ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 164 Comments

Splurge Monday: Dinar Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Max Mara 'Dinar' Wrap Detail Jersey DressHate the styling — but love the dress. I believe this dress has been around for years now and is one of Max Mara's classics, and even with the clunky shoes, you can see why. I love the boatneck, which is wide enough to be flattering and a great showcase for a statement necklace — but not so wide that you have to think twice about which bra you wear. Love the short sleeves, the wrapped waist, the work-appropriate length. It's $695, available in sizes 2 through 14. Max Mara ‘Dinar' Wrap Detail Jersey Dress Here are a few similar options (regular, petites, plus). Update: OOH, or here's an even better dupe, sizes 2-16. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

164 Comments

  1. Has any one ever adopted a dog before? Is it normal to not meet the dog before adoption?

    We are looking to adopt a lab from a shelter that was recommended to us and appears to have a strong track record. The shelter does a thorough analysis of personality and behavior, so we will have a great sense of how it behaves within its foster home. However, the dogs are in Indiana and are transported to New England once per month, when they are chosen for adoption. So, we will not be able to meet the pup before we bring her home. Does this sound normal/ok? Should we look to find a local shelter in New England so we can meet the dog? We do not have the option to foster it for a while before committing to the adoption. Thanks in advance!

    1. Ugh, I would never adopt an animal I hadn’t met. I wouldn’t trust a shelter who requires you to do so.

      1. That sounds crazy. Dogs are so different when you meet them in person vs. checking out their online profile – sorta like online dating. I would definitely at least meet the dog even if you can’t foster.

    2. Is this a breed specific rescue? I think that might be more the norm if that’s the case. Even so, I’d hesitate to do that because, among other things, the shelter should want you to meet the dog to make sure you are a good fit. I’d go local. There are lots of dogs that need homes.

        1. You’ll be able to easily find a purebred lab in another shelter or rescue(even non-breed specific). I say pass. I volunteer at a shelter, and the meeting period is SO crucial.

    3. No, definitely not the norm. Most rescues and shelters would require you to visit the dog, have the dog visit you, etc.

    4. We adopted a dog through a breed specific rescue. We had never met him before and it worked out great.

      We were living in the Northeast and in the area that we were in, the shelter had a ton of cats and our area shelter works closely with area rescues to foster so most of the dogs actually in the shelter have major issues (i.e., cannot be around any other dog or cat or child under 12 ever) and/or are not available for adoption (temporary owner surrender, quarantine, etc.).

      We did a lot of research and ended up adopting the greatest dog ever, obviously. We were able to talk to the foster dog parent and there was a multi-week ‘trial’ period where if it didn’t work out, we could work with the rescue to find a dog that was a better fit.

      Completely anecdotal and I don’t have stats, but it matches my experience: My old vet told me that in the Northeast, people tend to spay and neuter their pets and not them wander as much, so there aren’t as many ‘surprise’ puppies as there are in the South in particular. The vet said that you end up with mostly pitbulls in shelters up North (I love pibbles, for the record, but they weren’t the right breed for us.).

    5. My in-laws rescued a few dogs this way from breed-specific rescue organizations so it’s not abnormal. We preferred to meet our dog first so went with a local shelter. If the organization is reputable, you’ll probably be ok but there is a risk.

    6. I did this. Our pup came from the South on a transport vehicle. We spoke with the rescue organizer who told us her story, as well as her foster mom, extensively, before she came up. One caveat was that one of her pups had been adopted to our area a few weeks earlier, so we were able to talk to that person to get a sense of her experience (although we didn’t meet in person until afterwards, it was nice to know someone in the area).

      We had an absolutely wonderful experience. We have the very best dog, and the very best dog for us. We count ourselves lucky that we took a chance on doing something as crazy as this. The org was fantastic and the people in the transport couldn’t have been nicer, and it was a really special experience to stand in a parking lot with 20 other families eagerly waiting to be united with their pups. (There was a show on the Animal channel or pet channel a few years ago that focused on one of the transport groups – I highly recommend checking it out if you want to get a sense of how it all works.)

      Also, we looked at shelters extensively (visited 20+ shelters repeatedly within a four state radius) for the three months prior, and just could not find a great option for us. Due to our living situation at the time, we had some specific requirements that NE shelters just didn’t have a lot of options for.

      Do your homework, but many if most of the people running these orgs really really care about the animals, and take time to find the right match, even from a distance. Ask for references in your area, go meet the people, etc, but beyond that it’s a leap of faith, but one that really paid off for us.

        1. It was a lab mix, but not from a lab-specific group. Good luck!! Also don’t be worried if the new pup takes some time to adjust. The travel isn’t insignificant. And between leaving the shelter, foster home, and transport, it takes them a little while to realize that their trip is over. Ours wouldn’t eat for a full day, which we laugh about now since she hasn’t turned down food since.

    7. I adopted a lab (mix) from a rescue organziation in Indiana called Adopt a Lab. I think the rescue was since shut down for having too many dogs but I had a good experience with them – We picked the dog up in CT (I live in MA) and I’ve had him for almost 4 years and it’s the best thing I ever did. Ideally you should talk to them about the dogs temperament, how it fits into your life, your family’s life (for example, I live in an aptmt and work full time so needed a dog that was on the mellower side). They wanted to make sure I would get the dog adequate exercise etc. I think this is very common especially for breed specific, as you might not find a lot of labs in tthe local hselters here. A lot of them come from the south or midwest where there are less vigorous spaying/neutering laws. Happy to answer any other questions.

      1. This is not the organization we’re looking at (Lucky Lab Rescue), but sounds very similar. We filled out an application, had a phone interview, will have a home visit this week (local volunteer comes with her dog, sees the house and how we interact with her pup) and only then will we start talking about actual dogs. It feels extremely thorough, all but for meeting the actual dog. If that’s how it works, then we’ll be ok with it, but obviously just wanted to make sure that the not meeting prior to adoption was a thing… evidently it is!

        1. Usually there is some type of return policy for these organizations – i.e. they give you 2 weeks where you can decide that it’s not working for you, and sometimes they will return some or part of your fee as well. I think it’s worth asking about it because obviously sometimes things can happen that are unexpected. But hopefully that’s not the case and it works out!! I’ve heard of that organization, which is a positive. Labs are the best!!!

    8. I work with a rescue and this is how they do it for long-distance adoptions. We adopted 3 dogs this way (but without any anecdotal information about their temperaments). Unless you want to drive down to meet the dog, the shelter doesn’t have the resources to set up long distance meets. It’s fine if a meet-and-greet is important to you, but if it is, then you need to find a local dog to adopt. Either way, good for you for rescuing!

    9. it is the norm for breed-specific rescues that work over a big geography, yes. We rescued a golden retriever and a beagle this way, and both worked out (though the beagle was not as housebroken as indicated :-( but was nevertheless a darling dog and well loved by us). It is also now often done by geographical rescues bringing truckloads of dogs up from high kill shelters to areas with greater demand for adoption.

      This works well if the screeners from the rescue do a good job understanding both your household and expectations and the specific dog’s issues if any. Most will give you a chance to acquaint yourselves (and to introduce existing dogs) and while they do want you to commit, they will generally agree to rehome the dog if it does not work out.

    10. I’ve been working with local shelters/rescues for the last year on the west coast. Here, the situation is similar to back east, where there are an overabundance of dogs in Central/Southern CA, and lots of homes available in Oregon, Washington. The challenges are getting the dogs there. The logistics, and expense, of transporting a large amount of dogs is formidable. Most of the all-breed rescues I know of that place dogs in Oregon, for example, take CA dogs and then work out of Oregon to place them, with trial periods and normal meet & greets. Some of the rare breed-specific rescues do probably adopt their dogs out without a meeting first, though.

      I can understand why a breed specific group out of state may choose not to do fosters & meets first, given the distance involved, depending on their organization and financing. If they are a reputable rescue, they will have an agreement with you that after you adopt, if it doesn’t work out, you return the dog to them, anyway. The only thing you lose is your adoption fee. What they gain from this system is an adopter who, just maybe, is more committed to working through any transition problems knowing they won’t get that fee back, and who won’t try to rotate through dogs, looking for the ‘perfect’ dog that may or may not exist. Few animals (or people!) are perfect all of the time. Not saying that is you, but people in general can be fickle, and a non-refundable, monetary commitment perhaps shows a deeper level of commitment to the adoption process itself.

  2. Thanks to much support from the hive, I applied to my “dream job” and now have an interview…at 6 months pregnant. I am visibly and obviously pregnant. Do I address this at the interview or before? It is for an attorney position with the feds.

    1. Why do you need to address it at all? They’ll interview you, see that you are pregnant, and they’ll decide whether or not you can handle the job.

      If it helps, we just interviewed someone about 6 months along. She was amazing, so we hired her. End of story.

      1. this. don’t address at all. I got hired as a 2nd year lateral for my biglaw job when I was 5 mo pregnant, and started a month later.

        When you get an offer, you can raise maternity leave etc

        1. Just be prepared that there may not be much flexibility as to maternity leave. We recently lost a fantastic candidate that interviewed at our federal agency while pregnant, because we do not provide maternity leave and do not have (much) flexibility as to the paid leave we can offer.

    2. I interviewed for a dream job when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I am now at said job. In my case, I absolutely had to bring it up because I was so close to my due date. I basically said – “in case you haven’t noticed, I am very pregnant and due on X date. I plan on going out for leave for X months and can join on X date. I’m really excited about this opportunity.” At 6 months, I’m not sure I would bring it up though but at the same time, I would be very forthright if it does come up — you have nothing to apologize for. Good luck!

      1. I interviewed while visibly pregnant. All of the advice that I got was to not mention it, but I personally ended up feeling awkward about it. So I took a similar approach to Yup above, and I was forthright but not apologetic. It took care of the elephant in the room without devoting too much time to the issue, and I felt calmer after it was addressed. So while I don’t think you’re required to address it by any means, it’s not wrong if you choose to do so. I didn’t end up getting the job, but I definitely think it was related to experience-based reasons and not my pregnancy. Good luck!

    3. The federal government does not offer any parental leave at all. That said, the government is so sensitive to these types of employment issues that I don’t think it’s a factor in getting hired or not– I wouldn’t bring it up unless you feel like you need to address a potential start date. They will see that you are pregnant and probably do some of that math on their own (“She can’t start for a few months, we could have her come on board in January or February,” etc.) The federal government does not do anything in a hurry, so you probably wouldn’t have an offer for about a month anyway. In my experience they have been very, very flexible on start date. Plus, if you are new to the federal government, there is probably a really thorough background check that also takes at least a month after they make the offer, and you can’t start your job until the background check is over.

      So, my advice is 1) don’t worry about the pregnancy in the interview unless it organically comes up, probably regarding start date and 2) don’t expect any parental leave benefits whatsoever, because the feds don’t have them. (They do accumulate sick and annual/vacation leave at a pretty generous rate, which you will be able to use if you have a subsequent child… the only time their leave policies are stingy is when it comes to childbirth. Much like the rest of America.)

  4. Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I Love pricey Monday’s and this Max Mar dress! Great pick, Kat and Kate!!!!

    Rosa said she has 2 Max Mara dresses, so maybe she will give me one, now that we are both back in size 2 — I have been doieng a lot of walking and swimming the last week. My friend, Bill works at a small hotel up in MASS and Myrna and I visited. Bill want’s to show me to his mom, who live’s in the Bronx. I wonder if she know’s Grandma Leyeh? Anyway, I said I am NOT ready to meet his mom, and we have NOT had sex. He want’s to but I do NOT. I kept pusehing his hands away from my boobie’s this weekend also. FOOEY! I did like the idea of visiting the mountain’s but it is so dull there and there are NO store’s other then some outlet’s where they have left over clotheing from a few season’s ago. Bill think’s I am to spoiled b/c I insist on the best. Dad says I should onley have the best, tho he is willing to part with me and give me to any guy with a paycheck and the ability to deal with my foibel’s (whatever those are). Anyway, I have a VERY busy week, with 13 brief’s to file (which will all be the same — the workers at a place all are claiming workplace injury b/c of a sewer gas leak, but the boss was there and he did NOT have any effect’s from the sewer odour). So I am writing it once, then just changing the name of the compleainant. The manageing partner says this will be good for 65 biilleing hours. YAY!!!!!

  5. Hello Hive,
    I need suit care and styling tips.
    I finally bit the bullet and bought a black wool suit from Brooks Brother (Stelitta fit Blazer, Lucia fit Pants, Pencil Skirt) to officially kick off my interview process.
    This suit is the most expensive item in my wardrobe (bought it full price and had it shipped) and given my current income, I doubt I’d be buying any such suit anytime soon, so I will wear it to every single meeting/interview.
    Since I will be wearing this a lot, I was thinking what can I wear under it to minimize dry cleaning (I don’t trust dry cleaners in Morocco).
    I would always go for something with sleeves to avoid armpit stains and sweat.
    Any special recommendations for tops/shells to go under the suit?
    I do not wear buttoned shirts (only blouses, and t-shirts) and I go for natural fibers: silk, cotton because polyester doesn’t suit by body chemistry and after a couple hours, I would get B.O.
    I am a 4P in suits, Small Petite in tops, and I am dark skinned (African).

    1. Thin cotton t-shirt under whatever blouse you wear and some sort of shorts, like Jockey Skimmies but not sure you can buy that exact product in Morocco. Sponge the armpits of the jacket after wearing and always hang your suit in an airy place for a day or two after wearing.

      1. I had to google what jockey skimmies is/are but I have something similar I had bought from uniqlo so I think that would work.

    3. I have my suits dry cleaned about once a season and have them steam pressed every few wearings. Steaming removes odors as well as wrinkles. If you don’t trust the dry cleaner to steam your suit, you might try purchasing a full-size steamer (not handheld) and steaming it at home.

      1. I have a full size steamer at home (the same one from retail stores); so will definitely be using that

        1. If you’re okay with buying alcohol for the purposes of cleaning, a vodka/water solution sprayed onto armpits does wonders for removing odors.

          1. Fun fact: Moroccans are impressive in how much hard liquor they can gobble down.
            Most tourists assume it’s a no-alcohol country until they see our vineyards or read the wine list at restaurants. If it would help, I’d definitely give it a go.

    4. If you wear silk shirts, wear a cotton camisole underneath. It absorbs the sweat and keeps it away from the jacket. After wearing, turn the items inside out and air out. Lint rollers are also a necessity for a black suit.

  6. Hi all, my husband and I are going to Martinique the first week of January. Because I’m not fluent (or even conversational, yet) in French, I’m finding the trip planning a little bit difficult. There isn’t a ton of information in the guidebooks I’ve looked at. Does anyone have any recommendations/tips/must-sees?

    2. I’ve spent quite a bit of time there. I’d suggest looking into:
      – tours of rum distilleries in the north, near the volcano
      – town of Saint Pierre, also in the north, and might consider staying there if I went back
      – 4×4 tour of the interior was nice, usually includes a visit to a waterfall
      – Anse Noire and Anse d’Or are good visits
      – there is some decent snorkeling, and I think it was better in the north
      – a trip to the south of nice as well
      – I would probably avoid staying in the capital
      – renting a car and driving is pretty doable
      – English is fairly limited there, and I would not say that there is a culture of good service… e.g., you go to order something, bartender might look at you, take 3 minutes to finish talking to a co worker, then day hello and serve you.

      1. Thank you! We’re planning to stay at a little place in Le François (Hotel Fregate Bleue) — we read it was a centralized location that would make it easy to jet around the island. Do you think that is a good location?

        1. I think it should be fine. Getting to the north will probably still take 1.5-2 hours… And the island tends to get pretty traffic-y, especially around rush hour, which is something to plan around.

  7. I’m going to Indonesia with DH for 3 weeks in September; any particular recommendations? We’re into more adventure-type things in general but are up for whatever.

    1. Whereabouts in Indonesia? It’s a huge country. We went to Bali and Java for our honeymoon.

      In Java, go inside the vulcano and see sulfur flames at the Ijen plateau. See the sunrise at Mt Bromo. Borobodur temple is a must-see. If you happen to be in Malang, Hotel Tugu is amazing, as is Hotel Phoenix in Jogja – both hotels being almost destinations in their own right.

      In Bali, Ubud was nice, as were the lakes around Munduk (we did some trekking there). Snorkelling around Pemuteran was also nice.

    2. Indonesia is HUGE, but if you have time I recommend Lombok and the Gillis over Bali (snore), Bandung, and Yogyakarta.

  8. I got the NARS lip pencil for my free gift from Sephora in May, its amazing but it just ran out. It was kind of small and i looked up the retail price and its $26! Is lip liner worth splurging on? I never wore it before getting my gift but i really like it =(. Anyone have alternative drugstore options they recommend? Or is NARS worth it?

    1. If this is a fat plastic pencil that doubles as lipstick, I have been very happy with Sally Hansen’s product. It is not a liner, though.
      If what you have is just a regular wood pencil, they are all made in Germany or Czech Republic, no matter if they are high-end or drugstore. I have one from Lumene and one from Milani. Both are pretty good, the Milani one is a lot softer.
      You can do a search on “NARS lip pencil dupe” – many bloggers regularly feature budget duplicates to expensive products.

    3. Google the product name “Nars [Name] dupe” and you’ll get a ton of hits from around the internet. Some products are worth the splurge, some aren’t, no harm in trying a drugstore version.

    4. Yes, this is more of fat pencil that has a lot of moisture/great colors than lip liner…. I’ll look into Sally Hansen and Maybelline, thanks! Any other recs are welcomed!

      1. If you can buy online, you can try Color Pop Lippy sticks and lip pencils, the brand has amazing reviews on youtube (I’m a beauty vlogger so know these trending brands). Usually items are 5 dollars each.

    5. If it was a free gift, chances are the size you received was smaller than the normal retail size. I’d check to see if the size is listed on the one you have and compare that to online. Otherwise, so many companies are making those chunky crayons now. If you loved the specific shade, Anon’s suggestion is great. There are a lot of “dupe” lists out there.

      1. That’s true! Those pencils are smaller than the regular size. Also, just wanted to say that if it’s your favorite color, I’d go ahead and splurge. I’ve tried to recreate expensive products by buying the dupes, but then something is off, the color, the consistency, etc. Then I find myself having bought 3 different drug store products for $7, $8 or $9 and wishing I had just bought the expensive one.

        1. This has been my experience as well. I will now allow myself one shot at the drugstore option between refills of the pricier one, and if that is a no-go just give up and buy the pricy one. Especially if you are trying to match color and consistency/staying power – it’s pretty rare to find the drugstore equivalent in the first shot.

          But if you are just looking for a similar style of fat pencil, I think you could probably play around with different drugstore options or sample a few of the slightly less pricy ones at Sephora and see what suits you.

      2. I had a full-size Clinique Chubby Stick and it was pretty small, esp considering the price.

  9. I will be representing a client at an administrative hearing in the southwest US later this week where the temperature will be well above 100 degrees. Typically, for my hearings in the northeast, I wear suits, but they do not need to be as formal as I would wear for court. What do people typically wear for this type of thing when the weather is so hot? I have a navy nor a black skirt suit, but I feel that either of these may be out of place.

    1. Will it be inside? I’d just wear whatever suit I’d ordinarily wear, with a sleeveless blouse, and take the jacket off in transit.

    2. Typical suit, but no pantyhose. Where a light weight sleeveless top, but remove the jacket while in transit. You’ll find the building will likely be FREEZING from air conditioning, so I always have a light weight scarf in my bag. If you where a skirt or sheath dress under your jacket, that is a bit cooler. You probably want to have an umbrella with you, too, as my area of the SE see rain daily, usually in the afternoon.

      I also tend to drive in flip flops and change into heels in the car. not sure of your travel situation.

      2. +1, minus the need for an umbrella. I’m a lawyer in the SW and this is exactly what I would do. Navy or black are perfect. Some people will wear lighter, summer colors, but there is still a fair share of black and navy.

        I also practice before administrative agencies, and some people definitely dress less formally than in court. I still wear a full suit, as do many others. But lots of men wear khakis and a sport coat, and lots of women wear mismatched separates (including the government’s attorneys). I even saw one lawyer wear a belted cardigan and knee high boots to the hearing (in the fall). I don’t think I would go that far — I thought she looked unprofessional — but you could definitely get away with mismatched separates (depending on the agency, of course).

    3. I’ve posted a couple times and mentioned that I’m an east coaster temporarily in Texas. Black’s just too hot for this weather. No one wears it this time of year because of the heat. I find people rarely wear navy here – too preppy maybe? Idk what it is, I just know I never see it. Try a gray suit, if you have one. Otherwise, navy’s just fine.

      On most days, the heat is, like they say, a dry heat. So long as your rental car has good AC, you’ll be fine.

      And no pantyhose. They’re simply not worn here.

        1. You’ll be perfectly fine wearing black or navy if you want. I’ve lived in Texas for 8 years and I have never noticed this “navy isn’t done” or “it’s too hot for black in the summer” that Anon. refers to. I don’t doubt that’s what she’s seeing in her office, but I don’t think it’s a trend by any means and in any event, “southwest” is not really Texas.

          1. Can confirm: currently in Texas, currently wearing almost all black along with half the staff here.

        2. I’m another east coast transplant now living in Texas. For what it’s worth, I’m wearing mostly black today, as are some of my coworkers. I’m not in law and don’t wear suits though (today is pencil skirt + sleeveless top + cardigan), so my perspective may be different.

          I’ll echo the others above and say you should be fine if you take off your jacket when you go outside. By “fine” I mean 100+ degree weather is uncomfortable no matter what you’re wearing, but you should be able to walk to your car without becoming a complete sweaty mess. Also FYI the hottest part of the day tends to be late afternoon (4-5 PM, in Houston at least) so if nothing else you’ll be exposed to the worst of it when it’s almost time to go home and change!

          Buildings are almost all overly air conditioned so you’re more likely to feel cold than warm inside with your jacket on.

  10. Why do people send you a “Save the Date” announcement about their wedding, and then not invite you? I’m talking about weddings of people that you haven’t had a recent falling out with etc..

    It just happened to a friend of mine, and I thought back to when it happened to me. One of my old college roommates, who lived in another state. We were not in close touch while we were working hard at grad schools far away from each other……. but college wasn’t THAT far back, so it was a nice surprise when I got the Save the Date. But then no invite. It’s kind of crazy what can go through your mind…. not that it’s lost in the mail, but other past issues. Obviously, I’m a bit insecure at times.

    Of course, I can come up with several reasons why it can happen…. You can’t afford in the end to invite as many people as you would like for a variety of reasons, so cuts need to be made.

    So my suggestion is to get rid of the “Save the Date” idea if there is any possibility you might change your mind or have financial issues. Unless you really do want to make someone feel a little crappy.

    1. Sorry that happened to you. 100% agree that Save the Dates should only go to the people that will definitely be invited.

    2. Could be they got overzealous in the early stages of wedding planning and then made cuts later (which is incredibly rude to you!).

      Or, the invite could be lost in the mail. (It happens.)

      If it were my friend, I’d probably say something along the lines of: “hey, I got your save the date and noticed the wedding is coming up. Did I make the cut?”

    4. If they send a Save the Date then you should be on the invite list. It does not make sense otherwise. Why would you save the date if you were not going? Just so you can look at the calendar and think “oh this day is the wedding that I was not actually invited to.” It is extremely rude to not invite someone you sent the save the date too. I had a friend do this to get wedding presents and it backfired in her face as many people were very upset with her for not being invited to the wedding.

      With that said, I agree with 2 cents, I would send a short email and ask her what the deal is.

      1. Yes – what was particularly annoying in my situation is that I couldn’t afford much traveling ($ wise and time wise) while I was in grad school so basically my only trips were for weddings for several years (ugh…). So I mentally was planning for my college friends’ wedding as my trip for the year.

        It NEVER occurred to me that someone would do this to get more wedding presents. Wow… just…. wow… I had one friend who invited me to her reception, but I was not invited to the actual wedding 2 hours before. That was a new one…. I excused myself from that one, as that was also odd to me.

        I should have emailed her, but I just felt so weird about it that I was embarrassed to. Pathetic, yes….

        1. It’s not unusual in the UK to invite people to, say, the evening party but not the whole wedding. Usually there is a split between people going to the reception and the wedding breakfast on the one hand and people going just to the evening part on the other (ie post-meal and speeches etc).

        2. Or is there any chance that you already mentioned in passing that you got the Save the Date but wouldn’t be able to come? Or she thought you did (maybe an offhand comment about how you weren’t taking any vacations this year got taken the wrong way)? One of my cousins made the mistake of not mailing invitations to family members who had “unofficially RSVPed” to her in this way when they got Save the Dates, then their plans changed and they would have been able to come after all. There was all kinds of drama that Cousin Susie didn’t invite Aunt Matilda to her wedding, etc.

          Not so much for the OP as for anyone reading this thread – send them an invitation anyway, especially if it is your great aunt. Not worth the drama otherwise.

    5. This piece of your comment stuck out to me — “It’s kind of crazy what can go through your mind…. not that it’s lost in the mail, but other past issues. Obviously, I’m a bit insecure at times.” And then you referred to yourself later as “pathetic.”

      I just wanted to encourage you to reframe your internal dialogue from assuming the worst case scenario (and letting it impact your view of yourself in a negative way) to assuming the most benign scenario (i.e., oh it must have been lost in the mail) and then reaching out to your friend to let her know that the invitation must have gotten lost and would she mind emailing you the info or the link to the wedding website. If she tells you you’re not invited, then she gets to feel like the awkward a*hole that she is and you get to decide whether you want to continue to be friends with her. But it’s counterproductive to immediately jump to the worst case scenario and then internalize that worst case scenario as somehow being indicative of something being wrong with you. I know it’s not easy to make the transition when your brain wants to automatically go negative, but if you can identify that it’s happening and then talk yourself through it at the beginning, it does start to get easier and more automatic over time.

      I guess what I’m saying is — try taking people at face value rather than making the worst case assumption and then feeling bad about yourself. You are NOT insecure and pathetic — that’s just your sneaky negative internal narrative. If someone turns out to be an a$$hat, it’s NOT about you — it’s about them, and you can let them go from your life without feeling bad about yourself for one second.

    6. We sent out 160 save the dates and 10 got lost in the mail. We only know this because we brought up our wedding to someone and they were like we never got the Save the Date. So then we started asking around and found out that more were lost. Now we literally have had to check in with every single person. Maybe that happened with your invite – its worth asking! Mail systems are not perfect. Our spread sheets are also not perfect. We realized that when we transferred one list to the calligrapher a name got cut off.

      1. Yes, my assumption was that they inadvertently left you off the list or the invitation got lost in the mail.

    7. That’s like saying, hey we’re getting married! Oh sorry you didn’t make the cut. People are rude and get caught up in wedding planning, which makes them pretty self-centered. I was invited to an engagement party with an ex-boyfriend. The couple was friends with my ex and we both went to the engagement party. My ex was then invited without a guest. I understand money is tight when planning a wedding, but why have an engagement party and why invite me to that? Waste of my time and money. They got divorced quickly after the wedding.

    8. This happened to me as well (not a friend but a coworker) and I actually just asked her about it and it turns out she had incorrectly typed the wrong house number on the invite. I felt comfortable asking b/c almost every other person in my office was invited and she talked openly about the wedding to me and had sent me a save-the-date. This really does sound like either a lost invitation or some type of inadvertent mistake.

  11. Thanks again to everyone who commented on my post from last Weds. (as a reminder: I am facing a departmental reorganization, collaboration with a new engineer with a paternal attitude who thinks he is the “lead” engineer, AND I am 32 weeks pregnant, heading into 12 weeks of maternity leave.)

    Since then, we had a staff meeting with our manager, who said that he wanted a primary and backup engineer for each plant. Otherwise there were still no clear expectations on division of work other than “you guys figure it out and let me know.”

    I did a lot of thinking over the weekend about what makes most sense in terms of division of labor between the two plants Mr Lead Engineer and I are assigned to collaborate on. I really *want* the larger of the two plants, but I think that desire is entirely ego-driven: it’s a cool toy I want to play with. Realistically, it has a major project that needs some special attention between now and January – attention I can’t give it. It’s also 5 hours away compared to 1.5 hours for the smaller plant – which will make a major difference in my life for post-baby work travel. I admitted to myself that it made more organizational sense for Mr Lead Engineer to take the larger plant right now.

    HOWEVER – when we discussed our collaboration today, and he was talking to me about how he’d like to approach strategy development, I said very firmly: “If I’m going to be lead on (smaller plant), I will also take the lead on strategy development for that plant.” He kind of blinked, and said OK. I also asserted myself about filling multiple roles in addition to doing modeling work. Figure I’ll have to keep reasserting myself, but hopefully that was a good start, and was also firm+positive enough to avoid generating hard feelings or problems during my leave.

    It’s still going to be a bumpy ride as I transition into maternity leave at the same time as I transition into a new job assignment. Any other thoughts/advice for me?

    2. I think take each situation as it arises. It sounds like you balanced the give and take without sacrificing quality work for your plants or opportunity for you. Keep doing that, and you’ll do fine.

    3. You’re awesome! :) Good job. I don’t have any advice besides continuing to assert yourself but on behalf of all the women who will come after you, thank you for blazing this trail.

    4. Good job! Keep putting your foot down. It looks like he did not expect it but took it well. Way to go!

  12. Gave notice at my firm. Leaving for a very nontraditional role with a non-profit. Every is like, “Wtf?” It’s making me second guess myself.

    4. Don’t cave! I left my six-figure job at a Fortune 500 company (not law…I work in PR) and took a 50% paycut to work for an awesome non-profit. Everyone made me feel like I was nut, but now 6 months later I LOVE my job, Mondays don’t suck, I can sleep stress-free, and have more time for me and my family without spending 80 hours a week working. Well worth it!

    5. Whenever you do something most other aren’t, it scares them. Congrats. Look forward to your new life.

      2. This is absolutely true. You do you, and they will come around and say, “Whoah, that’s awesome!” sooner than you think.

  13. My SO struggles with depression and generalized anxiety disorder. He’s on medication and sees a therapist sometimes (he was going regularly but then got a new job and felt like he couldn’t take the time to go to appointments — my efforts to convince him it’s important to make a way to keep up with the therapy have been unavailing). For those of you who deal with these issues yourselves, what do you find to be the most helpful when you’re going through a rough patch? For the past week or two he’s been spouting the typical lies depression tells him — he’s lazy, he’s not smart enough, he’s a fraud (at work), he’ll never amount to anything, all his friends are more successful than he is (false false false, verifiably false by any measure), he’s somehow fundamentally broken. Now we have kids, depression also tells him he’s not a good enough father, he’s screwed the kids by passing on his genes (false! he’s a handsome, funny, brilliant man — what else does a kid want when it comes to genes?), he’s likely to die young (from….? unknown ailment) and leave them without a father (in which case I’ve been instructed to remarry — he’s not suicidal, this is more along the lines of being sure he’s going to have a heart attack). We work in the same industry and he’s truly brilliant. In our field, experience really does mean something because a lot of the work we do takes years to master, but he routinely runs rings around the old guys. But he still thinks he’s a fraud. Also, we recently had almost exactly the same issue arise with our respective bosses. When it happened to him, he believed she really thought he was a terrible person and it cause him about two full weeks of agonizing over the issue. When my boss did the same thing, I was annoyed but shrugged and just continue to roll my eyes when he does the same stupid thing. (It had to do with not approving certain costs for a project, for both of us. Similar projects, different employers.)

    So what works for other people? Because I realize that, since I don’t have depression or anxiety, the things that would work for me just don’t work for him. I know everyone is different, but would love some insight.

    1. What works is going to therapy regularly and consulting with your doctor when you are feeling depressed and anxious so that your meds can be adjusted.

      Tell him he goes to therapy when you say or you leave him. Don’t inflict a lifetime of taking care of someone who won’t take care of himself on you or your kids. I don’t care how smart he is, he’s being stupid about his mental health.

      1. +1

        Of course, this is easier said then done. Often when people are in a depression like this they become very self-absorbed and do not realize the impact that it is having on their family. Unfortunately, it often doesn’t matter to them.

        But clearly he is not doing well and needs therapy and possibly a medication adjustment. Of course simple things like sunlight exposure, exercise and mindfulness activities have their place. But it sounds like he has to get back in therapy. And maybe he can’t stop therapy…. but just needs to space it out when he is doing well so that he always has someone checking in on him. You can try to let him know that his depression is bringing YOU down and you worry about the impact on your kids. Sometimes that can help. But sometimes it doesn’t.

        You may benefit from a support group or some counseling as well to figure out how to facilitate this.

        And remember – he can’t really respond to the same stressful situation as you do. He’s just different right now. So be careful not to say, “what’s wrong with you?”… or… “it wasn’t a big deal to me”… because it makes them feel even worse about themselves.

        Unfortunately, the kids will start to pick up on his depression at a very very young age. It is very damaging to children to have parents with mental illness who do not take care of themselves.

        1. Even if the mental illness is being treated, the kids are likely to be impacted by it.

          1. Yes, but they’re going to be impacted by a lot of things. The fact that I’m not a terribly athletic person, for example, or they may have inherited my poor eyesight. I hope you don’t think that people with mental illness automatically make poor parents. Because that would rule out quite a lot of people as fit parents. My husband adores our children and is an incredibly devoted father. He’s has incredible empathy and really works to think about things from their perspective and come up with solutions that work for who they are and where they are developmentally.

          2. You are right…. but there is a very different dynamic and impact on a day to day level when you see insecurity and untreated depression and anxiety in your parents when you are a child. It is very destabilizing. It is very anxiety provoking, for the children…. very scary in a different way than wearing glasses or not being athletic. It actually worries me a little that you see these as comparable.

            I am not saying that your husband is not a good father or can’t be a good father because of his mental illness. It is wonderful that your husband is an empathic father and person. But he is not able to take care of his health very well right now, right? And by declining seeing his therapist when he clearly needs it….. he is not doing the best for his children. This is hard to hear, but fortunately your husband sounds like a thoughtful man and he may respond to this.

            And yes – there are many many people who are not very good parents. Everything is relative. And children can be amazingly resilient. But some are not.

          3. I guess in some ways, I do think they can make poor parents. I’m not sure it’s automatic, but there’s a reason why these issues tend to run in families, treated or not; these are intractable conditions that often have both a nature and nurture component. They are really hard to kick! For disclosure, both my parents have depression and/or anxiety (both treated with both meds and therapy) and I have anxiety.

    2. For me personally (everyone is different), being told I am not the things that I am feeling is very, very frustrating. That is generally how people try to fix it – “No you aren’t!! You are X, Y, Z,” but you telling me this while I am depressed and anxious just makes me feel like you don’t understand what I am really going through and makes me not want to talk to you about anything.

      I think regular therapy again is the best option for him, but you can’t make him go. It sounds like he may need a med adjustment – is he willing to call his prescribing doctor of his own will? Again, you can’t make him do that either. Has this happened before and how did it resolve itself?

      Have you asked him what would help him? Something like, “I feel as though you have been struggling with some stuff lately, is there anything I can do to help?” And see what he says. If he is aware of his depression (and it sounds like he is), he should also be aware of when he falls into a low valley. If his awareness is good, you letting him know you are noticing but don’t know how to help may nudge him along.

    3. My ex had severe depression and the only way I ultimately felt better was ending the relationship after many tears and lots of therapy. We didn’t have kids so that was the only silver lining. During the relationship, the best thing for me was weekly therapy for me alone. My friends didn’t understand what I was going through or much about depression generally and it didn’t help to talk to them. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I had more to offer. It’s just really hard.

    4. I don’t have any advice, just encouragement. Being in a relationship with someone with chronic depression was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life (and I’ve spent two years living in war-torn third world countries). He was just like you describe above – brilliant, successful, funny, but enslaved by a depressed mind. I finally had to leave when, after I gave everything – *everything* – I had physically, mentally, and emotionally, to get him through a dark period, and he still wouldn’t go to therapy or take meds or even acknowledge the lengths I’d gone to to care for him.

      Be sure to care for yourself. Are there support groups for partners of depressed people like there are for alcoholics? Therapy for yourself? Good luck.

    5. I appreciate the support from people who’ve been in my situation, but really I’d like to hear from the people who have dealt with their own depression. (Thanks, CountC!) He’s generally pretty self-aware about this, and it’s definitely not something I’m leaving him over. So mostly I’d like to hear what it feels like from the other side.

      1. You’re welcome!

        Does he turtle shell himself? That’s what I tend to do when I am feeling depressed or anxious – I pull away from everyone that cares about me and hermit. Obviously, that’s harder when you have a family, but still possible. Are there activities that you two like to do together? Perhaps suggesting you get a babysitter and go do a fun activity just the two of you could help him with his self-awareness of the current depression. Getting out of my turtle shell by doing something helps me look at myself and go huh, guess I need to address my funk, whereas sitting around in my funk in my turtle shell allows it to perpetuate. Easier said than done to get someone in the throes of depression to go out and do something fun, but it doesn’t hurt to try once and see what he says.

        1. Yeah, he’s likely to stay up late and just sit in the dark house stewing. I really try to get him to bed when he’s doing that. It’s so unproductive and harmful.

      2. I’m more on the severe anxiety side but also prone to situational depression as part of the anxiety. I spend a lot of time using the tools from therapy all the time – it’s not a case of “50 min per week” and I’m done. In some ways, I’m basically replacing the time I stress with trying to use CBT or mindfulness instead. I have varying degrees of success with this. My depression side picks up when I feel particularly helpless about something (“I’ll never get this whatever done. . .”, and for me, trying to take even small steps to be proactive about a given thing (work, housework, etc.) helps little by little. Even making a list about what’s making me feel helpless and hopeless helps relieve it.

      3. I can’t get you an exact link at the moment but check out the Ben Does Life blog. One of his posts was an interview with his ex-girlfriend that he did for a school class about what it was like for him living with depression and what it was like for her dealing with his depression. It was so eye opening. He explained why and how he pushed people away. It might be on a page labeled “most popular posts” or something like that.

      4. I have a hard time answering because I have never had a lengthy relationship, so I can’t tell you about how to make the relationship work from the perspective of the one with depression. But I can give some insight into living with depression and anxiety (my diagnoses are PTSD and MDD).

        First, medication is crucial for me. I don’t mean just see someone, start taking meds, and never think about it again. I see my provider every few months; this is partially because we have had a hard time finding meds that work, and partially so adjustments can be made before I fall of the cliff.

        Second, regular therapy is important. I’ve been a mess, so I’ve been going 2x a week; once situational problems dissipate, it will be 1x a week. Once I get a handle on things, step down from there. I believe it’s important to check in with a therapist even when things are going well and to have future appointments made in advance. When everything crumbles, I don’t have the wherewithal to juggle my schedule with making appointments. Picking up the phone and asking for help is just about the hardest thing for me to do.

        Third, I have people who check in on me. Whether it’s my boss or friends, I can only fall off the face of the earth for so long before someone notices. This helps me stay connected, even when I’m incapable of getting out of bed, so that I know I have a world to return to.

        And fourth, I know there is concern about brooding. Sometimes it is actually helpful; I have come to better grips with things from the time spent obsessively thinking about them. Much of the time, it is all-consuming and deeply unhealthy. I have found one of the ways to deal with brooding is to keep my hands busy. I crochet afghans for foster children. I color in a coloring book. I do things to keep myself busy and engaged while my mind is so filled with anxiety that I can’t do the productive activities I would like to do.

        I’m not sure this is what you’re looking for, but maybe you will find something helpful in it. Good luck to you and your family.

      5. I deal with this myself and something that made a difference is asking my therapist to help me with appointments – sometimes the thought of it is just too much to deal with but my therapist now always makes me rebook at the end of a session and if I try to cancel she makes me reschedule for within 3 days. She also allows me to have appointments over the phone sometimes (even though I think in person is better) because sometimes I can handle taking a call or making a call but can’t handle leaving the house. Also, it’s really really important that he and the therapist work on how he presents information to your kids – as you said depression lies and kids have enough trouble with the capacity for metaphors without also have to understand warped perspectives. We spend a lot of time in my house differentiating between facts, actions, perceptions, and feelings. I’d also recommend family therapy or therapy for you because this sounds pretty frustrating for you and it might help you to establish appropriate boundaries with him and enforce them. It’s also super important that he accepts this as a health issue as best as he can because it does run in families and my families total refusal to deal with depression in earlier generations, and with my sister, has left my sister completely unemployable and me with large medical bills from dealing with it.

    6. This isn’t exactly the same thing, but some years ago I applied for a big job and had a ton of angst about the whole process. My then-husband kept belittling my anxiety and saying “Ha! You’re crazy! You are totally going to get this job, it’s a done deal, I don’t know why you’re so worried about it!” Which made me think (a) you know nothing about how this works, and (b) I am asking for some empathy and I’m not getting any. (I almost felt vindicated when I didn’t get the job!) So telling him he’s brilliant, etc., is unlikely to do anything other than enrage/depress him further. Maybe try something like “This must be awful for you” and leave it at that.

      I would, however, take a hard line on requiring him to go to therapy and stay on top of his medication dosage. I think this should be a requirement of him being married to you, just as taking insulin would be if he were diabetic.

      1. This so many times. If someone is telling me I’m brilliant and I feel totally helpless, I’m now also not living up to expectation (whoever’s – theirs, mine, my boss, etc.)

    7. I know you’re not asking advice from another person who’s the non-depressed half of a couple, which is what I was, so I’m just writing in to say best of luck to you and your husband. I’m pulling for you both.

  14. Have we talked about skin issues on here before?

    I’m mid-30s and I’ve been getting giant zits – the kind of carbuncles that would ruin your existence in high school – for the past couple weeks. (If anyone’s seen the Family Guy episode with Chris’ talking zit, like that!)

    I’ve always had clear skin, and I have no idea what’s going on: I’m on the same BC pill I’ve been on since I was 19, no diet changes, no stress, my makeup brushes are clean, my pillowcases are clean. In an effort to take care of this, I’ve been rotating through different products trying to stop them, but the zits arose when I was still following my normal routine, and none of the new products seem to make it better or worse.

    Have any of you dealt with this? Any suggestions?

    1. I used to have gorgeous, unicorn-like flawless skin. Then I hit 29, and I began to have deep, painful, cystic acne that just wouldn’t quit.

      I went to a derm who explained that in your late-twenties/early thirties, your body just changes due to hormones and all that jazz, so what’s been working just won’t! I had to get a retinol prescription to get rid of the cystic marks.

      1. Same; my skin changed when I hit 27 so I had to go to a dermatologist and gynecologist to get it sorted out.
        I changed my entire regimen and now I am attentive to my skin because I know I’d be going through phases.

    2. Ahhh, this sounds like trademark hormonal cystic acne. It’s often genetic and although certain things can trigger it, get thee to a GOOD dermatologist STAT.

      I spent years of my life trying everything OTC, trying every possible home remedy (yes, high doses of B vitamins) and dietary change and have discovered that for me, the magic cure was getting pregnant. Even with heavy duty topical meds, dietary changes and symptom management, I was still getting a cyst every month or two. Since getting preggers- amazing, clear skin.

      An OTC product that provided immediate and noticible relief was clove oil. I used clove oil when i would get a cyst, in conjunction with a great multi-faceted regimen prescribed my by Derm. Mine included a jump start with oral antibiotics to stop a major flare, a topical antibiotic, a topical retinoid (when not TTC), and a few chemical peels to help with scarring and help re-set my skin.

      1. Not to be alarmist, but how long has this been going on? And how faithful have you been to the BC? Because I was the opposite – my skin had cleared up pretty well since I had been a teenager, and then when I got pregnant it was like I was a teenager again, exploding with zits. Fortunately for me, it only lasted for the first few weeks – but man, were those some annoying times.

        Again, not to be alarmist, but it can’t hurt to take a $5 pregnancy test just to cross that off the list.

    3. After a lifetime of mild (poorly managed….) acne, cystic acne became particularly bad after 40 (!!!). I finally went to a dermatologist for the first time in my life. I was started on spirnolactone (which I preferred to taking an antibiotic everyday for many reasons) and topical retinol. The spironolactone got rid of the cystic acne and the retinol got rid of my smaller acne. Life changing. I wish I had started it at age 14…

      Why not see a dermatologist? It is covered by insurance. It sounds completely appropriate in this situation.

      1. Thanks, all. I’m in the process of moving and changing jobs (and therefore insurance), so a derm isn’t a possibility for me at the moment.

        I get a little irrational about seeing medical professionals (I’ve had a bunch of bad experiences) and generally only go for emergencies (and BC, because that’s an emergency, can I get an amen?), so I was hoping there was another answer. How does one find a “good” derm anyways? Any recs for DC?

        1. No reccs for DC, but in the interim: use a gentle cleanser, wash 2x/day, use products that don’t irritate your skin, and most importantly DON’T PICK! These suckers will scar if you do. Don’t extract blackheads as sometimes that can create a new, fun opening where a cyst can and will form. Opt for gentle chemical versus mechanical exfoliation.

          For the actual cysts: ice and Advil will help bring down the swelling and pain. I’ve found that clove oil dotted on a few times a day really helps them heal within a few days. You’ll smell like a Christmas dessert, but you can get clove oil at most health food stores.

        2. I hear you. I see my primary care doc once a year, and a dermatologist once a year. And remember – I deferred a dermatologist until my 40’s! I really regret that now….

          It can also be hard to get in to see a good derm quickly. But I’d try to do it before you move, as things will only get more crazy after you move. But certainly you should just prioritize based one what works for you and how bad the problem is.

          I always tell people if the doctor is back-up for appointments, get on their cancellation lists. And I try calling every Mon/Fri to see if they have had any cancellations when I want to try to squeeze in quicker. I schedule medical appointments for my father, and this works pretty well.

          If you don’t have a friend you feel comfortable asking for a referral (??? how would you know who sees a derm), I just looked at the “best” hospital near me (usually the one with a good medical school/research hospital) and went on their website. I looked at all their dermatologists, and found one who dealt with Women’s skin issues – under their “interests”. I then googled that doctor’s name to make sure they didn’t have a bunch of bad reviews on various websites (although those reviewing websites are generally pretty useless).

          The other alternative is just asking your primary care doctor for a referral. Some primary care doctors will try to treat these acne/hormonal issues themselves, which is also an option, but I recommend seeing a dermatologist. I tried having my primary care doctor help me in my 20’s/30’s and it didn’t work out very well. It just isn’t their area of expertise.

        4. In the meantime, here are OTC treatments that have worked well for me (but obviously everyone is different):
          — Proactiv (this worked great for me for years and then just stopped working; worth a shot)
          — Oxy (yes, the 80s teenager pads; they seriously work great; swipe on multiple times a day if your skin can handle it)
          –retinol
          –Queen Helene’s mint julep mask (Walgreens)

          If I get a bad, cystic zit, I apply the mask to it; once that dries, take it off and apply retinol; let that soak in for about 10 minutes then apply Oxy. It shrinks the zit pretty fast and is the best at getting rid of it without leaving a scar.

          My skin is pretty hearty from years of applying all kinds of crap to it, so you might have to ease into some of this to avoid massive peeling/irritation.

        5. Honestly, the only way I’ve found good dermatologists for me is trial and error. If you see one for 6 months and your skin isn’t improving, switch. Repeat until you find one who helps. For over the counter fixes, Mario Badescu drying lotion helped mine. But after years of trying various topical options, antibiotics, and spirnolactone, the only thing that ever really clears mine up is sulfamethoxazole (sulfur based antibiotic).

  15. I think every time a colleague gives notice, it makes people examine their own choices and not everyone likes what they see. Also, they might be scaredycats but you are not.

  16. This is an OK looking dress from the front, but it has a lower back than I would wear to work — and its not a colour I would wear.

    I’ve been looking for a simple navy (or mid blue), knee length, A-line or low-key fit and flare, with sleeves — preferably 3/4, but elbow or shorter would be ok. I’m having trouble, unless I order a custom one, which I would prefer not to do.

    Any suggestions? Am I too early in the season?

    1. I just bough the Land’s End 3/4 sleeve ponte dress in blue (and fuchsia), which may cut it for you. It’s not as formal as this (…it’s ponte) but it could be a great workhorse. I haven’t gotten mine yet, but I know ladies here rave about those dresses.

      1. OH! And boden has one that I considered too, in 3/4 sleeve blue ottoman fabric. It’s lovely, but was double the Land’s End dress (I has the poors).

      3. Kelly, thanks for the tip on the 3/4 sleeve dress! (For other readers, it’s Item # 464463-A51.) Just added to my cart!

        And I am over the moon to see that they brought back Item # 461106-A51 for the fall. It’s one of my favorite dresses in my closet. I wear it on chubby days and casual Fridays.

  17. I have a shopping challenge! I am getting married in mid-Sept and am looking for some silver shoes.

    I bought the Cole Haan Tartine Skimmer (link to be provided in a comment) but they are a tiny bit small. The next size up is huge. I am okay with a heel but it must be 2.5 inches or less. Sparkly is great, but they don’t have to be as sparkly as this. I do not want sandals and do not want open/peep toes. Budget is $300.

    2. I just bought the Ivanka Trump “Chic” flat in Floral from Nordstrom for my own wedding. The “Catrina” flat, also at Nordy’s, has a pewter suede option I think is pretty.

      1. I like the Chic flat – do you know if it reads gold? My dress has silver accents so I would want it to match or at least read metallic instead of gold.

        1. I am not sure – I only picked up the floral print (which, btw, I LOVE. I ordered a few pairs because the cut of the floral pattern looked different on each pair). But no loss through Nordstrom, you can just return if they aren’t right!

    3. I have some gorgeous Aquatilia silver Sachetto flats that I got on sale at Nordstrom. I tried to find a link for you but the Nordie’s website is making my browser close today, grrr!!

    4. Kate Spade Jeanette… although on second glance they are slightly above your price range and slightly tall… but really cute!

  18. FIL birthday tomorrow… he lives 1/2 way across the country. What can I order as a present today that would be delivered tomorrow?

    1. If you order before noon anything on Amazon Prime should arrive tomorrow with one-day shipping!

    2. You could try Omaha Steaks–I’m not sure what would be available for overnight, but I cut it very close for Father’s Day and sending a gift from there worked out great.

    3. I will add that he’s in Chicago… so any awesome delivery services in Chicago that anyone knows of?
      I am searching Amazon Prime now and will definitely look into Omaha Steaks… have done that for him before and we know he likes that!

    1. If you’re using “s!te” (with an I) in each of your comments, you’re stuck in moderation for that oh so important word.

  20. Not sure if it’s too late in the day for a Splurge Monday question, but does anyone have a suggestion for a white/ivory cotton v-neck sweater for the end of summer? I really liked the Madewell Oceanside Pullover, but it’s out of stock.

    1. J Crew factory has one that I like. It’s thin (I have to wear a cami underneath), but it holds up to washing and it’s only $14.50 right now. Link to follow.

  21. For a casual post-elopement party invitation, what’s an appropriate way to convey that this is a no gifts kind of thing?

    1. Even though it’s not strictly proper etiquette, I think you just come out and say “This is a no-gifts thing! Please just bring yourself!”

Comments are closed.