I was looking at Shopbop the other day to see what their work-acceptable selection of heels was like, and was intrigued to see this fairly classic shape among their Editor’s Picks. When I looked into the rest of the brand’s offerings, though, I realized: They specialize in different shades of beige and brown.
The founder started the brand after hunting desperately for a pair of shoes that were “nude for her” — according to the site, she wound up purchasing a pair of white pumps and painting them herself.
Shopbop has a ton of their shoes, including flats, stiletto heels, block heels, and more. You can also find more at Kahmune.com.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Hunting for more “nude for you” styles? This was our last roundup of reader-favorite heels that come in a ton of shades… specifically check Naturalizer and Banana Republic if you’re hunting, because they specialize in multiple shades.
Workwear sales of note for 9.22.21…
- Nordstrom – 1,000s of new markdowns!
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your purchase
- Loft – Jeans, pants & leggings starting at $39.50
- Talbots – Buy one, get one 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Up to 70% off
- Lands’ End – 40% off full-price styles
- Eloquii – Select jackets & coats $49; 40% off everything else
Anon
Those are cute, I’ll have to see if the company offers flats.
Anon
I thought nude for you heels were out?
Lol
What? They’re classic.
Anon
Nope, they’re out.
LaurenB
Classic is never out.
anon
Is it common for people to blame their professional struggles on others? I have a couple of mentees right now who are experiencing some (mostly self created) challenges and are going to great lengths to convince themselves that it’s everyone else’s fault for not giving them the opportunities they want. I’ve given the gentle feedback but think it’s time for me to just not get involved in this discussion any further with them because they never really get it or take the remedial steps they’ve been asked to.
Neither of these folks are my direct reports so there’s nothing I can do about it except potentially stop giving my time to them.
Anon
Nope. I’m guessing they do this in other areas of their lives, too.
Anon
Can you explain a bit more about what these challenges are, what you’ve said, and what remedial steps they are not taking? Did your company set up the mentor/mentee relationship because these people are struggling and otherwise have promise?
Anon
I see you’ve met my sister. Nothing she’s ever done has been her fault.
Vicky Austin
What do you wish you had known, or someone had told you, before you started WFH?
Relevant to the daily post, I am indeed part of the Great Resignation, and am starting my new role in a couple weeks. I’ve been in healthcare for 3+ years, and I’m switching industries and will now actually be able to WFH. (I am so excited.) Work-life balance, focusing tips, what casual pants or standing desks are best, I want to hear everything you have opinions on. Thanks, hive!
Anonymous
That it would be amazing! Then I could have benefited from the anticipation as well as the reality. I love WFH and will never go back. The key is setting boundaries and enforcing them and never expecting anyone else to do it for you. Then you get all of the perks but none of the “I can’t separate from work” stuff.
notafrog
get dressed. not necessarily full scale type of deal, but not what you slept in. and wash your face/comb your hair. it seems like really basic stuff, but it helps make the line between work and home when you’re WFH clearer.
cat socks
Agree. Get into a “getting ready” routine that works for you. It took me a while to figure out, but now I work out, shower and get dressed for the day before doing any sort of work. It can be easy to hop on my computer and check emails, etc. first thing in the morning. I don’t log into work until I’m fully ready to start, just like I would at the office.
There are still some days where I’m lazy and will work from bed or the couch, but I follow my routine the majority of the time.
At the end of the day, I close my laptop make sure any work notifications are turned off on my phone.
Try and get outside for a walk if possible. I’m bad about doing this and can turn into kind of a hermit, so I’m trying to do better and getting some fresh air.
Anon
Yep, all this. I do work from the couch because most of my work is light and doesn’t require extensive concentration, and I like to have Friends or Golden Girls on in the background at a low volume to mimic the sounds of an office.
Anon
I keep NPR or The Weather Channel on at a very low volume. I am used to voices talking at a constant volume but not a laugh track.
Also, while I like the idea of a standing desk, my feet do not.
Anonymous
For remote work that does not involve videoconferencing, my favorite hack has been jumpsuits (ranging from Eileen Fisher to Target athleisure). There is something fabulous about having a rack of one-piece outfits, jumping in the shower (yes, shower before starting work) and then just grabbing a jumpsuit and getting on with the day. I haven’t done this, but frankly in many instances you could throw on a Zoom shirt or a blazer for a videoconference.
Anon
Get your sh1t together when it comes to ergonomics. I was positively gleeful to lounge in bed and work, until it gave me sciatica. Over a year later, I’ve had a bunch of Xrays, MRIs, doctor appointments, and physical therapy.
Anon
Set up a dedicated WFH space. I’ve worked out of my bedroom for almost 18 months now and it is horrible. I feel like I live at work rather than working at home, and it’s been terrible for both my work productivity and my mental health. I regularly worked out of a library for those six or so weeks this summer when things were normal-ish (post-widespread vaccine availability, pre-Delta) and it was GLORIOUS. I can’t wait until my kid is vaccinated and the Delta surge subsides so I can go back.
CB
I like a faux commute, I go for a walk or a cycle ride first thing to mark a transition between home life and work life. I get home, make a pot of tea and head into my home office.
Anon
Congrats!
I have been WFH since March of 2020 but took a new permanent WFH job at the beginning the year, largely because I enjoy WFH so much.
My tips are:
– I feel better and am more productive when I get up, have my coffee, and then go take a shower and get dressed before I log on for the day. I log on early, at 6:30 my time, because I’m working with people across the country and most of them are on already by the time I log on. I am not a morning person by nature, but when I would get up and log on and not think about dressing or showering till later in the day, I felt sluggish and cranky. I dress uber-casual (I have been in shorts and plain cotton tops all summer) so getting ready doesn’t take that much time, and I feel better and get more done when I do it first-thing.
– Just like when I worked in an office, I have really busy days and days that aren’t so busy. At first I had a tendency, on the not-busy days, to feel guilty, or even paranoid, when I wasn’t working full-tilt. I felt like “everyone knows I’m folding laundry instead of working.” I finally realized, this is really no different than my not-busy days at work, when I would rearrange my office, clean out my files, surf the internet, read articles online, etc. to keep busy; I’m just doing home tasks instead of office make-work.
– I make it a point to get outside and sit in my backyard for 15 minutes a day. It sound weird, but I was getting outside less in my first months of WFH than when I was in my office, because in the office I made going for a walk every day a priority. WFH is much less stressful for me so I felt less need to “escape” my office, but that meant I would go days without seeing outside sunlight unless I made a point to do that. So, now I make it a point.
– I did figure out that when I really need to focus on something, the house would sometimes be too quiet (I’m by myself most days) and so if I need to dig in on something, I put a podcast on (streamed to a bluetooth speaker in my office) that I don’t care very much about, just so there are some distracting voices in the background, similar to how it was when I was in the office. The bonus there is that I can fully focus until I’m done with something and the podcast hosts don’t barge into my office with a “quick question” that they spend 30 minutes discussing, largely because they’re bored.
– It took awhile for me to transition my mindset to fully embrace the benefits of working from home, which one of my colleagues (we all WFH permanently) told me I should work on. As an example, I never worked out in my office gym when I was in an office because of time away from my desk, having to shower, etc. I started going to the gym close to my house over my lunch hour one day a week a few months ago and kept worrying about “how it was perceived.” When the bottom line is, no one cares. I am reachable even at the gym, and I manage my calendar appropriately, and go to the meetings I’m supposed to go to and deliver my work on time, and so who cares if I go to the gym for 45 minutes and come home and shower once a week? There’s no problem with me folding my laundry when I’m on a conference call as long as I’m paying attention and contributing appropriately. Etc. If you are choosing a WFH job, it’s likely because you see the benefits, so take advantage of the benefits. Make it work for you.
Hope this helps!
Walnut
When its 10am and you’re hungry, you can just go fry an egg!!!
IL
Congrats!
My twist on the “get dressed” advice is I do my hair and makeup, even if I am wearing pajamas. This is partly because my company has a camera-on culture, and this lets me take those spontaneous video calls that invariably have more leadership people in them than my scheduled meetings do. Our WFH culture is that only people senior to me (usually officers) will pull me into calls or meetings without notice, and I do the same only to people more junior than me. This probably isn’t universal, but something to think about.
Facing a window so the light shines on your face gives you better lighting on video calls.
The comments about good ergonomics and getting outside for a break are important ones. I usually take a couple outdoor breaks to check the mail and pull a few weeds from the flowerbeds.
Get a printer if you don’t own one.
Have a ritual or scheduled activity to stop your workday. Workout classes are great, but even just turning on the 6:00 pm news when it starts helps me call it day.
Anonymous
I’m baffled so many people love full-time WFH. I hate it. I loved having an occasional WFH day when I worked in an office but being home all the time is not for me.
Anon
I have questions about the Elizabeth Holmes trial and I was hoping some of the lawyers here might indulge my morbid and unseemly curiosity. I just can’t help myself, sorry.
– Will having just had a baby really make her more sympathetic to the jury? If I was on the jury and someone was like, “oh, we can’t send this person to jail because she just had a baby” I’d be like “she should have used birth control.” I think it was a stupendously narcissistic (but not surprising) decision for her to get pregnant while she was awaiting trial and it would make me look less favorably on her if I were a juror; I wouldn’t feel sorry for her.
– Will she really be able to pull off some kind of “my manipulative older boyfriend made me do it” defense given that there’s stuff all over the Internet where she’s breaking her arm patting herself on the back for being so smart and innovative? I really don’t get it. How is it plausible that Balwani was just a puppet master pulling her strings when she was all over the media presenting herself as this powerful female CEO?
– Is anyone else disgusted that she seemingly is playing some kind of “I’m just a helpless little lady” card to get herself out of going to prison?
– What’s with this rich younger guy that hooked up with her while she was awaiting trial? I can’t imagine looking at Elizabeth and being like, “oh yeah, that is JUST the kind of mess I want to entangle my life with.” If that were my son I would be horrified beyond belief at his choice to be with her and then their subsequent choice to have a baby in the middle of all this.
Anon
I want to know all this too!
Anon
Sorry, that last question is really not a lawyer question, just me venting in the form of a question.
Anonymous
There is a whole science to manipulating juries, the average juror is well just that…average, they have biases, beliefs, social experiences etc which make them easier to convince of certain viewpoints. Given the vast majority of humans believe women are just glorified baby incubators, using her uterus is a great advantage.
Jo March
No answers, but I just started the Bad Blood, Final Chapter podcast that will be following the trial each week. The first episode dropped last week and was a helpful recap. Another is the Dropout, which a friend recommended but I haven’t personally listened to. I run in healthcare/biotech circles, so I’m surrounded by people who are all over this and some folks who even know former Theranos employees, so that’s piqued my interest as well.
Anon
The conviction needs to be unanimous. Holmes only needs one bleeding heart who doesn’t want to send a new mom to jail.
Whether or not it “works,” it’s a trial strategy and one that’s far better than just letting the prosecution go through the long, long list of deceit, fraud, firings of people who questioned her, silo-ing of entities within Theranos to prevent people from knowing how bad it was, false advertising, without a single response as to why she did it.
Yeah seriously about that guy. She can’t be that good in bed and even if she is, wear a glove when with that level of cray.
Anon
Maybe the guy likes pillow talk with a baritone?
Anon
I love how she is a battered woman who only has very rich boyfriends / now husband. I do also wonder which voice pitch she will use at trial (assuming she testifies, which the battered girlfriend defense would seem to need her to do). As this drags on, I predict she will insist on having the baby in court with her and nursing throughout any appeals (in the courtroom).
Rich younger husband and dad-to-be — I absolutely cannot explain that. Maybe he is naive? Of limited intellectual capacity? Needing a conservator like Britney Spears (I kid, sort of)? Interested in the group’s thoughts on all of this.
Anon
I assume she must have some kind of magnetic charisma to have gotten all that money.
Anon
Doing a bit of internet searching: he’s a MIT graduate, so not a dumb person. He dated models and was apparently quite proud of that fact, so there’s likely an element of each of Holmes and Evans using the other.
Anon
I feel sorry for their baby. Ugh.
Anonymous
No help but on your first question, I’m a corporate attorney who was involved in a litigation one time. They retained a firm to do some jury strategy research (e.g., what to emphasize) and I was SHOCKED at how the research came back. Like truly shocked. Things I would have thought made people sympathetic actually made people like the defendant less and vice versa. This is why I’m not a litigator I guess!
Anonymous
Former federal prosecutor/current defense attorney weighing in:
(1) Yes, at least to some folks, and as someone said above, you only need one. Plus, even if she is convicted, it will help with sentencing.
(2) Perhaps. I don’t know what internet evidence you are talking about, but that is likely inadmissable. There will likely be a battle between experts and lay witnesses about her relationship with Balwani — hard to know from the outside how that will play out, particularly since victims of abuse often hide the abuse (and Holmes’ expert will explain that). I don’t actually think this will be successful ultimately, but as as an outsider with only Bad Blood-related information at my disposal, I cannot/would not actually discount evidence I have not seen.
(3) No.
(4) Ted Bundy got married in prison. This does not surprise me.
Ses
She’s in her late 30s and this is probably the first down-time she’s gotten since puberty. I’d say the pregnancy is about a realistic view on fertility rather than trial strategy. Maybe I’m naïve here but with “overachieving chicks” you’re often looking at a <5 year window between catching some professional breathing room and game-over for childbearing years.
Not saying she deserves leniency or any sympathy, but I’m not shocked that losing her professional world has led to an increased urgency and focus on her other life-goals.
Diana Barry
Anyone want to suggest a color scheme for my family to wear for our Xmas card photos this year? Further, can anyone suggest a nice-looking sweatshirt that my teen daughter (13, very awkward, wears women’s 10-12) would deign to wear for the photos? I am not having the family photos advertise our vacation lake destination, etc. ;)
notafrog
maybe something from eddie b. or lands end? eddie b might be “cooler” to her… maybe she can pick the base color?
AIMS
I like JCrew Factory and Boden sweatshirts.
No help on the color scheme unfortunately.
Anon
Cuyana has some pretty sweatshirts in good colors – I’d check there.
anon
How about neutrals with some forest green accents? I feel like I’m seeing that color a lot this fall, so it wouldn’t be too tough to find.
Anonymous
Maybe she’ll like something like this?
https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shop/bdg-taylor-collared-sweater?category=sweaters-cardigans-for-women&color=038&type=REGULAR&quantity=1
https://www.uniqlo.com/eu/en/product/women-relaxed-fit-sweatshirt-440254.html?dwvar_440254_color=COL66&dwvar_440254_size=SMA001&cgid=IDw-sweatshirts-and-hoodie&hassubcat=false
Or what about doing a pattern as the theme, like stripes:
https://www.uniqlo.com/eu/en/product/women-ines-3d-knit-seamless-extra-fine-merino-striped-jumper-443941.html
Anonymous
Just wear clothes. No reason to force an awkward teen into weird matching just for your image and vanity.
Nah
Sometimes it’s best not to reply. Particularly if you’re just going to be mean.
Coordinating the colors of a christmas card is not “weird matching.” Colors in an image matter in everything from print ads to room decor to childrens’ books. There’s nothing wrong with a mom wanting one nice, coordinated image of her family. It is not “vanity” to send holiday cards. It’s a nice way to send a warm greeting out into the world to loved ones and friends that you don’t always get to see, especially the last two years. You don’t have to do it, but it’s not acceptable to be rude to the people who are.
Please try to be nicer.
Smokey
Thank you for this comment. There’s just no reason to be mean.
NYCer
Eh, I don’t think it is that big of a deal to try to find a new sweatshirt for a 13 year old in the same color scheme as the rest of the family vs. just having her wear her Phelps Lake sweatshirt (or whatever other vacation destination lake OP is referencing).
FWIW, I have a sweatshirt I like from J. Crew and also one from the brand Something Navy.
Anon
If you don’t have anything substantial to add to a discussion, you can just scroll on by to the next post. Try it, I think you’ll find it’s easier than putting all this effort into coming up with the perfect snarky comment.
KS IT Chick
Several years ago when we did family photos with my parents, aunt, brother, SIL and family, the women wore a shade of plum, while the men wore medium blue. We did the photos at a city park on Thanksgiving, and the contrast of the fall colors around us with the dark bright colors made for really good pictures.
Rather than a single color, could you do different shades of green or blue? That might be easier to coordinate.
Anon
I would get your teen a plain hooded sweatshirt from Target in a color she finds acceptable and then go from there. Eddie Bauer, Lands End, and hahaha Cuyana are not necessary here.
You do you but I get lots of photo Christmas cards, look forward to them all, and enjoy the random snapshots just as much if not more than the staged family photos, and could not tell you anyone’s color scheme from years of receiving cards. So if your object is to frame the photo, go for colors that will look nice in your house, but otherwise don’t worry about it. I just want to see your smiling faces!
Anon
OMG yes Cuyana is overkill for a teenager looking for a sweatshirt!
pugsnbourbon
Target sweatshirts:
– comes in a nice autumnal orange: https://www.target.com/p/women-s-sweatshirt-a-new-day/-/A-80511167?preselect=80339139#lnk=sametab
– comes in emerald green: https://www.target.com/p/women-s-sweatshirt-universal-thread/-/A-81475745?preselect=81953992#lnk=sametab
– I will probably buy this one myself: https://www.target.com/p/women-s-cropped-sweatshirt-wild-fable/-/A-82180860?preselect=82100818#lnk=sametab
– who am I kidding, I’m getting this one too: https://www.target.com/p/women-s-shrunken-sweatshirt-universal-thread/-/A-82401426?preselect=82401011#lnk=sametab
Anon
I have this Rebecca Minkoff sweatshirt in a few colors (most people here would probably hate it bc it has cute puffy sleeves and skewes young) but it would be great for a teen. I’m a 12 and find it runs small and got an XL. Link to follow.
Anon
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07TDN17QZ/
KP
Do something crazy like letting her turn her back to the camera. She’ll only be 13 once and you can look back and see how hard it was for her and how hard you tried to help. You have a chance to make a unique memory and maybe provide her with a college app essay topic.
Former middle school teacher.
AIMS
Paging Monday or anyone else who remembers. You recommended a book about a young woman who fakes her way to the NY socialite set, which takes place in large part in Lake George. I feel like it’s been much mentioned/read here. I wanted to recommend it to a friend looking for a beach read who’s going to LG for the holiday weekend but cannot remember the name despite much googling. Something like ‘All Rise’ but that just brings up a cozy mystery series. Thanks!
buffybot
I think you’re thinking of Everybody Rise. Which accordingly to my Kindle I have read but remember NONE of.
Eager Beaver
Everybody Rise by Stephanie Clifford.
Monday
Yep!
AIMS
Thank you!!!
Anom
I couldn’t finish it. I don’t like cringing while a character is doing all the wrong things that you know are going to make her life worse. It‘s a lot of slo-mo train wreck.
ArenKay
Agreed. I love satire of shallow rich people but found the characters paper thin.
Anon
yep, agreed. I love shallow rich-people-doing-dumb-things books usually, but it just hurt to read after a certain point.
AIMS
I had mixed feelings about it. I love the satire of it all but agree with Anon at 4:18 that sometimes the self destructiveness can be too much. I think this is an issue with a lot of “art” these days, from Breaking Bad (which I was happy to get thru) to Hacks (which I gave up on episode 3).
But this was a fun read overall to me and I love reading books set in the place I am going to visit/visiting so I figure that may make it more fun for my friend. thanks all for helping me find the name!
Alanna of Trebond
Ugh I hated this book.
anon
What are your favorite resources for gluten-free dessert recipes? Not super fancy stuff, but simple, family-friendly crowd-pleasers like cakes and cookies. A number of my extended family members are gluten-free now, and I’d like to have a few go-to recipes that don’t involve a million complicated ingredients.
LaurenB
Go to a gluten-free bakery and buy a gluten-free cake.
Anon
This right here.
Anon
Yes I would do this if they have celiac where you have to worry about cross-contamination because your kitchen will definitely not be “clean” enough if you regularly cook with flour, breadcrumbs, etc.
But for people who are gluten free as a lifestyle choice, weight management, or just feel better that way, a gluten free mix is fine.
I eliminated gluten for a while to see if it helped with my arthritis (not really) and cooking a GF dessert from scratch is really not worth it. Get the mix.
Anon
I made this gluten free cobbler this weekend with fresh peaches from the farmer’s market and it was wonderful.
https://meaningfuleats.com/peach-blueberry-cobbler-gluten-free-vegan/
She has lots of good gluten-free recipes, including dessert recipes, on her site.
Anon
If they’re gluten-free and low carb, the “Keto and Co” mixes are better than the recipes I’ve tried. But probably just GF is easier!
cat socks
The Iowa Girl Eats blog has all gluten free recipes and I’ve seen dessert recipes posted on there. I’m not GF, but I made the Strawberry Shortcake ice box cake with regular cookies and it was very simple. She provided a brand recommendation for GF cookies to use.
Elegant Giraffe
was also going to recommend any sort of icebox cake! pumpkin, berry, etc
PolyD
I like to make a pavlova – big meringue disc, I usually add cocoa powder to make it chocolate – topped with whipped cream and berries. I use Nigella Lawson’s recipe. If you don’t sweeten the whipped cream (which I never do) people who are avoiding sugar can just have the berries and whipped cream for a nice dessert. You can make the meringue the night before and let it sit in the oven overnight to dry, so that’s handy.
I also make basil yogurt panna cotta. Not going to link to avoid mods, but search for Hungry Hounds Basil Yogurt Panna Cotta with Blueberries. Hardest thing about that recipe is juicing the lemon. I make it the day before and keep it overnight in the fridge, but it won’t hold up for a long time at room temperature (like, hours – it’s fine during the time it takes people to eat a couple of servings!).
Both these desserts have been huge hits with my gluten-free friends!
Anonymous
A Pavlova is perfect. No flour of any kind, just pile on with cream, custard (do check ingredients if you’re not making your own) and fresh fruits and berries.
Others: Almond ricotta cake, Ricciarelli cookies, panna cotta or cheese cake with gluten free biscuit/cracker base.
Anon
I would look for desserts that are naturally gluten free before going down the gf cake and cookie route.
anon
Sorry for my ignorance, but what would these be? The idea of a pavlova … well, let’s just say my fam is not that fancy, lol.
PolyD
A pavlova is a big meringue disc with berries and whipped cream piled on top. Much easier and less fussy than a layer cake – hardest part is separating the eggs.
Mousse and panna cotta are basically pudding and are naturally gluten free.
Anon
Ice cream. Custard. Fruit with whipped cream on top. Cookies and cakes are definitely not the only desserts out there.
Anon
Agree with the naturally gluten free alternatives. I’d love to be served fresh fruit and whipped cream.
Anonymous
Rice crispie treats ftw!
oil in houston
I’ve been gluten intolerant for 10 years, and you can make any of your favorite recipe with a good gluten free flour, I swear by cup4cup, you can buy it on amazon or target. Just use it in the exact same way you’d use regular flour, no need to add any other gum to it
Anonymous
Brownies are easy, just use cup for cup gluten free flour!
Agurk
Check out the Bojon Gourmet!
Anonymous
Flourless chocolate cake, fruit crumbles with almond flour.
Anon
I just bought several boxes of chocolate mochi brownie mix with peanut butter icing from Trader Joe’s. It is delicious!
TO No-Longer-Junior
Hallo, does anyone have any suggestions for combating decision fatigue? I feel like I’ve gone through a period of immense change in the last six years (new career, new job, new relationship, another new job, new apartments, buying a house, wedding, puppy, necessary home renovations), which I realize is par for the course in young adulthood, but I’d love to just catch my breath for a second or two! Normally I’m a planner and love to organize every last detail, but I’m finding that I am tired of constantly making decisions. Covid has also thrown a wrench into my normal coping strategy of traveling to properly disconnect from work/normal responsibilities. How does everyone else deal with this?
anon
By not pushing myself and letting myself off the hook to constantly be striving for more and better. You can’t self-care your way out of this, I’ve found. It doesn’t mean you’re not goal-oriented; it simply means you’re going fallow for a season so your brain can rest.
Anonnymouse
Small tip – sometimes I just go the route of having less options. For example, going to the small grocery store with only three brands to choose from vs 15. I often find that whatever I end up with is just as good as what hours of research produces. This doesn’t work for everything, of course, but it helps!
pugsnbourbon
+1. Start going to Aldi.
Streamline your morning routine as much as possible: capsule wardrobe, same/similar hair and makeup every day. Create a weekly meal routine. If you can, throw money at it – hire a decorator or landscaper, personal shopper, etc.
Anonymous
Do a very simple routine for a few weeks, where you wear the same every day, eat the same for breakfast, only make meals you can make without a recipe because you know it so well, do the same workout routine, watch one episode of the same series/documentary etc. Surround yourself with known-and-tested, easy stuff for some weeks, and put whatever energy you have into doing some interesting day trips on the weekend, to get a mini travel feeling.
Anon
What are you having to make decisions about and how many of those situations are self-inflicted?
maybe a Nashville anon soon
I have a job offer in Nashville, TN and am going to visit for the weekend in a few weeks. Are there any ‘rettes who can speak to what the city is like for a single WOC living alone? I’m in my late 20s and expecting to live there for 2-5 years (eventually would like to return to a city closer to family and community). I’m from a southern city (similar to Richmond or Atlanta) and am quite progressive politically. Some friends have mentioned racism concerns, but IME, I received racism in the northern cities I’ve lived in too – it just looked different. Re: moving, any specific neighborhoods I should check out or recommendations to live for a shy late-20s professional who would like to get out there without living right next to the bars?
All I know about Nashville is breweries, bachelorettes, and Elvis, but the job is exciting so I want to make an informed decision. TIA!
Anon
Can you specify what type of WOC you are? I imagine being a Black woman, and Asian woman, Latina, or from a religious minority will all yield you very different experiences in a every city.
Are you desiring to try to get involved in your local demographic community?
Anonymous
Nashvillian here. I am neither single nor a WOC, so take my comments with a grain of salt, but I love Nashville. I hate (hate!) the strip of Broadway that attracts tourists and desperately wish to go back to 2005 when there were just a handful of bars and it was a normal downtown. If I were you, I’d definitely live in Nashville proper. The further out you go from the downtown core, the more problems you may face with intolerant people. Traffic has gotten so bad and public transport is horrendous, so recommendations for neighborhoods will be based a lot on your office location.
Agree with all of this
Echo both comments here. Not single, but WOC (not black) in Nashville. I love it, but it’s not a very diverse city. I’m married to a non-POC and grew up in PWI, so I don’t mind it.
Happy to chat with you if you have a throwaway email.
Dr. The Original ...
Just a quick note; with covid shutting down any ability to gather and celebrate and all, everyone’s kind words plus the glee at my name change (as some of you encouraged) really truly made my spirit dance. As much as I appreciate y’all for having supported me through some seriously tough life stuff since 2008, celebrating with me means as much or more. Thank you so so much!
Anon
<3
Elegant Giraffe
love the name change, Dr!
Jo March
Congrats!
Ses
<3 +1
… <4 I guess :)
Anonymous
How do you make a life decision mentally to “establish” your life. I feel like I’ve always lived as if I was on the road — i.e. IDK if I’m going to be here in this location forever, don’t establish too much of a home, don’t buy too much furniture, certainly don’t buy a home etc. And reality is in the 13 years since law school, I’ve had 2 jobs, so it’s not like I switch jobs or locations all the time. I want to switch jobs and reality is IDK when/if the job I’d want would come along (lawyer doing other things now wanting to go back to x department which is totally quiet because it is countercyclical and the economy is good). I don’t like my job currently and yet I like my location, I WANT to buy a house, furnish it etc. I also WANT to stay where I live now and I don’t feel like I want to go back to NYC even for the most perfect job. And I feel like the moment I do that, that’s when there will be a job opportunity that’ll make me feel like oh maybe I should go back to NYC or oh why did I buy a home right here, it makes my commute so long etc. I feel like I’m living for jobs that I don’t like and in hopes of jobs that may or may not ever come along. WWYD?
Senior Attorney
I would do what I want and let tomorrow take care of itself. What’s the worst that could happen? You could buy a house and it could turn out to be a mistake, or you could get a job in NYC and decide to move. Well, the first thing happened to a friend of mine years ago and she sold that house and bought one that was better suited and went on with her life with no regrets. And the second one sort of happened to me — I bought a house and remodeled it and furnished it and thought I’d be there forever and guess what? By the time it was done I was engaged and within six months I’d gotten married and moved in with my husband. No regrets — it was a great experience and now I have a nice income property.
Anonnymouse
Exactly! Sometimes you can’t predict how things will pan out, and it’s “good enough” to just do what you really want and figure it out later if life changes. It doesn’t sound like you have a problem doing things without thinking them through – so go ahead! Buy the awesome headboard and look for that house and enjoy it.
anon
I don’t think I ever had a moment where I made a decision to establish my life – I try to live my life in the present. If you want a house now, don’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles, start the process of buying a house! Obviously, don’t go wild and buy something that’s wildly out of your price range in an area that is not desirable or take a job that is not even remotely close to what you want to do, but you can make decisions that feel heavy with lower risk than you are projecting. Nothing is set in stone. I am on house no. 2 and job six being 13 years out of law school (I’m in my early 40s). I’m single and childless so while that comes with some challenges (I don’t really want to be eternally single), it gives me tons of flexibility and I try to take as much advanage of that I can / want. I don’t second guess myself because again, nothing is set in stone in life. Change is certain whether it is in or out of your control.
anon
I say this as someone who can get stuck in her thinking, buuuut: You are wasting your life by wondering when your “real” one will begin.
Anon
Amen.
Senior Attorney
Also? There is no “forever.” Life is long and it’s like a book with a bunch of chapters. If you feel like you’d like to have a chapter in which you buy and furnish a house, then write it!
NYCer
+1. Nothing has to be permanent. Even if you buy a house in your current city, you could sell it two months later if the “perfect” job came along in NYC. Sure that may not be ideal, but it is definitely possible.
Anonymous
“it is definitely possible”
. . . if you are rich.
Senior Attorney
OP has said (or at least strongly implied) that this would be possible for them. No need to be nasty about people meeting them where they are.
Anon
I feel this way often. When it gets to be too much, I turn to this quote, which reminds me to just DO SOMETHING, anything, instead of watching my life go by:
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
Anonymous
Yeah well it didn’t end so well for her.
Sloan Sabbith
Working at the office today and you know what I absolutely positively do not miss at all? Office AC. I’m freezing, it’s just barely 60 degrees here and the AC is on. I’m in a barefoot dreams sweater (not the cocoon one. One of the slightly less house-loungey ones) and my work blanket/scarf and my hands are still like ice. Managing my own climate is A-effing-plus.
Senior Attorney
Right? I’m sitting here huddled up against the space heater in my office. Crazy.
Sloan Sabbith
I borrowed a space heater from a colleague’s office that’s now pressed essentially against my legs. It’s one of those completely ineffective panel heaters but we’re not allowed to have normal space heaters.
Anon
It’s 75 in Pasadena. At least they didn’t switch on the heat at your office.
Anon
I have turned down several spacious, light-filled offices. Why? Because my tiny office is the one with the thermostat for my floor of the building. Signed, Cramped but Comfortable
pugsnbourbon
Posting late because I had hoped I wouldn’t have to. SB 8 is about to go into effect in Texas and a last-ditch appeal to the supreme court doesn’t appear to be going anywhere. This will effectively ban abortion in Texas. Please, if you can, donate to the Texas Equal Access fund because basic bodily autonomy is about to get a lot harder for a lot of Americans.
https://teafund.org/
And let’s not kid ourselves that this is just a Texas problem. Idaho has a six-week ban that could be triggered by the Texas law. A total ban is set for November in Oklahoma, and dozens of states have trigger laws in place if Roe is overturned.