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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 265 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Twist-Shoulder Ponte Sheath

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Jason Wu Twist-Shoulder Ponte SheathIt's always a bit funny when you realize something that started as a trend has had serious staying power. To wit: the “nude” clothes trend. Yet, this pale beige Jason Wu dress doesn't look the slightest bit strange to me, even if that is your skin tone — it just looks gorgeous. (Love that twist shoulder!) Readers, would you wear a nude-for-you dress to the office? (Would you even think twice about it?)  This dress is $1,195 at Neiman Marcus. Jason Wu Twist-Shoulder Ponte Sheath Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

    • Life Hack

      I KNOW. I was surprised at how surprised I was…I mean, that there was no “omg something huge is going to happen” teaser or online leak – at least, that I saw.

        • Life Hack

          I won’t! But for those who are interested, Slate has an article about how it was such a surprise for the viewers.

        • Come on!

          This is the internet! When does it become ok to talk about an episode that has already aired?

          • Wildkitten

            24 hours, so people who missed it last night (it was 40 minutes later than schedule, so many people probably gave up and went to sleep) can catch it online today.

    • Tax Chic

      Agree — my skin might be that color, but less beige and more ruddy in a gin blossom sort of way. A real khaki or tan is a great neutral (for my wardrobe), but I cannot have these colors near my face.

      • Baconpancakes

        Yep, we have the same coloring. I love to wear stone and tan, but anything in between makes me look like a zombie. This was particularly upsetting to realize after a friend gave me a beautiful champagne brocade jacket for my birthday one year. If you look at the model’s legs, they look less tanned than her face and arms, and the more pale color illustrates how weird this “nude” looks on women with this coloring.

    • Polished Pinstripes

      Love the style of the dress with the twisted shoulder! The color is a good idea in theory, but I would have to see it on. I’m not opposed to wearing nude-colored dreses to the office, particularly in the summer, but I would have to try the dress on and walk around in different lighting to see if the color was the right shade for me or not. I think I might need something with a bit more of a peach undertone, but it’s impossible to tell online. But if the color worked, I’d love this!

      • NYNY

        I saw a woman in “nude for her” pants last week, and believe me, there were a lot of doubletakes as she walked down the street!

  3. Monday

    To add to the recurring discussion about people who brag about how busy they are:

    http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/03/brigid_schulte_s_overwhelmed_and_our_epidemic_of_busyness.html

    Surprisingly, the comments are also mostly civil and interesting, as least last I saw.

    Based on reviews I have seen for the book, it’s not earth-shattering and may not even be about the “busybrag.” But regardless I’m glad this overall tendency is (slowly) beginning to get called out.

    • Cb

      I think there is something in the fact that busy implies status. ‘Busyness of a certain kind—meaning not the work-three-menial-jobs-and-put-your-kids-in-precarious-day-care-by-necessity kind—became a mark of social status, that somewhere in the drudgery of checklists and the crumpled heaps one could detect a hint of glamour’

      • Monday

        Yes. That NY Times article on the same topic, a few years ago, also pointed out that people are never talking about commuting by bus to several minimum-wage jobs. I think it was called “The Busy Trap.”

    • Carrie

      Busy-bragging is so annoying and I’m glad it’s beginning to be called out that being super busy doesn’t actually make you a more important or better person.
      I wish we could also recognize this among parents… it’s OK to admit that you are not actually actively caring for your child 24 hours a day and you do in fact have a little free time and maybe you can admit that have you actually slept in the last 5 years at some point. The busy-bragging of professionals is easier to call out than that of parents but I think the parental martyr thing is just as destructive.

      • Ellen

        I know. I do NOT LIKE to Bragg. I hard the Manageing partner buy me some new shoe’s b/c the janitor mopped over mine with a SMELLEY mop. Mabye in the new place I will have my OWN closet! Yay!!!

        Sam wants to take me to the NBA store. Why would I want to go there? FOOEY! I want a guy who UNDERSTANDS me. I want a guy JUST like my dad. FOOEY on men that do not ask my opinion’s on things. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • Lavinia

      I’ve found that busy-bragging tends to make people look like they’re just bad at time management. Or maybe most of the busy-braggers I know are spending a lot of time posting pictures of cats on Facebook while they’re at work. ;) I think the Slate article definitely has a point about people not wanting to believe they have leisure time that they’re not counting as such.

    • Celia

      I don’t think people are necessarily *doing* all these things they talk about –they just hear about them, receive notifications about them, updates, pings, pongs and dings. But they end up doing *nothing* instead.

  4. Corporate Sweater Q

    When I was pregnant&hiding/postpartum/pumping (about 4 years total), I had some really lovely high-quality cashmere sweaters (crew and v-necks, not cardigans). Such good quality that I still have them, all in mint condition. In a medium (which I though was too big), then petite medium. I think that now that I’ve had a waist for a few years and am off of baby production, I have begun to suspect that even though something is cashmere and not laughably large, these are probably all weekend sweaters now (except this year: it is too cold not to wear them and the stores have nothing but summer clothes in them even though we’re still expecting snow). A true work sweater (we’re business casual and now I am really trying to stay at the business end of the spectrum) is really, really trim and not at all wide or relaxed in the fit, yes? I feel like I imprinted on grunge a little too much with the can’t-be-too-large-unless-it’s-falling-off idea. I am pretty flat-chested, so there are no worries that something that is less loose will be inappropirate.

    • NOLA

      I just don’t like the look of a cardigan that is blousier or too big through the body. I prefer sweaters that fit well through the shoulders and torso, but without the ribbed band at the bottom. I find that the ribbed band just gives a weird shape when you need a sweater to lay flat at the bottom, especially with a dress. I bought a sweater last year that is just too boxy so I’ve hardly worn it at all – and I guess I was too lazy to return it. I bought 2 of the same cardigan (one charcoal, one heathered brown) two years ago and I still wear them so much. I would love to replace them but haven’t seen anything like them since.

    • MJ

      I wear some tighter cashmere (boatnecks), which is form-fitting, and I have some sweaters which are boxier. The boxier ones I wear over button-up shirts. I don’t wear “trendy” sweaters, like dolman sleeve or overall boxy sweaters. Partially this is because of my body type (some shaping at the waist is a better look on me) and partially because my work style is not trendy–I am pretty conservative.

      I would say that “can’t be too big unless it’s falling off” likely looks a bit unkempt for the office. I suppose it depends on how you wear it, but….for me, part of office wear is that your look should be in some way tailored or intentional, not loose and sloppy. (Note loose can be professional in drapey separates, but that’s not what we’re talking about here….)

      Anyway, that’s my 2 cents, and I wear cashmere sweaters nearly every day!

    • Diana Barry

      How big are they? Do they fit under suit jackets? Do the shoulders fit? How long are they?

      I have the same issue with grunge/big things, but I try to make sure that things fit through the biggest parts of me (shoulders, hips) and then skim over the smaller parts. I don’t wear giant sweaters/those that don’t fit under jackets to the office.

      • Corporate Sweater Q

        They aren’t even super-huge. It’s more LE’s medium/petite medium is a bit wider in the shoulders and fuller in the bust / tummy area. I have a this-year LE XS cardigan that is not even snug. I can layer under the sweaters I have, but feel that they look better-proportioned with pants that are well-fitting. They just don’t seem to work with pencil skirts at all. I am to the point where I am washing in hot water and letting them dry on top of a running dryer in hopes of making them smaller, but I think that it’s just time to treat them as casual / weekend wear and rebuy for work periodically when LE has a sale next fall. [So that is how good LE cashmere is for me: I am trying to shrink and I can’t in any meaningful way; and nothing has pilled after 5-7 years of ill treatment.]

        • tesyaa

          I don’t like big sweaters, not even for weekends. But the point your comment makes is that Lands’ End runs huge. I’m a size 4-6 in most clothes, but their XS tops are huge on me.

          • Corporate Sweater Q

            I used to need something with room, especially when post-partum / pumping and b/c I’d get be pregnant and then have a loss after I’d gotten larger (11 weeks). And who wants to stretch out cashmere? Now, they’ve proved their worth by surviving. But on weekends, I’m all “eek, don’t wear that, it’s cashmere and you’ll ruin it.” I guess I’ve gotten my $ per wear back and then some. Why is my mind back in poor student mode all these years later???

    • Senior Attorney

      Angie over at You Look Fab keeps saying that “fluid fits” are more current than really trim fits for tops including knitwear. So I’d go ahead and wear those sweaters with a nice trim pant or skirt on the bottom.

      • hoola hoopa

        +1

        It’s hard to say for sure without seeing them on you, but I definitely think you should play with styling. I think you can do something with slim ankle pants, a loose sweater, and a long necklace with enough weight to lay flat against your chest – for example.

        Maybe they wouldn’t work for professional business offices, but definitely for a business casual office. If they are nice quality cashmere, they aren’t going to look like you’re wearing a sweatshirt.

    • emeralds

      If not-super-fitted sweaters are wrong for the office, I don’t want to be right.

      Signed,
      At this very moment wearing a loose sweater over cigarette pants

  5. Romey

    Good morning ladies! Travel threadjack…..any recommendations on areas to stay in London? My husband and I will be going this spring. Budget is around 300 USD a night (but of course would be happy to spend less, and also could do a little more so we are flexible). In my preliminary research it seems like there are so many different areas/neighborhoods so not sure which one we should stay in. Any advice would be great, thanks!!

    • MJ

      I used to live there…some of the areas where more of the touristy stuff is are not so nice…London can be overwhelming as it is organized by neighborhoods, boroughs and Tube Stops, and they overlay one another.

      I would recommend the areas that border Hyde Park–anything along the Central (Red) Line, except Bayswater, which is sort of trashy (so yes to Queensway, Marble Arch, Lancaster Gate). Marylebone (which is higher up, on the Bakerloo line) is really cute. South Kensington, Pimlico look very Londony but have less right near you at night.

      I would avoid Bloomsbury, the City/Shoreditch/London Bridge and Victoria–they are less pretty.

      Budget Travel magazine and TimeOut London should have some good recommendations in your price range–I rarely stayed in hotels since I lived there :)

      Have fun! I highly recommend you look into dinner at Ffiona’s in South Ken. It’s delish!

      • Romey

        Thanks so much MJ. In my preliminary research I have seen quite a few people recommend South Kensington, so it’s good to know that you recommend it too. Appreciate it!!

          • Woods-comma-Elle

            They are everywhere, but you will often find it much quicker to get the tube than a cab in Central London. Unless it is raining, you will have no trouble hailing one off the street here.

          • PDXK

            Londoner here, and would caution you that cabs are generally both way more expensive and also slower. I only ever take booked minicabs home from the office, to the airport if it’s super early or home late at night when in parts of town where I don’t want to shlep home via bus transfers after the tube stops running.

            Get Citymapper on your phone if you’ll have data here, but otherwise it’s not that hard to figure out (especially if you’re staying within zone 1).

      • Jules

        DH, then-12-y-o son and I stayed in the Pimlico area several years ago, not far from the Vauxhall Rd., and really liked it. Nice location, quiet and residential with groceries and other essentials close by and a short walk to Victoria Station for easy access everywhere (but as MJ notes, not as much to do very close by at night). Whatever neighborhood you choose, I would look for a flat through NY Habitat dot com, vrbo or airbnb instead of a hotel, for more space, a kitchen, etc.

        Out of curiosity I went to airbnb and now want to stay at this place (link to follow):

    • WriterKate

      I stayed at an apartment in London I found on airbnb for a week last spring. It came to $1300 for a week for a 2BR, 2BA with washer and all kitchen utensils. It was far nicer than any hotel we could find at that price. It was a 5 minute walk to Marble Arch, which we thought was a perfect location. You do have to be careful with airbnb, but if you are careful it can be a good experience. It was absolutely perfect for us. I also recommend checking out the Rick Steves recommendations.

      • Romey

        WriterKate – do you know what neighborhood you were in? I am actually going to use air BNB for the Paris part of our trip but maybe I should do it for London too….

        • MJ

          If she was 5 min from Marble Arch, likely Marble Arch :) That’s not a “named” neighborhood besides Marble Arch…it goes up toward Marylebone if you walk a few minutes longer.

      • Amy H.

        Definitely check Rick Steves for recommendations/discussions of the “feel” of various neighborhoods in addition to specific hotel recommendations within those. South Ken is one of his recommended neighborhoods, as is the edge of Victoria/Belgravia. I stayed in recommended hotels of his in both neighborhoods and liked each — the one in Victoria/Belgravia is called the Lime Tree Hotel and was LOVELY despite being a lot less expensive than the South Ken Knightsbridge hotel. It’s right across the street/down the block from some wonderful cafes and pubs as well.

        If you are willing to splurge, checkout the Firmdale hotel group. Absolutely gorgeous hotels and wonderful food: www [dot] firmdale [dot] com.

  7. Effie

    So, just out of curiosity, is anyone else so tired of hearing about March Madness? I obviously don’t expect other people to only talk about topics that interest me (that would be crazy(!), and anyway hearing about new topics can be a great way to discover new interests) but it does get excruciatingly boring to have everyone at work talking almost nonstop about basketball. There are other things going on in the world, people!

    • Baconpancakes

      Whenever they start talking about it, I say, “Oh, did you see the sportsball game where the sports guy sportball the sport ball? Balls of sporting sport today? Sportsball sportsball sportsball?”

      • JJ

        Here’s what I don’t get about that reply (and I’m not addressing you specifically, Baconpancakes, just anti-sports sentiment in general). People would consider it rude if someone responded to any other topic–children, family, basket weaving, etc.—with “blah blah blah, I’m so uninterested in this topic, judgment judgment judgment for talking about it.” What makes it okay for people to say that about sports discussions?

        • um, this

          This is exactly right. I find that response so off-putting and rude that it would make me not want to talk to you about anything.

        • Baconpancakes

          Because it’s the ONLY thing they talk about for WEEKS. Today, my office mates have talked about it at 8:30, 8:50, 9:10, 10:15, and they are talking about it right now. And it’s super alienating to be the one person in the group who doesn’t have any idea what they’re talking about.

          • Senior Attorney

            Uh, the cure for that is to just learn a tiny bit about it so you can have a tiny idea about what they’re talking about. It’s really not that hard and it saves all that aggravation and alienation.

            Honestly, I mostly just fake it but it’s a lot easier than getting all bent out of shape about it.

          • Wildkitten

            +1 I don’t normally follow college basketball but this year’s march madness has been genuinely interesting. I just check the bracket for major upsets after the games are over, and there have been so many big ones.

        • Curly Sue

          Totally agreed. Frankly, 9/10 I do not care at all about your child’s piano recital last week, but if I offered a response like this one, it would be met with horror. (And rightfully so.) If you’re not interested, don’t participate. If you want to be included in the conversation, try to learn a little bit, or at least listen and follow along.

      • New Partner

        Wow. That’s beyond rude. Would you act like a petulant bratty kid if the discussion was about someone’s kid? There are all kinds of topics I’m not interested in discussing but part of being a polite member of society and a good colleague is listening and not acting like a jerk.

      • Baconpancakes

        Apparently everyone got up on the wrong side of the bed today? This was said (and meant) as a joke, both on how obsessed everyone is with March Madness and how ignorant I am about it, and everyone laughed when I said it. No viciousness intended, ladies.

        And I HAVE made an effort to learn what’s going on, and I just. don’t. care. I forced myself to learn about football, baseball, and soccer, and can follow along most of those conversations, but I just find basketball dull. Maybe because it’s an indoor sport and there’s no soothing green field to look at? I think three out of four sports is enough for me.

        • Anon

          That is interesting, because I am not really interested in sports at all, but find basketball the easiest and most interesting to follow out of the four sports listed.

        • Double-Bingo

          I’m with you. I love sports, and watch football, soccer, baseball, rugby, tennis, and can follow along with hockey. But I just can’t get into basketball. My theory is that it’s SO high scoring that it seems like nothing matters until the last two minutes (I do know that this is not the case – it’s just an impression that has kept me from digging deeper).

          • Shay-La

            I am so glad someone else feels this way about the high scoring issue with basketball. I actually enjoy basketball, but get really peeved that almost all games are “we” score, “they” score volleys until the end-where the scores are near triple digits (if not actually triple digit).

    • NOLA

      Well, admittedly I am a big sports fan and listen to a lot of sports talk radio, but I don’t really follow college basketball. That said, a lot of really crazy stuff (huge upsets) happened over the weekend in the tournament, so I can see why people would be talking about it this morning. Just my two cents.

      • Effie

        I’m not even talking about this morning; it was also the only non-work-related topic of conversation here last week. I get that some people really enjoy sports – and more power to them! – but I mean really, people.

        • preg anon

          I’m more of a football fan, so I have to really limit how much I talk about it in the fall, especially when my team is doing well. I get that others don’t like it as much as me.

        • Moonstone

          I am an equal-opportunity sports hater. It’s not just baseball — I am not interested in any of them. But I am a little less strident than I used to be. Now I make “I’m-listening-to-you” noises and then just escape the conversation. I never found a way to talk about sports that didn’t sound dismissive — which I would never do if someone chatted to me about her quilting or dog agility training or any other thing I also don’t care about.
          TL;DR: Sportsball

          • Silvercurls

            I’m in an adjacent camp: not so much a hater as pretty solidly indifferent, except that I devote occasional hours to baseball (I grew up amidst rabid fans, so this is partly nostalgia) and about thirty seconds per season to thinking positive thoughts for the favorite teams of two close friends. Oh, and I’ll occasionally read a human-interest story about someone professionally involved in sports (e.g. rags-to-riches stories, tales about players trying to keep focused after tough experiences such as losing a parent, descriptions of how various women balance raising kids with coaching or playing on a team).

            I agree with you about making pleasant noises before fading out of the conversation.

          • Moonstone

            Apparently, I cannot stay interested in the topic long enough to include all the letters in “basketball” and shortened the word to “baseball.”

        • PolyD

          I use sports talk (and, to be honest, most kid talk) as a chance to practice my acting skills – Oh really, how very interesting! – when I don’t really care. I try not to be rude. And sometimes there are side bits that are interesting. Apparently, Duke losing was unexpected, and apparently a lot of people here in Maryland hate Duke. I could not care less about the actual games, but I was interested in finding out why people hate Duke – something to do with Maryland basketball, it was moderately interesting at the time, but I haven’t retained it.

    • roses

      Even if you’re not into sports usually, I would recommend making a bracket next year for exactly this kind of thing. I normally could care less about sports, but making predictions and having teams to root for in every game makes it exciting. It doesn’t matter if you have no sports knowledge; it gives you a reason to care if you made predictions!

    • Diana Barry

      It kind of pi**es me off that my law firm has a pool for this kind of thing, sanctioned by the managing partner. Grr.

      • Brittany

        I had a geography teacher in middle school who offered bonus points to anyone who predicted the champion – it mostly ticked me off because do you ever see pools for who’s going to win Best Musical for the Tony’s? It just seemed like an unfair disadvantage to those who had no sports knowledge or care.

        • baseballfan

          It’s really not, though. Every year, it seems I hear a ton of stories about someone who made a bracket and just picked randomly (or based on how much they liked the cities the teams were in, or something equally non-scientific) and ended up winning over everybody.

          There’s a lot more luck involved in picking a winning bracket than actual sports knowledge.

          • Anon

            My husband has our children (ages 3 and 5 now, he has done this since they could speak) make a bracket every year for march madness. While they are playing, he just asks them this team or this team and writes down who they pick. Our youngest has always gotten the farthest with her bracket!

          • I'm Just Me

            Put me there, I usually picked based on mascots or colors or “best uniforms” or picked schools I know graduates of and have won my office pool several times.

        • Sacha

          I had a math teacher who gave extra credit on every test for sports knowledge. I protested every time and he just could not figure out why I thought it was unfair. He kept telling me that I could stay up and watch the games just like everyone else if I wanted to get the extra credit.

    • Anon

      I was out with friends yesterday and they just had to have their cell phones out getting point-by-point scores, and we were doing a sporty activity ourselves so the phone was in constant danger of damage. I guess I am not a sports person, but I don’t understand why you need that many updates. grr.

    • when in rome

      I think that this is just where you need to make your peace. I find a lot of things to be not my cup of tea, but I try to find something to like about things that are in the air anyway. Maybe this is just a function of working with #s (so with a lot of guys). And a lot of people who went to a school featuring a certain shade of blue. But the stat-head in me can like now randomness works into things and the weepy sports person can like the emotion of it (sort of like the olympics). It makes it easy to be a part of something (or ignore) when you don’t have a horse in the race.

      Maybe other people have to work better on not being bores and judging their audience (but who can’t — I wish a certain person didn’t always need to talk about what a permanent adolescent she married).

      “How about those Wildcats / Tigers” can usually hold up one end of any sports conversation in the US.

      Now if someone could explain cricket to me . . .

    • anonforthis

      I’ve never understood the hate for march madness. Yes, people talk a TON about it while it’s happening, but it lasts so much less time than football, basketball, or baseball season which also come up at work with regularity and it’s so much easier to keep up with! One glance at the bracket tells you all you need to know for that day’s work conversations (#1 seed beat a #16 seed, okay not that exciting. #14 seed beat a #3 seed? Upset! Local team wins? Yay! Team where most of your coworkers went wins? yay! Loses? Sad).

      • Effie

        The difference, for me at least, is that fans of the other sports talk about those sports sometimes, and talk about their other interests other times. Like, baseball fans don’t only talk about baseball during the entire season (at least not where I work). But the people who talk about March Madness spend the entire tournament or whatever talking about literally nothing else, which is sort of repetitive and boring. Variety is the spice of life and all that – it’s nice to have conversations on a diverse range of topics IMO.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Nope. It’s the only sport I like/actually know anything about and can actively participate in discussions. Plus, I live in North Carolina, where college basketball is basically a religion.

  8. Romey

    Home decor threadjack…..anyone have a duvet cover, sheets, bedding etc that they absolutely love and would recommend?

    • mascot

      I’ve bought several duvet covers from Pottery Barn and a quilt and some sheet sets from PBKids. All are holding up nicely.

    • MBAwannabe

      Related – we’re looking for a duvet cover/quilt/etc that has a heavy weight but doesn’t hold in heat for the summer. Is this actually a thing?

      • AIMS

        Not sure how heavy is heavy, but I am a big fan of the quilts from Pottery Barn.

      • Mpls

        Like, is physically heavy? So you have the weight of the blankets? Which is going to happen by having layers of blankets/quilts, instead of one duvet.

        But generally, the “heavyweight” duvets are meant to be warmer than the lightweight ones, so, no, I don’t think that is even a thing.

      • IT Chick in MN

        I don’t have a specific source, but if you’re looking for something which has some heft to it (you feel like you have covers on) yet breathes well, I would look for linen.

      • hoola hoopa

        Try a cotton blanket under a lightweight comforter. The cotton blanket will have physical weight but not make you hot, and you can fold down the comforter when it’s really warm.

        I suppose this goes without saying, but you need to make sure that you buy a blanket that’s 100% cotton. Not one that looks like cotton.

      • Anon

        I am sure it depends how cold and hot you are, but I love Eddie Bauer down. I get not the lightest one, but the one above that. It’s basically the all purpose one. In the winter we put a quilt over it because we do keep our heat low, but otherwise we use it all year. I sleep hot and I am comfortable in the summer. Though I do have my ceiling fan on high all year long. I have also had luck with company store in the past, but it’s been a few years so not even sure if they are still around.

  9. AN

    Hate this colour as it washes me out. My skin is like Freida Pinto’s and I’d wear blush tones but never this colour….

  10. Chai

    Anyone want to do some vicarious shopping?

    I need a black tie optional dress and I have no idea where to start. I’m technically petite (5’2″, 125lb), like a cinched waist and hate sleeves. I have long, black halter dress that I love, but I realized it’s going on ten years old so I think it’s time to replace! Would like to stay sub $200–any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    • Ash

      Go check out renttherunway. I am also petite, but they sort dresses based on length and provide hem tape if needed. You get a nicer dress for a lot less, especially if you’re only wearing it once.

  11. Ash

    I love that dress, but waaaay too pricey.

    Quick question for anyone in nonprofit…

    Our management seems to think that as a 501c3 we are exempt from taxes for air travel and hotel stays. Everything I can find says, definitely not on airfare and for hotels, only in states where we have obtained a certificate of exemption (so not everywhere we go). I’m trying to document this as “cost saving” at my nonprofit is getting absurd…

    • LawyrChk

      Yeah, no way. You are exempt from sales and income taxes, but generally not from fees.

    • Anonymous

      this is horrendously obnoxious and difficult to get– especially from hotels.

      • Anon for today

        Yes. My husband went to a conference specifically FOR elected officials in our state, and when he went to check out the hotel would not take anyone’s credit card from the City governments, and they wouldn’t accept the OFFICIAL, STATE ISSUED form that everyone had had their city managers/financial officers fill out and sign regarding their tax exempt status. They claimed they had a separate form from the corporate headquarters that they needed signed. So everyone had to pay the bill (and tax) on personal credit cards, then get credited for the tax once they sent in the initial form, then get a receipt with the credit, then get reimbursed. It was a paperwork nightmare.

        Not to mention, a lot of times airfare or hotel rooms deals are online only – the only way you are going to be able to book something without the taxes is booking with a human, probably at a higher rate. That’s a great way to save money – not.

    • Philanthropy Girl

      Yes – what the others have said. Sales tax & income tax, and typically property tax (assuming you own property). Fees of all kinds still apply – unless the company has some sort of non-profit waiver (which would be on a case-by-case basis). And you have to have the state certificate of exemption. Most companies I work with won’t even give an exemption without a copy of the certificate.

      I’ve found that convincing upper management and/or boards of their absurdity usually takes printing off part of the state/federal code that deals with said absurdity. Then you simply say “The IRS (or whatever other governing body) will not allow such-and-such, per [section of law/code].” Send them to their legal advisor if they don’t believe you.

  12. AIMS

    When did beige become “nude”? I have a similar dress I’ve worn in the summer for years now. I tend to pair it with a black blazer because otherwise I look very washed out but in any event I don’t think it makes me look remotely “naked”….

    • preg anon

      I had the same thought. I have a khaki dress that is not too dissimilar in color, and I would never call it nude. Interesting.

      • Meg Murry

        Yes, the only time I think of something as “nude” is when I’m thinking of undergarments, or in the case where lacy/sheer clothes have a nude lining (b/c that’s a “not for me, thanks!” look). The website calls this color “sand dune”. I would definitely need a colorful cardigan or blazer to pull this dress off though – not to mention the fact that I would probably stain it within 5 minutes of putting it on!

    • ss

      Same, would never occur to me to worry that someone might think I’m n*ked. But I do have a favourite necklace of flat face-framing black discs to deal with the ‘washed out’ effect of light colours near my face.

    • hoola hoopa

      Agree. Referring to the dress as “nude” immediately made me dislike it – until I realized that I own a lot of beige and it’s really just beige. Beige looks great on me, and I don’t think anyone mistakes me for going without clothing.

      Skin-tone leggings are a no-no… but other clothing is fine, IMO.

    • NOLA

      I agree. This color would look terrible on me. And, given how pale I am, even supposedly nude shoes look weirdly brown on me. I tried some light light peach shoes (more my skin tone) and they just looked too bright.

      • Portia

        I have the same problem – all the nude shoes are too brown. I tend to look for blush shoes instead. While they’re not exactly the color of my skin they complement it and are enough of a non-color not to clash with anything I wear.

  14. Anonymous

    What would you do if you found out you accidentally filed a draft instead of a final copy of a brief, with the court? Deadline for filing long past, decision due shortly.

      • Original poster

        The final argument is in the brief. It’s missing some cites to the record and has a number of typos. The substantive argument is there.

    • mascot

      How different is the draft from the final form? Are there substantive changes? I’d probably seek permission to file an amended brief to correct those.

    • Life Hack

      Draft as in typos, or draft as in the final argument wasn’t in the brief yet?

    • Anonymous

      I’d figure out what the differences are, tell the partner, and file a copy of the final brief as an attachment to a letter to the court requesting permission to do so, highlighting in the letter any substantive changes.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      1. Contact opposing counsel and get his/her assent to swap them.
      2. Call court and let them know motion is coming so Judge doesn’t rule in the meantime.
      3. Swap filings.

      4. If it you realized a larger error, like you filed something of the wrong client accidentally, I would skip straight to calling the clerk, notifying her/him of your error, asking that the pleading be held when it arrives, pending ruling on a motion to swap. It would be akin to an inadvertent disclosure – probably even in your circumstance because drafts show work product.

      So long as your work was done on time and just the wrong thing was filed, I would imagine the court would allow the swap. It is an honor system thing.

      Whatever you do, act fast, and fess up to anyone you need to internally.

    • AnonInfinity

      I’ve never done this before, but our co-defendant on a case once did. He tendered the actual brief as soon as he realized the mistake and moved the court to allow him to substitute it. The court let him do it. I guess it depends on how the judge /judges feel that day.

    • LawyerMomOfFour

      I agree with the advice on how to address with the court and opposing counsel.

      One thing that noone has mentioned is that you need to tell your client. Speaking as someone who is the client, I could overlook a mistake that is corrected even if there is a remote possibility that it might prejudice my case somehow, but I had better find out about it directly and quickly from the firm (preferably from the lawyer) who made the mistake.

      A second thing–more remote, depending on the circumstances–is that someone needs to look at whether this is a situation where you need to put your malpractice carrier on notice.

      Sorry to sound grim. Just trying to help.

    • LawyerMomOfFour

      sorry if this is a duplicate–my longer email seems to be hung up somewhere.

      In addition to advice from others, you need to (1) tell your client before the client learns about the mistake from someone else and (2) look carefully at whether you need to notify your malpractice carrier.

  15. Famouscait

    You ladies have always been so lovely about this whenever I’ve posted, so I’m going to ask for a few more good vibes…

    I am indeed pregnant and headed to my first doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning. I’m so anxious about the ultrasound, because this is where, the previous time, we learned I had miscarried when there was no fetal heartbeat. It makes me tear up just to write that, so I’d appreciate any and all good vibes that could be direct my way tomorrow morning (aim south).

    Also – does anyone have any word on TBK?

    • mintberrycrunch

      Sending happy baby vibes your way! Will definitely be thinking of you tomorrow.

    • Corporate Sweater Q

      Best wishes for you! I’ve been in your shoes four times and I can only say that I’m still standing. This is a very strong hive in that department.

    • In House Counsel

      Sending good vibes. I’ve sadly been in that same position a couple months back and hope there is lot of happy stick around baby vibes for all ‘rettes who are TTC

    • Anastasia

      Good vibes coming your way! I’m so sorry for your previous loss – I hope you have reassuring news this time around.

    • anonforthis

      Fingers crossed that things work out!!!! It’s totally okay to be anxious and teary. I was terrified when I went in for my first ultrasound after a previous miscarriage.

      • CKB

        +1 – it’s absolutely OK to be worried & nervous & emotional. Because of my miscarriages I always felt short changed that I didn’t get to have that happy, worry free pregnancy that all my friends seemed to have. But that’s just life, I guess.

        I really hope everything goes well for you tomorrow!!

        ~*~*~*~*~*~babydust~*~*~*~*~*~

        • Famouscait

          “Because of my miscarriages I always felt short changed that I didn’t get to have that happy, worry free pregnancy that all my friends seemed to have.”

          This is such a good point that I hadn’t been able to articulate myself. Thank you for this.

        • Maggie P. Dixon

          I understand where you’re coming from, but I would assume that many if not most of those pregnancies really aren’t worry-free — it’s just that some women are better about hiding their worries, or just more private about them.

    • WestCoast Lawyer

      Good vibes, and I’ve been there so I understand how stressful it is. It helped me a bit to remember that the odds are in favor of this pregnancy turning out just fine. I lost the first pregnancy and my second went full term and is now in kindergarten!

  16. LawyrChk

    Update: I went shopping this weekend and bought a few items in my new size. I’m officially down 2 pants sizes! And $200 :-D

    • Weight Loss

      Congrats! It’s such a good feeling, isn’t it?!

      (I went shopping recently and also bought a pair of pants two sizes smaller. Woohoo!)

  17. anonymous please

    Dear all,
    I’m a long-time lurker and occasional contributor, both anonymously and with a screen name. Mostly I just don’t feel qualified to offer suggestions but I learn a lot from the collective wisdom here.

    Now I’m wondering if the hive can help with a sort of-legal question. It has to do with my parents. I’m in my late 30s, they’re in their late 60s, and we’ve never had a good relationship. They prefer my brother (I always feel like an anguished teenager when I saw that, but it’s demonstrable and true and has been reality for decades.) Mostly I’ve just forged ahead and done my own thing. I’m successful in my career, despite coming late to it, I went to a top university for my master’s, I own property, etc. My brother, who I stopped having any communications with years ago, dropped out of high school, flailed around for a long time, and at a point in my life when I was directing a budget and human resources decisions for a small company, was barely functional enough to pick up the phone and get himself some RomneyCare.

    My parents called me out of the blue several weeks ago and asked if I’d be willing to be the executor of their affairs. They’re retired but not elderly but they’re putting things in order. I asked if they wouldn’t rather have my brother do it, and they basically said that there’s no way he could handle such a thing. I said yes, of course. While we don’t have much of a relationship, we do try to be amiable and friendly and they’ve always stepped right up for me whenever I needed something, sometimes even when I wouldn’t have asked for help. They plan to travel to see me later in the spring to bring the paperwork and go over things with me.

    But this arrangement has already been tested. My mother came down with shingles which spread to her eye. It apparently took my father several days to even tell me that this was going on. Without going into each and every blow by blow “and then he said, and then I said,” I’ve spent the entire weekend sobbing my eyes out because my brother’s been with them the entire time and my father told me not only not to come, but that it’s apparently a chore for him to update me. She was actually rushed to the emergency room at one point after my father told me the news initially and I wasn’t even told this until days later. What she has is not life-threatening, but they’re very worried about her eyesight.

    I thought I was emotionally accustomed to this strange arrangement we have but I guess not. But more than that, I’ve begun to question how this is going to work if something happens to my parents and I have to step in to act as executor, particularly if I’m the last to know anything has happened. I asked my parents to explicitly make it clear to my brother that I’d be the one in charge of administrative and financial matters, and they said they would. But should I ask them to get him to put something in writing that he understands this? Should I be worried that my parents’ friends would question my role, given that as far as they know I speak with my parents once every few weeks with barely any relationship, and my brother can’t go a day without asking them how to blow his nose? (I assume a written letter from my brother should take care of any doubts outsiders would have, but who knows?)

    Should I also be thinking about whether they have a health care proxy, and should I engage a lawyer to help me figure out how the health care matters will be taken care of, given that my brother and I have this bad relationship? I have no experience with health care proxies or living wills or the like, but I have to assume that no matter how clearly people write instructions there must always be unexpected twists and turns.

    Any advice would be very helpful. If the general consensus is that I should be speaking with a lawyer about some of this, and anyone on this board is in DC with this type of law practice, please let me know how I can contact you.

    • AIMS

      It sounds like you’re in a tough situation emotionally for which I am so sorry. I am just going to stick to the un-emotional aspects of it (insofar as possible anyway).

      If you’re going to be the executor, your responsibilities wouldn’t kick in until after your parents died, so to some degree whether they update you on things like this or not is not necessarily an issue for you as an executor (it’s an issue on the personal relationship front but I am not focusing on that). A lot of time someone’s lawyer gets appointed as an executor and to some degree this would be similar. Assuming you still want to take on this responsibility, it seems like you have a few things you should figure out:
      1. Your parents will not likely pass at the same time. Do they want you to serve as executor only in the event they both pass? What happens if one parent dies and the other is still around? Also, how complicated is their estate likely to be? Maybe they could appoint their lawyer and you both as executors so you have some formal help?
      2. It sounds like they may live in a different town/state from you. Are you prepared to travel to deal with all the obligations attendant to this sort of thing (beyond what you’d be doing in the normal course of events)?
      3. Yes, definitely tell them that they need to sort out their health care proxies, living will, etc. I would make your participation contingent on this. I am a strong believer everyone should talk about these things, but particularly in your situation where you and your brother may be coming to these decisions from very different places.

      • Diana Barry

        +1.

        Also, it is always difficult when you are confronted with your parents’ impending mortality – esp if it causes you to mourn the relationship you think you should have been able to have with them.

        • the OP

          Thank you all. Yes, it’s terrible. And yes, I know that end-of-life probably means long decades of progressive decline not gone-in-an-instant in a car crash. I think I’ve made my peace with the situation and with being asked to be the administrator, and I do want to be the administrator because I know I’d do a better job than my brother, and frankly because they asked. They could have asked their lawyer. But it’s probably the unexpected horror of adding mortality to the mix that freaked me out. I do think I need some more clarity and a few things in writing but it’s good to hear I don’t need to pay a lawyer.

          I’ll have to consider more carefully some of the specifics offered here once I’ve calmed down a bit. I’m considering telling my parents not to come in May (yes, I’m in DC, they’re in Boston) but maybe I should cool off before making that decision.

          It’s funny – I felt this massive rush of love for this board sometime last week when someone introduced J. Crew Factory, which was new to me.

          This is better. : )

          • Anonymous

            Why would you tell them not to come? Because something complicated and stressful happened for them and keeping you in the loop wasn’t a priority? Why would it be, you weren’t there and can’t do anything?

            You say that they favor your useless brother, but also that they’ve always been there off you when you’ve needed them. Canceling their visit over this seems a very dramatic out of proportion response. Can you try focusing on being glad you don’t need them as much as brother?

          • ss

            It actually sounds like your parents are taking a reasonable approach in seeking support from you and your brother in the form which you can each be most effective. Your brother sounds like he was in a position to drop everything to be on hand for the recent medical emergency whereas you will be a steadier hand on their legal affairs.

            I’d actually be grateful for this, and very thankful not to be carrying the burden of caring for aged parents on my own.

          • Anon for This

            Anonymous at 11:52 has obviously never had to deal (for years and years) with being the obvious second string in the family. I’m not the OP, but it’s hurtful and depressing and anxiety producing, so yes, when one or both of your parents reinforce to you clearly that you are not important, you do reconsider whether you are going to adjust your life for them. It’s not dramatic and it’s not out of proportion to want an update on your mother’s serious medical condition. That’s said, having been there myself, I do recommend the cool-of period before deciding. Hugs.

    • roses

      I am sort of in a similar situation as you, which I’ll get to below. But to answer your question – being the executor of an estate doesn’t require you to be updated on your parents’ affairs. I’m guessing that they will serve as each others’ executors should one of them die first, and then you would step in after they were both gone (or if one was legally incompetent to act). You will be named as executor in their will, so it’s not like your brother would be confused about what his responsibilities are. I’d ask to review a copy of their will so you know what you’re getting into – if there’s no possibility that it could be interpreted that they’re favoring you (i.e., you get an equal share of the estate), I don’t see why anyone would question this arrangement. All that said, if you’re truly uncomfortable with this role, why don’t you suggest that your parents name their lawyer as executor?

      You should talk to your parents about having a health care power of attorney/proxy. But there’s probably no need to get a lawyer involved – if they designate a proxy, and it’s duly witnessed and all that and there’s no question of their competency, that’s the end of it barring extraordinary circumstances. Your family not liking you isn’t going to get in the way.

      Personally, I am in a similar situation in which my brother lives with my parents and I have a cordial but not close relationship with them. They also don’t trust him to handle their affairs after they pass, so I’m named as the power of attorney, but I got them to name their lawyer as executor because I’m not in-state and am not familiar with the laws of the state they live in. That said, truly consider whether it’s the case that they are FAVORING your brother or whether they think (rightly or wrongly) that he’s simply much less capable of taking care of himself and therefore devote more attention and resources to him. I think the fact that they are reaching out to you for this means that they think highly of you. Obviously I don’t know the specifics of your relationship, but it’s something to think about and could be kind of healing to think of your relationship in that way.

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like they asked you to be the executor of their estate? In which case none of your concerns impact that role- you would be taking care of finances and arrangements in the event they both die

      If they’ve asked you instead to take on a role as power of attorney/health care proxy, then I think once the dust has settled you need to call you father and say that if they want you to play this role, you need to be informed.

      You do not need to hire a lawyer to deal with any of this. If you’d rather not take on the future responsibility of managing their estate in light of your rocky relationship, that’s fine. Their lawyer can serve in that role (or banker or trusted friend etc) instead.

    • anonymama

      I mean this in a very gentle, not-at-all-snarky way, but to me it sounds like you need therapy more than legal advice in learning how to deal with your relationship with your parents. It sounds like you’ve been very hurt by their favoring your brother, and are having a hard time approaching your relationship with them independently of their relationship with your brother. It sounds like even from afar your relationship with them causes you a lot of anxiety and hurt, even though it sounds like they are not intentionally trying to cause hurt, but maybe more just because the relationship isn’t what you think it could or should be, and you keep hoping it will change but it doesn’t. I may be reading too much into this, but it does sound like something you might want to sort out just for your own personal well-being.

  18. GRE

    So my scores have expired and apparently they’ve changed the test. 2 questions: any recs for study guides (like how the Powerscore bibles were the the end all be all for LSAT?). I didn’t really try last time I took it. Also, anyone have anecdotes about getting a school to take LSAT scores as a sub for GREs?

    • Anon

      When I studied for the GRE, I went to the public library and checked out the GRE guides they had on hand. All of the guides seemed pretty much the same, so I don’t think it really matters which one you get.

    • Coach Laura

      Some schools waive the GRE for holders of advanced degrees (MD, JD or Masters in another field) so you should check into that. I know it’s especially true if you went to a state law school in California and are applying to a state of California grad program.

  19. mintberrycrunch

    TJ: Any recommendations for a nutribullet small blender? Would love to make smoothies w/ fruit & veg & greek yogurt in the mornings, but my current blender (1) doesn’t handle the veg all that well, and (2) is a huge pain to clean. I’d really like to spend less than $100…

    • AIMS

      The nutribullet 600 is on sale many places because the new 900 just came out. You can get it for ~$80 at Bed Bath & Beyond with a 20% coupon, and I think they have them at Costco for around $70.

    • mintberrycrunch

      Thanks, AIMS! I guess I should clarify that I am not married to any particular brand, that just happened to be the name brand I’d seen around. Just looking for recs on a small, personal blender for making smoothies with minimal fuss/clean-up.

      • AIMS

        I got the Nutribullet for my mom for exactly this purpose and she loves it. She’s already gotten one as a gift for a friend. Before the NB became a thing a friend of mine had the Magoc Bullet and was very happy with it.

        • rosie

          So is the NB mainly better for veggies than the MB? Can you use the containers from the MB with the NB, or are they different sizes?

          • AIMS

            Not sure about the containers, but from what I understand the NB has a somewhat better motor than the MB so it should be able to handle more items (nuts, etc.) and last longer. But as between the 600 and 900, I know people who use both and can’t tell much of a difference.

    • Miss Behaved

      I use a Cuisinart immersion blender for my smoothies. It comes with its own measuring cup/blender. You might check into this option as well. I think mine was about $35.

    • KLG

      My husband loves both his magic bullet and the ninja blender we got with magic bullet sized attachments.

  20. JJ

    So, I finally caved and bought the Karmen pumps from Payless this past week. I’m wearing the Barbie-pink pair today for the first time and I have to say, I’m a convert. These are the most comfortable heels that I’ve ever worn. I’ll be buying them in many of the available colors. Thanks, ladies, for the recommendations for these!

  21. anon2

    Quick question for those in the PNW – I’ll be in Seattle for the next 3 days and am stymied as to what to pack for my business casual meetings. Rain and low 50’s is the forecast. Are people wearing spring clothes or should I just pack the navy tweed jacket/skirt (Ann Taylor pick from a couple months ago) & gray tights I’ve been wearing for the last 2 months?

    • TravelMoreRoads

      Were there a few weeks back when the weather was the same. Had business-appropriate rain jacket, gloves, and skirts with tights and was comfortable. Would have been chilly over half the time without the coat. Were some sunny moments, so layers are good. FYI: there’s a small, delicious new place in Pike Market called Radiator Whiskey. Recommend the roasted beet salad (not the side of beets, the salad). Monorail Espresso is also a yummy coffee window close to the usual conference hotels. Have a great time!

    • BankrAtty

      Err on the side of neutrals–it’s still a sea of black, grey, and navy out here (with the occasional splash of color). I wouldn’t expect it to rain all day every day, regardless of what the forecast says.

    • hoola hoopa

      Navy suit and grey tights will not look out of place. I like nude hose in this weather, but I’m a dying breed. Add color with blouses and accessories if you want, but no one will look askew if you don’t.

      Don’t bring peep toes, etc. Wear pumps or boots. You want your foot totally covered when you’re splashing through rain.

    • NWanalyst

      Jumping in to say that I was sweating in the heat yesterday afternoon in downtown Seattle, so I’d bring at least one lighter-weight thing to wear. We’re right in what I think of as the “awkward season”… one day it will be beautiful and sunny (like yesterday), and the next, it’s dumping rain and frigid (like today). I haven’t officially counted, but I feel like we get about one day of unseasonably warm weather for every week of cold and rain. So there’s no guarantee that you’ll see any nice weather at all, but I wouldn’t just bring wintery things.

  22. So very anon for this

    Ok so I feel like this is a rookie mistake but wanted some advice/opinions: I had a LGP with a new man on Saturday night. I am on the pill and we used a condom but apparently it broke… should I be panicking more? I was thinking that I would maybe be ok because of the pill but obviously don’t want to be too cavalier about this…

    TIA ladies

    • AIMS

      If you’re on the pill, I don’t think there is much point in taking a plan B, so I think you’re good there.
      Of course, the pill only protects against unplanned babies, not STDs, so you should still be concerned and make sure all is okay on that front, but I am not aware of much you could do other than wait and get tested as far as all that goes.

      • Anon

        Pill is not 100% – e.g. – less effective if very overweight or on St. John’s Wort – it will depend on OP’s situation . The taking at the same time every day thing is always hard for me. From Planned Parenthood’s site:

        Birth control pills are very effective. Combination pills work best when taken every day. Progestin-only pills must be taken at the same time every day. That keeps the correct level of hormone in a woman’s body.
        Less than 1 out of 100 women will get pregnant each year if they always take the pill each day as directed.
        About 9 out of 100 women will get pregnant each year if they don’t always take the pill each day as directed.

        The pill may be slightly less effective for women who are very overweight. Talk with your health care provider if you are concerned about how well the pill may work for you.

        Certain medicines and supplements may make the pill less effective. These include

        the antibiotic rifampin — other antibiotics do not make the pill less effective the antifungal griseofulvin — other antifungals do not make the pill less effective
        certain HIV medicines
        certain anti-seizure medicines
        St. John’s wort

        • anon

          don’t forget age too – if you’re older, it’s harder to get pregnant too

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Preg wise you should be okay. You may want to talk to your doc about STI preventative maintenance. I know the ER prescribes something to sexual assault victims. I also know of a guy prescribed some preventative maintenance following a drunken night in Mexico that ended with him paying for a LGP. So, the drugs are out there if you think you might need them.

      • cbackson

        It’s high-dose antibiotics, I believe – works for some STIs (not others, obviously).

    • Anon

      I think it depends a lot on your personal views and circumstances- if you’re over 35 the chances you got pregnant while on the pill are less. If you’re 25-30 and it’s ovulation time – i’d be inclined to get Plan B (I think it can be used up to 72 hrs afterwards) to prevent implanatation. Also – condoms aren’t just about preventing pregnancy – depending on your comfort level with new man, you may want to ask him when he was last tested for STDs or get tested yourself.

      • ANON

        If she is on the pill and takes it as prescribed a plan B would be hugely unnecessary. I was on nothing but the pill for years and it worked exactly as it should.

      • roses

        If you take your pill regularly there is no need to take Plan B. The pill is “Plan A” and is 99% effective when taken as prescribed. So, unless you’ve missed one in the past week or so, you’re fine on the preg front. STI concern is still there though, so +1 on that. Regular testing is always a good idea.

      • Anon

        She’s already taking birth control pills, so she doesn’t need Plan B. That’s the whole point of taking birth control pills. If you’re taking Plan B every time a condom breaks and you have been taking your birth control pills as directed, you really ought to talk to a doctor about your anxiety.

        • Anon

          Thanks for your concern – I’m not on the pill. My post was a reply to the OP and I clearly indicated it depends on OP’s circumstances – she didn’t indicate in her post if she was on antibiotics or St. John’s Wort, has had the stomach flu recently, missed the 3o min window for a progestin only pill, totally opposed to abortion (if she did get pregnant) etc. If you think taking Plan B when you’re also on the pill is silly then I would suggest you better inform yourself about the factors that can reduce efficacy. Only OP can know if it makes sense in her circumstances or not.

          • Anon

            It’s always best to ask a doctor if you’re concerned about interactions with birth control. There’s a lot of misinformation out there – for example, taking antibiotics while on birth control will render it ineffective. However the only antibiotic that has ever proven to be true for is rifampin, which is used to treat TB and is not commonly prescribed. It is not usually recommended that you use backup birth control while taking antibiotics.

          • L

            Anon @ noon

            “It is not usually recommended that you use backup birth control while taking antibiotics.”

            Sorry, but that’s not always the case. Any time you are taking any medication that is causing stomach disruption, absorption issues (aka diarrhea vomiting etc) you should back up your birth control.

            So again, consult with your HEALTH CARE PROVIDER about YOUR individual circumstances. Sorry for the Ellen caps, but there are enough ifs/ands/buts that it’s wise to pick up the phone and speak to a medical professional.

    • Anon

      I don’t think it’s a huge issue – my SO and I were just using the pill as protection for a while, with no condom and didn’t have any issues. The only time I was concerned was the time I forgot to take the pill for a couple of days, but I took Plan B and everything turned out fine.

    • cbackson

      Are you on a progesterone-only pill or a combined pill?

      If you’re on a POP, have you been taking it consistently (as in, within the same 30-minute window daily)?

      If the answer to the latter question is yes, then with respect to unplanned pregnancy, you should be fine, but obviously, STIs are another issue. For that, all you can do is wait and test – I know it’s stressful!

    • So very anon for this

      Thanks ladies for being so reassuring. I’m very diligent about taking my pill so I gather I’m probably ok on the pregnancy front. And I’ve been lax about STD testing so I guess this is a good reminder to make an appointment and get that done.

      On a related note, if you’re single and dating (and having LGPs although generally protected), how often do you think you should be getting tested? (most of my friends are settled down so I can’t really ask them these types of questions anymore)

      • anon

        and to piggy back off this question… if you are in a monogamous dating relationship (let’s say 1 year +) , how often should you get tested? is once a year (gyno appointment) enough? is trusting your partner enough, or should you be asking him to get tested periodically too? it’s such an awkward conversation, even if you trust your partner completely…

        • Diana Barry

          FWIW I never tested again other than gyn appts when DH and I started dating,

          • L

            Mine suggests it and does it every 2 years with the Pap, regardless of marital status. It’s just part of your routine exam. Personally, I like it that way. While I can safely say I’m 100% confident in my DH, I think it’s nice that they don’t put their patients in an awkward position of do you trust your partner or don’t you. It’s just done.

      • zora

        Just “YES” get tested. I get tested at least once a year, there is a Women’s Health Clinic at my HMO where i can get appts on short notice. You could also go to Planned Parenthood for that. I also get tested anytime I think I’m about to start sleeping with a new person. The testing is So. Easy. A couple of swabs and I get the results in a week or so. And I do ask the new person if they have gotten tested before LGPs. Ok, it might be awkward, but it gets less awkward, seriously. And it would be SO MUCH MORE AWKWARD for you if you got an STI. And if they are super weird about it, that is a red flag you want to know anyway. I don’t ask to see the results or anything, but if it feels like they are at all being weird or uncomfortable about having the conversation, I don’t want to sleep with them anyway.

      • IT Chick in MN

        I generally gauge this in a couple of ways. I’m not a quick-mover on the dating front, so I prefer that we both get tested before LGPs begin. If I’m not involved in a long-term monogamous relationship, I get tested every six months regardless of anything else. There’s a local clinic that will work with my insurance company, and I’ve never had a claim disputed. Herpes testing is expensive and insurance may buck that one unless you think you’ve been exposed.

  23. Office gala dinner - WTW

    Ladies, my office is having a gala awards dinner ( I am not an awarded but invited all the same ). It is at a posh hotel. What do you think of this outfit choice….

    DKNY red knee length sheath
    http://www.lyst.com/clothing/dkny-crepe-keyhole-dress-red/

    …worn with bronze strappy sandals, bronze/ gold clutch. Plan to wear and south sea pearl earrings set in rose gold.

    No one will be wearing floor length. Dress code is formal.

    • Anonymous

      Pretty dress. Not sure about rose gold and red together but if the colors work sounds great.

  24. Anon

    Sometimes I just want to stab myself in the face. My boss talks to me like I’m an idiot so I can’t help but to interrupt him to defend myself sometimes. And I shouldn’t interrupt! I shouldn’t! I seriously need to cover my own mouth when he is talking. I hate when I interrupt people (especially my boss) and then I’ll feel guilty about it for days. Does anyone else beat themselves up over something trivial (only trivial if it doesn’t happen all the time) like this?

    Here’s to a better rest of the day where I’m able to be patient.

    • HTown

      Hi I’m sorry you’re having a tough day. Hugs, I’m having a bit of a tough one too.

      I have a similar issue w my husband. He accuses me of always trying to have the last word in an argument because I try to defend myself or clarify. So he’ll literally tell me “Just stop talking” and I have learned finally that I just need to stop talking until he calms down. It’s infuriating because you know you are right and the other person is not understanding your POV, but you just have to be the bigger/better person and stop yourself.

  25. Moving

    Hi friends, I need a pep talk and some commiseration. Due to a horrible tenant upstairs who knowingly caused the problem, and a lazy, incompetent apartment manager who refused to deal with it in a timely way, I am experiencing a raw sewage leak and a collapsed ceiling in my bathroom. This happened late Saturday night. I was told by the building manager that I need to re-adjust my expectations, and that the situation does not constitute an emergency. Right now my bathroom is out of commission due to the leak and the mess. We are scheduled to move out in two weeks due to a cockroach problem (which I posted about here a couple weeks ago). Appears now that the cockroaches were a result of the water leak upstairs. Anyway, I have to get through the next two weeks somehow, without losing my mind or my temper. Any advice on handling this, and getting out with some semblance of sanity and dignity?

    • Anon

      Where do you live? There is a probably an organization you can report the landlord to.

        • Anon

          -If you have questions about housing code violations, call the HRA at (202) 727-7673.

          I would probably call this number and ask how to handle/report the situation.

        • L

          If you need a place to put your things, post an anon email address and I’ll do what I can to help you out. This is horrible.

    • LawyrChk

      Document, document, document. Take photos. Send written letters to the landlord demanding this be fixed immediately. I personally would not live in this and would not pay rent for a period where raw sewage was being leaked into my apartment; check your lease and your state/local laws on what constitutes uninhabitable conditions – I’ll bet this does.

      • Moving

        The worst part is that the manager keeps picking fights with me about it. I told him about the problem immediately on Saturday, and he still hasn’t been up to my unit to look at the damage. But he told me that of course it’s only clean water and I must be mistaken about the sewage. My husband literally took a bucket of urine downstairs to show the night desk worker. But still, the manager accused my of lying about it this morning. So angry I could just scream. We’re too nervous to leave and sleep elsewhere, in case the condition worsens. We at least want to be there to try to keep any water damage at bay.

    • Anon

      Can you still use the toilet or are you not able to use to use the toilet are the shower? I’m not sure how big of a leak this is…although any amount of raw sewage would be considered an emergency to me.

    • AEK

      You have to leave, now. I mean, you cannot live in an apartment without a functioning bathroom. Get thee to a hotel, stat. Save the bills for future legal action (although don’t count on collecting; you might have better luck getting a rent refund, though). Do not pay any further rent.

      And report the incident/ management company to every rental licensing authority in your city. The building itself could be structurally unsound and your local property & building inspector should know that ASAP. They will find it to be an emergency even if the sketchball property manager doesn’t.

      This is awful. I’m sorry it’s happening!

      • Anonymous

        This. Take tomorrow off, get your stuff out, phone a friend , crash on a couch. Get. Out. Now.

        • Senior Attorney

          Yes. Your apartment is not habitable, legally or factually.

          Gah. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

        • Meg Murry

          Yes, pack your stuff and get out – because chances are the manager either

          a) Is just waiting on you to get out before they actually attempt to fix anything
          or
          b) will call in a contractor to start working on it without notifying you.

          Can you find a copy of your lease? Our leases with our tenants specifically describe what actions we as landlords will take if the apartments aren’t livable (such as hotel, etc).

          I notice you keep saying “manager”. Do you have contact info for the landlord/property owner directly? If the manager is no help, find out how you can contact the landlord ASAP.

          • Moving

            Yep, we have a property manager who has been generally helpful. But she can’t do much of anything, since she’s not allowed to have her contractor access the unit upstairs where the leak is originating, without the building manager’s approval. Not to mention, she’s not responsible for any of the repairs, since the damage came from another unit.

        • zora

          Yes. Or look at AirBnB. There are some good deals for apartments or rooms in DC a lot of the time. It is completely unacceptable for you to be living in a place with no usable bathroom. That is 100% the landlord’s responsibility. And you should definitely pursue damages from them once you are out of there. You should not be paying rent for a place with no usable bathroom.

          I am so sorry, housing crises are the worst. Lots of Internet Hugs.

      • Anonymous

        I am going to chime in and say that if you are in NYC, it would be a bad idea to take legal action against the landlord/building management. Even though you are totally justified here and would most likely win, landlord-tenant cases are a black mark on your record. You would have a VERY difficult time getting approved for another lease in NYC. I would think long and hard about your future living situations before you go this route. Also, I hate hate hate that this policy is so unfair to tenants.

      • anon

        Call the city inspectional services department/housing inspector/whatever it’s called in your area. There is a code that landlords have to follow and they aren’t in this case.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Have you checked with your new place to see if they can take you early? They might be sympathetic to the situation. I rent out a property and try to keep 2 weeks vacant between tenants to spruce it up. One called re: a breakup and really wanted to move out of her bf’s place stat. She was willing to take the place “as is” or to let me have any access I needed in those 2 weeks to do the repairs, sprucing if I would let her move in early. It worked fine for both of us. She was actually there to let in repair people so I liked the arrangement.

    • IT Chick in MN

      Do you have renter’s insurance? Call your insurance agent. Depending on the company (and I don’t know the standard DC policy), this may be a situation where your insurance company will reimburse for your lodging and for anything you need to do to protect your belongings from damage. Even if they won’t pay for your lodging, they will likely pay for a storage unit. They may even pay to have someone come and pack up your stuff for you.

    • Hollis

      It is critically important that you tell your landlord in writing that you are being forced to move out because the bathroom is not working, there is a cockroach infestation, etc. etc. and you move out RIGHT AWAY. In legalese, this is a “constructive eviction” situation, which gives you a right to a rent abatement in most jurisdictions. However, it is critically important that you move out right away because if you continue to live there, you cannot later say that you found the place inhabitable and recover on that basis. Constructive eviction is only permitted when you left because it was impossible to live there, and all of us would agree that your place is in that bad a condition.

      • Wildkitten

        +1 If you are in DC it is absolutely the Landlord’s responsibility to make this right (and hopefully everywhere). I wouldn’t sue them if you’re planning to leave in 2 weeks, I’d just leave early. But you should consider all your options.

  26. ANP

    It may be too late for people to see this question, in which case I’ll repost later. Seeking advice from the hive: what would you do?

    I have three direct reports and two people under them (so, five reports in total). One of the two indirect reports, we’ll call her Jenna, is taking a week of vacation during the biggest event of the year for our department. While she doesn’t have a pivotal role in planning or executing the event, she’s certainly involved and it’s definitely an “all hands on deck” weekend for our entire institution.

    Jenna asked her boss Mark, who reports to me, about taking vacation during that time period. Mark told her he thought it would be bad judgment, but he did not go so far as to forbid her to take the time off. He suggested she talk to the point person on the event, Sam, to see what Sam thought. Sam told me later that he didn’t feel it was his place to tell Jenna not to take off, and I agree — he was in a tough position.

    All of this was compounded by the fact that I discovered by accident that Jenna was taking this vacation time — she mentioned it in a passing conversation. I typically let supervisors approve/deny vacation time but I would think someone should have the good judgment in this instance to run it past me, given the time of year. For the record, I would happily grant vacation in a case like this if it was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of deal, which this is not — just a week somewhere warm and sunny.

    Jenna turns in mediocre work product and because of this, MY boss doesn’t have very good feelings towards her. This is going to be a blow to her reputation (and I don’t want to tell her all of this, since I can’t imagine that’s going to make her very motivated at work). Still, I feel the need to address the fact that she’s going to Mexico during our busiest week of the year.

    Last year, she took off work (also for a warm-weather vacation) during a different event which SHE was the point person on and had someone else cover for her — so this speaks to her overall attitude towards work, IMHO. Thoughts on how you would handle this?

    • Anon

      I would find out if there is a reason that Jenna wanted that specific time off (close family member getting married etc). Otherwise, I think you need to deal with Mark on this. It was inapprorpiate of him to allow the vacation and to pawn it off the organizer to deny. He should have told Jenna it wasn’t a good idea but that if she really wanted those dates, he would consider it and get back to her. He should have then cleared it with both you and the organizer. Even if there was a legit reason for Jenna to get the time off (Sister getting married etc) then, given the previous situation with Jenna, Mark should have given you a head’s up.

    • Anonymous

      I would treat this as a Mark problem. You trusted his judgment, and his judgment was bad.

      I would also definitely have a conversation with your boss about how you are concerned about her judgment and dedication, and plan to follow up with her to address expectations. But Mark should never have approved this.

      • F in SF

        You should also ask Mark to make sure Jenna does as much prep as is possible before she goes on vacation and has briefed the other people involved to bring them up to speed on what she’s done.

    • rosie

      I agree this is a Mark problem. For him to say, “You can, but it would be bad judgment” is a passive aggressive, IMO. And then he tried to shift the decision to Sam. It’s Mark’s job to say yes or no, which he did not do. And who approved Jenna’s poorly-timed vacation last year?

      Going forward, I would also implement a clearer policy that vacation will not be approved for your busiest time (absent extenuating circumstances, if you want to leave some wiggle room).

      • Meg Murry

        +1 to vacation time blackouts (possibly with an “allowing very higher management approval for an exception”).

        I’ve worked at companies that had these, and some even put it directly in the job description when hiring that Memorial Day weekend, Labor Day weekend and other specific dates were key to the position and the new employee would be required to work those events.

        But yes, put it back on Mark. He needs to be able to say “No, you can’t take vacation during that time.” or “Let me check with ANP and get back to you but I think this request will likely be denied.”

  27. Ash

    I’m doing a job talk tomorrow (an interview where they’re having me do a 30 minute presentation plus discussion). It’s the first time I’m doing a presentation in the context of an interview so a bit nervous (although I’m not scared of public speaking).

    Anyone have advice around doing a job talk?

    Also, advice on what to wear? It is going to rainy/slushy/gross here and I will need to walk a few blocks from the parking garage to their building so heels are probably out, but not sure what actually to wear… probably a black pant suit with black pointed toe flats?

    • anon prof

      Know whether the standard in your field is to take questions during the talk or to hold all questions until the end.
      Summarize questions briefly before replying to them for others who didn’t hear the question.
      If you’re using power point slides, have them on a thumb drive plus somewhere on the internet you can access, plus have a pdf version of them as well in case they use a different version of power point than you do and you slides don’t work. Bring your own clicker if you use one.
      Have a time-keeping device with you that you can use (a watch is better than a phone).
      And, of course, practice, practice, practice. Good luck!

      • Monday

        Practice is crucial. I’m always amazed by how few people actually do it. I will add that you should strictly time your practice runs–be sure you’re ending on time, and ideally leave a little slack for interruptions, technical delays etc.

        I often write cues for myself in notes, if I’m bringing them. Things like upcoming transitions, words or points to emphasize, mistakes I keep making and want to avoid. Practice will bring to your attention what/where these issues are.

    • Postdoc

      +1 to preparing yourself to be interrupted. if they are interrupting, and someone asks a question you will address later, feel free to tell them that you’re going to get to that in a minute and you’ll come back to them. It is ok to herd the cats like that.

      Engineers (my field) really really are awful with the interruptions. If you are not comfortable being interrogated on a topic, do not mention it. If you must, mention it in passing very late in the talk, e.g. “other things I’ve done”. Of course, if that sparks someone’s interest you’ve just moved said interrogation to a one on one meeting…

      Also wear VERY comfortable shoes. If you are giving a job talk in my field you are probably also signed up for a bunch of meetings and/or a tour.

  28. Kick in the Pants

    I just wanted to report back in and say thank you to all the people who encouraged me. I just had my first therapy session and woah, didn’t realize I had ALL the feelings. Thanks for being the virtual foot, Hive.

    • Meg Murry

      Good for you!
      Kick #2 – have you made your next appointment? Schedule it now!

      • Kick in the Pants

        I took the advice (maybe yours!) and made a standing appointment. I’m going to try out two people, but figured I should go ahead and lock in a time slot and give them each a time or two. Any other tips are welcome!

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