ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 243 Comments

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Pull-On Straight Leg Pants

A woman wearing a light orange, polka-dot top and brown cropped pants with silver flats (torso cropped out)

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I looooove a pull-on pant. After too much time working from home, the idea of buttons and zippers is truly more than I can handle most days. This pair from Adrianna Papell looks like your favorite pair of office-appropriate straight-leg pants but has most of the comfort of your lounging-around leggings.

I like this “fatigue” color for a slightly unexpected neutral, but they also come in navy.

The pants are $26.97 at Nordstrom Rack and come in sizes 4–14.

For a plus-size alternative, try these pull-on pants (available in five colors); they're on sale for $29.97 at Lands' End and come in sizes 1X–3X.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.5

243 Comments

  1. How does St. John run? And is it worth it? I’m looking for a unicorn of a dress and they have something that fits the bill, so I’m considering splurging.

    1. Slightly large. The biggest difference I notice is that their hip area seems more generous than more youthful brands. Which works well for me!

      1. +1. And the quality is amazing, I had an evening skirt of theirs in my rotation for decades.

    2. I agree that it runs slightly large, particularly in the hips and bust. I have a St. John black, knit dress that my mom passed down to me (new with tags), and I like it but don’t love it. It’s extremely high quality and will last forever, so in that sense it’s “worth it.” But the one I have is hot, and the fabric on this one is itchy, so I wear it with a slip, which adds to the heat.

      1. Check out Uniqlo airism slips, available now. The best for a slip that does not add much in the way of warmth.

  2. I have an issue with pull-on pants and skirts! Even if they have a drawstring, they tend to be either too big in the waist or too small in the hips if you have a low waist-to-hip ratio. Even getting them on may be a problem. I know they’re being marketed as a way to ease back into “hard pants” but they’re also cheaper to make which I’m sure is a factor.

    I’m vaguely looking for a tiered poplin skirt right now, and I cannot seem to find one that has an actual damn zip closure!

    2. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a tiered poplin skirt with a zipper. Aesthetically, the gathers from the elastic waist mimic the gathers at the top of each tier. YMMV, but if it’s hard for me to step into a pull-on skirt that otherwise fits, I pull it over my head instead. (Obviously not applicable to pants.)

      1. I have a tiered poplin skirt with a zipper. I got it from Zara many many years ago, so that doesn’t help the OP, but they do (or did) exist

  3. Why is it so hard to find traditional professional attire? I’m looking for a sheath dress with Chanel style jacket (matching or not) or a short sleeve sheath dress and I cannot find anything suitable. Everything is short or has ruffles or is a pastel color or all of the above. My budget is $600 or so. Any suggestions? I have tried all of the usual suspects (Theory, MM Lafleur, Boss, JCrew, Brooks Brothers). The poster above mentioned St. John – that is the look I want, but the price tag is a bit much.

    1. I’m part of the problem because I haven’t shopped in two years. But, I wonder if you live somewhere with high end consignment stores whether you’d have success there. That’s where I used to buy high end business clothing (including St. John) for less.

      1. I have! Hobbs seems to have a lot of pastels and dresses that would look great for afternoon tea. The Fold looks promising, but they don’t have much in my size right now.

    3. Because many many companies and industries have moved on. Missing from your list though are Banana and Ann Taylor, they both have navy and black suits most of the time. I’m not looking this second, but I’ve purchased lawyer clothing within the last couple of months at both.

      1. To clarify, I am looking for higher quality than the mall brands offer. I also don’t want a plain suit, I’m going for something more like Claire Underwood or Alicia Florrick.

        2. Okay, you listed a bunch of mall brands. Check Veronica Beard for jackets. Kate Spade may be too mall for you but also has nice work wear.

    4. Part of the problem is that you are shopping for something out of season. A Chanel style knit jacket is not Spring/Summer appropriate, so the stores won’t stock it right now. If you check back in September, I bet that at least two of the stores on your list will at least one suit that ticks that box.

      And you should add Max Mara to your list – they actually do have a couple of jackets that are Chanel-style but, because of the season, they are in shades of pink.

      1. That’s a good point, but what’s the summer equivalent? I don’t necessarily mean tweed, just that collarless cropped shape.

        1. I’ve seen them called “lady jackets” as well, maybe try searching for that too?

        2. I’ve seen some in linen or a cotton blend that might work. If you don’t like the pastels (I don’t either), maybe a white or a grey or certain shades of tan/gold would work? I did find one in black, below.

          In case it is what you were looking for, despite being pink:
          https://us.maxmara.com/p-5041052706004-sagra-fuchsia
          Outside your price range but too gorgeous not to mention: https://us.maxmara.com/p-6046122906001-gelosia-black
          This caught my eye and it comes with matching pieces: https://www.tedbaker.com/us/p/Womens/Clothing/Coats-and-Jackets/MICHAH-Cropped-Textured-Jacket-Light-Grey/156806-LT-GREY
          This also is a matching set: https://www.katespade.com/products/metallic-tweed-jacket/K6351.html?cgid=ks-sale-clothing
          And I think this would work over a sheath: https://www.tedbaker.com/us/p/Womens/Clothing/Coats-and-Jackets/ALERA-Cropped-Cargo-Jacket-White/259775-WHITE

          I checked Tory Burch and they didn’t have anything now, but they love that style (just like Kate Spade) so I would look at what they come out with in the fall.

    5. I know I always say this, but check the high end resale and consignment shops in wealthy areas. I suspect many people are cleaning out their closets for professional clothes they may not need anymore, and you can probably find some really high-quality pieces.

    6. There used to be St. John outlet stores check to see if one is within driving distance of you.

    7. For some reason, I’m getting a ton of online Saks Off Fifth ads for jackets like that from Karl Lagerfield Paris. I’d check that brand at regular Saks, too Not sure if there are matching dresses or bottoms, but most of the jackets would work with most plain dresses.

    10. Would you be alright with a jacket that doesn’t close?

      You are sort of describing a UK mother-of-the-bride outfit, and if you look at occasionwear, you can find jackets like these ones from Hobbs or Phase eight:
      https://www.johnlewis.com/hobbs-elize-bolero-jacket/midnight/p4861178
      https://www.johnlewis.com/phase-eight-mariposa-jacket/p4829956

      Sheath/shift dresses:
      https://www.johnlewis.com/l-k-bennett-liya-mini-dress-black/p4977485
      https://www.johnlewis.com/hobbs-amelie-shift-dress-oyster/p6023765
      https://www.johnlewis.com/l-k-bennett-liya-tailored-pencil-dress/p4843337
      https://www.johnlewis.com/l-k-bennett-liya-tailored-pencil-dress/p4843337

      LK Bennet has lots of jackets in the style you describe:
      https://www.johnlewis.com/l-k-bennett-lou-basket-print-jacket-navy-cream/p6170192
      https://www.johnlewis.com/l-k-bennett-charlee-tailored-jacket-cream/p3413239
      https://www.johnlewis.com/l-k-bennett-celeste-tweed-jacket-cream/p6066353
      https://www.johnlewis.com/l-k-bennett-charlee-jacket-navy/p3413132
      https://www.johnlewis.com/l-k-bennett-venice-tweed-cropped-jacket-black/p5786096

      Brooks brothers might have off-season short sleave sheath dresses in the back, but not on the store floor.

    11. Try looking up “tweed jacket for women” on google shopping

      L’agence – https://lagence.com/collections/blazers-jackets/products/agnes-tweed-denim-jacket-ivory-pomona

      Iro – https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/iro-siana-cropped-open-front-jacket-0400015459002.html?

      Alice & Olivia https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/alice-olivia-kidman-tweed-jacket-0400015119644.html?site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA:Womens_Clothing:Alice+%2B+Olivia&country=US&currency=USD&CSE_CID=G_Saks_PLA_US_Women%27s+Apparel_Contemporary_Must+Win:Alice+%2B+Olivia&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTITyHMRvdgJ9AIcNIVRmyUS&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTITyHMRvdgJ9AIcNIVRmyUS&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5sKXnMuS-AIVp2tvBB18PwQ9EAQYAyABEgKIM_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

      Kate spade – https://www.katespade.com/products/tweed-puff-sleeve-jacket/196021065149.html?KSNY=true&ogmap=PLA%7CACQ%7CGOOG%7CSTND%7Cm%7CSITEWIDE%7CMain%7CKS_RTL_Google_PLA_Signal_NA_Generic_National_SSC_NA_BAU%7CSitewide_Regular_Core_NA%7C%7C16639905759%7C140088621972%7CUS&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5sKXnMuS-AIVp2tvBB18PwQ9EAQYBiABEgJcDvD_BwE

      Theory – https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/theory-presto-cropped-tweed-jacket?gbraid=0AAAAAD0PCJQ8pQc2EBFpe9XxgqPmAvO_k&ID=4283833&pla_country=US&cm_mmc=Google-PLA-ADC-_-S21+High+Opportunity+Brands-_-Theory-_-196060304247USA-_-go_cmp-12731782004_adg-124409718361_ad-513824168605_pla-1152946313688_dev-m_ext-_prd-196060304247USA&gbraid=0AAAAAD0PCJQ8pQc2EBFpe9XxgqPmAvO_k&gclid=EAIaIQobChMItOnX7cqS-AIVZxXUAR2VEAclEAQYByABEgKDo_D_BwE

      Veronica beard – https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/veronica-beard-brim-cropped-tweed-jacket-0400015493837.html?site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA:Womens_Clothing:Veronica+Beard&country=US&currency=USD&CSE_CID=G_Saks_PLA_US_Women%27s+Apparel_Contemporary_Must+Win:Veronica+Beard&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTITyHMRvdgJ9AIcNIVRmyUS&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTITyHMRvdgJ9AIcNIVRmyUS&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5sKXnMuS-AIVp2tvBB18PwQ9EAQYEiABEgK8y_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

  4. Anyone changed their last name a decade into marriage?

    When I got married, I became Jane Maiden-Married. Professionally, I had gone by Jane Maiden until I switched jobs and a paperwork mixup made me Jane Maiden-Married.

    My feelings on last name have changed since I got married when I was in my 20’s. I think I was afraid of losing my identity, but now… especially after kids and a whole life together… I feel more like Jane Married. Also, the hyphen is a logistic annoyance frequently enough.

    It’s going to be our 10th anniversary and my passport is also up for renewal. I’m considering changing my name and surprising my husband with it as an anniversary gift. (FWIW, he would be pleased but is 100% fine with whatever makes me happy.)

    Thoughts?

    1. I know someone who did this, exactly as you described. TBH, I thought it was odd and proof that we all think so differently. I could not imagine doing it, and my husband would find a gift of a name change to be bizarre because he doesn’t care. But my opinion is completely irrelevant to you—this is purely a question of your preference and if a name change is what you want, whether it is worth the effort to change everything that would need to be changed.

      2. I don’t think most people would care even if they noticed (and if you’re already been hyphenated a while, they probably won’t)… tbh the notion of presenting it as a “gift” to husband strikes me as more odd than the actual act.

        I’m not sure whether the paperwork headache is increased with the change not occurring close in time to marriage, but recall that updating my frequent flyer accounts was surprisingly the worst part.

        2. This. Changing your name makes perfect sense, but if my spouse changed their name without telling me until it was done I’d be weirded out. Doubly weird if they presented it to me as a “gift.”

          1. This for me too. I get it but I also personally find it kind of cringey.

            FWIW my mom did this in reverse while married (married to maiden because she didn’t feel like her married name) and I still think my dad not being bothered by it is just very, very cool. You raised the question so I am assuming you want the honest opinion of internet strangers.

            All that said, I think life is too short not to do what you want so by all means change the name if that’s how you feel! Just maybe leave out the gift part when telling people.

    2. Why not? That’s a genuine question. You’ve thought it through, it’s a good time to do it, you’ve lived with it long enough to know your own mind, yet you’re still hesitating enough to poll an internet forum for feedback/opinions (permission?). You listed all the reasons for doing it, but there must be something holding you back.

      Is there something in you saying that you’re “giving in” by doing this, or that you’re “letting women down” or something like that? or is there something else fueling the hesitation?

      FWIW, I say go for it. You can always become Jane Maiden Married and use your full name when you want to.

      1. Yes, I think this exactly it. Like, it feels like I’m bowing to society.

        This is literally the same thing I did in middle school where I wouldn’t admit I loved *NSYNC and the Spice Girls because i wanted to be contrarian.

        1. Major flashback to when I secretly listened to “Toxic” because I didn’t want to admit that I liked a Britney Spears song. Now as an adult, I can easily admit that many Britney Spears songs are absolute bangers.

          I think hyphens are annoying, so I went with Jane Maiden Married. Most people call me Jane Married. I like it.

          2. Yes, I changed my last name to my husband’s, just like the OP wants to do. That was my point.

        2. You already “bowed to society”- you hyphenated, and he didn’t (I assume). Your children have his last name alone? Just change your name. Don’t make it a gift to him because it’s not. It’s a gift to yourself bc you said you feel more like Jane Married than Jane Hyphenated. Which is a great reason to do it!

          (And for anyone currently debating whether to change their name at marriage because of convenience, neither of us changed our names, we have two kids each with one of our last names, and our friends and family call the collective “us” a silly portmanteau of both names which we love. It is 100% a non issue in my life. Or consider doing as a family member did and making that portmanteau your official collective last name by both changing your names.)

          1. To your parenthetical, the name change decision is portrayed as some Giant Life Decision when at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter all that much in the long term.

          2. I agree with this entire comment.

            I am divorced now, but I hyphenated my name when I was married because I felt like it was some middle ground. But my ex didn’t change his name. And a lot of people called me his last name anyway, etc. etc. I quickly realized I hadn’t subverted anything and just made my life harder.

            Some people hyphenate and love it, and I think that’s great!

            I changed my name back to my birth name after the divorce. After that headache, I will never ever change my name again!

            I guess my thought for the OP is that it is your name and you should do what you want! If you’re ok with the hassle, then go for it. The gift part makes me recoil, honestly, but that’s a separate question.

          3. No Face- I think for some people it’s a big deal, and for others it doesn’t mean that much. Just like many choices in life.

          4. To Monday: my thought was unfinished because of my stupid “job” thing. What I mean is that your last name (maiden, married, newly chosen name for the family, mashup) will not ultimately determine the quality of your marriage.

    3. I think it’s weird to make it a “gift,” but otherwise go for it! I definitely like the ease of all of us having the same last name. We’re the XX family.

    4. I think there’s no better sign that the patriarchy is alive and well than changing your name being a gift but do you!! I just hate women changing their names always but I’d never say anything about it.

      1. I feel like it’s all patriarchal no matter what we do! “My” last name is my dad’s last name. My mom’s last name is her dad’s last name. And honestly neither of us have great relationships with our dads, so at least a husband’s last name would not have negative feelings around it.

        1. But a husband’s name typically also came from his father. If that is considered “his” name, why isn’t my last name (also my father’s) “mine”?

          It’s also no longer patriarchal as soon as couples start giving kids their mom’s last name. Yes, she got it from her father, but now her kids have gotten it from their mother. I don’t have my own kids, but I think it’s telling that this is still a vanishingly rare decision.

          2. +1 Monday. I find this line of thinking so sexist as it seems to imply men own their last name at birth but women don’t.

          3. Amen, Monday!

            Nobody will ever convince me women changing their last names is anything but patriarchal bs, no matter how many women insist it’s a “choice.” If it were just something people chose, men would do it just as often. I internally judge all my friends who have done it.

          4. Sorry, 12:22, but your insisting that I keep my abusive father’s last name is actually way more patriarchal than my choice to take my husband’s (father’s) name.

          5. Then change it to something totally new, I don’t care. Did you consider any other option than taking your husband’s name? I doubt it.

          6. You could change your last name to your mom’s maiden name. I know a few people who did that for this exact reason. Or to an older family band. Or to something completely different. I appreciate the idea of changing one’s name to mark a life change like marriage, or to reject a relationship you don’t want to be associated with. It doesn’t have to perpetuate a patriarchal tradition if you don’t want it to.

        2. The traditions in this country about naming children are certainly patriarchal. The part about negative feelings goes into it for some people, I imagine, and is always something to consider.

          I would push back that keeping one’s birth name is somehow giving in to a patriarchal society, though. You can’t control what you were named at birth!

        3. So be the change! Men take women’s last names! Give children mom’s last name!

          I understand why women change their names to their husbands given this structure, but disagree completely that we should all just give up on disrupting a patriarchal tradition because we are all currently named patriarchally .

          1. +1. I start getting a little tantrum-y about this because we’ve just been having the same conversation for so long. Men take their wives’ names! Kids get their mom’s names! Women propose marriage! Women ask men’s parents for permission to marry their son! Men wear engagement rings! Let’s get crazy!

          2. No thanks. I like those traditions. I kept my name though. It’s mine, I made it mine by living my life and accomplishing my things. It’s my brand.

          3. Okay, you can like them, but don’t argue that it’s not a patriarchal practice, just some quaint “tradition.”

        4. A “husband’s last name would not have negative feelings around it” until it does. One of my sisters had her a-hole ex-husband’s name for many years after a divorce (initially wanted to keep it the same as her child but regretted it) and another sister who took her husband’s name still had it for years after living through some very bad times with him that culminated in his suicide in their kitchen.

          I didn’t change my name – which meant fewer complications with a divorce (after 27 years together, so my entire professional life) – AND we gave our child my last name. It’s easier to pronounce and spell than ex-H’s, he had a bad relationship with his abusive father and no emotional tie to that family name, there were other children with his family name but not with mine, and he also agreed with the principle of f* the patriarchy. It was never an issue for him, me, or our child.

        5. Anon – you specifically said no matter what we do, it’s patriarchal. If you like those patriarchal traditions, fine for you. But there is something the rest of us can do, even if it is a little uncomfortable, to disrupt and/or expand those traditions. (I say expand because I love proposals and engagement rings and asking for blessings from parents – it just should- in my view- not be always the man asking the woman.)

          1. There is no last name you can go back to, not even your mother’s maiden name, that wasn’t passed down from some man at some point. The only way to truly eff the patriarchy on this one is to make up your own completely new last name.

          2. I proposed to my husband. I strongly considered taking his name but was ultimately too tired to actually go through the paperwork during a pandemic. Though his name is his mother’s last name, and my name is my father’s so idk which is more patriarchal to give to our kid. Actually, the kid is getting both. Mine as a middle name and his as the last name, mostly because it flows better that way.

          3. Sure, in some sense. But once you adopt your mother’s or grandmother’s prior name, it becomes “matriarchal” as to you. The point isn’t that the name has never belonged to a man. Making up a name is cool but I can also see value in keeping a connection to your family of origin by highlighting the women. And the point is just that if you don’t like your birth last name, there are other options than your husband’s.

        6. My last name is MY last name. My first name is MY first name, even if it is also my great-aunt’s middle name. My son’s name is HIS name, even though he has a family name.

    5. I changed mine 8 years into marriage. I never hyphenated (we both have difficult ethnic names (of completely different origins); so this would have been a disaster), so it was a true break. I did it somewhat during a transitional time, pre-kids and in my last year of law school, figuring that would make it easy to start my career fresh.

      It was really much easier then I expected to get used to. Though I sort of miss my old Italian name (which I kept as a middle), I’ve never felt anything like I lost my identity, and find that idea (that one’s identity is so easily lost) off-putting. My husband never said a word about my keeping my old name, but still seemed pleased (I did surprise him, though didn’t present it as a gift.) A few friends made cracks about whether I was running from the law or something, but no one seemed too put out. That was 12 years, 2 kids, 2houses, and 5 jobs ago, and I’m very happy to have done it.

    6. I did it it the opposite way, went back to my maiden name after a decade of marriage. We’re still happily married. I just regretted changing my name, which I did without really thinking it through when I was pretty young. It’s logistically kind of a pain in the a$$ to change your name when you don’t have a recent marriage, but I’m glad I did it.

      1. Ooh I’ve been thinking about this. I also got married pretty young and changed my name mostly because it seemed like an exciting ~married person~ thing to do. I love my husband but now realize I hate having his last name, it’s completely misaligned with my values. Was it harder to change back than it was to change initially? Did you tell friends and family directly?

      2. There is part of me that really wants to do this. I hemmed and hawed when we were engaged in our early 20s and I know, deep down, that I changed my name because I was too afraid to do something different and deal with people’s opinions about it.

      3. My best friend just did this with almost exactly similar circumstances. She says she regrets not doing it sooner.

    7. Agree about the gift to your husband thing being the odd part. If anything, it’s a gift to yourself for making your life more simple and less complicated.

      1. Thank you! Now… next question – what the heck do I get my husband for our 10th anniversary.

        Face tattoo? (This is a joke. Honestly, he’s one of those people who is so easygoing about it, he’s happy with anything. Which is probably why his marriage to me – and I am basically a sentient ball of anxiety and overthinking and self criticism – works.

        1. My husband commented this morning that there is no “cooling off” period to purchase an assault weapon, but his tattoo artist insisted on a 48 hour wait before he inked my name. So if you are getting the face tattoo, be sure to leave a few extra days ;-)

        2. Oh I’m a terrible person for gifts for my DH – because DINKs, we tend to just get what we like when we want it – so we often will either skip gifts altogether and just do some kind of experience that we decide on together, or we’ll buy something larger we both want.

          In fact our anniversary is next Saturday and we’ll probably buy a rowing machine because we both want one and have been talking about it for a while.

          So yeah, gifts are definitely not our romantic strength :)

        3. I’m always a fan of a luxury upgrade of something he uses a lot for these types of milestone gifts. Fancy coffee maker? Cooking equipment? Tailor as appropriate for his interests, and then he can use the gift every day and reflect on his long and happy marriage! (Or take a trip without the kids…that’s what I want for our upcoming 15th anniversary!)

    8. I want to do the opposite. I’ve got my name as Birth Married and want to drop the Married part and go back to my original first middle and last names.

  5. Any suggestions on casual Friday outfit for hot muggy climates this summer? Links to items would be great! My office has the kind of casual Friday that is “nice” jeans and a blouse in the winter but I’m clearly not putting on jeans again until late September. I haven’t been in office in the summer since 2019! I’m wearing linen pants today but that’s all I have going . . .

    1. I like the Alfani pull on capris from Macy’s. They’re nice and cool but still look sleek and professional, and the stretch makes them less hot.

    2. I like a lightweight patterned midi skirt with bright shoes and a basic office-level T-shirt. Currently I have a cute gingham skirt from J. Crew Factory, but I can’t find it on their website – must be gone. I’ll do a little hunting.

    3. I am wearing the Quince European Linen dress right now. So comfortable, but looks nice enough for work because of the collar and buttons.

      2. Ooh, how was the sizing? I only have ordered tops from Quince and they usually feel a bit short, so treading with caution.

          2. Santa Fe – went there on vacation and decided to explode our very even-keeled lives and have an adventure. I figured if we didn’t do it now, we’d turn 40 in a few years and wish we had.

          4. Pugs – excited for you! DH and I exploded our even-keeled lives in 2017 and moved across country in 2018. We circled and zigged and zagged and it didn’t turn out the way we visioned it originally, but actually way better.

            Linen – I just got the athleta linen pants (Cabo Linen Textured Wide Leg Pant in dress blue) and I really like them a lot. They are fitted around the butt/hips and I like that, although perhaps should have sized up one but I’ve really fluctuated in sizes lately so am keeping these to see if I land in them because they’re otherwise perfect. I also just got the Quince white linen pants and I really like them – more comfortable.

          6. I have two sets of friends who moved to Santa Fe this way and they both think it’s the best move ever, maybe 8-10 years in. Congratulations.

          7. Aw thanks guys! We are super excited but also my stomach hurts like, all the time.

          8. okay the stomach hurting all the time – yes I was there too. anxious ball of nerves for like three months leading up to the actual move. like lost 15 lb, was too skinny, and had to intentionally gain weight once we landed in new place. I had my first/only anxiety attack during that period. It wasn’t a BIG problem, but it wasn’t a nothing problem either that could be ignored indefinitely. and it kind of sucked because I felt like since we were blowing up our lives I was supposed to outwardly be so confident and excited about it, while on the inside I was kind of terrified and definitely way anxious.

            The good news is that it is a transition with an end date and the best thing you can do is to give yourself some grace during it. Talk about it openly to trusted close ones who can understand that it’s both exciting and scary. If/when I could make myself do yoga, that always helped me to drop back in my body. DH and I took TONS of walks/hikes. Whatever helps you drop into your body, see if you can lean into that.

            I also listened to this meditation/recording on repeat about 1000 times during that year – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFwT_r4b57c

          9. Pugs, are you going to open up a restaurant in Santa Fe?

            Sorry, couldn’t resist.

          11. Santa Fe is nice weather wise – it is higher altitude so not that hot, and not humid.

        1. The neckline is low. I want to add a snap or something to it.

          I am wearing a belly band (like the kind for early pregnancy) over my chest currenly. I do that instead of wearing a camisole.

    5. If you’re looking for pants, I finally got the stretch crepe Eileen Fischer pants that SA and others here have raved about for years. I love them and am wearing them on repeat. I find they feel light and airy.

      Otherwise, I love ponte dresses, sleeveless if possible, wearing a light linen or similar jacket over it when inside or when I don’t want to be sleeveless. Shirtdresses are also in a lot this year.

    6. I have a cotton/linen shirtdress from Uniqlo that I wear at least twice a week during the summer. It can be belted or unbelted to be more like a shift.
      I bought it in 2019 when I was hugely pregnant and still love it. Unfortunately this is the only picture I can find of it online:
      https://www.instagram.com/p/BvTg-Eelz8H/?hl=en
      I like Uniqlo linen in general- something about their boxier cuts makes it really perfect for my summer wardrobe.

  6. I like a pull-on pant but these look like capris from the 80s. Let’s not go back!

    1. Right? This whole look– too-short and too-tight flare pants, with the metallic mules, and the hip-length wide shirt? It’s just all so very bad. Or maybe I just don’t “get” fashion these days. If the latter, I guess I’m okay with it because this would look SOOOO bad on me.

    2. These look terrible, at least as styled. Just sad and depressing and probably made of itchy hot polyester.

  7. Anyone have a program/website/form they use to keep track of CLEs? I’m not at a firm currently and have to keep track of multiple states which of course each have different requirements and reporting cycles.

    1. I feel like all this needs is a note in your phone? A specific program seems like overkill.

      1. I just take the blank paper certificates I get from the CLE classes that the manageing partner enrolls me in, fill in the specific information to ensure I have enough credits, and put them in a vanilla folder. Then every 2 years, I total up the CLE credits, have Lynn pull out the Bar form& fill it out for me. Lynn then cuts a firm check for the dues, sends it into the NY Bar. That takes almost no time at all once I add up all the credits for all CLE’s I never even took! YAY!!!!

    3. I have a folder in my email called CLE certificates. As soon as I get one, I just drag it there so it’s all easy to find when I need to register. I also print them and put them in a folder where I hand write what I have left over the last cycle. It’s really easy to keep track off. You can print the requirements and just keep it all together.

      1. +1 AIMS

        I do the same. Admitted in three states. Thankfully one of them (Mich.) has no CLE requirement.

    4. I just use a spreadsheet listing the cle date, provider, state, type of credit, etc and save it and the cle certs to a folder on my hard drive.

    5. I do a google sheet and added columns for the type of credits when my state recently added specifics. rolling totals at the bottom and date/provider/subject/# of credits listed on the sheet. Summed at the bottom, and I start a new section at the beginning of each reporting period.
      I don’t actively keep certificates – I maintained an email file at my last job, but didn’t bother transferring it over (hopefully not a mistake).

  8. Friday fun: help me plan my vacation…bc I come here for everything else! I’m planning a 3 day getaway in Los Angeles. I grew in LA, but now live on the east coast and would like to take my kiddos to my favorite childhood places. We will be visiting my family, who lives in the OC, and taking a short LA getaway. I’d like to go to the Santa Monica Pier, Venice Beach, La Brea Tar Pits, and Griffith Observatory. I need help finding a hotel, I’d like to stay on the beach but we’re behind on planning and it’s pretty expensive. Also, what else can we add to the itinerary? We’ll do the OC beaches and theme parks with my family, so I’m just interested in LA highlights. Kids are 5 and 8. Thank you, wise hive!

    1. I like the Pali House Santa Monica, it’s not cheap but the rooms are beautiful and many are suites with kitchens. It’s right by the ocean too.

      1. Shutters and Casa del Mar in Santa Monica are my favorite beach hotels, but I am guessing they both fall into the category of pretty expensive at this point. What about Hotel Erwin in Venice? (Full disclosure, Venice is not my favorite, but you mentioned you wanted to go there, and Hotel Erwin is well located.) Malibu Beach Inn? Though that is obviously more further removed from LA proper.

      2. Thread jack : SA, are you back from Europe? Report out on the afternoon thread!!!

    3. That sounds like plenty for kids that age. You could tack on the Chinese theatre between La Brea and Griffith O.

    4. The Magic Castle Hotel is really fun with kids. You get a little mini-apartment, there’s a pool, they have free popsicle delivery to the pool, and you get to go to a magic show if you want to (though I think no kids). You can also walk from the hotel down to Hollywood Boulevard. I think it’s kind of depressing, but there are fun things to do along that strip.

    5. Peterson Auto Museum is absolutely fabulous (for girls or boys). It was not around when we were kids, but man–it’s awesome. So cool. Cannot rave enough. Definitely incorporate it into your visit.

      Also not a thing when we were kids–the aquarium at Long Beach. If you want a cheaper but also still very awesome sea creature experience, consider Cabrillo Museum in San Pedro, which has great touch tanks and kid-friendly exhibits.

      If you are looking for beach but a little cheaper, look to stay in the South Bay–El Segundo, Torrance, Manhattan or Hermosa will undoubtedly be cheaper than West-side places like Santa Monica or Venice.

    1. I have a pair of the pointy ones and they are very comfortable and cushioned. I also found them to be good quality. They price is pretty reasonable for what you get. I think there are usually coupon codes floating around to bring the price down a little.

    2. They are worth the price. And their customer service is amazing. I had a pair stolen off my porch that I only mentioned to them in response to a “how did you like item X” survey, where I said I wish I knew, they were stolen, and a real person reached out and sent a replacement pair. I was stunned. Loyal customer for life and their shoes are extremely comfortable and well made.

  10. It’s been years since I went to the beach and I need to buy some beach gear. Does anyone have favorite beach chairs, towels, or umbrellas/tents for shade?

    1. Love Dock and Bay towels. They fold up very small, sand doesn’t stick to them as much as a traditional beach towel, and they’re big (if you order a big size).

    2. Pricy if you don’t plan to use it much, but the Helinox festival chair is fantastic for the beach. I bought it for concerts and love how much more portable it is than the full-on folding camp chair I used to lug with me.

    4. If you mostly go to a beach with fairly constant winds in one direction (such as the SEUS coast), Shibumi shades are hugely popular here for a reason. Pretty expensive considering it’s a tent pole and some cloth, but effective (kinda loud, though). I tried Neso shades and was not impressed (couldn’t get them to stay up, no matter what we did). If you like turkish towels as opposed to terrycloth, I like SandCLoud.

    5. Cool Cabana for shade! We used someone else’s on vacation and then came home and tossed our beach umbrellas. They hold up really well in wind and provide great shade. Have fun on your trip!

  11. Our receptionist apologizes for absolutely everything. She has a habit of coming into an office panicky and closing the door like she needs to confess something very serious. In a whispering tone, she’ll apologize profusely for something that needs no apology for. Like…she was filling up her water bottle and I waited behind her to fill up mine. Hours later she comes in to apologize, profusely, for making me wait. It’s not just me- she apologizes to everyone. Frankly it’s annoying and kind of a waste of time for her to come in at least once a week making a big apology for something I didn’t even notice. We all tell her there’s no need to apologize but she keeps doing it. Any suggestions? Or do we just accept this is how she’s going to be?

    1. I think if you have a good relationship with her, it’s worth mentioning. Doubly so if she’s early on in her career. I know I felt I had to be overly deferential and overexplain or apologize for so many things when I was in my early twenties.

      1. I had an associate like this working for me about 5 years ago who was right out of law school. She was not that smart, but had a big heart. All she did was apologize for things she wasn’t even involved with. I think she had some sort of nouroses b/c she thought that men all just wanted to sleep with her. I know this was not true b/c she had a little to much B.O. for men with a good sense of smell. Now with Covid, men don’t notice the smell that as much as before Covid, so she may get more men into her bed then she used to. I think she even apologizes to the men who sleep with her. They probably could care less as long as they actually had any kind of sex with her (good or bad, as men like that are gross).

    2. It sounds like someone should kindly but firmly tell her that she needs to stop apologizing because it’s distracting her coworkers. Saying “there’s no need to apologize” sounds like accepting an apology, at least to people with an indirect style of communication.

    3. You’re saying “no need to apologize” when I think she needs to hear “these apologies are excessive and make people uncomfortable and you need to stop.” In a nice way, but make it non-optional.

    4. Telling her very directly to stop apologizing needs to happen. However it may help to give her something else to say – instead of apologizing she could say “thanks for your patience”. This would only be appropriate to say in situations that actually warrant it. You may have to specify that 90% of the situations she is apologizing for are unnecessary.
      I am worried here that she’ll get walked all over and comes across as too passive, unconfident or otherwise a pushover, when she may just be trying hard to be very nice. The school of hard knocks may be the best teacher, but you changing up the conversation, giving alternate options, and explaining directly how apologizing undermines her business persona may help, or give her better perspective on how her actions are being viewed. I say this as someone who actively has to work on not undermining myself at work via being too apologetic or even self deprecating.
      You know the situation best here and can act accordingly, but for her sake and your sanity, yes I would try a different tact to tell her to stop.

      1. +1

        This is great advice.

        Most likely her behavior reflects some anxiety or deeper personal issues. I tend to apologize too much and part of it is society’s demands on girls/women and an abusive childhood.

        Don’t make her feel even worse than she already does. She will likely be mortified! If possible, try to be positive too (we appreciate your work, you are very attentive, doing a great job….. but let’s….) and give her alternatives.

        1. So that’s what I’m concerned about actually. She’s in her early 60s and so incredibly meek I feel that there may be a history of abuse. I’ve been treading very lightly for that reason but it’s really getting kind of out of control.

          1. I had a secretary like this and she was older too. We just put up with it because I figured it was too late to change her ways and it seemed more deep rooted for her as well. I felt bad for her because I know she was lonely too and I didn’t want to make her feel worse.

          2. I had an admin like this (similar age) and for her I think it was from having a history of really mean male bosses who would scream at her about stupid stuff. I could never get her to fully stop, but nicely saying “Joan Margaret,* I really don’t mind AT ALL if I wait behind you in the water fountain line. It’s totally fine! Please don’t apologize for it moving forward.” with a big ol’ smile helped reduced how often it happened.

            *for all you Grace and Frankie fans :)

    5. I would tell her that she should stop but tell her on a different day. If she’s apologizing and you say, “No need to apologize” she may just take it as a courtesy, so I would wait maybe a day or two later, or while you’re going over other comments on her work, and just tell her that she shouldn’t feel that she has to apologize for those types of situations, and maybe give her a gentle note that it just takes up time and isn’t desired.

    6. First – this would drive me up the wall. I generally strongly dislike any overuse of apologies. But this is a case where I’m glad you’re treading lightly – it sounds like there may be a real anxiety issue.

      I second all of the above advice, but also just a simple thing – instead of saying in the moment “No need to apologize” rephrase it to be “That is not something you need to apologize for! You didn’t do anything that you need to apologize for.” Then on a different day addressing the overall problem head on with some of the scripts above.

      I agree that “No need to apologize” is similar to accepting an apology. Changing the phrasing in the moment may help her delineate excessive apologies where she is apologizing for her existence.

  12. For those of you working in tech startups, what are you wearing to the office? I feel like my wardrobe is 3 years out of date.

    1. Jeans/chinos, sneakers or loafers if I’m feeling fancy. Then whatever shirt I feel like – sometimes a button down, sometimes a blouse, sometimes some other top – basically whatever I feel like. I tend not to go full t-shirt (at least not non-fitted ones).

      1. What kind of cut for the jeans? Where are you buying blouses? I don’t like t-shirts and rarely wear them but most at the company do.

        1. I buy a lot of Boden tops and American Giant for basic tees. I always do straight leg jeans because that’s what fits me best. But honestly…it’s a tech startup? No one cares what you wear so go with whatever is comfortable and feels good to you!

  13. PSA for my Texan ‘Rettes. I’ve been calling Senator Cornyn’s office every. single. day. He’s the one of the few Texan Rs that may potentially move on gun control.

    1. Thanks for the reminder. Is there a specific bill I should be asking him to support or just tell him to keep working to get some sensible gun legislation passed? I’m not sure if his participation in the process means they are going to modify the universal background check legislation or start over with something new.

    3. It may be late for this – but I just call and say “Hi, my name is AnonTX. I’m calling because I’d like to know what Senator Cornyn is going to do to support gun control.” And depending if it’s a staffer or voicemail, I leave some wordage about the assault weapons ban being reinstated, background checks, how I work in a health care setting and have small kids that without further action it’s all just very scary.

  14. I love royal style. I have a weird habit about reading every little tabloid thing about Harry and Meaghan and I am here for any commentary and theories about them or royal style!!

    1. Me too!

      I have loved Meghan’s looks. I think both days have been Dior? I also love the big hats she’s been favoring since the polo match. I also think that they both just look so happy – I think the big move to the US has given them the balance/family life they wanted, and I think the invite and how they’ve been part of things indicates approval and love from the Queen. Also, she and I are similarly short-torsoed/waisted so when a silhouette looks good on her, I take notice.

      I also enjoy Kate’s looks – she has a figure where almost anything looks good on her, and I do like when she goes with a cleaner silhouette with less buttons and ruffles. I especially enjoyed the Princess Diana earrings she wore on the balcony.

      1. Oh and I LOVE Meghan’s Birks diamond earrings. I’ve definitely looked at the mini-version for myself…

      2. Agree with everything about Meghan. I don’t like Kate’s choices as much generally. She overdoes the ruffles, patterns and details, and sometimes looks much older than she is. There was a style roundup I saw recently of royals wearing the same outfit and one of them compared a dress Kate wore with some 80+ European royal! But her style has improved the last few years. I liked the white parade look yesterday. And that dress she wore to the movie premiere recently. Simple, classic looks – like what Meghan wears!

    2. I love it too! Make sure you’re watching Elizabeth Holmes’s stories. I thought Meghan’s look today was flawless. Bland, appropriate, not attention grabbing at all. And Harry causally sporting one more medal than his brother. I loved her look yesterday too.

      I think Harry and wills are getting along better lately which is nice, and great Harry could be here for the Queen who maintains a good relationship with him.

    3. I liked Megan’s dress generally but I felt like the gloves made it look like a costume (and since Kate wasn’t wearing them, I don’t think they were required). I did think the collar crowded her face a bit.

      I thought Kate’s outfit was fine, but a bit boring.

      1. Kate actually did wear gloves. You can see her carrying at times and wearing at others.

      2. Kate was wearing gloves. She took them off outside but was holding them in her hands in some photos. Not sure they were actually required though.

    4. I thought Kate’s dress today was perfection. The Fold meets Princess.

      I don’t think the proportions of Meghan’s outfit worked well. The hat looked a little small and flimsy paired with the super-structured trench dress, and the gloves looked too big and floppy. Yesterday’s hat with navy bow was lovely, though.

      TBH, the way M&H previously went on Oprah talking about how awful they found life in TRF, I’m surprised they wanted to come at all.

    5. Loved Kate‘s lemon dress. Also think she looks good in anything since she is so tall plus slim figure.

      Meghan was meh in the lilac. Because belts just show what a thick mid section she has relative to the rest of her. I liked the navy one better. I think she is attractive but needs to dress better for the figure she has.

      1. I can see your point about the belted waistline – again, I pay attention to this as someone who also has the same issue and would not go for a belted waist, and avoid them generally. I think it would have been better with no belt, and just a defined, cinched waistline. At the same time, girl loves a belt/trench feel (as do I), so I like that she did it.

      2. Perhaps she likes belts and does not agree that the point of every inch of clothing is to make a woman look as skinny as possible.

    6. Same, on all fronts.

      I must say, I do not understand Beatrice and Eugenie’s style in general. They have more misses than I can remember, maybe a few more hits as of late. But, today, Eugenie’s orange dress and black hat today — what?! Hoping it was bad coloring in the photo and actually looked better in person?

      2. Agreed. No style from either of them ever. They looked lovely at their weddings and that’s the only good look I can remember from either.

        2. Eugenie’s wedding dress was questionable for me. All that money and she ended up with that snoozefest with a weird neckline.

    7. FWIW I thought that Camilla’s coat at St. Paul’s was a beautiful take on her usual silhouette. Avoided those big pleats she favors, and the embroidery/beading was stunning.

  15. Recommendations for NYC midtown hotel that has suites or larger rooms? We are a family of 5 and I don’t know if I should just get 2 rooms or try to get a bigger room/suite. TIA!

    1. It’s been a couple of years but a family friend always stays at the Fifty Sonesta and seems very happy. They have both rooms and quotes and you may be able to ask for two rooms with a connecting door. Location is great – midtown east so not so crowded as west and right near a great subway line stop. Good food/drinks within walking distance too.

    2. Conrad Midtown is all (or almost all) suites. We stayed in a room with two queens plus a living area. A small kid could easily sleep on the couch. The couch may have even been a pull out, I am not sure.

    3. I’ve stayed at the Lombardy multiple times – they might have what you are looking for.

  16. For those that you know that are having good retirements, what are the doing to make retirement enjoyable? I know a lot of it is predicated on luck – health specifically – but assume normal aging related health in ages 70+. I am specifically interested in people that DON’T have the means to be jetting off to Europe multiple times per year AND don’t have grandkids so it’s not the type of retirement that’s occupied by babysitting grandkids 40 hrs/wk, going to soccer games every other night, or traveling cross country to see the grandkids five times/yr.

    Haven’t been around senior citizens too much until recently and my own grandparents weren’t a great guide in the sense that they were very well off in another country so they WERE traveling at a moment’s notice, had multiple companies that they kept ownership of so there were constant board meetings etc., which isn’t a type of retirement you’re going to have in the US as a middle class person.

    1. I think my parents are having a good retirement. They watch my nephew regularly but still have plenty of time to themselves. My dad is putting together a woodworking shop and also digitizing his 40 years of semi-professional photography. My mom still works a little but has been tapering off for a few years. She reads a TON and plays tennis. Fortunately they’ve only had a couple health scares and take reasonably good care of themselves.

      My dad is extroverted and I worried about him being lonely, but I shouldn’t have – he makes friends everywhere he goes. They take a few trips a year and organize their high-school reunions. They’re interested in their kids’ lives but not overly so. They watch baseball games together. It’s not a flashy life, but they’re happy.

    2. In no particular order, here are some things the retired/no kids people in my life do:
      Hobbies and groups,
      Outdoorsy activities like kayaking and hiking,
      Volunteer (sometimes religious, sometimes not)
      Foster rescue dogs
      One person I know has a standing appointment with their personal trainer twice a week
      Community senior center activities
      One person moved to Florida and surfs every day, now has a bunch of surfing buddies

      All the retired folks I know are middle class, none has enough money to go on frequent vacations. All (from the outside) appear to be reasonably happy.

    3. My in laws have a great retirement. They have hobbies that keep them busy (gardening for her, and music for him), are active in their church, and have routine community service commitments. Their days have space, but they also have structure. It seems like the dream to me, and I think they are happy.

      1. Same with mine. They don’t have the desire for major travel but fill their days with this type of thing – just enough structure.

    4. The people who keep themselves engaged in something, anything, even some hobby that is only short lived and continuously changes, all seem happier to me than the people who live the exact same routine at home every single day from retirement onward.

      When I was a senior in college, I took some history of architecture class offered by the art history department as a second semester senior; I was pleasantly surprised that in addition to the 25 regular college student enrollees in class, there were about 7-10 senior citizens auditing. They weren’t super old seniors – prob mid 60s to mid 70s, but genuinely excited about the class which I think met twice per week IIRC. I don’t think they ever skipped one. You could tell it was a half day for them to drive into to Phila. from the suburbs, attend the 90 minute class, often coffee or lunch plans were being made after class, or if there weren’t plans, some folks would individually go walk around campus or the bookstore or see what intramural sport or dance team was having a practice they could watch for an hour and then they’d drive home. I was only 22 then and remember thinking how nice it’d be to be older and have something like that to look forward to, even if you only took a class every few years and weren’t someone who was looking to audit something each semester out of obligation.

      1. Yes! I had a delightful elderly woman audit a Chinese history class I took in college. She came impeccably dressed with beautiful hair and nails and such fashionable shoes. Her handwritten notes were beautiful and made me wish I had penmanship like her. I still remember her vibrant outfits. I wish I had the courage to strike up a conversation with her, but alas, 19 year old me was too shy.

      2. This is lovely, and now I’m looking forward to my retirement (in decades) when I can also take college classes just for the sake of learning and not a degree.

      3. One of my favorite things about academia is how much emeritus faculty have to offer and how much they can be valued. Maybe they’re not exactly retired, but they are who I think of when I think of rich retirements.

    5. I think my parents have a good retirement, though Covid has definitely put a lot of restrictions on things they used to do. They’ve been retired for about 15 years and during that time they’ve probably done 4 big overseas trips and a few trips around the US to see family, which they haven’t felt comfortable doing since the pandemic started. They also did a lot of volunteering, which stopped during the pandemic. But they still spend plenty of time with friends and my one sibling who is local. They babysit for the grandkids once or twice a week and otherwise keep busy with their own hobbies, exercise, reading, correspondence with old friends, and tv. If Covid ever goes away enough for people in their late 70s to feel comfortable in crowded spaces, they’ll go back to seeing concerts and plays, but I’m not sure that will happen- they’re reasonably healthy, but definitely have a few minor health issues that clearly make them fairly high risk, so they’ve been doing lots of virtual events instead.

    6. Have hobbies. They’re only a year or so in, but my parents bought a house before prices went nuts in a low key beach town (think Mayberry by the ocean) and best I can tell, my dad spends most mornings fishing and then they ride bikes around the island and read and have happy hour with the neighbors (who all seem to be retired folks). Their plan is to pick up a low key part time job when they get bored (and because it’s a low key beach, they can–think “be greeter/ticket taker in small museum in quaint historic district” or “drive the trolley”). They come visit my brother and I every couple of months (we both live about a 7 hour drive from them), but neither of us have kids and aren’t likely to, so no grandkid activities to be involved with.

    7. I think my dad does — he’s very active in his church leadership, wrote a book, and runs a local community service organization. It keeps him connected, engaged and active but its really only a few hours total a day of stuff he has to do so he has plenty of time to go on walks, cook etc.

      1. Also – my mom decided when she turned around 65 that she wanted to make younger friends – she’s made friends with 30-something and 40-something women through church and community organizations. It really seems mutually beneficial, the women get a mother-figure in their lives and my mom gets a lot of vibrancy and new connection. It also seems rare.

    8. The 70somethings I know who are having good retirements aren’t actually “retired.” They are still using lots of their time to focus on other people (some for pay, some volunteer). They work with the homeless or refugees or tutor kids. One teaches classes, another meets with and mentors young people. Another is constantly learning and then turning around and teaching others what she learns. One is a coach/consultant. The common thread is that they are not unhappy, discontented people; they have stayed flexible and involved with others. They have grandkids and spend time with them, and do some trips and travel, but none of them are wealthy in any way; they made less during their working lives than the people on this forum talk about making, and I assume that means they have limited means during retirement. At some point, having health and contentment and good relationships and a focus on something outside yourself becomes more important than having all the money to do all the things.

      1. Nothing replaces health of course. As for having all the money to do all the things – IDK – I feel like that at least gets you “superficial” contentment in that you always have plans when you can drop cash; feeling restless and bored at home, well how about a week in Paris then? Sure maybe you’ll be bored in Paris too but at least it’s a change in scenery and not one that Joe and Jane on a fixed income can have – when they’re bored, all there is is another walk in the park or drinks on the neighbor’s porch or out for ice cream.

        But I do agree with you, you need to have some focus on something that isn’t you. If that’s volunteering with refugees, that’s great. If that’s not you, try keeping a foot in the door with your work as long as you can – even in a super part time consulting way. The worst I’ve seen is people who stop working + have zero interests — they either turn into non stop complainers (who didn’t bag my groceries right; how dare the landscaper come an hour late) or non stop worriers.

        1. I would argue that Joe and Jane could be quite content walking in the park or having drinks with their neighbor or going out for ice cream. The bored retirees I know don’t even do that, really.

    9. Things the happy seniors in my life do —
      -Volunteer – hospital; seasonal volunteering doing taxes with an organization;
      -Gym – like nearly daily with a class or two each morning;
      -Lessons – I’ve heard everything from glass blowing to ballroom dancing to Farsi lessons from seniors I know;
      -Golf – 2-3x/week – not a rich person so plays on public courses and lives in Canada so he’ll even bundle up and go when it’s cold. He’s prob at it 9 months/yr.
      -Gardening/yard work like daily – this guy is 80+ yrs old so mowing an entire suburban yard with a push mower takes him like most of a weekday but it’s what he likes even though he could hire someone. On days he isn’t mowing, he’s puttering around his garden – planting etc., or sometimes just sitting on his porch admiring his garden usually.
      -Visiting their own parent in a nursing home/assisted living nearly daily.

      Actually come to think of it, of the people I know doing the above – only the golfer has grandkids locally; sure he sees them and they sleep over once in a while, but it’s more grandma’s domain. He’s not calling and begging to see his kids or entertain them so his son/DIL can have a date night; he’s happier living his own life. All the rest don’t have grandkids except the gardener who has a few that live clear across the country, are likely in college now themselves, and I’d venture to guess he sees them like once a year as he rarely travels, nor do they really come back east much.

    10. Regular engagement with something meaningful – regular volunteering, church participation, season tickets to a theatre or sport’s team they care about. Physical activity – whether regular walks or playing tennis.

    11. I agree with the mentions of active hobbies above, but would add that having at least one hobby the couple does together is especially great. I know a retired couple that bikes together and they incorporate that into their regular and vacation life. Having some sort of “community” whether that is through church, a volunteer organization, or just an active friend group is important. I have spent time with seniors and have witnessed that they need to continue to make new friends as others pass or have significant health issues – bonus if you have younger people as friends.

    12. My dad is loving retirement. He walks to the coffee shop everyday, hangs out in the newsagent, plays like 30 hours of pickle all a week, organizes social events in his community.

    13. My parents seem to be happy in retirement and do not really travel. Like has been already said, they have hobbies, they volunteer, they see friends, they go out to eat, they read a lot, take walks/hikes, go to the gym, and futz about the house a bit when needed.

    14. Why do you ask? I am curious, because I am of an age where I could retire, but I am not sure how it would look. I work a lot, so I don’t have very developed interests. I exercise regularly, and between that and work, there isn’t much time or oomph left. I have grandchildren but zero interest in providing childcare. My long term volunteer commitment has been permanently altered by Covid. I am trying to envision retirement but coming up short.

    15. My mom has really developed her hobbies and specifically ones that create a community. While these have definitely been impacted by covid, she has played a musical instrument for a long time and got a lot more serious about her performance group; had taken dance classes but joined a performance group (performing at places like children’s hospitals and retirement homes pre-covid- but it’s a good consistent social group), got more involved in the synagogue garden maintenance committee etc. she’s also spent a ton of time teaching herself to draw and paint and is now pretty accomplished.

    16. My aunt is one of these – single, no kids, late 60s early 70s, no living parents. She volunteers a lot, works in her garden, and pre-pandemic she did travel abroad once a year. She also stays busy by having leisurely lunches with her friends who are still a year or two out from retirement, so they get to gossip about office politics. And instead of her traveling multiple times a year to different people, she welcomed anyone from the rest of the family to visit her instead since she has a large house.

  17. Pull on pants recommendation: J Crew Factory Jamie. Very flattering in petite length in my 5’ frame. Usually fine looser plants schlumpy on me, but these were fab.

  18. Best tips please for setting boundaries with coworkers and clients that take advantage of your time, skills and effort.

    1. I recently dealt with a situation like this, and was able to put in some boundaries without feeling like a jerk by “paying myself first”. Send an email while I’m commuting home? If it’s about something for the next morning I’ll answer it after I’ve had my dinner, not in a hungry, hangry rush before I eat. If it’s not about the next morning I’ll reply once I get to work in the morning. Teams chat me while I’m taking a break for a walk outside? If it’s not something that needs to be done that minute I’ll address it in 1/2 hour when I’m back. Basically I put my own priorities in terms of schedule, work, etc. ahead of others in all cases unless it’s something that needs to be dealt with quickly at that minute. And I stopped ever apologizing “for the slow reply”. If they have an issue they can raise it, but I don’t preemptively apologize anymore.

      And guess what? Nothing has ever come up that made this strategy a problem, and I stopped feeling like I couldn’t budge from my seat or take time for personal priorities because I needed to be able to respond at a moments notice.

      1. These just sound like BEC complaints to me. Sending emails after work hours and teams chats during the day are normal behaviors and it’s also totally normal to reply when you’re back at work the next day or back at your desk. Unless this person is berating you or something that you’re not mentioning, in which case that’s definitely a bigger problem!

    2. Be assertive in content, but not in tone. I.e., “Unfortunately, I won’t have bandwidth this week for this task. You can try asking X if he can take it on.”

      Don’t get mad at people for asking you for things and don’t get preemptively defensive. Less is more – you don’t have to explain yourself or justify anything. Be as warm and kind with it as possible, but don’t leave space for negotiation.

    3. Set the boundary and then stop being so useful to them. E.g. coworker who emails me instead of the help inbox. The first time I answer and tell them the help inbox is where they should direct questions like this in the future. Any subsequent times they email me I don’t respond for 1-2 days (and still redirect them to the help inbox). Eventually they realize the help inbox is more useful and quicker than emailing me.

  19. My organization is sending a group to a professional conference next week – we’re flying out next Wednesday, the conference is all day Thursday and Friday, I fly back early Saturday. I booked my own flights (I need to do them myself because I have some legal-name issues going on, this was approved in advance) in April and submitted the needed information. But I’m not allowed to book hotels, so I left that to the travel office.

    I got the hotel info early yesterday; according to the date stamps on the receipt, they booked the hotel in mid-May, when they’d had my flight info for three weeks. My flight back is Saturday, because there’s no flights on Friday that wouldn’t mean missing a good chunk of the conference, but the hotel room is only two nights – Wednesday night and Thursday night. (According to the flight info I got in the same email, everyone else is flying back midday Friday, meaning they’re missing about a third of it; I was not told about this until Thursday.) They apparently just didn’t think to mention this to me, do anything about this, or otherwise make any arrangements so I’d have somewhere to sleep Friday night. And sent out the hotel info less than a week in advance, so I have very little time to do anything about it. I am hoping really really hard the hotel and my organization will let me extend the stay by a night, because the only alternatives that are coming to mind are “spend the night in the hotel lobby” and “hope I make a friend who’ll let me sleep on their couch”. The airport’s not big enough to be open overnight, so that’s not an option, or else I’d go for that.

    I have already sent an email to the travel office outlining the problem and asking what on Earth I should do about it. I’m willing to pay for the extra hotel night, because it’s needed because I booked my flights weirdly, but what do I do to make that happen? The travel office moves very slowly, and even having explained in my email that I need a response to this fast because this is happening in one week, I’m not sure I’ll have a response in time to follow their instructions. If I don’t get an answer… what do I do?

    (I’m avoiding panic by reminding myself this isn’t the end of the world no matter what happens, the worst-case scenario is that I have to spend the night in the hotel lobby and sleep on the plane/in the car passenger seat on the way home. Which won’t be fun, but no one’s going to die.)

    1. Can you just book the night at the hotel yourself and submit it for reimbursement?

      1. +1
        Gently, it seems like you need to take a deep breath. I would be so annoyed too. But unless the hotel is 100% booked Friday and there are 0 other hotels nearby (which I don’t see you say), you should not sleep in the hotel lobby (or the airport!). For starters, I don’t think the hotel would let you. Secondly, that would be so so weird if anyone from the conference saw you doing that, and it would reflect so poorly on your company that I promise they would rather reimburse you for this than have that happen.

        1. I should add, even if the hotel is 100% booked and there are 0 other hotels nearby, then you should switch your flight to Friday and submit any change fees/fare difference for reimbursement instead, because your company gave you no other choice.

          1. +1, you might consider changing your flight to Friday anyway since everyone else is. Flight time is work time, so your colleagues are (smartly) not scheduling their travel time for Saturday. Very normal for people to miss the Friday afternoon part of a conference.

    2. Is this some kind of really unusual location where there is only one hotel? Otherwise, this doesn’t sound like a huge issue. If the conference hotel is fully booked and can’t extend your stay, you can book a night at a different hotel. If your flight is really early on Saturday, I’d book at an airport hotel, preferably one that has a shuttle to the airport. I’d just call your travel office and talk to someone who can help you book an extra night somewhere.

      1. Yeah, definitely one of those scenarios where you should pick up the phone! Good thing this isn’t AAM ;)

        1. Bwhahaha, well played you ;)
          +1 to calling. As they messed up your hotel booking the options as I see them are they pay for another night (at either that hotel or another one) or pay the change fees on your flight. I’d tell them what you WANT to happen but offer the other solution as a potential option if the first choice isn’t doable.

    3. You should not be required to pay for your hotel if the only way you could ly out on Friday is to miss a chunck of the conference and you actually attend those sessions on Friday.

    4. Why are you being so extra? Book a different hotel if you need to. You won’t be sleeping on the lobby floor.

    5. Huh? Call the travel office and have them book you a hotel room somewhere. The answers are not sleep in a lobby or some other absurd thing.

      1. Yeah, it seems like an oversight that can be easily resolved. Not something to freak out over.

    6. you are majorly overthinking this. Call the travel office and say “there are two options here, either extend my stay by a night or I’ll need reimbursement for the additional cost associated with changing my flight to Friday, how should I proceed.”

      1. Yeah, this sounds like the reaction my teenager would have because she doesn’t have experience with travel reservations. Call the travel office and calmly explain the situation and what needs to happen and when. Don’t complain or accuse. Don’t offer to pay for anything yourself without reimbursement. Don’t e-mail because the matter is time-sensitive. If a call is not successful, involve your boss if you are junior, or go up the chain of command with the travel office if you are midlevel or above. I intervene on behalf of my staff with these administrative mix-ups all the time.

    7. this is such an overreaction to a mundane and easily fixable problem that I must be missing something?

    8. Thank you for the advice, everyone.

      Yes, this is basically my first experience with business travel – we haven’t been doing much over the last few years, and none at my level. I called the travel office, we went around a bit with the hotel, one of the rooms has been extended a night and it won’t be a problem. Now I can get back to more normal kinds of freaking out.

  20. We are moving and the sellers are leaving their dryer and washer. We don’t plan on replacing them. Tips on how to thoroughly clean them before use?

      1. You are supposed to clean them, especially washing machines. They get built up lint, dirt, soap residue, hard water residue, etc. It’s amazing what comes out when I clean the washer filter.

    2. As someone who spent years living in apartments with communal washing machines, I really don’t think this is necessary, assuming they look clean. But if it really bugs you, just run a load of old towels or something on extra hot. If they’re actually dirty, they do sell laundry machine cleaners, though I’ve never bothered using them. I just wipe out anywhere dust or detergent residue has collected every few months.

    4. Second Affresh or the Tide washing machine cleaner. Make sure you really clean out the dryer vent using a tool and a vacuum or hiring someone, since you don’t know how well they’ve done it.

    6. Does the washer have a clean cycle? (Mine does.) If not, just run it with hot water and a little oxyclean.

    7. Have someone come out to clean the dryer vent, as that is a safety issue. Otherwise, I wouldn’t do much more than wipe it down with some vinegar and run it on the self cleaning cycle.

    8. Use Affresh like others have said and figure out if there are any filters or traps on the washing machine to empty or clean. Get the dryer vent cleaned now and regularly going forward. Pull the machines out and clean behind and under them. Nothing much needed beyond that.

Comments are closed.