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12/21 Update: Select colors of this belt are on sale in the NHYS!
I'm always a fan of interesting belts that can be used on top of sweaters and dresses — and Bergdorf Goodman has a ton from Isabel Marant that are nice.
I think one of my favorites is this pretty silver loop belt for $265. (Net-a-Porter also has it in black and tan for $135!) I think in silver it would make a nice statement piece. (OOOH, and Nordstrom has it in a kelly green as well as a burgundy. Fun!)
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Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
What are you all doing for foundation / makeup these days? I think my last foundation was bought when we re-did headshots at work, which means that it predates lockdown and it’s time to replace. And it’s time to replace: masks have ramped up my acne and I’ve got some hyperpigmentation from where old bumps are still healing and I’ve got some broken capillaries on my nose that I’d like to hide when I’m outside and unmasked (and for on-camera zooms, which are now a daily thing with a new grand-boss). I guess I use foundation as a concealer (where needed to hide redness vs all over).
But how to get a match in 2021 (and I don’t want to rebuy when I am currently using)? I’m used to going into a Sephora and chatting and having them do tests in good light. But with a mask though? How do I do this? Buy a bunch of cheap stuff at the drug store?
Diana Barry
IIRC you can search on Sephora for a foundation that matches the color of the one you currently have. I just (earlier this year) bought like 5 different shades of MUFE foundation and sent back the ones that didn’t work.
Anonnymouse
I was pretty makeup-free during the height of Covid, then needed foundation for engagement photos. Went for Bare Minerals mineral makeup, which I’d liked before, and as a person not super into makeup it is easy to apply and blend without getting heavy-looking. At Ulta you can get the “starter kit” which has a blending brush, primer, foundation in your color, and mineral veil (their setting powder). The Ulta staff can help you match your color. Maybe give that a try?
https://www.ulta.com/p/i-am-original-get-started-kit-4-piece-mineral-makeup-starter-set-pimprod2021721
Hazel
I actually just bought foundation at Sephora this week. I was able to speak to one of the employees about my concerns (more acne with mask, skin has changed, etc) and they matched my skintone by holding the samples up to the edge of my jaw / neck outside the mask (skin by the ears or neck is pretty good for foundation matching apparently). I’d recommend you go into Sephora or another favorite shop and give it a try!
Anon
I’m struggling with this because tretinoin gave me hella face fuzz, but my sensitive skin did NOT like dermaplaning. It gave me a bunch of those tiny red pinpricks, like a dusting of flat cherry angiomas. They seem permanent; it’s been 4+ months and they aren’t fading. So I guess I need to find makeup that looks okay over my furry face.
Annony
I did not realize this was a thing but my facialist offered to wax my face the last time I saw her.
Anonymous
I am pretty low-maintenance and I love the Iris&Romeo product Best Skin Days. It gives me beautiful coverage but goes on easily, like moisturizer. Highly recommended.
Anon
I would just take the mask off briefly while you’re in the Sephora assuming it’s allowed (it is in my blue state, assuming you’re vaxed). You’re not going to get COVID from a 5 minute maskless period, and assuming you’re vaxed, you have nothing to worry about. And yes, I’m sure there are 12 anecdotal stories that disagree with this, but those are anecdotes.
Anonymous
I wear a full face of make up but don’t use foundation. Rather I use a tinted SPF and alternate between Revision Skincare Intellisade sunscreen and Supergoop’s matte sunscreen and powder. I’m really trying to scale back as I’m either on zoom or in a mask at work so eyes and lips are what really matters. Now that I figured out the zoom lipstick feature, I just use lip balm IRL.
Anon
NARS Radiant tinted moisturizer rather than foundation over good skincare (for me, that’s a vitamin C serum, light eye cream, and Super Goop spf 45 daily moisturizer – in the winter sub a regular moisturizer for the super goop because the NARS also has SPF), a light reflecting under eye concealer, cream blush, and then a very light dusting of powder over my T zone only.
It’s a combo that lasts all day with no touching up and gets me through any level of a zoom call or in person meetings. The only time I’d be tempted to wear more would be for headshots or a black tie event.
Anonymous
This is going to sound like I am joking, but I am not. Honest question – does anyone wake up, on a regular basis, and feel refreshed? I wake up every morning feeling just exhausted. I have a small window from like 5pm-7 pm where I feel “awake”, but that is it. So, if you do feel refreshed when you wake up, what is your secret?
Admittedly, I’ve never been a great sleeper, but I generally get 7 hours of sleep. My two year old reliability sleeps from 7:30pm-7:00 am. Usually 5/7 nights a week I have had no alcohol or added sugar, and definitely not had any within an hour before bed, I wear an eye mask to sleep, use blue light blocking glasses when I do look at screens before bed, don’t have my phone charging in my room, use a white noise machine… so I have decent “sleep hygiene.” I also already see an endocrinologist, so my bloodwork is checked every few months and all the levels are good. My husband woke up with our toddler this past Sunday and left me sleep. I was asleep from 10 pm to 11 am the next day and still did not feel like I work up refreshed at all.
Anonymous
Yes nearly every day! Have you considered a sleep study?
Anon
Have you had a sleep study? You could have apnea, not be getting any REM, or some other issue.
Sloan Sabbith
+1 I don’t snore but I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and it absolutely changed my life. After starting to use the cpap I felt so much more rested.
Ribena
This is probably the worst answer but, yes, when I am averaging 8+ hours of sleep I do wake up feeling refreshed. 7 just isn’t enough for me. When I feel tired I have early nights (in bed by 9) rather than sleeping in. Sorry.
Anon
Same, 7 hours isn’t enough for me either. I do feel refreshed after 8 or 8.5 hours of good sleep.
Sunshine
Same here. If I sleep fewer than 8-9 hours, I don’t feel refreshed and then try to take a nap during the day (thank you, WFH!).
Anonymous
Same here . I need 8.5 hours of sleep and 9 is better. When I get enough sleep, consistently, I wake up feeling energetic and refreshed.
Cat
Same. I do best with 9. I usually sleep about 10-7.
Small Law Partner
Yeah you might not be sleeping enough. 7 isn’t enough for me. 8 works OK, 9+ is better. On weekdays, I sleep 10-6:30. On weekends, I sleep 10-7 or 8 (let myself wake up naturally unless I need to get up earlier).
anne-on
This. I have high sleep needs, I need at least 8, ideally 9 hours. When I was getting less sleep (small kid) I felt like a zombie, and would regularly take 2hour naps when kiddo napped on the weekend just to try to ‘make up’ the sleep deficit as much as I could. I also scrapped just about anything that interfered with sleep and made my morning routine as quick as possible so I could sleep in as late as I could (say 6:30 vs 6).
Anon
The older I get the more I realize my natural sweet spot on sleep is 9 hours. Everyone has a different need, and everyone seems to think they’re one of the ones who only need 6 I guess because it’s some sort of show of strength.
But I’m here to tell you, there are lots of people who need more than 8, and for me, it’s a matter of forcing myself to go to bed earlier which is actually the show of strength here because it takes real discipline.
Anon
Hydrate and make sure you have enough vitamins. It also might just take you a while to wake up.
anonshmanon
for me, coffee is a big factor. One cup a day, great, love the taste and helps me get going in the morning. If I go to two cups a day, and do it longer than 2-3 days in a row, my sleep suffers, also my tolerance levels shift, and I wake up with a caffeine withdrawal zombie-feeling.
Anon
Nope, I basically have never woken feeling refreshed in my whole life. I never wake naturally, either. One time when I was a young teen I went to visit some family friends in Europe and I went to sleep at some normal time like 10 pm and the next day when I still hadn’t woken up at 3 pm the host family called my parents all panicked and asked why I was still sleeping and what to do and my parents were like “oh yeah, you have to wake her! She never wakes up on her own, no matter how long she sleeps.” To be fair, jetlag was involved in that instance but I still don’t think there are many people who can sleep for 17 hours without waking up.
I’ve had bloodwork done, I take a multivitamin and have good vitamin levels, and I see an endocrinologist for thyroid issues so I know there’s nothing wrong with my thyroid hormones. No doctor has any explanation except I need a ton of sleep. My mom is the same way, although to a less extreme degree and my child is also the same way. She still sleeps 12-13 hours a night as a preschooler and on her first trip to Europe as a toddler she slept 22 hours straight, only waking up to drink milk once.
Anon
I am both fidgety and low-energy. I’ve always been this way. I’m a sluggish person who has trouble getting up in the morning, but I also can’t sit still and jiggle my leg all the time. My endo says some thyroid patients never find “normal” even with good lab values, so I’ve chalked it up to that.
Anon
Interesting. You just described me.
Anon
I do wonder if thyroid meds just aren’t the same as endogenous thyroid production. I know taking them at 7 in the morning is way late compared to endogenous thyroid (where levels start to ramp up I think closer to 4AM). I’ve considered taking mine earlier but am afraid I wouldn’t fall back asleep. Because I’m already on combination therapy to avoid T4-only “wired and tired” issues, so if it’s thyroid, I’m not sure what else I could try.
Anon
I’m the exact same – sleep hygiene, etc, even down to being a late afternoon person. I’m a night-waker though – often around 2 am, and the only thing I’ve found that helps is keeping the room super cool.
Cornellian
I am very bad at sleeping, but one thing I don’t see listed that helps me is getting cardio exercise, preferably outside. I’m not sure if it’s the exercise or the sun or the break in my routine, but it definitely helps.
Anonymous
Before the pandemic, I did, if I got about 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep on a routine schedule. In that sense I’m lucky since I’m single, no kids, and lived with another housemate who also worked corporate hours (mine were generally 8-5, hers was 9-6).
I do sleep better on days when I’ve exercised, whether that be a walk around the neighborhood, an HIIT session, a hard hike during the weekends, or even a restorative yoga session.
anon
Nope, I don’t feel refreshed, and it’s really frustrating.
Anonymous
Try a spoonful of peanut butter before bed and see if it makes a difference in how you wake up.
I just had a sleep study – haven’t had results yet. At my last doctor’s appointment 4 or 5 complaints all came back to possible poor sleep. I’m not that exhausted when I wake up but I had an eye twitch that would start right when I woke up.
HW
Interesting – any kind of peanut butter?
No Face
I feel awful and exhausted every time I wake up in the morning. Happy to report that my sleep study is on the horizon!
Go to a sleep doctor.
Carla
I wake up much more refreshed if I take a melatonin than if not. I think its anxiety.
Anon
I have just about every symptom of narcolepsy except “actually sleeping all that much.” I have no idea what’s wrong with me. I feel just as bad when I’ve slept a lot as when I haven’t, maybe worse. I was sure I would test positive for sleep apnea, but of course I slept abnormally smoothly the night of my sleep study!
Anon
Agree with the sleep study! I get 7 hours a night and most days wake up and feel rested. I am not a morning person and so don’t spring out of bed chipper and cheerful, but I don’t feel like “oh God I can’t do this, I really want to go back to bed” on any kind of regular basis. If I feel like that I either went to bed too late, or I’m having bad allergies and need to restart my antihistamines.
Anon
No…until I started taking an iron supplement. I have consistently tested low on iron (regardless of time of month) so my dr. and I settled on a supplement. Now the difference in energy levels is noticeable!
Anonymous
No, not on a regular basis. I don’t get to both sleep in my body’s sweet spot times for resting and keep my job, so I have to do substandard sleeping and resting.
I basically have to choose between being rested and having a job/life/friends/etc.
Anon
Recently, I heard at least two people in my circle announce that they are going to “retire,” when that person is a working mother in their low 40’s and is basically just taking time off of work because their family can live fine on their spouse’s income. One person was a co-worker who plans to travel around the world for a few months and then see what she feels like doing after she returns. Another person just doesn’t need to work and is going to be a stay at home mom. I was curious about their use of the word “retire,” in part because (1) it’s as if they don’t want to say that they are going to be a SAHM, maybe it sounds non-ambitious, and (2) I don’t think companies necessarily want to hire people who have retired young because it’s an indication that they don’t need the money and may not have staying power. I’m wondering what others on the board think. I know it sounds like I’m jealous but I’m really not – I could have “retired” about 15 years ago when DH started earning 3 times my salary but I would never have thought to tell people that I’m “retired” in my 30’s (or 40’s or even 50’s).
Anonymous
It’s not retirement. It sounds like FIRE terminology, in which “retire” really means “step back and live off of investments or other income sources and maybe still work some.”
No Face
Why isn’t that retirement?
anon
+1, FIRE is still retirement – it’s literally Financial Independence, Retire Early.
Anon
I think living off investments is retirement but you’re not retired if you just downshift to a lower paying, less stressful career. I did that at 31 and I feel like it would be insane to say I’m retired. I work full time.
Anonymous
I think it depends on what they mean. “Permanently step out of the workforce with no plans to return” means retire. I plan to retire as soon as my youngest is out of college (I will be ~54-55).
Companies don’t hire people that retire young because those that are truly retired do not re-enter the workforce.
Your coworker who plans to travel the world is doing what I’ve seen called “a sabbatical.” I see this a lot now on LinkedIn. “Sold my company, taking a 2 year sabbatical.”
Anon
Permanently stepping out of the workforce isn’t always retirement though. If you leave because your spouse’s income is providing for the family, I don’t think that’s retirement. I also plan to quit when my youngest is out of college (I’ll be 55), or possibly when she enters college depending on how the financial aid stuff shakes out (at certain schools we might be eligible for significant aid if we just have one income). But I won’t tell people I’m retired.
Anonymous
Lol nah colleges see this sort of nonsense a mile away.
Senior Attorney
My thoughts are that this is a risky endeavor and I hope these women have ironclad arrangements with their spouses to make up for the lost income, both now and in retirement, that will result form these decisions.
And yes, “retired” in this context is a bit precious.
anon
Wholeheartedly agree. That term makes me roll my eyes when it’s pretty clear the person is nowhere near the typical retirement age. I suppose they could be FIRE junkies, but even on that plan, 40s would be very young. I’ll admittedly don’t get it. I’m 41 and have a decent nest egg, but if my genetics indicate anything, I’m going to live well into my 80s and possibly early 90s. That’s a long time to be without an income.
Anon
I hope their spouses are also protected in those ironclad agreements. Being the sole breadwinner from age 45 to 65 is no picnic, and cranking it out at a high level so that you can support the family, put the kids through school, and have enough for a very comfortable (actual) retirement is harder to do at 60 than at 40.
Anon
This is a pet peeve of mine. You’re not retired, you just quit because your husband’s a high earner. Which is fine! But not “retirement.”
anon
But I think that’s exactly it. I think what these people mean when they say they are “retiring” is that they are saying that THEIR savings and investments are enough to live on, whatever happens to their spouse. Which, is a totally different feeling of empowerment compared to feeling dependent on a spouse’s income. I have one friend considering this, and she’s always earned more than her husband, saved 1/3-1/2 her income, lived much more frugally than her peers, and now has 20 years of 1/2 her salary saved up, and is able to support her family from that, whatever her husband does.
No Face
I’m not retired yet, but probably will be in my 40s. Currently in my 30s.
The timeline is not affected by my husband’s income – I could retire in the same time frame because on my earning history, savings rate, and investing history.
I actually could retire at this point, but with kids this little I would functionally be a true SAHM – lots of unpaid labor. If I retire when my kids are both in school, I will have that time to myself and traveling solo will be easier.
I will still dabble in the law while retired. I also have no problem with being a sahm.
No Face
Also will add that I will not call myself retired because of the rest of the comments you will likely get!
Anonymous
That’s no retired don’t be silly.
No Face
Can you explain your thoughts? My husband and I can stop working right now, financially speaking. Why isn’t that retiring?
Anon
I don’t understand this comment. Merriam Webster defines “retire” as “to withdraw from one’s position or occupation : conclude one’s working or professional career.”
It sounds like that’s what No Face (and one original person this is about) is doing. People can be judgey about whether the retired person’s spouse continues to work, but they are literally retiring if they’re permanently ceasing their work. It might be different from the norm, but it’s still retirement.
Anon
So you think a 23 year old who has her first baby after less than a year in the workforce and never goes back is “retired”? That’s not how most people use the term, at least in the US. I agree it’s not totally clear cut and what No Face is describing sounds like what I would call early retirement. But not everyone who has permanently left the paying workforce is retired.
Anon
I get it though. A lot of moms don’t make it working when their kids are still in diapers. My older kid is barely a teen and after the pandemic, I would retire if I could. Maybe it’s like working in dog years, where it was easy to work as a single no-kids person but I’ve been working two FT jobs for 13 years counting the home front job ($ job is BigLaw) and then the pandemic hit with no school for 1.5 years. So yes. Maybe not if I had had a McJob and one or no kids or I hadn’t been in the trenches for so long. Some very stressful jobs you can retire from sooner. Maybe that is what they mean? My friends who had those jobs retire and often go back to school or onto a second career (like military medic to RN to CRNA) but they are just in their 40s or early 50s.
InHouse Anon
A partner I worked for early in my career did this — retired mid/late-40s. She’d been in biglaw 20+ years, equity partner for at least 10 of those years, delayed having children until her 40s and I think she was just done and ready to enjoy the life she’d spent two decades building. It’s been more than 10 years since she retired and as far as I can tell she’s not working at all. (I occasionally check linked in to see if she’s working somewhere because I didn’t believe someone that hard-charging could just let it all go, but it appears that’s the case…I think she’s on a nonprofit board, but that’s it.) I was sad to see her go, as she was one of the few female equity partners in my practice group and liked working with her, but on the other hand, totally got it. And now that I have kids, I get it even more.
Anon
You put into words something I had been feeling, but couldn’t verbalize. I feel like I have been working two full-time jobs for 15+ years as a working mom. I’m tired. I feel like I am ready to “retire” even though I’m only in my mid-40s. Now that my son is a teenager (and we only have one child) that front has gotten easier, but my ambition to get ahead at work has got up and went and I am not sure how I’m going to keep doing my corporate job for another 15 years. The good news is that we live below our means, and could get by on much less money than we’re currently making, so maybe there will be an opportunity for me to step into a lower-paying, less-demanding job at some point, or possibly have my own consulting business. That’s predicated on the idea my husband would be able to keep working a FT job, though, which is never assured. I partially like the idea of stepping back but another part of me knows I would be anxious about not having two full-time incomes, especially as we get older and face age discrimination.
Anon
I’ll be the odd one out: why can’t they say they’re retiring if they are leaving their job and ceasing to work? Is it that different just because they’re not 65? If I could retire now I would. :)
Anon
To me, retirement means you have enough money to live off for the rest of your life. If you’re leaving your job but the finances only work out because your spouse is still working, it’s not retirement, it’s stay at home parenthood (or stay at home spouse if you don’t have kids). It’s not about age, but very few people who don’t have significant family money can actually retire before 50.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Heh, most people who Retire don’t have enough money to live off of for the rest of their lives. . .
Anonymous
So how about this: when FIL was 48, he took an “early retirement” package from his F10 employer. He was paid a pension (still is, 35 years later). MIL was still working and kept working until 2010, when she was early 60s.
Did FIL not retire? He told everyone he retired. He literally took an “early retirement” package and never worked again. He lived of investments, his pension, and of course the massive salary MIL brought in. For a few years he drove carpool but largely he puttered about.
It doesn’t quite fit the mold but at the same time…if he were a woman I think everyone here is saying he’d be a SAHM.
Anon
But you are retired – it’s just that your spouse isn’t. Also if you’re a stay at home spouse does that mean you can never retire from that unpaid career?
Anon
I’ll bite: maybe because retiring today is somewhat synchronous/synonymous with claiming SS retirement benefits, and people in their 30s or 40s aren’t even close. There’s no reason retirement has to be defined that way, but that’s how it’s usually perceived (even if the person doesn’t need the benefits).
Monday
I agree it’s an awkward term to use, but it also does accurately describe a decision to permanently leave the work force regardless of age. I guess they could just say “I’ve stopped working”? Then if people say “oh, for a few years because of the kids?” they could reply “nope, it’s for good.”
Sometimes I think that certain degrees of wealth just sound awkward in conversation no matter how they are phrased. Unless everyone else in the conversation has exactly the same wealth.
Small Law Partner
Yeah, I’ll retire in my late 40s (and my husband will retire at the same time) because I won’t need any more money for the rest of my life. I’m a FIRE junkie, using another poster’s terminology.
If people want to tell me I am not retired because I can’t claim SS, that seems dumb but I doubt I’ll care because I’ll not be working and instead spending my days how I want to. :D
Anon
Seems like a really weird thing to get ones undies in a bundle about.
Sybil
I might be one of your friends. I quit my job last month (staying home with small children) and joked about whether I had resigned or retired, since I have no idea if I’ll go back to work. We live fine off my husband’s income but even if that were to change, finances are not a concern. So I’ll go back to work if I want to, but if I don’t I won’t.
Senior Attorney
Pin a medal on me! I Did The Thing: In this case, updating the auto-pay for my dad’s care, as well as paying off the small past-due balance that resulted from not having done it last month.
In other news, Oscar the semi-feral kitty let me give him full-body scratchies for the first time this morning, and was purring VERY LOUDLY!! As my son said when I texted him with the news, the kitty Rubicon has been crossed!
anonshmanon
wooo!
Anon
Ooh I love both of these accomplishments! Here’s your medal!! ?
Ses
Oscar is officially a housecat!
& Well done you, for doing The Thing
Monday
I don’t think I’m the only one here who enjoys reading about people’s marriages on the internet, so here’s a recommendation at The Cut: ‘My Husband Won’t Pay for Child Care!’ (Not linking to avoid m0d) It’s even worse than the title makes it sound IMO.
I totally disagree with the advice and don’t understand the “confusion” or “benefit of the doubt” described in the answer. I usually like this columnist, but wut???
Anon
Wow, that husband is shady af. Agree that the advice is off the mark!
Senior Attorney
Good grief. I’m all for presuming good intentions but in this case I feel like the presumption was rebutted long ago.
Anon
I mean, you take the childcare money out of the joint account and let him say “no” all he wants. Then you ask where his money is going.
Monday
It looked to me like he isn’t contributing equally to the joint account, and/or there isn’t enough in that account for the childcare bill. And he won’t tell her where his money is! (Commenters have some thoughts though)
Small Law Partner
The whole focus on joint accounts as some sort of panacea to marital financial woes is annoying too. My husband and I have separate accounts* and have had zero disagreements about money in our marriage ever. *To be fair, they are joint in that we are both named on all of them and can access them, but that is more of a formality – we were mid-30s when we got married, and just kept all the same accounts adding each other to all of them. I’ve never touched his accounts, and I don’t think he has touched mine either. I don’t care how he is spending/investing money because he is financially responsible, and vice versa.
Also I am not siding with the husband, but I’d want to know if he is doing this for some sort of business/tax reason and if they have even talked about that. He should obviously explain that if so instead of being all weird about it.
anonshmanon
This. Joint or separate accounts aren’t going to change a spouse who is controlling about money and simply isn’t on your team in the important matters in life.
Anon
I can’t imagine having separate accounts with my husband, but I think every couple has to find their own path. For me, the idea of my husband keeping a private account sounds crazy and I’d never think of doing so for myself (aside from a small emergency fund and a trust fund that I brought into the marriage which is protected by a prenuptial). Part of that is how lousy I am at managing money but it’s also just not how our marriage works. I do think shared accounts demonstrate commitment and trust, and they can be a useful tool for some folks. For me, having another pair of eyes on my spending is very beneficial. This particular guy just sounds selfish and seems to be low key pushing his partner to assume the finances of a single mother because he can’t be bothered. Either that or his business is failing and he’s ashamed.
Aunt Jamesina
Yeah this dude is hiding something. Shady AF.
Ellen
Yes, if your husband or boyfriend impregnates you, he should be responsible for the TIMELY payment of child support. That is the price of his insisting on having s-x without proper protection for his sperm. There is nothing to give him the benefit of the doubt for. Nothing. Winkie + Unprotected S-x= Baby=child support.
Anon
How long would you expect it to take to hear back after a final interview? I’ve had three interviews with a large company, including one with the hiring manager and a final interview with a panel of people. Tomorrow will make two weeks since the last interview with the panel. I really want the job, so I’m hoping I still have a chance of getting an offer, but the fact that it’s been two weeks is not giving me much confidence. I did think all interviews went well, and I would at least hope to hear back even if it is a no. Of course, I’m just obsessing over it. Do I still have a chance, or is it likely a no at this point?
Anon
It can definitely take a few weeks for them to decide, particularly if the industry or company is notorious for being slow-moving. Another possibility is that they’re negotiating with one candidate, which of course decreases the odds you’ll get it but doesn’t rule it out completely. Good luck!
Anon
You definitely still have a chance, hiring timelines always take forever. Two weeks is a reasonable enough time for you to reach out and ask for an update, imo.
Anonymous
How many other people made it to your round? Typically, when I know a process is going to take a while, I (as the hiring manager) send a very positive but noncommittal email. “Such a great conversation, looking forward to talking to you soon!” If things are really held up, I may reach out and let them know “Just a heads up that HR is really bogged down right now but we hope to be in touch soon. in the mean time please don’t hesitate to reach out with questions.” If I know the candidate, I’ll back-channel text them “HR is working on an offer. stand by.”
Anon
I don’t know how many others, but I really wish now that I had asked! I definitely don’t know anyone there personally, so no back channel texts unfortunately! I just haven’t really interviewed anywhere in like seven years, and so I don’t have any idea how long this takes.
Anon
Hey there! I recently had 3 interviews at a large company as well. It was almost 3 weeks after the final interview when I got the job offer! Don’t lose hope :)
Now that I have started, I see that there are lots of cogs in the machinery of large companies and lots of points where things get delayed.
Anon
Thanks! This makes me feel a little better. I guess it just seemed like the rest of the scheduling went relatively fast, so the sudden crickets was making me really nervous!
Anon at 4:48
The same thing happened here. It took a moderate amount of time to schedule the first interview, then the second and third were very fast. My fingers are crossed for you!
anonshmanon
Maybe the magical person who moved everything along so far went on their summer vacation/is otherwise unavailable. That’s all it takes to create a delay. Two weeks is nothing! (To you who wants the job, it is, of course, not nothing)
Georgie
Agree. I work for a large company and have noticed that response times on routine matters that are technically non-urgent take a little longer these days. I chalk it up to the new post-pandemic work/life balance shift for many. Also, HR is generally usually slow anyway.
Maybe the hiring manager made her decision and is just awaiting a final perfunctory ok from the big boss. Or, the HR person is taking a moment to put a package together. Or, business needs/regular operations take precedence. Etc. etc. etc. If they have been enthusiastic about you, I think it’s fine to ping the hiring manager for an update. But I doubt they can say much, even if you are the top candidate.
Anon
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you but after the third week (or fourth if near a holiday) you can assume it’s a no. It’s always possible that something miraculous will happen, but if you’re anything like me then the waiting is eating you up inside and you’re endlessly replaying those interviews in your head. Letting go will be healthier.
Betsy
I’m looking for a new job and working with a recruiter. So far I’m finding the quality of jobs he sends to be sort of mediocre. He sent me one today that pays well but has expensive insurance that doesn’t kick in for 90 days. To me, that long of a waiting period feels unreasonable – I’ve never had a job where it took more than a month to be eligible. I feel like that’s an indication that the employer doesn’t treat its employees well, but am I being unreasonable here?
Anon
I think you’re reading too much into it.
Anonymous
Do you want a job or not. If you’re going to reject things without even interviewing it’s going to be much harder.
anon
??? 90 days without insurance is a REALLY long time for someone with a chronic illness or family who needs medical care.
Digby
I’ve seen this kind of waiting period for salaried employees at companies that have unionized hourly workforces with the same waiting period – the employers want to give the appearance of treating hourly and salaried “the same.”
If that scenario applies here, it’s not necessarily a bad sign – it’s entirely possible the employer knows that’s a long wait for salaried, and may be willing to reimburse you for your COBRA premiums for that period.
Anonymous
Or even just waives it
Anon
90 days would be too long for me! Sounds unreasonable. What if you have an emergency? There are better things out there.
Topanga
I had a job once where insurance didn’t kick in for 90 days, but they would pay your COBRA so you could stay on your old insurance in the meantime. You can ask for that.
Anon
My husband and I went to lunch at a San Francisco restaurant today that required proof of vaccination in order to eat inside, and if I were Bugs Bunny you’d have seen the hearts popping out of my eyes.
What an enjoyable experience it was to eat inside and not worry about the other patrons or wait staff being too close/breathing on us etc.
No Face
The theatres and symphony in my region have all announced vaccination and masking requirements. I am so excited to watch plays inside!
Serafina
I’m pretty sure all San Francisco restaurants require proof of vaccination to eat inside these days!
And yes, I do also appreciate it.
A
Welcome to the province of Ontario
We have to show proof of vaccines for indoor dining, sports venues, theatres, travel, basically anything but grocery stores and pharmacies
I am not sure of hair and nail salons, this is fairly recent and I’m double vaxxed so not into the fine details yet
Anon
Welcome to SF. That’s the rule here – vaccine proof to dine out or go out. We get a lot of cr*p but this is just one of a zillion reasons I’ll never move from here.
Anon
I’m not knocking indoor vaccination requirements – I think they’re great and wish more places had them. But with Delta I wouldn’t be comfortable dining indoors since you can’t wear a mask while you eat. I know so many vaccinated people who’ve gotten breakthroughs. We only see vaccinated friends outdoors and will continue to limit ourselves to that until our kids are vaccinated. It sucks but I just don’t see vaccination as a silver bullet anymore especially if you have a high risk person or young kid in your house you could potentially spread it to.
Anon
We’re all getting Covid at some point. Once the kids are vaccinated, I’m going back to indoor dining.
Anon
I’m not sure that’s true but even if it is I want my kids to be vaccinated before they get it.