ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Metallic Clip Bubble Sleeve Blouse

A woman wearing a blue top and shiny black pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This Loft top would be a delightful, unexpected desk-to-holiday-party look this year. I would pair this with navy trousers for a monochromatic look and add some fun shoes for a party vibe.

For a more casual event, I would do jeans and a jazzy sneaker.

The top is on sale for $38 at Loft and comes in sizes XXS–XXL.

Along similar but more year-round lines, this clip dot blouse at Amazon is from reader-favorite seller Milumia and comes in 15+ colors sizes XS–3X.

Sales of note for 12.5

342 Comments

  1. Good morning. Has anyone heard of an organization that helps low income people afford day care?

    1. There’s lots of organizations that do this, but they’re typically local so you might need to indicate state/city.

    2. There’s the federal Head Start program, as well as state programs in many states, and some daycares give full scholarships or have income-based tuition (ours did both) and accept donations to fund these programs.

    4. Depending on where you are, a center that operates on a sliding scale might be a good option. Our local YMCA does this, and is subsidized heavily by local programs so that lower-income families pay very little for their child care.

    5. In Texas, the Texas Workforce Commission can help. Also WIC can help you navigate this.

      1. I should have been more specific – I would like to donate to one of these causes. I am in Texas so would appreciate a local recommendation but anything would be great!

      2. Oh I see. That is really kind of you but also a bit tricky. In Texas day care is subsidized (or paid) by taxpayer dollars for low income individuals who are trying to work. You might be better off donating to a women’s shelter or women’s job corps. If you really wanted to go the extra mile I guess you could contact a day care that takes “ECI” and ask to fund a scholarship or something? But that wouldn’t be tax deductible: it would be a gift so it would be taxed. Maybe someone here has a better tip for you.

        1. Gifts to a nonprofit daycare for a scholarship fund would absolutely be tax deductible! And much appreciated!

          I’m far from Texas and help a daycare that only has enough funding to give partial scholarships (so middle class families that can pay some, but not all of the tuition, rather than lower income families who really can’t pay much/any), so no specific recs for the OP.

    6. There’s a lot of legwork involved, but check with churches and/or other houses of worship in the recipient’s area. I know for a fact that some of the Catholic-affiliated ones take kids on a sliding scale. They also have more flexibility in dealing with irregular or missing documentation.

    7. In addition to what folks have noted,
      -a handful of private programs provide tuition assistance. They might focus on something like full tuition for the very needy or partial assistance to help middle income workers.

      -In my city, there’s a city worker who can help families with finding government-subsidized spots.

  2. I have now worn turtleneck sweaters 4 days in a row. Big Turtleneck season is upon us now. I keep trying fashion in the winter and when it is cold and damp, I just can’t. Ankle pants and blouses are hibernating until spring.

    1. I think turtlenecks can be very fashion! I just go big and cozy and lean into the whole vibe.

    2. I’ve seen more turtlenecks this year than in the past. I’m not a turtleneck person at all but even I’ve been roped in.

    3. what’s not stylish about turtlenecks? I mean if you’re wearing old stretched out pilly things then no, but there’s plenty of cozy versions that look current and modern.

      2. Yes! Very chic 23 year old French au pair wears turtlenecks so… consider that validation that it’s Fashion.

    4. Between the cold and the fact that they disguise a very wrinkly neck, I am Team Turtleneck all winter long.

      1. “You can’t own too many black turtleneck sweaters.” Credit to Nora Ephron, but a philosophy to which I subscribe.

    5. I like the idea of a turtleneck sweater but I cannot even with tight-fitting necks. And I have a fairly slender neck so IDK what the deal is. Any recommendations for non-choking turtlenecks?

      2. You could look for cowl necks? I’ve also seen some interesting mock necks this year – where the neck part is loose, like a funnel, rather than tight around the base of the neck.

        1. Yeah I think a funnel-neck would work for 10:43 – you get the cozy without the constricting.

          At any rate, I have to be careful with turtlenecks because I have short hair. The wrong jeans and I end up looking like that picture of The Rock.

    6. I wear ankle pants in the winter with a higher shaft (not knee length) boot and they work just fine. I just make sure the socks work well with the outfit since they peak out from the pants when I sit down.

    7. I wore so many turtlenecks back in middle school and high school (late 90s/early 00s) that I’m forever done with them. I don’t like how they look on me, hate pulling them over my head, and hate how they feel when I’m wearing them. Funnel neck tops are marginal at best. To each their own.

    9. I am wearing an oversized mock neck right now. Rolling into my 40s in style, ladies.

    11. I am planning to wear ankle trousers all through winter. I have invested in *very* nice knee high socks, both plain black hose socks, warm and thin wool, decorative sheers, statement sheers, and statements socks. I’m ready for my ankles to show, but just not with skin.

      For going outside, ankle trousers work very well with Chelsea boot height winters shoes and boots.

  3. I want to go on a solo trip somewhere in South or Central America. I went to Peru a few years ago and loved it. I like history, cities in general, good food. Mexico City is high on my list, but I’m a little concerned about safety. I can’t tell if its really dangerous or it’s just “you need to have some street smarts”. I speak Spanish pretty well and have traveled a good amount. Any suggestions?

    2. Mexico City is not dangerous if you stay out of certain areas–in fact, a lot of Mexico City looks and feels like Europe. We just went in March and I was frequently solo, since DH got sick on the trip and was hotel bound for certain days. No problems at all, never even felt unsafe. My Spanish is very rusty, but it was fine. Highly recommend it.

    3. I really loved Colombia! (and felt safe there, there are no-go regions, and parts of cities to be aware of, but it was easy to get information on where was tourist-safe)

      Chile is a longish flight but really fun, Patagonia is possibly the most beautiful place I’ve been in my life (and jan-feb is summer there); and very safe + easy for travelers

      Haven’t been myself but I know a couple folks who’ve been to Guatemala recently and loved it – and the security situation has improved a lot

    4. Galapagos. Spend some time in Quito before.
      Panama is also beautiful, and Panama City is beautiful, modern, safe if you stick to the tourist areas, and chock full of history about the canal.
      I traveled solo to both of these places and had a wonderful time.

    5. Just got back from Mexico City. Felt perfectly safe, probably even safer than home in Chicago in my gentrified fancy neighborhood. Took my kids and we had an absolute blast. We stayed in La Condesa and it was so lovely, and didn’t feel unsafe in the neighborhoods we visited- Coyoaca, Polanco, Chapultepec park, and Roma Norte. We didn’t go to the zocalo but I’ve heard that’s a place to be wary of pickpockets. Also heard of pickpockets on public transit, which it turned out we didn’t take based on our homebase/destinations and our large preference for walking. Also very much enjoyed Chile about ten years ago – Santiago and Valparaiso were amazing. The Human Rights museum is an absolute must see and honestly I think every US person needs to visit.

      1. +1 My post is in mod, but visiting Mexico felt significantly safer than living in Chicago. It was a jarring realization at the time.

    6. No direct experience with Mexico City, but I went to Guadalajara last year and felt safe the whole time. The only hiccup in the trip was when our coach bus drivers, who had driven us to a remote facility for a business meeting, drove off and abandoned us because someone had called them while they were sitting at the site and offered them more money to take on a different job. We had to scramble a bit and find different drivers in a hurry, but it was more inconvenient (and hot!) than unsafe. So, some resourcefulness required but otherwise a great trip.

    7. Mexico City is truly incredible. You definitely need to be careful about transit – get recent info on whether best option is a certain taxi company, Uber, something else.

  4. If you’re 29, graduated college at 22, and then went to grad school for 2 years, how many years of experience do you have?

    2. Years of experience = years you worked in the field while you were not in school.

        1. Except that if your job requires a graduate or professional degree you should only count the years after you received the degree.

    3. Assuming all non-grad school years involved working full time in jobs in your field (or something related to your field): If you worked while in grad school, 7. If you did grad school full time, 5.

      FWIW, I’m 29, graduated at 21 (but turned 22 shortly thereafter) and am in grad school part time while working full time.

    4. What happened after grad school, from ages 24-29?

      Also, years of experience is not something you just gain and have; it is all relative to what you’re discussing. You can have 5 years of experience as a lawyer and that would be 0 years of experience in another profession.

    5. Have you worked in the field at all? If not, you have zero experience.

      Is your college degree or grad school relevant to the field? Still zero experience, but at least you have relevant education (although without experience, the five-year gap since you left grad school means your relevant education is becoming stale).

    6. Your years of experience are the number you have been employed, not how old you are or how long you went to school.
      If you worked for 2 years, you have 2 years of experience.

    7. Assuming you did not start work until 24 (or even 25, as most job searches post-college degree take some time) I’d say 4-5 years max. This assumes you mean “Big Girl Jobs” (as much as I don’t like that phrase) not part time student work/work-study or scooping ice cream on summer break, etc.

      I think most businesses divide “work experience” into two camps: jobs one has as a teen or young adult that are retail, service, or food service, and white collar business world experience. I would only count white collar business world experience if applying for those type of jobs or else it would look out of step with business norms.

      Having said that, I absolutely used tutoring and special project gigs and other similar jobs to leverage into my first “real job” so that’s possible too. I just wouldn’t rock up at age 29 saying I had 11 years of “experience” when interviewing with a corporate panel.

    8. What do you need to calculate this number for? If it’s deciding whether or not to apply to a job stating “x years of experience required” and you have 30% or 50% of x, know that men with your same experience would apply without even a care. Just an observation.

      1. I agree with this. If you’ve been working for 5 years then you can fairly apply for jobs that want 7 years of experience.

        If the job in question does not require a graduate degree, I would “count” the years in school when considering whether to apply. Depending on the field, there’s not much difference between an applicant with a bachelors and 7 years of experience versus an applicant with a graduate degree and 5 years of experience – or at least not enough of a difference to preclude either applicant from at least applying.

        1. Hard disagree on this. School isn’t the same as experience (I say this as someone with a graduate degree who doesn’t really use the degree.) I’m trying to think of a field where that might be the exception and am falling short. Nursing masters programs don’t count that as experience when weighing against others without the degree. Education just isn’t the same as on the job experience unless you have a situation where maybe on the job is part of the program. I would count an internship though, like say a social worker.

          1. Yes to going for the job that requires 7 years when you only have 5 years. This is what would a mediocre white man do territory.

            No to counting grad school as working years.

    9. I would like to hear more about any paid or non-paid internships while in college and grad school.

      1. Hear more how? Like in terms of how one lists or counts them on a resume?

        To me they fall under genuine work experience but it depends a lot on the industry and role. Sign twirling for your Uncle’s car dealership one summer and learning the basics of the reception world is not the same as interning for Goldman your senior year, ya know?

        I would advise anyone who has paid or non paid internships to talk to the career center at their college and have them weigh in as to which ones should be listed vs. put under school work or education.

  5. Looking for ideas on how to incorporate new SOs into gift giving this year, without creating a financial burden for them.

    Background: 3 adult children, two of whom either became engaged or moved in with a SO this year. Third is dating but not attached.

    Happy to treat them like 4th and 5th kids from our perspective, and include them in our gift giving, but neither is terribly well off, and I don’t want to make them feel obligated to start buying gifts for five new people (none of whom really need anything).

    Have asked the kids to discuss amongst themselves, making it clear that our goal is to make the the SOs feel welcome but not financially strapped.

    In the meantime, wondering – if you have adult kids, how have you handled this – or in your past, as you came into your SO’s family, did the family you were joining do something that made you feel great?

    1. I think it’s fair for you and your husband to gift to each of the kids and their SO, and let the kids decide what they want to do amongst themselves (maybe they decide to a Secret Santa or something).

    2. In our family, once married, SOs get the same level of gifts as kids (money and small gifts). Prior to marriage, it is just small gifts. My sister and I gift my parents small gifts (books, special food items, calendars, etc.). Those gifts are from both of us and our respective SOs. That is what we did both prior to marriage and after marriage. I put my SO’s name on the gifts for my parents, but I do mention if a particular item was one my SO wanted to gift them. My sister and I handle gifts between ourselves and our SOs the same, meaning they are joint gifts from both. None of us really need anything, so the gift spending is usually under $100 per couple.

    3. Are they spending all of Christmas with you or will they also be seeing their families? If they’re only spending part of Christmas Eve / Christmas Day with you, you could do a Secret Santa with everybody while they’re there but do the majority of your family gift-giving while they’re not there.

      It also depends on how your immediate family handles gift-giving. Could these partners give joint gifts with your kids to you? For example, I’m in my 20s and I give my parents 1-2 gifts each (probably around $75 per parent). If I was bringing a partner, maybe together we’d give my parents 2-3 gifts each (around $100 per parent – or one nicer gift in that range). Siblings in my family give each other 1 gift in the $30-50 range; could siblings either do a secret santa among themselves / with partners or could they give couple gifts in that range?

    5. I guess this depends on whether you’re going to be together on the holidays or not. If you’re going to be opening presents together, then you probably want to make them feel included by getting them something, but I really don’t want anything from my inlaws and I don’t want to have to get them anything. I’ve been with my spouse for about 15 years now (married for 12) and my inlaws just send a check and food to both of us, and my parents give my spouse some small things and a gift card (not that different from what they give me). Spouse and I don’t give gifts to each other at all and we each send small things to our parents unless we happen to come across something bigger we think they’d really like. None of us want more stuff.

      1. I should add, we generally don’t do sibling gifts, but now that there are nieces and nephews, we do buy presents for them, as kid presents are way more fun than adult presents.

    7. In our family, adults don’t give to each other but a higher generation can give to a lower one (but with enforced lack of reciprocity or no gift back that is higher than $20 or so). If you love me, give me a Snickers so I don’t get hangry but I want your presence but not your presents at this point.

    8. When now-DH and I were engaged, his parents included me in gift giving and I purchased separate gifts for them. DH handled gifts to/from his siblings and his nieces and nephews. His siblings and sisters in law did not give me presents.

      Wish I were kidding: the moment we got married, his brother and SIL immediately cut off sibling and sibling spouse gift-giving and insisted that we only gift to the kids. (At the time, DH and I did not have any children.) I would not suggest doing this. Suggest a round robin/draw names from a hat instead.

      1. My husband’s family did exactly the same thing. We did not have children, and were cut off from all family gift exchanges and all the expensive travel paid for by the MIL. We have zero relationships with our nephews as most of the family events were pitched as for the children and we were not included. Don’t ever treat your children like this.

        1. I’m so sorry. That’s awful.

          We have a child (we just didn’t have a kid four months after we got married). Doesn’t improve their treatment of me.

        2. As someone who has great relationships with aunts and uncles that were forged at family gatherings, this makes me so sad. My mom’s brother, and one of her sisters, and my dad’s brother never had children, but they were always welcome at gatherings and we had so much fun with them. They would take us to the movies, out shopping, they’d take us out on boats at the lake or take us out on walks or bike rides. I have so many good memories of that. Your nephews really lost out in having you in their lives, through your MIL’s actions. I’m really sorry that happened to you, and to them.

    9. We do this two different ways- with one family, each “kid couple” buys gifts for the parents but the kids don’t exchange amongst themselves at all. With the other, everyone exchanges with everyone, but gifts come from the couple, not individuals — meaning that aside from a slight increase in budget when it’s a couple doing the gifting, it’s not actually a net increase in the number of gifts given to others.

    10. OOH! This is something that’s been perfected in my family. It’s a sibling swap! Basically, secret Santa among the adult children/serious SOs. My SO is participating for the first time this year and they’re so excited. We’ll gift the parents something but between the “siblings” we draw names and that’s the person we buy a gift for. There’s a cap on spend – $75 I think (I always forget) – and it’s super fun. We love this.

    11. Love you for being so thoughtful about this! It sounds like you are very attuned to making everyone feel comfortable, but in case it hasn’t occurred to you: you should get the same “level” of gift (and ideally spend the same amount) for both SOs, so neither feels favored/unfavored. And honestly, giving the same level of gift to your own kids and the SOs is probably the right move, too. Maybe it shouldn’t matter to grown adults, but it can be very hurtful. My parents were awful about this: way outspending on my BILs compared to DH, or giving me a gift that was 10x expensive as what they got him.

      And re the financial burden thing, IMO your children and their SO should jointly give a gift to you and your spouse – it would be weird IMO for the SOs to get something separate.

      1. 100% agree with the spend being roughly equal across the kids in general, and as between your kid and their SO, once married.

      2. I agree that you should spend roughly the same amount on your children and children in laws. But it would be weird to spend the same on a SO that only lives with your child, especially if the relationship is relatively new. Now that pretty much all couples live together before getting engaged, it’s just not the same as being an Inlaw

    12. The first question is, is gifting YOUR love language? If not, fantastic! It’s time to mature from giant piles of presents on Christmas to a Secret Santa system. Everyone draws names and everyone buys a gift for their one assigned person with a $X limit. The end! Then enjoy a gorgeous breakfast.

      If you’d prefer, the “kids” can do the secret Santa thing and you as parents can gift down one gift each, so everyone opens two gifts. (Couples gifts are their own thing, but are either one or two things or handled privately outside of Christmas morning if their love language is gifting.)

      You’re still thinking in Mom mode, but these are adults, not little kids who expect piles of toys. They can get by with just a gift or two! And most people can and do buy for themselves.

      1. I think the parents dictating how the siblings gift to each other is wrong. They’re not little kids. Siblings have to decide on how they want to approach gifts for each other themselves, as the adults that they are. OP could suggest the idea of a secret Santa if she thinks the kids would like that but at the end of the day, it’s up to them.

    13. I love that you’re thinking about this, as clarity around expectations helps everyone. Do you want gifts from your kids? If all you truly want is to spend time with them, then send out an email to everyone to the tune of “The best gift this holiday season is your time. Please don’t feel the need to purchase us anything additional. If you’d really like to arrive with a gift, we wear size Pinot Noir and Ferrero Rocher.”

      From the kid perspective, our parents gift cash and sundries with both names on the envelope/package. Sometimes we’ll do a themed secret santa with a dollar limit if there are enough people for it to make sense.

      1. Yes! Tell them not to get you anything if you truly don’t need it.
        Last year my dad told us to take our gift money and buy ourselves something, and then send him a picture of us enjoying it.

    15. My oldest daughter has a serious boyfriend and we have started giving him gifts for his birthday and Christmas. My daughter tells us what he might like and we buy it. The gifts from my daughter to me and to my husband/her dad now say “from daughter and boyfriend” and that is fine. I don’t want him to buy us gifts, he’s a waiter finishing up college!

      His parents now give us gifts though, so that leaves us scrambling to come up with something for them. I’m focusing on consumables, though I did buy mom a Le Creuset Dutch oven one year as a thank you for hosting my daughter for a month during COVID lockdown. (She had admired mine so I knew she didn’t have one, and I got her kitchen color from her son.)

      1. PS daughter’s boyfriend’s gifts are one thing for birthday, one thing for Christmas plus a book so not quite at the level we gift our own kids. No one seems offended by this and his parents seem to follow the same guideline for my daughter.

    16. I adored my first husband’s mother for many reasons, but one of them was that she gave the kids-in-law the same gifts she gave her own kids. So, for example if her son got a Members Only jacket (yup, this was the 80s), so did her son-in-law. And if her daughter got a Dooney & Bourke All Weather Leather handbag, so did I. (I know this doesn’t answer the question you asked — just a note FWIW.)

      As for the question you asked, I think the move here is for the kids and their SO’s to give “couple gifts” to whoever they choose (you, sibs, whoever), also the Sibling Secret Santa sounds fun, too.

      1. My family does the low budget version – we all bet on what my parents will buy from Costco and gift to us all – work gloves, flashlights, roadside kits, thermos, etc.

    17. My parents gift kids and SOs something each from them as a couple, and we gift back as a couple to each of them. So from my parents, I get one gift, husband gets one gift, sister gets one gift, sister’s SO gets one gift. mom and dad each get one gift from me and husband and one gift from sister and SO. Same between siblings. It works out to three gifts each pretty much. Sometimes my mum can’t resist getting my sister an I an extra little something, but nobody minds that. We focus most of the energy on kid gifts.

    18. Give the couples a joint gift or a smaller gift for each person. Do not expect separate gifts from the SOs, most couples give to their parents together.

    19. at times like these i love that I don’t celebrate Christmas. once DH and I moved in which was only 3 months before getting engaged, my parents gifted him for bdays and Chanukah similarly to me, but he did not get them his own gift, instead we give a gift from both of us to them. make the SO’s feel included.

  6. Update post for those who like updates: I posted back in the spring that my father (who had no history of severe mental illness) had a sudden psychotic break, fled the country, and attempted to sell assets. I’m so glad to say that he’s “fine” now – he’s home, safe, acting like himself, engaged in medical treatment and also therapy, and invested in taking care of himself in the future. I have my father back and I didn’t even know if I would see him alive again.

    A lot of things did not work for us (calling the police or his PCP, to name just two), but
    I wanted to pass along a few tips we learned through this horrific process. First, if you notice a loved one who is suddenly acting completely different, start a timeline. I made a Word document with my father’s basic medical history/information on the front page and added subheaders for “new symptoms in spring 2023” with LOTS of specifics to draw providers’ attention: mania, impulsivity, substance use, and everything else. I included as many dates as possible and made sure to emphasize which symptoms were “new to him.” When he finally got seen in a U.S. ER, the providers there almost discharged him with no action and we almost freaked out, but the timeline saved the day – the doctors could immediately see that we weren’t joking around and that he needed urgent care, even though he seemed more “normal” by that time. One doctor said “that timeline was essential” and it made the hours/stress of updating it feel worth it (because trust me, it was not fun writing down “day 20: psychosis begins” and the like). It was also a huge help to my stepmother that I took on that task when she was occupied with a million others.

    Second, your county might have a mental health crisis team that can play a role in engaging the person in care. This actually didn’t work for us in the end (my father fled the country before they could visit him), but the people we spoke to were SO helpful and gave us tips on how to navigate the situation and helped us understand which services were available if/when he came back. They also helped us understand the difference between voluntary/involuntary holds and other legal aspects. I highly recommend this route if anyone else is unfortunate enough to go through this. They were much more knowledgeable than the sheriff’s office or non-mental health clinicians.

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience, and it’s wonderful that your dad is doing so much better!

      Here are some other tips for family members who find themselves in this situation:

      1. As the family member advocating for treatment, present yourself in a composed, professional manner. Mental health providers tend to assume that families are part of the problem, to discount anything they say, and to treat them with disrespect or outright contempt. If you appear calm, rational, put-together, and highly educated, you will greatly increase the chances that you will be taken seriously.
      2. To elaborate on the timeline idea above: Prepare to tell the patient’s story in a clear, organized fashion with as much concrete detail as possible about symptoms and behaviors, including why they are out of the ordinary for the patient.
      3. The system’s goal nowadays is to avoid inpatient hospitalization at any cost, even if it’s impossible for the family to handle the patient at home. Bed space is usually a problem. You will need to advocate zealously for inpatient treatment if you believe it is necessary, and you may need to demonstrate that the patient is at imminent risk of harming himself or others. Your best bet is to get a doctor or social worker on your side who is willing to work the system to find an available bed. As OP discovered, the story is critical.
      4. Understand the difference between voluntary and involuntary hospitalization, the judicial process for involuntary hospitalization, and the collateral consequences of involuntary hospitalization.

    3. So glad he’s back home and safe and getting treatment. It sounds like you did a lot of things right to help make that situation possible. You should be proud of yourself! Also, it’s very disappointing that his PCP was not more helpful. Even if they can’t be the one treating their patient for this sort of thing, surely they (or their office) can be helpful in connecting you to local mental health resources, like the mental health crisis team you mentioned.

      May I ask what his diagnosis is, if any? I have always thought of most mental disorder that involve psychosis to be ones that have onset during adolescence or early adulthood, which your dad is clearly well beyond.

      1. The neurodegenerative diseases can all have psychosis, hallucinations, and impulsivity as symptoms. Diseases include Alzheimer’s, dementia, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s, ALS/FTD, and MS.

    4. I’m so glad he’s home safe! I hope you can get some good rest over the holidays – it sounds like it’s been a hell of a year for you.

  7. Any tips/ Is there a simple explainer somewhere for how to use the NYC subway/rail systems? I will be staying in Long Island (on Long Island?) and attending the Rockettes show very late at night with my cousin from Kentucky, who also is not familiar with NYC. I know we could take a cab or Uber but it looks like nearly $100. We also hope to go into the city proper every day we’re there, but I’m most worried about the show and navigating to/from Long Island from LaGuardia.

    1. Google maps. Anywhere in the world really, but certainly works in NYC. And yes, “on” Long Island :)

      2. Long Islander here. Welcome to our beautiful island. Here’s an old joke:

        “ It’s on Long Island! You want to be in it ? Dig a hole.” :)

    2. Long Islander here. Welcome to our beautiful island. Here’s an old joke:

      “ It’s on Long Island! You want to be in it ? Dig a hole.” :)

      1. You don’t even need apple pay for the subway, if your credit card has the contactless option you can just tap and go

        1. Last time I was in NYC was before all the apps. Just went with my adult son and it was so easy!

    4. Also: pay attention to if it’s a weekend schedule or weekday. I went to Queens once by accident on a weekend because I was used to where it went (midtown) during the week.

      1. This is my nightmare! Thank you. I honestly didn’t know if there is even cell service for map apps on the subway!

      1. +1. For your daytime trips into the city, LIRR is fine, but after the show, I would just go with Uber.

        1. +2 especially since you are doing this late at night; the train schedule might not be what you need, or even go where you need to go.

      2. The latest show at Radio City ends at 11:30pm. You would be fine taking the subway to Grand Central or Penn Station at that time to catch the LIRR. Getting an Uber around Rock Center this time of year is expensive and difficult because of holiday-related traffic. But on the other end, you may need to get a cab from the LIRR station to wherever you’re staying.

        The subway costs $2.90/ride. If you buy a metrocard from the machine the subway station, there’s a $1 fee for the initial card, but you can refill it, and if you and your cousin are always traveling together, you can share it. If you have a contactless credit card or payment app on your phone, you can use the OMNY readers to enter the subway and just pay $2.90 per ride.

        As far as weekend vs weekday schedules and construction changes, just use Google maps or Citymapper and make sure you include the date & time of your trip. The apps track the scheduled changes.

        And if things go wrong, New Yorkers are actually really kind. Just ask someone nearby and if they can’t help you, someone else will.

    7. Option 1: LIRR to Grand Central, walk from Grand Central to Radio City Music Hall (about a half mile). Take a cab back to Grand Central depending on how late at night it is.

      Option 2: LIRR to Penn Station. E train to 53rd and 6th Avenue. Walk a block to Radio City.

      You can buy one-way subway tickets that are good for 2 hours and are $3.25 per ride. You can buy a Metro Card, add funds, and pay per ride. You can also do a 7 day unlimited ride card.

      Native New Yorkers, please feel free to correct any errors.

    8. Long Island is gigantic and the LIRR schedules vary a lot. What town? Also a lot of places on Long Island the train is not walkable. So you may need to take a short uber to even get to the train.

    9. Citymapper app is great and will even tell you things like “stand on this part of the platform”. Also check the Long Island Rail Road and MTA for various closures/reroutes/etc. Even when I lived in NYC, I occasionally got messed up on the weekends because of that. But generally speaking, if you’re staying on Long Island (and Long Island proper, not Queens), you’ll take the LIRR to Penn Station then take the subway.

      1. Oh, and on your getting from LaGuardia to Long Island question–LaGuardia is actually not well tied in to the public transit system in NYC (JFK is much better). You would have to take a bus to the LIRR station if you want public transit. I’d just take a cab from LaGuardia to the nearest LIRR station instead (which, looking at LGA’s website, Woodside is where the bus drops off, so I assume it’s closest)

    11. Google Maps works but allow more time than Google thinks you will need, and if something really doesn’t make sense, check the MTA homepage for updates. MTA has a trip planner that works well too: https://new.mta.info/tripplanner

      Keep in mind that a few subway lines do not run at all late at night and many more infrequently. Also, route changes are made frequently to do maintenance and repair work, especially on weekends, because the system never shuts down completely. So you’ll see things like the F train is running on the A line between Jay Street and West 4th, meaning it’s taking a completely different route from downtown Brooklyn through lower Manhattan. The good news is that Rockefeller Center is pretty damn central; there are a LOT of ways to get pretty close.

    12. Why are you staying on Long Island if you want to be in the city every day? At a minimum I would stay overnight the day of the show. You can pack in more stuff if you’re not schlepping back and forth and you’ll save yourself and your midwestern cousin a lot of aggravation and the anxiety of traveling in a big city late at night.

  8. Can anyone comment on Chan Luu jewelry quality? Its a new brand to me and I usually buy sterling vs gold plated items but they have something I like.

    1. It’s very pretty, I’d say it’s on par with Kendra Scott or Alexis Bittar in terms of quality. I’d say it’s just on the edge of being a value for price especially with sale, but some of it feels a touch overpriced for what it is to me personally.

  9. Help me navigate Christmas gifts with BF. This will be our first Christmas living together. In past years, we would each make a list, we get each other some surprise gifts, and we do an “us” gift which is usually a trip or tickets to something. This year we each made a list and I got most of the things on his list last week during the sales. Now he’s told me that everything on his list was an “us” gift. We apparently have very different views on what is an “us” gift. Thank goodness we’re figuring it out before Christmas, otherwise he would’ve gotten like a sweater for himself and that’s it. Now I have to decide whether to return some of the things that are apparently “us” gifts to get stuff for just him. Wwyd?

    Some examples from his list: KitchenAid attachments that I won’t use like the sausage maker and ice cream maker, a bird box with a camera, and airtags that I hadn’t planned to use. It’s a couple hundred dollars worth of stuff. To me, the gift is he doesn’t have to pay 50% and he gets it now instead of waiting until we agree these items are next on the priority list. But apparently he doesn’t see it that way and I don’t want him to be disappointed.

    1. The “us” gifts need to be agreed upon by both parties. Come on dude. I kind of understand how things for the kitchen could be considered for both people, but not if they’re specialty items only one person will ever use.

      1. Yeah, agree. “Us” gifts are decided in advance. He bought items off his wish list and is calling it a couples gift. That’s disappointing for you.

    2. Return the “us” stuff if it is not “us” stuff to you. Note the difference in world view for future contemplation, but get him what he thinks is just for him as his gifts. Try to agree on an “us” list that both of you consider mutually beneficial.

    3. He’s being dumb. Here are suggested words for you- “Hon, I’m surprised you thought these items were ‘us’ gifts since they aren’t anything I actually want or use. I’m happy to shop for YOU from this list but let’s come up with the ‘us’ gift together.”

    4. Returning them is wasteful and more work for you, so I’d just keep them this time, or maybe save some for the next gifting occasion, but I’d definitely have a talk about this for the future. I personally don’t even bother with gifts for my spouse most of the time, but if you’re going to do him and us gifts, then the us gifts really should be for both of you!

    5. Wait what?! Why are you bending over backward instead of saying “come again? You gave me a list, I bought you the things on it, and now you want more stuff? No?”

    6. So you tell him that you don’t see those things as “us” gifts because you will never use them, they are “him” gifts, and that’s what they will be. Tell him what an “us” gift looks like to you and that you still need to decide -together- and shop for it.

    8. What do YOU want for the holidays? I’m going shopping next week. Here’s my list.

    9. I honestly would just move to getting each other an experience us gift. He can just buy the stuff he wants and needs. Its not like he gave you a category “new wallet” he gave you really specific items. Like he opens gifts that are the exact items that he wrote down on his list – where is the surprise and fun in that. Instead I think you each decide on a budget and go do an experience together and don’t stress about actual gifts.

    10. This is your opportunity to work on couples communication. If you don’t do it now, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of gift disappointment!

    12. I hope this is an outlier situation because it seems pretty thoughtless on his part. I’d also ramp down the expectation that hundreds of dollars are spent on gifts to each other, unless that’s something you both really enjoy doing.

  10. Hello! I have recently completed my open water certification, and am really interested in going on recreational dives. I’m based in Texas, so I’ve been researching diving in the Caribbean. Any divers here and any recommendations re where to dive, what to look for in dive trips, and what kind of gear I should invest in (already have snorkel, mask, and fins)?

    1. Belize and Bonaire are both popular spots for the divers in my circle, but not being one of them I have no gear advice!

    2. Fun! I try to go on one dive trip per year and have never bought anything more than what you already have. Sometimes I don’t even bring my fins because they’re a pain to pack and I don’t feel as strongly about them as I do having my own mask. I’ve always rented everything else from the local shop I’m diving with.

    3. I’ve dove (dived?) on Grand Cayman and Key Largo—liked Grand Cayman better and recommend. (I went through Red Sail Sports, still wear the T-shirt). I only took mask, snorkel, booties…don’t think I included fins on the trips due to size. Everything else was easy to rent.
      Key Largo wasn’t bad, just liked Grand Cayman better.

    4. Most dive shops organize trips. As a new diver in a foreign country, I’d recommend going with a group. The FL keys have good dive spots for something closer to home.

      As for gear, if you have curves then you might want to get a wet suit, even most dive shops in the US don’t carry women’s sizes. They lie and say they’re unisex. They’re not unisex they’re shaped like a man: broad shoulders, flat chest, narrow hips. I have to comically size up so much everything else shifts all over the place. It’s miserable. I have a similar problem with BCs but getting one that fits properly is tricky for women. Find a dive shop that has women’s sizes and will let you dive with a bunch of different types before you pick one – or at least has a really good return policy. You don’t want to spend $500+ on something you use once.

    5. Another option would be to dive shallow shipwrecks in Florida or even the Great Lakes – apparently there is some lesser-known diving culture up there. Good for you trying this!

    6. East End of Grand Cayman is great – we’ve gone with Ocean Frontiers and always has a good experience. Bring my own mask and fins, and use their BCs and regs, always work great. Not as busy as the other side of the island: https://www.oceanfrontiers.com/

  11. Today I am wearing a giant rufflepuff dress to work because I was all comfy at home in HeatTech bottoms and a turtleneck and I could add the rufflepuff dress over it with no additional effort. Throw on boots and no one can see the bottoms even. Now I think I have found my peace with them.

    2. On bitter cold days I wear leggings under my pants. The lazy woman’s long johns.

      I recommend keeping a bathrobe next to your bed. In the morning it’s nice to put it on before your feet even touch the ground. Plus it forces you to change into real clothes before leaving the house.

    3. I wear heattech tops under just about everything from November – February, and now you’re making me think I need to look into heattech bottoms. Would they work under pants?

  12. Help, my office is freezing. Something is up with the HVAC system, they’ve had engineers up, but no one can seem to figure it out yet. The office next to me is 78 degrees and mine is 65. I wear a sweater, keep a shawl on my shoulders and a blanket on my lap, but it’s really hard for me to do my best work when I am just so cold. (I already have circulatory issues that make it hard for me to stay warm, this is like insult to injury.) Space heaters are explicitly banned (and I’ve had engineers in and out, I actually want them to diagnose and fix the issue without altering the air temperature). I have to be in two days a week, how do I make the best of it?

    1. Can you ask to be moved to a different office even temporarily until the temperature is fixed?

      I also use an illegal space heater in my office.

    3. Do you have a heating pad that you can discreetly place in your lap or your chair? Or can you go to the 78 degree office?

      2. The guy with the 78 degree office has been there 20 years, his office is like an archive. I suspect he plans to retire next year, at which point I could take his office. But I asked half-jokingly if he’d like to switch offices (he is always sweating!) and he emphatically does not want to go to the trouble.

    5. USB charged gilet. I don’t own one but I’m tempted for home as it is FREEZING in our house.

    8. I mean, 65 is not that cold, it’s a little alarming that you’re as cold as you are at that temperature. Even my 80 year old mother keeps her house at like 62 in the winter. Can you get up and move around more? Walk or stretch or do jumping jacks if you’re able? Anything to get the blood flowing. Can you layer up on your feet, neck, head, and hands? A hat and scarf will keep the draft from the HVAC off your neck. And I always feel warmer overall if my feet are warm.

      2. 65 is cold when you’re sitting still inside. I’m freezing if it’s below 70 in my office, and borderline between 70 and 72. This is with all the warm winter clothes on. My house goes down to 66 at night and it’s only tolerable because I’m under a giant pile of bedding. My room/house are very cold if I get out of bed before the heat kicks on in the morning. OP also mentioned a circulatory system issue, which can absolutely make her “comfortable” temperature quite a bit higher than 65. Your 80 year old mother being comfortable at 62 is an outlier.

        1. +1 so much.

          65 in a heritage wood panel home with central heating, in bed with a massive down duvet – fine.
          65 in aircon office space sitting still and trying to concentrate and write – absolutely not.

      3. 65 is SO COLD you nut. I was staying with a friend a couple weeks ago and woke up in the middle of the night because my nose was stinging from the cold and went and looked at the thermostat and it was set on 65. When I lived in an old apartment that had trouble keeping the heat above 68-69 on really cold days, I had to wear fingerless gloves while working.

        OP can you do your job from home? I’d say I can’t work in office until it’s fixed.

      4. +1 My house that I work out of is at 65. At most this means I prefer slippers to walking around barefoot, but it’s just not that cold.

        Since you say it’s medical, I think it’s time to back up that position with a visit to the doctor to get the documentation needed to be moved to a different office. My best guess is that your neighbor’s archives are blocking the proper circulation of air and until his office is cleared out, yours will stay cold.

      5. 65 degrees is fine for sleeping under a blanket. I am not going to get any work done when I am freezing.

    10. Vest, shawl, and fingerless gloves. Keep up that Dickens orphan look until they fix the HVAC.

    11. Space heaters are banned in my office and I still use one. Until they can make it a comfortable temperate for me to work, I’ll continue using it. If they want to take away my space heater, I will no longer come to the office.

    13. Blanket-like shawl, heating pad, fingerless gloves. Stairs every hour to get the blood flowing. Constant cup of very hot coffee or tea. Lots of meetings scheduled in offices or conference rooms with functioning HVAC.

  13. Do any of you have a clever way to track your career goals and progression? My last couple of years have been about rebuilding my health and wellness after the pandemic. Next year is about being a career bada$$.

    1. In my best, most intentional years I blocked an hour of my calendar at the beginning of alternating months to review my goals, check progress towards them, adjust as necessary, and schedule career development opportunities like trainings or conferences that had become available.

    2. You might try a productivity planner. Ink + Volt has a nice one. The Unbound planner is also nice.

    3. Accountability buddy – hating your goals ideally in person or on phone and checking in quarterly.

  14. I am looking to you all for some advice and a possible script to talk with my H. He has been showing signs of jealousy and insecurity about what I wear. I have given him time to work on this, but it happened again today. I want to be very clear to him that it is my body and I will wear what I choose and that if this does not get corrected things will need to change. This is a long-term relationship, so I’m not sure what that change may be. Not sure I am ready to say divorce, but it is to the point that it might be time to consider this.

    Any thoughts on how to convey this? I’m really working on not giving up my power anymore.

    1. I would say exactly what you just said.

      I really enjoyed the book “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” and the related workbook for this kind of thing.

    2. I’ve never heard of a relationship where a man showed signs of jealousy in this way and then things got better. I don’t think that’s possible. I’d begin making your exit strategy. I’m sorry.

    3. What does “showing signs” of jealousy and insecurity actually mean? If it’s gotten to the point where you’re nearly ready to say the word divorce, then you need to make some decisions before you can get a script. Are you drawing a bright line of “The next time you do X, I’m going to do Y”?

      1. +1 Unless there’s been some physical change in him lately, like he’s gained a bunch of weight and feeling legitimately insecure? But otherwise, cheating could be it. Think how often the conservative politician or minister railing against adultery or homosexuality has a skeleton in his own closet – “let me condemn sins in others so no one looks too closely at me.”

      3. I learned this at the age of 18, when my jealous boyfriend who didn’t like me to look nice or have man friends was banging his ex. Learn from my mistakes.

    5. I would address this with a couples therapist, unless you’re the church jeans mom, in which case please leave.

    6. Are you the jeans poster from a while ago? Whose husband was always accusing her of cheating?

      My approach would depend on how he is expressing himself. “I look so schlubby next to you, everyone will be looking at you in that dress” vs “you clearly picked that dress for the attention, who are you expecting to see tonight” vs “no wife of mine is leaving the house in a dress like that, get changed or we’re not going” deserve different responses.

        1. I didn’t say they were OK? OP asked for a script, it’s hard to come up with a script without knowing where this behavior is coming from. Is it self consciousness and he’s redirecting onto her? Is it jealousy that she’s looking for someone else (which probably means he’s cheating)? It is possessiveness (has he fallen down a troubling internet rabbit hole)? All toxic, but all pretty different conversations.

    7. OP here, the comment that happened to spur me to this point was something along the lines of “is so and so going to be in the office today”? To which is said probably, why? His response was, “I can tell by what you are wearing”.

      I wear basically the same thing every day to work. Combinations of skirt suits or sheath dress with jacket.

      He has been overly concerned with what I wear, but I thought it was getting better. The reason I am at this point is that even though things “seem” to have gotten better, obviously they have not if he is tracking what I wear and when. Even I can’t remember what I wore last week and had a hard time this morning remembering what I wore yesterday!

      Thanks all.

      1. “Your question this morning implied that I am dressing up for another man. I am deeply offended by that comment. I am disturbed that it would even cross your mind that I might be interested in someone else. These thoughts are not coming from me, I am not doing anything differently. I would like to understand what has changed with you that you are thinking this way.” And if he doesn’t answer – “this is not the first time, I am not sweeping this under the rug any longer. If you need time to gather your thoughts then let’s set a time on the calendar to resume this conversation” – and/or insist on counseling. This is a him issue so he will need to work with an individual counselor.

      4. Personally I would say

        How dare you. Who are you f’ing on the side that you would even think to accuse me of something like that? Like seriously. What I ever done in my life that you would accuse me of being the kind of person who would do that?

        Put him on the defensive. And when he sputters and deflects tell him if he really thinks you are a slut maybe you should both be talking to attorneys.

        But the. I have zero tolerance for controlling and demeaning behavior. Which is what this is. And my husband would never ever insult me like that.

      5. Others have said it, but what you are describing is not normal. For perspective, the only times my husband has commented on my clothes in a you must be meeting with so and so is because he knows I have my favorite “makes me feel powerful clothes” and he wishes me luck on the meeting. He should be supporting you, and taking cues on when you have big days at work, not keeping track of your outfits.

        My cat on the other hand has memorized what all my work from home, video on clothes are and won’t leave me alone during those high value meetings (for him).

      6. I’m glad you shared – the problem is not just that he’s commenting on what you are wearing, it’s that he’s causing you of being interested in another person or perhaps cheating. That’s a wild thing to do to your spouse and it’s not okay.

      7. It sounds like reading between the lines he’s feeling not so much jealous but like someone else is getting the best most dressed up and flirty version of you, maybe? (Which is a *kind* of jealousy but not like other posters are suggesting). It is icky but I’d first “seek to understand” because (probably by design) the statements are passive aggressive and vague.

        I’d be like “Can you be more clear or direct? I’m not really sure what action you’d like me to take here? It’s feeling like you’re almost accusing me of dressing “for” someone else, specifically another man. That feels very icky and upsetting. Is that what you’re driving at?”

        Honestly…the petty and retrograde part of me wants you to make him SWEAT. My mother used to say “it’s never a bad idea to make a man sweat a little” meaning remind him that you’re desirable and he should not take you for granted. If it were me (and I felt safe otherwise, not with a dangerous man) I’d give a sassy, knowing smile and say something like “I dress for me, but I certainly won’t turn down compliments that come my way. Have a nice day in your basketball shorts and ratty tee, dear.”

        …but I’m happily married to the least jealous man in the world so what do I know, ha ha!

    8. “BenSteve, several times you have made jealous and controlling statements about my clothes. This is unacceptable to me. I am not sure why you’ve decided that you are entitled to decide what I wear but you are not. Stop. Now.”

    9. First response:

      “If you don’t like this dress, you definitely shouldn’t wear it”

      second & subsequent response:

      “I didn’t ask for your opinion” and then ignore

    10. I realise it’s not the answer you’re looking for, but I’s say DTMFA.
      It’s not worth it, he ought to be proud of you, not policing you.

  15. Really, truly do not intend this as a political post.

    Some folks may have seen the social media chatter about what Melania Trump wore to Rosalynn Carter’s funeral. I saw pictures of her and didn’t think her attire looked out-of-the-ordinary for a modern-day funeral; hard to understand what the fuss was about. But, then the NYT published pictures of all the first ladies at the funeral, and some other shots with people in the crowd, and it looked like everyone else was wearing all black. Like all black from head-to-toe.

    So, what says the hive about this? Was Melania’s coat inappropriate? Should we assume that funeral attire = all black, always? I have been to funerals where people wore jeans and NFL jerseys, which I didn’t think was appropriate. But I didn’t think there was anything wrong with Melania’s coat, objectively, until I saw what the other guests were wearing.

    1. I think from discussions on this very site, it is apparent that many people no longer wear all-black for funerals. I personally do but I do not think that a formal coat in a sober color, which is what she wore, is inappropriate.

      Also, I did feel like there was some degree of an f/u to her own husband in her going – I have never been a particular fan of hers but just the fact that she went seems like a subtle rebuke of his own disregard of the institution of the presidency. Trump would never go to something like this because it’s not about him – I have real questions whether he’ll attend President Carter’s funeral, when it comes, even though living former presidents virtually always attend – but she did.

      1. I don’t really understand the thought in your second paragraph. I hear lots of people speculating all the time that her actions are an f/u to her husband or that she’s somehow not totally complicit (at best) in his actions. I haven’t seen anything other than wishful thinking that would back up any contention that she doesn’t support him 100%. Sometimes she has an angry expression in public, but at the end of the day, she does make the appearances, and she has the means to leave him a thousand times over if she wanted to do so.

      2. I think he told her to go so he didn’t have to go. At least that’s my interpretation of it. I didn’t think it was an f/u to her husband at all.

    2. I think my own funeral is WAY different from the funeral of a former First Lady, where you know that dignitaries will be present and it’s a formal occasion. It looked like not even one other person wore something comparable, leading me to believe that the dress code was pretty easy to figure out. Plus she was First Lady for 4 years and also a model. She knows what kinds of clothing to wear to formal occasions.

        1. Agree with this 100%. I don’t even know what she wore or allegedly did, but Trump = wrong, evil, always. It’s gross that people on this site would give her cover after what her husband has done.

          1. Can you unpack that for us? I hate Trump, but I don’t feel automatically obligated to criticize his wife’s clothes because he’s terrible. Like, life is more nuanced than “everything any Trump does is unequivocally bad, forever and ever.”

    3. I had to google, but it looks like she was wearing a black dress, which is where I judge. She kept her gray coat on, but it wasn’t an inappropriate coat and if she was cold, I don’t begrudge her keeping it on The women guests aren’t backup singers who need to stick to a coordinated look. Haters gonna hate.

      1. I assume a wealthy former first lady has a black coat in her closet. If not, she certainly has the money to buy one herself or send an assistant to procure one. For an average Jane I wouldn’t think anything of a gray coat. For Milania Trump attending a former first lady’s funeral, it seems like she didn’t treat the occasion with the respect it deserves.

    4. Another Trump term is my absolute nightmare, so I am fully ready to find fault with all of them, but this little detail really doesn’t matter. I think obsessing about stuff like that distracts from the bigger issues.

      1. This is where I am. A gray mélange coat is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme. Each woman’s outfit very much reflected who she was: Hilary in a pantsuit, Laura in pearls and peep toes, Michelle in a turtleneck… of course Melania’s wearing something designed to garner attention, even if it’s a subtle thing, ya know? We all know she had a suitable black coat in her closet and decided not to wear it because that’s how she rolls. But commentators acting like this was some giant gaffe on par with her “I really don’t care, do u” jacket is distracting from legitimate issues, like Trump wanting to turn the DOJ into his personal goon squad.

      2. This is why I wish the media would stop nitpicking like this. It feeds into the conservative persecution complex. I don’t think it merely distracts, I think it actively harms our position, i.e., look at these snowflake liberals getting all worked up over a coat, do you really want to support a party like that?

    5. I don’t care that she wore a gray coat with a black dress. It was an overall somber ensemble. Bigger fish to fry with this duo than that.

    6. A former first lady attending another former first lady’s funeral is very different than the funerals I attend. This was a public appearance, for lack of a better term, and all black would have been more appropriate. Additionally, she has plenty of black formal coats; most of us normal civilians get a pass for wearing a wool coat of another color to a winter funeral because most of us only own one or two. However, she’s a) been photographed multiple times in black wool coats and b) has the resources to buy one if she no longer has one.

      While I think a grey wool coat is usually appropriate for a funeral, she was wearing a light grey coat that stood out way more than a charcoal coat would have.

    7. Setting aside basically all of the context, I thought what she was wearing was totally fine for a “normal” funeral.

    8. I’ll play – I believe that EVERYTHING people in her position wear is scrutinized and she knows it. Fashion is absolutely a statement for politicians, royal families, etc. I don’t necessarily think it was inappropriate, but I do think it was intentional and different, and that she did it on purpose. Not sure what statement she was making though! We can forever speculate on that.

    9. It looks like she was also wearing all black live everyone else, she just had her coat on.

    10. Fine for most funerals, not fine for this one.

      Also, if it was a darker gray coat I think it would have been fine for this one, but it photographed as very light gray which made it less formal or somber. Also, it stood out like a sore thumb.

    11. I just googled because I hadn’t heard anything about it, and none of my first page of Google results were about her dressing inappropriately. If you hadn’t brought it up, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it.

      No fan of the Trumps but I’m not clutching my pearls over this particular moment.

      RIP Rosalynn, half of my favorite first couple ever.

      1. Okay? If you want some kind of acknowledgement for being “above it all,” here it is, I guess.

        Once again: you don’t have to respond to a topic if you don’t know anything about it and don’t care. This is how I know some of y’all don’t have jobs: you have time and energy to post about how much you don’t care about things.

        1. what the heck? 12:13 was pointing out that the level of outrage that the OP seemed to encounter is far from ubiquitous, which is responsive to the question… I had to search it myself to see what she wore out of curiosity from the post.

        2. Whoa, hostile much? I assure you I have a job. I googled it during a meeting actually. Do you have a job? How do you have this much emotional energy to invest in responding to an innocuous comment?

    12. I wouldn’t have worn that coat, but I agree that most people don’t wear all black anymore and I thought people freaking out about the coat were overreacting.

      I recently wore black shoes & a dress with no other accessories to a friend’s father’s funeral. My mom told me it was inappropriate to wear all black. I said “don’t be ridiculous, it’s a FUNERAL.” How could all back possibly be inappropriate!? And then I was literally the only person there in all black and most weren’t even in dark colors, so I guess points for mom. (It was in the Midwest, not sure how regional this is.)

      1. I went to a very, very small funeral for a friend’s mom, and I was glad I hadn’t worn all black (I wore a gray blazer with a black dress). No one else (southern CA) was wearing all black, including my friend and his family members. At my grandmother’s funeral in KS, my sister and I were the city slickers wearing plain black dresses but most of the other women (my mom included) were more casual and wore darker blue and/or navy instead. I think it is regional, and also about the formality of the funeral.

        1. 100% regional and cultural. I wore black to my grandfather’s funeral in a small central california town; no one else did. People wore their nice church clothes, which were often floral or lighter colors.

      2. Similar experience in Falls Church, VA. I felt like I was drawing attention to myself by wearing all black.

    13. I don’t think it was inappropriate, she just strikes me as the sort of person who always, always wants to stand out. If it hadn’t been a gray coat, it would have been something else (sparkles, low-cut top, miniskirt, big jewelry).

      My MIL is like this about clothing, too. If it’s a casual brunch on a nice spring day, my MIL is wearing a strapless neon mini sundress while everyone else is wearing jeans. MIL also has this thing about funerals, truly hates them, and tries never to attend them (probably because the attention is focused on the deceased).

    14. If she wore a red dress, absolutely, throw shade at her. It was a muted coat over a black dress. According to the weather report, it was 52 degrees during the funeral. Hardly roasting – maybe the grey coat was a bit lighter.

      1. My parents literally around the corner from the church where the funeral was held, and yeah – it was light jacket weather.

    15. She’s a former fashion model who knows that every article of clothing sends a message.

      Remember when she wore the I don’t really care, do you? coat to visit kids in cages at the southern border?

      She wore a different colored coat, knowing that everyone would be in all black, and knowing it would draw attention for being different. Whether her point was to stand out, to be different, or simply to be in the headlines is anyone’s guess. But let’s not be naive. She has many, many coat options. She isn’t wanting for an all black formal coat.

    16. I am a life long progressive Democrat who thinks the petty jabs at Melania are just as gross as the jabs at Michelle. Maybe she had her black coat ready to go and something spilled on it? In any case, she was fine.

    17. I have no insight into why she chose that coat. It was not the best choice, but it was not inappropriate, imho. I do, however, think Jill Biden’s Dior high heel slingbacks with a white strap were absolutely 100% inappropriate. Jill always looks like she got dressed out of a Stein Mart even when the clothes are incredibly expensive.

    1. I wear a lot of “pearl chain” plus pendant combos. They’re all from kojima. I tend to wear multiples like Leonor is doing in that pic. They’re not quite that large but same idea!

    2. That looks like a larger silk cord and pendant combo. I’d look for brooches or brooch/pendants to get something that size. Add them together for the look you’re going for.

    3. I’m not much on monarchy, but she always looks so nice/appropriate and they seem like a normal-enough nuclear family. It’s also impressive to me that she is going through military training.

      1. It’s pretty standard for European royalty to have them do military training. Even Queen Elizabeth did a turn as a military mechanic back in the day. Some places like UK they rotate through all 3 branches.

  17. I went to the website and i’m confused. What do I need to buy for my daughter to be able to do a dazzle dry manicure at home?

    There are so many kits, I cannot figure it out.

    Also, any reason why it is too complicated for a smart 10 year old to do herself? I wouldn’t get her a DIY gel system at home but more because I don’t like gel and the UV not because she’s not capable.

    1. Dazzle dry is a 4 part system: the nail prep, base coat, color coat, and top coat. You’ll need to get her a kit that has these 4 steps. They have mini kits with all 4 steps or full-size ones. Just make sure you don’t get a kit that’s only colors, that won’t have the other 3 steps.

      It’s not complicated: the 4 steps are numbered 1-4 on the bottle so it’s pretty easy to follow. IIRC, its the prep coat, 2 layers of base coat, 2 layers of color coat, 1 layer of top coat.

      YMMV, but I only get 3-4 days out of Dazzle Dry, so for me it’s better than normal nail polish but not the god-send that it seems to be for others.

      1. oh okay! That’s what I thought, but then the $40 “starter mini” looks like it has different things (not just mini versions) of the $85 Starter Kit.

        I was going to go with the mini kit since I’m not sure how much she’d use it but open to options.

      2. I get 3-4 days out of the initial application before it starts to chip. Then I wipe with the prep solution, add one coat each of base coat, color, and top coat, and get about 3 more days, so around a week total. That is far better than traditional polish for me.

        1. can I ask why this is more convenient or better than standard polish? Bc I get 3-5 days out of “regular” polish DIY and the step you’re describing – prep, then 3 more layers – sounds like a whole new manicure anyway.

          1. For me, regular polish starts to chip within 48 hours, and a touch-up with topcoat takes an hour to dry plus another hour or so of being very careful. With DazzleDry the 3-layer touch-up takes 15 minutes and requires no after-drying downtime.

            If you can manage to get 3-5 days out of regular polish you can probably get over a week out of DazzleDry without touch-ups.

          2. The Dazzle Dry polish is a quick manicure – the base coat and color polish dries within a minute, and the topcoat takes 5 minutes to dry.
            Fwiw, I get 5 – 9 days out of a dazzle dry manicure with just some wear at the tips by the 5th day.

    2. Buy anything in the “system kit” section. It is the entire 4 step process, and includes a color. Then you can get her more “lacquers” to have different colors, my system has lasted me over a year.
      It is easy enough for a 10 year old – just takes some patience to do all of the separate coats.

    3. They have kits with all (four?) steps that include one color. You can purchase bottles of individual colors if you want. I like the mini bottles for the color since it takes me forever to work my way through a bottle. If she’s able to use regular nail polish, she’ll do fine with Dazzle Dry. The bottles are numbered. It’s extra steps, but it dries so quickly that it’s much faster than normal polish.

    4. I would buy a regular-sized kit with a light-colored polish. I find that the dark colors are much messier than dark colors in traditional polish, and that the narrow brushes on the mini bottles are difficult to use than the wide brushes on the full-sized bottles.

      1. Agree. And watch a YouTube on it or something. When I first got mine I didn’t understand that you need to warm the basecoat so it was all gloppy. Once you figure it out it’s great. Mine reliably lasts 8 or 9 days. I also liberally use the refresh thinner stuff.

  18. The recent threads about college tuition are getting me nervous. I have a freshman who aspires to go to a private HYS type school and seeing how degrees from those schools give instant credibility in the workplace compared to my public school credentials, I don’t discourage my kid. Based on the numbers in the previous threads, it sounds like our family should expect no need based aid. Are there sizeable merit scholarships that can be used at HYS type schools? I know there are $1000 and $2500, and I will certain encourage going after all that is available but I’m wondering if there’s something that can have a bigger impact. We are comfortable but four years of full freight will significantly alter our retirement picture.

    1. HYS schools are filled with kids who all deserve merit aid (and would likely get it at State U). If you are all equally deserving, no one gets it. It’s need-only at schools like that.

    2. There are loans for college; there are no loans for retirement. Your child can go to school where your family can afford.

      2. This. But also start talking to your kid immediately about what’s realistic so they’re not blindsided when they realize their dream isn’t attainable (or as attainable as they thought).

        1. 100%. My kids are in college and so many of their friends are in the “surprise! you have tons of loans!” stage of life right now. It’s appalling.

    3. I graduated from an Ivy about 20 years ago and had a National Merit Scholarship that covered a bit over 10% of the cost, which isn’t a lot, but isn’t nothing. Those still exist and a quick google is vague on amount but says they can be up to 10k per year, which would be about the same as mine, proportionately.

    4. I would encourage your kid to think about what type of career they want (and if / when / what type of grad school they’ll need for that career). Some fields care a lot about prestige of the school, some don’t care at all, and some only care about prestige of graduate school.

      While all colleges are absurdly expensive right now, I encourage high rank private college (or the very, very good public ones) for students interested in certain fields as certain companies (MBB, Big 4) only recruit from certain schools.

      I’d also encourage looking into the tier below the Ivys, as they may be able to get merit based aid at these schools, but those schools are selective enough to still get job offers from top companies. For example, I went to a Patriot League school and pretty much everyone I know who wanted a Big 4 job got one.

      1. Yup. Plus some fields pay enough that walking out with loans isn’t that big of a deal, while low salaries in other fields mean you’ll be living on rice and beans until middle age. Don’t be my friend with $250k in debt and a German degree.

    5. At the kind of schools you’re talking about, it’s essentially need-based aid for anyone enrolling. Merit aid would apply to everyone. Merit aid at the next tier of schools is aimed to woo those students away from HYS and get them to enroll at a (still great!) next lower tier college. HYS gets the pick of the bunch and doesn’t need to entice with merit aid.

    6. I am a non ivy-leaguer (and very sucessful, FYI!) so please forgive my ignorance, but I thought HYS referred to law schools. Are you talking about Ivy undergrad or law school?

      1. Ivies are often abbreviated by initial (H = Harvard, Y= Yale and so on) for both undergrad and professional/grad school. HYS = Harvard/Yale/Stanford

        HLS = Harvard Law School, just one school.

      2. Are you not aware that these schools (HYB) offer undergraduate programs as well as law programs?

        1. I am just used to the HYS acronym being used for law school and “Ivies” being used for undergrad.

          1. Huh. I haven’t seen HYS used as much (although I knew what OP meant) but HYP is a super common acronym that applies mostly if not exclusively to undergrad. P (= Princeton) doesn’t have a law or med school.

    7. I have a high school senior who is applying to colleges. There is no merit aid at HYS, or at an increasing number of schools that are ranked somewhat below HYS. To get merit aid your child will need to look further down the rankings in the “Colleges That Change Lives” range. There are a few non-school-affiliated merit scholarships but they are not large.

      Go to the colleges’ financial aid sites and plug your numbers into the Net Price Calculator to get an idea of what you will be expected to pay.

        1. I don’t think it’s been offered in many, many years. Has it been secretly revived?

        2. I don’t think that exists anymore. Stanford does give athletic scholarships though, which the Ivies don’t.

    8. If you & she are not very confident she’ll leverage a name-brand degree into MBB/I-banking money, then don’t do it. It’s a luxury experience/good that you can’t afford without ROI.

    9. You should check out the colleges’ financial aid webpages. These types of colleges tend to have much more generous financial aid than the vast majority of colleges, making them much more affordable to many families than State U.

      For example, my alma mater does not give merit aid, but gives almost everyone who has $200k in family income about 50% of the cost of attendance in need-based grants (not loans!). Student from families with incomes under 100k typically get pretty darn close to the full cost of attendance in grants.

        1. Not the person you’re replying to, but this describes a lot of Ivies and other elite private colleges. At Stanford it’s free tuition if you make under $150k and completely free if you make under $100k. Columbia is tuition free under $150k. Rice and MIT are tuition free under $140k (Rice is also capped at half tuition if you’re >$140k but <$200k).

          They raise the limits regularly and, interestingly, I'm pretty sure they're outpacing inflation. They're definitely outpacing my salary growth! Our HHI is not that much more than $150k and we feel very comfortable, so it's kind of wild to me that we'd be eligible for free college tuition at such big name schools but here we are.

    10. I have a response in mod, but wanted to share that these schools tend to be much more generous with financial aid than other colleges and than they were 20 years ago. Look at the financial aid websites to see where your family would fit in!

    11. Ivies, MIT and Stanford don’t give merit aid, but there is substantial need-based aid available if your household income is below about $250-300k and you don’t have disproportionate assets for that income (retirement accounts don’t count, but other savings, including 529s, do).

      But I also agree that going to a state school or a slightly less selective private school that gives merit aid is probably the right choice if you can’t afford to pay for the Ivy without big loans. WashU, Johns Hopkins, U Chicago and Duke are some of the excellent colleges that offer merit aid (in many cases up to full tuition), and there are even more options if you go a tier or two down from those schools. A student who can get into Yale or MIT is likely to be competitive for merit aid at many good schools, not necessarily just State U.

      1. I can’t speak to Duke or Chicago, but I can say with some knowledge that Hopkins’ merit aid is very much limited to first gen, minorities, and an incredibly limited number of presidential – type scholarships. I would not expect any merit aid there.

    12. I’m interested that this is surprising to you. Were you not aware of the cost of the schools, or were you aware but thinking your family would qualify for aid?

      FWIW if your kiddo doesn’t get into HYS, there are lots of great schools the next tier down that DO offer merit scholarships.

    13. Now is a perfect time for you to help her dream a different dream. I knew from 1st grade that my kid had HYP potential, but I also knew our EFC would be $70K+/year, and I had 2 more following her. Nobody gets merit aid at HYP, so we made it very clear early on that a HYP undergrad was not in her future. She went to a public U, albeit one with about a 20% acceptance rate, and then got a Ph.D. from Stanford. Her Ph.D. was fully funded; we did not even contribute to her living expenses. Her situation is a little unique, but ours as a family is not. She made her splash in a very good, affordable, undergrad, and that is what eventually led to her having an array of tippy-top choices for grad school. Everyone was satisfied with her academic choices and results. There are more than 5 good schools out there.

      1. I agree with this approach–go to a good but not HYP undergrad school and be a huge standout, then get funding at a top-ranked grad school. The grad school pedigree matters much more than the undergrad pedigree.

        Maybe it’s worth paying for HYP undergrad if you don’t plan to go to grad school and are going to become a finance bro, but that’s not most people.

        1. It is often much harder to get into top PhD programs coming from a state school though. Not impossible, clearly. The previous poster’s daughter did it, and I know others who’ve done it too, but I’m not sure I would recommend this as a strategy, because rightly or wrongly there’s still a lot of snobbery in academia, and to get into a really elite PhD program from a state school you will need “best kid I’ve had in my 30 year career” type letters. Which is harder (imo) than simply being a very good student at an Ivy, especially with how much grade inflation there is at Ivies. My husband’s PhD class at Stanford was 14 people from Ivies, MIT, Stanford, Caltech and a couple top international schools, and 1 person from a state school.

          It’s probably a better strategy for law and med school, where grades & standardized test scores have much more to do with admission than where you went to undergrad.

          1. I’m the poster with the daughter who went to Stanford. Her incoming class was similar, FWIW, so I do agree with your post, and she probably did have some of those “best kid in 30 years” letters. Maybe they were classmates. But she was pretty heavily courted by non-Stanford (and, surely, less-elitist) graduate programs as well, so I do think there are elite programs that case a wider net. But it was shocking to her how few Ph.D. students were from Big State Us or LACs in her STEM field. Maybe the humanities and softer sciences are more open minded, or maybe her experience with Stanford is not very helpful because she was such a unicorn. But the original advice, to manage expectations early, is really where I meant to go with her story.

          2. I definitely agree with managing the kid’s expectations and not going into massive debt to send your kid to a fancy undergrad! I’m just not sure that if I could afford an Ivy I’d choose a state school under the rationale that it’s better to be a big fish in a small pond, rather than an average fish in a fancy pond – which is what I thought the 12:59 poster was suggesting.

            The state school student in my husband’s program was one of the best graduate students there, so it’s not a dig at them at all. I just think it’s harder to get in coming from a that background, but as you said it may be field dependent. My husband was also in STEM. Your daughter sounds super impressive – kudos to her!

    14. If you don’t qualify for financial aid, but 4 years of full freight would significantly alter your retirement picture, you’re either not as comfortable as you think (and might qualify for aid?) or you’re living above your means.

      1. Ummm, no. You can not qualify for need-based aid, live within your means and STILL be affected by a $300,000 expenditure during some of your late-career (or any, for that matter) earning years. Full freight at HYP is a lot of money. That is retirement-delaying money to a lot of high earners who are living well within their means.

        1. Fair enough. I suppose living within one’s means implies choosing a less pricy college.

        2. Sorry if my original post was misleading. We will have this amount of money outside of retirement accounts so we can swing it but it will delay our retirement by a couple-few years. Also, it’s not that I’m surprised that our household income makes us ineligible for aid but more that our kid just started high school so this is all becoming more real. And kid is very academically inclined with top grades so the interest in HYS is credible. Thank you to the reader commenting on the National Merit Scholarships. I guess I was looking for more tips like that. I have already started touting the benefits of going to public schools and slightly less prestigious private schools. However, given that we will have the money, if kid continues to want HYS type school and gets in, I will ultimately support that choice.

          1. National Merit is kind of a joke. Maybe it’s changed since I was in college, but it was like $1k and my fancy college tuition was like $40k, so it was pretty meaningless. And it’s only a one time payment, not all four years. You want it for the prestige, not the money.

      2. The sticker price at Yale is $87,000 per year. Over four years, that will be $350,000. It isn’t surprising that a family would need aid to afford that. The question is whether or not they would get more than a few grand thrown their way.

      3. This is wildly out of touch. The financial aid formulas expect a family making around $200K to pay full freight. In many areas, this is nowhere near enough income to max two retirement accounts, pay a mortgage, buy groceries, and pay $80K in tuition.

        1. Others above are saying $300-350 is the ceiling for aid, so idk what to believe actually. There’s a big difference betwen $200k and $350k.

          1. Also, the expectation of college and the costs involved are not surprises or unknowns.It depends what one means by “comfortable”. I guess if the family is earning $200k and they can’t get aid, they might have to actually say no.

        2. That is not true at the Ivies and similar schools. We have a household income around $230k and my child got need-based grants of more than $20k/year at some schools. The fancy private schools are really generous with aid and generally families don’t pay the sticker price unless they’re above $300k in HHI or have huge non-retirement assets.

          I also think in all but a couple US cities, you can max two retirement accounts, pay a mortgage and save something for college on $200k. You don’t have to pay the $75k/year all at once, you have 18 years to save and accumulate compound interest. People here have a very skewed perception of wealth but a family earning $200k should be able to save well for retirement and also save something for college.

          1. Our HHI is 230k and every single net price calculator tells us we are paying full freight.

          2. There are colleges where you would pay the sticker price for sure, but the Ivies tend to be more generous with aid than many.

            Are you using a specific school’s calculator or a general one? I don’t see the value in a general one because it varies so widely based on the school (even within the Ivies there is considerable variation). Has your child actually applied and seen what aid you get?

      4. Wow, this is so off-base. Either you went to college when it still cost $10k per year just about everywhere, or you are mega-rich. Either way, some self-awareness is needed here.

    15. thing about the non Ivy top schools. they can give merit based aid. Ivy schools technically do not give Merit based aid, but I know of people who’ve received money to attend places like Duke, Northwestern, Rice, Wash U, Tufts, Georgetown, etc. also, a lot of private universities now have fairly generous financial aid, for example, at Princeton, you can still receive some financial aid if your income is under 300k

      1. Yes I just commented above but our income is ~230k and we got substantial need-based aid at several top private colleges, and I heard 300k was the typical cutoff as well. They are really trying to make it affordable for middle and upper middle class folks.

      2. Those aren’t merit scholarships or if they are, they are extremely tough to get.

        Duke offers a tiny number of merit scholarships, and they are almost always for people who require need-based aid as well, are from a specific demographic (international, from NC or SC, African American, etc.). Georgetown has a similar setup: almost all require the student to demonstrate financial need or are limited to DC residents, etc.

        Northwestern and Tufts do not offer merit aid.

    16. If the school really wants your kid (and that’s a big hurdle) they will very likely end up offering loans rather than grants/scholarships, or a combo more heavily weighted toward loans.

      When you talk to your kid about all of this, it’s important to talk about what starting post-college life with a heavy loan burden looks like. That’s an important part of parenting!

      But under no circumstances should you sacrifice retirement savings to pay for your kid’s dream of attending an Ivy.

      1. The Ivies and other elite private colleges meet 100% of demonstrated financial need. So you either get grants or you get nothing. They don’t award loans. You can take out a loan on your own, but if you qualify for need-based aid from the school it’s all grants.

        1. Yeah, I was not speaking specifically of Ivies but the one or two level down private colleges my kids’ friends got into. The offers were loans.

    17. I want to echo that you need to talk to your child about their career plans (and then remember that they change!)

      I went to a small public state school for STEM and then applied to several schools for graduate school in STEM and got into a so-called Public Ivy. I’m pretty sure my excellent recommendation letters from my undergraduate professors I knew extraordinarily well, opportunity to do undergraduate research multiple summers, and the fact that several previous undergraduate students in the same program had attended that graduate program helped me out.

      I don’t know where you work, but not every workplace feels that Public U graduates are significantly less valuable than HYS graduates. For some fields, I am sure this is partially true, but if you are going into a profession that requires graduate school, the graduate school matters a lot more. I’ve worked at several different companies in STEM and at each one I have encountered public U grads and ivy grads. Honestly, there hasn’t been a ton of differences between the good performers and they’ve ended up at comparable spots.

    18. Counterpoint, I’m a HYS grad and it hasn’t mattered in my field.

      Your child can certainly apply for external merit scholarships from different foundations and apply that to the tuition bill. But most HYS schools are now only need based because otherwise…all the students would qualify for merit aid.

      1. I don’t think “everyone would qualify for merit aid” is the reason there is no merit aid. I think the reason is that demand for seats at these colleges is so high that they don’t have to offer any merit aid.

        1. Right, like Econ 101.

          Most external scholarships, as discussed the other day, now have race/socioeconomic requirements now, which I am fine with, but that’s the reality.

        2. Right. The average student at U Chicago is brilliant and very deserving of merit aid, but they give it to a few top students to buy them away from Ivies. The Ivies don’t have anyone to buy students away from.

    19. Hi OP! Was just in your shoes on this decision. Our first is academically v strong, and wanted to go to a HYPS-level school. We explored all the schools, ran all the numbers, considered our financial state, and the two other children not yet thinking about college, and ultimately decided that, this offer worked best for us: we would offer to pay full freight for the two selective schools that would be a great fit for our student, if she got in. If she wasn’t admitted, she would need to find a state school or an option that offered aid. So her application list was one of the two HYPS that would suit her, and then 2nd-tier, good schools that would give her aid. She ended up getting into the selective school, we are paying full freight and it is a lot, definitely affects vacations and will delay retirement a bit. But we are 100% comfortable with our decision. My partner went to a HYPS school, and is not in a field where it should make a difference, BUT IT DOES. Some of these names open doors in ways it is hard to predict. I know there are many paths to success (I am a proud public school undergrad person myself!), but I want to add my voice here: sometimes reasonable people decide to pay full freight, even when it’s a squeeze. My kid knocked herself out for a spot where she is, and our offer to pay full freight at HYPS honors that work and drive. None of this is easy, and people are gonna judge your choices. Offering you and your student good luck!

      1. Yeah the big names open doors in ways you wouldn’t expect. I went to MIT and have been kind of amazed at how many doors it’s opened for me, including a huge merit scholarship for my T20 law school that the admissions officer told me they gave me because “we don’t get many students from MIT here” and a path back into Big Law after my career was kind of derailed by the recession (I graduated law school in 2010) where again the recruiter said “we’re not really hiring anyone now but we couldn’t pass up the chance to get an MIT grad.”

        I don’t have a fancy job currently and work with many state school grads who are extremely smart and capable, and it’s certainly possible to be very successful without a fancy college background, but I know it’s made my life much easier. And just the experience of being at that kind of school is an amazing experience for the kids to have if the parents can afford it.

  19. Anyone have suggestions, recommendations, or anything else for steel-toed boots? This isn’t something temporary or for a plant visit once a year, this would be needed for a full-time engineering job where I’ll need them most of the time. I wear a 6-7 depending on the shoe. Thanks!

    1. I really like my Redwings for field work. Mine aren’t safety toe (not needed in my field), but they’re comfortable and durable. The men I work with all wear Redwings or Danners; I haven’t tried Danners but they’re highly regarded.

      If you want something cuter than the typical steel / safety toe boots, check out Xena. No personal experience with the brand, but I do like that they look like normal boots I’d wear rather than something that’s obviously safety toe.

      2. I swear by my Redwing composite toe boots, as someone who used to visit construction sites on a near weekly basis. They’re a pricey investment upfront, but they’ve protected my toes well over the last 10 years. So while I don’t see the exact style I have currently on the Redwing website, it’s similar to their current Tradeswoman style.

    3. Get over-the-ankle boots. They’re safer and many places require them. They are sold on Zappos so you can try several pairs. Mine are Timberland but, like all shoes, I think fit is very individual.

    4. Redwings! I get the taller boots and wear either a boot cut pant over them or a skinny Jean tucked in.

      Also highly recommend adding some insoles. Plant floors are all cement and insoles will save you!

    5. I have Merrel ones, as my hiking shoes are Merrel and I knew they would fit my feet/ be comfortable. If this is for a new job, wait until you get there. Most places have outside companies that come in once or twice a year that they have contracts with, and you can get them reimbursed.

    6. the sneakers with composite toes. some are even EH rates. light and comfortable. mine are keen, maybe?

    7. Check out Ariat. I didn’t end up buying but I did browse a few years back when I was in a job that very occasionally needed steel toe shoes.

    8. I really like Redback, an Australian boot that is available in steel toe. Pretty sure they are Australian (male) sizes, so may need to look up a size conversion chart. They are durable and comfortable for all-day wear.

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