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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Ooh: love this intriguing little jacket from Helmut Lang, on deep discount at The Outnet. I like the light-green leather details, as well as the light gray jacquard — the phrase “effortless chic” comes to mind, particularly when paired with neutrals, as here. It was $1,085, but is now marked to $379.75 at The Outnet. Helmut Lang Asymmetric leather-trimmed jacquard jacket Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Calibrachoa
Looks like someone upcycled an old armchair to me….. or possibly a couch.
Susedna
Too funny!
It looks like one of those ambiguous (is it a big stiff shirt? is it a jacket?) type things from Chico’s that I loathe so much, except without the crazy floral patterns.
Diana Barry
Yes! My MIL wears a ton of those.
Also in Academia
Too funny! My mother in law knows I like to/need to wear jackets to work and she is always trying to persuade me that giant print shirts are jackets.
Murfette
The angles remind me of the cover of Duran Duran’s Rio album — if only it were red.
KC
From the description/product view, I wouldn’t give this a second thought. But on the model it looks well made and drapes in a really flattering way. Very different, but I think I’m leaning towards liking this.
TO Lawyer
I like this too. I don’t know if I could pull it off but it looks like it would fit a “model off-duty” wardrobe really well.
I'm Just Me
I like it too. I think it looks sharp on the model.
Bonnie
I love this jacket. It’s unique and classy and looks great on the model.
Anonymous
I like it too – not my style, but it’s striking.
zora
I’ve always wanted an asymmetrical leather jacket, gah, this is reigniting my wanty feelings… well, someday
Aggie
I can’t put my finger on what is wrong with this jacket. Perhaps the styling? Or the Color? This reads very fashion school midterm project to me.
NOLA
The color is really blah. And, I guess, it’s just not all that interesting. It’s just sort of meh.
hellskitchen
I think it’s the wimpy little collar – the designer couldn’t make up her mind whether to have a collar or not so she added on these wing-like floppy things.
Susedna
I see this as the collar-equivalent of cap sleeves. #Wishy-washy designer problems.
Abby Lockhart
Actually, I don’t think they flap. I think they are sewn in, so there is not actually a collar at all, just a leather detail where there might have been a collar. I think I like that better than floppy, but I still don’t think I could pull this off at all.
straightening curly hair question
I have incredibly curly/frizzy hair. For going to clients’ offices, I typically straighten it and love the way it looks. I hate straightening my hair more than once a week b/c of heat damage. But, I feel disgusting when I don’t shower and wash my hair every day. I also live in a humid climate, so straightened (heat-damaged) hair + humidity + no showering isn’t very pleasant.
Any ideas for straightening curly hair without a flat iron? (Or, at a minimum, how I should approach straightening curly hair if I don’t want to feel disgusting w/o showering the next day)?
Monday
This was me until I finally decided to give up the never-ending fight and go curly. Your natural texture can also look neat and professional if you find the right routine. I know this isn’t what you asked for advice on, but if you’re open to it let us know!
Anonymous
As for the showering question, I assume you know you can shower and wash your body, but not your hair. Then dry shampoo should help with making your hair feel fresh. This works for me for 2-3 days and then it needs to be washed.
Otherwise, I would look into the Japanese / Brazillian treatments. Other than that, there is no way to get your curly hair straight without heat. Or keep it straight without wetting it.
You could possibly smooth it out to waves using some kind of rollers, but they’d be heat. FWIW, I’ve heat straightened my frizzy, wavy hair for two decades and its not damaged. I use good conditioner, use a heat protectant, and get regular trims and its healthy and shiny.
Mpls
I think hot rollers are not as damaging as a flat iron – it’s not a sustained heat, since the rollers are cooling off while on your head.
Is the curl something that can be tamed if you twisted wet hair up into a bun to let it dry? I have wavy hair, but the curl isn’t strong – if I twist it up in to a couple of buns while wet and let it dry that way, it dries smoother and with a bit of curl/body. But my hair is highly suggestible that way, and probably wouldn’t work if it were a more stubborn curl.
AIMS
2 things:
1. dry shampoo (my personal experience is that Klorane Oat Milk D.S. works the best, but to each their own)
2. a shower cap with one of those terry cloth linings — this makes a huge difference because the terry lining absorbs a lot of the moisture from the shower (or something).
I think you could use those two things to stretch a blow out for at least 3-4 days. Also, for whatever reason, if you stop washing your hair every day it will get used to it and it won’t need to be washed every day.
KLG
This. I have curly hair and only wash it every other day, but shower with a shower cap with terry lining when I don’t wash it so I can feel clean without dealing with wet, curly hair every day.
OP here
Thanks, ladies.
Monday, yes, I’d love to know your curly yet professional tricks. On days when I go curly, I end up in a ponytail. Only on days that I straighten do I put my hair down.
Anonymous – can you explain the dry shampoo thing? I’m hesitant about Japanese/Brazilian treatments b/c of the chemicals/bad reviews I’ve read.
Walnut
How often are you shampooing? My curly/course textured hair is only washed once per week. Any more than that and it frizzes to high heaven.
Aggie
I have had the Japanese treatment before, the damage was not worth the end result. I have had great success with a treatment by Kerastase which is more restorative.
a.k.
I wash my curly hair pretty much every day. I use no-sulfate, no-silicone products — that’s what I’ve found my hair responds best to. I use a regular conditioner as a leave-in and use a curl cream before drying with a diffuser. Also google “plopping” – that has made a big difference in my curls.
On days when I don’t shower, I mist my curls with water to re-activate them.
Monday
OK, so it took me a loooong time to perfect, but I did just complete my first entirely frizz-free summer with my naturally curly texture. I’m serious–not one day did I have frizz problems. I thought it could never be done!
1) Be obsessive about moisturizing your hair. This is the biggest thing for curls going frizzy. I can use any old sulfate-free shampoo, really, but I use gobs of moisturizing conditioner, leave it in for most of the time I’m in the shower, and rinse it out with cold water at the end (which isn’t as bad as it sounds–you can do your hair without standing in the cold spray). Then I use a leave-in conditioner + de-tangler once I get out of the shower. My other moisturizing weapon is coconut oil on my scalp and my ends pre-shower–I let it sit for as long as possible. The oiliness washes right out, but the moisture works amazingly.
2) Curl defining cream. I put it in when my hair is damp and let it air-dry in coils, as the instructions say. I try to sleep on it coiled, as it makes the curls much better lasting. Remember you need much more of it if you have long hair. I use Organix (drugstores, aqua bottle) but there are many good creams out there that leave no product-y feel after they’ve dried.
3) Wash your hair as infrequently as possible and use dry shampoo, as others have mentioned.
4) Use a wide-tooth comb and not a brush. I only comb my hair before and after washig it, as well–all other days, I just rake through it with my fingers to maintain the curls.
Since I stopped straightening and blow-drying, and started doing the above, my hair is stronger, can grow much longer, and is way softer than ever before. I’ve also come to embrace a sort of unconventional office look, though as I said it is never messy-looking or unprofessional (unless I’m going for that!) I may sound sort of evangelical about this, but truly it has saved me so much time, effort, money and frustration that I wish I did it years earlier. Good luck on your curly journey!
Samantha
I had a Japanese treatment years ago and loved it. My hair stayed straight and shiny for months and even when it grew out it didn’t get too frizzy for a while. If you’re regularly heat styling it, I’m not sure if the cumulative effect wouldn’t be as bad as a one-time Japanese style treatment (maybe pick a well-aired out salon and not so harmful product choice). I wouldn’t do it if pregnant, but you may want to try it just once (if you’re not planning to be pregnant, etc.) and see how you like it.
Monday
And FWIW, I got a Japanese treatment once and found it barely helped at all. I still had to do the same things to straighten, and it would still react to humidity. I’m sure hair type makes a difference here, but just letting you know that in my case I wish I had just saved my money.
Aggie
Straightening begins with a proper blowout and a conditioner for coarse/frizzy hair (I love Joico’s Smooth Cure line.) While I was on my post-bar 2 week transition period, I took four lessons in proper hair drying techniques from an apprentice hairstylist at my salon. It was by far the best $100 I have ever spent. Even though she was just two years out of school, she changed how I approach my naturally curly ringlet hair. Here are the highlights:
1. Towel dry your hair immediately out of the shower alternating with two towels.
2. Do not let your hair air dry for more than ten minutes post shower.
3. Section hair into four quadrants and work an anti humidity serum into each section, dry while constantly pulling your hair straight with a natural fiber brush.
4. Invest in a hairdryer with an AC motor, they often come with a two year warranty and do not heat up as hot as most mass market dryers.
I blow dry my hair as straight as possible on day one and flat iron it in the morning on day two. Day one is always a no-gym, no ponytail day. And in the evenings, I flip my hair over the bathtub and comb in cornstarch to absorb any excess oil.
roses
I have been washing and flat-ironing my curly frizzy hair at a minimum every other day since I was 14, and my stylists have always said they’re shocked that it’s hardly damaged at all. My tips:
1) Do not treat your hair chemically – no dyes or other straightening treatments.
2) Use sulfate-free hair products.
3) Use a heat protectant. What works best will depend on your hair type – morrocan oil works great for me, but it might not be as good for someone with oily hair. I have heard the Chi sprays are better for people with oily hair.
4) If you can, let your hair air dry. If you can’t, don’t blow dry it straight; the direct heat will damage it more. But make sure your hair is COMPLETELY dry before you flat iron.
5) Apply more protectant as you straighten if your hair feels “crispy.”
Silver
Agreed – air drying, sulfate-free shampoos, and no other chemicals is good. I also do not shampoo every day either. A deep moisturizing about once a week using olive or coconut oil is helpful (it takes two washes to get everything out). I also “cheat” when I flat iron my very curly hair — I do a “sloppy” job underneath and a better job around the crown/top part of the hair and then by the second day, it looks wavy but not frizzy or crunchy.
I think you do need to find ways to wear it curly as well. Goody spin pins are amazing to do a quick bun and other updos.
Associette
I have wavy/curly hair but round-brush blow it out. I highly, highly recommend Wen. I am practically a walking info-mercial for the stuff, but it makes my hair really silky and although I tend to wash my hair everyday, its no longer a necessity, more of a choice. I think it will help keep your hair from getting too dried out. Also you may feel better going an extra day without a shampoo.
Lady Harriet
I find that if I let my hair dry in a bun or braid, it takes much longer to dry, but comes out more wavy than curly. I also use no silicone or sulfate products in my hair, which helps cut down on frizz.
AIMS
I don’t know how I feel about this jacket. I don’t love it, but it doesn’t bother me either. Agree with the hint of Chico’s comparison though.
Wanted to make a recommendation. I actually bought a suit I love from BR this weekend! I’ve always found their suits to be a bit off somehow and have been disappointed by them in the past, but tried the lightweight navy one yesterday and it was great: well made, nicely tailored, no silly details, and the fabric was 95% wool/5% spandex, which is a nice change of pace (esp. as more expensive brands are moving away from wool). All in all, I was very impressed and judging from the reviews online others are as well. Just throwing it out there in case anyone is looking for a nice, classic suit. Oh, and it comes with both matching pants & skirt, and seems to also come in black. For sizing, I think go down a size, and (at 5’4) I ended up getting the blazer in petite and the sleeves are still half an inch too long.
Flying Squirrel
Ugh! (Not at you AIMS, glad you found a suit that works.) But I’m going to revisit my rant about how so-called petite clothing isn’t really designed for petite women. At 5’4″ you’re right at the border of petite (some stores define it as 5’3″). But if a “petite” jacket is too long for a barely petite woman, what the heck are us super-shorties (<5'1") to do?!
BR and J.Crew are among the worst offenders…but every season it seems to get harder and harder for me to find clothing that can even be tailored to fit!!
AIMS
Oh, I completely agreee. I had a similar rant when I got home, tried on the suit, and Mr. AIMS goes, “it’s nice but the sleeves are way too long.” At least the jacket was, overall, cut a bit smaller than the regular size — I hate when all they do is make the sleeves a bit shorter but then leave all the other proportions the same. It’s very frustrating, and even more so if you’re actually really petite. I hear ya.
Aon
Contrarily, I hate it when I can’t find ANYTHING that fits because I’m 5’1″, but somehow my size 10 is supposed to be tinier than if I were a couple inches taller. My shoulders aren’t narrow, I wear a 34DD bra, and my hips are exactly the size you’d expect a size ten to be. I can understand sizing down a size 2 or 4, but seriously, I wear a TEN, why do I need to choose between buying a 12/14 or having to cut 4 inches off all the sleeves and legs? It’s ridiculous.
I don’t know what “really petite” is supposed to mean. If you’re a small size, you’re a small size, but just because you’re short doesn’t automatically make you skinny, that’s why they have double digit petite sizes in the first place.
Ashley
This jacket just doesn’t look like something you would wear to work unless you are in a creative field. Otherwise, it looks like something you would wear in the evening. Add to that the cut looks like it would add a lot of volume – so unless you are tall and thin – you will probably look swallowed up by it.
Baconpancakes
This jacket just doesn’t look like something you would wear to work unless you are in a creative field. Otherwise, it looks like something you would wear in the evening. Add to that the cut looks like it would add a lot of volume – so unless you are tall and thin – you will probably look swallowed up by it.
L
If you live in DC, DC employees have already been declared essential so trash collection etc will remain normal.
If I had to bet, we’re going to see a shutdown. Not too excited about it since DH is a contractor and definitely not essential, so we get to lose half income for the foreseeable future. I think it will be even longer if they pass a separate CR to fund the military because everyone just thinks the government and their employees don’t do anything. Clearly I’m bitter.
roses
Well, only the mayor declared DC employees to be “essential” – that doesn’t mean the OMB will go along with it. But even if the feds tell DC otherwise, there’s not much they can do about it if the DC gov goes ahead and provides services anyway. So yes, I agree that we will probably keep our trash collection, circulator bus service, etc.
Bonnie
Having to work without pay is not doing great things for our office morale.
Anonymous
Same thing over here, although most of my office is nonessential, so we’re not guaranteed anything. And I just learned this morning that I’m no longer guaranteed conversion at the end of my fellowship. I feel like the whole government is just giving me the finger.
KLG
I’m betting on a shutdown. How long it lasts is anyone’s guess but I am planning on being sent home after I wind things up tomorrow morning. My office is largely non-exempt.
I'm Just Me
Ditto here.
Brooklyn Paralegal
I can’t help but get angry over this entire situation. Every article I read about this just infuriates me. Cruz and Lee are really pissing me off because the language about Obamacare in the CR won’t actually defund it, and that’s what’s driving me insane about this. Shutting down the government in order to achieve something that won’t actually achieve anything? I know I’m being reductive, but sometimes I feel like I’m watching a bunch of petulant children running our government.
Hel-lo
+1. They’ve already voted to defund Obamacare over 40 times in the U.S. House. It hasn’t worked any of those times.
Flying Squirrel
Does anyone know how the shutdown will affect TSA and airport operations? (For a variety of reasons, I really should know this but I don’t.) I’m flying out on a business trip tomorrow AM.
PolyD
Well, seeing as Congress people fly often, I doubt you will see much of an impact. They did unsequester the FDA after learning that furloughing FDA employees might make flying a bit more inconvenient.
Yeah, I’m a little bitter. Agree with all the comments about Congressional shenanigans and finding it hard to concentrate today, not knowing if I will be in tomorrow or at all for the foreseeable future. On the one hand, it won’t ruin me financially if the shutdown doesn’t last too long, but on the other, I don’t like using my savings to fund Congress’s antics.
PolyD
Gah. FAA FAA. Not FDA.
I'm Just Me
The FAA will not shut down.
Nonny
OK, I’m probably going to get a lot of flack for saying this, especially as a non-American (what do I know, really?), but here goes:
The way I see it, the most powerful economy in the world can’t get its b*tt in gear to pass its own budget. Seriously, what does that say about the US government? I don’t know all the political reasons (beyond a vague concept of the Republicans vs. the Democrats and all the budgeting back-and-forth that entails), but isn’t is kind of embarrassing that the US government can’t get its act together to do this relatively basic thing? Why should it come down to this sort of urgency and frustration – not only within government itself, but for the millions of people who rely on the government for jobs and even a stable economy in which to do business? I know that lots of governments around the world have problems (including my own country), but for such a powerful nation, isn’t this just poor form?
Anonymous
Umm yeah. it is obviously. No one in America is like yay! shutdown! awesome. Obviously its poor form, and kind of embarassing.
L
Um, actually some are. Just turn on the news. They think it’s great to “stand up” to big government.
Gail the Goldfish
Yes. Passing a budget is like the one job Congress really needs to do, and half the time they can’t manage that.
Adding to the “fun,” there’s also going to be a fight over the debt ceiling again in a couple of weeks.
L
And this is why I’ve pretty much written off October as a no paycheck month for DH. I mean if they can’t even agree to a CR, plus what they did last time with the debt ceiling, I’m basically banking on worst case scenario.
Baconpancakes
Many Americans agree with you, including this one. I feel like Congress is holding the country hostage in order to get what they want, quite similar to the way terrorists and small children throwing temper tantrums do.
Nonny
But the thing I don’t understand is, how can either party think it is OK to hold the country hostage like this? I would have thought there is onus on *both* parties to come to the centre and just get it done. Why aren’t they?
Susedna
Because all it takes is 1 party to not want to come to the center.
If you and I were negotiating and we need both your vote and my vote to pass the budget, I could be a jerk and say, “Nonny, I’d like to take over your house, all your property, and spit on your mom and you have to let me, or I won’t pass the budget,” you’re probably going to say no.
Then, I get to accuse you of being unwilling to compromise, when what I’ve asked for is patently unreasonable. Any party can do this to the other. It’s just that in past decades, the “asks” have been more reasonable.
Nonny
But seriously, do they just not care about the millions of people they are affecting?
I know politics is not touchy-feely at the the best of times and that the issues are quite complex. I get the impression that Congress is just a big nasty dog-eat-dog mosh pit. But at some point you would think they would start to consider the guy in Portland who is not going to be able to feed his kids because of their posturing. It just makes both parties look bad to do this. If I were American it would be enough to put me off voting for anyone.
Susedna
@ Nonny 2:19
Sadly, I really do think that politicians from both parties do not care about the average person on the ground.
The job has transitioned a lot (for the worse). The idea that it i
s to serve the public seems quite dead now. I really think that most politicians go into it because they are egomaniacs who like the opportunities toi bloviate, plus knowing that they’ll have lobbying and consulting gigs up the wazoo later on and will make millions. Understandably, this draws a certain type of personality.
And when a critical mass of any group is comprised of a [certain type], that becomes the dominant mindset and will infect many others who don’t necessarily start out that way.
Abby Lockhart
@Nonny,
The recent behaviour of our Congress suggests they care the least about the guy in Portland who can’t feed his kids.
chilledcoyote
What happened was that many conservatives got mad when the president was elected and decided to fire all the long-term congresspeople and elect in a whole set of Tea Partiers. These inexperienced new congresspeople don’t know how to act in Congress, apparently, because they think it’s okay to just say that you will refuse to let the executive branch pass ANYthing, and they think it’s okay to try to defund things like health care by holding the budget hostage. The House is run by Tea Party extremists right now, which is why everything is running amok.
Flying Squirrel
Well, to be fair, only a party with a majority in one of the houses of Coungress can do this. In this case it’s Republicans in the House. In theory, if the minority is large enough in the Senate they can also filibuster an appropriations bill, but that actually doesn’t happen often.
Bonnie
It also bothers me that they’re dragging down D.C. too. I love what the Mayor recently said: “It is ridiculous that a city of 632,000 people – a city where we have balanced our budget for 18 consecutive years and have a rainy-day fund of well over a billion dollars – cannot spend its residents’ own local tax dollars to provide them the services they’ve paid for without Congressional approval. Congress can’t even get its own fiscal house in order; they should be taking lessons from us rather than imposing needless suffering on us. I will not allow the safety and wellbeing of District residents to be compromised by Congress’s dysfunction.”
Baconpancakes
Most of the country seems to believe that the entire DC population is made up of politicians, conveniently forgetting the other 610,000 of us working in private industry, the service industry, public works, and completely non-political government jobs (park service and IRS, for example).
DC yogi
Totally agree with this. I’m for statehood ALL the way.
Brooklyn Paralegal
It’s totally irresponsible. I agree with you in many ways. My frustration isn’t even necessarily with the Democrats or Republicans, because there are actually a number of senators and reps on both sides that are basically like, “This is insane!” And Reid has been pretty clear that any attempt to “defund” Obamacare on the CR (which is just the budget, it’s not like it’s some craaaaazy legislation) isn’t going to fly. In a way, I’m with him on that. If the GOP wants to repeal Obamacare, this is not the way to do it.
I think the fact that Cruz has managed to alienate so many people within his own party is very telling.
But I do agree that it’s ridiculous that Congress manages to f*ck up one of its few constitutionally mandated tasks.
Susedna
When I was a lot younger, I was convinced that the “party machine” was evil through and through. (Tammany Hall, the Chicago Daleys, plus many other examples.)
Having gotten a bit older and maybe a slight bit wiser, I do have a tiny bit of sympathy for John Boehner — specifically for the situation he’s in — he can’t control some of the juniormost members of his party.
L
Now I’m as liberal as they come, but honestly no matter what the issue, the fact that a party has decided to take this tactic is disgusting. If the Dems were doing it over the Voting Rights Act, I’d be just as pissed. You do not get to pick your pet peeve and stomp like a 4 year old who doesn’t get candy. You are an adult, one of reasonable intelligence (presumably) and someone who is supposed to have the best interest of the country at heart. No matter how horrible one person thinks ‘obamacare’ is, it’s better than basically pushing our economy over a cliff. If you want to be an ideologue go teach political science. If you want to work for this country get sh*t done.
sorry for the rant.
Silvercurls
I totally agree with L and everyone else who has expressed disgust and exasperation with the House Republicans for deciding to bounce the Continuing Resolution back to the Senate, along with an amendment that they know the Senate won’t accept (to delay the Affordable Health CAre Act for 1 year). This is no way to respond to legislation that has not only passed but has also been affirmed by the nation’s Supreme Court! But no, the Tea Party/Taliban House GOP reps don’t stop there: they then proceed to sanctimoniously denounce the Senate Democrats for being unwilling to negotiate.
Nonny, I agree this doesn’t make any sense! I don’t know how to explain this except to say
1) some so-called public servants are just plain unable to accept that Obama won the last two elections
2) the people who vote these so-called leaders into office are hellbent on seeing only what they want to see and hearing what they want to hear.
It’s absolutely infuriating to watch a bunch of hateful misanthropes do their best to trash our country.
mintberrycrunch
preach.
Anonymous
“Tea Party/Taliban”–seriously? Likening Obama to Hitler is obviously absurd, and so is this.
And while we can certainly say the House members are failing to serve their constituents, it is completely irrelevant that Obama was elected to a different branch of government in two elections. These reps, wisely or not, were elected by their district to represent those people. If they were just supposed to say “well shoot, Obama is president, why bother” then we wouldn’t have our system of government. You might try watching School House Rock.
Silvercurls
It’s not irrelevant that Obama was elected twice. The plain truth is that some of the far right Republicans simply cannot stomach either Obama’s being elected the in 2008 or reelected in 2012. That underlying simmering resentment has propelled them to vote 40+ times to rescind the Affordable Health Care Act. By voting for a Continuing Resolution that includes more sniping at AHCA–and which they know will be not be accepted by the Senate, so that the government will be forced to shut down–they may be serving their short-sighted, non-historically-aware constituents, but they are screwing over a lot of other honest, hardworking, and not independently wealthy public servants. They may have been elected to represent the folks in their locality but once in Washington they also have an obligation to cooperate and, yes, compromise, with other representatives in order to govern the country.
Don’t want to govern? Simple! Don’t run for Congress and get elected. But don’t try to get elected as a stealth agent intent on dismantling the entire structure.
hellskitchen
New baby gifts recommendations needed – I am looking for gifts for a baby girl with a budget of $75-100. Mom doesn’t really like pink or dolls or some of the traditional stuff associated with girls so I am looking for something unique. I could do one big gift or a bunch of smaller things. Any suggestions? Thank you so much!
roses
Big legos! They’re one of those toys that can be entertaining and age-appropriate for a number of years -really little ones will enjoy banging them together or just putting two blocks together, and then in the 2 -3 yr range they can start figuring out how to actually stack the legos and build, sans choking hazard.
Diana Barry
Do they have a registry?
My go-to gift for new babies is a sleep sack and PJs from Hanna Andersson. People don’t usually give sleep sacks but you use them EVERY DAY and we found them essential. The recipients seem to like them too. :)
CKB
If it’s a new mom, I’d suggest a selection of toys – especially easy to hold and good to chew on toys, and board books. With my first baby, once he was about 3 or 4 months old, we realized we had hardly any toys that he could play with. Not sure if everyone has that experience, but we sure did!
NewMama
musical jewelry box, personalized step stool (with baby’s name as puzzle pieces), keepsake first dish set (spode makes a peter rabbit one).
hellskitchen
Do you know where I can find the personalized step stool??
NewMama
Damhorst Toys & Puzzles. I’ve been both the recipient and a purchaser. Good quality and prompt service.
Lila Fowler
this is always what I give, from Damhorst. They are great gifts.
hellskitchen
Thank you!
WestCoast Lawyer
If you go with a step stool, can I suggest the 2-step version which has a much more substantial base? My daughter had the kind with 4 peg legs and was forever tipping it over/falling off because she would stand too close to one edge.
hellskitchen
Good suggestion, I’ll keep that in mind
mascot
Gifts that we are still using with a toddler. We got a plate,cup,bowl enamel set from MacKenzie Childs that we still use years later. If you are going the dishes route, something that is dishwasher approved is a bonus. We also still use the Aden and Anais blankets (the boutique line is softer than the target line). Red Envelope makes a cute personalized dog nap mat.
hellskitchen
Thank you all for these great ideas. I should have clarified that this is not for a new mama, they have enough stuff from previous kids and haven’t created a registry. That’s why I like the idea of giving something that’s a keepsake or personalized. I also like the idea of a bunch of toys – my LO is 3 months and I can’t figure out what toys to get for him!
While I am at it, I have another request for recommendations – a different friend just became a new mom and I’d like to send her something too. But she lives in Paris and I don’t know of any local gift/shopping sites – any suggestions from Europe-based readers?
Amberwitch
I’ve gotten Lamaze toys from amazon.co.uk when I’ve shopped for baby gifts.
amazon.fr has about the same selection, and it seems they have free shipping with a minimum purchase as well.
There is also http://www.petit-bateau.fr/. Lovely products, but I have no experience with the webshop.
Fiona
I have a ten week old, and the gifts I’ve used the most are:
– Baby carriers (we have the Beco)
– Aden & Anais swaddle blankets
– Burp cloths from Dwell Studio
– Playmats / play blankets
None of these things are terribly unique, but we have used them every single day. And for a very new parent, definitely bring/send food! It will be so appreciated.
Lobbyist
I dont work for these people or anything but they are the cutest darn baby socks I have ever seen. It’s my go to gift
http://www.trumpette.com/socks/socks-girl.html
Anon
You can’t go wrong with books, especially if this is not the first baby, and they already have the basics.
hmmm.
I think the jacket looks pretty cool, but I’m not sure in which season I would wear it.
Friends, I am feeling unsettled. My partner started a new job in June, and it’s become pretty clear that the job is killing him—it’s averaging 70 hrs/wk, with lots of stress and a boss whom he has likened to a dementor. We had thought this would be a really good opportunity for him, as it does represent a significant step up from his last position, but he’s just not thriving or enjoying the challenge. I had been under the mistaken impression that the current crazy hours were going to subside as things get more settled, but it turns out that the hours are probably actually going to get worse. (His boss thinks fifteen-hour days are perfectly reasonable.) To top things off, this a hospitality-industry position, so the pay is . . . definitely not worth it.
I think life is too short for him to be this miserable, so I want to make sure he knows that I would support his making a change. That said, we’re both pretty risk-averse by nature, so the idea of quitting without something else lined up does make us nervous. (But the idea of him working himself to a heart attack is obviously scarier.) Can somebody tell me reassuring stories about having quit something terrible only to find a much better opportunity down the road? Bonus points for breaking into a new industry along the way.
TBK
I wouldn’t quit without something else lined up. Not in this economy. Plus quitting without another job, when he was only in that one for four months, would not look good at all to employers. However, if it’s that bad and he/you (not sure if you guys live together or not) can swing up to a year without his paycheck, then maybe he could take the chance. But I’d definitely count on it being a lengthy search under those conditions. If you can swing the year or so without a paycheck, he could use that time to intern or volunteer or do something to transition his skills to a new field. That would likely address the issue of being in a job for only four months: “I thought I wanted to do [X], but after being in that field for four months, I realized it really wasn’t for me. In the last six/eight/ten months I’ve been doing [volunteer/blogging/interning] in [Y] field and realized this is really where I want to be.”
hmmm.
These are all my anxieties, too. We do live together, and he does have some pretty significant savings, so we could manage without his paycheck for a while. I hate the idea of digging into the savings, but as my mother likes to remind me, that’s sort of what the money is there for.
Another problem is that his schedule right now is effectively preventing him from getting anything else done, so I don’t know how he’d do a real job search without first leaving his current position. I know that some people are fine working that kind of schedule–and I confess that I’ve been fine with a similar workload in the past (albeit for a shorter period of time)–but it’s just not working for him. I’m not sure at what point it’s appropriate to switch from encouraging him to stick it out and see it through to encouraging him to cut his losses and move on.
JJ
My husband recently left a job with similar demands (he went to the consulting equivalent of in-house). When he was working like crazy and miserable, I would step up more at home re chores and just let him know that he didn’t need to be in this job for me and that I would support him if/when he wanted to leave. Whenever he had to work late at night or on weekends I wouldn’t complain about it because I knew that he didn’t have much of a choice. He would work until 1 or 2 am most nights after dinner and so the only time we had together was the weekend. Ultimately though, I realized that DH was a grown man and he would decide when he had enough and to leave. I couldn’t make that choice for him.
Susedna
This x 1000.
hmmm.
Well said–I agree that it has to be his choice.
I’m jealous of your weekends together, JJ–my guy’s days off are during my work week, so right now we only get Thursday evenings together. I like the idea of telling him that he doesn’t need to be in the job for me, and I may try that.
I hope that the new job is more fulfilling for your husband.
Walnut
Until your s/o makes the stay or leave decision, can you use some vacation to be home on one of his days off? Or even just a half day to get breakfast and enjoy some down time at home together? You’d be amazed at how much of a difference doing that just once or twice a month will make.
JJ
Thanks! It is so much better. Instead of working 80+ hours a week, he’s down to 40 or 50 and is only traveling once a quarter or so instead of multiple times per month. The last straw was our second son being born and DH realizing that my career (Big Law atty) would take a hit because I would have to take on the bulk of child care and because he missed being home with his family every night. I have a pretty awesome husband.
Funny enough, Thursday nights have always been “our” nights during the week and we would always make a point to have dinner and a bottle of wine together once our son went to bed. My husband may have worked after dinner until late, but we knew wed have at least a few hours together. It’s been that way since college (and pre-kids) and having that tradition has helped keep us grounded in our relationship during the most stressful times. I hope things calm down for you and your guy’s schedules eventually. It gets better!
Advice Needed!
Hi All, bit of a threadjack here but need to get it out!
Long time lurker here needing some advice. To cut a long story short, I am currently in a new relationship with a guy I have known for a while (and adored for as long I have known him.) I think because we had a bit of a rocky start, I am pretty insecure for what should be the honeymoon stage of our relationship.
Basically we went out with some mutual friends on Saturday night, and I had too much to drink, ended up crying and making a complete fool out of myself. He was – understandably – annoyed and disappointed that one of our first nights out “together” with these friends ended up a disaster and that I embarrassed the both of us. I have of course apologized to him, and all our friends, and feel humiliated about the whole thing. I spent the day with him yesterday and things were fine, but I can’t escape this feeling in my stomach today that I’ve managed to ruin the one thing that I’ve wanted for so long.
As an aside – my current contraceptive pill is making me very emotional and anxious and I have made an appointment to change this on Thursday – so I am hoping this will help.
What shall I do? Other than crawl into a dark hole and never come out again.
Pretzel_Logic
How did you getting drunk and crying embarrass him? What?
Don’t crawl into a dark hole. We all make mistakes. Avoid overthinking the situation, but sometimes that deep insecurity you’re talking about is there for a reason. In my experience it’s always been an indicator that the dude was not good for me, but YMMV and I think I’m a little less forgiving than I should be in this arena.
Basically: go talk to him. Explain what you’re feeling to him and if he’s a doosh about it, reevaluate.
LizNYC
Does he know you’re on medication that’s making you feel a bit more emotional and anxious than normal? Not knowing the details about your Saturday, I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself. I know when I’m in that time of the month, I will fly off the handle / cry hysterically at commercials / be a zombie for like three days (during which my husband hides) until my hormones even out. I’m not saying you have to go into details, but maybe just saying, “hey, sorry Saturday was so unlike me. I’m on a med that’s been playing havoc with my emotions, so sometimes what wouldn’t normally rattle me makes me weepier than the Lifetime channel” or whatever. If he’s a decent fellow, he’ll understand.
Susedna
Hey there, don’t beat yourself up too much. We’ve all said and done things we’ve regretted and on the continuum of such things, you probably didn’t do anything too terrible.
1) First of all, props for being pro-active and changing out your pill so it’s not adding to the problem. Also, good on you for owning up to it, and making your apologies. Now, unless you do this every time, the onus is on your bf and friends to not hold this incident over your head. Everybody makes mistakes — it’s ungenerous to constantly rub someone’s nose in a (temporary, non-repeated) mistake.
2)Second — what exactly did you say? Why exactly were you crying?
Were your friends teasing you? Did you react badly to that? Or did he say something to set you off?
3)Have you done the above before? As in, react very emotionally, and maybe above and beyond the situation requires? If so, I’d try drinking less — IME, drinking tends to intensify whatever emotion one is currently feeling. So if you know you’re insecure, and might get touchy and overreact or get hurt about snarky playful comments from friends, then don’t drink so much as that’ll only exacerbate and magnify those feelings.
I’m not saying you should never drink, but in situations where you feel like there’s a lot at stake, maybe to cut back so you have a better shot at keeping your cool.
4)Why are you insecure? Has this guy been hovering in your periphery, makingyou chase him? Has he been playing hard-to-get games?
Or is the insecurity more based in yourself– that you somehow think (erroneously!) that you aren’t good enough for him and that he’ll leave you? If it’s this latter thing, I’d recommend taking some time to work on yourself. A romance with a guy may last months, years, but you’ll always be with yourself.
If you love yourself, and really …inhabit your own skin and are comfortable with yourself, that makes life a lot easier. It means your moods are not dependent on whether others give you social approval or not. Oscar Wilde was really right when he said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Good luck and hang in there!
TO Lawyer
First of all, breathe. You are human and for better or worse, things like this happen occasionally.
Second, there is a good chance that your BCP was the trigger here. When I was on my last BCP, it made me absolutely crazy. I was in a relatively new relationship at the time and I was convinced he was going to end things because I was acting like a complete nut. I had no control over my emotions and it was really frustrating. So I agree with LizNYC’s advice to tell him about your meds.
Third, I understand you feel embarrassed about what happened but sometimes that insecurity is a huge signal. Don’t over analyze, but just see if you start to feel more comfortable in the future. If not, you may want to consider whether this is the right guy. I’ve been insecure in relationships before because I thought I wasn’t good enough for the guy and it usually backfires in some way.
Lastly, if he reacts badly and you have “ruined the thing you wanted for so long”, it really wasn’t the thing you wanted for so long. In the grand scheme of things, this is minor and if it scares him off, he’s not worth it.
Woods-comma-Elle
This last point is exactly it – if he drops you on the back of this, then he wasn’t the dude for you. I know so very well how awful I used to be on my old BCP and it totally destroyed a relationship at the time, but I had no idea that was causing it, so if this is what you think is doing it, please do tell him!
Susedna
Hey there, don’t beat yourself up too much. We’ve all said and done things we’ve regr3tt3d and on the continuum of such things, you probably didn’t do anything too terrible.
1) First of all, props for being pro-active and changing out your pill so it’s not adding to the problem. Also, good on you for owning up to it, and making your apologies. Now, unless you do this every time, the onus is on your bf and friends to not hold this incident over your head. Everybody makes mistakes — it’s ungenerous to constantly rub someone’s nose in a (temporary, non-repeated) mistake.
2)Second — what exactly did you say? Why exactly were you crying?
Were your friends teasing you? Did you react badly to that? Or did he say something to set you off?
3)Have you done the above before? As in, react very emotionally, and maybe above and beyond the situation requires? If so, I’d try drinking less — IME, drinking tends to intensify whatever emotion one is currently feeling. So if you know you’re insecure, and might get touchy and overreact or get hurt about snarky playful comments from friends, then don’t drink so much as that’ll only exacerbate and magnify those feelings.
I’m not saying you should never drink, but in situations where you feel like there’s a lot at stake, maybe to cut back so you have a better shot at keeping your cool.
4)Why are you insecure? Has this guy been hovering in your periphery, makingyou chase him? Has he been playing hard-to-get games? If so, then you may need to evaluate him very carefully – as Pretzel Logic suggests in an earlier reply.
Or is the insecurity more based in yourself– that you somehow think (erroneously!) that you aren’t good enough for him and that he’ll leave you? If it’s this latter thing, I’d recommend taking some time to work on yourself. A romance with a guy may last months, years, but you’ll always be with yourself.
If you love yourself, and really …inhabit your own skin and are comfortable with yourself, that makes life a lot easier. It means your moods are not dependent on whether others give you social approval or not. Oscar Wilde was really right when he said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Good luck and hang in there!
Anonymous
It sounds like you are putting way too much pressure on yourself for this relationship to be perfect and everything you’ve been waiting for. You just started dating, I would approach this as something new and try to stem the pressure on yourself.
Advice OP
Thank you all so much. I definitely need to relax and stop putting so much pressure on it I think. Before we got together, and still to a certain extent now, he’s very cynical of relationships (partly due to having parents with multiple divorces) and I’ve put myself under pressure to be the ‘perfect girlfriend’ so he realises it’s a risk worth taking. I think I need to relax and just be myself, and learn whether he is the right one for the real me. I definitely think I need to give him the heads up on the BCP issue – thanks LizNYC , Woods-comma-Elle and TO Lawyer, as it’s definitely out of character for me, the smallest, most pathetic things were making me cry (misplacing my phone for example!). Thank you all for replying to me, and you all have been so helpful – love this place! x
preg 3L
If you’re not able to switch to a new pill right away, I would try to start taking your pill at night instead of in the morning (if, by chance, you currently take it in the morning). When I was on BCP, I found that taking the pill at 11pm or so would allow most of the crazy to wear off while I was sleeping. Good luck!
Austin
I don’t know if this helps, but my SO and I went out with his friend and his friend’s girlfriend this weekend and the girlfriend got upset, cried, and then disappeared at a concert for about an hour. When she apologized to me the next day, I told her it was nothing, it didn’t ruin my evening, and asked if she remembered the time I had a meltdown on new years eve. And I meant all those things.
We’ve all been there, and most of us understand. Try not to worry about it too much, and enjoy your honeymoon period!
Senior Attorney
Oh, man. Please don’t try to be perfect. It’s not possible and even if you were successful in making him think you were perfect, it’s not sustainable. You deserve somebody who loves you foibles and all!!
Susedna
Cosigned.
Also, when I hear about any guy who’s “cynical about relationships” because of his’ parents’ relationship(s), I tend to see that as a smokescreen.
Plenty of people come from far worse (think: emotionally and sometimes physically abusive families) and still manage to have healthy, lasting relationships. It’s on him to get his relationship sh#t together — not his parents, and not you.
Very often, a guy will use that (“broken home blah blah”) as an excuse to be a serial auditioner, making his girlfriends “try-out” in order to be “good enough” for him. Sometimes, it’s used to justify crappy cad behavior because at surface glance, it engenders pity – “oh, he’s a poor wounded puppy”, etc. etc. when he’s pulling the strings and deciding the pacing for his own convenience.
Your guy may not be doing this kind of puppetmastery-game, but at the very least, he needs to sort out his issues — it’s not your responsibility to fix them.
Hel-lo
+1. If you getting drunk embarrassed him, then he’s not your dream guy after all.
If you getting drunk frequently embarrasses you, then you probably need to address how much you are drinking.
Pretzel_Logic
I’ve had the same experience as Susedna on this. Proceed with caution.
Anonymous
I think that is a very dangerous emotional place- to be forced to “try out” to fill the roll of the girlfriend. And now it sounds like he is lording it over you- You embarassed him?? how?
LizNYC
If he’s the right guy for you, he’ll like being around you because you’re not perfect. And may even enjoy some of the imperfections that drive you crazy about yourself.
And if you think he’s expecting perfection from you, feel free to see if he’s being a perfect bf. (probably not…)
/debbie downer/ Enjoy your new relationship — it’s supposed to be fun (and terrifying at the same time)!
Calico
I have been there! Wine + insecurity = tears with me and my ex boyfriend. I ended up crying outside a party his friend’s were hosting. To this day I can’t drink wine if there’s any lingering emotion I’m feeling that I haven’t dealt with. In my case I had put him and his friends on a pedestal and I was feeling overwhelmed. My ex handled the situation horribly and in the long run, it was the first red flag that he wasn’t able to handle ANY type of emotion from me. Hopefully this won’t be your situation. I’d say that if you and the bf can talk about this, and hopefully laugh about this, then you know you can really build something with him. But stop beating yourself up, everyone has tough days and handle stress/medication/one too many differently.
Purse opinions
I’m looking to get a new purse – a “handbag” size one and not a tote. I really like the ethos of the JW Hulme brand, but am not sure if it looks too casual. I want something I can carry with a business casual outfit or a non-black tie date outfit. I’m considering one of the two purses below:
Purse opinions
Hmm…not sure if this is posting or in moderation…
http://www.jwhulmeco.com/product-p/96714.htm
http://www.jwhulmeco.com/product-p/97677.htm
Purse opinions
Okay, so the links are sadly in moderation. If anyone is bored and wants to browse some handbags, I’m looking at either the “Del mar Large crossbody” bag or the “Large Sutton Clutch”
Baconpancakes
I like the Sutton one, but it depends on what you’re looking for. The Sutton is more sleek and would elevate more casual outfits, the Del Mar more casual looking. It’s really cute and outdoorsy, but might look out of place with anything other than jeans and casual weekend dresses.
lucy stone
I like them both, but prefer the Sutton. The Del Mar is too equestrian for my personal taste. Let us know if you do order – I’ve been eyeing up their stuff for a while.
Monday morning rant
If it is not due this week then it is not an emergency and the email should not get a “!”
Signed,
My Monday morning inbox wih 12 “emergency” emails for things not due until 2014
CA lawyer
Agree!
Woods-comma-Elle
I have a client who sends all of his e-mails as high importance. Without fail, the exclamation mark makes an appearance.
“Dear Woods Comma Elle – thanks for this, kind regards” is marked as high importance.
Like the boy who cried wolf, the boy who cried high importance will go to the bottom of the response pile.
Hel-lo
His Outlook may be set to do this automatically. Is he a very tech-literate guy? Perhaps a stop by his desk and a kind word would fix this.
He likely has messages he prefers to actually be high-priority, but doesn’t realize he’s “crying wolf.”
Matilda
Agreed. I once had a client who would mark everything as high-importance — and then type it in all-caps. I finally called her and asked her why she insisted on yelling at me every time she emailed me. It didn’t actually make her stop, because IMPORTANT.
January
Gahh, vacation hangover. Today is going to be rough. But, so great to meet k-padi and zora and an unnamed lurker this weekend!!
k-padi
Yay! I had so much fun! Thanks for visiting our little corner of the world!
Diana Barry
Harrumph. I have noticed that whenever I start updating things in my wardrobe, then I want to shop ALL THE TIME and buy ALL THE THINGS. Rawr!
And another PSA, J Crew’s vanity sizing is out of control these days. I am still the same size in jackets (8) but now I need a S in sweaters? Gah.
anonypotamus
Harrumph. I have noticed that whenever I start updating things in my wardrobe, then I want to shop ALL THE TIME and buy ALL THE THINGS. Rawr!
And another PSA, J Crew’s vanity sizing is out of control these days. I am still the same size in jackets (8) but now I need a S in sweaters? Gah.
Amberwitch
The Diderot effect in effect;-)
Lady Harriet
Vanity sizing is awful. I’m a 10-12, totally racktastic, and sometimes I end up in a small for knit tops. I own a Land’s End coat that’s a 6! If I end up in such low-numbered sizes, what about the people who actually need them? I don’t buy clothes online, because there’s so much variation, both between and within brands. I own clothes in XS-XL and 6-14! It’s maddening. Talbots is also a major culprit. I own at least one knit shirt from them in small, a skirt suit in 10, and today I’m wearing a linen sheath dress in 14.
CountC
I always feel uncomfortable complaining about it, but vanity sizing is sizing me out of clothes. I don’t think I am particularly tiny, small yes, but not so tiny that I shouldn’t be able to find any pants/skirts/whatever that fit me!
Even my beloved Target appears to be doing it. I love their Merona cardigans and all of the ones I have are a small. I ordered two more recently in a small, and they are so much bigger than the ones I already own!!! GRRRRRRRR.
Susedna
Kat – not sure why my comment has ended up in moderation.
I tried to reply to “Advice Needed!” and the first time I did that, this site popped up a window asking for username and password. I’ve never set one up, didn’t know it was possible, either. I closed the browser and tried again – this time, I couldn’t get the site to load. And finally, now that I’m back on, I’m getting moderated. Using IE 8, if that helps.
Major Major
I could really use some help from the legal ladies on this site!
Since graduating law school (I was in the infamous lost class of 2011), I have worked at a small litigation firm of under 10 attorneys. I have been casually working with a recruiter and recently found out that I have an interview with a Big Law firm in my city.
I am not worried about questions regarding my experience, because I imagine I have a lot more knowledge than a lot of their current associates. My concern is if they ask me why I want to go from a small firm to Big Law. The short answer? MONEY. I am drowning in law school debt and I live in a very expensive city. I will never be able to create a savings account, buy a house, etc. unless something changes. Obviously, I can’t give that answer to them. Does anyone have any personal experience with this or reasons they prefer big firms to small ones?
Thanks!
Susedna
Can you say that you like that BigLaw has a greater footprint in the industry, has greater resources, and a greater number of senior partners for you to learn from?
I’d focus on scale, opportunity, great resources for people who want to learn/do more – (a.k.a. YOU)
In finance, at least we can be honest about the money part. Nobody thinks we’re in it for the warm fuzzies.
Major Major
My other thought was that I would love some of the social aspects of a big firm. My small firm doesn’t do outings or events, and the few other associates at my firm have young families. Happy hours are unheard of. Not to mention it would greatly increase my professional network. I just don’t think these are necessarily great interview answers either.
mascot
Social life as in, you will meet more people? Sure, it’s a bigger office so you will meet more people. But, with those big paychecks come some pretty big expectations for workload, so you may not have time to socialize.
Social
I agree that the social aspect might not be the *first* reason you mention, but I used to interview for my BigLaw firm and we definitely gave points to those who wanted to engage socially with their peers. Many of the associates became close (bonding over long hours, etc.), and it was definitely a firm where groups of associates would regularly go to lunches, dinners or happy hours together (work hard, play hard). Usually, once the lateral got an interview, we wanted to check (among many other things, of course) was how well they’d fit into the culture, and knowing that a candidate was excited about making friendships at work/fit in well with a group was important.
Of course, YMMV.
Woods-comma-Elle
If you mean social like drinks, then it’s not so great. If you mean social like more people to bounce ideas off and learn from, more of a collaborative atmosphere, working in bigger teams, then yes, Big Law will offer this.
I agree with the above comments that the focus should be on the big ticket work (which bring with them different challenges), greater resources, learning and career development opps.
LilyB
more high profile clients? more complex work maybe?
Diana Barry
How about being able to be involved in the biggest deals/cases/etc that are going on? Being able to work with “leaders in the industry” and all that jazz. Being involved “on a global scale” (if they are a national/global firm), etc etc. I would look up some of their clients and see if you can tailor an answer re: the client base, recent deals/cases there, too.
Ellen
Yay! What a nice day it is in NYC. I walked to work with my fitbit and am looseing wieght! YAY!
As for the OP, I also work in a small firm, and do NOT make as much money as I could at a large firm like Scadden or Cravath, but I realy do NOT want to have to be at those kind of places, even tho they probabley would pay me alot more money if I was to work for them then the manageing partner pay’s me to be here. If money is the reason for you, then just tell them. Remember tho, that at the big firm, you are just another person to take up a chair. As my DAD told me, “if you go to Scadden, you are just another person they have to provide a chair and desk for — you are INTERCHANGEBLE with any other cute woman….” etc. etc. etc. I could say FOOEY, but I am not there! YAY!
So that is why I have decided NOT to even brooch the subject with the manageing partner over me leaveing to go for the money at a big firm. Here, I am considered INDESPENSIBEL, while there I would ONLEY be another cute woman, where there are already alot of cute women with better tuchuses then me for their manageing partner’s.
Since I do NOT enjoy getting slobbered over by all these law firm men, I am sticking here where the worst I have is FRANK, who likes to look down my blouse. Even the manageing partner treat’s me as an equal, and NOT a peice of MEAT, b/c he has Margie now, who is very cute and attentive to his need’s.
So be carful what you wish for, b/c who know’s? You may soon become a bigfirm asociate, and will have to ward off the guy’s with a ruler! YAY!!!!!
JJ
A lot of Big Law attorneys will implicitly understand the real reason why you’re interviewing. But you can also say that you want the opportunity to work on notable and significant cases, that the depth of knowledge available at Big Law is better, want the better firm resources available in Big Law, a desire to work with sophisticated clients, and the ability to develop mentorships with and learn from attorneys who are (likely) national experts. And finally, good luck!
k-padi
This. Don’t be surprised if, after you list your other reasons, someone will say “and the money ain’t too bad either.” If that happens, don’t be afraid to acknowledge it with something like “yeah, the money would be pretty awesome.” and quickly move the conversation to your next question. I think it looks worse to insist that you aren’t moving for the money.
Abby Lockhart
Agreed. I’d stick with the responses suggested here — bigger platform, more interaction with other attorneys so more learning opportunities, bigger deals and bigger clients, etc. — but the truth is, at least at a lot of firms, they know it is the money, and they really want it to be the money. That is how they get you, and that is how they keep you.
Hel-lo
+1. They may or may not even ask you the question.
Eleanor
More complex and interesting work, more room to grow, new challenges. If you can find a way to tailor this to the particular firm with which you’re interviewing, that would be good, like “I was impressed by your work on X recent case and would like to be a part of cases like that.
cbackson
You want to pitch this, politely, as “your firm is better and that’s why I want to work there.” That’s actually virtually always how you want to pitch a move, I think. Were I interviewing you, what I’d want to hear would be some combination of “your firm offers more sophisticated work/bigger clients/better opportunities for training and advancement.” The best sell is going to be something along the lines of that you wanted bigger challenges than your small firm could offer. Of course, if there’s something specific that you like about the Biglaw firm – a marquee practice area, for exanple – mention that.
Also, I’d advise being prepared to talk about what your billables were like at your old firm and, if they were below Biglaw standard, how you expect to handle the increase in jumping to Biglaw. I moved from regional Biglaw to regular Biglaw in the past couple of years, and that question came up in my interview.
Major Major
Thank, ladies. This is all very helpful.
Cat
Shoe question for you knowledgeable ladies. I have a pair of sandals (a style that has a heel like a d’orsay shoe, but then with a t-strap sort of front) with the elastic around the top of the heel (like the Tory Burch Revas). I only wore them once this summer b/c the elastic cut into my heels so much. Trying to decide whether to attempt to correct the issue or cut my losses and donate. It’s not a size issue – when resting, my foot fits comfortably within the footprint of the sandal bed.
Before I give up entirely, (1) has anyone had a cobbler snip the elastic somehow? They would still stay on my feet just fine thanks to an ankle strap, and (2) if I wear them enough times and with enough moleskin to prevent similar disasters, will the elastic ever learn my heel/relax enough to stop digging?
Calico
I tried the moleskin route on a expensive pair of elastic-around-the-heel flats. It helped a lot, but at the end of the day I am desperate to take them off. I am keeping my pair because I love the look, but rarely wear them. I will never buy a shoe with an elastic back again!
Two Cents
So I know that there was bra fit specialists – are there shoe fit specialists? I am on an endless search to find a professional, 2.5 inch black COMFORTABLE pump and have basically returned at least 10 pairs of shoes in the last few weeks. I am now wondering if I’m just wearing the wrong size or maybe I need to buy a wide version of my same size. I have tried different sizes on my own and getting nowhere, so was wondering if there is such a thing as a shoe fit specialist.
Lady Harriet
I haven’t heard of one, but it’s something I could use too! After years of wearing shoes that were way, way too long in order to accommodate my wide feet I’m trying to be better about having ones that actually fit, but it’s so hard to figure out. You might try a nicer, local shoe store and see if an employee can measure your feet and give suggestions on what might work for you. Shoe sizes tend to vary between brands the same way clothing does, but almost no online shoe store will provide actual measurements, the way you might find them for a piece of clothing. Usually the “size charts” just list a conversion between US/UK/European sizes, which is only minimally helpful.
L2fly
Within the last 3 weeks, I’ve reached the same conclusion… I’ve been wearing 9.5 W shoes for years, because back-in-the-day (before the internet!), that was my best shot for finding shoes that had a chance of fitting. So it became a habit to look for shoes in that size. Until I suddenly realized how funny all my sandals looked, with nearly an inch extra of shoe sticking out in front of my toes! Then it dawned on me, I am actually a 9WW, and thanks to all the online shoe retailers now, and the ability to search according to size, and free returns, I actually have chance of finding the right size shoes! My feet have never been happier, and my toes no longer feel like I’ve got bilateral ingrown toenails, as the pain was just from having my toes smashed together all day long. Joy!
Wildkitten
Have you tried Nordstrom?
Anonymous
Try going in person to a store with knowledgable sales people. Boutique shoe store owners/staff typically know much more about how their shoes run than the sales person at a store like 9West. Nordstrom is well known for their shoe department, so, if there’s one near you, you might try calling in store customer service and asking if you can make an appointment with a particularly good sales person. I imagine other higher end department stores also have veteran shoe sales people who really know their stock.
anonfish
Pumps never ever work on me but the Kors “Ghita” ones are amazing. So comfortable and I can easily walk in them. Think it’s a 3″ heel but you won’t even notice it. Seriously. I can usually only wear flats but these are amazing.
Anon for this
Ugh!!! We just won these super complex motions I helped draft and the partner I worked with just sent all the other litigation partners a kudos email telling them what a great job I did. So I was beginning to reply “Thank you [name of partner] It was a pleasure to work with you.” etc but someone came in my office with an urgent matter so I quickly looked at the email I drafted and sent it out. Then I realized I sent all of the partners an email that read “Thanks you [name of partner” That extra “s” is killing me right now. Killing me.
Veronique
How long ago did you send it? Can you in send and resend really quickly? I know outlook has that option…
Oh well
Yet another reason not to unnecessarily reply to all— your typos are more widely viewed. The good thing is no one noticed, I’m sure. This is one of those emails that you glance at for a millisecond in the preview window. Your brain doesn’t even see the typo because the words are so common. Don’t worry about it.
anon
If it makes you feel better, I couldn’t figure out what the problem was because my brain didn’t register the extra “s” after “Thank you” until I had read your post like five times. And you even SAID that you included an extra “s” somewhere.
Anon
Your bigger error here is using “reply all” for something with no actual content. I would ding you for this way more than I would a typo.
Anonymous
Agree that should not be a reply all situation.
Scarf Shopping Help!
I just found out that I get to go to an Indianapolis Colts game on Sunday! Woohoo!
I don’t live anywhere near Indianapolis, so Colts gear doesn’t exist here. Consequently, I’m looking for a royal blue scarf casual scarf I can wear to the game. Preferably under $50 and something that can be shipped to me by Friday.
So. Excited. I will be going with strangers (various partners from other law firms), but how could it not be fun?!
Susedna
Do you have a Forever21, TJMaxx, Daffy’s, or Loehmann’s near you? You can find pretty cheap scarves there without waiting for something to be shipped or paying for expedited shipping.
marketingchic
Try Zappos/6pm – you’ll have it in 2 days
Seattle bound
I’m going down to Seattle for the weekend next month and am looking for eating/drinking/shopping recommendations. I’ve had a look at prior threads on this but would appreciate any new tips!
DC Anon
Go to historic Ballard and wander around on Ballard Ave. It has all of the above. Also, it has a great farmer’s/craft market on Sunday mornings.
KinCA
Check out Purple Cafe & Wine Bar – so good we ate their twice on our last trip! The Crumpet Shop in Pike’s Place is also great for a snack or breakfast. Also, Steelhead Diner near Pike’s Place is also really good. They have shrimp & crab tator tots – enough said. :)
I also loved the Chihuly Garden & Glass exhibit; it was really, really cool. Smith Tower was also a highlight (we went there in lieu of the Space Needle; it was cheaper and much less crowded). If you like chocolate, look into the Chocolate Tour at the Chocolate Box. It’s $60ish, but you spend three hours there touring a chocolate factory and then making your own treats. It was unique and delicious.
Have fun – it’s a great city!
KinCA
*there, not their. Ugh, Monday…
ohc
Agreed on Purple Cafe! The Pink Door is also kind of fun if you like things that are slightly campy (they do burlesque shows on weekend evenings).
Nonny
Yes, I’ve had really yummy pasta at the Pink Door. We didn’t get to see the burlesque show but it was fun anyway.
Hel-lo
We went to The Pink Door a month or so ago. Some nights are burlesque, some nights are trapeze artists above the dining room, some nights are live music. We saw some great gypsy music. The food is Italian, which I normally am not a fan of because I’m used to Sicilian/heavy Italian, but it was light and local and fresh and amazing.
Friends of ours saw the most recent Bachelorette Desiree and her pick Chris there recently. :)
Seattle bound
Thanks for the replies, will print this for future reference!
management strategies
Horrible question about supporting a friend through job stress:
A dear friend and former colleague was recently (a few months ago) hired for a management position at a new company. She was terrific when we worked together—detail-oriented, efficient, aware of how her role related to others—but is simply flailing with these new responsibilities. She seems overwhelmed by the day-to-day tasks (to the point where she frequently tells me about spending hours and hours in the office after others have gone home) and confesses to really having trouble asserting her authority as a manager, especially in confrontational situations. She is lovely, smart, and very well-intentioned, but I get the sense that she’s not doing a good job and doesn’t seem to have any viable strategy for deliberately improving her skills—and now her boss has started giving her a hard time about not improving quickly enough. I’ve tried suggesting that she look into books or classes on being a good manager, but she has mostly brushed me off. She told me this morning that she was afraid she was going to get fired, and at this point, I’m not surprised.
I feel as though getting to be management level has always been touted as the be-all, end-all of professional success—but are there people for whom that’s just not viable? What do they do instead?
preg 3L
Not knowing your relationship with her, would it help to recommend specific books? If I were in her shoes and a friend said “look into management books!” I would probably brush it off too, because I wouldn’t know where to start. Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office is frequently recommended on here, as is the website Ask A Manager, but maybe others have better ideas. I don’t know what else to tell you but it sounds like you’re consistently supportive of her, so that’s great!
management strategies
Yeah, I sent her a few Ask a Manager links that seemed relevant, but I’m not sure she looked at them.
I guess my bigger problem is that from my perspective (and admittedly I’m no longer a colleague), it really does seem like she isn’t going to be good at this without a lot of effort, and she’s not putting in that effort. I honestly don’t blame her boss for being a bit annoyed! I guess I’m wondering if there’s the potential for a positive outcome here or if I should try to help her make a contingency plan for a career that doesn’t involve management.
Susedna
Taking a step back here —
Are you sure she even wants y0u to suggest solutions?
Sometimes, friends just want to vent. If that’s all she’s asking for, then you’re doing a good job being her shoulder to cry on.
But one of the reasons why she may not be receptive to advice is that she’s not looking for it (from you or from other people.)
TBK
Oh my goodness, yes there are definitely people for whom management is not the answer. See, e.g., partners in pretty much every law firm everywhere (not ALL partners, but at least a handful if not more in every firm). Oftentimes, what counts in getting promoted to manager is being able to “do” well, not being able to manage well. Not everyone who’s going at doing the job is good at managing other people doing it.
I agree with recommending books, but you might also take your friend out for some drinks and see what she thinks. Does she want this — the actual, day-to-day job — or does she think she should want it or has she decided that, no, she really doesn’t want it now that she’s here? It’s possible she’s struggling but really, really wants to be in management. In that case, you could help her identify where her weaknesses are and come up with a strategy to address them. If she thinks she should want it, or has decided she doesn’t want it, you could start suggesting other options that would be equally prestigious and fulfilling but that work better with her particular strengths.
Brant
This x100. On my team, I am one of six “people managers”– ie have direct reports. There is a major re-org coming up because, as it turns out, 3 of the 6 people managers, who got into the role based on their ability to “do” are in fact horrible at managing their staff.
There are lots of more senior roles where you can be essentially an independent contributor at a senior level. Your friend could also look into consulting–building out her own book of biz and doing her thing at various different orgs. That’s my plan for when I get sick of dealing with managing a team ;)
EB0220
I was recently promoted to a management role after being an individual contributor. Right after the promo, I read “The First 90 Days”. One of the book’s key points is that the skills that allow someone to succeed as an individual contributor (attention to detail, etc.) are NOT the things that allow someone to succeed as a manager. It’s a nice book to help with the transition in mindset.
I also got a recommendation for “The Art of Leadership” but I haven’t read that one yet.
This is all, of course, if your friend actually wants advice/recommendations/etc!
Wildkitten
Which the Art of Leadership? They all look weird on Amazon.
TBK
So while we all wait to see if there will be a shutdown tomorrow (I predict yes) we should be aware of what’s really at stake here. If there’s a shutdown, they will shut down the zoo’s panda-cam. No more videos of Mei Xiang’s new cub until there’s at least a continuing resolution.
mascot
A substitute perhaps? http://zooatlanta.org/panda_cam
Baconpancakes
This is pretty much the worst thing ever.
Abby Lockhart
Problem solved:
http://www.zooatlanta.org/home/panda_cam
TWINS!
Signed,
Panda-obsessed since 5
Silvercurls
Thank you for giving me a reason to smile after posting my vitriolic comment upstream.
Maybe all the panda lovers can unite to save the day!
Caty
Ha, ha, ha! I’m so happy my impending inability to pay my bills is fodder for your unfunny joke.
TBK
I work with a lot of feds and have many, many feds in my family plus pretty much all of my local friends. I didn’t intend to be insensitive; believe me, I get it. It was just a little black humor. I’m sorry it went over so poorly with you.
Silvercurls
+1 re TBK’s comment. I was merely trying to find something, anything to counterract the despair and fury I’m feeling about this totally unnecessary shutdown which is going to cause equally unnecessary human suffering…despite the willful obtuseness of the House representatives who are happily shoving the government off the rails. Their conduct is shameful.
Sara
I actually have this jacket, although in black so the leather detail is a bit more subtle. They had them at the last Helmut sample sale in NYC for $150ish in both colors. This one isn’t quite as odd of a color in person either… More of a taupe/grey-beige… Not really “green” from what I recall though it’s been a while.
And yes, creative industry… “business casual” but I use quotes as it falls pretty heavily toward the trendy/less rigid end of that spectrum (no jeans but bright colors, prints, denim jackets, bare arms, etc seem to be fair game).