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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 254 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: Rabat Ponte Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Nanette Lepore Rabat Ponte DressColorblocked dresses continue to be trendy. Many readers have occasionally likened them to “Star Trek” dresses, and I'll admit that's hard to unsee. (Although, as someone whose husband is a huge fan of TNG, I must say: Star Trek fashion never had it so good.) All of that said — I don't really get the Star Trek vibe here, and for once I like a dark beige (they're calling it camel, but I'm thinking more… latte, maybe). Either way: I like. It's $248 at Bloomingdale's. Nanette Lepore Dress – Rabat Ponte Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4) P.S. All of those Star Trek links lead me to ask: am I the only one who's kind of open for a return to 80s hair? See also: Remington Steele, Moonlighting… any other favorite shows from the 80s with good hair that I'm missing?

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

      • Mpls

        Because they’re tricky (and thus cost more) set it correctly. Which is why some cheap out with the raglan or dolman sleeves.

      • Susie

        I like the idea of sleeves, but in reality often they don’t fit me right so it’s a bit of a mixed blessing… :/

    • Yellow

      I tried this on recently- it’s longer in person (I’m 5’7) and it was right at the top of my knee and runs large. I’m normally between a 6 and an 8 for work dresses so they’re not too form fitting, and I took this one in a 4. It also comes in solid black and a royal blue (and I’m embarrassed to admit that I might get all 3 since I love the sleeves so much).

  2. I'm Just Me

    Similar, lower price point … link to follow, but look at Kohl’s Connected Apparel Colorblock Ponte Dress

  3. tesyaa

    I had a couple of dresses like this in the early 90s, made of 100% wool ponte and lined… sigh. This one is gorgeous.

  4. Anon

    TJ, first time posting – I bought my first Brooks Brothers shirt (petite online, since the local store doesn’t carry petite) and I took it to a tailor to have the sleeves shortened because they were still a little too long. I’ve gone to this place in the past and been satisfied. I got it back and the sleeves are too short. Should I complain? Do I have any recourse? I paid $20 for the alterations. I took the shirt home the other day and the sleeves don’t show at all under my suit coat (which the lady also altered, for $40 to hem the sleeves, and did a great job). I am really bummed. When I wear the shirt alone, I can’t roll up the sleeves because the slit is so shortened it has almost no give now. I don’t know whether to call or take it in or just write off the expense as a mistake to learn from.

    • Avodah

      Call the tailor and firmly but politely make your case. Ask nicely for a refund for the tailoring. If not a refund, can you get credit for your next tailoring job or dry cleaning? If they strongly push back, I’d let it go. Unfortunately, I think it is one of those situations where there isn’t too much you can do. Anyone else…?

    • Snowy

      I know this is besides the point now, but doesnt Brooks Brothers do free tailoring?

      • AnonInfinity

        I don’t know about Brooks Brothers, but some places that do free tailoring won’t do much beyond hemming pants or moving buttons on the jacket.

      • Frou Frou

        Yes, and they do a fabulous job. OP, if you strike out going back to the tailor, you might try going back to BBs. They altered a BBs suit for me after my dry cleaner steamed it on such a hot setting that it “grew” two sizes.

      • Wannabe Runner

        Not sure how she would get BB to tailor this if she bought it online…

        • meme

          It doesn’t matter if you bought it online or if you bought it 5 years ago. Take it to one of their stores, and they’ll do repairs and alterations for free (maybe there is a charge for some types of alterations, I don’t know). For the factory store brand, “346,” they have a small charge for alterations and repairs, though much cheaper than an “outside” tailor. Speaking from experience here. I’ve never had them mess anything up, but I tell myself they’d make it right if they ever did.

    • R

      I think it depends on how you asked for the tailoring. If you were actually measured with the shirt on, and showed her the length you wanted, then absolutely you have a case for a refund. (I sometimes hem items for friends – never anything expensive!!! – and would feel so awful that I would offer to buy a new shirt.)

      If you brought in another shirt and said “make it this length” or something similar, it’s a little harder. Every shirt hangs differently from the shoulder and sleeve lengths can be difficult to ballpark. Unfortunately, if it’s important enough for you to get it hemmed, you really need to take the time to try every piece on for measurement.

      • Anon

        Yes I tried it on when I went there and she pinned it where I wanted. Same with my jacket.

    • BB

      Is it a cuffed shirt? And if so, would loosening the cuff make the sleeves longer (so the cuff would sit lower down your arm/wrist)? If that’s the case, you can easily move the cuff button to make the opening wider and maybe give you another 1/4-1/2″.

      • Anon

        It is too short even when unbuttoned. My original plan on the shirt was to move the button so it would be tighter and not as long, but I thought that was my thrifty shortcut and I should spend more to get it properly fixed.

    • AIMS

      This happened to me with a coat. I came back and they were able to make the sleeves longer, and I was not charged for the additional work. I think most places are reluctant to do a full refund but will re-do any work you’re unhappy with free of charge.

      If the sleeves cannot be made longer, I would ask them to make it into a shortsleeved shirt so that you can wear it in the summer.

      And yes, BB petite shirts are still pretty long sleeved. I’m 5’4 and it’s still a problem for me.

      • Anon

        OP here. Wow that’s good to know you have trouble too with the BB petite shirts. I will ask at the store next time. This is such a nice shirt. Hoping this tailor can make it right.

  5. Diana Barry

    Love this dress, but it is too short.

    I have a temperature/wardrobe question. Attending a wedding this weekend, which will likely be in a tent. No idea whether the tent will be heated, but the outside temperature will probably be close to 55-60F. I had planned on wearing a knee-length turquoise chiffon dress and evening sandals, plus fancy cardigan, but now I am worried about being cold. Should I try to wear some kind of hose plus pumps? Would a leather jacket be inappropriate to throw on over if I get super cold?

    • NOLA

      It’s so hard to know at this point, but I would definitely take a wrap or pashmina. And probably switch to hose or tights and pumps. You will be miserable if your feet are cold. I think the leather jacket idea depends on the dress. But could be interesting!

    • TBK

      I think if someone is having an event in a tent with 55-60 degree weather and isn’t providing heaters, you can wear whatever you need to wear to be comfortable. But I think the leather jacket would be 100% appropriate. A thick ruana/wrap would also work (or bring both).

    • Ellen

      I agree and I love color block’ed dresse’s like this one, but I have NOT gone into Bloomies in the last coupel of week’s. FOOEY! b/c it is not that expensive. Dad has been monitoring my credit card’s more closely since I bought my new fall coat ($340 at L&T), so I have to watch it, but I am wearing it today! YAY! It is chilly out and I decided to take the subway b/c it is to nice to wear with a fitbit walk, tho I will walk at lunch with my fitbit and nike air shoe’s.

      I decided NOT to meet David downtown yesterday. He did NOT give me much notice and I am not going to follow him around like a puppy dog. Myrna agreed. He need’s to give me AT LEAST 24-36 hour’s for anything resembeling a date, not just “meet me at West Broadway and 13th” or whatever. Fooey on that. I am not an 8th grader, and expect alot more from him or anyone else that want’s to date me.

      Today, Myrna is comeing over at 3, and we are leaveing early to take in another museum around the corner. She get’s free admission from her company. I should ask the manageing partner if he can get us free admission for our law firm, so I would not have to pay the admission price, b/c it is so very expensive to go to museum’s otherwise and I would rather get good takeout for that price. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      Willem called today on my cell (finaly), and I said that I would go with him, but that he would need to stay in the car when it drove me back from the Barclay’s center, b/c I do not want to drive alone after midnite with some guy from a 3rd world country. He said he would so that is setteled! Yay! I will have to tell mom & dad, b/c they usueally call every week nite and this is a Thursday nite, so I do not want them to think I am out that late. I think I will take off from Work on Friday, b/c I will not be that effective if I go to bed around 2 a.m. Fooey! I have just finished the Powerpoint Slide’s for the manageing partner. The CLE peeople asked for alot of changes, which I now just made for the manageing partner. I am invited to go but the manageing partner has NOT yet got the OK for me to sit on the DAIS as a speaker b/c I am NOT listed in the CLE flyer as a presenter. He said he is workeing on it tho. YAY!

      • Godzilla

        Not that I see anything wrong with a large tuchus as a well-endowed LADEY myself, but you have to watch the TAKEOUT if you’re concerned about the tukhus.

      • Ellen

        Ellen, stop being so picky! If a guy is willing to marry you, don’t hesitate to use sex to get him now, especially if you want the $50k from the old lady. Willem may be old but David can likely sire issue if you let him try now.

      • Carin

        I think Ellen needs to be careful as to whom she takes into her boudoir. Most guys will promise the moon in order to get a gal in the sack, but talk is cheap, and the guys will often reneg after a woman has given of herself in bed. Having been duped by at least 4 wholesome guys over the years on this score, I implore Ellen not to get on the couch, let alone in bed with any guy has not coughed up an engagement ring. This way, if they bolt after having had their way sexually with you, you will at least have a valuable piece of jewelry that you may keep as consideration for your services.

    • Anon

      Same exact conundrum. I’m leaning towards wearing (in addition to hose) a lightweight coat/topper because I get chilled very easily.

      More importantly–are we going to the same wedding?!

  6. Two Cents

    Ladies, need shopping advice. I am looking for a pair of black, non-patent, stylish leather pumps with a heel of 2.5 – 2.75 inches. Must be comfortable such that I can wear them at work all day. Willing to spend up to $300 although would prefer to spend much less.

    My go to shoes are normally the Ivanka Trump Indico pump, but they seem to have changed the fit and these shoes are no longer comfortable for me. The Kate Spade Karolina pump is way too high for me, and the LK Bennett Sibila pump (recently on sale at Nordstrom) was terribly uncomfortable. Many of the Cole Haan pumps are 3 inches or higher.

    I’m surprised that this search is proving so difficult! Any ideas appreciated.

  7. Dresses PSA - with sleeves and tall sizes

    Boden just released their newest offerings online and there are several wool dresses, ponte dresses and jersey dresses that are work-appropriate.

    (I don’t work for Boden, but as a tall gal who favors dresses, I thought I’d spread the word!)

    http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Dresses/Petite/WH578-DGY/Womens-Raven-Chic-Tweed-Shift.html

    http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Dresses/Day/WH544/Womens-Winter-Audrey-Dress.html?NavGroupID=4

    http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Dresses/Cocktail/WH524/Womens-Claudia-Dress.html?NavGroupID=4

    http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Dresses/Day/WQ064/Womens-Tipped-Wool-Shift.html?NavGroupID=4

    http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Dresses/Day/WH533/Womens-Thea-Dress.html?NavGroupID=4

    • Dresses PSA - with sleeves and tall sizes

      Arg – too many links got me in moderation.

      Boden just released their newest offerings online and there are several wool dresses, ponte dresses and jersey dresses that are work-appropriate.

      (I don’t work for Boden, but as a tall gal who favors dresses, I thought I’d spread the word!)

      Raven Chic Tweed Shift
      Winter Audrey Dress
      Claudia Dress
      Tipped Wool Shift
      Thea Dress

      • emeralds

        Loooove that tweed shift in the pink (which doesn’t actually look very pink to me). I really wish I needed another fall/winter work dress.

      • Yellow

        Woah I love so many of their dresses! I’ve never looked through their website before. I know this has been discussed a million times- but how does their sizing compare to other brands (Theory? Tory Burch? Nanette Lepore?)

  8. TBK

    Anyone have suggestions for birthday gifts for a three year old boy? I haven’t seen him since he was about 18 mo., but at the time he was very into trucks and other large forms of transportation (as it seems most toddler boys are). So I think it’s not totally off-base to think he probably has typical preschool boy interests. I would ask his parents, but I want the gift to be a surprise. They’ve been exceptionally kind to my husband and me in the past several months and we just want to send them a nice surprise (they’re stationed halfway around the world from us, so visiting the boy to see what he likes isn’t an option, either). Obviously something we can buy online and have shipped is a major plus. Thanks!

    • Diana Barry

      I have a 3yo boy. He likes (1) police cars and trucks, giant Tonka ones with noisy sirens; (2) Thomas trains, esp. the talking ones, and books, not so much the tracks, just the engines themselves; and (3) noisy animal toys, like a screaming monkey that drives me up the wall. Also he likes The Incredibles, Cars, and Toy Story.

      Hope this helps!

      • TCFKAG

        There is just something about Thomas the Train that really speaks to three year old boys isn’t there? I have gotten Thomas books and shirts and trains and all sorts of presents for boys about that age many, many times in the past – usually with no prior knowledge of their interests – and have gotten the BEST reactions. Like huge hugs and jumping up and down excitement. Which I find hilarious for something that’s over 30 years old. I guess its a classic for a reason.

        • NYC

          Seriously. My 19 month old saw a Thomas video ONCE and is now completely obsessed with it and will sit next to (child proofed) media cabinet staring at the box. When we accidentally leave the cabinet open, he pulls out the box and walks around with it pleaded with some adult to play it. It kind of freaks me out!

      • preg anon

        I gave my sister’s kiddos a flying, screaming monkey, and they adore it. My sister, on the other hand, does not, so I don’t know that it’s the gift to thank them for their help to you. I just had a little boy, and my sister texted me, “Payback is a b*tch.”

      • In the Pink

        any of the books or large items from Disney’s “Cars” movie?

        I love the large metal, old fashioned, Tonka dumptruck…yes, on Amazon

        Although they are not as good as the originals, a Fisher-Price toy car and garage (multi level) set…hours of great play. Still plastic and rugged. Most of them grow with the child, using/fitting hot wheels cars later on.

      • anon-oh-no

        i have all of those things at my house, including that freaking screaming monkey, which also drives me up a freaking wall. and i second the recommendations.

    • HnH

      My then 3yo cousin loved his garbage truck above all toy cars believe it or not. Lego sets are also a hit with boys of any age.

    • ANP

      Use your favorite internet search engine to look up the Howdy Bouncer Cow. It’s made by a company called Trumpe t t e and our 3-year-old daughter has one. I won’t say she uses it every day but it’s a great toy for when other kids are over. Bonus: deflatable for easy shipping!

    • marketingchic

      How about a few fun books on those topics – Try “Tip Tip, Dig Dig”, “Goodnight Construction Site” and my personal favorite – “I Stink” (about a garbage truck.)

      Jeez, 10 years ago if you told me I’d have strong opinions on this genre .. . . .

    • anon

      Battat makes several “take apart” toy vehicles that have been a huge hit with every little boy I’ve seen with them. They come with a battery powered toy drill that you can use to disassemble and reassemble the vehicle. I have caught myself playing with them alone multiple times.

    • Anon

      My son’s favorite gift when he turned three was a rather large toy dump truck that had the large legos (duplo?) in it and a little construction guy with a hard hat in the driver’s seat. He also likes Thomas the Train, and this magnetic set by Melissa and Doug that had a boy with a bunch of different outfits to stick on him (police, pirate, fireman, knight, etc.) He also really liked the large “look and find” books. We have a Thomas the Train one. Like “I spy” but much easier for little kids.

    • CKB

      We just bought my nephew, who turns 3 tomorrow, Candyland and a big Playdough set.

      And as the mom of 3 boys, I have to put a plug in for Trios. We have too many building type toys to mention here, but my youngest just tuned 8 and STILL sometimes plays with his Trios. Nephew will be getting a set of Trios for Christmas.

    • LLBMBA

      My 4 year old nephew is obsessed with trucks, and these videos: http://twentytrucks.com/ You can watch them on youtube, but evidently you can order the DVD too. Now he corrects when we say “look at that truck!” – he says “silly, that’s an excavator/delimber/combine”, etc.

    • darjeeling

      The Busytown board game is my go-to gift for age 3-4. It’s actually fun for adults too, no joke.

    • AN

      1. Lightning McQueen or Thomas stuff (activity books/storybooks etc)
      2. Books (Alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day and similar ones)
      3. jigsaw puzzles of cars/trains

  9. Anon

    Has anyone had luck (or heard of others having luck) using a recruiter to get out of biglaw? I’m a patent litigator trying to find something else to do. And applying to the random, yet attractive job openings I find on random job sites has not been productive nor is it really satisfying my desire to be *doing* something about my job dissatisfaction.

    • Veronique

      I have a friend who recently moved out of Biglaw into financial consulting using a recruiter. She had been looking for over a year before finally making the move. I also made a move using a recruiter, though it’s from one in-house position to another. Into experience, a good recruiter can make the process so much easier! They prepped me before all of my interviews, giving me insight into what the company was looking for and what experience I should highlight on my resume and in the interview. Ask around to find a good one. Also, see if your law school career services has anyone that they recommend.

    • Hollis

      Better than a recruiter is networking with people who are where you’d like to be. Just meet up for coffee or lunch and you’d be surprised – you will hear about openings that haven’t been posted yet, be able to get some insight into what they are looking for, etc. Overall, it takes a long time to find a good job in this economy so you need some patience. In my city though, there is a huge demand for people with your background, so you may want to open up your search to other cities?

      • OP

        My days of moving for a job are over. DH has a great job and is an industry where there aren’t too many jobs outside of NYC metropolitan area. I, on the other hand, am in the life sciences and never intended to settle in NYC. So I’ve got a great personal life, but my professional life is lacking as well as preventing me from spending time with the people (DH, DD) who make my personal life so satisfying.

  10. Multigenerational Living

    My husband and I live in an expensive metro area, where we would like to stay long-term, but we are worried about housing and childcare costs (we hope to have children in the next couple of years). My mom, who is divorced, lost her job last year and is struggling to make ends meet/pay her mortgage on her house, which is located in an expensive metro suburb (not the same metro as where we are now). She is planning to sell her house and relocate in the next few years, she is looking for a cheaper cost of living. She is a couple years away from retirement, which she is not well sitauted for, and I know that my brother and I will, in the not so distant future, be supporting her. (She’s actually quite frugal/responsible, but stuggled raising kids on a small salary with little financial support from my dad.)

    Lately I have been thinking about asking her whether she would consider using a portion of the equity she would get from the sale of her house towards a downpayment for a house that she could live in with us (we would also be contributing, with the goal of lowering the mortgage payments to a level I could afford post-biglaw). We would then pay her living expenses, and she could provide childcare for her hypothetical grandchildren. The first five years would be a lot of contribution from her (financially and essentially working as a part-time nanny to one or two young kids), but, in the long run she would have a stable, free, place to live, and be close to family (I hate that I only see her a few times a year). I also know she enjoys our city, and that in retirement she wants to be close to an urban area. We would look for a house with an in-law suite or a basement/attic apartment so that we could maintain separate living space.

    Is this crazy? Does it sound selfish of us (help us buy a house! take care of our kids!) My husband thinks it is a great idea, though we agreed to take some time to think it through before broaching it with my mom (I want to be sure we would do it if she were interested). Obviously, she may not want to, but if she does, does anyone have advice on how to make it work? Has anyone does this before? Suggestions for resources?

    • TBK

      We’re planning the same thing for my MIL. She’s widowed and has no other children besides my husband. She and I get along great. We figure she’ll help us with the kids while they’re young, and she’ll have the peace of mind knowing that she doesn’t have to worry about what will happen to her as she gets older. We’re not planning for her to be the primary childcare provider, but more of an as-needed babysitter. But that’s more about all of our preferences. I think it’s a terrific idea if you all get along. We lived with my grandparents for awhile when I was very young and I think I really benefited from being so close to them. I’m very glad my kids will have the same kind of relationship with their grandmother.

    • V

      Do you live where there are mother-daughter houses? A friend grew up in one of these with a widowed grandmother living in the “mother” part of the house (about 500 sq ft with LR, BR, bathroom, and kitchenette / dining area) and her family in the “daughter” part of the house. It worked really well for them (separate entrances, grandmother never dated, parents never split up, both of which could have undid the whole arrangement). The grandmother never nannied for them, but was generally home and around when we got home from school. I belive that the GM owned the house and left it to both of her children when she died, but not 100% sure on that.

      Where I live now, there aren’t such houses and due to zoning, we could never add something with a separate kitchen due to a desire to limit rentals / preserve SF neighborhoods. Outside DC, I can remember vaguely that Arlington used to let you have a granny-flat but you had to swear that you’d never let a non-relative live there (or have 2 utility meters or something like that).

      • Multigenerational Living

        That would be the general set-up we would look for, though I have not heard the term before! In our area there seem to be a lot of basement apartments (legal and not), though ideally I think we’d look for something at least mostly above ground (because that would be nicer for my mom).

        • V

          I grew up in the NYC suburbs where they seemed to be common in older homes (everything above ground and the “mother” part was on the first floor, which later became key).

          When the GM eventually became ill and very very old, she stayed in the house until almost the end (so the care / general oversight ran both ways). I don’t know if it would have complicated things like medicaid eligibility if she had had to go to a nursing home, but that is probably why they have elderlaw attorneys.

    • eagon

      This set up works really well for my cousin and aunt. They share a home, my aunt gets to spend tons of time with her grandkids while getting to travel and maintain her and her husband independence. My cousin gets the support for her kids and the two women -actually all three generations of housemates – have a wonderful relationship. The separate living spaces is key, I am sure. I believe they share a kitchen.

    • Anonymous

      This doesn’t sound crazy, but you should also make sure your brother is on board with your mom contributing equity to a house that you and your husband will own. Would you be repaying her over time (or offsetting against “rent”/costs that you and your husband cover)?

      • Anon

        I would actually advise against your mom contributing equity to your purchase. My SO and I will probably invite parents to live with us at some point, but it will be our house. Otherwise you’re going to end up with too many kings in the castle.

        • Multigenerational Living

          That would be ideal, but unfortunately we can’t afford a house that would accomodate two separate living spaces. We’d have to formalize the financial arrangement (and the point about medicaid eligibility is a great one), but, barring unforseen health issues, she would certainly come out ahead financially (taking into account the amount she would contribute against the room and board we would provide long-term).

          Good suggestion to discuss with my brother, though we’ve talked more broadly about mom’s living situation, and frankly I suspect he would be relieved.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            What about just having your mom front you the money as a gift, then giving her a life estate in the apartment with reversion to you? That way, she’s never an owner of the home, but she still has the security of a legal guarantee that she can live in the apartment as long as she lives.

            (Hey look! Real property was useful for something for once ever in my life!)

            Additionally, do make sure your brother isn’t going to get a case of the jealous when he sees mom handing you a chunk of money, or that mom has some plan for making things “fair” between the two of you. (Frankly, I think it’s fair as-is without any cash/gifts/whatever going to brother, since you’re taking on the decades-long responsibility of taking care of your mom, but that’s for your family to work out amongst yourselves.)

          • MacAtty

            Depending on where you live, creating a life estate could actually cause major problems if your mom ever receives Medicaid… so I would strongly advise talking to an attorney in your state with some expertise in elder law and Medicaid issues.

          • Bewitched

            A gift would also raise Medicaid issues-at least if the gift was given during the Medicaid “look back” period.

          • Brant

            Why couldn’t she just pay you rent? Is it more of an up-front investment issue?

    • Anon in NYC

      My husband’s parents did virtually the exact same thing with his grandmother. They converted the garage into a separate in-law suite with a kitchen and bathroom. Things were great for a number of years (childcare, close relationship with that set of grandkids, etc.), but then her friends started passing and her health started failing. It got to a point where DH’s parents had to put her in a nursing home (they would be at work all day and she would fall and couldn’t pick herself up so she’d lay on the floor for hours until someone came home). It’s been really tough on everyone. His grandma can’t accept that she’s not going “home” anymore, she’s become very nasty to DH’s mother (her daughter) as punishment, etc.

      So, my two cents on what to think about: separate living spaces is crucial. I also think that you have to think about pressure points in your relationship with your mother. What are those traits that are going to drive you up a wall after 30+ years? Can you live with your mother for another 30+ years? Can your husband? And what will your plan be for if/when your mother cannot take care of herself anymore? How much will you expect your brother to contribute to her ongoing living/care expenses, both while she lives with you and if you have to put her in a home? (FWIW, my DH’s aunt who lives in the same town barely helped out at all while his grandmother lived with his family. Now that she’s in the nursing home she does more, but for years the burden fell to my MIL).

    • Kate

      This topic is quite interesting to me because my long-term boyfriend is attempting to bring his elderly mother here from a different country. At first I thought it would make the most sense to get her her own apartment, but I think a mother-in-law unit might be the way to go so she doesn’t suffer too much loneliness and culture shock. One of the potential drawbacks is that she speaks some English, but I speak none of her language (yet) and it could be an interesting transition for all of us. If it all worked out (and there are about a trillion roadblocks in the way), we would probably want her to care for our future children (one or two). It’s very traditional in her country for grandparents to be heavily involved in childcare and I think she would probably really want to, but I’m curious to see what other readers who have gone through similar experiences might say about the whole process.

    • Anon for This

      We do this, although with a twist. My retired parents kept their paid off house about 2-3 hours from us (we live in a city), and stay in an apartment that we rent for them around the block from our house on weekdays. They take care of our 2 children during the week and take the train “home” on the weekends. We are renting the apartment mainly to try out the arrangement to see if it would work for everyone. Now it’s been 2+ years, and it is a win-win for everyone (mostly for my children). We are in the process of buying a studio around the corner with them, splitting the cost with my parents.

      If there is any way to press pause and try it out first (with real children), you should. Even without my parents living with me, having them in the house every weekday as an adult has shown some friction points that I would not necessarily have foreseen before I had children. I love my folks to death, but they have boundary issues sometimes. (Rearranging my kitchen without asking, for example, or vetoing certain parenting rules I’d made.) We’ve straightened it out mostly, but just have your eyes wide open that even loving, awesome grandparents can be difficult, especially when you see them every day.

      • Anon for This

        I should add that the arrangement is overall really wonderful. My children are really benefiting from it, and it has solved many more problems than it has created.

    • Wannabe Runner

      Probably the sooner you have this conversation with your mom and brother the better.

      My DH and I have also thought about this. His mom is recently retired, but his dad is still working. My mom is single and works part time.

      But honestly, neither grandmother seems that interested in children or taking care of them. We thought it would be a great system if once we had kids, each grandmother got them one day a week, and then I worked-part time. But we can’t even get his mother to dog-sit (it makes her too anxious), and my mom can’t stop talking about how nice it is to only work part time and to relax on her days off. So I’m not sure either would be interested in watching little ones one day per week.

      I own a condo where my mom lives now, though, and that’s working out great.

      • NYC

        Same situation here. DMIL moved to be near us post-retirement, and she loves seeing her grandson nearly every day, but she did not want to be our full time childcare option. She loves being our backup option and helps out significantly, but we still employ a nanny full-time.

    • Coach Laura

      Multigeneraltional Living – I think it can work but with caveats and warnings. As others have said, you need to be clear up front with your brother and your mother and your hubby. I’ve seen it work and work well, but you may need rules and separate living areas. For instance, my father-in-law was my nanny when my kids were of school age – he came to our house every morning, took kids to/from school, to soccer practice and cared for them during vacations and school holidays. I wrote about it on my blog http:// coachlauralife dot blogspot dot com He did not live with us though and was a pretty low-key guy (for a former neurosurgeon).

      Some things to think about:
      1) Depending on your city’s building code, you may or may not be able to make it a true separate living space. A real estate attorney could help with this.
      2) You might talk to a Real Estate attorney and see if there is a way in your city/state to hold ownership of the house in condo form or as a duplex. Then your mother could will her portion to you and your brother together or as she wishes.
      3) Don’t underestimate how much care an elderly person may need at age 70, 80 or 90. I’m not sure how old your mom is and you don’t know how her old age health will be. Will she need to have round-the-clock care when she’s 85? How will you/she pay for it? Will your brother want to contribute if he hasn’t had the benefit of her help and equity now? It is tremendously expensive to provide elder care. As part of your planning, you could look into buying her a long-term care insurance policy. One thing you could plan for – if she’s in your multi-house – is that you would have caretakers come in as opposed to moving her to a nursing home. This would be something else to talk to the attorney about and perhaps set up a trust.

      We’re on the other end now and paying back my father-in-law for his help by providing some of the help that he needs instead of going into a nursing home. It is very hard.

      I guess the biggest thing now is to think through as many potential problems as you can and then to consult with some experts. (I’m not an attorney – I just play one on TV. ) Good luck! I hope to provide care for my grandkids when I have them – it’s truly a win-win-win for all three generations.

  11. LawyrChk

    For those of you who have left law firms, what did you (or your firm) do in terms of file transition and transition from the firm generally? I’m a senior associate, Friday is my last day, and I’m getting zero guidance as far as transitioning matters, exit interview, etc. Even after sending a list of my open matters out to partners and trying to get in touch with them to get them up to speed on their matters, I’m getting very little response. It’s actually a bit disheartening. I don’t want to negatively impact my clients, but it seems like my firm is dropping the ball here.

    • Multigenerational Living

      Very little in my experience…I’d organize your files, draft a memo to file regarding case status/pending dedlines for each matter, and distribute to the partner and any other associates working on the matters.

    • MJ

      The partners are annoyed that you’re leaving, but it’s the other associates who will suffer if you don’t make a transition spreadsheet asap. Put together a list of your matters which contains firm billing number, client contacts, status/open items and delivery times, important documents relating to that matter, other resources in the firm that can assist with that client. Do as much as you can do.

      • LawyrChk

        Yeah, I should have mentioned that I’ve already done that and circulated it last week. I just got almost no response.

    • NKV9

      I did a memo to file for every file and printed and attached relevant/important/particularly helpful e-mails. I separated the “status and guidance information” from other materials in the file (paper and electronic). Of course, I left the firm, so who knows if that was helpful…

  12. TBK

    Sorry, another question from me! For those of you who had nausea when you were pregnant, when did it end? I’m at 11 weeks today and feel much better than I have in awhile. I dreamt last night that I miscarried both babies, so now I’m nervous that less nausea means there’s something wrong with them. Is this a normal time for things to start getting better?

    • preg anon

      Yes, totally normal! It took me a few weeks after that ( I think at around 16 weeks) but 11 weeks is nothing to worry about. And having dreams like that is totally normal too, so don’t worry about it.

    • Anon

      I’m at 12 weeks, 5 days and feeling about 90% better. Earlier on, if my symptoms went away for more than a few hours I would get worried, but now I am just so happy to be feeling well.

    • Anon

      FWIW, if you feel that something is off and are in any sort of high-risk category (I was >35, prior M/C), your OB may do a reassurance scan. Just based on my history, when I called in and and had a persistent sense that things were off, my dr got me in asap.

      • TBK

        Nothing feels “off.” Just that I feel better and my husband has been pretty fixated on me feeling sick = babies are doing well. I think he feels very powerless and likes some kind of reassurance that all is well, even if that means me feeling like cr@p. So he’s latched onto the nausea thing, which has made it seem like a big deal in my mind as well.

        • Buckingham Palace

          I agree with PP – crazy dreams are normal and symptoms change. I started feeling better around the same time – week 11/12 – in terms of less nausea, but that was replaced with constipation, bloat and headaches.

          But I still haven’t stoppped overanalyzing every change/symptom. I am now at 17 wks and was just thinking last night – wow, I’m not bloated for the first time in weeks. I wonder if something is wrong?! I think it’s just totally normal to focus on all the changes and wonder these things.

        • Hel-lo

          Sounds like he needs to understand some things about pregnancy. Give him one of your books?

    • Anonymous

      I started feeling better at 15 weeks or so. I’m still a little queasy from time to time, but its nothing like it was.

    • Also 11 Weeks

      TBK, I was 11 weeks yesterday and I have also been feeling much better the past few days (knock on wood). I haven’t been as tired or queasy and have been wanting to eat more of the foods I normally like. For what it’s worth, I am a twin and my mom said she didn’t feel very sick during her pregnancy with us at all. We were both born healthy and fine.

      • Also 11 Weeks

        My mom also said towards the end of the pregnancy she used to have scary dreams that something was wrong with us. Her solution was to stop reading the books that outlined everything that could go wrong! I’m sorry you are feeling nervous and think you should call your doctor just to make sure.

        While I just want a healthy pregnancy and baby, I am kinda hoping to find out that I am carrying twins when I go for my appt next week! I would be so excited.

    • Frustrated Academic

      I started feeling better around 12-13 weeks–and like you, as soon as I did, I began to worry that something was wrong. Never fear, as soon as the upset tummy vanishes, you’ll start to get muscle aches and other random pains! I am at 16 weeks now and am feeling pretty good.

      • Anonymous

        Oh yes, I have these random aches and pains, especially in my hip / pelvic area.

    • January

      Shortly before I was born, my mom dreamed that she gave birth to an Irish setter. I am not a dog, and I don’t have red hair. Here’s to your dreams being similarly non-prophetic. :)

    • Ciao, pues

      my nausea clicked off like a light switch at 11 weeks. it was MARVELOUS. of course, one discomfort supplanted the other and rather than feeling sick with nausea, i felt sick with anxiety that something was wrong. this is totally normal, but definitely talk to your care giver about it. s/he may recommend something to help you manage anxiety (yoga, counseling, meditation, exercise, etc.).

    • NYC

      Adding to this late in case other paranoid pregnant ladies are reading. My nausea clicked off at 8 weeks and it scared the bajesus out of me. It was over a long weekend, and I had my first appointment scheduled for the first day after the weekend. I spent the whole weekend certain that I had lost the baby. But everything was fine and he’s a thundering toddler now. (Which is to say, it can stop earlier than 11 weeks)

    • Brant

      I only had morning sickness from about 6w-8w. I thought the baby was not doing well because i was feeling better. Turns out I was just lucky.

  13. eek

    Apart from Knots Landing and Dynasty, I coveted Connie Sellecca’s hair from The Greatest American Hero (“believe it or not, I’m walking on air….”)

  14. Buckingham Palace

    I’m visiting London next week and am thinking of buying tickets to tour Buckingham Palace. The options are tickets for The State Rooms, Queen’s Gallery, or the Royal Mews, or for all three. I’m leaning towards getting tix for all 3.

    Does anyone know if I’ll be able to proceed at my own pace (e.g., spend 60 minutes in the Gallery and only 20 minutes in The Mews, depending on what I find interesting)? The website just says it may take 3.5 to 4 hours to do all three. I just don’t want to be stuck in there for the whole time if I feel like I’ve seen what’s interesting to me. TIA for any advice!

    • eagon

      My recollection is that you can go at your own pace, factoring in time spent waiting to get in. I went with a group and some of us finished before others. So make sure your phones are charged so you can coordinate a meet up afterwards. :)

    • London

      Get tickets for all three. You use an audio guide so you can go at your pace. I also recommend checking out the garden café there!

  15. Woods-comma-Elle

    Guys, I just have to gush about the fact that I have recently become involved with Scandal and I am completely hooked. I watched the first season a while back and started season 2 at the weekend and oh my goodness. And having just found out that total hottie Scott Foley will be in season 2, I really would rather just stay home from work and finish the whole season this week!

    • Anon

      I really wanted to like this, but had to stop watching b/c there was just way too much talking. Like the writers got paid by the word levels of talking. I could forgive a lot with this show and really liked Mellie (from a villain she played on Law & Order a million years ago), but too many words!

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        I have never noticed this, but now I bet I will. I’m not sure this would annoy me though because I find it very easy to switch off when people aren’t talking and stuff is just ‘happening’.

    • hellskitchen

      It is extremely addictive. I watched season 1 on Netflix last year and just did a marathon watching of season 2 this past weekend on netflix. I am torn about whether to follow season 3 on regular cable starting October or wait until it comes out on Netflix. On one hand, I want to start watching the next season right now; on the other hand, marathon watching Scandal is so much fun and I want to have that to look forward to. Decisions, decisions.

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        This is my problem, too, as I will likely finish season 2 this week. I generally always save at least a few episodes of any given show to watch at once as I get too disappointed where there is only one. And I hate ads!

      • TO Lawyer

        I don’t think I could wait to watch Season 3 of Scandal… particularly after the season 2 finale. If you can do this, you have WAY more willpower than I could ever hope to possess.

    • zora

      If you think things are “OMG WHAT?!” now, Just WAIT till you get a few eps into Season 3!! Your brain will explode!! ;o)

  16. Famouscait

    Ladies, I have current coupon codes for Piperlime and Banana Republic:

    Piperlime.com: JTPBGB1LLFH2 for 20% off sitewide

    Banana Republic: PVM2HQ8C3PVVVV(or its WW at the end, the print is indistinguishable) for $30 off $100+ or $70 off $200+

    ***I’m looking for a Zappos or 6pm coupon code – can anyone help me out? Thanks!***

  17. Lizzy M

    How nice! It DOES NOT have an exposed zipper. I keep almost, but then not, buying work dresses because they have exposed zippers which already look like a dated trend to me.

  18. Mary Ann Singleton

    Hi all, looking for recommendations for your favorite Napa wineries. I already love Lava Vine, Vincent Arroyo and Zahtila (and of course Schramsberg). Any others that would be fun to visit with an out-of-town guest? Also, any favorite restaurants for lunch in Napa Valley (Calistoga, St Helena, or somewhere else in the vicinity.) Thanks!

    • Orangerie

      I like Frog’s Leap, Honig, St. Supery which are all in the Rutherford area and have nice, relaxed outdoor tasting experiences. Round Pond and Swanson are also fun.

      Not sure how much you want to spend at lunch, but I love Redd in Yountville and Solbar at the Solage in Calistoga. If you like fried chicken, check out Ad Hoc Addendum.

    • LitiGator

      I adored Castello di Amorosa! It is pricey, but worth every penny to take the tour, especially if you are a history buff.

    • AEK

      Wow, just had to chime in to say I love Lava Vine and Zahtila, too! So much more personal than the huge places, with some killer wines.

      If Sonoma is also OK, and you like Schramsberg, do the champagne tour at Iron Horse. Love them. And if it’s for guests, Chateau Montelena is nice— obviously bigger and well-known, but the history is there, and the grounds really are lovely. Frank Family is another favorite.

      • AEK

        Oh, and Stag’s Leap. The tour is wonderful— they have a Foucault’s pendulum in the wine cave!

      • emily

        LOVE Iron Horse. Like, seriously would drive a couple of hours out of my way to go back levels of love. Also Frank Family, and Rombauer which is pretty close to Frank Family, if you like chardonnay.

      • WestCoast Lawyer

        +1 on Iron Horse. They have some very nice regular wines as well, and their outdoor tasting room has beautiful views and is so much less stuffy than a lot of the more upscale wineries.

    • LeeB

      Quixote has a fascinating tour, as much about their history as their wine, but it is gorgeous and the wines are great. Judd’s Hill is a really nice place. My favorite wines are from Dutch Henry in Calistoga.

      Second Solange in Calistoga for food.

    • Anon in NYC

      Stony Hill and Larkmead are two of my favorites. Reservations required for both.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      I liked V. Sattui largely because you pay $10 for a tasting of six wines which my friend and I split (so three wines each) and they gave us about ten wines each. The bottle I bought from there was delicious, though there wasn’t a tour as such, only the tasting room and shop.

      And they have a lovely shop of cheese, breads, condiments etc etc which I loved so it was great to stop by at lunchtime and grab a picnic.

      • anon-oh-no

        v sattui is lovely for inexpensive wine and a good lunch, especially if you eat outdoors and the weather is nice. I will also state what might be obvious but the grounds at silver oak are fantastic. yes, the wine is expensive, but for your tasting fee, you get very good wine (and a glass). Plus, if you pick some less expensive places to go, it evens out.

    • Was just there

      Second, third, and fourth Iron Horse. Also loved Pride (gorgeous) and Littorai (delicious). SolBar in Calistoga great for lunch, and swing by Auberge du Soleil for a drink on the porch if you can – stunning views. Farmstead at Long Meadow Ranch in St. Helena is also excellent and serves lunch.

      • Statutesq

        Second for Pride and Honig. I’d add Terra Valentine on the way to Pride. In addition, I really liked Chase Family Cellars. I also did a twilight tour of Mondavi, which was awesome because we were the only tour on property, got to taste some old delicious wine, and I find the Mondavi story fascinating.

      • LH

        Go to Yountville for food. I think Ad Hoc is overrated, but Bouchon, Bistro Jeanty, Redd and Bottega are all wonderful.

    • Carrie Preston

      My favorite is Tres Sabores – it’s a little producer, off 29 behind Whitehall Lane & it’s a working farm/winery. You need a reservation, but that comes with a cheese plate/sitting in their backyard & feels like “real Napa” from before it was fancy.

    • elz

      Schramsberg and HALL (Rutherford, on Silverado-GO THERE) are our favorite tours. Hands down. We also like Pride to go for a nice picnic lunch and then take the tour. Get your lunch at the Palisades deli in Calistoga. SO GOOD. There’s another winery out by Pride that I hear is very nice.

    • elz

      Oh, and try Ciccio (just down the street from Bouchon and Ad Hoc). They have the most INSANE margherita pizza, best I’ve had outside of Italy.

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      Great recommendations – thank you, all! I’m writing all of these down.

    • KinCA

      Sorry, I might be a little late to the party, but I couldn’t help replying to this thread. I LOVE Napa, and we are planning our third trip there in November (can’t wait!). Some of my favorite wineries include:
      -Outpost (appointment needed and slightly out of the way, but killer views & great wine)
      -Bremer Family
      -Robinson Family (you get to go in the wine caves and play with the winery dog – enough said)
      -Fleury
      -Chateau Montelena (we belong to the wine club here; it’s a classic, and the grounds are gorgeous)
      -Whitehall Lane (I love their sauv blanc, and we got lucky and the winery chef was pouring when we randomly stopped by. We had a great convo about food & wine pairings).

      Also, for us, Gott’s Roadside is a must for lunch. Sometimes we go there twice in a 3 day trip! We also like Grace’s Table in Napa and there’s a cute little Italian place in St. Helena, Vercelli, that’s a nice casual spot as well.

  19. Godzilla

    I’m just gonna RAWR for a second – I got a second UTI in TWO MONTHS. GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRAWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Dr. Sister Godzilla says post-period is a common time for UTI’s. I got the last one treated with antibiotics. I’m debating whether I should go back to the doc or not. Mostly, I JUST ANGRYFACE.

    RAWR.

    • Marilla

      SUPER RAWRRRRR. Try to get a repeat on the antibiotics from your dr – that way if you get another one and you know right away what it is, you don’t need to drag yourself back to the doctor’s office but can get the antibiotics right away. My mom used to have fairly frequent UTIs, and they’re back now since she’s developed diabetes, so her doctor took pity and gave a repeat prescription.

      Darn lady garden bacterial flora… always messing things up one way or another.

    • Anonymous

      I have tremendous respect for UTI’s, but be equally cautious with the ongoing use of antibiotics. Because of overuse/inappropriate use, we are starting to lose the use of many antibiotics for many conditions. I used to get recurring UTIs and had standby antibiotic prescriptions – now when I start to feel one coming on (often when I’m not getting enough water), I load up on water, wipe carefully, and pee post-sex. This is sufficient to prevent them, for me.

    • Susedna

      *hugs* that sucks. Feel better, soon!

      IIRC, someone on here, a year or so ago, mentioned cranberry supplements? (For those who hate the taste of cranberry juice.). I’ve never tried these tablets myself so I can’t vouch for them, though. What does Dr.Sister-Godzilla say about them?

      • Godzilla

        Dr. Sister Godzilla had mentioned that she told one of her patients with a UTI to drink plenty of water and drink cranberry juice. Her attending told her that drinking cranberry juice had no basis in medicine for the treatment of UTIs. And then forced my sister to do research since the explanation of “cranberry juice breaking down the sticky bacteria” wasn’t sufficient. Apparently there was only ONE study in a journal that showed some sort of positive benefit to drinking cranberry juice. So, I don’t know how helpful cranberry juice and/or supplements would be.

        • L

          I’ll say this much, it may not be helpful once you have them, but I take those Azo cranberry pills and my frequency has been reduced dramatically.

        • Sargeant at Legs

          Some doc “zillas also offer a prn rx of macrobid after the party is over. Probably more research on that than cranberries.

    • Calico

      Godzilla, take a look online at using organic Apple Cider Vinegar to cure UTI’s. I’ve been using it for years- I like Braggs. Whenever I feel that unmistakable tingle I start mixing a couple tbsps of ACV in a glass of water. That usually stops it dead. It helps to start drinking it early- otherwise it might be necessary to go the antibiotics route. I checked with my OBGYN and she said that if it worked for me I should keep doing it. I say this as a person who ended up with a kidney infection that started as a UTI that my Dr. unsuccessfully treated with antibiotics.

      • Godzilla

        Interestingly enough, I drenched my salad with balsamic vinegar today.

        Going to the doctor this afternoon RAWR :(.

      • Anon

        This is good advice. You can also drink a glass of water with baking soda in it, and then chase it about a half hour later with a glass of water with acv in it. Taking acidophilus tablets also helps. Cranberry has never done anything for me.

  20. eye cream

    Question for the hive: which eye cream do you use, if any, and do you find that it makes a difference? I’ve just came across some photos of myself from several years ago, and noticed that I’ve aged substantially around the eyes. Can’t really put my finger on it – I don’t have crow’s feet, but my eye area looks like it’s aged much more than other parts of my face. I’ve used different eye creams off and on, but always give up because I don’t notice any visible difference. So I’d love the hive’s suggestions. If it matters, I’m in my early 40’s and have relatively oily skin.

    • Anonymous

      I use estee lauder advanced night repair (and i’m only 26!) Crows feet don’t run in my family but I hear you should start using eye cream in your 20s. I would definitely start using one every night and not stop. Just because you don’t see a visible difference doesn’t mean that it’s not preventing aging that would’ve happened otherwise.

    • Brooklyn Paralegal

      I use Avene’s eye cream (bought it at Duane Reade) which is alright. It’s gentle and, while I thought it wasn’t doing anything at first, after a couple weeks I realized that the circles under my eyes weren’t as dark and my eyes are a lot less puffy.

      I’ve been wanting to try out Estee Lauder’s Idealist Cooling Eye Illuminator. I’ve read great reviews, so once I’m done with the Avene, I’ll be giving that a shot.

  21. neurosciency

    sooo not okay with going back to 80s hairstyles. my hair is naturally frizzy :| although if we did end up doing 80s hairstyles i’d be in style every day i guess…

  22. Killer Kitten Heels

    Apropos of nothing (other than that I am reading a great book right now and wish I had someone to talk with about it), how would one go about finding/joining a book club? I’m an avid reader, and the people in my day-to-day life (husband, nearby friends, mom/siblings) really aren’t, and lately I’ve found myself frustrated that I have no one to talk with about some of the great stuff I’ve been reading.

    • Anonymous

      What’s the book? I’m always looking for recommendations. I’ll take whatever you’ve got!

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        I just started Michelle Alexander’s “The New Jim Crow,” and she has a novel view on the whole prison industrial complex that I’ve never encountered before, and I find I’m dying to talk it out with someone, or preferably a group of someones, the way I used to be able to in school.

        • Famouscait

          Is there any way we could start a ‘rette’s book club? I don’t quite know how the discussion portion would work, but I always get the best book recommendations from ladies here and would also like to discuss.

        • ohc

          A student minister at my church did an *amazing* sermon drawn heavily on that book last year–it’s fascinating and very, very worthy of discussion.

        • Brooklyn Paralegal

          I love that book! I would love to reread with a a ‘r e t t e bookclub, if anyone else would be interested.

          Also, if you’re interested, I very strongly recommend reading Angela Davis’ work. She writes about the intersection of prison, race, and class, and it’s really fantastic. Loic Wacquant’s “From Slavery To Mass Incaceration” also does a very good job of tracing the historical use of prison as a substitute for slavery after its abolition.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            Thanks for the recs! And I’m on-board for a ‘r e t t e s book club, although I have no idea how the logistics would work.

        • Notalawyer

          There is a not particularly active group on GoodReads.com called “Fans of the website Corporette”. Would you be interested in starting an on-line bookclub?

    • Samantha

      No solutions, but I have the same problem. I read widely, and often get really excited about a book that I want to discuss with someone. I satisfy these urges by going to amazon’s reviews of the book and reading them (and agreeing/disagreeing/adding to their reviews in my mind)!

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        I’ve tried Good Reads but found their discussion group set-up awkward for me. Plus I think I miss the face-to-face aspect of class as much as the discussion itself. We don’t actually have a “local” bookstore (yay, suburbia! :-/), but I could probably check out the close-ish B&N – I hadn’t thought of that.

        Additional side note – I’m only 28 and kind of worried that all of the book clubs out here in the ‘burbs will be populated by soccer moms who only want to read 50 Shades of Gray.

        • Seattle Freeze

          Wow. I can only hope that last note was intended as a joke – otherwise it comes off as pretty elitist and classist. As far as I know, living in the suburbs and having children doesn’t impair a woman’s ability to read and have thoughtful, topical discussions about current books.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            Yes, joke. I’ve just spent way too much time at social stuff in the ‘burbs this summer listening to women gush about that freakin’ book. I’m really not a book snob at all – I’ve read and enjoyed plenty of YA, “chick lit,” etc. – but softcore p0rn that began its life as Twilight fan fic? No.

            Hence the reason I’m trying to find myself a book club.

        • R

          Where do you live? I tried going through Meetup and the library to find bookclubs, but since I’m in Chicago burbs, it actually WAS a bunch of soccer moms meeting at 10:30am reading Eat Pray Love and 50 Shades. I just want a normal club for working women.

          • abogada

            There are a lot of great book groups in the city on meetup and at local bookstores (Women & Children First, Book Cellar) if you’re close enough to come to Chicago in the evenings or weekends.

        • anonymama

          Ack, I’m a soccer mom in the ‘burbs and have never read 50 Shades. I can’t even imagine how anyone would have a book club conversation about it. But I think off-hand comments like yours, even in jest, can be pretty hurtful, and deepen the bitterness of the career-woman-vs-stay-at-home-mom wars.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            I certainly didn’t intend to invoke any mommy-wars drama with my comment. Apologies if I’ve offended.

    • SpaceMountain

      I started my own — I had a couple of friends who were also interested, and after talking about it for ages, I just invited a few people to my house to talk about starting one, and various members invited other friends, and we ended up with about 10 of us who meet at my house once a month. I’ve made new friends and it’s a lot of fun. The books we’ve been reading have not been the best, though. We let a local librarian make recommendations and we ended up with long, horrid women’s friendship saga books, and I can’t stand them. I recently found out that Duke has an online book club, DukeReads, and I’d like to just copy their reading list; they’ve had some interesting books on there.

    • MaggieLizer

      Have you checked meetup? The local library? I find a lot of women-focused organizations also have a book club; my local PEO chapter has one and I think a former coworker’s knitting club (which she found through meetup; she’s in her early 30s and so are most of the members) started one.

    • NbyNW

      So timely. I just told a friend yesterday that I’m looking for a book club for conversation and potential friendship. There was one on meetup called Women Wine and Words – sounds just like my type of club!

    • abogada

      meetup
      local bookstores (especially small independent ones)
      local library
      alumni association
      professional group

      I live in an urban area and these methods worked well for me. I belong to 3 book groups currently, and I’ve tried out a few more. There are more interesting book groups than I could possibly join. My aunt lives in a more rural area though and hasn’t been able to find a book group.

    • dancinglonghorn

      Thanks for posting. I’ve been wanting the gray Pippa Brogue (already have the pippa in cognac and get sooo many compliments!) so thanks to you, I got it at the sale price!!

  24. neurosciency

    random, but i just got apple tv and thinking of getting netflix and i would like to know if there are any shows that people watch on a regular basis that are characterized by interesting style/fashion? i already know i want to watch mad men (i’m reaaaally behind on pop culture) and probably real housewives of X (if it’s on there. what can i say, i enjoy the shallowness).

    or should i get hulu plus? aaahhh.

      • Anonymous

        I’m so embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve been watching Melissa and Joey from ABC Family on Netflix (I was sick all weekend, I wanted to watch something that I didn’t care about), and I love Melissa Joan Hart’s outfits. All of them.

    • roses

      The only fashion-centric show I can think of is Gossip Girl, though it’s not quite my cup of tea. Is the app Plex available on Apple TV? I have it for my Roku and I can watch all the shows on it that I would otherwise stream through Netflix. You need a pretty fast internet connection to do that, but it’s worked for me.

    • ohc

      We had a lot of r3tt3 excitement over Robin Wright’s fashion on “House of Cards” when it was first released.

    • ShaneBot

      Scandal.

      I would second seeing if you can return your apple tv and get the Roku. I am so disappointed in my appletv (doesn’t sync with my macbookpro from 2010, etc).

  25. Baconpancakes

    Did anyone else get anything from the Phillip Lim for Target collection? I got the peplum sparkle top and love it, although the zipper is weirdly in the front. The sparkle dress looked extremely flimsy and unflattering on, sadly, and I hadn’t realized most of the collection was only available online.

    • Anon

      I found it to be kind of disappointing. The clothing didn’t really fit into my professional or personal life.

    • Senior Attorney

      I got the “Boom!” sweatshirt and I love it! It’s almost a twin of the “Ka-Pow” sweater he did a year or so ago for more than $400. Big fun. Even more fun because it’s sold out online and I got the last one in the store.

  26. Young Botoxer

    A few weeks ago I asked about people’s experiences with botox since I was considering getting some by a board certified plastic surgeon for some wrinkles on my forehead at 25 years old and people asked me to report back. For those interested- I’m really happy with how it went.

    I feel like I can still make expressions, but my “concentrated” face has been forced to relax a little. When I was at work I would catch myself spending hours with my eyebrows raised while I was focusing on something, to the point where I would sometimes get a headache. I can’t do that anymore, which the doctor said will actually stop the wrinkles from getting deeper. I asked her to be conservative in how much she used, which she was. She also said she was glad I came in when I did because I’ll be able to be much more conservative by treating the wrinkles before they get deep/actually noticeable to anyone else. The first few days after I felt like my skin was really dry and a little too tight, which was slightly uncomfortable, but now is totally normal.

    The only part that hurt- the price! $700 for a treatment twice a year. Ouch!

    • Anonymous

      Is that $700 each time, or $700 for two treatments a year? I’m only 26, but also interested in preventative botox.

      • Young Botoxer

        $700 each time. I’ve heard that it’s possible to find it for less. The doctor that I went to doesn’t accept insurance (at all, but I don’t know if botox would ever be something that would be covered). She’s got a loyal following in an expensive city to begin with, so I’m sure I paid a premium. But, I figured with my face I’d rather overpay and be overly cautious than risk it!

  28. Woods-comma-Elle

    You know those days when you erroneously make dinner plans thinking you will escape the office at a reasonable time and at 5pm all hell breaks loose and next thing you know you are flicking through the takeout menus…

  29. AIMS

    I’m going back to Cali! Okay, actually planning a trip only, just always wanted to say that. I think the plan is to fly into LA and leave from San Francisco. I’ve been to LA a few times before but never up North. My questions:
    — What’s a good place to stop along the way from LA to SF? Any particular hotels/towns that you’d recommend? Right now our only plan is to drive the scenic road but I have no idea what that actually entails.
    — What part of SF should we stay in? What about in LA? We’re going to have a car but like to enjoy a bottle of wine with dinner without having to worry about driving back so any place that is walkable would be perfect.
    — Do you need a car in SF? I’m trying to figure out if it’s better to keep it the whole time or return it shortly after we make the drive.
    — Other tips or not to miss things? Any specific restaurants or hotels?

    We’re going to have about 10-12 days total and Mr. AIMS and I could really use a nice vacation after a hectic couple of months so any insight would be really appreciated. Thank you!

    • Orangerie

      In order of your questions…

      – Santa Barbara is beautiful and would make a great 1-2 day pit stop. I like the Hotel Oceana for convenient access to the beach and State Street (main downtown area for shopping and restaurants). The Fess Parker is in the same area and also very nice. On the pricer side, the Bacara Resort and the Biltmore/Four Seasons are wonderful places to stay, just keep in mind that neither are walking distance to downtown SB.

      – Most of the nice hotels in San Francisco are close to the Union Square/downtown area. I like the W, Hotel Vitale and Clift. If you want to stay somewhere with a more neighborhood feel, I would recommend checking out AirBnB availability in Russian Hill, Nob Hill, Cow Hollow and the Marina (there’s a few motels/motor inns in the Marina, but those are pretty gross).

      – No, you definitely don’t need a car in SF unless you are planning on doing a day trip to Napa or going across the GG bridge for a hike. I think the hassle/cost of parking just isn’t worth it. Cabs are pretty cheap here and if you stay in a central area, a lot of attractions are walkable.

      – Definitely check out the Palace of Fine Arts, the Cal Academy of Sciences and/or the De Young Museum in Golden Gate Park (walking around Stow Lake in the park is also a nice treat), and the Ferry Building farmer’s market if you can handle large crowds. A few of my favorite restaurants are: Seven Hills, A16, Zero Zero, Nopa, Wayfare Tavern, Cotogna, Umami (different from Umami Burger, but that place is also good), Luella, Terzo, Mamacita, and Locanda. Would definitely recommend making advance reservations at pretty much all of those places.

      Feel free to email me (orangerie09 at gmail – that’s a zero after the 9) if you want to chat more about San Francisco!

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      I would stop in the Cambria/San Simeon area and go to Hearst Castle. It’s awesome. Also, make sure you spend some time in Big Sur, have a glass of wine at Nepenthe there and enjoy the view. Staying at Deetjens in Big Sur is great, but they’re often booked solid.

      • Senior Attorney

        +1

        I like to have breakfast at Linn’s Fruit Bin in Cambria.

        And the sunset tour of Hearst Castle is really cool.

    • LH

      My favorite places to stop in between LA and SF are Santa Barbara, Big Sur and Carmel. Definitely stop at Big Sur for the scenery even if its not an overnight stop. You don’t need a car in SF if you plan to stay in the city, but I highly recommend going to Marin county for great views of the GG bridge and/or hiking (and Sausalito is a cute little town) and to Napa/Yountville if you enjoy wine tasting, great food and a nice relaxing ambiance. For those side trips you’d need a car, but maybe you could do them first and then a few days carless in SF. My favorite SF restos are Frances and Acquerello but I’ve enjoyed or heard good things about most of the ones Orangerie mentions too. If you go to Napa, you can’t go wrong with food in Yountville – Redd, Bouchon, Bistro Jeanty, Bottega and brunch at Auberge du Soleil are faves (I think Ad Hoc is a little overrated/overpriced but its definitely still good).

  30. cbackson

    You guys, this may be the most random thing I have ever posted on this site, but here goes. There was a story yesterday on Gawker called something like “Why Don’t White People Use Washcloths?” And behold, the comments were full of people discussed this racial divide in washcloth-usage.

    YOU GUYS. I am thirty-two years old, and I literally NEVER REALIZED that there were people (at least people with US-style bathing habits/facilities) that didn’t use washcloths. Admittedly, I sometimes noticed that my friends didn’t have them (once I was an adult houseguest), but I thought that was because we were young and inadequately stocked with household linens.

    For what it’s worth, I’m white, and from the south. Someone in the Gawker comments speculated that it might be a regional rather than a racial divide. I have no idea because this is a brand new thing to me. Your thoughts on this pressing issue of national importance?

    • Alice

      Never used one! I now have a Clarisonic but previously I just leaned over the sink, splashed water on my face, and applied soap or cleanser with my fingers.

      Wait, you are talking about on faces, right? Do people use them on bodies too?

      And I have another follow up question. I’ve never used washcloths in part because I feel like I’d have to do laundry all the time (like, if you soak a washcloth, it can’t possibly dry before the next time you want to use it, right? So how do you keep it from getting musty?).

    • NOLA

      You know, I’ve noticed that, too – mainly because I use one, too. I have always thought that washing my face with a washcloth provided a little more friction (if that’s the right word) to clean my face. I have very sensitive skin and have used a washcloth and never something like a Clarisonic.

    • Diana Barry

      Ha! I never heard of a racial divide. I used washcloths as a kid (and have my kids use them), but don’t use them as an adult. I am too impatient, don’t want to wring it out and hang up etc. I just use my hands with cleanser/soap. I also found that using a washcloth made me exfoliate too much, especially on my face.

      The thing that bugs me most, though, are people who don’t have any towels out when you go over to their house. How do you dry your hands? Or, almost as bad, those useless “guest towels” that are approximately 4 inches square and get wet right away. Rawr!

    • Hel-lo

      I feel like I am the only one in my family that doesn’t use a washcloth (on body, during shower).

      My DH uses a new one every day. My parents use one and hang it up to dry every day, and then get a new one every week or so.

      I always provide them (and a hand & bath towel) to guests, but not everyone uses them.

    • Cat

      Crazy! Washcloth lover (white, northeast). I use them in the shower for face (& then body), though don’t use them for my nightly face wash.

      @Alice – I hang the used/wet washcloth on the in-the-shower towel bar to drip dry and then toss it in the hamper the next day so it doesn’t get moldy and smelly waiting for laundry day (normally once a week, so I have about two weeks’ supply to be safe).

    • Orangerie

      I don’t like washcloths because I feel like they get a bit scuzzy, especially if used in the shower and not replaced immediately.

      I use a mesh loofah that dries quickly on my body, and a clarisonic to wash my face.

    • Equity's Darling

      I’m mixed black/white, and oddly, my dad, who is black, does use washcloths to wash his face, but my mom, who is white, doesn’t. How curious, I never thought of that until now, but I distinctly remember being little and when my dad would get me ready for bed he’d use a washcloth to wash my face, but my mom never did.

      I don’t use washcloths to wash, I find them unnecessary and the skin on my face is pretty sensitive, though I do use them to dry my face instead of a handtowel, which I only use for my hands, so I basically use them like face towels? In the shower I use either a pouf or these exfoliating gloves that I love.

      • cbackson

        I do like the pouf! I alternate between washcloth-only and pouf-for-body, washcloth-for-face.

    • Nonny

      I am a dedicated washcloth user, but funnily enough, I’ve noticed a racial divide the other way. All the Caucasian people I know use washcloths, but the Asian people do not. I’ve actually noticed this for years after a succession of Asian boyfriends and a large number of Asian friends. I just think you get much better friction (and hence remove more dead skin cells) with a washcloth, so I don’t understand why you wouldn’t use them. I guess if you use exfoliating gloves or cloths that works, but I don’t understand the logic of using nothing at all…

    • Godzilla

      The comments about butt-washing are killing me. Protip: Do not sip on a beverage while reading comments.

      • cbackson

        I know! So much detailed discussion of the variety of butt cleansing techniques!

    • L

      White and do not use a wash cloth. Did growing up some, but honestly I find them slightly disgusting. I loofah, soap and have always used something for my face (clarisonic or sensitive scrubby, hands, etc). I think I have 3 wash clothes in my house? Two are for guests and one is to help get my stubborn facial mask off.

      • nonaanoun

        No white. Grew up in household that used them, but I don’t musty/scuzzy is the reason I don’t use them. You have to have a lot of them to not have to do laundry all the time. Reusing them before washing is just too gross. What a pain. I gave up.

        Also, my face is super sensitive and does not like any form of abrasion. And my body is happy with only the very occasional loofa.

    • Marilla

      I think it’s totally geographic – my mom, who is Dutch, uses them and we grew up washing our faces with washcloths. I’ve never seen anyone else use them and assumed it was some old-fashioned European thing!

      • Parfait

        But but but whenever I go to Europe, the hotel room doesn’t have washcloths.

  31. Famouscait

    I need to kill a little time, so I thought I’d post a quick review of some really great shoes I’ve purchased recently:

    Land’s End “Greer Point Toe Ballet” shoes. The leather is great and the construction is solid. The “cedar” is a great caramel color, but the “cordovan” was a disappointing dusty rose.

    Nine West “Blustery” in black leather (not patent). This leather was fantastic. Not a lot of support in the sole of the shoe, but fine for a casual weekend pair. Really impressed with the quality of these, surprisingly.

    BCBGeneration “Alonsa” in black leather with patent trim. This shoe has a great demi-wedge and a nice toe shape. Not too pointy like elf shoes. I think they may be my keeper for new work-appropriate black flats.

    These aren’t shoes, but I got this awesome pair of pants from Land’s End: http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-super-skinny-velvet-pants/id_247153
    The color is a really nice emerald green without being too dark. For someone who is late and reluctant to the skinny pants scene, I was so surprised that these worked. Now I just need my Georgia weather to warm up enough to wear them!

  32. LilyB

    Thoughts on these boots (link to follow)? They’re sort of what I’ve been looking for, but not sure what to expect as far as quality/durability… has anyone bought this brand before?

  33. Ashley

    I did not have to read “Star Trek”. My mind went “space shuttle flight attendant” on its own.

  34. Erin K.

    I totally rocked the 80’s hair (off the edges of my senior picture)! Would love to see it return except for the fact that my recent weight loss left me with half a head of hair. Boo

  35. GingerR

    Cute dress. I just got back from a conference where one of the presenters had a similar dress that was very flattering, plus comfortable to wear in front of a crowd while gesturing up at her presentation.

    I’m putting one on my list!

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