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Updated: Mar 16, 2023 256 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Harmon Jacquard Sweater Tee

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A woman wearing a floral short-sleeved sweater and black shorts

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This short-sleeve sweater is just so pretty, I can’t stop thinking about all the different ways I would wear it. It would pair beautifully with my favorite navy suit for a big day in the office or with a darker green midi skirt and big belt for a casual Friday. It would also go nicely with a blazer and dark denim for a very casual office.

The sweater is $98 at Anthropologie and comes in sizes XS–XL. It also comes in four other prints, including two that feature cats. (Paging all cat lovers! They’re actually very cute!)

Hunting for other sweater tees? Print ones can be hard to find, but the ones below come in a ton of neutral colors…

Some of our favorite short-sleeved sweater tees for 2024 include Quince ($45!), Ann Taylor, J.Crew,* Boden, and this Amazon bestseller. (* plus sizes too!) If you're hunting for something fancier, check out Kule; Tuckernuck also has one in a cashmere/silk. As of 2024, Nordstrom and Anthropologie both have a huge selection of sweater tees. (All of the ones below come in white and black, as well as other colors!)

short-sleeved sweater in beige from Ann Taylor
Ann Taylor
short-sleeved sweater in cashmere from J.Crew
J.Crew
white sweater tee short sleeve
Amazon / Foshow
woman laughs while wearing a light blue, short-sleeved sweater tee in Mongolian cashmere from Quince
Quince

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I get motion sickness very easily and I get it on the bus and the metro during my new morning commute. It leaves me feeling sick in the office all day long. Any recommendations on what I could I take OTC? It can’t cause drowsiness and the Dramamine option I was looking at that doesn’t cause drowsiness is marked “ginger.” Ginger already makes me feel sick.

    • AIMS

      Have you tried motion sickness bands? They don’t work for everyone but a friend swears by them.

      • Anon2

        That would be my first try. There are also some extremely funny-looking motion sickness glasses on Amazon; they look like they have four lenses and each lens is filled halfway with liquid to reset your “horizon line” or some such thing. I heard about them from a group of women who raved about them, and they have worked 100% of the time on my extremely motion sickness prone son (he used to vomit almost anytime we went on the highway). You will certainly get strange looks, but might be worth it to you.

    • Anon

      seabands worked well for me for morning sickness.
      any behavioral changes you can make – sitting at the front of the bus, looking out the window the whole time, eating/not eating breakfast before you leave, etc? also for pregnancy related morning sickness, it helped to eat small frequent snacks so I always had something (but not a lot) in my belly.

    • Anon

      Have you tried meclizine (sold as bonine, and as some variant of non-drowsy dramamine)? It makes me just a little tired, but nothing like regular dramamine. You need to take it well before you start moving, ideally at least an hour ahead.

      And like the other commenter said, food matters a lot. You need to eat something, but not too much, and certain things make it better or worse. I can’t drink coffee at all when I’m dealing with motion sickness. Your triggers may vary.

    • Leatty

      Following with interest.

      My motion sickness is worse in the afternoon, on the older trains, and when I’m sitting next to the window. Depending on how full the train is, I’ll sit in the seats that have their backs to the walls of the train (but give my seat to anyone older, with small children, or visibly disabled)

    • Anon

      IIRC unisom and b6 can be taken together for motion sickness, just like it can be taken together for morning sickness. It can cause drowsiness but you can take it before bed rather than in the morning.

    • Anon

      Have you had vitamins checked? I had a terrible time with motion sickness for a long time, and then it turned out I was deficient in both magnesium and B6 which apparently are relevant. I also had low stomach acid and slow gastric emptying that apparently were making me prone to nausea, though it was commuting that was actively triggering it for me.

      As for symptom control, honestly prescription Zofran is much gentler in terms of side effects than any of the OTCs I’ve tried. I also wouldn’t want to take a strong anticholinergic med too regularly given all the new research on long term risks, and a lot of the OTCs are strong anticholinergics.

      • Curious

        Omg, yes, my random waves of nausea + motion sickness have disappeared now that we fixed my calcium levels.

    • Anon.

      You may know this, but I do want to mention in case not:
      If you’re reading a book, or scrolling/reading on your phone while on the bus or train, this can cause motion sickness.

      • Anonymous

        This, plus skipping caffeine (save it for when you’re in the office), and make sure to have a bit to eat before public transit. My motion sickness ratchets wayyyy up with the empty stomach + caffeine combo. Add in reading/playing on my phone and I’m a wreck.

      • Anon

        Co-sign. I need to look at the headrest in front of me or out the window or some other fixed object. I cannot be a passenger and read. Maybe on a smooth train. Never in a car. Bus – maybe. In a car, I might as well be the driver. I did a ride-along with my local police — it was almost eventful when we got a shots fired call. :|

    • Anon

      I’m the same. Are you a migraineur? They often correlate, and are inherited in families.

      Old buses are the worse, as the smell + motion = bad.

      Agree that behavioral modifications are key here, as taking anti-nausea medicines every day for the rest of your working life is not great or likely possible due to side effects and often don’t work to prevent it anyway.

      Start listening to podcasts – no reading/no phone scrolling. Sit at the front of the bus and look far ahead down the road. Find the positions on the train that work best for you. For some people it is backwards, if that’s an option.

      In the summer…. bike?

      If you have migraines, are you on a prophylactic? For some people, that may improve things.

      • Anon

        +1 to this. Topamax is an awful drug, but it really does work miracles for my constant nausea,

    • Anonymous

      While dealing with the tail end of morning sickness (when it got a bit milder but would still come on strong from time to time), I found two “rescue” options that helped were: (1) sucking on a peppermint candy and (2) sniffing an alcohol prep pad (like the kind a doctor might use to clean your skin before a shot).

      • Anon

        For me, to get over motion sickness I need to breathe outside air for a good five minutes before going back inside. I don’t know if you have time in your commute for that, OP.

        I used to get motion sickness on BART and I could only handle front facing seats near the forward cars – the rear cars “wiggle” more.

        • Deedle dee

          when I was traveling in the mountains of Thailand and would get nauseous on the hairpin roads, our tour guide suggested “tiger balm” like an ointment that kind of smells like menthol? and she suggested I put it… under my nose. it went in clear and I get it not the most attractive look, but hey it worked. maybe wear a covid mask if you feel self-conscious about a clear ointment on your face but it’s affordable and worth a try.

    • Anon 2.0

      I have seen motion sickness glasses advertised. Warning, they look absolutely ridic but I’d rather look a tad wacky than feel sick.

    • Worried

      Late to this discussion, but I swear by nutnthin crackers. If I’m out,I’m will have stonewheat saltines. I have them in my purse for severe nausea days. I have two prescriptions for anti nausea meds, but of nausea is milder, I start with crackers. The salt and dry really help.

    • Anonymous

      I also get motion sickness easily. For me, it’s both motion and scent. I no longer take any meds due to both ginger and drowsy issues (are you me?! :)) Here’s what I try:
      – Only face forward. Not side, not backwards. I would rather stand (flat shoes for commuting) than sit sideways. I also try not to sit near a vent, as something about the air exchange / flow makes me sick. When possible (rare buses depending on the city) I open or stand near a window.
      – Wear a face mask. Helps me reduce what I smell. I sometimes put extra face moisturizer or sunscreen on just before my commute; that scent is not strong enough to bother others but it can be enough to help me focus on something else.
      – I buy single-use alcohol wipes in bulk, and have them in every bag, pocket, etc. They’re super cheap, were in short supply due to the pandemic but now have come back. When I start feeling sick, I rip open a packet and smell it 1-2x, then rub it on my upper lip or wrist/finger. Something about the scent reset, even when I’m getting dizzy from motion and not illness, works like a charm.
      – My brother is less scent-bothered, more motion-induced. He bikes 11 miles to and from work in lieu of riding a bus. On the rare occasion he has to use mass transit, he uses half the WalMart brand Dramamine pill, non-drowsy, and that works for him.
      – My cousin has a prescription for an anti anxiety med that has helped with her motion sickness. Worth talking to your GP.

      Also- not eating or being very careful with food 2 hours before travel helps a lot

    • anon

      For me, a huge motion sickness trigger is being too warm. Being in a warm bus or car in my winter coat is the worst. I always take it off for any ride over a few minutes.

  2. Anon

    I LOVE a short sleeved sweater and they’re surprisingly hard to find. This is a really pretty pick!

  3. Vicky Austin

    Ugh, 38 weeks today and woke up with the telltale tickle of postnasal drip in my throat at 2 am. I have a hunch my Butt-In-Seat-Is-a-Moral-Imperative boss is the culprit as he spent Monday and Tuesday constantly honking, and I’m so, so over it.

    What’s everyone looking forward to right now? For me it’s a taco date with my husband tomorrow night (we’re skipping Pizza Friday to get fish tacos at our favorite Mexican restaurant – takeout if I’m too sick to go places).

    • Cb

      Oh no! The worst. I’m looking forward to going to the theatre with a pal this evening. I haven’t seen her in ages, so we’re driving in together, grabbing dinner, and going to a show (coming-of-age in Egypt, post Arab Spring).

    • KS IT Chick

      One of our neighbors eloped last week. This weekend, our neighbors are getting together to celebrate! At 50, I am almost the youngest person in the neighborhood, so this is one of those cool stories about finding love later in life.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I’ve been thinking about you guys on the west coast! I hope you all are keeping safe and not too affected by floods/snowstorms.

      • Anon

        Ugh right there with you. Taking my dog to the dog park this afternoon because it will be an other week of lockdown starting Friday.

    • Anon

      Going to a coffee shop to read books for as long as I want tomorrow as it is an off Friday for me! And for it to get a little warmer and the sun to shine over the weekend.

    • ALT

      This is silly and dumb and kind of gross but I did one of those foot peeling masks on Sunday and the skin is starting to peel and it is a weird, gross, satisfying thrill to peel the dead skin off and reveal soft smooth skin.

      I’m still deep in post-breakup blues and at this point, I’m taking anything that brings me the tiniest bit of joy, even if it’s gross.

      • Vicky Austin

        I’m sorry about your breakup, but you know what? This is possibly the best silver lining I have ever heard. Good for you.

    • Curious

      I am a silly amount of excited about dressing my daughter in green for St. Patrick’s Day tomorrow.

    • pugsnbourbon

      We’re on spring break next week so I’m planning some fun things to do!

    • Anonymous

      I have the last round of a job interview tomorrow. I am hoping to ace it so I can get out of my current hell position where things are looking like they’re only going to get much worse soon due to lack of resources and more business that I helped bring in. I currently work until 11 most nights and at least one day each weekend, and I have absolutely zero left to give to current company. I feel like an animal with its paw in a trap that is about to be set free.

    • Senior Attorney

      Looking forward to going out to my favorite restaurant with Hubby and our travel buddy on Friday night. Also looking forward to some nice weather over the weekend after nonstop rain for weeks!

    • Anon

      I am looking forward to my kids coming home from college for a St Patrick’s dinner & staying the weekend. I’ve had a heavy workload since the end of the year but I’m finally seeing blue sky between the clouds and I think I will be able to work very little over the weekend to spend time with them. (I’m self employed so if there’s a mean boss here, it’s me.)

  4. Anon

    How is stingray leather in the durability department? It is so pretty and a little bit disco. Is it durable in a purse (like a clutch, not something I’m loading up and flinging around on transit)? How about boots? I feel like suede is pretty but OMG I can wreck it in one wearing. I have lizard (really: iguana) boots that are 20+ years old and look new.

    • Anon

      Edited b/c I used a part of a bad word:

      How is stingray leather in the durability department? It is so pretty and a little bit disco. Is it durable in a purse (like a clutch, not something I’m loading up and flinging around on Metro)? How about boots? I feel like suede is pretty but OMG I can wreck it in one wearing. I have lizard (really: iguana) boots that are 20+ years old and look new.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I’d never heard of stingray leather so I looked it up. If these sources are accurate, it’s pretty tough! The skin forms part of the stingray’s armor and the “bubbles” are similar to the dentin in our teeth.
      Also if these are the boots you’re looking at, they’re gorgeous: https://tinyurl.com/akf686fb

    • Anon

      My friend has a stingray purse and it is beautiful. It’s 15+ years old but she babies it, so no comment on durability.

  5. JTM

    I’m treating myself to a couple of lower cost handbags, and I have my eye on the Quilted Crossbody from Quince, and a couple of crossbody bags from Portland Leather Co. Any reviews of either company? I haven’t shopped with either one.

    • spring 108

      I have the round crossbody and a wallet from Portland Leather that I got last year, and I really like both. Both I ordered as the “almost perfect” since my leather bags never ever stay perfect anyway – well when they got here I could not find a defect or color variation in either at all.

    • bluebonnetanon

      I have the round portland leather bag. I was surprisingly happy with it when i got it. I wish the zipper didn’t go quite as deep around the circle but the quality is good.

      • spring 108

        yep exact same bag and wish about the zipper not being quite as deep. You can’t walk with the zipper open at all because it flops all over the place.

    • Anon

      I have the mini crossbody tote from Portland Leather and I really like it. It’s definitely casual looking but it’s a great size and extremely sturdy. I got the natural leather color – maybe called Honey?

      I got it based on a rec here, so thank you to whomever recommended it!

  6. Anonymous

    I have a random work pet peeve, and I am wondering how common this is. When I request an assistant/paralegal to specifically call someone, many times this person will send an email instead of calling. At my firm, this is not unique to me, and I know some of the other attorneys have this pet peeve as well. We have addressed it with most staff members and explained that there are reasons we want a call. It’s clearly not a big issue, but I’m just curious how common this is.

    • anon

      When you have addressed it with staff members, have they then responded properly by calling instead of emailing? For the people who are still emailing, have they been explicitly told that they need to call?

    • OOO

      My Gen X sister has the same gripe about millennial/GenZ people at work. (I am a Millennial.) Are your assistants/paralegals of those generations? We are very awkward on the phone, and especially awkward when leaving a voicemail. We prefer to text and email. Not making an excuse for your assistants/paralegals though.

      • Vicky Austin

        +1 to this being generational. I’m a millennial and I’m very proud of my phone manners, but I loathe having to make a call.

        • Anokha

          +1. I hate making phone calls (but will do it if I absolutely have to. Will just drag my feet until I have to.

        • Anon

          GenX here. Voicemail is my own personal hell. I hate leaving them. I hate receiving them. I don’t mind calling or being called, but would much prefer to follow up with (or receive) an email/text I can read if no answer.

      • Cat

        I agree with you as to younger millennials and GenZ. They probably hear you say ‘call’ and interpret that as ‘contact in a socially acceptable way’ i.e., including email or text.

        Do they start using the phone when told why the actual method of communication is important?

        • Anon

          Text is not really a professionally acceptable way to make contact. In fact, in my entire company we aren’t allowed to text even our coworkers about work related matters – we are required to use Teams or email, or yes, phone calls.

          And if Gen Z is being honest, there are times things are lost in translation in a text or email exchange and sometimes a call does clear things up. I am early Gen X, and as a teenager I was also terrified to initiate and sometimes even answer phone calls, but since there was no other way to communicate, I learned how.

          • Anon

            +1

            Yes, please younger generation. Start practicing. Start calling.
            So much miscommunication happens via text.

        • Anon

          Text is not really a professionally acceptable way to make contact. In fact, in my entire company we aren’t allowed to text even our coworkers about work related matters – we are required to use Teams or email, or yes, phone calls.

          And if Gen Z is being honest, there are times things are lost in a text or email exchange and sometimes a call does clear things up. I am early Gen X, and as a teenager I was also terrified to initiate and sometimes even answer phone calls, but since there was no other way to communicate, I learned how.

          • spring 108

            I think this is very industry specific. 10 years ago I wouldn’t have texted anyone outside of my company. Now our entire company uses texting and it actually is preferred in many cases. Internally we use a preliminary text is used to set up a phone call and we established a little protocol – so we all text each other when we need to discuss something, “please call when you have a few minutes to discuss xxx” so that the other person knows how much time and a reference.

            Around five-ish years ago, I started getting text messages from clients and colleagues outside our company, and now it’s really common to coordinate that way, especially when it’s coordinating logistics. I wouldn’t suggest to any Gen Z to text their colleagues or coworkers first, but they can follow suit of more experienced people.

          • Anon

            I use texting a ton with my boss and some of the other in-house attorneys so agree this varies.

          • Anon

            Texting is off-limits in my company because we have external recordkeeping requirements and texts cannot be properly captured and logged. Texting is akin to using a personal email address rather than a business one; neither are allowed.

      • Anon

        I personally have no patience for this line of thinking, if you are told to call, there’s probably a very good reason for it and I don’t care what generation you are, follow directions.

      • Anonymous

        Speak for yourself. I’m your age and like a big girl I’m fully capable of using a phone.

      • Anon

        I just want to say I’m a millennial and I have managed to learn this skill just fine. It’s really not that hard and people who won’t make calls annoy me to no end.

      • Anon

        I’m a Gen X parent to Gen Z kids and when I suggest they call someone they look at me like I suggested they molest someone.

    • spring 108

      Yes this is common. I am a millennial and I’m not entirely convinced that it’s generational since I manage gen x staff and I’ve had to explicitly request phone calls in some cases. It’s annoying to have to manage that kind of stuff and can feel micromanagement, but staff sometimes just doesn’t have the context of when a phone call is more appropriate and needed.

      Can I add a random work pet peeve? One of my staff really feels the need to use ALL of the formatting options. We use excel a lot to create pdfs that go out to clients, and she’s in training so I review all of the drafts and keep having to remove excessive bold, italics, underlined, a thick borders, shading….all of these things used in one file. I open it and it feels like chaos. I am working on training her, so it’ll be resolved, but I’m like whoaaaa every time I open and see all the formatting.

      • PJ

        Can you just set up a style template and tell her, make it match this before you send to me?

        • spring 108

          yes, that’s where I’m headed. We have literally hundreds of these documents that I have done in the last ten years that she is referencing when she creates new ones, which I thought was a good style template. Then I thought removing all of the formatting in her drafts and sending it back with the note “I simplified the formatting; please send out this way” would be the direction that she needed to stop putting all the formatting in. But more formatting keeps showing up in future iterations, so next an explicit “please stop including so much formatting in the body of XXX documents” is a conversation we’ll have at an upcoming 1:1.

          It’s not that I’m against formatting things slightly different if it’s helpful, but all of the formatting frenzy, as Anon below put it perfectly, makes the documents much hard to follow and read quickly.

          • Anon

            That’s where you are headed? Why were you not explicit the first time? “Emma, the excessive formatting makes this difficult to follow. In our company, the format of these reports follows the format of the documents already in the system. Please use that going forward.”

          • Anon

            If you suggest a template you’re going to get it back in comic sans with Wingdings.

        • Trish

          “Make this match.” OMG, why can’t they make it match! I send all the templates to new legal assistants and they will just make up their own style and format. I thought making it look like my various samples, including font and spacing, would be the leave of the issues.

      • Anon

        The formatting frenzy is very common among people who have worked for large consulting firms, in my experience.

    • Liza

      I don’t have viz into how common this is, but I recommend explaining why a call is necessary versus an email when making the request, i.e., “Can you please call Jane to ask when George is available for a meeting, since we need to have the meeting scheduled by no later than 4 p.m. today?” or “Can you please call Jane to explain XYZ? This information is highly sensitive, so I don’t want it to be put in writing, so it needs to be done via phone call.”

      I’m curious to know what the reasons for wanting a call actually are, as someone else who hates making calls.

      • Anonymous

        Depending on who they’re calling, discoverability. Unless it’s literally just about scheduling something, I greatly prefer my expert witnesses just call rather than putting something in writing because the opposing side will get any written communications between us and it’s just easier for a variety of reasons if there aren’t any.

        • Anon

          This. I have found that *some* non-attorneys in the legal field can be exceptionally bad about understanding discovery and privilege: they know enough to be completely wrong. “Expert witnesses are covered under attorney client privilege!”

        • Liza

          Makes sense! So for OP’s scenario: “Can you please call Expert Witness and ask them XYZ and let me know what they say? Please call rather than email because all our communications with Expert are discoverable, so we don’t want to put anything in writing. Thanks!”

      • Anon

        When managing things that are sensitive or nuanced, a phone call reduces the risk of misunderstanding and provides immediate two way communication. Sometimes you can glean more information than if someone has time to consider a response. Sometimes you can manage reactions better. If this is confusing, look at the threads that blow up here, I’d bet most of them wouldn’t be so heated if we were all in a room talking.

        • Liza

          Totally agree, though I’m having trouble thinking of an example where this would apply to OP’s scenario. If something is that sensitive or nuanced, would OP be delegating to an assistant or paralegal? Maybe to cover this scenario, OP would say something like, “Can you please call Jane and tell her XYZ? Please be sure to call rather than email or text so that you can respond right away to any follow up questions she has and avoid any misunderstandings. Thanks!”

          • Anon

            Sometimes you just want a yes or no answer. Any you don’t want to have to wait and wonder when someone is going to read their texts. And you want to be sure your question is understood. And the tone is clear.

    • Cb

      I’m an elder millennial and will do just about anything to avoid calling. I’d much rather walk to the doctor and make an appointment, and chose my hair salon on the basis that they let me book online.
      My PhD supervisor/co-author laughs because I always sound vaguely startled when I pick up the phone (normally the second time she calls me).

      • Trish

        But you would call if your boss asked you to, right? On the subject of texting, I don’t like when my team members text me because it is harder to keep a running log of the progress on a case. I don’t want to have to download my texts.

        • Cb

          Ugh, I would but I’m an academic so if someone said “please call me…” I’d assume I was either getting fired or something terrible happened to a student.

    • Anon

      I’m an elder millennial who doesn’t mind calling people in the right circumstances (it can resolve things a lot faster than a series of emails or texts), but I do often find that unsolicited phone calls feel a bit rude these days. I pretty much only get them from scammers, people trying to sell me something, and the occasional much older person. Otherwise, they only happen after a heads up over email, text, or chat first. I suspect that younger people feel that even more, and that’s why they’re pushing back.

      • Anon

        I’m 43 and I won’t pick up calls from anyone, work or otherwise, unless I know why they are calling or had some sort of heads-up (inside counsel). I do not lome surprises or being caught off guard and if it is important, leave a message and I will call you right back. I have been doing this for decades.

        TLDR; I definitely want a heads-up before a call but am happy to take the call once I know what it’s about.

      • Anon

        Nah, I’m not going to email first to ask you if I can call if it’s a quick thing. If you’re busy don’t answer, but it’s not rude to call somebody.

      • Anon

        Elder millenial and also hate calling BUT I do it all the time. I’m in a high volume practice and constantly coaching junior attorneys to CALL opposing counsel rather than email — you can have a two way discussion with openness and understanding on the phone, whereas email is best for communicating one way information. People’s reactions to things sometimes communicate more than their words, and subtle tone changes can lead to follow up questions and conversation. And you establish relationships and rapport with attorneys that you need since you end up working with the same people for years. A lot more than be accomplished with a 5-10 minute call than in 10 emails.

    • Anon

      Consider if these folks are trying to create a paper trail to prove they made the request as well? I would make sure you are making it clear that it needs to be a call and why *with* the request (not clear to me if you are saying you’ve told them afterwards or before), and also talk about how to document if it’s needed (e.g., as a junior associate there were some things that I would call outside counsel about and then follow up with a “thanks for your consideration, based on our call we’ll proceed with filing the motion as undisputed” etc.)
      Could it also be that they’ve tried calling and aren’t getting a response, so email is the solution?

      • Vicky Austin

        When I was first in the workforce, I was communicating with our external auditors on a regular basis and I infinitely preferred email because if I called them about something I was inevitably talked over and down to. It was much easier to outline my question in an email where I wouldn’t be interrupted with a ten-minute lecture about the Theory behind their request. (But my boss was aware and fine with it, and if she needed me to actually call them she specified that and I did so.)

        • Anon

          Well you maybe missed an opportunity to learn. Even if the lecture is unwelcome, it’s valuable information. You could find out how defensive they are, heard what concerns get raised, etc. By jumping to writing, you cut off a source of information.

          • Vicky Austin

            After the tenth identical lecture, I felt confident in my assessment, and now that I’m doing their job, I stand by it. But the point of my post was to raise another possibility for why people email when calling is requested.

          • Anon

            It’s not always true that this is a learning experience, especially after the first time. I’m sure these people consider their lectures to be “learning experiences” and defending them as such just perpetuates the cycle. There’s a way to communicate information to a less experienced team member, and talking over and down to them is not it.

          • Anon

            I totally understand where you’re coming from, but for some unsolicited advice, take those calls anyway. The best career advice I ever got was let people underestimate you and see you as junior. You will experience people trying to flex at you and you’d be shocked at what comes out in those discussions. Instead of wasting energy on feeling offended by being talked down to, play into that and get valuable information. I often now use my assistant to get information this way because we both know she’ll be taken less seriously and could get some loose lips.

          • Anon

            Anon at 11:22 — I have definitely done that. Maybe it comes with more experience, but a decade into my career, I’m just over being treated that way, even if I could get some info from them.

      • Liza

        +1 to your last question, that was my thought, what makes OP think that if these people make the requested phone calls, they’ll actually get through? And if they don’t, the task remains on their to-do list until they get a call back, or continue to call and call. And then they have to make a judgment – well how often should I call back, how long should I wait before I follow up, OP said to call but should I follow up with ANOTHER call or would an email be ok, etc.

        I wouldn’t bother to call anyone because, given how things are generally trending in a work environment these days, I wouldn’t expect anyone to answer, unless their job was to answer, e.g., an assistant or court administrator.

      • Anon

        +1 to paper trail. I work in tech and some of my colleagues/vendors can be flaky with calls or “forget” about commitments made in calls. Nine times out of ten, if I call, they don’t pick-up. So I also email to make sure reaching out was documented.
        Or even if I do get a hold of them, I end up having to recap in an email anyway. Emailing would save time in most instances.

      • Anon

        This is ridiculous. You don’t need to create a paper trail when you’re specifically asked to call someone. Email is just creating a paper trail that you can’t follow directions.

    • Anon

      I’m a millennial who actually likes calling rather than emailing in certain situations, but is there a reason why specifically the assistant or paralegal should call, rather than email (like, do you know for a fact the client prefers calls?) If there is, have you explained that to them? I almost never call without emailing first, unless it is a super time sensitive thing and I haven’t been able to get in touch by email – I’ll email first to set up a time to call that works for everyone. I agree with the general thinking here that unsolicited calls are generally seen as a bit aggressive and are not the general way of doing business these days.

    • Seventh Sister

      Am GenX and used to work with a GenX who would do this kind of thing – you’d ask her to call and she’d email. It could get frustrating and make a mountain out of a molehill because she was a pretty imperious writer. A phone call would have cleared up any confusion and been more diplomatic.

      If I ask for someone to make a phone call, it’s for a reason. Sometimes the situation is sensitive, sometimes the issue is hard to convey in writing, and sometimes the person on the other end isn’t necessarily comfortable with putting a response in writing (some employers/managers monitor every email and don’t want people writing back). Maybe telling them they don’t have to leave voicemail would be good? I do hate voicemail.

      I do get anxious about making phone calls – I’ve noticed that most older GenXers are much more inclined to pick up the phone while I have to work up to it. What helps me is writing out everything I want to say on the call, and writing down my response. It only takes a minute but it makes the call so much less painful.

  7. Paging Senior Attorney

    I just saw your request for Copenhagen hotels. My husband and I recently stayed at Villa Copenhagen and absolutely loved it. It also has the benefit of being very close to the train station. If you’re looking for restaurant recs, Marv and Ben is fantastic.

    • Senior Attorney

      Oh, thank you so much! And thanks to the other posters who responded, too!

    • Senior Attorney

      So funny, I just looked at my travel agent’s list and Villa Copenhagen was No. 1. It must be a sign…

      • Traveller

        Missed the earlier post, but for a very pricey, but possibly the most beautiful city hotel I have stayed in look at The Nimb.

    • Anonymous

      Villa Copenhagen is amazing! I stayed there last summer. Make sure you bring a swimsuit for their pool/sauna.

  8. Anon

    Does anyone use a mechanism to keep bath rugs in place? I saw there is a way to velcro them to the floor but I don’t know how that would work out in the wash

    • Anon

      I think that because the purpose for these rugs is often to absorb water when you first get step out of the tub, and then many folk hang them on the tub edge to dry, they are usually loose so they can be moved easily. Which I agree is annoying and actually kind of dangerous to have a loose small rug on the bathroom floor – the most dangerous room of the house.

      For fixing rugs I have used the rug tape most often, but yes you could adhere a pair of stick on velcro on each rug corner… But then it leaves the velcro on the floor when you lift it up…. maybe you don’t care as the rug is often down, but honestly my rug spends more time hanging on the side of the tub than on the floor!

      I actually just switched to a smaller rectangle “rug” that looks more like a fluffy placemat (!) that I don’t leave on the floor anymore except for when I need it. I put it out when I’m taking a shower, step on it when I get out, hang it up to dry. Light colored rugs get dirty so quick, so I felt like I needed to wash it all the time, so they fall apart…. and I decided I didn’t like the look of a bathroom rug anyway. And they are so potentially slippery/dangerous.

    • Anon

      I got an actual rug pad (1/4″ thick) for under mine and it not only stays in place but also makes the rug feel so much more luxe.

      Pro tip: it was far less expensive to buy one large rug pad from Target and cut rectangles from it for half a dozen rugs in my house. Just be sure to have some hefty scissors for that job and don’t overdue it on your wrist.

    • spring 108

      I use rug pads now, but I actually think rug tape is better and keeping rugs in place. It’s two sided tape specifically designed for rugs and carpets; available at target. You replace when it gets grimy or goes through the wash.

        • Anon

          Agree with this.

          The down side is the rug tape often really adheres to the floor or might tear the bottom of the rug pad when you pull it up. So when you have to replace with every wash, it is a little bit of a pain. And then becomes a disincentive to wash the rug. And then you know how that looks…

  9. Monday

    Hi all. Just checking back in on my friend breakup, in case anyone needs encouragement to do the same. I ended a close, decades-long friendship last week (for the indefinite future) over a difference in values. I had set a boundary with her, and initially she was “deeply regretful” for her actions and how they hurt me, but then she got defensive and I knew that was it.

    I was heartbroken and drained…but now I feel so much better than before. I had no idea how much I had been compromising my own ethics, and for how long, in order to stay close with her (i.e. make her feel ok about herself). I was so unconfident in finding other friends, but suddenly I see prospects that I had overlooked before. People say I “look great” (nothing about my appearance has changed). My practice is filling up with great patients. I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders that I had not even noticed. I have a new optimism. It makes so much sense now: I embraced her as an old friend, but I never would have accepted her as a new friend. Mismatched values and ethics are a pretty big deal!

    If anyone else is being drained by a self-destructive and self-centered friend, save yourself! <3

      • BeenThatGuy

        Ditto. And I’ll also say that this sentence, ” I embraced her as an old friend, but I never would have accepted her as a new friend” really resonates with me. It’s been hard for me to let go of friends I’ve known for 30+ years even though we’re only still friends because of that history. I’ve re-evaluated that since the pandemic, made changes, and have absolutely felt lighter.

    • Anonymous

      Great reminder. I did this last year and I was surprised how much more positive I felt. I tend to overanalyze, and then anxiety spiral, and generally look at life in a somewhat negative light anyway. It takes effort to be positive. I didn’t realize how much it brought me down to have someone in my life 1) who complains-as-conversation routinely and at great length, and 2) whose poor decisions create more things to complain about. It came to a head when she made increasingly unethical decisions all while insulting every aspect of my life for being too boring and pedestrian. A year later, I realize I only ever miss her when I want to complain/anxiety spiral about something, which isn’t really healthy for me anyway.

      • Monday

        Toodleoo to that friend! My partner had a similar falling out with one of his friends, whose life was so off the rails I don’t even have time to tell you. This friend called us both “lanyards,” which was his derogatory term for people with conventional jobs. This was when we were both doing patient care at hospitals during pre-vaccine Covid–sooo boring.

    • anon

      Thanks for this – I think a 10+ year friendship I have had (which has always been somewhat volatile and never particularly rewarding) is coming to an end as well, and this is a reminder that it’s probably for the best.

    • Anon

      I went through this last summer with a friend who had grown increasingly distant, but who kept coming back into contact only to do things like make plans and then cancel them last-minute; call and only want to talk about her problems and then dismiss anything I had to say; call at the last minute asking for favors and then drop off the face of the Earth, etc. She was my best local friend and we had been friends for a long time, but I was feeling used and disconnected and so the best thing to do was ask if she could make some changes, and then when she refused and said there was nothing wrong with her behavior, cut ties. I still miss her, but after the tough texting conversation was over, I did feel lighter/more free and realized that my disappointment, angry feelings and increasing anxiety over how to handle her infrequent, focused-on-her-needs contacts had been more stressful for me than I’d thought. Letting go was the right decision. I’m glad you’ve been talking about this here because I think many people don’t know how to have these conversations or how to handle their feelings about them.

  10. Anonymous

    Question for those of you who have blended families. I’ve been dating someone for a year and a half. We both have kids — mine are tweens, he has a tween and an older teen (freshman in college). We have talked very seriously about the future, but we’re taking things very slowly. We spend time with together with the tweens maybe once every eight weeks. The college aged kid is always welcome, but has only joined two or three times. We all (including the college student) went away for the weekend a few months ago. It seemed to go well. The college student is very introverted but reasonably friendly.

    The college student’s birthday is coming up. I’d like to get her a token gift (she loves Taylor Swift and Starbucks; I found a cute coffee mug on Etsy), but I’m not sure how it would be received given I’ve only met her a couple of times. If it was the tween, I’d definitely do it. But I’m concerned it might come off as trying too hard (I grew up in a toxic blended family so I may be overly cautious not to overstep or push anything). The tween’s birthday is later this year and I’d want to acknowledge it, but won’t if I don’t get anything for the older sister.

    Typing this out, I think I’ve answered my own question. I should get the gift, right? I would so appreciate input or ideas. I don’t want to mess this up!

    • Anon

      Over there top: a handbag that costs as much as a car payment (or a car).

      Not over the top: a gift that you would give to a friend or coworker.

    • Anonymous

      Coffee mug and Starbucks giftcard is a solid ‘go to’ gift for any college student. Acknowledges the occasion without being overly personal or ‘too much’.

      Given how long you’ve been dating, I think college student might be a little offended if you didn’t acknowledge with a low key gift so I would definitely give something.

      Tickets to a Taylor Swift concert would be try hard.

        • Senior Attorney

          That reminds me of the old Susan Sarandon/Julia Roberts movie (“Stepmom?”) where the stepmom suggests taking the daughter to a Pearl Jam concert, and the mom says no it’s a bad idea, then the mom steals the idea and buys the tickets herself and is a big hero to the daughter while the stepmom fumes.

          Anyway, I think Starbucks is great.

    • NYCer

      I think it is completely fine to get her a gift. If you’re really worried, run it by her dad / your boyfriend. But it seems 100% ok to me.

    • anon

      I think you should get the gift! I also grew up in a toxic blended family that I for the most part wanted no part of, but I think with some genuine kindness and the absence of toxic expectations I definitely could have been swayed. Something small that says ” I see you and notice/care what you like” is perfect.

    • anon

      That gift sounds great assuming dad is also getting her a gift. My family stopped doing b-day gifts at 18 and it would be very weied to have gotten even a token present at that point from someone my parent was dating.

  11. Anon

    Has anyone restored a leather bag? I’ve been watching videos online, and I’m intrigued. I have several Coach leather bags from the 1990s from an aunt, and they need some love (mainly scratches). Any tips?

    • Anon

      Take them to a shoemaker who knows how it will cost a lot less than buying all the things and will get done correctly.

  12. Anon

    If you are in a really casual office, but you have a business meeting coming up how do you bring up appropriate dress with people? These hires finished school during the pandemic. I gather that at one point they may have owned a suit (we interview in suits, especially with from-school hiring; this would have happened for them to have been pre-COVID interns) and even if it doesn’t fit, something at least of the knee-length-dress-with-sleeves variety that is of the formal/serious (vs formal/sparkly) variety. I feel like I don’t have the confidence that people (it’s a largely female team; I know that the guy on it understands it b/c he has been here pre-COVID) will do this correctly and yet I cringe and think of headline risk when I think of being pro-active. And yet, “Please dress appropriately” may either not get heeded or cause offense. Help! WWYD?

    • Anon

      “Good morning! A reminder about the upcoming meeting with our client on 03 April: the attire is business formal. Please let me know if you have any questions.”

    • Anon

      It’s perfectly appropriate to tell recent hires how to dress for business meetings. I’d get them all together or send a group email and just say, “The attire for this meeting is business casual– Please do not wear jeans or casual shirts. Please let me know if you have any questions.” Or if it’s business formal and they need blazers, say that. You do not tell people to wear make up or skirts or high heels, but it is not offensive to tell them the category of clothes they need to be wearing. This will save them embarrassment as well because they won’t show up underdressed. Sometimes in these situations, I share what I am planning to wear so they can gauge their formality against mine.

    • Anon8

      I think it’s very normal to say “The dress code for the meeting is business formal – e.g. suit or blazer required. Feel free to reach out if you need more details or have questions on what’s appropriate” when scheduling the meeting or discussing meeting prep. I am fairly high up in a fairly stuffy industry but different locations have different dress codes and when we meet in person our boss almost always specifies a dress code; it does not come across as condescending.

    • Anon

      I’m in the c-suite and you’d be amazed at the conversations we have about what to wear. Totally normal to sync up in this casual age. Everyone appreciates it.

      • Anonymous

        agreed.
        disagree with posters about about infantilizing. people need and appreciate guidance that is clear and explicit, don’t put it in their court to ask questions if it’s this important.

        • Anon

          What? No one said giving guidance is infantilizing. The commenters said it was infantilizing to add some sort of disclaimer about it being hard to know what to do in light of the last few years. Just give them the information and treat them like adults.

      • Annony

        Agreed! There are always discussions about how to dress/how formal things will be so everyone is on the same page. Normalize it for the youngsters!

    • Anonymous

      You’ve gotten lots of great feedback here. One thing I will add – if sneakers (even $$$$$ sneakers that are new out of the box and have never been worn outside) are not acceptable, I would specifically mention that as part of your email. I work in big law (but not NYC, DC, or Chicago) and our office has become extremely casual and our most recent client event half of the people (lawyers and banker clients) were wearing suits and ties with sneakers.

      • Anon

        I think this suggests a change in business wear, which I personally welcome.

  13. Just venting

    Does anyone else want to yell at their boss “JUST DO IT YOURSELF, THEN”?

    I am so so over the constant micromanaging.

    • anon

      I’d like to yell at federal travel regulations and how much extra money the taxpayer loses because I am supposed to document every specific subway train that I plan to take in a foreign city and it goes through multiple levels of review.

      • anon

        I’m at a privately held company and it’s not any different. We still have to provide every single slip of paper from our travels, fully itemized with signatures, before the reimbursement request goes through four layers of review. At least we get reimbursed!

        • anonshmanon

          For reimbursement I’m not even arguing, I actually feel a pretty strong obligation to steward the taxpayer funds properly.
          But why does my travel APPROVAL need to know which exact bus I’m going to catch from the hotel to the meeting? And this all needs to be approved by the state department even though I don’t work for them? I am just working for a contractor for a different federal agency.
          Just tell me the rules and reimburse according to the rules, and if you really think it’s so essential to keep track of me, by all means, give my phone number to the US embassy in Sweden. They don’t need to know which bus I will be on!

          • Anon

            Anonshmanon, I will just say that my coworkers and I are in the same situation re: having to provide our detailed foreign travel plans to the State Department and people for the most part are just making their best guess using Rome2Rio’s ground-travel logistics site, and putting information that they believe to be reasonably correct into the form, and leaving it at that. These requirements are ridiculous and there’s no way that the State Department has sufficient staff to monitor or check .1% of what people have to submit regarding foreign travel. This is just CYA for the government in case someone gets kidnapped, or sells secrets to someone. So don’t sweat it. Look up a bus number and plug it in; I guarantee you the government is not sufficiently staffed to have someone actually check this stuff.

    • Vicky Austin

      I’d like to yell at mine, “STOP DOING EVERYTHING YOURSELF AND THEN ACTING LIKE A MARTYR,” so maybe we could swap for a day? If just for the novelty of a different kind of frustration?

      • Anon

        A former boss of mine was both! Refused to delegate, and when he did, he was an extreme micromanager. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!!

    • Ribena

      Along with LET ME DO MY JOB.
      Someone explicitly shut me out of a meeting yesterday about something which will have relevance to my part of the decision later on (… deciding on the expected capacity of the teapot, which I need to know some of the reasoning behind in case someone has a problem with my spout design?) and although my manager has gone to bat on my behalf I am NOT happy. If I behaved like he did it wouldn’t be written off as ‘just how she is’

  14. DC Pandas

    Does anyone have a favorite cropped or petite-length blazer? I want one that stops at my waist, rather than my hips!

    • Anon

      BR petites work for me (also BR Factory); ditto regular Boden (if it looks short-enough on the model, it has worked for me); also JCrew / JCF petites. If something fits, I buy a couple of colors usually. Otherwise, I get lost in all of the fabric. Short torso +narrow shoulders = overwhelming my frame is the norm in 2023.

    • Anon

      Not a blazer, but I am loving last season and current season Louisa jackets from J. Crew. These are regular sizing but hit me just the way you described. I am 5’2”.

  15. helloanon

    This group is always so great with book recommendations, so here’s my request: looking for mystery/thrillers, ideally by women authors. Not looking for literary greatness here, just some fun escapism. My only real pet peeve is books where the ending or big twist only works if the protagonist does something incredibly dumb or acts completely out of character. (Recent example of this: The It Girl, by Ruth Ware) Thank you!

    • Vicky Austin

      Aw, I generally really like Ruth Ware! I think her other titles are good and don’t have this out of character problem you mention. You could also try Sally Hepworth or Alice Feeney (my SIL has been raving about Feeney lately). I am also still thinking about Madam by Phoebe Wynne.

      • helloanon

        Yeah, I have enjoyed Ware’s other books! I suspect the pressure to keep churning out bestsellers leads to some clunkers. (I say having never written a book lol) Riley Sager is another other whose latest I read and was super disappointed after enjoying their other books.

        Thanks for the recs! Putting these on my list. :)

    • Cb

      I’m a late arrival to the Inspector Gamanche books (and anxiously awaiting book 4 from the library) but I really love them. Also Maisie Dobbs books are historical mysteries.

      • Lizbet

        +10000 for Maisie Dobbs! Interesting characters, lots of background about England between and during the wars, good mysteries. Fascinating main character.

    • Anon

      A friend just recommended the Lady Emily mystery series by Tasha Alexander and they’re perfect for me right now – fun historical mysteries that aren’t literary fiction but that also aren’t brain dead.

    • anon a mouse

      Have you worked your way through Louise Penny? Read all the classic Agatha Christie?

      • helloanon

        Yes on Christie, no on Penny. But that’s the second rec for Penny in this thread, so I better get on it! :)

        • Anon

          I love Louise Penny, but just note that these aren’t thrillers!

          I like Lisa Jewell’s and Claire McIntosh’s books as well (thrillers). Lucy Foley’s “The Wedding Party” was a lot of fun.

    • Anokha

      They are a slow build, but the Ruth Galloway series by Elly Griffiths is amazing.

      • helloanon

        Yes, I enjoy this series! This is a great reminder to check the series list to see if I have missed any more recent releases, as it has been a while since I read a Ruth Galloway book.

    • Anon8

      Tana French if you haven’t read her already! Extremely well-written, smart mysteries set in Dublin. They’re the only mysteries I’d ever consider re-reading. The Likeness is my favorite, though In The Woods is where most people start.

      • Anon

        I’ve only read the Likeness, but the TV adaptation did such an incredible job with In The Woods that I wondered if I need to read now. (Sadly it botched the Likeness somehow!)

    • anon

      I really like Nicci French, in particular Secret Smile, and Lucy Foley is quite good. Bonus points – there’s a British movie version of Secret Smile staring David Tennant! I also just read The Villa by Rachel Hawkins and liked it more than I thought I would.

    • DC Inhouse Counsel

      Have you read Lucy Foley’s books? The Paris Apartment is my favorite.

    • anon_needs_a_break

      I am halfway through The Villa by Rachel Hawkins and am really enjoying it so far! It jumps back and forth between present day and an event in 1974, if that’s your thing.

    • Lise

      I also love Tana French. For thrillers with a male author but often female protagonists, I really enjoy Chris Pavone’s book.

    • Anan

      A Few I liked recently:
      Northern Spy by Flynn Berry
      The Love of My Life by Rosie Walsh
      The Wife Upstairs by Rachel Hawkins (a Jane Eyre retelling that made me really question my love of the original Bronte.)
      For period stuff, I really like Sherry Thomas’ Lady Sherlock series.
      I also liked Julia Spencer Fleming’s Clare Ferguson series, though she sometimes does make questionable choices.

    • BB

      The Shining Girls (which is also now a TV show that I haven’t watched, but I did find the book to be entertaining!)

    • anonseattle

      P.D. James is awesome UK mystery writer, was called Queen of Crime. She was a later contemporary of Agatha Christie, with her first book published in 1962.

      She also wrote “Death Comes to Pemberly,” published in 2011, a few years before she passed away in 2014.

    • anonypotamus

      Karin Slaughter is more of a crime/thriller genre, I think, but I enjoy her writing (even if the plots are somewhat predictable) and she has quite a large volume of work, so if you like her style, there is a lot to read!

      • amberwitch

        I’ve read a few of her stand alone books, and the level of misogyni and mistreatment of women makes is really difficult for me to stomach.

    • Senior Attorney

      I have recently enjoyed the heck out of Killers of a Certain Age by Deanna Raybourn.

    • Anonymous

      Ruth Rendell a A Judgement in Stone

      The first line: Eunice Parchman killed the Coverdale family because she could not read or write.

    • Anon

      Val Dennings Karen Pirie series is great. Scottish female detective who sometimes gets underestimated because of her very normal appearance.

    • Anon

      Simone St. James. The Book of Cold Cases in particular, if you’re at all into true crime.

    • Anon

      Elly Griffiths and the Ruth Galloway series. British archeologist murder mystery series. Very good!!!

  16. Anon

    Can someone help me say this in a businesslike manner (is not a work issue, but a nonprofit governance issue where I am a volunteer (vs paid employee who takes direction from big donors) leader who is in charge of a task):

    “I hear you and I’m going to think about that.” is probably what I need to say. What I would say if candid: “I cannot believe that you have the nerve to demand special treatment for Y. We have rules and we will follow them. To do otherwise is unfair to all and would need to be disclosed. For risk management, I also need to report this to our board now.”

    Not dealing with Claudio Reyna.

    • Cat

      are you the same person with the board who ousted someone over petty drama a few weeks ago?

      “Thanks for inquiring. I’ll need to vet this request via appropriate channels and will get back to you.”

    • Anon

      I deflect sometimes by telling people “that is above my pay grade” and then I relay by e-mail (document, document, document) up the food chain so that 1) people know that nonsense is going on and 2) people with the authority to decide make a decision know that they need to make a decision.

      I would say post on AAM, that that is a hotbed of nonsense (so here you are, on a fashion blog).

    • Anon

      “I’m not sure that will be possible, given XYZ rule. However, I’m happy to take a closer look at this and loop in the board. I’ll let you know what I find. Thanks!”

      • Anon

        I feel like some people have a gene for responding in a neutral and non-inflammatory manner to a person who is really pushing boundaries. I am not that person. I am good with not responding to overt nastiness, but when it is more subtle, my RBF surfaces and I feel that it is too notable a tell and things seem to go sideways. “I hear you” sounds like I agree. “I’ll have to get back to you on that” works about 50% of the time.

        • anonshmanon

          Sometimes, when I feel I’m overthinking how to phrase something, I use chatGPT to rephrase my message, and I prompt it for tone. What is an encouraging/professional/compassionate way to say ‘unfiltered message’.

        • Anon

          Agree that “I hear you” sounds like agreement! I like to prime people for a no so they don’t start to get ideas!

    • Monday

      Can you just say “I’ll pass this onto the board” and then let the board balk? Or even just say you’ll “pass it on” and someone will contact them if there’s anything more to discuss?

  17. Weekender

    Planning a last minute babymoon getaway from NYC this weekend — ideas welcome!

    Would leave tomorrow morning, and ideally return Sunday night. Preferably romantic (spa services??) and with an indoor pool. Must be dog friendly and no more than 3-4 hrs drive from the city. We have spent a lot of time upstate in Hudson Valley/Catskills area, and while we absolutely love it, looking to do something different this weekend.

    Where would you go? What would you do? Thoughts welcome!

    • NYCer

      Ocean House and Castle Hill Inn in Rhode Island are both quite nice. Gurney’s in Montauk. Inn at Perry Cabin in Maryland. Somewhere in the Berkshires?

      No idea about the pet friendly aspect of any of these though.

    • Anon

      Berkshires (Tourists or Porches) – no indoor pool but checks off your other criteria.

  18. Anon

    My current work pet peeve: senior managers who are out of touch with firm culture (or civil behavior in general, tbh) and bake problematic attitudes into their junior staff.

    We recently parted ways with a senior manager and are now dealing with an attitude reset for the junior people who worked under her. The juniors are quite competent and are truly nice people. They unfortunately had the senior’s toxic, antagonistic ideas modeled and normalized for several years, though, so their default behaviors in some situations are problematic. They are all earnestly trying their best, it’s just pain at times to help them re-acclimate now that the senior’s influence is gone.

    • Anon

      This why it’s so important to exit toxic people from organizations as quickly as is reasonably possible. Attitudes and viewpoints are contagious, as is bad behavior. Organizations wait way too long and put up with way too much before making the decision to terminate a toxic employee.

    • anon for this

      I hear your frustration, and rationally I understand it, but as someone who worked for a toxic personality, it is very very hard to unlearn those behaviors. The person I worked with was always working on things in secret and then blindsiding even members of their own team! Or badmouthing team members to senior leaders. I am trying to trust the (very, very nice) people in my new workplace, as they have been nothing but professional and honest brokers, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll spend my whole career looking over my shoulder. It’s totally a situation where I didn’t realize just how toxic it was until I left – I’m not sure if I’d stayed and the bad manager left if I would have had the same realization as quickly, tbh.

    • Anon

      Oh man, this is every law firm I’ve ever worked at. Except the toxic seniors never retire.

    • Anon

      This is why workplaces should treat “not being an a—-hole” as a non-negotiable job requirement. You’ll eventually show the person the door, and when you do, you will spend years undoing the damage.

  19. Chl

    I’m getting ready for a Europe vacation and have done a lot to restaurants to try. What is the right app to make a map of these places so that when we’re at, say, the Pantheon, I can look and see that it is close to that cafe that Elisa said I should try. My current version of this is writing it on a paper map but it seems like there is a better way.

    • ALT

      Pins on a Google map should work! Bonus is that you can link the website or menu or whatever

    • Ribena

      I just save the, all into my ‘want to go’ list on Google Maps. Super simple!

    • anonshmanon

      Google maps let’s you make lists of places. Also fun to share your tips in XYZ city with a friend.

    • Anon

      I bookmark places on Yelp. It has a “sort by location” feature so you can see what’s close to you if you have cellular data in Europe. I do at no extra charge (t-mobile).

  20. Anon

    Mid level in house/former litigator here. I realized that I have no “voice” in my writing, and just match the recipient. This shows up in email greetings mostly, but also impacts how I phrase requests, take file notes, draft formal work product. I get stuck a lot because I can’t think of how to phrase or explain something. I realized this a few weeks ago and started deliberately writing in “my” voice and it’s so much easier. And I’ve gotten great feedback!

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for sharing this. I feel that my writing voice could use some modification now that I’m in house. How did you develop or find your voice?

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