Frugal Thursday’s TPS Report: Playing Favorites Blouse

103 Comments

1. Kat,

   Neutrogena ad with audio – using internet explorer.

   Make it stop!!

2. Are we really just giving up on the lay/lie distinction?

   1. Yeah. It doesn’t serve any purpose except giving people a way to feel superior. I’m removing it for the holidays. Happy to assist you with letting it go anytime.

      1. I’m so glad you’re back!

   2. I am not. Nor am I giving up on the I/me distinction (“taller than I” “younger than I” etc. is the proper formulation). My grandparents came here speaking no English and assimilated, assimilated, assimilated so that their children could speak proper English. I refuse to be the end of that line.

      1. “Taller than I” is correct because it’s a shortcut for “taller than I am”. However, I do get annoyed when I hear someone say “between you and I”.

         1. Exactly. “Taller than me” drives me crazy. As does “between you and I” and waitstaff who ask “and for yourself?” I could go on. Glad I am not alone.

            1. As was mentioned below, “taller than me” is absolutely correct. It’ a matter of preference.

      2. Actually, “taller than me” is correct also. And it sounds better.

         1. Actually, no, it’s not, but repeat usage has made it sound correct. Like “different than.” Yuck.

3. Hi ladies — love this shirt! And at 40w2d pregnant, I look forward to wearing non-maternity items like this in the (relatively) near future.

   I’m going in for an induction tomorrow morning. This is my 3rd kid but first induction, and given my age and a couple of other factors my doc doesn’t want to let me go through the weekend. I delivered the first two kiddos after fairly long labors — first one was born 12 hours after I woke up with contractions, and #2 gave me a couple of days of contractions but showed up after about 16 hours at the hospital.

   I guess my question is: what to expect? What did you bring to pass the time? Any other rookie induction tips? Thanks gang.

   1. I had an induction for #2. I had spent weeks fully-effaced and had spent a week and change starting to dilate (so I was b/w 2 and 4 cm already) and could have requested an epidural . . . at week 38 or so? By week 40, it was time for an eviction. Labor never started on its own and the induction went quickly and I had the baby a few hours later, uneventfully.

      From the times I’ve seen when it didn’t go quickly (and would up in a c-section), the mothers weren’t really effaced or dilated on their own yet, so I don’t think that they conditions were that favorable (but they were getting induced probably for being past 40 weeks or pre-eclampsia). I think induction works better when you just need a final shove to get things going (and the more that has progressed on its own, the better).

      Good luck!

   2. No advice, but Congratulations!

      Also, this kid is going to have an awesome birthday. I mean, 4th of July weekend/very close to Canada Day??? You get fireworks and summer and long weekends.

      1. As a July 4th firecracker baby, I have to agree! It’s an awesome birthday to have — you get to pretend that the whole country is celebrating along with you! Congratulations!

   3. My second was induced, after a long (34+ hour) labor then V-delivery with my first. I wasn’t showing many signs of getting ready to labor and had to have a ton of Pitocin to get things going with #1, so doctor and I scheduled an induction around 39.5 weeks. I also knew that if I went into labor while my dr wasn’t on call, I most likely would have ended up with a C-section due to the long labor, so I wanted to labor with him if possible.

      Whether it was because of the induction or the fact that it was mysecond, my labor was basically identical except half the length of time. E.g., in both labors I progressed very very slowly for the first 90% of the time, then at lightning speed for the last 10% or so, my contractions weren’t particularly uncomfortable even before the epidural.

      I brought an ipad and watched shows on it, wasn’t shy about asking for epidural (and a bump on it when it was very uncomfortable, and overall just tried to relax and stay mellow.

   4. Haven’t had kids but my friends who were on #2 or above thought it was great…fast labor, could schedule childcare in advance, not very eventful other than the fact that you were literally able to plan exactly when to pop one out!

   5. I was induced at 41w. I checked into the hospital Sunday night for c3rv!x softeners, and they basically left me alone except for vitals checks until they started pitocin the next morning when I was still only 1-2 cm. They had hoped contractions would start on their own – no dice. I requested and received an epidural after lunch after they broke my water at 4cm, and baby was born around 7pm. Having only done this once, I don’t have anything to compare it to, but I was prepared for much more drama and much more pain than I encountered. I was full on asleep when the doctor woke me up around 6:30pm to say it was time to push.

      As far as what to bring — EARPLUGS for the night before (if that’s what your induction includes). L&D is not a quiet place and I was grateful for good rest. Snacks for husband and for me (until they cut me off). Shows or books on your iPad. Overall I found it a very chill experience — odd to say about labor and delivery!

   6. Glad you asked this because my sister is being induced tomorrow. I have no experience so looking forward to hearing stories!

   7. I had a big plate of pancakes right before I went in and was glad I did because it dragged on for a long while.

      1. YES, this! They told me to eat a “light breakfast” (toast + clear liquids) but I know from experience that labors can be long and they don’t let you eat jack sh!t once you get to the hospital. Glad someone else went all in on breakfast beforehand b/c I’m tempted to do the same.

         1. My doctor told me not to eat at all from midnight on (I was scheduled to be induced at 6 am). By the time my son was born it was more than 24 hours later and I was completely drained and foggy and I suspect a big part of that was lack of food.

            With my second son I was induced after eating a big meal and then the nurses let me have clear liquids like ginger ale and gatorade. I did throw up when I got the epidural, whereas I didn’t with my first son – but I still think the chance of throwing up is worth it. However, I suspect they tell you not to eat just in case you wind up with an emergency c-section – but you could be at home, go into labor naturally and still wind up with a c-section.

            Oh, and my first induction took forever, with a whole lot of boredom. My second the doctor broke the water only a few hours of pictocin (as opposed to almost 12 with the first) and it went much faster.

            My husband’s advice (he just mentioned this to another soon to be dad last night) is that your husband should get as much sleep as he can the night before, take a nap if it is suggested, and go moderately with the coffee all day because it could turn into a long day or two – I at least slept during some of that downtime, my husband was up for at least 36 hours straight, and it may have been closer to 48.

         2. Full disclosure: I had a milkshake, too.

         3. Funny. They let me have a tuna sandwich sometime after my water broke, but I don’t remember whether it was before or after the pitocin drip started. I regretted the choice as I got to taste it again and again once my reflux and labor got going.

   8. I was bored and starving and miserable, my second induction took a long time and the heartbeat kept getting weird (found out the cord was in a knot so I could only lie one way). I had preeclampsia with both & never went into labor on my own. Just bring things to watch or pass the time if you are not allowed to sit up or whatever (I was on magnesium and could not walk or hold the baby until 3 hours after he was born).

      I was scared because I am a big coward but they reminded me that I was in the best place (the hospital already) if anything started to go wrong.

      And having a catheter inserted wasn’t as bad as I feared.

      1. This was pretty much my experience, although it wasn’t quite as miserable. The magnesium was h*llish. I went into back labor about 2 hours after being induced, which was pretty painful. I was so grateful for the epidural I had soon after. I then just laid there and read a book for about 6 hours until it was time to push. So bring something to read or a tablet to watch videos. Agree with eating a big meal before you’re admitted and ear plugs (or a white noise machine) if you’re admitted the night before. The catheter was truly no big deal. I’m also glad the nurses made me take a shower that morning before starting the pitocin because there was no way I could get out of bed for a few days after birth.

   9. You might consider a “Foley catheter” which is like a balloon they insert to physically dialate you. It’s incomfortable but might help get things started. I had that for my induction and it helped kick start things so I didn’t need pitocin.

      1. That is not what a Foley catheter is, FYI.

         1. Foley catheters are for the urinary tract but Foley balloon catheters work as Anon described.

            1. Ah – thanks. Memory is a bit foggy on the whole ordeal :)

   10. No time for tips but good luck and congratulations!

   11. Good luck!! I was induced after my water broke, and it definitely took a few hours to for the contractions to get painful. In the meantime, and until I could no longer talk, we played endless rounds of Crazy 8s. We never, ever play cards normally, but it was perfectly mindless and just the best thing — I definitely couldn’t read and was really happy to have brought cards. Your mileage may vary, but it took quite a while to get to 10 cm — started induction at 11 am, 10 cm at 5 am. Take full advantage of any caloric liquids the hospital will let you have. Ours provided juice and italian ices (THE BEST). I was able to get an epidural at 3 cm (12 hours in) and it went considerably faster after that.

4. Has anyone ever moved from their big-city BigLaw practice to working remotely from somewhere else? I have school-aged children and am daydreaming about how much nicer it would be for them to grow up somewhere more rural (at least when they are young), even though I think that in high school, the NFL-sized city we’re in now might be better. I have childless friends that work remotely a lot at weekend houses (often for weeks at a time around the holidays) and am thinking that maybe spending summers somewhere rural and closer to family would be good (or spending more time with family would be good). A simpler lifestyle is so seductive to me after a string of super-busy months and it’s hard to mentally weigh the life I (we) could have versus the life we have now.

   1. I’ve never done it, but I’ve seen it done by very-valued senior associates who had a compelling reason (generally spouse’s job) to be elsewhere. Because they were getting paid biglaw and living elsewhere, they were making a killing. It only works if you are already in the groove with your group and your practice. And, frankly, I would guess that it’d be hard to stay during a downturn–you’d be the first to go.

      Some large firms do have offices in great places–Cooley in Boulder area, Stoel Rives in Boise, etc. You can find it if you look!

   2. As a kid who was raised in rural locations: DON’T DO IT. I was miserable and lonely. I lived over an hour away from anything and while it was fun to just run around in the woods, I wish I had been able to hang out with peers on a more regular basis.

      1. Seconded. Do not do this to your kids just because you have some false picture of idyllic rural life in your head. Go hiking on the weekends or something, but your kids will fare better if they stay in a city.

         1. My parents severely damaged my social development by moving us to the country side in third grade

         2. Fourthed. My experience growing up in a politically and socially conservative rural area was miserable. I felt out of touch from my peers and neighbors. I heard about things in books and magazines and on tv, but could never do any of them because there was nothing near me. I was never challenged in school. I still feel out of sync when I return for visits to my family. I moved to a nearby city as soon as I graduated from high school and never looked back. I will admit that walking in the woods behind my house and disappearing in the woods for hours at a time with a book or a bike was fun, but that was about it. And I don’t think most kids these days are allowed that kind of freedom anymore. “kids these days” = wow, can’t believe that just came out without any prior thought

      2. Also, it sounds like you plan to keep them in the big city schools. Don’t underestimate how damaging it will be to their social development to miss out on the entire summer of bonding with their school friends.

         1. As a second perspective, I grew up urban but summered rural, I didn’t really find it that hard to have separate summer and school friends and this was before cell phones and Internet existed.

            1. Fair point. In my current large city with a lot more wealth, it’s pretty common for people to clear out in the summer, so when the kids come back they didn’t really miss anything since their friends were gone too. When I initially comment, I was thinking of the smaller, blue collar city where I grew up where everyone just bummed around all summer and it was generally a very cliquey place, so if you were the only one gone, you missed out on all the summer inside jokes and it took a while into the school year for them to remember you were home and that they should include you in invites (even though, yes, they saw you every day at school). The former situation is probably more applicable to OP.

            2. I spent summers in the country too and the big problem was that there were no other kids my age around. There were a couple people I could play with but the other summer kids were way richer than I was and the other year round kids and I had nothing in common.

      3. Yes, and you can’t trick or treat! Though if you can live in a little town with other kids their age, or ideally within walking distance of other kids, that’s fine. I never had anyone to play with and if your kids want to do particular hobbies, like ballet or sports leagues or music lessons, they may not be available. Otherwise, I liked it.

         ETA: for one summer, I doubt it would be a big deal. Especially if they get to hang out with family.

         1. Yes, you can trick or treat. You do this thing where your parents get a group of your similarly-disadvantaged rural friends together, pack them into a car, and drive into the small town 20 minutes away.

      4. I really disagree with this. Some of my most valued childhood memories are from growing up on a farm. There’s also a difference between rural and living an hour away from the nearest playmate–there were usually neighbors with kids my age a field or two away. I was involved with stuff like Pony Club, a softball league, and church; scouting groups and 4H were also popular. There was a small town within 20 minutes of the farm and a city within 40. I learned to be independent, explore, get my hands dirty, and work in a way that would have been hard to replicate anywhere else.

         I do have a basis for comparison here, too. I always split time between my dad’s farm and my mom’s stereotypical suburb which was pretty shitty, since none of my friends lived on the same side of town. We would end up driving from the ‘burbs out to the rural area for my Pony Club stuff two or three times a week anyway; most of my friends at that age came from PC instead of school. It did get a lot harder in high school for a variety of reasons–my dad moved farther away, I got involved in different stuff, and I didn’t have a car until the end of my senior year–but as an elementary and middle school aged girl it was pretty great.

         1. +1.

      5. I wrote a long response about all of the ways I treasured growing up in a rural location and my comment got eaten. In a nutshell, these responses are not representative of the experiences of me or a lot of my friends. It’s also possible to be in a rural location that has activities and friends within a reasonable radius–they may just not be the big city, achievement-oriented, upper-middle-class-approved ones. Which have their own value.

      6. Third. I wasn’t even that rural but as a fiercely independent kid I hated to need lifts for everything.

   3. I think you need a clearer picture in your mind of what you want to actually accomplish before you chuck your current life for a farm or whatever. To me, it doesn’t really sound like you want a rural life, so much as you want a different life than the one you have right now, and “run off to a farm” is shorthand for whatever it is that you are presently missing/need more of.

      Full disclosure: I say this as someone who, in a really unbalanced, awful BigLaw-type job, found myself having elaborate fantasies about quitting to go teach English in Spain. I did not actually need to go teach English in Spain – I needed a life where I had free time and the ability to explore new places/experiences, and was doing work that was benefitting (or at least not actively harming) other people. I changed jobs, moved out to the deep suburbs where I have ready access to hiking trails, beaches, and kayaking (and a lower cost of living), and ramped up the time spent on my favorite volunteer activity. Life is much, much better now, and I didn’t need to radically blow things up to get it that way.

      Take the farm fantasy for what it is – a signal that something in your life is out of whack – and figure out what the something is, then make decisions from there.

      1. OMG — you are so right! I think that it is so hard to be away from the office that I figure I need to live in Leisure Area / Close to Family since I can’t readily take 5-hour trips in a 2-day weekend.

         I know that my current city would be great for an older child (can take community college classes as a teen, can walk / light rail to many fun things (so not being a driver / having a car would minimally impact their QOL), could walk / transit to many good job / internship opportunities as a teen / college student.

         I just hate it for elementary-school kids to be inside so much and not growing up near family (and me being too busy to take them and they not being old enough to put on the train yet).

         1. Can family come retrieve them? Can they go to camp? Can you prioritize family nature time Saturday am? How old in elementary school and which train? I see unaccompanied kids from 7 up on the train often especially if there are two of them.

            1. Agree with most of this, except maybe 7 year olds alone on trains (depends on where you live though – I’m envisioning 7 year olds solo on the local commuter rail that would take you out of my closest city to the nearest countryside, and, just, no. It might work better if you’re talking Amtrak though – I’m guessing Amtrak has something similar to what airlines have for kids flying solo.)

            2. This would be like putting them on at Union Station in DC on Amtrak. I think at middle school they could do this solo, but they can’t read now and one still naps, so not old enough for solo train travel yet. Maybe try to convince Aunt Susie to have camp at her house for a week next summer (and ride the rails to get/retrieve them so they get used to non-commuter trains).

         2. Or send them on the train with a sitter or nanny? Or have caregivers take them outside walking/playing/fishing/bike riding etc etc, or to outdoor sports lessons?

   4. FYI, I asked my previous firm about telecommuting when I had to move out of state for family reasons to a state where my firm doesn’t have an office. They said the tax issues would make it too complicated, because me living and working there would mean that the firm now had operations in that state. I don’t know if that was BS, but it makes sense to me. But if you want to work remotely in a part of a state where your firm already has an office (e.g. Finger Lakes if your firm has a NYC office), that won’t be an issue.

   5. I’m doing this now (working remotely for my biglaw office). I’m in a niche practice, senior associate in a group with a lot of turnover and for which it’s somewhat hard to find candidates, so as long as the group and I stay busy, it works. I make sure to bill at least 2000 hours and check in with my office in person frequently.But I fully expect to be the first to let go in a downturn, so I’m making sure to keep my costs low and my savings high. It’s also kind of a step off the partner track, but it’s worth it to me. The simpler life is so good! (I was seriously tired of big city living.) Good luck!

5. Does anyone have the Everlane Petra Magazine bag? I have been eying the navy for awhile and feeling ready to pull the trigger. TIA!

6. I have discovered that I have no white blouses or shells. I think I need to branch out and get some. Do you ladies have any recommendations?

   I really hate breast pockets. I’m okay if it’s slightly sheer, but would prefer to be able to wear just a bra beneath.

   Thank you!

   1. I really like Uniqlo’s silk shirts. Good quality and price.

   2. Collar or no? Fabric (silk, polyester, or cotton)? Knit or woven? Sleeveless or sleeves? Need a little guidance here!

      1. I like collars, but also like no collars, so no preference. I would prefer silk, linen, or polyester. Cotton looks too casual to my eye. I prefer woven. Right now, sleeveless as it’s the summer. I think short sleeves would be fine as well. I really like vee and square necks, but also look good in scoop necks. Boat necks are iffy.

         1. I just got a cute one from Ann Taylor that fits your requirements

         2. I got one from H&M that fits your description… sleeveless, v-neck, and machine washable (+ line dry)

7. I have an upcoming interview for an in-house real estate position. What are some questions I should be prepared to answer? I am fairly junior (3rd year BigLaw) so will they be asking general questions about real estate or about specific deals? Is it appropriate to mention clients I have worked for if it comes up? Also, any insight into what a reasonable salary is for a junior in-house position in the DC market?

   1. Why are you looking to move in-house? Why now? Are you looking at other places? Why are you interested in us specifically?

      Relevant experience (no need for client names – frankly that would be odd).

      Can’t help you with salary – I’m in a different market.

8. How can I avoid having the outline of my bra show when I wear t-shirts and (sometimes) dresses? Is it because I’m picking the wrong bras, or wearing the wrong size, or is this just unavoidable with some fabrics?

   1. There are bras marketed as t-shirt bras which are smoother, but unless your top is totally shapeless, there will be some outline showing. Ultimately, I find myself embracing what other commenters have said before: hey, I have a body and I wear undergarments… while I don’t want my actual undergarments to show, it’s not realistic to pretend they don’t exist at all.

   2. Could be one, or a combination, of the factors you listed.

      My experience is that t-shirt bras are the worst offenders b/c they have a harsh line – I swear by the Natori Feathers b/c the slow fade of the lace makes the distinction between bra and skin invisible.

      However, some fabrics are just so thin these days that you either see bra or camisole, and I skip those b/c I’m not a fan of the look.

   3. Sounds like wrong bras. I’ve found that full-coverage bras and smooth, seamless cups work much better with t-shirts or close-fitting material vs. demi-cups or cups that have a seam through the middle of the cup or lace and other texture. Try on some full-coverage bras that are described as “t-shirt bras” and see if that fit works better for you.

   4. A camisole really helps. I have the Commando ones and it basically feels like nothing but smooths all my bra lines.

   5. Wrong bra or wrong size. I had this problem until I was fitted for a Chantelle full cup bra at Nordstrom. I would wear a thin shirt and go bra shopping, so you can test it out.

   6. There are specialty bras to appear invisible. You may be the wrong size, I highly recommend reddit.com/r/abrathatfits for proper sizing. They have a serious passion for finding the right bra for all who come there.

      I found out that I had been wearing the wrong size for years. I thought I was a 34/36 a/b. I found out that I’m a 30 dd. My bras are much less visible now, and offer better support. I especially like Chantelle bras. They are worth the extra expense.

   7. Go braless. I’ll help.

      1. I love you.

      2. I really needed you today.

9. I’m thinking I might like to take up tennis. I’ve never really learned how to play (except very random lessons at summer camp when I was like 8). I played squash a little in law school but it’s not a popular sport and there aren’t many places to play. I feel like the best way to learn would be to play with a friend on public courts to see if I like it, but I don’t really have any friends nearby who play. I might be willing to join a club, but do people ever just join on their own? I’m interested because I’d love to have a leisure activity that’s physical and social, easy to do in the city, and could be done say on Sunday evenings for an hour or two (preferably after kiddos are in bed) or maybe on a Saturday morning. If I were to join a club, do people make friends that way, or do they typically just join with friends/family? Since I’ve never played much, I’m not good so I don’t feel like I could just sign up on a list (if tennis clubs have those things — squash places do). Thoughts?

   1. Are you downtown or in a suburb? Some VA options: I think McLean Swim and Tennis Assoc has adult programs. Maybe you could do a clinic out there to meet people who’d be interested in playing with you? If you live in Arlington, the County also has programs (though they may be during work hours), and MONA has a tennis group if you’re in North Arlington.

   2. In my city, USTA has leagues and learning events at various public courts and various tennis clubs have open events where you can pay per clinic that’s available to the public. Also, many tennis and country clubs have pros who will give lessons for non-members periodically.

      I love the game and would love to have more time to play regularly (see above posting), but it’s easy to drop into and know many adult learners (or re-learners). The phone is your best friend in tracking down local resources. A JCC may do Sunday evening events and another place may do Saturday mornings.

      If you’re in DC, there used to be an indoor tennis place somewhere near 18th street.

   3. I’ve been thinking about doing this too. I’m just starting with a beginners class at my local recreation center. My goal is to figure out if I like it enough to stick with it, before investing in a membership.

      But if money isn’t an issue for you, I would absolutely join a club by myself. But only one that gave lessons.

   4. Check with your parks department as well. In Pittsburgh, they have group classes that you can just drop in for and pay that night that happen on certain nights of the week at different tennis courts that I’ve enjoyed when I have time in the evenings.

      1. Yes! I’m a current student in the parks department tennis class in my city! It’s a blast, and I plan on taking more. There majority of the classes are solo adults, but occasionally a pair of friends or a couple will join together. I highly recommend!

   5. Check out the parks department for your county. Arlington Co, e.g. has cheap adult group lessons in the evenings and on Saturdays.

   6. I took some classes last fall and enjoyed them. I googled “adult tennis class Austin” and found a public court that did classes for adults.

      The classes were by level: Absolute beginners took the 1.0 class, then moved on to the 2.0 class (still pretty beginner), and so forth. Eventually half levels came into play; the 3.5 class met right before us, and they seemed pretty advanced.

      The 1.0 class was 6-weeks, one class a week, for $90. I think my class had around 6 or so participants. The tennis instructor let us use loaner racquets, so we just showed up in workout clothes/shoes and with plenty of water. It was very introductory, which was perfect for me. At the end of the class the instructor let everyone know individually if she thought we were ready for the 2.0 class, or should take the 1.0 class again. I’d say about half of us went right on to the 2.0 class.

      The 2.0 class was week-by-week, $15 a class. I felt there was too far a skills gap between the 1.0 and 2.0 class; we did many more drills in pairs than with the instructor, and since I wasn’t very good, my partner spent a significant amount of time running after errant tennis balls, instead of getting in practice of their own. After about a month (and trying to use the ball-machine to practice on my own once, which was an adventure), I felt I wasn’t really improving and stopped going.

      I think I may have stuck with it if I had had someone to practice with outside of class. And I may pick it up again, who knows! Just wanted to share my experience.

   7. See if there’s a USTA Tennis Apprentice class offered near you. It was $60 for 5 weeks of small-group lessons, and a free racquet. That’s how I learned to play, and two years later I captain my USTA team and play three times a week.

   8. If you’re in the area I’ll play with you! I’m not great either – I was on a team in junior high and did summer camps but haven’t played in years. I’ve been thinking this exact same thing about tennis lately. Lots of free courts near where I live but a little awkward to go to a court by yourself and just practice serving.. if you’re in the bay area & interested in playing, you can email me at shadowgirl618 at g- mail.
      You can definitely join a club, or join a league, but most cost money and if you’re not sure if you want to pay for membership right away, it’s best to go and just try it out. If you live close to your alma mater you can also see if your alumni membership gets you access to their tennis courts. Some clubs let non-members in for a fee, and you can rent a ball machine if you don’t have a friend to go with you just to practice hitting the ball.

10. Is anyone aware of an OBGYN with offices both in NYC and somewhere in Westchester (or at least hospital privileges somewhere in Westchester?) I feel like this MUST exist, surely there are tons of women who live in Westchester but work in NYC and would find it easier to run to appointments in the city but not have to trek into the city to deliver? TIA!

    1. I haven’t heard of it. A friend of mine switched OBs to Westchester for the last month when she was working from home and delivered in Westchester. Obviously not the best solution, but it worked for her. I would NOT recommend delivering in NYC unless you are high risk. Had a terrible, near death experience. I’m not planning on more children but if I did, would definitely use Westchester hospitals.

    2. Yes, I feel like that has to exist. White Plains Hospital provides this Physician Referral Service number: 914-681-1010. Maybe they can refer you to a dr. with an NYC office?

11. I posted on Tuesday about being 7 months divorced and just starting to date. You guys gave great advice about how to handle abominable online dates (the guy who insulted homosexuals, my boss, and me).

    You’ll be happy to know I had a nice, normal date on Tuesday night. Friendly guy. No sparks, but he matched me intellectually and we have many similar interests, so two hours passed quickly.

    We’ve been texting…but I’m not quite feeling it. I’ve heard that you should always go on a second date if the first date wasn’t bad. He’d be a great guy to be friends with, but I can’t imagine kissing him, much less anything more. Am I judging too quickly (ie, how much stock should I put in feelings?) or should I go out with him again?

    FWIW, I’m pretty certain he’s looking to settle down and I’m obviously not. Should that factor into a second date or am I thinking too far ahead?

    1. I’m 30 and online dating, and unless I had a terrible time (like the other dates you mentioned), I almost always give at least a second date. First dates are nerve wracking, and I always try to give them the benefit of the doubt. If by the third date I’m still not feeling it, I usually let them know that I don’t think it’s working for me. If I can’t imagine kissing them, or I don’t enjoy it when we do, that’s usually a good sign for me that it won’t be working out.

       I think one date is a little early to cut off a potential suitor if you think he’s looking to settle down while you are not, but that’s just my opinion!

       1. +1 – you’re probably thinking too far ahead. To be honest, most of my first online dates have been like this – it was nice, we passed a pleasant hour together, I left without much idea of whether I was or would be into him. I have funny stories after a couple of years of sporadically dating online, but honestly, even those guys probably would have seemed fine under slightly different circumstances.

          When to cut it off (vs. giving it more of a chance) is something I struggle with when I’m dating online, but there’s generally no harm in going on a second (or even a third) date, unless you really didn’t enjoy his company. And if you find it just too exhausting to consider another date (second, third, or otherwise), then it might just be time to give it a rest.

    2. I’d go on a second date. You had a good time, right?

       I made several good friends during my online dating stint, one of whom is help-you-move close, and now his wife is lovely too. Also, I met my current partner because he was a friend of the guy I was dating at the time. After we broke up, he contacted me and the rest is happy ever after, so far.

       So – don’t be too quick to rule people out, even if they aren’t just exactly perfect. This guy might not be the greatest match, but maybe he’ll turn into someone you play Scrabble with.

    3. That is how I feel after every date. Go on a second one soon

    4. Definitely give him a second date. If there is no sparks, what do you have to lose? Who knows, he might have a cute cousin or roommate. Don’t dismiss him because others are sure to be worse, and you aren’t exactly at the peak of your own game. As someone who’s also divorced and looking, I’ve found that many guys look at me as damaged goods, even those that are divorced themselves! Definitely a double standard. Guys can be divorced and are expected to be able to go out and poke anyone they want. But women similarly situated are over the hill.

    5. First dates, especially when you’re online dating barely count as dates I think. They’re so awkward and uncomfortable. I would say unless the guy was awful, go out on a second date. Sometimes you end up connecting much better after all the nerves are gone. It’s worth a shot at the very least.

    6. Don’t expect sparks on the first date. I said pretty much exactly what you posted (“he’s nice, he’s normal, he’s smart, we have a lot in common, but no sparks”) after the first handful of dates with my new gentleman friend. And guess what? The sparks developed! It’s been eight months now and we are still like teenagers!

       So yes, go on the second date.

    7. Go on a second date! I felt somewhat like that after the first date with my husband. He didn’t exactly match my “list” – nor I his – and it took some time for chemistry to develop.

    8. I will be a voice of dissent. If you are not sxxually attracted to him, don’t go. Next!

12. Kat, I just looked at the original post. The blouse is named for the expression “playing favorites”. It’s not the “Playing” favorite blouse.

    1. I think the misspelling/typo comment was about “Neice”.

13. Look at the different colors on the blouse on the Dillards site — the green is form fitting — the black and peach are not. Completely different look!! Hard to know what you’d get if you bought the blouse. My guess is that it’s loose and the shape was photoshopped in for the green one??

    1. Photoshopped or pinned in the back.

    2. I’m usually terrible at spotting the signs of Photoshopping, but the the picture of the green top looks like somebody took scoops out of her waist. Definitely Photoshop.

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