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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 152 Comments · by

Monday’s TPS Report: Striped Cashmere Sweater

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Lord Taylor Striped Cashmere SweaterThis is my first year hearing of this sale, but readers noted a few weeks ago that L&T historically marks a lot of their cashmere down to $50ish a few days before Christmas. Lo and behold, ladies: I think that day is upon us. It's not their entire stock of sweaters, but their basic V-necks and more are marked from $160 down to $60. (The 20% off code GIFT does not work on most of the sweaters I tried, but that's my $.02.) You get free next day shipping with any $99 order. Happy holidays, ladies! Lord & Taylor Striped Cashmere Sweater The sale also applies to select plus-size sweaters. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-3)

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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Comments

  1. AIMS

    You also get free day shipping through Shoprunner if you have an Amex card, no minimums. This is, by far, my favorite credit card benefit.

    Question: any ideas on a gift equivalent of a basket of flowers that is not a) a fruit-type basket (so no edible arrangements or Harry and David and the like) and b) that does not involve booze? $50 range or thereabouts.

    • mmm

      Nice. My favorite credit card benefit is Amex’s return protection. Up to $1000 per year of refunded money, no questions asked. Even if you knew that J. Crew sweater was final sale and a little risky. It’s crazy. I fill out their form completely honestly, and they still give me the money back.

      • BB

        +1 ! They even gave me back the $300 for my new phone that I broke by spilling water on it.

          • cbackson

            No – it’s specific to the issuer (American Express FSB vs. another bank) and the product. But it is always, always worth going through your benefits booklet – part of the reason you pay higher annual fees on cards is for those benefits!

    • anon a mouse

      If food that’s not fruit is okay, I suggest Zingerman’s. I would be thrilled to get a box of their cinnamon rolls or gingerbread coffeecake.

      • Zelda

        +1. Zingerman’s is amazing! I lived a block away from the deli for a year and it was not good for my wallet or my waistline! It’s definitely a must if you’re ever in Ann Arbor.

      • Anon in Mpls

        I lived in Ann Arbor and Zingermans in-the-deli was great. However, this year I received a gift basket from Zingermans and the food items were so dry that they were almost inedible. At their prices, not a good bet.

        • LondonLeisureYear

          Did you tell them that? They have amazing amazing customer service so I am sure they would fix it. For example I would always send my sister some of their bread to help get through finals and when I had trouble processing the order on line (because it was a dorm address ) and had to call in to make sure the address was okay and they heard it was for my sister’s final, they threw in extra brownies just for hte hassle of me having to call etc.

          I always always use Zingermans and have never had a complaint from people so I find this interesting.

      • quailison

        +1. Zingerman’s is the best, and I think $50 would get you something nice but not overwhelming. Their baked goods are amazing.

    • Cat

      is food generally out, or just fruit? My in-laws love the breakfast goodies we send them from Wolfermans. A client also once sent me a great assortment from Dean & Deluca.

      • AIMS

        They tend to get a lot of food baskets and then regift them. So not all food is out, but I think most generic food baskets are out. I was thinking of going to Zabar’s or something and getting a bunch of goodies like chocolate babka, cinnamon ruggalach and coffee, but wanted to have some other options. Last year, I did fancy hot chocolate, marshmallows and holiday mugs and that went over well enough, I think.

        • AIMS

          Also: how hard would it be to do a basket myself rather than a pre-made one? Has anyone done this? What would I need besides an actual basket?

          • Zelda

            World Market is great for DIY baskets. I’ve been using them ever since college (houseguest gifts when visiting bf’s parents). They have tons of full size and mini food items, kitchen gear and wine, as well as the baskets and other necessary supplies. You can even order online and put it together at home (http://www.worldmarket.com/content/create-a-gift-basket.do). That link also has lots of ideas for basket themes.

          • Meg Murry

            I’ve done homemade baskets myself as gifts, as well as helped prepare them for fundraisers. The only tricky parts to them are that it is easy to have it add up quickly without realizing it, since you are buying lots of small lower priced items – so what’s $5 here and $5 there until you are done and realize you spent a long more than you intended, and for me I have a hard time arranging them in a way to make it look nice – I just don’t have the knack for that.

            Pretty and popular baskets I’ve seen included coffee themed ones (possibly including grinder and/or french press if you want some non-food things), Italian dinner themed ones with fancy handmade pasta, and NYE themed (fancy cheeses and finger foods plus something sparkling – either alcoholic or non).

        • Cat

          Hm, ok – is this a personal gift or an office gift? For office, maybe food would be less likely to be re-gifted if it isn’t immediately perishable – like a set of 4 types of coffee beans, or either sweet or savory jams/spreads or something, that people could enjoy at home/later. Or cookie baking kits with the dry ingredients in jars and a cookie cutter tied to the jar with ribbon.

          • AIMS

            It’s a family friend/in-law type gift. More symbolic than actual, but important not to screw up.

          • Cat

            ugh, that’s hard. Beautiful holiday napkin and coaster type assortment if they’re entertainers and would run through such items? Indoor wreath + wreath stand?

        • Anon

          What about Greenbergs? My parents spent many years in NY, and I mail them black & white cookies from greenbergs for birthdays, etc. Or something else from the area they used to live in and don’t anymore? I once got soft pretzels when I was at college (possibly the best gift ever, mostly because it also included the right kind of mustard). I feel like food gifts like that sometimes go over better than generic items from whole foods.

        • anon-oh-no

          i do sherri’s berries for a number of folks — big chocolate covered strawberries.

    • rosie

      Are you a Costco member? They have some nice food gift items that fit your parameters. I’ve sent the popcorn cones before and they’ve gone over well, and I’ve been looking at the Dancing Deer baked goods as well. Other stores–Zabar’s, When Pigs Fly (bread).

    • cbackson

      It is often the case that your credit card – especially if it’s an Amex card – has all kinds of useful benefits, especially travel-related ones. It’s really worth going through your benefits booklet. Mine has, for example, coverage that would fly a family member to me if I’m hospitalized while traveling, so long as I bought my plane tickets with the card. It also pays to repatriate my body (grim, I know, but potentially very expensive and not a cost I’d like to saddle my family with).

    • Digby

      A tin of nuts from Koeze? I’ve been ordering from them for years, and the quality is always great.

    • Anon in NYC

      If food generally is not ruled out, what about a cheese basket from Murray’s? You can select one of their pre-selected baskets, or build your own. Only thing, you have to order online or they won’t ship it. DH and I went to the store, selected a bunch of cheese, and asked if they could mail it out… nope!

      Or, there’s a store in Chelsea market where you can build your own basket of goodies. You can buy a basket (through them), and they have a lot of assorted things that you can add in (chocolates, fancy spices, etc.). I don’t think they have a mailing option though.

    • IMMJ

      Depending on how well you know the person, how about an assortment of teas or soaps?

  2. Baconpancakes

    Speaking of LT cashmere, I found a hole in the elbow of my cardigan today. I’d originally thought it was moths, but the fabric around the hole looks pretty thin. Could this be just from too much wear/dry cleaning? I’ve never had a sweater actually wear a hole through the elbow before, and the other sleeve looks fine.

      • Baconpancakes

        Two years, maybe 1x week. I’m strongly considering switching to gentle hand washing, since logically, harsh chemicals on delicate fabrics can’t be good.

        • lawsuited

          104 wears is probably enough to result in a little elbow wear and tear regardless of how it’s laundered. I sometimes get holes around the armpit, and now keep the extra thread they give you so my tailor can darn holes.

    • Anon - Personal

      This happens to my sweaters, but I wear them at work, where I sit at the desk all day. Mine usually go on both elbows however!

      I wanted to thank everyone for their comments over the weekend on my situation with a cheating partner. I was kind of foolish to believe he would be faithful, especially since he is not even divorced from his spouse. I now have reason to believe he may be seeing her, as my assistant showed me multiple unbilled outgoing calls from him in our firm’s phone log, and those went to her home and cell numbers. I am going to have to watch closelyto see what goes on with the first year associate, and whether I should clue her in before she also gets hurt.

      • Julia

        I wouldn’t clue her in. I’m sure she wouldn’t want to believe it. Just stop seeing him, remain professional, put the whole experience out of your mind and move on.

      • excellence

        I think you are getting too involved- stop getting your assistant involved in this. I don’t know why the phone calls are making you think he is seeing her- the fact that you caught them in the break room is how you know they are seeing each other. There is no mystery to solve here- he is seeing her and there is no reason you need to watch closely. Cut your losses, move on, and dont date married men or coworkers in the future.

      • Anonymous

        What?!? No. That is not the takeaway. You should not be watching closely. You should not be clue ing her in. You should not be using your secretary to snoop his calls. You should be backing out of all this nonsense quickly.

          • Diana Barry

            +1, the follow-up over the weekend and the writing style makes me think this is a troll.

        • Anonymous

          I’m skeptical of this story, but I had a landline as a 25 year old first year (and still do). It’s included with our Comcast internet and TV package…

          • Anonymous

            To me the hookup in the breakroom at 7:30 is way more unrealistic than the landline. About half my 20-something friends have landlines.

          • Anonymous

            And how old are you now? I’m 25 and none of my friends have landlines. Seriously. None.

        • Samantha

          I would give her the benefit of the doubt. There are people in their 20s and 30s who still have land lines that are VOIP, and I just met someone who has a landline for emergency 911 calls in a crisis.

          If true, this is a wretched story and I’d want to support the poster.
          However, I agree with Anonymous who says, resist the impulse to check in on him and just back away and distract yourself – with work, family, or hobbies. Thank your stars you found out before you got any further into this.

      • anon

        DON’T. You gain nothing from doing this. Definitely don’t draw your secretary into this further. Who knows who she’ll tell.

        You may fancy yourself as some guardian angel for this first year associate, but this really isn’t your problem. She’s an adult. This is no longer your circus; these are no longer your monkeys.

      • E

        Please please please please don’t talk to the other associate – it’ll only make the situation messier for you. There’s no good outcome: she believes you, confronts the partner, and he makes your work life hell, or she doesn’t believe you and causes all sorts of drama. Extricate yourself as quickly and delicately as possible and focus your energy on your friends, hobbies, family, etc.

        • January

          Also, assuming this story is true, please dust off your resume and begin looking for a new job. No, you shouldn’t have to, but even assuming the very best of everyone involved, I can’t imagine staying in this situation and keeping my head.

      • Anonymous

        Please don’t talk to the other associate and please stop getting your secretary involved, or if she’s getting involved on her own, tell her to stop.

    • BB

      Not exactly an answer to your question (I tend to get random holes in sweaters, too), but I had no idea how easy it was to fix sweater holes until a few months ago. It helps if you have the thread that usually comes with nice sweaters so it’s the same color. There’s easy instructions online, and if the hole is pretty small, it comes out almost invisible!

      • Anon

        Yes, or take it to a reweaver. There’s a tailoring shop near me that does a fantastic job – there should be one in most larger cities.

  4. Now 37 weeks

    Hey all, I posted about flying out of state for a job interview at 36 weeks. I was thinking of taking the train (7 hours each way) but you all persuaded me to fly (1.5 hours each way). I went last week, the interview went well, and I didn’t go into labor. ;) My hubby did accompany me as a chaperone, however, which made both of us feel better. Thanks everyone for your input!

  5. Foot Problems

    So I have to wear my sneakers (per my doctor’s orders) for 3-4 months. BOO. Any ideas on how to make my outfits look less frumpy? Should I buy a darker color of my current shoe?

    • YouSaucyMinx

      I would do darker sneakers that are more sleek than your usual running shoe.

      To avoid frump, watch your hemlines (nothing worse than ratty hems from flopping around the floor due to sneakers) and keep the rest of your look very tailored. If your clothes are very sharp and put together, no one will notice the shoes. Think blazers and defined silhouettes rather than drape.

    • A

      I had to do that too. I’d say buy all black sneakers and then just accept the frump.

    • anon

      What climate do you live in? What hemlines are most of your work clothes? If you can bear exposed skin, there are lots of sleek, sporty looks that look great with cropped trousers (I’m thinking low profile lace-up sneakers or slip-ons). I think both low profile sneaks and slip-ons can look cute with a fuller skirt, too. A pencil skirt you must be very mindful of not looking like you are Melanie Griffith in Working Girl. So again, low profile sneakers or go big with Air Jordan-type looking shoes. (Also, how trendy do you dress normally? This look might be too much for your taste.) I wear sneakers with tights, too, but it is a trickier choice. Easiest is black or dark colored Jordan-type looking shoes, but I have done the look with white sneakers like in Zelda’s link.

      All this being said, if the rest of your look is a bit more conservative, this sporty look just on the bottom might look off, in which case, then I would go for the darkest, most non-noticeable sneakers you can find.

      • Foot Problems

        Thanks ladies. Sadly it has to be a specific sneaker (only one that works without super expensive orthotics), so I’m right now in a running shoe. I will aim for all black and accept the frump! Maybe try to style the rest of my outfits so they’re sleeker? Need to buy pants, since I think skirt plus sneakers looks too Working Girl for my taste.

        • tesyaa

          As long as you skip the white tube socks, no one will mistake you for Tess.

        • Anonymous

          Can you try Vionic Shoes? They are the only shoes approved by my podiatrist. You have to shop a bit carefully to avoid the frump, but there are some pretty good options — including some not-terrible sneakers.

    • baymax

      What kind of sneakers can you wear? I like black flyknits for commuting when I wear solid black ankle pants or black and white patterned pants. Usually paired with a solid 3/4 sweater. If I keep the outfit on the sleeker/minimal side I think it looks intentional enough to wear after work at casual happy hours/dinner. (I live in Southern CA.)

      The last few jcr*w catalogs have had many examples of wearing new balances with their clothes. Good luck! I hope your feet feel better soon!

    • Michelle

      Black slip-ons are actually very trendy right now, particularly with ankle pants or skinnies… and I like Pumas for sleek regular sneakers that don’t have that athletic shoe clunkiness.

    • Parfait

      Does it have to be sneakers qua sneakers? I am wearing Keen Mary Janes right now which, while frumpy, are less frumpy than sneakers, every bit as comfortable, and less stupid-looking with a skirt.

  6. Work Woes

    TJ: i’m in the financial sector working for a big bank in NYC. I moved to this bank from another big bank 6 months ago and haven’t liked it one bit. It’s a cluster of small things that have bothered me and sort of affected me and my performance such as 1) being talked about for wearing sneakers to work (and then changing at work but people had a problem with my neon pink laces and neon pink nike sign on it) 2) my clothes 3) my introverted nature 4) the attitude of people in general (they come off as mean most time). I know a lot has to do with adjusting to the culture as it’s a global bank with a LOT of foreigners so there is that cultural bit i need to factor in. But the plain truth is i haven’t been enjoying my work or the people i work with. I would like to start looking outside and coincidentally a lot of recruiters i’ve worked with in the past have contacted me in the last 2-3 weeks. The problem is I am concerned about responding to “why are tou looking to move?” question as i’ve only been here 6 months. And i think if i explain what the real reason is, i may come across as somebody who has problems getting along with others etc. i worked at another bank in various groups and this really is not a problem with my personality etc. Do you guys have any suggestions as to what a good enough reason to move would be for interviews given my circumstances? Thanks in advance…

    • West Coast

      I would just say it wasn’t a good cultural fit and leave it there. If pressed for more, I would say the atmosphere wasn’t as collaborative as I had hoped.

    • Anonymous

      Suck it up. Stop wearing sneakers. Stop expecting people to be nice. You’re in banking not preschool. Fix your clothes. Start being more outgoing. See eg you’re in banking.

      I think it’s just a really tough job in a really harsh field. You should figure out a way to make this work for at least a year before moving on, unpleasant as it may be.

      • BB

        Harsh but I agree. All of these complaints are de rigeur for “big NYC bank” finance. If you want a better work environment, find a smaller non-NYC firm. It sounds like you might be doing this with recruiters already, but don’t expect to go to another big bank and have a different experience.

      • YouSaucyMinx

        Yeah, I was going to say this is rough, but true. NYC big-bank expects tailored professionalism at all time, not frumpy clothes and sneakers.

      • Hollis

        What was the reason why you left your previous firm? Could you consider going back to the previous firm?

      • Samantha

        Agree that from what you posted, OP, it’s hard for us to tell whether the complaints are just normal banking behavior (just go with the flow and follow the ‘rules’ re attire and interactions with colleagues) or get-away-from-the-crazy. From what you described I don’t see any red flags pointing to the second option – for example, boss making misogynistic comments, favoritism with male colleagues, verbal abuse – all of which are not unusual in NY banking.

        I recognize though that you didn’t ask us whether you should look for another job or not. I think there is a real danger of you appearing to be “somebody who has problems getting along with others” so I would urge you to think carefully before making the decision to leave. If your resume otherwise has long work stretches (say 2+ years at every job) you may be fine. You could word it as the work being different from what you expected going in, or a fit issue.

      • Zelda

        The comment about there being a lot of foreigners also seems a little off to me. As most of the responses have pointed out, your issues seems pretty standard for NYC banking and not at all attributable to foreign cultural differences. OP, you might want to think about whether you are making subtle distinctions or have a subconscious bias towards foreigners that may also be contributing to you feeling out of step with the office culture.

        • June

          I also thought the comment about foreigners was abit unusual. To the OP: It’s likely that you will encounter other foreigners even when you move to a smaller bank maybe not as many as you would in a large organisation but they will be there. Like Zelda says, look inward and consider whether you might actually have some bias about foreigners–most of us would like to think we are open minded, but sometimes people have implicit biases that they many not even be aware of. Or this is an issue about fitting into the culture in this industry or organization. Case in point: wearing sneakers with neon laces–I think this would raise eyebrows in any conservative work environment, and I think banking falls in this category. So if people are taking you to task there is a good reason for it. That said if there is other mean-ness from people, then make a move and find something that would be a better fit.

    • Anon

      All of the banks I’ve worked with in NYC are full of horrible people. I would try to stick it out for a few months and be friendly, but you also need to be really zen because people are going to be assholes and moving to another bank is probably not going to fix it – unless you are able to go back to the first one that you liked. However, it doesn’t hurt to talk with people and interview- though I’d aim for something that’s not a big NYC bank.

    • Idea

      What does the rest of your resumee look like? I’ve heard you get one “freebie” – i.e. extremely short-term job on your resumee that hiring managers will forgive due to culture, not fitting in, whatever. After that, you get labeled.

      I’ve worked in horrible sectors -yes, big city East Coast law. And yes, different firms do have different, nicer cultures. There’s a lot you can do to try and fit in better or move up or what-have-you, but if you know it’s not for you– move on. Good luck either way.

  7. West Coast

    Any recommendations for a brand of pants that have a lower rise? I’m short waisted and longer rise pants don’t work for me; low-mid rise pants just look like normal rise when I wear them. Theory tends to work well, but I’m looking for more options.

    • Anonymous

      I haven’t found anything other than Theory(( But I did find an amazing jean – Citizen’s of Humanity Racer – very low and very flattering.

      • West Coast

        Thanks for the advice! I really wish that some of the jeans companies like AG or Citizens of Humanity would make nice work pants–I feel like the choice is so limited. I have had some luck with Nanette Lepore and BCBG, but viable work options from those brands are few and far between.

  8. Future MIL

    I’m newly engaged and looking for advice on how to politely rebuff my future MIL’s desire to “help” with the wedding.

    Based on her desire to “help” with a future BIL’s wedding, it is likely that she’ll offer to/want to bake the cake or another dessert, arrange the flowers, etc.

    A few issues with this:
    – Future in-laws cant afford to do this but are wearing money-blinders
    – She and i have different tastes
    – She and i have very different ideas of when something is finished/polished. Lets just say that the flowers she did for BIL’s wedding were…rough. Her heart is in the right place but execution leaves a lot to be desired.

    My fiance has already voiced to me that he thinks his mom will be a problem and that he plans on triaging and leaving me out of it as much as possible, which is awesome. But there will be times when he is not around and I’m looking for advice on how to politely respond if she makes offers to me directly.

    ETA: a potential complicating factor is that my parents will likely offer to contribute financially (with no strings), and his mom will likely be upset that they cant afford to do the same, which will likely impact offers to help (but again – they cant afford that either).

    • Anon

      I think what I would do in this situation is pick an area where you don’t really care too much what happens (decorations, place settings, whatever) and let her plan that aspect. Then when she asks to do more, you can say very politely that she has already done so much by planning the decorations or whatever, and you really just want her to be able to enjoy her son’s wedding day, blah, blah, blah. . . then hopefully she will back off!

    • anon

      Why not say your mother/parents are taking care of the wedding, but let her throw you and fiance a shower/engagement party where she does flowers and desserts?

      • Anon in NYC

        +1. Let her handle a pre-wedding event or let her contribute to the rehearsal dinner.

        And, your fiancé is doing the right thing. Let him handle his mom as much as possible, and if she says something to you directly that you don’t want/like, just say, “oh, thank you so much for the offer. Let me talk about it with fiancé and we’ll get back to you.”

      • Katie

        That or perhaps your rehearsal dinner? She can do flowers, etc. for those events. Tell her you want her to feel nice and relaxed so she can enjoy the week of the wedding, not stressed from preparations.

      • Anon

        +1, and you could even say, “Oh, my parents are really traditional about this kind of stuff, thank you so much for offering but they want to take care of the wedding itself.”

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Let her decorate and or bake for the rehearsal dinner? This is usually thrown by the groom’s family anyway so it is less a reflection of “your” style.

    • LondonLeisureYear

      I got a wedding planner for this exact reason. Well a lot of reasons, but this reason is a big one. Someone to control the decisions and take the blame haha! I interviewed a TON of wedding planners and one of the big questions was how they would handle parents who want to help but have zero clue how to help and are really bad with timelines. The wedding planner I choose has come up with projects that my parents are doing (mom is making the save the dates for example, and dad is making the chuppah), she gave them a timeline, if they miss the timeline they know that she has a back up option and we will go into the back up option, and she provided them with the supplies they need and met with them to explain the projects. My wedding planner coordinates all the discussions about vision etc so my parents/his parent have met with her, and shared their insights she tactfully handles it and involves their ideas (for example my dad really really wanted a model airplane he built to fly that said just married on a banner behind it) and she found a time that for that to fit in but not be too weird.

      • LondonLeisureYear

        Oh and our wedding planner is super strict about keeping to our budget. I actually have found that she has saved us money by using her connections in the business. For example a photographer I was looking at before we picked her ended up giving us a great deal. We get him for Friday rehearsal, Saturday apple orchard, Sunday wedding for the price of one wedding day. And thats just one example.

        Finally neither of our parents are contributing anything to our wedding and our wedding planner has put really good thought into how they can still contribute time etc, so they feel involved and feel like they are helping.

      • Anonattorney

        I loved my wedding planner. Best decision we made. I will ALWAYS recommend that other people cut out other expenses from their budget to accommodate a planner/coordinator. Bringing sanity and blissful order to an otherwise insane and chaotic experience.

    • Burgher

      “Thank you so much, but we have everything under control. I want you to be able to relax and enjoy the day!”

      “I appreciate the offer, but we have already booked the flower/cake/whatever vendor.”

      Not sure why they need to know anything about who else is contributing what, financially or otherwise. Just don’t tell them.

      • ANP

        Yeah I agree with this — it’s none of their business how your wedding is funded.

        I also agree with those who said to give her some tasks you don’t care about (or don’t care as much about). Gift bags for out of towners? A morning-after brunch? Shower? Dessert table? Favors? Or you could give her a “research projects” (i.e. call a predetermined list of florists and let her make the appointments for you).

        Ultimately this is your fiancé’s deal — he’s going to have to be the one to bring the big guns if and when it comes to that. Good luck!

        • Lorelai Gilmore

          Can she bake a groom’s cake for the wedding? There’s so much work that goes into a wedding that there must be something she can do. I generally think it’s kinder and also probably more effective to give her some assignments, rather than to put her off for months.

          • lawsuited

            +1 You’ve mentioned she likes baking, and it would be very sweet for her to bake her son’s favourite cake as the groom’s cake. Perhaps she could also go with your fiance when he gets his tux fitted and/or make the boutonnieres for the groom and groomsmen (pretty hard to mess up even if she didn’t do a great job doing full-scale flower arranging at BIL’s wedding). It’s probably the time with her son that will mean the most to her during the planning process.

      • Diana Barry

        +100, all of these are good responses. Also, letting her “do” part of the rehearsal dinner or contribute to it might work.

        • Burgher

          My MIL offered to do our rehearsal dinner, since they wanted to contribute, but couldn’t do much financially. It was appetizers and sandwiches in the church’s multipurpose room, so definitely not what I would have done. However, it was still nice that it was one less thing to worry about and one less expense for us (we paid for everything but the rehearsal dinner and DJ that my mom handled). I think letting her do something related but separate like that (or a portion of it) is a great out.

          We invited out of town guests to attend and my stuck up aunt actually said “Sandwiches at the church? That’s not dinner. We’ll pass.” Everyone else politely declined or attended without comment and it was lovely.

    • anon

      I’m not sure why she’d need to know what your parents contributed. “We’re doing fine with the finances; thanks for asking though.” “What “Kelly’s” parents do is something I want keep between them and Kelly (even if not strictly true)”

      Agree on accepting offers of help with the rehearsal dinner and/or dinner-party-etc. to meet her people in her town.

    • Anonymous

      There are lots of good suggestions here. I’d also balance the importance of one day with the fact this woman will be part of your life for many years. She will love her son, hold your babies, and probably help all of you one day when you need it. Rough flowers made with love can be priceless.

    • Meg Murry

      In addition to the “give her something else to do” category like others have suggested (highly recommend the rehearsal dinner decor – who cares if its not your taste?), you can also make her feel involved by letting her “help” you make decisions about things you don’t really care about and have already narrowed to 2 or 3 choices. For instance, my MIL loved that we showed her my top 2-3 invitation choices and let her help us pick the final one. There was no wrong answer, so we didn’t really mind going with the one she liked best of the 3. Including her in small decisions like this (do you think we should have Chicken Piccata or Chicken Marsala as the chicken option? These pearl earrings or these sparkly earrings? Veil A or Veil B etc) without offering her a blanket invitation to insert something completely to her taste and not yours.

      Also, if she doesn’t have daughters, offering to do other “daughterly” things in general like take her shopping for her dress for the wedding might go a long way toward keeping her happy if you have time for something like that. My most recent present to my MIL was to take her shopping for a dress for an upcoming wedding – she doesn’t have daughters and got a real kick out of a “girls day out” shopping excursion, and all I really had to do was ooh and ahh over the dresses I could tell she liked and I didn’t hate.

      • Future MIL

        These are all great suggestions, thanks. MIL has only sons so good point about the exclusion. N

      • Clementine

        +1 to this. I invited my MIL dress shopping (3 sons, my husband was the last to get married and I was the only one who had invited her to join me) and we had a girls’ lunch. She LOVED it.

        Yeah, I tried on a couple dresses that totally weren’t my style and I knew wouldn’t look good on me because it made her happy, but whatever! It ended up being fun and hysterical.

      • quailison

        +1 to dress shopping. Did that with my MIL (who has only sons) and found my dress that day. I also went separately with my mom and struck out, but it was nice to have the experience with both of them. You could invite her to your dress shopping, or go with her to find a mother-of-the-groom dress.

      • only sons

        As the mom of 3 sons, I hope that one day I’ll have future DILs who are so inclusive and kind!

    • anon

      I let my mother in law make the cake for my wedding… I mean it made her feel good…

  9. To bar or not to bar...

    So we’ve decided to relocate (for the hub’s job) and I am going to have to take another bar exam. I decided to take it in January before we move in the summer and now, I’m wondering if I’m crazy! I have two little ones under 5 and a full-time job here. My husband thinks I’m setting myself up for failure, but I’m trying to help myself with being certified (or almost) before I start a job search. So crazy, crazy or doable?

    • Anonymous

      The bar exam isn’t hard. It’s just not. Yes, we all study like crazy for it but you’ve passed it once and you’ll probably do so again. Unless you’re really broke, take it now so if you fail you can take it again in July. And your husband needs to be stepping up not saying you’ll fail.

      • Must be Tuesday

        Agree with this – take now, so if you do fail you can take again in summer. But you most likely won’t fail. I studied like crazy for my first bar exam right after law school and passed. I barely studied at all for my second bar exam 4 years later and still passed, despite getting several questions wrong (I check the answers right after leaving the testing room, and I know that I missed a lot of stuff). By barely studying, I mean that I purchased the Bar Bri books used and reviewed the outlines for all the subjects. I spent approx. an hour a day, 2-4 days per week, for about 6 weeks before the exam. That’s it. No classes, no recorded lectures, no full readings, no practice exams, nothing but the outlines.

    • Lorelai Gilmore

      You’re doing the right thing and I don’t think you’re crazy. I do think you should study. What state are you moving to? I took the California bar exam with a full time job and a kid and passed, and you can too.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Not crazy. I took a bar exam with a full time job (though no kids) and while it’s certainly not a fun experience, it’s doable. I did most of my heavy studying on the weekends and either just made flash cards or did MBE multiple choice in the evenings after work because those seemed less mentally taxing.

      Also, I do think already having taken the bar exam helped me get a job in my new state more easily.

      • Anon

        +1. I moved to California after already being barred in another state (and working at a BigLaw firm in another state), and was told by almost every firm my recruiter contacted on my behalf, “Come back after you’ve passed the bar.” Luckily, I found one firm that took a chance on me before my results were in, but your options will be MUCH better if you can at least say that you’ve taken the bar in the new state.

    • Maddie Ross

      I’ve taken a second bar while working a full time job, though also without kids at the time. It’s doable, but it won’t be fun. I basically came home and immediately started studying every night for the month leading up to the bar and took the week before the bar (starting Wednesday until the bar started the next Wednesday) off completely. I would see if you could get grandparent or other help that week to watch the kids so you can concentrate as fully as possible. IMO, second bars are easier – you’ve done it once and you know you can do it. I suppose it also depends on the state you took and what you are taking though. I took a hard state first and a relatively easy state second.

  10. Bri

    Does anyone have any recommendations for things to do/places to go in Charleston, SC? I’ve never been, and am going with some friends for a few days (including NYE). Also, what is the ideal going-out attire (mostly not to super fancy places)? Would black skinny jeans and a festive top work, or are dresses better? What kind of shoes would be best? Thanks in advance!

    • Casper

      Charleston is a dress town but jeans and a nice shirt wouldn’t look out of place. Nothing super fancy. As for places to go most of the bars are concentrated around King street meeting street and east Bay Street. Most places are more loungey bars rather than dancing clubs though there are a few of those closer to the college

    • Emmabean

      I was there for a bach in September, and we did the following: eat at Husk, shop on a high street (King?), take a boat cruise, go to the beach, go out at night on King street, went to a drag show (!!!), walk around an outdoor market, walk through the historical neighborhood, eat real southern food! It was such a cool city – SO many different things to do. We stayed at the king charles inn, and I highly recommend it!

    • McBagel

      I got engaged in Charleston last September (on our room balcony at the King Charles Inn)! However unlike Emmabean I probably wouldn’t go back there. It was in a great location but was only an OK hotel. That being said I loved charleston. Eat at: Fig, Husk, the ordinary, butcher &bee, s.n.ob., cypress, magnolias, high cotton, two boroughs larder and get a drink at the gin joint. Visit high wire distilling for a tasting. Go to the provost building, check out the market and rainbow row. We did a ghost tour of the old jail that was more historically inclined than cheesy ghost stories that was fun too.

        • Sweet knee

          If you have time, a cooking class/demonstration at “Charleston Cooks” is lots of fun. The bloody Mary’s at a Toast are also excellent….bacon vodka !

    • anon

      I’d go on Trip Advisor. Per its advice, we stayed at the Holiday Inn Express, which is a little north of where I’d like to be. Why? The conceierge there was as fantastic as described and got us some amazing activities (boat trip to Morris Island, we saw dolphins and there is a ton of intact sand dollars there) on short notice.

      I’d been to Charleston a lot before, but wanted to try something more than “amazing dinner and too much wine” and shopping.

  11. Baconpancakes

    I have a $50 off $150 coupon for Eastern Mountain Sports I’m not going to use if anyone needs it. Expires 12/24/14. Online code: 13100800009137856

    Please post if you take it!

  12. Nordstrom return help?

    Hi all – hoping for hive input. I bought a pair of jeans at the NAS in July. They were too big but they had sold out already so I kept the too-big pair and have only worn them a handful of times. Now the zipper has broken. To have a zipper break after a handful of wears seems defective, esp since they were too big – ie. not tight!

    I contacted customer service to confirm that I could return them told her all of the above and she said “It will depend on the amount of wear since July. There are no deadlines in returning and the zipper should not have broken so soon.” So she told me to send them in, hope they let me return them, and if not, they’ll ship them back. Should I do something else here – do another live chat to ask a different agent or something? I was surprised by her answer, I thought she would say absolutely I could return. Any ideas??

      • Nordstrom return help?

        Are you for real? $150 jeans aren’t supposed to break after half a dozen uses.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t see how it’s taking advantage when she’s been honest about the fact that they’ve been worn. Trying to pass off worn jeans as brand new would be taking advantage. Many stores take back items that break within a short period of time. They’re not being taken advantage of, they’ve made a conscious decision to accept those items to build customer loyalty and goodwill.

          • Anonymous

            Exactly. And in recognition of that, they’re willing to accept the return with the caveat that they will inspect. Seems more than generous.

    • tesyaa

      Can you take them to an actual Nordstrom? You’ll probably be able to return them on the spot.

      • SA-litagor

        Cosign. Take them back in person to the actual store you bought them from and bring the credit card you used for the purchase – I think they can look up the transaction this way even if you don’t have a Nordies card.

  13. Anon

    I think my dog’s ear infection is back, but now I’m traveling with him. Can you have prescriptions transferred to different pharmacies as you can for humans, or does anyone know of gentle home remedies that will do until I can get him an appointment where we’re going?

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Human pharmacies can fill dog prescriptions. Have your vet call the prescription in to a local chain pharmacy that is in your current location and then they can in-house transfer it to you. I ran into an issue where one of my docs thought they couldn’t call in a rx to an out of state pharm (not sure if he was right or not) so he called it into my home CVS and then I went to vacation place CVS and had it transferred.

    • Anon

      Thanks all. I’ll be in the dc area for the holiday, can anyone recommend a good vet there?

      • Jennifer

        Union vet clinic (NOMA/ capitol hill area ) if you are in the city proper.

      • Clementine

        I’d call your home vet, explain the situation and ask for their suggestion. I’m sure that this isn’t the first time they’ve had a patient need a prescription far from home.

      • Lady Tetra

        We use Friendship Hospital for Animals (in upper NW) and have had good experiences.

      • Anonymous

        If you’re outside of the city I recommend VCA animal hospital in alexandria. Super helpful staff!

  14. Sunshine

    This was in reply to Anon @ 12:59.

    I’d bet the vet will call in a prescription somewhere; this would be especially easy if it’s a medication that is for human use and it could be called into any pharmacy. I have had one vet call in a prescription to another vet’s office before.

    You can make a gentle ear cleaner as follows. It won’t clear the infection, but it will break up the gunk.

    1/3 cup rubbing alcohol
    1/3 cup white vinegar
    1/3 cup witch hazel
    10 drops tea tree oil

    Fill the ear canal and then massage it at the base to swish the cleaner around and help break up any gunk that might be inside. Let your dog shake it out, and then use a cotton ball or soft cloth to wipe the ear flap and the parts of the ear that you can get to. No Q-tips in the ear.

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