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Coffee Break: Reluctant Stars Zip Wallet

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Marc Jacobs Reluctant Stars Zip WalletFun! Everyone needs a colorful wallet (so it's easier to find in your bag), and I like this purple one from Marc by Marc Jacobs. I particularly like that the pattern just reads as a standard dot print until you look closer and see that it's rows and rows of stars. It was $98, but is now marked to $65.66 at Nordstrom. MARC BY MARC JACOBS  ‘Reluctant Stars' Zip Wallet (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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167 Comments

  1. (Re-posting for afternoon)
    I need styling help. I’m wearing a grey & white striped fit & flare dress to a firm cocktail event. I want to bring in some color. I’m thinking pink/fuchsia shoes. (Links to follow).

    The dress has a high neckline – I’m looking for a “statement” bracelet instead of necklace.

    Any suggestions?

        1. She’s probably not spending $1,000+ on a bracelet. Possibly, but doubtful.

          What is the budget?

          1. Good question (re: what the budget is)

            I remember being surprised at the wide range of budgets when someone took a poll on how much people on this site spent on clothes/shoes/accessories in one year.

      2. That’s amazing, but definitely more than I was planning to spend. I’m thinking more $100-200. Hoping Bloomingdale’s 20% F&F promo will help me stay in budget.

          1. Love this one! I also just realized I can use Rent the Runway and get something with more POW for much less cost.

  2. Has anyone ever been to the HRC National Dinner in DC? It appears that most of the people I know who are going are wearing long dresses, but I don’t own one and would rather not rush out and get one. Would I look very out of place in a super, super fancy shorter (knee-length) dress?

    1. Pictures from past dinners show women in short and long dresses so I think you’d be fine. Wear comfortable shoes.

      So this shutdown is really stressing me out. It’s 3 p.m. and I still don’t know whether I will be working tomorrow.

        1. (sorry if that came off as flip, btw – I totally get that this is serious and downright scary for many government workers. I’m just in the middle of an email chain among friends who are government workers and this popped up when they were talking about what to do to take their minds off of it, so I thought I’d share).

      3. Really not looking forward to my husband working without pay. Student loans, you are not getting paid if husband doesn’t get paid.

        1. If your DH is essential, he will get paid eventually for his work. It would be illegal for him not to (even on his end, he can’t legally volunteer his time to do work that should be done by a paid employee). That doesn’t help in the interim, but I’m highly doubtful any shutdown could last more than a few days if that.

          1. Thanks, FS. He is essential and he is not that worried about it but I am less optimistic in our government and concerned about a long term shut down. I also know we are blessed that we can cover all of our essentials on my paycheck alone (skipping just the student loans) and keep a roof over our heads. I feel worse for those living on just the gov’t paycheck that don’t have any backup or savings. Renters in particular.

          2. FS, I also thought it was illegal for him to not get back pay for his time worked but I thought that was still subject to Congressional approval. Are people that work guaranteed back pay?

          4. I think this applies to private employers, but not the government. In some cases, you CAN volunteer your time working for the government.

    3. I also think that depending on your age (under 30? under 25?) you can get away with wearing short dresses to events where older women will be wearing longer dresses. At least, that used to be my rule of thumb, back when I could get away with it.

  3. I’m looking for a free to cheap birthday gift for a professional, stylish woman. Mid-30’s. Works a lot. Travels a few times a year for work and pleasure. Has a preschool aged child. Likes shopping and cooking, although she doesn’t have much time to cook and literally has every cooking item on the planet. Non-drinker, so wine is out. Ideas?

    1. What about a piece of jewelry? I’ve managed to find decent gifts for friends ranging in price from $20-$50. Not sure what your budget is but it always seems to be a big hit.

      1. Budget is $30 max, but ideally <$20.

        I should have mentioned that I'm not particularly stylish and never feel comfortable buying her clothes or jewelry.

        I also forget to mention that she likes interesting desk accessories/games and science-nerd stuff. Or at least that's what she's always buying me.

    2. Free: Babysit her kid or take kid to a fun place for a Sat or Sunday afternoon.

      Cheap: homemade frozen meals or muffins or rolled cookie dough cookies that she can just pop in oven and bake

      Less cheap: massage, scarf, gloves, umbrella, toiletries bag, fancy soap, hand lotion.

      1. Love the idea of frozen meals. I think she’d really appreciate that. And maybe I’ll split the cookies between her and me – yumm :)

        I had to laugh because she has given me nearly everything off your ‘less cheap’ list in the last few years. You’re clearly in tune with her thinking!

    3. Does she have any kind of a commute? I walk to work and am quickly running out of new music and podcasts to listen to, and would love if a friend gave me playlists of awesome things to listen to.

    4. Put together an oven-ready dish for dinner? Or a gourmet dessert in a jar (dry mix with instructions for adding wet ingredients)?

  4. Since I can’t focus on work, I’ll look for an anniversary gift for DH instead. Any outside the box ideas for a gift that would fit one of these categories: Bronze/Pottery/Linens/Lace?

    1. Lace – is lingerie for you too in the box? I know that’s what my husband would want.
      Bronze or Pottery makes me think new house numbers or planters for the patio.

    2. Could you get Beyonce replicated in bronze? I’m thinking the giant metal chicken, but I guess the singer would also have her appeal.

    3. Ooo, good idea! How about a handmade pottery set (not necessarily made by you ;) — like two mugs — to toast another year, complete with some gourmet coffee?

      For my anniversary, I’m looking for either: leather, crystal, glass or pearls. I suppose I could get him a wallet, though he manages to ruin them pretty immediately. And he never wears a watch (and doesn’t want to). Hmm…

  5. I know the Hive will have brilliant ideas for me:
    Had something really crappy happen in my personal life yesterday, and I know it can’t be solved immediately, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I barely slept last night, and I just keep finding my brain obsessing over it and getting upset again.

    Tips for distracting myself and getting my mind of it? And on focusing on other stuff I should actually be doing, like, oh, I don’t know, work?? ;o)

    1. Crappy tv. Watching brain-candy shows always distracts me. Especially one with a really strong female protagonist. Buffy or Alias.

    2. I’m sorry.

      cliché, but exercise like mad.

      If you need to stick out the day at work, put music on and file (or other mindless but necessary task applicable to your job). LOL, or schedule a bunch of meetings or ask the chattiest person in the office about their weekend and just keep asking questions.

      1. yeah, these are good. Unfortunately, I do have work I should actually get done today, and I keep spacing out. ;oP
        But maybe I can do a bunch of ‘form emails’ that is a little brainless.

        1. I’ve had some things over the past couple of months that have given me “monkey mind” and I can’t sleep. One thing I’ve found helpful is just to turn off the lights and when it starts taking over my brain, just think “Let it go.. let it go… let it go”

    3. One piece of advice I saw here seemed brilliant: schedule yourself a time period to obsess about it. Say it’s 15 minutes allotted for freaking out about X. The wisdom is that once you’ve actually focused on it in an intentional way, you tend to rethink the same thoughts a few times and then just want to move on to something else. Repeat if needed.

      If you actually need to think productively about the issue, I suggest writing or talking to someone else about it to keep yourself from going around in circles. When you’ve gotten as far as you can, at least for today, consider your “work” on this “project” finished because any further thinking about it is just going over the same stuff.

      Also: vigorous exercise, thinking about a known time in the future when you know this won’t be an issue anymore, and the usual distractions like reading and TV.

      1. This is what I was going to recommend. When I try not to think about something, it’s impossible but when I actually permit my mind to dwell on it I run out of steam about 5-10 minutes in.

        I also find it helpful to do a “what I would tell a friend in my shoes” peptalk. It’s always much easier to solve other people’s problems than our own and I find recasting the issue this way helps me see how to better approach the situation.

        1. The other 2 webcomics I’d recommend are: (Google for them, as I think 3 links would definitely get me moderated)

          1)Misfile – about a pot smoking angel working in the filing dept (totally a nepotistic job appointment, btw) screwing up on the job. He accidentally misfiles two papers, causing two people’s lives to become (irrevocably???) changed. Ash, a high school boy crazy about cars gets turned into a girl. Emily, a type-A, straight-laced student whose mother is Tiger-mother-ish, gets a chance to re-do some of her high school and have fun. Some great stuff about gender, orientation, and how society treats women done in a non-heavyhanded way.

          2)Questionable Content — about a group of 20-somethings in a college town in MA trying to figure out their lives. J. Jacques, the artist, can’t draw at first, but you see how he improves dramatically over time leading to very expressive faces, which is helpful, as this is very much about following the details of these people’s lives and relationships.

          And then there’s my old reliable, xkcd — I usually click on “Random” to see what it turns up.

          1. Yeah, I’ve already been through pretty much the entire xkcd archive at least a couple of times. ;o) Thanks for these others they sound awesome!

        2. Sorry the thing happened and hope you feel better.
          Comics – the Oatmeal, Dinosaur Comics, xkcd, bugmartini, Questionable Content, Bruno, Foxtrot, oldie but goodie Calvin & Hobbes.

        4. Oh man, probably outing myself, but here ya go (in addition to seconding Questionable Content, xkcd, and Gunnerkrigg Court):

          1) Girl Genius – looooong running steampunk girl hero with brilliance, charisma, and a complete lack of stereotypical feminine weaknesses

          2) The Dreamer – whenever she falls asleep, Bea dreams she’s in the middle of the revolutionary war, and she’s crazy about Alan Warren, a member of Knowlton’s Rangers. But is she dreaming about the Revolution, or the 21st century?

          3) Girls With Slingshots – struggling her way out of a quarter-life crisis, Hazel tries to figure out life with a BA in English, a remarkable lack of ambition, a potential drinking problem, and a talking cactus

          4) Scary Go Round – skellingtons! vampires! demonds! All set in the idyllic pastoral small English countryside town of Tackleford (story is currently retired – the writer/artist has moved on to a new story in the same town with younger characters in Bad Machinery)

          1. Ooh, excellent. I’ve picked up a bunch of new ones to read — duly bookmarked. Scary Go Round is timely, too (as I’m thinking about Halloween.)

        5. i describe my site
          as a haiku-sketch-complain
          blog just for biglaw…

          (please read! my promise:
          i’ll try to update the site
          less sporadically) :)

    5. Ugh, that’s awful. I”m sorry. So for me I write down everything. What upset me, what I can do about it, etc. That way it is out of my brain. I give myself 15-20 minutes of ‘upset’ time and then force myself to do something (exercise, clean, etc). I also highly recommend a new/interesting TV series/book. Something that keeps your mind occupied. And finally when all else fails, wine and repeating “I can not change this. The best thing for me is to relax and be calm.”

      If none of those work, I see my doc for a short term RX when needed.

      1. I wish I could do the wine and repeating one here at work!! West coast so I still have 5 hours to go. :oP

    6. Hugs. Indulge your distraction and then force yourself to redirect your attention towards work. Rinse and repeat. When you get home, read! I’ve recently read all of Sophie Kinsella’s books, the Something Borrowed/Something Blue series, Lauren Weisberger’s books, the Gossip Girl: It Girl and The Carlyles series and I’m working through the A-List now. Trashy teen novels are great for taking your mind off real problems.

  6. Dealbreakers Threadjack: (Reposting as it was in a deserted thread.)

    This came up in a few conversations with friends, and I thought I’d throw this out there. Might make for an interesting discussion, even though these are about our respective, subjective preferences. :-)

    As you look forward in your relationships, or as you look back at your own relationships, what were your dealbreakers?

    For me, I had a handful: One of them was strong adherence to traditional gender roles
    Another was: poor hygiene (including but not limited to bad breath, not showering frequently, etc.)

    I defined my dealbreakers as: even if all my other requirements were met, the presence of these traits [dealbreakers] would make me walk away.

    1. Yes! Dealbreakers for me:
      – not into music, and/or tone-deaf;
      – bad kissing or LGPs;
      – smoker;
      – flighty (see Mindy Kaling’s chapter on ‘boys’ v ‘men’ for the general idea);
      – long hair.

      I think that’s about it, unless you get into the more typical differences with religion and stuff.

    2. (Reposting – I like this topic!)

      I agree with the strong adherence to traditional gender roles dealbreaker. I have a couple more:

      * lack of any ambition – I don’t care what job a person has, but they need to have ambition to do it well, and to grow in their chosen career
      * angry/emotional drunk – drinking is fine in moderation, and even getting drunk is fine on occasion, but the person’s personality shouldn’t change significantly when they drink
      * illegal drug use – kind of my own thing, but I’m just very anti drug use (including w**d, even though it’s somewhat legalized)

      1. Re: ITA re: ambition

        For me, I was wary of a genera mismatch in ambition levels. I’m not the most materialistic person, but I’m also not going to bust my @ss working IB and finance jobs so some dufus could pretend he was an artist while working in a convenience store. (Did any of you see “Clerks?” That’s a dealbreaker.)

        Conversely, I didn ‘t want to date someone who was the super-captain of industry, because then I could imagine him thinking that I wasn’t ambitious enough. Someone like that would either want a trophy wife who’d show up in the latest couture in W magazine’s society pages. OR…if he were OK with me having my own career would be unhappy that I was happy merely being in my investment job and that I didn ‘t create a super-hedge fund so he could have more bragging rights.

        1. Or bust my @ss working while my H (not DH) spent his days sleeping in a recliner and calling it “being in private practice.” Gah! Why did I marry him!

    4. Is it bad that I have a readily available list? All true stories.
      — Selfishness
      — Idly watching me clean or fix something.
      — Messy car or home (hoarders messy, not busy week messy)
      — Thinking that Israel was founded by Pres Bush Sr.
      — Not having the most basic of furniture. I’m not sure of the reason, but in retrospect that was a sign that it was never going to go well.
      — Not knowing what to do with a lime wedge and a bottle of corona. Not sure whether that’s a deal breaker or just a sign that we were not meant for each other.

      1. I would group your “idly watching me clean or fix something” as a symptom of selfishness and entitlement, possibly a sign of being a man-child. That not having the most basic of furniture can sometimes also be a tip-off about the man-child problem.

        Is it bad that I’m laughing really hard over the Israel / Pres Bush Sr one?

        1. Please, laugh away. I still can’t believe that was a real conversation I had.

          Agree with you on the selfish, man-child grouping. I think the lack of furniture falls one in there, too.

          And, I forgot one:
          — Saying that art serves no practical purpose and therefore should not exist

          1. Ack. I’m all over this thread (bored today, of course.)

            Here’s another dealbreaker (this one, from my own experience) – it’s over if he’s not a close match in intelligence level

            In undergrad, I dated a guy who was prettier than me. Some of the girls I knew kept asking me if that bothered me. Nope. What bothered me was that he was a total flippin’ idiot. More proof that formal education (which he had plenty of) is not the same thing as intelligence!

            He told me he wanted to get a tattoo. I’m not fond of them, but wanted to keep an open mind. After all, it was him thinking of getting a tattoo on himself, not for matching ones (on us). I asked him where and what sort of design.

            He had this huge preamble about how he thought everybody else’s tattoo designs were boring or trite and that he came up with one totally unique. I asked him what that was. He said:

            “A vertical blue line from the edge of my mouth, left-side only, down to my chin. Nobody has that.”

            We were having dinner in one of the residential houses’ cafeterias and I put my fork down and then burst out in wild uncontrollable hysterical laughter. I laughed and laughed and apologized for laughing and kept on laughing uncontrollably. I really could not stop. I wasn’t actually trying to be mean. It just seemed so ridiculous. There were tears coming out of my eyes.

            Finally, I gasped, “for the rest of your life, everybody’s going to ask you — hey, X, do you know that you’ve got this long pen mark coming down the edge of your mouth?”

            Yup. I can definitely exhibit some stupid, but not on that level. Total dealbreaker.

    6. -facial hair (of course, this is easily fixable)
      -too young (I just can’t)
      -no passion (and I don’t necessarily mean LGPs – I mean passionate)
      -messy or poor hygiene
      -bad with money, lots of debt
      -racist
      -smoker

      1. Ugh, racist, yes. In my (much) younger and stupider days I thought I could enlighten racist dudes. I still shudder to remember a particular conversation in which I politely asked a guy I was dating not to use “the n-word” in my presence, and he accused me of “censoring” him. Good Lord, I was an idiot. Luckily, I wised up pretty quickly and *any* hint of racism is a definite deal-breaker.

      2. Re: bad with money

        Yeah, major dealbreaker. My version of this dealbreaker was even more broad — even if someone wasn’t actively adding to the debt, I consider *different attitudes* about money to be a dealbreaker.

        If one person’s default action plan is to pay down debt/credit cards/plump up savings as soon as the money gets direct deposited, and the other person’s default action plan is to always get upsold on every product or service, and to spend before (additional) income is a sure bet, that’s sure to cause conflict. And with live-in relationships and marriages, there are a ton of financial decisions, so more to fight about.

        My parents have somewhat different attitudes about money and this is a chronic source of tension and bad feelings between them.

    8. -Lack of ambition
      -Flighty
      -Bad with money (dealt with this. Oh you need me to buy you groceries but you can buy a new laptop?)
      -Different religion from me
      -Doesn’t want kids
      -Doesn’t “believe in labels”
      -Is ignorant of womens rights/issues

      Basically no man-childs. I would definitely add “bad hygiene” but thankfully I’ve never dealt with that issue with a man.

    9. Jealousy
      Anger issues
      Unwillingness to be my equal in the relationship
      Rudeness to my friends

      (Hmmm, I was with a person who checked all four of these for a long time).

    10. I think for me dealbreakers always fell into 2 categories: 1) actual and 2) held until I end up liking someone with that quality and then quickly abandoned.

      The second category would be stuff like long hair or likes similar music.

      Actual deal breakers, though, for me generally fall into these categories:
      1. not stupid (subjective maybe, but I have to feel the guy is smart)
      2. not cruel (so no hunting for sport, which I personally consider cruel)
      3. must like animals (if he doesn’t see animals in his life, I don’t see him in mine)
      4. must want at least one child.

    11. Interesting. I never had a set list of dealbreakers — I didn’t date that much and never did online dating or anything where you have to sort through lots of potential dates quickly. The situation never arose, but I’d say abuse, illegal drug use, alcohol abuse or DUI would be deal-breakers. I used to think I would never date a smoker (I’ve never smoked and am pretty allergic to it) but then I did. It was very casual though and I wouldn’t have lived with or married a smoker. Other than that though, I wouldn’t have ruled anyone out immediately. I tend to think dealbreakers, especially about physical characteristics, are silly and eliminate a lot of potentially great guys. I agree attraction is important but saying he must be X feet tall or have a certain body type, as some of my friends do, seems too limiting.

    12. In no particular order:
      – lack of punctuality, poor planning
      – speaks disrespectfully about an ex or is unapologetic about having treated an ex poorly
      – I guess this goes along with the gender roles point, but dismissive of my career and/or work ethic
      – takes it personally when I have to change plans because of work
      – lack of empathy or consideration; general selfishness
      – score-keeping
      – lack of independence, i.e. financially dependent on parents
      – lack of direction in life, poor priorities in life, lack of initiative
      – temper tantrums, including name-calling
      – rude to waiters/staff

    13. My Liz Lemon-approved “S it D, shut it down” Dealbreaker list
      1) different religion from me (this is my #1 absolute non-negotiable)
      2) rude to waitstaff
      3) racist
      4) intimidated by me/my profession (there’s complimenting and then there’s brown-nosing; there’s respect and then there’s intimidation)
      5) financially irresponsible (if you have debt, okay, but are you adding to it or paying it off?)

      I go back and forth on whether I could be with someone on the other side of the political spectrum, but I suppose that depends on the individual. And I know it’s shallow but I can’t with short dudes. I don’t know how much of it is me and how much of it is my past experience with guys shorter than me who got insta-Napoleon complex standing next to Amazon me.

      1. I’m with you on the short guys – I mean, I don’t need you to be a foot taller than me (which would be weird since I’m pretty much used to looking most men in the eye), but at least be my height. A big personality, or stockier physique, can help make up for some lack of height, but I want to be able to stand up straight.

      2. Rude with waitstaff is HUGE with me. I had a boyfriend who asked the teenage waitress if the salsa that came with his fish was good. She said yes. He disagreed and refused to tip her. I left a tip as we were leaving and broke up with him when we got home.

    14. Things that have actually been dealbreakers for me in relationships, for better or for worse:
      – annoying/embarassing in public
      – asking me to lie for them
      – playing music badly (without knowing they’re playing music badly)
      – talking about themselves too much
      – too into themselves; encouraging situations where women will “fight” over them
      – saying sexist stuff
      – saying homophobic stuff
      – criticizing me in public
      – speaking ill of my sister or parents
      – being mean/uncaring in general

      1. Ooh, ooh, also!

        My sister just broke up with a gentleman who had a few qualities that she THOUGHT would have been dealbreakers…
        – libertarian survivalist
        – thought NPR was propaganda
        – had a cellar full of semi-automatic weapons
        – carried a (liscenced) concealed weapon everywhere. I mean, EVERYWHERE.

        But he was apparently a top-notch LGP guest, which balanced all of the above out, until it was clear that he…
        – talked about himself too much

        This will never not be funny. I will remind her of these “dealbreakers” until the day I die.

          1. I love that character! I am way more invested in the relationship between him & Diane than I am in Alicia & Will.

    15. I have a very short list of dealbreakers. I think things like “don’t be racist” and “don’t be dirty” kind of go without saying. Really, my dealbreakers are only a handful:

      Bad with money (at our age you need to have your financial act together)
      Being an a$$hole
      Kids still at home (stepfamilies are hard and I’ve done my time)

      And I have a few requirements, the absence of which are dealbreakers:

      Think I’m awesome
      Have my back
      Make things happen
      Be presentable in public

  7. Can anyone recommend an ankle boot or bootie that is truly comfortable and decently water-resistant? My feet are wide at the front with long toes, and I would like to wear these boots with work pants, but comfort is critical. Thank you.

    1. I can’t name specific styles, but I think Clarks and Born and maybe Naturalizer might be good brands to start with, based on my own experience.

    2. Also try Ecco. They usually have at least 2-3 styles of cute, comfy boots with rubber soles and Gore Tex lining.

  8. Threadjack: I’m in-house and recently supervised a large project, with outside counsel doing a fair amount of the transactional work. It was an expedited time frame (but not crazy, we got it done in 3 months but it might have taken 4-6 in normal circumstances) and it was not really complex. My boss has concerns with the billing of the senior partner on the project. The associate is quite capable, and as described above, the project was not super complex. Is it appropriate for the senior partner to have billed approximately 80% of associate’s hours in one month and 60% of associates hours in the second month? I would have anticipated 50% or less-e.g. associate bills 100 hours, senior partner bills 50 hours. Thoughts?

    1. It sound’s a littel high. In my firm, the manageing partner alway’s take’s my billeings, then add’s 50% of my billeing’s for “supervisory oversight”. In many of the case’s I do literaly all the work, and he does NOT even know about it until I submit my billeing’s!!! But the 50% is his uplift for being the manageing partner, b/c I am so efficeint, and he figure’s that even with the 50% (billed at the manageing partner’s rate–which is doubel my rate), the cleint’s are all happy. If they ever are NOT, all complaint’s HAVE to go thru him, and he also bill’s them for his time if they do complain.

      Last year, we had a firm we did a little comp work for who did NOT like it when I did NOT share my breif’s with them b/f I filed them w/the court. I told them I did NOT have time to meet the schedule if they had to clear it first. So they complained to the manageing partner, and Lynn said they did NOT want me to work on their case’s any more. The manageing partner said that he would take over all of my cases, and he did, but I still did all the work, but the manageing partner was mad b/c only he could bill (at 100%), but I could not bill. So after we wound up looseing money by this, the manageing partner had to increase the time he spent (he could NOT up his hourley fee) (which was actueally the time I spent). The cleint still was not happy so the manageing partner did NOT care when they stopped sendeing new cases to HIM. FOOEY b/c I had to find other cleint’s to bill to meet my annual target’s. But now, I have enough to do my 4,000 hours for next year. YAY!!!!

    2. Depends on what the bill says. Was the partner doing a lot of the transactional stuff – talking to opposing counsel, negotiating, etc.? I would look at the time detail and see if it scans as appropriate.

    3. There’s no standard here. It is what it is. If you feel that work was duplicated unnecessarily (2 people on every call when 1 would have sufficed), then bring it up to the client and tell them your concerns. But some partners are just going to be spending more time supervising work and double-checking anyway. If you think they are overbilling, then don’t use them in the future. But as outside counsel, I think it’s unfair for in-house lawyers to presume that there’s a certain way to approach work allocation. I also think that if you don’t want the senior partner to be billing time on it and you think the associate is that capable, maybe you should contact the associate directly and make that person your go-to person, which will help that associate be promoted to partner, too.

      1. OP here. I understand there is no standard, and agree with Diana Barry’s comment to look at the detail (which I did). Having been outside counsel in the past myself, I agree it’s really tough to determine what is overbilling and what is just “zealous supervision”. Most of the entries are duplicate of the associates work (associate: draft and review XYZ document”, senior partner: review XYZ document”). The reason that I asked my question is because I’m aware I cannot presume there is a certain approach. However, knowing that the associate is capable and the matter was not that complex, I also presume that most of senior partner’s time was not spent correcting the associate’s work. The associate is my go-to person (and the prior associate working on these matters with me did make partner) but it’s unrealistic to expect he/she will be solo at this stage on a large, expedited deal. I also realize it’s impossible for internet readers to weigh in with specificity since there are obviously a number of facts I am not providing-I’m just looking for a gestalt here (if possible).

    4. I’m in house at a fortune 100 company and currently manage litigation as a significant part of my practice. This sounds like a high partner/associate ratio, but the expedited nature of the work likely contributed. I’d look at overall complexity of the deal. And, of course, the actual work and your sense of who wasa necessary, etc. (sounds like you were pretty involved). Then, and most importantly, I would sit down with the billing partner (or the relationship partner, if this firm is part of a network) and ask them to write down the bill. One thing I learned when working with our network of outside firms is that they would much rather hear negative feedback and be allowed an opportunity to respond than just have the next matter (here, deal) go elsewhere. And it is generally better for the company.

  9. Hey y’all. Idk if anyone has been wondering, but the big mistake? Not my fault. Didn’t get fired. And getting help for stress. Thanks again for the kind words Friday!

    1. Oh that’s great to hear! It’s also very good of you to be proactive about getting help for the stress. A+ adulting right there.

    2. YAY!! So glad for you! And good job being proactive for the next time, also next time you are worrying about something, come here and we will remind you of what you just said! ;o)

      Also: read a little about imposter syndrome, if you are worrying enough about messing something up, and it turned out it wasn’t your fault, it probably means you are an awesome employee because you are really conscientious about your work. The people who really are bad employees can never even entertain the thought that they might have made a mistake.

      1. zora speaks truth!

        I’m so glad this worked out for you. And am really glad you are getting help for stress. I’ve done that in the past, and it really helped.

    4. Hooray! I’m sorry you had to go through that awful, awful feeling, but you must feel so relieved! (Like when you wake up from a really bad dream.) So glad to hear it’s all okay!

    5. I’m so glad! Caught your thread too late to post anything of consequence, but this is excellent news. (And I cosign everything zora says above.)

    7. I meant to page you today but then got distracted by work – I was thinking about you all weekend. So glad it all worked out!

    8. So glad to hear! Getting hold of your stress is #1 priority – I actually HAVE gotten fired for being so worried about failing at my job that I couldn’t properly do my job!

  10. Is anyone in consulting for the federal government? I’m a lawyer with varied experience and a friend is trying to talk me into considering consulting (probably with someone like Deloitte, Booz, etc.) I just have no idea what’s involved, what the hours are like, what the work’s like, how the pay is, etc. Can anyone here provide any insight? TIA!

    1. I do this work with one of the firms you mentioned and the pay is ok and the bonuses can be generous. The vacation/sick leave is also generous, but hard to use all of it. With regard to hours it depends on which track you choose, but in general you’re looking at 40 client hours a week plus a combination of training + activities + proposals + mentoring + counseling + internal meetings. The atmosphere is very collegial and is mostly high performing/type-A people. I’m generally connected to my work phone/laptop most of the time. The client work isn’t terribly interesting unless you happen to be working on a topic you feel passionately about, however there are many opportunities for movement/professional development.

      1. Thanks! When you say “movement/professional development” what do you mean? What kind of roles and responsibilities are available within the firm? How long do people typically stay? For people who leave, what kinds of jobs do they leave for? Mostly other consulting? Government? Something else?

        1. “Movement/ Professional Development”
          Generally, this is code for “will I get promoted?” As well as, will my responsibilities grow, will I learn some new stuff –> again, these things tend to map towards promotion.

        2. I mean the opportunities and support to move around to new projects and clients in order to own your career, develop your network and bring in business. For professional development, I mean the internal training and paid training and certifications. It’s an up or out model, so if you aren’t interested in making partner/doesn’t look like you’ll make partner, most people will switch career models or move to another consulting company. Generally, apart from junior staff, most people are managing and leading whether it’s client or internal work.

    2. Hours depends largely on project and team. I found in my govt consulting company, teams were highly fragmented and policies were very team dependent (ie, what was true in my team was definitely not true in one of the myriad of other teams). Generally speaking I would say much lighter hours than private sector consulting. Somewhat lower salaries, but generally still generous and very liveable. Your mobility/promotion schedule/project schedule will also largely depend on the team and contract. Some contracts are project base and extremely short, others are more of the ‘butts in seats’ model and may last for years. My experience says that this is team dependent as well- some teams, depending on the makeup of personnel and expertise will do largely short term projects, others focus more on long-term presence in a specific agency or market. This might depend on the company, but I didn’t find my company to be up or out at all. There was a huge concentration of mid-level staff, th types of people who are generally pretty well versed in an area/segment and may do some light management, but aren’t necessarily expecting to be promoted. My company structure basically followed a bell curve with few at the bottom or top and a lot in the middle. I think that’s why so many people want(ed) to work there, because it seemed a good way to be an expert in your field and have some management responsibilities without the pressure of becoming a company manager. but, this likely varies by company. i’d definitely return to government consulting if I could.

  11. Ok, this is not directed at the person from the morning thread, but serious question. Can we pass a law to revoke the Reply All button from certain people after a certain number of violations?? Especially when it is Reply All to literally the entire organization. I would nominate half of my office for the list.

    1. Yes, please! And then you have people Reply All saying please don’t Reply All or please remove me from this distro. That’s where the delete button comes in handy.

      1. Ha! that is the WORST. Should be called the Double Reply All Violation or something. ;o)

    2. Probably not. But I work with someone who usually puts into her emails something like “Please do not reply all to this email.” It tends to make sense in context and it has the added benefit of making the “reply all-er” feel bad if they do do that. She tends to get next to no reply-alls.

      I’ve noticed I actually have the opposite problem. I’ve gotten so good at never hitting reply all that I often have to go back to resend something that was meant to go to all because I only replied to sender.

      1. This, the second paragraph. I am, at this point, more irritated when I feel like I have to play go-between for people who can’t properly utilize Reply All than I am when I have to delete a pointless email. The former takes so much more time than the latter! Not everyone is as conscientious as you, AIMS, to go back and check!

        That said, I wholeheartedly agree that unnecessary Reply All is a cardinal email sin. Along with use of comic sans.

        1. Yeah, I mean, if it’s once in a while, whatever, I just delete and move on. But there are certain people who apparently don’t know there is a NON Reply All button? Because they are literally doing it multiple times a week. So, it would be like points on your driver’s license. You are ok until you get to a certain number of unnecessary Reply Alls and then the privilege is revoked. ;oP

    3. OMG, over the weekend I had DOZENS AND DOZENS of reply-alls in my work email account after an organization of which I am a member mistakenly sent an email to all members, and people didn’t read it carefully, and reply-alled, and then other people reply-alled saying please stop reply-alling, and then other people were saying calm down and stop the madness and we’re sure it will be cleared up on Monday when somebody is actually in the office, and it was just a scream.

      But then I am easily amused.

      1. This was my experience 2 weeks ago. Large international company, someone sent something to ALL North America employees that was meant for one person. The number of reply alls, and the lack of basic reading comprehension was honestly scary to me.

        I did find it funny, though, except when it maxed out my inbox.

  12. I had my internal face-to-face interview today (previously posted under Phone interview help?) and it went really well with the higher ups but the portion where we met with my team was super awkward. I spent a decent amount preparing and when I asked if there was anything they’d like me to address, one of my supervisees said she wished I was more communicative and more of a team player. I recovered the best way I could but I’m still really taken aback because she doesn’t seek me out for help or answers.

    1. Hmmm, was this in a group setting or just with that supervisee? I think this reflects rather poorly on her as it wasn’t really a question but a passive-aggressive comment that was not constructive.

    2. I can see how that would be surprising. I wonder if that might be a good opportunity to circle back with her to ask for more information. You’d want to be 1000% non-defensive, but it might be a good chance to get some intel on your work style that you might not have gotten otherwise. Maybe it’s something that’s just her issue, but there’s no harm in trying to improve your working relationship with someone.

    3. It’s a very small team and the other woman who had been echoing the first woman’s answers to my other questions didn’t say anything but I didn’t expect her to agree or disagree at that point. I suppose I should’ve asked the question so that it referred to my resume. It felt like she took an opportunity to be snarky, which is out of character for her, but it still kinda hurt my feelings.

  13. So that D-a-t-e thing on the weekend went quite splendidly but…. Ladies, I feel like I am being a cradle robber and went on a date with a kid… then the bloke is actually 2 years older than me. He just happens to be less established than I am and due to the economy, just went back to school for his Master’s. He’s cute and we had a great time and I am wondering if i am just letting preconceptions color this from the start or if I am ignoring warning signs of deeper incompatibility.

    (I eventually wore black skinny jeans, docs and a red knit top with a bit of shine to it. Worked pretty well since he was in jeans, too)

    1. How long have you known this guy?

      If this is only Date 1, I’d say give him a shot. I don’t see anything that suggests incompatibility yet.

      At Date 1, you’re just trying to figure out whether you like this person enough to want to keep talking with him and learning more, and it doesn’t sound like you have hit any showstoppers.

    2. I feel like there’s a big difference between someone who is in graduate school because they have a plan and it’s a necessary step, and someone who is in graduate school because they don’t have any better ideas or just didn’t think real life was fun. If things seemed good otherwise, I’d give him more time.

  14. How do you deal with narrow-cut skirts with vents in the back? Whenever I wear one I feel like I’m in danger of flashing everyone if I lean over at all, and they ride up a ton when I sit down, so that they’re barely between my behind and the chair. This happens to me with knee-length pencil skirts and sheath dresses. Am I just missing some trick? I’m 5’4″, size 10-12ish with a high natural waist but big/long stomach and flat rear. I love to wear pencil skirts, but the ones I have with pleats in the back or just stretchy fabric are so much easier. It seems like vents are generally the norm in skirts, so I want to deal with them gracefully!

    1. Sadly, don’t buy them if they make you feel like your might flash someone. Find skirts with pleated vents of something else that makes them appropriate from any angle. I have one from club Monaco that does the trick.

    2. I suppose you could wear bike shorts and/or slip under them.

      But I just don’t wear them. I stick with pleated vents or slight a-line. To my knowledge I’ve never actually flashed someone and it’s all in my head, but I don’t want to go through my day feeling like I am.

      1. Oh, I am definitely rocking a slip with my dress today, since I’d much rather people see that by mistake than my underwear, and I’ve done bike shorts in the past. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one with this problem!

    3. I wear knee length skirts for this reason. I don’t have the midspace to worry about flashing and want to be comfortable, while still wearing a skirt.

  15. Can anyone recommend a professional-looking women’s wristwatch (or brand) that’s less than $100 and water-resistant/water-proof? My wondering Skagen has died on me for good. Thanks.

    1. I’ve been watchless for a few months and done a lot of shopping. Unfortunately, I am having the same problem you are with finding something. My last two watches have been Bulova and Caravelle by Bulova (their less expensive line). Both can be purchased relatively inexpensively from sites like o.co or when Macys is having a sale. However, I haven’t had a ton of luck with them holding up for very long (Bulova lasted 2.5 years, Caravelle 1.5 years). For whatever reason, they always lose their accuracy after the first battery replacement. This might be a good solution if you really need something and don’t care if it last forever. I don’t like to shop and find it a hassle to replace something so often (especially because I tend to get used to my watches and don’t like to switch), so I am waiting until I buy something with a little bit more longevity (and hopefully a warranty!).

    2. I had my Citizen for years before dumb ex lost it. My current Seiko I have had for probably 10. I bought if with credit card points so it may be a little more than your price range but they were worth it

    3. I recently got this one at Kohl’s.

      http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-949572/seiko-solar-stainless-steel-two-tone-watch-sut038-women.jsp

      It’s already discounted, then get a Kohl’s card and find the appropriate code online somewhere to get the additional 30% off. And if you wait for the right sale (and Kohl’s has sales like every week….) you can get an additional $10 of “kohl’s cash” for every 50$ you spend. It adds up nicely.

      It is a very functional watch that works well for work and casual. It is solar and waterproof. I really like the two tone that then goes well with all my gold/silver jewelry. And Seiko’s are pretty reliable.

  16. To those who wear skinny jeans – do you wear the same skinny jeans with flats and boots, or do you have different jeans / jeggings that you wear with each?

  17. I’m curious to get some other opinions on this. My SO of about 6 months recently went to a bachelor party. We were talking about the party last night, and he mentioned they had gone to a strip club. I asked if he got a lap dance and he said yes he had. I was upset and asked him some more questions about it. I said basically that I was jealous of him being turned on by another woman. He assured me that he would never cheat, and I said that wasn’t why it upset me. We dropped the issue.

    Now that I have had more time to think about it, I think the part of this that upsets me most is that he didn’t tell me about it in advance and just assumed I’d be okay with it. Part of me wants to bring it up again to let him know that I wish he had asked me in advance because I don’t think he would have gone through with it if he knew how uncomfortable it made me. On the other hand, its not like this is happening all the time, and I’m not worried about him cheating with a stripper, I just don’t like the idea of it. He probably won’t be going to another bachelor party for a year, so maybe I should wait to bring it up then. Also, I am afraid that if I make too big of a deal about this, he just won’t be honest with me in the future, and although I was upset, I do appreciate his honesty. How have you ladies dealt with this issue?

    1. Have you ever tone into excruciating detail in discussing what’s ok and not ok in your relationship? Is it ok if he hangs out with his ex girlfriends by themselves? Is it ok if you end up sleeping on the couch of a male friend, but don’t tell him beforehand? How about holding hands with people other than your SO? Flirting? With such a young relationship, I’m guessing you might not have. I know most people make assumptions as to what’s allowed and what isn’t, but I think that definitions of cheating, even emotional cheating, are changing, and you need to set ground rules.

      If he doesn’t see getting a lap dance as any kind of threat to your relationship, he probably honestly didn’t realize you wanted him to tell you, or he may have assumed you knew that Bachelor Party = Strip Club.

      If you make your feelings known, and set clear boundaries, you don’t need to explain why you feel uncomfortable with him going to a strip club – it makes you uncomfortable, and that should be enough for him. BUT you do have to tell him.

    2. My DH and I have, at last, come to the conclusion that I’m okay with him doing a lot of things (strippers, hanging out with pretty single women when I’m not around, etc)… as long as he asks my permission first, and then tells me the details afterward if I ask.

      Our first summer apart, we were going to try being “apart”… the implication being, we wouldn’t be exclusive until the fall. But then we reunited in the fall and he HAD made out with another girl and I was (inexplicably?) upset… because he hadn’t asked my permission about that particular girl, like, “Hey babe, I’m going to be at a party tonight; okay if I make out with someone?”

      No one ever said love or jealousy were logical. IDK.

      Anyway, I feel you, girl. IAW Baconpancakes in that communication and boundaries are crucial.

  18. What do you think of the term “Type-A”?

    My DH said his boss referred to a very energetic female member of their team as “Type A” recently. I realized I really only hear it to describe women, and usually in an unfavorable way.

    Also, what are the other “Types”? Is it a holdover from some old personality test thing?

    2. I have heard it used to describe both men & women and I don’t think it has a sexist (or even negative) connotation.

    3. My husband says he often has people tell him he’s Type A. I agree, it’s not a compliment. I am pretty sure that the concept emerged from Freud’s idea of “an@l retentiveness;” people who stayed fixated on the potty training stage of development and are uncomfortable with the natural expulsion of things (overly controlling). Type B personality can skew in the opposite direction: not enough effort to manage one’s life.

      1. Just clicked through on Orangerie’s link. My source on the Freud foundation was course materials, and my reason for attaching something negative to Type B (where Wikipedia did not) is something I heard in a lecture but apparently wasn’t in the original work–not that it’s very well-supported today at any rate.

  19. Back to the Dealbreaker discussion. Someone please explain to me what LGP means, if explanation doesn’t break some rule.

  20. Thank you for the enlightenment – I figured something like that when I tried googling and wiki or something like that said some explanations had been removed! Weird euphemism, though.

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