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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 161 Comments · by

Frugal Friday: Painterly Top

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Loft Painterly Top | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This top caught my eye a week or so ago and I've kind of been thinking about it ever since — love the mix of colors and the movement to the print. I really, really wish it were not “dry clean only,” but there you go. It was $54.50 full price, but is marked to $44; use code FALLYALL to get 40% off at checkout and snag it for $26. In fact, right now everything at Loft is 40% off with that code. Loft Painterly Top Two plus-size options are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

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Comments

  1. 2 related questions...

    …on maternity coats and babywearing in winter.

    So, I’d love advice. I’m pregnant (due early January) in DC, and I tried on my favorite long ultralight down jacket from Uniqlo, and figure it will work only unzipped in November/December/January. I walk to work, walk my dog, and run cold when not pregnant, so I really want to buy a coat that will be able to close properly, without spending tons of money. Also, I’m planning on spending a decent amount of time outside with the baby (as is DH) in the winter (and would prefer to not always having to lug the stroller down the 2 flights of stairs in our apartment building)…again, walking the dog at a minimum.

    I’d love input as to what I should get. A reasonably priced similar coat a size or two larger for maternity/postpartum? Or a convertible maternity/babywearing coat?

    And relatedly, I’m interested in recommendations as to how to keep the baby warm when walking around in the winter. The babywearing coat option seems nice, but expensive, and doesn’t really help when DH is the one doing the babywearing (which he really would like to do a good portion of the time). Bundling up the baby and then having the baby in a carrier outside my coat or DH’s coat seems like it would be a little more difficult, and would not allow us the advantages of sharing body heat. I’d be really interested to hear what ladies here (and their partners) have done…

    Also, I admit I may be overthinking this.

    • lsw

      Would it be a money-saver to buy a primaloft/down vest and wear it under an open heavier jacket?

      • 2 related questions...

        Hmm…actually, that could work for maternity, as I could probably use a down vest in a bigger size for spring.

    • Anonymous

      LLBEAN has an adorable fleece full-body bundling thing with a hood (with ears on it — baby looks like bear/sheep hubrid). I put my winter babies in this and then put them into a front carrier and off we went. So: baby over coat, not within coat.

      • TOS

        This is our style as well – baby in bunting/warm all-in-one with hood. – over the coat, which can be worn partially unzipped or unbuttoned – it’s WARM.

        For pregnancy – finding a large coat that I liked at a thrift shop helped for my youngest.

        Combining maternity sweater/fleece top with DH outerwear was another option – layers are your friend!

        It’s the shoes/boots that are the trickiest parts for winter pregnancy if your feet ankles swell.

    • Anonymous

      LL Bean has a fleece baby bunting thing with a hood that I used for my winter babies (the hood has ears on it, so babies look like a bear/lamb hybrid). Put the baby in that and then in a front carrier (so: over your coat).

      Old Navy had some good maternity coats — maybe check there?

    • NYC tech

      From my past searches, I found most maternity coats to be extraordinarily overpriced and ugly. I went to Walmart in the plus size section and bought a big black puffy jacket for like $25. Going up a size or two wouldn’t have helped – your belly will be pretty darn big at the end. You want to go much bigger than you usually wear. I liked this option because it looked good enough (how bad can a black jacket be), but then I didn’t feel obligated to keep wearing something I didn’t love after I had the baby.

      As for babywearing in the cold, I agree with the bundling thing for the baby, an open jacket for you (the baby will keep you warm), and if it’s super cold, just drape a warm fleece baby blanket or large scarf over your shoulders and around the baby. No need for a special-purpose jacket that will only last you a few months. Chances are that by next winter, you’ll either be doing a back or side carry, or maybe not carrying very much if your kid is big.

    • DC November baby

      I’m not much help on the maternity coat question since I was able to hold out without buying one. But we also did a lot of walking over the winter, and for baby wearing, I would wear baby over my regular clothes and then borrow one of my husband’s jackets to zip up around both of us. We were plenty warm (no bunting required for baby, just a hat,) and it was much easier than bundling each of us separately. I believe my husband was able to do the same since men’s jackets (or at least sweatshirts) are roomier, but to be honest I was the one during most of the outdoor babywearing while I was on mat leave. My husband mostly wore the baby around the house. Hope that helps!

    • meme

      Are you sure you’ll run cold this winter? I normally run cold as well, but really, really, do not when pregnant. I’m warm all the time and in all my pregnancies loved a bit of cool fall and winter air on my skin. I was completely beyond fine in a mountain winter climate with my normal coats worn open.

    • bhtsmama

      For my fall baby I bought a clearance-color Lands End parka that was several sizes large for me (I am a PS, it was a PXL) and popped young sir in the Ergo underneath it. Some outrageous friend of MIL’s gave him a cashmere sweater and I thought it was ridiculous until I realized it was the perfect layer for Ergoing; that and a lambswool cap were all he needed in the way of outerwear. For really cold days I wore a gaiter-style neckwarmer. And when spring came, we put the coat away to donate to NY Cares coat drive the following year. Clearance selection + one of their 30% coupons makes the LE coats pretty cheap.

    • 2 related questions...

      Thanks, all! This has been really helpful. I’ve put the adorable LL Bean suit on my “potential registry items” list, and am looking into coat suggestions.

      • TOS

        Also – I became a scarf ninja – pashminas when I was pregnant and washable winter ones with the wee ones. – they are excellent for “this bit is cold and everything else is fine”

    • Veronica Mars

      One option would be getting a Barbour Bedale coat, which is actually the men’s version of their classic wax coat (the women’s is the Beadnell). Since it’s cut for men, it has a lot of room in the chest/stomach area. I honestly think I could be 9 mons pregnant in the coat that I have now (which fits well in the shoulders). It’s a wonderful coat, and you can add in a warmer liner if you’re in a cold climate. It’s not the most slimming coat, but it’s perfect for walking the dog, running around town, etc.

    • AMB

      Haven’t had a baby but I have seem my friends who do buy inserts that seem to zip into their coats to add more room for baby in the front. I know one of them purposely bought one that would fit both her winter coat and her husband’s. Not sure where they would be from (I’m in Canada) but it seems brilliant to me as it allowed them to add more room to their coat while pregnant too.

      • SuziStockbroker

        I have seen those inserts too, and that seems so smart to me, as they could work for both pregnancy and babywearing.

        I was pregnant in the winter with one of my babies (he was born in March). I wore my regular long double breasted wool coat when I was big with him. I just did up the first few buttons and then wrapped a big shawl around myself. That would have worked for babywearing too. In my case, it had started to warm up by then, so I just wore a big fleece jacket of my husband’s that fit both me and baby inside.

      • ChiLaw

        I had a baby in Chicago in January 2015, and was out walking all the time before and after she was born. I wore a maternity coat from Old Navy — it had a hood, it could zip up even when I was huge, an it was ~$40. It had a waist tie, so when I was pregnant (and trying to get a seat on the train) I tied it up over my stomach to look like a cute pregnant lady, but after she was born I could tie it right around her back while I wore her to keep everything tight and cozy. I just put her in pajamas or long sleeves+pants+zutano booties, and a hat, and she was plenty toasty with the coat zipped up around her. My husband is a bit of an “I’m not cold!” tough guy, so he wore her with just a fleece lined zipped hoodie over both of them. I was worried it wouldn’t be enough but she was always cozy in there too.

      • Karen

        I just bought one of those inserts (in Canada.) They are by a Montreal brand called Make my Belly Fit, and retail for about $65. I didn’t like the way large coats (including my husband’s) fit around the shoulders and arms. I’m dye in January and did not want to wear an ill-fitting coat to the office. You can use this panel in any of your coats or vests and for baby wearing.

    • ebay

      Have you considered finding a coat you like online and then searching for it (or something similar) on e b a y? Particularly if you are only wearing it for a few months

  2. gift giving idea - friend edition

    Ladies on here are always so great with gift-giving ideas. I’m getting married but I don’t have bridesmaids (for various reasons), and one of my friends threw me an awesome bachelorette party at her house. She really went all out and I want to say thanks. I was thinking of a bottle of champagne and a box of macarons? I was thinking things that she would really use would be a liquor store gift card (we live in PA and you have to buy booze there) or a Trader Joe’s gift card, but I don’t like giving gift cards unless it’s, like, to a restaurant with significance to the friend or something. Other fun ideas?

    • Cat

      I like your champagne + macaron idea. If you know her home style, champagne + inexpensive flutes could be cute too – and flutes are so easy to break that I feel like I always welcome a pair.

      Take her to lunch? Treat her to a mani?

    • Are you me?

      I didn’t have bridesmaids, either. I sent my friend who had my awesome shower / SITC watching marathon (with champagne) out to her favorite restaurant with her husband.

      • Anonymous

        Me neither! And we had a fantastic wedding that everyone told us they really enjoyed :)

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      I wouldn’t do a gift card. I would do something more personal/special. I like the champagne and macarons idea plus maybe take her to a mani-pedi right before the wedding.

    • gifts..

      Honestly, if money is an issue at all for her and your shower cost her $$, I might go for the gift card idea.

    • Alli

      I know many people feel giftcards are impersonal, and I sometimes do too, but I also love receiving them. I think if it were a giftcard you know she’ll use, she’ll appreciate it. Or you could send the liquor store giftcard with some macaroons. All of the above options are great!

      • 2 Cents

        Me too. The hubs thinks they’re unoriginal, but I love getting them because then I don’t have my usual guilt trip of “do I really need this?” when it’s not technically my money I’m spending. And I get to pick out exactly what I want any time of year.

  3. Care

    I bought this top a few weeks ago and haven’t figured out when/how to wear it. The opening at the top was too deep for me to find it appropriate – I need to have someone put an additional button there.

  4. Paging the poster with the 1000 Hermes scarf

    I love that you have this and say that you use it a lot. I have my first-ever post-recession bonus and *might* want to go this route with it.

    Can you post a bit about how you wear it, what you wear it with (to work and maybe on weekends), etc.? I love the idea but concrete examples of how to work it into an outfit help so much. [I work with guys who wear guy-uniforms of khaki pants and light blue button-downs and the same brown loafers, so I need some help and inspiration.]

    [And don’t worry about me sticking out among that work crowd. I do, in many ways, all the time, every day. In a good way. And with a fabulous Hermes scarf, maybe in an even better way :)

    • Hermes scarf

      I bought a Hermes scarf in 2000 while I was in Paris and I still have NEVER worn it. Sigh…. My friend convinced me to buy it because it had this amazing musical print (I am a musician), but the colors aren’t my colors. The scarf is more warm browns/yellows etc.. and I dress all cool/jewel tones.

      And then of course, HOW to wear it….

      • Anon

        She kind of lives in an alternate universe from the rest of us, but I really like her wardrobe/outfits.

        • Senior Attorney

          Well, I kind of feel like anybody who has an Hermes scarf lives in an alternative universe, so… ;)

          My favorite of her posts is the one from 2012 where she twists her pearl necklace into her scarf.

    • scarf

      I’m not the poster you’re looking for, but I have an hermes scarf that I’ve worn as a waist belt on plain monochromatic outfits. Lately my favorite has been the scarf necklace which is the scarf rolled and knotted in a couple of different places and tied in the back, or just rolled and knotted in the front for a more classic look. In college, my friends wore silk scarves around their necks with the large triangle hanging both in front and in back. You should look at the hermes website (there’s an app too) – they have lots of ideas, and maybe consider buying a cheaper scarf and trying to incorporate it into your outfits before splurging on an hermes. I think age plays a role in how you’ll end up wearing it, too.

    • Ems

      So the scarf I have is not their classic 90 (cm) but the 55″x 55″ (so it’s retailing on the website at $780+tax, which to me feels like $1000; they also have cashmere blend versions which are more). I digress.

      So far, I’ve worn it:
      – to work on casual friday with jeggings, ON tshirt dress, folded into a triangle and looped once around my neck; same outfit for the airport
      – with a black sheath dress, folded into a triangle and looped three times around
      – folded horizontally like a necktie
      – as a shawl at dinner on a recent trip with my athleta skort and a silk tank

      What I like most about it is that it folds up really small for travel/when you tuck it away, but it also opens up to provide a lot of warmth when you need it.

      ALSO, Senior Attorney, thanks for that blog–I now want a life where I need to think about how to store my 90 boxes of scarves. le sigh.

      • Ems

        Also, not to enable or anything, but I was keeping it stored for “special occasions” but I realized on my last trip just how useful it is, and how it can help to instantly glam an otherwise monochrome travel outfit. :) And these also wash super easily in a little bit of gentle detergent and basin and dry very quickly. I also have the standard 90cm square, and love that too, but found the extra size of the large one makes it a little more versatile for the younger set.

        As a side note, I would add these to the “shopping killer” list, as having these have killed any desire for fast fashion scarves.

        • Anonymous

          Agreed. The wool / silk is sort of (stretching it here), the Lilly Murfee scarf that I have a scary # of (the Greenbrier one, the sorority one, maybe I *need* the one for my state (but the one from the state I used to live in is so much better) and OMG the Chicago and Nashville ones . . .). I could go on.

          But unlike Hermes, I’m not afraid that I’ll ruin these by accident (and I have the budget to replace). They are not that warm to me (I would like warmer), so maybe I *do* need the Hermes 55×55 (but it will cut into my Lilly budget). Maybe a maxi-twilly???

          Am not a hoarder, I swear, but The Husband has found a gift that I am always happy to get and can always get another of. It is like a tie for women.

          • Maddie Ross

            Eek, why have I never seen these before? You may turn me into a Lilly Murfree hoarder too!

    • scarfy

      At the risk of being outed, I own/wear Hermes scarves all the time! Most of mine are in the classic size, though I do have a slightly smaller one, as well as a giant LV scarf in leopard print – similar to the large scarf you are talking about. I wear them — especially the LV leopard– alllllll the time. Leopard is a neutral for me, the coloring is perfect for me, and the fabric (cashmere/silk) is perfection. As for my hermes silks, what colors do you wear as your go-to neutral? Black, navy, cream, brown? For me it is black, so I try to find them with a bit of black in them for the most versatility. But note that black doesn’t even need to be a main color, it can just be for outlining patterns and it still works with an all-black outfit. Have fun! (Also enabling!)

    • Anonymous

      I have one of the giant silk scarves from Hermes, and I feel like I get more use out of it than my regular size Hermes scarves.

      Like a poster above mentioned, the colors are really important. I primarily look for something that looks nice next to my skin tone, and then think about how it works with my other clothes.

    • anon-oh-no

      I have a number of the 36×36 silk hermes scarves and wear them all the time. These days, I fold them in half in a triangle and tie the ends together and wear them like an infinity scarf. They are just so beautiful and really add a lot of life to an outfit

  5. how many suits?

    I work in the NYC area. I spend about 3 days a week in court, at depositions or in other situations where I need to wear a suit (Yes, I know many of you may wonder why I feel that I need to wear a suit for a deposition, but contrary to what I see frequently, I don’t think casual wear is acceptable for a deposition, even on Friday).

    So I am wondering how many suits those of you in a similiar situation keep. I have always maintained a suit wardrobe of at least 20 suits, although not all can be worn throughout the year. As in I have everything from linen/cotton for the hottest of summer through wool flannel for the dead of winter. Lately, I am beginning to think 20 is an excessive number, even with my range of fabrics. What do others think?

    • Anonymous

      I used to have a lot of suits (10?, and maybe some seasonal ones). Then I moved away from suits and felt that my wardrobe truly mushroomed (like doubled or even tripled). A lot of that was wasted trial and error in separates (settling in on: dresses). And you know what — just keep the suits. Suits are easy. I miss that. Dresses are easy, but finding a good dress is so much harder than finding a good suit.

    • Alli

      I also feel obligated to wear a suit to a deposition. Twenty is a lot, but if you wear them 3x/week, and you like them all, just keep them– it’s not hurting anything. I had accumulated a lot of suits but realized I only really liked to wear about ten of them, so I got rid of the rest. Do you truly like all 20 of the suits? Maybe you could get rid of some of the “meh” ones.

    • Maddie Ross

      I probably have about 12 suits, but realistically I really only wear three of them on a regular basis. If I ever really tried to Marie Kondo my life (which probably won’t happen with my wardrobe – I love have lots and lots of options), I would probably get rid of at least 6 of them. But in a pinch (i.e., multi week long trials) I have worn them all. This is to say -if you wear them and can store them, 20 is not excessive. If you aren’t using them, it probably is.

    • ITDS

      20 is not excessive! If you wear a suit 3x per week, and have a 3 week rotation, that’s 9 suits right there. Add in the ones that are special in some way – dressy, warm, cool, etc. and you are easily at 20. If you have any that are really old (+ five years) or are worn, replace those, but don’t feel like you have to reduce to a 2 suit capsule wardrobe just because that’s supposedly trendy right now.

    • Anonymous

      It’s a little excessive. I used to wear suits about 3 times a week and had 6 or 7 in rotation (plus 2 that were summer only). 3 of those had pants and skirts so I could miss it up. (I owned a few more, they just didn’t fit anymore).

    • SC

      I agree with the other commenters. It’s not about the exact number of suits, but about whether you love how you feel in each one and whether you have space to store and take care of them. If you want to reduce the number, you could try them all on one weekend with your best pair of heels and most versatile top, and donate any “meh” ones. Or when one wears out or starts looking dated, just don’t replace it if you otherwise have enough to wear. I wouldn’t get rid of anything I truly love just to reach some supposedly ideal number, and Marie Kondo would agree I think. But, if I’m honest with myself about whether I really love my clothes (and other stuff), I end up donating a lot.

    • Bonnie

      I don’t think 20 is excessive if you wear them several times a week. I’m probably around that number if I count jackets that I wear to court. Many of my suits are limited by season e.g. seersucker and heavier tweed and although I could do with fewer, I like some variety in my work wardrobe.

    • Scarlett

      Back when I was at a firm & doing what you describe, I just kept about 5 suits. That said, I didn’t love wearing them other than when I had to, so it wasn’t an item that I wanted to fill my closet with. I’m a big fan of simple suits that aren’t memorable on their own so the look can be really different by changing up what I wear with them (e.g. different blouses, scarves, necklaces, shoes, etc.).

  6. Anonymous

    I need an amazing appetizer for a friend’s party this weekend. She’s a total foodie, so something amazing, but portable.

    • Anonymous

      Goat cheese and olive tapenade (can throw on a plate together when you get there) and some sort of fun cracker. My grocery store carries all of the parts in the deli / olive section.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        Or brie with fruit preserve on top, wrapped in a puff pastry and then baked. So good.

    • appetizers

      Stuffed mushrooms. But these require a quick oven warm before serving, so you must check with her to see if this would be an imposition.

        • Anonymous

          They are delicious. I’ve never tried to make them though. Easy? Hard? Not sure where I’d find dates (they seem to be dried and in chunks, no?). Does any bacon work? I’m worried I’d wind up with some sort of (delicious) mess — Bacon-Date Crumble, anyone?

          • ITDS

            Not hard. Buy whole pitted dates and cheap thin bacon, not thick fancy bacon. Get long toothpicks to skewer them, and cut each bacon strip in half. If stuffing with something meltable, freeze them once stuffed so the stuffing will survive the oven temperature without melting completely. You can also stuff a nut into each one, which is less tricky. Put them on a rimmed baking sheet at 425, and expect to need to turn them over once (the toothpick skewers make it easy to do this quickly). You WILL smoke up your kitchen, so open a window if you have one.

      • DisenchantedinDC

        Pesto with candied bacon/crispy prosciutto is always a deviled egg crowd pleaser!

    • Anonymous

      Mini vegetable tarts made by baking sliced vegetables on puff pastry, a fancy crudite plate with veggies and crackers and a homemade dip of some sort, or a fancy cheese plate with marcona almonds, fig butter or membrillo, honey, dried fruit, etc.

    • CHS

      Endive leaves stuffed with a mixture of gorgonzola, chopped pear, and toasted walnuts. Elegant presentation (fanned on a platter) and super easy to make.

      • Clementine

        If you’re ever totally in a pinch, endive leaves stuffed with chicken salad, especially a curried chicken salad, are a big hit. I’ve done this with curried chicken salad from the deli.

        I will say though, my vote is TOTALLY for stuffed, bacon-wrapped dates (piggy-back dates?) I’m a fan of the bleu cheese/pecan/bacon combo myself with a touch of honey.

    • SC

      Peppadews stuffed with goat cheese and wrapped in proscuitto. You can broil them or fry them quickly before serving, but they’re great cold too.

    • Chi Squared

      My go-to fancy appetizer is salmon and avocado tartare, with homemade wonton chips. I cut the salmon and avocado in medium dice, and mix in minced ginger, soy sauce, rice vinegar, a touch of honey, a touch of sesame oil, and maybe sprinkle some chopped chives on top. I buy frozen wonton skins, cut them in half diagonally, and fry them in oil for the chips.

  8. DSW

    I bought a pair of $50 booties from DSW yesterday afternoon – faux leather I guess. I wore them out last night, walking maybe ten or so blocks to/from the subway, to a sit-down event. By the time I got back on the subway home, I noticed the tips of both shoes were completely worn down – so that the faux leather is no longer there and it’s just the lighter material underneath. Looks terrible!

    Can I return these, since I literally walked in them for 15 minutes? Any experience with DSW returns? In my experience, this is not the kind of thing a cobbler can fix.

    • Alli

      I would absolutely return them. I once bought some boots at DSW, and it rained on the one day I wore them. I didn’t think that would be a huge deal (boots get wet sometimes?), but it stained and ruined the leather. The salesperson was kind of snarky (“You’re not supposed to wear these when it rains”), but I was insistent (“I am not a meteorologist”), and they refunded the boots. I don’t go to DSW much anymore….

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      Yes, return them. I’m not clear on US consumer laws on this, but they are not of acceptable quality even if they cost $50.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love fruegel friday’s and this colorful top, tho it is NOT acceptable for the office. I think I could make it work with some skinny jean’s and fry boot’s tho! Great Pick Kat!

      As for the OP, you alway’s take a chance when you buy thing’s from discount warehouses, includeing DSW, which stand’s for Designer Shoe Warehouse. FOOEY! With shoe’s sometimes it is not first quality, or the coloring is off or just not right. DOUBEL FOOEY! I once bought some shoes in a discount place where the sole’s were NOT even glued on right, so it was NOT flush with the leather (or in your case FAUX leather). TRIPEL FOOEY! Then the polish jobs are uneven, so you risk the color coming off in the winter or after it get’s wet. This hapens alot in NYC, with all the salt and poopie in the street.

      That is why i buy MOST of my shoes at L&T b/c of their return policy. I used to go to Bloomies also, but I can NOT go to the shoe department or the carpet department any more. L&T has most of the mainstay models of most designers, so you can get most thing’s there with a LIBERAL return policy. Just do NOT wear them and scuff them up until you know you will keep them. Sometime’s I go to the designer store itself, b/c the selection is better. The best shoe store I like is UGGs, up on Madison and about 58th, where they have the BEST Ugg’s anywhere. This is the time of year that all of the HIVE ought to go visit. There lined boot’s are the best unless you have to have LLBEANE’s muck boot’s.

      So for the OP, you can always try and return stuff, but in the end, as dad says: YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR! They could tell you no returns and you could be out of luck. Of course, they could give you a store credit or your money back. I would take the money and head right for UGGS or L&T and get the best stuff.
      YAY!!!!!!

    • SSJD

      How did you pay for them? If you used Amex you can file a claim with them (pretty easy) and they will refund the cost because the item is destroyed. I think the policy covers items destroyed or stolen within 90 days of the date of purchase. I have done this for a few items over the years (one was a piece of pottery I broke while it was still in the shopping bag!) and it’s a great perk of the card. I don’t work for American Express, I swear!

  9. Katie

    I like making an antipasto tray with items from a really good deli. Or, if you can find good cantaloupe, making a prosciutto and melon tray. But splurge on really good prosciutto.

  10. anon for this

    Hi Ladies – I’ve made the decision to finally try to do something about my anxiety. Even though I’m concerned about finding a good fit, I’m ready to take the first step and start looking for a therapist. Does anyone have suggestions in DC? I’d really appreciate it. I feel overwhelmed by the options and concerned about wasting my time and money with people that I don’t click with.

    • Kate

      Do you have an EAP through work? That’s a good way to get started — get a few free sessions (most likely) and then if you like that therapist, you may be able to continue to work with them or else get suggestions if they aren’t covered with your insurance plan, etc.

    • Anonymous

      Psychology Today’s provider finder is really helpful. You can search for people with availability/time slots you like. Most also have bios; I’d email a few and see if they can do a quick 10 minute call to talk about their method and see if you feel like you’d like to talk to them more.

      To some extent you just have to go. Think of it like speed dating!

    • dc

      I see a psych at the Ross Center (but wouldn’t necessarily recommend seeing a psych for talk therapy). For talk therapy, I worked with Krystal Davis who I really liked. I was originally referred to Susan Berlin (one of her associates), who was not available. I also saw Sara Mindel briefly, but for whatever reason didn’t “click” as much with her, though I think she could be good for someone else. I went through a couple of people before I found someone I clicked with, so don’t give up!

    • Anon

      I started with a therapist who then referred me to Dr Eliot Sorel for meds. I’m not clicking with the therapist but like Dr. Sorel.

    • Anonymous

      I have anxiety issues too. I found that working with my primary care physician to get on a really low dose of medication helped clear things up enough that i could then deal with life. In the middle of an anxiety issue i just really couldnt make clear decisions about finding a therapist. I hope you feel better soon!

  11. blue

    Has anyone tried out the new “smart” lightbulbs that automatically dim and reduce blue light later in the day? I’ve been having so much trouble sleeping and this is one of the last things I haven’t tried.

    • Veronica Mars

      I think an easier solution is to get orange glasses and wear those for a few hours before bed. They sell them on amazon, get the really ugly uvex safety glasses–they work the best. The cutesy sunglasses ones don’t work, unfortunately.

    • Anonny

      We have Philips Hue lights and I adore them. We dim everything on a timer (DH set this up) and has made such a difference. I would definitely look into either Hue or some of the other more basic dimming lights on the market right now!

      • Sarabeth

        We have these and do not love them. They are great for what they do, which includes auto dimming. But their lowest setting is still pretty bright and so they can’t do the sunrise/sunset thing. Plus, the ap is poorly designed, and there is often a significant lag. I’d go with another brand if we were doing it over.

    • Meg Murry

      I haven’t, but I want to. I do the opposite though, I use a Happy Light in the mornings to help me wake up. Have you tried melatonin and stopping screen time a few hours before bed? I know the standard recommendation for melatonin is 1-2 hours before bed, but my doctor told me to start there and work my way backwards – that some people who have out of whack circadian rhythms may do better starting it earlier, up to 4 hours before the desired sleep time in order to wind down slowly.

      Unfortunately, screen time is the killer for me. All the expensive/fancy programmable lighting in the world won’t do me any good if I have a bright phone light a few inches from my eyes all evening :-/

  12. Wellies

    I’m comparing the Joules Field Welly Gloss Rain Boot and the Sperry Walker Haze Rain Boot. I’m not familiar with the Joules brand; any recommendations regarding the quality (will it actually keep my feet dry commuting in the rain?) And/or any feedback on the Sperry Rain boots?

    • Veronica Mars

      I have a pair of Joules rainboots but I never wear them and will be putting them on Ebay soon. I don’t like them because I think they’re made too wide in the calf (I have narrow calves). Good quality though.

    • Runner 5

      Joules is a British high street mainstay at a similar price point to and style somewhere between Boden and Laura Ashley. Very much for the horsey set in general, also retail at the London Boat Show (to give you an idea of demographic).

      I know nothing about their wellies but I will note that their quality is usually good. I got a hoodie from them four or so years ago which I’ve worn loads and it still looks nearly new. Watch the materials, though – I went in last week and saw that they were charging £30 for an acrylic scarf, which to me is unacceptable.

  13. Tipping Q

    I have some contractors coming to my house to install a door. Should I tip them, and if so, how much? They are charging ~$400 for labor (I think it’s like 1-2 guys for 3 hours). I usually tip furniture deliverymen, but I figure in that case my $50 delivery fee isn’t going “straight” to them.

    • SSJD

      I do not think you tip them. I never tip my workmen. They are being paid by the contractor, whom I am paying.

      • Maddie Ross

        Agree with this. If they did something extra or special (fix a door jam that wasn’t part of the job or something), I might give them a bit extra. But not for simply doing the work that you are paying them for.

    • ITDS

      With contractors, I usually make sure to have a decent selection of bottled water and sodas on hand, but I don’t tip them.

  14. Senior Attorney

    If you know anybody who practices family law, they are often clued-in regarding who the good therapists are (as well as the ones to avoid).

  15. Amelia Bedelia

    I need help! Posting on both sites. I am about 100 weeks (fine, 6+ months) pregnant and have had an “ugly” pregnancy. I mean I have gained weight everywhere: thighs, back, arms, etc. Anyway, I just found out today that the engagement party I am attending is fancy. ugh. most women are wearing cocktail dresses. I have a pregnancy formal, but NOT a cocktail dress. And nothing I have from pre-pregnancy will work.

    So, I’m thinking of wearing a pretty silk flowy shell I have over a black pencil skirt or tuxedo pants. I think I will wear tons of killer jewelry (most attendees are middle eastern, so we have a lot of flashy gold! it’s awesome) and amazing shoes. BUT, I want a fabulous jacket/scarf/pashmina/sweater to really glam up the outfit and HIDE MY ARMS!!!!!

    I can’t spend more than about $250. Can anyone help me? Any suggestions? The event is in Southern Cal, so I needn’t be super warm.

  16. Venetia

    I’m looking to buy a nice robe (or other loungewear) to wear while lounging around the apartment, like after taking a shower or getting home from work. We moved to an apartment where it’s possible to see inside the windows at times, so I have to stop walking around without proper clothes on.

    Any suggestions of brands, styles, or stores to try, online or in NYC? I’m looking for something comfortable and somewhat attractive…not completely skimpy, but something my boyfriend would like to see me in and not just a huge pastel matronly mess.

    I don’t like the feeling of microfiber/fleece/velvet, but am otherwise open. Not currently planning to spend a ton of money, but could splurge if it was really nice!

  17. Funeral

    Curious how everyone decides whether to attend a viewing/funeral (I realize this is a bizarre questions but I am genuinely curious). A coworker’s parent died and there has been talk at work about attending the viewing and funeral. We are all friendly at work, but no one has a relationship with this coworker outside of work and none of us have met the deceased. I generally do not attend funerals for people I have never met unless it is a relative of a very close friend of mine and I want to go to support the friend. Everyone I have asked over the age of 40 seems to think I should absolutely go, while everyone under 40 seems to think it would be very weird for me to go. Thoughts?

    • Anon

      I attended the funeral services for the parents/children of coworkers. I’ve never attended the actual burials, but the services (and viewing the night before, for the Catholics) – absolutely.

    • anon

      I would go to support a coworker — it’s part of being in a community. I think younger people these days (speaking as one of them) are less likely to see this kind of thing as a community obligation and more likely to see it as a personal choice. I might skip the viewing, but would definitely go to the funeral if it were local, in support of my coworker.

      • Anonymous

        I think you should go. I am “younger” (late twenties) and many of my friends feel the way you do. There are two reasons to attend a viewing or funeral – to honor the deceased and to support those who loved/cared for the deceased. They are equally important.

        I think the reason this opinion changes over time is that as you get older, you have personally lost more people close to you and you realize how meaningful it is when people from your community show up to support you in your grief.

        I think this is a beautiful article on this point, also. http://www.npr.org/2005/08/08/4785079/always-go-to-the-funeral

        • shamlet96

          +1 to all of this. I never realized how much it means to someone to go to their loved one’s funeral until my dad passed away and I was stunned by the love and support from our community of friends and family (and how much it meant to me, my mother and my brother). Now I always go to funerals.

      • anon associate

        I agree with this. I’m young (late 20s), and within the last year an older corworker of mine (early 40s) lost her mother suddenly. Several people from our office went to the funeral and asked if I was going, and it sort of surprised me just because I never really thought about it before and thankfully experienced more than one or two deaths of people close to me. I wound up not going (work obligations, et al…), but I sort of regret not going now. She and I were pretty good work friends, but not really out of work friends at the time (so part of me thought it might be awkward for me to go when she has family and much closer friends there), but our relationship has continued to grow. Obviously your presence at the funeral isn’t going to make or break the experience for her (although of course it will be appreciated), but I really think it is about being a part of the community and supporting her and acknowledging the loss for its own sake.

    • Anon

      I think some of this is cultural and probably regional too. I live in a predominately Catholic area and it is more common to attend the rosary the night before if you are not particularly close rather than the funeral mass.

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      For any funeral, viewing, etc, if you can go, then go. Not to everything, but to something. Always better to go when you are on the fence.

      • Clementine

        I’ve never regretted going when I did go. You go to support the people who are left behind, not those who are still here.

        If you are one of those people who can’t stand viewings (my FIL is very much like this), send a card and don’t stress.

    • nope

      I will chime in with the dissent. You don’t go unless you knew the decedent or the surviving family member is your very close friend and wants your support. It would be weird and inappropriate for a total stranger to show up and intrude on the family’s moment of grief.

      I also think the viewing is a horrifying tradition that needs to end, but that’s a whole different topic.

      • Runner 5

        At least we’ve stopped taking photographs of the deceased made to look like they were alive, though. Shudder.

      • Carrie...

        I agree with this.

        If you knew my mother and wanted to come, I would be touched and I would LOVE it if you took a minute to tell me a nice recollection you had of my mother.

        I would actually feel a little uncomfortable if people I did not know well from work came. But I would be very touched if work people sent a card. Agree that a close friend of mine coming to the funeral is ok, and kind.

        I would actually be a little hurt if you were a closer colleague/friend and didn’t acknowledge my loss in some way. The smallest gesture is fine. “I’m so sorry”, or a simple card. But avoiding me makes me feel terrible and even more alone. Unfortunately, the majority of folks seem to do this.

        Agree on viewings being horrifying. In fact, I can’t remember being at one for decades, and assumed they were on the outs.

      • lawsuited

        This is why I go to the service but not the viewing if I did not personally know the deceased, but would like to express my support for the surviving co-worker or friend. I think the viewing is a bit more intimate because the family members are expected to greet and comfort those who attend. By contrast, being at the service doesn’t but any additional burden on the family, and I want the family to see the extent of support from their community and if my co-worker or friend looks up and sees a friendly face then so much the better. My aunt died when she was still a young woman, and the fact that so many people showed up to the funeral to remember her life meant so much to our family.

    • Funeral

      Thanks all, I will probably go to the viewing (schedule-wise I can’t attend the funeral). I was leaning toward going (better to be safe than sorry, as I don’t think anyone would be offended that someone went to a funeral), and this pushed me over the edge. I was really surprised by the definite divide in the people I asked, though.

      And nope, I still agree with you on all points. If it was me, personally I would not want to have to make small talk with coworkers if one of my parents died and would loathe having them see me a crying mess. But I would still appreciate their support (even if I would prefer they just sent flowers instead).

      My sister and I were discussing this last night and both voiced that, when we die, we want our survivors to skip the funeral/viewing altogether and just have a party with lots of good food and booze instead.

      • Maine girl

        My rule has always been go to the wake.visiting hours if you know the survivors and to the funeral if you knew the deceased. You will never be criticized for going. You may be criticized for skipping. When in doubt go.

        • DisenchantedinDC

          Yes, I was raised with this rule. I’m only in my 20’s, but I’ve never had a friend be disappointed that I showed up – they usually seem grateful and people remember it for a long time.

    • mascot

      I’ve been to funerals for co-workers’ parents and spouses. I saw these people every day even if we didn’t socialize outside of work and wanted to offer my support/condolences. Several of my husband’s co-workers came down for my FILs service (and viewing immediately before) and he appreciated their support. Is the viewing the night before the funeral? I think then you can just pick the one you are most comfortable with.
      I also live in the South where people are inclined to go to viewings and funerals. Supporting the living is of equal importance to honoring the deceased.

    • Snickety

      I think it depends on the type of funeral. My family’s tradition is small, family-only funerals and I would not expect co-workers to attend unless I was especially close to them. However, in my area, a lot of funerals are quasi-public events, I’ve gone to a few funerals of family members of colleagues. If funeral information is being circulated within your office, it would be appropriate to attend. If you’re not close to the co-worker, I doubt your absence will raise any eyebrows, but a card would be nice.

    • Anon

      My dad passed away when I was in my late 20s and a couple of my co-workers showed up at the large-ish funeral. It meant a lot and helped me feel supported, especially since I hadn’t been at my best at work for a few months while he was sick. I don’t know that you in particular have to go, but even a small showing from the office is a good idea.

    • anon

      When trying to decide whether to go to the funeral of an acquaintance’s relative, I ask myself if I would want that person at my mother’s (or father’s or grandfather’s etc) funeral. In other words would if its Jane’s mother’s funeral, I would go if I thought I would be really touched if Jane showed up to my funeral. I am a very private person and would NOT want people from my office to come see my cry over my dead relatives, but I would really be touched if my close friends took the effort to comfort me even if they didn’t know the deceased. Funeral traditions and expectations are extremely culturally determined, so I just go with the golden rule.

    • LC

      When my dad passed away last year after a long illness, all of my colleagues on my team at work came to the funeral. None had met my dad before, but I’d worked closely with them for years and they had been a source of support while my dad was sick. It meant so, so much to me that they came. I agree with those who say when in doubt, go.

    • Dahlia

      I’m 30 and I probably would just send flowers from the group and set up a meal delivery service from the group for several meals over the next few weeks. I wouldn’t attend personally. When I had a loved one die, the last thing I would have wanted was a bunch of people I from my job seeing me in my teary, messy, distracted state. But then I work in the kind of field where showing emotion is generally frowned upon.

  18. T-shirts?

    I used to buy T-shirts to layer under suits from Target, Lands End and Eddie Bauer.

    Haven’t bought from Lands End for a while — last ones I bought pilled immediately. Target ones are now very thin (they eliminated the double layer ones that were really nice), and the Eddie Bauer ones have a “slub” texture that I don’t like for work wear.

    What are your current favorites?

    • anonymom

      Boden. I also used to buy Caslon scoopneck tees from Nordstrom, but last season they switched from 100% cotton to a clingy modal-cotton blend for the short-sleeve style. The long-sleeve style for winter is 100% cotton, so hopefully Nordstrom listened to the overwhelmingly negative comments on the website and plans to revert to 100% cotton for spring.

    • Anon

      I have never seen this brand recommended on this website, but my favorite shell is a knot-top shirt from Dana Buchman at Kohl’s. They are very comfortable, easy to launder, don’t wrinkle, etc. They’re tanks — although the shoulder is quite wide, so there isn’t an issue with bra straps showing if you need to take off your jacket. They have a ton of patterns, and seem to change them regularly. I bought one two years ago and I still love it. I was just looking at the site a few days ago and am planning to buy a few more. They go on sale for under $20.

      One tip – I need to order a size down (from L to M), and still have more than enough room.

  19. HM

    I would skip the viewing, and attend the funeral. In my experience, the viewing (or rosary) is more for people to reminisce about the deceased and the funeral is to show support. Signing the guestbook and/or brief handshake or hug at the receiving line plus knowing you took the time to come means a lot.

  20. Hollis

    What color and style of shoes do you ladies wear with navy sheath dresses or navy skirt suits at work? I’ve been sticking with black calf leather pumps, but I’m open to other possibilities here. I work in a business casual setting but need to wear suits on occasion. Oh, and I also have a wider forefoot and narrow heels. Thanks.

    • anon

      colors: navy, wine, leopard print, gray, forest green, mustard yellow… pretty much anything but black, which is technically appropriate but rarely looks good. I also don’t love nude-for-you shoes, but some people love that with navy.

      not sure what your budget is, but check out Ivanka Trump, Vince Camuto, Ann Taylor for business appropriate pumps.

      • Hollis

        I’m considering gray pumps. Do you think shiny leather will work just as well as suede gray? I’m happy to spend $100+ for shoes that will be comfortable and look nice. If anyone here has suggestions for a particular type of gray shoes, please share them!

        • Laura

          Banana has a pair of gray leather pumps right now – I believe it’s called the Anneke pump. I’m thinking about getting some myself.

    • AN

      Anything but navy and black.

      Conservative : nude, wine, plum, tan, cordovan
      Colorful: green, yellow, fuchsia, purple

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