Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 167 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Collection Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Limited Collection SheathI'm intrigued by the new “Collection,” er, collection, at The Limited. They have a ton of suiting options, including this simple sheath dress — and they all look pretty great (and they're all machine washable, I think). Love the high neckline, and the nipped in waist. It's available in sizes 00-16 in regular, petite, and talls, in navy, gray, and black, for $98. Limited Collection Sheath Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Red Beagle

    I like the dress, though I don’t see it working as well on a chesty figure as the waistline hits a bit high for that. Also, a split neckline sometimes has a tendency to not lie flat for me, though this one looks like it is cut so that it might. I really did like the wide-waistband pencil skirts from the Collection and think that could work for me in the dark grey.

    • Red Beagle

      Oops. The Collection pencil skirt only seems to come in navy, which is fine. I have a size 4 in my bag – anyone know if the Limited runs TTS, small, large…?

      • Clementine

        I wear the same size in skirts and pants in Banana, JCrew and The Limited, I believe. I find they run slightly big with tops, and that S/M/L sizing tends to be a touch generous.

        For reference, I’m 5’8, 34DD, 26 waist, 38 hip and quite muscular in the legs. I wear a 6 in dresses, skirts and jackets and an 8 in pants (primarily so they’ll fit my bulging quads). Shirts I usually wear a Small.

    • Toffee

      I agree. The Limited in general doesn’t seem made for curvy short people.

      • Wanderlust

        I’m a curvy, short person and I just ordered this dress and a suit. Will report back on how it fits in 7-9 business days!

        • Red Beagle

          Thanks – I also noticed a great 1-button blazer from the Collection in the sale bin at a deep discount + a 40 percent coupon code! Brings it down to less than 40 dollars but only in size 10, I think. It also comes in camel but the camel isn’t as discounted.

        • Toffee

          Please do. I haven’t tried anything there in a couple of years, so maybe this collection is better.

        • Gabby

          As another short, curvy person, I realllllllly want to know how this dress fits because it’s great and machine washable makes my heart sing a joyful song.

      • roses

        Really? It’s my mom’s favorite brand, and she’s definitely a short curvy person. I don’t think I’ve seen her in a dress from Limited, but the pants and tops work super well for her. I’ve also found that the tops don’t work well for me because they seem to have too much room in the bust (I’m a B-cup).

        • in house hopeful

          I’ve heard that but when I tried on a few styles, they were incredibly unflattering.

          • YouSaucyMinx

            Same here. I’m 5’4 and curvy, and The Limited’s styles just make me look dumpy for some reason. My tall, gazelle-like friends look amazing. I have much better luck at Talbots (which I always thought of as an older woman store, but they have great classic dresses and blazers) and White House Black Market.

      • HSAL

        Short and curvy here, and at least 50% of my work clothing is from The Limited. I love them.

    • OklaAttorney

      My husband and I are driving through several cities next week. Anyone have recommendations for St. Louis, Chicago, Cleveland, and Pittsburgh? We will be in each city for one night except Chicago, where we are staying for an extra day. I’d appreciate any recommendations for places to eat and things to do in each place. Thanks for the help!

      • Burgher

        I’d rent bikes/walk along the river trail, check out point park and the block house/museum there. Then take the incline up mount washington and get a swanky cocktail at the Le Mont which is a art deco-ish bar/restaurant with amazing views. If you’re here on a weeknight I’d try to hit meat and potatoes for dinner before heading to a pirates game if they’re in town. It’s a great ballpark.

        The warhol museum also just reopened which is supposed to be well done and it has a good rooftop bar too.

        Finally, if you have the opportunity to check out falling water, do. It lives up to the hype and is about an hour east of PGH.

      • Philanthropy Girl

        I never go to Chicago without making it to Giordano’s pizza – classical Chicago deep-dish. I believe they have more than one location. I love visiting the Art Institute and enjoying a walk through Millennium Park – pretty standard tourist stuff, but definitely worth it in my book. Navy Pier is also worth a visit.

      • Platinomad

        I spent some time in STL and some favorites include:

        Places:
        Cardinals game if you can/like that sort of thing. Beautiful stadium
        Forrest Park for a walk, absolutely beautiful
        City Museum: If you like to crawl around, jump, climb, embrace your inner child
        Botanical Gardens: Especially if you are there on a Wednesday in the Summer for music in the gardens (For Free!)

        Eating:
        All the Niche restaurants (Brassiere is French and my favorite and in an adorable area to walk around in, Niche is regularly considered the best restaurant in STL, and Pastaeria is awesome)
        Pappys for Barbecue
        Wine Kitchen is a a favorite for nice new american type stuff

    • petitpois

      I actually tried this dress on today after seeing it here and it was way too big in the bust and shoulders for me. This is pretty common for me (i’m small in the shoulders and bust) but the dress was especially big in this case. Like, baggy. So I actually think it would work pretty well for women with larger bust/slimmer waists.

  2. Niktaw

    AND the dress is fully lined! Great find! If I needed a sleeveless dress, I’d buy.

  3. Anon

    so saddened and distracted by the #Ferguson situation (and disappointed in the mainstream news outlets).

    Don’t want to start a debate here – just looking for suggestions on how to help get my focus back to deal with a few deadlines today.

    • Anonymous

      Me too, fwiw. Just put it out of your mind and dive into the work. Easier said than done, I know.

    • St Louisan

      Feeling the same way. I’ve been on twitter and reddit overload. I’ve decided to stick to music and fun sites/podcasts today.

    • Anon2

      Me too. Plus all the other really horrible things happening around the world these days. I am seriously limiting news reading/watching because it’s too upsetting.

      • OP Anon

        I think because it’s ‘here’ that it feels more distracting/distressing – didn’t expect to wake up to news crews getting tear gassed and mainstream reporters assaulted/arrested – just seems surreal. Somehow it didn’t affect me as much when it was ‘over there’ (Gaza/Ukraine) – maybe felt like ‘home’ was an oasis?

        • Anonymous

          I think we’re more invested in what happens at home than elsewhere. We have a much bigger stake in it.

    • TXLawyer

      Me too. :/ I listen to comedy podcasts. Just light-hearted enough to distract, but don’t require enough of my attention to make it hard to work.

    • hoola hoopa

      Me, too. I gave myself 15 min to think and cry over it and then pushed it out of my head and put on music.

  4. LawyrChk

    Gorgeous dress. This may cause me to break my self-imposed shopping ban to go try it on.

  5. Wanderlust

    You know, it blows my mind that there’s no Limited in NYC. The closest one is in NJ.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Yea, that was always annoying. That, and no Nordstrom (though the Nordstrom Rack opening was nice). I used to go to DC fairly regularly and always made a point to go to both of those while I was there. I have to say, since I have moved, I have realized how much I missed (good) malls living in NYC. Sure, they’re the height of suburbia and chain stores, but I like having all my stores in one place.

    • kath

      There is a new Limited in Nanuet (Rockland County) — there are some nice shops up there! Also neat places to check out in Nyack and Tarrytown :)

      • AIMS

        There’s also one in Huntington at the Walt Whitman Mall (the only mall I don’t find irritating for some reason).

        As for Nordstrom – rumor has it one will be opening in a year or two on W 57th.

    • McGiggles

      Newport mall in jersey city – only a quick PATH ride away and also a reduced sales tax city.

      • Anonymous

        Nah. Pretty sure if New York people venture to Jersey City they just spontaneously die. Not like it’s closer to Manhattan than most of Brooklyn or anything.

      • McGiggles

        Haha Anonymous thank you for saying what the NY people were probably thinking ;). Contrarian that is correct but it’s a nice discount if you are buying something taxable like jewlery or something. Also cheaper movie tickets in the theater attached to the mall.

      • Former NYer

        Where is New Jersey? I never even heard of it. Is that west of Manhattan?

  6. in house hopeful

    How soon is too soon to apply for jobs after starting a new job? Several companies are now hiring in house. The drive would be 10 minutes versus my current 1 hour or more drive. And i can’t take literally never seeing my 1 year old (i get home after 7 every night.) But I only just joined my current firm in March. I was at my previous firm 1.5 years. I’m in IP and Verizon is hiring, so I think it’s a good fit. But I don’t want to be black balled forever for switching too often. Had this been available in March, I wouldn’t have done this stint at my current firm.

    • preg anon

      I don’t think it’s ever too soon, honestly. Maybe they’ll give your resume the side eye, but then you just don’t get the job, which you wouldn’t anyway if you didn’t apply. If you then leave the new job quickly, it might be a weird thing on your resume, but I don’t think leaving one job quickly is a big deal, particularly to go in house.

    • Anon

      Apply. I’d wonder what was going on if you were applying to a third firm in a short time but not in-house. You have to go for those opportunities when they come up. Also, hiring can take a while so you might end up being at your firm closer to a year anyway.

      • TXLawyer

        This. I don’t think it will affect the in-house interview that you’ve been at 2 firms in 2 years, and if you ever decided to go back to a firm after your in-house stint, I don’t think any firm would need you to explain it.

        • ac

          Agree. Though I would prepare good explanations as to why you moved from firm 1 to firm 2, and why you’re interested in this position (all of which you probably should do anway).

    • ITDS

      I think people would totally understand that you were tempted into applying for a job by a 10 minute commute.

    • AnonLawMom

      Never pass up an opportunity for an in-house job if that’s what you want. They are few and far between and often the process takes quite some time. That being said, the length of your current employment may make you less competitive for the position.

  7. Diana Barry

    I am wearing the Audrey Ponte dress from Boden today and I feel like a low-budget Claire Underwood. It is a nice structured fabric and even warm enough for my office for now!

    http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Dresses/WQ082/Womens-Audrey-Ponte-Dress.html

    Note – the waist seam DOES hit high (it hits on me like it does on the models), and I think it is supposed to because the dress comes in ever so slightly under the waist seam before flaring out for the hip.
    Note 2 – I am wearing a tall and the dress hits a skosh lower on me than on the model, more like at low knee rather than at mid knee.

    • preg anon

      That is so dang cute! I would buy it if I weren’t expecting again. Speaking of which, Boden’s maternity collection right now is pitiful!

    • TXLawyer

      Love this. High, wide neckline, structured, little sleeve. Claire would definitely approve.

      • Diana Barry

        Hmm. I don’t have any sheath dresses from those people, but I think the fit and size is very roughly comparable to J Crew. I have larger bust/rib cage than hips, so the top of it is v form fitting, but it skims more over the hips. Also my figure is fairly straight except for bust – people who are more hourglassy would have to get the waist tailored in.

    • Contrarian

      I tried this and returned it.

      If you look at the picture, it makes the model look like she has a little bit of a tummy. Again: She’s a model. And it makes her look like she has a tummy (which I’m sure is flat, if not concave, IRL).

      I am not a model. I actually have a tummy. With the high waist, it make me look like I was in my second trimester. Not very Claire Underwood on me.

    • Burgher

      I have this and LOVE it. It’s the perfect dress for when you have both a big meeting (blazer works well over it despite the slightly stand-up collar) and a 14 hour workday.

    • SoCal Gal

      I also bought the Audrey dress — in the bright blue. Wore it to work today and got tons of compliments. I have a long torso but it works just fine. For reference, I wear a size 4 in J Crew dresses but got this dress from Boden in a 6R. It is very, very comfortable to wear. A little body con but I wore Jockey skimmies underneath so it’s a smoother look.

  8. I'm Just Me

    Please tell me again what I can wear for a jacket or cardigan with a peplum dress. I ordered this dress

    http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/american-living-cap-sleeve-peplum-dress?ID=1570295&PartnerID=LINKSHARE&cm_mmc=LINKSHARE-_-4-_-34-_-MP434&LinkshareID=J84DHJLQkR4-aPs.Rz9s3RskX2sHhf2jeQ

    after seeing in on Cap Hill Style. However, since it is 5 below in my office today, I know I will need to wear something over it for it to be bearable. Our conference room is currently 90 degrees, FTR.

    • Wanderlust

      I don’t know the answer, but I just wanted to say that is a lovely dress!

    • Orangerie

      I would say definitely no cardigan (wouldn’t be structured enough to look right with this dress), and tread lightly with a jacket or a blazer. The wrong length, even by an inch, could look funny with the peplum.

    • tesyaa

      I’d wear a scarf or a long necklace instead of a belt. If I belted a dress like this I’d be afraid it would slip above or below the waist seam and look silly. It might work for someone else, but use a wide belt.

    • KLR

      I share your belt-fraud complex. I’d style it with wedge sandals and a printed scarf.

  10. Monday

    Another nonfiction book review for anyone interested: “Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion” by Elizabeth Cline.

    This is a journalistic-style book about how the garment industry has changed over the past generation or so, from smaller-scale production of better quality, more expensive items to huge economies of scale, overseas manufacturing, quick turnaround times, and lower quality and prices. People spend far less on clothing than they used to, as a proportion of income, but it’s on a higher number of items that fall apart more quickly. This much is probably not news to most of us.

    She argues that we may need a “slow clothes” movement to bring things back into perspective; the way we’ve been awakened to the dangers of fast food and fake food, we need to realize the problems we cause for ourselves and in geo-politics by supporting fast fashion. She covers sweat shops thoroughly, but is also talking about loss of creativity and originality, declining craftsmanship, lack of real competition in fashion, and loss of appreciation for smaller-scale operations–all due to our expectations of extremely low clothing prices. She has a list of recommended clothing sources on her webs!te, but also wants to bring back the art of alterations and even clothing construction as part of home life. These used to be skills that basically all women had.

    The obvious issue of cost is not ignored. She just argues that you can spend money more effectively on clothing, and it doesn’t necessarily need to be a greater amount in total. I know this is a tough prospect for some of us, and she could have explained further how this is really supposed to work at the level of whole populations. One thing she didn’t deal with it all, but I think she should have, is the plus-size market. A growing number of customers have extremely limited options about where to shop at all, even without regard to price.

    Overall I recommend the book. It’s a fast read and felt totally relevant to me as a probably very typical clothing consumer of my generation.

    • preg anon

      That book has been sitting in my Amazon cart for months! I’m so glad to hear a review. I think I could really benefit from that kind of book, even though I already know a lot of the principles.

    • Moonstone

      I read it and it really made me think hard about my clothing choices. I think it’s an important topic for women.

    • Anonymous

      Honestly, I have no problem paying a little more for clothing that is more timeless and produced in the US. I think my biggest complaint is that those clothes STILL fall apart. So I pay more for J Brand denim, only to have the fall apart as quickly as a pair of jeans from Gap.

      To get away from fast fashion, I need my clothes to hold up for more than a year or two.

      • Monday

        Yes, I have heard her say this in interviews as well, though not in the book: many people buy fast fashion because when we go up a bit in price, we still get the same terrible quality. This is an example of how lowered standards affect the whole industry–because “better” brands are competing with, say, H&M, they have pressure to cut corners too. Consumers are often left feeling like they don’t have meaningful options.

    • Sarabeth

      Related question: Does anyone else specifically try to buy only ethically produced clothing? If so, what brands work for you, especially for professional clothes? I’m a college professor, so I can get away with wearing a lot of Patagonia/Ibex/Eileen Fisher, but sometimes I do want to dress more formally.

      My best finds are AG jeans (made in the US!) and Nisolo shoes, which are produced as a fair trade project in Peru and are absolutely lovely – way better quality for the price than most of what I see in department stores.

      • Baconpancakes

        I got really excited about Fair Indigo, which billed themselves as ethical business clothing for women, and I do have a great herringbone button down from them, but everything still looks too unstructured and Patagonia-like. Nisolo does look like something I would be all over (for weekends, mostly).

      • Anon

        I try to make ethical buying decisions in all areas of my life. But I am borderline plus-size, short, and somewhat oddly shaped, and I have a very tough time finding clothes that fit and flatter me. Thrift/vintage is out because it’s hard to find my size, and I have no time to be combing through stores. So, I have had to make my peace with knowing that a lot of my clothing is unethically produced. I try not to buy anything more than I need (also because I have very little closet space), but that’s about as much as I can do right now. I really wish there were better options, especially because I absolutely would be happy to pay more for them.

      • ITDS

        I was looking on the Pendleton website recently, and their stuff seems to be made in the U.S.A. Not sure how “ethical” it is, and the selection was pretty limited, but I supposed that if I could afford $180+ for a pair of work pants I might shop there.

        • Celia

          The material is often made here, but the clothing is then assembled abroad. You have to pay attention to the labels.

    • Anonymous

      I’d like to read this. One of the things that I’m trying to do is cut out online shopping entirely. Its nearly impossible for me to gauge quality and fit. If I can’t do that, then I at least want to only purchase natural fibers (100% cotton, silk, wool, leather). So many retailers produce so many clothes in terrible fabrics and charge so much for them.

    • Lynnet

      I would love to purchase ethically made clothing, but I have absolutely no idea how to do so. I don’t think the sweatshops in which clothes from more expensive brands are made are particularly better than the sweatshops in which clothes from H&M are made. I keep on hearing that consumers would only have to pay 50 cents more per item to buy clothes made in safer factories, which I would happily do, but I don’t have that option. I also don’t see any profit motive for a company to work with safer factories, as it would be more expensive, but would not result in any other benefit, since it’s hard for a company to advertise that their sweatshops aren’t as bad as their competitors’ sweatshops.

      I’d love to hear suggestions of completely ethical brands for women’s professional clothing or even brands that aren’t quite as bad.

  11. Boys Club

    Alright, Hive: I work in an extraordinarily male-dominated niche field of finance. I’m mid level, 31 y/o. The few women in our company have a very low conversion rate from my level to the next, a jump of which might be like associate to partner in law firm world. It’s significant. I hadn’t often thought or cared about the male environment, and I’ve done quite well in it, but I have to say it’s something on my mind as I think about starting to make this jump in 1-2 years, which might coincide with maternity leave or young kids (no kids yet). It’s also made me think about my potential for success just based on other women who have not made the move successfully.

    We have a company-wide conference in three weeks with a women’s-only session to talk to women at my level about making the transition with the hopes of converting a few more women than normal. It’s a Q&A with a wide open agenda. What are the right questions to ask? Do I stay silent and just listen? I don’t want anyone to leave thinking I have significant concerns. Eve n if it is truly all women, I won’t really know any of them – no need to out myself/put a target on my back as an overly vocal employee with a laundry list of concerns… gotta play politics to some extent. Thoughts?

    • ss

      If you truly don’t have questions to ask, then don’t.

      It sounds like they are pitching to your group, not the other way around, so the onus isn’t on you to ‘perform’ by asking ‘the right questions’, particularly since it sounds like you fear getting dinged for asking the ‘wrong’ ones. It may very well be sufficient to listen, think things over and perhaps make a mental note as to which of the speakers/ presenters is worth approaching one-on-one later on if you do have something on your mind.

    • Anon

      I’d just listen and observe. When the time comes, do what works for you. For a lot of people (men and women) the sacrifices required to do the big jobs aren’t worth it and that’s okay. If it is worth it to you, know that you will compromise on the family front – you will need to hire help, you won’t be there for a lot of “moments”, etc. There is no magic field where this isn’t true and no answer at a seminar will change this reality. If it’s what you want do it. Your fictional kids will be fine without you being there for every skinned knee, but you may or may not be.

    • Anonymous

      I think you are absolutely right to be concerned, but wrong to conclude you should remain silent. Use this as an opportunity to get your name and face out there as someone eager for this opportunity. Ask a question that isn’t mommy-focused. Not “how do I balance this with kids”. Try “what skills do I need to make this move and how can I be developing them right now” or “which departments do I need to work with”- something that anyone who wants this promotion would be asking. And if that stuff gets converted ask the presenter what she did to prepare.

  12. Anon for this

    Kind of an odd question but hoping maybe someone has some insight that can help me. I am fantastic at setting and acheiving goals for myself the most part, but generally that’s when those goals are things that can be “completed.” Lately I find myself struggling with the kind of goals where I’m trying to stop doing something – for example, most recent failed attempts have been eliminating sugar, keeping fingers off my skin/hair (a really bad habit of mine), no spending money in certain unnecessary categories. These are usually tied to some bigger goal that I’m trying to acheive but somehow the rebel in me gets triggered hard when I tell myself not to do something and sometimes it even gets worse, not better. These are habits that I genuinely do want to break and I understand it’s in my best interest to do so, but I can’t seem to control the impulse to do these things (or in the case of #2, I often don’t even realize I am doing it). Has anyone successfully dealt with something similar, or perhaps has book ideas that might help me here?

    • Cat

      Can you reframe the “don’t” by replacing it with a positive goal? For example, to save X amount of money in Y amount of time. Then it’s not “don’t buy clothes,” it’s progress towards the savings goal.

      For reading, I’m remembering a NYT article from years ago called something like How Shamu Saved my Marriage – a little gimmicky but… one of the topics was diverting unwanted behavior by replacing it with an incompatible activity. For example, if you typically shop online when you’re bored, you find a new activity to occupy your time – maybe it’s reading a book, maybe going for a walk, something – to prevent you from filling the time with the thing you’re trying to stop.

      • agree

        Re: overspending, I like the suggestion of replacing with a free activity, and even better if it’s a healthy/enriching one. E.g. exercising outdoors so that (1) you stay healthy and (2) enjoy the last beautiful days of summer; going to the library every time you have an urge to spend, so that (1) you avoid overspending and (2) you are enriching your mind; getting excited about a new budgeting app instead of an online sale, etc.

        One method I’ve heard about but not tried yet is to spend the amount you want to splurge on. It helps if you bank online: easy to transfer from checking to savings.

        I also get a kick out of researching my big splurges (which are usually experiential, like traveling). I get the same fun out of surfing the web and daydreaming, but knowing that my money is stretching farther is also appealing.

    • Terry

      Would it be easier to limit yourself in these categories? I’m really bad at, for example, eliminating chocolate, but I’m able to stick to a small chocolate allowance.

    • Anon

      Sounds like you’re trying for extremes and that’s too hard for most people. No refined sugar? Maybe instead of none, try for a lot less. Same with no spending on X. Let yourself do something reasonable there. I find there’s no way to be successful long term with any extreme goal.

    • Anonymous

      Maybe eliminating sugar is dumb, makes life sad, and you just don’t want to bother doing it? I mean really why eliminate it instead of focusing on making sure you’re getting a lot of variety of nutritious food and then when you feel like something sugary sure why not?

      Ditto not spending any money in categories you have apparently concluded are unnecessary to you even though clearly you actually want to spend the money. Why not focus on paying important things first and then letting yourself spend a set amount on whatever you want?

      • Anon for this

        I actually have two reasons for this. One, I have high suspicions that the junk food in my diet (which in my case, is always sugary cr*p) is causing skin problems for me – I’d love to either prove or disprove this by eliminating it for a couple of weeks but I can’t get past a day or two so far. Second, I am an (completely amateur) athlete that trains pretty hard but my recovery and overall energy has been flagging lately, and I think a lot of it has to do with too many calories coming from junk (and therefore displacing better foods, especially higher quality carbs, that I should be eating). Another thing that I will have to stick with to prove, but it’s nuts to spend so much time and effort training just to have my diet holding me back.

        Also, the spending I’m talking about is legit dumb spending, mostly stemming from a lack of planning. For example, I often by the exact same foods at work that I would normally eat basically because I don’t take the time out to shop/prepare the foods myself, so it’s literally just wasted money. It’s not like I am depriving myself of anything at all, except I guess the time and effort planning it takes to prepare them.

        Lots of great ideas here though, can’t wait to try some of them out!

        • Monday

          A lot of comments here are reminding me of Gretchen Rubin’s distinction of Moderators vs. Abstainers. She argues that some people succeed by limiting whatever their vice is, where others are more liberated by just cutting it out completely. Her blog is The Happiness Project, and she’s working lately on making and breaking habits. I find her sort of holier-than-thou a lot of the time, and am no longer a regular reader, but it might be up your alley to at least look around there.

          • Aggie

            I’m an abstainer and my quality of life has improved greatly once I accepted that fact. I am happier eating only naturally occurring sugars in fruits and vegetables rather than eating a bite or two of a sugary dessert. I have found that whole foods are just as convenient as junk if you are conscious of what you purchase. Cut melon, berries and bananas are available at my local deli right next to the cinnamon rolls. I do not particularly like salads, but I love non-lettuce salads. So rather than force myself to eat something that is healthy, I prepare blanched mixed vegetables or cut up cucumbers and tomatoes every Sunday and eat them cold like a salad throughout the week.

          • Austin recs?

            I thought I was the only one who found Gretchen Rubin holier-than-though! There’s valuable information to be found in her blog, but she always seems so pleased with herself.

        • Anonymous

          There’s a huge difference between eliminating sugar and eliminating junk food though. That’s what I was getting at. Let yourself eat non-junky sugar and eliminating junk food might be easier.

          And you’re not wasting money buying food. You are spending it on convenience.

          You goals all seem to amount to “I suck. I should fix myself.” If you reframe them as “I am awesome and I am choosing awesome things” you might have more success.

          • Anon for this

            Yeah, I should have been more specific when I meant refined sugar – I wasn’t planning to turn this into the debate about the goals themselves, though. And I do love my fruit so I get plenty of sweetness that way, I just sometimes grab a cookie afterward too, haha.

            I do think you’re onto something about the framing, though – I certainly don’t think I suck, I just think I could be a lot better at some things :) But maybe I just need a mantra or something to remind myself that I’m “choosing awesome” things and not punishing myself.

            Re: the food – sigh, I agree to some extent. But I’m also getting laid off, and trying to cut corners where I can since food seems like the one area I spend a ton more than I need to. It was just a lot easier to justify before I knew I’d be without a job in a couple of months.

      • Anon2

        I changed jobs last year and my cube was 20 feet from snack cabinet. Snack cabinet had chips, chocolates,sugary cereal bars and some other junk stuff. Whenever I used to get stressed, I would go and take something and eat it. As work hours got longer, I started snacking more because I would be hungry in the evenings. I gained 10 Lbs in 9 months and I also have the tendency to gain weight easily. I stated feeling very bad about myself. I decided to work out in the mornings to get rid of the extra weight as evenings were out of question to due long hours which were totally out of my control. The day I started working out in the morning, my intense sugar cravings went away. I just don’t feel it is worth it. I just don’t feel like eating anything from snack cabinet. If I feel hungry, I go to cafeteria and eat something healthy. I have successfully lost the 10 Lbs I gained due to work out and stop eating junk from the cabinet. I still have 10 more pounds to lose to feel good about the way I look. I will be there probably in next three months.

        I have not cut out anything completely. If I feel like having a dessert, I go to bakery/ice cream shop/restuarants and buy exactly what I want. If I feel like having the same exact thing the next day, I go and buy the next day. I have given myself total permission to do so (thanks to the book Intuitive Eating). but I have not felt that way more than a couple times in last three months. Though Intuitive Eating suggests that it’s okay to have sweets/junk food at home as long as we are in tune with what we truly want and hence don’t eat them at once, I don’t trust myself with a box of brownies in front of me.

    • KLR

      Go slow. Start by just observing your current behavior without trying to modify it. Just make a note of how many times a day you eat something with sugar or whatever until you have a few weeks’ worth of data.

      Then when you’ve tracked yourself long enough to know that you eat something sugary maybe 3 times a day, make it a goal to bring that down to 2 times a day only on Wednesdays or whatever. Then 2x/day on Weds and Fridays and so on until you reach the consumption level you’re aiming for.

      When you’re trying not to do something, just go very slow and data-driven. When you’re working towards a positive goal, you probably have emotion/ambition pushing you forward, and I think when you’re trying not to do something you need dispassionate logic to make progress.

    • KittyKat

      Eliminating sugar all together isn’t possible. Hopefully you mean eliminating refined sugar. Try replacing sweets with fruit. white sugar with raw sugar or honey or maple syrup. Making shifts and reductions is a much more effective method. I also recently read an article/research about the difference between “don’t” and “can’t” and that people with the don’t mentality succeed. Ex/ I don’t eat cake VS I can’t eat cake.

      • Anon for this

        Funny, I’m a vegetarian and I always remind people that it’s not that I “can’t” eat meat, it’s that I choose not to. Interesting perspective, I should definitely try this.

        • KittyKat

          I’m a vegetarian too (8 years) and after I read the article I realized that I always say I DONT eat meat. Its a very interesting thing. I hope there is more research done on it soon because it could have some fantastic applications.

    • Veronica Mars

      This is going to sound really silly, but it totally works: Go to an office supply store and buy those gold star stickers. And a paper calendar if you don’t already have/use one. Then make your goal concrete, like, “I get a gold star for the day if I don’t eat any sugar.” Then start keeping track of the days you succeed and give yourself stars. I use the star technique for many of my self-improvement goals.

        • Anon for this

          This sounds super fun and I’m a total nerd when it comes to this kind of thing, it might just be the positive spin on it I need to get me going!

          • Anon

            This type of thing has really helped me with meal planning. I don’t use star stickers, but I have a big calendar and I plan a week’s worth of meals for our family of five at a time and write them all down. Then as we prepare them I cross them off (or move them around depending on what ends up happening that day.) But I always feel proud when I am able to cross the meal off knowing that we stuck to the plan and didn’t eat out. It also is a great reminder that if we don’t end up sticking to the plan, we will likely have food go to waste because it didn’t get prepared/eaten in time. I had tried meal planning online previously, but there is something about the actual writing it down and crossing it off that really keeps me motivated.

          • Veronica Mars

            It’s totally amazing what people are willing to do for gold stars. It also helps if you get a string of stars going and then you feel pressured not to break the string and start from zero. I’ve been using it to do daily reading, but it really works for anything!

          • Might have said this before but anon if I didn't

            To OP – I’m skin picker (scalp) so I totally share one of your goals. I might have to do the star chart but break it down to thirty minutes. LOL. Maybe one of those billable hour charts and check off every six minutes I can go w/o touching my hair/scalp/ears!

      • Coach Laura

        I give myself stars for working out – gold for yoga, blue for biking, green for walking/hiking, red for kayaking and silver for everything else. Paper calendar in kitchen.

  13. Should I negotiate?

    I am expecting a lateral offer from a larger law firm. Should I negotiate?

    Relevant facts:
    – junior associate, but with FAR more experience than normal. Appellate briefs, trial multiple times (incl. 2nd chair), etc.
    – leaving mid-sized firm for main office of large firm
    – same practice area and type of clients for both firms
    – new firm not lock step

    I suspect that the new firm will offer me what they offer new grads. Should I try to negotiate up because of my experience? What percentage?

    TIA!

    • Lady NFS

      Hello hive,

      Can anyone recommend a good interior decorator / designer in NYC? DH and I recently bought our first apartment and are starting from scratch in terms of quality furniture and the apartment is essentially a (half) blank canvas. Have been working with a designer for about 8 months but unfortunately, do not have much to show for it. (Rather than plan and execute a cohesive design, it was more like we paid her hourly to inefficiently take us shipping all over the city, buying individual pieces). I love everything we ended up with, but the place is far from “done” and I am getting overwhelmed. I do not have any more time to invest in this and I want someone to take the reins and formulate and execute a plan that ties everything together and fills in the holes. Professional and organized a must. Please send recs my way!

      • preg anon

        Yes! She did our entire house in pieces (she is NYC based but comes to Houston regularly to visit family). She used everything we already have and bought a few extra pieces, but where she really shines is the styling – like putting stuff on the coffee table, bookshelf, etc. that makes the place cohesive. I really love how our house turned out.

        http://emilycbutler.com/

    • TXLawyer

      I think you should negotiate for a lot of reasons, but primarily because you’re not a new grad and shouldn’t settle for a new grad offer.
      But also, because your firm is not lock step, future raises will likely be a percentage of your annual salary and the true value of those raises will always be tied back to your starting salary. 5% year over year is great, but the dollar difference on those raises between a starting salary of $100k versus $125k will add up over time.
      Excited to hear what others have to say about this as well.

    • YouSaucyMinx

      Negotiate. Your future income depends on it. A 2-5% cost of living raise isn’t much, but if comparing 100,000 to 150,000, that’s a huge difference. If you don’t negotiate now, you’ll have a much tougher time making that missed income up. You’ll be below-standard pay for years to come.

      • Diana Barry

        +1. If they don’t move AT ALL on salary (unlikely because it’s not lockstep), negotiate vacation time or a signing bonus.

    • Anon

      Why do you think they’d offer you what they’d offer new grads? I would expect that you’d be paid in the range of what they pay people in your class year, and negotiate for the high end of that (or up a year or two) based on your experience.

      • Should I negotiate?

        Thanks everyone!

        This firm does not work on class years but “levels.” My current firm is the same way. I am “level one” in both firms. I thought I should negotiate, these responses confirm.

        What should I shoot for? Ask for 15% more and settle for 7% more? I’ve never done this before.

        • JJ

          Is there any way to know what “salary band” each level has? If you’re coming in as a Level One, I’d shoot for a salary at the top of the band.

        • AnonLawMom

          I’d negotiate for the market salary for your year for biglaw. 160/170/185/210/230/250, etc. My firm uses the level concept too but the salary in HCOL areas still matches up to these rates.

  14. YouSaucyMinx

    Some similar style dresses for curvy shapes and plus sizes:

    Similar cut and neckline, but short sleeves: $209
    http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi33277&rootCategory=cat70012&catId=cat80018&sortKey=Default&section=Regular&conceptIdUnderSale=cat70012

    Similar silhouette, but gentle A-line to flatter wider hips: $119
    http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi33260&rootCategory=cat70012&catId=cat80018&sortKey=Default&section=Regular&conceptIdUnderSale=cat70012

    Super flattering square neckline and ruched bodice for flattering fit, but same conservative look. $119
    http://www.igigi.com/plus-size-dresses/plus-size-work-dress/tiffany-dress-in-black.html

    http://www.yousaucyminx.com

  15. Trial Attorney

    Repost from yesterday because I wanted to see if anyone else had any thoughts to share: When do you get rid of work suits/clothing? I have a suit that is 6 years old and starting to get shiny — is it time for it to go? And where should I donate it to? I have a hard time with this because I wear my casual clothes until they fall apart.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Great Sheathe Dress, Kat! Time for me to go to the manageing partner with a request for subsidizeation! YAY!!!!

      As for the OP, if you follow my rule, you will be a winner. I wear clothe’s for at least 2 season’s, but NOT necesarily the same consecutive season’s. Then I give my clothe’s either to NY Care’s or the GoodWill peeople in LI who alway’s are VERY happy to see me. This way, other’s can benefit, and dad can get me a tax DEDUCTION at the same time!

      If the clotheing is stained, I just give it to my cleaneing lady b/c they will NOT take it at the NY Care’s or other places. FOOEY, but my cleaneing lady has freind’s that she gives my stuff to so they all are sharp dresser’s like me. And then, MOST IMPORTANTELY, I have alot of room left over in my closet’s for NEW CLOTHEING that the manageing partner has to pay for! TRIPEL YAY!!!

    • Diana Barry

      I get rid of things when they are no longer stylish or I don’t wear them any more, OR if they look old (shiny, frayed hems, etc.). I donate everything to Vietnam Vets, solely because they will PICK UP at your house and I don’t have to schlep stuff all over the place to donate it.

    • Anon

      I get rid of things when they are no longer stylish or I don’t wear them any more, OR if they look old (shiny, frayed hems, etc.). I donate everything to Vietnam Vets, solely because they will PICK UP at your house and I don’t have to schlep stuff all over the place to donate it.

      • Anonymous

        This. Don’t donate a threadbare suit to a dress for success or similar program. Its not helpful at all. Ditto one that’s horribly outdated (although you could donate this to a thrift store as some young ‘uns like to wear stuff “ironically.”

  16. Family Drama

    Can I ask the hive for some social wisdom?

    I have a new SIL. Dated my husband’s brother for 4 years before getting married 2 months ago; we lived about 5 hours apart the first 2.5 years of that. Now we live about 3 miles apart.

    Two things have happened:
    1. Whenever we get together with my in-laws (parents and brothers), SIL makes this big show of saying in front of everyone how much she wants to get together with me and come play with our 2-year-old. However, I have now asked her to get together over the past year NINETEEN times (more but I didn’t start counting until at least the 5th rejection) and she has blown me off every single time. Either doesn’t reply at all, replies and says no, or twice replied, said yes, then once didn’t show and said she forgot and once canceled 12 minutes before (I was already at the restaurant, had a babysitter) to say she was shopping for blinds and wanted to get that finished so wouldn’t be coming.

    2. We’re now pregnant with our second. Last night my husband’s brother was at our house and we showed him the ultrasound picture – can’t get them both together and had been trying to tell them for a month. He seemed genuinely happy. At the same time, I texted her a picture of the ultrasound and the news. Within a minute she started blowing up my BIL’s phone with texts (he said “oh, that’s [SIL]) – I mean, at least 9 dings in the next three minutes. He read them and then said something lame like “hey I better get over to the store” and left. She finally responded to me three and a half hours later with: Congrats.
    To clarify, she did not know BIL was at our house when she was texting him.

    Basically whenever we see them, finally, in public she acts like we’re super BFFs but it seems like when nobody is watching she really doesn’t like me.

    But – I don’t really trust my judgment on this because my ex-SIL, from my husband’s other brother, we had to get a restraining order on and she ultimately spent time in a psychiatric facility and was diagnosed with schizophrenia in which it turned out she imagined I was turning her into the CIA (I have posted about this before years ago). So I have no basis for what a good SIL relationship looks like.

    Am I overreacting? Or underreacting? What is the healthy way to respond to this?

    • roses

      It doesn’t sound like she doesn’t like you per se, but rather that she’s just a flaky person and you’re low-priority for her. If she says again when you’re all together that she was to hang out, smile and just say “Yeah, let me know when you’re free sometime.” That way you still come off as warm and friendly but don’t have to stress yourself out about actually making plans.

    • Hildegarde

      I think the only way to move on from this is to accept what her behavior is telling you: she does not really value your company or want to be close friends. I would just stop inviting her to do things, and do not expect support from her (like prompt congratulatory texts). It would bother me too if she pretended to want to hang out when other people were around, but I would just accept that for whatever reason she feels like she has to pretend this in front of her family, and accept that she doesn’t really mean it. I would just respond with a smile, or if you have to say something say, “Sure, just let me know when you want to get together,” and then plan on not hearing from her.

      It’s frustrating that she’s saying things she obviously doesn’t mean and breaking appointments with you, but unless you think she’s a wonderful person and are truly grieved that you aren’t better friends, then not being friends with her doesn’t seem that terrible. If you all get along when the family gets together, that’s more than many families can say. I would just focus on other friends who do value you.

    • NYNY

      Do you like your new SIL? I think that’s the most important question. If you like her and want to be closer, then make an effort and see how it goes. She sounds a little flaky, but if the two of you spend some time together, that may ease up. Maybe for your next get-together, you go to her. If she continues to flake out, then you can stop trying and just be pleasant at family things.

      You don’t know what was going on with the texting thing, so it’s pointless to make things up. Maybe it was about your news, maybe it wasn’t. We sometimes make ourselves nuts thinking about what others think of us, but we really don’t know.

    • JJ

      She sounds flaky. And (total guess), she may be dealing with infertility issues and finding it hard to deal with your family. She could have been upset and texting her husband about it and he needed to leave and comfort her. I’d just decide to not let it bother you when she tells your in laws about how much she wants to get together with you. Just deal with her at family gatherings when you have to and be polite and social, and don’t go out of your way to be close.

    • Anon

      My SIL always makes a big deal about wanting to see more of us (we live 8 hours apart), but never follows through. The one time she came to our city since I met my husband she left early with a really lame excuse. My strategy is to just say, “Oh yes, we would love to see you too,” but know that it’s never going to happen. I do not expend energy on people like this.

    • Anonymous

      It’s sounds like you also don’t like her. 19 tries? Really? Take a hint. And I don’t think it’s at all fair for you to assume anything negative about the 9 texts. Maybe she’s having trouble conceiving and had feelings to discuss with her husband before responding to you with a perfectly appropriate text.

    • AnonLawMom

      I think having a good relationship with your SIL is important so I’d try a bit more with her than with any other person that acted this way. I’d keep extending invitations to her but do not put yourself in a position where you have jumped through hoops (like getting a sitter). Invite her over to your place or to join you shopping so that you are basically doing whatever you wanted to do anyway, but she’s invited. That way when she blows you off it is less irritating.

    • Anon

      She sounds kind of fake/insincere. Some people talk a good talk, but never follow through. Be nice, but I wouldn’t put any effort into being friends with her or getting together.

    • Family Drama

      Thanks, guys, all this advice is really good.

      Like I said, the relationship with my last SIL was so insane and drawn-out (it took us 3 years to realize she was spiraling into a serious mental illness), I feel like I lost my footing on how hard I’m supposed to try or what ‘normal’ is with a SIL relationship. And when my now SIL says in front of the family “I want to meet you for lunch Wednesday at 1PM” then cancels the next day, over and over again, it seems a little crazy.

      And I totally agree the texts were ambiguous – it was just weird on top of everything. I doubt she’s having fertility issues, since they’ve just been married three months and she has said for years that she would want to be married 2-3 years before trying. I am okay with assuming the best on ambiguous communication – just on top of everything it seemed a little odd.

      • JJ

        Yeah, she just sounds like a flake that wants to look good in front of her in-laws. I would just remember that and don’t put any stock into plans that she makes with you and don’t take offense when she inevitably cancels.

        As for the infertility, it’s true it may not be that. It’s also true that she could be saying anything. It took two years and a few miscarriages to have my first born and during that time, I told a lot of people “Oh, we’re not trying right now.” It obviously makes me hyper-sensitive to these issues now, so I’ll admit my bias when I assumed that might be an issue.

    • CPA lady

      I like my in-laws (both parents in law and siblings in law and spouses) and we all genuinely get along and enjoy spending time together, but for the most part, we see each other 1 time a year (at Christmas), even those of us who live within an hour of each other. I don’t see it as an issue, just more “the way it is”. We’re very comfortable with each other when we do see each other, and just fall back into our old friendships easily, even if we basically have no regular contact. If you can think of it like that, it might help?

      So, if I were you, I wouldn’t really “react” in any way other than accept that this is “the way it is” with her. If you like spending time with her when you do see her, great, but I wouldn’t waste any time giving it any particular amount of thought or energy.

      Then again, I’m not one of those people who thinks that you need to have any particular type of relationship with someone just because they are family, so grain of salt.

  17. Batgirl

    My quest for the perfect knee-high black boot continues. I have problem feet (wide in the front, skinny in the back) and need a shoe that doesn’t pinch, doesn’t have more than a 1′ heel, and that has no more than a 16″ sh@ft (who knows what throws you into moderation these days!). I bought Frye boots last year and they are just too stiff for me to get used to (side note, I’m selling them on ebay soon).

    I would love to have these boots work with skirts and jeans but I recognize that I may not get both in one shoe.

    Thanks to the hive for any suggestions! Willing to pay a bit more, would love to pay less, but in all instances, capped at $350.

  18. E

    More importantly The Limited expanded on it’s tall selection!! I’m going to make an order of tall blazers and see what happens.

  19. AnonThursday

    TJ on work, and personality. Anyone have tips on how to deal with differing views on what constitutes a professional demeanor? I am a direct person, especially under pressure. In my youth, I was brash, but have tempered that over the years. I am very friendly in the break room, polite and non-confrontational in meetings, and generally positive, despite getting quickly to the gist of things. Someone I work with has indicated that they believe I need to be a bit more delicate and mindful that people sometimes need a gentler approach, but I feel at this point, I’ve softened as much as I am capable of without being fake. How do other people adjust their personality to their professional environment? Where do you draw the line for yourself?

    • Anonymous

      Learn to be fake when the situation requires it. I value sincerity and all that in my personal relationships, but I recognize that it doesn’t always fit the bill for any given thing I’m trying to accomplish. Work shouldn’t be the place to think about your personality shining though. If you have to take a not-you or “fake” approach to handling something for a work-related purpose, do it.

      • Anonymous

        Just wanted to add that personally, I’m a lot like OP in this regard. I just learned to think less about how I feel people should be (see Orangerie’s comment below) and more about how to affect the change I want. That requires a lot of different things, depending on the person and situation. I care less about people being what I think they should be or me acting in a way that’s true to myself than I do about what works. figure out what works and do that. It’s all very utilitarian.

    • Orangerie

      Ugh, this annoys me to no end. Conversations about work should be direct, and I will never understand why people feel the need to make everything delicate and gentle. No advice as I struggle with this personally, but you definitely have my sympathy. IMO this is a dumb thing to expend mental energy on.

  20. Phone interview

    In 45 minutes, I have a first round phone interview with the external search firm that is replacing my boss. I’ve put in 20 years where I am, and I’m a really solid candidate. I have a list of accomplishments a mile long. I have the backing of all of my colleagues. And I have butterflies.

    Am I the best candidate? I don’t know, because I don’t know who else applied. Am I a good candidate? Absolutely.

    • kc esq

      Good luck! One piece of advice: make it clear that despite all your experience, you are open to new ideas and opinions.

  21. Anonymous

    I realize this is a dumb question, In light of the thread about donating stuff when it’s out of style, how do you know when something is out of style? I don’t think I have a “trendy” thing in my closet, as most of it is fairly “classic” or standard stuff. But presumably everything goes out of style at some point?

    • Terry

      As a four season dresser, when I put something on for the first time in several months and it looks weird to me I get rid of it. (I’m thinking particularly of my patterned black and white casual skirt that was current a few years ago but now would look off in a world filled with black and white strips.)

      • Carrie

        Really? This seems very extreme. To me, stripes are so in your face, they become quickly off trend when the current revival wanes. But a black and white skirt with a classic pattern in a classic cut will last forever.

        And no – everything does not necessarily go out of style. Review some classic French fashion blogs about the perfect white shirt, black blazer, jeans, loafers, heals etc.. and realize that once you find the right cuts for you and great fabrics, you can easily buy pieces that not only cross seasons but last for your life, if cared for.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions