Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Forever Belted Pencil Midi Dress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I just can’t take my eyes off this belted sheath from Karen Millen. The gray color is a perfect neutral, but the notched collar and slightly puffed shoulders give it a little something special.
If you’re looking for other colors or sleeve lengths, we’ve got you covered.
The dress is on sale for $239.40 (marked down from $342) at Karen Millen and comes in sizes 2–12.
A more affordable option is from Donna Morgan — it's $30.99 on clearance at JCPenney and also available at Amazon.
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
I LOVE the shaping on this. Anyone have experience with how this brand runs?
Unrelated question- to the “we booked a shared rental house and now my friend wants to stay & pay for only two-thirds of it” OP from last week, any update?
no experience, following with interest. This shaping gives me the curves that were not in the gene pool!
I have this dress in maroon (I got it for a speaking event at a conference). It is lovely and looks very polished, but it is hard to get the zipper all the way up on your own and the arms are very restrictive. I prefer the cap sleeve version – same cut, more freedom in the arms.
Thanks for the info. I love this length sleeve so I am anxious to try it.
Oh man you’re reminding me of a time when I had to go downstairs on a work trip and ask a female colleague to zip me all the way up – I couldn’t get the last bit of the zipper and it was a VERY structured suiting dress. She was super nice about it but I then made sure I could zip all of my dresses solo if I was taking them on work trips!
I have a zipper hook for these situations. Very handy!
How tall are you? Does it fit tts?
I find that Karen Millen dresses are all cut VERY generously on top. As a small-busted pear, they are about the worst possible cut. Unfortunately :(
This pick is so Mad Men, I love it.
It’s gorgeous. The next time someone needs a dress for a big on-stage presentation, I hope they get this one.
What are people wearing to church funerals (Episcopal service and burial) these days? My last was in the summer (black dress, bare legs, black shoes). In winter: black skirt suit and tights? Black dress and tights? Close family. Will wear small turquoise earrings and a matching Qalo ring because that color blue was her favorite.
Def not a suit. Dress or elegant black pants & top.
Depends on the family and location, that’s what people wear to mine.
Took me a second the realize you meant, “That’s what people wear to my location” and not “That’s what people wear to my funeral”.
More coffee, please!
lol! I need coffee too!
either is certainly appropriate. we don’t know where you live or what sort of norms there are but i think ok to wear pants to a funeral. In last year, I wore black pants suit twice and grey pants and black sweater once. I think something in the “corporate casual” sphere of things and doesn’t need to be black– dark grey, navy, just nothing bright.
depends on day as well. I think if it’s midday during the week you can dress as if you came from work even if you didn’t.
i am in suburb of new york, a few winters ago my boyfriends mom died and i wore a black dress and tights and pumps and everyone else was in black pants and boots and sweaters and i felt way over dressed and some old bitty told me i looked glamorous which was clearly not a compliment in this context so there’s that…. if you’re not a “mourner in chief” no one cares what you’re wearing. I mean that in the nicest most possible way. people are just touched that you came.
That seems kind of odd. Isn’t a black dress a pretty normal thing to wear, either to work or to a funeral?
I think the old biddy was being overly critical. Your outfit sounds fine.
I think it depends on the dress. Fox News anchor or Black Halo brand dress = probably not work- or funeral-appropriate.
A few winters ago was a strange time!
I went to a funeral in March of last year and could not believe how many people were wearing white and pastel. It was so wildly disrespectful.
Why is white or pastel disrespectful?
Yes, disagree that white or pastel is disrespectful at funerals. At weddings, absolutely agree. I think white or pastel is fine at funerals.
Caveat: super formal all black funerals are not a thing where I live.
I think either choice is appropriate, and I really love your small touches to honor her favorite color.
Black dress or skirt and blouse/sweater with personal touches if family.
Black or dark colors (charcoal grey, dark navy) if less close relationship (eg attending service but was at work that morning).
Unless someone wore something oddly distracting in color or formality like bright yoga pants or orange hunting jacket, I don’t think anyone is too bothered by what others are wearing. I appreciated anyone who made the effort to come and if family was wearing something bright or colorful I assume it’s because it is cheering them up in their loss or it has a special connection to the deceased.
I wear whatever black thing is weather appropriate. In my experience no one is noticing what people wear.
I tend to do dress over skirt suit but that’s truly personal preference – I see many women in skirt suits at funerals. (That said, I live in the south, where skirt suits for church are pretty common.)
Those are church suits, though, not business suits, right? I wouldn’t wear a business suit to a funeral unless I were coming straight from court that day.
Yes, I really don’t see why a suit would be inappropriate.
For me it’s how the rest of the family & friends are dressing. At a family funeral, people tend to be in soft textures – friendly feeling, good for hugging. A structured suit wouldn’t fit the vibe as well.
I get it now, thank you. “Close family” in the OP query would have been my clue, eh?
My current funeral dress is a long sleeved boatneck sheath dress. I add black tights in the winter/spring/fall and bare legs in the summer. I’ll wear heels if it’s just the church but keep a pair of nice black flats on hand in case there is a graveside service as I don’t want to sink into the grass.
My “funeral dress” is the same. Covers any surprise modesty requirements, and I don’t have to worry about it.
I think your proposed outfits sound perfectly appropriate.
Very randomly I’ve had three funerals in four weeks this month, so this has been top of mind. I’ve been wearing dusty blue wide leg pants and cream sweater or blouse, with nice shoes. Have felt very comfortable.
The dusty blue wide leg pants have a matching jacket, I wore that for my grandfathers funeral last year. I did at one point get asked if I worked for the funeral home, so I suppose that’s a caution against suits.
That said, it was probably because I’m in the rural midwest and it’s not uncommon to see people in jeans and basically it’s anything goes….but I think generally people wear a more subdued version of church clothing, or something in tribute to the person who died. For example, last weekend one granddaughter wore her late grandmothers jacket last weekend; another granddaughter wore a silk wrap lavender dress since purple was grandmother’s favorite color. The whole family had some version of purple. They both look completely appropriate.
Not helpful to any of us dressing, but a few weeks ago the grandkids were all wearing overalls since the late grandfather always, always wore overalls. There were a scattering of men wearing overalls too, and it felt respectful as a tribute vs. inappropriate.
But again – I’m in the rural midwest. Anything goes here :)
I wore a navy and white dress to my grandmother’s funeral in the (citified) midwest because she had loved it. I love when families do this.
But I’m also from a family where every single one of my dad’s numerous brothers wore jeans to my wedding, and we were mostly just relieved that one of them didn’t wear basketball shorts, so you can take my advice with the grain of fashion salt needed. :)
Ha. I’m also from a place where people wear their “nice jeans” to weddings. And will very thoughtfully wash off their cowboy boots. LOL.
I’m in the slightly citified Midwest, with rural roots, and funeral wear runs the gamut depending on the family. Some are in suits and ties. Others are in nice church clothes. One thing that I don’t see much of is straight-up black-on-black outfits.
Black dress and tights
At the last funeral I attended, I wore a plain black Karen Kane dress and black shoes. It was a church friend’s father, so if anyone was thinking about what I wore, they were thinking, “hmmm, she’s wearing a work dress” because I usually go to church in jeans or slacks and a button-down. The church is sort of hippie Episcopal, the priest wears Birkenstocks in the summer so no one is in a skirt suit except maybe the elderly ladies at Christmas.
I go by the style of the family, location, and what the deceased would like.
Last family wedding was in California for my aunt. My aunt was a jewelry designer so we all wore our favorite piece of hers, and dressed around that. No black anywhere. It was sunny outside and all the women looked tailored, and beautiful.
I would like to hear what line of jewelry your aunt designed. Sorry for your loss!
Apparently this is the phase of life I’m in… I wanted to provide reviews of two different dickeys I have ordered. I know we’ve had not great review of Quince but I got their Veronica Beard blazer cashmere Dickey dupe and it zips perfectly into my VB blazer. The zippers are lower quality but work just fine and since it’s basically just a scarf, $50 vs $200 seems a fine trade off. Also I ordered two shirt collar Dickeys from putneyhomedesigns on Etsy and they’re great as I was never able to get a regular shirt to lay flat and smooth under a thin sweater but I like the look. Ok off to my mah jong group now…
I have also never been able to nail the shirt/sweater layers! Glad the d ickeys worked out for you.
Another review – the High-Waisted Wow Wide-Leg jeans from Old Navy. I really like them! The denim is stretchy but substantial. I think they run a bit big in the waist.
beautiful!! thank you for the reviews!
Ohhhh thank you – I could never stomach the VB price for the dickeys
I’ve had some misses but I’ve also had some great purchases from Quince. My most recent wins include a sling bag, suede loafers and ponte pants. The intermittent reinforcement keeps me trying their goods. Glad the dickey worked out for you.
I had great lucky with sheets and a pair of pants from Quince, but returned the silk and cashmere!
Yes, their cashmere is very disappointing. I’d rather buy second hand from Ebay. I pay less and find better quality that way.
Fashion, body shape question maybe. For some reason, many dresses like this pick look inappropriate on my body, to my eye. Like they are “bodycon” fit even though they’re not billed that way. I had measurements done this weekend for a wedding and the seamstress said I have an hourglass figure- 35/25/36 if that means much to folks here. I grew up in a religious household and was taught the way girls dress makes men so bad things (it’s the girls fault) so I have thought my eye is just – tainted somehow? I guess I don’t know how to explain this. I struggle with more formal workwear as I think so much of it is bodycon fit. I have been googling the body shape thing and am not quite getting it. Am I supposed to wear curvy jeans? I think of that for women who have major curves, and I think of myself as more of a runner’s frame, so I’d never normally order those. I’ve always thought I have an athletic build – my brothers and dad have what people call wiry or runners frames. My mom is more “pear” but she’s extremely petite, like 4’10. I am 5’5. Any help / advice / links appreciated… I’m 36 and feel like I should know all this, but I don’t!
There is a lot to unpack here, and I am not going to attempt to comment on most of it. Please know, though, that your upbringing was wrong, wrong, wrong about your attire being the cause of flaws in other people. You can dress however you please; other people are responsible for their own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
On bodycon: the dress above as styled here is not what I would call bodycon. Fitted or tailored, perhaps, but not bodycon. If the model were wearing a smaller size (or two) dress than the current one, that would potentially become bodycon. A bigger size and it would look ill-suited, like a sack. To me, bodycon is either stretchy fabric that fits snugly and is intended to hug the figure, or non-stretchy fabric tailored so close it becomes awkward to sit in the garment.
+1 to this dress being appropriately tailored. Also the model is tallish and not super curvy; on Joan Wilder it would probably be a different look even if it weren’t too tight.
Yeah, I have a big bust and things like this look body con on me.
Haha, it would look totally inappropriate on me (but I’m also very short and a strong pear)
I mean Joan Harris from Mad Men.
+2. This dress, fitting as it does on the model, is tailored and appropriate for the office. A garment failing to disguise the outline of a wearer’s figure =/= “bodycon.”
+1 to everything.
This dress is definitely tailored, not body con. I would say it’s on the conservative end of the office work wear spectrum actually, both in terms of cut and that it’s a dress that could almost be worn on its own as a suit.
In any case, go to some stores and try some different cuts of the same garment to see what cuts/brands flatter you. Take someone with you whose style you admire, if you can.
This dress has to be worn without a jacket because of the puffed 3/4 sleeves and the neckline. A jacket wouldn’t fit over the sleeves and would look odd with the neckline. It is appropriate in any business formal environment that doesn’t strictly require a suit, which to me is anywhere except general jurisdiction or appellate court.
This is meant to be flattering to a curvy body shape, but not body con. It’s fine for work wear to compliment your body – it doesn’t have to hide it. For work you should be dressed appropriately, business formal or casual, but you don’t have to hide that you’re a woman or that you have a body that exists.
You should wear whatever jeans fit best on you. For jeans you normally should try all the different styles and types and then you’ll find what works for you.
If you end up with waist gap or jeans running tight in thighs, try curvy fits to see if they work. You can be a size 0 and still benefit from a cut which recognizes that your body has significant in and out.
I have a terrible time finding jeans that fit properly over my thighs without being too big everywhere else. Curvy cuts can help a lot, though it’s not always a perfect solution because I’m relatively straight through the waistline. Sometimes curvy cuts squeeze me in the waist, depending on how much they cut in. But not always! Basically, I try on a LOT of pants to find a pair that works!
Curvy pants are for people who are basically two different pants sizes–a larger size in the hips and a smaller size in the waist. If your pants always gap at the waist or are always too tight in the hips, then you should try curvy pants. If regular pants styles fit, then no need to go for curvy.
I would look into the Kibbe body type system. If you have a defined waist but are also sinewy or muscular, that’s a very different type from someone with a defined waist and soft curves. The same style can look flattering and appropriate on one body type, va va voom on another, and completely unfeminine on a third.
I have a large hip to waist ratio and avoid fitted dresses like this at work. They either look unflattering or too va va voom. I don’t have any childhood religious baggage, I just don’t want my body to be the focus. I prefer A line dresses or a long blazer with pants.
Yeah, I’m curvy and I end up looking “va va voom” even in outfits that aren’t supposed to be sexy.
Yes, you can be both an hourglass and have a runner’s physique! Both can be true!
You don’t have to be voluptuous to be an hourglass, you just need a small waist with wider hips and bust or shoulders. You can be wiry and muscular and athletic and be a slim hourlass.
The reason why dresses like these feel body con for you is because they are! These dresses are not made for hourglasses, but to mimic that shape. When you already have the shape, it skims all of your curves, instead of creating them.
You do not need curvy jeans. My experience – I had the same inches in my thirties – is that curvy jeans is a little ridiculous in a 25 waist, you can get an added curve effect, especially from stretch fabrics.
You might like a belted shirt dress with some ease and a belt. That accentuates your waist without following the hips. Half circle skirts as well. You have loads of options that don’t require you to feel exposed by body con – one trick is to choose to break your natural balance by either a looser fir on the bottom or top.
Your upbringing – nope, your family is wrong. Just plain wrong.
I was a lot like that – both measurements and upbringing.
Avoid sheath dresses that belt at the middle. They will either make you look like the Playboy bunny or they make you look chunky (because they emphasise the upstairs and downstairs parts of your body). A single column looks much better.
When you try something on and feel weird, sit with that feeling. Examine it. Ask yourself why?
Whose voice are you hearing?
Do you respect that voice?
Does not respecting that voice come with its own baggage?
If you hadn’t heard that voice all your life, what would you feel about the clothing or makeup?
First of all, if you don’t like more tailored traditional mad men-esq formal wear, give yourself permission to explore other options that make you feel comfortable. It might very well be that what you feel best and look best in something that you don’t associate with super feminine and falls more on the androgynous side. That is still totally professional. Second, I have an athletic build and sometimes it is just tough to find work clothes – I’ve bought pants that are a full three sizes up, and had them taken in at the waist. Trust me, it could very well just be the clothes, and your “size” is just feeling too bodycon because well, it is just too tight in the seat.
I will say this: even if you have a narrow waist compared to bustline and derriere, it doesn’t have to be 100% “snatched”. It can remain a bit undefined. I’ve noticed sometimes people get this very rigid black and white thinking that if they’re an hourglass shape they MUST have the tightest possible fit on the waist or risk looking “frumpy” but then turn around and complain they’re giving Jessica Rabbit. I understand the latter concern as I’m tall and curvy and have a “Joan from Mad Men” fuller figure vibe going on. But you’ll notice Joan has snug waists emphasized with borderline skin-tight tailoring or belts, and sky-high stiletto shoes. Her outfits accentuate her figure. As an hourglass you can absolutely find clothes that are flattering without accentuating if that makes sense. Businesswear of today typically should “skim” the body not cling or be tight. Meaning if you have to size up and tailor down certain parts, that’s the general advice here, not squeezing into your “correct” size with shapewear and a prayer :)
As far as jeans, if you have more than 10″ of difference between waist and hip (which you don’t, but you’re at 10″ so it’s worth trying) curvy jeans are typically the way to go. I would try on a few pairs and see if they work, and if they don’t, no loss!
To add to the curvy jeans comment. They work best if you are not shortwaisted. With a high natural waist and high rise, the waist in curvy jeans can be the right circumference for natural waist but hit too low to fit the waist.
OP here. Just wanted to say thank you to all the thoughtful responses to my stream of consciousness this morning. I have learned some new clothing/fit words today and am going to hit up a mall next week so I can start trying things on and adjusting!
Yay!!
Have fun!
to Consultant from yesterdays therapy post:
late to reply, recommend a terry real session. serious $
or someone with his training
I read about Terry Real in Jancee Dunn’s book How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids (which I do actually recommend) – he seems intense but in the best way!
I missed the discussion yesterday but I’ve worked with a therapist who was trained by Terry Real and hoo boy, she did not pull any punches. Highly recommend if you’re serious about saving your relationship.
With all the posts about organization, I’ve been noodling the idea of starting my own home organization business. I have degrees but they aren’t in home organization (do such things exist?) I would be able to put together a portfolio from friends and family that I’ve helped, would that be enough to start?
Additional context, I would eventually like to leave my day job, I don’t like all the critical thinking and analysis, organizing is so zen for my brain and I think long term would make me happy. My day job right now is quite public facing so if clients googled me do you think they’d be put off by some academic papers and such? My current work is nothing controversial or political, it’s something almost everyone agrees on (like clean drinking water).
Not put off, but maybe confused? Your online space should probably mention the former career if you have lots of publications out there.
Yeah, I’d have a narrative about how you made this change.
I would have to do both jobs for a while, with organizing as a weekend gig until I built up enough clientele.
Without outright lying I think the best narrative I could put together would be my passion for organization and systems.
Keep it separate, you’d be amazed how many don’t google. I had a side business for years with clients in my field and was never recognized as being in that field. It might have come up one time with a referral who came from my professional network and that was it.
There are also so many people with the same name out there.
Not for some of us!
my reaction to finding super unrelated G–gle hits would be to assume it was a different person with the same name, not confusion about your services.
I think it depends on how unique the name is. If it’s Jennifer Johnson or something like that, sure. But if it’s a more unique name people probably won’t assume there are two in the same city.
I posted above that people don’t put it together and I have a super unique name in a small city and people still didn’t connect the two.
There are absolutely certifications that you can get in the home organization space. A friend was an organizer for a while and wrote articles for magazines to help market her business and get her name out there. She burned out on it after about 5 years, but was really good at it. I got the sense that sales and marketing were the biggest challenges — getting her name out, but then also doing a lot of pitches and honing the message so that more pitches turn into clients. It certainly seems like something that you could do on nights and weekends while you build your business, since that’s when many clients will want to meet anyway.
We sounds like we’re in a similar day job field; I’m a project manager for a clean drinking water contractor. :) Very public facing, so if you google my name that stuff will come up.
I’m also a yoga studio owner/yoga teacher. So totally different thing from day job. It’s really not any kind of problem; it’s the kind of thing I worried about while starting but then it was 100% fine. I have a strong yoga studio business website and Facebook/Instagram studio page with regular posts to show an active business. That’s what people will be looking at anyway.
I personally don’t think you need to mention your day job in any of your home organization business. Or if you like, in your About Me page you can add a little thing at the very end: “By day you will find Anonymous doing xxxx, but her true passion remains helping you find peace in your home through organized spaces.” or something like that.
I just can’t imagine it being a very lucrative business.
This all seems very cart before the horse. I would make an online storefront and focus on building clients. I don’t think most folks would think twice with a Google. It’s not unusual for businesses like these to be side gigs. Just like many home bakers hold 9-5 jobs. And it’s not unusual for mothers and daughters to have the same name. Some folks work years like this before being able to leave a day job.
Do it! What’s the worst that can happen? No one is put off by your scholarly work; it’s probably second or third career for most people.
For those of you who have had both parents die while you were a working adult, what does that look like in terms of time off of work? I know we have a brief bereavement leave but I imagine that practically, dealing with out of state parents, it will be a lot of working remotely but I’ve never done this before. (I could work remotely — my company has an office in the state so it wouldn’t present tax issues to them.). All other family deaths have been local to at least one adult child. I know SAHM friends who all took a month to unload a family home and deal with paperwork and lawyers and accountants (all had grown kids by then).
Have only dealt with one, but it depends greatly on the size and complexity of the estate. We had an easy one to deal with and hired out the work – real estate agent, estate sale people, etc. and didn’t need to be local for that. There’s some ongoing tasks mostly related to the surviving spouse, and that’s also handled remotely.
+1 – I helped my mom with her mom’s house. The adult children all went through the house/papers together and divvied up all the items they wanted. They then hired a service to clean out the rest of the house/donate things/tidy it up before selling. The house was sold as is for a discount (not in disrepair, just an older home that they didn’t want to flip). The legal stuff can all be done remotely. Ask for recommendations from the local realtors – they’ll have great resources.
My parents are still with me, by God’s grace, but I can tell you how this has looked from the perspective of a manager who has had multiple employees deal with parental deaths. We offer bereavement leave, which people tend to use for funeral travel. Beyond that, yes, most of my team have worked remotely for a period of time to settle parental affairs, but it hasn’t been a month – more like a week. Meetings with lawyers/accountants/etc can generally be done remotely. In terms of the house – my employee whose last surviving parent passed last year took a couple of days of PTO to go through it with her sibling and set aside items that family members would want, and then they hired a company to do an estate sale/clear out the things that were not emotionally significant.
thankfully no personal experience but colleagues in this situation have taken a week basically off for bereavement & the immediate flurry of activity, and then worked remotely from the parent’s location if needed for a week at a time over the ensuing months.
Do you mean that both of your parents have just passed away? If so, all the condolences.
Or are you our regular anxiety poster gaming this out ahead of time? When my husband’s mother died of COVID at the very beginning of the pandemic he took less than two days off–the day of her death and a half-day for her Zoom memorial. He and his siblings handled all the estate and trust matters in a few hours. They had already moved her to a memory care facility, which took several days on the ground and a lot of phone calls, and then cleaned out and sold her house, which took another several days in person plus more phone calls.
Many situations don’t go this smoothly. Especially if siblings do not agree.
Right? My mom is going through this now with her siblings. The dumb part is there’s nothing really to fight over.
What do you do with the things like mattresses that no one will want? Just toss in a dumpster? I guess you need a dumpster? I can’t imagine who wants a closet full of 30+ year old towels. And maybe I’d get a ton of moving boxes because maybe I could donate sheets and bedding that is in good shape. But toss things like used pillows. And even though I usually fly to my parents’, I suspect I’d need a car so much I’d just drive my own good-for-hauling-things minivan.
Hire a company that will come in and throw everything away.
You can DIY it and get a dumpster dropped off, but this is the kind of thing you throw money at.
You can call junk removers. We did that when my mom went. Let relatives take what they want and the rest was junked. And it truly was junk.
It only went smoothly after she died because of years of wrangling because of a lot of prep work that happened over the preceding years. A good T&E attorney is essential.
To Anon 11:20, you can donate used/older towels, pillows and other bedding to local animal shelters. You can contact Habitat for Humanity ReStore, Goodwill, or other local-to-you charities…I’ve found recently that, when clearing my Dad’s things from his office and his house, some charities will make an appointment to pick up furniture; other items you can drop off at the door of donation centers. I’ve done this for items from my great uncle, uncle, and now dad. Most places are happy to receive donations.
It depends a lot on how organized your parents are and how willing you are to outsource. If you are willing to make a quick trip to grab the sentimental and important objects from the house and then let an estate sale company handle the clean-out, it’s a lot less work than trying to sell everything yourself. If the will and trust are set up to avoid probate it’s a lot easier than if they are intestate. If they have a list of accounts and passwords it’s a lot easier than trying to figure out where all the assets are.
DH and I are children of hoarders. I imagine if we had a year per house, it might not be enough. We would want to save photos and important things but likely won’t know where things are so will likely have to go very slowly. And it’s memory stuff, so it would be bettter to have someone detached from the emotions handle but it will likely be us. Looking to do this while they are alive if they will let us help: one really needs to be in a single-level apartment but won’t go because of her things.
FWIW, you can hire that completely out. There are estate sale companies that specialize in this and will isolate family photos and look for whatever else is sentimental. You get to look through everything before it goes on sale too.
The thing is that someone else may not recognize sentimental objects. The only things I wanted from my mom’s house were some beat-up books and a spatula.
My DH has hoarder siblings, so is it possible that this never happens and they block all attempts to clean out the mom’s house? This is his nightmare and I can’t say it is unfounded. I guess the city might take it for unpaid taxes at some point? IIRC a hoarder sibling may be the executor (or all siblings are sharing the role) and is local, so it may just all go horribly wrong.
I think in that case you just have to let it all go. Hopefully get a few pictures or sentimental bits of china or jewelry and accept that the hoarder sibling will get the rest. It’s not worth the stress.
Also the child of a hoarder and I am so dreading this.
Similar situation and I found hiring a service to take care of clearing out the house so freeing. It wasn’t perfect, but it was well worth it, especially to preserve my wonderful view of my parent (hard to preserve if spending months clearing out their mess).
I took two weeks off immediately, and then flew down for two or three long weekends over the following few months in order to finalize things.
My MIL has been a widow for 25ish years. Everything from my DH’s father is still there. I cannot imagine how hard it will be for him to go through this house.
I officially get 5 days of paid bereavement leave and my company stands behind this. I also have generous PTO and flexibility to work remotely, so I would expect I could take a second full week without issues, more if needed although it would probably not be contiguous with the first two weeks (my choice). Both my company and my supervisor are very supportive of work-life balance and while I have not needed this grace personally, I have witnessed it extended to colleagues.
I was off for a week while mom was in hospice. Off for a week after she passed. Then off again for due to chicken pox. It was my second bout of chicken pox (yes, it happens) and I am sure it was because my immune system was worn from the stress. It is very hard to deal with end of life issues.
It will depend on the complexity of the estate, as someone mentioned — but also how much your parents do ahead of time, and whether your priority is ease of settlement or the highest dollar.
My spouse spent 2 weeks in his hometown while his father was ailing. Luckily his work was flexible and he was able to a combo of telework and leave. After his FIL passed, he spent another week doing funeral logistics and some of the financial pieces (notifying banks and SSA for example). Together we interviewed a couple of realtors and hired a company to empty the house/hold a sale. We winterized the house since it would be vacant and left a key with trusted local friends. We got a quick offer from someone who waived inspection – the house had a lot of issues, and if we were local we would have fixed them for a higher sale price, but we really did not want to deal with it. We closed the sale 6 weeks after FIL died and then took a deep breath, and focused on letting my spouse work through his grief.
My mother died last August, and we lived in different states (2hr flight away). I have unlimited PTO so I didn’t have to worry about having enough vacation/bereavement time. When she first passed, I took 3 weeks away from work – firs week was making arrangements, second week was travel for funeral, third week was for me to sit and realize “wow, my mom is really gone”. I am executor of her estate so that has required two trips back to her state, and I was able to take a few days off work for each trip. I have siblings and other family members who were local to my mom who did a lot of the hands on stuff (cleaning out her house, picking up mail, etc).
I’m not there yet, but how long does it take to make arrangements? The last time I needed a church was for my wedding, but I imagine that needing a church for funerals is very different.
If there’s anything a church will be helpful for (to my atheist thinking) it’s funerals- my mother’s church bent over backwards to make sure her funeral was done correctly to her wishes. We held her funeral 3 weeks after she passed – they told me this was on the shorter side but it fit with what we needed.
They’re used to people not having any lead time. It was a few days for us.
I was with my mom in the hospital for close to a week before she passed. I was the primary in the hospital. One of my siblings came out and we spelled each other. Then when she died on a Wednesday and on Thursday and Friday sibling and I went to the funeral home and the church and made arrangements for the service and the body. We also went to a cemetery but didn’t end up burying her, so that turned out to be unnecessary.
Funeral was Tuesday and I needed to go home at that point (4 hour trip away) so I did go home Friday night and came back Monday to welcome relatives who were coming in from out of town. The day after the funeral everyone left and I did too. And I went back to work the next day. I was ready after all of that. And I was really happy to return to work & doing something I knew how to do.
The estate took quite a while to settle but mainly because we had to sell her house. She had a trust and a will so it made dividing her very meager assets fairly simple – 3 siblings so 3 shares.
I did not need weeks and weeks off work for this. It was all mostly handled by text/email/phone.
I have moved my parents 3 times. They were too prideful and selfish to downsize their belongings to a reasonable amount when they could. It has been a decade of “catching the falling knife” as we – which is basically me – downsize just enough to fit into the next place. My siblings showed up here and there for a weekend. I have spent years of weekends. I almost lost my job one year as a result.
My mom is gone now. My dad is a hoarder. Just walking into his home triggers stomach pain and other symptoms. Last week he said he wanted to move again this year (he can’t afford his large home plus a large boat, and the boat is the priority). I couldn’t sleep for 3 nights.
Just a few years ago I considered it my responsibility to enable them to live exactly as they wanted for as long as I could. Now I am done. I h a t e them. Because their actions of over a decade have taught me that every single chipped coffee mug in their kitchen is worth more to them than my life and health.
When my dad goes, I will allow my siblings a month to take what they want. The rest will go into the trash. I lost my best years to their stuff, I lost my chance to build a family, and I won’t lose anything more. I probably will not speak to my siblings ever again, as I h a t e them too at this point for never supporting me in all this.
Therapy for you. It’s not about the stuff. There’s a lot here.
Does anyone know if Fairfax County VA has full-time substitute teachers that are on the payroll and get regular employee benefits? Or are they just paid per diem with no benefits? This would be for the sort of sub who goes from covering a maternity leave to a medical leave to taking over after a teacher resigns or moves away, so working every day and not waiting for a call.
https://www.fcps.edu/careers/career-opportunities/substitute-teaching
I googled that for you. They make $25 per hour and they claim they’re eligible for insurance if they work 30 hours per week, but no idea how hard that is to maintain or afford.
I’m having a day, so I looked at it. Somewhere it wants a copy of your high school diploma. I guess I have that but it is at my parents house. Hadn’t thought I’d ever need proof of something like that.
That’s only if you haven’t been to college and are applying for the lower level assistant position. Otherwise you just need a college transcript. Reading comprehension is an important skill for teachers!
One could also mention that being nice to others is an important skill for all human beings. Ahem.
Good morning! If you have a nice air bnb to recommend in London and/or Paris, I’d love the link. For my husband and me, and our two elementary aged kids, for this summer. We’re middle of the road in terms of price/fanciness, like things that are a bit unique, unusual, or quaint, and our top priority is having two bedrooms. Sharing a bedroom with my children is a certain type of torture I do my best to avoid.
Check out One Fine Stay
I’ve used One Fine Stay in both locations, they rent apartments and have concierge services. Highly recommend.
I would avoid Paris due to the Olympics. All the prices have surged due to the anticipated flood of tourists.
+1 maybe June would be ok? But I think any time in July and August is going to be a terrible time to visit.
It’s also going to be very crowded. My family in Paris is fleeing Paris from mid-July to mid-August. Also, please consider the really devastating impact of Airbnbs in places with a very tight housing market where locals are actively being displaced every time you use an Airbnb. At least agencies like One Fine Stay are legal and pay taxes.
Will def look at One Fine Stay, and consider the impact. Thank you for mentioning it.
We’re going mid-June!
I think June will be ok. My friend lives in Paris and is not planning to leave until July.
No specific recommendations as I don’t stay at airbnb but for neighborhoods I really liked Montmartre. It’s a fun artsy area that will still be touristy, but will feel less crowded than the more central neighborhoods. They have a couple of aparthotels here if you want to go that route vs. airbnb.
Loved this apartment in Paris. Beautiful and fantastic location. We had four adults and a toddler stay there comfortably.
https://abnb.me/zUCM0bPgxHb
We went to London and Paris last year with my three kids (9, 13, 17). We stayed at an Airbnb in London and a hotel in Montemarte in Paris. We loved both places so much. We had a 3 bedroom/2 bath in London with a great kitchen and laundry. https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/40894717?source_impression_id=p3_1709058512_PJj8ABcmy8VgED1v. The hotel in Paris included breakfast, and they have an indoor pool/sauna that you can reserve privately. It’s called Hotel Le Ballu and is in Montmarte. The neighborhood was amazing and close to the train station.
I just got back from a week stay in London and cannot recommend One Fine Stay enough! Check out the Red Lion Square apartment listing – 2 bed, 2 bath, fully stocked kitchen and apt, 5 mins to Holborn station. Very central location. Perfect for me, DH and our two kids!
Are business cards not a thing anymore? I’ve been to 2 networking events in the last month, and at each event, I was the only one passing out my business cards. Others would pull up a LinkedIn QR code or manually look me up by name on LinkedIn. I hadn’t seen this before. The events weren’t hosted by the same networking group, either. One was a donor cultivation type event by my alma mater, and another was a women’s professional group.
I don’t even know where my business cards are anymore. I use them that rarely.
I have some and occasionally give one away but I’m 99% sure they go into the trash, as do the business cards others give me. If I need to reach you, I will figure it out. Most of the time, if you’re a rando at a conference giving me your business card, we will never end up speaking to each other again.
I *have* them but remembering to actually bring any with me anywhere is another story. Way easier to just connect on Linkedin.
Looking up people on LinkedIn is really common in my experience.
I think business cards are on their way out. I recently saw someone pull out a card with a QR code for others to scan. It was a thick permanent credit-card like thing, not a card to hand out.
My business card has a QR code on the back that sends folks to my firm website with my email address on the firm website. I rarely pass them out. But I do hand them to 50+ age white men who give me theirs first. I go through maybe 50 per year in a conference-heavy position.
I was just at a conference, and while some people had a business card and that was appreciated, most don’t. I actually would prefer a business card over the LinkedIn thing, thinking of splitting the difference and making like a QR code business card.
I have them and I usually bring them. In the past year I find I really dislike actually getting a business card. Like I’m probably going to lose it or it’s going to end up in the giant stack that is in one of my drawers or it is going to kick around my work bag, my house, my desk, etc aimlessly for 2 months.
I’d exchange a quick email (which I realize is inefficient and dumb, but whatever), or put someone in my phone contacts, then the a business card. If someone is asking something from me (like a potential vendor who would sell me things or someone asking me to speak), I specifically ask them to email me. If I’m the one asking (like to a potential client) then I’ll make the connection.
LinkedIn connecting actually does sound like a much more efficient way of doing it, although I don’t love LinkedIn either and open it about once every other month.
I remember around 1996 my boss went to a lot of conferences and was absolutely excited to file all the cards he received in a binder specifically made for this purpose. Talk about times have changed.
This was me when I started my career in 2010…For around 5-7 years I kept all my business cards and contacts in an index card file box thing and referenced it heavily. Finally got rid of it when switching offices around 5 years ago because I literally never looked at it.
I feel like people change jobs so frequently now you can’t even guarantee a business card will be good in 5 years.
half the time someone gives me their business card i pull out my phone, screenshot it, and hand it back to them. (the other half of the time i do this later and just throw it away.)
Connecting via LinkedIn is such a resource – so I would absolutely not skip it. But I prefer to have physical cards too, because in my world, we still have some old school folks. I hand out cards, and then connect with everyone I met that day on LinkedIn later the same evening, so the connection is fresh.
If you’re both iPhone users, you can AirDrop contact info. If that’s not possible, I’ll take a pic of their card if I think I’ll need it later.
If you have wood floors and a rug in your bedroom, is it an oriental-type or something else? My room has dark wood furniture it it but the walls have a lot of painted white trim. Bedding is white. IDK which direction to go with with the rug. Not sisal. Something with white? It won’t get foot traffic like other rooms, so a lighter color or patters would work here. I want a rug to deaden the echo and for warm cozy feet.
My husband has something against oriental rugs, though I quite like them. So in our bedroom we have a wool Ralph Lauren rug that is solid blue/gray with thin white stripes. We found it at homegoods for $500/9×12. We have dark furniture, too, and the room doesn’t get much natural light
I have dark wood furniture & somewhat dark wood floors, and we have a white, thick nubbly rug that we’ve had for a really long time. It doesn’t get any dirty traffic (eg, no shoes or anything) so it’s stayed clean. It both lightens and warms the room.
Persian style rug. Wood floors, medium wood furniture, sage green walls and bedding. The rug is old and lighter colored but it does have some green tones in it.
We have Annie Selke microhooked wool rugs under the beds in all of our bedrooms and love them. They’ve worn beautifully and are fairly easy to spot clean if needed because they’re made of wool — but I’ll note that we don’t have pets.
I have wood floors, dark wood furniture, white bedding, very light blue/gray walls, and an abstract floral-ish rug in lots of colors. Tones are more saturated than pastels, but way less saturated than primary colors. It’s not exactly a statement rug and the bed covers a fair portion of it, but it adds some color to the room and helps my wall art pop. I’m not a minimalist, I like color, and I want my home to feel cozy and lived in, but I am not maximalist either. I got it from one of the online rug purveyors and I love it.
Our bedroom is painted a soft gray with dark wood furniture and white trim. We have dark blue accents and curtains.
We have a modern oriental-ish rug in a soft gray-blue with bits of darker and lighter colors in the blue/white/gray color family.
Honestly, we got it at home goods, had gotten it for another room but when we unrolled it, it looked awful in that room and great in our bedroom. I think rugs you need to see in the space.
Is your furniture traditional (i.e. symmetric, traditional shapes and detailing, wood tones) or modern (i.e. asymmetric, organic forms, painted or gray wood)?
If traditional, go with an oriental rug, if all modern go with an abstract rug, and if neither go with a floral.
I have wool rugs in my bedroom. One under the bed and one in the open area in front of the closet that is quite plush for underfoot.
Kilim.
I’m going to be in Lakewood / Denver for a week for work in mid-March and will have two chunks of free time (a 4 hour block Tuesday afternoon and most of the day on Friday) free. What should I do?
I have a rental car, though I am not comfortable driving much in the snow (I live in DC without a car, so I rarely drive. I grew up / learned to drive in the South so no experience with snow or mountains) if it’s snowy. The weather seems all over the place! I love hiking and trail running, I ski a little (1-2 ski days a year at Wisp or Whitetail with friends who drive me) and would be interested in trying some Colorado skiing, and I also love exploring cities and trying local foods / beers. I’ve been to Denver once before (also for work and also had a ~ 6 hour chunk that I used to walk around downtown).
I live there! The Bel-Mar area is cute, it has a little “main street” area with a theatre, some shops, etc. There’s also a gorgeous park (Bel-Mar park) with a cultural center and if the weather is good, it’s a really pleasant walk.
The rest of Denver:
LoHi (lower highlands) is the cutest and most walkable tourist area. I would pick a fun restaurant near some boutiques and get brunch (IMHO the brunch scene is great here). The art gallery is lovely, and that area is a tiny bit dicey in terms of neighborhood vibes, but there’s still plenty to do and see.
Platte River: if you do one thing, do this! Walk from LoHi across one of the pedestrian bridges to the Platte River area (near REI) and get a coffee, people watch, and shop. Gorgeous area.
RiNo (RiverNorth) area is a very slightly gritty industrial area that’s been gentrified and is now hosting a few shopping and dining centers as well as the original artists’ galleries, studios, and lofts.
Finally, Broadway, specifically SoBo (SouthBroadway) meaning from 1rst and Broadway to about Alameda has super cute vintage and thrifting as well as a *terrific* tiki bar called Adrift. There’s tons to do, see, eat, drink. But head’s up there’s a major unhoused persons and transient persons issue both in downtown and SoBo, and Platte River and it can be jarring and unpleasant if you’re not expecting it.
Skiing–it’s a tough call. It’s a major under-taking with traffic and the crowds, I’m not 100% sure that taking 1-2 days and doing it would feel worth it given the ROI. But that’s ultimately your call!
My daughter and I were in Denver for fall break and the food highlight for both of us was Denver Biscuit Co., especially the giant cinnamon roll.
For your free day, I’d take the cheap/quick/easy bus right to downtown Boulder and walk pearl street instead of staying in denver :)
If the weather is warm, Matthew Winters/Red Rocks or Genesee Park (bonus: you may see buffalo and/or elk) may be great to trail run and are on the west side of Denver. It may be muddy, though! Golden is a great little town on the west side of Denver, near Lakewood, and has tons of spots to grab a beer – try the Buffalo Rose, New Terrain Brewing (a little out of town but you can combine a beer with a hike!) and Cannonball Creek. For skiing the closest is Loveland, but you’re close to A-Basin and Breckenridge and then Copper and Vail are just a bit further. You can check road conditions on cdot.org, and in any case you will want snow tires – March weather is very variable. Have fun!
There is an Amtrak train from Denver to Winter Park that may make a ski day more appealing on your tight timeframe. The station is right at the mountain and the schedule is designed for day tripping.
Fellow long-waisted readers: This dress comes in tall sizes! Ordering immediately.
Good grief some people invent trouble and cause more problems, both emotional and legal, being too clever by half. (Screams into the void)
Anyone have good cocktail recipes?
Bourbon + ice
I’m the Anon at 11:11 am and you know what? You’re right.
+1 The absolute best.
I had a French75 this weekend and it was lovely!
2 oz champagne
1 oz gin
1/2 oz lemon juice
2 dashes of simply syrup
a twirl of lemon peel in the glass
I love cocktails with champagne but not being a public serving bar, I end up wasting most of a bottle of champagne. I know they have those toppers to try to keep the bubbles, but by the next day I don’t find it bubbly enough even with that in place. How do you work around that?
Drink more champagne? :) Serious response: get the little splits instead of a full bottle.
Sidecar. It’s a 3-2-1 recipe which is the proportions, but let’s consider those half ounces
1.5 ounces cognac or brandy
1.0 ounces lemon juice (I like Meyer lemon)
0.5 ounces Cointreau or Triple Sec
Shake. Pour into chilled martini glass.
Traditionally there’s a sugared rim but that’s just sticky and messy in my experience so I skip it.
Cheers!
PS 3-2-1 works for a lot of drinks. Margarita – which I prefer on the rocks – substitute tequila & lime juice for the cognac and lemon, in that order.
With more planning you can make cayenne bitters, which is a lot of ground cayenne steeped in vodka, strained through a coffee filter after about a week. Then you add that to the margarita recipe and you have a spicy margarita. You can rim the glass with tajin or a mix of tajin and coarse salt.
I bought a bitters shaker on Amazon just for my stained cayenne bitters.
I learned this from a bartender.
Last Word.
Equal parts:
Gin
Chartreuse
Lime juice
Luxardo liqueur
Shake and serve up with a maraschino cherry.
But be warned there is a chartreuse shortage.
Or a variation on this, a Paper Plane.
Equal parts:
Bourbon
Amaro (liqueur)
Aperol
Lemon juice
Shake and serve up chilled without ice
Not quite time, but save this one for summer: https://stripedspatula.com/bourbon-peach-smash/#wprm-recipe-container-10741
Maple Leaf
2 oz. bourbon
1 oz. lemon juice
0.5 oz maple syrup (or a full ounce, because why not)
Use a cinnamon stick to stir over a big cube of ice
A manhattan but use equal parts creme de cacao (cheap stuff is fine) and sweet vermouth for the vermouth component.
I’m scared of the sweet vermouth with creme de cacao! How does that turn out?
Oh honey, you are speaking what my head has been yelling for the last three weeks.
Here’s a good mocktail one I’ve been playing with at home: shot of apple cider vinegar + good apple juice + plain sparkling water
Do tell.
Oohhh… mocktail during work… smart!
They had a rule on MTV’s The Real World that cast members could drink anything as long as the cup was opaque … just saying
My favourite is just equal parts cognac and amaretto. It’s called a French Connection, after the 1971 Gene Hackman movie.
There are so many great cocktail names on this thread, my goodness!
My favorite name is the Last Word. It was served at a speakeasy in the Detroit Athletic Club during prohibition.
+1! French Connection is just such a nice cocktail!
Wardrobe care question: I just bought this Rebecca Taylor jacket (link to follow in reply). It says it includes polyester, cotton, wool, viscose, nylon, spandex, silk and leather. The care label says “dry clean only.”
1. Is that truly the only way to clean it?
2. Is there any way to keep it clean(er) between trips to the dry cleaner? Maybe spritzing the underarms with something?
https://lookastic.com/women/black-tweed-jacket/shop/leather-silk-trim-tweed-jacket-82052
I would definitely not try to machine wash something like that.
On this board people used to recommend spritzing your blazers with vodka to kill BO, I think.
As a hobbyist weaver who has to be very cautious about what fibers are mixed because they might well do different things when wet washed as part of the finishing process, I absolutely would not wet that piece with water. Some of those fibers will shrink, and they will likely shrink at different rates.
+1
Love the jacket but would 100% follow instructions on this one, and wear at least short-sleeved items underneath to prolong between cleaning. FYI, because of the leather trim, this may be more expensive than usual for a jacket for cleaning.
I wouldn’t want to risk how all of those different fabrics would behave in any other cleaning method and would stick to ‘dry clean only’ not being a suggestion.
Vodka makes a good fabric refresher but spot test first because it might not be a good idea…
I mean, you definitely can’t throw it in the washing machine.
yes, of course it has to be dry cleaned.
Anyone have experience negotiating with a landlord who wants to sell your rental but has offered it to you first? The price feels a little high, though not totally ridiculous, but still pushing affordability for us. The context is a market where places in our price range are very hard to find and a VHCOL where prices have nearly doubled since the pandemic (and a new rental will also be much more expensive and hard to find). Other places in the neighborhood have sold for more, but they’ve been very significantly renovated and our place hasn’t. We have a week to decide and I don’t even know what to process would be, since we don’t have a realtor or anything. Everything goes through the property manager that represents the landlord.
I would find a realtor ASAP (ask friends for recommendations) to run comps. The realtor will make a packet of similar size / condition properties with the prices they’ve sold for and/or at which they’re on the market. I wouldn’t say “yes” without an inspection, either (one was required by my mortgage lender), even though you live there. There could be issues you’re unaware of, and the inspector will tell you how long appliances last, like “you’ll need a new hot water heater in a year or 2”.
If you want to buy it, not having a realtor is great. You don’t have to pay their ridiculous commission for adding little to nothing to the process. I think step 1 is to decide if you actually want to buy it or not.
The buyer does not pay any commission to the Realtor. The seller pays the commission.
And you think they do that out of the goodness of their hearts, or is that a factor in the price?
That is really up to the seller. Not the buyer. I’m also in CA.
well if you’re in the Bay Area, I recommend inspector Ian. He is the best, very thorough. If you live there already you can probably easily be present for the inspection, where he will give you additional context for what he’s putting in the report.
I’m skeptical of the idea that you can negotiate a better price because you’re ‘saving’ the seller the cost of the buyer’s agent’s fee. I think it’s more likely that a realtor will help you negotiate you a better deal or find you a comparable but better priced alternative than you save money by going without.
Is this DC by any chance? The law required right of first refusal. It doesn’t guarantee you a good deal, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a realtor as your buyer agent. Or you need a real estate lawyer to represent you to make an offer with appropriate contingencies on your behalf (financing, inspection). I would try to get a home inspection before you decide.
California
I have a good friend who sorely regrets not buying her rental flat (in SF) when faced with a similar proposition.
I was in this position in CA. My suggestion is to find a realtor and see what they think about the purchase. We were in this position, and the realtor confirmed what we suspected about the price and helped us find something similar to buy that worked out super super well.
In our case, the offer was fair market value, but it was way more than we were willing to pay (like 100k+) because the reason pretty much everyone else wanted to live in the neighborhood (proximity to religious services) was something that didn’t apply to us (different religion entirely). As much as we liked our old place (more bathrooms, more lawn, cute courtyard), moving was the right decision for us.
I did this with a landlord. Is your landlord definitely selling? That could make a difference. Mine was open to selling but not dead set decided on it. And I wanted to stay. I had a local realtor give me a ballpark price. She told me the LL and I would be negotiating whether the price should be under or over 300k (this was a while back and very small unique house). He was from another state and came in at 380k and it was so unrealistic that I did not want to damage the relationship by countering. This happened twice and then I bought elsewhere and he eventually sold – for well under his asking.
I’d recommend looking around, too, if you haven’t been actively looking. You could find out this is not your best option even though it seems like it is right now.