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Hello, Target, my old friend. This long-sleeved shirtdress looks like the type of thing that would accidentally fall into my cart during a Target run. I don’t usually do midi-length items for work, but this dress is making me rethink my stance.
I think the crisp button-up top and collar, combined with the slightly more casual mid-calf length, looks really fun and fresh. I would wear the black version to work with some fun heels and keep the light pink or blue ones on hand for outdoor summer cocktails.
The dress is $27.99 at Target and comes in sizes XS–XXL and 1X–4X.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
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anon
Is it totally unethical to take a sick day due to general exhaustion from the last year? I am wiped out and don’t have any time critical work that needs to be done today. I took half a day on Wednesday due to a prolonged stretch of sleeplessness in middle of Tuesday night if it matters.
Cb
Mental health is health.
Anon
Nope, that’s exactly what they’re for.
pugsnbourbon
Nope. Take the day and rest.
af ds
Ha I”ll be watching this closely. I want to take a sick day. Not a vacation day, just a sick day because of what you said.
Anon
IMHO, it’s a lot more ethical to take the sick day than to stare glassy-eyed at your computer all day.
cara
Oh interesting. Yeah yesterday was a glassy-eyed day for me and tbh I just should have done that.
Anon
My dad used to call those “in-office vacation days.” Much harder for those of us with billable hours. If you have billable hours and have any flat rate cases or contingency cases where it doesn’t really matter how many hours you bill since it isn’t costing the client anything different, I do a project on those cases on a day I’m low functioning. If it takes me 4 hours to review discovery that would normally take me 2, that’s fine because my client isn’t paying for my issues. Same thing for admin projects or CLEs. If you are worried about sick day optics, make it a CLE day and lay in bed listening to it. But if you can, just take the sick day.
Anon
I’m in tech, not a lawyer, but I also bill my time. It’s impossible to ride out a crappy day when you have to account for every second towards a specific project. Your option to have flat rate cases sounds amazing, I’m jealous!
Anonymous
Obviously not
Ellen
I do this all the time when I feel like you. After all, I do not adhere to the regular work week at home, so I often find myself working after dinner and on weekends. So taking a day off to recharge is what I need to do (usually about once every 2 weeks). I usually take a day when I know that the weather will be nice, and I go to Carl Schruz park to sit and watch the water go by. I recommend you do something like this and you will feel better.
But do NOT check your work email while you are relaxing or you will ruin everything. I take my personal phone which does not have work email on it.
Anonymous
Ethics aren’t black and white. I think you are in a deep grey area here, since you aren’t actually sick and, in taking a day provided solely for when you are sick, you are essentially telling your employer that you can’t do your job because you are sick when you are not. Nevertheless, you have determined that there is unlikely to be harm to your employer under this set of facts and there is potentially actual benefit to you and maybe even to.your employer, so in the wash I would exercise the discretion to take the day, even if it is not perfectly ethical. Your obligation, though, is to ensure you use that time away in a way that will most benefit you and your employer and thus mitigate the harm from.your questionable initial conduct. Good luck! Hopefully this will be over soon and you won’t have to navigate these sticky issues so often!
Anonymous
This is completely over the top. It’s perfectly ethical and fine to take a mental health day. Mental health is health, period.
Anonymous
Since when did “i’m tired” beco.e a mental health issue? You are intentionally blurring the lines to suit your.preferences.
Aunt Jamesina
I think being tired is quite different from exhaustion, which is the word OP used.
Pompom
This attitude is killing workplaces and, dare I say, people. I’d strongly encourage you to reexamine why you think this way, and how this impacts others around you.
test run
LOL at the phrase “harm your employer” re: taking ONE SICK DAY. Just take the day. As a manager, I could care less whether people are actually sick when they take a sick day. The PTO is there for them to use and since they are all adults, I trust their discretion. If they’re not getting work done in a satisfactory/timely manner, that’s a separate issue but capitalism has trained us all to treat our employers with kid gloves while they treat us like garbage and this comment is a great example of that.
Anonymous
Your last sentence is perfect and accurate.
AnonMom
This…reminds me of my high school fast food job, where the boss wanted to micromanage how we spent their off time so we wouldn’t come in complaining of a painful sunburn after spending a day at the beach, or sore muscles because they played in the football game the night before.
Anonymous
This attitude leads your employees to burnout.
anon
Uh, okay. This is a lot of handwringing, and I don’t think it’s that much of a gray area.
Cat
lol this reads like satire and I hope that’s what was intended…
Anon
+1. This is not a “sticky issue” ha ha.
Anonymous
This is wild. Mental health is health, the end. You’ve been brainwashed by capitalism. You owe no ethical considerations to a corporation.
anonshmanon
Two things: prevention is so much cheaper than treatment. Taking a sick day for an annual check up or well woman exam at the doctors would be totally non controversial. A mental health day could easily be seen as preventative too.
Harm to your employer: many employees have actually taken very little time off in the last year (nowhere to go for vacation, work from home meant no random colds, many drs offices delaying non-essential things). This means that collectively, we have accrued a huge balance of untaken sick days and PTO, which are a liability on the books. Taking a single day off, with little impact to business in most cases, is really the best solution. The impact to business would be higher if you take off a longer stretch of time, or if they have to pay the days out.
Anon
(Stretches and flexes)
A study out of Harvard and UPenn assessed how sleep deprivation over the course of a couple of weeks affects cognitive ability. “After two weeks, the four-hour sleepers were cognitively in no better shape than the sleepless group after its first night awake. Their memory scores and reaction times were about on par with those of the sleepless after their second consecutive all-nighter. The six-hour sleepers performed adequately on the cognitive test but lost ground on reaction time and memory, logging scores that approximated those of the sleepless after their first night awake.”
https://www.health.harvard.edu/fhg/updates/Repaying-your-sleep-debt.shtml
Unless you are being paid to do some very rote and safe task, being sleep deprived IS a sickness necessitating time off.
Anon
Isn’t sleep deprivation significantly more impairing than a lot of conditions caused by pathogens? Is sleep deprivation not medical? What do you think “being sick” actually means?
Anon
Of course that’s fine.
Anonymous
Absolutely not unethical. My boss specifically tells me to take mental health sick days if and when I need to and we are lawyers concerned with compliance.
Anon
Are you asking because you wrestle with it internally, or because you need to justify days off?
If the former, it’s not unethical. If the latter, now is a good time to practice not oversharing. It’s incredibly helpful to get your boss used to not asking for details (if you can manage it) for both medical reasons and job-searching reasons.
I am very glad I did it, since I require frequent colonoscopies, and I would not be thrilled to discuss my an*s with my boss.
Anonymous
FWIW, I just decided to put 7 days of PTO (we don’t have separate sick/vacation day buckets) on the company calendar for the next week and a bit because I’m also generally exhausted from the last year. I’m burnt out. I’m making mistakes where I shouldn’t be. If my employer cares about my wellbeing aka productivity, then there’s no reason I shouldn’t be taking my PTO that I’ve accrued over the last year and didn’t use. Even if it’s being used to sleep through a couple days.
anon
OP here…I didn’t mean to open this can of worms. At any rate, I’m mostly trying to justify it internally. I know that today is not going to be a super productive day. At any rate, I decided I have enough energy to do some work; I’m going to do what I can and then take the balance of the day sick.
anon
Nah, it’s one outlier who is stirring stuff up. There is zero wrong with what you’re doing.
Anon
Nope, take the day, it’s totally fine.
Anon
There are certainly downsides to combined PTO for any purpose but this is an upside – sometimes you need time off, and the reason is very rarely relevant to your employer
Anon
Nah, do it! I mean, if your sick days are limited, I’d try to budget them so you don’t run out right before “cold and flu” season (remember that?), but sick days are yours to use for whatever physical or mental health stuff you gotta deal with.
Anon
Has anyone taken prednisone? Looks like I may have to take it and I am freaking out bc I heard all sort of horror stories about side effects on it
Cb
I have. I did a short course and it made me nauseated and slightly miserable, but it was better than methotrexate which made me much sicker than my chronic illness ever did.
Anon
I know several people, including myself (and many pets!) who’ve had to take it occasionally. It’s really pretty safe and no big deal. The most common side effects are feeling warm, increased appetite, and trouble sleeping. Even when I worked in a medical clinic, I can’t recall anyone having serious or lasting side effects.
Anon
If you have to take it, you have to take it! I have always declined it, but if I had to take it, I personally would monitor blood glucose or at least carbohydrate intake pretty carefully, and I’d monitor bone density as well. If there’s a better, safer med for your condition that costs more, make sure your doctor isn’t just being bullied by your insurance company. I’ve seen that some doctors are a lot better at insurance wrangling than others.
Anon
Depends on how long you have to take it. I’ve taken it twice for hives that covered my entire body. The first time was rough; the second was okay. Just make sure you follow the taper and understand that you might have some pretty wild mood swings.
busybee
Yep! I have been on it for about three months due to pregnancy complications. I have had no side effects at all. I am on a 20mf dosage.
Anonymous
Yes loads of us. Sure it has side effects but I loved that it treated my health issue successfully and many people have minor side effects. Dont crowd source your health from the internet.
Anonymous
I’ve taken it and it’s fine. Just make sure you talk to your doctor about the timing of your Covid vaccination in relation to your prednisone course.
Anon
Prednisone is a miracle drug. I hate the side effects too but it fixes my issues faster than anything else. I have taken it for full body allergic reactions, upper respiratory infections and asthma flares. I have also taken a sister drug for Crohn’s disease flares.
As others said, everyone is different. Personally, I get very hungry and kind of moody. Nothing insane, just similar to PMS. People tend to gain weight on Prednisone but I think that is in part because of how hungry it can make you. Figure out what is filling to you and have that on hand. I’d rather eat a higher fat peanut butter sandwich and not be hungry for another couple hours than mindlessly eat a whole bag of chips because they never actually fill me up.
The taper is SO important. For some reason, not all doctors prescribe tapers. If yours didn’t, I would ask why and tell them you would rather have a taper. My husband’s doctor tried to have him stop 50mg after 2 weeks on it with no taper and he ended up in the hospital. My doctor has always had me do a slow taper and I’ve had no issues. I only had an issue with the taper of the sister drug (Entocort) in that the taper wasn’t slow enough for me and it caused me to have really low blood pressure. Some salt and caffeine fixed that, along with upping my dose and doing a longer taper.
There is a huge difference between short term prednisone use and long term.
Lastly, and again YMMV, but my husband is a pretty serious athlete and he said he had to scale back a bit after stopping the prednisone. He felt weaker and got sore easier, but it was really only for a couple of weeks and then he was back to normal.
Also, unlike others, I think you are smart to crowd source some of this. None of my doctors have ever given me the detail of info I need on the side effects I’m likely to experience. I learned most of them from the Crohn’s boards I’m part of.
Anonymous
I’ll add one more comment since it sounds like you are a regular user of steroids – be very proactive about your bone health, and that includes your teeth. My spouse took several courses of steroids over the years for his auto immune disease and has had very significant bone loss including lost teeth.Steroids are not without risk when used longer-term, and “longer-term” isn’t that much use.
Anon
Thanks. That’s good to know. I also can’t eat dairy due to the aforementioned Crohn’s so I already have lower natural Calcium. I’ll follow up w/ my doc about this at our next appt.
test run
I think this is one of those things where it really depends on the person – I took prednisone and had no side effects and actually felt great because it was treating something that was making me feel like garbage. My husband did a course and felt terrible. Also, as other people have said, depends on the dosage/how long you’re taking it. I would definitely not freak out though – maybe just discuss with your doctor what your options will be if you start to have weird side effects? I’ve had that conversation before where they’re like “if this happens, push through – if this happens, stop taking it and call me.”
AnonMom
Yes, for really bad allergies that result in whole-body, runaway hives.
The only time I had a problem was when it turned out those hives had become infected, and the prednisone made the infection explode. It was a quick fix once my doctor realized what was happening, but made for a miserable couple of days before I realized the prednisone wasn’t just taking longer to kick in than normal.
My biggest side effect from prednisone is that it makes me really hungry.
Mrs. Jones
Yes. Never again. I couldn’t sleep. I was hot, sweaty, and hungry all the time. I gained 12 pounds in a month.
OP
The weight is one of the things that scares me (obv I am gonna likely still do it if the doctor advises it – I have an appointment later today to discuss). Were you able to lose it after you stopped?
LT
I had to take a relatively low dosage (40mg and tapered from there) for several months leading up to my wedding(!!) so I was also very concerned about the weight gain and fat redistribution. I found I was able to manage it by being careful about my sodium intake (believe I read that reco on Mayo Clinic’s site…), being intentional about staying hydrated, and chewing gum when I had random urges to eat beyond what I normally would. I normally drink a ton of coffee so started out doing that too but I learned real quick the caffeine combined with the prednisone led to anxiety and panic attacks, so I’d suggest monitoring your caffeine intake closely.
In the end I was fine – the prednisone treated my underlying illness and I was able to manage the side effects without too much discomfort. You got this!
Anonymous
I say try not to. I gained 30 lbs in 6 months.
Anonymous
This is really irresponsible to try to scare the OP away from necessary medical treatment by focusing on weight. Prednisone is literally a life-saving drug in many cases.
Anon
Exactly. And weight can be lost. I know a lot of us (and society) obsess about weight but, god, there are worst things than getting fat. A friend suffers from bipolar. She does great on one particular med but that med makes her a little overweight. It took her a long time to stop the cycle of going off the med to lose weight, losing her mental health, going back on the med, gaining the weight, repeat. She’s finally come to the realization that she would rather have healthy mental health and be a little overweight.
Lastly, someone posted asking about prednisone awhile back and I remember one poster saying how amazing she felt on it. It made her energized, focused at work, increased her sex drive. Side effects can go either way.
Anon
So it makes a big difference if it’s actually necessary or not. If it’s necessary, I agree it’s good to focus on the positives and the fact that most people do fine with it. But prednisone is used for many conditions that aren’t dangerous at all, and I’ve said “no thanks” and gone on with my life before, so I know there is sometimes a choice. Sometimes the weight is just prednisone weight (often a substantial amount of water weight) that goes away after quitting prednisone, but for those of us who are already struggling with our A1Cs, prednisone induced diabetes is a pretty legitimate concern to bring up with a doctor. There are all kinds of other considerations (mental health history, dosage, duration of treatment), and it’s okay to do a risk/reward analysis. Ultimately what we’re willing to risk for what reward is a decision that only we can make for ourselves, and our doctors can’t read our minds to intuit what matters to us, so it helps to go into those conversations informed.
Anon
It is not irresponsible. OP asked for people’s opinions.
Agurk
I’ve been on it for three years. On the one hand, it’s a miracle drug and the only reason I can walk. On the other hand, I’ve gained 40lbs (it’s from the additional cortisol, which spikes insulin, not just because it makes you hungry like someone earlier implied), am irritable, and have to monitor my bone density.
Definitely be careful about the taper. The longer you’re on it the more important the taper is. If you’re on it long term the taper can be as slow as 1mg every few months. Also, carry a card around saying you were on it since in the case of an accident you can need emergency cortisone up to a year later.
Anon
Thanks for sharing re: cortisol. I didn’t realize that and thought it was just because I was always hungry and ate more. I recently read The Obesity Code and the insulin spike related to weight gain makes perfect sense.
Agurk
Yeah, Fung actually talks about Prednisone as an example of ways you can gain weight regardless of your eating/exercise habits in the book. It was a lightbulb moment for me, that’s for sure!
Anon
Yes, I took it when I had bell’s palsy (half of my face was paralyzed). It was amazing and I healed super fast and my face is no longer paralyzed. I would be willing to gain a million pounds for that result, which is one of the most frequent side effects I heard about, but one I’d gladly accept.
Anon
Not me, but my mom has many times. She had the reverse effect of many in that she lost weight. Most of the time it was for severe allergies. The last time she took it (which was to reduce swelling being caused by a brain tumor) i think the dose they gave her was too high for her weight and it made her manic.
Anon
Yes I’ve taken a short course for poison oak and I felt amazing.
Coincidentally I’m getting a steroid shot today for a rheumatoid arthritis flare. First time.
Agurk
The shots are easier and have fewer side effects than the oral steroids. They were the best.
Anon
Just had it. Looking forward to feeling awesome because I have been feeling… not awesome, hence the shot.
Agurk
Fingers crossed for you. RA is a jerk.
Anonymous
I have done several short courses of the prednisone dose packs with the built-in taper. Whenever I have to take it, I start out so sick that it only makes me feel better, not worse.
MJ
A short course ( a week or so) is very different than a long course. I’ve taken it off and on my whole life due to uncontrolled asthma. Sometimes my appetite goes up, sometimes down. Just be sure to follow the “taper” if your doctor prescribes one. The bills taste very bitter and actually swallowing them (they’re usually small, regardless of dosage) is annoying, as you might have to take two or more.
Senior Attorney
I took it for two weeks when I had shingles in January and I was also worried about side effects, but for me it was a miracle drug with few or no side effects. (Maybe I got a little hyper, or maybe that was because I was SO DARNED HAPPY to not be in excruciating pain all the time!) My doctor prescribed a tapering dose and I agree with the poster above that it’s the way to go.
Anon-for-this
Yep, a bunch of times. The side effects are bad, but every time I’ve had to take it it was for something worse, and prednisone is amazing for knocking down terrible autoimmune things. Keep in mind that the side effects you get at 10mg are very different than the side effects at 100mg, and if you’re on the latter, you absolutely have to taper down or you risk adrenal things which are bad.
Make sure you take it in the morning, as it causes insomnia. I’ve experienced constipation as well, so get your fiber. I’ve also experienced some mania type things so I’d plan to take it easy during the ‘roids and not do anything super delicate or important.
Anonymous
On a short course (I think a week plus tapering) it made me pretty irritable but no physical side effects in that short period.
Anonymous
I’ve taken the step down packs twice and didn’t really notice much really. ask your Dr if this affects vaccine response if you’re not fully vaccinated yet. I know high doses can. Just fyi.
Dupe for Boden's Florence top
Good morning!
I really like the short sleeves and neck detail on this top. (I think Boden sold a similar one as Ravello.) I’m not up for paying $85, though. Any rec’s? Thank you!
The Lone Ranger
I feel like these are similar to the tops I bought at JC Penney — I think the Worthington brand — a few years back. You might try there.
Anon
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-pleated-neck-top?ID=12006588&CategoryID=255&isDlp=true&swatchColor=Black
Anon
https://business.landsend.com//Women/Tops/Shirts-%26-Blouses/Women's-Short-Sleeve-Pleated-Scoop-Soft-Blouse/p/4690279?cm_mmc=paid_search-_-google_pla-_-blouses-_-null-_-null-_-null-_-07232020&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6-SDBhCMARIsAGbI7UgVMu0Le24fX2ZkbSZbj8t9n7bwfsn8s6HBFHKR_ZpnlJeaOp7ELwoaAqM2EALw_wcB
Anon
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-pleated-smocked-ruffled-top?ID=12137076&CategoryID=255&isDlp=true&isDlp=true&swatchColor=Daisy%20Multi
anon
I’m in-house counsel at a company where I’ve worked for 5 years (all in the legal dept).
In another one of our divisions, a compliance role has opened up. I applied to the role because it allows me to broaden my experience in the company (I’m in Division X, and the role is in Division Y) and because I really like the manager who this role reports into.
For those of you who are in compliance, what makes a good compliance business partner? I’ve never interviewed for a compliance role before, and I anticipate they will ask behavioral questions.
Trying to get my arms around (i) how to prepare, (ii) how compliance is different than legal, and (iii) any other advice on interviewing for a compliance role.
Ellen
Myrna works in an investment bank and she says you need to dress very conservative in compliance, meaning no short skirts or high heels–almost frumpy, because you are called upon to make hard decisions and you can’t if you are busy trying to look hot for the MDs. That would be fine by me, but everyone is different.
Cat
How is compliance viewed in your company? They are often seen as a necessary evil, a hold-up, red tape, keepers of acres of corporate policies, hand-wringers, and the like… where do people’s careers go if they join that group?
anonshmanon
yeah, part of the job is being the killjoy – this wouldn’t be a great fit for all people.
Anon
I work closely with our regulatory compliance group (and have done so at all my jobs, by nature of my work). Compliance skillsets (in my observation) are highly tied to the skillsets needed to make/do whatever the company makes/does. My current role is with a manufacturer, and our compliance group all have mechanical or chemical engineering degrees. They could easily take a lateral transfer into our R&D or production groups. I’ve only ever seen regulatory poach people from engineering, never from legal. So in a company that has a tangible product, I’d expect that you would be quizzed heavily on understanding all the processes that get you from “idea” to “physical item ready for sale”.
anon2
This is so interesting to me. I also work for a manufacturer and none of the global ethics and compliance team are engineers – they are all lawyers who have worked in other parts of the law department before moving into compliance. So I gues YMMV?
anon for this
You need to understand whether compliance has a seat at the table for critical decisions. Some companies include compliance upfront which may come with business tradeoffs, but fewer future risks. Others involve compliance more when there’s a problem and they are constantly in cleanup mode.
Agree with the suggestion to understand how this fits into a broader career path. At some places it’s more of a dead end.
Anon
I wouldn’t make that move, death to your legal career and rarely do people go anywhere up from there. If you’re over your time in your legal group, look to go elsewhere.
anon
OP here, thanks for everyone’s replies.
To answer the questions: Compliance is viewed pretty well in the company (largely b/c of our business-minded Chief Compliance Officer, who this role reports into) and plays a critical role in our day-to-day business. I work closely with the Compliance Officer in my division, and from what I’ve seen for lawyers who are in our Compliance function, they come back to Legal after a few years or become Chief Compliance Officers at other companies.
Please keep your thoughts coming! I really appreciate them.
Anon
I would take a broader view, even if it’s viewed well at your company, it isn’t generally. It can be a great non-lawyer path (JDs who didn’t pass he bar, legally interested people, former auditors, etc) but it’s a side step down from a legal position. You will no longer have the authority that comes with being legal counsel, and you will not be at the table for as many issues as you would had you stayed in legal. I wrote tha above, but I think it’s a terrible move for lawyers as it’s not actually a move to the business side where there’s more options. But totally different for non-lawyers.
anon2
I think it was your comment that I responded to above, but at the company where I work, the global compliance and ethics team is VERY highly regarded. They impact the entire 100k organization and make a lot of decisions about how our company is perceived in the marketplace, among other things. It’s definitely not considered a step down in my org and people wait a long time for a compliance position to open.
anon2
100k *person
and *that affect how we are perceived
typing too fast.
Anon
Yeah, that’s what I’m saying – even if it’s great at your company consider what it does to your career should you want to leave. I’m also a GC and wouldn’t be as open to taking someone back into legal who took that path.
CMS
I am a Chief Legal Officer who also has responsibility for Compliance. When I hire for Compliance roles, I look for:
1. strong attention to detail (much of regulatory compliance is very in the weeds)
2. positive, helpful attitude and demeanor/relationship-building skills (helps with the difficult conversations)
3. experience having tough conversations but also problem-solving and innovating
4. strong understanding of all aspects of the business (you have to know how all the pieces fit together to identify and troubleshoot problems)
5. self-starter/entrepreneurial (you can’t be waiting for someone to tell you what to look for, what to worry about, where the next fire will come from)
I’ll be honest that I don’t love Compliance partly because of my personality. I’m task-driven, so I get satisfaction from marking a project complete. Compliance feels much more like waging a never-ending battle. But I have employees who love and excel in it.
Anon
To the poster yesterday asking about New England mask rules, NH is lifting their statewide mandate as of today. Cities and towns may still have their own mandates, as well as private businesses and school districts. I don’t know yet who will have what. I know one store owner in my town has posted on FB he would like unvaccinated people to continue to mask. Since he won’t be asking for proof of vaccination, I highly doubt his honor system is going to work. I will personally still be masking.
Anonymous
I’m not that poster, but thank you for continuing to mask. I think it’s going to be a sign of courtesy moving forward because no one can tell by looking at you whether or not you have been vaccinated. Even people with Trump flags on their trucks often get vaccinated so we can’t use that as any kind of symbol.
anne-on
Yeah…but NH is kind of the FL of New England in more of a ‘states rights! individual freedom!’ kind of way vs. a ‘we don’t believe in science’ kind of way. Plus a healthy dose of DL (or not so DL…) racism.
123
Racism? How is that relevant here? Really?
Anon
Ha! This is very dependent on what part of the state you are in. I totally agree that there are many people here all about personal freedom. I mean our motto is Live Free or Die. But, we have been historically voting blue for a pretty long time now. Our currently Governor is a very liberal republican. Many here call him a RINO. We actually matched Mass in a lot of our restrictions including when we started our “Stay at Home” order. Our travel ban was not as restrictive though.
You raise such a perfect distinction here though. We don’t have a ton of people that don’t believe in science. They just don’t want to be made to do anything. I suspect many will still continue to mask. The people that will struggle are the business owners that don’t feel safe asking people to wear a mask. When it was state mandate, it gave them cover. “Yeah man, I feel you, this sucks, but we can get fined if we don’t make you wear one.” Is very different from “yes, I required masks for you to enter my store and if you don’t comply I’m asking you to leave.”
Anyways, I was just reporting back for the person that asked. I wasn’t expecting yesterday’s news. Came kind of out of nowhere.
Anon
Re: racism, were you just talking about the state generally or in relation to COVID? While I know COVID is impacting minority and poor communities disproportionately, I’m not aware of a race issue surrounding whether people are required to wear masks, unless I’m missing it.
Anon
There is a lot of fairly openly eugenicist sentiment among anti-maskers right now. If it’s disproportionately affecting a community, maybe that community should have tried clean living or being born with better genes or being smarter and richer? People seem to genuinely believe that “it’s sad, but” pandemics are “nature’s way of culling the herd” after which the “population emerges stronger.” (As usual, this is stuff is scientifically made up even if it weren’t unethical to the point of “evil”; that’s not how anything works even if we were talking about “rabbits” or something.) I block several accounts spouting these views every time I visit social media; it’s everywhere right now.
anne-on
Oh, no, I was referring racsim more generally – NH/VT are two of the whitest states in the entire country, and I thought this article last week summarized it pretty well – tolerated but not accepted
https://www.concordmonitor.com/As-New-Hampshire-Diversifies-Who-Gets-To-Belong-39912453
MK
NH has no law requiring adults to wear seatbelts, but everyone I know wears one.
Speaking only for myself, but probably consistent with most from NH – I follow best practices/advice to keep myself and my neighbors safe, but I don’t want to be required to. In my parents’ rural area, people are wearing masks (yes, even pulling their masks up when they approach others outdoors) and socially distancing, but not because of any “mandate.”
anonshmanon
I am curious, does it make a difference who is trying to require you to do something? As in, what’s your take on a private business requiring masks vs. the government?
Anon
To me, no. I would patronize a business requring masks for entry (even if not required) and would probably get curbside pickup from anywhere not requiring masks (but we still have inside masking, but I will say that I don’t see hourly workers enforcing it in independent places in rural areas — small filling stations, etc., but I am usually inside so briefly that I am OK with that level of risk and I am masked and half vaccinated now).
Anonymous
I grew up in NH, and much to my Libertarian parents’ disappointment, I’m far more concerned about what corporations know about me and tell me what to do than I am about the government. I took their principles in a totally different direction than they intended!
Anonymous
There was a good article in the New York Times yesterday about populations for whom the vaccination is not likely to work: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/15/health/coronavirus-vaccine-immune-system.html
I fall in this group. It’s really hard at times and I know that there are others here as well. I’m really hopeful for all of us but also fighting back sadness.
Anonymous
Welp, I guess I will get that 5-pack of cute masks I was eyeing. #weareinthistogether
Anonymous
Thank you.
Anon
Thank you. I have Crohn’s disease but I am not on immunosuppressants. I’ve already had my first vaccine but I never questioned whether there had been any study into its safety or efficacy for autoimmune conditions. I now see the official CDC stance is “you can get it, but we don’t know if it is safe for you.” I kind of wish I had known that before, but I likely would have got it anyway. I will now also get antibody testing at some point post-second vaccine. The British study of those w/ Crohn’s and Colitis that they referred to didn’t seem limited just to those on immunosuppressants. I had a GI appt recently and mentioned I had my first vaccine and my doctor seemed surprised but happy. I realize now I probably should have checked w/ her before getting it. Though I guess if her advice was “don’t get it” it would be pointless to tell me that after I already got it.
Anon
It would be pretty irresponsible of your doctor to not share concerns with you about the vaccine even if you’d already had it.
Anon
I have read that the antibody tests do not accurately reflect whether the covid vaccine has been effective for the tested individual. Any science people on here want to share thoughts?
Anon
Science person here- it’s true that antibody tests might not be completely reliable as far as determining whether the vaccine has helped you, as your immune response has multiple components and it’s definitely possible for those to have been stimulated by the vaccine, even if you don’t have measurable antibodies several weeks after the vaccine. At this point, I don’t think anyone has any idea whether that’s actually happening or not and it will depend a lot on the type of immunosuppressant you’re taking. I’m sure someone is studying this, but it will take time to get results. For anyone with immune system problems, it is possible that you’re at higher risk of vaccine side effects, but you’re also at much greater risk of having issues with covid as well, so it’s clearly worth it to get the vaccine in almost all cases (obviously talk to your doctor, and it may make sense to schedule it around any medications you might take rather than getting it asap)
MD/PHD
It is true that right now there is not a standardized antibody test with an established range for showing a normal/effective antibody response. There just isn’t data yet.
Anon
They don’t. And the vaccine confers immunity beyond antibodies.
anonshmanon
that would mean that a negative antibody test can mean you still have immunity in other ways. However, a positive antibody says that you have antibodies, so that would be an unambiguous result, no?
Anon
The immune system is complex. Your T and B cells also play a part in immunity. You can’t just determine immunity by antibody levels. There are some disease states that the antibody levels fade over time, but the rest of the immune system would still recognize the disease and mount a response (and antibodies would be produced as part of that response). We don’t know enough yet about vaccine immunity.
Anonymous
Yes, that is true. You need a spike protein test because otherwise, you’ll get a false negative if you didn’t have COVID infection before. The CDC does not routinely recommend these, but there is discussion about whether they should be used for immunocompromised people.
Sunshine
Thank you very much for posting this article.
Carrie
Thanks for posting this.
I have a family member with a primary immunodeficiency. He has not responded to some vaccines in the past (eg. Pneumovax), so we knew it was possible he would not respond to the COVID vaccine. He is already treated with monthly IVIG infusions (immunoglobulin = antibodies pooled from heatlhy individuals). He got Pfizer. It failed. His antibody test 1 month after his second dose was zero.
His immunologist has seen a small handful of patients who didn’t respond to the RNA vaccines. This includes a lymphoma patient, a patient with IgA deficiency, and my relative.
We wonder whether the docs will try giving these patients a second vaccine attempt with one of the non-RNA vaccines (eg. J&J) to see if that has any effect. Right now there isn’t any data, of course, as to whether this is worthwhile. The doctor is not advising this at this time.
Honestly, this is depressing for us. Fortunately, by the end of the year the IVIG my Dad gets monthly should start containing some antibodies against COVID, which may give him some protection.
Anonymous
Did your family member get the spike protein test I mentioned above, though? My doctor told me that a regular antibody test (the same ones that you can give to people who think they had COVID) are almost a guaranteed false negative. You can also check out some of the recent questions and answers on the AAAAI Ask an Expert page on this: https://www.aaaai.org/ask-the-expert/antibodycovid19
Coach Laura
I am – or was – immunosuppressed because I have lymphoma (which itself wrecks the immune system) and I was on rituximab, which additionally lowers the immune system. All of my fellow lymphoma peeps (facebook group) were all worried about the 15-30% death rate from covid and were looking forward to the vaccine. Then there are initial studies that blood cancer patients especially B-cell lymphoma patients won’t make antibodies in response to the covid vaccine, because we may have no b-cells left after treatment kills most/all of them to kill the bad ones. So the Leukemia and Lymphoma society started a clinical trial NCT04794387 to measure spike protein antibody response to the vaccine. The LLS will publish it’s results.
I enrolled and had my spike protein tested and I did make a full compliment of antibodies. (The test via LabCorp was for Antibodies against the SARS-CoV-2 spike protein receptor binding domain (RBD) and my result showed that antibodies were detected.) The test is positive over 0.8 and I was over 250, which is where they stop measuring. They warn you that scientists don’t know what a positive response means and how much protection I have. I also had my IgG tested and it is 800, when the test had a normal range of 600-1600. So I may have protection but I’m still wearing a mask anywhere outside my home, still WFH and only seeing fully vaccinated family members.
Out of our cohort so far, only 5 have tested positive with about 10 negative, and the defining factor is that those of us who tested positive have all been off rituximab treatment for at least 6-12 months, while those were negative were still on rituximab or other treatments like inhibitors.
So probably more than anyone wanted to know. But here is the article in case anyone has friends/family who are leukemia or lymphoma patients. https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/949180?fbclid=IwAR1rEZywEcijwg2udoghYN7Dsxp5NBsf0DIbhte1n6GhlwNQK6a_iY-w4sk
Anon
This is really helpful; thank you for sharing it.
Anonymous
This is so helpful, thank you.
anon
So I’ve noticed in the past few years that I’ve become more sensory sensitive, especially where clothes are concerned. The past year of work from home has been so comfortable, from a clothing standpoint. I’m not sloppy, but I am wearing a lot of soft fabrics that wouldn’t fly in my office, which is on the dressy side of business casual. I’m trying to think about how to dress when I do go back this summer. The idea of shoving myself into all those polyblend tops from the usual workwear stores makes me want to scream. I layer them with cotton tanks, but still. And none of my work pants even fit at the moment, so I will likely have to buy a couple of pairs to get me through until I can lose the covid weight. How are all of you going to balance comfort and professional dress, going forward?
Anon
I am a dress person so I would wear knit dresses with a professional air. Many here recommend the Lands’ End knit dresses for the office.
Ribena
Me too. I’m planning to get a couple of the Hobbs ponte dresses which I can wear with a blazer whenever I have to go back to formalwear.
anne-on
I have painstakingly curated a collection of washable (mostly dresses) for work over the years. I personally find dresses much more comfortable to wear than pants, but I’d suggest the following:
A-line or jersey dresses are more comfortable than sheath dresses. Hobbs London, Donna Karan, Brooks Brothers, Of Mercer, and MM LaFleur all have washable options if you search for them.
Stretchier crepe pants (Eileen Fisher, MM LaFleur, the Fold) look good and are SO much more comfortable than wool. Ann Taylor also has nice all cotton straight cut pants for spring/summer weather – I personally like the Julie curvy fit for not being skin tight.
Skirts and a nice top can be very comfortable and forgiving – especially a-line skirts with a set in waistband – this is how I’d like to dress constantly if I knew I wouldn’t dump a cup of coffee down my blouse about 5 minutes into my day…
https://thefoldlondon.com/product/blenheim-skirt-ivory-and-silver-grey-tweed/
I agree about poly tops, those are a no go for me. Again – silk shells, cotton sweaters, or cotton blouses are what you want. Sort by ‘blouses’ or ‘shirts’ and then by fabric and you’ll find lots of options on Bloomingdales/Jcrew/Boden. And at this point in my life, I am avoiding dry-clean only materials for anything other than blazers….
anon
Thank you — this is super helpful.
Curious
I also am super sensory sensitive. I do not wear polyester and I hate tags. I find I actually feel good in rayon and modal. If that works for you, Banana Republic consistently has nice tops in sandwashed modal that have a good sheen and don’t pill (like poly).
anon
That’s good to know. I had a bad experience with a modal dress shirt from Loft getting completely misshapen, so I’ve avoided the fabric, but I should try again.
Curious
Yeah, I feel like everything I bought from Loft for years ended up misshapen. Gave up on them. The BR tees however wash and wear like iron, so long as you don’t lean over a completely splintery fence and get them caught. Not that I have personal experience.
Anon
Easier since we were casual before, and I predict we will be even more so after, but as someone perceived as “dressier and polished” I think the trick is in grooming over clothes. If your hair and makeup is polished you can get away with a lot. I’m not going back until next year but when I do, I plan to buy new things that are comfortable, including flats over heels. I don’t think I’ll need as much. I also plan to blend more weekend into work (sneakers w midi dresses, etc).
Anon
+1. Also grooming includes making sure everything fits well, is lint free, pill free etc.
Anonymous
I would like to buy a nice bag to celebrate an accomplishment. I really like the Chanel Boy bag but will I look like an a**hole carrying around such a statusy bag? I generally think logos are tacky but really like this one bag. I would not bring to work. When you see someone with a bag like that do you think less of them?
Anon
I only notice that sort of thing if it’s consistent throughout the entire look, like an Insta stereotype. Logo everything looks bad (purse, belt, earrings, medallion flats). One big-ticket item is fine.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t consider you the word you used but when I see bags like that my initial thought is, ‘ohhh poor taste’. There are just so many nice in items made by independent designers, I don’t see the value in the very recognizable bags.
Go for it
+ 1
anon
Imo it really depends on where you live and/or who you hang with. In my neck of the woods, in most real-life situations (leaving aside my glamorous fantasy life), I would feel out of place carrying something that fancy/obviously designer. But I’ve lived places where this would be normal and fashionable. So for me it’s very context dependent.
Anonymous
I’ll be honest (since you asked), when I see an expensive bag with a big logo, I do think they’re tacky and I also tend to think “status climber.” However, I recognize that that is judgmental and snobbish. I’m a believer in dressing how you want to dress. You should ignore snobs like me because our opinions really don’t matter to your life.
Anon
Life is short, get what you like and don’t worry about what others think.
Senior Attorney
This. I found a Chanel evening bag in a consignment store and use it and love it and if anybody thinks I’m tacky and a status climber then that’s their issue.
pugsnbourbon
If you like it, get it. Why would it matter if a stranger judged you?
Anon
I have to agree. It really struck me this morning how many comments we see similar to this on here where people worry about what strangers think. I might be a bit of a misanthrope but idk if I’ve ever cared once what a stranger thought about me.
Anon
+1. Also it’s pretty privileged to think of status bags as tacky. My BIPOC friends carry them to not get harassed in places where they might otherwise be mistreated.
anon
Oh good lord. Status bags are not primarily carried by BIPOC people as a self-defense mechanism. Some times we just like stuff, just like white people.
Anon
Agreed, but the constant refrain of “it’s tacky” just irritates me as a snap judgment considering there may be more going on, too.
Anon
Seriously.
Anonymous
This is not a thing.
Anonymous
Isn’t the entire point of having a bag like this to encourage others to judge you?
Senior Attorney
Haha, right?
Anon
If you like it, buy it. Chanel holds their value remarkably well – and their prices keep skyrocketing. I’d buy before the next round of increases.
anon
The chanel bags hold their value but are REALLY expensive. I wouldn’t worry so much about looking like a jerk, but I’d think about the utility of that particular bag for the price point. For my own lifestyle, I just don’t have that many situations that call for a mid-sized to small bag with a chain strap. For 5k, I’d personally prefer to get 2 or 3 bags that will be more used.
Anon
I love the Boy Bag even more than the Chanel flap. Either is classic and you’d love for always. I’m not a big designer bag person (would see my theoretical daily driver as some sort of Balenciaga city bag).
Now, I am so casual that I probably wouldn’t use it for the rest of the year if I had it (which I don’t, but have coveted and have stalked on the resale sites). In fact, I don’t have Chanel as a purchase option in my city, so if I get one this year, it is only by scoring a good deal on a reseller’s site that would ship to me.
kitten
I wouldn’t look twice.
anon
What type of bag (backpack or tote or something else) are college kids carrying around campus these days? Any particular brand name? I’d like to buy something for my niece for her high school graduation. I don’t have direct contact with her, so I can’t ask her directly. Her grandmother, who was her legal guardian, can’t afford much and doesn’t know popular brand names or status symbols. Willing to spend up to $150.
Curious
My sister and I both have/had North Face backpacks that were both cute and lasted well. Not a trendy direct to consumer instafamous brand, but really good quality and (again) cute!
mom of teen girl
It is so tricky to shop for teenagers even when you know them well. What is “popular” varies from group to group and is not universal. Can you give her cash instead with a note that you hope she’ll use it to buy something she can use and enjoy at college?
OP
I have reason to believe that any cash or gift cards would be taken by her grandmother/my aunt “to keep for her” and not spent/ not used. It’s messy, which is part of why I have no direct contact.
Anon
What I would suggest doing if possible: buy a backpack, but at an actual store that you know she has somewhat near her. Pay cash. Include the actual receipt that shows cash was paid. That way she can return it in store if she doesn’t like and get actual cash for it (instead of store credit). Maybe even point out to her that that is an option when gifting it.
Anon
+1 Beyond what is popular, there are so many features for a backpack that are person preference specific.
Cat
I see a ton of Fjällräven around, and Herschel.
Anon
My kid is in college. All the hiking brands are still popular, so like Patagonia or Northface or something like that would fly. Fjallraven is still happening if you want something on the smaller, less rugged looking side.
Anon
I asked her just now. Patagonia is more popular than Northface.
anne-on
This seemed to be on point for what I’m seeing on the college kids in our town. The Herschel Supply Co. and Lulu backpacks are the particularly prominent ones.
https://www.teenvogue.com/gallery/back-to-school-backpacks
Anon
If you definitely buy her a specific one – as someone far from college but who wears a backpack all weekend (carrying kid’s stuff, North Face is my jam) I would just advocate for one with a strap that clicks across the chest. IMO this makes such a difference with regards to comfort and support, and I’m not even carrying text books around. (And if she really doesn’t want the strap, she can always just leave it unclicked).
Anon
p.s. I have the North Face Isabella, which would be too small for college I think, but the NF Women’s Borealis one looks like it would be good & have the comfort features (padded back, chest click etc.) that a lot of the ones in the Teen Vogue article listed above just don’t seem to have to me, although I’m sure they are popular and those wearing them haven’t quite had the “comfort over fashion” aha moment that comes later in life. : )
I am NOT trying to speak to what is popular as I am old, but since so many mentioned The North Face as being popular, thought I would dig deeper. I’m partial to the brown/rose : )
https://www.thenorthface.com/shop/women-39%3Bs-borealis-backpack-nf0a3kv4?variationId=T75
Cat
Hmmm, I’ll counter that — I don’t see kids walking around campus with the chest clipped, and if you don’t use them wouldn’t they just flap around?
Pompom
They’re pretty small so the flapping around is quite minimal.
Aunt Jamesina
By the time I was that age, I already had really specific tastes, and probably wouldn’t have liked whatever someone else picked out for me, no matter how nice it was. Bags and backpacks are very personal (size, style, the way they fit you personally). Any chance you could take her shopping for a nice bag?
OP
I don’t have direct contact with her, and don’t live near her. She’s had a different and more difficult childhood from most kids, and I feel like something to help her blend in a bit could give her some confidence. For reference, I heard that the Hydroflask I bought her for Christmas went over really well. The only other family members who bought her gifts were my mom and my aunt, both in their 60s, and they’d never heard of Hydroflask.
Curious
Based on this I think I’d do Fjallraven. It’s trendy enough without being herschel (which is a very particular style statement) or north face/patagonia (which are quality but maybe not “cool”). I’m in the PNW and see them all the time here. If she is going East Coast private my suggestion might change, as the bright colors from Fjallraven would stand out.
Anonymous
Okay, I’m not very trendy, but I’ve got to know…what is the very particular style statement that Herschel makes? I genuinely love their stuff and have given it as a gift before because of the value for the price. What have I done, lol?
Curious
I think it’s kind of hipster/ hipster tech? Could be just what it means in Seattle.
HW
I think it’s awesome that you’re doing that. It sounds like she’s coming from circumstances where she will appreciate something that helps her fit in. It could also be nice to fill the backpack with things she might need, like if she’s going to live in a dorm she might need those oddly sized sheets.
Eager Beaver
As an alternative to a backpack, a monogrammed set of these make-up bags would be a great gift: https://www.cuyana.com/small-leather-goods/cases/leather-travel-case-set/10051300-642-000.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6-SDBhCMARIsAGbI7UglL_tVSV_m5nFA8pb5vtqMCiHGuV57UIuWcrdbMPjmnTcoyPMIvQMaAjY3EALw_wcB.
Anon
I’m the one with the daughter in college. I have those makeup bags, monogrammed, which I received as a gift and I love them. However, if I tried to give something like this to my daughter she would think I was nuts.
OP, get the backpack.
NY CPA
I don’t know about these days (I was in college in early/mid 2010s), but my college campus seems to have been fancier than others who’ve commented below. It was Ivy, so that may have had something to do with it? But as far as I recall, my non-Ivy grad school wasn’t too dissimilar. Sure there were women with sporty/utilitarian backpacks. I think I carried a North Face freshman year. But I would say the most common were Longchamp Le Pliage totes, Vineyard Vines totes, etc. I’m sure there’s an updated equivalent now. I personally used a Vera Bradley backpack for most of college because I liked the fun patterns/colors, preppy aesthetic, and backpack style for my back issues. I also think it depends on the student. I trended (and still do) towards preppy and feminine styles, and I would never want to carry a Herschel or Fjallraven, but I can guarantee there are lots of young women who would hate the bags I tended towards.
emeralds
I work at a fancy school where Longchamp was the norm while I was in undergrad. Things have definitely changed–nobody carries the bags you mentioned. It’s all much more functional athleisure.
For the OP, the brands that stick out to me based on my most recent data (from spring 2020) would be Fjallraven or Herschel, like other people have mentioned. Also Lululemon if you want to throw another option in the mix.
Cat
Oh yes definitely. I was in college in the early 00’s and Herve Chapelier bags were trendy as school totes, then Le Pliage supplanted them along with VV or VB.
Anonymous
College prof here. Get her a black Lululemon backpack.
MagicUnicorn
Definitely not from “these days” but I still use the Jansport I got back in college, when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Padded back, the right number and size of pockets and openings, ergonomic straps, and massive enough to hold the many, many heavy textbooks and binders I had to carry all day every day, because it was a sprawling midwest campus that was too big to make it to my dorm & back between classes. It’s now my gym bag (if we ever go back to the gym again), and I use it for travel and hiking, too.
Hair Advice?
So I had an incident yesterday where a chunk of hair at the front of my head got stuck in a door and got ripped out (some by the root, some breakage near the scalp). I now essentially have a bald spot. I have a bob, so it’ll take likely a year for it to grow back out and be the same length (though I’d settle for a few inches of length at this point). I have an appointment at my salon next week with their extensions person to see if there’s anything they can do, but does anyone have advice? had this (or something similar) happen before? other than hats and parting it on the other side to cover it up when it’s down (millennial side part for the win), I don’t know how much else can be done?
As an aside, I never thought I’d be someone to cry over hair, and yet…
Vicky Austin
Owee, that sounds painful! I don’t have any advice for you but I would cry over that too!
Anon
My coworker had a car accident that resulted in stitches and some hair loss at the front hairline, and she changed her part to the other side. I really didn’t notice it after a few days, and her hair grew back. Extension technology is amazing, so hopefully this will completely take care of your problem.
Anon
+1 for changing your part.
My kid went on a scissor rampage (and is old enough to know better), so we dealt with this b/c she is in remote cameras-on zooms (and a bad hair year is not an excuse). Gel and spray are your friends at first (and maybe that for-men bald-spot spray on covers if your hair / skin are very different shades).
Anon
I think you can get clip-in bangs to sit farther back on your head to cover it up.
Anonymous
That’s what I was thinking, too. Or something like this: https://www.hairtoppers.com/products/easipart-hd-18-clip-in-top-piece-easihair?gclid=Cj0KCQjw6-SDBhCMARIsAGbI7Ugre5-SQWax7kcK0i-BqQNxKiUi7U2tilZQVMC84dgGQJNbkQf0ymIaAgpKEALw_wcB
Anonymous
That must have been so painful! I can’t even imagine. I bet the extension person and the right style can help a ton, especially since it’s not all out by the root. If you’re not satisfied after that appointment, I’d see if there is maybe a wig boutique near you. You may be able to get something like a “fall” that matches the rest of your hair. I have a blonde friend with very thin highlighted hair who often clips in falls to give more body and I swear you would never even know.
Formerly Lilly
A friend of mine developed a weird bald spot, and a dermatologist was able to help. I believe it involves some sort of injections.
Anon
Ouch! So sorry!
A friend of mine had some hair loss issues and she used these hair fiber fill ins – it’s like little hairs that you dust in so that you can’t see the scalp – until she got it sorted out. So it doesn’t look as stark as just seeing a chunk of scalp.
Anon
Depending on placement, you may be able use Topik (hair fibers) to fake it. It may be able to hide the spot sufficiently well to make the spot zoom-undetectable, although less convincing in real life. Be careful and do your research to be sure that the application technique for any extensions will not damage or weaken remaining hair. Good luck!
Anon
No advice but commiseration as something similar has happened to me before!
I was rough housing with my 6 year old on the sofa and at one point when I was lying on the sofa and my hair was splayed out on it, she put her elbow/full weight on my hair and some of it from the front-side got ripped out. I sat up and touched it and got a clump of hair in my hand. I was horrified and think I may have yelled out in shock. This started my kiddo crying (shocked/defensive/apologetic) and I was nearly crying too from the loss of my hair. I had been taking Costco collagen already due to hair loss so this was galling.
With time and some minor adjustment in my parting, it was imperceptible. (By the way my husband did not notice it, though I thought it was pretty prominent.)
Abby
Any suggestions for where to shop for a tux for DH? We have a handful of black tie weddings coming up (hopefully!) and I’d like to find a nice tux that can hopefully last him many many years, without breaking the bank. Is this a job for Nordstrom?
Flats Only
We got DH one at Joseph A. Bank. Good quality wool fabric, the service and tailoring were great, and it wasn’t overly expensive.
Anon
+1
Clementine
+2 My husband got a classic tux for our wedding several years ago and has worn it multiple times. I think he got it in one of their always-happening sales, then bought the accessories in a ‘buy 1, get 2 free’ type situation.
Anon
Didn’t they go out of business?
Cat
I think they closed some stores, but for example the one in Philly is alive and well.
Anon
They did declare bankruptcy recently, but the kind that allows them to live on and reorg.
Curious
I wonder if your local tux rental shop might have lightly used ones that would be cheaper. We love our independent tux rental shop (lol I sound so…something… But it’s basically the Ollivanders of suits. Tis amazing.)
Cat
Does your husband have a store that typically fits him best in suits? I would normally say Brooks Brothers (even if it costs like $800+ that would probably pay for itself in 4 weddings, plus the freedom from rental timing and logistics) but honestly Jos A Banks suits look more expensive *on* my husband because their fit model must be relatively closer to his build. And of course with tailoring it gets even better.
Senior Attorney
I just looked at the Nordstrom web site and the prices seem to be in the $800-$1200 range. Which might not be unreasonable, as Cat said, if he wears it for years.
Senior Attorney
Can’t begin to imagine what put my comment in mod…
Cat
s-te maybe? That’s an oldie but goodie on the no-no list…
Abby
Hmm this is a good point.. He has 1 nice suit his parents got him after college (not sure from where), and a sport coat from Nordstrom, and his other suits don’t fit as well. We haven’t had many weddings until this year, so he’s due a new suit or 2 in addition to the tux. I’ll have to check out different stores fits. Thanks for everyone’s advice!
Formerly Lilly
Good quality tailoring is more important than how much you spend on the tuxedo. A less expensive tuxedo that is tailored to him will look much, much better than an expensive one without tailoring. Most stores will hem pants at no charge. More extensive tailoring may come with a bill, and it’s worth asking and factoring in the cost of expected alterations to to total cost.
Anonymous
Do you think his size and tux styles are likely to remain the same for many years?
Abby
I think his size is pretty consistent – has been around the same weight since college. And I also assume most classic tuxes will never change? Can someone correct me if that’s not true?
Anon
Yes to Nordstrom or consider J.Crew. It’s nice to be able to buy as separates. My husband has J.Crew pants in two sizes, so there is no last second panic as he is getting dressed for a big event.
Senior Attorney
OMG why didn’t my husband ever think of this? Genius.
Anonymous
Indochino
Anon
Shopping help? I’m looking for plus size linen or breezy cotton pants that are not too voluminous. I bought some last year that were like above ankle length joggers (featured here) but there was too much fabric so they looked like genie pants. I’m an 18W and tall.
AnonATL
I have the linen blend old navy pants and really like them for the price. I’m 5’6″ and the full length is just right on me, so might be short on you. There’s a cropped pant too.
pugsnbourbon
Would these work? They look flowy but not bulky.
https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=689183012&cid=5671&pcid=5671&vid=8
Anon
I read somewhere that “cottage core” dresses are out. I am not exactly sure what this is. The Laura Ashley-style ones? Ruffles? Bell sleeves (die die die)? I have some cute formerly for-church dresses that I could wear to work now that no one cares (we are officially casual and some days it is actual athletic wear as people stop in to pick up things, etc.). I am kind of digging things that are muumuu-adjacent, so I may just have to be uncool.
Anon
The style profiles used on Insta (cottage core, dark academia, etc.) are not particularly useful for adult woman in professional jobs. They are really only important to know when selling clothes on eBay or Posh.
Anon
Is there a Spark Notes on this? I just follow random friends (who post mainly pets and recipe attempts) and my niece on insta, so I’m already fuzzy on cottage core and a complete stranger to dark academia is (but it sounds like it could be a wonderful Halloween costume — sort of a goth-y adult Harry Potter vibe?). Help!
Anon
Reddit is great for this, I basically treat it like urban dictionary.
In particular: https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/lqhbq9/what_are_the_different_trendy_gen_z_aesthetics/
Anon
Too funny!
My kid goes to an art school and is like the only person there who wears color. According to this, she is an “Academic.”
PolyD
I came across some article on dark academia lately (maybe at WhoWhatWear?). If I ever go back to the office full time, I’d totally rock dark academia.
Think plaids, cardigans, boots, what the heroine of a British mystery who works in libraries might wear.
Anon
I approve of this. Please do.
Cat
Was that the WSJ article a week or so ago? I had no idea what they were talking about because every retailer is still selling flowery, ruffly dresses this year.
As someone who does not like ruffly dresses, it is saving me a great deal of money that I’d otherwise be tempted to spend on a few new things to wear as I gradually leave the house more often.
Anon
I feel like if you were old enough to wear it the first time, you’re too old to wear it the second time. My prom dress was Jessica McClintock (in truth, it was home sewn from a McClintock pattern) so I’ve been sitting out the cottage core revival. I also plan to sit out the low rise jeans as I have been sitting out the mom jeans trend. (If only i had saved my late 80s jeans for my daughter – she’s paying $75 for them at a vintage shop!)
Seventh Sister
I was in Target recently and half of the women’s section looked like the costume department for Big Love and/or Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. I’ll be delighted if this goes away. I like floral prints but not that much!
Anon
I am trying to understand why a lot of other wealthy countries are so behind on making deals to get vaccines for their people. Canada, Korea, Japan, Singapore, and any country in the Middle East except for Israel are way behind the U.S. (I know E.U. was delayed because they were trying to do a coordinated response and negotiated for paying less than $20 a dose, so that explains their delay.) The only explanation I’ve heard for the other countries is that because the vaccines are made in the U.S. and the UK, those countries are going to have an advantage in obtaining the vaccine than any country where vaccines are not developed or made. Is it that simple? Can any of the hive members in Canada or Korea or Japan weigh in on what other explanation you’ve heard? Are you resentful that the vaccine supply in the U.S. outpacing anywhere else?
anon
Writing from Canada. Of course I am resentful. It seems we constantly are hearing about how our promised/contracted-for orders will not be fulfilled due to manufacturing shortages, meanwhile eligibility for vaccines is almost universal in the States nowadays. At least in Ontario, people are having their second shot postponed to 4 months after the first to try and do more with what little supply we have.
Not sure why we are where we are in “line” for vaccines, but we’ve certainly been told our government tried as hard as possible when making the deals. Frankly, my understanding is that American companies agreed to give their American-manufactured doses to America in preference to anyone else, so there is only so much a non-American country can do to get more vaccine. I imagine if the non-American vaccines had been the major first successes, the story may have played out differently. Remember, every country bet on a bunch of different vaccines because it wasn’t clear what would be effective and ready first.
Anonymous
Then you should start manufacturing and developing vaccines
Anonymous
Thank you captain obvious. Unfortunately that ability was cut by a conservative government.
anonshmanon
Yeah, right. The shot that I got in the USA was developed in Germany.
anon
Canada has already committed money to doing so (in future).
Fundamentally, the things that make economic sense in a country of 330 million people don’t necessary make economic sense in a country of 40 million people.
DC
For some background, the (very recent or soon to come) universal eligibility in the U.S. does not mean universal access/availability. Availability varies widely by state and by region within a state. For many more populated areas, eligibility in no way means an appointment will be open for you any time soon. In two states I am following closely (where I and my close relatives live), appointments even for “eligible” populations have been nearly non-existent, whereas in more rural areas appointments are plentiful. People with the means to do so drive hours to a more rural area to get an open appointment.
Equestrian Attorney
I’m in Canada. I’m not sure why we are being slow, but here are some things I heard:
The federal government buys the vaccines and supplies them to the Provinces, who distribute them. There was some infighting between the two, as usual, and that slowed stuff down;
The approval process was slower in Canada and the EU than the US;
The US did buy up a lot of the supply, and we are waiting for leftovers.
I don’t resent the US, no. I’m happy things are better (although a little jealous when I hear about people eating in restaurants and traveling) and hoping the borders open up some day so I can go to Maine, which we have done every summer except last year.
Anonymous
I’m in prov gov’t and haven’t heard about any infighting issues in my province. I suspect some of the harder hit provinces are trying to blame the feds for something because their ‘lockdowns’ are often done too late and too little so they are ineffective. Like 15% retail services in ON and 25 ppl church services being allow in ON a couple weeks ago was nuts. Per Ahern – you need to close sooner than you think. ON and AB are just starting to do now what they should have done 2 weeks ago, that’s not the feds. fault.
Equestrian Attorney
You’re right, it’s probably province-specific. I’m in Quebec so there is always infighting :)
Anon
I can’t speak to specifics of COVID, but in general the US pays a lot more into drug research (both federally funded and in terms of company investment) than other countries do. This industry as a whole is much much larger in the US, and consumers pay more for both healthcare generally and drugs specifically than consumers in similarly wealthy countries. Part of the profits from the drugs consumers pay for go into researching new drugs. As soon as a successful drug is developed, it’s relatively easy for other countries to piggyback on the success of that research, either by making the same molecule as a generic (there is some dispute over the ethics of this but common in Indian market in particular) or by knowing where to start their research to make a slightly edited version of the same molecule. As a result, there is an argument that’s not totally insane that even in normal times US consumers are the ones bearing the costs of the world’s medicines development. I do not necessarily have a strong opinion about this, but someone who already feels some angst of this probably would feel strongly that it is justified that the US occasionally gets first crack at a new development when supply is shorter than demand.
Anon
+1 million.
fyi
Also, patent issues apparently.
https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2021/04/canada-vaccine-rollout-problems/618516/
Anonymous
No,
Biontech (Germany-EU) did the research and they were one of the first suscesfull ones but they did not have the infrastructure to produce it, then Pfizer came into play. In this case a big USA corporation was “piggybacking” in a small avant garde company from another country.
Astrazeneca was funded 80% by public money from UK and EU but they have most of the productions sites in UK then Uk is getting ahead.
A lot of initial resarch was done by different companies in different countries some were lucky but others didnt. It is only that not every country has the infrastructure to produce the vaccine. Now other pharmaceutical companies are making agrements and joint ventures to increase the production. It is only botle neck.
fyi
There is an interesting bbc article on Canada’s situation
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-56035306
Some factors not mentioned already are that Canada invested a lot of time trying to make a deal with a Chinese manufacturer and the deal fell through (unfortunately). This may have delayed negotiations with Pfizer and Moderna. Also the government made deals with Pfizer and Moderna for the products of European factories, in part because of fear of an export ban from the US.
Anonymous
This. Last year Trump prevented some PPE from being exported from US to Canada so Canada decided to buy from Europe to ensure supply. This has made the transport challenges greater as it’s not just trucking it over the border. The distribution for the Pfizer/Moderna in remote areas has also been a challenge as not everywhere had the specialized freezers necessary for those vaccines so the freezers had to be ordered as well. The pause on A-Z has hit the rural areas harder.
That said, are we really that far behind? My parents/sister are getting theirs next week and I’m getting mine mid-May. I’m not bothered by the delaying the second doses, we’re far from the only country using that strategy.
Anonymous
+1 “Trump is an unstable maniac” basically explains all of the negotiation tactics used by Canada and how they ended up in this situation.
anonshmanon
that’s a good point. A lot of EU countries have reached similar vaccination rates (doses given per week scaled for the population) now, but they are 3 months behind, so it still looks dire.
anon
Do people forget Operation Warp Speed? Yes, Trump handled covid very badly but Warp Speed was exactly what was needed – public/private partnership to get rid of vaccine approval and production barriers in less than a year. Over $10 Billion of US taxpayer money was committed by the US to develop a vaccine. The drug makers ramped up production, made the vaccines even before they were approved, sometimes even before they knew they would work.
The US gave money to some drug makers (Moderna for example) and and made deals with others (Pfizer didn’t want the money upfront but wanted a deal on the back end) so Warp Speed benefited US citizens the most, but also benefited the whole world. UK did the same with AZ/Oxford partnership.
Moderna got $1.5Billion, Novavax $1.6Billion, J&J $1Billion, the US even gave $1.2Billion to AstraZeneca/Oxford.
It’s unfortunate that Canada didn’t get more vaccine faster but I don’t think it can be blamed on any one thing. And they are benefiting from Pfizer, Moderna, J&J now, as a direct result of US funding.