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Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Three Quarter Sleeve Linen Blazer

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Olivia Moon Three Quarter Sleeve Linen Blazer

We included this lovely piece in our roundup of stylish linen blazers back in May, but now that it's marked down to $47 in a ton of colors and sizes, I thought I'd repost. This bright fuschia makes me happy, but I'm also eyeing the black, the navy, the white… simple is always good. Olivia Moon Three Quarter Sleeve Linen Blazer

Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-2)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
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  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

129 Comments

  1. Question. What should I wear to a lunch with a partner in a law firm who is reaching out on behalf of another partner in the firm who may be interested in interviewing me but is on vacation? Also it’s 100 degrees outside.

      1. Yeah, I’d say a suit/ one level down on the boringness-formality scale than you would be for an interview.

        1. This would be my answer too. This lunch is an informal interview. I assume lunch is inside so I don’t know that the heat is really going to be a deciding factor. You can always take off the jacket while traveling to the interview…

    3. I’ll disagree – it’s a lunch that may lead to an interview, not an interview. But I do think a nice blazer would be appropriate.

    4. If the lunch is held during a normal workday, a suit. If it is a weekend lunch , then a dress .

    5. Definitely a suit but with your normal blouse/accessories/shoes rather than “interview” blouse/accessories/shoes (which I never wear to interviews anyway – Light blue button-up? 16″ strand of 6mm pearls? Blech.)

      1. I want to hit a like button for this comment! My weight has been fluctuating over the last year but I just tried on my favorite summer suit and it fit! In a flattering way! Problem solved.

  2. I think it depends a bit on how much of a relationship you have with the partner you are having lunch with and whether this lunch is part of the interview process?

    Sorry, meant as a reply to CJ.

    1. It would be helpful to know I’ve never met him, except for a really nice telephone conversation he initiated.

    2. Because “a suit” seems like an obvious answer, I’m wondering why you’re posing the question. Is it solely because of the hot weather or are there other factors (do you have a sense that the firm is very casual, for example?)

      1. I know the firm is business casual, and I didn’t know if a suit was too stuffy for a lunch. I’ll wear a non-interview suit suit. Thanks!

        1. Where are you geographically? I don’t think I’d default to a suit for a pre-interview lunch, but I’m in Northern Cal. I’d be more likely to do a mix of polished separates/good jewelry.

        2. I think I’d do a conservative blazer with a suit dress. I get the vibe you’re worried that the partner is going to show up in business causal and you’ll stick out. I wouldn’t worry- it just shows you’re taking this very seriously and you want this job.

        3. Slightly dissenting voice – I think that a structured dress would be fine in this situation as well. Basically, anything on the smartest end of business casual.

          1. Agreed. And for another perspective, I’m often the “partner” having lunch with the prospective candidate and I forget that they dress up. It always makes me feel a little underdressed/awkward as I’m not anticipating the meeting or lunch to the same degree. I’m not saying don’t dress, but I might err on the side of less formal.

          2. Anon- this was my concern. On one hand I want to look polished and professional. On the other hand, I don’t want to be presumptuous and wear an interview suit when it is clearly not an interview. I’ve decided on a suit and jewelry I might wear to the office rather than an interview. Thanks for your input!

  3. Is linen a summer only fabric? I love this but I would want to wear it year round.

    2. Linen is for spring and summer, but not year round. (We have to give tweed and boiled wool their time to shine in fall and winter!)

      1. Even in So Cal? I never pay attention to these seasonal fabric rules and am wondering if I should be …

        1. Linen is for spring and summer, but if you are lucky enough (imho) to live where it’s spring / summer year-round, then wear linen year-round! :-)

  4. I want to wear more linen, but I always end up looking like a crumpled mess. Any tips on how to prevent this when wearing it?

    1. Wear a linen blend or a synthetic lookalike like rayon or lyocell which might be woven to be more wrinkle-resistant. I gave up on linen entirely after I got a well-meaning comment from a co-worker that basically implied I looked like a crumpled mess.

      IMO, pure linen is good for things like beach coverups, when you don’t want or need to look perfectly crisp, and not much else.

      1. +1Pure linen is a non-work fabric for me (maaaybe casual Friday), even though it looks so effortless in pictures. I just returned a similar blazer from the NAS because it was a hot mess even on the hanger. Linen blends don’t vent heat as well, so IMO they are only worth it if you want the look.

      2. What tesyaa said. Linen wrinkles. The only way to combat that is to have other fibers involved – which will help resist, but won’t eliminate wrinkles.

    3. A heavier weight linen, with a good-quality bemberg lining. Works only for jackets though and even then, not for travel days.

    4. I have this jacket in four colors and I love it. It wrinkles, certainly, but the fabric is reasonably substantial and I think the overall look is “I’m linen and I wrinkle — so sue me!” rather than “I was slept in.”

  5. I ordered this blazer in navy as part of the anniversary sale, and it was unbearably itchy (and I don’t have very sensitive skin). I really wanted to keep it because it was cute, but I knew that I would never wear it because of the itch. And since it’s for summer, I wouldn’t wear a long-sleeve or 3/4 shirt under it. Too bad, because it was a great cut.

    1. I ordered this blazer in olive and navy in a SP. I am usually a 2P. The SP fit perfectly in the waist but was too big on top (I am v. small on top – still nursing, but usually around a 32A). Otherwise, I loved it.

  7. I work in the public sector, going on my fourth year now after 10 years of self-employment. I currently support the director of a 450-person department. Enjoy my job immensely; the director is a very fair boss and mentor. Since I’ve taken on many projects outside the narrow box of administrative support including administrative technology improvements, employee recognition, and the strategic business plan as well as some other interdepartmental things I do (administrative technology training to city staff, etc.) Long story short, I’m doing my job very differently than my predecessor did before she retired after 35 years in the same position.
    So… some of the long-term administrative support staff who were close to my predecessor in a different environment under a different management team are not very happy about some of the changes, and one in particular (I found out yesterday) carries a huge chip on her shoulder about her job being eliminated and being reassigned to an operational division. In a meeting yesterday in which she was to start managing the coffee service provider, she bitterly voiced her opinions about how many of the responsibilities and tasks I was giving her should be done by me and topped it off about a rant about how we shouldn’t serve coffee at all because we were feeding an addiction.
    So, my question is this – how do you work with resentful, bitter staff without getting involved in their drama? Doing this task myself would take me much less time but there’s the principle that regardless of her feelings, this falls within her job description of support staff and secondly, I’m following a specific directive from my boss to delegate some tasks so I can focus on supporting him on strategic projects. Just smile and ignore?

    1. I think this is one of the drawbacks of taking over a job where there was a decades-long predecessor. No advice, but pretty sure this happens to everyone.

      Maybe deal with her the same way you’d deal with other problems with staff – have a calm conversation behind closed doors, listen to her concerns, but be firm about how you’ll be treated and who’s in charge (i.e., you).

    2. Ahhhh public sector. Nothing you say or do will change her opinion, so yes, just smile, say thank you for your opinion (even though you aren’t) and keep doing what you are doing. If she starts to straight up not do what she is responsible for doing, then speak to your boss about it. I would bless her heart fairly regularly too :)

      1. Thank you! I appreciate the insight, especially about blessing her heart! I can’t help thinking she is not a happy person with all the energy invested in negativity. I’ll just keep calm and carry on!

  8. What happened to Ellen? I hope she’s ok and not with that creepy brother of her boss whos been stalking her!

    1. Maybe her clothing allowance was approved by her boss, and she’s out shopping with the boss’s brother to approve her wardrobe choices. I bet her TUCHUS will get some friendly views.

        1. Haha, I am new to this site and was waiting for these comments… is that user real? Sorry Ellen, don’t mean to be rude if you see this!

  9. I want to buy a “One Ring” from the Lord of the Rings books/movies. My plain gold wedding band doesn’t fit my post-childbirth fingers and I’d like to let my inner nerd shine with a LOTR ring. The ones I have come across are super cheap (under $20) or very expensive (hundreds of dollars). Has anyone bought a good quality LOTR ring for under $100 that they’d recommend? I checked on Etsy but would like a seller recommendation if you have one. Thanks!

  12. I have a question regarding FMLA. Per the DOL website ELIGIBLE EMPLOYEES are defined as follows:

    Only eligible employees are entitled to take FMLA leave. An eligible employee is one who:
    -Works for a covered employer;
    -Has worked for the employer for at least 12 months;
    -Has at least 1,250 hours of service for the employer during the 12 month period immediately preceding the leave*; and
    -Works at a location where the employer has at least 50 employees within 75 miles.

    I meet the first three points but I’m not sure that my company meets the 4th point. We are headquartered on the east coast, approximately 300 employees are at that location. I am out in one of our satellite offices and there are only 15 people here. I’m not sure how to interpret “works at a location where the employer has at least 50 employees within 75 miles”, but if I’m interpreting it correctly then I’m not covered. I’m not that worried about my job, they can keep it. What I am worried about is my health insurance. What if they terminate me and then I lose my health insurance? I guess I could pay cobra but we have outstanding insurance and that would probably be a huge monthly cost. Any advice is much appreciated.

    1. No advice on if you qualify, but if your coverage is terminated you can purchase new insurance through the Marketplace under the ACA. Loss of coverage is a qualifying event and while you may want to pay for cobra, you may be able to get a plan that better meets your needs for the price. Just something to consider.

      1. We could always transfer to my husband’s horrible insurance if something were to happen. My out of pocket max is $3k and his is $11k. I’d rather not have to do that. I don’t know much about the ACA because we’ve always had employer sponsored insurance. I can look into it if needed.

    2. Check to see whether your state offers greater protections than FMLA. For pregnancy, for example, I don’t qualify for FMLA because my employer is too small, but my state has strict protections with respect to pregnancy leave that apply to all employers irrespective of size.

      1. I’m in Colorado. Correct me if I’m wrong but all I’m finding is that Colorado law follows federal law.

    3. You’re interpreting it correctly – you’re not covered. There have to be at least 50 employees within a 75-mile radius of you. So you probably don’t qualify for leave under the FMLA. Do you have a state FMLA law? You don’t say why you’d be taking FMLA leave, but unless it’s protected by law or covered under one of their policies, they probably have the right to let you go. And then yes, the normal process would be that you would qualify for COBRA. I can’t speak to the ACA option.

      1. Ooops I hit report inadvertently. I just found out I’m pregnant with twins so now I’m freaking out. I initially wasn’t that worried with only one baby. My chances of going on bed rest are much higher now so I’m worried.

    4. The DOL has a fact sheet on FMLA and health insurance benefits… it would probably be in your benefit to be covered by FMLA.

      If you lose the job, you do get access to COBRA coverage but would likely have to pay the full cost of coverage, rather than the heavily employer-discounted amount.

      You should definitely look into getting an ACA plan.

    5. I don’t know if it matters but months back when I asked our HR rep about a maternity leave policy (b/c nothing in handbook), she said:

      There is no formal policy. You would be eligible for 12 weeks under FMLA. You would have 6 weeks of paid time from STD.

      She’s out in our east coast office – apparently she didn’t think about the fact that I am actually not covered. Maybe the company would just overlook that but I don’t want to bank on it.

      1. So, this is my take on this. Even though technically you are not covered by the FMLA, by making the FMLA their default policy, they are telling you that they will be treating you like you are covered, which is fine and what you want. Is there any reason to think that they would terminate you while you are out on maternity leave? If that is really your fear, then yes, you can agree to come back after 6 weeks. However, I suggest that you look at 1) your state laws, which may be different and more protective than federal laws, and 2) have a discussion with you direct manager about what s/he thinks is a reasonable time off. I almost fell off my chair when my (older) manager told me he thought 2 or 3 weeks would allow me to come back well-rested. That clued me in that a 4 month leave would not be considered reasonable in his eyes.

        1. It’s all going to depend on how this pregnancy goes. I just found out I’m pregnant with twins. Per my doctor, a lot of women pregnant with twins quit working at 30 weeks because it’s too uncomfortable to sit upright. If this was the case, I’d be off work for 8.5 week before they are even born (dr. said generally if C section will be scheduled at 38.5 weeks).

          Maybe she was trying to tell me that they don’t discriminate based on which office you work in. Everyone gets 12 weeks…

          1. I am pregnant with twins and worked up to 36 wks, the last two or so exclusively from home (a great option if it works for you). I’m not going to lie, it does get pretty uncomfortable and at 37 wks sitting up straight is a chore because my stomach doesn’t really fit over my thighs. And I couldn’t imagine working nearly as long if I had a job that required standing all day. There is definitely a higher risk of bed rest but it’s not a given and I know plenty of ppl who didn’t need it, especially with di/di twins.
            I also was not covered by fmla but my company offered me a generous leave. I did however have to switch health insurance plans mid pregnancy and found one on the exchange that worked for us. I would check with your ob to see which plans they accept so you don’t have to change providers. We also chose one of the most expensive plans because it had the lowest total out of pocket maximum which I figured I would hit with a twin pregnancy.
            Good luck!

      2. I’d take things one step at a time. You still have protections under the federal Pregnancy Discrimination Act as well. When you are ready to tell your employer, see what HR says, and go from there.

        1. You’re right – I’m getting 27 steps in front of myself. I’m a control freak and it’s so hard for me to not be able to plan this stuff out. I thought we had everything planned out perfectly and then I go in for the ultrasound and bam! Twins! Thanks all for your thoughts.

          Life at it’s finest right here people. Maybe God is telling me I need to let go a bit…

      3. Obviously it’s going to greatly depend on “corporate culture,” but my husband has never worked where FMLA was in effect (due to firm size ) and women have always have their positions held for maternity leave. Since your company’s HR would be accustomed to processing maternity leave for the main office, I would expect that they’d most likely make the same arrangements for you even thought they are not required to.

        Since you have STD coverage through work, I’d think that would suggest that they’d at least hold for the time allowed by that plan. And from what she said, I would assume they extend the policy to satellite offices.

    6. Congrats on both babies, and you’re totally justified in freaking out! (FWIW, my SIL had twins recently, and worked pretty much up to it with no real problems.)

      I used to process STD claims (and my company also administered FMLA in a related department), so I’ve seen a lot of them, and my experience is that it’s extremely rare for an employer to terminate a person for taking a reasonable medical leave, particularly for childbirth, even if the law technically allows it. Sure, there are a few crazies out there, but almost no one wants to be known as the ogre who fired someone just for taking maternity leave. And if your employer is covered by FMLA at other locations, they’re almost definitely going to just apply that across the board, simply to streamline things. You should be fine. Good luck!

  13. I’m a second year associate at a small law firm. I’ve been absurdly slow at work for the past 2 months. Like, billing three hours on a good day, slow. I’ve done all the things I’m supposed to do, asked every partner and all the senior associates in the firm for work, gone through all of my cases to find any additional work, expressed my concerns regarding my long term future given the lack of work (and been reassured that there is a “plan” to get more work for me, which plan, as far as I can tell, doesn’t actually involve anyone actively trying to get more work for me). I’m at the point where almost everything I do every day is CLEs or work on articles/nonbillable work.

    My question is, would it be absurd for me to bring up the possibility of either taking some unpaid days off to get stuff done at home, or changing to a part-time schedule temporarily until things pick up? This seems like a reasonable idea to me, but I’ve never heard of anyone doing it, so I wonder if there are pitfalls that aren’t obvious to me.

    1. I suppose I should note that I am looking, but my area of practice is rather specialized, and it’s going slowly.

    2. Depends on your firm’s policy, but I just didn’t go into the office at my former firm when they couldn’t get any work for me. I felt no guilt about a day here or there when they knew I didn’t have any work. Granted, I was frantically interviewing since I figured my days were numbered. But I never would have offered to take those days unpaid when the partner who hired me was the reason I didn’t have work (he screwed up client relations and lost our biggest client.)

      1. +1. It’s their fault that you don’t have work to do. Don’t offer to take unpaid days because of it!! You’re doing what is asked of you. I think it’s a “know your firm” kind of thing, but for me, if I’m that slow I just don’t come in, without asking anyone and while still getting paid. Granted, I’m at the kind of place where I bill 250+/month when I’m busy, so if I end up having a slow period I don’t feel bad at all about working from home, billing 3 hours, and calling it a day. It might be different to decide not to come in when you don’t know when/if you’ll ever be busy again.

    4. I can’t not come in, the firm is very anti-working from home. I also haven’t been very busy since I started (I think I’ve had one month that I have made my billables). The idea would be, essentially, to make it cost-effective for them to keep me around longer, because it’s much easier to get a job when you have a job.

      I know I’m holding up my end of the bargain and they’re not holding up theirs, but fundamentally if they’re losing money on me, I’m the one who is going to get fired…

      1. You don’t get any vacation days? Most firms have a yearly billable requirement. If you miss a day, they just assume you’ll make it up another day. That’s how you get vacation.

    5. No, don’t do this to yourself. There are basically two options here: either your firm has an unwritten facetime requirement (so you must be in the chair from 9-7 even if you have nothing to do), or you only have to check in for a couple hours a day/be there if you have something to do. If your firm has a facetime requirement, it will not go over well that you’re asking for extra time off when they expect your smiling face to be physically present to do the work that no one actually has. If your firm doesn’t have a face time requirement, there’s no reason to offer to take less money when they’re perfectly happy to pay you the same amount to go to the gym in the morning, take 2 hour lunch breaks, and leave early for happy hour.

      1. This. You need the perception in their minds to be “Lynnet wants to work”, not “Lynnet’s perfectly happy that we’re slow because she doesn’t really want to work anyway.”

        1. Yes, this exactly. It’s a total catch-22, but (at my last firm) when a department was slow and people stopped showing up to work all day, I heard multiple partners comment that “Well, they obviously don’t want to work – they’re not here!” I know that wasn’t true, but those people never recovered from that perception.

        2. Thank you for this. It’s a perspective I hadn’t considered that makes perfect sense.

      2. Bree has it right. If you have to be there, write an article for local ABA newsletter, or for your law school or alumni newsletter, take on a project (investigating use of billing system like Serengeti). Write an outline for a novel in long-hand. Research connections on LinkedIn. Investigate LLM or MBA programs. Write a white paper on aspect of your niche. Go to coffee with others in the firm.

        Too bad that there no other practice areas in the firm that could use help.

    6. No, don’t do this! I know it’s boring to be there all day without anything to do, but if you take time off or switch to a part-time schedule, you’re actually giving them an excuse not to try to solve the problem.

    7. Can you not go in later and leave earlier? (i mean like 930/430) I would not ask for time off or an alternative schedule.. you don’t want your absence to highlight the fact that you are not needed (at the moment). You want to look available and hungry. This is a know your firm thing but see if you can use your time to take CLEs out of the office, network, or join networking orgs, the bar association etc. that you can work on during the 9-5. Write a law review article, circle back with your law profs to see if they need any help. Another option is to ask for a secondment with a key client or do that intensive internship thing in the prosecutor’s office. It sounds like you’re on the right track but maybe now you need to be creative (and/or look for another job if the situation doesn’t look like it’ll improve…)

    8. -Stay full time.
      -Join a board.
      -Take pro bono cases.
      -Work on business development.
      -Look for a new job.

      You note that your practice area is specialized, but you’re only a second year. You have plenty of flexibility, and lots of skills are transferrable. Litigation is litigation, and a contract is a contract (generally speaking). Is your firm a boutique? If not, look into learning different types of work.

      1. +1 to finding a different practice area; if you’re having trouble finding another job as a second year, it will just get worse as you go along. You may want to consider rebranding and looking at something that will give you more options down the road. You’re junior enough to still make this happen – in a few years, it will be much harder. I’d look very broadly and offer to “start over” as a first year if need be.

    9. Law firms are overall extremely poorly managed. It is ridiculous that you have to play this game and that others here, who have clearly been playing (and now running) this game for some time think it is fine and you should just go along. I get their point — the rules are what they are and if you want your job you have to follow most of them. But honestly, this just needs to change, and I don’t know how we do that if we just keep going along. I hope I can get out of firm life soon because mine, and the silly and incompetent partner I work for a lot, are going to make me crazy.

  14. Looking for opinions on budget apps/programs.

    I’m a student living on loans and looking for a budget app/software that will help me stay on track so I don’t run out of money by October.

    Additionally – what do I do with my 401k from my old job?

    2. I rolled my 401k into an IRA of some sort (can’t remember if it’s ROTH or not). Get a recommendation for a financial advisor from a trusted friend/colleague/family member. They can advise you as to what’s best for your particular situation.

      1. Yup. YNAB is good about showing what you still have left to spend that month, rather than focusing on what you already have spent (if that makes sense). You need the desktop version, but can do a lot of entry/balance checking from a phone app.

        401(k) roll into an IRA (Vanguard, Charles Schwab, American Funds, even your local banks can probably set something up). Do not cash it out. Let that seed money grow.

    4. I have never really found Mint or YNAB to be very good tools for me. I created an Excel spreadsheet that listed the line items of all of my fixed costs – rent, estimated utility bills, car payments, estimated grocery expenses and the like – as well as a certain amount for variable expenses (drinks, dinners out). I transferred all of my money into an interest-bearing savings account (like, Capital One), and transferred my budget to my checking account on a monthly basis. I used my debit card a lot during law school to avoid ringing up credit card debt (or only charged things that I would be able to pay off in full).

    5. Others may say differently, but if you’re a student w/o income, you may want to consider just cashing out your 401K – as I recall there isn’t a penalty if you don’t have an income and it could reduce your student loan debt. I did this, but it was a long time ago so things may have changed.

    6. I’ll second Ginjury’s response below that Mint hasn’t done anything for us, other than let us see all of our accounts at once. I want to move us toward an “envelope” system as we really only have one non-fixed budget item right now and that’s groceries. Every other expense we have on a regular basis is fixed–all our utility bills are on budget plan, and we’re just dropping money into the home-maintenance fund, car-maintenance fund, etc. Mint doesn’t let us see that this money is earmarked from the moment it gets direct-deposited into our accounts. My understanding of YNAB is that it will.

      My understanding is that YNAB will see that we get $1000 per paycheck direct deposited, but that $500 goes to mortgage (and straight back out in payment), $250 goes to all utilities (straight back out into payment), $100 goes to home & car maintenance funds (straight into don’t-touch-till-you-need-it), and $150 budgeted for groceries which flexes through the course of our lives. Mint doesn’t tell me that I’ve taken out $100 for those maintenance funds. It just makes us think that we have an extra $100 for groceries. WE know we don’t, but it is difficult to calculate how much is in that amorphous/ambiguous fund if it’s not being tracked as a “deposit”

      Mint made me angry and I’ve quit using it for us, probably to the detriment of our budget in a very critical time of re-learning to budget & getting our finances together.

    7. I like Mint. My husband had YNAB before he met me, but we both prefer Mint now.

      I rolled over a 401(k) from an old job into an IRA with Edward Jones. Now I have a financial advisor at Edward Jones who keeps me up to date on how my money is doing, and I can put more in when I am able.

  15. Discussion question: when do you feel like you have “enough” clothes/shoes/accessories?

    1. One word. Never.
      Seriously, though, at the moment I am feeling fairly okay about not buying any more clothes until the weather chills a bit (Southern California) and I should start supplementing my fall/winter wardrobe. Yes, it’s August, and I finally feel like I have enough summer clothes, shoes, and bags… I think the strategy of taking a cold hard look at my wardrobe and its gaps, which were revealed by creating a matrix of daily outfits with a 4-5 week nonrepeating cycle, and then filling in the gaps and trying to have the self-discipline to stop after they were filled, has worked for me.

    3. Good question! I feel like I have enough. I have 3 weeks of work wardrobe for spring-summer and fall-winter that need not be repeated and are all properly tailored/generally fit (although since I love some things more than others, I do repeat, like the gray pants I’m wearing today instead of my khaki suit which I haven’t worn for several weeks). I can rotate my shoes so that I’m not wearing any given pair more than once a week. My closet is pretty full, so there isn’t much room for new stuff without tossing old stuff anyway. I also have a few things – not many – that don’t fit quite right at the moment but are in good shape so have not made the annual cull pile.

      I do think that it is easier for me, because I am a color coward and spend a fair amount of time in neutral suits + blouse/top with color. I also fear separates because I’m never entirely convinced the things “go” together unless my husband approves. (Unlike me, he has awesome fashion sense. Left to my own devices I tend toward frumpy.) Also helps that my office isn’t business casual, I think, so it’s easier to wear the black suit with a different blouse or shoes each week if I wanted. If I were braver, more confident in my own choices, and actually liked shopping, I’m sure I would “need” more.

      1. +1 on husband dressing me – he has the design degree and eye – and on tending towards neutrals in general making it easier. Your closet, shoes and all, sounds just like mine.

    4. I’ll tell you when it happens. :)

      Really, though, the thing is, I have enough in terms of absolute numbers to rotate outfits without having to do laundry every other day, but things go out of style, they stop fitting me, fall apart, I stop liking stuff etc etc so ‘enough’ is not really a meaningful term because your wardrobe etc is never fixed.

      I like clothes, I like shopping, putting outfits together etc, so I don’t think I’d ever have ‘enough’ to the point where I would stop wanting to buy other things.

    5. I have started feeling that way now for winter clothing (Northern California). I made an effort to buy quality clothing from last 3 years and it has paid off. I also work in a very casual environment, so I don’t have a need for many suits, blazers etc. I am not a fashionista either, I just stick to some uniforms for work and as long as I am put together, I don’t mind being boring. I am thinking hard about what should I be buying for winter but I am not excited about anything. I have like 7 light weight cashmere sweaters , 3 cashmere/merino cardigans, 5 or 6 silk blouses, 3 casual jackets, 5 light weight coats (including one trench coat), 5 pairs of jeans in in various dark washes (2 straight cut, 3 boot cut), 1 pair of knee high boots, 1 pair of booties, 3 pairs of low heeled pumps. I have a pearl necklace and studs, a gold chain and studs (I don’t change my accessories everyday) and a watch with black leather strap. I have my work bag which I never change and a Fossil cognac (vintage reissue collection bag from 3 years back, Fossil ivory colored (sidney?)bag and again a Fossil black cross body bag. I don’t have any exceptional pieces. I really don’t need anything new for this or even next winter.

    6. Related question- how many items of clothing would you say you have in your work wardrobe?

    7. Never. I maintain a relatively small wardrobe by choice and dislike shopping, but something is always aging out so I’m always on the look out to replace at least one item.

  16. This was meant as a reply to layered bob above.

    Agreed. I’ve been using it for over a year now and once you get used to tracking all your spending, it’s so easy.

    I’ve tried Mint and found it really useless for my needs. Mint just tracks your spending, while YNAB helps you plan (and then track) your spending. This is good because you can budget your money out for several months and easily set aside money for bills, groceries, etc.

    I’m not sure if they’re still doing it, but I’m pretty sure they offered it free to students at some point. You should definitely look into that.

  17. I told my husband when he got home last night. It was a tense hour at 2 am and he was upset with me but he is fine now. Now I just need to work on my lingering guilt and anxiety…

    1. Don’t take this the wrong way, but is everything fine now because you groveled and he forgave you, or because you talked it out and he’s OK with the fact that you aren’t always going to clear every single decision with him ahead of time?

      1. Little of both. This was an important thing, so needed to be cleared and wouldn’t have been. I do think I’m more upset about it than he was.

        1. Asking this from a kind and concerned place- why was the botox an “important thing” that needed to be cleared? Why do you have to clear choices about your own appearance with your husband? Or is it because of the cost? Why does he get the final say?

    2. Also don’t take this the wrong way, but the whole thread yesterday really REALLY makes it sound like you personally and your relationship (more the latter than the former) need some major counseling. The dynamic you guys have going on is not normal or healthy, and I find his behavior in particular concerning. You shouldn’t have this much guilt or anxiety over something so small, especially when life is bound to throw you actual challenges at some point.

      1. Definitely seems like there may be a control issue. Your face – your choice to Botox it. Your husband doesn’t have to approve that stuff.

        1. I agree 100% unless it’s a joint financial decision, i.e. if there are financial concerns that mean nondiscretionary spending like Botox is out.

          1. I didn’t get a chance to respond yesterday, but I wondered this too. I have no idea how much Botox costs, but I’d be pretty upset if SO took on a new discretionary expense of a few hundred dollars a month without so much as a heads-up.

          2. When I got a quote it was $300 every six months – so cheaper than my haircuts or manicures. Obvi everyone has different budgets that allow for different expenses.

        2. I would say it makes sense to me that you’d want to tell your husband you got botox (I would tell my SO if I was getting plastic surgery/treatment of most kinds) and it would even make sense to me if he expressed a strong preference that you didn’t and you then chose not to.

          But what makes me nervous about your situation is how scared you were to tell him. Were you scared to tell him because:
          1) You were scared he’d react badly (that is unacceptable. In no world is it okay for your husband to react to something you tell him in a way that makes you afraid and it makes me think you guys need counseling as a couple, to figure out what he is doing or could do that is making you afraid to share things with him)
          2) You were ashamed you had done something without telling him, but weren’t concerned he’d react badly – just deeply disappointed in yourself (in this case, I’d say you probably need some personal counseling, as your reaction is disproportionate to the event in question)

          Whatever the reason, I truly wish you the best of luck with your marriage and your personal health.

          1. it’s his habit of overreacting to small things, like the fact that he was upset with her about this, that make me think they need couples counseling.

            I’d get it if he had a strong preference that you not do this and felt bad/disappointed afterward, but I think he has zero grounds to be upset or angry with you.

          2. I agree with this. Not sure why I didn’t see your post before I posted mine. My disagreement was with “your face, your choice.” I feel there are gray areas here.

        3. Slight disagreement. While I feel the dynamic presented here is unhealthy, I think it is reasonable for spouses to share in decision making where there are risks involved and/or when one will be altering their appearance. I’ve mentioned before that I don’t like long beards so I would expect my husband not to grow one. He doesn’t find super short hair on women attractive so I probably wouldn’t get a pixie cut without discussing the impact on him with him. I wouldn’t want my husband to take the medical risks associated with lipo since he really doesn’t need it and looks good the way he is. Nor would I want him to spend our money on it. I’m sure botox is safer than lipo but at the end of the day it is (usually) a cosmetic procedure and thus it is fair to discuss the risks, expenses and rewards.

          1. Discuss whether to have the procedure, yes. Veto no. Ultimately, the person who is having the procedure gets to make the final choice, taking the SO’s concerns into account.

          2. Sure, discuss things with your partner/spouse. Discussion is often a good idea. I would not dictate cosmetic things like beard length or haircut to my partner/spouse, and I would expect the same from him (though I’d struggle mightily to grow a longer beard). I put Botox in that category of grooming/makeup/clothing style.

            Medical procedures that could affect the other person should be discussed more probably, but ultimately I have a very strong sense of bodily autonomy and I get very prickly at the idea of my partner/spouse (or other family member) getting a veto on something that concerns my own personal meat suit, which I inhabit every day, of which I have only one, and which is usually a very comfortable and nice suit (and is even professional enough to wear to an interview!).

    3. I grew up in a house where I feared my mother in a way that sounds similar to the way you fear your husband. It was not healthy, and continues to affect my relationships today, and my sister’s. Please consider getting therapy. My mother was not generally physically abusive (with a few exceptions), and was a good parent in many ways who would be very surprised to learn that her kids grew up in utter fear of her reactions to small things, but honestly the mental effects of this behavior can be paralyzing (to both parties). I can remember balling at school for an entire lunch period in 6th grade (way too old for that) and then being afraid to go home after another student accidentally spilled red juice on a new outfit. My mother would be surprised by this story today, but my sister would understand it completely. As a result, I have kept many many secrets from my family over the years (and believe my sister has, too) and our relationship is a façade of closeness.

      1. By any chance, did your mother drink or use drugs? This sounds like kind of coping behavior children and family members of addicts have to use to get through it.

        1. I’m guessing I’m too late for responses, but maybe you are subscribed to the thread…..where can I get information on WHY this is mad how it shows up/how to cope? That is EXACTLY the story of my childhood – nothing I would call abuse, or even extreme examples of overreaction to things (although I can think of a few fits each of my parents had over the years), but my brother and I both have EXACTLY this reaction. And my parents drank daily, although not to a clinically problematic level, and smoke pot to cope with their financial and relationship stresses. I believe they did other drugs before I was born and when I was very young, but they never detailed that information. I feel like through some therapy when I was younger and through studying psychology and CBT myself I’ve learned to cope with this and not transfer the secretiveness to my friends or my relationship with my boyfriend, but I am still reticent with information with my parents. Any advice on where to find more information?

      2. I can relate to this so well. My parents are not terrible people, and they certainly weren’t the worst parents. But there was random physical abuse and periods of rage that were terrifying as a child. I remember flinching as my parents came near me because I thought they would hit me. I believe that this resulted in my inability to really learn how to appropriately interact with people until an embarrassingly late age (like, mid-college). I learned that I cannot rely on my parents to “have my back” and I have realized that I’ve created a lot of barriers to experiencing feelings as a protective measure.

        My parents would be shocked if I told them this. My mother thinks we’re great friends, and my father has a very selective memory.

        1. Oh, wow, the overriding theme of my relationship with my mother is that “I cannot rely on [her] to ‘have my back.'”

        2. Wow, your parents sound just like mine. They showed me at a very early age that they were not people I could turn to and expect support from. They too have forgotten all the physical punishments they gave my brother (but not me). Go figure.

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