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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 125 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread |

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Comments

  1. Duvet Cover?

    I’m on the hunt for a new duvet cover for a guest room. I’d like something on the thicker side (so if something spills on it, it wont ruin the down insert). I keep thinking back to this fantastic one I saw at Pottery Barn last year that was a thicker linen material…wish I had bought it at the time! Does anyone have any recommendations?

    Thanks in advance!

  2. Booties

    Now that it’s August, I’m starting to think of boots. I’m a career clerk and wear jeans almost every day to work. My typical winter work outfit is skinny jeans, a sweater, and knee high flat boots. I have a 4 year old, so my weekend attire for running errands and playing with my kiddo is also casual – skinny jeans, leggings, etc. I would like to branch out and get a pair of booties, but I don’t know where to start. If I just get one pair, what would you recommend? Flat? Wedge? Under $100, ideally.

    • lsw

      I love, love, LOVE booties from Antelope. I get crazy wear out of them. Not sure if they have released their fall styles yet, but they are great and have a lot of flat/wedge/low thick heel options.

      • stormtrooper

        I’ve never seen these, but I just checked out their webpage and I love them! Sale going on now

        • lsw

          I can highly recommend! I have two pairs of booties, one pair of kneehigh boots, and a pair of sandals from Antelope. Good price for decent quality.

    • GirlFriday

      I have some Korks by Kork Ease wedge booties that I LOVE (they don’t sell my specific one anymore or I’d link it). I don’t normally wear wedges, but these are super comfy. I work at a standing desk and have no problem wearing them all day at work. Maybe see what Nordstrom has in the way of Kork Ease?

    • EduNerd

      Sam Edelman Petty booties all the way. A little over your price range, but if you can find them on sale they could be in your range. So comfortable and I wear them all the time with skinny jeans and a sweater.

  3. N.C. anon

    I recently retired my favorite ballet flats from Target because while they were fine for work, they didn’t hold up well for walking. I’m thinking I need leather. Can anyone recommend a comfortable, pretty black ballet flat (minimal flourishes)? I’m thinking about the Frye Regina ballet flat, but I’d ideally like something a little less expensive ($100 or less). TIA!

    • Lise

      I’ve always had the best luck with Born flats, which tend to be just under that $100 mark. I’ve loved both the Stowaways and Juliannes.

    • tesyaa

      I’m an evangelist for Lucky Brand Emmie. They’re comfortable and my heels don’t slip out of them.

    • Maddie Ross

      I love my Frye Reginas – soft leather, a little point to the toe so they can be dressy (I’ve worn mine to court even). If you stalk amazon and 6pm, I’ll bet you can get for $75-85 though.

      • Anonymous

        I have the Frye ballet flat in round toe. Great quality leather. They’ve lasted several years, and I am really hard on my shoes. Highly recommend Fryes!

      • Anonymous

        How is the sizing for the Reginas? I have the Frye Carson flats, and I wear them in my normal size, but Nordstrom recommends sizing up for the Reginas. Thoughts?

    • Runner 5

      I’m an evangelist for Clarks. I always have to break my flats from there in or they rub my Achilles tendon but once that’s done they last forever and look and feel great.

      • Anonymous

        I 100% trust the opinion of someone running from zombies, ability to move comfortably is even more important when it’s your life at stake

    • KittyKat

      I loooove the Lands’ End Bianca. I have 5… they’re that good. Just make sure you get the fit right.

      • BelleB

        I love the Biancas too! I know they don’t get the best reviews, but they’ve been my favorite ballet flats. You can often get them in one of Lands End’s crazy sales for $20 or less.

    • anon

      I just bought Sam Edelman Felicia flats, and I love them. They are just about $100 and have a tiny little bow.

    • Brit

      I got a pair of Fitzwells from Zappos and I loved them so much that I got them in the other two colors available. I don’t remember how much I paid for them, but I absolutely love them. I wear them all the time and love them.

    • Mountain Girl

      Earth shoes, Born, Clarks and (believe it or not) Ivanka Trump are my favorite brands. I have a foot problem that has plagued me for a couple of years now and I had to give up heels. Ivanka Trump makes some really dressy flats that are great for work and as comfortable as any of the other three on the more casual side. I’ve never worn the more casual shoes from the brand, however, only the dressy flats.

  4. Anonymous

    I really love eggplant when I go out to eat, but I never ever like it when I make it at home. It’s either too mushy, or too hard, or too seedy, or has that weird bitter taste.

    Anyone have the secret for delicious at home eggplant?

    • N.C. anon

      We like slicing eggplant into rounds and grilling with olive oil and salt. Sprinkle on parmesan after removing from heat. (We mainly do this for zucchini and summer squash, but works great for eggplant too.)

    • Anonymous

      I like to peel and slice it, then salt it and let it sit so it lets off some of its liquid. Then I bread it in a mixture of cornmeal and four and spices (with milk as the dipping liquid.) Then I fry it in olive oil and serve topped with marinara and cheese.

    • Anona

      It was impressed upon me by an Italian grandmother that when you cook eggplant, you salt it, layer it in a colander, cover it with a towel, and weight it down with some cans for a few hours to let the bitter juice drain out. I think it only matters sometimes, though. If you’re cooking it with other things or if you’re adding something like a spicy stir-fry sauce or adding it to a quinoa salad with some balsamic vinegar, you can’t really taste the difference and it’s not worth the effort.

      • Science Note

        Probably obvious, but…plants aren’t actually gendered/sexed (not how plant reproduction works), though they do have both male and female parts. Though it is possible the indicators on the “male” eggplants mean a better tasting product. Younger vegetables with less developed seeds generally do taste better.

        http://www.thesweetbeet.com/sex-and-the-eggplant/

        Male and female plants only really exist when you are raising seed crops (thank you for that education, corn detasseling detail). And they you are just designating pollen donators and pollen receptors.

    • M-C

      The salt-and-drain thing applies mostly to home-grown eggplants. It’s been 50 years since you’ve been able to buy a truly bitter eggplant in a supermarket :-). So, anonymous, it sounds like you’re not controlling your cooking very well. You can char the skin off on a gas stove or grill, and that gives a nice smoky flavor, but it’s kind of a production. And you can cube/slice then fry eggplant, while it absorbs amazing amounts of oil. Or steam it but I think that can have disappointing mushy resuslts. But I like to just toss it whole in the oven, say around 45mn at 400o. Let me quote Good Ol’Moosewood here: “when they are sagging, wrinkled, and totally soft, you know they’re ready”. After that you can mash it, cube it, bake it again with other stuff, whatever the recipe calls for. But if you try to cook the eggplant at the same time as anything else, it won’t be cooked enough, you really have to do it as a separate step.

    • Anise

      Salt and drain is the right way. Many places just bread and roast it, and it comes out watery and bitter. You want to be sure to do this otherwise you will have a lot of gas if you eat more than 1 or 2 mouthfulls. I remember going to a friend’s house whose mother made up a whole batch of eggplant parm. I ate probably 3/4 of a pound of the stuff, and I was passing wind for hours afterward while I was in a movie theater with my cousin. He keeps reminding me that my nickname: “Smelly Wind”! He was right!

      • Hannah Palindrome

        this is so true! It was incredibly embarrassing for me in college when we ate eggplant parmigiana and I let loose while my boyfriend was going down on me.

      • Anonymous

        It’s about time men get A taste of their own medicine. If I had a dollar for every time I had to put up with smelly pubes, I could buy a Mercedes.

  5. Help!

    It’s been two weeks since my biglaw summer associate job finished and they still won’t get back to us on whether we’re getting offers. Would you starting pinging your network (and using connections that are going to be annoyed if they pull strings for you and you don’t follow through because summer job has already come through). I’m so worried. FWIW, the other summers haven’t heard anything either.

    • ace

      Take a deep breath… you can ping a designated advisor/maybe the staffer in charge of the summer program if you were friendly with that person, but please don’t ping the folks making the decisions (hiring committee chair, really any partners, etc.) The fact that your summer colleagues haven’t heard means that no decisions have been made and there is probably a good reason (eg hiring committee has a meeting scheduled for next week). It is very unlikely that there will be any payoff for being the squeaky wheel… hopefully no negative repercussions for asking, but there is that small chance of negative repercussions or just annoying someone you will hopefully be working for in Sept. 2016. Good luck, have a drink and enjoy August as best you can.

      • ace

        And I misread somewhat. If you would take the summer offer from your firm, I’d hold off on pinging your network for another week or so.

    • Pest

      Does NALP have any guidelines about when the firms should get the offers out?

    • Tetra

      Does your firm have offices in different cities with different end-dates for the summer program? At our firm, the summer programs in the different offices end at different times, so the partners wait until all the programs have ended before sending out offers.

    • stormtrooper

      Breathe…. Rock your August. You won’t have a lot of these kind of breaks in the future so enjoy them now.

      that said, I was at mid-law just over a decade ago and I didn’t hear back until mid-September.

      In the meantime, I think reaching out to people, dropping a card in the mail, sending on a useful article, having coffee and just generally keeping in touch is always a good thing, offer in hand or not. I wouldn’t start down the ‘hook me up with a potential job’ road now.

      • TBK

        +1 Our offers came around when we had EIW — so maybe 3rd week of August? But still some people didn’t have them until September. Pinging is for when showing interest can help move the process along. Summer associate programs run on a set timetable and your pinging will just annoy people. It’s fine to find out when they typically notify people, but don’t expect to be able to make anything happen.

  6. SuziStockbroker

    I posted this in the wrong place earlier.

    Going to Chicago for a girls weekend. My friend wants to stay in Wicker Park.

    Recommendations/suggestions?

    • E

      Here are some restaurant suggestions: Get tacos at Big Star – no reservations and very crowded, so go at an odd time or be prepared to wait. Also ice cream at Jeni’s – pricey but the best ice cream I’ve had in a long time. Have fun!

    • Chicago Bean Accounter

      Wicker Park is great – tons of restaurants and shopping. I’d recommend Stan’s Donuts, Big Star, Piece Pizza & Brewing (the Golden Arm is my fave beer there), and Lillie’s Q BBQ. Au Cheval just opened Small Cheval there too – Au Cheval tops many best burger lists in the city, so if you love burgers it may be a great place to stop!

      Blue Line at the Damen/North/Milwaukee intersection will get you downtown within 20-25 minutes if you wanted to check out Millenium Park, Maggie Daley Park, Grant Park, any of the museums (they’re all fantastic). There’s also great boat-viewing in that area, but if you wanted beach access you’d have to go somewhere else.

      If you want quiet beach access, there’s one off Northerly Island (the old Miegs Field) by the Planetarium that seems to never have tons of people there. If you want the full “Chicago Beach Experience”, North Avenue Beach is always packed.

      I’ll always throw out my neighborhood – West Loop, and home to restaurant row (Randolph Street). There are far too many places that are awesome, but some interesting ones include Publican, Expat, Little Goat, Salero, Tete Charcuterie, City Winery.

      I’d recommend checking the city website as well – depending on when you’ll be in town, we’re still in the midst of Movies in the Park, free music at Millenium Park, free Saturday am workouts at Millenium Park, and other free activities.

    • espresso bean

      Agree with E! Also in the area:

      *Presidio is a cool new lounge in Bucktown with CA-inspired fare
      *Taxim has great Greek food
      *Handlebar is a fun biker/vegetarian bar/restaurant
      *Birchwood Kitchen has the best sandwiches and brunches, and it’s so cute inside
      *Mindy’s Hot Chocolate was MADE for girls’ weekends. Go for brunch or dinner, but be sure to get dessert!
      *Mana Food Bar is another fun vegetarian choice that has more of an evening vibe
      *The Bristol is a delicious choice for foodies and meat lovers
      *Mott Street has inventive pan-Asian street food
      *Dove’s Luncheonette (just down the street from Big Star) is where bored-looking beautiful people hang out and eat diner/Mexican/hangover brunch food. Delicious, and they have horchata pie.
      *Takito Kitchen is fun, cheap, and festive if you want something (slightly) less packed than Big Star
      *Cumin has a modern, informal take on Indian and Nepalese food

      Besides eating and drinking, check out Myopic for a great used book selection and the 606 for biking/walking on an elevated trail that goes 2.7 miles west. If you’re going relatively soon, stop by the Wicker Park farmers market for treats and eat them in the park.

      Have a great trip!

    • Wildkitten

      There are some B & Bs in Wicker Park. I’ve always only stayed in hotels downtown, but WP is way more fun.

    • Anonymous

      What are you looking to do over a girls’ weekend? My friends and I seek out restaurants, drinking, and people watching so we can catch up. So in addition to the places listed above, if I were traveling with my friends, I would check out Logan Square restaurants (Longman and Eagle, Parson’s, Lula, Analogue), Violet Hour in Wicker Park across the street from Big Star (over the top, pretentious, but cocktails that are head and shoulders above any place else), Half Acre and Revolution (local breweries), and any restaurant on Randolph or Fulton Market (including Publican and the Goat restaurants mentioned above).

      But if you like other activities, the architecture boat tour, Thursday night at the Art Institute, comedy at iO or Second City, and jazz at Green Mill are all easily accessible if you are comfortable with public transit or have Uber. Our baseball stadiums are also just off the Red Line subway (and you can connect to them easily from the Blue Line, which hits Wicker Park) if you love to check out new (to you) stadiums like my friends and I do.

      Chicago is a great city. Whatever you want to do, you can find here, and often for what seems cheap if you are used to NYC/SF prices.

    • SuziStockbroker

      Great, thanks everyone.

      Yay for girls weekends :)

      My friend is a professional artist and we are both (veggie) foodies, and I love architecture. So Chicago seems perfect.

      Alas, it will be expensive, our $ is at an 11 year low compared to the USD.

      • AM

        This is so funny b/c I just booked tickets last night to Chicago for a girls weekend as well! Thanks for all the suggestions everyone!

  7. CountC

    Vent alert! My sister and I have never been close. As in, I am not even sure I have the correct phone number for her and I always have to ask my mother if I need an address. We coexist when we need to and act like adults, so it’s fine now.

    She is getting married in September. I have met her fiance twice? He is very nice. Her wedding is on a Monday afternoon. No alcohol. Whatever, no big deal, take a half day, drive down, sit there, drive back up. Butttt, about a month ago, I found out via one of my sister’s comments on my mother’s Facebook page I am a bridesmaid. Um huh what? I texted my mom to make sure it wasn’t a joke, nope not a joke. Ok, whatever floats your boat.

    What do I need to wear? A lime green or maroon dress, any style. Any time I run dress options by my sister, her response is wellll, that’s not really the right color. Okay, cool, it’s your wedding, tell me what you want me to wear! Nothing I can find in either of those colors is anything I will ever wear again. My sister only cares enough to care about the color (lime green is IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND), but not enough to do the work to find what she really wants. I would wear whatever she wanted me to, but this process of her not really telling me and not being okay with something that is not quite lime green is so annoying.

    I asked today what the bride’s sister is wearing (she is the other BM). She is wearing RED. RED!? That’s not in the color scheme, but whatever. I said, she still wants me to wear green? We will look like a Christmas tree. Sigh. Just tell me what dress you want me to wear!!!!

    It will be fine, I will find something to wear that she likes (hopefully), but it’s just so weird that I am involved this way. I have a feeling they needed another body up there to match. Or she feels some obligation to have me up there. Weddings = I dislike you lots.

    • tesyaa

      Maybe your mother or other relatives put pressure on you to include you? Maybe it’s all a massive miscommunication and she’s hoping you’ll say you’d rather not do it? That would be awesome.

      • CountC

        That would be awesome. It’s one big mass miscommunication at this point hahaha

        The other hilarious part is my mother decided to invite my two good girlfriends and the SOs, who have never met my sister. I think she wanted me to have company. Totally cool with me. The ladies are coming, but the men are not. My mom is turning it into her party, and I kind of love it because my mom has fun friends.

      • CountC

        Oh and we have no other relatives. Grandparents all dead, two uncles in England (not making the trip), and one uncle in New Mexico who I haven’t seen in 19 years. I have no idea if he is coming. We have no cousins or any other family that would be involved. I actually love this family set up, it’s (usually) stress free!

        • Wildkitten

          This sounds nuts so my suggestions may not work, but maybe if you told her what your budget is she would be able to suggest a dress, or if you ask her to send you a link to something that is the right color you could find a dress in that shade?

          • CountC

            This made me chuckle. Your suggestion is a very good one, except my sister doesn’t care about clothes or shopping and would never in a million years put in the effort to do this. Which is exactly why she said, here are the colors wear whatever style you want. I did just find out that she thought I had picked one of the two dresses she told me were the wrong color. Those dresses are now not available until November. I am seriously laughing my behind off about this.

          • Wildkitten

            Ah – she is so unlike me but it sounds like you can wear whatever you want then.

    • Clementine

      First of all, Ugh. This calls for a big glass of wine/cup of tea.

      The best way I know of getting a non-commital bride to answer the ‘so wtf am I supposed to wear, dude’ question is to frame it as this: “Hey! I’m looking for some dress inspiration. Do you have any ideas you found on Pinterest or anywhere that inspired you??”

      Maybe some photographic help would make it easier? Like, does she mean lime or like a spring green or like a chartreuse?

      • CountC

        My sister doesn’t know what Pinterest is unfortunately. She doesn’t have a smartphone and is not really into this sort of thing . . . except when she is?

        I sent her a bunch of dresses in different greens and she told me they were not the right color. LOL

        • Anona

          Can she pick out some paint chips to show you, maybe? It kind of sounds like she doesn’t want to have a wedding at all. :)

          • CountC

            Right? The first time she got married was in a court house, which is exactly what I would do, so when my mom told me she was going to wear a dress this time around, I was surprised!!

            I do think she really does want a small little wedding (which this will be), she just doesn’t care about much more than the flowers and table set up. Which makes it frustrating when she doesn’t care, but cares enough to make finding a dress difficult!

            We’ll figure it out and it will be fine, just venting :)

    • nutella

      That is annoying, but as it appears you have to go through with this, to save your sanity, I would follow up with mom about a correct email address for your sister and email her 4 dresses in only one of the colors and ask her which one she wants and say you need to know by a certain date to ensure its arrival on time. If she doesn’t respond to you, then again get the correct phone number for your mom and call her to ask. It stinks you have to treat her like a toddler (give concrete choices to pick from instead of open-ended options), but so be it. If there’s no response, I would just choose one and buy it based on your own criteria – re-wearing, cheapest, etc. – and not worry about it.

      • CountC

        Sadly, I did send her links to a bunch via FB and she told me they were all the wrong color.

        I just sent two more that are still the wrong color, but at this point, it’s too close to order an actual bridesmaids dress from David’s , etc., so what’s available is what’s available!!

        • nutella

          Hmm, what about sending her pictures of shades of these colors, have her pick one, and then have a cheap white dress professionally dyed to match that shade? Or just pick something in one of the wrong shades she thought you had already bought and be done with it.

        • Alli

          You’ve made so many attempts– at this point, could you reply to her and say that these are all you have been able to find and that you have to stop searching now? And that she can choose which is the least of all these evils you’ve sent her, or she can let you pick from them, or she can (for the love of God) send you some alternatives. Maybe say this less argumentatively than I have. I’m so frustrated for you. If she can’t pick one of the ones you’ve sent her or send you an alternative, I’d order the cheapest one and forget it. She seems not to care anyway.

          • OCAssociate

            Agreed. Send a final offer: 2 – 4 dresses that you think might work. Let her know that it’s one of those or one she specifically chooses.

            Honestly, it doesn’t sound like your relationship with her would be affected if she got angry that you bought a dress she doesn’t like. You’ve already been much more considerate and thoughtful than I would be!

          • CountC

            Yes! Before I left work I sent her two dreses from Nordstrom – both available in kelly green (one also available in red). She said she liked one in red and one in green. I liked the one she picked in green best so behold the power of online venting! My mother said she finally realized after the other BM gave up and went red that finding dresses in the original color was near impossible

            Woo hoo!

            While I agree the relationship would not suffer, I still didn’t want to pick something she hated you know? It is her wedding after all.

          • Anon

            +1

            I also suggest you pack a second, alternate, dress for the day of that is neither lime green nor maroon, just in case she pitches a last minute fit and says you can’t be in the bridal party.

            You can change into your backup dress and hang out with your girlfriends more.

    • Basics

      “I asked today what the bride’s sister is wearing (she is the other BM). ”

      Did you mean the groom’s sister? Why not call the groom’s sister directly and ask her how she ran the gauntlet? It might be nice to get to know her, anyway, so you have someone to talk to on the day.

      • CountC

        Derp! Yes, you are correct I meant the groom’s sister. Given that I’ve met her brother twice, I don’t want to try to track down how to get a hold of her. I am sure she is lovely and we’ll be fine on the wedding day. It’s going to be such a low key thing, that I am sure my friends who are coming will be able to chill with me wherever. There is no getting hair or makeup done together or anything like that. It’s pretty much a show up an hour before the ceremony and get moving type deal.

      • Senior Attorney

        That’s a great dress! You are a saint for putting up with all this craziness! :)

      • CountC

        Hahaha, thanks! I just didn’t want to contribute to her being grumpy about something on the wedding day you know? Now let’s hope it fits or I can get alterations done in time.

        I do think me and the other BM will look like a Christmas tree up there, but whatevs! Not my wedding.

  8. quick fashion help: military event

    I’m heading to an event tonight that will be mostly military people, hosted by the military. Dress for them varies by service but seems to be Class A (Army has something about four-in-hand ties). Dress code on the invitation for “civilians” says “Business attire (coat and tie)” …..and then comes “Spouses: semi-formal.” Now, I will be attending in my professional capacity, so normally business attire would apply to me. I’m thinking black sheath dress with pearls, up-do, and maybe a wrap. Sheath dress has a suiting jacket that I’d wear it with for big meeting days, but I’m not sure I necessarily want to be too aggressive at the moment in my “dudes, you totally called it wrong and some spouses are men and some of your civilian professionals are women.” Anyone have any warnings? I really don’t want to pull out my cocktail dress, but I may be overthinking this.

    • Lazy lawyer

      As a military spouse, I think your outfit sounds great. Either suit jacket or wrap would be appropriate. No need to break out the c-cktail dress; dress code for you in your professional civilian capacity is business attire.

    • Anon

      I’m a civilian but have attended several similar military functions (as well as the big-to-do-balls), and your outfit is perfect.

    • TBK

      Everyone else is right, but part of me wishes you were attending with a male SO and you could wear a suit and he could wear something sparkly that screams c–tail. Because, ugh, “spouses” but we really are only thinking “wives.”

      • Alli

        I think your suggested outfit sounds lovely.

        This not entirely relevant, but it makes me think of the year that my state’s Bar Convention planned activities for “Attorneys’ Spouses” that included a floral arrangement class and a home decor presentation. Any guesses on whether my (super manly) spouse attended those activities? (Hint: no.)

        • marketingchic

          That still exists???? I remember my mom lamenting the end of wives accompanying their husbands on big business trips . . . . in the ’80’s!

          • yes they do

            Even some business schools have “spouses’ events” that are very much geared towards wives who don’t work.

        • justanother lawyer

          This reminds me of how when, shortly after my husband and I passed the bar, he joined the local bar association but I did not. (I was working in another city and we were too poor to afford two sets of dues.) The bar association’s “auxiliary” sent me a letter inviting me to join them for events like tea parties, fashion shows, and other nice ladylike activities. I got a kick out of it, but it’s interesting that none of the male spouses of my female attorney friends who joined got such a letter.

      • Baconpancakes

        Ugh yeah, by “spouses” they definitely mean “wives,” and that doesn’t really make sense. Doesn’t “semi-formal” for men also mean a dark suit, which is the same thing as “business attire” and thus pointless?

        Additionally, segregating the attendees into business=civilians and c()cktail=spouses seems unnecessary in the day and age of dual-income professional households. So if a male civilian contractor is married to a female attorney, she wears a party dress and is thus classified as, what, a 1950’s accessory wife? I’m sure I’m unnecessarily reading into this but do we really need a shorthand visual to segregate the attendees into “these people are taken seriously” and “these people are not taken seriously?” Can’t we just have everyone in semi-formal attire and accept that semi-formal is different for men and women, and doesn’t indicate anything? /rant

        • Op

          Agree. Would have been totally logical to go with semi formal for all civilians. Otherwise the men could have arrived in seersucker rather than charcoal suits, as both are totally business attire in August where I am!
          In any case, I went with the sheath and pearls and was fine. Interestingly, very few spouses came.

  9. Notice

    I am about to give notice at my current firm. I am unhappy with my current firm and joined about a year ago as a possible alternative to my old big law life. Unfortunately this firm and area of law was not a good fit in many ways. I accepted a clerkship to do a sort of reset (I preeviously clerked right out of law school and loved it). The new position starts in early October and is in the same city and same court I attend regularly now. I need to stay at my current job until at least early September for health insurance coverage.

    Should I tell me current job immediately about the job or wait until two weeks before I leave? One of my hesitations in telling early is possible retaliation. A major reason I am leaving the firm is management is extremely difficult and unprofessional. Is it wrong in a legal position to only give two weeks notice? If it were reversed I know I would want at least a month notice on order to hire and possibly have overlap for training. I would really appreciate any advice.

    • Cat

      Two weeks is standard notice for associates at my Biglaw firm, although some people give more. Check out the Ask a Manager archives on this – your workplace needs to earn your trust in order to deserve more than two weeks’ notice.

    • Sacha

      I don’t think you need to give extra notice, but I also don’t think retaliation is a huge risk if you’re landing as a clerk in a court where the firm’s attorneys regularly appear. For retaliation to be a good strategy, they’d have to get the offer pulled. That seems very unlikely. So in this situation, I’d be sure to include the fact you are going to be clerking in that court in your announcement. And use that as your reason for leaving — great opportunity. (Congrats!) No bridges burned. I suspect they will treat you quite well as you finish your notice period — like when someone goes to an in-house job.

  11. Pregnant Interviewer

    I’m 10 weeks pregnant and have an interview scheduled for next week. I’ve searched the topic of interviewing while pregnant all over the web and the plan that made most sense to me was to disclose when you receive an offer. However, I just found out that the position that I’m interviewing for is to replace someone who’s going on maternity leave soon (she will return to a different position). Now I’m debating whether I should let the company know about my pregnancy during the interview, since they need someone to start asap and I don’t want to waste their time if my pregnancy (and maternity leave in a few months) will be an issue. What would the hive do?

    • Anon

      I would disclose when I have a firm offer letter in hand, at the earliest, or later. NOT during your interview.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      It would be a permanent position, right? Then I say no need to disclose. If it is a temp position where you were just covering maternity leave and your maternity leaves would overlap then yes, you would pass on this one.

    • Pregnant Interviewer

      Yeah it’s a permanent position and our maternity leaves will not overlap. Thanks for the reassurance. Job hunting while pregnant is so stressful!

    • Susie

      I’m assuming you mean for a guest?
      I’m fairly conservative about wedding attire (would not wear white or black as a guest, unless of course there is a specific dress code with this requirement) but this looks okay to me.

    • Anon

      I don’t think it’s too white, but I do think it’s too spring-y to wear now, unless you’re shopping for 2016.

      • Anonymous

        I agree – this looks perfect for an April outdoor wedding, but not for anything in August or September.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s fine. But sometimes with clothes, if you have doubts, don’t wear it because you won’t feel comfortable.

    • Renee

      Hmmm. Very close call. Maybe add a matching blue pashmina and/or a bright blue statement necklace or bright blue shoes to bring out the blue in the dress?

  13. beats unemployment, right?

    I’m a junior associate and this weekend is going to suck. I shouldn’t be complaining because my summer’s been light. Just really bitter for some reason.
    Someone please remind me it won’t always feel like this!

    • Senior Attorney

      It won’t. I promise!

      I’m you, almost 30 years later. My weekend is going to rock. Hang in there and pay those dues and I swear on a stack of Bibles it won’t be awful forever.

  15. ANP

    (I also posted this on C-Moms.)

    I recently gave birth to our 3rd child (#1 is 5 and #2 is 3) and am trying to figure out when I need/want to return to work. I love my children but haaaaaate the unstructured, sleep-deprived nature of being on leave. That said, I took 12 weeks with each of my other kids and it’s always a zoo going back.

    The reason this is even a question is bc I took a Big Crazy Job in my 3rd trimester and I’m feeling a greater obligation to return earlier than in my past positions. I oversee a team that’s in transition and bc of that I’ve been more connected to work than ever before during a leave. My boss has made it clear that he wants me there for the long haul — that if I come back early, great, but he’s not going to sweat a few weeks (note: he says this, and he thinks he means it, but he also calls me 1x-2x/week). I’m also going to have to figure out how to onboard two new employees to our team in the next month or so, whether I’m in the office or not.

    Complicating factor: I work at an org connected to a school, and my eldest starts there at the end of August. So because of all of the above and because I have to go to my work at least 1x/day anyway to take her to kindergarten, I’m thinking of going back at 8-9 weeks. Questions:

    – Have you gone back that early? Am I insane for trying it? I’m mostly worried about sleep.
    – How do I combat the Mom Guilt of not spending maximum time with #3? We have access to an awesome quality daycare, but still…the baby stage isn’t my favorite but this is also our last kiddo, and I want to make sure I don’t have any regrets down the road.
    – Going back PT for a few weeks is also an option. Thoughts on this? Better for my sanity and for baby to work a half day everyday or just a few days/week? And how to prevent my hours from creeping into FT?

    My brain is spinning. Any advice from those who’ve BTDT would be much appreciated!

    • Meg Murry

      I went back at 6 weeks part time, 8 weeks full time with my first, because I couldn’t afford to take any further unpaid leave, either financially or job status-wise. I didn’t have other kids to deal with at home too, though, and it was completely exhausting, especially when the 3 month growth spurt kicked in.
      I think going back part time isn’t a bad idea, if you are going to be getting calls anyway. Can you start the baby at daycare at 8 weeks? I probably would schedule baby for full-time, just so you have the option, even if you don’t wind up taking her full-time. Heck, you could even take her there on some of your off days and take a nap! What if you scheduled to be at work 3 days, sent baby to daycare 2 mornings while you did household stuff with an occasional email check, and then spent the other 2 afternoons giving baby some 1-on-1 time – would that help with the guilt?
      Could your husband take some paternity leave or vacation time when you go back to help you ease into it? Or at least work from home a few days so he can help with getting everyone out the door?

      • ANP

        These are good ideas, Meg Murry. My husband just took 6 weeks’ paternity leave (he goes back later this month) but we’re pretty even-steven when it comes to morning routine stuff.

    • Hildegarde

      I’m not a mother and cannot speak to most of your questions, but I do want to say that I absolutely do not think you should have Mom Guilt if you go back at 8-9 weeks. My mom started her first professional job out of grad school when she was seven months pregnant with my little brother, so when he was born she had little or no vacation saved up. And this was in the 80’s, when maternity leave policies were not nearly as good; she was one of the first women in her role, and her company just seems not to have contemplated that women other than admins might be taking maternity leave. Anyway, she only was able to stay home with him for three weeks. He is now a kind, good person, professionally successful, happily married, and he and my mom have an excellent relationship. Many, many women do not stay home with their children for even 8-9 weeks. So if going back then is what works for you, there is no – NO – need for guilt. Your baby will be fine.

      Good luck with this, though. It sounds like a tough situation.

    • Stormtrooper

      I also went back part time at six weeks post c section because I couldn’t afford longer. Everything was fine for me and I liked easing back into it. Frankly, the bit of work for a couple weeks helped me keep my sanity and some structure.

    • EE

      I vote for going back at 8 weeks and taking the additional 4 weeks 1-2 days a week for the next 2-4mos.

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