Thursday’s Workwear Report: Hayes Pleated Midi Skirt
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In speaking with friends whose workplaces are in various stages of reopening, it seems that everyone is a little confused about how they should be dressing, but (at least in my circles) the consensus is that everything is a bit more casual than it was 14 months ago.
In summer 2019, I probably would have worn a pleated midi skirt in my business casual office on a Friday without any outward-facing meetings. For summer 2021, I’ll feel just fine pairing one with a blouse and a blazer for any day in the office.
I think the trick to wearing a more voluminous bottom (whether it’s a flowy skirt or wide-leg pants) is to keep the top very tailored and form-fitting. For this, I would do a white blouse and a cropped blazer or moto jacket.
The skirt is $79 at Athleta and comes in sizes XXS–XL. In addition to black, it also comes in Canyon Red.
Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- M.M.LaFleur – Save up to 25% on select suiting, this weekend only
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
- J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)
Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- M.M.LaFleur – Save up to 25% on select suiting, this weekend only
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
- J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
Has anyone ordered from UpWest? I get a lot of ads on Instagram and love their clothes but am curious about quality.
I ordered a sweater last year. Quality of fabric/stitching was fine, but I expected better given the price. The fit was also off compared to the size charts. I probably won’t order again fwiw.
I recently fell for those ads too! I ordered shorts, a twist front sweatshirt, a drapey top, and a mustardy colored cotton wrap. The shorts (“all around shorts”) are great but ran big. I also liked the sweatshirt but didn’t love it…the wrap I did love but I’m still debating keeping it because of the price. the drapey shirt looked like a nursing shirt in person, not drapey and cool.
also, fwiw, they’re owned by Express.
I only like Go West. Because I am the king of wishful thinking.
I anticipate my office will reopen with a casual dress code. I’m looking for some new flat or platform leather sandals to wear with jeans or linen pants. Any comfortable but cute favorites? I Especially interested in interesting materials like black and brown leather together or leopard or something like that.
My daughter just ordered Alohas Marshmallow. There’s also a cute Alohas quilted hook and loop sandal on Zappos.
I think she ordered the black, but this style has the multi interest you are asking about.
https://www.zappos.com/p/alohas-marshmallow-scacchi-stone-beige-ivory/product/9557656/color/927820
There are quite a few shoes like this in the nordstrom sale going on currently including some highly reviewed Eileen fisher sandals.
Mephisto Lissandra. I would not say fashion forward, but cute enough and so comfortable.
Not especially interesting but I got these from Merrell and they are so comfortable: https://www.6pm.com/p/merrell-juno-mid-zip-black/product/9340451/color/3
I also like the look of Sorel sandals, but I ordered a pair and had a strap break after about 5 wears. I haven’t had quality issues with their boots so it might have just been a one-off.
I get instagram ads for the Root Collective and the shoes look beautiful. I’ve never bought them though.
I just got a pair from Fortress of Inca and I absolutely love them. Casual but slightly elevated in style — they have at least one pair that is black and brown together.
Wow these are beautiful!
So these are more boring, but I really recommend the Target “Women’s Lois Crossband Sandals – Universal Thread”. I realize you might be looking for something more upscale, but I have these in Cognac and constantly wear them. They’re the perfect amount of coverage for me. If nothing else, they might be some good basics to have around and then you can splurge on an interesting pair that you love.
Those cute! Thanks for the tip.
I have these too. I find they match with a lot and I am a person who typically hates any color that is actually or adjacent to brown.
These are great, I wore mine a ton last summer.
I also recently ordered some “flatform” sandals from Madewell that I like.
These are cute. Does the heel not rub your skin when it’s hot? That’s an issue I have with that shape of shoe
Naot sandals are pricey ($170-ish) but are usually well-made with excellent arch support. Zappo’s has a big selection. The Naot Papaki comes in a cheetah/black combo, and several others.
Naot’s styling in general is at the intersection of Stylish and Little-Old-Lady. But so am I.
Is the model commuting from 1995? Every once in awhile, I wonder if I should shake up my sneaker situation and then I remember, Converse are classic for a reason.
Yes, this is reminiscent of Melanie Griffith in Working Girl, but comfort is a thing and I have embraced athletic footwear with almost everything.
Adding – at least the model is not wearing scrunched tube socks
I think this is a super cute and current look and Converse have no support and are bad for feet!
If this is a “current” look I’m grateful to be stuck in the past! Not the distant past, mind you, when Melanie Griffith did this in Working Girl, but the more-recent past where this is kooky look. This reminds me of something they would have had Natalie Portman’s character in Garden State wear to show how quirky and iconoclastic she was.
This is 100% spot on for DC commuters hahahaha
HAHA I thought the same thing, DC represent!!
I know “dad shoes” have been in for a while but you pry my supergas from my cold dead hands
Same with my converse. It’s less an aesthetic thing for me but a comfort thing, I just find the slim shoe much more comfortable.
You and Kate Middleton!
Skirts/dresses and sneakers are definitely in style right now! Maybe not full on athletic sneakers, but definitely slightly nicer sneakers w/ dressier clothes.
I have some Stan Smiths where the contrast color is gold. I just love them so much.
I still commute in sneakers, and change into heels once I get to the office. I’m a big fan of simple, black Sketchers that are comfortable to walk in but still look somewhat sleek.
Right? I wore this exact outfit on BART in 1989. If I’d worn it in the office I would have gotten fired.
What are everyone’s go-to summer lunch/dinner meals? I feel like we just do a lot of salads, fish, wraps and burgers/veggie burgers but looking to step it up at least in terms of variety. We’re not big meat eaters and looking to keep it relatively healthy. Thanks!
I made a chickpea “chicken” salad last night – it’s one of my summer lunch staples!
Do you have a recipe?
Absolutely! https://frommybowl.com/chickpea-salad-sandwich/print/3571/
I am full vegan, but you can of course sub whatever mayo you want for the vegan mayo.
I used dried currents instead of red grapes and added dill. I also always add more dijon mustard because I can’t get enough! Very easy to modify to your personal tastes.
I like chickpea salad too. I usually make mine with just mayo and pickles, but I might have to try this version too- sounds good.
I make chickpea salad with sliced scallions and homemade or jarred salsa and mayo either regular or veganaise. Couldn’t be easier.
Grilled portobello mushrooms are a nice change from regular burgers.
Find Mark Bittman’s Peanut Bun recipe. Use that as a starting point but skip the hard boiled egg. Add chopped cucumber, grated carrots, snow peas, Thai basil, cilantro, scrambled egg, marinated tofu, grilled shrimp, etc. to your taste. Excellent warm or room temp. I love when I have leftovers of this. It is such a yummy summer meal.
I like Mediterranean nights, which are a combination of made from scratch, from the grocery store, the freezer, or take out. This can include hummus, baba ganoush, falafel (I usually do the Trader Joe’s frozen, since I’m lazy about frying), olives, veggies/salads, pitas, stuffed grape leaves, etc.
Relatedly, I love to make a big bowl of tabbouleh and eat that for a couple days.
My partner loves this, too, and he can be a bit picky about dinner :)
Just did this last night. It’s a regular in our house.
PS 7/10 times I do it with TJ’s pre marinated shawarma chicken thighs and their boxed greek salad. Add some hummus and pita and we’re all set. Some extra kalamata olives if I have an open jar (usually do)
Panzanella, rice and salmon bowls.
This is one of my staples, enough so that I order Salsa Lizano in bulk, since it’s impossible to find in a store where I live.
https://stripedspatula.com/gallo-pinto/
Lizano is bringing me back to my Costa Rica Outward bound trip! They are also super into mayonnaise there, which I support. There was a whole section of the supermarket full of different flavored mayonnaises.
Lizano is the most underrated condiment, IMO. I don’t get why it’s pretty much unheard of outside of Costa Rica.
Taco night! If you don’t do meat, then fill with rice, beans, sauteed onions and peppers, grilled corn, salsa, cheese, guac, and all the rest of the toppings.
Shopska! Tomatoes and cucumbers and feta (little bit of oil/vinegar, peppers, onion, salt and pepper).
+1 and whoa, didn’t expect to see a salad from my motherland suggested on here!
I’m not from the Balkans but lived there for a few months and got HOOKED on shopska! (And burek and ajvar and kebab and caffe ladno…)
+1 and let’s throw tarator in the mix ;)
We started making this a million years ago because we loved the Macaroni Grill version (that’s what counted as a “fancy” dinner in our younger, broke years), and we’re still making it for summer meals now. I precook the orzo and keep it in an oiled container in the fridge (and we also used bottled balsamic vinaigrette) and it comes together in a few minutes. It’s great on its own, or you can add fish or chicken to it.
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/232475/chicken-florentine-salad-with-orzo-pasta/
i made this purple carrot recipe last night and it was really delicious: https://www.purplecarrot.com/plant-based-recipes/parmesan-gnocchi-with-melted-summer-squash-basil-e7dd99ce-2b4d-4448-bb62-126ff69c50ae
BLTs with corn on the cob. Turkey bacon works just as well.
+1 – or even tomato sandwiches if you have good tomatoes. Lettuce, salt, mayo + tomatoes.
I like pasta salads made with chickpea pasta. Infinite variations by changing up veggies and the vinaigrette.
Based on comments here, I want to think of somethings I want to do this summer. As an immigrant I’ve some visa issues and can’t travel outside at all or see my family, which is what I normally do and look forward to. I feel I’ve been there done that for most local/US things and it’s been an effort to get excited about hiking or beach days. The idea of planning small and big adventures really resonated with me but I can’t seem to think of anything! No kids.
Where are you in the US? What are your interests? Are you open to flying/driving? Are you looking for weekend ideas or big vacation ideas?
Really? The whole US you’ve done it all? From New Orleans to Portland, Rockies to Adirondacks, Yellowstone to Acadia?
This was my thought, too. I’ve been to 43 states and I still don’t feel like I’ve seen a lot of the U.S. For example, I’ve been to Denver twice for conferences, but that’s the only part of Colorado I’ve seen.
Well sorry if this came across as more annoying than I intended to, yes I’ve travelled a LOT in the US for work, friends, trips, adventures etc. I should have articulated my question better that instead of looking for one big vacay/trip because of that reason, I’m trying to plan more “micro adventures”. I forget the name of the person but this was a new to me concept that i discovered on this board. I’m in the upper East coast and not averse to the idea of flying out somewhere but I swear I’ve traveled to literally every single state in the US, so it’ll not be “new” to me which is again okay… Just not feeling very inspired (already in therapy for some major depressive/family/personal issues)
Well if you want to share where you are I’m sure people would be happy to suggest day trips!
Have you been to Vermont? Cape Cod? The Greenbrier in WVa? Macikanaw Island? Russian River? Maine? Just tossing out places I love that are unlikely business trips and also a reminder that seeing something for work is wholly different from going on vacation. I actually feel guilty that my impulse when planning trips is usually foreign because there’s a lot of great domestic options.
Hoping therapy helps you feel better!
Even if you revisit the same states, perhaps try out some new activates for your micro-adventures. An adventure I’d like to try is visiting a cave – have you been to any? Like Mammoth Cave, Carlsbad Caverns, etc? For me they would have to be very spacious caves to avoid terrified claustrophobia, but it would be cool.
Sounds like you need some off-the-beaten path ideas, then! Have you checked out Atlas Obscura? For upper East coast, I’d see what they have listed in Maine and build an itinerary off that.
I am also a huge fan of offbeat museums (and museums in general). There’s the Mutter in Philly, the Vent Haven in Kentucky (ventriloquism!), the Sign Museum in Cincinnati, Visionary Art in Baltimore, etc.
Also – I’ll say that US states can be very different once you get outside the main urban centers. For example, southern Virginia is totally different from Northern VA/DC region, Chicago is different from the rest of Illinois, etc.
Getting out on the water is also a great way to mix things up! In most places with water (river or ocean or lake) there should be boat tours, fishing tours, options to rent kayaks, jet skis, etc. Great way to see a place from a new angle.
Replying to myself here – one of the reasons I adore little museums/odd attractions is that often they are a labor of love. Seeing someone talk about something they are so passionate about – whether it’s neon signs, brains in jars, or a giant ball of twine – helps me remember my own joys.
roadsideamerica.com is great for this kind of trip planning; if nothing else, it is hilarious.
OP – it is hard for us to give you advice on micro adventures without knowing where exactly you are (assuming micro means close to home).
What do you like to do? There is only so much you can do of “go to a new city, walk around, eat at nice restaurants” before it seems repetitive, because it is repetitive. Are you into amusement parks, museums, wine, bourbon, craft beer, kayaking, running, whitewater rafting, swimming, hiking, history?
I grew up (daughter of immigrants) in the upper east coast and we went on tons of weekend trips or other short trips in the area and it never really got old. There are tons of interesting, cute towns and hiking trips and strange museums. I’m just listing some ideas here:
Woodstock, NY
Cold Springs Harbor (one of my favorites)
Portland or Bar Harbor in Maine (also loved these more than I expected)
Lake Champlaign
Finger lakes in general (hiking, cute towns)
Grafton, VT
Sugar Hill, NH
Montpelier, VT (maple syrup!)
Kanacamagus Highway in the White Mountains NH
Yeah, I’ve been to every state but one and still feel like I’ve barely seen anything so I think this is probably depression talking. It sounds like you should try something different from your normal, whatever that is. If you normally do cities, try small towns or national or state parks. If you normally do hiking trips, try museums or another big city things. If you’ve mostly been on the coasts, try the midwest, etc. I also kind of like doing variations on a theme: trips to baseball games in different cities, reading a book and visiting the locations, visiting several linked historical sites, something like that? This is a little random, but two of the most moving places I’ve ever visited were the Japanese internment camps at Heart Mountain and Manzanar that I just happened to stop at on other trips, but I would absolutely recommend visits to places like that.
I’m a nerd, so here are some things that might be a little off the beaten path that I’ve enjoyed or would like to do:
Columbus, Indiana to tour the Miller house and other architecture. (I may take a road trip this summer to do this).
Cleveland Orchestra/Blossom Music Festival (or other festivals – there aren’t that many this year as orchestras are still getting things back together from COVID).
While you’re in Ohio, visit the Christmas Story house.
Nantahala Outdoor Center (North Carolina) for kayaking & rafting.
Ellijay GA if you’re into mountain biking.
Cherohala Skyway (Tennessee) for a lovely scenic drive in a car, motorcycle or road bike.
Put together a tour of all the aquariums and/or botanical gardens one can get to.
Hit some of the smaller theme parks if you enjoy that. Hersheypark, Cedar Point, Wild Adventures, etc, etc.
Ohhhh Columbus IN has incredible midcentury architecture. There are free guides to walking tours you can pick up at the municipal center.
Southern Ohio has some truly lovely places. I’m originally from Cincinnati, which has its own share of architectural gems. Over-the-Rhine is one of the largest historical districts in the US. There are dozens of cute towns along the river. Once you get a bit further east, there’s the Shawnee state forest and the Hocking Hills state park.
By then you may as well continue on into West Virginia and stop at the Mothman statue, which has a shocklingly great butt.
Railbird music festival is happening again this August.
My county released a hiking challenge this year for trails just in our county, and I’m really excited to do it. That’s super small and local, but will get me to some small trails that I’m sure are cool that I typically never would have went because they were close/”unexciting”. So maybe look at your local library to see if there’s anything like that going on by you?
Also, I’m going to do more local antique shopping this year. I got out of it for a few years but within an hour of me there are some really fun old shops. That’s my micro-adventure for this weekend.
Another micro-adventure on my radar – actually going to local live free music events. I’m in a tiny town, but the micro-brewery, small hotel, and park all have live events that I love the idea of but never actually go to.
Sorry – did not mean to nest this here, meant to just reply to the original thread. No idea how it ended up here.
Archery lessons. Stand up paddle boarding. White water rafting day. Mountain biking or horseback riding at a resort. Photography tour of Maine. I could give you more ideas if you said where you were located, but definitely treat that depression first. It will help you see the joy even in the boring local stuff.
If there’s a journey you do regularly, it could be fun to try it a different way. For example, pre pandemic, I spent a lot of time on the train between London and Edinburgh. It’s about 450 miles and I realised I could break that up into 8-10 easy weekends of cycling as a way to enjoy the country a bit differently and see parts of it that I usually go through at train-speed.
Such a good idea. I found that I was able to get a similar effect even just by biking my usual neighborhood pandemic walk. It sounds so basic, but changing the speed really changed it up and felt novel!
I’m going to do some longer weekend day rides in the next few weeks just to verify that I can, and then launch myself into planning!
What about as “adventure” type trip, like through Backroads? Great way to see part of the country in a new way, even if you’ve technically done is before. My husband is seriously considering doing the one in our own town, since the arrangements are so well done and interesting.
If you like architecture and quirky attractions, check out the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose. They also have a great Egyptian museum in San Jose and then of course you’re in the Bay Area with unlimited other fun things to do.
Looking for a sleek low-profile Euro-style sneaker to look fashionable and minimize giant feet. (Size 9.5 extra wide.) Prefer dark colors. Any recs, please and thank you?
Paul Green Ally or Carly. These only come in one width, but my feet are very wide and these are so comfortable. Do not get patent leather as those will have less give. I have been wearing mine for over a year (but they are still available) and they look brand new.
+1. I have wide feet and love Paul Green – you get what you pay for with their leather.
Me too. Quality shoes.
My underwear needs replacing…does anyone have a recommendation for a high waisted, low cut leg, cotton or modal option that does not either cut into the waist, cause wedgies, or cause VPL? I feel like this should not be so hard to find!
I like Uniqlo’s high rise cotton briefs.
Natori Bliss cotton full briefs.
I like the Soma vanishing edge line.
Soma vanishing edge are the best.
They truly are.
Love these too!
I like the Jockey no-panty-line-promise hip brief, which sit at waist height on me. They have a full brief version. I cannot do the vanishing-edge brands as the silicone or whatever gives me a rash. I am a bit straight up and down (thicker waist, no hips) but find they are true to size. I think one could size up if waist comfort was a concern.
I engaged in some serious (aka too much) retail therapy during COVID. I’m now committed to getting my act back together and doing a financial reset. Here’s where I would like some advice on how to best move forward (I know I made bad decisions, and am ready for the flogging).
I have approximately $4500 in credit card debt. I will not have any problem paying off the statement balances over the next month or so. However, I could dip into my savings ($7k total currently) to wipe them out entirely, which gives me a feeling of starting clean. When I am not overspending during a pandemic, I save $1k per month directly to my savings account. Wiping out this debt will, of course, cause my savings account to dip below a 6 month emergency fund level. However, I am VERY FORTUNATE that if I had a medical or house or other emergency, I could borrow money from my well-off parents at no interest with a repayment plan that worked for me. Should I go ahead and wipe out all CC debt and start fresh with a strict budget as of June 1? In pre-COVID times, I did not overspend and always paid off my CC balance in full at each pay period so I am confident I can go back to that .
I still am maxing out my 401k, HSA, etc., and will not have any issues paying any of my other bills FWIW. My car is paid off and the only non-consumer debt I have is my mortgage and SL payments.
Thanks!
For clarification, I don’t have any CC payments due in the near term and I can pay the statement balances next time they come due until the balances are paid off with my paycheck, but it would of course stretch over time and I am thinking of a June 1st reset to start fresh.
Just start right now
If you did not pay your statement balance in full last month, interest is accruing on everything on the card now, including new spending. Pay it down to 0 now, commit to using only your debit card and no shopping for anything that’s not an absolute need until you build your emergency savings up.
I always pay the statement balance, just not currently the full balance.
Yes, of course rely on your parents for a potential future emergency (that might never happen) if you can wipe out your CC debt.
No don’t spend down your assets below a reasonable emergency fund! Start fresh today, right now, and get it under control. I’d start with figuring out if you have anything still unworn within the return period, and just send it back. You can’t afford it.
This. Normally I would say a clean slate is good, but the clean slate may give you permission to do this again. Suffer a bit with the payments and keep your emergency fund where it should be.
There are many episodes of “Til Debt Do Us Part” that give this situation perspective (it’s online for free). If you can replenish your savings fast, have a backup just in case something happens in the meantime, and this would end interest and/or lighten your emotions about it, pay it in full. If not, pay it off ASAP.
Regardless, I’d check out those episodes of the aforementioned show as they also talk about other aspects of debt so you don’t end up cycling! <3
Split the difference. Draw your emergency savings fund down to a 3-4 month level and wipe off as much of the credit card debt as you can. This will save on interest. Put what you would have paid in interest back into the savings account. This means you are paying the money to yourself instead of as interest to the credit card company.
+1 this is what I would do/have done in similar circumstances.
+1 I would do this too. In the grand scheme of things, you WILL be able to pay off $4500 fairly quickly if you’re not having issues paying off other bills and maxing retirement savings.
I would do this as well.
+1 – never pay a cent of interest more than you have to, but that doesn’t mean wipe out your e-fund.
i like this approach too.
I think this is a knew yourself issue. If you will stick to the same budget if you are making the credit card payments or if you are replenishing your savings, and you feel comfortable turning to your parents if something happened, I don’t see a downside. However, if you are like me and are likely to spend more without the credit card payments (even knowing that I need to put it in my savings), I would hold off give that you will be able to pay it off soon. The ongoing payments would be a reminder to me to watch my spending. (However, depending on the interest rate, I may still pay them off now if it will be a significant amount in interest over that time.)
How much of your emergency fund would be left, in terms of months of expenses? If still 2-3 months, I’d say go for it unless you know you’re in a precarious position job-wise. You have a track record of responsible spending and feel confident you can beef it back up shortly. If you’d be down to no cushion at all, I’d be more hesitant.
Don’t beat yourself up too badly here. I was expecting to hear $45,000, not $4500. You’re basically in a very solid place. Whatever you choose, this is a very short process to get back on track, and be back to your normal self. And . . . see if you can find some fun ways to rebuild after the pandemic. There was a reason you were overspending over the past year, and you may need some other ways to find enjoyment, or you may need to work through whatever emotions were driving the spending.
Wow, thank you for all the quick and helpful responses!!
I don’t have anything I can currently return – most of what I bought is non-returnable/consumable. I have never once paid interest on a CC bill – I either pay it off in full or the statement balance. I would continue that approach regardless – the emotions of a clean slate are what is getting me, I think.
I will definitely check out the Til Debt Do Us Part episodes.
Re: knowing myself – it’s much easier for me to stick to a budget when I see a 0 to start because I don’t want to end up here again (vs. not really “seeing” how much new purchases are adding to the already existing debt).
Thank you so much everyone! I want to do one more number crunching session, but am 95% in the pay it all off now camp and reset to start fresh.
What do you mean by having debt then? This doesn’t make sense
yeah, the way I understand most credit cards, this means you have spent $4500 in the last ~6 weeks. If it was longer ago, then you would have had to pay it off already, going by what you said.
So either this is a recent spree, or (since you said this is a covid habit), you’ve been spending 2-4k monthly? In that case, your time would be better spent not strategizing paying off the balance but interrogating your spending habits and your financial goals.
“I either pay it off in full or the statement balance.”
I’m confused by this. The statement balance is the amount you are required to pay every month. Like my credit card bills January 15- February 14, and payment is due two weeks later. I have it on auto-deduct so it pays in full. I regularly put stuff on my credit card after the billing period has ended (eg. February 16) as I know that I will not have to pay it off until the following cycle (two weeks after March 15). By paying it off in full do you mean that you pay off unbilled purchases? Why would you pay it off early? There’s no interest until the bill payment is due.
I do this sometimes. Paying your credit card bill in full (instead of just the statement balance) is one way to boost your credit score.
Sorry I wasn’t more clear – I either pay the entire balance or the statement balance. I know that there is no interest until the bill payment is due, but mentally it feels better for me to pay the entire balance (not just statement balance). Historically, that is what I had always done. I recognize it may not be the most financially prudent, but for me it helps mentally.
Thanks – I can see that. I’ve never manually paid a credit card bill so I don’t even see the entire balance. The statement balance just autodeducts like all my utilities/mortgage etc. I can see how if you go into the credit card statement and see the entire balance that you would want to pay it off.
Just pay as much of the statement balance as you can.
If you can pay. 100% of the statement balance, do that.
If not, pay as much as you can, and additional amounts as soon as you can after that. Do not wait for the next statement due date to pay off additional amounts.
Once you get the statement balance paid, just pay the statement balance, in full, on its due date. No need to lend the credit card company money.
I do not understand how you have $4500 in accumulated debt but you’ve never paid interest. Did you spend the $4500 in the last month or so?
In essence, yes. I did. I made a few large splurge purchases, in addition to all of my regular spending which all goes on my one CC. I keep two because some places like my small animal vet do not take Amex.
Normally I would say to wipe out the credit card debt (better financial decision to not pay interest); however, if impulse spending got you into this mess, impulse paying off debt won’t really get you out. I would make a 3-5 month plan to pay off all of the credit card debt, which will make you feel the pinch over a stretch of time without killing you too much on interest.
I would say yes go ahead and pay it off so you’re not paying the interest, but I’ll also give some unsolicited advice about then putting yourself on a “strict” budget as of June 1. For me, that would put me in diet mode, which would lead to binge mode, i.e. over-restricting my spending and then feeling deprived and spending a bunch of money. For me, I try to follow an approach from the Yes and Yes blog about “putting your money where your happy is.” When I am intentional about spending money on things that I really enjoy, I don’t mindlessly spend on other things as much. Since you say that during non-COVID times, this isn’t an issue for you as much, this may be unnecessary advice, but thought I would share!
The diet thing is a great mindset.
I recently did something similar (didn’t get into debt but spent a lot more than I normally would on things I normally wouldn’t have spend so much on) and to reset I:
-Made a “think about it for 24 hours” policy before buying anything
-made sure my credit card was not saved in anything so I had to physically go and get it to make purchases.
Thank you for this perspective! I am very fortunate and have many things that bring me happiness. I won’t completely restrict myself – I will still go out to eat with friends, etc., but will stop buying large splurge items. Will check out that blog, thanks!
I don’t see why you wouldn’t pay them off right now – you’re just going to waste money on interest. If you can pay it off within a few months it’s easy to pay back your emergency fund within a few months also. And if you have an emergency you could probably just charge it back to your card and you wouldn’t have lost anything, right?
I’m confused here. The way credit cards work is that each “statement period” you get a bill for what you spent during that period. You then have a few weeks to pay before interest is charged.
Paying off your card’s current balance every time you get a paycheck means you are routinely paying way earlier than needed.
It doesn’t sound like you actually have debt, you’ve just been spending more than you want to.
Yes, you are correct – it’s clear from the comments I am not using the right terminology. Up until about four or five months ago, I paid every cent off the card (statement or not) when I was paid. It helped me mentally from this waterfall stack up of purchases I don’t need because I could more easily see the amount growing. I know that not everyone thinks this way and it seems backwards, but for me, I obsess over small things (should I buy the $0.69 or $0.89 chickpeas instead of the larger purchases which I am far more willing to spend money on – it’s ridiculous, I know).
I’m very debt adverse so if I were you I’d dip into savings to clear it all out right now.
Sounds like you’d be able to replenish your savings quickly, so I wouldn’t be concerned. Especially if you can get assistance from your parents (if needed) in the interim.
Do this thought exercise: If your emergency fund was $0 would you go borrow $7,000 on a credit card to fill up your emergency fund? That is exactly what you are doing by not wiping it out…Credit Card Debt is an emergency in my opinion. Those who don’t think it is don’t understand the interest rate charged and how fast it compounds.
Yeah, because only stupid people end up with credit card debt. Eye roll.
Way to project…I was specifically addressing someone who presented a scenario of having $7,000 to pay off all of her CC debt with. If you don’t have the money to pay it off then obviously the analogy and my advice no longer applies right? Also, I never used the word stupid, you did.
The OP says that with normal spending, she funnels $1,000 a month into savings. If, instead of putting that money into savings, she pays $1,000 on her bill every month, she will wipe out the debt in 5 months, having paid all of $200 in interest (assuming a 20% interest rate).
Those of us advocating for a mixed approach believe that she will long-term benefit from reining in spending/debt payment impulses. To me, the grand gesture of “starting fresh in June” by wiping out her emergency fund is another impulsive, ill-thought out plan. To me, it seems like the financial equivalent of crash dieting your way out of binge-induced weight gain.
Thank you for framing it this way, it makes a lot of sense and definitely makes me think hard about the all or nothing approach!
I appreciate the thought exercise, but I have never paid any interest on a credit card balance in my life and don’t plan to. I actually “make” money on my CCs through cash back rewards. This year one of my cards has already paid back $260 in statement credits.
It seems I should have framed this differently – what would you do in this scenario for peace of mind vs. how do I handly my debt, as I see that my terminology is confusing.
Thanks to all for the advice and comments – I do appreciate it!
If your emergency fund is weak, I would move the debt to one of those consolidation accounts that gives you 0% interest for a period of time (like 15 months) so you can pay it off in increments without worrying about interest. I vaguely remember doing something like this through American Express and I forget what it was called, but it helped a lot!
Fun shopping question: I have a $50 gift certificate to DSW – what would you buy?
EVA Birkenstocks!
Converse shoreline slip-ons in white (replacement for the ones I’ve worn out over 4 years).
I LOVE these. Hands down my favorite summer Converse.
Do they make adult sized light up dinosaur rainboots? Because that purchase from DSW is making my two year old’s world go round right now.
Aww!
Fun story: My late mom wore size 4 shoes so often bought shoes in the children’s department. One time she bought light-up Lucite mules and took them on a cruise to wear at the fancy dinners in the dining room. She was totally the belle of the ship!
Favorite coleslaw recipes? I’m always tempted by the convenience of the pre-cut bags of slaw as an easy side dish for fish tacos, BBQ chicken etc., but all the recipes I’ve tried just taste boring and we end up throwing out half the slaw. Would prefer to avoid mayo, but maybe that’s the secret ingredient I’m missing?
Budget bytes cumin lime slaw!! Does have some mayo but still tastes light and fresh. I like to add lots of cilantro.
I use the recipe “spicy shrimp tacos with garlic cilantro lime slaw” from pinchofyum. We make this 2+times a month. The shrimp tacos are great, and the recipe makes a lot of slaw so we usually have it with other stuff on following days. No mayo!
It’s not actually a slaw but I’m obsessed with the Cookie And Kate broccoli salad.
Broccoli slaw using preshredded broccoli stalks, or shred your own. Much crunchier than bagged cabbage. I would add nuts and dried cranberries and a light dressing.
You might try tossing some with your favorite sesame dressing.
In a mayo-based recipe, you can replace about 2/3 of the mayo with Greek yogurt or sour cream for a better flavor and texture. Look for a recipe that includes acid in the form of lemon juice or vinegar, plus a little sugar.
I really like using Kraft zesty lime dressing with precut coleslaw, and adding jicama and roasted corn. Was very popular at a party i hosted a few years ago.
I like shredded cabbage with Trader Joe’s Asian Peanut Vinaigrette.
I love using coleslaw mix for veggie Eggroll in a Bowl or veggie egg rolls.
This isn’t a side dish, but The Kitchn has a recipe for skillet eggroll where you brown some ground pork (or turkey) and onions, add some ginger and garlic, then throw in a bag of slaw and cook for a minute or two, then finish with soy sauce and sesame oil. It’s very easy and very tasty.
My house loves making sliders with ranch slaw, tempeh strips in buffalo sauce, and avocado slices on pretzel rolls.
The slaw is just whatever shredded slaw blend is in stock, sometimes with whatever fridge veggies we need to use up shredded and mixed in. The dressing is just greek yogurt with ranch seasoning (equal amounts parsley, dill, chives, garlic powder, and onion powder, with salt & pepper to taste), thinned with a bit of milk if needed.
OP here: Thank you for the suggestions! Bookmarking so I can try them out over the course of the summer.
I make a traditional slaw using packaged shredded cabbage and carrots – I like the most finely shredded I can find. I start with a dollop of mayo, a splash of apple cider vinegar, a teaspoon or so of sugar, and some salt all by themselves in a big wooden salad bowl, mix that together a bit, then throw in the slaw and start tossing. Then I taste and add more vinegar, usually, rarely more mayo, almost always more salt. I like it medium wet and tangy, but not too sweet. This is the starting point.
From here you can add some jalapeno and lime juice if you’re having mexican – like this would be great piled into a tortilla with some fish – or you can add various spices or herbs that you used in your main dish, you can add corn or thinly sliced green apple, green or red onions, etc. Go hog wild. Do it to taste and you’ll like it so much better than a recipe.
Best way to protect wool sweaters from moths in the summer? Store in plastic? I have two irreplaceable sweaters I inherited and I don’t want them to meet their demise with me after surviving this long! Non-toxic and space-saving preferred.
Make sure they are clean (e.g., wash them) and then store them with mothballs.
Be careful what mothball products you buy! I tried to be a good adult and stored my winter stuff with mothballs last year in plastic bins and it was HORRIFIC trying to get the smell out. Some of my winter gear still has mothball stench in it. I don’t know what the answer is but I probably am never doing that again.
Yeah, I guess mothball odor is synonymous with heirloom wool sweaters to me – it is what I grew up with and I consider it part of the deal.
Cedarwood works and smells much better.
Wash or dry clean first, then seal in a ziplock bag or vacuum storage bag and put in freezer for 3-5 days. Deep freezer at 0 degrees is best. Then remove from freezer and store in a sealed box. I never use mothballs because I hate the smell, they are toxic/not environmentally friendly and the smell doesn’t go away.
Coach Laura is 100% correct. This is what I do for my fancy sweaters and it works. I also add a cedar stick to the sealed box.
Adding on a question to this — are cedar chips helpful or are moth balls really the only thing that works?
I’ve been putting off washing my sweaters and I need to just do it. It’s basically all I wear in the late fall and winter so I have a lot i need to wash and store.
For me, mothballs have been the only thing to work (cedar has not). However, I am going to try that deep freezer technique posted above – I also hate mothball scent and plus I think it’s not safe for kids/pets.
Make sure they are clean and store them with some cedar chips in a light bag (linen or tulle). Shake the chips every few months or when you think about them. Make sure where you store them is non-humid.
Thank you everyone!!!
If you have room, just keep them in the freezer (in plastic)
Has anyone here worked at NASA, or do you have knowledge of it? A 13 year-old girl who is dear to me wants to work there because she is fascinated by space. (Yes, I know aspirations often change and I’m not being super serious about this, it’s mainly for fun and inspiration at this point.) She is starting 9th grade at a STEM magnet school in the fall. She is introverted and politically woke.
If she is a good but not superstar student who gets a STEM degree, is there a chance? Or is it like Ivy League phenoms only? Do people often have military backgrounds? How is it for women and non-straight people? Any other thoughts welcome!
There has never been a better time to be a woman or a person of color in STEM. There is a ton of institutional support (including financial) that never existed when I was in school. I’d advise you, though, to not talk to her as a “woman in STEM” or a “non-straight person in STEM.” Just let her be interested in STEM and try not to introduce stereotype threat into the conversation.
Great point about stereotype threat. I guess I’m seeking to know whether she’d stepping into a hostile culture or always feel like the “only.” But you’re right–need to think about both aspects in supporting her.
So very many fields/workplaces have a lot of work to do before they’re good for women, and the only way they’re going to get better is if a lot of women join that field/workplace and make it better.
I wouldn’t let the number of women in a field/workplace factor in to my advice to a girl contemplating majors because 1) if we did that as a whole, things would never change; 2) there aren’t a lot of options where a women isn’t going to encounter crap in her career, and those options tend not to be well compensated.
The one exception would be a specific workplace that had a reputation for tolerating criminal behavior—ie, if I was in the entertainment industry a decade ago, I would have warned a young woman contemplating being an executive assistant at Miramax.
I more or less agree with this. I have also encountered plenty of crap myself, working while female! That said, if NASA had a reputation for being exceptionally male-dominated or for bullying of women, I think it would be fair for her to make an informed choice as to whether to go. Not everyone is willing to be the hero trailblazer if it means constant harassment, etc.
You could just as well say there has never been a better time to be a woman or person of color period. Progress has happened. More progress is needed.
Agree with folks saying that it’s not necessarily Ivy League schools that dominate STEM, although it makes sense to pick schools that are highly ranked in science and engineering, which is not something I was aware of when I made that choice. There are many internship programs at NASA and I’d encourage her to try getting into these and get a sense of the place for herself. If she likes any tech field, I’d probably counsel towards engineering, because it opens more options than a science degree.
There are a lot of different fields that could lead you to NASA. A few people in my field (which actually isn’t really a STEM field) work there and the only difference I’ve noticed is that they seem to strictly require a Master’s Degree which is still “preferred” for most of our field.
Totally totally depends what she wants to do! I’ve never worked there, but I’ve worked with them (mostly the folks who do mapping/modeling for their disasters program). Lots of GIS analysts, etc. which wouldn’t require an Ivy League or military background. Can’t comment on the culture, but everyone I know who works there is a woman, and one was a young mother.
I don’t work at NASA, but do work at one of the big universities in Florida. The bigger universities (UF, USF, UCF and to a lesser extent FSU) are pretty well represented at Kennedy Space Center and Lockheed Martin. There’s a lot more to NASA than just KSC, but if what I see is typical (again, I don’t know that to be the case), R1 state schools are pretty well represented.
I know people who went to University of Maryland who then worked at NASA Goddard. But this is probably more because UMD is just down the road from Goddard and there are internships in college or parental connections to various federal agencies. UMD isn’t Ivy League but the engineering school is well known.
My friend is a moderate-good student with TX A&M degree in Aerospace Engineering and he currently works there. He’s cis and hetero so no help there. He didn’t get the job right out of college, though, he did a stint in Peace Corps, then bummed around for a long time.
Look into The Pathways Program, which is how the government hires new hires & interns, for when she gets into college.
A friend of mine from high school had an absolute lifelong dream of doing this. She was a decent student, but like… 1200 SAT’s (out of the old 1800).
She went to an aeronautical university and… she worked at NASA for several years! She now works at for another major aerospace company and… it’s definitely doable. This friend had this as her like lifelong one and only dream and found that being geographically close made it more possible than she would have expected.
I have experience in this industry and you definitely don’t have to be a genius to work at Nasa. A lot of people from big state universities intern at Nasa’s JPL. Honestly I’d pick a state school with a good engineering program over an Ivy. I remember there was one kid from Yale in a different but related intern program I was at and everyonMy coworkers are generally great.
That should say that everyone wondered what he was doing there. My coworkers are generally great to work with. Ratios aren’t always idea but I’ve never had an issue.
I know a bunch of people that work at NASA or did at some point. None of them are military and only a few have Ivy League degrees. I went to an Ivy for undergrad and got a great education, but they’re actually not a very big deal in STEM fields- the prestige of your grad program and your particular advisor matter much, much more and these schools are really different than what law people think of when they think of rankings. The programs that matter are more like MIT, Caltech, Stanford, and a lot of large public universities, depending on the exact field. Being very good with technical skills matters much more than book smarts and grades. Everyone I know there has a PhD, but that’s because I do too- obviously there are different career paths.
+1 from Yale physics over here. If I wanted NASA I probably should have gone to my state U :):)
Yes, definitely look into state schools with good engineering or science programs, they’re more technically focused than Ivy League schools. The state schools located near a NASA center will more often than not have some sort of collaboration with NASA either through internships, research, etc.
A friend has worked at NASA for like 15 years while raising 2 kids, she likes it and says it’s decently family-friendly. Encourage the girl to keep up with her studies and explore any math/engineering that interests her. Consider a college in the DC area so she could intern and network there. In HS she may want to look into CTY summer programs at Johns Hopkins (after this summer, not happening this year) which often include astronomy and engineering options.
Note- there are many NASAs. The people I know work in robotics, geology, or astrobiology, so they’re all at Ames or JPL. I think Goddard does lots of remote sensing, less sure about others. Agree college nearby isn’t a bad idea if she really knows what she wants to do, but otherwise they all have summer intern programs.
I worked at JPL a long time ago (admin pre-law school) and the most gold-plated degrees were not Ivies but Caltech and MIT. JPL heads up NASA’s unmanned space exploration and it’s an amazing place!!
That is the coolest admin job ever! My fifth-grade class visited JPL and it was my dream to work there but I let myself get sidetracked by my high school’s terrible science curriculum and ended up as a social scientist. I am planning to take my STEM-loving high school daughter to tour JPL and Caltech next year.
This is tangential to your question rather than an answer, but let me recommend Space Camp at the Marshall Flight Center in Huntsville, Alabama.
You should also watch the movie!
My alma mater’s engineering school is now 50/50 men and women. This is so much less of an issue than it was even twenty years ago.
My uncle (NCSU engineering and NSCU master’s degree) was a lifer at NASA in Florida. I agree with the comments that state engineering schools are generally well-represented there. I thought it was the coolest job in the world and still have every single thing he sent me as a kid.
Oooh! Something I am mildly qualified to say something about — no, I’ve never worked at NASA, but I’m a woman in STEM who has a lot of friends at JPL (the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California).
Ivy League whatever — check out Caltech and MIT and the other engineering schools (including state schools). Getting to know people who work in those fields is much more important than a Harvard degree. Remember that all sorts of people work on space stuff: mathematicians, geologists, astronomers, mechanical engineers, software programmers… One friend at JPL did math and then geology (no Ivy degrees — Caltech and a state university). Another friend who worked on programming space telescopes got there through work on programming embedded systems (no Ivies — Carnegie Mellon and a state university). And yes, there are plenty of women, including women from minoritized backgrounds. No, it’s not equal — but you know what else isn’t equal? Majority female fields like housecleaning. We can’t escape our culture so might as well do space science if she wants to do it!
If she’s interested in reading/learning more, for sure check out interviews with Diana Trujillo who worked on the recent Mars mission; Aaron Yazzie, a mechanical engineer who works on the Mars missions and is a member of the Navajo nation; follow Raven the Science Maven on Twitter; of course watch Hidden Figures; get her a copy of The Disordered Cosmos by Chanda Prescod-Weinstein and The End of Everything by Katie Mack. Encourage to her to take all the math she can (and it’s ok if some of it’s hard or she doesn’t ace everything, I got some Cs in college in math and still got a PhD in it haha). (She might be a little old for the Black Girl MATHgic subscription box but folks who know 3rd-8th graders might be interested.) I’ve been doing STEM stuff for decades now and it still makes me happy every day, even if not every detail of my job does ;)
Ok so this was like 10 years ago, but a college acquaintance was an aerospace engineering major at Georgia Tech and worked at nasa’s JPL for a while. She was a good student, not extraordinary so I’d say non-ivy is possible.
I’m in NC and one of the big local news stories in the past few years was the woman astronaut who broke the longest time in space for a woman record was a graduate of NC State, so there’s one good example of you don’t need to be Ivy league (NC State has good engineering programs of various types)
I used to work at JSC on the space shuttle. Lots of generally smart people who went to good state schools. As others have mentioned, NASA is huge, and in some areas you might need a PhD, and in other’s a bachelors or masters is fine. I have an Electrical Eng MS from one of the “elite” private engineering schools – Caltech/MIT/Stanford, but most of my coworkers went to solid state schools (e.g. Michigan, Illinois, George Tech, UC Davis, UC Berkeley, UT Austin), and a good number of others went to schools without a lot of name recognition (e.g. New Mexico Tech). But, yeah, if she’s a good student, but not an ivy league student, there’s lots of chance. NASA has a lot of interns. I also would encourage you to look at Space Camp; I didn’t go, but have lots of friends that did, and loved it. I found NASA and the government science world a great place to be a woman, in general. Despite all the horror stories you hear about women in STEM, I will say that for me and my group of friends (now all working for over 15 years), we’ve had really good career experiences over all – supportive managers, interesting and meaningful work, and opportunities for advancement. Also, look at some of the national laboratories (e.g. Livermore, Sandia, Los Alamos, etc) for examples of inspiring women with great careers doing science and engineering.
Someone had asked about clothes rental services –
Not clothing rental, but I’ve been doing stitch fix for a bit and I love it. I filled out all the surveys and quizzes in detail, but the clothes theyve sent have fit me well and been flattering and my style. I felt like they really took my feedback to heart. I don’t always recognize the brands but you can choose the price point, and it feels so luxurious for someone else to pick out a few items for me and I can just decide among them.
+1, Stitch Fix was my immediate reaction to that comment.
I started stitch fix on an impulse the other night and I’m super jazzed to get my first box. My wardrobe is so blah.
Haven’t posted for a while, but thought this would be a good place for help. Tips on navigating a screen time difference between families when spending time together? I’m spending a week at the lake next month with my brother and sister-in-law and kids in a cabin we’ve rented before (and our parents will be there for part of the time as well – all vaccinated!!). The issue is that we have very different approaches to screen time – normally I’m very live and let live, but sharing a house resulted in some tensions last time. In our household, we only allow screen time for our 8-year-old under limited circumstances, vacation at the lake not being one of them, but my brother’s family does not have screen time limits for their 7-year-old. That’s fine when they’re at home, more power to them, but last year, their son was glued to his iPad (YouTube videos for the most part) and it was an effort to get him out of the house to come outside and swim, play games, etc. with my kid. He would have fun once we were out there, but the drama (up to the point of tears) when it was time to head outside was unreal. My kid spent a lot of time playing with me or alone while waiting for his cousin to be ready to come outside and it was honestly just kind of a downer – I had gone into the trip with a fantasy picture of two cute cousins playing outside all day and then crashing hard at night, just like my brother and I used to have with our own cousins (I admit it’s a bit idealist). My son also snuck in screentime with his cousin against our family rules while I was distracted cooking or doing other things, which isn’t the biggest deal but also isn’t ideal for what my husband and I decided on as a family. My parents ended up suggesting taking away the iPad to my brother, but my brother’s approach to screentime is “don’t restrict or they’ll just want it more” and he didn’t really view the crying/disruption as a big deal, so nothing was really resolved. I know he was annoyed our parents brought it up.
How do I handle this this year? I want this trip to be fun and relaxing (god knows we all need it) and I would prefer to just focus on my own family and our rules, but there’s only so much I can do to keep my son entertained and active while the siren song of YouTube (or the sound of crying) is coming from the next room. My thought is to focus on providing alternatives to screen time that are really fun (both kids are strong swimmers and old enough for inner-tubing this year, for example), but I’m a little skeptical that will be enough based on last year’s experience.
To be clear, I’m really not judging anyone else’s screen time policies that work for their families – I just want tips on how to handle this situation for our family. I want my kid to have a great vacation and I want one too.
I think you and your son just need to let go of the idea that his cousin will choose playing outside over the iPad. Just go do what you want to do and don’t wait around for cousin. If he gets left behind a few times, he may be motivated to put the iPad down and get going. If not, then your son still gets to do the fun outdoor activities he wants to do.
You understand that your kid is going to play alone and you don’t wait more than a few minutes for his cousin to join in. Kiddo is in his suit and ready to go tubing? You leave and go tubing. If cousin cries, cousin cries. Let his parents deal with it. Be happy that your son gets to have such fun at the lake and it’s his cousin’s problem if he misses out.
Interested in replies. We have basically the same situation with my sister’s family. They allow so much screen time. Like when the 6 year old visits his grandparents once a year, he can do something other than play fortnite by himself in the basement. I prefer to vacation with DH’s family or my parents separately because it just results in my kids feeling ignored or complaining about their lack of screen time. It’s unfortunate that they prioritize the ipad over family time.
Personally, I think vacation is for relaxing rules. Ice cream for dinner? Sure. Screen time when you’re lounging around, whatever. You spend the rest of your life enforcing rules, why battle on vacation and especially when you’re also battling other adults. I’d toss the rules, let the kids do what they want (a year is a long time, they may want to play more this year or they may hate each other, whatever). Plan some family hikes or activities out of the house and hope that leads to more. The less you micromanage what others are doing, the more fun you’ll have. Put the ideal image out of your head and let everything go it will be a nice vacation for all of you.
OP here and I agree, we do relax a lot of rules on vacation – ice cream for lunch AND s’mores for dessert, bedtime is a suggestion, we don’t insist on nightly showers, etc. We’ve found, though, that relaxing the screen time framework we currently have results in behavioral issues (mainly serious whining and inability to engage with others) and that it’s not worth it, vacation or otherwise. We decided a few years ago not to change the framework unless it no longer works for us.
Thanks for the thoughts so far, everyone. I really like the idea of just GOING and letting my brother’s family catch up when they’re ready. I think that might work well, especially because it’s a really short drive/bike ride to the boat launch and we won’t actually be far away from them at any point during the day (not too many logistics to coordinate). In the past I have tried to wait for everyone to keep everyone happy but it just wasn’t working.
I normally agree with your premise, but the addictiveness of screens is too overwhelming. It’s not a fair fight with tech companies. Kids cannot regulate it at all, and they (well, at least mine) end up in bad moods, crying and overstimulated if I don’t impose breaks on them. I would allow screen time during down time but not unlimited.
So if you replace “screen time” with “dawdling getting out of the house” this is an accurate description of any family trip I’ve been on.
What worked best for us was getting up and just… doing. Whenever the rest of the family finished breakfast they could join us at the beach. Sometimes that meant we saw them back at the house for lunch (like they hadn’t left at all) and then all went back to the beach together.
I personally would relax your screen time rule pre-dinner for the sake of a vacation treat – kids want to watch a half hour of YouTube together while adults get dinner together? NBD.
This. We sometimes vacation with my SIL and her family, who are incredibly slow to get moving and to decide what they want to do. My nuclear family likes to be out and about. If we waited around for them all the time we’d never do anything at all.
I think a lot of this depends on how much screen time is referencing. I don’t care about a half hour of youtube in the morning or before supper but when my kid is hurt because their cousin would rather spend 4 hours playing fortnite instead of go to the playground with them, that’s tough. And hard to navigate if the parents are cool with it.
My point is you know what’s going to happen and then how do you make the best of it regardless, vs wringing your hands the whole week.
An 8yo is old enough to be told ‘hey cousin isn’t ready to play outside yet, not sure why he’d rather be indoors on this beautiful day, let’s go for a swim’ IMHO.
FWIW I never particularly “gelled” with my cousins — despite the ‘family bonding’ trips or perhaps because of them? — so was actually happiest when I knew the expectation wasn’t “hang around waiting for them to want to play together.”
That’s what we do. It’s just sad when your kid realizes their cousin would rather play ipad than spend time with them.
then honestly I would suggest not vacationing as a group. It’s not fun for your family and ends in hurt feelings. Sounds like you’d all get along better if you didn’t take the trip!
Honestly the only solution is to not vacation with them. You aren’t going to convince them to change their rules. If it bothers you so much, vacation just with your partner and kid(s) or with another family that shares screen time values. That said, I agree with the poster above, part of vacations are relaxing rules. One week of screen time isn’t going to undo everything with your rules on screentime. It’s pretty easy to tell a kid that x is ok in one setting but not at home. We run into this with grandparents who are way more lax than we are – I don’t fight it and our kids know that grandma’s house (or in your case, vacation house) has different rules. If you truly aren’t ok with screentime on vacation and you want your kid to have someone to play with, you need to find a different family to vacation with. You aren’t going to convince your brother to change his rules and you aren’t going to make your nephew decide to put down his phone/ipad. You can model behavior and hope that nephew sees how much fun you and kid are having but that’s about it. It sounds like you’re hoping for advice to magically change who your brother and nephew are and that’s just not going to happen.
I’d go one further and say your brother has a right to parent as he wants and that your way isn’t necessarily the better way. He knows his own kids. Flip side may be that the kid is going to be way less cranky if he is allowed air conditioning and not forced to hang out with kids he may not want to hang out with. Swap book for iPad and that would have been my sister when we were kids (all of the rest of us were a couple of years younger). And she still doesn’t like camping and I do. Not everybody likes the outdoors and that’s OK. Different strokes for different folks. It’s not a moral high ground that you’re trying to be the screen time police.
“Swap book for iPad and that would have been my sister when we were kids (all of the rest of us were a couple of years younger).”
This was me too, I always had my nose in a book at family gatherings when I was younger, as I have social anxiety and am introverted, and socializing with a bunch of relatives I only saw once or twice a year was never my idea of a good time. As an introvert who is married to an introvert and also gave birth to an introvert, please don’t put us in positions where we have to socialize to get emotional approval! Maybe the son’s kid is on the tablet because they’re shy and still figuring out how to navigate personal relationships, which FYI, took me until I was well into my 20s to figure out.
If the cousin’s screen time is that much of a problem for you, I would not waste my limited vacation time and funds vacationing with extended family.
It’s just hard because my sister lives on the other side of the country. So if we don’t see them during the week we spend together at my parents lake house, we don’t see them at all. It’s worse when the couple times we have visited at her house because cousin has the full video game set up instead of just the ipad to hide behind. Rock meet hard place and all that. My sister and I were super close with our cousins growing up so I feel bad that my kids don’t have that.
I mean, it does suck to see your kid not getting to engage with his cousin for a totally avoidable reason, but please don’t force the cousin relationship. It will happen naturally or not at all. Maybe they’ll be absolutely joined at the hip this year, or next, or in five. All my cousin relationships have waxed and waned as we grew up.
I think it’s really hard to expect a close cousin relationship if they only see each other for one week a year. They’re basically strangers.
Agreed with all of the above. And as someone who loves my lazy mornings on vacation, I’d also rather you get up and do what you want to do and leave me to read with my coffee!
And to add a perspective as a kid who was raised with extremely strict rules about screen time (TV back in my day…maybe some Nintendo or gameboy if we got really lucky!), getting to “cheat” a little and get away with watching a bit more tv with friends and cousins was super fun and is a fond memory for me. I wouldn’t let my kid do hours of unsupervised YouTube, but a little bit before dinner is not going to cause any harm and is a way they can share an experience together. It’s a form of cousin bonding even if it’s different from what you had in mind.
I think the only way shared house vacations work w/ multiple kids is if everyone defers to the more lenient rule (excepting out of course serious safety issues or food allergy issues.) So if one family allows sugar cereal breakfast and cookies after lunch, you do too just for vacation. It’s not fair to the kid not getting it and the family that allows it is going to struggle to suddenly get their kid to eat healthy on vacation. Same w/ screen time.
Agree on food but disagree on screen time. What’s the point of taking kids to the lake if they are going to stay inside on an ipad all day? Might as well stay home. The point of vacation is to spend relaxing time together. That doesn’t mean no screen time but it should mean at least some time doing activities together.
You need to not vacation with people whose rules seem incompatible with your vision of what vacation should be.
I am not paying for a vacation so my kid can spend all day on a screen, but I have no problem taking my kid out to have fun while the extended family wastes its time. There is still a benefit to having dinner together, playing board games in the evening, etc.
Then you don’t vacation with people that allow unlimited screen time. Those are your choices. Changing your sister and her kid will not work. If the kid gets unlimited screen time at home, he is going to throw a tantrum when he can’t get his ipad on vacation.
That’s the point–if you don’t want your kid to spend all day on a screen, take him out on his own and catch up with couch potato cousin at dinner.
Ugh no. Kids aren’t adults with good decision-making ability. They need some guidance to not be glassy-eyed slugs glued to YouTube for six hours a day while a lake is outside their door. In my experience, parents that have gotten their kids outside have reaped great rewards – the kids are tired from a day in the sun and sleep better, they’re excited and engaged and social, they talk about the trip later and how fun it was, they try new things like wakeboarding. It’s SO worth it to put away those screens and enforce that boundary.
I agree for my own kid but it’s not my place or OPs place to tell other parents what to do with their kids
I didn’t mean OP should do it for the cousin, but for her own kid. I was responding to the suggestion that she should “defer to the more lenient family.”
Two things:
1. If it’s been a year since this last happened, a lot could have changed. Cousin is a year older, it’s been more or less a full year of being trapped inside due to the pandemic without being able to play with other kids, etc. Don’t assume it will still be a problem.
2. Set expectations at the start of each day or even the day before. Over breakfast, sketch out the plan for the day. “It’s 8 am now, we’ll give you a bit of time to digest breakfast and do whatever you want around the house, and then at 10 it should be nice and warmed up so we’re going to go down to the lake and take out the inner tubes! Sound good?” Then when it’s 9:45 or so, walk around and give a 15 minute warning to get ready to go to the lake. Kids that age can have a hard time transitioning between tasks anyway, so not making it any more abrupt than you need to (this is vacation, after all) can help.
What if you shift your perspective and expectations a bit? View this as a trip with your family and any time with cousins as a bonus. In the morning head out and do whatever your family wants to do. Invite the others to join you when they’re ready. If the other kiddo wants to spend 7 hours on the iPad instead of playing on the beach, and his parents allow it, there isn’t anything you can do to change that reality.
This is really good advice.
This. Dinner time onwards can be extended-family bonding time. Before that, treat it like a family vacation of just your household and do what you want. You are using PTO to be there, don’t waste it waiting around on someone else’s kid when no one asked you to.
My kid is older than that and based on my memory of that age/combined family vacations when I was a kid, if your kid just goes and has fun and gets to do a lot of activities with–and this is the key–A BUNCH OF ATTENTION FROM ALL OF THE ADULTS when he gets back that are saying things like “wow, you went so fast on that tube!” “That was crazy, you were so brave!” “Wasn’t that so fun? I had no idea you could swim like that!” the screentime kid will want to go next time. Just make sure screentime kid also gets a bunch of adult positive reinforcement when he participates in the activities.
“I had gone into the trip with a fantasy picture of two cute cousins playing outside all day and then crashing hard at night, just like my brother and I used to have with our own cousins (I admit it’s a bit idealist).”
So this is good self-awareness – you went into the situation with a fantasy idea of what it would look like, and that fantasy was all about you and not really about the real kids you have in front of you and what they’re really like. And within that self-awareness lies your answer. Your brother and his family aren’t obligated to make your vacation dreams come true. The “two cute cousins playing together” thing is adorable to contemplate, but real life is not an Instagram post. While you would ideally prefer for something else to be happening, it’s not within your purview to make that happen. You have to let the fantasy go and deal with what is, because that’s realistically all you can do. You and your kid can still have a “great vacation,” that IS within your purview. You can stick to your own screen time rules for your kid. You can make a decision to let your brother’s family do their thing, and you and your family can do your thing. In that case, maybe, in the future, consider that vacationing together isn’t meeting anyone’s expectations, and be willing to have a conversation about that.
I speak from my own experience after going on a group vacation with some friends from high school a few years ago, with several children of different ages, and realizing that none of the kids really got along (and that some were definitely too young to play cooperatively with the older ones) and so this wasn’t going to be the fun, carefree, everyone-getting-along-famously vacation I had envisioned. Kids are people too, and just like adults, they have their own personalities, preferences, quirks, non-negotiables, etc. And that means it wasn’t fair of me to expect that other kids would entertain my kid (or vice-versa) so I could spend time talking grown-up stuff with my adult friends. All the kids had met and spent time with each other before, but infrequently, and so they didn’t really know each other and thus didn’t become instant best friends when we got to the rental house. And that’s okay, because that was the fantasy the adults had cooked up, because if that happened it meant more adulting time. That fantasy had nothing to do with the kids and what they wanted.
So. You already know the answer here, but it’s basically: let go of whatever idea you had about what you would ideally want to happen. Deal with what is. You and your son need to go do things and have fun and make memories and not wait around for the cousin to join, because likely he/she won’t. Or, if they do, it will be after they see how much fun everyone is having without them, and not in response to another child begging them to get off the iPad while a not-so-secretly judgmental adult looks on impatiently.
As an FYI: if you think it’s frustrating not to get the vacation you mentally idealized when the kids are 7 and 8, I don’t want to tell you about what it’s going to be like when they’re 12 and 13. Definitely contemplate what you want and are willing to accept out of these vacations before your child and your brother’s child hit the early teen years.
+1 this is the actual answer and brought back a memory for me.
The year my cousins from across the country came to visit for a week when I was a pre-teen was so memorable for me. My closest in age cousin was an actual teenager, and in my memory we hung around inseparably and had a blast.
We saw each other recently and as adults we are now basically the same age. I asked “remember when you guys came and stayed with us?” and she interrupted “UGH, I was so bored!” just as I was about to say “it was so much fun!”
So in reality, I was probably that annoying younger kid following her everywhere. Glad she likes me as an adult!
depends on your relationship with your brother and/or parents. so in my case and the nature of my relationships, i’d probably reach out to my mom and say that i don’t want a repeat of last year where we are spending a lot of time trying to get out of the house cause the kids are on the ipad. and ask my mom to instate a ‘rule’ that the ipad doesn’t come out until at least after lunch? or i’m the type of person who likes having a loose schedule with an idea about we will do each day.
That’s pretty obnoxious of you, wanting to institute rules so that everyone behaves the way you would like them to, and having your MOM do it. Wow.
Stop expecting that this is going to be a fun cousins thing and plan activities and fun for your son yourself.
As a parent who doesn’t impose screen time, I would just say that you should plan to do what you want with your child and not worry about the cousin. It is their vacation too and your brother gets to decide what his kids will do.
I wanted to share a couple of shopping wins. My office is starting to go back in person with this really weird mix of casual and dressy for our informal dress code. It’s like we are staying business from the waist up and wearing better than what we wore at home stuff on the bottom but stuff that is still arguably casual. It’s comfy but a hard balance. I figure this in between stage won’t last too long so I did a little cheap shopping at Target and Walmart.
I got these amazing elastic pants that look great with dressy flats and dressy tunic or shirt and blazer. Part of it may be because of how my body is cut. I am curvy on top but pretty straight on the bottom w/ thin legs. I got a medium which is baggy on me. The ankle cut is unique and makes it more summery. I have the black and the khaki/yellowish ones.
https://www.target.com/p/women-39-s-high-waisted-stretch-woven-tapered-jogger-pants-all-in-motion-8482-black-m/-/A-80960107?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000014846111&CPNG=PLA_Women%2BShopping_Brand%7CWomen_Ecomm_AA&adgroup=SC_Women&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=c&location=9002293&targetid=aud-1175296388336:pla-893367080147&ds_rl=1241788&ds_rl=1246978&ds_rl=1248099&gclid=Cj0KCQjwhr2FBhDbARIsACjwLo0Orvqc2CorahksN9FaPJHwQE4NStMJ2hKKOc2C7DCh98t7IZkIQ7EaAnWKEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Walmart also had some dressy shorts. I’ve never owned the correct kind of shorts that could be pulled off in a weird dress code like this. I wanted long shorts, just above the knee but not baggy like cargo shorts or anything like that. These are sleek, elastic waist, and closer to what I would wear to lunch at a country club … which is how my office is currently dressing. I got the plain colored ones. They only had the khaki green in person but I will probably order the navy.
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Time-and-Tru-Women-s-Millennium-Bermuda-Shorts/948924373
Last, I got these brushed t-shirts in professional colors – navy, burgundy (bought last year), black, green etc. They work great under blazers tucked in but are also longer to cover the butt when your blazer is off. Super versatile.
https://www.walmart.com/ip/No-Boundaries-Juniors-Short-Sleeve-Brushed-V-Neck-T-Shirt/736687586?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&wl13=2180&adid=22222222420449455996&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=501107745824&wl4=aud-1272570811843:pla-293946777986&wl5=9002293&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=8175035&wl11=local&wl12=736687586&wl13=2180&veh=sem_LIA&gclid=Cj0KCQjwhr2FBhDbARIsACjwLo135X5Qa7Kf0STPdC8TpI760yRJ_CaOtIIYKMAxo-uvKVgGc9CP1lwaAhEREALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
I also got a pair of elastic full length pants that are not the best quality but will help me while I’m transitioning sizes.
I’m hoping this helps others looking for some low cost transitional clothes! The elastic is an extra bonus for COVID weight shifts.
Thanks for the tips! It’s amusing to me to see “laced up from the waist up” philosophy creeping into in-person work :)
Love these! Please keep posting this type of win!
Thanks for the push I needed to finally buy those Target pants :)
I just ordered the Target pants!
Help, I’ve been very bad about my retainers. I had braces from ages 14-18, and wore my retainers at night until I was about 21, then stopped. I don’t really remember why I stopped wearing them, but I’m 28 now, so it’s been a while. I’m pretty sure I should be wearing them, but I know it will be SO PAINFUL to wear them after 7 years. Should I just suck it up? Should I look into invisalign or some other product?
Perhaps check in with your old (or a new) orthodontist to get advice. Perhaps you need a modified retainer to start off with.
I left my retainers on a tray in a restaurant by accident and never turned back. I have no pain or discomfort, and my dentist thinks my teeth are fine. Are you having any issues?
The image of you breaking free from your retainers like this is making me giggle so much.
I have a permanent retainer in the bottom but just wear a night guard on top because I also grind my teeth. Stopped my jaw pain and wear on my teeth, though obviously if you don’t need one, you shouldn’t get one!
I don’t know the answer but I also stopped wearing my retainer when the pandemic started and I’m scared as hell to start wearing it again. My orthodontist just said go for it and if it really doesn’t fit we’ll reassess. That was like 6 months ago though and I still haven’t tried wearing it again…
Not wearing for 9-18 months is much different than not wearing for 7 years. At time frame, I’d definitely just go for it, likely won’t be that uncomfortable!
Just try it. It will probably cause some mild pain initially (like when you got your braces tightened) but then be fine.
I stopped wearing mine years ago. My teeth aren’t perfectly straight, but they’re close enough.
if your teeth have moved and it is bothering you, visit an orthodontist. you cannot just put the retainers you had for 7 years back into your mouth, they probably won’t fit. suggestion though – visit two orthodontist. the first one i visited told me i needed invisalign. the second one, told me a retainer would work and i even brought my old ones with me and she made a few adjustments to the bottom one so i could still use that, but i need a new top one.
I would talk to your dentist to start – cramming in old retainers could do more harm than benefit. They can assess if your bite/alignment are still good, and you aren’t bothered by a visible change in your teeth, you can make a decision from there. If you’ve had minimal movement, you may not need to do anything.
I did similar and ended up having significant movement that was visually apparent but didn’t have a mechanical impact (my bit was still good but they didn’t look as straight). I ended up doing a mini course of Invisalign at your age, then getting a permanent retainer for my bottom teeth, and removable for the top. It’s now another 10 years later and I swapped my top retainer for a rigid night guard, but otherwise still wear it (well a new one, they get super gross after time).
I’m so perplexed by this question. You wore the retainer for 4 years after your braces. Isnt that enough? I dont know anyone who still wears their retainer.
The people probably just don’t talk about it. Usually, you have to wear retainers at night for life. I switched from the old metal one to an Invisalign style one and it stretched out and my teeth moved. My dentist tweaked it, I’m going to wear it for a couple of weeks straight and then get fitted for a new one in the new shape. I’ll actually replace that one annually.
For me at least, my teeth look great with nightly retainer wearing and quickly look crooked if I skip a couple of nights.
Really? I know a couple of people who wear them at night and I wish I had. I can tell my teeth have shifted a bit.
You’re supposed to wear them for life.
Not every orthodontist thinks that. Yours might have. Mine advised me to wear them nightly for two years.
I’m 10 years post braces at this point and still wear my retainers nightly. When I skip a couple of days, I start to get gaps that are obvious when I floss, and also gum bleeding issues. So I’m fairly diligent about wearing mine.
I still wear my now 20+ year old retainer once every few weeks. If I go any longer than that, my teeth definitely shift a bit and I can feel it when I pop it in.
I did not wear them for very long and now I need braces again (if I want straight teeth). Sigh.
Long shot, but here goes. I have seen a few posts online of teachers making dresses or shirts from drawings done by their students. My kid drew a picture that is really cool and intricate and I am wondering if there is some way I could have a dress or shirt made with a print “made” out of repeating versions of the picture? No idea if this possible but if you have any ideas I would appreciate them! (Posted on the moms site too.)
I think this might be what you’re after? https://www.spoonflower.com/spoonflower_fabrics
Thank you, this is perfect!
I haven’t worn either my wedding band or engagement rings since basically last March when we went WFH. I tried putting them on a couple of times in the last month now that I can go out and do things again and…they’re really tight. I actually can’t get the engagement ring on at all. I have gained some COVID pounds (~10lbs overall) – is that what happened or is there something about WFH all the time that makes my fingers swell up?
Trying to figure out if I get them resized or things will fix themselves once I start going back to the office.
If your rings would be comfortable once on, the old soap and water routine works to slide them past the plumper parts but… yes, fingers gain weight too.
WFH has made my fingers (and the rest of me) less puffy because I’m not traveling and eating salty restaurant food all the time.
Hmm…now I think of it, we have been getting way more than our normal amount of takeout the past few weeks (I love to cook, but somehow after a year of being home, I’m just burnt out). Maybe that’s doing something…
I have gained weight over the years, and am definitely no longer the same ring size as a result. I’m not sure if 10 lbs would be enough to make a ring not fit, but it could be if the ring was snug before. Made me realize that if I ever get married, I will not be getting an infinity ring because those can’t really be resized!
Another factor could just be time of day and/or what you ate or did recently. Fingers swell as the day goes on and after more salty foods, and also if it is hot out or you are hot from exercise or a lot of housework or other movement.
I really doubt 10 lbs is enough to change your ring size. I’m 5’2” and have lost 20 lbs since I got engaged, my ring size is the same. Water retention, vigorous exercise, and hot weather make my hands swell enough to make my ring uncomfortable, though. See also salty food and drinking alcohol. Maybe take a water pill and see if that helps?
I gained about the same and my rings are also getting tight. However, they’re always worse on hot days. And seeing as my office is always unnecessarily air conditioned compared to my house, I assume they’ll fit a little better once I’m in the freezer of an office all the time (seriously, control of the thermostat was one of the best WFH perks)
This. My office is usually freezing and my home is usually warm, despite AC.
I posted yesterday about my persistent dandruff and several of you helped me realize it’s not dandruff at all, it’s dry flaky scalp. I am researching what products to buy to address this but there are a LOT of options. Does anyone have a favorite that works really well for them? Thanks!
Tea tree oil. I first tried a product that I could apply directly on my scalp after washing but it was hard to apply just a little without my head turning into a ball of grease. I then found a shampoo containing tea tree oil, and it has been a game changer. It has completely resolved the dry flaky scalp I’ve had basically my whole life. The brand is Avalon Organics and I found it at the drug store or grocery store. I shampoo with my normal shampoo, rinse, and then put just a dab of this in my palm and massage it into my scalp rather than really trying to wash my hair with it (YMMV depending on hair length, maybe you can just replace your regular shampoo with this), leave it on for a minute or two while I wash something else and then rinse and condition after.
I really like Briogeo Scalp Revival shampoo. It is basically an exfoliant for your scalp and helps take all the dead scalp away. It’s expensive, but I use it about once a week and it makes a big difference for me.
I feel like I should revise my comment above, but I tried this too. It was nice, definitely removed some of the dead skin, and the conditioner felt great, but ultimately it was too expensive for me to buy routinely.
One thing I did at the outset of trying to solve this for the nth and final time was thoroughly exfoliate my scalp with a comb. It was super gross, but also necessary for getting off all the dead skin so that I could moisturize (e.g., use the tea tree oil effectively) what was under it. I took a very fine toothed comb and just scraped against my scalp to remove the dead flaky chunks. I went through each section of hair and scraped before I got in the shower to shampoo it away. Again, super gross, and it left my scalp feeling rather raw. I might have done it 2-3 times total over the course of a few weeks to really get everything off/as I started using tea tree oil to heal it. You may not need to do this if you don’t have scaly areas, but it might be worth testing in a few spots to see if you do have anything to remove.
I responded yesterday and told you I get little bottles of scalp oil in the black hair care aisle. They look like the one below – a little nozzle top and they fit in the palm of your hand. My drugstore has an assortment of the little bottles – tea tree, coconut, etc – and some say they’re for hair, and some say they’re for scalp and hair. Then I put it on by dividing my hair and applying it directly to my scalp. I let it sit for 20 minutes or so while I take a bubble bath or something, then wash my hair as usual. I haven’t had to do it in a while, but I think I end up using most of the little bottle when I do it.
The little bottles are only $2 or so, so you can give it a try and see if it works for you before pursuing more complicated or expensive techniques.
https://www.sallybeauty.com/hair-care/shop-by-product/hair-treatments/scalp-care-oil-with-peppermint/SBS-737060.html
I use Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Special shampoo. Just the shampoo, not the conditioner.
Has anyone bought dresses from Banana Republic Factory? I have avoided the regular BR for years because of poor quality and fit, but I keep seeing links for cute soft floral dresses at BR Factory that come in tall sizes (I am long-waisted). Is it worth trying or am I certain to end up with many unhappy returns?
I bought a bunch of dresses from Banana republic factory recently and have been very happy with them. I never shopped at normal BR much but these dresses work well.
I don’t wear tall sizes, but I bought two dresses from BR Factory recently and was mostly happy with them. One was a sweater dress that looked very substantial in the pictures and definitely is thin and lightweight, so watch out for that. But they’ve been great and one is even washable.
I hate factory with the passion of a thousand burning suns. Terrible quality, always a miss.
+1
I have one and it’s my go to for weddings. It’s hit or miss but there are definitely hits, especially if you’re okay with polyester.
I’ve been happier with the stuff I’ve bought from BR Factory vs. regular BR (except for sweaters – BR sweaters are still good) for the past few years.
Dresses can be a little hit or miss, for me they’ve been mostly hit. Some of my favorite dresses are from there and they’ve held up well, although I do wash them all on cold, gentle cycle, and hang to dry. Sizing seems pretty standard – if I’m a 6 in a BR dress, I’m a 6 in BR Factory.
And this is making me so sad for my cute dresses! I don’t know when my office will go back, and even when we do, a lot of people will still telework, so I probably will, too, so as not to be rattling around the building by myself. I miss regular clothing so much!!
I mean, if you go in thinking, “Hey, I’m spending $40 on an outlet dress,” yeah, they’re good. If it fits you, go for it! All of my baby lawyer suits came from there and held up well to the long early years.
I can’t imagine BR Factory would be anything but lower quality than regular BR.
It’s surprisingly… not a consistent gradient.
Right? Most of my shirts from BRF are pretty nice – polyester blends, but nice. I stopped buying shirts from regular BR after receiving a string of tops that were so thin I could literally read a newspaper through them.
I do think regular BR has better sweaters, but then they have wool or wool blends, and BRF tends to mostly have cotton or cotton blends.
I have a similar sounding one that was good for travel (throw in washing machine, ball up in suitcase, not precious) in the Before Times. I think the fabrics and the quality at BR factory are more suited for summer dresses like this than winter clothes or workwear.
BR Factory will be lower quality than BR. For this line, they particularly cut corners on patterns and tailoring – you’ll notice their stuff includes almost no tapers, darts, or other more precise construction. Instead, they rely on boxy cuts, self-adjusting (drawstring, elastic, wrap) or intentionally imprecise (drop or empire) waistlines, and forgiving fabrics. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – just use this knowledge to your advantage! An easy, slightly oversized t-shirt dress or tie-waist fit and flare dress is much more likely to be successful than their attempt at a fitted sheath dress or slim cut slip dress. If you’re looking for “cute soft floral dresses” and are ok with mostly polyester and other synthetic fabrics, I bet you’ll find some winners.
For those of you who are regularly in deal court or other more formal court settings, what kinds of earrings do you wear? Pearls aren’t my style. Because of the type of clients I represent I don’t want to look too flashy. For some reason Plain gold or silver small hoops look off to me with suits.
Small studs, personally.
Any type of small stud earring is my go to. I especially like gold or silver knot style ones.
+1 any earrings that are not huge or dangly or super eye-catching.
Gold or diamond studs.
Diamond studs, diamond huggies (well, actually fake diamond huggies from Amazon), or emerald studs a la RGB’s green earrings.
I think small studs with a small drop are fine too (like not super dangly, but maybe a diamond stud with another diamond below it)
I’ve been watching this great Australian murder show called Deep Water and the police detective wears these small flat silver studs that I really really like. She wears her hair in a ponytail most of the time so her ears are visible and it’s a feminine but non-girly kind of look. (The detective is played by Morello from OINTB so that’s a little jarring at first.)
Sounds like these but in silver: https://www.etsy.com/listing/190683473/gift-set-of-three-pairs-of-round-brass?ref=shop_home_active_260&pro=1&frs=1
Exactly! And thank you for the suggestion – that site is so huge that I often just give up, overwhelmed, before I buy anything.
Elsa Peretti teardrops in gold; small jeweled studs.
I am late to this, but have you seen the earrings the CDC director always wears for tv appearances (I’ve always seen her in the same pair). I think they are unique and look great.