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Updated: Feb 3, 2021 366 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: High-Rise Skinny-Fit Luxe Sculpt Pant

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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It’s been fascinating watching brands that have been largely geared towards workwear pivot to loungewear over the last year.

Banana Republic has recently introduced its BR Standard line of “elevated essentials,” and I really like a lot of the pieces. They’re all machine washable basics that seems to straddle the line between performance athleticwear and casual street clothes.

These high-rise pants are made of a combination of nylon and elastane, which means they’d be great for traveling. I like the olive green, but they also come in “sea salt,” navy, and black.

The pants are $110 and available in regular sizes 0–20 and petite sizes 00–14.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Sofa recommendations

    I’ve been searching for a pair of matching high quality, durable and comfortable sofas in a more traditional/transitional style. I’m hoping these can last at least 10- 15 years and am willing to spend on good quality stuff but also worried about spending too much on something that isn’t durable long term. I’ve seen Room and Board recommended here a lot, but unfortunately their style doesn’t match what I’m looking for. I like more of a slope arm or English roll arm style.

    Does anyone have experience with Pottery Barn sofas? My understanding from a friend that recently bought and regretted it is that Ethan Allen has gone down significantly in quality over the years. Any other brands worth checking out that are well made? Also any thoughts on down vs. just foam cushions?

    • anne-on

      I went down a deep, deep rabbit hole of sofa construction. Room and Board sources their sofas from NC manufacturers, and frankly, I preferred to buy from those places direct. We went with a Taylor King brand sofa, and they are IMMENSELY customizable, as in you can get just about any possible option/configuration you want as they are built for you, from scratch. Hancock and Moore is also a fabulous brand but focuses more on leathers.
      I’d strongly suggest looking at the Taylor King site and finding a dealer, I was shocked at how comparable the prices were to Ethan Allen/RH/Room and Board for WAY more options. I worked with a dealer in VA (check out ‘The Keeping Room’ and their exhaustive message boards) as his prices were much better than local MA dealers and had no issues with getting samples/delivery.

      • Anon

        Wow you really know your stuff – thank you for the insight! We have a wonderful room and board sofa from many years ago which we’d like to buy matching arm chairs for, but delivery is about six months. Do you think we should look into a NC manufacturer, of so which one please? I think I know the answer if we want to ensure they match, but perhaps there’s a better (and faster) way benefitting a smaller company. Thank you!

        • Veronica Mars

          Unfortunately, there’s no way to beat the delays unless you’re willing to pay for a rush order, or pick something that’s in stock. As I mentioned, my in-laws are in furniture components; Everyone is looking at about a 4 month lead time for custom furniture. If you’re looking at a retailer that’s promising less than that, be wary. If you go on the PB website, I think it says 10-12 weeks for some items. If you go to the PB facebook group (fans of pottery barn, serena and lilly and ballard) there are horror stories of people waiting 6+ months. The supply chain impact is simply too much for anyone to bear; and it’s on all kinds of things that go into making the pieces– foam, fabric, etc. You should shop small whenever possible but it’s not going to shave time off the production. Personally, I’d order what you want and just wait. Or talk with a smaller NC manufacturer and see what they say. I have a piece with COCOCO that’s pending and they’re telling me that they’re getting 1/2 the foam they used to; and this is just the change from November (when I ordered) to now (supposed to come in at the end of this month). Also, order EARLY. I placed an order with Room and Board in October and they pushed the order back to a March delivery. If I were to try and order now, it would be mid-June delivery.

          • Anon

            +1 I’ve mentioned this on here before but we ordered a bunch of custom furniture in early Sept and did not get it any of it until mid-November all the way through mid-Jan. I suspect if we ordered the same pieces now it would be even longer. This was from a variety of stores, not just one.

          • Anon

            WOW, thank you! Yes, exactly, we’re looking at mid-June. It’s so far away it’s almost intangible, so I keep putting it off but should likely just heed your advice to order now. Our sofa is probably 10 years old so I’m hoping the armchairs match the fabric samples looked OK. Perhaps washing the covers toys will help fade them a bit. Wish me luck!

          • anne-on

            Yes, this, we ordered with Taylor King in April, our 3 pieces were delivered in late August. The factory had an outbreak and shut down for 2-3 weeks, and there were delays with materials. It just can’t be helped, and at the end of the day I’d rather be supporting local US factories, and the knowledge and craft that goes into those pieces even if it takes another few weeks.

    • anne-on

      I’m in mod for some reason, but check out Taylor King’s website, and then reach out to Duane Collie at the Keeping Room. He’s fabulous and the furniture forums were chock full of great advice.

    • Cat

      Following with interest. I am also in the market and like more traditional styles, but it’s hard to know which mid-range brands are good quality for the price.

      I saw a few possibilities at Ballard but have never purchased anything from them.

    • Veronica Mars

      I recently bought a sofa from COCOCO (the Comfortable Couch Company) based in NC. My in-laws have some experience in furniture components and basically it’s really good quality, but not as exceptional as something like Hancock and Moore where they’re still doing eight-way hand tied seats (but it’s also cheaper than that). COCOCO like a number of other places (Roger and Chris, Maiden Home) basically are marketing businesses that deal directly with some NC furniture factories (so if it looks like you’re seeing the exact same chair over and over again at different retailers, that’s a thing). I would recommend CCC if you’re looking for leather; truly the quality is exceptional. I don’t think we could’ve bought a nicer leather sofa. The insides are quite nice, but they only offer a memory foam cushion option, not down. They do have upholstery as well. Only issues is that they’re really delayed (as are all furniture companies right now) and not the best with communication after you order. But we found the salespeople really nice, friendly, and we found exactly what we wanted in the showroom.

      • anne-on

        This is a good point – we’ve got 2 loveseats from the CoCoCo and they are great – and I LOVE how customizable they are. One is in my son’s playroom so they seem to hold up well (only about 2 yrs old though). I’d highly recommend them for a mid-priced option.

      • Sofa recommendations

        They look fantastic – I wish I had a showroom near me to check out in person.

        • Veronica Mars

          They do offer virtual appointments with a robot which we did after visiting the showroom once; that was actually really helpful, but again, we’d sat on our chesterfield and felt comfortable with it.

    • The original Scarlett

      I’ve been researching this and am looking at Maiden Home – lots of love for their construction in The design resource groups

    • Anon

      I’m considering buying they Keely sofa from Crate & Barrel. I’ve never owned their upholstered furniture but it seems to be of decent quality and I thought that model was particularly comfortable.

    • Anon

      That’s too bad to hear about Ethan Allen quality going down. When I got divorced and had to refurnish my house it was so easy to go there and just know that whatever I got was going to be good quality.

    • Anonymous

      We have several pieces by Sherrill, including a giant sectional, and really like them. NC based, quality construction, good fabric options, etc.

    • Essential+in+Texas

      Check out Interior Define. We customized a sectional and never sat on it before it was delivered. We are on year 4 and it’s still brand new.

      • Anon

        While it is harder for governmental employees to negotiate salary increases, it is not impossible. In the past few years, I have twice succeeded in negotiating an increase by persuading my supervisor that the work I do matches the job description for a higher paying position. It helps that the administration for my agency perceives me as a team player, so they supported my supervisor’s request.

        • govgirl

          I agree with this! It’s not possible to get a raise in salary at the same position, but it is possible to negotiate for a higher role+salary

        • Anon

          +1 The range of any job is not changeable in the state government I work at, but I have negotiated starting at a higher step.

      • anon

        I was able to negotiate for a higher step at the hiring stage for my government job because I had two other private firm offers which were significantly higher than my salary at the time. If I only had my salary to go off of, it wouldn’t have worked out quite as well.

    • Anon

      I took a $5k pay cut to go from a medium firm to a small firm. The next year, I presented the firm with evidence that I was underpaid. I used Robert Half, salary.com, I think an informal salary survey I conducted here and a few other places. I got a $10k raise bringing me $5k above what I had been making at the medium sized firm. In the almost 10 years since though, I’ve only increased my base by $6k. We are paid a bonus of 35% of everything over 3x our base so the firm’s stance going forward is they don’t need to raise our base. It’s a risk to them if we don’t hit 3x. So that part is frustrating since I feel like I’m losing money to inflation but the end of year bonuses are nice. If something happened where I hit my goal early in the year, they would bonus me out then too.

      So it’s an initial win though it stagnated.

    • Diana Barry

      When I moved from biglaw to small law they offered me $100K and I countered with $150K (I had been making $270K so it was a giant pay cut regardless). We settled at $125K. Little did I know that I wouldn’t get another raise until I made partner MANY years later!

    • Anonymous

      I frequently got 10%+ raises per year simply by framing it in dollars instead of percent.

      “For the work I did last year, I am requesting an additional $8,000/year.”

      • cara

        I have always done it in $, never thought to do it in percentages. For the last line, do you negotiate at the end of the year for next year? Or in the middle of the year?

    • Anonymous

      1) early in my career I was making $55k. I was recruited and offered $85k with 10% bonus potential for a job. I asked for $90 and a signing bonus since I would miss out on bonus season at my old job (where I got $2,000-$2,500 but I did not disclose that). They came back with $90k and a $10k signing bonus! I am so glad I did that because years later as I saw what others made, I could clearly see who had asked for more at signing and who did not.

      2) This is DH’s story but I think it’s important to share. He was working as a director level person making $180k with a nominal (? $5k?) bonus. He was given a crapload more responsibility and said, “ok, so I assume there’s a title and salary bump along with this?” His hiring manager paused and said, well, yes, of course. Let me check wiht HR. He came back with a salary of $210k and a $30k bonus. Husband said “is that in line with other VP salaries at the firm?” Manager came back with $230k and a $30k bonus. DH said “sounds great! At the VP level, do people coming from outside the firm also get options?” Manager circled back with HR and found out that why yes, when they hire externally the package includes options. DH got options that ended up being worth about $150k when the company sold. The whole back-and-forth was not emotional, entirely collaborative, and his boss hadn’t stopped to take the time to think about those things–boss just put what HR sent down in front of DH until DH asked questions. DH’s boss was an SVP or an EVP (i forget which) and had way more going on than the nitty gritty of salary so it was important for it to be brought to his attention.

      • Anonymous

        Oh, and another thing– my DH recently hired an old coworker of mine. I actually posted here to see if I should intervene re: salary negotiations because I could guess exactly how it played out. Y’all told me to MYOB, which I did, other than telling my coworker not to forget to negotiate and that DH’s company pays well. It ended up with my old coworker settling for less.

        The deal was that I knew DH’s hiring salary band (he’d previously asked if I knew anyone, so I asked about ballpark salary to make sure I was referring appropriate people). When I told my former coworker about the job, she interviewed was asked what she wanted for pay. She said $90k. They offered her $95. The salary band went to 120k. The person reported into one of DH’s directors so it wasn’t exactly DH’s personal hire, but it was in his salary budget and he had to sign off on things. After it was all over I asked how it played out and he said they gave her more than she asked for, and he didn’t top her out because he finds people do better when they have medium/large pay increases year over year vs smaller ones, and the role she took caps out at $120 and she wouldn’t be up for a promotion into a new role for a few years.

        IMO, she’d have been better off with $110k now (which they’d have done if she’d asked) and then smaller increases for the next few years vs 95k now and 5k increases for 3 years.

    • Cornellian

      I have only one salary negotiation story, because I was in lockstep BigLaw before. When I left BigLaw, I was on track to make 440K (pre tax, including bonus) that year. I left for a quasi-governmental position in a slightly lower COLA, and they offered me 170K. I countered at 180K, and we settled at 175K. 5K isn’t much, but I was super proud of myself for negotiating anything, as I always found it very challenging.

    • Anon

      All of my successful salary negotiations involved my employer wanting me to change roles, me not really wanting to change, and holding out for a salary and title boost before accepting. By the time I left my last role I made more than all of my peers (which I found out accidentally.)

      I did the same in switching companies. I held out until they went beyond matching my salary as I wanted compensation for the risk of a new job.

    • Anonymous

      This might be kind of the opposite of what you want but I consider it a success. I once tried to negotiate $10k higher than I was offered ($135k – so less than 10%). I was moving from mid law to small law and I said I would like them to match my starting salary as a first year associate in midlaw (I was a 5th year when interviewing), I was open to a pay cut but it would be a little disappointing to take less than where I started fresh out of law school. Apparently one of the partners was so offended by my ask and the word “disappointing” that firm withdrew the offer entirely. I had heard that women had trouble at that firm, but I knew a bunch of people there so I figured I would be ok. Apparently not! I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like to negotiate for raises, bonuses, or promotion.

  3. Anon

    I love these pants! Well, really I love anything that straddles athletic like wear and something else.

    Unfortunately, these are way out of my budget (I’m part of the OldNavy/Target/TJMaxx crew on here), but will keep my eyes peeled for a sale or a cheaper dupe.

    • Anonymous

      I was thinking I really liked these too! Elizabeth has wonderful picks!

    • AnonATL

      I got a pair very similar to this from Costco a couple years ago. I think it was the Kirkland women’s travel pant, but they don’t have them right now.
      Target has a somewhat dupe: Women’s Stretch Woven Pants – All in Motion

      • Op

        Thanks! Will check them out.

        I stocked up on these great pants from TJMaxx last year – look professional enough for work but are athletic like and I love them.

        • pugsnbourbon

          Seconding the All in Motion line at Target – I have a jumpsuit in their woven fabric and it’s amazing. At this point I can get away with wearing them to work.

      • Anonymous

        Agree. I’d wait for a sale. I am typically in the Old Navy crowd, too. However, this is the category of clothes where I splurge. Well made cross-over pants. I also WFH full time (before pandemic, too), so I get a lot of wear of them. I haven’t regretted a single splurge in this category!

  4. Cat

    On topic for once. I’ve been eyeing those Alison pants from Marine Layer since they were mentioned here a few months ago (in a post or comments, I forget which). Has anyone purchased and can update after a few months of wear – how do they launder, etc?

    • Anon

      Following! Poster from 8:33 here- I’ve been obsessed with the Allison pant but haven’t bought yet.

    • Anon

      I’ve owned a pair of Allison pants for a couple of years. I wash them cold, hang dry and they have held up. (That’s how I wash the majority of my clothes though, it’s possible they don’t require the hang dry).

      I personally don’t find myself reaching for them that often TBH, but I think that’s more my personal style. With the cropped/tulip cut bottoms it just kind of narrows what shoes I think they look good with. I personally don’t like wearing them with even stylish sneakers or booties, those looks just doesn’t work for me with the space between where the shoe ends and the crop begins. Flats and heels IMO look good with them, but I don’t wear either of those often in casual life. p.s. I might have written something similar on the old post you are referring to.

      • Anon

        I should also add, I’m 5′ 6″ and the tulip cut out on the side of the crop actually makes the overall length feel quite cropped, especially when sitting down. I’m in CA so this isn’t an issue, but I’ve thought if I was somewhere cold/snowy this would maybe be an issue in the winter (assuming you are venturing outside).

        • Anon

          Yes, I don’t wear them when it’s cold and wet and snowy. They are summer pants for sure.

        • Anon

          I’m one of the Alison posters and I’m 5-4 and the tulip really really works for me. I wear them mostly with Rothys or a pair of M. Gemi pointy-toe patent flats (Stellato?). 99% of my tops I wear tucked out or now sweaters. I will say that they aren’t a coldest-party-of-winter pant for me but I freeze easily. I agree with wash/hang to dry. I have liked them — they seem a bit more intentional than some of my other pandemic pants, which look like they should either be in the woods or at home on a couch but I am OK going out in these to the office or where I want to look sharp (if the weather weren’t nasty). They are very soft and yet look elevated. I much prefer to my jeans (after so much soft comfy clothing, the seams on jeans just seem to literally rub me the wrong way).

  5. Anonymous

    Anyone successfully learn to relax and down gear what they are satisfied with? I’m tired after a long, bad year.

    • Anon

      I’m finally getting there. For a while, I was doing the bare minimum; now I’m aiming for “very solid but not the complete total superstar I was.”

      A lot of it is understanding that outside of certain circumstances, it’s not really necessary to be a superstar. When I’m gunning to get my work printed in, e.g., The Atlantic, it has to be superstar quality. However, when I’m negotiating a contract for work, there’s almost no difference for anyone between me being a strong employee and a superstar employee. (Obviously, in-house legal at a mid-size company.)

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      2020 has been incredibly difficult for everyone. I’m not sure exactly what area of your life you are referring to, but cut yourself some slack.

    • Anon

      I found the risk comparison to birth control with respect to masking an interesting choice. Per the article, the chances of birth control failure are higher than vaccine failure. However, very few people use condoms to prevent pregnancy if they are also using a solid birth control. Sure, some people do, but it’s definitely not the norm.

      A lot of the rest of the article relied on possibilities and hypotheticals. Yes, it’s theoretically possible that the vaccine doesn’t prevent asymptomatic spread, but there’s no evidence of that and it’s not what science would expect based on what we know about these vaccines. The article made reference to things like “until this is over,” but didn’t give reason at all to believe that there’s any ability for it to be over, even with widespread vaccines.

      (I’m fully vaccinated, and will continue to wear a mask for the slight risk and while it makes other comfortable. I do not expect to continue doing so indefinitely.)

      • Anon

        I may continue wearing a mask in crowded public places because I have really enjoyed not being sick at all from anything this year! Normally, I get at least a sinus infection and upper respiratory infection annually that takes longer than it should to kick.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah I’ll def be wearing a mask on crowded public transit in winter! But that’s about the common cold not doubting the vaccine.

          • Anonymous

            Same here. Masks in risky situations forever. I had bronchitis for nearly a year straight until COVID hit and it became socially acceptable to protect oneself against germs. It all started with a sick person in my row on a plane. I have not been sick for nearly a year now and it is amazing.

          • Anon

            Ugh, sitting down in your airplane seat and realizing someone in your row is super sick is The Worst. I am totally wearing a mask on planes in even remotely that situation from here on out.

          • No Face

            I think I will wear a mask on planes and public transportation forever as well.

        • Anonymous

          This winter I’ve been enjoying wearing my mask on my walking commute to keep my face warm. I wear glasses, so previous attempts with scarfs and things led to fogging glasses. Masks with a good nose piece work much better.

          • Lilau

            I was walking down the (mostly empty) street with my unmasked husband and had mine on. Two crazy women in a Jeep Cherokee with “stop the steal” scrawled on it pulled over and started screaming at me about wearing the mask outdoors. I responded that it was kind of nice in the cold and they were somewhat disarmed and said “oh well…yeah.” And then they drove away.

            All this to say, I don’t really mind them in the cold. Also, (some) people in my town are crazy.

        • Cat

          Seriously – although I’ve had the usual congestion from allergies and dryness, not having been sick from anything has been amazing. I would happily keep wearing masks in crowded areas (particularly mass transit).

          I also hope that it will be socially acceptable for anyone who’s sick, even with “just a cold,” to WFH to keep their germs to themselves.

          • masks

            I also hope that more people who feel sick, or are even coughing/sneezing from allergies, will start wearing masks voluntarily.

            Not everyone can stay home all the time when they are sick. And even if you **think** you are coughing or sneezing from allergies, you may be wrong and you are still spraying your oral / respiratory bacterial flora around. Lots of us have bacteria that live in us that wont make us sick but may make someone else sick. Crazy but true, especially if you are immunocompromised.

            And I would love it if I never had to shake anyone’s hand again!

        • Vicky Austin

          I work at a hospital (non-patient care job) and we’ve been wearing masks daily since March. I haven’t had one solitary cold (knock wood). And they are kinda nice against that Midwest winter wind!

        • Anon

          I haven’t had this experience of not getting colds with masking. I’m normally very healthy, and typically get around 2 colds (sniffling, coughing, irritating but not serious) a year, and I got those same 2 over the course of the 2020. I still go to the office and my kids are in school (though my 8-year-old has noticeably not picked up anything in quite a while, though my 5-year old has), so I guess the only big changes have been masking and increased hand-washing, and I haven’t found them helpful. (I don’t take public transport, so it’s masks in office and shopping/other public places.)

          But if other people want to do it, I’m certainly not going to tell them not to.

        • AIMS

          I am going to wear a mask as long as it’s the norm to keep other people comfortable! I think it’s basic manners indoors or on transport right now. The person sharing your subway car has no idea if you’ve been vaccinated or had it already or whatever, and has no reason to believe you even if you share that fact. I think masks are just a common courtesy when you’re around other people.

          But that said, I think the media coverage of the vaccines and what any of them mean have been remarkably stupid.

      • Anon

        Yeah, I think it’s safe to say “that until it’s over” actually means “when virus rates are much lower and most people have been vaccinated so they’re not very likely to get really sick or die” not “there is no virus anywhere.” That is definitely going to happen, even in the most pessimistic of scenarios.

        Good news from the Astra–Zeneca trial is that it reduced the detection of virus by 2/3. They didn’t actually measure transmission, but presumably it could reduce transmission by even more than 2/3, as people who were vaccinated would likely have less virus for less time (they just swabbed weekly). That basically fits with what all the experts have been saying- it won’t reduce transmission completely, so for now, while there is a lot of virus circulating and most people still haven’t been vaccinated, you need to be careful, but eventually you’ll be able to ease up.

        • Anonymous

          This. It being ‘over’ is not zero covid. It’s covid levels that are not overwhelming the healthcare system and life getting back to normal. we’ll always have covid around like we have the flu variants still around but getting to herd immunity on the most common strains is within reach this year.

      • anon

        I agree – I found it sort of odd that the intro was comparing it to birth control but then the rest of the article was saying don’t change a single thing. Using birth control greatly reduces risk of unwanted pregnancy and we know abstinence only doesn’t work. I feel like these articles will result in people saying well why bother with the vaccine the way a lot of people (men) don’t bother with birth control because it’s mildly inconvenient and not 100 percent effective.

        The comparison for birth control for me actually makes me more comfortable doing a lot of things the article was arguing to not do post vaccine. I will still wear a mask in public for the foreseeable future but to the rest of these things, especially with other vaccinated people, I will not be avoiding post vaccine. That said I’m basically last in line so hopefully community spread will be down by the time I’m vaccinated and this will be moot

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for this helpful article. I hope others here find it more clarifying on the travel issue as well.

    • BeenThatGuy

      I love this! How is the sizing? I’m working in the office and I think this would look smashing on me!

      • In-House in Houston

        I think it’s a very flattering style! I got an email from Macys about dresses and scrolled through them and I really love it. I bought it even though it’s not on-sale. I’ll let you know when I get it about sizing. One good thing about Macy’s is that it’s super easy to return in-store so it’s a low-risky buy.

        • BeenThatGuy

          You’re right; Macy’s is very easy to do returns. I’m going to buy it. Thanks for sharing!

      • Anon

        I think it was at once point they were more toward the junior size range (so don’t size down) but I haven’t tried on that brand for more than 5 years so it could have changed.

  8. Nonprofit Board

    A colleague who sits on the board of directors of a local nonprofit asked if I would be interested in interviewing for an open board seat. They are looking for someone with my business and legal background. I haven’t worked with the organization before, but based on some initial reading I find the organization’s work meaningful, and I respect the board member who recommended me. What questions should I ask during the interview process? What other diligence should I do before joining a nonprofit board?

    • Diana Barry

      In addition to asking about time expectations (are there too many meetings that will take up time that you don’t have? are there committees that you would have to serve on in addition to the board proper?), ask about D&O insurance to make sure they have that. Also ask if there are donation expectations for the board. They may hem and haw and say no, but you could then also ask how much board members have donated in the past and whether the board has 100% participation in giving, and extrapolate from that.

    • CPA Lady

      I worked for a national not for profit at one point and have been on the boards of several national and local nonprofits.

      Figure out the time commitment (frequency and length of board meetings, amount of work expected to be done on your own time) and the financial commitment (do they expect you to fundraise a certain dollar amount or donate a certain dollar amount as a board member). And ask about the sort of annual cycle of events– for instance one board I was on had a big annual spring fundraiser that they expected a lot of board participation in that directly overlapped my busiest time of the year at work. Figure out how long a term is and if people roll on and off the board regularly. Also, try to get a sense of how (dis)organized/well staffed they are. I am pretty much over being on boards at this point in my life. Especially for organizations that are lightly staffed and have a lot of volunteers. They are doing good in the community and they are doing their best, but the board meetings for this kind of organization are normally long and painful since the bulk of the work of running the organization is being done by the board.

      • anon

        On the flip side, I’ve been on boards where the staff just ran everything and the board was a rubber stamp, which can feel pretty useless. I dreaded going to those meetings. It felt like I was just there to write a check, really, which I can do without wasting so much time.

        • Anon

          I am the Anon who commented below at 10:23. I understand this perspective – I was the president of a board that was more advisory in capacity (I call it a non-working board). And while I understand that it can feel useless (because I have a friend on the board who says this all the time) it really is an important function. Non-profits have to have boards by law, so they can remain tax free organizations. So, the approval and review of financials is important to keep their 501c3 status, even though it isn’t as exciting as hands-on volunteering. In short: it might not be as exciting as hands-on volunteering, but you are still playing a really important role and are not just a check!

          • anon

            Yeah. We had people on the board reviewing financials, etc. but it wasn’t me. I really did feel useless. But I see what you are saying. I guess the advice to the OP is just to figure out what you want and ask the questions to determine which type of board it is.

          • Anon

            Of course, the fiduciary obligations of what an executive director may view as a “non working board” are often identical with other governing boards. Personally, I run from rubberstamp boards, unless these are “advisory” boards by designation and legally. There’s too much downside.

      • Anon

        +1 to all of this. It is important to know if it is a working board or more advisory. You might also want to know where they get the bulk of their funding (i.e. is it a pay-for-services such as a medical non-profit, private donations, government funded, etc.). I would also just know that regardless of what they say about board members being expected to donate, 100% board participation in donations is important to a lot of organizations applying for grants, so you should expect that you will have to donate something (doesn’t have to be a lot) for the duration of your time of the board.

    • Anon

      Ha, I just finished a board term and am reminding myself to say no to these kinds of things! In my case I was never really that excited about the mission and that made it hard to be a good board member. Also, the organization had relied on a very steady stream of income for a long time so my fellow board members were very averse to any kind of fundraising, which we desperately needed to do because that income stream was drying up. So asking about what role board members play in fundraising and then being really honest with yourself about what you’re willing to do is my advice.

    • Country Biscuits

      You might do a little searching on Twitter to see if there are any controversies. A local board here is having their emails posted because of some issues so some things might surface.

      Also see if you can find past board agendas and minutes.

    • eertmeert

      Go on GuideStar and look up the nonprofit’s Form 990. There is a lot of information about the organization there. You can see what work they’ve done over the past year, where their focus is (page 2). You can see who the major donors are, and where the nonprofit contributes to themselves (schedule B i think?). All that is in addition to the assets and income/expenses. If you look at Schedule O you can see additional details about the organization, and how it works.
      Also, you can see the quality of the tax return. Are there typos or grammatical errors?

      Additionally, if it is a smaller org that files a 990-EZ that will give you an idea of the budget.

  9. Vaccine reaction

    Just want to update folks here on my parents (75 and 81) section to the first COVID jabs. Dad was fine with some arm soreness. But he is very fit and exercises a LOT. Mum has arthritis and she had chills without fever and generally a bit tired.

    • Anonymous

      OP here – all this to say, please get the vaccine and encourage people to do so.

    • AFT

      Were you asking yesterday about onset time of reactions? Either way, can you share when their symptoms started? Glad your parents got jabbed! My kids’ three living grandparents got their first shots last week and I was surprised how much of a weight it took off my shoulders.

  10. Anon

    Here’s a potentially fun and frivolous question. Does anyone have a favorite stove top tea kettle? I have a cheap black Kitchen Aid that is probably 15+ years old now. It still works, but it is not sparking joy.

    Now that I’m home now, I’d rather have an upgraded tea kettle that I love to look at on my stovetop. I don’t want it to just be decorative but also functional.

    There are a lot of options on Amazon w/ mixed reviews. Kate Spade has some gorgeous ones but I can’t tell how functional they would be. I’m not sure I like the handle style on the Le Cruset ones. I’m looking at some basic ones online at Target and the like. Open to ideas!

    • Anonymous

      I have the LC classic whistling one and it’s a nice pop of color. I like that the handle can be rotated out of the way. They have another more modern one with a fixed handle that I didn’t like because it seemed like the handle would get in the way.

      • Katie

        Same – I like my LC and have coordinated (as closely as I can) with a color that matches my stand mixer.

    • Panda Bear

      For functionality, I much prefer an electric tea kettle. But I understand the desire for something beautiful to live on the stove top. For that purpose, I have a vintage copper one, found at an antique shop. I wouldn’t use it, but I’ve heard that you can get vintage pots re-lined in safe metal.

      • Anon

        Thanks. I have WAY too many single use appliances and I don’t really have the storage space for an electric kettle. I may get one when I return to the office though.

        • anon

          This. A stainless steel with black handle standard stovetop kettle from WalMart suits the purpose and looks very nice on top of my stainless steeve/ceramic cooktop stove.

        • Ribena

          Everyone in the UK would chuckle at the idea of storing your kettle – I’ve never known anyone to keep theirs anywhere other than on the counter. But that’s our obsession with tea perhaps….!
          (I have a very basic electric kettle in a colour that fades into my kitchen, bought from a supermarket)

          • Panda Bear

            Exactly – my electric kettle never gets put away! My anglophile husband drinks gallons of tea, and I use it every morning for coffee in a french press.

          • Anonymous

            Same here! I haven’t had a stove kettle since the nineties. I also haven’t boiled a kettle dry since the nineties… I loved my whistling kettles, but there’s no going back from electric. My favourite stove kettle was an aluminium one that boiled very quickly.

            My electric kettle is the most used single-use appliance I have. My second most used is my electric toothbrush – normally only used twice a day. :D

      • Anon

        +1 to electric. I have a le creuset stove top kettle that is beautiful but it’s my electric kettle that gets used.

        I also have a problem remembering that I have a stove top kettle going and boiling it dry. No such problem with the electric kettle.

      • Nudibranch

        Haden ($) has a very cute electric tea kettle if you like that vintage modern look. Smeg ($$$) has an even cuter one, I believe.

    • Cat

      I normally love OXO products but don’t purchase their tea kettles. The handle is completely in the way on the Uplift, and the spout is poorly designed on the Classic (unless you enjoy boiling one cup of water at a time, it attaches too low to the kettle to pour smoothly).

      I had a Le Creuset that I liked other than the handle design, but tired of the color so gave it to a friend.

    • Anon

      For me the priorities are aesthetics, one-handed ergonomics, and that it pour cleanly without dribbling. I ended up going with a kettle for pourover coffee (since I make a lot more coffee than tea), but miss having a whistle.

      But read reviews. A lot of pretty tea kettles will burn you with steam or will be very awkward to handle.

    • Anon

      I have a Le Creuset kettle in their discontinued colour Soleil and I love it. It looks very pretty sitting on my stove. I think a kettle is a kettle…if it boils water that counts as functional in my books.

    • Anonymous

      I have the classic LC one and do NOT like it. It’s adorable and from a purely aesthetic standpoint it’s the best choice. But it splashes hot water when I pour it and the handle gets too hot. I used to have an amazing basic (cuisinart?) one but I melted the spout by putting it on the gas burner wrong and I have mourned it ever since.

        • Anon

          If you have gas, make sure you turn the flame so that the tips of the flames are under the kettle and not up and around the sides. The too-big flame is what makes the handle hot.

    • Notinstafamous

      As a single data point: We have the staub cast iron one and it is gorgeous and sparks joy and pours very cleanly and makes me happy. BUT you have to wear oven mitts to pour it, it doesn’t make a lot of hot water, doesn’t whistle (so if you’re absentminded it can boil dry, ask me how I know…) and can take a *long* time to come to a boil because the iron is so thick. It does keep water warm though.

    • Anon

      I have a beautiful deep blue enamel/stainless Chantal one that I’ve had for at least 15 years and always looks great.

    • Anon

      Loving all these responses. I may just stick with my old but functional Kitchen Aid one. Or an upgrade to a better color but the same handle/whistle style. Either way, I won’t get rid of it until I know for sure I like it’s replacement.

      My current one holds lots of water, is easy to use one handed, whistles, but does occasionally dribble when pouring or overflow while boiling if filled too high but the latter is definitely more of a me error.

      • CB

        We have the IKEA one, the same model since the 1970s that won design awards. We also have an electric tea maker but husband prefers stovetop for coffee.

    • Anon

      I love my Le Creuset tea kettle, but it’s the Oolong version (I think?) that has the spout opening on the handle. Much more functional than their traditional kettle, yet still beautiful since it lives on my stovetop year round.

    • Anon

      Le creuset. Mine’s red but whatever goes with your kitchen. (And just to add, no it is not cast iron! Just enameled steel)

    • Anon

      I read through this entire thread and was wondering why nobody recommended the Revere Ware copper bottomed whistling tea kettle, only to search for it and see it’s been discontinued. Every woman in my family has one of these (we’re American, but decidedly a tea family). Growing up, I thought this was the only tea kettle there was because it’s the only one I had ever seen ?

      https://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Paul-Revere-Ware-Whistling-Teapot-Kettle-Copper-Bottom/154317744521

  11. Anonymous

    I’m really struggling with it being February. This time last year, after a period of intense grief in my life, I was finally looking forward to a great year. I had tickets to 2 Broadway shows, I treated myself to a subscription to the ballet, I booked a dream vacation,
    I was getting lots of job interviews. And now a full year later I’ve basically been on pause.

    • Anon

      I had bought season tickets to Broadway shows, including Hamilton which I was supposed to see on opening night back in May of last year…sigh. I feel you.

    • anon

      I’m really sorry. I get it. DH & I had finally booked a big dream vacation for our family. It was going to be the first time our kids got to fly, and we finally felt like so many possibilities awaited us after getting through the baby/toddler/early preschool years. It’s not the end of the world — we can still go someday, but I am also struggling with that feeling of “but our lives are on hold, just as we were ready to really have some great adventures together.”

    • Anonymous

      I empathize and have been in the same boat. I finally felt like I had hit my stride in life and then things felt paused. However what has helped me is reminding myself that my life is not on hold. It’s still my life and it is what I make of it. There is a lot I can still do and enjoy even under the circumstances and as a high-risk person who has to be extra cautious. Trying to flip the script and find the positive in this time, such as more quality time with my husband, has really helped me to cope. I keep track of things like how many books I have read, which which helps me see that I have been filling my time with something after all even though I cancelled a lot of things I wanted to do.

    • Anon

      I’m sorry. Commiseration. Approaching the one-year mark of when all this started is giving me a lot of feelings this week, so you’re not alone.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        Yeah, the “a year ago yesterday” posts on here really made me stop- I almost can’t believe that a year ago I was at work every day and now I’ve been to the office four times for no more than an hour together in 11 months. 11 months ago today was my last real day at work.

    • anon

      That’s so hard. Hugs.

      Agree with the earlier response that we’re all there. I was just looking back at my journal from this time last year, and seeing all the fun stuff I did in January, and everything I’d lined up for the rest of the year, and mourning that none of it happened.

      At this point, I’m just hoping that 2022 will be a year where I again can plan things and anticipate them with more certainty that at least most of them will actually happen.

    • anon

      Yup. I have timehop and I keep looking at the pictures from on year ago over the last few weeks, seeing all my “last time I did” xyz thing. It hurts. I’m so glad we took a spur of the moment vacation at the end of January 2020. I think the hardest is going to be when I get to the picture of the last time we ate in a restaurant. It was in early March right before everything went into total lockdown in my state. We had just been to a scary doctor’s appointment at a children’s hospital a couple hours away from home for our daughter and gotten good news about her medical condition. And we stopped on our way home to have lunch with a couple of friends a town over. It was such a happy lunch in such an uncertain time and then everything just… stopped. I actually really enjoyed the slower pace of last summer but this fall and winter have been so incredibly hard.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry. March was the hardest pandemic month for me and I was thinking last night that I’m nervous about it being March again.

    • No Face

      2019 was a terrible year for me. 2020 was supposed to be my year to recover emotionally/spiritually. Obviously, that did not happen.

      • anon

        Same, No Face. My life blew up in summer 2019, I was just barely coming out of the fog by Jan/Feb. Then, first week of March.

      • Anon

        My husband and I felt exactly the same. We suffered multiple deaths in both our families and and had put our TTC attempts on hold while we got our grief under control. We were convinced that 2020 was going to be our year and went in so hopeful. While the rug certainly got ripped out from under us and we still feel exhausted, there have been some small bright spots in 2020 and I am just trying to remain optimistic that 2021 will be kinder and gentler on everyone.

    • Anon

      I feel you. This time last year I was still hopeful I could go to Paris in April. That didn’t happen.

    • Anonymous

      It’s so tough. My cousin also died this week from COVID. And it’s brought up a lot of feelings of all the visits I didn’t make. I was so busy with my job. I haven’t had a real vacation in several years. I feel like I took so many things for granted in my life that I’d do “later this spring” or “maybe after X project” or what have you. It’s like I’m stuck in the bad part of It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Carol or something…COVID, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m a better person and will appreciate things. Time to let me wake up now.

  12. Anonymous

    I know that everybody has a lot going on, but if you have the time and capacity, please consider writing to your representatives urging action on China’s genocide, systematic rape, and torture against the Uighur minority group. The situation has become incredibly dire end the United States just recently made the determination that it fits the criteria for genocide, which is absolutely horrific. Please help keep up the pressure and attention on this issue – every letter and call to reps counts. Easy quick script if you need one: “Hello, I am calling to urge Senator/Congressman/Congresswoman ____ to support a full investigation and action against China for its persecution and genocide of the Uighur population. These crimes are a human rights violation that we cannot ignore. Thank you.”

    • Anon

      I have been doing this for a while. Thank you for bringing it up; the CCP white-washes the horrors of what it is doing and it seems to not get much attention in the mainstream news.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for the reminder. Will do.
      If I may vent for just a minute …. I contact my representatives frequently and I wish I felt like it made a difference. I will keep doing it, because it isn’t hard, but where I live my representatives are so fully entrenched in party politics it doesn’t seem like anything I say matters. They don’t represent me or my voice and I don’t think they’re interested in even trying.

      • Anonymous

        So glad it was helpful to you and thank you for taking the time. If enough people speak up, we’re more likely to see results (I have to believe that).

    • No Face

      Thank you for bringing this up. I have been devastated about this for a while, but it felt so hopeless when Trump was in office. I need to start writing letters.

      • Anonymous

        Actually, I think this is one issue that Trump’s administration handled okay (not good enough, but could’ve been worse). Pompeo was the one who made the genocide determination on Trump’s last day in office and Biden’s new Secretary of State, Blinken, concurs. That gives me hope that we could drum up bipartisan support for a stronger response. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

        • Curious

          Yeah, one of the things that I noticed in Sharon says so’s insta story yesterday is how all over the place both liberals and conservatives were on foreign policy, and how everyone said it was complicated and human rights mattered. This is an area where we can have deserving hope of bipartisanship.

      • anon

        Oh please. Trump was harder on China than any past President. It would be far more rational to despair now, since China owns Joe Biden (via Hunter).

  13. Curious

    Thank you so much to the person who recommended celebrating Candlemas yesterday! Crepes for dinner was just what I needed — and what my marriage needed. We will add this to the annual holiday list.

    • Ribena

      It’s Shrove Tuesday on the 16th if you want an excuse to do crepes/pancakes again already!

      • cbackson

        Ha, we call this period “pancake season” at my house. The kids love getting dinner crepes/pancakes TWICE in a few weeks.

    • Sunflower

      After seeing that comment yesterday, we celebrated Candlemas (or La Chandeleur as they call it in France) on the spur of the moment at our house, too! I scavenged the house for ingredients and came up with dessert crêpes using lemon curd folded into whipped cream for the filling with lightly sweetened blueberries scattered on top. Delicious and fun.

  14. Paging CB!

    You recommended an electric kettle the other day – I tried to search the site and can’t find it. Are you there? Thanks!

    • Anon

      I’m not that person but I am obsessed with my Bonavita gooseneck kettle.

      Probably not what CB recommended because this one is not hard to find. All of the pour over coffee afficionados love it and making coffee at home has become a big thing since the pandemic. I do use it for pour over coffee but mostly I’m a daily tea drinker so I use it for that. I also use the unheated kettle to water plants and to refil my cat’s water dish all the time.

  15. Anon in Dallas

    My hospital system just contacted me to make my appointment for the vaccine. I am getting for first shot on Saturday! I am under 65 but have an invisible underlying condition

  16. Sewing forum

    What’s a good online forum for asking very specific sewing questions? I’ve tried Burda and Pattern Review, but they don’t seem all that active?

    The specific question I have (in case anyone here has ideas too): I consider myself a high-intermediate sewer (not a full on couture level one drafting my own stuff, but can make up most patterns pretty easily). I made this long wool coat with a heavy wool felt. It looks great except for the front bottom where the hem/placket meet. It just will not sit flat and bubbles out there in an annoying way where there’s too much space between the placket/lining and the front fabric. I’m pretty sure I cut the fabric on grain, as I was super careful with this, and I keep playing with the placket to see if I can take some bulk out, but it still does this.

    • Anonymous

      Facebook groups — – Sew Altered Style Society is probably the best for this. You could also try Capsule Wardrobe Sewalong.

      There are also many specific groups for individual pattern companies but the two above are pattern-maker agnostic.

    • Silly Valley

      Pattern Review has slowed down a bit in recent years but is probably still your best bet, or sewing folks on Instagram maybe. Did you interface the placket or the hem? How is the hem hemmed (top stitched, machine edgestitch, hand stitched etc)? Can you tack the placket and the hem with a few catchstitches by hand?

      • Sewing OP

        The hem is hand stitched with catch stitches on the bottom (where I turned up to hem), but machine stitched to the placket. I thought about stitching it down, but it seems like something is wrong with the drape of the thing, so I wasn’t sure if that would just make it worse?

        • Silly Valley

          Hmm. I don’t know if you can trim/grade the seam allowances at this point, or if it would help. It’s probably something to do with the turn of cloth adding extra bulk to an already bulky fabric. Can you undo the hem there and do some catchstitching on the ‘inside’ of the overlap, somehow? Or a bit of fusible tape?

    • AnonMom

      The Fold Line was interesting when I last looked at it a year or so ago but not sure how active it has remained. There is also a very active Ravelry group called Sew Obsessed that is great at responding to specific questions.

    • Anon Sewist

      Sewing Instagram might be your savior here! Rumana from thelittlepomegranate just made a long wool coat and showed some approaches to the hem that might help.

    • Anonymous

      There’s a French seamstress on youtube who does very detailed and professional tutorials where she also shows common mistakes and problems and how to fix, including iirc a problem like you described. I can try and find her channel again if you are interested.

  17. Anon Junior Atty

    Junior attorney here. I just started my second year in biglaw and had my first year review a few weeks ago, which I’ve been mulling over since. The partner said that overall I was developing well and “exactly where I need to be” but he also said there is a perception that people need to check my work. And admittedly I have found myself making more (minor) mistake than I am comfortable with. Obviously I want to correct this ASAP because I don’t want to have a reputation for shotty work (which I am already afraid that maybe I have created). I have tried to slow down and be more deliberate about my assignments but between the short deadline and super late night, I find myself making small error here and there, or turning in work that I think looks good at 1:00am, but looks not so good at 9:00am.

    Any advice on how to deal with this? I really want to correct this problem but I am not sure how because I often don’t have the luxury of taking my time to complete an assignment. I am staffed on 10 projects so I often have conflicting deadlines and short turn-around times but I don’t want to want to ask to be taken off anything for fear that it will look like I can’t handle the workload. Any advice how to handle is truly appreciated.

    • Anonymous

      I think just taking another step to re-read is good. I’m not great at this myself, but it’s “shoddy” not “shotty” and making small “errors” not “error.” I keep, to this day as a 10th year, a running note of mistakes that people catch so I keep them in mind. I don’t think this critique is a crisis, it’s normal for a junior, just something to focus on more.

      • Anon

        I firmly believe that what people write on Internet comment boards should not be subject to scrutiny for spelling, grammar, or exact tone and meaning. However, you made several spelling and grammatical errors in your post, indicating that this is a chronic problem for you.

        It’s possible that you are chronically sleep deprived. A study out of Harvard showed that people who sleep 4 hours a night for 2 weeks produce work product approximately as well as those who have pulled an all-nighter, but are unaware of their decline in cognitive function. If this is you, make it a priority to catch up on sleep. You will work faster during the day and with fewer errors, which will offset the time lost to extra sleep.

        Alternately, you never learned how to write properly and it’s biting you in the butt.

      • cbackson

        +1 to keeping a list. Stuff like “make sure you spell check,” “remember that spell-check doesn’t always catch mistakes in all-caps clauses like disclaimers of consequential damages,” “always do a find/replace to make sure you’ve updated party names, purchase prices, etc.,” “check the business terms against the term sheet.” I kept a physical list for years and now have a solid mental list.

      • Anon

        And not to pile on there are other errors in your post. Are you using Grammarly (or something similar? It would have caught at least some of the ones in this post.

    • anon

      The best thing I’ve done is create checklists. If I make a mistake, I add that thing to the checklist and make sure I don’t make the same mistake again. Also, I found myself making mistakes on the first page and in the signature block–basically, form stuff that I grab from another template, and that I don’t pay much attention to in a rush to get to the substance of my document. But those are the mistakes my bosses and clients notice the most. So, once I’m finished, I go back and pay particular attention to the first and last page.

    • AFT

      – Checklist
      – Print out and read on paper
      – use the read aloud function in word so that you can hear the writing (this helps me pick up on my nemesis, dropped words)
      – Read backwards/bottom up
      – if you have an assistant or someone else on the case who can proofread for you, use them
      – try to give yourself some distance between completing assignment and proofing if possible – my problem is if I’m too close to the work, I read what I meant to say and not what I actually wrote. Often taking a break, working on something else, and then coming back an hour or more later lets me focus on what I actually wrote.

      Not to be alarmist, but I would say this is a comment that you should take seriously and make sure that your efforts are working – like, a few months down the road, are you getting the same number of edits back where people are making those minor fixes for you? Your bosses want to be able to rely on you to make error free work product so that they don’t have to run interference for you with clients/filings/court/etc. I’ve been the midlevel/senior associate who has tried to coach juniors on this issue, and never liked having to look over someone’s shoulder but felt like I had to if they made lots of minor errors. I’m glad you’re getting ideas on how to address this!

      • Anonymous

        Thank you for your response. I am trying to think of steps I can take to get this issue resolved immediately and I think a checklist is a good idea. When I think about the times that this has happened it was either 1) a very late at night or 2) pressure (sometimes self-imposed) to get something done quickly.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks for your response – and I am absolutely taking this seriously. I understand why this would give someone pause about working with me, and I would feel the same way if I were in their shoes.

    • Anon

      Gently – based on this post, is your first language something other than English? I’m asking not to be critical, but because that will guide my advice.

      • Anonymous

        Unfortunately, no. I have been told that I write well, but that is usually in regard to work product that I have spent time on. I think most of my issues come from flying through a document and reading what I think it should say, not what it actually says. Thank you for your advice. I truly do want to get this issue resolved.

        • Anon

          You had a consistent issue in your post where you used a singular instead of a plural – mistake rather than mistakes, error rather than errors. I’m not pointing this out to be mean, but to bring your attention to it. When you proofread, make sure you’re using plurals where you should be. Spellcheck is not going to catch this for you.

    • Anon

      Can you build in time to review after a break? So you’re not turning in the 1:00 am work product, you’re turning in something you slept on overnight and then edited with a fresh pair of eyes?

      • Senior Attorney

        This. I used to call it “leaving the brief on my desk overnight to cure.” Looking at it one last time with fresh eyes is incredibly important.

      • Anonymous

        This makes a huge difference for me — when I have a deadline that allows me the time to wait a night before turning it in. My practice area is M&A and we frequently have very short deadlines so I don’t always have the ability to wait a day before sending my draft. I think printing a document and reviewing it might be a good substitute.

    • Anon

      I have not worked in big law so this may not be good advice. But in small law, there are times I need stuff fast and there are times I need stuff right. I try to tell the person doing work for me which of these types of tasks it is. On the flip side, I welcome the question. I once told a more senior attorney that I couldn’t get him something in perfect formatting in the time frame requested. Would he prefer more time spent on formatting or that I just get him the substance ASAP and let his assistant finish the formatting. That went over well with that attorney but would go over poorly with another so YMMV.

    • Anon

      One more tip – I use the “read aloud” function on Word and Outlook. I catch more errors listening than reading. I listen and read at the same time.

      • Anonymous

        Recommend this as well. You can stretch while listening. Very effective for me.

        • Anonymous

          This is such a great option. The version of Microsoft Office that my firm uses is older and doesn’t have this feature. Sigh.

    • blueberries

      Does you firm have 24/7 clerical support? If you can find the best person on the night shift, maybe ask for their help in proofreading while you sleep. Something like 1. check in with them about their schedule when their shift starts 2. send to them at 1am 3. review their suggestions when you wake up 4. send work to partner by the time their workday starts.

        • Sloan Sabbith

          Same. Like, are these people in the office on 8 hour shifts or is it some sort of contract work where they’re who knows where in the world? Do they just proofread or do things like cite check? Are they available to all associates or just partners or senior associates?

          • Anon

            Yes – most big firms have this type of service available. People work 8 hour shifts or sometimes more if they want overtime. Service is generally available to all attorneys, the idea being that a client should not be paying an associate’s hourly rate (even a junior attorney’s rates) for something like proofreading, formatting documents, etc.

          • AFT

            At the two big firms I worked at, there were people working overnight who had some level of editing/reviewing expertise. Typically there was some level of reservation system – usually just emailing earlier in the day to say “we’ll be sending a brief to review overnight – it’s likely X pages long,” and there were typically a few people working in the evening/overnight on those projects, at least some times at the office. My proofreading depts did not do cite-checking. I never used them that often because there was a cost associated with the review and it wasn’t something my clients would pay for.

        • Lyssa

          Me too. Though I’ll admit that I personally (in 11 years of practice as a lawyer) have never been expected or asked to work late into the night, either. Slightly after 8:00 pm has only happened a handful of times. Different lives, man.

    • Anonymous

      Does your firm have proof reading software? Many firms have purchased AI proofreading software which was a life saver for me (both of my prior big NY firms had it). It checks grammar, spelling, punctuation, but also things like broken defined terms/broken cross references/etc. So I would look into whether your firm has that – it’s often installed but people don’t know about it.

      Or a department that proof reads? Our word processing department had proofreaders, or I could ask my secretary to review for things like your suggesting.

      If not, definitely look into something like Grammarly for email. I also used to keep a checklist of things I needed to review before sending to anyone (internal or external) – spelling, grammar, defined terms, etc.

      • Anon

        As someone in tech, I want to caution people using Grammarly that there are some privacy issues with giving them access to your content, which may be relevant in law. Please carefully review the T&C before using Grammarly.

    • Anon

      This may not apply to you, but it’s worth keeping in mind if it does. I get occasional critiques like this, but I typically don’t make the same mistake twice so it does not become an issue. Recently, however, I have a partner who has heavily critiqued a project/memo that I did when I was in early pregnancy. She actually did not get on to me at the time I did the project– just kind of let me know it wasn’t great but knew I hadn’t felt well at the time and it was fine. In the past few weeks, I got blasted for the same project. In her mind, this is the second or third time she’s gotten on to me about these issues (even though it is all about the same sub-par project), and she forgot about the pass she gave me at the time due to morning sickness, etc. and is just stuck with this sub-par work product. In retrospect, I should have fixed the project on the server after hearing the initial critique so that this partner wasn’t repeatedly looking at the project and bothered by it instead of just taking her critiques and applying them to future projects.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s really important to pay attention to this problem. I work with a woman who is very smart and gets things done, but she makes so many elementary mistakes/seems incapable of proofreading that nobody trusts her to do any writing independently. It’s to the level where it’s holding her back from a promotion. I think you need to explore checklists, make sure you understand the mistakes (I think that’s where my colleague is going wrong – she just doesn’t know why an error is an error), and try to manage transitions between projects/build in time for review.

    • Anon

      One rule I implemented for myself is if I make any edits at all – no matter how minor – I have to completely reread that entire either piece or paragraph (if it’s part of a longer doc where rereading the whole thing isn’t plausible) again and again until I can read through it without making any additional edits.

      Reason: a mistake I frequently make is I will edit just one sentence, think I didn’t change much (like subbed in a synonymous word somewhere), but then after the fact realize that maybe I used that word a few times and the whole thing now sounds awkward; or because of the small edit I made in one spot it caused one of the other sentences to not sound right, etc. etc.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      For proofreading, Word has a feature where it will read your document out loud to you. I catch a lot of typos that way, especially typos that are typos in the sentence but still real words.

      • Anonymous

        Unfortunately, this tool is not supported by the current version of Word that the firm uses. This would have been a great option!

        • Anon

          I think every computer’s operating system has text-to-speech, so it may be worth investigating further. It’s a basic accessibility feature at this point.

    • Anon

      Speaking of senior animals, did you see the bat who “flies” around while being held up by his caretakers? It’s so cute.

  19. anon

    I just received a pair of boots I ordered and I’m not sure whether to return for a size up. They generally seem to fit fine (right foot fits totally fine) I can’t tell if my left big toe rubs up against the edge in a way that’s fine when I’m dancing around the house in them but won’t be if I wear them all day or not on the rug. When I push down on the top to see where my toe gets to, they don’t seem to be too terribly short. They’re the alpi alta from M.Gemi if relevant, and I already ordered a half size up. They’re gorgeous so I would love to keep them if possible. should I order a half size up or just keep these?
    I actually felt the same way when I originally ordered my normal size, and these are definitely a solid step better.

    • Anon

      Sounds like these aren’t the boots for you. Return them and find something better.

    • Shelle

      Sounds like they’re too small, but maybe try the fit again when your feet are at their biggest during the day, for example at the end of the day or after a workout? Alternatively, can you stretch the toe box a bit if they’re leather?

    • Anon

      If you are ever considering whether you should return shoes or boots due to fit, the answer is yes 100% of the time.

      • Anon

        Yes, this. New boots should unquestionably be comfortable, unless they’re Docs, because those require a blood sacrifice first.

  20. Anon

    This is sure to generate a variety of responses, but hopefully in a fun way! What’s your opinion of red nail polish these days? I’ve never worn it – until today – and I’m surprised to say that I really like it! It’s a ruby red (so dark-ish, but not super dark) and has a subtle glitter. I have short to medium length nails. I always wear light colors, and I love to do my own manicures at home so I change up colors weekly, but usually stick to the blush and pink variety. Something came over me the other day and I decided to buy red.

    So my question is – what’s your opinion of red nail polish? Trashy? Too flashy? Love it? You won’t offend me – I’m simply curious what the opinions are these days!

    • Anon

      I think a brighter red looks dated, but I love a burgundy nail.

      I don’t really think any nail color is trashy, but I know that older generations do (the stuff my mom cares about blows my mind!)

      • Katie

        Love it, and red can be classy or flashy depending on the shade, but I don’t think it’s trashy. I keep my nails short though. If nails are very long AND very bright, that’s where I personally think it could get into trashy territory, but I’d feel that way regardless of the color they’re painted.

    • Hildy J.

      “My” color is Essie Fishnet Stocking. Deep, almost red-wine like, but not quite. I have worn it on my toes essentially nonstop, with maybe a few detours to coral in the summer months, over the past decade or so. (Once I find something I like, I’m hooked for life.) Recently I started wearing it on my nails too. And I freaking love it. I don’t know what other people think of it and usually I’m dressed a little schlumpier than most people in the WFH world, but I just don’t care any more. It sparks joy for me, as the poster above says.

    • Anonymous

      I love a matte tomato red. I’m a brown skinned gal. Honestly any red works for me…!

    • Panda Bear

      Love, love, love bold red nails – but my style skews 40s vintage so I embrace any old fashioned association with the color. I’m still secretly hanging onto my teenage goth days, though, so most of the time my nails are black.

    • The original Scarlett

      It’s my go-to. I love a true red (like big apple red by OPI) and am never disappointed when I do my nails in that color. I also love darker ones and rotate into those seasonally on occasion. Red is classic and if you disagree, you’re dead to me ;-) (kidding of course) It just works especially well with my coloring.

    • Anon

      I love red, pink, neutral–any “classic” nail color. I haven’t worn nail polish in years because of my job, but I still love it in theory.

      I have a deep personal hatred towards any shade of blue on nails, because it reminds me of the way my stepmom’s nails looked when she was in heart failure. Rational or not, it instantly takes me back to seeing her frail hands.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      If red nails are wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

      In all seriousness though, red nail polish probably wouldn’t be part of my look for a job interview, or my first month or so at a new job, but red is one of my favorite colors and thus has a heavy presence in my nail polish collection.

    • Anon

      Different red shades go in and out of fashion, but a bright true or blue-red (specifically not orange red) is a classic color that will always be in style, particularly on shorter and rounded nails shapes. I advocate for everyone to find a good summer red and a good winter red shade that looks good for your skin tone. I don’t think you can go wrong with red unless is clashes loudly with what you’re wearing (which is hard to do IMO).

    • Nesprin

      I’ve discovered I love muddy purples (or browns with a lot of purple in them, or purples with a lot of brown). Like the colors that look terrible in the bottle all make my skin look amazing.

  21. Anon

    Interesting development in San Francisco – the city is suing the schools to force them to reopen. Thought some of you might find that interesting. I don’t have kids but I think it’s insane that they have been closed for so long while restaurants and bars have been open for at least some of the time. Can any lawyers comment on whether this is likely to work?

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s unlikely to work. The standard of review is probably arbitrary and capricious and while I think the decision is wrong, it isn’t arbitrary or capricious.

    • Anon

      I don’t know about SF but in my district it is a safe staffing issue. They constantly have too many teachers either out on quarantine or out with COVID to stay open. There are no subs. Who would want to sub right now?

      It’s interesting to watch this all develop and here people’s opinions change over time. My mom is a retired teacher and she thought that the best solution would have been a gap year. Teachers still provide learning skills activities and Zooms but they are optional and just to maintain rather than lose skills. There would be no pressure to reach any particular standard. Parents could have their kids do other things if they preferred. Then, in fall 2021 kids would enter the grade they were supposed to enter fall 2020. Obviously this would have far reaching consequences, particularly on post-secondary education and when kids enter the workforce (and age off child support).

      The reason that idea wasn’t popular was because of the gap that would develop between kids whose parents who kept their skills sharp and those that didn’t. However, that has turned into the biggest issue with Zoom school anyway, and now those kids are just going to get pushed up a grade without learning anything.

      People who thought my mom’s idea was crazy last fall are now conceding that it is what the school should have done.

      • Anon

        I used to be a substitute in 2008-2010, when I was struggling to find a FT job in my field. I’m still emergency certified, and listed on our state’s roster as eligible for subbing. It’s insane, how desperate the begging e-mails are for people to sub (yet of course the price has not risen one red cent).

      • Anonnn

        I thought the same thing as your mom but people around here vociferously disagreed with me. I recall one commenter in particular comparing forcing kids who are 18 to be in school as “jailing” them.

        • Anon in Dallas

          I mean kids who are over 18 just wouldn’t stay in school. I’m from a rural and truly poor farming community and my high school loses a 40+ kids every year out of it’s senior class, because once you’re 18 in Texas you get to keep your license even if you’re no longer enrolled in high school. Kids would just leave school as juniors instead of seniors because their families need help paying bills/bringing in the crops/milking the cows.

      • Anonymous

        I suggested this to a number of people whose kids are starting college during the pandemic and most of thrm said, essentially, that it was a great idea for others but not for their kids, whose short paths to excellence were not to be interrupted thank you very much.

        • Anonymous

          I have a ninth-grader. If she had been entering college in fall of 2020 I absolutely would have had her take a gap year. No way would I pay $70K to have her catch COVID while locked down in a dorm room taking on-line courses.

          Taking a year off from K-12 is totally different. On-line school is practically worthless, but at least they are being forced to adhere to some kind of schedule and do something other than play video games. If our district had taken the year off I would have home-schooled her this year, despite the fact that we are definitely not suited to home-schooling.

        • Anon

          I have a current high school senior who is in the middle of waiting to hear which colleges accepted him. It’s a very tough year for admissions because a lot of kids did take a gap/pandemic year, meaning they have a record number of applications for Fall 2021.

          • Anon

            My alma mater’s applicants are up 30%.

            Colleges are usually able to predict yield (i.e. the percentage of students they admit who enroll) very accurately. It’s hard to know how they can even do that with such a huge increase in applicants – assume the same yield? Assume a smaller yield? Just have a ridiculously massive wait list?

    • Seventh Sister

      Personally, I am ticked that every business and other public service under the sun is open in CA but my kids can’t meet their teachers in the empty playground. It also drives me nuts that in San Francisco and several other places (but not my county, private schools are mostly open while public schools are all closed. Schools need to reopen in person in some modified way.

  22. nuqotw

    Guys, I am struggling today. Spouse had surgery a few weeks ago and has limited mobility. Small kids are home and we have part time childcare. Kids are clingy because the pandemic is getting to them and one parent is out of commission. I am doing the bare short term minimum at work but am stressed about the long term (academia; tenure track). Work/house/sleep /are not all possible. Tell me I am going to get through this. In the absence of the pandemic we’d throw money at meals/housecleaning but we can’t take on more people in the house.

    • Anonymous

      If you can, get meal delivery, and try not to over-research it — just get it!
      Television as babysitter till spouse gets back on their feet!
      Push back deadlines on and/or hand off non-critical work. Bow out of work admin-related tasks if you possibly can!
      Can you pay your childcare person for more hours till spouse is back in action? Or, depending on where you are, consider hiring a babysitter to play with kids outside (low risk w/masks) for a few hours so you can focus on work
      Good luck!

      • Walnut

        We’ve had luck with Tiller & Hatch meals that are just thrown into the Instapot and on the table within a half hour. I’ve seen them in the Target frozen section if you’d like to try a couple without a recurring subscription.

        I feel every word of what you’re saying, as I lived it in August. Do you have any family/friends who have been diligently quarantining that you can bring to you? Even if they are working remotely during the day from your house, extra hands in the morning/evening are so helpful. The #1 thing that helped us through were extra hands.

    • Anon

      If you have a dog, can you get a neighbor to walk it while spouse recovers? My neighbor just had surgery and she has three small kids. Her husband is completely overwhelmed trying to get the kids ready for school, get mom what she needs and get out the door in the AM. They don’t have a fenced in yard. I offered to take over the dog in the AMs for the time being. We live on a cul de sac and I take him around the loop a couple times before walking my own dogs each morning. It’s a little thing but they say it has made a huge difference for them. I don’t enter their house. They hand the dog off to me on the porch and I wear a mask for hand off.

    • masks

      Agree with ordering take out/pre-made meals/Costco rotisserie chicken (they deliver with same-day order online) etc.

      Husband needs to do more from his seated/lying position. No question. Kids can be in room with him playing/reading etc.. Husband can fold all the clothes, do all food ordering/research online, pay the bills etc..

      Don’t do any house cleaning. We overclean , in general.

      Start giving the kids small chores or let them do more things for themselves.

      You are going to get through this.

      Tonite, plop the kids in front of the TV to watch a movie and talk/snuggle with your husband. Or just drink a glass of wine and watch something trashy or fun.

      Academia will wait for you. This year will be a blip for everyone.

      • Anon

        I’m sorry, what?? Have you ever had surgery? We don’t know what meds he’s on. We don’t know how old the kids are and if they will respect areas they can’t touch/jump on on spouse. This is terrible advice. I would have completely messed up the family bill paying if I attempted that for the two weeks I was on painkillers post surgery. When my friend had knee surgery, she stayed at my house the first few nights at her doctor’s suggestion as she had twin toddlers that would not respect her no touch, no jump zone. Dad had to deal or call in help while mom recovered.

        • Anon

          Sorry, this came off terrible towards OP. I’m not saying she just has to deal. I’m saying getting dad (assuming spouse is a dad) to chip in more is not good advice without more information.

          • masks

            OP posted spouse had surgery weeks ago with limited mobility. Nothing about severe pain/disability/mental issues/sedated on opioids etc…

            In my experience, as a Doc and from what the OP has posted, this is my advice. OP can give more info if she wants.

          • nuqotw

            Ladies, I wrote my comment at a low exhausted point this morning. Thanks for your support. I read your comments, ordered a bunch of frozen stuff that we can microwave or heat on a sheet pan, including 10 lbs of French fries for child placation and mint chocolate chip ice cream for me. Then I took a nap and I feel like a new human!

            Some more info:

            (1) Our childcare person is already coming more than usual. However, she has a second job. When we hired her we only needed part time care and didn’t anticipate spouse’s surgery.
            (2) One kid is too young to remember the no jumping rule so I have to be very nearby when spouse/kid are together.
            (3) Nearest family is ~45 minutes away. SILs brought us a ton of food which the kids refuse to eat. Spouse stayed with his parents for a week after surgery until he could get around on crutches.
            (4) We can’t just abandon cleaning (sigh) because spouse is on crutches so random stuff on the floor is quite hazardous.
            (5) No dog. I refuse to get a pet that is not a rock until every human in the house can wipe their own butt.
            (6) Kids are already doing a lot more but they are still little, require supervision, and are reaching their own limits. (Big kid now makes his own PBJ; he’s known how to do it for ages but now he just makes one instead of asking me. They recently decided to brush their own teeth and I thought “great!” but then I had to break up an argument when big kid insisted on brushing little kid’s teeth and little kid would not have it.)
            (7) Spouse was cleared to drive today! Things are already looking up!

    • Anon

      Good tips already – definitely agree to get more childcare even to watch the kiddos play outside. I would also get meal delivery and if you have a close friend or family member, ask for help. I would do the bare minimum with routine chores. Good luck!!!

    • Anon

      You can do this. Academia gives you a fair amount of flexibility, so you just need to get through the short term and then get back on track. Stop cleaning and cooking. If you don’t want to do take out, just do frozen or premade meals, which are probably actually less work since you can buy a week’s worth at once. There’s nothing wrong with cartons of soup, deli salads, frozen entrees etc. Trader Joe’s is great for this, but doesn’t deliver or curbside so you might go elsewhere, but I’m sure there are plenty of good easy options your family will like.

    • KW

      It s*cks right now, but you will get through it. Scale back as much as you can. I had foot surgery last Sept. and was out of commission for awhile, and DH had shoulder surgery last month. We have 2 little kids. We did the bare minimum to keep everything on track during that time. Your house will be fine if it’s not as picked up or clean as usual. Your kids will be fine with take out or quick meals, extra screen time, etc. Got any older neighbor kids who can play outside with your kids? We let our older kid play outside with neighbor kids as long as they stayed distanced and she wears a mask.

    • Anon

      If you are in the US, considering taking FML. If you check your institution’s policies, FML may provide the basis for pushing your tenure (or progress toward tenure) review back by a year. It’s better to delay than being denied tenure because you are unable to get things finished.

    • Leatty

      Honestly, you need some more help, at least in the short term. Yes, there is a pandemic, but you need to put your oxygen mask on first. That may mean having a family member stay with you, more childcare, a weekly housekeeper, eating lots of frozen/takeout/easy meals, or sending out your laundry. There are things you can do to mitigate the risk, for example by hiring a sitter who has been taking COVID precautions, staying in a different area of your home while the housekeeper is there, etc. I’d also recommend talking to your husband about what he more he can do while he has limited mobility – perhaps he can supervise the kids while he lays on the sofa, place the instacart order, schedule the housekeeper, etc.

      I say this as someone whose husband has had four colorectal surgeries within the last year (and two more planned for this year) that have impacted his ability to care for our kids (3.5 and 5 months) and do stuff around the house. One surgery was two weeks before our youngest was born. Needless to say, it has been a challenging year for me. I’ve lowered my standards, gotten more help than I’d like during COVID, and still struggle daily, but we’re getting through this. You will, too.

      • Anon

        Oof. Sending prayers to you and your husband. Colorectal surgeries are big deals!

    • Anon

      I know you can’t take on more people in the house, but you need help. Can you arrange for a temporary extra babysitter to cover the time when your existing part time babysitter isn’t there?

      I also agree with throwing money at a meal delivery service where you don’t have to make a decision every day.

      The other thing is relax your standards. I know it’s hard to do, but your kids will survive if they have to eat cereal for dinner for a couple of weeks, if their rooms are a mess, and if they watch more TV than usual. It’s a temporary thing and I give you permission not to be perfect for a while.

    • Nesprin

      That is rough. I am also on the tenure clock (sorta- my institution is not quite comparable) and I’ve got a slew of caregiving duties, so I’ve been claiming FMLA because I want it documented that I have responsibilities/life circumstances my male peers with stay at home wives do not.

      Has your department made any noises about whether the tenure clock will be changed for the covid disruptions? Alternatively, can you ask your institution for FMLA leave so at least you’ve documented that you couldn’t work + care for spouse and children at the same time?

    • Anonymous

      Honestly, with the movement toward smart watches, I don’t think even Rolexes will hold their value long-term. I’d probably pass on an expensive watch. It’s passe.

      • BeenThatGuy

        I think Rolexes will continue to hold their value and haven’t seen anything that indicates otherwise. It is a status symbol and a piece of wearable art. An Apple Watch or Android watch will never be an accurate comparison.

          • Anon

            I guess I think smart watches will seem more utilitarian and trendy, which will make luxury watches seem more luxe and timeless in comparison?

      • Anon

        They said the same when digital watches came out in the 70s/80s. Didn’t happen. If you’re a Rolex person, an Apple Watch has little to no appeal. They’re not going to tear many luxury watch fans away.

        • Anon

          +1 to me a luxury timepiece is totally different than a smart watch. They are not comparable, they are two different items. Source: I love my Cartier watch and my apple watch but they serve two completely different purposes.

    • Anonymous

      I would probably prefer a mixed metal band, rather than all-gold. Feels more wearable. But if you only wear yellow gold, I say go for it!

      • Anon

        Definitely two-tone. My wedding band is white gold and yellow gold, and having the “staples” be mixed metal is so much more flexible for daily wear.

    • Anon

      I think I don’t understand the point of an $11k watch. It seems like it would be heavy and uncomfortable.

      • Watch Lover

        I am a Patek Phillippe and Cartier girl (and saving up for a Vacheron Constantin) but one of the points of a Rolex – or any other luxury watch – is that it is not heavy and uncomfortable, although some of the bulkier men’s watches might be an exception.

        And the point of an $11K watch (or a $15K, $25K or any other not a Timex watch) is that they are beautiful and make the wearer happy. I would rather have a nice watch than a fancy car and do not really like jewelry other than earrings, so that is what I put my fun money toward. Because I work hard and like nice things that I can afford.

        And to the OP – that is nice watch. It will last forever as long as you take reasonable care of it. You are probably right you will not wear it every day but then there is basically not watch that meets that description.

    • BabyAssociate

      This one isn’t personally my style but I think you could absolutely wear a gold watch everyday if you wanted to and I definitely support the idea of buying a new watch! I wear a watch (Longines), regardless of where I am going/what I’m doing. For me, the price-per-wear is well worth it.

    • Senior Attorney

      That’s gorgeous and classic, if a bit blingy for my taste.

      My husband bought me a mixed stainless-and-rose-gold Omega for Christmas and after I got over my initial horror at the price, I’ve worn it every day and loved it!

    • Anon

      Get it. One of the things that keeps me from wearing a watch at all is that they’re not real gold/real platinum, and for some reason all plated/filled metals tarnish really quickly on me. (One of my best friends is a jeweler, she has seen it happen on me, and is stumped as to why!)

      So I would love a real gold watch! I think the one you linked is gorgeous and I’d probably never take it off if it were mine.

    • Anonymous

      I got myself a Rolex for my 41st birthday last February. I’ve worn it every day. It’s been a touchstone for the success I have achieved, even when I’m wearing leggings and a sweatshirt, and it reminds me that I’m a bad___ even when I feel like I’m drowning in work and childcare throughout the pandemic. My dad got a Rolex on his 40th birthday and I always saw it as this symbol of his success and power and internalized it as a goal. For me, the symbolism the Rolex carries is more important than the Apple Watch data.

    • Anonymous

      I guess I’m a bit old fashioned when it comes to watches (got it from my grandpa and dad who both love watches), but I have this exact watch in two-tone and wear it nearly every day. I think it’s a classic, it goes with everything, and it’s understated enough that it doesn’t draw too much attention.

  24. Anon

    DH is sort of junior executive level and looking for a job. Most of those positions are head-hunted and not posted on job boards. Any advice for him, please? I think he’s getting discouraged by the lack of relevant postings on LinkedIn and, of course, job applications going off into the ether. Big recruitment firms aren’t focused on helping applicants. I suggested networking and making new connections and while he’s leveraged his current connections he’s a bit too principled to bother people he doesn’t know well (I’m not sure I agree, but I have to respect it). Any ideas for strategies, job boards or head hunters would be hugely appreciated. Thank you so very much!

    • Anonymous

      he should connect with a recruiter/head hunter in his industry. They tend to be industry specific. I assume “junior executive” is like VPish level?

      • Anon

        Yes exactly (depending on the company size), and thank you so very much! He hadn’t had much luck finding them but your comment prompts me to also look into it like I’d promised him :-) Truly appreciate it!

    • Anon

      Just mailing in a resume blind rarely works at any level, much less a more senior level. He has to work his connections. Look on linked in. See if he has any 1st or 2nd degree connections to someone at the job. Contact that person and ask if they know anything about the listing.

      I know this is hard to do for a lot of people, but it’s how the game is played unfortunately.

      I feel you. My husband spent almost a year laid off and applying to jobs through online listings and not one of them even got close. He found his next job after literally bumping into one of his former coworkers at the grocery store, they got to chatting. Former coworker was now working somewhere else and they needed another person with similar skills.

      To be honest I was really frustrated with my husband during this time because he said he was trying, but applying online is not really trying that hard. You have to put yourself out there. It’s a lot harder than pushing a button on a website but it has to be done.

      • Anon

        OP and wow, this might be hyperbole but your comment is chilling (inspiring, perhaps). I’m so glad you get it! The whole
        process stinks and completely gets you out of your comfort zone…but unfortunately that’s the game. Thank you!

    • Pompom

      Look into whether BlueSteps, an offshoot of the Association of Executive Search and Leadership Consultants group, might make sense for him to join. He should check with his alma mater for a discount on the lifetime membership (worth it, imho–last I looked it was 200 for a lifetime membership and if we’re not going to receptions and having to park and buy lunches or cash bar drinks like we might normally in networking…that 200 adds up!). HUGE collection of exec level recruiters there (it’s their professional association!), and they frequently use the member base as a starting point on exec searches.

  25. Consulting Anon

    I started in consulting about 5 months ago after business school. I’m really struggling with any semblance of work-life balance. From talking generally with others on my case team, I think there are aspects that used to be a lot better before COVID that will hopefully come back as everything reopens (such as lower stress Fridays and just having time on flights to/from the client site to decompress). In the meantime, does anyone who works in consulting have any tips? I’m looking for anything that helps make this a more sustainable job, either short-term or long-term. Everyone talks about having boundaries, but it’s so hard to know what are reasonable boundaries to set…

    • Anonymous

      It’s been 5 months! You don’t get to have work life balance your first year in consulting.

    • anonchicago

      I’ve been in consulting for 5 years post b-school, and I don’t have a good answer for you because COVID has made work life balance so much worse.

      There are so many partners in this industry that have no life outside of work and hate their spouse/kids, and being home all day has just made them tune into work on a level I’ve never experienced. From talking to coworkers and what I see on Fishbowl, it seems most consultants are burned out and miserable right now. Assuming hiring picks up this year and people start leaving, I think consulting firms will need to have a reckoning around workload sustainability.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, frankly I doubt that last comment. Consulting has always been an effort in stamina, even more so than Big Law or Big 4 accounting. You are getting paid to give up your life. People may start leaving, but others will flood in to get those positions.

      • Consulting Anon

        Thanks for this. What do you think is likely to change in a post-COVID workload sustainability reckoning?

        • anonchicago

          I agree there will always be issues, but not like this. I have noticed people are harsher to each other than they used to be, and I’ve had things said to me over the phone that the same person would never say in person (example: my boss asking me what the f i was thinking over a ppt slide). A partner I work with made comments around the holidays about how no one should be visiting their families this year anyway so we should all be available to work weekends and holidays. That same partner has called me multiple times on the weekends lately, something that was restricted to email before under the expectation that people have lives.

          I like working with clients to solve problems and the points and freebies from travel can make the job fun. Now though, everything is so transactional. Client relationships are developed over email and Zoom, which is harder and less interesting. There are no perks to the job like travel or restaurants or even getting to be in exciting meetings. I’m trying to get out because I’m burned out and don’t see it changing in the near term, but similar to how the Big 4 and others started changing to retain millennials and women a decade ago, I think another shift will come eventually.

          • Anonymous

            I’m dying to know what this successful shift is that Big 4 and others made to retain women and millenials?

    • anon

      I’m a partner at a major consulting firm. A couple of things: first, the first 6-9 months is just going to be tough, and that almost always applies to WLB, and second, this year has been so, so, so tough for new folks. Besides the WLB issues, people just don’t learn as fast in the remote environment which is independently stressful, but also I’ve noticed the best WLB when I was tenured in my role and really knew what I was doing and what I had to focus on vs deprioritize. That’ll take time for you to get there, and it will indeed be harder given the circumstances.

      and yes, during travel times this was soooo much better. one thing I’ve seen help on my teams is reach out for help early and often. I find people often waste a ton of time spinning when in normal times their manager would be right there and could see what they’re doing and intervene to direct their time more efficiently or to show them how to do something they haven’t learned yet. Just be specific about what your questions are as opposed to being like “I don’t know what to do help me.”

      Setting boundaries is key and varies based on context, so is a little hard to talk through in the abstract. Ask folks you know and trust what’s reasonable. Finally, WLB is always going to be a battle you fight in consulting, but it will get a lot easier. And in normal times, this job is pretty dope :)

    • Anon

      This is basically what I was going to say. I thought the whole point of consulting is that you don’t get a work life balance and you don’t get to set boundaries, in return for a handsome paycheck. I would be especially wary of trying to do that as a very junior employee with less than six months on the job.

    • Anon

      I’m in consulting, newly, but at a more senior level and I’m having kind of the opposite problem. All of the conferences and gatherings where I would run into people in my industry or take a speaking gig to promote my brand have been cancelled. I’m finding it really hard to generate new business.

      Maybe that’s not your role right now, generating business. All I can say about the grind is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. We are so close. Hang in there.

    • CHL

      Regardless of your field I think one of the hardest parts about the pandemic that people kind of attribute to work life balance are also about just not having many things that really bring joy or fill your cup — like a big meeting that you get pumped up for and can feel like a ‘win’, or a fun night out, or building close relationships while working late nights. It’s not just the job wears you down, it’s that there are fewer things to build you back up. If you can identify a few of those things, I think it will help you get through and see if you like this job in ‘normal’ times.

  26. Anon

    Good pens for outdoor meetings? I had a 1.5 outdoor meeting and think that the cold temps had something to do with two pens dying on me. I’m sure that someone here has a recommendation re this.

    Also, chargers for phones that work well as frigid temps drain battery life faster? I tried to use a phone vs computer at this meeting (had to lug a series of notebooks, set up a folding chair, not forget my hot hands, etc. I have one, but you plug it in and it just isn’t clear if it is charging and never charges the phone fully, and just seems meh. And I go on target and amazon and there are too many choices to know what I need (for camping trips too, so 48 hours and charging an iPhone 8 plus several times fully or constant use in a 1.5 hour weekly outside meeting at night but with good lighting).

    I was tempted to start a fire in a metal trash barrel (it makes so much sense now) but just clung to my hot hands. I am sure people have climbed Everest with less gear than me (but this group needs to meet weekly and only meets masked, distanced and outside).

      • Cat

        lol this was my first reaction too. I’m pretty sure there’s an old joke floating around about how NASA invested X million dollars in developing a pen that could write in space while Russia… used a pencil.

        • Anon

          It is a joke, but it’s also untrue. Graphite shavings in space can cause explosions.

      • Anon

        This. I’d be showing up with a couple of nicely sharpened Blackwing Pearl pencils.

    • Small Law

      I also have had some meetings outside and was surprised how fast my phone died. It went from 50% to completely dead in minutes in the 20 degree weather. I have a coat with insulated pockets and I found keeping my phone in my pocket is the best solution. I use ear phones (corded, not bluetooth for battery power saving) if i need to use it for a call. Luckily gloves mean i can’t text or scroll anyway so I don’t miss the phone.

    • Shelle

      I’ve used Rite In The Rain pens for years doing field research. Works in wet conditions and at low temperatures. I also like their notebook paper for wet conditions. (Note these are more expensive than your average pen but very durable and useful.)

  27. anon for this

    How much grace would you give an internship candidate who missed an interview because they misread the time zone? This is a coveted, paid internship and we had a small group of interviewees from a relatively large applicant pool. I go back and forth between wanting to be understanding (mistakes happen, pandemic, etc) and considering it a fatal flaw. Just curious about the range of responses.

    • Anon

      I would give them another shot, but with the understanding that they’re already one strike down (so to speak) and will have to work that much harder to catch up to the other candidates. (And explicitly tell them that, too, so they don’t think that they skated through with no consequences.)

    • emeralds

      I’d give them another shot since it’s the kind of mistake that I think anyone could make, but ask probing questions in the interview about attention to detail.

    • Anon

      I would forgive it. Everyone can be ditzy, especially when trying hard to impress. I would argue that this oversight doesn’t speak to intelligence, work ethic or even attention to detail…while they shouldn’t, many people simply assume it’s the same time zone without reading further.

      I once had a miscommunication with a hiring manager who said I showed up half an hour late (you can imagine my horror!), but was ultimately hired and worked for the company for seven years. I consider her an amazing boss and friend, to boot.

    • Anonymous

      It would depend on how the candidate responds/whether they understand how it inconvenienced the employer. “lol sorry” or similar wouldn’t cut it for me, but if the candidate demonstrates that they know the importance of this, that it was a screw-up they’re embarrassed about, and that they’re still highly interested in the job, that would make a difference for me. If we weren’t in a pandemic year, I’d probably cut the candidate out altogether (in my experience, a missed interview leads to worse later), but right now everyone is so frazzled at home and with balancing responsibilities.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve had this happen in the same timezone before. Somewhere between my Outlook invite for Zoom and the recipient’s web mail system, all the time zone references got messed up and referenced GMT in the header. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt on tech gremlins.

        • anon

          I’ve had this happen for a job interview before. The person who set up the interview sent me a calendar invitation, which I accepted. I showed up, and I was an hour early for my interview. The time on my phone’s calendar app said 10 am, and the time on the interviewer’s calendar software said 11 am. It was awkward, but things happen.

        • Anon

          Just had this happen the other week with a talk I wanted to attend online. Not a high stakes thing, but I didn’t add it into my calendar manually, so my assumption that the tech would handle everything was wrong.

    • Anon

      I would offer them another interview but it would be a negative point depending on how they handled their response.

    • Cat

      Amount of grace would be influenced by-
      -Student’s reaction (apologetic and professional vs. flippant)
      -Clarity of communication on your end (was it an email that clearly said the time zone? Did you send an actual meeting invitation, which should automatically adjust?)
      -Email systems involved (if I send someone on Gmail an invite from my work account, it definitely does not work as well as others using Outlook)

      • Anon

        If it was a meeting invitation, I’d be even more likely to give some leeway because I think there’d be a much higher chance of things getting mixed up between calendars and software platforms.

    • Anon

      I’d probably give the kid another chance. A full fledged grownup, maybe not.

      I flew to LA to interview a candidate once. He was employed full time so we agreed to meet after his work day. I sat at the meeting spot for an hour plus and he didn’t show up. He later said via the recruiter that he was sorry, but he ended up in a meeting he couldn’t get out of. I did not give him another chance and he was shocked pikachu face about it. Hopefully he learned something from the experience.

  28. Mask Recs

    Any recs for reusable masks that are two ply and have a place to insert an additional filter? Ideally would also have a nose wire. Bonus points for cute patterns! TIA!

    • Z

      Really loving the Mandala Scrubs Pleated Cloth masks right now. The company makes them out of the same material they make their medical scrubs out of, so they are both anti-microbial and fluid resistant. The nose wire is sturdy so the mask stays put AND creates a nice seal so my glasses don’t fog up.

      I also have their not-pleated masks and found that they are very tight to around the chin so they would slide down my nose when I talked, but YMMV. All their masks have filter pockets and sell packs of filters on their website.

    • Anonymous

      my roommate just got the honeywell mask and loves it! it’s double layer, with a n95 layer of replaceable filter

    • AIMS

      JCrew has good ones with filter pockets, and I got some really pretty ones at Johnny Was — they have different kids, so look for filter pockets and nose wire in description (they also have silk!). I’ve been doing them over a surgical mask lately so haven’t been using the filter pocket but it’s a nice feature to have.

    • Anonymous

      If you’re still reading, Profound has masks that fit your criteria. They’re my favorite masks.

  29. Anon

    Has anyone here bought microspikes, Yak Trax, or similar? Any particular brand or style that’s better than others?

    Standard-issue snow boots are not sufficient for my slick, steep driveway. I fell and injured my back yet again last night while shoveling, which (on top of my sciatica) is getting harder to deal with at my age.

      • Anon

        These look ideal, thank you! I’m a women’s 9, which is on the cusp–would you size up or down?

        • Anon

          Awesome! I would get the M. I am also a size 9 and those fit my hiking boots just fine. I am thinking your snow boots are similarly bulky to my hiking boots. Good luck and I hope your back feels better soon–back injuries are the worst!

    • anon in the snow

      I’ve bought a million pairs of Yak Trax (upper midwest) and they are helpful but you have to accept: you will lose them (usually one at a time) and if you walk regularly (with dogs or whatever) they will wear out in one season. The Yak Trax diamond grip ones are significant upgrade, but still are easily losable and still only a one-season thing. Price of admission for living in snowy/icy places. Also- they don’t fit well on boots that don’t have flat or nearly flat soles.

    • broken toe

      Yak Trax are critical to winter dog walking where I live. I went through a couple pair of the basic ones, but the coils tend to get wonky. I’ve moved up to the Diamond Grip models and have been happier. Still need to make sure they don’t sit on soggy boots or they will eventually rust (which doesn’t really affect their effectiveness).

    • Anonymous

      I use Nordic Grip Walking Ice Cleats, those are great.

      Something else, if you haven’t already considered it: get a snow shuffle with an ergonomic double handle (double grip In separate heights) or an extra, auxillary handle like HEFT to help yourself shuffle more back-friendly.

    • Curious

      I got cheap crampons on Amazon (unfortunately, the same ones are on longer available), and they work great for PNW snow hikes and stay on. Consider cleats and crampons as search terms.

  30. Anon

    Family beach trip Q. We can drive to the beach without stopping. Two in-law households can, but may have one stop. One IL household has been homebound, both parents WFH, non-driving kid out of school for a year (so their assessment re his vector status I think is accurate). The IL households are in neighboring towns. They have only visited outside (visitors) to open door on porch since this began. On IL household has an elderly but health person in it (not the kid household); that household’s adults are in education an (it turns out) of a mind that they should not go back to school until kids are vaccinated and is very serious about this pandemic killing teachers (not disputing that, but I don’t believe that teachers are affected disproportionately). IDK why on earth these people are wanting in on the beach trip we’d like to do this summer — we and the other kid household need to get out of Dodge and have a break. The educators . . . will probably ruin it and I do not understand why they’d risk bringing germs back to the elderly person in the household given their behavior to date. I think I will counsel spouse that when normally we need at least a week to decompress from any family visits, this may be the year that if we do this, perhaps ought to be in separate condos vs one large house (or just: nonono bad idea before people start throwing knives at each other or giving the side eye for not bleaching all groceries).

    I think we are of minds too obviously differing to even discuss rationally and probably need to never consider this. The last thing I want to do is have someone’s quarantine rules sprung on me (and am out and about, with reasonable precautions, quite a bit and it hasn’t been a problem).

    • Z

      It sounds like you don’t want to go. Go to the beach some other weekend without them.

      • Anon

        I’d go further — this looks like a potential powder keg. Like our Next Door is full of reports of mask-shaming and worse — at least those are not internet strangers, not people you share a roof with and will likely (post pandemic) see a bit of and especially at high-tension (potentially) family events (weddings, funerals, graduations). Only vacation with people who pandemic just like you do.

    • Anonymous

      I think this is an easy one- actually, we are planning on just us this year. And stop telling people about vacations you’re planning if they aren’t invited

      • Anon

        No doubt — the inlaw angle makes it like you are on the bus but not driving the bus. Ugh.

    • Cat

      I think you just make your own vacation plans and say “let’s wait until 2022 for group arrangements.”

    • Anon

      If you tell them clearly, in writing, 1) that you are “out and about” and spell out what precautions you take (which they may or may not agree are “reasonable”; 2) that these are the same precautions you would observe during the trip; and 3) that your family will not be quarantining or testing before the trip, they will decide for you. Or you could be honest and say you just don’t want to vacation with them, at least this year (although your post reads as if you will never want to do so).

    • Anonymous

      If you want to make some kind of vacation happen with them, plan your own vacation, then share your plans with them and if they want in, suggest they get a house/condo in a nearby location at the same time. Then you can mix groups or not.

    • Anon

      It’s okay to take a trip with just your family. The inlaws don’t have to be invited.

    • Diana Barry

      Speaking as the more cautious IL household end of the spectrum: if you tell them what precautions you are not taking it may work to have them not want to come. BUT a far better approach would just be to tell everyone “no group vacations this year”.

    • AFT

      Honestly, unless there’s a lot of baggage and history here (like you ALWAYS go together and they’re pushing hard, or this is a shared family house that you don’t have exclusive rights to) can you say “we think it’s best to all do our own thing” or “…. stay separately and socialize outside”… and plan for a get together next year.

  31. allieoops

    The comments above re checking owns own work reminded me of a question I had — in your law firms, who handles the majority of the cite checking process? Paralegals or 1st year attorneys? And what’s your size firm? We’re a midsize where there’s constantly a tug both directions.

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