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We recently got an email from a reader in law school who is pondering that common question: At what point in your career is the best time to have a baby? More specifically, should she have a baby during law school? I can't WAIT to hear what the readers say — and at the start I'll preface it with an important reminder that there is no right answer here. Here's the reader's question:
Law student here. My partner and I have been together for 7 years and are starting to think about family planning. I'm curious if any of you had kids during law school and can speak to finishing school and starting a legal career with a baby at home? Or, did you start your family less than 5 years into practicing law, and what was that like? I'll be 31 when I take the bar and am worried about taking maternity leave too early in my career. Any advice is appreciated!
Great question. We've talked about planning your career for babies, shared the planner's guide to preparing for pregnancy, and discussed financially preparing for baby, but it's been a very long time since we talked about the best time to get pregnant.
First, the caveat that is necessary with babies: It is very difficult to plan anything with babies. There is no rhyme or reason among friends regarding who got pregnant easily and who struggled, and there is no way to predict how you and your partner will react to the newborn phase, let alone predict whether you will have an “easy” baby or a “difficult” baby.
(And throw all of this out the window if you have a baby with additional needs, whether they're premature, have a disability, or some other reason.) So whatever you're planning, please paint with a broad brush, and be able to laugh (or, at least, not sob too hard) when things don't go according to plan.
All that said, somehow a friend of mine did time a baby to be born during our 3L year — she had her daughter around spring break. (First infant I ever held!) That gave her some time to get ahead of her studies for 3L finals (some professors may have even let her shift tests/assignments earlier, if memory serves) and figure out the baby stuff before studying for the bar and hitting the law firm. She was actually one of our featured working moms to share a week in her life with us, and we asked her about it then. Here's what she said many years after the fact:
If I could do it again, knowing what I know now, I would not have created the circumstances so I could get pregnant during my 3L (or, actually, during law school). … The coalescing of events in the three months between my daughter’s birth and taking the bar exam created craziness in my life that, under other circumstances, could have been disastrous. H was born at 6:20 a.m. on Saturday, March 29. It was awful and ended in a near medical emergency. Yet I was so scared I wouldn’t be offered a permanent job (I was interning for the Committee in the House of Representatives where I did end up working) that I returned to work on Tuesday, April 1.
My mother-in-law and my mom both were able to come to D.C. for extended periods of time to help my husband with the baby at night. If they hadn’t been there, my professional and educational life could have been wiped out! I half feel guilty for this, but both moms and my husband let me sleep as much as I could every night because I was back to work (interning 2–3 days per week), studying for full-time law school finals (mid-April), and then would be taking the bar exam (July).
Without the help I had, I could not have finished school, secured permanent employment, and passed the bar exam. On the other hand, H was born during a natural transition (between law school and my legal career) so I didn’t have to worry about the possible messages my pregnancy could be sending to my superiors about my career intentions (and other fears experienced by professional women trying to advance their careers while starting/expanding a family).
I mean: damn. Apparently I am acquainted with Wonder Woman. This all seemed totally normal to me back in my own 3L year, so I asked her a bit more about it now:
I don't feel like it was Superwoman stuff because I wasn't thinking about it — I literally was getting up each morning and doing what I had to do until it was time to go to sleep each night. Looking back on it, I'm sure I was exhausted but I was so focused on each day as unconnected from a pattern of days that I don't remember feeling exhausted like I do now when I feel like I've been going for days on end.
I share this piece of advice whenever it's appropriate: I learned to ski when I was 12, which is old because you're no longer fearless. My family never skied. I went with a friend and her family to Mont St. Anne in Quebec and that's where I learned. No bunny slopes there like we know here. I will never forget going way up with the ski instructor, getting off the lift, and turning to see how high up we were and how long it was to get down.
The instructor said to me, “You don't have to ski all the way down. You only have to ski down the five feet right in front of you.” I am guessing he meant it literally and not as advice I'd apply the rest of my life to many non-skiing situations. But it is the best advice. I tell it to myself every time something seems too hard or too overwhelming. I am sure this is what I was telling myself over and over in those days. :)
I love this piece of advice!!
Back to the reader question at hand. What I might recommend is giving yourself specific windows of time to “pull the goalie,” so to speak. Look hard at your schedule and figure out when it would STINK to have a newborn, keeping in mind that from week 34 of pregnancy onward you will be exhausted and feel like a beached whale and that a healthy baby can come anywhere from week 34–42. I somehow know three different women who had (eventually healthy) babies at week 25, though — and multiples always come early!
{related: the best birth control options in 2018}
Also, you should know that newborn fussiness/sleeplessness tends to spike at weeks 6–8 — and if you want to breastfeed, that can be pretty rough the first few weeks. (My lactation consultant told me to do a 30-minute pumping session every two hours, around the clock, for several days (a week?) to get my supply up.)
So that gives you a pretty broad swath of time to avoid having a newborn during major endeavors, like studying for the bar or starting a new, intense job where they expect 60 hours of facetime a week. (I would argue that 3L finals are very different than 1L finals — it's still not ideal, but it can be managed.)
My guess is that most law firms would be amenable to you starting your job in January rather than October if you were open to having an unpaid maternity leave (and could swing health insurance for yourself and the baby through your partner), but if you miss those windows, I'd put the goalie back in place until you've been at your job for three to four months at least (which in theory would give you a full year on the job before you had to take your maternity leave).
For the times when the goalie is back in place, I would still consider yourself in the pregnancy corridor in terms of health concerns like vitamins, shots, SSRIs, skin treatments, and so forth — you may also want to look at our tips on preparing for pregnancy.
Keep in mind that most pregnancies involve handling frequent doctor's appointments — if it's a high-risk pregnancy (including because of “advanced maternal age,” which is usually defined as 35+ but varies), you may have to go to the doctor's office as often as once a week after a certain point in the pregnancy. (Here's a sample appointment schedule from WebMD; I think with my second child I had to go once a week for at least the last 10 weeks.)
Make very sure you know ahead of time which benefits vest when — each office is different, but health insurance, maternity leave, disability leave, and even 401K benefits may not vest until you've been on the job for a certain amount of time.
(It is very, very, very expensive to have a baby, so I do not recommend doing it without health insurance. My healthy deliveries, with no major issues or surgeries, were both billed around $15K; we ended up paying maybe $2K for each child in deductibles and coinsurance.)
Readers, what are your thoughts — at what point in your career is the best time to have a baby? Should one have a baby during law school? If you have tried to time a baby, what was your strategy, and how did you do? (Related question: How long do you think someone should be on the job before she leaves to have a baby?)
Stock photo via Stencil.
Pompom
Honest question, implying nothing: is the Ret te Mom’s page still active?
Anon
Yep! I too wondered if this was meant for that page.
Anon
Agreed, because this is definitely not a “universal” question to me.
Anonymous
Not universal at all. Happily a DINKs by choice.
Kat G
Thanks so much for reading! Pregnancy questions are generally the domain of both blogs, if it’s “thinking about getting pregnant” Q it’s more likely Corporette content.
Anon
I knew someone who had a baby in June after graduation, and took the bar (and passed!) about 6 weeks later. This was the recession and her firm had deferred her, with some compensation, until either the following spring or possibly even fall, so she had a nice long maternity leave that was partly compensated (although not at a Big Law salary level). At the time, it seemed logical to me, but now that I have a baby I have no idea how she passed the bar. I had a very easy baby and a supportive partner and at 6 weeks I was still doing nothing except sleeping and caring for my child. It would be impossible for me to retain any information when I’m only sleeping in 4-6 hour stretches…and I had a really good sleeper! Some kids are up every hour at that age.
I was married in law school, but having a baby was never something we considered because of finances. I think even in 3L you need at least some paid childcare, and you can’t get loans for it, so unless your partner’s salary can cover it (or you have family help) it seems like a big obstacle to having a child. I went in-house before I had my daughter, so I can’t speak to Big Law with a newborn, which I know can be incredibly hard. But I will say don’t underestimate the power of money. I feel like having money to outsource chores, pick up takeout, put my kid in activities, etc. has made me a much happier parent, and for that reason I’m glad I waited until I was more financially secure, even if that security comes with less flexibility about when and where I work.
Coach Laura
One of my favorite blogs is LagLiv: She had a baby during law school and blogged extensively about that. She became a big law lawyer and years later is now a federal government attorney. She has had several posts about whether or not to have a baby during law school. Spoiler alert- her son was born with medical conditions, she and her husband temporarily lost custody due to unfounded abuse claims, which they successfully fought. And she still graduated and got a good job.
Anon
Whoa. That is one of my worst nightmares. I’ve followed her bl*g casually, but no idea they’d gone through that.
anon
That is quite a story!
annienomous
There are so many unknowns with having a baby that I don’t think there’s ever a “right time” to do so. You just gotta ski whatever the five feet in front of you is.
I had a baby in law school and now that I’m a few years out, I’m finding myself glad that it was timed that way. I had a slower start to my career after graduation, but now, less than four years out, I feel like I’ve caught up to my classmates.
Having a newborn and either a demanding career or class schedule is going to be exhausting no matter what. At least in law school, you can have a friend share her notes from the classes you missed. I ended up taking two weeks off from classes and having a lighter course load that semester, and I worked for credit rather than pay over the summer to make up the difference (that probably factored into the slower start to my career more than anything. I didn’t get to clerk somewhere that I ultimately wanted to work at my 2L summer.)
Senior Attorney
I had my baby at the beginning of my second year of law school and it worked out great for me. My grades did drop a bit after he was born but I still graduated near the top of my class and landed a great job.
Anonymous
I had mine at the end of the first semester of my 2L year. Having her during law school was deliberate, but it was not possible to be exact with the timing. If you are on law review, the first semester of 2L year is by far the hardest semester of law school even if you aren’t pregnant. I had hyperemesis and barely survived that semester. I didn’t interview for law firm summer jobs because I was sure no one would want to hire a pregnant lady, I was too sick and busy with school and law review to have the bandwidth to deal with OCI, and I already had a nonprofit job lined up. I still graduated at the top of my class, but my note was garbage and didn’t get published, I decided it wasn’t worthwhile to go out for ed board, and I didn’t apply for clerkships because I didn’t want to uproot my family for a temporary job. I had to take out more student loans than I would have liked in order to cover day care costs, and I didn’t have the money to hire any sort of household help even after graduation. The plus side of having a baby during law school was that I was fortunate enough to get a spot in the amazing campus day care center, which I firmly believe conferred lasting benefits upon my child.
Been there done that
2L baby would have been very difficult! Hats off to you. And thank heavens for good daycares. Makes all the difference.
anon
I can’t comment on having a baby in law school, other than it sounds incredibly difficult, both logistically and financially.
Best time to have a baby? When you’re established *enough* but not yet juggling senior-level responsibilities. (I recognize that can be a narrow window and not always possible for a multitude of reasons.)
Coach Laura
I agree about being established enough but predicting this window or even being 100% sure you will get that window is not something someone might be able to manage. Combined with biological clock concerns, partner career needs/trajectory and you have a recipe for totally missing a “good” time to have a baby. I think if a couple is otherwise ready, having a baby in law school is better than waiting 5+ years to finish school and get “established” and may even be more flexible. I’ve known women who did it in medical school, nursing school and law school. One of my friends did it with a toddler and a physician-husband and had twins! If delivery isn’t timed correctly for summer session, delaying graduation a semester and/or doing research for a professor are possibilities. Just something to consider.
Senior Attorney
Also don’t discount how awesome it is to be finished with hands-on parenting when you’re in your early 50s. Spoiler alert: It’s very awesome.
Anon
+1 It’s super hard to time, and you shouldn’t try to. But I had two children in my 8 and 10th years…after I had built some experience and some “cred” but before I got my next promotion which catapulted me into an executive position that is more demanding. In hindsight, it was good timing for me.
Anonymous
I had a 4 year old when I started law school, and then had a baby in October after graduating law school (so took the bar pregnant, then started my job the following January), and then had my third baby about 3 years into practicing. Each has its own challenges and its own advantages. I cannot imagine being more senior and having a baby. I feel like that would be harder! (I am now 11 years out.)
Ms B
Counterpoint to all this: The Kid came along when The Hubs and I both were over 15 years out of law school. We both already had been partners at our firms for a number of years at that point.
Pros: Neither one of us had to worry about losing our jobs. We had the security and political capital to take the time we wanted and needed; I basically announced what my transitions out and in were going to be. I was able to work part time from a couple weeks after birth until The Kid was 14 weeks old on a schedule that worked for me. I was able to work from home quite a bit during The Kid’s first two years in daycare when it seemed that everything from RSV to norovirus made it to our house. I also was fortunate that years of marketing and other groundwork paid off around the time The Kid was born, dropping some large cases in my lap in the three years after The Kid was born and obviating the need to do much to market and keep my origination up during that time.
Cons: There is no such thing as a real “maternity leave” when you are a partner. If you are not generating clients, then that business does not get generated, the revenue does not get paid, and your bonus suffers. Also, I had staff poached during my absence and there is no doubt that I was paid less than older male partners who took medical (but not maternity) leave and had similar origination in the two years after The Kid was born.
I want to echo Kat about being unable to time parenting/babies. The Hubs and I never intended to be the older parents that we are, but a vehicle accident, infertility, miscarriage, and a disrupted adoption before a successful adoption stretched out the timeline. It is nice to believe that there is a “best” time to bring a child into your family – and there definitely is a worst time, in my view (which would be the year before you go up for partner) – but assume YMMV.
Been there done that
I could write a novel on this. I had my first baby during my second semester of 3L,when I was 31. I graduated when baby was 4 months old, took the bar when baby was 7 months old, started my clerkship when baby was 8 months old. Baby went to daycare then. The only way I was able to do this is because we had enough savings to allow my spouse to take 6 months of parental leave, most of it unpaid. Spouse watched the baby when I went to class (I took two weeks off, which at the time seemed totally reasonable and now seems ridiculously fast), while I wrote papers, studied for the bar, etc. Spouse brought the baby to me for breastfeeding. Had my second baby as a third-year associate (five years out of law school, clerked twice). Had four months of leave. Spouse had ten weeks of leave. Having done both, here are my thoughts:
* There are pros and cons to baby in law school v. baby as associate. Law school was great in that I could dip in and out as I wanted – go to class, have a little baby-free time (essential to keeping my sense of self), and then go home to my baby. Same with bar study. I could take baby breaks whenever I wanted. I got lactation accommodations for the bar, which in my jurisdiction meant that I took the exam in a private hotel room (!) so I could pump immediately before and after every section and start each section on my own schedule. I have heard that other jurisdictions basically seat you by the door so you can be first to the restroom to pump – that’s not cool. I lucked out with a good sleeper for #1 and was sleeping fine by the time the bar came. But the lack of income was stressful, I was very stressed out around finals and the bar, and I was definitely an outlier in my class for having the kid. But it was super cute to have baby at my graduation. On the other hand, having a kid as an associate means getting a paid maternity leave and actual time off without any (or very minimal) job responsibilities. That, plus it being my second kid, meant that I enjoyed #2’s early days so much more, and could participate in new mom activities in my community, etc. I also had the support and friendship of parent-friends from my first kid’s preschool. However I was also going a bit stir crazy at the end. Going back to work at four months was super rough, though, because I wasn’t careful about ramping back up and quickly got overwhelmed. It was zero to 200, whereas with my first I could ease into a fulltime schedule. Plus, we now had the logistics of two different daycare drop offs, twice as many sick days, etc. which was not easy.
* Consider if you want more than one kid, and what spacing. I hadn’t decided yet that I wanted two kids when I had my first, but I also knew I was clerking for two years and did not want to have a baby during a clerkship. Then my firm job had a minimum time worked before I could take paid leave. I’m super happy with the timing and spacing of my kids (nb that I conceived easily using temping/tracking and was lucky to have success on a time frame that worked well for me) and that combination would not have been as easy if I had had my first as an associate. I also would have felt pressure to wait between my two maternity leaves to build social capital back up at the firm, and I may have had to wait until I made partner for my second kid.
* Have a support plan in place for a law school baby. I attended law school across the country from both my and my spouse’s family. We didn’t have family who were up for extended caretaking visits. Our sanity was saved by law school friends forming a meal train to deliver us meals during the first two weeks. We thought we could do it all ourselves – and guess what, it’s super hard to do that! Your childless law school friends also make great baby sitters (well some of them at least might).
*Demand accommodations from your law school. A pumping room, delayed or early exams if your due date is around that time, extensions on papers, changing tables in bathrooms, etc. Law schools should be bending over backwards to support parents – they have the resources.
*There are advantages to starting a law career as a parent. I knew from the beginning that I wasn’t going to fit the mold of my classmates who were working 10-10 at NYC biglaw firms. I just couldn’t do it and feel successful on those parameters, and made choices accordingly. I think it could be a tough transition from childless associate to parent associate, and I never had to make that transition. Being responsible for a tiny person has always been part of my working life as an attorney. I’ve always had to be super time-management focused (besides this post, haha). I don’t have to decide to lean out or not, or switch jobs. It’s just the way my life is. However, there are also disadvantages – costs of childcare while also paying law school loans is a big one. Childcare is super, super expensive, and as an associate you want to have a lot of quality reliable childcare. My hope is that having to budget for childcare now will prevent some of the lifestyle creep that might otherwise come with a law firm pay check and I’ll have lower fixed expenses (like the bigger mortgage we could have taken out sans daycare costs) when I’m done paying for daycare.
Anyway, there’s my two cents on this question. As everyone says, there’s no good time to have kids. So have them when you feel ready (which is a whole other question!)
law school mom
I had a baby during 3L and another one as a junior transactional biglaw associate and am planning on baby #3 soon.
Reasons I did it: my husband and I were ready for kids, we wanted kids and I didn’t want to put it off for “external” reasons like school, career, money, etc.
When I asked my parents for advice on when to have kids/their regrets/etc., my dad said he’d always wished they could have more children and that “you can always make more money; you can’t always have more children.”
How I did it: I took as many credits as the ABA permitted during every semester prior to having the baby, including summer classes WHILE working at two competitive/prestigious summer gigs. So I only had to take 10 credits per semester during 3L, which I chose almost exclusively for the meeting schedule of the class and exam type.
We had a part time nanny.
My husband had a flexible and well-paying job.
I chose not to get pregnant until I had an offer from a firm I liked following OCI, so I didn’t have to job hunt while pregnant or postpartum.
What made it harder: extremely traumatic/medically complex delivery and recovery; high needs baby; no family nearby.
Would I do it again: in a vacuum, no – I do feel that I kind of missed out on half of law school (which I LOVED and felt like an amazing and magical time for me) because I was pregnant or nursing. I had to drop out of a moot court competition I enjoyed because of pregnancy complications, my note was garbage, I didn’t form strong relationships with certain professors and classmates that I would have really liked to have. Studying for the bar was truly one of the worst experiences of my life, partly because I didn’t have the foresight + money to have full-time childcare.
However, if I could do it again, knowing what I know now, I probably would have had kids EARLIER, like at 23, before law school, rather than at 27, during law school. Either that or gone straight to law school (instead of taking time off in between) and had my first baby as a first or second year associate.
But given that I hadn’t either gone to law school earlier or had a baby earlier, yeah, 3L was honestly an ideal time to do it and I had the flexibility to care for a super high needs baby that I maybe wouldn’t have had otherwise.
And it turned out fine – I’m a mid level associate on track for partner in a biglaw practice group I enjoy.
Rachel
Something to consider: 14 states have laws that require insurance companies to cover infertility treatments. The rest don’t and it vary widely by the employer. One advantage of trying in law school is that it can give you a sense of potential coverage/intervention need you may need and if the coverage is ‘worth it’ when you’re job hunting. My best friend from college and her husband opted to stay in Baltimore after residency. Their three rounds of IVF were covered by insurance (after their deductible) under Maryland law, whereas their new jobs in Pennsylvania don’t offer any infertility coverage and they both work for impressive-on-paper, larger companies.
Andrea
I’m in camp “there is no best time.” You’re always going to be going through something challenging, looking for your next promotion, thinking of transitioning jobs, etc. The best time is when you feel like you want to have a baby. I think it’s also reasonable to consider (for many of us) that you won’t get pregnant easily, even when you decide that now is the right time for baby. So planning that it may take more time than you intend is a good hedge for yourself on expectations.
Having our third child definitely derailed my career (going up for partner in a big 4 consulting firm), but looking back on it now, I’m grateful for how it all turned out.
Anon
I had my first at the end of my clerkship (ended 2 weeks early and replacement clerk started two weeks early), then used my clerkship bonus to fund an unpaid 5 month maternity leave, before starting at a firm with a 5 month old. It worked out okay. I got to interview and be hired by a firm before I was showing; I intentionally picked a firm with a bunch of parents who sign off from 6-8 PM and then sign back on after bedtime; and I was making Biglaw money so I could afford good childcare.
However, I was also never going to knock it out of the park since my brain was a bit fried from nighttime wakings, bfing, and childcare obligations. It wasn’t easy, but working BigLaw while pregnant with my second and a toddler just about killed me. Work was nuts. The partner was unforgiving. My toddler brought home every germ. And I was so so tired and nauseous. I was so grateful that I was pregnant with my first while clerking, which was a pretty relaxed schedule for me.
Anon
I know two moms who had babies during law school, both right before (or right after the start of) 3L year. Both are close friends of mine, so I’m pretty familiar with how it worked for them.
One was born in early August (our school started in late September), and she brought Baby to class (and clinic) every day. That baby had more babysitters than my friend knew what to do with- there was always, always someone who would walk her around the law school in a stroller or just hang out with her in the parent’s room for an hour while Mom was in an interview with a client, taking a test, or otherwise couldn’t hold Baby. And, as someone who had multiple classes with them: Baby in class made 3L year a LOT BETTER. Professors loved it, that little girl was the law school’s kid. By bar prep, baby was almost a year old and my friend’s partner was able to take care of her her for most of the time, most days- he worked nights, so they just traded off with “jobs.” Mom passed the bar.
Another friend had a baby just after 3L year started (mid-fall); she took fall quarter off (and had externed full time that summer so she wasn’t behind on credits). She also brought baby to class every day. She graduated in June, but then decided to not take the bar because it had been very difficult during spring quarter difficult managing law school, baby, and child care. She took the bar a few weeks ago.
I think 3L year was the best time- neither of those moms were super intense law students; they were good, but not going into big law or on a journal. Although it has only a few similarities, I have a chronic illness and spent November-June of my 3L year on 2-3x a day IV antibiotics, with severe nausea and just a general inability to function. My school worked with me, like they worked with both of the moms I knew, to make it work, and it did work out because I had a lot more flexibility in 3L year. A flexible and understanding school, combined with a flexible schedule, really made it work for all 3 of us.
I think 1L year would have not worked out well, but it could have worked in 2L if there had been some flexibility. 3L, though, 3LOL was a thing and it worked out.
Lizz R
I took the bar last week, and my son is 2.5. It’s totally doable.
I had my son during my 2L, and a friend day a baby during 2L and then another during 3L. I also know of three other women who had babies during their 2L/3L. I also know a woman who took the bar 8 months pregnant – and passed. I think that what’s most important is communication with your partner. If you have a supportive community – lean on them. You’ll be surprised at what your “village” looks like at the end of law school.
Don’t be intimidated, and don’t do what’s right for other people. Talk to your administration, talk to your professors. I was able to extend breaks during class to pump, and saw quite a few women (in law school and also at a recent ABA conference) using the Willow electric breast pump. It just goes in your shirt, and is pretty discreet.
I chose my law school based on geographic location, and the ability to keep working. I am certainly not the only woman who started a family while commuting to law school AND working full time. Now, I know exactly what it will take to be the kind of mom I want to be while also starting my career. Personally, I think of that as a benefit.
Remember – you can do anything that you want to work for.
Kathleen
Hi I want to offer that every time of doing this is OK, and an adventure. Each window will have pros and cons, some will be the great ones Kat and the commenters anticipated, and some will be idiosyncratic. I think the most important thing is to celebrate little ones when they appear to us and worry and judge less about the details (and grades, if you’re in school). I had a baby (slightly) premature during 1L exams. She was due 1L summer but they come when they come. 1L summer was honestly a good window for us, in Kat’s framing, exams obviously not so much but we made it work. But law school was a good time for us in part because of where we lived (right down the street), my partner’s work (he was in grad school too), and our financial situation (we could afford some childcare, enough so we could both function in school once it started back up). I loved my time home with my baby and then toddler during flexible 2L and 3L years, though of course it was exhausting too. I liked returning to school better than returning to a full-time job when I had my second. Honestly, studying for the bar with a toddler was a happy summer for me — I couldn’t fall deep into despair studying so I had a better summer than some friends. I had my second timed towards the end of a 2 year post-grad fellowship, and before my next job (a clerkship) started. Working full time while pregnant, and returning to work full-time after leave were both very challenging for me (I don’t have easy pregnancies and my second was not the best sleeper). So in my experience, there’s no “easy” time, and law school can be a wonderful time. If I’d waited for the “perfect time,” I may have gotten some better grades in law school, but I’m not sure I ever would have had the confidence to be a mother. Good luck!!
RL
I’m 29 and starting law school this fall. My husband and I have been together for 10+ years (married for 5.5), but haven’t had kids yet because we didn’t feel like we had enough financial/life stability before. We’re ready now, but we’ll be long distance for my 1L year so we’ve held off. Women who’ve done it or had friends who’ve done it: do you think 2L, 2L summer, or 3L would be the best time? We’ll be very near my parents who can babysit and I’m hesitant to wait too long (e.g. until after a clerkship) for biological reasons. Thanks so much in advance for any advice!
EB
I’m the same age and basically in the same situation (just finished 1L year), so following along here as I am seeking the same advice! (I also posted a separate comment below seeking advice particularly noting the changes that have been made to OCI and law school as a result of COVID-19).
EB
Looking for advice on this, considering the changes to OCI and law school because of Coronavirus/COVID:
I just finished my 1L year, started law school at age 28, am married, a homeowner, and thinking about getting pregnant during 2L (like in a few months) or 3L.
The issue for us is that our whole plan got upended due to coronavirus. I wanted to wait until OCI was over so that I wasn’t pregnant at OCI (worried about discrimination) and so that I would have a job lined up.
But now instead of OCI being the summer after 1L, it has been pushed back to early spring of 2L. In addition, since 1L spring grades went pass/fail, now 2L fall grades matter in terms of OCI and job prospects as if they were 1L grades.
So we’re sort of back to square one as to whether or not to get pregnant this year. Thinking now we should wait until after OCI spring of 2L, but that really pushes back our timeline here, especially if OCI doesn’t go well and I need to keep job searching. Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated!
MS19
I was pregnant last spring during my 1L spring semester aka the Covid semester. I miscarried the baby at the end of the first trimester but will chime in to say: my first trimester was exhausting; i was tired, nauseous and emotional. My saving grace was that the exams were pass/fail and didn’t count. I am going to try and be pregnant for 2L fall and Winter OCI because of timing reasons (i am in my 30s) but I wouldn’t discount how hard a first trimester is on the body to say nothing of experiencing a loss (which messed me up emotionally) or infertility. Some things to consider:
your 1L fall semester grades and if your grades suffer Fall 2L, how well do students with your grades and soft factors do at OCI in your school?
Rising 2L
Do folks have success stories of taking the bar while pregnant/timing to give birth between taking the bar and starting work?
My partner and I are both graduating in May 2022 (law school for me, masters for my husband) and I’ll turn 34 just before that July’s bar. I’m worried about pushing off having kids too long because we’d like to have more than 1 and waiting until at least a year into working will push my first pregnancy into the spooky 35+ zone. Neither of us were ready for kids before I decided I wanted to go back to school in 2017 but now I’m feeling the pressure of not thinking about this for so long. My husband starts his program this fall but will continue freelancing part-time throughout and is very reluctant to plan to have a child while we’re both in school. I think this is completely reasonable and also unfortunate because it takes a 3LOL baby off the table (at least for type-A planning purposes, I realize you can’t plan everything!).
Am I crazy for thinking that a late summer baby before an October (or January) start date could work? I’m in a secondary market with a low but rising COL. We have a solid community of friends but no family living nearby, though we have 3 semi-retired grandparents who might be able to fly in for a few weeks each.
Anonymous
I have a 1L summer baby, a 2L summer baby, and I’m expecting a baby towards the end of my clerkship. We don’t have local family and made it work just fine. You do you!
1L summer I interned for a judge with our highest state court; I told him I was pregnant in the interview so he could factor that into his decision. I started the summer as soon as my finals ended to make up for the time in hospital and worked in the chambers closer to home when I wasn’t allowed to go all the way to the main chambers (too far from hospital) and then worked remotely when my son was born. I think I took a week where I was only on email and didn’t do any writing.
2L year I worked remotely at a job that was a conflict of interest with required clinic work, so I took 2L summer off work. The only real logistical issue with my daughter was that she had to wait a little longer than my son for her daycare spot to open and my professors were not even remotely flexible, so I had to switch to as many night classes as I could. Mondays I had a couple day classes, so my husband and I took turns taking Mondays off for a few weeks. I was off for two weeks between my daughter’s birth and the start of the semester.
I’m much closer to home now and my husband is WFH so I’ll probably only take a few days for the hospital stay then work remotely til I get the staples out with my clerkship baby.
Bonus to having kids in law school: after 1L year you can make your own schedule and you have winter and spring breaks, so I got to spend a decent amount of time home while the kids were infants.