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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Flutter-Sleeve Cotton Top

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This flutter-sleeve top from Talbots is a piece that can go easily from office to weekend. The “wild aster” color is going to be flattering on a wide range of skin tones and would look equally appropriate paired with a navy skirt suit or a pair of jeans and sandals.

The top is $69.50 full price — you'll get 25% off at checkout — and comes in misses sizes XS–XL, petite sizes P–XL, plus sizes X–3X, and plus petite sizes X–3X. It's also available in paisley.

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Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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226 Comments

  1. Help me shop! I am 2 weeks post-partum and scheduled a family photo shoot next week; weather permitting, we will be outside. What should I wear? I’m not fitting back into my regular clothes yet and all of my maternity clothes are blah. Nothing too fancy but also don’t want to wear leggings. Bonus points if there is a coordinating (not matching) outfit for baby you could recommend. I’m too tired to think. TIA!

    1. Congratulations! I would look at casual dresses somewhere like Loft where clothes tend to be generously cut though the middle.

    2. Wow you are ambitious! I could only fit maternity clothes at that point and my boobs jump a couple of cup sizes three weeks out.

      Any maternity stores nearby? Slim maternity pants and a very loose, flowy top might work. A loose dress?

      Honestly there is no way I would be able to pull off a photo sessions that soon, but you have be more together than I am with a newborn.

    3. I wore maternity jeans and a loose/flowy white top from old navy for mine a few years ago. A good photographer will have you hold the baby in ways that are flattering, but also – you just birthed a human! Congrats!

      1. I wore maternity jeans, a black nursing tank, and an open non-maternity cardigan. I would go with simple, classic basics. You’re gonna look at these pictures forever and smile, and it won’t be because of your outfit!

    4. Congratulations! I got a midi length dress from Old Navy for both my newborn photo shoots. I still wear them! Both dresses were a blue shade. I have two boys so it was easy to coordinate them in shades of blue and white and coral. I like the longer length because you’ll probably pose on the floor or on a blanket outside. I didn’t want to buy pants in my post partum size and also didn’t want leggings. One of my dresses was similar to the Garment-Dyed Fit & Flare Slub-Knit Midi Dress that Old Navy has now and the other one was a chambray midi dress that buttoned all the way up. Old Navy tends to be forgiving around the middle and loose fitting generally.

    5. We had newborn pics taken two weeks postpartum with our twins a few years ago. I wore maternity jeans and a white flowy top from old navy. A good photographer will have you hold the baby in good positions, but also- you just birthed a human. Congrats!!!! This was pre pandemic, but i did also get my hair blown out for the pics which helped me feel human

  2. Help me plan my cat’s 18th birthday party! I’ve never done anything for kitty’s birthday, so this is as much an excuse for a party as anything. The guest of honor likely will not socialize very much. He’s an all black cat born in October (I adopted him at 9 weeks in December) so I could do a Halloween angle. I expect other friends will have Halloween parties, though. Any suggestions for fun ways to celebrate my sweet boy?

    2. Make him a voter registration card, since he’s now of age to join the electoral process!

      1. It’s so funny you say that, it was actually my first thought. But then I thought that certain friends of friends (who would not be invited but would see social media posts) might take it seriously because as a Biden voter of course I actually registered my cat to vote ?

        1. The voter registration card is for the Commonwealth of Cat. Translate “whiskers and paws” into Latin, and that’s the state motto. Let him register as a Repawblican or a Democat.

    3. I don’t know if it will be fun for the cat, but how about a donation to your favorite cat rescue?

    4. I love this so much. For our pug’s 12th birthday last month we made special treats and bought her new toys (as if she doesn’t already have a ton). We also had cake and candles for the humans present.

    5. I highly recommend booking a pet photography session – you can glam up your cat, and you’ll get high quality photos of this esteemed member of your family/photos of you with the cat.

      1. This is great idea. Soot sprites are notoriously difficult to photograph, so having a pro on hand will prevent disappointment.

        1. We have a lot of local photographers who donate their time to animal shelters or rescue groups to get the best adoption photos. Maybe check if anyone in your area does this?

    6. New collar, new fluffy bed/pillow to sit on (ideally during the party but also later), and photography session. Have a great time!!

    7. What about a “classic cartoon cats” theme? There are tons of animated black cats: Felix the Cat, Snowball II from the Simpsons, Figaro from Pinocchio, Sylvester… You could get poster-size images printed and have the videos playing in the background throughout the party!

    8. My kitty boy turned 18 in July, and I absolutely adore this idea. Your cat is old enough to go to college and vote, so I’d start there!

  3. Any script, or suggestion where to find one, would be appreciated. I need to get a seasoned employee to behave more professionally and kindly to to coworkers. She knows her stuff but is arrogant and aggressive.

    2. I agree with Jules and would add that specific examples of action or behavior should be used in the conversation to illustrate what needs to be changed.

      1. I know it’s late, but in case you check back-I tell my clients that these conversations should have 3 parts:

        1. Explanation of the problem in objective terms and specific examples of things the employee should not do anymore. If it violates a policy, make sure you indicate this.
        2. What you expect of your employee.
        3. What will happen if they do not meet expectations.

        So in very brief form. “It is not acceptable to yell at your secretary under any circumstances. It is a violation of our policy of being good human beings and treating each other with respect. You do not have to like your secretary, but you cannot yell at her. If you yell at her again, you will be issued a final warning, and if it happens again after that, your employment will be terminated.”

        You owe it to your employee to be straight forward, to explain the consequences, and to stick to them. If you don’t, you aren’t setting clear expectations. Also, make sure you document the conversation and consider having a witness sit in.

    3. I used to manage an employee just like that. For Reasons, firing her was not an option. We had a talk up front about how my expectations were different than those of her prior managers and she needed to behave positively towards her coworkers. This resulted in better behavior for about a week, and then I had to start calling her into my office every time she was nasty to a coworker. I hated those conversations, but so did she. Consistent consequences reduced the frequency reasonably quickly. It was like dealing with a child. I will say that the moment I left that job she went right back to making her coworkers cry, so this definitely didn’t create any lasting change.

      1. lmao – bingo. I got divorced last week, and my ex and I are amicably co-parenting. Amazing how much you let go when you don’t have to carry it.

      2. Should have given a bit more detail. This is work-based feelings of resentment – I’m not married.

        1. Get a new job.

          Honestly…I left my old job because I was so exhausted from dragging around my resentment for a former coworker. Every time I’d manage to talk myself into a kinder state of mind, they’d do something that brought it all right back. After one really rough day I rage-checked my dream employer’s job board, saw the exact role I wanted, applied, and got the job.

          Three years later, this person was finally managed out. I still miss things about my old job (and I know my old job misses me, since I’m still friendly with everyone else on my old team!), but I’m so grateful that I didn’t spend any more years of my life seething in resentment.

          1. Thanks – I am actively job hunting, it just seems to be taking quite a while to find a new position. I’m glad your situation worked out!

        2. Divorce the job. :) I’m not being snarky. Get a new job because your feelings of resentment will negatively affect your performance.

          2. +1… there’s no couples counseling in a job and little incentive for the job/bosses to own their part and fix what’s driving this.
            You can and should own and fix any part you had in it, but that’s much easier to do with a fresh start, somewhere else.

    4. Acceptance. Recognizing your own role in what happened, even if that role was simply not leaving. It’s easy to confuse not changing the status quo as not making a decision – but that’s not correct. You could choose to walk out of a bad job, but most people will put up with it until they find something new. It’s easier to bear if you accept things as they are, not how they should be, and recognize that you have some control over the situation.

    5. Focusing on what you want to happen. Resentment is usually not a feeling that serves your goals.

      1. You’re right, my goal is to get out of my current job. It’s just taking quite a bit of time, and I need a way to deal with these feelings in the meantime.

    6. Identify your boundaries. Remain strictly professional. Mentally separate work from personal.

    7. Celebrate micro-victories. If you’re dealing with systemic department sexism, for example, congratulate yourself for getting through one uncomfortable conversation without showing your anxiety or disgust.

    8. If you are a praying person, you can pray for the person you resent/cannot forgive.

    9. I find it helpful to assess whether I want to give my antagonist that much head space. I am much better served by acknowledging the resentment and then choosing to focus on something else. So, internally acknowledge your boss sucks, but express that it’s not your problem to solve, or express gratitude for being employed and employable even in a recession, and move on.

  5. Lawyers – do you stick to legal advice, or do you also ac to as a business consultant? Example; let’s say client wants to do X. X is legal (fire an employee, produce a widget, open a business). Client asks you about an industry trend (hiring woes, costs of raw materials, signage for the business). Do you say “not a legal issue”? Do you say “interesting ideas, what about X” (ask how long they could handle having the position open, when their supplier agreements renew, whether they’ve checked city code for the sign rules). I haven’t figured out this balance yet. Im in private practice but used to be in house.

    1. I would have a normal conversation with them about the business concerns. There are often legal issues that the client has not thought about intertwined with the business concerns, and you need to understand the business to represent them well anyway.

    2. I feel like these are really different questions. For raw materials/sourcing issues, you write a contract with inflation escalators, guaranteed delivery, force majeure events, etc.

      Firing an employee? There are legal issues such as, even if it’s 100% legal, the employee is likely to sue because you’re doing it 2 months after he filed a worker’s comp claim or right after she returned from maternity leave. If there are hiring woes but the employee is creating a harassing work environment, a court isn’t going to care that you have to let the position sit open for three months; you’re liable for the hostile work environment. Likewise, if your harassed employee quits, you have another open position and a lawsuit.

      I would check the city code for sign rules; presumably, that’s why they are asking me.

    3. It depends. In some of your examples, it’s my job to advise the client of risks associated with various business decisions. If my client wants to fire an employee who wants a hybrid WFH schedule then I’ll advise them about whether it’s legal in this particular case, the risks associated with the decision, but I’d also point out that this is going to be a recurring issue. They risk not being able to hire replacements. They might have to allow hybrid schedules anyway. And that loops back into risk – because if the fired employee was, say, a new mom who wants to spare herself a commute twice a week and they replace her with a 22 year old single man who wants to WFH at the beach every Thursday and Friday, then that opens them up to discrimination suits. At a minimum it’s not a great look with your existing employees and it’s going to create a morale issue. Much of my role in advising employers boils down to “don’t be an AH.”

      It’s a good idea to keep up with industry publications so you have a high level understanding of your client’s business operations, but you’re not expected to be an expert in their business. Like the cost of raw materials – they will know better than me. I might be able to issue spot and point them in the right direction, at most, but generally only about common-ish knowledge stuff.

    4. In analyzing a situation, I often point out concerns with a notation that something is “more of a political concern than a legal one” or that “while this does not present a legal concern, the proposed language would limit entity’s ability to do xyx” or similar. I will also say that there have been occasions where the chair of the Board of directors has turned to me in a board meeting and asked for my recommendation on nonlegal matters. My approach then is to say something on the order of “that is a business decision for the board, but I recommend you consider xyz legal issues in making that decision.”

    6. I counsel entrepreneurs and often work with founders, who are young/inexperienced. A good startup lawyer is there to provide guidance regarding norms and trends. I have no problem providing this advice.

    7. I’m an employment lawyer, so your first example is most relevant to me. I would never say, “not a legal issue, can’t help” because that’s not helpful to my client. We’re in the business of helping, and that kind of answer shuts the conversation down and makes my client less likely to ask me questions going forward.
      Instead, I might say something like, well, this isn’t really legal advice, but here are my thoughts. Or, I’m no expert on ____, so I typically leave that to my client, but here’s what my other clients are doing. Or, this is a bit out of my wheelhouse, but you should talk to ___ because they can help. Without giving away any details I cannot ethically share, of course. But I don’t just opine on things I am not qualified on. And even then, if it’s not legal advice, it’s not legal advice…it’s just chatting with my client and being a problem solver for them. If you do it this way, you build the relationship with your client, which is what you want.

  6. For years I’ve taken Clarinex (desloratadin) daily to manage my seasonal allergies. All of a sudden, this doesn’t work anymore, and I’m sneezing like crazy, my throat and nose itch, my eyes water… My olopatadine eye drops still work somewhat, but pill-wise I’m not satisfied.
    I now take Benadryl at night to sleep, but the effect wears off after 6 hrs or so – and it makes me sleepy, so not an option in the morning when I have to work or drive somewhere.
    Cetirizine didn’t do much for me years ago – anything else I could try?

    FWIW, I have already done multiple rounds of desensitization shots, which has improved the allergic rhinitis and episodic allergic asthma, which I suffer from March through October.

    1. I developed a tolerance to Claritin too. I’ve had success with fluticasone (brand name Flonase) for the past couple of seasons.

    2. I take Allegra year round for this. During really bad pollen periods I take Allegra in the am and Zyrtec in the pm.

    3. I switch between generic Claritin, Allegra, and Zyrtec because I also develop a tolerance over time. The nice thing so far (knock wood) is that if I take a 4-5 month break from Claritin, when I go back to it, it works again.

      1. I guess this is something I should try, then.

        Did you discuss with your doctor, or just self-medicating with the OTC stuff?

        1. No I didn’t discuss with my doctor but my work friend was working with a doctor and was advised to do this, so I just copied him.

        3. +3, I do this also and it seems to work. Zyrtec works best for me so I switch off between the other two and then rotate back to Zyrtec.

      2. This scenario is pretty common, so most allergists will recommend just switching your antihistamine when one wears off. By the time you rotate back to the original, the tolerance should have resolved.
        Also, please don’t take that much Benadryl! It’s really not good for you to take very often, especially if older than 60. It’s a 1st generation antihistamine as opposed to the 2nd generation Claritin/Zyrtec ones, so works differently and should not be used daily. Also, a nasal steroid spray is a god-send for allergies :)
        -Sincerely, worked in an allergy clinic

    4. Flonase (Fluticasone) is a miracle drug for me. It’s a nasal spray. I use it during tree pollen season, and also take a Zyrtec (Cetirizine) every day of the year for all my other allergies (other pollen, mold, dust, etc.).

      Otherwise, just try all of the OTC allergy meds for a couple weeks each to see what works. They all used to be by prescription but are now OTC. Allegra, Claritin, Zyrtec, etc.

    5. Nasal irrigation gives me a good “reset” that seems to cancel out med tolerances. I can usually go back to a similar product after a couple of weeks.

    6. Just FYI my doctor told me that different pollens/seasons respond better to different of the main meds (Zyrtec, Claritin, and Allegra) so if one isn’t working then try a different one. For me, I often use all of them together.

      1. This is intriguing.
        Do you take them all at the same time, or staggered (e.g. one in the morning, one at night)?

    7. I have terrible year-round chronic severe allergies. Basically my advice is go to the doctor because that’s what I did when OTC stuff wasn’t working for me anymore. I have a few different prescriptions as well as an RX nasal spray. Also, be consistent. Take them every day even if you feel ok.

    8. Thanks all. I just sent a message to my PCP and asked about options/dosing/timing. Might be getting some OTC stuff in the meantime, but at least you all gave me ideas about what to ask.

      1. I also recommend giving up dairy even for just a few weeks to see if it helps. It was a game changer for me and my allergies.

  7. Has anyone ever really struggled with the decision to leave the city for the burbs? Over the last couple years we have felt increasingly unsafe in and annoyed by our city neighborhood (which is one of the nicest and probably safest in our city, fwiw). I think this is partly due to having two kids, which has made me more aware of how safe I feel and also trash and noise pollution. But I’ve always been a city person (was raised in the city) and I see a lot of value in raising kids here. My husband was raised in the burbs but also loves the city. We want a yard (a real yard with grass/trees) and more space, which you cannot get in our city even with a multi million budget. I dunno, I guess I just feel like we’re giving up? Leaving our youth behind? Betraying our values?

    1. Reframe this as a new chapter. Your city dwelling was great for some time. Now you are making some changes and get to try on a new life style. You can always change back later. Good for you, for prioritizing what you need in the present, and not being stuck in the past.

    2. I loved my city neighborhood and leaving there did feel like giving up a part of my identity – it was a place that was very “me.” What I had to realize was that there were other things that were also “me,” namely wanting my kids to have access to nature and safer places to play (traffic being more of a concern for me than crime). I still hate how much more driving is involved in living here, and I have been pretty successful at minimizing that, although I’ll never be back to my “car is parked for weeks at a time” urban life.

    3. I think my biggest piece of advice would be to work this issue out yourself and don’t go seeking external validation. I have lots of friends who have moved to the burbs and the ones who seem happiest have been the ones who have embraced the minivan and soccer life. The ones who cling to their former selves and try to live a city life from afar seem really miserable.

    4. I felt the same but I realized it was because I was worried about being judged by well-meaning progressive friends. Once I began focusing on what I wanted for my own life, I made the move and have never been happier. It’s a joy to feel safe in my new city wherever I go.

    5. There are a lot of suburbs that are not necessarily boring or in the middle of nowhere. There are lots of places with a great downtown area full of restaurants and theaters etc. You can also live in the suburbs and be close enough to go into the city on the weekends. It’s reasonable to move when your current location no longer serves your needs. You’re not betraying any values. Rather, you’re changing and growing and have different needs. I’d try to figure out what you love about city live and how you can bring those aspects with you to your next home.

    6. Following. We aren’t seriously searching but I have a lot of love for the city (but think I would also be happy in a burb).

    7. I moved from San Francisco to Berkeley when I was late 20s because I wanted a garden and I’ve never looked back. We didn’t do the predictable second move from Berkeley to Lafayette or Walnut Creek or wherever, so it feels urban enough to be in Berkeley and to have raised our kids here. And I have a rose garden, so it’s all good.

      1. I moved from Berkeley to Walnut Creek because it was more affordable (to rent) and it feels much safer. We have twice the space, tons of amenities (parking, W/D in unit, pets allowed, etc.) for less money – we spend 11% of our pre-tax income on rent, which is practically unheard of in the Bay Area. In Berkeley, ALL of our packages got stolen, our bikes got stolen, and even our potted plants got stolen. I had homeless people yell in my face probably once a month. It wasn’t for me, but it might be different if you could afford to live in a nicer part of Berkeley. I thought the Gourmet Ghetto was going to be nice enough, but it wasn’t.

      2. I’m contemplating a similar move from an inner to an outer suburb (for Chicago folks, Oak Park to… maybe Naperville?) Some of this is covid driven, my spouse no longer commutes into the city but DOES need a dedicated home office (I already commute to an outer suburb). Some of it is family driven. When we moved I was pregnant with our first and we bought a house that seemed unimaginably big (1600 sq ft). Now, with two kids and one adult working from home full time more space will be amazing. We could afford more house in our suburb, but don’t see too much of a plus to our current location at this stage in our lives. Many of our friends have moved to the suburbs when they had kids and our trips into the city aren’t nearly as frequent as we thought they’d be. Honestly, if I’m going to a city event once a month an extra 30-40 minutes for my drive is worth it for a shorter daily commute and a house that fits our day-to-day needs better.

    8. Even when leaving the city is 100% the right thing for your new stage of life, you may second guess your decision, romanticize what you left behind (ignoring the crime and lack of yard space), and grieve the loss. I hated NYC by the end of our time there and still grieved our move to the burbs and took a hit to my sense of identity. It’s an adjustment period.

    9. A lot of subdivisions in my city are built around walking things once you get home — walking trails, YMCA or pool / tennis, restaurants, shops, etc. I really think that that is the best of both worlds (or like being a retiree without moving to The Villages). I would like to live somewhere like that were my kids could also more safely walk to things and/or ride bikes and not be so dependent on driving grownups for their activities and social lives. I am in an older suburban neighborhood that is great at being close to my job and a community college (not very helpful though when your kids are much too young for that) but not great for school-aged kids.

    10. This sounds really stuck-up. Betraying your values? Giving up?

      How about you are growing up and realizing that you are no longer willing to put up with the inconvenience, filth, and expense of city life?

      2. Well you sound judgmental and uninformed. City dweller here who’s values include treading as lightly on the earth as possible, so I live where I can walk most everywhere: to spend time with my family so I live close to work, and to be somewhere very diverse. But you do you.

      3. It is precisely because of Karens like you that people are conflicted about moving to your breeding ground aka the suburbs.

          2. Breeding ground (noun): a thing that favors the development or occurrence of something.

            How are you possibly offended by that?

          3. anon, we all know exactly what you meant. Don’t try to hide; grow up and own your bullsh!t.

          4. OMG are you confusing “breeding ground” with “breeders”? LMAO you are so stupid.

    11. I only lasted six months in the suburbs; I couldn’t wait to get back. If I wanted a yard, space, clean, and quiet, I’d move to the country.

    12. Have your explored your suburbs? Some are boring, but my town is vibrant and densely populated. There is a lot more to do here than in my city neighborhood. You don’t have to give up your values.

      1. To me a city girl for a long time – it depends. There is what I consider unappealing – gated community, walkable only to the pool, large new construction homes with no backyards to speak off very close together (despite being very far from the city). I know people who happily buy up their dream McMansion in such a place, but that is not for me. There are some suburbs, with older homes that may need some renovation work, that are walkable to a couple restaurants/coffee, etc. (a smaller town center area, for example) and have actual space between the houses. These are generally much more money, but I could do that type of area. Ideally, finances notwithstanding, I would have a city apartment and a country house, like Curious George.

        1. I guess it probably depends a lot where you live, too. My east coast town has a more urban feel that many big cities out west and there is nary a gated community or mcmansion to be seen. I rarely drive and there is a lot to walk to, plus public transit. I would be surprised though if the same thing existed somewhere like Texas or Utah.

    14. Are you me? My fiancé and I also want to make that change in the near future. We want a yard and more space, and we want to eventually buy a house and want to rent in the area we’re eyeing first, but our life is in this city, with public transit and walkable neighborhoods, and cool music venues and indie movie theaters . . . we’re eyeing a smaller city that’ll have similar stuff, but we know it won’t be the same. I guess we’re trying to figure out if we feel “done” with the major city yet. I’m feeling kinda done with the building, which is pushing me to move. There’s been a lot of miscommunication, and the superintendent has been forgetting things he said he’d have fixed. To me it’s a sign that it might be time to move on.

  8. Can anyone suggest a strategy for hair and makeup ahead of a professional headshot session? I’m in New York

    1. I’m not sure if this is a strategy, but I got my hair and makeup professionally done before my law firm photos were taken. I’m pretty good with makeup (less so with hair) but I knew there was no way I’d be as good as a professional. It was definitely worth it – I loved how my photos turned out and I used them for LinkedIn as well (and get compliments from my friends!). Highly recommend.

      1. That’s what I’m thinking. Did you do just like a blowout at a salon? A particular service for the makeup?

        1. So I’ve done it a couple of different ways. The first time I got a blowout and styling at my regular salon, and then got my makeup done at a Laura Mercier counter at Nordstrom (I had to buy $40 worth of product). This most recent time was during Covid, so I found a salon that does both (hair and makeup) and it turned out great as well. I recommend having some pictures to show the stylist so they don’t go overboard.

    2. I’d look into Glam Squad. Last time I got my headshots done in NY (pre-covid) I got my hair tamed at Dry Bar and had a makeup tutorial earlier in the day as part of some media training I was doing (so unfortunately not a place to recommend). It looked heavy in the mirror but turned out fantastic in photos. Highly recommend putting yourself in the hands of a professional

    3. I just got new headshots this week. I have long hair so I went to Drybar for a blowout, then did my own makeup.

    4. I have used Glam Squad and another similar service in New York. Specify if you want just a blow out and natural make up, or if you need a trim.

    5. If you have a regular hair salon, ask them if they have a makeup artist. Most salons around here have somebody on staff.

  9. closing on our first home today and I’m so nervous. Like did we choose the right house, the right neighborhood, will we be able to get all the work done before moving in, etc. am i supposed to only be excited? I am also excited but right now more overwhelmed with everything we have to do

    1. Sooooooooooooo common to have these feelings. So, so, so common. Congrats on the house! This is a big time and there is a ton to do, I’m sure, but you’ll get there. Fingers crossed for a good closing today.

    3. Those are completely normal feelings. I freaked out when we did our walkthrough just before closing. We’ve had some bumps along the way, but I still couldn’t be happier with where we landed.

    4. Congrats! I closed on mine a few weeks ago and still feel like I’m staying in a fancy AirBnB rather than living in my own house. I had all the same worries, and while of course there were hiccups, overall it went well and I’m happy so far.

      We prioritized getting walls and floors done before we brought in furniture, (and doing a wipe down of cabinets and counters) and turns out that was the right call. All the rest of the stuff I wanted to change, I’ve realized I actually want to wait on a bit. I want to live in the space for a while, see how we actually use it in practice, before I switch out the fixtures or whatnot.

      One tip that I didn’t think about at first – change your locks within a day or two of moving in. You never know who might have spare keys from the previous owner. Turns out most of our neighbors had a spare key and brought it over when they stopped to meet us. I’m sure they’re lovely people who wouldn’t use it nefariously, but I sleep better knowing that I won’t get surprised by a stranger.

  10. The lower part of my knee (where the knee cap meets the top of the shin) on one side starts hurting when I run but not when I just walk or stand or sit. Obviously I need to see a doctor and I’m trying to get in to see a sports medicine person. But while I’m waiting, does anyone have any idea what could be the causing this? Started about a month ago. Not triggered by anything except for running/playing soccer one time.

    1. When I had this, it was patello-femoral syndrome. My inner and outer thigh muscles were different strengths, and were pulling the kneecap out of alignment so it was rubbing and wearing unevenly. I had 6-8 months of physical therapy to strengthen and align the muscles, and started wearing orthotics to properly position my feet (I was a severe supinator).

      1. Same here. It was also weirdly common among female athletes at my high school, all very similar to what you described.

      2. *raises hand* In physical therapy for this right now. Taping to keep the kneecap where it’s supposed to be, and lots of leg and butt strengthening exercises

    2. Look up “runner’s knee” and see if that matches symptoms. I have battled it on and off for years. So frustrating.

    3. I have this and it has been diagnosed at various times as patello-femoral syndrome and IT band syndrome (which I think is probably the correct answer). IT band stretches and exercises help if I do them diligently. Mine is triggered by downhill hiking (if you hike, hiking poles are a lifesaver), long horseback rides, or jogging if I haven’t properly stretched.

    4. While you are waiting, you may want to ride either a real bike or an exercise bike. They build up muscles you won’t get from running that are supportive for your knee.

    5. Thank you so much for posting everyone. I appreciate it hearing about your experiences with this annoying problem!

  11. Does anyone have experience replacing lenses in sunglasses? I have a pair of sunglasses that fit me really well (extremely hard to find for my small face!) but the lenses have gotten all scratched up. I just realized that rather than trying to find another pair, maybe I should just get the lenses replaced. Is this something that a typical glasses store will do, like Lens Crafters? What about online retailers? I don’t need prescription lenses, just regular sunglasses ones. And maybe with that scratch-resistant coating…

    1. Ray Ban will do this for you if they are their sunglasses. I had to order my lenses online and then take them to the store to get replaced because the store did not have them in stock.

    2. There are several re-lensing companies operating online and I think you can get nonprescription lenses put into frames as long as the frames can accommodate lens replacement (and I don’t know if all of them can). Oakley sells replacement lenses for a lot of their sunglasses and I think some of the other big sunglass brands might also.

      FYI, for anyone who wears prescription glasses – I just got new non-sunglass lenses put in a pair of eyeglass frames using Boomerang – you sign up and give them your current glasses prescription; they send you a prepaid box to put your old glasses into to mail to them; they put the new lenses in and ship the glasses back to you. I need progressive (bifocal) lenses and always want anti-scratch and blue-blocker coating, so Boomerang charged me $160 to put new lenses in the old frames, which was way less than what I had been quoted by my eye doctor (which was over $300). It was an easy, frictionless experience and very cost-effective, and I’m loving being able to wear my old eyeglass frames again (these are the most comfortable frames I’ve had in a long time). I’m now going to get the lenses replaced in my prescription sunglasses using Boomerang. Not being paid by them or anything, just really happy with the experience and the price I paid.

      1. Oh good point about whether they will accommodate replacement. I just looked and these frames don’t have a screw holding them together, so I assume the lenses just pop in and out. I’m not sure if they are replaceable :( Guess I will just have to take them to a store to find out.

        And these are cheapo frames from like Banana Republic Outlet, not anything nearly as nice as Ray Bans or Oakley. They just actually fit me! And I get compliments on them a lot.

      2. How did they do with getting the focal point right in the new lenses? That’s always my problem with my progressives. Maybe I’m fussy but I’ve had to send them back before, and I’ve only had them filled by local opticians so far. I worry the online experience would be even worse.

        1. Perfect job with the focal point, no different than what I would have gotten from my eye doctor.

    3. If you’re in the burbs Walmart does this for I think $99 for adults. Maybe less if you just want non-prescription lenses.

    5. My local glasses place does this, at least with prescription lenses. I imagine the process would be the same for non-prescription lenses.

    6. You may be able to find the exact same pair online at places like eBay, Poshmark or Mercari for the same cost of replacing them. I was looking for a new pair this summer and there were so many pairs online that were new or close to new.

  12. I have a question similar to one posted yesterday, but also interested in any advice or insight. I’m in the running for an in-house attorney position at a non-profit. I’ve had two interviews already, including a one-on-one with the general counsel. Next week I have a final interview with a panel of people, who I presume will include the executive director, director of finance and maybe another director – and probably the GC again. What kinds of questions can I expect at this stage/how will this differ from my one-on-one with the GC? This is literally a dream job for me, so I want to be as prepared as possible. Thanks in advance!

  13. Marriage counseling/Couples’ therapy (maybe Gottman) recommendations in the bay area? We need to work on better communication in our marriage. If insurance matters we have Kaiser. Thanks for any suggestions.

    1. If you have Kaiser and you want to use your insurance, you will have to schedule through them.

  14. Do you buy your realtor a gift after you close on a house and if so, what do you get them?

    5. They got US a gift. They got paid a huge amount of money for selling a house we found on our own, it would never occur to me to buy them a gift!

    6. Heck no, though of course a nice note is always appropriate. Better yet, offer to write a positive recommendation for online sites.

      1. No, you still do not need to buy your realtor a gift. In fact, they will likely give you champagne (or some other sort of similar gift).

      3. No different. Your Realtor made money from the transaction. That’s the gift. You’re the client/customer; you should be the one getting the gift (especially if you write a positive online review and/or refer other clients to them).

      4. Are you kidding me? The buyers’ money is what pays everybody in the deal! EVERYBODY should be thanking YOU!!

      5. Nope. We’ve never sold but our realtor bought us a gift when we closed on our new home.

    9. You can if you want to, but it is not necessary. Some of the things my Realtor relative’s clients have given include gift certificates (restaurants, spas) or food (gift baskets, edible arrangements, nothing Bundt cakes, etc).

    10. The best gift you can get a realtor is to give them a referral in the future, if you were happy with the service.

      Source: Daughter of a very successful realtor

    12. I’m pretty close with my realtor and she has represented me in two house purchases and one really, really tough sale, where she went above and beyond. So I bought her a really nice bottle of champagne and a big bouquet of flowers. But I recently bought in another city and didn’t get that realtor anything, although he did a great job.

      1. We just got champagne (which is pretty standard, I think) and we don’t drink so we didn’t actually use our gift. I appreciated the gesture though.

  15. Marriage counseling/Couples’ therapy (maybe Gottman) recommendations in the bay area? We need to work on better communication in our marriage. If insurance matters we have Kaiser. Thanks for any suggestions.

  16. Has anyone had an eye exam at Warby Parker? Or does anyone have non-pushy eye places to recommend in NYC (lower manhattan or brooklyn preferred)?

    1. Not in NYC, but lens crafters for me has been nonpushy and they have nicer selections. I definitely know what you mean by pushy eye places, I’ve been to those and I usually don’t end up liking my frames as much.

    2. Studio Optix at Rock ctr / 49th st. I’ve really appreciated the advice picking out frames and was really pleased both times I’ve purchased glasses. But mostly go for eye exams since I’m mostly a contact lens wearer. They do upsell you on a $40(?) exam not covered by insurance that eliminates the need to get your eyes dilated. I’ve done it most years and it’s pretty much worth it to not get your eyes dilated. I recommend Dr Butler for exams. I prefer him over Dr Cassel.

    3. I do the warby Parker try five pairs thing. I like trying on glasses without someone I don’t know giving me their opinion.

  17. To discuss: are Q-Anon and Antifa real? I’m liberal and tend to think Antifa is imaginary/blamed for everything / is more likely a right-winger causing trouble — but that’s a huge bias formed on Twitter. (Maybe it’s real in Portland but imaginary everywhere else?) On the flip side – do people actually believe the lizard pedophile things with Q-Anon? Or are they just waving Q flags because they think it’s funny to “own the libs”?

    1. People take Q-Anon pretty seriously. People absolutely make real life decisions based on these beliefs. I think in some ways it’s a pseudo-religious mythologization of things people know but don’t understand or don’t want to accept in their unmythologized forms (that rich and powerful people are often above the law; that predation and exploitation are common in their communities; that our financial systems benefit some people at the expense of others, etc.). It definitely goes way, way beyond owning the libs though. Remember that fascist movements historically have often involved some seriously out-there beliefs and superstitions.

      Tension between skinheads and antifa was definitely a thing when I studied abroad in Europe some decades ago. I have only a college student’s perspective on that, but I don’t understand the idea that antifa is imaginary either?

      1. I don’t think either is imaginary? I do however think their impact is way overstated. Particularly the right seems to assume anything vaguely resembling civil unrest is antifa. I grew up in Europe, and the antifa were a real group and not especially nice, but extremely marginal. Qanon is a real thing but I do think a number of Trump supporters are not Qanon people and while I’m not a Trump supporter at all , I think we lose credibility when everyone is painted with the same brush.

        1. Antifa is not real, there’s no organization and no leader. Nobody’s rallying around Antifa. There is a Q of Q Anon, it is very much real, and people are self-declared followers.

      2. It’s imaginary in that there is no organized group called “antifa.” If I remember right, the anti-fascist movement got started tracking down ex-Nazis. I think the Washington Post had an article about this a little while back.

        The Q people are real. One of them brought a gun to Comet Ping Pong in DC to make sure children weren’t being held as sex slaves in the basement. This was because of the Q movement insisting that Hillary Clinton and John Podesta were running a child sex ring out of Comet’s basement, despite the fact that the place does not have a basement.

    3. I was heavily involved in lefty activism before drifting in a more libertarian direction, and “antifa” as a loose network of people and organizations that are comfortable using violence against people/property in connection with opposing far right orgs is a real thing. In my experience that was typically defensive violence (antifa activists showed up at Charlottesville to protect progressive clergy who were marching against racism, for example), but sometimes you got very aggressive destruction of property in connection with antiglobalization/anticapitalist protests, although that was more black bloc anarchist stuff than antifa (there is a fair amount of crossover, though).

      Antifa as a stable, organized and coordinated national/international organization is not a real thing, though. If nothing else because hardcore antifa activists dislike authority too much to identify with an actual organization.

    4. My relatives definitely believe in Q. My uncle – a retired hospital executive – genuinely expected Trump to return to office in August. My aunt – a retired doctor’s office receptionist – genuinely thinks the COVID test q-tips are tainted and part of a liberal conspiracy to inflate COVID numbers to control society. My cousin – a drug trial project manager for a pharma company(!) – full-on believes the most far-fetched of the Q doctrines. I have another uncle – a retired software exec – who’s a supporter, but I don’t know the details of his views. (The relatives I listed are 3 separate branches of the family in 4 states.)

      My relatives aren’t rednecks in a trailer park. They’re financially comfortable, upper middle class members of society that you’d meet anywhere. I’ve often wondered what makes them believe this nonsense. They’ve definitely all been watching Fox News for over a decade, and I think weren’t able to differentiate between the newsy portions of Fox News that air during the day and the opinion anchors who are on at night, especially as the opinion anchors got more extreme. Fox was definitely a gateway drug for them. I will say that 3 of the 4 relatives I mentioned above are loners – they don’t really have an active social life and aren’t involved in their communities – they’re friendly and polite, just not people who think of others. My aunt and my cousin are longsuffering martyrs in their own lives / think others are out to get them / never meet their standards. I’d say all of them are unhappy, unfulfilled in life, though they probably wouldn’t say that. They all pine for a Leave It To Beaver world that never existed.

      1. I can’t talk to my mom about news. She cites crazy conspiracy theories. I’m pretty sure my dad thinks the same way, but he isn’t as vocal about it. I just say, “ok mom. I’m not going to talk about this.”

        I give up

    5. There is a broad spectrum of people that feel an affiliation to the antifascist movement. The maybe one thing that unites them, a deep rejection of authoritarian structure, results in the fact that there is no organized, recognized Antifa that could issue a press statement saying what they stand for and what they reject. So I find it a useless label.

    6. I think it’s time you got off social media and did some real reading. The Atlantic, Vanity Fair, etc. do some real investigative reporting.

      1. When you think “real investigative reporting” you think…The Atlatnic and Vanity Fair?

        2. They both have excellent investigative journalists, yes. I’m not sure why that’s so surprising to you.

    7. There is a really great documentary about the QAnon people on HBO – some of them do seem like they are trolling, others seem to be quite sincere in believing all of the various conspiracy theories.

  18. Work is absolutely miserable – pretty much everything that could be bad with a job is: aggressively long hours to include overnights/weekends/holidays, expectations to cancel plans to cover work, low pay, toxic culture, bad leadership, high stress, and sexist men. We’re essential employees who have been doing this for 18 months but the last month or so has been just awful. I’m exhausted and burnt out and miserable. I’m job searching but in the interim trying to cope.

    My attempts at coping has led to me spending way more money than I usually do: lots of takeout meals, retail therapy, going out for drinks after work, self care in the form of manicures, etc. I am currently spending more than I make. I want to give myself grace because I’m so burnt out, but this spending isn’t realistic. However, I also don’t have time/energy for my normal habits; it’s almost impossible to food shop and cook when you’re working 90 hour weeks. Looking for tips on how to cut back my spending and/or deal with my job without going broke.

    1. Um, you didn’t ask this, but why aren’t you looking for another job? Can you set boundaries and say, “I’m sorry, I am not available at that time?”

    2. Hugs.

      Can you get your groceries delivered? Or schedule a pickup order so all you have to do is swing by the store and they bring it out to you? Even if you get microwave meals/prepared foods, that’s going to be cheaper than takeout and just as fast. Some grocery stores also have those prepared meals (like chicken in sauce, mashed potatoes, and side of veggies) near the deli section that hopefully you can get via delivery or pickup.

    3. This is when you need to make a run to Trader Joe’s and load up on frozen and premade meals. They’re cheap, many are at least somewhat healthy, super easy, and mostly pretty good. I like the Indian ones best, both the frozen and the refrigerated vegan chickpea masala salad.

      1. I did that last week! My issue is forcing myself to eat the food I Have and not ordering fun takeout bc “I deserve it”

        1. Don’t worry a o healthy so much, keep food at home that you will want to eat. Frozen TJ Mac and cheese + frozen TJ seasoned vegetables is still cheaper and healthier than eating out and you’ll actually do it.

    4. So sorry you are going through this! Do you have any sick leave? Able to take unpaid leave?

      I would stop the 90 hour work weeks. (“I am not available to work at all this weekend/evening for family reasons. I will be in touch tomorrow/Monday.”) Let them be mad at you. Hell, let them eventually fire you if necessary. You must pick yourself over the job.

      For food, go to the grocery store and buy fresh fruit and a bunch of frozen tv dinners. Cheaper than takeout. The main self care you need is sleeping as much as you possibly can and exercise – skip the manicures and massages as they will not help with burnout like sleep can.

      1. I’m pushing back as much as I can, but my team is small and if I take off then someone else has to pick up the slack. Informally staff at my level is trying to balance who takes the load, but I have coworkers who have worked 14 days straight, others who worked a 24 hour shift, etc. Everyone is killing themselves (also everyone is job searching), but due to the nature of our job just not doing things isn’t an option.

        Essential workers have been going at a breakneck pace for 18 months now and it’s only getting worse.

        1. “I’m pushing back as much as I can, but my team is small and if I take off then someone else has to pick up the slack.”

          Learn from my mistakes: that isn’t your problem. If a worker refusing to work 90 hour weeks for “low pay” means that the rest of the team suffers, they need to staff more people. If they cannot afford to do that, their business model is inherently flawed. It is the job of management to figure out how to ensure that their staffing needs are met, not your job to destroy your psyche.

          Also, if you are going crazy with the work but things are getting done, management isn’t necessarily getting the signal they need to hire another person, change expectations, or shift around the workload. Leave at 5 on Friday and don’t check email until Monday. They will deal.

          1. I agree. Things may not get done or fail. It’s ok if that happens. Escalate it up the chain. They won’t do anything about the workload if people keep getting stuff done, the only option may be to give warning and let everything go to you know what. Ultimately there is someone above you that that has the real responsibility.

          2. Leadership, while flawed, is very aware we need more staff, but that goes way beyond them. I work in a state agency and there’s still a hiring freeze, huge backups with HR, etc. My leadership is working 18 hour days, 7 days a week to plug gaps but there are still shifts that need covered.

            I don’t want to screw my team over because most of us are close friends, even outside of the office.

            I’m working hard to have boundaries and not be a martyr but given the circumstances it’s very hard to just walk away from.

          3. Exactly this. You are all killing yourselves, when you need to stop protecting management from the consequences of being understaffed.

            No more working late nights and weekends. You can’t anymore. Let the balls drop.

            If someone says, “Do A B and C now!”, then your response is “I cannot complete all three today, which two are the most important.” So on and so forth.

          4. Should also add I work in post-disaster human services. So things like running shelters and proving food to those displaced from storms. So just not doing the work after hours and letting it wait til tomorrow is truly not an option.

          5. Didn’t you post about this before, for a Covid-related job? I mean I wouldn’t leave people in the wake of Ida or whatever without food or shelter, but presumably you don’t need to indefinitely work around the clock as a particular disaster response winds down. So maybe time it right but you can absolutely leave your bosses hanging. They can call their bosses or the governor or whoever ultimately answers for your agency’s failure. It seems like it’s set up to fail and its just flat out not your responsibility. If you were to quit or strike it’d be way worse that demanding to work a shorter week. They will deal.

    5. I would skip the manis and instead spend that time either sleeping or spending an hour in nature — even the smallest park can be restorative. Instead of the massages, can you hop into either a bath tub with salts or into an apartment complex hot tub?

  19. I can’t believe Apple hasn’t figured out a way to stop iMessage spam, it is so annoying. You know the ones where an email address sends a spam link to a couple dozen phone numbers all very similar numerically. This morning people started replying to the whole group “Stop” and “Wrong number” as if the rest of us had anything to do with it. So annoying!

  20. Just got my cholesterol and other labs checked for the first time in years. LDL, total cholesterol, and triglycerides are all in the kind of borderline/high range, but not extremely so. I believe it’s reasonable that I can clean up my diet some, and I want to make it easy and realistic. Based on my reading, getting 25+ g fiber (adding supplement), keeping saturated fat below 25 grams, and cutting back on carbs (a big area for me), and maybe niacin should help – have these items worked for others? (no recommendations for going on statins first, please – I’m looking for the highest-impact diet changes first and then I’ll consider other options). Ideally, these lead to weight loss too, but if not, hoping the changes alone will help. No other risk factors and I generally meet the exercise recommendations already.

    1. Also do fish oil and make sure your vitamin D is good. My husband has seen his triglycerides drop with adding daily fish oil and there is high-quality (peer-reviewed) evidence to suggest that high-dose fish oil can be effective for many patients. Keep up that fiber too.

      1. Oh, thanks -yes, I’ll be addressing Vit D too, adding 5,000 IU/day. I was literally on the bottom cutoff of normal for that (and I know from a lot of research I did for a family member’s health condition that Vit D ranges are probably too low as it is).

    2. I think you may have more luck eating high fiber foods rather than getting it via a supplement. Mine lowered after eating more vegetables.

    3. Do you get any physical exercise? That might help too, but recommend checking with your PCP first.

    4. I’d talk to a nutritionist. Or is a dietitian the one with more training? Either way, a medical expert.

  21. Help me dissect my outfit and figure out how to tweak it. I had an outdoor event for work today and was going to be on my feet for 3+ hours, so comfort was key. But I ended up feeling underdressed.

    – Short sleeve puff sweater
    – Black slim-leg pants
    – Suede loafers

    I think it would’ve been better/more complete with a jacket, but I’m not sure what style. A suiting blazer would’ve been too much.

    2. A jacket of some sort, but not with a puff sleeve sweater. There are plenty of blazers out there that are not from suits and would work.

  22. Finally talked myself into splurging on the Dyson Airwrap, and it’s out of stock. Womp, womp.

    1. Oh no! Did they say for how long? I wanted to get one for my niece for her birthday in October.

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