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Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ellen
Elizabeth, as a young fashionista, you may want to reconsider sizing and matching this sizing with pencil skirts. I do agree the blouse is cute, but I am confused. If UK size 4 is the same as US size 8, alot of us in hive just cant participate, as am to small up top. I also don’t think the larger women here who could buy this blouse will wear it with a pencil skirt, for obvious reasons, as even I, as somewhat svelte, am wary of wearing pencil skirts in my size 2 b/c it is to tight already. So unless some of our esteemed hive are over endowed up top and super tuchus tiny (a very unlikely combo), this won’t be the blouse for them with any kind of pencil skirt. I suggest black slacks or jeans are a far more foregiving alternative that will look good together. But I do like that you are thinking, Elizabeth, so you go, Girl!
Anon
This blouse is gorgeous.
Anonymous
LOVE it. This is my favorite color to wear, and the structure is lovely.
anon
SO pretty.
Anon
Agreed.
Alanna of Trebond
I have been really unimpressed with Iris and Ink quality though. Really bizarre fit in a dress I bought from them.
anon
I have two pieces from them that I really like. I’m tempted by this one but I already have an MM shirt this color that I really should have returned becuase I don’t like i tmuch.
Daffodil
I love this! How does UK sizing compare to US sizing? I’m a medium or an 8 in the US
LawyerAnon
I’m on the lower end of US size 8 (take a 6 in some brands), and I’m a 12 in most UK brands’ sizing.
Cb
Gorgeous! Any recs for Stockholm with kids? We’re headed in October to see my BFF. She’ll only have been there a month or so before we come so I don’t want to place any scouting burden on her.
Anonymous
We didn’t go with kids but I loved Skansen!
Anon
Eat Live Run went there with a toddler and wrote about it. Gimme Some Oven also went there (sans kids) and did a great post about it – you can probably steal some ideas from her even though she wasn’t traveling with kids.
Anonymous
Skansen if it’s open and the weather is good! (Outdoors, places to run around, petting zoo.)
Vasa if the kids like boats/big things.
Another anon
The Vasa Museum! Universally beloved.
Peleton Q
Peleton people: talk to me.
At my core, I am an athletic person. I’m in a season of life (toddler at home, soon trying for #2, demanding job) where out of home work outs are not feasible, and my health is getting away from me. I can’t get motivated by any of the home workout videos (I tried. I promise). We had a water rower that, while cool and trendy, didn’t get it done. I once was an avid spinner (3x week religiously and other HIIT/bootcamp type classes on non-spin days). I love the group setting. Is Peleton going to do it for me?
I know that people who love it L O V E it. And I have no false impression that it’s the same as being in a studio live,
Assume I have a space in my house where I can turn the lights off and try to replicate the ambiance of an in-studio class. Thoughts?? Do you find it motivating in an at least similar way to being part of a regular class?
FWIW – There is a Peleton retail store about 45 mins from my house that I haven’t visited yet – I’m holding off on going for fear of guzzling the cool aid without doing sufficient independent investigation.
But why?
I share some qualities with you (some, not all), in that group settings work, the home videos didn’t, and need some x factor motivation to do this consistently.
I am a Peloton app user with what I refer to as a “faux-loton” bike–a Sunny spin bike from the river si te, a Wahoo cadence sensor, and clipin pedals and shoes. I can and do easily do 3x a week on this thing in my guest room, and it’s not uncommon to do more. I don’t do a lot of “live” rides due to my schedule and preferences, but the content is great, the instructors are diverse in their styles and you’ll find the one you click with (I’m a CDE gal myself).
Anon
I am in the same boat and went to the store to look at the bike and treadmill. I fully expected to be swept away and commit to a purchase. While the app looked great, I thought that the bike was an average spin bike. It was a nice bike, and well built, but I think it rode and felt the same as other nice bikes I’ve used. I think there is a huge premium for the brand name. I really loved the treadmill, but for ~$4500 I thought a 1-year warranty was ridiculous. If you wanted a longer warranty, you had to pay for it. I think I’m going to buy a normal spin bike and just subscribe to the app.
anon
I bought one and recently sold it. I actually used it fairly consistently, but I didn’t feel that I was as motivated during the classes, so I didn’t get great results. I also didn’t think the classes were as helpful for building muscles as my studio classes – they do very little of the up and down, tap back, ab work, push ups that you get in studio. For the most part, it’s spin fast and spin slow at different resistance levels and then weights. So, I decided to sell it and go back to the studio. But if a studio is just not happening for you, it is a better option than nothing.
Also, I sold it at not too much of a reduced price, so I made up for the difference in not paying my studio fee for about 6 months.
Anonymous
It is a lot of $. I prefer a trashy magazine and a recumbent bike (no space for it tho) or an aerobics step I can keep under the bed (loved, got rid of in a love, promptly rebought).
peloton fan
Never before being able to commit to any in-home exercise program, I just reached 450 rides on my Peloton, so yes I’m one of those people who love love love it. The app has lots of strength, stretching, yoga and bootcamp videos as well. If you want to know how to use the app with a cheaper spin bike, check out the blog franish – she did it a few years back and wrote down all the equipment needed. Yes it is expensive but I no longer pay any gym memberships. And my husband uses it more than he thought he would, especially in winter.
But why?
Oh yes, this: the app has way more than just spin workouts! Running outside, treadmill, walking (!), yoga, strength, stretching, etc. Pretty happy with it, esp. as someone who hasn’t ever been able to make a workout routine stick.
BabyAssociate
I’ve used Peloton bikes extensively while traveling for work and am a huge fan. There are so many class options I really think there’s something for everyone. I would absolutely get one if I had the room. If you’re looking for a substitute for a studio class, I can’t really speak to that. For me, convenience is the key so I’m much less inclined to go to a studio class than I am to hop on the Peloton.
The original Scarlett
FWIW, one of my BFFs has the same circumstances you describe and absolutely loves hers. There’s a Pelagon subgroup for the Forever 35 podcast on Facebook that discusses them, might be a place to get info.
Anonymous
Check around, some gyms are starting to have the bikes. That’s how I ride it. Even if it’s not an option, it may be worth it to try it outside of the showroom.
I think it gets me to ride 1-2 more times than I would if I were relying on classes. Not huge, but helpful. You may be more diligent than I, however.
Alanna of Trebond
The gym in my building has bikes, and it is great. I bought some clip-in shoes for $60 and some wireless headphones for $30.
mascot
Link to shoes please? My gym has the bikes, but no toe cages and it’s hard to ride safely.
Alanna of Trebond
Here they are: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B072BW8X7K/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1
It looks like I remembered the price as a bit lower than it was — $70 for the shoes and $15 for the delta cleats. I have really liked them so far.
Anon
I love mine. I have a toddler and a demanding job and it’s the only way I can sneak in workouts. Having the option to squeeze in even a 20 minute workout is huge for me. I don’t have amazing results to speak of but it’s awesome in terms of keeping me active. Not having to plan ahead/pack a gym bag is the only thing that keeps me working out
anon
I am very anti-bike for people who just want to be generally fit because Pelotons and other similar bikes will pretty much work quads and that’s it. Studio classes, weight-lifting, boot camp are much better options. Pelotons are of course good cardio, but you can get that from a 20-min walk or jog. (And jogging is pretty much the most time-efficient form of cardio there is, if time is your concern).
anon
Studio spin is much more full bodied. You do a lot more push ups during the ride and a lot more ups and downs that somehow work my abs without me realizing it.
But why?
This is true with a lot of spin, but you may find that’s not the case with peloton (I haven’t had this experience). There’s a lot less moving/dancing/push ups than Soul Cycle, for example. Some classes have the arm component, but it’s not as involved.
But, there are about umpteen other ways in the interface with Peloton to get the rest of the body worked out, like body weight, strength training, core, yoga, etc. workouts.
peloton fan
A lot of the Peloton workouts include arms/weights. There are numerous “intervals and arms” rides that have 2-3 weights workouts on the bike alternating with biking intervals. A sneaky benefit of getting the Peloton was kind of unintentional arm muscle improvement.
anon
Yeah, I mean more like core workout. I’m just getting a wayyy better core workout in studio because of all of the other movements you do on the bike.
OP
Time is not the only concern. Weather (hi, Boston winters) and lack of daylight and other factors are why jogging isn’t the answer right now… not the least of which are my terrible, terrible knees. I used to run half marathons. 3 miles last week had me limping for days and my knee cap is still clicking (PT is in my future, if only I had the time…). I sincerely miss running but I can’t sustain it right now.
Thanks for all of the advice so far. Much to think about.
Lobbyist
I LOVE my peloton to an unnatural degree. If you took it away from me, I would pay double what I paid for it to get it back. The classes are better than I can find at my local spin studio, and the element of competition makes it fun and makes me feel like I am not alone. It is the object in my life that brings me the most joy. I debated for TWO YEARS because I didn’t want to spend the money and my only regret is that I didn’t get it sooner. That said, their shoes suck so get your own.
Anon
My husband has an Echelon that is a much cheaper version very similar classes. QVC often has deals for them.
Minnie Beebe
I LOVE MY PELOTON. I’m not one of those people who gushes about it on Facebook, but I use mine nearly every day. The quality of the instructors varies, and just like in brick & mortar studios, instructors come and go (I miss Jennifer Jacobs) – but I’ve recently started doing Power Zone training (on the Peloton) and I love the structure of it.
Yes, it’s expensive. But comparing the cost against a similar quantity of classes in a studio, and Peloton wins out easily. Plus, there are lots of other non-spin classes to take advantage of – yoga, strength, treadmill (we have a non-Peloton treadmill, purchased years ago.)
I only wish I’d bought one months before. I work from home (as a consultant), have a school-age child and DH travels nearly every week for work. Since purchasing the Peloton, I’ve been able to get in near-daily workouts for the first time since my son was born 8.5 years ago, honestly. It’s been worth every penny.
Anonymous
The Peloton is literally designed for someone in your station in life–it was created to solve the question of how to get a great workout while also managing family and work responsibilities. I absolutely love mine and has really improved my fitness drastically. It is not the same as being in a studio class at all, but it does replicate a lot of it. By being able to constantly gauge your metrics, you can assess whether you are working hard enough. You can take classes live with real or virtual friends, or do the same with recorded rides. SInce there are 10, 15, 20, 45, 60 minute rides, etc. you can always squeeze something in even if you don’t have much time. Also, there are a ton of facebook groups if you want to watch other riders’ experiences before you buy. There’s a Peloton Law Moms group if you are a lawyer, and i think similar groups for physicians and other professions.
Allergy shots shots shots
It looks like in the beginning, you need to get 40 shots in in your first year (or 40 rounds of a shot in each arm). But you can go as often as every other day. Any reason not to go over other day (easy to do — place is a few blocks from where I live)?
Anonymous
There are two reasons I can potentially think of 1) Time – you’ll need to hang out for 30 minutes after your shots and I found it easier to be out of the office once per week rather than every other day and 2) your body’s reaction. Personally, my allergy symptoms were always highest right after my shots – both in a local reaction on my arm and increasing sneezing, etc. Personally I would be a mess! Give yourself a few rounds and then decide once you know how you feel. My shots totally changed my life for the better!
Anon
I’m doing this now. On some shots, I have had a strong, local reaction– swelling, soreness, etc.- -and it has taken a few days for it to go away, so I’ve missed a day. I have also had some days where I’ve had to go to court/vacation/etc. Essentially, life happens. I also had to repeat a few doses when I had an especially strong local reaction. So, yes, you can plan on going 3 times a week, but it just doesn’t always happen. The average at my clinic is two times a week. I think they tell us to try to come three just so that we don’t slip down to once a week and have our shots expire, etc.
Anon
I think this is doctor and patient preference. My doctor only wanted her patients to do no more than twice a week because of 1) potential delayed reactions and 2) recovery of the shot sites since she always did upper arm. My arm would be swollen, red, and sometimes bruised with the larger doses for up to three days, so it worked well for me to do two days between each shot. And also, agree that symptoms tend to be worse around shot time, so I just couldn’t resign myself to being in severe hay fever for months at a time – I at least got the weekends as a reprieve.
Nesprin
This is one of those things that’s not quite settled science. There’s some sets of shots that have been studied for rush immunotherapy, and some that haven’t. But seriously, shots have saved my life.
Anon
It’s getting close to the time of year when raises at my big 4 firm are announced. This got me thinking. Has anyone successfully worked with their peers to collect salary information? If you did, how did it go and did you find anything interesting? Did the powers that be find out and, if so, what happened?
Anon
My field is a cousin of ibanking. Our analysts/associates talk more or less openly about salary and bonus. That was not the case when I was an analyst/associate 7+ years ago, but seems to be a norm now. All of us partners know about it and we don’t care – it’s not our favorite thing, but we can’t stop it. It is not influencing how we compensate them, hard as a few have tried over the years. Using this information to try to better your own pay in an overt way (Sam makes X. I should make X.) is absolutely frowned upon. The most savvy will collect this info to inform their own decision making on whether to stay, go, ask for more and how much more. I know of one analyst who didn’t feel he was being paid fairly based on others and he ultimately left, but pay = performance and he wasn’t performing (or hearing our feedback, which is another issue).
Anon
Thanks! This is a helpful perspective. Curiously, do you view there to be a pay gap at your firm? There are so many articles about disparities that I can’t help but wonder about my firm.
Anon
Gender gap? No, not among our analysts and associates, and I can say that definitively. There are other industry-wide issues that perpetuate the gap at higher levels (my level), but for early career people at my firm, there is not.
Anon
Thanks. For the record I’m a senior manager so not early stage. I agree that it is not likely to be at the lower levels.
Anon
Agree there is a trend towards open sharing of comp information. I’m discreet but many aren’t and it can be unprofessional. Agree that collecting insights to make your own informed decision is wise but trying to use that for negotiation is not smart. I’ve had acquaintances (people I don’t know at all) from former employers aggressively request my comp information – that’s just out of bounds and reflects very poorly on them. Some people are strictly coin operated.
waffles
My field is a cousin of ibanking too. We don’t talk openly about bonus with colleagues, but I was recently negotiating with a new employer and I found that many of my competitors were very happy to give me guidance (it’s a very friendly niche business). I framed it more like: should I ask for $x? Is that too high/low? With enough responses I was able to triangulate on a reasonable average compensation for my role. I did find there were HUGE disparities in what people were advising me, which likely reflects huge disparities on what these people were paid themselves.
Anon
It might be frowned upon, but if your analysts found a common pattern of systematically paying protected classes less all other things being equal, I’d hope you’d want to know about this. They should be bringing it up as they have a right to, and you should want to know where your lawsuit liabilities are and aim to fix it.
JB
I work at a big 4 and solicit salaries from peers on an annual basis. I’ve found that people are hesitant to share upfront, but if I throw out my numbers they are more willing to join. Also that men are more willing to share than women, at least in my teams. No “powers that be” have found out, but I did tell a senior partner that I work closely with that I was collecting this information from peers. She didn’t flinch.
The original Scarlett
The reason legal starting salaries are high is lawyers started sharing anonymously in the late 90s online and it sparked a price war at the big firms. Information can be powerful.
Sharon2
Former big4, now nonprofit sector. I have one friend at a similar level as me in my nonprofit and we share salary info. Buzzf33d just had a helpful profile of a woman who asked her coworkers the “over/under” question for salaries. I thought that was a good approach if you feel uncomfortable talking specifics. My understanding is that Big4 salaries are relatively even for staff levels. I remember a respected institutional leader saying that keeping salaries a hidden/taboo topic is about companies maintaining power, esp over women. Best of luck to you!
CPA Lady
I worked in a large regional public accounting firm for several years, and have former colleagues that now work in each of the larger public accounting firms in my town. I work for a small firm now. I talk pretty openly about compensation with my peers, and have asked what (for example) a first year manager makes at their firm when I got promoted here and was trying to decide what salary to negotiate. We’ve been doing some hiring lately and have also reached out to former coworkers to see what their firms are paying entry level folks.
I have to say, that for public accounting, until you get into upper levels, it’s all pretty lockstep, regardless of gender. If anyone is getting underpaid, they usually find out about it, quit in a rage, and are immediately hired somewhere else getting paid what they deserve. That might just be the market around where I live though. We’re completely desperate for good people.
Anon
Yeah, the Big 4 pay is lockstep. And FWIW, when I was there a few years ago with my BFFs, we all got the same bonuses, too.
Anon
Also big 4 on the consulting side – everyone talks about comp on Fishbowl. It’s basically the only topic of discussion right now.
T
+1, someone on fishbowl created a huge google doc of salary info globally, across firms, by practice/level/rating.
Teen/tween magazines?
What do teens / tweens (middle schoolers) read these days? When I was that age I read Seventeen. And sometimes Cosmo (snuck at friends with older sisters). Mom would get Women’s Day or Family Circle at the grocery store sometimes.
I found it helpful just to have other female perspectives on Stuff and think I read it with a critical eye (aren’t all tweens’ eyes critical???).
At home, I get the WSJ and W (which IMO gets as bad as Town & Country with normalizing the lives of trust funders in a way that is warping). They will read a WSJ article if I leave it for them (they have good sports coverage and this morning’s article on Tanya Tucker’s new album was great), but I feel a void. They don’t have phones (yet), so later more Stuff will likely be gotten directly from the interwebs.
Remember the Library
My public library has a big magazine selection. Can you take them there to browse and see if they like anything?
Anonymous
Hmmm our library caters to retirees and very young kids. Will find out if there is a more suburban branch where this might be a thing.
Knit & Purl
My daughter read Muse and Stone Soup in middle school. My son read Wired. They both read Runners World, and Smithsonian through high school.
Lana Del Raygun
Not female-specific but I would look at magazines in the Cricket family! They were really good when I was a kid at least, and they still win lots of awards. There are four in the 9-14 range: Cricket (general literary, great illustrations), Muse (science), Cobblestone (history), and Faces (world cultures and travel). Sadly their teen lit journal (Cicada) is closed as of last year.
Anon
What are their interests? I like the idea of Runner’s World and the Smithsonian, but depending on their actual interests, we might be able to suggest something else.
This is my own bias, but I have never liked Cosmo-type magazines – not as a child, and the older I get, the more awful I think they are. Self is okay, but the rest are just terrible.
Lana Del Raygun
I totally agree with you about Cosmo (and Seventeen, and all of those). Maybe I was exceptionally suggestible but I started a secret diet when I got five free issues of Seventeen. A regular subscription, especially with a parental endorsement, would’ve really messed with my head. And they’re mostly ads so the upside is basically nil.
How about National Geographic?
Anonymous
Women’s magazines are extremely destructive
Anonymous
I sort of disagree. My family wasn’t culturally suited to raising a hirsute girl in the Long Island suburbs. Before the internets it was helpful to know the norms for grooming and dealing with periods b/c my mom couldn’t help much.
I thing a lot on the web is unfiltered and actively bad for teens and possibly wrong. At least a magazine won’t bully you and has been reviewed by a grownup.
Take it all with a grain of salt. But less salt then the inter webs.
anonshmanon
Agree completely. I used to love them as a teen, but I wish someone had shown me how manipulative and patriarchy-perpetuating they are.
NOLA
I may be wrong about this, but wasn’t it Teen Vogue that was posting really insightful articles for a while?
BabyAssociate
You’re definitely right about Teen Vogue. I’d do that!
Anonymous
I like Teen Vogue, but some of the material is not really appropriate for tweens (better for mature teens), and it is no longer published in hard copy.
Anon
They read their iPhones/iPads. I wouldn’t subscribe a teen to a print magazine.
If you must, Teen Vogue has been doing some amazing, award-winning writing.
The original Scarlett
I don’t think they print anymore…
The original Scarlett
https://digiday.com/media/teen-vogue-reinventing-traditional-magazine-covers-digital-landscape/
Anonymous
Some of the “mindfulness” magazines publish teen editions; Teen Breathe is one. There are other similar “wholesome” magazines for young girls that seem to be published and random intervals. A well stocked Barnes and Noble is the best place to find them.
I stopped trying to buy my tween magazines and books when I figured out that she automatically rejects anything I suggest she might like. She will pick up my copy of the New Yorker to read the cartoons, but only if I just leave it lying around and don’t suggest she read it.
AnonMom
My teen has been reading This Old House magazines and Nature journals since grade school. She also loves to get out quirky cookbooks from the library and browse those. She views teen-focused paper magazines as curiously outdated antiquities…
Anonymous
Are there tween/teen cooking magazines? Asking sort of for me — can’t be that hard if marketed to younger kids.
Vicky Austin
I was also thinking of this. Maybe even the regular ones would be okay – you have to try pretty hard to make cooking inappropriate for kids/teens, I think. ;)
Abby
Not very popular, but I used to read my mom’s old Reader Digests and then started reading a lot of the Reader Digest books of short stories. I loved it, and I think they came from many different perspectives and walks of life.
Vicky Austin
I did the same thing! Every time I went to my grandparents’ house, I made a beeline for the new Reader’s Digest and devoured it. Not sure what it’s like nowadays though.
Senior Attorney
OMG pretty much everything I know, I learned from Reader’s Digest back in the day.
I will never forget the time (I was about 9, maybe?) when I read an article called I Am Joe’s Prostate, and convinced myself I had prostate cancer because I had to pee a lot!
ElisaR
this is hilarious….and adorable
anon.
Ok, my city (New Orleans) has a magazine just for tween and teen girls called Geaux Girl! It’s really fantastic. I wonder if there’s something local to you that’s similar?
Anonymous
Anyone own the MM la fleur lillian kitten heel? I tried them on and loved them in the store. I’ve been trying to wear flats but need a basic pair of heels. I’ve never spent 300 bucks on shoes, though.
editor
I asked this late yesterday afternoon apropos someone else’s question: has anyone had Coolsculpting?
waffles
I went for one treatment a couple weeks ago, so it’s still too early to give extensive feedback.
The treatment itself was not uncomfortable and I didn’t get bruising the way that some internet reviews and my technician had warned. Actually I fell asleep during the treatment…
I did my “flanks” first, and they do feel slightly smaller already, but I think it takes a couple months to see the full effect. I’m going for my stomach next, then inner and outer thighs. They say two treatments per area, so that is eight treatments total.
For reference, I’m already a healthy weight and I eat well and work out sometimes. I gained about 15 pounds after starting a new job (and admittedly slipping on my best eating and exercise habits) and I was unhappy with the way my clothes were not fitting. I’m hoping to lose about 1-2″ from my waist, hips, etc.
if you want to post a burner email, I would be happy to give you more detail as I complete the treatments
editor
Oh thanks! But I’ve never done that–do I make a throwaway Gmail account and then spell it out discreetly? I’ve also never DM-ed here–is that the same thing?
My area is puffy love handles that I am just so so sick of.
NOLA
I have a gmail that forwards to my regular gmail, but that doesn’t include my full name (which my regular one does) and doesn’t reference my name if I respond. I also use it for online dating if I’m not ready to give the guy my full name (yeesh and it’s been helpful).
waffles
You can make a new gmail with a name that doesn’t give away your full name
I’m not sure what DM means. Sorry, I’m too old and/or not tech-savvy :)
Puffy love handles was my biggest problem area too, which is the reason I started with treatments there.
editor
It means direct message. (Which I guess is the same thing . . .) Will send new email later; can’t generate it and receive confirming text from where I am now.) Thanks again!
In-House in Houston
Would you mind sharing the cost? TIA!!
waffles
In Canada so not sure if it’s directly applicable but I paid about C$3,500 for a three-month “pass”.
Which will be enough to do each of my four areas twice. And with a little wiggle room. At the medispa that I am using, this was a MUCH more economical plan than the per-use plan. At the list price, eight treatments was going to come to an eye-watering C$14,000 or something crazy.
Editor
allthetortesATgmail
Looking forward to it!
Abby
My company has a mentoring program that I signed up for, and I got my mentee today – he’s a guy in his 50s/60s, and I’ve never met him before. Any tips or suggestions on making the most out of this experience?
Another anon
Just start by chatting? See what he’s looking for, but expect that you might have to meet up a few times before he (or you) knows how this can be the most mutually beneficial.
Anon.
Go in with an idea about what you need mentoring for.
Leadership skills? Stakeholder communication? Navigating your organization? Building a network to learn about other areas of your company to prepare for your next step? Career planning in general?
Anon.
Also, what are the logistics? Regular meetings, which frequency? F2F or over the phone? Is there a mentoring agreement and goals you need to submit? Any mid-point reviews?
I tend to think about mentoring as another project that has planning/outline/goal setting sessions, implementation phase, review points, and closing/evaluation/feedback phase.
Abby
Thanks for these suggestions! Also realized I’m the mentee, he’s my mentor, whoops. I reached out and found out he lives in the UK (vs my Midwest) but the program matched us because they thought we’re in the same city…
Anon.
I’m the poster above. Also in the Midwest :) *wave*
Anonymous
I did search the site, but didn’t seem to find an answer – Has anyone tried Beauty Counter products? Are they any good (meaning, do they work, do you like them, is it worth the money?)? I am interested in the idea of having less stuff in my skincare products, but the company seems to have partnered up with some bloggers that I wouldn’t trust with makeup/skincare advice. And my yoga instructor last night was pushing it at the end of yoga class. It sort of seems like a MLM company with all of the people pushing it, which makes me hesitate. Anyway, thought I’d source this group to see if any of it is worth the hype. Thanks!
pugsnbourbon
It’s an MLM using eco-language to give it a veneer of respectability. I’ll give them props for a nicely-built website, but at the end of the day it’s the same exploitative business model as all the others.
JS
It is an MLM, aka a pyramid scheme. Check out Paula’s Choice and the Ordinary – their products all have lots of reviews online to help you choose, and many posters here use those brands.
Anonymous
Thanks!!! That’s what I figured—- I’ve just been inundated with ads and coupon codes for them, so I’m in that place where the marketing is starting to work on me and I needed a reality check.
Anonymous
Oh wow I had no idea it was an MLM. I have some influencers to unfollow on instagram now.
LawyerAnon
It’s an MLM, but I do like some of their products. If you have a BirchBox subscription, you can buy Beauty Counter there and skip the MLM side of it.
Anonymous
We’re going to Orlando in October with our 4 year old and 18 month old. We’ll be there for 4-5 days and plan to do atleast 1 day at Disney (none of us have ever been).
1. Any recommendations for a hotel in Orlando? Looking to spend around $300/night but can be more or less. Ideally one that has plenty for the kids to do.
2. Disney or other Theme Park things that we should not miss (kids ages are 4 and 18 months).
3. Non-theme park places we should definitely visit?
The disney sites are so overwhelming. Neither have us have been so we just really want the “can’t miss” items for this trip – I’m sure we’ll be back later as the kids get older (or maybe not if they aren’t into Disney!)
Anon
If you’re doing Disney then stay on Disney property. It is so much easier, super kid-friendly, and you won’t have to deal with renting and parking a car because of the shuttles.
mascot
This. Plus, you can visit all the other Disney hotels (not sure about pool privileges). The theming at the hotels and the pools is generally fantastic, the food is decent, and everything is designed with kids/families in mind. For that age, Magic Kingdom is the quintessential Disney experience. We’ve stayed at Port Orleans -FQ and Animal Kingdom Lodge and would recommend both.
Anon
+1
Anon
If it’s in the budget, Four Seasons Orlando.
Anonymous
I dont know of any reason to go to Orlando except Disney. (Your kids are too little for universal). I’d plan to say on property and do 4 days of Disney. Otherwise Orlando is literally just a swamp.
Anon
+1 There is nothing in Orlando but Disney and Universal. I’m not sure why you would go unless you wanted to visit the parks.
Anon
Maybe they’re going to visit family? Or one of them is going for work and they’re bringing the family along? There are lots of reasons people go to “unexciting” places.
Anonymous
Ok they didn’t mention that at all and were asking what to do there? And the answer is just Disney. That’s it.
Anon
Alligator land or alligator park or whatever it is called was a big hit for my coworker and his wife and 3 year old last time we all attended a conference in Orlando. It’s a little smaller scale and more manageable than Disney.
That said, 4 years old is a pretty good age for Disney if your child is familiar with the characters. It’s nice to just wander around and not stand in line for rides all day.
I’ve stayed at various hotels in Orlando for the conference I attend there and the nicest one by far was the Portofino. Gorgeous rooms.
But I agree with others. If you’re going to do more than one day in Disney, stay at a Disney property on site.
pugsnbourbon
Gatorland! Aka the location of my dream job. It’s 30-45 minutes from the Disney zone.
Saguaro
+1 It’s not even close to beaches at all.
Anon
I also wanted to add, as a Disney veteran – I know all the sites are overwhelming, but using them is really helpful and they have a ton of essential information about planning your trip. Disney requires a lot of knowledge and planning if you want to have a good time. Unfortunately it’s not the kind of thing where you can just show up at the gates without any planning. If you do, you will be waiting in long lines and be miserable. October is cutting it close but you need to start planning now if you want restaurant reservations, fast passes for rides or character visits, etc.
Rainbow Hair
Admittedly i’m a So Cal Disney visitor, but I totally disagree! We roll up with maybe a plan of a ride or two we absolutely want to hit and we go there first, and then we just wander around and get pretzels and meet princesses and have a hoot.
I have the app and check wait times, so I can veto walking all the way to Small World if I know the wait is 45 minutes, but generally (I can’t believe I’m about to say this) the lines at Disney have not been bad! I think especially with little kids, you’re not going to want to do any of the things that you need FastPasses for — it tends to be the most exciting rides where you’d want one, and 4 yr olds generally aren’t allowed on those.
That being said, I took Kiddo on a Saturday in October last year and overheard staff saying, multiple times, that they’d ‘never seen it so crowded.’ But even then, it’s just so well run that it’s not painful. Or maybe I just buy into the ~magic~ too much.
anon.
Since you asked specifically for non-Disney things – we went to Orlando for a family event and didn’t have time for Disney, so we went to the Orlando Science Center. It was completely amazing for our two year old. I think it would be lots of fun for your kids’ ages. It was free for us due to reciprocal membership privileges with our local museum, which was a bonus.
anon
If you are going to do Disney theme parks, I’d stay in a Disney hotel. It’s convenient, they provide transportation, and you can book fast passes sooner (60 days out, vs 30). With an 18-month-old and a 4-year-old, you can easily spend two days in the Magic Kingdom and take your time over 2 days. After that, I’d choose Animal Kingdom, then Epcot. Unless someone in your family is an avid Star Wars fan, I’d completely skip Hollywood Studios in October because it’ll be nuts with the Star Wars opening at the end of August. (Toy Story land is good for kids though.)
Disney has Mickey’s Halloween Party about half of the nights in October. I’ve heard it’s great but haven’t been. I’ve also heard that even if you’re not going, day crowds tend to be smaller on the Party dates because people know the park will close early–if you’re not planning to keep your kids out past 7 anyways, it can be a good day to go to Magic Kingdom.
My absolute favorite Disney hotel is the Contemporary/Bay Lake Tower because you can walk to the Magic Kingdom in 10 minutes. If that’s not possible, I’d look into Beach Club/Yacht Club (amazing pool, access to restaurants/evening activities outside the park) and Port Orleans (has food court, which is often just easier with small kids, and you can take a water taxi to Disney Springs, which has a lot more non-park restaurants and shops and activities).
We’ve visited family in Orlando and not gone to Disney parks. The Orlando Science Museum is great, and we also got in free with membership from our home town. There’s Disney Springs (we spent an hour playing at the Lego Store, went to the dinosaur restaurant, and played in the splash pad). My kid loves trains, and there’s a commuter train–apparently just riding that, having lunch, and riding it back was a hit. There’s Gator Land. There’s a Medieval Times dinner. There’s a zoo and botanical garden. A lot of hotels have mini water parks (pools, slides, lazy rivers) associated with them–there are options in every price range from the Four Seasons to the Holiday Inn. You can day trip to Lego land (but why not just do Disney?) or to the beach.
Anonymous
We’re going to Orlando in October with our 4 year old and 18 month old. We’ll be there for 4-5 days and plan to do atleast 1 day at Disney (none of us have ever been).
1. Any recommendations for a hotel in Orlando? Looking to spend around $300/night but can be more or less. Ideally one that has plenty for the kids to do.
2. Disney or other Theme Park things that we should not miss (kids ages are 4 and 18 months).
3. Non-theme park places we should definitely visit?
The disney pages are so overwhelming. Neither have us have been so we just really want the “can’t miss” items for this trip – I’m sure we’ll be back later as the kids get older (or maybe not if they aren’t into Disney!)
Leatty
Wyndham Grand Orlando Hotel Bonnet Creek. It’s a hotel that is part of a massive Wyndham compound (mostly timeshares I think), and you get access to the entire compound, including the many pools, splash pad, etc. You can book a room that has a bunkbed (your older one might like the bottom bunk) and regular beds. It’s about 10-15 minutes from all the Disney parks, and much more reasonably priced than the Disney hotels. The breakfast buffet is pretty tasty too.
At that age, I highly recommend Magic Kingdom. There are lots of rides your kids (especially the 4 year old) can ride, but definitely get the fast passes. We’ve also taken our 2 year old to Animal Kingdom, but she didn’t like that one nearly as much.
If you’re willing to drive an hour or so, I’ve heard great things about Legoland.
Anonymous
We’re going to Orlando in October with our 4 year old and 18 month old. We’ll be there for 4-5 days and plan to do atleast 1 day at Disney (none of us have ever been).
1. Any recommendations for a hotel in Orlando? Looking to spend around $300/night but can be more or less. Ideally one that has plenty for the kids to do.
2. Disney or other Theme Park things that we should not miss (kids ages are 4 and 18 months).
3. Non-theme park places we should definitely visit?
The disney resources are so overwhelming. Neither have us have been so we just really want the “can’t miss” items for this trip – I’m sure we’ll be back later as the kids get older (or maybe not if they aren’t into Disney!)
AIMS
Laser questions. I would like to finally laser my leg hair off and I’ve been told I am a good candidate. Trying to decide between my derm’s office and random place with a good promo and curious for thoughts. Also would love to know the logistics of what to expect. Just doing the lower legs, I think so my questions are: how long is each treatment going to take, how much will it hurt, do i shave in between or not, etc. Thanks!
PolyD
I got my lower legs (fair skin, dark leg hair) done ~11 years ago and it worked really well. Just a few stray hairs now and then – I shave about once a week to catch them (less often in the winter), and what’s nice is they are much finer than the originals, so my legs don’t get all red and irritated from the shaving.
I went to a random place that I had a promotional flyer from a race for, and they gave me a really good deal. The procedure itself was fine – they had nurses and nurse practitioners doing the lasering. The office staff was not awesome, but since I only went every 10-12 weeks, that wasn’t a huge problem.
I got EMLA (from a dermatologist, although you might be able to get it OTC) for the process because it does hurt. It’s like someone snapping a lot of really taut rubber bands against your legs, so like a very bad slap. I think the process itself took maybe 20-30 minutes? I can’t remember. You do shave beforehand. Also, they told me it was good to start in the summer when your legs might be a little dark, because it’s safer to have the laser calibrated to your skin being a bit darker and then gets lighter, rather than the other way around. But this was 11 years ago and technology may be different, plus my memory may not be super accurate.
But, it is one of the best body-related things I ever did and I only wish I had done my upper thighs/bikini area, too.
Anonymous
I’d go to a derm.
You can get them to put numbing cream on. It will still sting a bit but quite bearable.
AIMS
Thank you both!
Anon
I go to a well regarded laser hair studio in my city. Honestly, there is no reason to go to a dermatologist specifically for laser, they aren’t doing anything that a laser tech wouldn’t do (unless it is an elective procedure affiliated with a dermatologist office). Just go to one where the techs are well trained, have up to date estheticians license, and that is well respected. I will say that the studio I go to was created in partnership with dermatologists and they have dermatologists on staff to consult as needed, so that made me feel a lot more comfortable. They also could prescribe directly the numbing cream, which you put on at home prior to the appointment. If your tech can’t advise you with respect to the proper lasers and settings for your skin and hair tone, describe the pros, cons, and after care of laser, or describe the proper procedure for using numbing cream (i.e. not applying to too large of an area to avoid shock) RUN!
AIMS
This is very helpful, thanks!
Therapist in ATL?
Mine took 40 mins for both legs. It didn’t hurt at first but I think my tech turned the intensity on for the latter sessions and it definitely hurt then. And for some reason my ankle (where there’s less flesh) felt more sensitive, as if the laser was getting to my bone. Nothing I couldn’t stand but it wasn’t pleasant. She applied hydrocortisone cream each time so I didn’t buy anything additional. I only shaved the night before the next session. It’s been a few years since I finished treatment and there are a few very light strands growing back but not noticeable enough for me to shave again.
Shanananana
Does anyone have any recommendation on activities or writing exercises or books that were helpful to them on moving on from a toxic workplace / major burnout? I have severed ties with the role but still have limited contact with the company in a consulting role, and while I am doing much better than I was 6 months ago when I was still in the thick of it, it’s definitely still impacting my view of work and hindering my ability to make decisions on my next career steps. I read job descriptions and just think, ugh that will end up taking over my life and being toxic too, why bother. I do not currently have full mental health coverage and have cut my hours significantly during this recovery period, so unfortunately can’t do real therapy just yet, so just looking for some things I can pursue in the meantime to help work through these mental blocks.
anon
the limited contact with the company in a consulting role is still a tie…..best remedy is active looking for a new role in a new firm, away from current employer. Companies are very different, leaders are very different….are you taking interviews? you need to start taking steps to move away….you will learn so much from interviewing and exploring new roles. Please start and your outlook will start to change…you have learned so much from a bad situation that you are ready to carefully select a new employer….take your time and hope this helps
anon
Oh, I hear you. I am in therapy now for this very reason. I’ve been working on a lot on exercises that help me “neutralize” my thoughts. Like not going full-on Pollyanna positive, but just making things feel less dire/depressing (which is my knee-jerk reaction). I found some good prompts on Pinterest, of all places. Look for “neutralizing thoughts.”
I’ve also had to work hard on my self-worth, which has sadly taken a beating during the past few years.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this, too. Recovery is hard work. I have interviewed for a few roles but have to admit that I have the same thoughts of “what trainwreck are they not telling me about?!” It’s hard to get excited about anything when you’re in that headspace.
CHL
Not sure what type of role you’re in but I like Linda Ginzel’s book Choosing Leadership as a workbook. Good exercises for thinking through your point of view and story – could help you “reclaim” your identity and thoughts.
Japan Radioactivity Concerns?
I know this is an issue far away on the other side of the world, but does anyone know of reliable sources of information (other than the Japanese government) regarding the radioactivity hazards in Japan following the Fukushima nuclear power plant meltdown?
I may have an unsolicited job offer in Tokyo coming my way, and while the expat package is likely pretty sweet, I’m concerned about the potential exposure to radiactivity. As far as I can tell, the Japanese government’s stance on this does not seem to be entirely unbiased, given that it appears to be actively trying to pretend that the nuclear meltdown never happened by (a) cutting off aid to displaced populations from surrounding areas and forcing them to return to Fukushima (b) supplying the Olympic delegations with agricultural products raised in the Fukushima region.
It may well just be fear-mongering on some people part, but the potential implications are scary enough that I want to know more. I’m going to try to have kids in the next few years so even if the exposure is fine for a few days of vacation, I’m wary of the potential long term impact it may have on the pregnancy/kiddo and wanted some reassurance from neutral sources.
And this article is not giving me much comfort… https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/why-the-fukushima-disaster-is-worse-than-chernobyl-2345542.html
Anonymous
Don’t go to Fukushima then and you’ll be fine. Tokyo is safe.
Anonymous
The OPs question is do you have a reliable source of information …
Anonymous
Yes literally all of the information
Anon
Some articles would suggest potential hazards, unless I’m missing something about the reliability of these sources:
https://thediplomat.com/2019/03/the-truth-about-radiation-in-fukushima/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/radioactive-glass-beads-may-tell-the-terrible-tale-of-how-the-fukushima-meltdown-unfolded/
Anonymous
I’ve been to Tokyo twice in the past 2 years, once while pregnant. This is not something you need to be concerned about.
Anon
Fukushima to Tokyo is nearly 250km. Prevailing winds don’t blow that way. You’re good. Enjoy the trip.
Anon
I live in Tokyo. You will be fine. Literally all the data, government or other, says that. Post a burner email when you get here, I’ll show you around the city.
anon
Interior decorating question:
Do you have any recommendations for a light paint color that still contains some warmth? My open floor plan home currently has SW Ethereal Mood, which is a really pretty greenish-gray that changes depending on the light. However, my living room doesn’t get a ton of natural light and over time it has started to feel too dark, especially in the winter. (It looks totally different in my parents’ house, which does have more natural light.) Ethereal Mood has a low LRV, so I guess it’s not surprising that it feels dark.
I’m really not into the cool grays, even though that’s the current trend. I like a hint of warmth but mainly, I want to brighten the whole space without going full-on WHITE, which I don’t think would look great in my house.
Anon
Benjamin Moore Soft Chamois
anon
we like Valspar Hopsack..a warm neutral and we get lots of compliments
Clementine
Behr Navajo White
AIMS
If this is anything like the BM linen white, I would be cautious. I painted my north facing living room linen white and HATE it. It just looks dingy. It was great when we were in a southeast facing apartment.
OP, there is a new paint company called Clare that has a beautiful white called Whipped specifically for north facing rooms. They can send you swatch samples to try on your wall. Maybe give it a shot? Or if you want to stick with grays, we have a nice gray in our kitchen (also north facing) by BM – Edgecomb Gray (or something like that). It’s very pretty and not too much.
IP Attorney
+1 to BM Edgecomb Grey. We have that on the whole first floor of our home (living room, dining room and kitchen) and absolutely love it. It’s light, has some warmth but not too beigey – it’s a great light warm grey.
The original Scarlett
I think Benjamin Moore also makes this color – I paint rental apartments this color, it’s a lovely creamy white and I like to do trim in Simply White. Remodelista has a bunch of roundups of white paints and where they work best.
The original Scarlett
https://www.remodelista.com/posts/architects-favorite-pure-white-paints/
Anonymous
Navajo White has a nice creamy undertone — can look brighter or more buttery depending on the light.
Mpls
my go-to neutral is Behr Arabian Sands. It’s not white in the least and is more of a warm tan/beige. I’ve got white trim, so I wanted something that wasn’t white. It’s an old color (I hung on to my paint chip), but you can still find it by Googling, and Home Depot can still find it in their system.
I would also suggest going with a satin finish, if you aren’t already. The paint/hardware store almost never recommend it (“because it highlights flaws”) but I think it does help bounce light around a room instead of swallowing it. And its easier to clean. I also just hate the way flatter/matter paint finished feel, so I could be biased.
Anon
Benjamin Moore Pale Oak
IP Attorney
BM Pale Oak is great too – it’s lighter than Edgecomb Grey, but really brightens darker rooms. It’s also a warmer grey and in darker rooms can read on the warmer side (but still a light color) – we have it in all of our bathrooms!
Annie
You may just want to get the green/yellow out of there.
Our house is Benjamin Moore Feather Gray which is a bluer gray and it reflects light, rather than eating it.
anon
Oh, interesting. I hadn’t thought about that.
nutella
Get thee to Maria Killam’s bl0g for some help with paints by undertone and LRV. Remember that paint can only do so much with limited natural light – it may be that you need more color or lamps or mirrors.
Anonymous
+1
Ariadne
I have a creamier white from Benjamin Moore called ivory white, and a creamy colour called mayonnaise…both are warm with sepia and yellowish undertones. My place has tons of light, so they read more creamy.
Anonymous
SW Casa Blanca – have in most every room, facing all directions, including ceilings, with white trim.
Taxed anon
Does anyone else have a hard time setting yearly development goals? I’m a tax analyst in a public corporation and we’re being made to create a development plan. I’m only one year into my position and previously worked 5.5 years in public accounting before moving to industry. Previously my goals were clearly laid out, as the public firms have pretty clear guidelines about what actions will get you to the next promotion level. Now I just feel like… let me just work here and help you with your tax work? I am happy in my job, but I would never tell anyone (nor would I have in any of my 6/7 years of work) that I’m SO PASSIONATE about taxes. It’s a good job! I just don’t know how I could possibly lay out a plan where I sound like I’m excited about developing. Am I crazy?
Equestrian attorney
Can you focus on something slightly different? Like making internal processes better, implementing a smoother reporting system, instigating team-wide reporting meetings, working with the operational team to make sure we are meeting ABC goal, etc. I don’t think you have to be “so passionate”, but isn’t there something you could learn a bit more about? Like “better understanding how R&D credits could be used in XYZ context” (or whatever makes sense for you – I don’t know much about taxes, sorry!).
Eertmeert
Exactly this, and Tax CPA’s suggestions below.
*explore potential opportunities x,y & z created by recent tax bills
*develop procedure documentation for xyz area (where current procedure documentation is outdated)
*improve outreach to Y department so they understand importance of recent Internal Systems Change on our work
* broaden communication lines from Area Z to tax dept, improving data collection and accuracy
*20 cpe hours in tax area A, which ties directly to operations. (List specific classes here)
Think about your development goals as tasks you want to accomplish.
Taxed anon
Yes, the documentation improvements and internal process improvements are absolutely on my list. I moved into my current role from a totally paperless environment and my current team is a little behind in this area. I (along with another younger staff) have brought up multiple times the benefits of moving away from paper files, so maybe rolling that into a goal on how it would specifically benefit the team and company to move xyz project into a paperless data storage system would fit. Thank you for the ideas!
Tax CPA
Tax here too and I struggled with annual goals as well and trying to seem passionate about taxes. That’s harder when you’ve only been there a year. Are there any areas of improvement for the organization that you have seen so far from the tax side? For example, are departments unaware there is a tax department that can help in decision making, so would you like to improve outreach? Do you want to improve your research skills? Is there something you’d like to be the “go-to” person for, like a specific subject area? I think reviewers want to see that you have goals to improve/benefit the company by developing your own skills, because goodness knows they’re not going to improve your skills for you the way they do in public. CPEs are much harder to get when working in industry.
The original Scarlett
Personally, I’ve always just put something together that’s satisfactory for my job, but I do my real thinking separately. That can be as simple as “happy now, stay put, keep doing well” or as complicated as plotting my next move. I don’t put a lot of stock into an organization’s plan as their goals usually don’t align with mines but you just have to fake it enough to pass muster.
BH
I’m with you. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate trying to define the ways I’m going to develop myself at work. I don’t have any specific goals or direction, honestly. I don’t want to go into management, so its mostly just continuing to build technical skill and expertise. Which really just happens via time. I just want to show up and work – I get plenty of opportunities and touch points and cross-functional exposure by doing a good job and being helpful. I know there should be ways to quantify that stuff I’m already doing, but it’s such a mental block.
So…commiseration, but I have no advice because I’m in the same boat.
Murz
1. Love this blouse! 2. I’m looking for a tote or shoulder-carrying bag for work trips. I like the style of the lo and sons O.G. but would prefer something leather or a bit sleeker. My favorite feature is the strap to slide a suitcase handle under it, but as long as it’s relatively easy to carry on top of a rolling suitcase I’m happy. Any favorites?
Annie
I bought the Jemma bag featured here a few weeks ago and it’s GREAT- I like the organization, it looks very sleek, and I’m loving the under-the-radar luggage strap. It’s a little bit heavier than the OG, and it definitely doesnt hold quite as much stuff, but I also don’t feel like I’m bringing my whole suitcase in to the client meetings.
Anon
Any of the Cuyana totes. I have the structured tote and the zipper tote and travel with both of them regularly.
AZCPA
Absolutely in love with my Dagne Dover Allyn. The Signature totes are also nice. They don’t have a luggage strap but I air travel a top and it works fine just setting it on my rolling bag.
Anonymous
I love my allyn too! I’d kill for a version with a luggage sleeve.
Small Firm IP Litigator
Tumi Voyageur
Anonymous
An acquaintance is generously letting me stay at her place while I am in town and she is out of town. I’d like to leave a note and a little gift when I leave to say thank you. Ordinarily I’d do some fresh flowers, but I know she won’t be back for about a week after I leave. Any ideas?
Anonymous
Fun ingredients – hit up a Penney’s, find a set of salts, grab a couple fun items at Trader Joe’s. Plus a card :)
Monday
Lately I’ve been giving people local honey from my area. It’s cute and I figure everyone uses honey at least sometimes.
Junior Associate
Depending on her preferences, how about a nice boxed tea or coffee set, plus tea cookies / olive oil and vinegar set / bottle of wine / chocolates (in the fridge) ?
Anonymous
Wine
Anon
Yes, as someone who hosts people frequently, a bottle of wine is best. (As long as you know your host drinks wine.) I would say this is a safe bet.
However since your host saved you paying for a hotel you might want to be more generous. A bottle of wine and a gift card for a local restaurant is even better. This is something I received and really, really appreciated. Additionally, it went a long way to smooth over my friendship with my houseguest because she was far more of an imposition than she was capable of realizing.
anon
The time when I saved a major amount of money because a friend let me stay in their house for two weeks, I noticed they used blue apron and got them a big gift card for that. Plus a freshly baked batch of brownies when they returned.
Abby
I’m just on a plant kick recently, but a low maintenance house plant would be nice!
Anon
Please don’t give someone a burden as a gift. I know plants are pretty but ti’s also something additional your friend has to remember to take care of. Things that will die and/or are consumable are the best bet here so you don’t clog up her house. Flowers and wine or fancy oils if she’s into that kind of thing.
Eertmeert
On the other hand, some people can never have enough plants!
If you are stayong in your friends’ home, it will be easy to tell whether she would prefer a plant or wine (some people dont drink!)
black thumb
Well, if a plant is too much of a burden to take care of then …it is a thing that will die.
Ask me how I know.
NYCer
Hmm I would rather have a plant than a bottle of wine (and I do drink), so I wouldn’t make that as a blanket statement.
Senior Attorney
The best gift I ever got from a houseguest was a faux succulent arrangement not dissimilar to this one: https://www.houzz.com/products/artificial-plants-and-trees/?productId=66430537&redirect=-1&m_refid=PLA_HZ_66430537_1587196712&device=c&nw=g&gclid=CjwKCAjw-vjqBRA6EiwAe8TCk2KKe1MqEqVTzuN0_46YMVzplEZ4PGHSLbAcQFJk58X-oSsQc83SeBoCtS0QAvD_BwE
It looks super real, it doesn’t need any care, and the colors are gorgeous.
Senior Attorney
Not suggesting you spend that much money, just giving you an idea of the look…
Anonymous
I have old, light-colored laminate countertops that have in the past few months gotten weird unidentifiable stains. Do you have any tips for getting them off? I’m getting desperate. Have tried baking soda/vinegar and acetone in addition to normal kitchen cleanser.
Simone
Barkeepers Friend has gotten stubborn stains off of my laminate counters, so you might give that a try if you haven’t already.
Anon.
This.
529
Has anyone contributed to a 529 pre-kids?
I’m single and in my early 30s. I always wanted to be a mom, but haven’t come to a decision on what I’ll do if I’m still single in six years. (Go it alone? No kids? Something else?) This is complicated by not having a sense of what kind of job I’d have at that time. I’m currently a big law mid-level, but could be a partner, in house, government, or something else at that time. As of now I have no debt, a maxed out 401k, backdoor Roth IRA, and fully funded HSA. There are no other tax-advantaged places to go. (If you think of some, let me know!) The 529 for my locality offers up to $4,000 tax deduction and the money would grow tax free. I could theoretically reassign it to my future kid or use it for myself if needed. If I don’t start the 529, these funds would go to my future downpayment, which is growing in a high yield savings account, or my Vanguard index funds for further taxable retirement savings.
I can’t decide if this is a good idea or dumb waste of money and would love your thoughts.
Anonymous
Dumb waste of money and a hugely risky emotional bet. You do not have children, do not start spending money on them.
Anonymous
Admiral Shares in a Vanguard fund.
Unless you want to spend your retirement loosely getting a degree at University of Hawaii at Manoa (which is my dream)
Anon
I wouldn’t do it. Honestly, I think even WITH kids, 529s are risky because they can only be used for education. What if your kid(s) get full ride scholarships to college, or decide they want to work in a trade without going to college? I don’t know, I just don’t like the idea of having hundreds of thousands of dollars that can only be used for one very specific thing. I know they can be transferred to other people, but do I want to give my BFF’s kid $300k? No. We save a little in a 529 but most of our college savings are just in index funds, which is where I think you should be saving for now.
Abby
I agree you shouldn’t start a 529, but re: if your kids get a full ride scholarship, you can use the money for room & board or school expenses. Also, you can withdraw the $ without a penalty but you will have to pay taxes on it, or save the account for your grandchildren to use.
Anon
I’m not saying don’t put any money in a 529, I’m saying don’t put $300k in a 529. And some scholarships cover room and board.
Anon
529s can be used for vocational school, grad school, online courses, room and board, and can be rolled into disability accounts.
Yes, if you have one kid and are talking about putting a quarter-million dollars into one, it could be a risky proposition. But normal, middle-class people would almost certainly use $50k or $75k, especially since it applies to room and board.
Anon
OP isn’t a normal middle class person – she’s in Big Law and is exactly the kind of person that’s in a position to be saving hundreds of thousands of dollars for her future kids’ college, and my advice was based on her financial picture. We contribute $5k/year to my kid’s 529 (starting when she was born), so it will have $90k+ whatever growth it accrues. But the majority of our college savings is not in a 529.
Anon
Your statement was that 529s are “risky,” and then enumerated reasons why.
My point is that they are an outstanding vehicle for people who are looking at being able to provide their children with five, not six, figures of college help.
We had a discussion the other week about how it is challenging for even middle-class families to pay for state colleges. Some people correctly pointed out that if youcan save a few thousand per year, you can pay for most of college.
The OP shouldn’t do this because she doesn’t have kids yet. That’s the issue, not the value of 529s.
blueberries
No advice, but I’ve always been curious about the gift tax implications for replacing the beneficiary of a 529 when the account has a value over the annual gift reporting exclusion.
poiu
Gift is to the 529. Thus, the limit on 529 is your gift tax exemption. The bigger financial issue is that under some circumstances 529 distributions can count as income to the kids, reducing their financial aid for the next year (I think this is if the grandparent’s own the account).
Anon
If you must save towards a kid now, keep it in a separate fund. It is incredibly short sighted to save money in a specific purpose fund when that specific purpose might not come to fruition. Maybe you will have a kid that doesn’t want to go to college. Maybe you won’t have a kid. Maybe after you’re married you’ll decide you don’t want them. And if that happens, will you want to go back to school yourself? Gift it to a relative? I just think this is a terrible terrible decision. Wait until you’ve got a second trimester pregnancy before doing anything of this sort.
Anonymous
That’s silly. We should all be saving for retirement and none of us knows it will come to fruition. That’s the whole point of investing for an unknown future.
Anon
$4k a year for the next 6-10 years doesn’t strike me as a terrible idea – that’s a max $40k contribution, which you can well afford. Most people I know had kids in their late 30s and many of them met their future spouse in their early 30s, so you are perfectly on track to have a kid if that is something you want.
anonchicago
I was in this boat last year and opted to just save in a taxable Schwab account instead. Even though theoretically I could use the money for nieces or nephews if I don’t have kids, those don’t exist yet either and it feels kinda weird to save for something that may not happen for reasons outside of my control.
I don’t get that nice tax deduction for saving this way, but I am starting a nest egg for the future. If I don’t have kids, it can be early retirement money!
edc
So, another option to plan for kids is to freeze some embryos, and maybe some eggs, now. Embryos defrost much better than eggs, but if you meet someone you want to have kids with you’ll need unfertilized eggs. I had a kid (via ivf) at 38 and feel incredibly lucky that it worked out for me.
Anonymous
I come from a transactional practice (7 years) and am now pinch hitting for the litigation practice. Every partner says thanks for helping, but you need to write as an advocate. In other words, I’m too factual/neutral and not persuasive. Any tips for improving?
Anon
Ask someone around your level for similar briefs that those partners signed off on, and then try to mimic that style, wording, advocacy, etc. I’m in litigation (and have only ever done litigation), and still do this for many of my briefs, especially when working with a new partner.
Horse Crazy
Has anyone on this board had bunion surgery? I need it on both feet (planning on doing them separately), and am trying to figure out when to do it, how the logistics will work (since I won’t be able to drive for a while), and what recovery will be like. Any experiences/stories are greatly appreciated!
anon
my mom did it and she would tell anyone – DO NOT DO THEM SEPARATELY. not to scare you, but it is apparently the type of surgery where you really won’t want go back for the second. she did them both together when i was little. she worked full time but we lived in nyc so she didn’t have to worry about the driving aspect nor deal with stairs since we lived in an apartment
Anon
I had my bunion surgery about 4 years ago. Now that it’s done, I’m very happy that I did it. However… the recovery was challenging and a bit longer than I expected (I was in a boot for almost 2 months after having it wrapped for awhile and using crutches, IIRC). I’m conflicted on the advice to get them done at the same time, because during recovery I literally couldn’t fathom having my other foot done because I was barely mobile as it was. I needed a lot of help from my husband to get in and out of the shower, and down our stairs, in and out of the car, etc. I’m not sure how recovery goes with two feet, but I’d assume you’d have two boots? I struggled with one boot. On the other hand, after I recovered the thought of doing the other foot was pretty insane given how rough it was. Things to consider: Will you need to drive? I was only able to drive because I have an automatic and it was my left foot. Do you have a support system/partner to help you with day-to-day activities? Consider the time of year; I had mine done during winter so wearing the boot wasn’t as hot or as itchy as it normally would be.
AZCPA
I had it ten years ago. Only did one foot, but they did both sides (bunion and tailor’s bunion). As others indicated, the recovery was pretty horrible, and the recovery felt worse and took longer than I’d anticipated. I also had to do six weeks of physical therapy be regain movement in my foot. Plan to be home and medicated for the long end of what they tell you (I had thought I’d be able to work from home, but was WAY too loopy at the pain med dosage I ended up needing). I did it in the summer since its hot where I live and would have been indoors anyway. I had someone stay home with me the first week since I was so loopy, but after that could use crutches to get around on my own. But I’m SO glad it was only one foot – I was able to hop/slide/otherwise move around because I had one good foot. I can’t imagine trying to have both done at once. All that being said, I’m unbelievably glad I did it, it healed well and I have no issues a decade later.
Anon
I have a question for those with thyroid disease. I’ve always been slender with a good metabolism. Last year I had a whole bunch of classic hyperthyroid symptoms (rapid unintentional weight loss, insane hunger, heart palpitations, inability to sleep because I was so wired, etc.) I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with Graves’ disease, started medicine (methimazole) and pretty much immediately my symptoms stopped and I regained all the weight I’d lost unintentionally. I thought everything was good. The problem is I’m now on the maintenance dose of the meds, and instead of maintaining, my thyroid hormone levels keep skewing more and more toward hypo. I’m now having some hypo symptoms (fatigue, always feeling cold, weight gain despite eating healthier and exercising more than I ever have before). My doctor won’t do anything because my thyroid hormones are still within what medicine considers “normal range,” but I’m clearly much more hypo than my body’s pre-disease baseline. I’ll admit that I’m vain and the weight gain bothers me the most: I’ve been putting on a pound every week or two and am now about 15 pounds above my pre-disease weight, which has been my weight since college and I’ve always thought of as my baseline weight. Am I doomed to gaining weight and being freezing for the rest of my life? Or is it possible for a doctor to get that even though my thyroid levels are medically normal, they’re not normal for me? This issue aside, I don’t like my endocrinologist, but I’m not sure if a different doctor would treat me any differently as far as this goes.
Anon
Everything I know about this, I know from shoving methimazole down my cat’s throat for three years.
But it sounds like your dosage might need to be adjusted downwards a bit. Also, methimazole can cause some weird reactions as you ramp up the dosage or start taking it (well, this is true if you have four legs, whiskers, and a tail), so you might consider backing off the “maintenance” dose a bit.
Anon
Ha, yes I think lots of humans have weird side effects from methimazole too! Fortunately I seem to be tolerating it well and haven’t had any of the weird side effects listed on the paperwork. I agree about wanting my maintenance dose adjusted downward, but that’s what my doctor isn’t willing to do.
Anon
I’m probably more willing to experiment on myself than others, but in this situation, I would just take fewer pills. If I normally took them twice a day, I would take five over the course of six days and see how that works out.
(Do not do this with antibiotics.)
From what I understand, it’s hard to fine-tune medications, because the next step down might be half of the current dose, when you just need 10% or 20% less.
Anon
Yeah, this is what I was thinking. Just…reduce the dosage a bit.
Anonymous
Obviously, don’t do this. It’s not the same as having a properly regulated dose or a consistent lower dose in your system.
Anon
Methimazole doesn’t work the way, say, insulin does. With insulin, this would be terrible; it works fine with methimazole.
Anonymous
… First just go ahead and try to find a new doctor who can identify what would really be an appropriate lower dose and monitor it appropriately
Anon
I’ve had better luck with PCPs, gynecologists, and NPs/PAs over the years when it comes to adequate treatment for hypothyroidism. In my experience, endocrinologists don’t seem to care about symptoms or even trends in the lab results; they only care if the labs are within range, full stop. I would be in bad shape if I hadn’t sought help elsewhere. There have been some studies suggesting I’m not alone in this.
Anon
Thanks. Unfortunately I think because I’m on thyroid meds prescribed by an endocrinologist, another doctor is not going to be able to adjust the dose? I could be wrong about that. I will talk to my OB at my annual exam. She functions as my PCP (referred me to the endo when I first had symptoms) and she’s wonderful.
Anon
I think they would just write a new script for the dose they want you to try. I’m not aware there’s anything stopping them. It would make a lot of sense if scripts were adjusted along with doses, but in my experience, I just get a new script for the new dose in addition to the old script that still has 7 refills on it, even if I go back to the original prescriber. It makes a mess of my electronic health record though!
Anonymous
It must be doctor specific — I have had much more nuanced treatment from my endocrinologists than my pcp. Pcp just wants to see “within standard,” whereas endocrinologist is looking for trends, wants my level on the low end of standard, etc. no harm in trying another doctor, even another endocrinologist.
anononono
My understanding (from what I’ve learned as someone with hypothyroidism) is that the range recommended to diagnose hypothyroidism is conservative. There are many doctors who will consider changing dosage levels for patients who are within the recommended range. So, if you do feel that you are off, I would suggest you trying a new doctor. I would just check in with yourself that you are *not* only reacting to the weight gain, just because (also my experience), it’s a dangerous game to get into to try to control your weight via your thyroid medications. It doesn’t sound like you are–it sounds like you have much more going on, but I just wanted to raise that flag.
Also you mention thyroid hormones, plural, so I assume your doctor is running bloodwork for TSH, T3 and T4, but just make sure you have any doctor run all three.
Anon
Yes, he runs all three. Thanks for your thoughts.
anononono
Also just want to clarify I completely believe your symptoms and that you need to consider new dosage levels! I don’t think that came across in my original response, and I know that the symptoms associated with thyroid levels being off can be slightly crazy-making because they’re hard to pin down sometimes.
Lobbyist
I also have Graves, I also gained weight on methimizole. But after a year or so when my levels were testing normal, my doc took me off to see if I was in remission. I was! I am! I then did Stronger U to lose the weight. Depending on how long your levels have been in the normal zone, maybe you could try that?
Light Sleeper
Wondering if anyone else as dealt with this issue or a similar one. I have a really hard time sleeping when DH and I share a bed. He thrashes, makes sounds, gets too close to me, gets up multiple times, makes the bed warmer, steals the blanket, etc. I guess I am a light sleeper. I REALLY need to sleep well to function. Lately I’ve been sleeping separately from him, and I swear I am getting the best sleep I’ve had in years. But it is hurting his feelings. He says sleeping separately is not a permanent solution and we need to come up with a better alternative, but I feel like I don’t want to sacrifice my sleep for his feelings. Thoughts? For context, if it matters, no kids yet.
Anon
Get a king sized bed. I have a queen at home but when we get a hotel room we tend to get a king. Other than intentional together time we’re pretty far apart on a king sized bed. I feel like I say goodnight and then don’t see my husband until the morning.
Senior Attorney
Also make sure you have a mattress that doesn’t transmit motion. We have a California King innerspring and although it’s great, when DH does his famous “levitate three feet off the mattress, spin around in midair, and crash back down” move, I can still feel it! That never happened when we used to sleep on my Tempurpedic.
Anon
Could you please upload that video to YouTube? This is something I need to see!
Senior Attorney
Haha I’d show you but then I’d have to kill you…
Anonymous
Things I have seen other couples do that seem to help: start with separate blankets. Then you can control how warm you are. Separate beds in the same room, either pushed together or a little bit apart. Completely separate rooms. Also, maybe have a bedtime routine were you spend time together in bed before going to separate beds, so you still get some of the closeness and intimacy of sharing a bed.
Anonymous
I’m the exact same way and I don’t have a good solution other than the one you already discovered. We sleep separately and it is really for the best. It’s really easy for the person who is sleeping soundly to be critical, but when you’re the one not sleeping, things can start to feel pretty desperate (at least they did for me). Over time, he saw how terrible I felt and began to understand how little sleep I was getting and how it was impacting my life and our relationship. Our relationship is better now because we both get to be well-rested and I’m not super resentful of him and his snoring, tossing, turning, etc.
Anon
We sleep separately – I need my sleep and this is the best option – he snores and gets up multiple times…we are a very happy couple
Anon
+1 My husband and I have separate bedrooms. It’s not just about sleep, although that’s part of it, but we really just each like having our own space. I realize it’s not for everyone, but we have a very happy marriage and I think a pretty typical “gardening” life.
Anonymous
Same here. Luckily we are both light sleepers and sleep terribly when sharing a bed, so he was on board, but sleep is just really, really important to me.
Anonymous
Thrashes- king sized bed, foam will dull the movement
Makes sounds- earplugs/white noise
Gets too close- king sized bed
Bed too warm- turn the AC up
Steals blankets- get two duvets European style.
Basically, try everything you can try to make it work, because it is important. And if it still doesn’t work then sleep apart.
The original Scarlett
+1 to all of these
Aggie
I purchased the Ervet duvet system off of kickstarter and I LOVE it. It is two twin duvet covers that have magnets that hold them together. I can connect them back together and make our bed in minutes. I have found that when not fighting for covers, I do not notice his tossing and turning. It is also much cooler than a king duvet.
Anonymous
All of these. A king sized bed and a white noise machine have been game changers for my husband and I.
Anonymous
Biggest bed you can find and two duvets. We use two single duvets for the same reason (I’m the active sleeper) after a trip to Iceland when we realised it’s the normal in scandinavian countries. I use a large throw over the two duvets to make the bed ‘pretty’ and you’d never know.
Anonymous
I am in the same boat except that my husband also snores. Our compromise is sleeping together on weekends, separately on weekdays. It does hurt my husband’s feelings, but he has decided that this is a sacrifice he’s willing to make. It helps that he can actually notice the difference when I get adequate sleep.
The suggestion for a king bed is worth considering if you have room and the budget for it. I do find it easier to sleep together in a king bed than in a queen.
Vicky Austin
Is he open to separate beds in the same room? Can you get two twins/two fulls and push them together sometimes, leave apart other times? How about separate blankets for a start?
Also, no joke, a friend and her husband slept in bunk beds for a while. It had to do with their home reno and shifting furniture around in their house, I forget exactly. But they thought it was hilarious and actually really enjoyed having their own space for the time being.
Vicky Austin
Also, how about a fan for your side of the bed(s)? Serves as white noise to drown out his noise and might help cool you down without affecting him too much.
Anonymous
King size bed and separate blankets
Anon
Lol are you me? I sleep like the dead in our guest room but never fully go to sleep sharing a bed with the hubby so I’m all ears. I’m considering getting one of those beds where you can’t feel your partner move in a California King size, but I don’t know how effective those really are. Can anyone who has those beds opine?
On the stealing of sheets and noise thing, I got those squishy ear plugs and went Scandinavian style with two duvets on a queen (you can put a decorative blanket that pulls it all together on top if you must make the bed that way or get matching duvets).
Junior Associate
I have one of those Simmons Pocket Spring Beautyrest beds and can attest that it definitely helps with the bouncing when my partner moves. It doesn’t solve the issues due to the cramped space though, you probably need a King size bed to address them. I’m the same as you, and I sleep So. Much. Better in King size beds. And seconding all separate duvet and earplug suggestions.
Anonymous
Wake him up every time he’s bothering you and ask him to stop whatever he’s doing as many times as it takes all night long … so he gets a sense of how poorly you’re sleeping. Make sure he knows it happens every night but that you are prioritizing his sleep at the expense of you’re own & it’s going to stop one way or another. Please prioritize your own sleep (by sleeping separately). It’s really such a critical component of good health.
Anon
Don’t do this. Come on, she’s married to this man and sleeping with two people in the room can be challenging but it’s not his “fault” how he sleeps any more than it’s her fault how she sleeps. When you’re in a loving relationship, you look for ways to make things work and this is just one of those things. There are great suggestions for these problems already in this thread, and I’m sorry, but yes, sleeping together IS important for relationship health and people should TRY to make that work before they go to separate bedrooms. I’m not saying that isn’t a last-resort solution for a lot of people, but it should be a last resort. There’s a lot of closeness that comes from sharing intimate space.
Anonymous
I find it concerning that he doesn’t appear to be offering any solutions. Maybe you just omitted it here and he has some great ideas, idk. But look, he’s creating a problem, you came up with a solution, he doesn’t like your solution, so dude needs to put something on the table. Maybe he commits to not getting up in the middle of the night, puts an extra set of sheets on the bed, gets an under cover fan, etc. But let’s see some effort here! This is not solely your problem to solve.
You asked if anyone has dealt with this – I did with a ex who snored. It hurt his feelings when I would sleep in another room. He refused to see a doctor, use those little nose strips, or cut back on his drinking (which tbf exacerbated, but didn’t cause, the snoring). He wanted me to wear ear plugs, which I tried but didn’t help. He pressured me to come up with some other solution or just deal with it – it was as if I was the one being unreasonable. He basically felt that his wants were more important than my needs. That came through in a lot of other ways in the relationship. We didn’t break up over the snoring, but we did break up over his selfishness.
Anonome
Being within X distance of each other while unconscious is a useless metric for relationship health. He’s making up an arbitrary rule based on his emotions about How To Perform Marriage. You need adequate rest for your health. He needs to get over it.
Ellen
I had this issue with my ex. He moved around alot in the bed once he was asleep, but also liked to wake me up whenever he felt up for $ex, even tho he knew I was not getting much good sleep when he was thrashing around. Also, he was very lazy and did not get up to poop, preferring instead to fart up the bed (and sometime passing more then gas) FOOEY! So I was very happy when my Dad had me get rid of him and his habits. I do not know if I could start sleeping with another man. Having $ex in a bed with a man is one thing, but having him sleep over after the $ex is done is quite another. DOUBEL FOOEY!
anon
was anyone here held back as a kid for having a late birthday in your school district and it turned out to be the wrong decision? i’m talking like a fall birthday with a December 31 cut off, or a summer bday with an August cut off, etc.?
Anon
I held back my son. His birthday is November 28 and our district’s cutoff at the time was December 1. So when he was 4-almost-5 I asked his preschool teachers if they thought he was ready for kindergarten and they just laughed. I agreed with them! He was relatively babyish for his age and still getting in a lot of trouble for not following rules at preschool.
We started him in K the following year when he was 5-almost-6 and he did ok, still got into some trouble for being fidgety, but never once did it seem like he was too old for Kindergarten, and he was roughly the same size as the other kids.
The school district subsequently changed the cutoff to September 1 for future K enrollment, so that felt like further validation that 4-almost-5 kids truly weren’t ready.
Anon
Yes. I had a May birthday and the school cutoff was I think August 1 or maybe September 1. Definitely I was young but not the very youngest. Anyway, my preschool teachers told my parents I was academically ready but not socially ready. I was not acting out, but I was shy and scared of everything and I guess my teachers thought this was a reason to hold me back. Because I was held back, I was so academically ahead of my peers that I was essentially used as a teaching assistant in kindergarten and first grade (helped other children learn how to read, etc.) I didn’t like it, my parents didn’t like it, and after my parents complained the school offered to let me skip. I skipped second grade and rejoined my original class in third grade and life got a lot better for me then.
Anon
Also I will add that the preschool teachers told my parents there was “a possible upside and no possible downside to holding me back” and my mom still rants about that statement who will listen.
Anon
*to anyone who will listen
anon
it is such a gamble because my parents had the opposite experience. they did not hold my sister back (september bday with a december cutoff) and by the time she was in 3rd grade they wish they had for emotional reasons (not academic)
Anon
Right, I think there are definitely potential upsides and downsides both ways and it is somewhat of a gamble. But I don’t think it makes sense to say that holding back (or the opposite) has no potential downside.
Anon for this
My parents sent me to private kindergarten as a way of hedging their bets on this. August birthday. I was academically ready but they were nervous I wasn’t socially ready, so they figured, do private kindergarten for a year, if I’m ready for 1st grade go to public school, if I’m not ready go to public kindergarten for a second kindergarten year, but I wouldn’t have to see my former classmates move ‘up’ a grade without me. As it turned out I was ready for 1st grade so I changed schools and it worked out great.
Anon
This is brilliant and I’m keeping it in mind.
mascot
We started my mid-august bday kid on time (Sept 1 cut-off) and knew by winter break in kindergarten that he was behind socially/emotionally, although on track academically. So he repeated the grade. It was a great decision and worked well for him. We were at a private school so they were happy to work with us and were actually the ones who suggested we consider the gift of extra time. The teachers didn’t have any issues keeping him engaged academically even though most of the concepts were repeats.
Anon
On the other side, my Mom faked my birth certificate (apparently in the 80s it was super easy to scrape off the typewritten number and retype beside it) and enrolled me anyway as a barely four year old and I did perfectly fine. But she only did that, she tole me, because I was abnormally advanced for that age (could already read at 1st grade level, spoke very clearly, and could sit still for long periods of time) and she thought holding me back would stall my intellectual curiosity/make me bored with school or something like that. I was shy for my age but not particularly small and I only remember being excited about school. I was always nearly a year younger than my school mates and it never presented as an issue.
anonforthis
Same here minus the faked birth certificate (or so I think). I had just turned 4 when I started kindergarten. So I was 1-2 years younger than my classmates. Then I skipped second grade and fourth grade too. All were the right decisions for me individually. I never had problems making friends or had emotional problems. When I got to high school and couldn’t drive that was annoying, but my friends drove or I could take the city bus.
NOLA
My brother and SIL held back my older nephew and my Dad and stepmother (both former teachers) were horrified. He was a little older than his classmates and turned 23 just after graduating from college. Also, he and his younger brother (16 months apart) were only a year apart in school. I think they all feel like it was the right decision for the older one to redshirt him. I’ve never heard him express any concerns over being slightly older than his classmates. It has meant that he was pretty mature for his grade, but for boys, that’s a good thing.
I know you asked about it being the wrong decision, but figured you might also want to hear about it being the right one. FWIW, I started kindergarten at 4 and started college at 17. My mother was a preschool teacher and she felt that I was more than ready academically for school. I think I would have been incredibly bored in school if I’d been held back (October birthday) another year. Of course, I was only 21 graduating from college and wasn’t really ready for grad school (although I went). I think grad school was the first time where I felt that I just wasn’t ready for the environment, although I did fine and got my degree and went on to be successful.
Anon
NOLA, I’m the exact same. Mom is a preschool teacher, I have a an Oct birthday, I was sent at 4, started college at 17 and graduated at 21. I worked a few years before law school though. High five! Funny thing is my brother has a March birthday but had some medical issues where my parents decided to wait an extra year for him to start kindergarten so that he wouldn’t miss too much school. He ended up way older starting at 6, graduating high school at 19 and college at 23. It’s funny that my parents had both ends of the spectrum.
NOLA
My brother’s birthday is a month after mine so, even though we are three years apart (well, 2 years and 11 months), we were only 2 years apart in school. I think it was better for him because he drove sooner and wanted to date. I was a complete nerd who sat home watching Love Boat with my parents rather than dating.
NOLA
Also, too funny that we had the exact same situation! You were right to go to law school later. My issue was that I majored in music, didn’t have any intention to become a performer, wasn’t trained to teach, and didn’t really know what I wanted to do, other than the fact that I was really good at music history in school. Sooooo, I did it and it wasn’t horrible, but I was definitely not ready for that environment. Unlike others, I did finish my degree, though, and I’m glad I have it (prestigious enough school that it impresses people, but I don’t care).
Alanna of Trebond
This is the opposite, but my birthday was after the cutoff (October for a September cutoff) and my parents petitioned to have me start kindergarten early. It has been great and I really appreciate it now. I think it is good for girls. There were a lot of women on my sports team in college who were also younger and it was great for them.
Anonymous
I was a Dec birthday who started K at 4 in one district and then moved to a district with an Oct cutoff. I was a shy kid with some trouble socially, but I would have been enormously bored had I been held back like the second district would have done given the choice. As it was, I was usually at/near the top of my class being the youngest. I think it’s really important to balance both the intellectual challenge kids want, with the social. Me being more social and bored would have been a bad result.
Anon
In my school district, it was much more common for kids to repeat kindergarten than it was for them to start school late. I still think this is the best way to do it– give the kid a shot, and if it’s not working out, repeat the year. For example, my cousin had a March birthday, so nowhere near the cutoff, but was nowhere near mature enough to deal his classmates and repeated kindergarten. Absolutely the right decision for him.
Anon
Agree that this makes more sense than preemptively holding back. I’m the person above who was held back and ended up skipping second grade. I really thrived in kindergarten, so if my preschool teachers had encouraged my parents to attempt it and hold me back if necessary, I never would have been held back.
anon
interesting. i feel like if at the same school this could really be a huge blow to the kid’s self esteem
mascot
For young kids (under 2nd grade), it’s really not we found. My kid was with the same school, same teachers and did fine. His peers didn’t care. His teachers found ways to keep him engaged and encouraged his leadership skills. So much the guidance that’s out there seems to focus on the negative aspects of grade retention when it’s done solely for academic reasons. I think those concerns are really lessened when it’s done because a kid is on the young side or socially immature.
Anon
I’m the poster re: repeating kindergarten. It was honestly so common at my school that no one thought it was unusual, and it didn’t have any stigma to it. Like, when it started coming up– Kid A turning 16 before everyone else in the class– everyone was just like oh yeah he did kindergarten twice and moved in. It was normally boys that repeated kindergarten. Also, sometimes parents held their kids back for sports (yes, I know), so holding the kid back a lot of times had nothing to do with intelligence, etc.
Anon
I will tell you I was not held back and it was a mistake. In fact my parents found a way to work around the system to get me into Kindergarten early – the cutoff was December 1 and my birthday is mid January. My parents did it because my dad was convinced I was a genius, but also because they were poor and really needed free babysitting.
I never fit in. I was so much younger and smaller than my classmates. I didn’t have friends some years of elementary school – like, not one friend. I was just too babyish and immature and several inches shorter than my classmates.
When all the girls started going through puberty I was still a little girl. Late onset puberty in my family further complicated things – I didn’t wear a bra or start menstruating until high school. FINALLY, once we were all through puberty I started fitting in.
I was always the shy girl. As I get older I have realized that I am a natural extrovert. I was just shy because I truly didn’t fit in.
There are really good reasons to delay school until your kid is ready, and it depends on the kid. Your parents were doing their best, as were mine, and it does no good to go back in time and be mad at them about it.
Anon
I mean, I got my period at almost 16. I had friends that got it at 10. It’s pretty inevitable that between ages 11 and 14 some girls will have gone through puberty and some won’t. One year doesn’t make that much difference when you’re talking about a life event that happens over a range of 5+ years and as someone who was pretty much the last person in my class to start menstruating and didn’t grow b00bs until college, I don’t think this is a justification for holding someone back.
Anon
Also I assume OP is asking for advice about her own kid, not that she’s harboring anger for 20+ years about what her parents did to her.
Anon
I was telling you about my experience. Yes it made a big difference for me. I got my period the summer between my junior and senior year of high school. I stated wearing a bra the beginning of my sophomore year. I couldn’t drive a car until I was a senior. It made a difference FOR ME and it’s not up to you to tell me otherwise.
eertmeert
Right!? OP asked for anecdotal evidence. It’s not a crime to have negative experiences echo through adult lives – it is actually really common – even with years of counseling. We all get to share – I thought that was something they teach in kindergarten.
Anon
I don’t feel like my parents should have held me back, but I was also like this. I excelled academically but did not fit in socially. Apparently, my mom realized this and thought it was due to age– late May bday with August cut off– and brought it up recently. Only now have I realized that most of the “popular” kids had Septemberish birthdays. Also, all of my friends had May/summer birthdays or were the year below me with early birthdays… I was also very shy in school and am now an extrovert. However, I think holding me back would have been the absolute wrong decision academically and I’m honestly not sure I would how well I would have fit in at my specific high school anyway.
More anecdata
Opposite – my fall birthday kid in a district with a Dec 31 birthday is doing great. She’s just starting 2nd now, so I don’t have any long term results. But she’s top of her class in reading and doing pretty well in math too. Not the most outgoing kid, but not shy either. Her best buddy this year is 10 months older than her – a December birthday who was held back. Somebody in the class has to be the oldest and somebody has to be the youngest. My sister is a fall birthday with a birthday a week after the deadline and she was a star in school – academically advanced and socially fine too. Wound up doing a gap year between high school and college, so she was on the older side of her cohort in college when drinking age matters.
Diana Barry
FWIW I started K at 4-almost-5 (my birthday was on the cutoff date) and then skipped a grade, so I was really young (started HS when I was 12-almost-13). I went thru p*berty at 11 and was tall so development wasn’t an issue. I was a nerd but would have been a nerd in the class below me as well, and thank goodness I wasn’t as intellectually bored as I would have been otherwise (still pretty bored in HS!). TBH it was only a problem when I was in college and every single other person could legally drink and I couldn’t.
meara
I have a late-August birthday (it’s almost my birthday, whee!) and started kindergarten at just-almost-5. I had friends in high school and college who were a year older than me (I knew a guy with the same birthday, a year older) and friends who had skipped a grade and were nearly a year younger than me. The one thing that was awkward was in college, when people were still 17 for much/any of freshman year–caused occasional headaches for “not legally an adult yet” reasons, and when they weren’t 21 for any/much of senior year (the friend who still wasn’t 21 at graduation and wasn’t allowed to drink? That sucked for him). But a gap year could address that easily, and it wasn’t a big deal most of the time.
Anon
I had a law school friend who was 20 for most of 1L year (which the school never knew), so that was awkward given the amount of alcohol at school events. She does not regret going through school at the pace she did but does regret starting law school at the age she did.
Anonymous
Not this exactly, but I missed the cutoff by 3 days. I had started pre-school early (by my own request) and was put in all-day kindergarten on the district’s schedule. I moved to 1st grade midyear (also by my own request) and, for the most part, that was the right decision. It was not without minor issues, but I might have had those issues no matter what track I was on, and I was very well-adjusted both academically and socially by high school. Looking back, I might have been more successful with the age advantage, but since I was the one asking for acceleration, I also might have rebelled early on with whatever the consequences of that would be.
Sadie
I had the opposite with my son, I actually started him in private kindergarten for this reason (cutoff at public school was 9/1, his bday is mid september). Moved to public in third grade. He was always a full year younger, or more, than his classmates and was 17 when he graduated HS. It was totally the right choice. He was still academically ahead of most of his peers (graduated near top of his class with a full load the last two years of HS of AP and dual credit classes).I will say that during the middle school years he *was* somewhat emotionally behind some of his peers, but he was bored academically as it was, I cannot imagine how bad it would have been if he was a whole grade behind where he was. He’s in college now and it’s fine.
Desperately seeking backpack
I’m on the hunt for a professional backpack and bought two of the usual faves: lo and sons rowledge and tumi carson voyageur. The rowledge is a bit bulky and all the organizing pockets make it kind of small on the inside. I like the weight/size/usefulness of the tumi but the shoulder straps are so! long! I’m 5’6 and the pack hangs down onto my butt and away from my back when it’s loaded up. I’m pretty sure I’ve tightened the straps all the way up but they’re still a good 4inches too long. Anyone else with this problem? Got any other suggestions for me?
anon
I’m 5’7″ and just got the Tumi Calais Voyageur and it is the BEST.
CTAtty
I just got the large ISM backpack and used it for a work trip to Boston. I’m also 5’6” and it sat really well on my back. I like the look of it better than the Tumi backpacks I looked at. https://ism-sf.com/products/classic-black
Blondielaw
Quick question? I went back work (relatively conservative environment) in 2010 and got about 5-6 great suits (pants) that were boot cut. I wore them all the time, maxed/matched with tops.
Nine years later the boot cut looks dated. I’ve got a few pairs of straight cut pants to wear with blazers and they look so much fresher.
Can I get away with these boot cut pants suits any more? Or should I donate and get new ones (ugh would strongly prefer not to spend that $$)?
Thanks SO much for any thoughts!!!
Anon
If they are in good shape, I’d store them and see what the next year brings because I’ve seen a severe uptick in boot cup in the last six months or so on fashion blogs and runways, so it’ll trickle down to us normies in just a short while.
Anon
Nine years is a good amount of wear. Thank the suits for their service and donate them. I’m sure other things have changed in fashion as well, like the jackets have a different cut than you would buy now etc.
Anonymous
I generally think 10 years is a good lifespan for clothing. Even in good condition it looks dated. But why do all or nothing? Start buying a new suit a season if you wear them often and retire one.
Anon
Yes. The suits need to be replaced eventually (and ten years is a good amount of time); just slowly buy a new wardrobe.
This also ensures that you won’t be looking at a closet full of dated clothing in 2029 – it will be a range of styles and newness.
anon
agree with the others, that’s a good amount of wear and boot cut pants really look dated right now (I have a bunch of Max C Theory pants that have been retired for this reason). Most pantsuits are skinny or at least straight/slim leg. I would donate them and buy a few new suits.
anon
decide if you care that they might look a bit dated to some people. if they are comfortable and fit you well and still look ok and you like them – keep wearing them!
Anon
Sorry, just to be honest, I would think they look dated.
Also, to the point about keeping them in case they come back… I dunno, I feel like even if an overall trend comes back it is always in a different enough way where you can tell when something is the old version of the trend.
anon
+1, things rarely come back exactly how they were. Maybe if you’re lucky on one or two items, but these will show their age, most likely.
Blondielaw
Thank you all for the awesome comments! I really appreciate. I will check into the alterations- but past experience indicates that I could probably by a full new suit for the cost of a lot of alterations – but will still check!
Thanks again!! :-)
Anonymous
You could probably get them altered to be more straight cut.
Anonymous
I need a new work bag. I carry a MacBook Air and a skinny 8×11 planner daily. I also have a 24 oz water bottle and usually a Pyrex full of fruit (I usually bring the rest of my lunches on Monday). I sometimes need to take papers home, but not all of the time. Plus, of course, wallet, keys, phone, etc.
I currently carry a Lululemon bag, but it’s gotten beaten up and I would ideally have a bag that doesn’t slouch over. Needs shoulder straps and a crossbody strap.
I’m thinking about the OMG—is there something else I should be looking at?
Anon
I mean, you do you. That’s a lot of stuff to schlep around, mainly the Pyrex of fruit, so I get that it’s not going to be a sleek leather tote. But to me, the OG and the OMG look like diaper bags. Sorry to anyone who is offended by this. I bought the OMG and donated it after only using it a couple of times, because I’ve gone through the diaper bag stage already and have no intention of going back.
PS this not what you asked for but in your shoes I’d carry an attractive work tote and put the fruit in a separate lunch box type thing. You do not want fruit juices all over your work stuff.
AZCPA
I just suggested this on a different work bag post, but I LOVE my Dagne Dover Allyn.Its so sleek, and just enough pockets to feel super organized, while being roomy enough for a big item like a Pyrex.
Anon
If you were having moles removed from your stomach and the doc put the instruments used for the removal on your crotch, so that it was grazed 50 times during the procedure, would that be weird? I once thought it wasn’t but I’ve noticed how much more conscious docs, and even dental professionals are, about touching you inappropriately. Odd and paranoid, but wondering.
Anon
Yes, completely weird and inappropriate!!
Anon
It’s a little weird but honestly more of a doctor’s preference in this case. I mean a dentist should NEVER be putting instruments on your crotch, he’s not doing anything close to there. But I’ve had mole removals and such before and the dermatologist would cover the entire area with that blue paper they use to isolate the surgery area and lay items conveniently close on top of the paper – usually something like surgical gauze to sop up blood, a bandage, tweezers (i.e. nothing sharp).
This especially happened if the doc had on those magnifying glasses on and couldn’t see far away very easily without moving the classes. Is it not very mindful of the patient? No it’s not. But is it weird/inappropriate given the area the doctor was working on? Not, not really.
I’d be alarmed if they doctor laid something on your crotch when they weren’t working in that area or laid it on bare skin.
Anon
How many of you are scared of spiders? How about snakes?
I’ve been pretty scared of spiders since I was a kid. I usually have to have someone else kill a spider. I’ve killed a few but my phobia is about looking at them and getting close enough to kill them means I’m really looking at them and I can barely stand it.
I’ve heard that being scared of spiders or snakes is on your DNA and is based on which was the greater threat to your ancient tribe. I would look this up but I don’t want to google anything with spiders because then pictures of spiders will come up and I really don’t want to look at pictures.
I know there is therapy for phobias but they involve exposure to the thing (as far as I know) and the thought of that makes my skin crawl. One of my colleagues keeps telling me that his sister had said therapy and now she can let a spider crawl on her, and I have to tell him to stop telling me the story – I mean, I’ve heard it before, I’m not interested, but mostly the thought of a spider crawling on me gives me the heebie jeebies.
Even typing this the spider emoji is suggested every time I type that word and I’m like, yuck.
Tell me about your spider or snake phobia and how you handle it day to day.
Anon
I’m scared of them in the sense that I don’t want to hold one or have one crawl all over me. I have no problem killing spiders or seeing snakes in cages at the zoo, so clearly looking at them doesn’t bother me.
I know there’s now virtual reality therapy for phobias, so you’re not exposed to the actual thing but just a 3-d image of it.
Anon
Honestly, your spider phobia sounds about normal if you are physically capable of killing them, even if very unpleasantly. The people that need therapy are the ones that run out the house or go apesh*t and have a breakdown. Just get a long shot spray and make someone else clean it up (or do my sad version of closing my eyes as I sweep it into the broom pan and keep them closed until the trash lid is down).
Also, killing them with a salt gun can actually be quite therapeutic so that’s a fun far away killing option.
pugsnbourbon
Also afraid of spiders. My fears have changed over time though. I can handle the ones that chill harmlessly in the corner and I try not to kill the ones outside – that’s their domain. It’s the ones in my house and garage, that surprise me and move fast, that are the worst.
I think there are other options for phobias than just straight exposure therapy. If the phobia is affecting your daily life, it’d be worth talking to a therapist to see what your options are. For anecdata, when I tried Cymbalta for my anxiety and depression* (ultimately not a good fit), I was totally unafraid of spiders. Weirdest thing.
*yes diagnosed by a medical professor for the person asking yesterday
OP
Ohh I absolutely cannot handle a spider chilling in the corner. Nope. No way. Hats off to you.
anon
Seconding that there are varied strategies for tackling phobias in therapy. If you are thinking of exposure as in shock therapy, I believe that is not seen as particularly effective in professional circles.
It doesn’t sound like your life is particularly impacted by your fear, just don’t ever visit my house at the edge of the woods. Unless the fear is limiting you more than you wrote, I would probably just carry on.
Anon
I love snakes, but I really struggle with spiders in enclosed spaces. (They don’t bother me as much outdoors unless they get in my hair.) I am also more disturbed by dead spiders than live ones, and it can be hard to relocate them without killing them. I can handle it like an adult, but if I’m startled, I may let out a yelp.
I haven’t chosen to spend a lot of money on overcoming this in therapy because it doesn’t come up often. But for some reason, when it does come up, it’s often egregious on the spider’s part (coming down on a web over my face as I wake up, or coming down on a web from above me while I’m showering, or running over my mouse hand while I’m typing at a desk at work).
OP
Damn inconsiderate spiders! Egregious indeed!
My most recent scary experience was putting throw pillows onto the bed that had been on the floor (on a rug) overnight. I grabbed a pillow and put it into place and there was a big black spider on the front of it. My husband says he has never seen me run so fast in my life.
My husband also said it was “unfair” that it happened to me and not to him. :)
Z
I’m the same way, I can’t get close enough to kill them. What did help, though, I bought a fly swatter and use it on spiders. Now I’m almost 2 arm lengths away. Game changer.
pugsnbourbon
I will say – do NOT get those little handheld vacuums (I don’t know if they even make them any more). They aren’t strong enough to pull a spider off the wall and then you’re just trapped holding onto a very pissed-off spider.
Em
I used to be terrified of spiders (and most bugs) and couldn’t kill them and would lose my mind if they were on me. When I had my son I realized this was an irrational phobia that I didn’t want to pass onto him, so I got it under control for his sake. It helped that he likes watching videos about spiders so I ended up learning a ton about them and how the vast majority of them are harmless to humans and actually helpful. I wasn’t enthused about him thinking it was ok to kill things that weren’t bothering us, so we no longer kill bugs unless they are actually threatening or harming us in some way (ex. hornet in the car), so if we see a spider in the house (happens maybe once every month or two) we check it out and talk about it and then let it go. That said, our house is relatively bug free, and I would feel differently if we had an ant infestation or something similar. I like snakes, so I can’t comment on that fear.
KW
Can anyone comment good or bad on the Samsung Galaxy Watch? DH’s birthday is coming up and he mentioned wanting a new fitness tracker/watch, and that’s the one I was eyeing. Or is there a better option? He has an Android phone, so the Apple Watch is out.
Junior Associate
No specific suggestions, but I’ve heard it’s actually quite thick for a watch, so it’s a good idea to check it out in person if possible. Otherwise, DC Rainmaker (which came recommended on this board) has extensive reviews on various fitness trackers and smart watches.
AFT
I got a galaxy watch a month ago and really like it. I have the smaller size and it is chunky, but I’m ok with it and it isn’t so large as to be unwieldy. For your DH, if you don’t want it to be large, you may opt for the smaller size. I got it to replace a fitness tracker that conked out, and which I wore for my day-to-day watch, and this does what my old Garmin did plus a lot more (mostly non-fitness). If he’s a very serious fitness person and wants it more for the fitness side of things, I’m sure that top-of-the-line Fitness options can do more, but I haven’t needed what they can do yet.
Mary
My DH had a Galaxy watch for awhile, but he didn’t like it much. It had to be charged everyday, and it doesn’t have a continuous heart rate tracker. His model is a couple years old, so that might be different with the latest versions.
anon
These looked good in the pics but the reviews all seem to say they ride up/cause wedgies, no bueno.
anon
ugh sorry, meant for the undies featured on the moms site.