surgery, it was at hospital, not a regular dentist, but it was some sort of local injections, I was not out of it at all.

      I think Ibuprofen was used because it’s both a painkiller and anti-inflammation, while Paracetamol is just for pain. Opioids was not on the table.

      It’s a horrible kind of pain because it’s right inside the head, but it’s not worse than migraines or bad sinus infections. If he’s had sinus infections where all his teeth and jaw hurt because the nerves are caught in the swelling, that’s about it.

    23. I had an implant and only took Advil. It was PAINFUL, but manageable for me with a high dose of Advil. They gave me Vicodin, but I know from previous experience (dislocated elbow) that it makes me extremely nauseous, so I never took it.

    24. The opioids scared me too – I work in an adjacent field so I know all the facts and factoids. I know they can be habit forming as early as three days (maybe even earlier!) so I definitely wanted to come in under the three day mark. I told my kids the dangers and why I was concerned, suggested they manage as much as they could with Tylenol and Aleve, but on day one, they both needed the Vicodin (which contains acetaminophen, so don’t double up with Tylenol!) and I let them have it at the recommended dose.

      Both of my kids felt queasy on the Vicodin so they definitely didn’t want to take it for fun, thankfully. Both were off by sometime day two, and then I took the leftover pills to the pharmacy to dispose of them (in case visitors, particularly teens, rummage around for the “good stuff” in your medicine cabinet – this is a thing.)

      Just be on top of it and make sure the doses are appropriately timed and try to get the duration under 3 days and you should be ok. Best of luck.

    25. FWIW, I did fine with a day or two of Tylenol with a bit of codeine, but I have a very high pain tolerance. My suggestion is to get the RX but don’t give them the opioids unless your kid is miserable.

    26. This is so individual (by person and by the exact procedure) that the answer cannot be crowdsourced. I had one set of wisdom teeth out and was fine with OTC medication. I had another set out and definitely needed narcotics for the first 48 hours. One set was impacted and one was not; one procedure was quick and easy with minimal bruising; one was not; one resulted in dry socket, one did not; etc. And that does not even get into people’s different pain tolerance.

      Take a prescription for 2-3 days of pain medication. Only use if needed and discard once recovery is complete. It is much easier to have the pills and not take them than need them at 1 a.m. and not have them. If you kid is in enough pain, he cannot sleep, that is a clue he needs the hard stuff.

      We swung way too far in the direction of over-medicating and now I fear we are swinging too far in the opposite direction.

    27. You do realize that one’s person experience will not be the same as another’s, yes? For example, people with red hair have been shown to have less pain tolerance in studies than others. So everyone chiming in with what did or didn’t work for them or their kids here literally doesn’t matter. What matters is how your kid is feeling and. how the kid’s doctor thinks it can best be managed. You won’t know where your kid falls on the pain scale until the pain is actually there. I say this as someone who has been through multiple inpatient and outpatient surgeries–it really can vary a lot even between procedure and you’re overall health at the time and a gazillion other things. This isn’t anything to crowdsource. Undermedicating is also bad, but it’s easy to dismiss if you aren’t the one in pain.

    28. Um, I had my wisdom teeth out as a teen, and the laughing gas, etc wore off while my mom was out filling the prescription for Tylenol with Codeine at the pharmacy. I remember that period of time (which couldn’t have been more than 45 minutes) as one of the most painful things I have ever experienced in my life. It was truly awful. Dental surgery is still surgery, and I’m pretty sure they give you the real pain meds for the immediate-post-surgical period because you need them for a couple of days.

    29. Hi, a European perspective: l live in Denmark, where opiods are used more rarely than in the us. Opiods are not prescribed for a procedure like wisdom teeth. I, my husband, my siblings and several of my friends all had wisdom teeth extraction, none of us had opiods. All of us were fine with ibropufen

  3. A Wednesday win… I revised an article last month after peer review and got the news today that it’s been accepted with no further revisions. I’ve published a fair amount (enough to get a TT job) but it’s my first single-authored article! I’m on a writing retreat this week and it gave me a little boost to keep plugging away at the 4 other halfdone things on my writing to do list.

    1. Congratulations! That’s awesome. What a wonderful accomplishment. Thanks for sharing it. #WednesdayWin

    3. Congratulations!! “No further revisions” must feel just awesome. We should make #WednesdayWins a thing!

      Mine is that I’m giving blood later today for the first time.

      1. Right? R1 recommended a few sentences in the first round, but R2 gave me 2 pages of critical but constructive notes. I made really detailed notes on the changes and he (it’s anonymous but sounds like a man) said it was vastly improved and didn’t need any further edits.

      2. Congrats Cb, and thanks, Vicky! As a 5-time transfusion recipient, your donation means extra much to me :).

  4. Is anyone considering changing their food habits with the severe drought in California and the west? I use almond milk when I need a dairy-like beverage, and I’ve been thinking about switching to oat milk for environmental reasons. Same with produce – I’m in the mid-Atlantic, so local isn’t always available for many fruits and veggies, but it seems…irresponsible?…to buy something from the west when riverbeds are going dry. But I don’t want to punish individual farm workers.

      1. How do? They planted acres and acres of trees where they don’t belong and manipulated and stole water rights from small farmers. The new orchards going in are mostly owned by very big conglomerates, not mom and pop farmers.

    2. I simultaneously think we need great big systemic changes but also, small positive steps add up? For me, that means buying things as locally as possible, supporting small businesses which are less likely to be “bad guys” like big food, and making small switches when possible to do so.

      1. +1. I buy from local brands as much as possible. A CSA box can be a great way to get used to cooking local.

        1. Except for the vendors at farmers markets who buy their produce from the exact same place as the supermarket. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

          1. As long as we’re slinging anecdotes, selling something you didn’t grow is not allowed at the farmers markets where I’m from (major city on the west coast). If you get caught doing it then you get banned from the markets, which could destroy your business and make you lose your farm. Farmers market staff do not tolerate shenanigans. Source: my husband is a third generation vegetable farmer whose family sells at local farmers markets.

            I’m sure the crappy unethical thing you witnessed has happened but please don’t discourage people from buying at local farmers markets. Those markets support a lot of family scale farms and strengthen your local foodshed.

    3. I don’t drink any of those processed non-dairy “milks” partly for environmental reasons and partly because they are icky. If I needed a dairy alternative, I would try homemade oat milk.

      My primary environmental focus with grocery shopping is reducing produce waste. This helps with the drought situation in the west by reducing my total purchases of produce, and helps with greenhouse gas emissions because there is less discarded produce to rot. There are many, many environmental and social problems I care about, so I have to prioritize the efforts that when combined will make the largest combined impact. I don’t have the bandwidth to visit multiple farmer’s markets every week in search of lettuce, and I assume all the driving would offset much of the benefit of buying local produce.

    4. I agree that it’s complicated (lots of the almond crop is exported, for example, and the economics of growing things on trees is different from crops you plant yearly), but I like oat milk better than almond milk anyway, and it does use less water, so maybe try it and see? The important thing is that they both use much less water than cow milk, so as someone who lives in CA and would mostly be drinking milk from CA grown cows, either oat or almond milk is a better choice on pretty much all metrics. I also drink a lot less oat milk than I did cow milk because it lasts so much longer- with cow milk I always felt pressure to use it up before it would go bad.

      1. +1. Ever since I get a weekly CSA,
        I’ve drastically reduced my tomato consumption, because they are not in season for a good part of the year. They also are one of the most water hungry crops. Win win.

    6. The most ethical option is plants. Lentils shipped across the globe are still significantly more environmentally friendly than local cow. Transportation is only a tiny fraction of the carbon footprint of most foods. Animals, their parts and secretions, take immense amounts of water to grow (and to grow the food they eat), then immense amounts of energy to process and refrigerate.

      1. This. The important thing to remember is that every calorie of animal food requires growing 5-10x that number of calories of plants to feed them, so it’s always much more resource intensive. There’s clearly some role for animal agriculture in making efficient use of land where we can’t grow crops, but realistically, that’s a very small amount of the US beef supply and almost none of the dairy (free range dairy doesn’t work that well). And even that has the methane emissions problem (even worse in grass fed than crop fed). I’m not a militant vegan, but it’s hard to avoid the conclusion that reducing the use of animal products would be beneficial, in whatever amount is manageable for you.

      2. I agree that plants are more ethical than animals, if you’re fine with the lesser of two evils. But emphasis on evil. Plants are a living, vital part of the environment, and producing them to be intentionally destroyed and consumed by humans is also not ethical!

        1. A lot of plant agriculture involves non-plant violence, suffering, and death anyway.

          I think sustainability concerns are different from concerns about causing suffering or harm.

        2. You realize that animals ALSO eat plants right, and much greater quantities than humans do so a plant based diet saves plants.

          2. I think the comment means that if we could stop growing plants for livestock animals to consume, then more resources would be available to feed people. It requires a lot of land, water, fertilizer, and so on to grow food for livestock, and it’s more efficient if we use those resources to feed people.

          3. my (admittedly lay person level) understanding of this argument of Buddhist philosophy is not simply that any way we feed ourselves is evil. That really misses the point. Obviously we have to eat. But it points to a responsibility to minimize the suffering we all cause in the world as part of leading one’s life within the tenets of the religion. Although I am not striving for enlightenment, I find that this maps onto the modern phrase of minimizing one’s footprint through less resource heavy choices, and to a big extent, by minimizing waste. I refuse to feel bad for feeding myself though, that would be silly.

    8. Californian here. Almonds take a lot of water, but my understanding is that the water requirements for feed and caring for cows is even larger. The environmental impact of cows is also huge.

      If you want to change your diet for environmental reasons, I’d prioritize cutting back on meat from mammals and dairy.

    9. I find oatmilk creamier than almond milk and therefore more satisfying. Definitely recommend you try it just to see if you like the taste.
      This is a good reminder that I need to reduce my dairy/meat intake and focus on more vegetarian options.

      1. If you do try it, know that not all brands are made equal. I find that cows milk is pretty uniform across the board, if you compare the same fat content. I hated the shelf stable oat milk from Trader Joes, it was somehow gritty. Their refrigerated oat milk is better. The one I liked best, texture wise, was Califia Farms, but I am too lazy to go to Safeway just for that.

    10. I’m changing my grocery habits due to inflation/ high prices at the grocery store. That probably has a positive impact on the environment as well–fewer processed foods overall, more local and in-season produce, less meat, an intention to generate less food waste. The milk drinkers in my house still drink cows’ milk though.

    11. Yes, and it means I eat close to no meat. Meat is far worse for the environment than anything else.

    12. We don’t use almond milk for environmental reasons. There are tons of other non-dairy milks that are much more environmentally friendly.

    13. My favorite plant-based milk is pea protein milk. Try the Ripple brand. It’s environmentally friendly, high protein, and creamy. I gave up dairy about 15 years ago (it was giving me cystic acne), and pea protein milk is the best by a landslide.

    14. …No. It’s not that I don’t care; it’s that I understand that focusing on this would be like stepping over dollars to pick up pennies w/r/t changing environmental policies and impacts. You cannot be drinking that much milk or eating that many fruits/veggies.

  5. I’m starting to notice faint wrinkles in my forehead (early 30s). What’s the move? Botox? Something else? (I’ve been on tretinoin for about 5 years, wear sunscreen, have a routine, my skin just sucks.)

    3. If you are already using a retinol, nothing else will actually improve this other than Botox/dysport. I started dysport in my late 20s when I noticed some fine lines on my forehead and between my eyebrows and I love it. They are totally gone now, I can still move my forehead and make expressions (just not to a wrinkly degree) and my skin looks so much better. Did you know that toxins can help with acne too? Amazing. I go back every 4-5 months for maintenance.

      1. +1, I started Botox about a year ago (early 40s) after having used tret for most of my 30s preventatively. I’m very happy with it and only go about 3 times a year for maintenance.

        1. Thanks both of you for this! I am on the tret for acne so it’d be awesome if Botox/Dysport helped with that.

          1. question. what is your end goal? never have visible forehead wrinkles? stave them off until your 40s? Serious question.

          2. @roxie Really just interested in slowing the progression. I don’t have any defined goals, per se, but I know derms and med spas offer a billion different lasers/needling/techniques and was curious if any of them would reduce the appearance of forehead wrinkles.

    2. Fwiw, I tried the trend and they are really uncomfortable once you put a few things in them. Very heavy and not an awesome part of you to have things rubbing.

    3. The COB shop, she does limited drops so you’d have to wait but her work is amazing quality.

    4. for casual weekend wear, Lulu’s belt bags are a nice size – good for phone + small wallet + a few necessities. I usually wear it cross-body which I find more comfortable. The strap is adjustable for either waist or crossbody fit.

    5. I wear a belt bag … just about all the time now. I wear it bandolier-style.
      One is a Lululemon one I got as a gift – this is most similar: https://shop.lululemon.com/p/bags/Mini-Belt-Bag/_/prod11010052?color=55627&sz=ONESIZE
      One is an Herschel knockoff: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B0785N4F3W/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1

      Out of your budget, but I’ve been lusting after one of these for a while: https://treefairfax.com/leather-handbags/half-moon-bag-10

    6. I have a Baggallini bag that is a cross body and also has a removable strap. So it can be used alone as a wallet or on the waist straps. Triple Zip Bagg comes in lots of colors. Mine holds my cash/cards (RFID pouch) and my cell phone, lip balm, hand sanitizer and even my sunglasses if needed. It’s so moderately priced that it wouldn’t break the budget if you get it and only use it occasionally.

      2. That’s perfect, thanks! I always forget about Baggallini but that used to be my perfect summer running around bag.

    7. Fanny packs are really excellent for hands-free and reduce neck and shoulder tension.
      Two recommendations that I have and love using:
      Andi makes one model I really like called Urban Clutch. It’s washable and useful for hiking or traveling. It gets small enough for my size 2 waist.
      State makes a Lorimer Fanny Pack that is a bit bigger and holds the things I need for most errand-running days. I got it as a gift in navy and like it a lot. Two cons: it’s not washable. Also the strap is not small enough to get completely tight around my waist. (I am thin, but not outrageously so.) It gets tight enough to sit on my hips, which is good enough.
      Whatever you choose, make sure that you don’t have a loose strap hanging down and hitting your legs. Some versions I tried have this (I’m looking at you Herschel), and it’s annoying.
      Good luck!

  7. Oh, it’s that fun week when I question whether my general discontent with everything and everyone is a result of PMS, a midlife crisis, or both!

    1. I got my second Covid shot about 2 days before my period started … it was a fun time

  8. Did the Thing – scheduled to get an IUD in a few weeks (thanks, Alito!).

    General advice I see here is to take Tylenol before the appointment and plan to take the the rest of the day off of work (if needed). I get that for some it’s NBD and for others it’s excruciating … but any other tips? If relevant, I’m 44 and have had kids, but both were c-sections.

    1. See if you can get it scheduled during or immediately after your period when your cervix is open. I had one insertion by an MD in my 20s that was godawful pain (but short), and one by a midwife in my early 30s that was night and day better. If you don’t use pads normally, have some on hand for a day just in case. I’d have a heating pad on hand, but think I would have been fine focusing on work (with some advil and a heading pad).

    2. Instead of Tylenol I’d take the largest dose of Advil your doctor recommends. Take along your preferred type of pad or tampon with you to wear after the insertion. Have someone else drive you if possible–I have a high pain tolerance but felt woozy afterwards.

    3. I’ve gone through two IUDs (second after the first lived its useful life). My gyn had me take a prescription to “soften my cervix” before the appointment and I think it helped a lot. I’d ask for that. If they ask if a med student can help, I would say no. You want someone who can do this as quickly as possible, which is not a med student. For me, a huge part of the discomfort of insertion is that it’s just such an unfamiliar feeling. The second time was much easier. In case it helps to ground yourself in the idea that it’s “just” unfamiliar!

      Everyone’s experience is different, but in case it helps, my first insertion was about two minutes of intense discomfort and then I was fine after and have now enjoyed 10 years of pill-free contraception. Good luck!

      1. ” If they ask if a med student can help, I would say no.”

        No offense to med students but I always say “no” to this as well. I want the champ of champs in there putting in my IUD; I want the person who has seen thousands of cervical openings and knows exactly where to slot that sucker in. I am not interested in being anyone’s practice case and I understand students need to get experience, but they are not going to get it practicing on me.

    4. Yes to taking either Advil or Tylenol, ask your doctor how big of a dose you can take. I agree that it would be nice, not necessary though, to get a ride. I think the pain amount varies depending on the time of the month, person, and how the insertion just generally goes. I’ve had two IUDs, don’t’ have kids/never been pregnant and drove myself to/from for both. Both were placed by the same doctor; the first one was no big deal, the second one hurt bad enough that I wished I would have had arranged it so my DH could drive me home. It wasn’t a huge deal, but it was not fun. But 100% worth it.

      Also, I hear you on the thanks, Alito actions…I’m seriously researching having my Fallopian tubes removed since his opinion leaked. Before the news, I was going to wait until this IUD was done and DH was going to have a vasecomy, but ever since the opinion leaked I just feel like I want to do something more in my power to retain autonomy over my body.

    5. I took Advil before, but did not need to take the day off after. I was 1.5 years post c-section when I got mine, and it was totally fine. I walked home from the appointment (alone).

    6. I had one inserted two weeks ago (I don’t have kids). I took Advil before hand, but the insertion was still incredibly painful. I stayed in the doctors office for 10-15min after, then drove home. I had really bad cramps for 3-4 hours afterwards, used a heating pad and took more Advil, but then was fine.

    7. I’ve had 2 IUDS. Advil before help (like 3 of them) but was fine right after. Went back to work.

    8. I just got my 4th one put in last summer. I have a kid but had a c-section without ever going into labor, so it wasn’t ever any more comfortable for me than anyone who hasn’t had a kid. I take 800mg of ibuprofen before the appointment and it helps somewhat. I use some breathing/meditation techniques. Mostly what helps is remembering that the pain is very temporary and once it’s over, I don’t have to worry about doing this again for 5 (now it’s 7) years and by that time I will have pretty much forgotten what the pain was like. I haven’t had a period in almost 16 years and skipping the monthly cramps and bleeding is well worth the 5 minutes of discomfort I suffer during insertion. I mean, I would classify my insertions as being “very painful” (not excruciating, but very painful) and I’ve still done it 4 times. Because the “very painful” part is so short compared to the excellent benefits I get from having the IUD.

      Since this is your first one, you should probably take the rest of the day off work just in case. My last three, I’ve rested for an hour or so and been able to carry on just like normal, just as an FYI.

    9. Ok if I were getting an IUD I would talk to my doctor about the options. I didn’t get an IUD but I did have some work done on my cervix due to an abnormal pap and I finally told my OBGYN that having my cervix touched made me lightheaded and l felt like I was going to throw up. This has always been true for me, during Pap smears, all the stuff leading up to and during giving birth, but I just thought it was that way for everyone. When I finally spoke up, my OB didn’t say I was just being a baby, she said “oh that’s vasovagal syncope.”

      She then gave me a prescription for two Valium pills. She advised me to take one before my leep procedure, and then another after if I still needed it. It totally worked. The leep procedure still sucked but I just didn’t care as much. I left the second pill with her – didn’t need it.

      So if I were getting an IUD, I’d go the same route.

      Good luck!

    10. Mine was excruciating during the insertion only, and then was fine about 5 minutes later. Do take the Tylenol in advance. Removal will also hurt.

    11. Mine hurt like hell going in & i cramped badly for the next week…
      It was phenomenal that I didn’t have to think about birth control for a decade…
      And then my IUD broke coming out and they can’t figure out how to remove the fragment that’s embedded in the wall of my uterus.
      So mixed bag.

    12. I would ask to be sedated. I fainted afterwards and was nauseous and in horrific pain for the subsequent week.

  9. I’ve seen these posts about winter – and now it’s my turn. I live in a subtropical climate (think NOLA) where summers are long and hot. I grew up in this climate, minus 15 years on the East Coast (where I NEVER got used to/enjoyed winter), but as an adult want to think proactively – what are your tips to enjoying a long hot summer without going nuts? (And no, I don’t want to move :)).

    We don’t have a pool (small yard), but our neighbor has generously offered access to his plunge pool, have a great screened-in porch, 2 kids <5, etc. Usually outside time is focused in the mornings and after dusk. Our "patio season" for restaurants is not this time of year.

      1. +1. As a bonus it wears your kids out. Afternoons were a lot quieter after my little sisters spent the morning at the pool :)

    2. I’m in Chicago, but here’s what I do to make the most of the dog days since I feel awful in high heat with humidity. I also spent time in a warm part of Europe without A/C for a few years:

      -Regularly make pitchers of iced tea, infused water, and shrubs with seasonal fruit and herbs
      -Make sure I have my water bottle with me at all times
      -Plan menus that heavily focus on summer produce that I look forward to. Never let tomato season go to waste!
      – Wear as much linen as is humanly possible and embrace the wrinkles
      – We set a box fan on the patio to keep the air moving. It also helps keep bugs away
      -Shower twice a day if necessary
      -Get away to a cooler spot if at all possible. We head up to Michigan or Wisconsin along the Great Lakes.

    3. Do what you can to keep your car from being 1000 degrees when you’re out and about – a sun shade helps a ton, cracking your windows, and parking in the shade when you can. Makes errands less miserable.

      1. I left SoCal 20 years ago and still cannot shake the habit of parking in the shade, no matter how far I have to walk.

        1. Haha yes! Where I am, in the summer the spots that go first are always in the shade, no matter how far it is to walk. Speaking of which – investing in shade (umbrellas, covered patios) in your yard makes things so much more tolerable.

    4. Invest in a whole house fan, minimize a/c usage (going from hot-hot to chilly and vice-versa really highlights the heat), do your physical tasks in the early morning or late evening. Look at what people did before a/c was widespread and adopt as many of those practices as you can. Stay hydrated (minimize booze, no matter how tasty). Cold watermelon is the bomb. Cook outdoors, or make sandwiches and things that don’t require the oven or stove.
      I’m in Florida and feel you on the long, hot summer part. My house wasn’t sited well or constructed with cross-ventilation in mind and it’s definitely something I’d prioritize if I was building. It does get hot and muggy, but planning for the climate can go a long way when designing a house if you ever have the opportunity.

    5. Air conditioning (my power bill doubles). Jockey skimmies. Avoiding heat-styling my hair. A more relaxed interpretation of my office’s dress code, plus layers in case the office is freezing. Meal planning that does not require extensive oven use or boiling large quantities of water. Cool, cotton sheets. Light clothing around the house.

      We lean into indoor family activities during the worst of the summer–movies, bowling, community theater, aquarium, children’s museum, etc. Basically, we do what people who live in cold climates do in the winter. We take advantage of outdoor activities and events mid-October to mid-May.

      When we’re going to be outdoors, we try to avoid the hottest part of the day. We wake up early on weekends to do yardwork if necessary. If we’re going to the pool, my favorite time to go is around 4:30-6:30 (tire the kids out, eat at the pool, shower, change into pajamas, and they pass out when they get home or if you’re lucky, in the car). Toward the end of May or early June, before it gets too hot, we’ll take a beach trip or two and may visit a local water park/splash pad.

      1. this is what we did too pre Covid, but have resisted the indoors the past two summers. thinking we might be dipping our toes bak in this summer, though given that we just spent 2 weeks sick as a family with a non-covid virus, i can’t say i’m eager for us to get sick again any time soon

    6. We live at our club’s pool, like we are there sometimes Saturdays and Sundays and will go in the evenings midweek and have dinner there and take a dip.

      I bought a lot of linen clothing, finally, and it is a huge help. Linen shorts, linen t-shirts. I don’t have to keep the A/C at subarctic levels to feel comfortable. I also invested in linen sheets and those are 1000% worth the money – the real linen kind; not a blend.

      We have ceiling fans throughout our house and we also bought a number of standing or tabletop fans also. Fans are a huge help to keeping air moving so you can keep the thermostat higher.

      As we move into July and August we confine our activities to early morning and early evening and don’t do much during the middle of the day, inside or outside, because it’s just too hot. I actually love summer early mornings and summer evenings. But summer mid-days are miserable and mostly what I end up doing is taking a nap until it gets cooler.

    7. same. i’m in Houston. I am not from here. It is not usually already this hot in May. It is going to be a LONG summer. the mosquitos are out of control bc the lizards who eat them died last year in the freeze

    8. These are all so great! I confirmed that there are 2 city pools, and 1 splash pad within 5 miles of our home, and that doesn’t count the YMCA and other potential options. Fingers crossed that the most close city pool will re-open!

      To add to these great suggestions (linen! no/low stove cooking! leaning in to summer AMs/PMs!)- I also plan on trying to make a few icebox desserts (e.g. ice cream sandwich cake) as a fun summer project/easy to do with my small kids.

      1. In July of 2020, my then 5-year-old announced that his lovey’s birthday was on Saturday. Of course Kiddo just wanted cake. I went along with it. I made an ice cream sandwich cake and used leftover paper plates and decorations. It was a lovely bit of whimsy :-) So… you could combine your dessert ideas with tea parties or made-up birthday parties for stuffed animals or some other excuse for a party.

  10. I like this pick, but prefer it in any of the other colors offered besides this white one, which to me is an odd juxtaposition of a formal silhoue t t e in traditional color + a very casual fabric. I am also having a hard time picturing it under a blazer, in any color.

    Q for the hive: is there any magic tip to keep deodorant stains out of 100% polyester shells and tanks, or remove them after the fact? No matter how careful I am with application, there always seem to be grease marks left behind after I wear and wash (machine, on cold) and hang to dry. Or do I just need to accept that this will happen and relegate them to be worn under sweaters only with the pits covered after the first wear? TIA!

      1. I put my deodorant on in the morning, but I make sure it’s dry before dressing- I usually use the blow dryer under my arms for a few seconds while drying my hair. I still get some on my bra, but not my shirts. The only thing that’s stopped it completely is using deodorant without antiperspirant, but none of the ones I tried worked very well.

      1. Just did the oxiclean part yesterday! It worked even on stains that had been through the dryer.

    3. I switched to speedstick deodorant only (no antiperspirant) a couple years back and no longer have any issues with stains.

    4. Yes!! I was about to throw out a silk blouse that had gross deodorant stains that no amount of scrubbing would get rid of. In a last-ditch effort, after trying a bunch of other things, I grabbed the bar of Ethique Tip to Toe that was sitting nearby and rubbed it into the stain. Lathered it into the fabric, rinsed with tepid water, and the deodorant build up was GONE with almost no effort in about 30 seconds. I was so impressed I scrounged up all the other mucky armpit shirts from my closet and went to town on them. That stuff is magic and all of them came clean. Silk, cotton, polyester, same results. I don’t like the tip-to-to for myself, but for my deodorant stains on shirts it is phenomenal.

    6. I’m not sure if this would solve your problem – the Dove no-marks variety of deodorant?

  11. What are you wearing for smart casual days back in the office? I’ve had clients in town the past couple weeks and have been dressed up and actually loved feeling put together again. We have a pretty lax dress code when no clients are around, but I just tossed on whatever was clean this morning, and I miss the little pep in my step from feeling cute.

    I feel like I should add that I am in no way a rufflepuff girl or any of its associate styles – puff sleeves, prairie blouses, etc.

    1. no real contribution, but just wanted to say that I love that this community coined a new descriptor over a nap dress discussion. Rufflepuff for the win.

      1. Everytime I see this term I think of the powerpuff girls and it makes me want to be a superhero in a frilly dress – an aspiration I have had since I was about 3. Some things never change?

        1. I, too, love Rufflepuff, although I myself can only wear minimal ruffles, they overwhelm me.

          My office is super casual, but I’m starting to feel like the one thing you can do to update your look a little is to not wear skinny pants. You don’t necessarily need to wear wide pants or mom jeans, but pants that are a little looser around the calves in particular seem to make everything look a bit more updated.

          There’s an Instagrammer called Hello Kimlet that does not very exciting, but solid outfits for a range of business levels. You could check her out.

    2. Black skinny jeans, black T-shirt or top, and a cardigan or comfy jardigan-like blazer. Which top and layer I choose depend on where on the smart/casual scale I want to be.

      1. + very similar here. I know a blazer + skinny jeans isn’t the most on-trend look but it works for me now.

        1. Not going to be winning any fashion awards but it’s appropriate and comfortable

    3. Black pencil skirt, forest green button down skirt, wide brown belt to mask my Covid tummy, cobalt kitten mj heels because they were gathering dust. I am definitely out of fashion with the heels and lack of rufflepuffs but man does it feel good to wear office clothes again!

    4. Similar very casual office, not a ruffle puff or prairie blouses girl either.

      It’s my first 80 degree day of the year (yay!), and I’m wearing a cute black/white animal print summer dress that hits just above my knees and a jean jacket, black Birkenstocks. I thought about adding sneakers to make it more current, but I ran out of time on my way out the door and Birkenstock sandals were faster.

      Tomorrow I think I’m going to wear a floral button up midi-length high waist skirt and sleeveless black shirt tucked in. With the jean jacket for the morning. The skirt is very much pushing my comfort zone – it’s edging on prairie but I’m choosing to see it as Beth Dutton western style instead.

      1. I actually love a midi button-up skirt – I used to have a black and white polka dot one that I’d wear with my nicest black T-shirt and red flats. I loved it.

    5. I’ve been wearing what I wore before the pandemic – a loose top, straight pants, and some kind of topper like a jardigan type thing, or just a cardigan. I always like the “third piece” to feel complete.

      My changes since pre-pandemic are no more heels, not even low ones, and I’m looking for straight pants that are longer, so not ankle pants.

  12. let’s speculate about the stock market — do you think a major crash is imminent or do you think that around the March 2020 dip is the lowest it’ll possibly go in the next 12 months? (a lot of stocks are currently around the march 2020 prices now).

    1. I’m not sure I’m going to be excited about where this thread heads, but I’ll bite. I think prices will fall more. I think stock is generally overpriced, and the CAPE ratio is still SO high after the small corrections in the last two years, it’s only been this high in 1929 and leading up to the great recession.

      I don’t think a full recession necessarily follows, but that we at least see more decreases in price.

  13. Real estate question. If a new build appears on Redfin with an MLS number and a build date of 2022, is that an actual house that has already been built? I am seeing some listings for homes that are presented as actually existing but there are red flags (e.g., fake-looking exterior photos, “address not available”) that make me think it’s a bait-and-switch for homes that are not built yet.

    Yes, I’ll be hiring a realtor soon.

    1. I wouldn’t call it a “bait and switch” – it’s how new construction homes are marketed when they’re under construction or construction hasn’t yet started.

      2. This. You can google the community and see if it is developer-built or in progress. They usually have a map showing which lots are sold.

    2. Not a bait and switch. It’s probably not built or still at shell stage (walls up, no finishes in / nothing photo-worthy). Those are very likely just representative pictures of other projects that will look very similar to the anticipated finished product here. That builder probably already built a similar home so they’re just giving you a flair for finishes, look/feel, etc. Somewhere deep in the disclosures, which may not even be on Redfin and accessible only in MLS itself, there will be a statement saying “photographs are representative images only” or something like that. I get it feels misleading, but it’s very standard for new builds.

      Builders will post while under construction or while in planning to see if they get any bites. Sometimes a buyer scoops it up at that stage and swoops in to customize some finishes. Other times, no one bites at that stage so the builder just continues building spec (sans buyer) and the project will get reposted on MLS when it’s closer to completion when there are real pictures to show.

      Signed, a local real estate investor

  14. Any Pittsburg tips? Going for a conference would love a few nice dinners and a cute neighborhood stroll. Staying in what google maps calls the cultural district.

    1. Strip district for restaurants (this will probably be enough to keep you busy)
      Walnut street in Shadyside for restaurants
      Murray ave in squirrel hill for restaurants
      Phipps conservatory if you want to see a botanical garden
      Andy Warhol museum

      1. + 1 to all of these. Also a couple restaurant recommendations:
        – Girasole in Shadyside
        – Point Brugge cafe in Point Breeze

        Also go to an evening Pirates game if they’re in town. The stadium is walking distance from downtown and it’s the best sunset viewing experience.

    4. Pittsburgh is a delight. The Carnegie Mellon campus is nice to walk around, and the art museum there is great (also a great gift shop). There’s a cute restaurant nearby called Legume.

    5. Former yinzer – the cultural district has a lot of nice restaurants in it that are going to be walking distance, but also geared to evening theatre goers. If you’re a theatre person, check out what they have playing while you’re there. They’ve got some amazing companies that are local to the area and put on amazing shows!

      On the Northside of the city is a place called Randyland that’s amusing to visit. From the cultural district, it’s maybe a 30 minute walk?

      Shadyside and Oakland are probably about 15-20 minutes by car, 30-45 by bus and also has really great options. Oakland is where Pitt and other colleges are located and Shadyside has some great older houses and tree lined streets that are fun to walk through.

      Strip District is also a fun walk during the day when things are open – it has a lot of variety of fun stores. It shuts down around 5-6pm and doesn’t have much going on at that point.

      Agree on an evening Pirates game. Evening if you don’t like baseball, the view of the city is beautiful and you can usually find cheap back row seats since the team is, objectively, terrible.

    6. I don’t have any current tips, but you’re sure to find what you’re looking for. I had a great time last time I was there for a conference.

    7. Not an expert but The Mattress Factory is a really cool art museum focused on installations.

    8. It’s Pittsburgh with an “h”, ya jagoff!
      Kidding aside, folks have given great suggestions here and there’s something for everyone.

  15. Did you stick around at a job you really disliked to be vested in retirement or did you leave without vesting? In either case were you happy with that decision or was there regret?

    For me it isn’t millions in stock options or anything but a small $13k/year pension (gross) that I’d have at 65 by staying another 22 months. I also wouldn’t be leaving for a huge job where I’d double my pay or anything so it’s not a case of – your next job puts you in a whole different category so you’ll save way more than this then; I hope I can get a raise of 20k or so with another employer.

    When I talk to anyone older they say OMG don’t leave a pension on the table, they are so rare. Coworkers (all age 35 and under) have an attitude of pension – whatever – it’s just 1k/month, that’s nothing. The big pensions of 40-60k/year are only after you’ve stayed for 20-30 years which I know I can’t.

    How would you think about this? Looking at it via the 4% rule, in order to replicate this pension and have an “extra” 13k per year available to me, my 401k would need to be 325k higher at retirement than what it would otherwise be. That to me doesn’t seem like nothing as it’s taken years to hit 300k in various 401k or IRA accounts despite always contributing to the IRS max, an 8% employer match at this job I don’t like, and a market that’s returned nearly 20% on average in the last 3 years. But IDK if that’s the right way to think about this.

    1. I’m in a similar boat. In 23 months I vest in to a well-funded but modest pension. It’s hard to know the exact amounts but if I left when I vested the monthly payments would be based on an annuity paying from a lump sum of ~500K (depends on actuarial tables and my age at the time, plus who I choose, if anyone, as a beneficiary). It won’t be a huge amount of money, and I could theoretically make way more elsewhere, but I’m more interested in the diversification of income streams because in theory it should in theory be not correlated with my 401K’s return.

      If your alternate job wouldn’t pay significantly more, I’d probably ride out the two years, especially since my (useless) mirror ball says the job market is turning soon. You can look again in two years. I’m not sure it’s quite as clear cut for me, but I’m thinking about it as well.

    2. 22 months is nothing. Stick around for that pension. Give yourself permission to not care as much, get your resume in order, do certifications or whatever might be relevant for your next move. $1000 per month for life is definitely not nothing.

      1. +1 million to this. 22 months will go by and then you will have the guaranteed $1000 a month waiting for you when you retire. If you were 10 years away, I might think ehhhh go ahead and go. But you can stick it out the two years to get what you have correctly deduced is a kick-ass benefit not many people can access. That $1000 will be there at the time you need it most – when you won’t want to work (or may not be able to) and should be looked at as a bird in the hand that is worth two in the bush, not as some paltry amount of money that’s not worth hanging in for. That $1000 could mean a lot to you by the time you start drawing it.

    3. $1k a month when you’re 90 could decide the difference between a meh nursing home and a good nursing home. Your future self will thank you. Ditto another poster to decide to lean out a bit and throw yourself into hobbies for the next while until you can move on.

    4. How much do you need that money? How long do your family members live? If you need it (and it comes with COLA adjustments), stay in the job.

    5. IDK anyone who is retiree age who says nah I could use an extra $1000/month, even people who had upper middle class incomes and a solid retirement savings going in. As with all stages of life, costs increase for retirees too – often things like property taxes or prescription drug costs that you can’t just choose to cut back on; nor can every retiree just be like ok I’ll pick up a job or some consulting to make extra money. An extra $1000/month on top of whatever you’re otherwise doing via 401k can only give you a cushion.

      1. Agree. This is what I saw from grandparents. All were well funded for retirement but it’s those extra bills that came in esp property tax reassessments in HCOL states that would make them be like – it’s not like I can just go earn more now; I think many places have different rules now regarding raising property taxes on retirees but regardless there are always unexpected costs. Sounds like you’re going full force with your 401k since you mention IRS max. I’d do what I can to grab the pension too just as an extra on top of your actual 401k retirement. Even if that means taking multiple long vacations for the next 2 years just to be at work less, that’s still not going to cost you as much as giving up a guaranteed 13k/year.

    6. 22 months is a blink of an eye to me … I’d stay and get that pension, and in the meantime be sure to use all my vacation days!

      1. I agree with all the “stay” comments. Assuming the job is just detestable, and isn’t damaging your mental health to the point where staying is dangerous. Also assuming the job is not one where discretely leaning out could tank your future career prospects. Find something to distract you while you wait it out – pick up a hobby, plan a big trip to take once you quit, etc.

    7. Unless you hate your job, as opposed to just or liking it,I would stay to best in the pension. That’s a pretty significant amount of money for retirement

      1. New poster – I tend to agree but how does one decide what will or won’t be significant money say 25 years from now? Similar boat as OP and my only metric is four figures/month is significant but I have no clue how to gauge whether that would even buy groceries or utilities decades from now.

        1. The answer is, you don’t worry about it. As someone pointed out above, in our nonworking years more money = better, period. End of calculation. My parents saved well and have Social Security and have pensions and still periodically run into a big expense that makes them glad they have the resources they have. My MIL, who just passed, was facing down a situation where being in a good assisted living was going to cost $1500 more a month than her pension and Social Security brought in, meaning she would have to draw down her assets just to cover her basic living expenses, and within a couple of years (she hadn’t saved well) she would have been out of money. I would not work a job that underpaid me and sucked out my soul for 20 years just to get a pension. But if I were in the OP’s shoes I would be doing whatever I needed to so I could hang on for the remaining 22 months and get that money. Some money is better than no money in every situation in life I can think of.

        2. Think of it a different way – experts say you need 70-80% of your pre-retirement income to live comfortably once you retire. If you’re making $100k when you retire, you’ll need $70k! That’s a heck of a lot of money! So the answer is that ANY amount is significant and can make the difference between comfort and not. Save everything, stay for vesting, make wise decisions.

    8. I am an Old turning 60 this year. I did stay in the stinky job when I was 28 just to be vested. I am very glad I did.

      Sorry I do not mean this to sound like bragging, I have almost always prioritized being financially responsible over making the immediate present easier. I am set to retire very comfortably this year. Many of my friends who took the easy paths are going to be working forever because they can’t retire. Who do you want to be.

      1. Thanks for sharing this perspective and that’s why I am glad we have a wide range of ages amongst our contributors on this board.

      2. Thank you for saying this. I’m 41 and it seems like there is such celebration of the “screw it all, do what you want” career path. Which definitely has merits and is intriguing, but also, fiscal responsibility? I just don’t think I have the personality to chuck stability for anything that doesn’t replace my current income, let alone exceed it. And to be clear, I do fine but I am not earning big law money, not by a long shot.

    9. I agree with the older people advising you here. By your description your pension is likely a guaranteed money/no actuarial max pension (maybe government employment?), those are RARE. If you have one stick with it at least until vesting. It is a valuable asset that you won’t get the chance at again in your working career as they’ve mostly been phased out. Your young coworkers are wrong – a pension isn’t nothing just because it isn’t a full 60k type of pension. That’s like saying if I can’t have the full 60k, I won’t accept 5k or 10k, I’d rather have 0.

      Also imagine if you jump ship today and the new job turns out to be meh. Wouldn’t you think – I gave up a pension for an ok job that I could’ve gotten in two years?

    10. I am quite unhappy in my job but have 7 more years until full six figure annual pension, so I am absolutely staying put for seven more years and not a day more — although I constantly fantasize about doing almost anything else. I did the cost-benefit analysis on the decision… and I can survive the seven years.

      If I was in your shoes, I would stay the extra 22 months. I think you will regret it when you retire if you don’t.

    11. One way to look at it: how much would you need to save per year to get 325k at retirement/age 65? Also, is $13k inflation adjusted (I assume not) – and if not, what does that translate into in today’s dollars? That will help you assess.

    12. Stay. You’re talking almost $1100/month. This isn’t like making yourself unhappy for $50/month, it’s real money.

    13. I’m team “OMG don’t leave a pension on the table.” I would also throw some money at my happiness in the short term knowing about the long term payoff.

    14. Stay. Needing to generate 300k less in my 401k because I have some guaranteed money coming in would be my #1 motivator. Maybe it’s just me but all these targets of needing $3-5 million in your 401k to retire in 20-30 years are overwhelming so even a small % of that being taken care of would be a relief.

    15. Does “really dislike” mean your job is just meh? Or does it mean you are losing your mind, hate the person you are becoming because of the toxic dumpster fire you deal with day-in and day-out, work 90 hours a week and never see the sun or your family? If the former, stay until vested and find fulfillment elsewhere for the next 22 months. If the latter, only you can decide whether the future money is worth the cost to your well being.

    17. I am currently gritting my teeth through the last six months before I am vested in my 401k at my hated-but-not-abusive job, so obviously I chose to stay. (I’ve been unhappy in this job since day one.) I’m going to walk out of here with ~15K extra in that account, and some of why is that I have EARNED EVERY DOLLAR of that. My calculation also involved the “not abusive” part; they’ve been reasonable about pandemic protocols and I absolutely did not want to leave for an employer who wasn’t going to be at least that good, but if they had forced me to go back to the office earlier than I was comfortable with, for example, I would have been out of there so fast I’d have broken the sound barrier.

    18. $1k per month is not nothing! Sheesh, I want to shake your coworkers for being so short-sighted.

      I’m not happy in my job and haven’t been for some time. I stay partly for the sweet, sweet benefits. I am very unlikely to find them elsewhere.

    19. If you live until 85 (20 years) that would be over $250K… I’d stay for that.

  16. hi there. I am struggling with “anticipatory” anxiety as it relates to the next three months, which are full of a lot of very positive but big changes and events for me and my husband. We are finally having our Covid postponed wedding at the end of June, three weeks after we are moving cross country as my husband finishes medical residency and he will start his own practice and I’m a newly promoted biglaw partner. I read that preceding sentence and a big part of me is like omg you have it so good this is everything you’ve worked for for literally years. But the other part of me is really struggling with the stress— I want someone else to come in and run my life for me so I don’t mess it up. I’m having nausea round the clock and there’s a constant pit in my stomach, I’ve cried three times today already over little things that feel like really big things. Advice for enjoying this period and calming the f down?

    1. “I read that preceding sentence and a big part of me is like omg you have it so good this is everything you’ve worked for for literally years.”

      I, internet stranger, read that preceding sentence and thought, “Holy cow! She has a TON on her plate! No wonder she’s anxious! That’s a lot of balls in the air!”

      I don’t have any ideas besides outsourcing, which you’re probably already doing, but I give you permission to accept your anxiety. Go easy on yourself. There’s so much going on and you’re only human.

      1. +1. I don’t know if this is helpful but I’d be the same way. I think if you can get any time in nature (just 15 minutes around your neighborhood) that may slow your brain down a little bit. Any balls you can drop, go ahead and do it. No one cares if your house is clean or if you choose the perfect napkins or if your eyebrows are perfectly done, and of course you are in a position to outsource everything you can.

      2. “Holy cow! She has a TON on her plate! No wonder she’s anxious!”

        +1000. With just the “3 months to my wedding” part, I was a ball of stress. I lost two months of memory around that time.

    2. Wow, that is a lot going on. When I achieve a long-term goal (graduate degree for example) I get overwhelmed with stress because I’ve achieved a goal so what do I do now? You have that times 2 or 3 with your husband’s goal being achieved too. Both of you have been so goal oriented. I can totally understand the stress. I can only suggest meditation, journaling, future goal setting like decorating a home and going on vacations – think of fun things to look forward to. If the anxiety is making you sick, then maybe a visit with a PCP for a script for small amount of anxiety meds.

    3. The anticipation is the worst. Once the move gets underway you won’t have time to be nervous. Enjoy the ride!

    4. Not a suggestion but I am right there with you! I do want to just acknowledge that that is a lot on your plate, even if some of it is good stuff.

      I am also super antsy during my busiest period at work, currently waiting to find out this month whether my spouse’s job will necessitate a move to a different state before mid July. This would also entail my petitioning my own job to transition fully remote, potentially pausing a months long series of dental procedures, arranging our schedule around planned fertility treatments, and relocating an older cat and a disabled relative with us. Ugh!

      What kind of helps me in no particular order: leaning into focus during the work hours and shutting out personal concerns, vigorous exercise, reading way to many romance novels before bed, not cleaning my house to my usual standards, talking with friends about how I’m on tenterhooks

    5. Dear anon, everyone would be overwhelmed by getting everything you’ve worked for all at once! I would do the following in your shoes:
      -Keep a brain dump somewhere accessible – physical journal, OneNote, your phone. Anytime you have a thought you don’t want to forget, drop it there. Don’t worry about organizing it right now – make time for that in a few days instead and use its contents to make a plan – but for now it’s just to unburden your head.
      -Who can you call to rant to on your commute or lunch break? Do that.
      -I realize you’re a partner and probably find it difficult to completely unplug, but I would really try to put your phone down for an hour or so, maybe on the weekend, and do something like garden (real) or read a physical book.

    6. It’s a lot but you’ll be fine – I graduated law school ten years ago and got married 4 weeks later and closed on a house a week after that.

      Then 4 years later we moved and renovated house, started kid at a new daycare, bought a new car and had twins all within 6 weeks. Sometimes life throws these intense periods at you but it can actually be easier to ‘rip the bandaid off’ and make the big life changes all at once. You’ll survive it and you’ll have some fun stories to tell.

  17. Nail polish question. What do we think about the professionalism of fun patterned nail polish strips? I got some in a recent subscription box that I didn’t think I’d like but I actually love. They are clear with an abstract print in pretty colors – which mean they can chip with impunity! Best thing ever for a klutz like me that chips my nails as soon as I get them done. I’m worried they look a little juvenile though. Thoughts?

    2. I agree they can look juvenile or over-cutesy (like the kind of thing a mommy blogger would be affiliate linking) but would not GAF if you wore them in my office.

    3. I think I may be about to out myself so I am using an anon-anon accont and not my normal but my partner (O&G, something of a rainmaker, to be old school about it) has lavender hair right now. I think you are fine.

  18. My husband and I have talked about having a baby and right not we’re not actively avoiding it (I got my IUD out and we are not the best at using backup protection) but are not tracking my cycle or making active efforts to try. I’m also up for partner at my Biglaw firm this year and have been told that unless something major happens, I should make it. Does it make sense to hold off for a few more months so I don’t have to announce my pregnancy right about the time my partnership vote occurs?
    For what it’s worth, I turn 36 this year, my husband turns 37, and neither of us is interested in becoming parents past the age of 38.
    I’m also finding myself so anxious about money when I think about having a baby, as if we’ll never be able to afford everything we need and still retire if we have one, but if we don’t, we could retire at 63 or earlier. How does anyone work through these anxieties?

      1. + 1. Don’t wait. Don’t announce your pregnancy until after you make partner but don’t feel guilty at all about announcing after. If you aren’t pregnant 6 months after you got your IUD out schedule an appointment with REI.

    2. In terms of the money anxiety, I’d work with a financial planner or advisor to actually understand your finances and how they’ll be impacted by a kid. But you also need to think about what you want more – early retirement or a kid? If you are a biglaw associate and likely soon a partner I’ll bet you can afford to have a kid and still have a good life and retire at a reasonable age but it’s a very different life than no kid and early retirement followed by hopefully many years of flexibility.

      1. I live in a HCOL area, work in government (much lower-paying than biglaw), have 2 kids and plan to retire at age 62. I think there’s a chance your concerns that having a child will mean you can’t retire at 63 may be overblown. There are a lot of financial decisions between now and then, related to kids or not, that have the potential to bolster or jeopardize your retirement goals.

    3. I wouldn’t wait. You have no idea how long it will take to get pregnant and, at least at my firm, it wouldn’t impact the partnership vote. Honestly, if anything, it would be a positive for the vote – the firm loves saying that they make people who are pregnant or on maternity leave a partner.

      You are going to be a biglaw partner. You have more money than like 99% of Americans. You will be fine financially.

      1. +1. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard about the one partner at my BigLaw firm who made partner while she was on maternity leave. I don’t think it’s a negative – honestly, they might be slightly more likely to push you through, given the sensitivities around it.

        Good luck with everything!

    4. If you’re not preventing, you’re trying. I don’t understand why so many seemingly smart women don’t seem to understand that. I got pregnant first cycle in my mid-30s with zero tracking, temping or otherwise doing anything except unprotected s3x and know many other women with the same story. It’s probably logical not to pause trying, given your age constraints. But you are trying now!

      1. Because a lot of people get very very anxious and for them, “trying to whatever” is a better strategy than tracking her cycle and planning intercourse.

        My friend described it as “one more thing on her plate.” Many couples loathe planning intercourse.

    5. Well if 38 is your cut off, you don’t have time to delay so that solves that problem. Also. Kindly. Get a grip on your privilege. You’re about to be a law firm partner. You are richer than nearly everyone in the country.

      4. +1
        Seriously, this is the most privileged problem I have ever heard of. If Big Law partner isn’t enough money to have a baby and retire, what hope is there for the rest of us mere mortals??

      5. Thank you. A BigLaw partner has enough money to comfortably raise a family. You just can’t have a family, and a vacation house, and a live in nanny, and annual trips to Europe, and private school K-12, and a new Masersti every 2 years, and early retirement.

    6. Agree with everyone’s take.

      I definitely think you should see a financial planner (fee only). I only spent seven years in BigLaw and could probably retire at 40 (as a single mom to my first kid and with a baby coming this year), and I don’t think that’s rare, so I second the financial planner advice. That is a lot of money to earn, and 63 is a long time from now, unless there are details about your life you’re leaving out here. My NYC data is three years out of date now, but I’d plan on ~80K for a nanny (plus withholding) and 10K for related costs in terms of rough numbers for a baby, assuming he’s also working full-time/full-time plus.

      At the very least, start tracking your cycle so you have data for your doctor, and can focus romantic activities when most likely to be effective.

    9. Thanks, all. We will not be getting a nanny and the 62/63 target is because my husband will be eligible to retire then and I’d like to retire with him. We don’t want to be paying for college or anything when we retire.
      In terms of actual costs, I was estimating 3000-3500/month for daycare (and less during summers as we’d like to send the kid only 2-3 days per week then), plus college savings, food, etc. I have a financial advisor and she keeps telling me that we are fine (we own a 2 br- apartment (though still have a mortgage), have around $600 or 700k in my retirement and will have a fully-funded pension plus his 403(b) in retirement), but I am just reeling thinking about the dollars out each month once the baby is born. Am I just being overly-anxious?

      1. Yes, having a child is expensive. And yes, you are objectively in absolutely great financial shape and will be fine.

      2. A couple follow-up thoughts:

        -my daycare cost that in Harlem five years ago, so I’d make sure that’s still accurate.
        -I was a fifth (?) year when I had my son, and it ended up being basically impossible to work in BigLaw and use a daycare. It will depend on your partner’s job, of course, but I would not bet on daycare being workable. I don’t know a single person without a stay at home spouse who used daycare in my NYC BigLaw office. In fact, I knew more folks with school + nanny or TWO nannies (one for 6 AM-2, one for lunch- dinner, for example). Can you or your husband block off an hour morning and evening, without fail or exception, to always get baby ready for daycare and take them in/pick them up? I could not in my practice area. Do your peers do that?
        -get on waitlists everywhere you might be 10% interested in and sort it out later. I got a call when my son was 4 years old that he was off a waitlist I went on at 6 weeks pregnant. It’s brutal out there. Also, think about when you’re coming back v when babies are accepted. A lot places may not take them until they’re 3 or 4 or 6 months old, and as a partner I imagine you’ll be back way sooner than that.
        -I’d also make sure you understand pregnancy/birth/potential fertility costs. Even with good insurance, you’ll want to have I’d say 10K stashed for the most simple of births, and it goes up from there if you need help conceiving or an epidural or a C-section or a NICU stay. Obviously hard to pin down in advance, but put something away and poke around to see what’s normal on your plan.

      3. You are completely out of touch with reality about money. You are swimming in money. How much do you freakin’ need?

      4. Yes, you are being overly anxious. If your financial advisor is repeatedly telling you you’re fine, why do you think she’s wrong?

      5. Honestly, your financial issues are psychological, not fiscal. And I really doubt daycare will work for a biglaw partner lifestyle unless your spouse has a flexible job and is willing to be the primary parent to deal with illnesses and closures. My husband and I have hard enough of a time with two jobs that are usually 40-45hours per week and while working hours that are a bit offset from one another. Honestly, jobs like yours are what nannies are for.

        1. Completely agree. The very first thing I learned as a BigLaw associate with a small child was “you’re only as good as your backup child care.”

      6. Her husband has a 403(b), which means nonprofit, which usually means flexible enough job to do daycare drop offs and pickups.

        1. Not necessarily. Hospital systems are also “nonprofits” (hahahahahahahaha) and some can offer a 403b.

        2. I work for a nonprofit. I make less money than my husband, but I also have the “bigger” and less flexible job with more travel, etc.

    10. Not to be mean, but what have you been doing with your money that means that retirement at 53 or 43 isn’t possible? You are in one of the highest paying roles in the country and have been for, what, 6-8 years? You should have had at least a few years of free-and-clear insane income. (I say this as someone who entered big law with $310k in student loans and had it paid off by my fourth year bonus; I certainly understand that if you paid sticker for school, you may have played catch up for a few years).

      My gut is that you don’t know what you have and what you actually need. Anxiety is so often just a lack of understanding. It’s time for you to sit down with some books on financial independence, your budget, and your retirement portfolio. You may want to google The Super Simple Math Behind Early Retirement. Even if you don’t choose to follow that poster’s approach, it will help you get your head around how little you really need to retire. You also are probably severely underestimating compound interest.

      On the baby piece: I would not wait to start actively trying if you have any sort of timeline. (Although, if you’re regularly putting the necessary parts together without protection, you are in fact actively trying). Odds are relatively good you will lose at least one baby — I lost five, including babies made through IVF. You do not know whether you will need intervention, what that intervention will look like, or how long that intervention will take to work. Your “plan” for a baby needs to include everything from “first month actively trying” to “it takes three years and multiple rounds of IVF.”

    11. At your age – do not wait. You already would be medically considered a “Geriatric Pregnancy” . As egg quality declines closing in on 40 miscarriages become much more common. Save yourself a lot of heartbreak. Unless you really don’t care about being a mother, which is fine too.

    2. lol I went to school with her in college and she was always extremely extra and also not very nice to the peons

      1. Wow. To be known as “not very nice to the peons” at Princeton I feel like you have to be REALLY not very nice.

    3. Thanks for posting that! I had thought the nap dress and hill house were by the black woman in England who is HillHouseVintage. The latter woman seems more likeable.

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