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Happy weekend! I'm liking the look of this perforated silver & tan clutch — it seems like a great neutral for the spring and summer (and I lurve that wrist strap!). It's $218 at Zappos. COACH Bleecker Striped Perforated Leather Large Clutch
(L-3)
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Good news – I finally got a new job after a year-long search! I’m so excited to leave the world of billable hours and work I hate for a job I really, really wanted and that I think I will love. While I have to talk myself out of bad fears that the offer will get rescinded the day before I start, I’m feeling so much more positive about myself and my working life after feeling down and depressed for so long. Can’t even wait to start.
NbyNW
Congratulations! The fears are normal – but you’ll be fine! I just went through the same thing when I started my new job.
Ellen
Yay! Open thread’s! I love open thread’s and this clutch bag! Kat, I do NOT even own a clutch bag and was waiting until I had a more formal dinner affair to BUY one, but this is so cute I will buy it. YAY!!!!
As for the OP, congratulation’s on the new job. I don’t like billeable hours either, especialy b/c the manageing partner has told us we need up up our BILLEABLES by 10% this year to provide for the tax issue as well as the moveing expense’s and furniture. That mean’s I have to do 6,600 hours. This will defineatively cut into my free hours, as I am STILL here doing some clean up work for MONDAY’s court hearing. FOOEY b/c it is goeing to be nice this weekend and I will have to sit in my HOME OFFICE to do work instead of playing, tho I will go to see the dineasor’s. YAY!!!!
One thing for the OP to remember is that no job is all bad or all good. She needs to remember that workeing is a 4 letter word so it will never be great. When you get married, that would be great, as long as your husband does NOT turn out to be a doosh. That is why I have NOT get married yet, b/c all guy’s I meet are dooshy and NOT men who want families and for me to be the one to bring up our babie’s. My birthday is comeing up next week, and Dad is planning a celabration at the house for me. I have to ask the manageing partner if I can take an extra day off. Hopefulley he will agree b/c I have NOT taken vacation realy this year unless you count some snow day’s where I stayed home to work on my MACBOOK AIR. FOOEY if he say’s no!
Myrna says we should also go to the PLANATARIUM but I do NOT like lookeing up at the sky. I alway’s think there is goeing to be a meteour that hits, but so far all I ever got hit with was PIDGEON POOP when I took the Statan Isleand Ferry. The pidgeon must have seen that I was lookeing up, and fooey. I do NOT like Pidgeon’s b/c all they do is poop. DOUBEL FOOEY ON THEM! Have a great weekend to the HIVE, b/c next weekend I have to do my taxe’s with the acountant. FOOEY!!!!!!!
Senior Attorney
Hooray!! This is huge! Congratulations and I hope you will be able to do some celebrating this weekend!
emeralds
Yes! Go do something awesome for yourself to celebrate :)
DontBlameTheKids
Fantastic news! I think rescinding an offer is pretty rare–you will be fine. Good luck on your new path!
zora
Yay! Congratulations!!!! I hope some of your ‘new job luck’ rubs off on me ;o) Best of luck on your new adventure!
Anon
Thanks everyone! (OP here). On a related note, how much effort do you think I should put into billing during my notice period? We’re in a really, really slow period and I won’t be anywhere near my requirement anyway – should I just save what billable work there is for the others here?
Anonattorney
Congratulations!! I would work on transitioning your projects – so meet with people who will be taking over your cases/clients and just make sure they have everything they need to get things going.
LizNYC
Congratulations!!!
When I started my New Job, I was so sure that a) they’d rescind the offer the day before and b) I’d be making the biggest mistake by leaving Old Job. I was (thankfully) very wrong on both counts.
Susedna
Congratulations! And seconding the comments that you’ll do just fine!
MJ
Job hunting is soul-sucking and confidence-draining. I wish you all the best in your new job…you’re gonna do great!
Indian Wedding
I have been invited to attend an Indian Wedding. It is an all day affair, starting around 9 in the morning followed by lunch, then evening drinks and a reception. Please pardon my ignorance on the subject, but: Is it customary for guests to attend all the events? Or is it expected that some guests will only attend the religious ceremony in the morning, while others will only attend the reception?
I will be visting from out of town for the event and, with the constraint of limited time off, would prefer to fly in the day of the wedding, attend the evening reception, and fly out the next day (something I plan to discuss with my friend, the future bride).
hellskitchen
I am sure Indian weddings in the States work differently than in India, but in general it is perfectly fine to just attend the reception. Or you could catch the lag end of the morning wedding – the ceremony can be over 2 hours long and they shouldn’t expect guests to sit through all of it. The rituals are also quite involved with different family members playing a role – there’s a lot going on so no one will notice if you walk in halfway through the ceremony.
Indian Wedding
Thanks for the tip, @hellskitchen.
Anonymous
Indian weddings are long ceremonies. The quick ones are normally 45 min-1 hr. The long ones are multi-day ceremonies (on top of different ceremonies a few weeks before).
I would talk to the bride and see what her preference is. Most of the time ceremonies are come and go (meaning that guests are mingling, talking, getting food/drink elsewhere), and some folks paying attention to what’s going on. But there it is a BIG deal when the groom arrives and the bride arrives.
Most of the time, the weddings are big events and the receptions are huge events. So, people who are invited to both are on the short list.
I’m speaking in big generalities about my culture, so just fyi.
hope that helps.
S
Just responded on the morning thread!
Bonnie
It is a long day. You’re not required to attend all the events but I think it’s fun to see as much as you can.
AKB
Not all Indian ceremonies are long – I am Sikh, my ceremony was 30 minutes from beginning to end – and then lunch, then an afternoon white wedding and reception. Some of my friends just came to the evening wedding and reception – I was not at all offended. My closest friends were there for the whole weekend.
Senior Attorney
This clutch is really nice, especially in the “parchment” color. I have to admit that for some reason I feel kind of nose-in-the-air snobby about Coach — I think I am permanently scarred by all those over-the-top logo bags I’ve seen over the years — but their new stuff is really making me want to take another look!
AIMS
I hate to admit it but I kind of feel the same way. Coach and D&B have both come out with some really lovely stuff lately that is making me re-evaluate ….
Bonnie
Ditto.
TO Lawyer
The Coach stuff lately has been amazing. I want almost everything in pretty, pale springy colours…
Anonattorney
I feel the EXACT same way. I don’t know if I will ever go back to Coach. I like their bags, but there are just so many other options . . .
preg anon
I don’t think there are many options for the price that are as high of quality, at least from what I’ve seen. I’ve been seriously impressed with the quality of leather and workmanship on my bag.
tesyaa
They really last, more so than other bags in the same price range. And the same goes for Dooney.
Anonattorney
I should reconsider then. That’s a good point on the price–their prices are better than similar-looking/similar-quality bags.
cbackson
I was very anti-coach for a long time, but I recently bought a bag from them and the value for money is pretty awesome. I note, however, that the non-logo-y stuff that I like is often not carried in their stores and has to be ordered…
mama of 2
Can anyone give me some real life stories about the Coach warranty? I bought a leather wrist wallet from them and the wrist strap entirely broke off. I’m really bummed. Is it worth it to go complain to them? (The store is difficult to get to, which is why I’m asking instead of just going there.)
ExcelNinja
Yes, you should totally take it back to the Coach store. I bought my sister a bag about five years ago, and she has really put it through its paces (overstuffing it like crazy – she’s been using it while a high school/college student). The zipper recently broke and she took it in, and they said they’d fix it no problem. I was super impressed!
Curly Sue
Absolutely, it is worth it. They will send it away to fix it, but the item often cannot be fixed so you get store credit for the full replacement value. In all, I’ve done this with three or four bags that have come apart after years of daily, non-gentle use, and each time it has been hassle free and helpful.
DontBlameTheKids
I do NOT understand why airplane seats recline, even though the leg room is less than half of what it once was. Then the person gets mad because my child kicks their seat? She wouldn’t do that if your head weren’t in her lap. (And don’t get me started on children on planes. Why can’t they just make a rule for families with children to sit in one section? It would be better for everyone, including parents.)
AIMS
I actually just read about an airline that is charging more for kid-free sections so we may be heading there.
Anon
That would be wonderful!!
DontBlameTheKids
Some parents get offended about child-free sections. But I think if all the children were in one place, they would pretty much entertain each other and I could just read a magazine or something. Doesn’t sound bad at all to me!
Melissa
I don’t have kids, but my friends who do are super conscientious about flying with children in tow. I’m pretty sure their stress level would decrease if there were a few designated “family friendly” rows on most flights. One (female) friend in particular has been flying with her 2-yr old since he was several months old, and she was always so worried that he would have a crying fit or some other behavior she couldn’t control in that small space. She’s never had a major incident but I know it’s always in the back of her mind. How much easier it would be if she knew that the nearest seats were taken up by passengers who would empathize rather than scowl at her.
Other passenger
I don’t kick the other passenger’s seat even though s/he has reclined, and I imagine your kid has smaller legs / take up less room than I do. Kids will do what kids do, but many times what really drives the other passengers insane is when the parent doesn’t seem to care that their kids are kicking and poking. If kicking someone’s chair repeatedly is not OK in a movie theater or a restaurant, it’s not OK on a plane.
DontBlameTheKids
I don’t kick, but I’m pretty sure they feel it every time I cross/recross my legs. Getting a child to hold absolutely still is not possible. She doesn’t really kick, but she does re-position herself more than an adult does.
Anon from Chicago
kids legs hit the seat different than yours do though. kids feet stick straight out and, espsecially when the chair is reclined, right into the back of the seat. you legs get to go down.
Lynette
This is very very true. Little legs end up with toes on the back of the seat.
WestCoast Lawyer
+1 All that reclining your seat (obviously talking about coach flight here) does is create a domino effect where everyone behind you has to do the same to preserve what little leg room we still have (not to mention what it does to anyone attempting to use their tray table/laptop on the flight). They should just fix the seats in place.
Godzilla
I HATE THAT THE AIRPLANE SEATS RECLINE. SO. VERY. MUCH. I only do it during red-eye flights and only after I notify/ask the person behind me. It’s so rude.
Wildkitten
+1. They shouldn’t recline.
snowy
I’m in this camp. Personally I sleep the same (cr@ptastically) if I recline or not, so I don’t do it because I hate the person in front of me doing it. The domino effect is so, so true.
emeralds
Yes. Christ, I wish they’d just fix them all in place and save so many people so many miserable flights.
Another Passenger
Unapologetic recliner here. I have to recline due to a back problem that surgery made worse. I can’t sit ramrod straight for any length of time and need to recline to take pressure off the lower back/tailbone. I try to upgrade to business class when possible but it doesn’t always happen. I will raise the seatback during meals but it reclines again after a reasonable amount of time; I look before I recline to make sure I’m not crushing someone’s laptop. Outside my personal issue, the bottomline is that the seats recline and passengers are paying for that seat. Until the airline changes out the seats, they can be reclined and people should expect that nearly everyone will recline. I get that no one wants the head of the passenger in front of them in their lap but it’s the way the airline has configured the seating.
As for kids on flights, I travel several times per month for work. I have empathy for most people traveling with kids. I do not, however, have any empathy or respect for the parent who is completely unprepared or willfully ignores his/her kid’s inappropriate, offensive, rude, belligerent behavior. Kicking seats, screaming (other than the ear pain during take off and landing), running up and down the aisles is not ok. Very few parents allow this to happen and unfortunately the very few bad apples have made most of us very wary of having a kid in the same row/anywhere near us. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve encountered the truly bad parent (no toys, no snacks, not watching) but I’m still pleasantly surprised when I get seated near a well behaved kid and a well prepared parent.
SMSS
Irritated sit-behinder here. While you may have a back problem that surgery made worse, I have two surgically repaired knees. When you recline your seat without even the courtesy of asking if I would mind, your seat presses on my patella and sends excruciating pain up and down my legs for the remainder of the flight.
While you are paying for your reclinable seat, I am also paying for the two inches between my knees and your seat.
What I think people should *expect* is that other human adults who realize that their “airline configured” seating happens to place their head in someone lap would have the sense in their brains to at least ask if it would be a problem.
Another Passenger
Wow. I explicitly said I looked and tried to be polite about it. Perhaps you should request a bulkhead seat going forward.
SMSS
What you said was that you looked for a laptop before reclining. No one could know from looking — and I wouldn’t expect them to know — how badly a reclining seat would affect me. That’s why I would hope someone would ask.
As I am sure you realize, I do try to sit at a bulkhead “when possible but it doesn’t always happen.”
Anonattorney
I understand your pain, SMSS, but as someone who is very tall, and travels with an extremely tall husband, I think those of us with special circumstances have to make sure we are in seats that give us enough room. That means I always have to fly on airlines with stretch seating in coach, or fly business class.
Personally, I think it’s inappropriate for me to ask other people who are paying the same as me for their seats to make sacrifices for me.
Anonymous
This.
SMSS
My height compounds the problem, to be sure. You’re talking to a 6’1” lady with a 6’4” partner. I hope there’s a day in my near future where I can afford business class or extended seating, but today is not that day.
I’m not asking anyone to “make sacrifices for me,” I’m asking people to extend a courtesy to the person behind them by at least asking before they slide back into my space (which … again … I also paid for).
Anonattorney
Again, I hear ya. I’m 6’0″ with a 6’6″ partner. Usually the flights we take charge $50 per leg for extended seating. I think it’s certainly a sacrifice because of the domino effect – if the person in front of you reclines, you have to recline as well.
Also, if they ask, what are you going to say? No? Are you going to ask them not to recline because of your knees?
I just think the appropriate way to travel these days is to put your head down and take care of your own business. You should do the best you can to impose as little as possible on the people around you. That includes paying a little extra to check a bag if your carry-ons are too big, paying a little extra if you need more space, buying tickets early so you can get your family seated next to each other (and not asking people in aisle seats to move to a middle so you can all be together), etc.
I don’t want to get into a disagreement about it, because, as I say, I completely understand your frustration. I get irritated EVERY time I travel because I have to deal with inconsiderate other people. And planes are not made for tall people.
It sucks, no question, but
Anon from Chicago
I was about to say the same thing re back problems, which is why I have to recline my seat. But where is the courtsey issue here? If I turn around and ask if you mind and you say yes because my knees hurt, then what? I am supposed to not recline my seat and have my back hurt the whole time? That makes no sense.
Laura
YES, thank you!
WestCoast Lawyer
Anonattorney, I just have to chime in that I have always purchased seats together when flying with my family and about 75% of the time we’ve traveled in the last several years United has made last minute plane changes that resulted in reassigning our seats and dispersing us throughout the airplane. If there was any way to guarantee that we wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of trying to beg the gate agents and/or other passengers to get us back together I would be happy to do it, but as is always the answer with United these days “that’s just not possible maam.”
Pink
Having been the unfortunate person stuck between the as shat who shoved his head into my back by placing his head on the tray table (and preventing me from reclining and also experiencing the joy of a head butting into my back through the 2″ foam) and the person reclining into my face space, I just asked my flight attendant to find me a new seat, even if it was the last row which meant no reclining (but no head in my back).
I agree, if you’re tall, and your legs are long, it sucks. I’m 5’3″ and my knees touch the front of the seat in front of me on some airlines, pay more.
But asking ppl not to recline is not realistic when the person in front of them taking up half the air space.
annoness
Guess there’s just no winning for those of us who want to sleep on a plane … and I thought headrest sleeping was the nicer way to do it.
annoness
Sorry, meant to put “tray table” instead of “headrest.”
Anon
If you have some kind of special need it’s up to you to make sure your needs can be met (extra leg room seats, business class, front of plane). It is completely and totally unreasonable to expect the people around you to anticipate your invisible special requests. The seats recline. The person paid for a seat that reclines. They don’t need to ask your permission before reclining and would have absolutely no reason to.
I’m all for being courteous and respectful but this is crazy.
Susedna
I hate hate hate airlines for selling the same space* to two different passengers.
*This is the space that could either be used by the passenger-behind’s knees and legs, or the passenger-in-front to recline.
Anonattorney
So, my biggest rant (sort of) on this point, is when I paid extra for a seat in an exit row on a 3-hour flight. The man in front of me had two (large) carry-ons. He puts one in the overhead bin, and instead of putting the other under the seat in front of him, he slides it under his seat into my leg room. I tapped him on the shoulder and politely asked him to put his carry-on under the seat in front of him, so I could put my handbag in my leg room. He said, “you have so much leg room, you can afford to share with me.”
I just said, “Nope, that’s not how it works. I paid for this seat and extra leg room, you didn’t. You need to put your carry-on in front of you. If there’s going to be a problem, I will get the flight attendant involved.” He was pissed off, but moved the bag.
Susedna
Good job! I really can’t stand people like that guy– they are trying to take advantage, and when asked nicely to, well, stop, they try a bullsh*t rationalization. To tie this up with other threads, gaaah, I hope nobody’s married to this guy. He’s an @ss. And yes, these are the little things that show character. And yes, I’m unapologetically judgy about this. It’s the only way to weed out a-holes.
NYNY
I wish that the pivot point for reclining were the top of the seat, so those who choose to recline would steal their own leg room instead of my face and knee room.
Anon
Sorry, but it’s not ok for your kid to kick seats on a plane. You may not like that the seats recline, but they do, and people are allowed to use them in that way. It doesn’t bother me when I fly – and I’m pretty tall. I’m pretty sure a kid who is surely under 6′ can deal with. I’ve flown a lot and I was once next to a woman who kept asking the person in front not to recline, which was pretty rude as the seatback was not touching her at all. If you feel claustrophic, that’s your own problem to deal with.
anon
Kids kick because they can’t rest their feet on the ground, and often when they are sitting back (like they are supposed to) their legs are straight, so their feet are right behind your chair. I agree that it’s annoying when kids kick (and I spend a lot of energy keeping mine from kicking), but it’s not a space issue so much as a positioning issue. Carseats make it worse.
Anon
I agree with this. I recline, unapologetically (although I put my seat up during meals if I’m awake for them). My feeling is that everyone should try to overtly disrupt other people as little as possible, but that doesn’t mean going to extremes. I, personally, hate perfume, gum-chewers, and loud eaters. But I wouldn’t dream of telling people they couldn’t wear perfume, chew gum, or eat on a flight. It’s not my plane. When I am Queen of the Universe and I travel around on my own private jet, it’ll have nothing but flat-bed seats and fragrance-free hand soaps – until then, I get to recline and you get to keep your proclivities, too.
Anonymous
I mean, reclining is an asshole move. It is overtly disrupting people. There is a reason such a low percentage of people recline- its pretty universally understood to be an asshole move to do it. Its like in DC if you stand on the left on the escalator on purpose. Yes, you can technically stand and block wherever you want, but there is a social understanding that you stand on the right and move on the left. If you have back pain and need to then of course you do, it is what it is. But reclining just to recline is the worst
anon ny
Anonymous – there’s no call to use such language.
I’m in my 50s, have traveled often by air since I was 15 and never – not once – has anyone EVER asked me if they could recline their seat before they reclined. It’s not the same as an escalator.
I’m with the person that said – there are tons of things that bother me and I put up with them. You’ll have to put up with my reclining just as I put up with others in front of me reclining. Until the airlines lock the seats and make us more like sardines.
As long as the seats recline, I will fully recline mine to sleep. I usually partially recline when awake because at 5’1″ the headrest angle is brutal in the fully upright position.
emeralds
Disagree with Anonymous’s language, agree with the sentiment. I do not know a single person who appreciates it when someone reclines into their face, ergo if one cares about others’ feelings, one should not recline one’s seat. Do unto others and all of that. For the people with medical issues, you have my sympathy and I would be okay with it if you said, “Sorry, I have a medical condition, I need to recline my seat.”
For every. Single. Other. Person…you are saying “My comfort is more important than your comfort, my needs are more important than your needs, I am more important than you are.” If you want to keep making that choice, you can do so, but I will judge the h**l out of you for it.
And all of this is why I wish, as I stated above, that airlines would lock seats in place.
wildkitten
Agree with the sentiment, agree with the language.
Anonymous
Are we pearl clutching over the word asshole?
anon ny
Yes, I think the use of that word on a discussion post is rude – but it’s not just the use of the word a$$hole. It looks like the comments are running 50/50 on reclining so that particular poster (not sure if it;s you or another “anonymous”) called 50% of the posters here a pejorative term. Not cool.
Anon
+1
Silvercurls
Coming here to post my usual “try to be kind to parents of kids with autism when the kids (due to overstimulation, difficulty with transitions or new experiences, etc.) melt down on the airplane” speech.
My own pet peeves include perfume, audible gum chewing, and loud cell phone talkers. But seriously, air travel is just horribly uncomfortable these days. +1 (or many) to everyone who suggests we all just do our best to be as kind and inoffensive as possible without neglecting our own legitimate and basic needs (to relieve a sore back, protect delicate kneecaps, breathe freely/not have asthma from someone’s perfume). I’m grateful that my current existence doesn’t involve a lot of flying.
Oh, and I’m not the Anon who wrote “When I am Queen of the Universe…” above but I share that ambition!
Calico
I am always amazed when these threads come up about seat reclining being rude. I fly all the time and never, not once, has the person in front of me hesitated to throw their seat back into full recline. I have never been asked if that’s ok with me. I don’t recline myself out of politeness (only after reading how much it bothers some) but no way am I staying upright if the person in front of me reclines.
cbackson
Agreed. I’ve never thought it was rude to recline (um, the seat is made to do it) and I don’t hesitate to do it myself.
layered bob
agreed. In my previous career I flew a lot and it seemed like 40-60% of people on any given flight were reclining. I recline, almost always, and unapologetically. Everyone I fly with reclines. I’m a tall person (and my husband is 6’4″) so when people in front of me recline, yeah, it eats up my space but it honestly doesn’t bother me. I don’t understand the hate and I’m not going to stop reclining, especially to sleep.
NOLA
So relieved! My passport application was bounced back because I needed a certified copy of my divorce document (name change – NEVER AGAIN). I thought it would be a total hassle, but I zipped downtown this morning and it took about 15 minutes. Hooray for the ladies in the record room at Civil Court!
And now my friend and I can get going on planning our trip. She’s coming to visit in May so we’ll finally be able to talk and look at stuff together rather than on the phone. We may be rethinking the cities because we don’t want to spend too many days traveling between cities. I think we should drop Prague because it’s pretty far north from Vienna and will take us out of the way. Vienna-Salzburg-Munich would be close to a straight line to the west. But I need to see what she wants to do.
Fiona
You can have fun in Prague for a day. It’s not that far. I’ve done it in a day from Vienna. And it’s such a lovely city – worth the visit if you’ve never been.
NOLA
I haven’t been. When we were in school in Vienna, I had acute tonsilitis and missed many of the school-sponsored trips to other countries. But my friend has been. We’ll see. Like I said, I think we’ll get a better sense of what we both think is important when we can talk face to face.
I am a banana.
Ditch Prague and go to Budapest for a day. Seriously. I spent two weeks doing the same trip you are discussing in September. Budapest was our favorite stop – very vibrant, fun, friendly city. Prague is beautiful but it feels like Disneyland. Very, very touristy (great beer though).
If you go to Budapest make sure to scout out some wine from the Tokaji reigon. I’d also highly recommend going to one of the old bathhouses – we went to Rudash because I loved how old it was, but I’ve heard the one in the city park is great also.
Also if you have time from Vienna, the bike ride along the Danube between Durnstein and the Melk abbey was one of the greatest days of my life.
NOLA
Yeah, a lot of people said Prague was too touristy. We’re planning on being there in November so I was hoping it would be less so. And I don’t drink beer!
She has been to Budapest and didn’t necessarily want to go back there. It’s interesting – we went on a school trip to Lower Austria and tried lots of wines – and it was right on the Hungarian border.
We really haven’t talked about what we’ll do. You’ll think this is very strange, but I’ve never been to Schonbrunn even though I lived in Vienna. I don’t think I went to Melk either. We are mostly looking to get reacquainted with the city where we lived as 20 year olds and I don’t know what that will mean. One thing we did that year was to create our own tour of composers’ homes in Vienna – Mozart, Haydn, Beethoven. I never made it to the Freud Museum even though I lived in the neighborhood.
rancho la puerta?
Any thoughts? I have seen references on thissite here and there to Rancho la Puerta in Tecate/Baja California as a good destination spa/retreat/relaxation vacation spot.
Can anyone speak to their experience there? Trying to decide between the Ranch and other similar properties like Miraval in AZ. This would be for a mother/daughter vacation, we are in our early 30s and early 60s, respectively. I think it would be a great getaway but a little hesitant about coughing up the funds!!
Thanks y’all!
Mrs. Jones
Rancho la Puerta is paradise! My mother and I are in your general age range and have been together to the Ranch about 8 times. It’s totally worth the money, esp. compared to a lot of places in the USA. Food is good, activities are awesome, spa treatments are lovely, and the accommodations are gorgeous. I don’t think I’ll ever go to a different resort spa. NB: they serve wine/beer only twice during the week, but you can bring your own if you are so inclined.
michelle
a good friend of mine says Rancho La Puerta is her favorite place in the world and she goes there every year
Sunflower
It’s totally wonderful. You can take various fitness-type classes all day long or you can do nothing but read, get massages, and look at the beautiful scenery. I took a couple of bottles of champagne with me and was glad I did, especially since there was a little refrigerator in my cottage. It’s pricey, but worth it.
AnonJudicialClerk
Any advice for a current judicial clerk who just got her first interview with a big-ish firm? Interviewing for a position with the firm’s tax department and looking for any and all advice! Since I didn’t do any summers with a big firm during law school, I’m not entirely sure what to expect or how to prepare (other than frantically googling “law firm interview questions” and reading this site for tips on appropriate interview dress). The firm is in Houston if that helps and I currently live in a much smaller city in the South.
BankrAtty
I’ve never interviewed with big law outside of the OCI in law school, but I am a former clerk. They will likely ask you a lot of questions about your duties as a clerk–whether you write bench memos or opinions and what kinds of cases you handle and which you enjoy handling most. Try to frame your answers to highlight the kinds of skills a lawfirm would want in an attorney. Be prepared to explain your interest in tax law, obviously. Good luck!
anon
If you are being interviewed by tax people, they will probably ask less about your clerkship. Instead, they will want to know why you are interested in tax. (I am a tax attorney at a big law firm.) Also, they will want to make sure you are personality fit.
preg anon
Heyyyy! I’m in Houston, and I interviewed at my current big firm while I was clerking! H-Town is a great place to practice law. Congrats on your interview! Anyway . . . The interview will likely be very casual. I have never had anyone ask typical interview questions. They usually just ask about your clerkship, what kind of work you’ve been doing, what you’re interested in. Also, in my experience, you hold the cards as a clerk. They’re most likely going to be wanting you so they’ll spend most of their time asking what kind of work you like and what they can tell you about the firm. I’d have a few questions ready, but I would say that you’ve researched the firm and are impressed so far, etc.
I would wear a formal suit, but you don’t need to wear hose. Any other questions I can answer? Good luck!
AnonJudicialClerk
Thanks preg anon! I was definitely planning on a formal suit, although I was wondering about hose. I know several firms in Dallas don’t require hose, but I thought it might be better to play it safe for an interview! Hopefully my interview goes as well as yours did!
OCAssociate
I found this book helpful when I did OCI – it has good tips on marketing yourself and coming up with a theme so the interviewers will remember you:
Guerrilla Tactics for Getting the Legal Job of Your Dreams, Kimm Alayne Walton
Tax Chic
Tax is an incredibly broad field. Are they litigators? Civil? Criminal? T&E? If not, is it a T&E/high net worth / small business owner (small = someone who owns a bunch of McDonalds franchises, car dealerships , real estate developer, so small in the big law scheme of things but millionaires nonetheless), transactional tax, international, ERISA, benefits practice? Some of each? Which other area (real estate? corporate?) do they support? Does that other area value the tax people or are there tensions? What part of their clients are their clients and which are from other groups in the firm? At least now people have websites so you can at least read up on the partners.
AnonJudicialClerk
Based on their website, they do a variety of tax work: trust & estate, ERISA and benefits, oil and gas related issues, mergers & acquisitions, and some controversy and litigation work. I had a phone screener with two of the tax attorneys at the firm who are both alums from my law school before landing the actual interview. They said that there is an opportunity to do controversy and planning work, but that you tend to do ERISA, T&E, or whatever becomes available and you develop an interest in outside of those two areas.
Anon
I would push more on the amount of work the firm does in each sub-area and how work is assigned in those areas, and how much crossover there is. I was an associate at a tax boutique that often listed positions as crossovers between subgroup A that was highly desirable and subgroup B that was the sh!tlaw of tax. They told candidates that there was plenty of work in A and they would only do a sprinkling of B if they wanted. In reality, B was the group with lots of work and once hired, the person worked almost exclusively in B (and with the worst partners, because the rest of us saw the new hire as the opportunity to move up the totem pole). If you really want to do planning, for example, I would make sure that is truly what they are looking for and that you are not going to spend all your time doing SALT controversy.
eagon
This this this. And be prepared to talk about why you are innterested in tax. Also ask about the firm’s culture, insight into what your first 6 months Will look like, and about the interviewers experience v with the firm. What are their favourite things about the company? Biggest challenge the firm is facing right now?
Good luck :)
eagon
Regarding how to ask about the culture etc, don’t ask “describe your firm’s culture”. Read about what they say their culture is on the website, then ask based on what you find. This is another way to demonstrate your interest and preparedness.
Chambermaid
I may have an idea of the Houston firm where you’re interviewing. I would discuss compensation and benefits carefully with the firm. It has a reputation for being tight with a dollar and also for being a place where associates last a few years and then leave because of compensation issues and the obstacles to making partner.
Anon for this
Has anyone here read the book Transforming School Culture by Anthony Muhammad? I’m reading it in relation to a case I’m involved in but I think it would make for some interesting discussion.
Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie
Okay so I’ve been stalking the sales at TheRealReal (an online luxury consignment shop where items are guaranteed authentic) and vowed I wasn’t going to buy anything because I just got back from vacation and am going on another one in May. (Really bad planning on my and my husband’s part.) Well then I saw this Mulberry bag and fell in love: https://www.therealreal.com/products/mulberry-handle-bag-30 and I just bought it! I needed a brown bag so it was not a complete random purchase. What do you think?
Seeing the baby
My husband’s brother and his wife are expecting a baby in a few weeks. My husband is interested in going to visit them right away after the baby is born. They live about 3 hours away and this would be a day trip. I am trying to figure out what our visit could contribute beyond a 2-minute photo op. Husband and I are child-free and really not comfortable around babies, so we are not going to be much help with diapers, etc. I had considered bringing some meals for their freezer, but I don’t want to presume to know what they like or that they will have freezer space available. Does anyone have any suggestions for things we could do/bring that would be helpful, without being an imposition in disguise?
tesyaa
You can bring a case of diapers, or offer to pick up groceries/supplies (from their own list) while you are up there. It sounds like your husband really wants to see his brother’s child, which is nice, so a visit might truly be enough.
Mrs. Jones
Ditto this advice.
preg anon
I think you could bring a couple of plain, small meals in those disposable metal containers (the smaller ones that serve two) for their freezer. Just make it something relatively healthy (not heavy on cheese and cream) and plain, and I think it’ll be fine. They’ll most likely have room in the freezer, and if not, they can eat them more immediately. I was so touched by people who did that, and we didn’t have to cook for quite some time after our little guy got here. A case of diapers is nice too. I would have felt weird about letting someone else do my grocery shopping, but your husband knows their relationship. You could always bring a gift too, but I would say the meals are the most appreciated and appropriate choice.
anon
I would offer to do light household chores- unload dishwasher, sweep floor, fold laundry. You could offer to run to the store for them if they have a list.
Also, I think it would be great to bring snacks that can be eaten one handed- think trail mix, jerky, nuts. Also, I think cut up fruit and veggies is awesome.
LizNYC
I’m planning to do the 2nd paragraph when I visit my cousin who’s having her second in a month. (I’ve added animal crackers to my list, as well as anything fun I find at Trader Joe’s.)
When she had her first and we paid a visit when the baby was 8 weeks old, she was so relieved because she had to use the bathroom and we were there to hold him for a bit while she attended to various personal needs!
Eleanor
Depending on their personalities, they might just appreciate that you took the time to drive to admire their child. Also, even if you’re not comfortable around babies, you could still make the effort to hold him/her. If you feel like you have a close enough relationship, or would like to build one, you could offer to clean the house a bit or do a load of laundry. You could bring flowers, a book or toy for the baby, or baby supplies. You could fix something sort of generic that most people would like enough to eat, like chicken and rice – even if it’s not their favorite they’ll probably be pleased not to have to cook. Finally, I’ve seen a number of posters on here recommend snack foods the parents will be able to eat one-handed, like muffins or fruit.
But really, even if all you do is show up for a few hours and talk about how adorable the baby is, how your sister-in-law is feeling, etc., it’s sweet of your husband to care about his brother like that, and surely this would only strengthen family relations.
Anon in NYC
Agreed. Your visit is about meeting the baby, possibly holding the baby for, like, 10 minutes, cooing at the baby, and congratulating the parents. Especially because it’s family, the visit is mostly about showing that you care about the parents (and now this baby). They will not ask you to change diapers (mostly likely). Bring food and perhaps a small thing for the baby (a book, an outfit, something for the nursery, etc.).
In terms of food, for one of my friends, I’ve sent them Harry & David gift baskets after she had each of her kids. The baskets have had a mixture of fruit, nuts, cheese and crackers, and sweets. They loved them and she’s since sent them to friends after they’ve had a kid. I’ve done more personalized meals for friends when I had a sense of what food they’d like. My husband and I are not close with his brother and wife, so when they had their kids, I think we visited briefly and just brought something for the baby. In that type of situation, though, I also think a gift basket would work. Bonus is that you can send it in advance and all you have to do is show up with a small baby gift.
mama of 2
This is excellent advice. All you have to do is show up, exclaim over the cuteness of the baby, hug the new parents, tell them they are doing a wonderful job, and go home. Bring something useful – food, a case of diapers – or something adorable – like an outfit for the baby. That’s it. Everything else is gravy.
mascot
I think that just having an extra set of hands is helpful. You can walk the dog, offer to do some chores, run some errands, etc. For food, ask them what they like. They may have dinners covered, but do they have food for breakfast or quick lunches? Do they need snacks? (You eat a lot of meals one handed in those early days)
Senior Attorney
This is all good advice. And I’d plan on bringing/buying a meal the day/evening you are there. Find out what’s their favorite place for takeout, or bring something great you can all eat together. And you and your hubby should do all the prep and cleanup so they can enjoy a sit-down meal they didn’t have to do anything but eat.
Sarabeth
Sorry, hit report by accident.
I think as long as you know whether or not they have actually food restrictions (like allergies) most people are grateful enough to get food brought over that they are not going to be that picky about whether it’s their absolute favorite meal. I also second one-hand food if possible – a batch of cookies can be great! If you don’t want to cook, you could just offer to pick up take-out while you are there, and maybe help hold the baby long enough for them to eat with both hands. And definitely let them know that you will be happy to stop by Target/whatever on the way over – just getting out of the house to pick up the random things that you inevitably realize you need can be very challenging.
anon
Anyone wanna help me research affordable hotels in New York City?
I’m going for a conference and staying at the conference hotel, but get to spend one extra night and day in the city. I’ll be checking out of the conference hotel (near grand central station) on Friday morning, going to the conference through Friday afternoon, and then moving to a more affordable place for Friday night. My plane leaves JFK Saturday 7pm ish. I’m hoping to spend $150-200/night and have some place that is easy to access from the conference hotel, and easy public transit to the airport. I’d prefer someplace where I could get a casual dinner on Friday, and wander about exploring (read: eating my way through) the city on Saturday. I’m not going to do big touristy stuff, but more looking for fun neighborhoods to explore.
Any tips on neighborhoods or specific hotels? Which neighborhoods do you love to walk through on a Spring Saturday morning?
roses
No recs on specific hotels, but I do recommend using Hotwire’s blind deals to book. You can choose general area of your hotel, and they will give you the customer rating too (IMO this matters way more than the “star” rating of the hotel, which is pretty arbitrary). I got a $180/night hotel that was very nice for $110 last time I used it.
LizNYC
I’ve never stayed there, but the Franklin Hotel on the UES might fit your needs. It’s a subway ride on the 4/5/6 line to Grand Central.
On a nice spring day (*fingers crossed* it’ll be nice weather! Snow is forecasted for next Tuesday ugh), I like walking around the Union Square area for the markets, heading up to 23rd Street/Flatiron/Mad Sq. Park for a Shake Shack lunch or downtown toward West 4th Street and Washington Square Park (NYU area). From NYU area, you can head west and check out Greenwich Village’s quaint shops/eateries or head east and do the same in the East Village. Since you may be staying in the area, you could check out Museum Mile along Fifth Avenue and end up at the Plaza Hotel. Central Park is beautiful. Or head downtown and get lost in Chinatown (at least, that’s what always happens to me). FYI, if you’re out before noon on a weekend day, it’ll be relatively deserted most places. (This might be a prime time for you to wander SoHo, which gets pretty crammed in the afternoon.) Have a great time!
zora
The Carlton Arms Hotel was always my favorite place to send people back in the day. Some rooms are SUPER cheap if you are willing to share a bathroom in the hallway, European style. It always got consistently good reviews, was always clean and well-kept when I was there, and is right in the Gramercy Park area, where there is a lot of stuff to do, places to walk around. Also a reasonable walk to Union Square. And really close to several subway stops, including the 4/6 which can take you straight up to the Met and the Guggenheim if you want to head uptown for a bit. It’s an old hotel, but I love the history, and each room is decorated with a different theme. God, I love that place.
http://www.carltonarms.com/rates.htm
My second recommendation would be to check out Airbnb. great place to find good deals in big cities, especially if you’re only looking for one night.
I miss New York like crazy, have fun!!!
MJ
This is the definitive guide. Really. Just look here.
http://nymag.com/urban/guides/nyonthecheap/travel/hotels.htm
cbackson
The Washington Square Hotel is a little known and fairly affordable option if – and it’s a big if – you can get a room. It’s small, so rooms are limited, but right on Washington Square (in the center of Greenwich Village).
Also, Best Western in Chinatown used to be very cheap if (once again) you could get a room. That’s not going to be convenient to where you are, though – but not much will be. The area near Grand Central is great, but it’s the center of NYC’s pricey hotel district.
Also, JFK on public transit means a long (read, more than an hour) subway ride. I’d recommend one of the private shuttle buses, which are about $25-30 and pick up from Grand Central and Port Authority.
Anon for this
Late to the party, but I’ve found the easiest/most consistent way for me to get to JFK is to take the LIRR from Penn to Jamaica and then jump on the AirTran. I like that I never worry about traffic with this and trains run frequently enough where I don’t worry about timing it just right.
NatalieR
We stayed at The Milburn last summer and really liked it. It’s in the Upper West Side but close to a couple of subway stops and blocks from Zabar’s! My husband was busy in the evenings, but I could easily walk to great dinner spots and meet up with friends. They also have a little kitchenette in the rooms plus breakfast (not amazing but decent and accessible coffee at least). It’s on W 76th. The price should hit right in your range.
Hollis
Has anyone professionally cleaned a diamond ring (like your engagement ring)? Do they do it for you on the spot?
Senior Attorney
I’ve always just wandered into a jewelry store and asked them to clean it. It takes mere moments.
Hollis
How much do they charge you for it?
preg 3L
Mine has been cleaned for free whenever I go into a jewelry store and ask.
Senior Attorney
Generally they do it gratis. It helps if you’ve got a relationship with them but most places will do it free anyway.
tesyaa
I don’t know about cleaning, but in general, jewelers will not let you leave your diamond solitaire. I had my stone reset, and I had to wait in the store while it was done. (I think I brought it in to be looked it, and then had to make an appointment to come back). I think this is due to liability concerns, so I’d bet that cleaning is done on the spot.
mascot
Yes, most jewelry stores will do it while you wait. They may also check the prongs on the stone and check for wear. If you want an at-home option, Frontgate sells a sonic/steam jewelry cleaner that cleans very well. I’d say the results were the same as my in-store cleanings and the cleaning mechanism is the same. For the quick cleans, I just use the ammonia based cleaners.
Blonde Lawyer
I am having the strangest tech problem at the moment and I am wondering if anyone has ever experienced it or knows how to fix it.
I am in Word. I have track changes on. If I do “view final” everything looks just right. When I do “accept all changes” a bunch of my work disappears. I can hit undo and get it back.
The only thing I can see is that word has somehow merged a move I did with about 20 paragraphs of new text that should be marked “insertion.” However, in the actual body of the document, what got moved up and what got inserted looks right. (In view final with changes or just view final). In the little sidebar that shows what you changed, it wrongly shows all my newly inserted text as being with the paragraph I moved up. If that makes any sense.
I am probably just going to open a new doc and copy and paste the text over in paste special or something and re-save but I would really like to know what went wrong and how to fix it. I just don’t get how what I see in “view final” and what I see post “accept changes” is different.
Silvercurls
Disclaimer: I’m neither a technie nor an IT person.
Thinking out loud as a civilian: Save your work (and keep–at least for the moment–any hard copy notes you’ve been using). Try saving it as a different file (name it carefully so you don’t get confused later about which is the most recent version).
Can you shut down Word, and restart your computer? Sometimes this helps. Do you have an IT person or techie colleague nearby who could offer help or advise re whether your troubles mean that your file was corrupted?
You could search online for guidance by typing a description of your troubles into the web browser or seeing if Microsoft’s sites say anything about your particular glitches.
Of course this has to happen on a Friday afternoon! Good luck.
Silvercurls
Duh, reading fail, sorry for overlooking your planned solutions. Time for me to get away from my own computer.
Blonde Lawyer
If you have ever watched the show the IT Crowd, I love the “have you turned it off and turned it back on again?” theme.
Marilla
Did you try rejecting all the changes?
Blonde Lawyer
I ended up doing the copy and paste into a new document thing. I saved the old one though so I might try the “reject changes” just out of curiosity. I can’t remember if I tried that one. I think I did. I am generally quite techy and am the “techiest” one in my office. I had two other people try to figure it out with no avail. We tried saving a copy of the doc and trying in a new file and that didn’t work. We tried opening it on other computers and that didn’t work. We did print a back up in addition to saving a back up with a new name. I can almost always google my issues but this one came up with nothing useful. My IT people are about as good as google so I didn’t bother with that.
I was able to figure out what lines exactly were having the problem. The ones without the problem, I accepted changes one by one and then copied and pasted to a new doc. For the ones with the problem, I copied and pasted as text w/o formatting from Paste special. I now have a doc I can at least work with. I might still mess around with the old one just out of curiosity though. Luckily the pleading isn’t due today. Worst case scenario, I probably could have just printed it from “view final.”
Wildkitten
Okay. It’s official. I hate Capitol One 360. I loved ING Direct. Who likes their high interest savings account? Are the people at Ally happy? Do they have good customer service? Do they process deposits in a timely manner so your student loan deductions don’t bounce?
Lady Tetra
I like Ally a lot. I’ve only had it about 6 months, but I’ve had no problems so far. They process my deposits within about 3 days, and some have been quicker.
Susedna
I noticed that when Capital One bought INGDirect all those months ago, they took a few intermediate security steps away that INGDirect used to have for their savings account. Capital One sucks.
Senior Attorney
I’m happy with Ally, although I do notice they put a hold on deposits. But that’s kind of offset by the fact you can deposit directly via iPhone or scanner, rather than going through a brick-and-morter checking account. Customer service is good — phone and online chat.
Sounds like I got out of ING/CapOne just in time!
Mountain Girl
We have a couple of Ally accounts and have had them for about two years. I think we contacted customer service once in the early days via live chat but it must have been uneventful because I can’t remember anything about it. Deposits process in 2 or 3 days. Transfers from non-ally banks take about the same time. The mobile deposit app works better than our local banks app.
zora
MEETUP: one last reminder:
sorta last minute (sorry!) East Bay meetup this weekend!
Join kpadi and me for beers and sausages at Telegraph Beer Garden, 2318 Telegraph Ave, Oakland, CA
We’ll be there at 2pm
It’s just a few blocks up from the 19th St BART stop.
They have a huge patio and it’s going to be sunny so we’re going to be sitting outside soaking it up! Hope to see you there. If you want to have my phone number for meeting up and finding us, email me at zoradances at the gmail. ;o)
Senior Attorney
Gah! I was up there last weekend! Darned missed timing!!
in LA
Senior Attorney, are you in LA? Does anyone want to do an LA meetup in DTLA?
Another LA resident
Also in LA. I work in DTLA.
Senior Attorney
YES!!
Anonymous
Yes. I work in Century City and also live on the Westside.
Parfait
Another Angeleno here. Westsiiiiiide!
zora
Senior Attorney!!!!! Email me next time! I’d love to hang out with you if you’re in the bay! And I will send out the batsignal if I’m ever heading down there.
Senior Attorney
That’s a deal! :)
Mags
Happy Friday all!
I received a verbal, then written offer, for a new job, in a new area of the country. I’m so thrilled!
I signed the written offer, sent it back, and gave notice to my current employer (I’m leaving with 3 weeks notice and lots of goodwill). A few hours after this, the new employer asked me to authorize my background check– is this normal to do the check AFTER a written offer? I’m not worried about the background check but rather the credit check- I am operating at a high % of my available credit after a few big medical bills. For a non-financial job, should I be worried about a mediocre credit score affecting the job offer?
Blonde Lawyer
Is this government or private sector? If government, is it law enforcement of any kind or anything where you could be subjected to bribes?
Hat
I work for a large bank. Yes, it is normal to do the background check (drug test, fingerprints, credit check, eligibility to work, etc.) after you accept the offer and sometimes other parts (employment verification) after you start. I typically wait until the bulk of the background check clears before giving notice. I think you are fine on the credit check.
Anon
If the new position does not involve access to money, many states have enacted legislation (in response to the recession) that your credit cannot be an outcome determinative factor in your hiring.
Anonymous
Typically the offer will say it’s subject to satisfactory background and/or credit check. In my experience, companies are not concerned about high utilization of available credit. They’re most focused on late payments and collections activity and might also get concerned about really high debt compared to your salary.
Mags
Thanks friends! This is my first time starting from scratch with a new company since graduation- I’ve been moving around in the same organization for ages. It’s private sector, account management, so I’m fairly confident- but the late notice for these procedures threw me for a loop. Crossing my fingers for good news this week!
LH
For anyone looking for easy lunch options I have to give a shout-out to Amy’s Kitchen frozen entrees. They taste great and are made with organic, non-GMO ingredients, have pronounceable ingredient lists, and are all vegetarian with lots of vegan and gluten-free options too. They have a great variety of foods including pasta and risotto bowls and Mexican, Thai and Indian dishes (although I don’t like the Thai so much). They’re under 500 calories each and although the portions are a little small, they usually keep me full until dinner if I have a side of fruit or crackers or something. They’re $4 at my Safeway which is a lot for a frozen entree, but way cheaper than buying lunch out and while I’m under no delusions that they’re as healthy for me as homemade food I do think they’re better for me than takeout and most of what is sold in the frozen dinner aisle. Thought other busy women with no time to make lunch might like to know about them!
rosie
I also like the Kashi frozen meals. I think the Mayan Harvest Bake is my favorite (plantains, quinoa, beans–vegan). I recently tried one of the vegetarian pasta “steamer” meals in a bag and that was surprisingly good as well.
Wildkitten
I love evol. http://evolfoods.com/
Lady Tetra
As a vegetarian singleton, I ate a ton of these in law school! Whole-heartedly recommend for quick and filling veg meals.
Navigating Firm Culture
I just realized that for my work-life balance plan to happen, I have to stop having lunch and coffee with people in my year, which we do nearly every day. It takes an hour off of my day and is a total waste of time for me.
I don’t mind having lunch, say, once a week, but every day gets really old. But I don’t want to be known as the person that always opts out, too – my group is a social bunch and they’ll think something is wrong (or worse, start to gossip about how I think I’m better than them because I always have to get work done). And worst, I don’t want that getting back to higher-ups as some reflection of my inability to be social. I want to be social. Just not, you know, this level of social.
Senior Attorney
I would be surprised if you were the only person who was starting to find this a little problematic. I can think of two options:
1. Cut back on the frequency. Start saying “no,” once a week, then twice a week, and so on. Pretty soon they’ll be used to you not being there every single day.
or
2. Face it head-on. Say “Dudes, I love you all but this is killing me. How about we make this lunch an every-Tuesday-rain-or-shine-no-matter-what thing, and agree it’s cool to work through lunch on the other days?”
Pip
One hour lunches with the same people every day? What is this, high school? ;)
I too think you’re not the only one in the group who is overwhelmed by this. I second Senior Attorneys suggestion #2 – ask the group to make it a once a week thing. Because one of the perks of being a grown-up in an office job is the freedom of doing whatever you want with your lunch hour. Run errands, go to the gym, eat lunch with whoever you want or eat at your desk. If it’s only once a week, it will also be more fun and special. I think SA’s script is good. Keep it casual.
Senior Attorney
Coming back to say at my workplace Tuesdays are “everybody goes to lunch together” days, and it does make it more fun and special, and people make a real effort to participate.
Navigating Firm Culture
So my question was… how do I tell my colleagues this?
Mountain Girl
Is Bobbi Brown No Smudge mascara the one that is highly recommended?
What do you use for a foundation? I’m very fair skinned – always the lightest color available in any range of foundation. I’m looking for something that tends to last a little longer than the tinted moisturizer I’m using now. Extra points if it is for combination skin for people over 40 and doesn’t make me forfeit my kids’ college tuition.
Anonymous
Yes to bb no smudge-it’s incredible
Armani foundation is the best. It’s won many awards and the counter people are very helpful finding the right shade.
Paging J Crew Suiting Q
Beware, their quality has gone WAAAAAY down. My stretch wool suiting skirt’s side seam split after, oh, 4 months of once-every-other-week wear. Not in a high-tension area (like hips or waist) either. Rather disappointing for a $148 skirt!
Mind you, I do love their older stuff — I have 3 older suits that have worn well. Re: your question the other day, I find the 120s drapes more nicely and holds up better.
Reiss Smithfield
+100000. I have a pinstripe suit from 2 years ago that I love. I bought another suit a year ago and I could immediately tell it’s not as great. I also have the Lady Day Coat from 2010 and it has a ribbon lining across the inside of the waist and an interior breast pocket. The Lady Day costs after 2010 or 2011 have none of those details.
It’s gotten to the point where I want to shop for vintage J.Crew on Ebay instead of getting their new stuff.
MJ
Cosign on the Lady Day coats being quite different–they used to have way more detailing.
JCrew is good about returns, so def take your split suit back and demand a refund or replacement.
I shop there less and less as the prices have crept and quality is down. It’s like what happened to BR and AT, except they regularly have 40% off sales, and JCrew rarely does….
Toffee
I’m starting at a new law firm on Monday. I knew it was more formal than average, but I hadn’t read the dress code until yesterday. I do believe it has been written about on ATL (creases required in pants, specific shoes called out as unacceptable, etc.) No biggie since I clerked a couple of years ago and my judge preferred formal attire. But should I wear a skirt suit Monday or would a pants suit be okay? I have a full day of training and lunch with other attorneys. I’m in Atlanta, if that matters. Also, would tights be okay or should I wear hose?
Anon
Not in ATL or in a super formal firm, but from what you’ve said I’d wear a skirt suit and hose. Unless your only skirt suit is not that formal or doesn’t fit as well as your other suits (especially if it’s a tad short or tight). When in doubt, err on the side of more formal, and first day at a very formal firm seems to call for a skirt and hose.
cbackson
Are you by any chance taking up residence in The Tweezers?
Pants suit will be fine.
Toffee
Haha, never heard it called that. But no, not that one. ;)
Anonymous
Small rant. Saved up to go to a fancy restaurant last night after having a rough few weeks at work, and what do you know. Screaming toddler for the entire hour or so we were there. Shrieking, running between tables, knocking dishes off the table, etc. The parents didn’t seem to even notice. Completely ruined what was supposed to be a special, relaxing evening. I wish it were socially acceptable for nice restaurants to have noise policies.
Silvercurls
Oh, my sympathies–and I’ve been on both sides of the issue. (Maybe the toddler’s parents were also desperate for a relaxing evening, not that that excuses their inattention?) Next time try asking the manager to be a go-between, or cut your losses early: ask to be moved, ask for your food to be packed up as takeout, ask for a full or partial refund and promise to come back (and brainstorm with the manager to identify a guaranteed QUIET time). No, it’s not fair that you should have to go to all this trouble just because two other people don’t have the brains to scoop up their disruptive little darling and GO HOME, but sometimes life is less about standing up for what’s right and more about doing whatever you can to avoid ulcers. Maybe somebody has started a blog listing fancy restaurants in your area that disarm, discourage, or dismiss screaming moppets and their grownups. Maybe there are nice restaurants that have figured out how to have quiet dining times without losing customers or inviting lawsuits.
I don’t recommend talking to the parents unless you feel fairly confident that they won’t get defensive, embarassed, belligerent and/or otherwise unpleasant. A shouting match between adults won’t help lower anybody’s stress levels.
Other options? Either find venues that are more clearly adults-only (Comedy clubs? Quiet bars? Spas?) or agitate for social change. Once upon a time nobody thought twice about smoking tobacco in a restaurant. Things can be changed.
Again, it’s not fair but what else can you do? M
Senior Attorney
I would thing that a “fancy restaurant” at dinnertime ought to be pretty clearly adults-only. Or at least “no screaming toddlers.”
But apparently I am out of touch…
NYNY
I was a waiter a million years ago, and I recall that having another patron complain about this sort of thing was the factor which empowered the restaurant staff to intervene. If no one said anything, we were told to leave it, but if there was a complaint, we could tell the parents that their child was disturbing other people and could they please keep him/her at the table, keep it down, etc. We would bring over some crayons and paper for the kid to have a distraction as long as s/he didn’t seem like a thrower. Not scolding you, but next time, say something to your waiter.
Ilene
Not sure if anyone is reading over the weekend, but I have a question. I am an attorney in New York and my boyfriend is an attorney in the US Army. He is returning for 8 months overseas in Europe, and as you can imagine, we are very much looking forward to reconnecting. The issue I am struggling with is whether I should ask for him to be tested for STDs as soon as he returns. We said we would be exclusive (and I have), but I am concerned that he has not been and do not want to find out later about something like this after we have been intimate. Is there a good way to tell him that I want him tested? Should I say we should both be tested? I am afraid if I go with the latter alternative that he will think I have also been with others and that could ruin everything. Any helpful advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
ExcelNinja
That’s a tough one. Why do you think he wasn’t faithful? I think that’s the root of the question – if you completely 100% trusted him, this wouldn’t even be an issue. Maybe when he comes back, you could sit down and have a heart-to-heart about what makes you feel this way.
Even if he doesn’t have an STI he still could have cheated. Sorry I’m not being very reassuring, but I honestly think the root issue here is that you feel like he might have cheated…which you need to discuss with him.
Reiss Smithfield
Yes, but cheating < cheating + STDs.
I think I understand why you are asking this – I don't know how long you and your bf have been together or what kind of relationship you have, but I can imagine a scenario where you would not want to leave the relationship if he had a fling overseas, and instead, want to wipe the slate clean and go forward.
You definitely do not want to get STDs because of said fling. I'm not sure how to bring it up, but perhaps you can say something like "I love you and missed you, and let's both be smart and adult about this and get tested so we can go forward"… but that might sound like you've also had other relations in the mean time.
If this is a long-term/serious relationship, I think you would have to tell him that there are trust issues for whatever reason, and you want to get tested, get counseling, and then figure it out.
Anonymous
Honestly if you are concerned he has not been faithful the issue really isn’t the test.
Senior Attorney
I agree, although certainly asking for the test is a way to open the topic. “Dear, I am concerned you have not been faithful and although I’ve thought about it and it’s not a necessarily a deal-breaker for me under all the circumstances, I am concerned about my health and I would like you to be tested for STD’s.” Revise as appropriate, of course.
cbackson
If you think your boyfriend violated your agreement to be faithful to one another, why is he still your boyfriend?
um
because different people are in different kinds of relationships? because sexual fidelity isn’t as important to some people as it is to others? because maybe they have an understanding, tacit or otherwise, that they are “monagamish” as dan savage puts it? because maybe the relationship is otherwise wonderful and good for her, and she’d rather not know about sexual infidelity because the relationship still makes her happy?
she didn’t ask anyone’s opinion about whether she should continue to be in the relationship. sometimes the judginess here gets to me.
mascot
But if they have a relationship where multiple partners are an option, then it shouldn’t be a big deal to just ask outright for testing. They had an agreement to be exclusive, which leads me to believe that theirs isn’t an open relationship, at least in one persons view.
Joanna Toews
Hasn’t anyone else on this thread BEEN in a long distance relationship? Le sigh.
People are people and they do dumb things. Eight months is a really long time to go without sex, particularly if you’re surrounded by opportunities. When you haven’t seen your partner in ages and you’re dying for some human contact, even when you’re in a committed relationship and have vowed exclusivity, drunken one night stands can happen. They just can.
And, frankly, cheating in that kind of situation is not the end of the world. Couples work through infidelities all the time. ALL the time. If they couldn’t, we’d see a lot more break-ups and divorces.
OP is realistic. OP wants to make sure she’s STD free so she and her SO can have an anst-free new start. OP has good priorities.
Joanna Toews
(I didn’t mean to snark at you directly, mascot. That should have been a general reply to the OP.)
cbackson
She hasn’t given any indication that they have an open relationship – in fact, she said they’d agreed to be exclusive. Given that the poly couples that I know tend to emphasize communication above all else, her fear that even asking him to be tested would blow up the relationship seems like a pretty clear indication that we’re not dealing with a “monogamish” situation.
wildkitten
You haven’t seen him in 8 months, so you’re understandably anxious. You could ask to use a condom (as back up birth control) until you’ve spent some time with him and can reevaluate if you’re still concerned about him cheating or if you were just overly anxious about him being gone for so long.
Shosh
Best to use a condom in any case. For all couples. And that includes married couples too (other than those trying to conceive.)
Condoms are the only way to prevent STD’s including HIV. Keep in mind that most women who are HIV-positive contract it from their husband or longterm “monogamous” partner.
Joanna Toews
+1
DC Association
Well, in the military they are checked yearly for this stuff and have an obligation to disclose. Now, who knows if his yearly test has happened yet and of course he could be dishonest and not tell you if he did get tested and it was positive.
However, I agree with others in that if you think he cheated that’s the issue here. You should just ask him if he held up his end of the bargain.
anon
I think it’s most of a problem if you think he probably cheated, and it’d “ruin everything” if he thought you had. Relationships can be open, but this sounds very one-sided to me. Maybe you can ask him to get tested, and then offer to take tests too if he objects, as a show of goodwill? Maybe you can offer to both do it right off, explaining that your goal is not to be asking awkward questions but to make sure everyone is OK? In any case, don’t let yourself be bamboozled into an unsafe sex situation, because your life is worth it..
MDDS
Has anyone here dealt with MDDS?
kat
How to deal with someone hired into a newly-created role senior to you?
I work at a small PE firm. Our finance department has been the CFO and me for a couple of years, but the firm is growing rapidly & we’re completely swamped. The CFO hired someone to come in who has a lot of great experience & sees this as a great thing. We definitely needed another pair of hands, but they start in two weeks and I haven’t been able to get any answers about what their role/my role will be – it sounds like my boss has a view that we just need more hands and will all work on the same things. I’m afraid that because they are far more experienced, they will end up with the higher-level thinking tasks that I handle now, & I will be left with databases. Aside from my specific situation — does anyone have any advice for how to deal with someone who won’t be managing me, but will be senior? I’m really incredibly stressed about this (& the 14-hour days are not leading to clear thinking) Any advice DEEPLY appreciated.
Silvercurls
Go to Ask A Manager (askamanager dot org) and rummage in the archives. Better yet, send her this question. Get as much rest and restorative activity as you can (despite the 14-hour days) and try to calm down…because it will help you respond effectively, not because there’s definitely nothing to worry about. Don’t panic based on my comment! You might have cause for concern or you might not. I’m good at being collegial, but I don’t always perceive all of the outlines if someone is plotting unfriendly office politics.
Perhaps it will help that the new person–despite his/her greater experience elsewhere–does not have as much experience as you and the CFO with your _present_ organization?
Obvious suggestion: repost during the week if you don’t get a lot of responses today.
Based on reading AAM pretty steadily recently I’d also advise you to be sure that your relationship with your manager is solid so that he/she can be a good reference if you decide–if things go south after the new person arrives–to look elsewhere. Even if you don’t want your manager’s reference on the next job right after this one, you might want it for future job searches.
Violet
Dear Corporettes
I will be arriving in NYC on Thursday evening from Sydney, spending a week in New York then driving to Florida, then back to NYC in the week prior to and around Easter. The biggest issue is if I need to bring my big padded coat. The other option is a mid thigh length lightly padded coat. I have a few meetings around town and have good boots. Advice please- we keep hearing about how cold it still is, but if I can avoid dragging the big coat on a 26hr plane trip etc it would be wonderful. Thanks!