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For everyone who's investing a bit more in a home office setup, I wanted to give a shoutout both to the concept of dual monitors and monitor risers, as well as to these particular monitor risers, as they're the ones I have. (You can get one riser for $23, or a pack of two for $37.)
As I've written before, I love my dual monitors way more than I thought I would; these monitor risers have improved the experience because the ergonomics are so much better — my neck is able to be longer and looking straight ahead instead of angled down for that slouching/slumping look we all love. (I think they call it “text neck” now…)
These particular ones are great because they have pull-out trays for paper beneath the monitor, as well as side pockets for smaller papers like post-its. I actually have my monitors pushed pretty far back so that there's about 2″ of space at the front for more “desk” space. I am… not the tidiest of ladies, to quote a memorable line from a book I read, so this is a double-edged sword for me because more space means more space for me to clutter.
Still: ergonomics! Yes! And I do kind of know what's in the trays, as well as beneath the monitor riser, and all of that would have been just out and floating around otherwise.
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
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- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
I like this idea, but I’d probably just use books to prop up the monitors instead of buying a single-use item for it. Trying to declutter.
Sloan Sabbith
Yes, I finally found a use for my old law school textbooks….propping up my monitor. This is also a good use for the single-year court rule books we have at the office. Most of the people at my org have monitor “risers” made out of out of date law books/law school textbooks.
Anonymous
I used to use phone books. That tells you how old I am.
Anonymous
Those law school textbooks also look great on a credibility bookcase.
tesyaa
At my old office the ergonomics advisor suggested using paper reams from the copy room. Adjustable by adding or removing a ream…
Anonymous
Huh. I don’t consider this a “single-use item,” whether you mean single-purpose (like an avocado slicer) or a disposable (like a plastic razor). This is something I would use continually. It’s furniture. Plus it has an organizing function, which makes it good for addressing clutter. And I don’t want to have to take the book out from under a monitor if I want to use it, and I want to throw the book away if it is never going to be opened. But I guess everyone has her own version of simplicity and decluttering.
Monday
I have something like this, without the storage tray, that I use for my laptop at home. I still work at my office, but during Covid it’s become more important for Zoom exercise classes. I end up moving my laptop several times during class so I can see ,y screen as we go from floor exercises to standing and back again, and I move the riser along with it every time. It’s helpful that it allows ventilation for heat from the laptop.
Anonymous
I use reams of paper to raise my monitors — then I am never out of paper!
Anon
I actually just ordered this. It’s not terribly expensive and I’ve found the book stacks a little teetery. It looks perfect for getting my laptop screen a little higher for zoom calls, and getting it more aligned with my big monitor (my dual monitor setup is laptop screen + external monitor). It wouldn’t work if I were using the laptop keyboard but i use a stand alone keyboard and mouse.
Anon
So we’ve been social distancing mega-diligently, but my husband and I both have cold symptoms now and are getting tested for COVID. I know what we need to do for separating in the house if one person is sick, but what do you do when both are sick? I think there’s a chance it’s a false alarm since I’m really not sure where this could have come from (although we are in a hotspot area), but I’m high risk and I don’t want to take chances. We can sleep in separate rooms and use separate bathrooms, but what do we do about the kitchen/food prep?
Anon
The sick person should isolate and the healthy person can leave food by their bedroom door. I think that’s what people have been doing. If you couldn’t catch Covid due to isolation, where would you catch a regular cold? Could you have allergies?
Anon
Agree with all of this.
Anonymous
I don’t understand the concern.
Anon
The concern is that one person could have COVID while the other doesn’t. Assuming that both have it and therefore declining to separate could end up with the other person contracting COVID in the end.
Anonymous
The post reads: I know what we need to do for separating in the house if one person is sick, but what do you do when both are sick?
Lana Del Raygun
If you’re both sick, why would you need to be separate from one another?
Anonymous
If you’re both sick you order in or take turns cooking?
Anonymous
If you’re both sick then you’ve already caught it from each other. No reason to separate.
Anonymous
Make your own foods; don’t overlap in the kitchen; wipe everything down with disinfect when you’re done.
Anon
If you are both sick why is there a need to separate?
Anon
We don’t know that we are sick with COVID. It’s possible that one person has a cold or allergies or some other virus.
Anon
“I know what we need to do for separating in the house if one person is sick”
Then you admittedly already know what to do.
Anon
Yeah, my question was specifically about what to do if both people are sick. I haven’t seen good guidance on whether you should assume both already have COVID or assume that only one does or not. My brain is really tired and fried from making constant COVID decisions (plus I don’t feel well) and I was hoping for someone to help me out.
Vicky Austin
I think the point the Anons are trying to make is that there’s not much different you need to do. By sharing a space you are already sharing germs. Just try to make it through the best you can.
anon
Assume only one of you has it and follow the CDC reccs for isolating inside your house. Usually that means you sleep and are active in separate areas of the house, don’t share a bathroom (if possible – if not, clean after every use), and clean high-touch surfaces 1+ times/day (doorknobs, kitchen areas). I will share two links.
anon
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/living-in-close-quarters.html
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/if-you-are-sick/steps-when-sick.html
Follow these until both tests come back negative, or continue to follow for 2+ weeks if one is positive. Best of luck.
Anon
OMG you’re making this so much more complicated than it needs to be. If you’re both sick, go forward and share the germs you’ve already shared. If only one of you is sick, you already know what to do.
Anon
Thanks, Anon at 3:40.
Anon
I think the question arises because the Covid tests might not come back for days or weeks.
Eek
I think you’re majorly overthinking this. If you both have the same symptoms, you probably both either have it or don’t — particularly since you have been social distancing. I would not make your life even harder by trying to isolate from each other.
AFT
If you both have the same symptoms at the same time, my assumption would be that you have the same thing – or that even if only one of you had it than they have probably passed it onto the other one. I think you could responsibly decide to not isolate from each other within your home as you await your test results.
Anonymous
Actually, you do want to stay separated. You don’t know if that is what you both have. And even if one of you comes down with COVID and the other doesn’t until later you may still need to separate. That’s what happened with Chris Cuomo: https://www.today.com/health/chris-cuomo-can-t-be-his-wife-even-though-both-t179036
Anonymous
Would you go to an in-person interview? There was no phone call or zoom interview. I am in a covid hotspot and would not be taking public transportation. What questions would you ask? They said via email it will be social distancing, but I don’t know whether that includes masks, the size of the room or ventilation, etc. I sense they are all working in the office; it’s a nonprofit/community services type of place.
Anonymous
No. Because I don’t want to work at a place which right now isn’t allowed work to be done from home if it otherwise could be. If they make you interview in person, they will make you go into the office once you get the job or there will be a lot of eye rolling about you being paranoid if you ask for WFH.
anon
I would request an initial over the phone /zoom interview, personally. I would want to know that the risk was “worth it” for an in-person interview and that my interest in and likelihood to take the job is high enough.
If they don’t go for it (or you have a second interview in-person), I would specifically ask what to anticipate at the interview regarding masks, physical distancing, (whether to wait in your car until they’re ready for you, etc).
Anne
This. It’s not worth it to work for an org. that is not taking reasonable precautions including a first round zoom interview.
Anonymous
OP – I pushed back a little and was told the interview is in person to gauge fit, and that the room we will be meeting in will allow social distancing but I can wear a mask “if I like.” That kind of makes it sound like they won’t be. It sounds like they wear masks and gloves when working with the public but not in general, in the office. Man.
Sloan Sabbith
Pass. Hard pass. If that’s what they’re doing right now, then it sounds like a bad place to work.
Small Law Partner
Yup, hard pass.
Anon
Hard pass is right. You don’t want to work for a place that won’t protect its employees or inserts politics into its operations. It will just get to a point where you’re trying to balance whether to work there and jeopardize your own health and that of people you care about, or quit and not have a job (immediately).
CountC
+1 I am not a high risk person and I pushed back hard on having in-person interviews for a position we are currently hiring for. No way.
anonshmanon
I would pass, unless I desperately needed this job.
Anon
And you do you really want to work for a place like that – where this is even a discussion? Not to mention, there’s discourse surrounding whether employees can sue if they contract COVID at work. Workers comp or liability insurance doesn’t cover that stuff, and those waivers for events are bogus. You can only imagine what other decision-making is going on at the organization. The mere fact that you’re having to engage in this discussion is a red flag.
Anon
Workers Comp covers it in California if you’ve been required to work at an employer’s location. It’s called a “rebuttable presumption” meaning the employer/insurer can argue that it wasn’t workplace exposure, but the presumption is that it is.
I appreciate the law because many California employers went from insisting office workers should come back to the office, to being totally on board with remote work.
Expect similar legislation to pass in more states.
Anon
Yeah, same. This also just seems inefficient – I can’t think of the last time (including pre-COVID) we interviewed a candidate in person for the first round – we always do an initial phone screen first. Allows you to easily weed out candidates that would obviously be a bad fit and for you to weed out jobs that would be the same.
Now if you absolutely need the job, suck it up and go, but yeah, this organization doesn’t really seem like they have it together. We’re back in the office for some (more office dependent) roles, but I can’t imagine wanting a bunch of candidates (basically strangers) trampling through the office every day.
Anon
What sort of a population would you be working with?
Anonymous
I want to thank those of you who helped me decide whether to go to the beach in a few weeks with my family, especially The Original Scarlet. To recap, my sister died in January and left her husband and 2 kids. I booked a beach house for all of us (12 family members) to go to in mid-July shortly after she died, before the pandemic hit, to give us all something to look forward to. And we live in a state with a massive outbreak right now. I was on the fence about going because it’s essentially 4 groups from different parts of the state coming together in one beach house for a week, bringing all of our germs with us. Many of you said we really needed this time to be together, and while yes, there is a pandemic, we’ll do everything we have to do before and during the trip to be as safe as possible. So I decided not to cancel based in large part to many of your supportive comments yesterday. Once I told my family what I decided, they were all happy and said they’d hoped that the trip was still on. So thank you!! You made a difference to me and my family.
Anonymous
I’m glad to hear it!
The original Scarlett
Oh I’m so glad to hear this update!! Enjoy your time with your family.
anon
Looking for advice, or maybe encouragement to stay the course? I’ve found I’m really missing an old friend from college, who I cut out completely because I didn’t like how he treated other women. He was always very good to me, and we really understood each other, but I didn’t like hearing the (usually unfounded) complaints about his girlfriends.
It’s been several years now, but I still miss him when I’m doing things we used to do together (like cooking & listening to music, so…frequently). I’m sure I could reach out. He is still in touch with DH, and we never fought. But I’m also sure he’s still pretty much the same guy, still looking for the impossibly perfect woman.
Any advice on whether I should invest in this friendship? I don’t have many friends. What can I do to make my future self happiest here?
Anonymous
This sounds like a Taylor Swift song.
Sloan Sabbith
I look at this from two angles:
1. If he’s still the same guy who mistreats women (which, he probably is….), there is probably some rose-colored glasses thinking going on for you. If it bothered you enough to cut him out, and you think he hasn’t changed, then why try again? This is where I fall on a similar friend- I miss the good parts of him, but there were parts of him I despised, like that he mistreated me and other women.
2. However, if you can completely set that entire issue aside (which I would not be able to do), you could try to dip your toe in to see how it feels. If he’s still in touch with DH, how about a group chat or something?
Also, right now is probably not the best time to be making decisions about getting back in touch with old friends. Would pre-COVID you, who probably had more social engagement, think this was a good idea? I also know I’m a little depressed right now and I make stupid decisions when I’m depressed and lonely, so I’ve been very intentional about reminding myself “Do not reach out to (friend), he’s still a d**k, you’re just lonely.” YMMV.
TL;DR: I’d just really think about what you want, why you stopped being friends with him, and what the benefits/drawbacks are of re-investing.
Anonymous
+1
Well said.
Vicky Austin
Bingo.
OP
Thanks, Sloan. I am feeling a little lonely and depressed, which is driving this. And I definitely hear you and other posters saying not to waste time on misogynists! I probably won’t email him, just feeling torn.
I guess what I really miss is talking to someone who listened carefully and knew where I was coming from, kinda like sometimes family can. I haven’t ever had a freind I had more in common with. But that kind of interaction isn’t likely to happen without really opening back up again to the good and bad.
Anonymous
This man is not your friend and hasn’t been for a long time.
Anonymous
The analogy that is coming to mind is when I cull my closet and decide to put a piece of clothing in the donate pile. Then a month or two later, when I sort through the pile, I pull out the piece of clothing and think, This isn’t so bad. Why did I decide to give it away. I should give that another chance.
So I put it on and wear it again. Then I think, Oh yeah, THAT’S why . It itched, I had to fuss with the neckline, and it was starting to look shabby. I should have trusted myself the first time.
Now, unlike clothing, human beings have the ability to change. So perhaps he has. But go very slowly.
Senior Attorney
Ugh he’s a creep. Stay the course.
Anon
I have a guy friend sort of like this. Or rather I had a guy friend sort of like this. He was also always looking for the perfect woman. He eventually dumped me because I set him up with a female friend who he finally felt was the perfect woman, and she broke up with him. OBVIOUSLY my fault. No good deed goes unpunished.
Anyway, you’re better off without a misogynist in your life. If your friend is like my friend he has lots of other redeeming qualities (smart, funny, politically active) but misogyny should be a deal breaker for us all.
Sloan Sabbith
+1 Misogyny should be a deal breaker. Whether it’s against us personally or other women.
Anonymous
Hello ladies, I am back in the office and it is AMAZING! Does anyone have any recs for an office air purifier? I am looking at a Blueair Blue Pure 411 Air Purifier (and i’m not buying a molekule unless work purchases it for me)! TIA!
Anonymous
What is your goal with the air purifier? Are you in the dust storm or are you trying to prevent COVID or something else?
Anonymous
Idk, it just seemed like something to do. My window doesn’t open and I’ll be keeping my door shut more.
Anon
It’s unnecessary unless you have allergies and there’s a lot of dust or pollen.
ToS
Seconding – what you really want to know is that the building HVAC system filters have been recently replaced and are maintained. The system and its filters drive air quality – and 99% of these systems are not like airplanes, and use outside air. All building owners and landlords should be managing this as post-COVID maintenance.
Outpatient surgery
I’m having surgery tomorrow. It’s not in a hospital though. This was a bad day to have Joan Rivers cross my feed, but OMG now I’m going a bit batty. I had to sign something saying that I know that my doctors’ practice also has doctors with an ownership interest in the surgery center and that I could go elsewhere for surgery if I wanted to. I guess this is so they could keep more $$$ (like the hospital is a 501c3 vs something where the doctors keep the profits). But they are all afraid of plaintiff’s lawyers and there will be legit anesthesiologists (or at least nurse anesthetiths — CNRAs) and someone has to supervise them and an accident could just as easily happen in a hospital, no? Write on my arm in a Sharpie “please don’t let me die”? Ugh. Any med mal lawyers want to walk me off a ledge or confirm that I am indeed on one?
Senior Attorney
There is risk in every surgery and presumably you have researched this practice and are satisfied with their safety record, right? If you haven’t then maybe you should put on the brakes until you have. Otherwise I think generally you’re at least as safe in a surgery center than in a hospital (with all those sick people).
Senior Attorney
… as in a hospital…
Anonymous
That’s true — I hadn’t thought that the surgery center seems less likely to be as germy as the hospital.
anon
I am a healthcare lawyer and represent several physician owned surgery centers. They are generally safe and are held to specific state licensing standards. If they bill Medicare, Medicare state survey standards apply as well.
Yes, physicians own surgery centers in order to keep more money. Payers pay professional fees to the doctors (and CRNAs) and facility fees for the hospital or surgery center “overhead.” Hospitals get higher fees than surgery centers, even for outpatient, so it’s cheaper for both payers and you if you use a surgery center. Typically, the government disfavors physicians referring to facilities or other entities they own, but they allow it for surgery centers because Medicare saves a bundle.
In some states, CRNAs can be supervised by either an anesthesiologist or a physician performing certain types of surgery. CRNAs are highly trained professionals, and the ones who work at surgery centers typically do the anesthesia for the same procedures day in and day out. Even in a hospital setting, you often have one anesthesiologist supervising up to 6 CRNAs, so the CRNA is really the one responsible for your anesthesia, and the anesthesiologist is there in case something goes wrong. (This is not necessarily true on major, long surgeries or for pediatrics, by the way.)
The surgery center likely has a transfer agreement with a nearby hospital in case things go terribly wrong. Ask. Ideally, they have transfer agreements with more than one.
Yes, an accident can just as easily happen in a hospital. The rate of secondary infection in a hospital may also be higher. The advantage of a hospital is immediate access to more advanced life-saving equipment, personnel, and beds if something goes wrong–but again, if you’re in a hot spot, that may not actually be the case at a hospital anyways right now.
Peanut
Just FYI as a parent of a CRNA – CRNAs are licensed to practice independently of MD/DO providers in at least 27 US states. Some practice without an MD around at all. Anesthesia Assistants are not licensed to practice independently in any state.
Anon
1) surgery centers are where most outpatient surgeries take place now
2) make sure all your providers are in-network for your insurance before you go (I’ve had an experience where the anesthesiologist wasn’t in-network, which I didn’t know going in because no one told me)
3) I had outpatient surgery Thursday at such a center and it was actually very nice because business has been down for them due to covid, so I was one of the only patients
4) you should have a covid test 48 hours before your surgery – did you do that?
5) the outpatient place I went made me sign a piece of paper that said I authorized them to take all lifesaving measures. They specifically said they do not follow advance healthcare directives, like DNR, that a hospital might follow
Anonymous
Yes — I have had a COVID test and have been isolating as instructed. Negativo!
Anonymous
Your doctor is definitely making more money from the procedure by doing it in an ambulatory surgery center s/he has a stake in, because there is a facility bill in addition to the surgeon bill. You signed the document because of Stark anti-kickback rules.
It sounds like a safe set-up, and it’s true that right now, an ambulatory surgery center is safer than a hospital from a Covid perspective. How far is it from the nearest hospital if something were to go wrong?
anon
I hate people today. This woman in my neighborhood — who, on the neigborhood’s FB page, has been outspoken about being anti-protest — posted a flyer for a kids’ 4th of July parade, starting at her house. (The “official” one is canceled this year.) The headline? PROTESTING OUR FREEDOM.
Uhhh … I don’t think that phrase means what you think it does. I need to get a grip because this person really gets under my skin, but I am utterly dismayed by what I’ve learned about some of my neighbors during the past three months, namely that they have zero self-awareness of their privilege and give zero f*cks about anyone. I couldn’t feel less patriotic right now, honestly.
Anon
Yep. I’ve said it before and will say it again, but refusing to social distance is not only highly privileged, but very racist. This pandemic is slamming black and brown communities, especially high-poverty communities, and it’s been disappointing to see people post BLM messages on Tuesday and then go out to bars without masks on Wednesday.
Anon
+1
I agree wholeheartedly.
Anon
I was looking online at seasonal decor, and was a bit bummed to discover that I was turned off by all the patriotic July 4th decor. We are at such a low point as a nation, and Trump brings out the very worst in humans. I get a physical upwelling of disgust whenever I see MAGA hats, Confederate flags, etc – and they’re frequent in our rural area :|
The principles our country was founded on? Freedom from oppression, individual liberty, the pursuit of happiness, all those things are still good and noble goals. But OMG I want to strangle the next redneck I see spewing some ignorant, self-centered drivel about COVID, race, history, immigration, or any other hot topic.
I’m religious and I pray mightily that our nation will have a time of healing and enlightenment when Biden is elected.
Senior Attorney
Yup. We like to fly flags at our house and my husband has decided he’s not going to fly the American flag as long as Trump is president because it’s being used as a hate symbol by his followers.
Anonymous
I don’t like to fly the flag these days because I’m afraid people will make incorrect assumptions about my politics. At a local democratic party event, however, one speaker encouraged everyone to continue displaying the flag as a means of reclaiming it. So now I put the flag up on appropriate holidays, even though it makes me uncomfortable.
Anon
I’m the anon at 3:31 and I know exactly what both of you mean and it makes me SO sad.
One of our hateful neighbors flies the American flag with either the Confederate flag or – when he really wants to let everyone know how much hate is in his heart – a “k i l l t h e m all and let God sort it out” flag. Yep. (That flag went up the week the BLM protests took off across the nation. No hidden meaning there.) This week, he’s flying a Betsy Ross flag with the Confederate flag – a nod toward July 4, 1776 or a “get the heck out if you weren’t here then” message – no telling.
Thing is, it’s not a rusted out trailer like you’d expect. It’s a nice house with nice cars in the driveway and middle school aged kids. I don’t know them personally – I waffle between never wanting to come face-to-face with them lest I punch him and genuinely wondering, “Who hurt you that you walk around with this much hate?”
anon
OP here, and this exactly. I have not raised the flag in some time.
Anon
This is so interesting to me. I haven’t heard it put in direct terms before – “it’s being used as a hate symbol by his followers”. Exactly. This is why when I thought whether to put the flag out for the 4th this year (a holiday important to me because it is also kind of a family holiday – we know our ancestors fought in the revolutionary war and that five out of six of them died so we’re lucky to be here as the progeny of the 6th…) I felt it was important to also put out other symbols that communicate “BUT THE GOOD KIND OF AMERICAN FLAG”. However, I can sit with the idea that there might NOT be a good kind, if you consider the racist, sexist, and bigoted history, and the very same things ongoing today… (any resources on this perspective)? But at the same time I imagine any country’s flag represents them and their history, good AND bad. I’d like for the flag to become a symbol of reflection, effort, and growth, and of a country that makes good on its promises.
Anon
That’s interesting about the flag being a Trump hate symbol. I am patriotic, but in an idealistic way. I hold to the belief that this country could be better and we have the tools to make it that way. I don’t like much about where we are now, but my innate patriotism makes me believe we can and will change for the better, and I’m grateful we have the freedom to do so.
My husband has his dad’s military funeral flag, and my dad was also a veteran. We usually fly his dad’s flag on Memorial Day, Flag Day, and all the flag-flying holidays. However, now I worry that would brand us as racists. Such a weird time.
Anonymous
this is pretty 1984 where patriotic suddenly equals racist.
Monday
My mom accepted my offer of a Black Lives Matter sign (I ordered a pack of them to share) and has posted it with the American flag. This type of combo is an option.
In the 1619 podcast, host Nikole Hanna Jones (who is black) talked about how she debated her (black) father about his choice to fly the American flag. I think it was at the very beginning of the series. Her Dad interpreted the flag as representing what all the nation’s oppressed people have accomplished, making good on the visions of democracy and equality when the “founding fathers” absolutely did not. Just another perspective.
Anon
The American flag isn’t a symbol of hate. Let’s not make that a thing. Normal people fly it too. :)
Monday
Well, we don’t get to decide whether it’s “a thing.” Symbols take on meanings apart from what particular people feel about them, or how they originated. This country really does have a shameful history in terms of race, and so during a time when race and racism are so salient, and we have a blatantly racist president, I think it’s reasonable to reassess whether one wants to fly the American flag or not.
Anonymous
Brazil was no saint of a country. Its flag still flies. I wouldn’t cede it to the crazies.
Anon
Brazil “was” no saint of a country? I thought Brazil had recently doubled down on illegally deforesting the forests where indigenous people still live.
Anonymous
Brazil’s history of slavery. I know no one talks about slavery other then re the US, but when it was prevalent, it was everywhere. Like even in Canada.
Anonymous
I agree. I love my country, and my fellow Americans. I refuse to let President Trump, or anyone else, defile or demean our flag. I will proudly fly our flag this weekend, it symbolizes so much more.
Anonymous
I don’t think we should abandon the flag. Most of the Trumpy set couple it with additional flags that clearly show their beliefs, like the Confederate flag or Don’t Tread on Me. A flag standing alone is fine, and also looks great with a Pride flag or a Democratic candidate sign….
Anon
Love the pride flag and American flag combo!
Maybe add a BLM sign for good measure!
On flags
If my spouse was not currently looking for work, we would be displaying the red, white and blue Juneteenth flag and giving it as gifts. We would consider flying it below the stars and stripes if we had a pole.
Lately I’ve noticed some people are flying small confederate (think giveaway quality) flags on the occasional grave in local graveyards. It’s all I can do NOT to get boxes of similar flags from Oriental Trading Company and offer to put them on the rest of the graves.
Anon
Our town canceled the fireworks show and the amount of people who are SO. ANGRY. that we’re not “celebrating America’s birthday” is just putting me over the edge today. If you care about America so much, you’d stay home and you’d wear masks!
pugsnbourbon
Man I think we’re doomed. So many Americans are just too selfish and dumb. I sincerely hope I’m wrong but I think we’re going to see worst-case scenarios playing out, and soon.
Anon
Yeah, I look at that graph of US covid cases vs the rest of the world and think we already are!
Anonymous
Re flags and such. Hamilton is coming out. HAMILTON. Maybe play The Battle of Yorktown and relaim that sentiment. This is a country where no matter who is in power, it is voluntarily and actually relinquished (yo, Putin, I mean you). That is a big, huge deal. And we live somewhere where we can mouth off and sit back and party down (sorry, Hong Kong; I hope that China is gentle with your dissidents — maybe they will be treated better than the Uighurs). No one is going to stone me if I drive a car. Or practice my religion. Or divorce my husband. We aren’t perfect. Unlike many other countries, we look in the mirror from time to time and try to do better.
I lived through a revolution in another country when I was young that went through periods of martial law and lawlessness and is now authoritarian and also kleptocratic. I can fly the US flag — we are a country that may struggle but on the whole tries to do the right thing and improve (like women’s magazines! Do better! Improve yourself!). Happy July 4th — it will be only 10 days until Bastille Day (which I love, but the Reign of Terror remains horrifying to me but I can relax with some good bread and wine and cheese and savor the good parts; they deserve it).
Anon
This is a lovely viewpoint, thank you.
Anonymous
thank you!
breakup help
Hi all. Advice on dealing with a parent going through a breakup? My mom and her live-in bf of 5 years have recently split. I do not have all of the details but I know it was not her idea. The relationship has not been great for at least a year, especially with issues surrounding my younger sisters living in the house and saving money to buy houses of their own. She is going into desperation territory like non-stop texting and tracking him and saying she needs him. I was never very close to him but liked him and he seemed to make my mom happy. I am 10+ Hours away. My sisters are all with her right now but they seem to just be bashing him to her and not acknowledging her feelings of being sad and being “left” because they weren’t big fans of him and there was a lot of passive-aggressiveness between them. I obviously don’t know everything that is going on but looking for advice on the best way to support her right now.
Curious
No advice but sympathy. This sounds like it’s really hard to watch from afar.
Anonymous
Set up a call or Zoom with her and say the things she needs to hear: This is a loss for you. I know you are hurting. I am here for you now and when you need me. I know this is not how you thought things would turn out. You will find someone else eventually because you are amazing and worthy and look like a million bucks, but it is going to be hard for a bit and you are allowed to grieve. I know my sisters don’t like him but I did like him. You didn’t make a mistake choosing him, it’s just that life is taking you in different directions now . . .
Senior Attorney
This is lovely.
Anon
My mom got dumped by her long time partner after a 16 year relationship. He left her for another woman he’d been cheating with.
It happened when I had a newborn and a new house and was completely overwhelmed by my own life.
I tried to give her the standard pep talk, Mom, this is a time to find yourself and figure out who you are independent from a man! (she had been in a relationship with one man or another since she was 16) You can explore your own interests, travel, do exactly what you want to do.
But her answer was, I want to be with a man.
Then she checked out the man market via online dating and found that men who were willing to date a 65 year old woman were basically 80+ years old and looking for a caretaker. Men her own age were mostly looking for 30-40 something women, preferably blond, possibly willing to pop out a baby or two for them.
In hindsight, what I could have done was spend more time with her, and I regret not doing so. Her “dating” and yes, continuing to contact her ex because he was her “best friend”, were all sort of manic and frantic, and I think just having someone near her could have kept her occupied enough to avoid all of that.
But she was an adult and probably had to figure this out on her own.
I don’t know what my advice to you is. I’m glad your sisters are there. I hope if you can’t be there physically, you can carve time out to just listen to her and not argue with how she is feeling like your sisters are. Healing is just a matter of time and getting used to it, unfortunately, but it really helps to be surrounded by people who love you.
Anon
PS the man and the woman he left her for showed up for her funeral a couple of years ago. What an un-self-aware assh0le. We took great satisfaction in having the funeral director kick them out.
Monday
Good for you kicking them out. Nope-ity nope!
Anon
Looking for advice from big law partners and associates who have had their salaries reduced as a part of a COVID-19 austerity plan. How are you staying motivated?
Anonymous
Glass half empty: This may well get worse before it gets better, and I don’t want someone to look at my hours and decide I’ll be part of the layoffs.
Glass half full: I want to come out of this with as good shot at making partner as when it started.
Anonymous
With the knowledge it’s better to have a job at a reduced salary than no job at all. I graduated in the midst of the great recession and I took the news a lot better than some of the younger associates who don’t have painful job search memories from that time.
And honestly, my hours are down, are going to be down, and I’m just trying not to stress. I’m litigation, and with no trials and very few depos (though people are starting to accept we can’t push them off until things get better and just doing remote depos), my entire team’s hours are down and quite frankly, if they’re getting rid of people, I am not a the top of that list. Though it was not intentional, the % my hours is down happens to be the same % as our salary cuts.
Anonymous
I’m a senior associate in big law and we had our salaries cut by 15%. Honestly, I’m doing what I need to do to put out a good work product, but I am not doing anything over the top. Our (smaller) office has had a few calls with just the associates and the members of the firm’s management committee who are US based to discuss the cuts, and address any concerns we have. We have a few sub practice groups that are still working crazy hours, some that are super slow. We were assured that there would still be bonuses for 2020, as “an hours based bonus pays for itself.” I current on track with my hours for the year, so I’m still working towards a bonus. And we have regular update calls with our US and firm chair people who have assured us that they want to reinstate our salaries, but they need to base that on increased revenue, and currently, we’re below target for the year. So, I mean, a bonus is still in site for me, so that’s how I’m motivated.
Anonymous
Do my best not to think about it.
But honestly what is “fair” pay for my labor? I make a good salary. I’m not hourly, and while bonuses are nice, I’ve never worked at a firm with super awesome bonuses – I would be better off with overtime. I’m paid less for all those extra hours than I am for my 2000 required hours. But I can’t exactly say no to those extra hours. I work because I’m expected to, regardless of how much money I’m making off each hour. So, as far as I see it, I have basically no control over how much I end up earning on a per hour basis throughout the year, and I won’t know how much I really made until the end of the year, so what difference does a 10-15% variation make anyway?
Anon
Will it be trued up if you end up making more than expected for the firm?
Anon
Nope. These were fire wide. I think I’m feeling angry because I’m billing 20 percent above my target at the moment, and I was just asked to take on a large file with no support.
Anon
Not BigLaw, but there’s this: you’re still making a really huge pile of money compared to most everyone else with a law degree (F500 GCs aside).
Anonymous
The firms that are doing this are not evil, they trying to avoid layoffs.
Curious
Apropos of nothing, can you talk to me about… socks? Apparently I have managed to reach the age of 32 mainly relying on socks my mother bought me for Christmas. We have (finally!) cut back on the gifting, but now I don’t know where to buy ankle socks that are a reasonable quality (not H&M’s thin crap, not Darn Tough level lasts forever but costs $17/pair). Any recommendations?
Anon
Just to wear with sneakers and stuff? I like the multi-packs by the sneaker makers – New Balance, Asics, etc. They often have them at TJ Maxx or DSW.
Anon
+1. I like the Puma socks at Costco too. (Hanes or No Nonsense from the drugstore aren’t nearly as good.)
Curious
Yeah exactly!
I do like those socks. Any idea where I can get them online, as we don’t have a car and have no DSW in walking distance? COVID limits on bus trips have strengthened the stranglehold e-commerce already had on my household.
Thank you :)
Curious
I’m an idiot. DSW is online. Problem solved. Thank you!
Anon
And so is TJ Maxx! If they’re done taking orders for the day, their sister site sierra.com will have them.
Flats Only
Yup. And they have nice socks. I like the ones that come in a white/gray/dark gray six pack. Don’t remember the brand but they should show up if you look at ankle socks.
Anonymous
I just have to laugh, because this is me too! (Except hiking socks. I’m good on hiking socks for the rest of my life.) I recently bought Bombas, which I really like. Closer to the Darn Tough price point though!
Curious
Aww yay good to know I’m not alone :)
Cat
I like Zella’s ankle socks – sold in a 3 pack. Wait for the NAS.
editrix
Zella socks run small. If you’re a size 10, they won’t work. I do love Bombas.
Anon
Yes, even the “large” size that is allegedly for big feet don’t fit me. :(
Anon
I normally buy Champion socks at Target – that may be what you’re looking for. I recently bought some Bombas and they’re a little nicer but pretty expensive.
Curious
I love most things Champion, so this might also be a winner. I ended up buying some Nike and New Balance socks from DSW dot com, but I’m so happy to have options other than “ask Mom” (lol). Thanks all :)
Eff Cancer
I just had a dear family member get diagnosed with a glioblastoma today. It was suspected about a week ago so I’m not in total shock, but also I feel like I can’t produce an emotion. He’s the third family member on that side of the family. We know the drill, how the story ends all too well. What a nasty, terrible, unfair disease cancer is. I’m hating the world today. Anyone else?
anon
Hugs <3 F cancer indeed.
Sloan Sabbith
I’m so sorry. Cancer sucks. Not much else to say….cancer just really f-ing sucks.
Anon
F-ck cancer.
Warm thoughts to you. I know the feeling too well.
anon
I am so very sorry your family is going through this. Cancer is the devil.
Vicky Austin
F*ck cancer. Big hugs.
Anon
I am so sorry. My lifetime best friend (since kindergarten) died of glioblastoma 5 years ago. One of her brothers also died with the same diagnosis. You are so right about the horrible, unfairness of this for all concerned. I am sorry that you and your family are facing this.
laura
this monitor is the best! thank you for solving my problem, I bought 2 and am recommending to everyone!