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Updated: Apr 16, 2021 236 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Hansel Floral Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Flowery and frilly isn’t normally what I think of when I’m looking for clothes for the office, but this dress looks great to me. I like the elbow-length sleeves and sheath cut. I think this could look really pretty with a gray jacket and brown belt, if you’re looking to add an extra piece, but it’s also beautiful on its own. The brand notes that it runs small, so you may want to size up.

The dress is $248 and available in sizes 0–12. Hansel Floral Sheath Dress

Eliza J and Tahari have more affordable options in straight sizes; for plus sizes, try Rachel Rachel Roy or Estelle. 

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Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I need to get some shorts to wear under knee-length dresses to prevent chub rub. I know everyone loves the Skimmies, but they look a little on the long side and also more form-fitting than I’m looking for; is there a slightly looser, shorter version available that allows everything to breathe? I’m not aiming to win style points but I need to be comfortable for a long day of walking coming up.

    • Go for it

      I bought slip shorts & sized up to eliminate the squeeze feel. I think whet you’re looking for is petticoat shorts.

      • Miss

        Yep, slip shorts are exactly what OP is describing. They look like a slip (silky material with usually some lace at the bottom), but are shorts. I use mine all the time because skimmies don’t eliminate static cling from my tights in the winter.

    • Anonymous

      This time of year, can you just wear tights? Or buy Uniqlo HeatTech bottoms and cut them off at the knee? I can’t see that fabric unravelling.

    • mascot

      They make 2 lengths for the skimmies. Sizing up helps the shorter ones from rolling up.

  3. MagicUnicorn

    Reposting my weekend question.

    Has anyone had experience with Luonto brand furniture? I am drooling over one of their sleeper sofas and wonder how the brand holds up. A local showroom has the non-sleeper version in stock (along with sleepers in different models).

  4. Anon

    My husband and I are looking to relocate to Salt Lake City. Anyone from there? I’m particularly interested in crime and safety because we are looking to improve on that front compared to where we live (East Bay of Bay Area). Any tips for neighborhoods to check out when we visit? We’re DINKS, outdoorsy, like historic architecture, and like to be able to walk to bike to things.

    • Clementine

      Actual question: how do you feel about Disney World? Because I got a similar feeling in SLC as I did in Disney World with regards to safety – like… it was too clean, too landscaped…

      Caveat that I have not lived there but dear friends did and my comment is based on their experience: the LDS Church is a huge part of culture there. It’s a big part of the whole community… the wife in our friend couple was raised LDS but her husband is agnostic and they felt really ostracized when people realized they weren’t a part of the church.

      Really beautiful scenery, lovely houses and neighborhoods, surprisingly good food, decent airport. All pluses. One other thing I always noticed was that most moms my age had teenagers, if they had little kids it was usually their 5th child. Lots of SAHMs to the point where part time childcare is really plentiful and inexpensive but FT childcare is hard to find.

      • Clementine

        I’m sorry, I’m apparently rambling and haven’t had coffee and have poor reading comprehension. Most of these comments are geared towards having kids there – we seriously considered moving to several places and this was our read of SLC.

      • Anon

        I agree with most of what you said but have never gotten a Disney World vibe from SLC (as a frequent visitor but never resident).

      • Anon

        Thanks Clementine. I am worried about the LDS influence but have heard anecdotally that as long as you don’t try to live in Provo, you might be okay for day to day living. Remains to be seen though and if it isn’t a fit, we’ll leave.

        • Clementine

          Oh! One other surprising thing – they often have really poor air quality? There’s a phenomenon that happens because of the geography/topography that often results in very poor air quality. This may be a consideration if you have any pulmonary issues.

          There are some really nice neighborhoods near the University that are very likely what you’re looking for. TBH, I would look for a whole foods, starbucks, and yoga studio and identify neighborhoods based on that.

          • Anon

            Also, as a frequent visitor, not resident, look for bars or restaurants with extensive wine lists. You’re looking for less LDS-heavy neighborhoods, and this will give you a decent proxy.

        • Lilliet

          My parents lived in SLC for a few years, so I would visit on college breaks. I now have kids so I feel like DINKS would be similar to my college personality (I dunno, I hope that’s not offensive, I mean it to relate, I could be botching this). I thought it was pleasant, but the LDS church is pervasive. My parents lived in Sugar House, at the time I think it was the burgeoning non-LDS neighborhood. It was cute and lively. So as outdoorsy DINKs who like to walk places (I actually did not find SLC walking friendly, but YMMV–I was in my early 20s) it’s not a bad option if the pervasive LDS culture doesn’t bother you. It’s not like constant in-your-face missionary outreach, more like subtle pervasive reminders such as magazine covers being censored in the check out lanes, weird alcohol restrictions (both how it is sold, the quality, etc.), and more. At the same time, I think those deep seeded LDS values add to the overall joyfulness of the city too. I know the there is lots of controversy with the church, but in general, the mainstream “take care of yourself and the earth” mentality also permeates the city–which is why it is so clean and I found the people so nice.
          I think I understand Clementine’s POV wrt Disney World, and I think I don’t disagree. I think the city’s poor and disadvantaged are deceivingly out of sight.
          SLC is a great landing pad for all the outdoorsy areas nearby, and would other wise be a great quality of life as long as you don’t mind the winters, which aren’t terrible by any means but significantly different from the Bay Area.

      • Anonymous

        A while ago, I had the choice of office relocations for a firm in the mountain west of the US. I could have chosen SLC, Denver, PXH, or Tucson, where they had offices. I was single/30ish then and ruled out SLC (I am also not LDS, but I like Utah and hiking / being outdoorsy). I went with PHX, with Tucson a close second (I ruled it out based on PHX being a bigger city overall with more direct flights in / out of its airport; was dating long-distance at the time and that was a big factor). If you like SLC, you might like the Arizona cities. Overall, summers *are* better in Tucson due to the elevation even though it’s to the south of PHX.

    • Anonymous

      Hi, I’m from Salt Lake. There are a lot of cookie cutter suburbs, but for areas with character (and non-Mormons) I’d recommend checking out Sugarhouse and the Avenues when you visit.

    • Anon

      Unless you have family there, SLC seems like a really weird choice for Bay Area refugees. There are dozens of US cities that are cheaper and safer than the Bay Area, and I would choose one where the culture shock won’t be so strong. I can’t really think of a place that’s more culturally different than the Bay Area than Utah (in the US at least).

      • Anon

        There aren’t dozens of cities in the west that are cheaper and that still have the amenities we want. Seattle used to be my top choice but not anymore.

        • Anonymous

          I hear you — SLC is the least LDS part of Utah, so maybe OP sees it for that, not that Utah = LDS everwhere. [This is weird to even type — I’m from the NEUS and no one says that it’s too Catholic and that everyone there has tons of kids.]

          • Anon

            In Utah, almost 70% of the population is Mormon. In contrast, in Massachusetts, less than 35% of the population is Catholic. That doesn’t seem comparable to me.

          • Anon

            Would love Boise but we can’t find jobs there (trust me, we’ve tried). Denver and Portland have too many similarities to what we’re trying to escape in the Bay Area (high cost, congestion, severe problems related to homelessness in Portland). Please trust me when I say I’ve done my research on alternatives for our situation.

          • Anon

            “Portland and Denver are super expensive”…not compared to the Bay Area or even Seattle/LA/Boston/DC. They’re definitely not the cheapest cities in the US but far from the most expensive.

          • Anonymous

            My sense is that in Portland, the salary cut you take is not offset by the still-expensive COL. COL relative to income is high. If you are cashing out of a property in SF, then you can afford Portland. If you just rented and don’t come in with a big chunk of cash, Portland just continues the misery. I think the OP wants to be somewhere where income and COL are in more of a lock-step with each other.

          • Anon Lawyer

            Yeah, Portland isn’t expensive if you choose the right neighborhoods. Happy to give anyone who wants one a rundown. And the homelessness issue is nothing compared to San Francisco. Nor is the congestion/traffic issue.

          • Anon Lawyer

            Anon at 11:33 – that is very true. What many people do (including me) is move to Portland and keep our old job working remotely. But that does suck for people who don’t have that option.

      • Anonymous

        I think that Bay Area refugees are the reason that Portland and Seattle are now so expensive. Denver, too. And probably Phoenix, but I think it’s still somewhat relatively affordable.

        • Anon Lawyer

          Yes, but to be fair, Portlanders have been complaining about Bay Area refugees for at least thirty-five years when my parents moved here!

        • Ellen

          Yes, Dad says that portions of the East Bay/SF has alot of seedy areas and crime so honest people of means often just want out of there, and if you are one of them you should check out SLC, b/c he says there are alot of clean, honest God-fearing citizens who respect authority, not flaunt it.

    • Anon

      I long-distance dated someone who lived there and visited several times. If you are not LDS, it is hard to find connections and community. It’s very safe, the nature is beautiful, outdoor activities are plentiful and there are great food options. But the person I was dating had lived there for years without establishing much of a social network and was planning to move away for those reasons.

      • Anon

        Oh yes, and the air quality is a serious problem in the winter if you are in the valley.

    • Anonymous

      My impression of SLC is that it consists primarily of two very different subcultures living side by side–the LDS folks and the edgy tattooed outdoorsy people. I am not sure about the degree of interaction between the two communities, but to a visitor they seem quite separate. If you don’t fit into either of these groups, I’m not sure whether you’d find a community, although there may be some less visible social groups I’m not noticing as a visitor. When I visit on business, I stay downtown and can get everywhere I need to go by light rail or walking. I enjoy hiking in City Creek Canyon. The scenery is gorgeous.

      I don’t know anything about crime and safety, but I am always struck by the number of homeless people wandering the streets right near Temple Square. It’s kind of ironic.

      I would not move there if you are contemplating starting a family unless you are LDS. I would not want my kids to grow up as outsiders.

    • Anon

      I have been to SLC for work, and agree that I would not choose to move there. I live in Chicago and love it, but if your primary concern is safety I get that it may not be a fit (though I do pretty much always feel perfectly safe). I am wondering if you would consider parts of texas (dallas suburbs like Plano). Also would consider different cities in Arizona, like a Sedona or Scottsdale. If you are willing to consider east coast, places like Charlotte and Raleigh are great.

        • Anonymous

          Yea, I’m going to go ahead and defend my adopted city here and say it’s definitely not awful and an enjoyable place to live.

        • Anon

          Raleigh has a lot of great things to recommend it. One of my friends moved there, almost sight unseen, and loves it.

      • Anon

        Even though I hate these conversations where an OP asks a very specific question and everyone jumps in with unsolicited tangential opinions, I have to jump in here and say Dallas is not the place to go if you’re trying to get away from congestion.

        • Anonymous

          counterpoint–i love these conversations where unsolicited tangential opinions are provided. i feel like that is exactly what a conversation is. It’s not an outline! We are having a discussion! Some of the most interesting comments come up this way.

    • Anonymous

      We’re DINKS, outdoorsy, like historic buildings and walk or take transit most places and live in the Avenues.SugarHouse is also very liveable. We are not from Salt Lake, are not LDS and have loved living here for years.

    • Anon

      Thanks all. While I appreciate the thoughts, we’re no longer considering other cities – SLC is the result of a lot of research and years of figuring out what we want/ruling out what we don’t want. Will definitely be checking out Sugar House and the Avenues on our next visit!

    • anon

      Just relocated to SLC 5 months ago, send me an email? I also have some emails I could forward you from other ‘rettes. Safety so far hasn’t been a problem, but we do, you know, keep our doors locked and our gate shut. I’m seconding the avenues, if you can afford it, for walkability/bikeability. You may also like 9th & 9th.

      I was seriously worried about the LDS factor, but it just hasn’t been a thing (maybe it will take time to feel like this?). Making friends has been ‘hard’, but we also have two young kids (daycare age) and can’t go, say, rock climbing, or biking on a regular basis, so I would say that moving to a new city with kids is hard.

      You haven’t mentioned food, but I find restaurants to be seriously lacking. I am surprised at how bad it is (not the ideas, generally the execution is poor).

      burnerette 19 at mail with g if you want more information (or coffee! But for that’s also not great here, ha ha).

    • Anonymous

      My friends live in SLC because they were both able to get jobs in their specialty at the teaching hospital. We’re all East Coast born/raised/educated and not Mormon. (In fact, he’s Jewish.) They live in the Avenues with two kids. They say that their neighborhood is full of like-minded people and that they have no trouble finding families to hang out with. They love the music scene and access to the outdoors. Their house is beautiful, and the neighborhood is filled with early 20th century homes.

      If you’re not planning on having kids — but are planning on professional careers as opposed to a lifestyle where you’re leading rafting tours in the summer and teaching snow sports in the winter — it could be challenging to find a good group of friends. To be honest, I think that’s probably a challenge for transplants in almost any city — it’s hard to make friends as adults to begin with and most couples in their 30s have kids.

      I also will caution that my brother has a few friends who were not in medicine who left SLC because they felt as though there was a real ceiling on their career progression as non-Mormons. (I suspect this could happen in medicine, too, if you were in private practice and needed to build a referral network.)

    • AnonInHouse

      Nothing to add, except that I’m jealous! I was born in SLC as my parents worked at the university for a number of years in the late 70s/early 80s. They go back at least once a year to ski and marvel at how urban and un-LDS the city has become, compared to 30-40 years ago! They still reminisce about driving to WY to get full-strength beer :)

    • Anonymous

      I found that if you live in SLC and are not LDS you are always on the outside. It’s like working for a family business and not being part of the family. Also a 30-ish women without kids is look on askance. I admire the LDS values and it’s a nice city. It’s just always being an outsider is uncomfortable. I would never choose to live there again.

      • Anonymous

        HAHAHA — I used to joke that when I moved out of a HCOL city to a MCOL city that I qualified as an “alternative lifestyle” by local standards b/c I was in my 30s and single (never divorced/never married) and childless. And that was NOT in Utah but in a city large enough to have an NFL team and an NBA team.

        So moving in your 30s for QOL to a city you’re not from may always have the “hard to make local friends” because it is just harder at that age if you don’t have something else to tie you to people. Trekkie? Hiker? Artist? You have to make your connections that way and when everyone else has kids at your age, it will just be harder. It’s a slog. But you have the time to do it :)

      • Vicky Austin

        My ILs lived in SLC when my husband was young. Both FIL and his brother had traveling sales jobs and so sometimes brother would stop by the house on his way through if FIL was away. After a few rounds of this the LDS neighbors were very concerned that two different men were going in and out of this house… it makes us laugh now, of course.

      • ANON

        This. Jumping in to say, as a Bay Area person, that I’ve had several friends move there and from the Bay Area and move back in the past decade or so, after they gave it 3-5 years or so. Why? Because the first few years you try to make a go of it, to fit in, etc. And what happens is that eventually you need to change jobs, and you realize that doors are closed. Like the jobs aren’t even posted. There’s this enormous secret club (mostly men, BTW, in the working world) that won’t let you in. It is both formal and informal. Yes, there are non-Mormon people there. Yes, Mormons make lovely co-workers and are kind and helpful and polite. But they can and do close ranks. I can tell that OP is dead-set on living in SLC, so OP will need to experience this for herself.

        • Anonymous

          Yup.+1000. I experienced this first hand in SLC. It’s subtle but the ranks are closed. OP should not go there. Not sure why she asked if her mind was already made up.

          • Anon

            I asked for thoughts on crime/safety and neighborhoods to check out, not for alternate city recs, but I appreciate the contributions nonetheless.

        • TN

          Totally agree. I was told once bt a hiring manager that they won’t hire you unless you are “wearing a smile”, which I was told is the neckline of the morman undergarments.

          • Anonymous

            That’s weird. I’ve lived in Salt Lake most of my life and literally never heard that expression before.

    • Anonymous

      I grew up in Utah and lived in Salt Lake for many years and would never settle there. The state is extremely divided between the Mormons and the non-Mormons. The Mormons control the government and most of the businesses. Utah Mormons are more extreme than most Mormons from other states (they often compete with each other in wards) and non-Mormons are more extreme as well (especially signaling that they are not Mormon through smoking, tattoos, sleeveless shirts, coffee, alcohol, drugs, etc.).

      Yes there are non- Mormon enclaves and Salt Lake City is mostly non-Mormon (Avenues, Sugarhouse and Holladay), but you are living in a state where you are the minority and Mormons control most positions of power. For example, when I was in Utah, the city gave the church a block of a major street because the church wanted to use it as part of temple square. The legislature passes insane laws about morality, including the Zion curtain liquor laws and other alcohol limits. The kind of things that start out as annoying build up over time as you are treated as an outsider over and over. Being non-Mormon can also limit your opportunities for advancement. I would encourage you to think hard about whether you want to live in a place where you will always be judged by what you are not.

      As far as outdoor activities, Salt Lake has great access, but it’s becoming very crowded. The valley gets extreme inversion in the winter, which is ugly and unhealthy.

    • Anonymous

      I lived in SLC one summer while in grad school. I was dating someone who was at the U of U. Both non-LDS. It was a culture shock to him, and he left after his program. I loved the scenic overlooks, outdoorsy feel, but I wouldn’t want to live there. We were often invited to participate in LDS activities (family home evening was a big one) and he was criticized for letting me stay with him when we were unmarried. Not open hostility, but he definitely fielded inappropriate (to me) questions from LDS members of his cohort, such as what were the sleeping arrangements while I was there.

  5. SSJD

    Seeking guidance about leather pants. I recently bought a pair (an amazing second-hand find: a black Armani pair that fits beautifully and cost less than 25% of retail price). But now I own leather pants and am a little intimidated about caring for them. I had read online that leather could be washed, but now I’m unsure that it’s wise to do so. These are unlined. The tag says “do not wash.”

    So share your wisdom: how do you care for your leather pants? How much will it cost to have them cleaned? Should I treat them with something before wearing? Should I plan to air them out after each wear? What else should I know?

    • Anonymous

      1. There is an episode of Friends you should watch.

      2. My leather pants are lined (ditto leather skirt). I just air them out in between wears.

      • Anon

        Hahahaha +1 to 1. If it’s what I’m thinking (Ross?). Sorry no advice on the washing — all my leather pants are faux leather that can be machine washed.

    • Anon

      Yes, air them out between wears.
      I have leather leggings and I have washed them in the washer, but I’ve washed them once and I’ve worn them maybe 15 times? Washing them in the washer worked fine – I used a delicate cycle on “tap cold” and then hung them to dry, and used leather lotion on them when they were fully dry (which took a couple of days). The instructions I found online said to wash on warm but I felt like that would make me too nervous. You can get them leather cleaned, but it was my dry cleaner who recommended washing my leggings. Congrats on the find!

  6. SSJD

    I have two Hermes scarves that I inherited from a relative. Unlike the other Hermes scarves I inherited, these do not look good with my skin tone. I am interested in trading them, rather than consigning them, because I’d like to avoid losing half the value. Is that foolish? Is there any good way to go about trading them without getting conned? I live in the DMV. Anyone have any suggestions (or interest)?

  8. Anon

    Has anyone had this cold virus that won’t go away? My husband and I both came down with it more than a week ago and still both have deep “productive” coughs. I’m sure it isn’t bronchitis – I’ve had that many times – but it just lingers on and is very disruptive. I had to travel for work yesterday and I’m sure everyone on the plane thought I was going to give them coronavirus. Any tips?

    • Anon

      No one sane on the flight thought you were going to give them the coronavirus, unless it was a flght from Wuhan. It’s January. People have colds and bronchitis and regular flu.

    • Anonymous

      Maybe it’s a sinus infection? I had one that gunked up my sinuses so much that I was also coughing up phlegm that went south (then north, ugh). It went on for a YEAR.

      Had I just relied on doctor google, I’d have thought I’d have consumption or something else that tended to kill off people in Victorian novels.

    • Junior Associate

      It seems to be typical of this season’s flu that people are unable to stop coughing for weeks on end. It’s rough. Hang in there!

    • Go for it

      Uggh. Awful. I had it 2 weeks ago. What helped was: Slept with a vaporizer, Vick’s on chest, Lipton’s chicken noodle soup very hot, and again very hot traditional medicines brand throat coat tea with slices of ginger. Ginger is really good for breaking down the congestion.

    • Anon

      At least three people in my small office have it, including me. The weird thing is I got better and then got it again so I don’t know if I got two separate things or if this just came back with a vengeance. I was tested and it is not the flu. Two weekends ago I was sick enough to cancel travel. Managed to work all week. Felt great all weekend. Now sick again. This time I might have a fever.

      • Anon

        Mine seemed to fade away and come back too! I had myself convinced I caught two viruses back to back but now I wonder.

        • Anon

          This happened to my husband and I too. We got very mild colds that we recovered from pretty quickly, but a few days later the cold seemed to come back harder, and I ended up with bronchitis that I’m still fighting. Today’s the first day in two weeks I feel like things are semi-normal. I had to go to my doctor for a fresh inhaler because I was having trouble breathing (I have seasonal asthma that usually never kicks up this time of year) and it helped a ton. Other thing that really helped, no joke: a mug of hot tea with honey, lemon and little bit of whiskey before bed. It calmed the cough enough for me to sleep, when nothing else worked. My doctor told me a lot of people are getting bronchitis this year post-colds and there’s literally nothing you can do for bronchitis but wait it out – he won’t give antibiotics for it unless you’ve had the cough more than three weeks, and then he prefers to try a steroid first.

          • Anon

            Some kind of new guidance they got apparently. I got bronchitis a number of years ago and got antibiotics for it and was surprised he wouldn’t give them to me this time. He said they have figured out that, like with sinus infections, most cases of bronchitis are self-limiting and don’t need antibiotics. Just time to clear up, meaning 3-4 weeks. Which IMO is a lot of time to be miserable, although if antibiotics really won’t help I don’t want to take them.

          • Anon

            I had a doctor try to apply these new guidelines on me. I genuinely wouldn’t have made it four weeks.

    • good luck

      Yes. I got sick with a fever on December 6th and I didn’t feel better until over 2 weeks later, it was close to Christmas day when I was well again. Lots of rest, lots of water, and a neti pot were the only things that helped me.

    • Pep

      It swept through my office, and I was very sick over New Year’s. I haven’t had a cold knock me down like that in a LONG time! Still clearing congestion (intermittent productive coughs) three weeks later. I was using a Mucinex product, maybe check out one of their syrups to thin the mucus so you can get it out.

    • Anonymous

      Last winter I got a post-viral cough after a pretty average cold. It is apparently normal for this to linger for over a month. Super annoying, but it did eventually go away.

    • Housecounsel

      Have you had a lung x-ray? Are you sure it is a virus? When I had a cough that wouldn’t go away for a month I ended up with pneumonia and needed IV antibiotics.

      • Anon

        I’ve had both bronchitis and pneumonia in the past and I was much, much more miserable and sick feeling. I happened to see my regular doctor last week for something else. She was utterly unimpressed with my cold symptoms and told me I didn’t have the flu, suggested liquids and rest.

    • Anon

      I had something like this a while ago and was treated with prednisone + cough syrup. Similar symptoms as to what you’re describing– I felt better from the flu/initial illness I had but had a cough for weeks that wasn’t getting better and was preventing me and my husband from sleeping.

    • Anonymous

      I had this last month also. What helped me was muscinex, lots of tea and water, and making a steam pot with eucalyptus oil to breath in. That eventually helped loosen everything up and clear it out.

    • TTurret

      Me! I’ve been sick since New Years and I’m so sick of it. Went to the doctor after the first week of painful sore throat, was tested for strep, negative. Had another week of terrible cold symptoms. Then a week of coughing keeping me up all night. Went to the doctor again yesterday (day 25) and she gave me cough syrup with codeine. She only was willing to give me a z pack because I’m traveling on Friday, but was very skeptical that it was anything but a lingering virus. So frustrating, and so odd to miss multiple days of work for a stupid cold.

  9. Korean movies

    Paging the Korean movie rec seeker from yesterday — I recommend “Ji Young Kim, Born 1982” if you can get your hands on it.

    One of the handful of movies that deal with the often neglected issues Korean women face, it’s a well made movie. It supposedly provoked “backlash” against feminism from Korean men who refused to believe that Korean women experience the social treatment depicted in the movie, and was highly controversial in Korea, but my Korean friends who were born in the 80s found the depiction to be fairly accurate if not understated.

    • Korean movies

      Thank you and to everyone for the recs – I was the poster from yesterday! I haven’t heard of this movie and it sounds interesting. Not sure if you’ve seen Burning but something I found very thought provoking was the theme of the treatment of Korean women by men/“traditional” and “modern” society, represented by the main characters.

    • Anon

      As someone who has lived and worked in South Korea in a high level professional position I am shocked at how women are treated in Korea. When I went with a group of colleagues for a drink the leader of the outing (highest level employee at my organization who was present) was immediately offered a “hostess” for “company” and it was clear that this was the norm for the group. He looked at me – (probably feigned) embarrassment – and shoved the hostess out. This is just one of the many, many daily occurrences. Family, work, everywhere – the status of women is very low in South Korea.

  10. sweet dreams?

    Lately I am not getting deep sleep. Unless I fall asleep reading, it takes me quite a while and I’m thinking about all kinds of random things. Ladies, after you’ve done all the sleep hygiene things (no blue lights, exercise, no caffeine…) once you’re in bed how to you get yourselves to sleep.

    • Anon

      Have you tried melatonin? Even just taking it once in a while “resets” me and helps me fall asleep earlier. I don’t need to take it every day, although I think most doctors are fine with taking a low dose every day if necessary.

    • anonymous

      I’ve been taking CBD gummies right before bed and I find it helps me get a good, solid sleep. I also watch ASMR videos because I find them very relaxing and they make me sleepy.

    • anon

      This is weird, but I give myself permission to not sleep. Part of what keeps me from sleeping is anxiety that I’m not asleep yet (and oh god, I have to be up for that meeting in 6 hours… 5 hours… 4 hours). I tell myself that it’s better to lay in bed awake than it is to stay up watching TV or scrolling on my phone or reading. Then I make sure I’m in a comfortable position, close my eyes, and focus on my breathing. It usually works within 20 minutes.

      • AnonInHouse

        This is actually the exact advice my sleep specialist (also a neurologist) gave me!

        • anon@10:34

          Wow! I’ve been doing some version of it since I was a little girl. Back then, I pretended I was Snow White or Sleeping Beauty and was just going to lay in bed pretending all night :-)

        • BabyAssociate

          +1 this is also the advice I got from my doctor. My issue wasn’t falling asleep, but staying asleep. Her recommendation for waking up in the middle of the night was to actually get up and do something low key like reading a book by low to get my mind off of not sleeping. If I stay in bed, I absolutely just stress out about how much sleep I’m not getting meaning I’ll definitely never get to sleep.

          • Anony

            If I wake up in the middle of the night, which I do frequently, I end up getting up and going downstairs for a glass of water. Typically, I am boiling hot (hubs is like a furnace at night) which means I can’t get back to sleep easily. Going downstairs cools me off, along with a cold glass of water. By the time I get back upstairs, I fall right back asleep.

      • rosie

        There is a Deepak Chopra short sleep meditation on youtube that sounds similar, if that appeals — he talks about how lying in bed and resting is good even if you cannot sleep and then goes into some breathing exercises (but not the “breathe in – hold – breathe out,” more of an awareness of breath than forcing you into a pattern).

    • Anon

      They sell the sleep ingredient from NyQuil by itself without the cold medicine: ZzzQuil. I take it a couple times a month and don’t feel bad about it at all – I wake up feeling like a completely different person.

    • Anonymous

      eye mask. And reminding myself that if I’m asleep, that’s great but even resting in bed with my eye mask on is very helpful to my body.

    • Anonymous

      Are you eating chocolate after dinner? I find I can eat 1 small square of dark chocolate, but anything more and I cannot sleep for hours.

  12. anon

    I’m the poster from yesterday who’s looking to furnish a new/large house. I’m also looking at Room and Board leather couches and wanted to get people’s input on the semi aniline vs full aniline leathers, the former of which is supposed to be more durable/kid/dog friendly but less nice/pretty. We don’t have kids but have two small dogs (~8lbs) who aren’t particularly destructive. Would it still be unwise to get the nicer leather? Generally I prefer stuff that isn’t delicate or hard to maintain, but I’m not sure where the line here is or how much maintenance or care the nicer kind will take.

    • Veronica Mars

      I think this issue is the marking. I’d get the more durable leather because otherwise you risk little paws/claw marks on your couch.

    • Anon

      I’ve had a leather couch for 25+ years and unfortunately I can’t tell you whether it’s aniline or not, but wanted to tell you what scratches it up are animal claws. Not claw sharpening like cats do, but like little dogs trying to get on the couch and using their front paws to dig in, and their back claws to propel them up.

      I suppose it’s too late to train them to stay off the furniture?

      I’ve had one dog and several cats over my couch’s lifetime. None of the cats have sharpened their claws on it – cats are attracted to nubby textures- but it’s the playing. One cat chasing his brother and they race onto the couch and then off. The dog getting excited about a squirrel in the tree and making a running leap at the back of the couch. These all tend to leave marks because the claws are at least a little bit out when this kind of stuff is going on.

      All that said, the worst damage came from my son and his cubscout knife. :(

    • anon OP

      Thanks! this is useful. One very last question- how do people feel about the quality of west elm couches, specifically leather or velvet?

      • Anon

        West Elm couches are very poor quality for the money – neither the frame nor cushions are well constructed.

      • NY CPA

        No opinion on leather or velvet, but in general my opinion of West Elm furniture (including couches) is terrible. Everything fell apart within a few years.

      • Anon

        Look at the comments on West Elm’s IG, they’ve seriously turned me off ever buying anything from there!

      • CHL

        I bought a navy velvet couch from Crate and Barrel last year that we love and seems to be well made. It makes me really happy.

  13. Squid

    My snoring is ruining my marriage. I’m being dramatic, but have any of you dealt with snoring? I need to get a sleep study, but I’ve been going to a RE and that is taking up a LOT of my time. I know I just need to find a GP and request a sleep study. Any other advice or thoughts welcome. DH wants to start sleeping separately, which is probably fine but it makes me really sad.

    • Anon

      You should see a doctor about the snoring for your own health. But sleeping separately because one or both of you sleeps better apart is not a sign that your marriage is failing.

    • Anon

      My advice would be to release the thought that your husband wanting to sleep separately so he can get enough rest = ruining your marriage.

      • Anonymous

        +1. Sleeping separately has been great for my marriage. Being married is much easier when you aren’t chronically sleep-deprived.

    • Anon2

      My DH recently did a sleep study. It was super easy. He picked up the equipment from dr’s office and did it at home in one night. He was diagnosed with mild apnea and was prescribed a CPAP machine. I love it because it sounds like white noise rather than a disorganized chain saw. He’s still getting used to it. Of course, your root cause of snoring could be something else and treated differently. He went to sleep specialist, not his GP.

      • anon

        Q for you and others whose spouses use CPAPs: how long did it take to get used to it and can you still snuggle in your sleep? DH has been prescribed one but he has only tried it a couple of times because he feels it is restrictive. He tends to barnacle onto me in his sleep (which doesn’t bother me, but the snoring does).

    • Anonymous

      DH snores. Loudly. We are both light sleeps and just have separate bedrooms. Sleep is important.

    • Try the journal first

      Granted I do not snore, but my sleep study yielded no conclusive results. Probably because it was really hard to sleep in a weird hotel room where you know there is a camera watching you and you are hooked up to dozens of wires. I just did not get a deep sleep at all, could not fall asleep for a while and then was woken up very early – it felt like how you feel after sleeping on a plane. After insurance it cost me $1k and with no real answer. It was only *after* the sleep study that I was told to keep a sleep journal and couldn’t help but feel that that should have been the *first* step before the expensive and inconclusive study and not the last step. As I said, my problem wasn’t snoring, so you may be past this point in desperation, but consider trying it first – at the very least, it could provide helpful information for your doctor. Try it for a week first while you wait for a doctor’s visit. (I did, however, punch my boyfriend, walk off the bed, and often talk/sing/laugh/cry/shout in my sleep. Separate occasions.)

    • Housecounsel

      I just got a pair of QuietOn brand snore- blocking ear buds. You charge them every other night or so; they’re not just earplugs but they’re not for music either. They have some kind of snore-frequency cancelling technology. They’re not perfect, and not cheap, but they are comfortable even as I sleep on my side, and they block enough sound that I am not waking up from my husband’s snoring and he is less bruised from being kicked and shoved.

    • Anonymous

      Get a sleep study. You can do them at home sometimes. I took my 3 y/o for one and it was legit not that bad. And I was dealing with a 3 y/o having electrodes stuck all over her body in a strange place.

      Worst case: you go in at 9pm, they put stickers all over your face, you go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 6am and go on with your day. You’re not admitted.

      Better case: you can do it from home

      My dad had a sleep study at 55 and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. He’d been a loud snorer and poor sleeper his entire life. The CPAP changed his life. My parents fought constantly about his snoring. It wasn’t until later in life when he was divorced and dating a nurse who was like DUH GET A SLEEP STUDY.

    • zzzz

      So – here’s another perspective on it (and possibly denial). My husband is a light sleeper in the best of circumstances. He complains about my snoring much more when he’s under stress. I’m sure I do snore, but I think the real problem is that he’s not a great sleeper.

      • Anonymous

        Whether or not he’s a light sleeper, he still has a right to sleep! Let him sleep in another room if it helps him.

      • Anon

        This is me. I am a very light sleeper. My husband is a light snorer. I think I sleep an entire night in my own bed about once a week. I move to a guest room if it bothers me.

        If our guest space is all full, I suck it up but I don’t sleep much.

    • Anonymous

      My husband snores and we slept in separate rooms for years. He finally got a sleep study and started using cpap. He feels noticeably better (doesn’t need mid-day naps anymore) and we can sleep in the same room again. It has seriously made both our lives much, much better.

    • Anonymous

      As the non-snorer in my marriage, wanting to get a good night of rest by sleeping separately is not a sign of a failing marriage. I love sleeping next to my husband but told him I couldn’t anymore with his snoring. It was really affecting my sleep and in turn my ability to focus and even drive safely the next day. He went in for a sleep study and now has a CPAP machine and we sleep restfully together.

      • zzzz

        +1, as the snorer. Spouse is incredibly grumpy when he’s tired (understandably). That affects our marriage much more than being separated while passed out.

    • Anon

      Speaking from experience, what’s going to ruin your marriage is if you don’t take your husband’s concerns seriously. Let him sleep, even if it means separate bedrooms. You will both be so much happier. And also, of course, go see a doctor about this. Your life will probably improve, too.

    • Senior Attorney

      I feel like you are much more likely to ruin your marriage by digging in and refusing to sleep separately, and/or making putting up with your snoring some test of his love for you, than by making whatever accommodations will let both of you get a good night’s sleep.

    • Anonymous

      Get the sleep study. It’s a pain to clear with insurance and kind of weird to do (I pushed to do it at a sleep center instead of just having them monitor my breathing at home, since it gives a much clearer picture). I was diagnosed with apnea and put on a CPAP afterward, and it has literally been life changing. I didn’t realize just how tired I always was until I finally started getting good rest. My day to day mood and stress level is tons better, I’ve dropped some weight and I have so much more energy. Seriously, I can’t say enough great things. It’s like someone waved a wand and put my life from black and white into color. (Oh, and I don’t annoy DH anymore.) Also, know there is a lot of misinformation out there. I was surprised to learn that even though weight and age can make you more prone to apnea, they aren’t a determinant. Lots of skinny people have apnea and many morbidly obese do not. Things like your anatomy–chin, tongue and neck–play into it quite a bit. So just because you may not look like “a heavy man in his 50s,” it has nothing to do with it. I only mention this because it was hard for me to wrap my head around.

  14. Anon

    After some issues with the water in our condo, we want to get a water delivery service that uses recyclable jugs. I’m totally blown away by how many options there are. Does anyone have recommendations for a company to use or at least a reputable information source to assess what factors we need to look for in water? We were using the Consumer Reports water quality reports but then we read about concerns with pH. We don’t know if the pH concern is just blogger fluff because we can’t find a reputable source for understanding the health impacts of various pH levels in water. This has turned into quite the rabbit hole! Our primary concerns are water quality from a health perspective, and then environmental impact. TIA!

    • anon

      pH-changed water is woo. Exhibit A: Gwyneth Paltrow drinks basic water in her morning routine, but with a splash of lemon juice, which is acidic.
      If you like fizzy drinks, they will have a slightly acidic pH, but the lungs and kidneys have no problem transporting off excess CO2. Anything passes through your stomach, which is 100-1000 times more acidic than carbonated water. Your blood is slightly alkaline, with a 500,000 factor difference in the absolute concentration of acidic molecules between stomach and blood. Your body is such a miraculous complex machine balancing different stuff going on in different parts, that I sometimes want to believe in intelligent design. Food and water intake doesn’t normally faze the body’s pH.

    • LifeScienceMBA

      Your stomach acid has a pH of ~1.5-2.5, which is more acidic than lemon juice and vinegar. Unless ammonia or bleach come out of your tap, the pH of your drinking water should not be a worry. Other impurities (lead? iron? calcium? carbonates?) may be harmful or affect the taste and/or hardness of the water.

      Signed, a scientist.

    • Anonome

      pH concerns for drinking water are indeed woo. The only time I track my water pH is when I’m changing aquarium water.

  15. Studio Furnishing Recs

    Best resources or brands for putting together a studio apartment? I’m flipping through Emily Henderson, Apartment Therapy and Houzz but getting overwhelmed by all the options. I just need to throw something together before I start working in 2 weeks in a major city, and want something upgraded from my previous Ikea-laden apartment. I would prefer to spend less than $5k for overall furnishings (including bed and small sofa) — I like the look of West Elm and Room and Board although buying new is probably out of my range. Studio is 400 square feet in a major city.

    • Studio Furnishing Recs

      Oh and I moved cross country for the new job and sold my decade-old secondhand Ikea furniture in a moving sale to the next tenant, and had very dorm-like interior with minimal decorations. I’d like my next apartment to be a bit more homey where I’m happy to come home to!

      • anon

        For me, homey feel comes from art on the walls and plants. The bed and sofa might as well be generic, imo.

    • Anon

      I would still consider IKEA. Go to their show room and look at the rooms they have put together for display. Pick one. They are really good at small spaces. Your storage is going to have to be vertical so keep that in mind.

      • Anon

        I second going to an Ikea showroom and stealing their complete room ideas. Also, if you want everything done in 2 weeks, it’s easy to do with Ikea and Wayfair, and very hard to do with some of the other furniture companies. I overall have also been happier with the quality of the mid-priced items at Ikea than similar products from West Elm and World Market.

        I think you can get the big pieces at Ikea, and then layer in accessories (pillows, art, good lighting!) with things from other places to get the homey look you’re going for.

      • Seventh Sister

        Having lived in a smaller-than-average-American’s house for years, I think IKEA is the best for furniture designed for adults living in apartments and smaller spaces. So many pieces on the market (even at more expensive places) seem designed for a large suburban house instead of a small urban one. (This was particularly frustrating to me when my kids were small because it seemed like every baby-related item took up tons of space.) The all-wood and metal stuff is nicer than the particleboard pieces and if you have the $, you can have the stuff assembled by someone else.

        • Anon

          And yet they don’t really make apartment sized sofas or loveseats. I wish they would.

    • Anon

      World Market has a section of their website dedicated to small-space furnishings and there are frequent sales. I have several pieces in my little house.

    • lawsuited

      Check out Alexandra Gater’s youtube account (and I think she had a blog too?). She primarily makes over apartments in Toronto so it includes a lot of studio-apartment and renter-friendly solutions.

    • Veronica Mars

      What I would do if I were you– (And I don’t know your style, but I’m more transitional/traditional)– I’d buy a metal bed frame; hospital style. You can get these for super cheap on Wayfair or Amazon (or even Ikea). These are really timeless and airy, perfect for a studio ($300, maybe less). Or get a daybed if you can go as small as a twin or twin XL. Buy a nice mattress for $1k. I’d get one really comfy couch/chair. Maiden Home has some excellent options for couches/chairs in all kinds of sizes $1500. So now you’ve spent about 3k on the basics. Then get the Winsome folding space saver table (comes with two stools) on Amazon for $150. Now you’ve got a bed, a chair/loveseat, and a place to eat. I’d reserve $500 or so for Target essentials (bath mats, shower curtain, toleit plunger, ketchup, paper towels). I’d then save the rest of the budget for when you’ve really lived in the space and know what you need. Maybe get some really nice bedding or some art, but that’s my rec.

    • Allie

      Our apt is mostly a mix of ikea and room and board with a little wayfair thrown in and I think it looks good imho. I’d pick one or two items you absolutely love from room and board and then do the rest ikea. Personally, I think ikea looks much better if you stick with their wood and metal items and minimize anything with particle board and it often looks much nice than world market, pier one, etc.

    • Anon

      I have a studio apartment with lots of Ikea, but it doesn’t look like a dorm room because I mix and match styles (eg: don’t buy everything from the Hemnes collection), I’ve thrown in random Homesense/Etsy/Wayfair finds, my linens are good quality, my colour palette is sophisticated (white, gold, pale blue), and all the art on the walls is personal and unique.

    • Anon

      Look for vintage and used furniture stores for your accent pieces (tables, chairs, etc). Take your time with it. You need a bed and somewhere other than the bed to sit to start, but you’ll be happier if you take a few months to get everything together. It took me 6 months to fully furnish my apartment after a divorce and I’m glad I didn’t rush too much.

      If you happen to be in NYC, I really like Furnish Green and also the site aptdeco.

    • kk

      I’d splurge on great linens and curtains, art, rugs, and kitchen supplies- those will be portable to your next apartment and will keep everything from feeling like a dorm.

      Ikea is fine if you’re not getting the cheapest version of everything, and if everything isnt matching veneered articleboard– look for things that are solid wood. If you’re pressed for time, I’d definitely have someone put these together for you.

      I had a Brimnes storage bed in a studio that was great! I put the headboard against one wall, used a Kallax/Expedit 5×5 as a room divider at the foot of the bed to create a ‘bedroom’ and then put a sofa in front of it- the bottom sections that were blocked by the bed/sofa were great for out-of-season or rarely used items.
      I prefer CB2 to west elm – despite funkier styling, I think their quality is better. They have great small space sofas- I’d get one with tall arms (like the Hoxton loveseat) so you can sit lengthwise leaning against an arm. A glass or acrylic coffee table will be visually ‘light’ and mirrors on walls (especially in narrow spaces) will make everything feel a little bigger.

    • anon

      Highly recommend Thuma’s all wood bed frame if you’re looking for something relatively affordable & high quality.

    • Moi

      Have you looked at Article furniture? It is amazing.

      I used Havenly to design a couple rooms in my house and it was a great process.

  16. Celia

    I love the handbag, but it’s not the one referenced in the “Look” on the shopping page. alas.

  17. Housecounsel

    Has anyone ever torn a rotator cuff? What did it feel like? Did you have it repaired and how bad was it?

    I know I need to go see an orthopedic surgeon and get an MRI for a definitive diagnosis, but I am wondering if I am way off-base with suspecting I have one.

    • Anonymous

      Definitely go to ortho. I was convinced my teenager had torn her rotator cuff. It turned out to be another type of injury I’d never even heard of. Ortho was able to diagnose it without an MRI, and a few weeks of PT fixed it.

    • NOLA

      Shoulder injuries/pain are among the most painful! You can’t get comfortable at night at all. A friend of mine (a choral conductor) tore his rotator cuff in a car accident and had it repaired. I don’t think it was all that bad. Beforehand, he couldn’t even lift that arm. I had impingement (basically, a spur under the shoulder blade that was constantly poking the tendons) and it was so painful that there was no surgical pain that could have been any worse than what it felt like pre-surgery.

    • Anonymous

      I have never torn my rotator cuff, but, as a lifelong competitive swimmer, I’ve experienced plenty of shoulder pain and have known many people with shoulder injuries. Even for teenaged, nationally ranked swimmers who were vying for college scholarships, surgeons were not quick to jump to surgery. If you have a tear, I’m sure you could find an orthopedic surgeon who would operate right away — but I think the preferred standard of care is to try non-surgical alternatives first, including PT.

      Given that, I’d skip the MRI for now and consult your primary care physician for a referral to PT. An experienced physical therapist will be able to tell pretty quickly if your injury is improving or needs more intervention.

      • Anon

        I was a competitive swimmer and I had a SLAP tear. Put off full repair surgery (just had the tear “cleaned up”) when I was a teenager because I didn’t want to miss state my senior year. It never did get better even with loads and loads of PT and I was only able to swim one disappointing season in college because of my shoulder. I went back 12 years later to get the full repair done and I wish I had just done that when I was 16.

      • Housecounsel

        Anon at 11:21, thanks. I just set up an appt. with a PT I know. No referral needed. Will see what he can do.

  18. Salmon Mom

    I buy a lot of used clothing for my kid and puzzles etc and every now and then I’m tempted by earrings – is this a complete no? From looking online you can clean jewellery but would any of you still take the risk?

    • Anon

      Of course you can clean earrings. It’s metal. A little rubbing alcohol and you’re fine.

      • Ellen

        Mom told me I can boil earings and that will disenfect them. But I would ALWAYS wonder who’s ears they were on, so I only get new earings! Nothing to worry with that approach, Frank says, and I agree!

    • Anon

      Of course. I guarantee you the earrings you buy brand new in stores have been tried on before!

  19. Florida

    Any recommendations for a hotel or even an area to go to with my husband and three year old this March? Im looking for something high-end but kid friendly with decent food options and a beach. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance!

    • Housecounsel

      I like the JW Marriott in Marco Island. There is kid stuff, but also fine dining in the hotels along the beach. Sale e Pepe is my favorite.

      • NYCer

        +1. Miami is a fun/easy destination with toddlers, and the 1 Hotel is great.

      • Cat

        +1, there are lots of good restaurants and the beach is very nice. Budget dependent but check out the Ritz and La Playa, both a bit north of downtown but there’s tons of kids at both.

      • Jules

        There are a lot of options in Naples. The Naples Grande Beach Resort is located on the edge of a lovely public beach, Clam Pass, that is my favorite beach in that area and that has some tide pools as well as restrooms and a small restaurant/bar right at the beach. There’s a long boarwalk to get there from the hotel (about a 15-minute walk, IIRC; it can be beautiful if it’s not miserably hot), but there are also little golf carts that will take you out and back. I haven’t stayed there but it looks lovely and has a lot of dining options. The dining options in Old Naples and the Fifth Street (or is it Fifth Avenue? IDK) are very good and would be a short drive from the Naples Grande or the Ritz-Carlton.

  20. Anon

    I work for the government and my husband works in Big Law. He has been working in his specialized transactional area for 10 years, is of counsel, not sure if he will be made partner. He feels OK re his job (doesn’t hate it, doesn’t love it.) He has made a lot of money to give us significant savings, but not like he will never need to work again. I’m considering a detail (2-3 years) to a foreign post in a “fun” location, and he is supportive. He says he will take a break, maybe enroll in some online MBA program. We also have 2 small kids, so his work has been a strain on the family for the last few years. Coming back, he will either transition to a new career (not sure what that is) or probably back-up plan is to get a counsel-level job at a law firm doing his present practice. Is this plan realistic? Thoughts? Anyone do something similar with their family and how did it turn out? It’s a detail for me, so I can come back to my current job, but we cannot support the family on my salary alone for the long term (2-3 years is ok). I’m excited about this as an adventure for the family, but worried about his feelings about being the traveling/supporting spouse. I’m sure he will enjoy it for a few weeks, maybe a month or 2, but then get antsy and discontent.

    • Anonymous

      Sounds like a great idea! I’d encourage you to think about him doing coursework part-time vs. full time course load so you have time to travel as a family on weekends etc and to help re childcare logistics.

      For LLM/MBA type programs, depending on your location, he may be able to take local classes as a number of universities have some programs which instruction in English – especially re legal or financial post-grad programs. He might also look into whether he could teach a class as a visiting scholar at a university or college if he’s interested in that.

    • Angela

      Is there any way he could continue to work for his firm remotely or from an office in the location you’re moving to? Perhaps move to a model where he’s paid based on what he bills (if he’s not on that already) to decrease risk for the firm of not having him in the office?

      The idea that he would “maybe” do an online MBA or transition to some as-yet-unnamed future career seems very ill-advised. As does a 2-3 year resume gap in the prime of his career, when he should be building skills/contacts/reputation. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do the detail, it sounds really cool, but he should be thinking of ways to maintain his own resume continuity during that time, or make a plan for a very deliberate transition into a second career if that’s ultimately the direction he decides to go.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t drop $$$$ on an MBA unless (i) it’s a top 10 program; and (ii) he has some sense of what he wants to do after the MBA — not ‘oh MBAs are marketable, I’ll get a job.’ Reality is MBAs are more and more tied to an industry — often the industry they came from; that’s why you see people do 2-3 years as ibanking analysts, get an MBA, and then go back to ibanking or a hedge fund — it isn’t as easy as you think to then say, oh I’d like to work in product strategy for Bridgestone tires (it can be done esp coming out of the top schools but it’s a haul that involves getting the right internships during school).

      Which brings me to point #2 — an ONLINE MBA? That’s not going to be a top program. Because the top programs all have an executive program (where you keep your job + are on campus every other week for school) OR part time programs — where you keep your job and are just seeking the MBA for a credential, not necessarily a new job the moment you graduate. So an online only program while sitting in a foreign country is the worst of all worlds — no networking, but you have time on your hands during summers etc. but you’re also not doing the internships to build your post MBA career because FOREIGN COUNTRY.

      As for returning to his counsel job, think hard about that. Maybe it’s possible if he is super specialized and the only person at his firm that does x and they need a person who does x on every deal (though if it’s a specialty that’s that vital, they will have to hire someone in the 2-3 years he’s away). But if he’s just counsel because he’s a hard worker and the firm is busy and didn’t want to let him go, no guarantee he’ll be hired back. Firms are always looking to cut counsel because they have no book; while it’s fine to have a huge roster of counsel and senior associates when times are good (like now), massive cuts happen when work slows down; it’s not like we’re not going to have a recession in the next few years after a 10 year expansion.

      I’m not saying you CAN’T do this, but you both need to think it out beyond — fun location + oh IDK I’ll get an MBA or something.

      • Anonymous

        So, in addition to the points above, I’d honestly recommend preemptive couples therapy to discuss the move/changing jobs/leaving jobs.

        Simply because it seems like (correct me if I’m wrong) the roles in the marriage and the dynamic of who is earning the money are going to do a complete 180… and do a 180 in a foreign environment where you don’t have your current social network and familiar surroundings. I’d do this so that you have the tools to be able to discuss when you’re at work trying to learn the ropes at what sounds like a new job and he’s trying to learn the ropes of dealing with two kids full time in a foreign country. This is not a “I think your relationship doesn’t sound good” suggestion, this is a “set yourselves up for success” suggestion. It’s a giant change and a third party perspective might make the change a bit easier on everyone.

      • The original Scarlett

        +1 – if you have to go, in his shoes I’d line up remote work in his practice area. It’s quite difficult to take that much time away and expect no penalty or a job remotely similar upon return.

    • Anon

      I think the idea that he will be able to come back and just pick up another counsel position is naive. Counsels are expensive for firms compared to associates, even senior associates, and they don’t have a book of business. It’s a way for firms to keep top billers who do good work, but who don’t bring in business. But most firms are not looking to hire new counsels, even in good times. In addition, most experts think we are overdue for a recession, which, if true, means that firms would be cutting back on hiring and cutting attorneys who are not highly profitable. Maybe he would be able to find another position at a firm, but he may not and it would likely take a lot of work and time to find such a position.

    • Anon

      Speaking from experience as a counsel in BigLaw here. I don’t know of any firms that would hire a lateral counsel. If he had a book of business he would be coming in as a partner and it doesn’t sound like that is the case. There is just no business need for a law firm to hire someone at the counsel level without a book of business. Are there in-house positions in his practice area? If not, I suggest he think long and hard about transitioning to a new area of law (or another field) and taking those 2-3 years to build up work experience in that new field (as opposed to the debt of a graduate degree he may or may not use).

  21. busybee

    Any recommendations for a live decorative tree for the home? We’ve decided that a sprig of greenery is what our living room needs and we’d like something around 6 feet tall. We’d prefer a real one for looks, but I’m open to recommendations for realistic looking fake ones. Should we be concerned about bugs with a real one?

    • anon

      We just got a fiddle leaf fig, maybe 4feet. But I’ve had one in the past and expect it to grow nicely. Pretty low maintenance, and I like the look.

    • mascot

      I’ve got a real ficus tree that has been going strong for almost 15 years. No issues with bugs. A couple of times a year, I drag the pot outside and spray it down with a hose to give it a bath/remove dust. When I upgraded it to a bigger pot, it grew taller, but not wider.

    • Senior Attorney

      We have an umbrella tree (schefflera arboricola) and it does well with benign neglect. Haven’t had any bug issues.

      • shananana

        seconding umbrella tree – I rescued a 6 foot neglected one bound for the office dumpster and it seems happy continuing to be slightly less neglected than it was at work. My fiddle leaf seems fine, but I will say from talking to my plant groups they do seem pickier in terms of sunlight – no direct sunlight or they burn but need sufficient indirect sunlight. And you need to wipe their leaves to avoid dust buildup taking them down.

    • The original Scarlett

      Some influencer just influenced me into checking out The Sill, which is an online source for plants with info about what does well where

      • busybee

        Oh the Sill sounds really helpful- thanks! I like the look of fiddle leaf fig trees too. SA I had never heard of an umbrella tree but that one looks nice too! Benign neglect is the goal.

      • BabyAssociate

        I’m a huge fan of The Sill, but they don’t have plants as large as OP is looking for.

  22. Scotchety Scotch Scotch

    Need to buy a client a gift as a ‘thank you for your business’ after closing a transaction.

    Any scotch drinkers out there? I know this is his beverage of choice. I’m hopefully ordering from Wine. com. Thinking ~$100 bottle, but willing to go up to $150. Any recs? My limited knowledge of scotch is that single malt is better?

    Halp!

    • BabyAssociate

      I really like Auchentoshan Three Wood and it’s under your budget.

    • Anon

      Ask his secretary or team member what his favorite is. No use spending 150 bucks on a scotch he hates. Just because it’s expensive doesn’t mean it’s good.
      Or do a scotch of the month club.

    • FP

      Macallan is a great brand, and one my husband prefers (a real Scotch fan). I’d just get the best bottle you can get for $100. Another more unique / interesting bottle he’s also a fan of is the Aberlour A’bunadh, which I think is right in your price range.

    • Anon

      Baby Associate nailed it.That is one of the best scotches I’ve ever had and it was like $75 a bottle.

      • Anononon

        This is a really mild scotch that more habitual drinkers may think of as a “starter bottle”. No hate on lowlands from me, but this is a know your audience situation. I would at least find out which big region he prefers and go for a prestige-ish bottle from that region, maybe with an interesting finish like port or sherry barrels (lowlands = auchentoshan is fine; speyside = macallan or balvenie; highlands = balblair or oban; islay = caol ila or one of the non-basic lagavulin bottlings). People try to give me scotch after deals and I usually end up re-gifting bottles because people so rarely hit on something I like to drink. For example, Macallan was THE gift for a couple of years, but I think it is way too sweet, especially the older bottlings that people think are fancier gifts.

  23. Elsa

    I’m having surgery on Friday, and will have a scar. What vitamin E product(s) are recommended? Thanks so much.

    • Celia

      Straight ol’ Vitamin E from Jason. There’s nothing else in it but the vitamin. No other oils. I used it regularly on what would have been a significant scar on my foot, and you can barely see it.

    • anon

      Silicone is the only ingredient medically proven to reduce scars. Vitamin E is great, but I’d use it in addition to, or in rotation with, silicone of some sort. There are plenty of options, including reusable sheets that look like bandaids. Also, you can’t start anything until the wound is completely healed over (so, no more scab or stitches).

      • anon

        Oh, and simple (but agressive and frequent) massage is one of the best ways to keep the scaring flat and minimal. Your aim is to break up the scar tissue.

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