ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Ottoman Knit Full-Sleeve Sheath Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

A few years ago, it seemed like every dress had a “statement sleeve,” which may have looked cool but was wildly impractical for real life. (Ask me how many of my 2017 bell sleeves got dragged through wet ink or highlighter while I was writing.)

This sweater dress from Lela Rose has a much more scaled-back version of the statement sleeve of yesteryear. It’s got a bit of volume for a chic look that’s still functional.

The dress is $1,290 at Saks Fifth Avenue and comes in sizes XS–XL. It also comes in black.

A more affordable option is this dress from Nanette Nanette Lepore (on sale for $49.99); a plus-size alternative is $99.95 at Eloquii and available in 14/16 to 26/28.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

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344 Comments

  1. The shareholders at my firm have requested feedback from the associates regarding our bonus structure. Currently, we are a smaller firm with 3 offices. However, this is one of the larger firms in our area. Our current pay raise is an annual percentage somewhere between 3% and 5%. 401k contributions from the firm are 3% for the first $40k of salary and 4% on the amount over that. Our billable requirements are 1800hr/yr. Billable rates for associates are $150/hr – $230/hr. We currently get bonuses as follows: (1) $1k each quarter that we hit our 450 target of billable hours; (2) $1k each year for hitting 1800 hours, plus additional amounts for hitting additional billable hours (ex. $5k for hitting 2000); (3) beginning in the associate’s fourth year, if the associate hits a floor of $225k on working attorney revenue for the year (billable time actually billed through to the client and paid by the client) the associate gets a year-end bonus of 10% of all responsible attorney revenue that was performed by other billers, such as other attorneys and paralegals (responsible attorney revenue is revenue in which the associate holds some ownership on the file – brought the client in, split credit, etc.).

    Currently, I’m in my sixth year. I work in one of the satellite offices that has the lowest cost of living of all of our locations and some other similar factors. So, the attorneys in my office have the lowest billable rates compared to attorneys at the same level in other offices. I have the largest chunk of responsible attorney revenue for the associates. However, the last two years, I have struggled to hit the working attorney floor to qualify for the third bonus mentioned above. I am planning on suggesting a structure to this bonus that takes into account the attorney’s billable rate in determining the floor for that bonus.

    A few associates have left recently for various reasons, so we are in a place right now where we can negotiate. What would your ask(s) be?

    1. Something that takes into account profit vs. just billable hours. So either X amount for hitting billable hours, or some % of profit over Y amount. This is my biggest gripe about my firm’s bonus structure–you can be quite profitable but still don’t get a bonus if you don’t hit minimum hours, which somewhat penalizes people on alternative fee arrangements (we have some groups that largely do flat fee stuff, for example).

      1. Otoh that’s a bit of a double edged sword. If the partner cuts your time, or has a negotiated rate, or the client just doesn’t pay, your profitability is going to be low through no fault of your own. Yet anyone reviewing the numbers will assume the partner cut your time because you were inefficient.

    2. If you originated a client then you should get some percentage of the collected fees; there shouldn’t be a floor at all, imho. I would focus on that – from the firm’s perspective, that’s transportable business that will walk out the door if associates aren’t paid fairly. The current structure also discourages associates from developing smaller clients that might turn into larger clients in the long run. Ten percent is quite low, maybe they would be willing to bump that number up, or institute a sliding scale for amount of fees collected.

      On the billable hour thing – I don’t think you’ll have a lot of success trying to lower the floor to account for lower hourly rates. I’ve heard people make that argument at basically every firm I’ve worked at and it’s always poo pooed. I suspect that’s partly because some firm overhead is pooled across offices (IT support staff, for example), but also the central office never seems that concerned with being super fair to satellite offices. Ymmv though.

    4. – higher 401k contribution / match
      – $1500/quarter for hitting hours, $5k at year end if 1800 hours, $x for every 100 hours after that
      – working attorney at 5% collected after 4th year, regardless of amount (no 225k floor) and then maybe 10% on originates business

      Ask knowing they will give you some, not all, and make the business case for retention. You also want to make more money as a partner. Depending on how small your firm is (mine is 50 lawyers across all offices), some new partners barely make more once they are off the associate guaranteed salary years. If the firm is concerned people aren’t hitting hours – make it more attractive to hit the hours. If the firm wants associates to focus on work not origination the first few years – keep the 4th year split. If the firm wants associates to bill and lots of partners are writing down or writing off time – make sure you retain an hours based system so low collection does not hurt associates who don’t control billing.

      Also, your state bar association might have compensation survey data that won’t be 100% accurate but might give you more ideas. If not, accountants are often paid in similar ways to smaller law firms, and you might get ideas there.

    5. How many years do you think you’ll be an associate? I want you to advocate for yourself, but might not be worth upsetting the bonus floor Apple cart if this is your last year as an associate. So flat dollar or percents might serve you better.

  2. How do you co-parent a child when one parent decides to move overseas? A close friend told me his ex-girlfriend has decided to move to the US (from France) and will take their daughter with her. We ended up having a conversation about this after I asked why he seemed down and he opened up about this. The move will happen next year and he is upset because this obviously complicates their co-parenting responsibilities and he says he feels like he is already “losing”(his words) her as she starts to grow up and show some of rebelliousness that comes with being a teenager. His daughter is currently 12 or 13. It seems like the mother already decided on this move, she has the opportunity to apply for a green card (through family ties) and asked him to sign some paperwork which I assume is to grant permission for her to leave with the daughter. He does not want to sign any paperwork before fully understanding what his rights are and what claims she can make in future. For context, he is a French citizen, and the daughter has the same nationality through him. I advised him to consult a lawyer in France who deals with such matters for advice on what to do. I wonder are there are any laws in the US that might affect the co-parenting arrangement and other things e.g. child support which were already established in France? I used to live in the US so some of the things I mentioned to him are things like paying for college since that’s expensive in the US and health insurance, the mother will have to look for work when she arrives so may not health insurance (they will live in Delaware). I am not a lawyer hence this post because I am clueless when it comes to legal advice or co-parenting advice and did not want to say anything that might be misleading. Finally, I am shocked that a parent can decide to move to another country away from a co-parent, in this case especially since there is nothing compelling his ex to leave France. She has just decided to move to the US and since the daughter is so close to the mother he is reluctant to try and get her to stay with him because of the potential psychological impact. Hoping someone here has some experience, advice or even websites he can look up for information (can be in French or English, he is bilingual)

    1. I think the only good advice to give him is to consult a lawyer. International custody issues are complicated and neither you nor any of us are in a position to offer more advice than get a real lawyer.

      2. I agree. OP’s advice to consult a lawyer is wise advice. Even within the US, family law is complicated and states have different rules/laws on many issues. Just be a supportive friend, without providing advice.

      3. All this. Don’t give him anything that could possibly be construed as legal advice, beyond “get thee to the lawyer’s office, NOW.”

      1. Wow that seems randomly aggressive. I don’t think OP included any criticism of the ex. Maybe Monday morning has got you down?

        1. Not at all actually. I just think it’s important not to imagine you know what’s really going on in someone else’s custody issues.

        2. Eh I disagree, OP seems pretty critical of mom. Which may be totally fair! Without knowing the circumstances it DOES seem pretty awful to move an ocean away from your co-parent. Yet even the context OP gives us suggests maybe there’s more going on here; that mom has family in the US, the kid is already starting to display some behavioral issues, and isn’t that close to dad… I think it’s fair to point out that there’s a lot OP doesn’t know. Also as a tongue in cheek aside, as someone who once lived in Delaware, it’s not exactly the most exciting place in the world, you don’t move to Delaware because you’re looking for adventure, you move there because either you have a supportive family network or you’re a banker/lawyer and don’t want to live in NYC.

    3. Obviously consult a lawyer. But also, where I am (not France, so not sure this applies), assuming the dad has some kind of custody order, the mom cannot up and leave without seeking a variation of the custody order and it’s not at all a given that it will be granted. With a teenager, their wishes are often taken into account too. Either way he should be taking to the daughter (and ex if he can) about how this would work and how to maintain a relationship with his daughter if she leaves.

      1. I do know multiple people who coparent without an agreement (usually they were not married at the child’s birth), so I wouldn’t assume one is in place.

        I co-parent a child, and I grew up with parents on different continents. I would definitely recommend consulting a lawyer but the most important thing will be the communication between the co-parents and also the child. So much of how this is going to go is going to depend on what they agree on; getting lawyers and courts involved would probably make the issues drag out past the point of relevance. Does the child want to move? Does the child intend to return to France for college? Does she want to spend summer breaks and winter breaks in France but do the school year in the US, or the other way around? I would also be prepared for the child to have a hard time at first– I always struggled when going from one country to the other, and felt pretty rootless.

    4. He should consult an experienced lawyer in France as soon as possible. The Hague Convention has a role in international custody issues and it weighs heavily the orders of a court in the home country, so he will likely want to get all of the issues addressed under French law before they leave France.

    6. If he is “losing” (i.e., if his daughter wants to move a continent away from him), I would bet there are reasons for that. Men love to think their children’s mothers are turning them against them when that’s not at all what’s happening.

      1. Except sometimes it entirely is. (Says the 40 year old who didn’t talk to her father for eight years and then when she did as an adult realized her mom was nuts and father was flawed but not even close to how her mother described him. Still working through that.)

        1. Yeah, my ex-husband was estranged from his mom in adulthood because he realized the degree to which she’d actively sought to destroy his relationship with his father, down to intercepting letters, lying about availability for visits, etc. My own husband is divorced and recently learned in family therapy that about half the time when his daughter asks to call him, his ex has been saying that he didn’t answer the phone – when she never actually called at all.

          These situations are always messy, but there are custodial parents who are convinced that their own bad relationship with the co-parent is a justification for trying to inhibit the child’s relationship with the co-parent.

  3. I’m not on social media, so I use LinkedIn to keep track of my aggressive ex. I have my account set to private, and have everything else locked down tight (no photo, no showing up in public search, no last name, etc.).

    This weekend while helping my spouse with his LI account, I realized that the “search appearances” feature shows my company and job title to him, making it incredibly easy to cross-reference and figure out that it’s me. So the ex can do the same. I am horrified, panicked, and feel sick. This is why I hate social media: you follow all the rules and do what you’re supposed to, and it just doesn’t matter. They’ll leak your info one way or another.

      1. This isn’t relevant because the weekly search stats are a work-around. When you look at the weekly search stats, it will show the company (“Where your searchers work”) and job title (“What your seachers do”) of people who searched you. If you work for a small company or have an unusual job title, it’s very easy to figure it out.

    3. do you use Premium? I ask because… (1) I’d never heard of this feature, and (2) in checking it out for myself – which I had to google to find – I see only an aggregate list of employers from whom I’d been searched, and then below that, a list of super generic job titles like “lawyer” or “doctor” or “teacher,” none of which are specifically affiliated with any of the employers.

      Anyway, going forward, maybe you can use a fake LI for ex monitoring?

    4. If you go into privacy settings and set it so that you can’t see anything about who follows you, they will also not see anything. I’m sorry about your ex and that sounds stressful, but lets not make this a “social media is tricking me” situation. Other forms of social media would actually have been safer because they’re not designed to show you who is looking at you. Assuming his stuff is public.

        1. Anon at 9:34 is correct. I have that locked down because I want to be nosy without being “seen,” but I still show up in other people’s searches. That’s a different function of the site.

          Unfortunately for the OP, LI is a networking site so I would be surprised if you could exist on the site and have your profile never be found. Defeats the point of the site.

      2. +1 to this too. LI privacy is a two-way street; if you want to benefit from seeing more specifics about who viewed YOUR profile, you have to in turn let others see you viewed theirs, but you don’t have to keep that turned on!

    5. I’m very sorry you are in this situation, but no one leaked anything. The privacy bit allows you to view profiles privately, but it doesn’t make your profile invisible. The site would make no sense as a business networking tool if you were completely unsearchable.

      1. Piggybacking on this – what about searching LI in Incognito Mode in Chrome? Are you invisible then, assuming you’re not signed into an account?

        1. The scenario the OP is concerned about is different, but if your privacy settings are such that you are in what is essentially “anonymous searching” mode (i.e. I can look at your profile but it just shows that someone looked not who looked to you) I don’t think it matters where you are searching from. I don’t know what the search capabilities are when you are logged out, but from a LI business perspective, I am guessing they are very limited so it’s irrelevant.

          For the OP, whether she is logged in or whether she is in incognito mode makes no difference to whether she will come up in someone’s search.

    6. OP, there are various ins and outs on LinkedIn to keep your privacy but may not allow you to be totally private. I wouldn’t take the chance.

      I’d suggest setting up a fake LinkedIn profile, with a burner email and use that. Set up a profile as someone who works for a huge Fortune 50 company and a common location (Amazon in Seattle or Bank of America in Charlotte) and give a fake job name for current employer. Doesn’t have to be fancy. Or have your anonymous childhood friend follow him.

    7. If you want to use social media (which LinkedIn is) to stalk someone else, it opens you up to the same sort of stalking.

  5. Looking for advice and resources on coparenting and legal implications when a coparent decides to move to another country. A friends ex will move with their daughter to the US, a permanent move since they are getting green cards. He is not happy about the move, but is reluctant to try and get his daughter to stay with him because she is very close to her mother and it may affect her. He and his daughter are French so current coparenting and child support were done under French laws. My advise was to maybe see a therapist because he worries about the psychological impact of this move for her. And to seek legal advice in France for child support implications, this is with knowledge that certain things cost more in the US. Should he also talk to a family lawyer in the US? Anyone with advice or experience with this, please help.

  6. Staying with some friends and their 5 year old for a weekend, what is an appropriate hostess gift?

    1. What’s the context? Virtually anything on a hostess gift list will be appropriate. If I’m staying at someone’s main home, I send flowers before or after presuming I’m traveling to them on a plane and don’t want to pack extra stuff. If we’re all going to a cabin or something, and I’m driving, I’ll bring something food related to make the weekend easier – bagels and cream cheese for breakfast, chocolate chip cookies to snack on, cheese and crackers for apps, etc. The best things friends have sent me after staying are fancy robes, slippers, flowers, cutting boards, and fancy candles I like.

      1. +1 to fancy cutting boards. A Corpore*t*t*e once visited me and brought a cutting board in the shape of my state and I still use it and think of her every time I do. (*Waving to former DTLAre*t*t*e if you’re out there!*)

        Also if you’re from out of town, a specialty food item from where you live is always fun, it it’s practical to travel with.

    2. Alcohol, flowers, offering to get up with the five year old so the parents can sleep in.

      1. As the parent of a five year old, the biggest gift that any guests have ever given is just being a fun presence in my kid’s life. I will forever be thankful to my cousin’s husband who gleefully accepts my son’s face times to show off his lego creations.

        I am big on consumables. Bring either a local specialty from home or something you know they’ll enjoy like good coffee or alcohol.

    3. Caveat that we have kids and so do all the friends we regularly visit, but the traditional hostess gift is something for the kid(s). Art supplies are my go-to, especially for people who live in smaller spaces and don’t want to accumulate a lot of ‘stuff’. OOLY brand is great.

  7. How would you clean these shoes? Would you put them in the washing machine in a pillowcase? Or another way? Link in comment.

    2. The same way I clean all my running shoes, pillowcase in washer. But if they’ve gotten particularly messy with mud and grass, hose ’em down outdoors first.

    3. To clarify, they need a DEEP cleaning. Not just wiping off with a damp towel.

    4. Running shoes are meant to get cruddy, not be pretty.
      That said, my best results for attempting to clean up shoes have been to run them in the dishwasher (top shelf). Remove laces, insoles, etc before doing so.

    5. I would wash them in cold water in the washing machine. Take the insoles out, toss in the shoes and a towel or two to deaden the sound, and then air dry. I usually use about half the normal amount of detergent. Sneakers usually do just fine with this method. If you have a boot warmer, you can put the shoes on that to dry them faster.

    6. Toss ’em in the washer with some oxyclean sanitizer or lysol laundry sanitizer. Try dry take out the insoles and stuff them with newspaper.

    7. I put mine in the washer in a lingerie bag, but pillowcase would work. I let them dry outside in the sun, if that’s an option for you now that it’s fall.

    8. First soak in bucket with oxyclean for ~1 hour, then in the washer. Presoaking is my go-to for all set in stains & really grubby stuff, much more effective than just adding it to the washer.

  8. Is White + Warren cashmere worth the price? I’m in need of some new toppers, and like the look of their mini trapeze. I’m trying to buy fewer, better things, but I want to be sure it’s really better, not just more expensive. I’m also terrible at getting returns out in a timely manner, so for online orders, I like to be confident I’ll keep it.

    1. I used to have a White + Warren cashmere sweater and it was nice. It wasn’t amazing, but it was pretty good quality. I snagged it on something and then it got a couple holes, but that’s more on me than the sweater itself. I don’t remember it pilling much, if at all, if that’s what you’re worried about.

    2. Honestly, I loved mine and they weren’t worth it. Despite taking care of them properly and normal wear, two sweaters developed multiple holes within a year. For the price, I expected better quality.

  9. Chicago recs? Going to be there for just a weekend this month. Looking for unique things to do and places to eat. TIA!

    1. I loved the Art Institute. It was wild to turn a corner and see Nighthawks and then American Gothic. I could have spent a second day there.
      I haven’t done the architecture tour but everyone raves about it.

    2. Food: Girl & the Goat for dinner, Ann Sather for breakfast, deep dish pizza if that’s your thing. For old-school Saturday Night Live fans, the original Billy Goat Tavern is fun.

      Unique things to do: for sure an architecture tour. I also love the Garfield Park Conservatory and it’s totally off the beaten path. Have a drink at the Signature Room at the Hancock (pricey, but cheaper than and one flight up from the Skydeck and the views are amazing). Walk through Millennium and Grant Parks and take in the public art. Chicago museums are great if you’re into that, and my fave is the Adler just because planetariums aren’t so much a dime a dozen. Lincoln Park Zoo is free to stroll through. I can think of more but these are just off the top of my head!

    3. If you need a quick nosh and it’s chilly, get some soup!

      https://soupbox.com/

      I always go here when I visit my sister – their lobster bisque is amazing and it’s dairy-free, so you don’t feel so weighed down with cream after eating it.

    5. If you like Gilded Age mansions, the Driehaus Museum is interesting (and doesn’t take very long).

  10. My partner is on a long work assignment abroad (might go through Christmas) and while I’m sad about not spending the holidays together, I’m more sad about not being physically present with him so I can receive his love language (acts of service). I’m resentful when I carry heavy groceries, when I have to do all my cooking and cleaning, and when repairmen come to the house and I’m alone. In an ideal world, I’d tell him- please set up weekly groceries, pay for a cleaner, and what else can he do? I still feel a bit ashamed/embarrassed that I 1) have these needs and 2) I need to communicate these to him. I am re-reading Attached, but I am still working through a lot. We’re not married (don’t share finances) and he travels frequently for work on long trips.
    Not asking for specific advice but maybe insights from the hive: what you’ve asked for that didn’t feel burdensome (should I even worry about this?), what arrangements you’ve done in similar situations…

    1. Ummm. Idk what to tell you. You’re an able bodied adult living alone, why wouldn’t you be responsible for taking care of yourself? Can he communicate that he loves you by telling you with words? If his only method of sharing love is manual labor, I’m not impressed.

      1. My first thoughts mirrored the first two sentences. My remaining thoughts were a bit different. I feel really sad for your partner that you miss him doing work for you more than you do his presence generally (this is based on OP’s words). I cannot imagine being asked to help manage these simple tasks for a partner while I am working overseas. Like just no. You can do this for yourself for a short time. Come on.

        1. My mom is like this with my dad. I find it incredibly annoying, but he doesn’t, which is the important part. He has always traveled for work, and she would want him to set up things before he went. She still wants him to give her directions places, not google maps, and texts me screenshots to order her things on Amazon instead of doing it herself. She of course could do all these things, but just feels much more taken care of when someone else does. It’s irrational, but I’ve learned not to look into it too much. My mom misses my dad when he travels, but I think these tangible things are how she expresses that emotion.

        2. different Anon here but this morning I was just thinking how much as a single childless woman I wish I had enough money to hire a personal assistant/housekeeper to do these things house things OP listed…

          now if there were dependents in the situation I might feel a little more sympathy for OP

      2. Yeah I don’t think it’s on him to set this up. I work in a field where it’s usually a few months on (long hours/overnights/weekends sometimes with travel sometimes without) then a few months off (normal work hours).

        I’m single so I make it work even when I’m swamped, but my coupled coworkers just have their SOs pickup the “slack” when we’re busy – no one arranges these services for their partners.

    2. I’m sorry but being an adult means being responsible for things like cooking and cleaning for yourself.

    3. Can you not just set up grocery deliveries if you want grocery deliveries? How will he know what is in the fridge still from being far away and not knowing if you drank all the milk or forgot to put it back and now you need another gallon just the next day? And if you’re home solo I am not understanding the big need to pay for a cleaner if you get by without one. Maybe plan a visit as a happy thing to do so you have something to look forward to?

      1. Right? And pay for a cleaner when he doesn’t live there and you don’t share finances? Bizarre.

    4. I don’t think this is his problem to solve, and would just make arrangements for the services you want to use. Sign up for grocery delivery, plan easy meals for yourself and find a reliable housekeeper.

    5. Having been on the other side of this a ton (being the one who traveled) I would be surprised to be asked for any of this and would feel weird if my partner was annoyed at having to carry their own groceries.
      Having to manage the travel/ temporary relocation was enough of a hassle for me and I kind of just expected my partner to buy their own groceries and cleaning. My expectation would change significantly if I was leaving kids or animals for them to take care of.
      I sent occasional “thinking of you” treats, but not because I felt I owed it, just because I wanted to.

      1. Same. Back when I travelled, it was chaotic to go from two parents vs one parent when the kids were very young, so the travel parent usually did a stock-up run pre-trip so no one had any emergencies (no size 2 diapers!) during the trip. Now, the kids go on normal shopping trips now that they are vaxxed and can understand the need to just double-up on non-perishables and get enough food for the week (we are practically daily shoppers to grab fresh items). We get the wash done ahead. You try to make it easy when the solo parent has to juggle a lot. Pre-kids pre-dog, I just left and called / sent tacky postcards / bought souvenirs.

    6. Maybe ask him for advice, like who he’s hired to clean in the past so that you can hire the same people? I honestly think it would be pretty bothersome for him to get you grocery delivery because how would he know what you want to eat every week and what the status of your fridge is? If you don’t share finances and he’s frequently away it might be better to practice doing those types of things yourself. Maybe he can plan some things to do if you visit him over the holiday break.

    7. idk, the fact that you say you miss the practical help around the house more than his actual presence means “you’re just not that into him” to me…

      If you share a household why does he need to pay for a cleaner as an act of service? Can’t you just say “hey I’m having a harder time keeping up with chores solo, do you mind if we pay for a biweekly cleaner while you’re gone”? As far as grocery delivery, why even bug him about it – the cost is fairly de minimis especially if you do it say 1x a month with all your heavy groceries, and then supplement with fresh produce, meat, dairy etc as needed… and how would he even know what to order?

      1. Idk, I would be pretty annoyed if my partner who i don’t share finances with asked me to help pay for a bi-weekly cleaner when I would gone for 3 months. I’m not contributing to the mess and these are normal every day chores that every adult has (I would feel differently for yard work/one off things), so why should I pay because you don’t want to pick up after yourself?

    8. Huh? If he’s gone why should he be responsible for helping carry your groceries and cook your food? You sound extremely dependent. Maybe him being gone for a while will be a good thing to help you gain some independence!

    9. My DH is routinely gone for long periods of time and I can’t imagine being mad at him about any of this stuff or requesting he do any of the leg work for me. The only ‘accomodation’ we make for his travels is a Costco trip to get a few boxes of cat litter then I handle everything else myself.

    10. As someone whose giving love language is acts of service, this is the exact dynamic I want to avoid in all of my relationships. It seems like you value his labor (that you could easily outsource) more than him as a person/individual and are taking advantage of his willingness to do these things.

      Why are you not able to set up grocery deliveries or a cleaning service for yourself? Why does the work fall on HIM when he’s the one who is traveling? I think this is a case where you need to “adult” and do it yourself, rather than being so dependent on him. He’s your partner, not a servant.

      1. + 1 million to this. This is a situation where someone’s love language is being exploited and the person with the service-oriented love language is being taken advantage of. Love Languages are supposed to help us understand each other and ease communication and conflict. They are not a path to being able to dump all the things we don’t want to do in life onto our partners. It’s disappointing and questionable that someone read the book and had this takeaway from it.

    11. I’m the partner who is away half the week, and pre-kids, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to make arrangements for him. Now we have kids, and I try to make things easier when I can. I set up certain things on subscription, try to do an extra load or two of laundry when I’m home, and leave leftovers from Saturday night so he doesn’t need to worry about dinner on Sunday. I make a mean mac and cheese which I can’t eat as I’m dairy intolerant and when I leave next, I’ll make a platter for him.
      But I think the key for us making it work (cavaet, we’re a month in) is that we’re both convinced the other person has the easier deal. I think he has it tough home with kiddo, he thinks me settling into a new job and flying 2x a week sounds terrible.

    12. Is this question worded wrongly, and what you mean is you want him to be proactive in making arrangements for covering his share of the household chores while he’s away?

      1. Did you read the part where she asks if she should even worry about whether what she wants to ask him to do (now, from afar) is burdensome?

    13. So I’m hearing that being taken care of is how you like to receive love (and he’s apparently OK with giving love this way). Perhaps this is a time to flex “love languages” that are less innate for both of you. That could be a positive thing for your relationship overall. I don’t know that expecting acts of service from afar is a fair expectation, honestly. That’s sort of an in-the-moment thing. Don’t set up your partner for failure.

      1. You are right in saying, by giving him one way I am setting him up for failure…

    14. I’m in a LDR and acts of service is big for both of us. I feel you on the resentment. I lived on my own for 20 years before we lived together, it’s not that I CAN’T do this stuff; but when I got married I thought I would finally have someone to share my life with – the good and the annoying bits. I recommend focusing on gratitude. He brings so many good things to my life despite the distance, taking care of my own car repairs (like I always have!) is a small price to pay. I also keep a running, non-urgent, relatively easy “honey do” list for him. It makes him feel good to contribute to the household and it makes me feel good to look forward to him doing some stuff. I also look for ways I can do stuff for him while he’s away, like send him cookies from an awesome local-to-him bakery when he’s had a bad day.

      They key is that this is mutual. You say you want to receive his love language – does he want to find ways to do things for you? If he asks then I think it’s ok to suggest something like, maybe he sends you dinner once a week, or picks out a movie for you to each watch and then talk about together.

      Arranging for ordinary household chores while halfway across the world is… not a good strategy. You’re going to frustrate each other. In theory, maybe he could research repairmen or whatever online and you could meet with them in person and then the two of you could talk about it together. In reality, the logistics are often a lot harder than they seem, and someone (ie you, the person dealing with the broken toilet) is going to be frustrated by the delay that comes with coordinating with someone many time zones away. Ask me how I know. For recurring stuff like cleaning, maybe he can arrange it when he’s back, but I wouldn’t ask him to do it while he’s away.

    15. I’m going to skip over the labor aspect, and focus on the emotional dimension. It sounds to me like you want a relationship where you are sharing each other’s daily burdens on a day-to-day basis, and you cannot have that in your current relationship. Do you want to be a long term relationship with someone who is gone for months at a time? I would not.

      1. I wouldn’t like this, either. It would absolutely not work for how I like to be in a relationship.

    16. I suspect that at some level you are angry and resentful that he has a job that requires him to be away. You are pissed off that you do not have him to be with and to share the burdens of everyday life. I assume you do other things that he benefits from, like the laundry, or cooking, or paying bills, or whatever. I hope so! Asking someone to do these long distance chores is nonsense–you need to do them yourself, as he is doing wherever he lives. When my husband is away and I have to make the coffee (which takes 2 minutes) I realize how much I appreciate that he does that. So, talk to him about how you don’t like this arrangement, is it a part of his work life forever, can you go with him and work remotely, at least sometimes, and that you miss him and the things he does for you.

    17. I think you need to go back and read Love Languages again. Knowing your Love Language does not obligate your partner to always use that love language to demonstrate their love for you. Especially in a circumstance like this, where he cannot demonstrate Acts of Service because he’s literally in another country. It’s completely selfish and inappropriate to expect your partner to hire you a housekeeper and pay for your grocery delivery just because you’re too delicate to be inconvenienced by doing it yourself. I hope you’ll use this time apart from your partner to develop some independence and learn how to take care of yourself. Your partner might die or they might leave you, and then what will you do? Standing on your own two feet and learning how to meet your own needs and how to manage the heavy, dull and un-fun activities of daily life is just part of being an adult.

      As for what I’ve done in my marriage of 22 years? I pull my own weight. My husband pulls his own weight. There have been many situations (extended travel; extended periods of long/crazy work hours; ill health; dealing with care for elderly parents; someone grieving over the death of a loved one) where one of us has had to step up and do more or less everything while the other person gets through whatever situation they’re in. We’ve traded that role back and forth many times over the years. If you’re expecting to be in a long-term relationship (with this person, or anyone ever) I would suggest you start learning a little bit about sucking it up in the face of unfortunate or undesirable circumstances, and doing what needs to be done to keep the household running. Because you’ll likely have to do that more than once over the course of your lifetime.

      2. Amen. I find that “love languages” has been pretty thoroughly weaponized by a lot of people in a way that is frankly laughable. It is not an excuse to make outrageous demands of people you supposedly love.

    18. This is weird. People carry their own groceries. If they’re too heavy get one of those wheeled carts that old people in the city use.

    19. Agree with the commenters but also, bless your partner that he makes household chores easier, not harder for you when he’s there. Assuming you’re a woman, sadly most women find it easier to clean and cook when their partner is gone — less work to do. I’m impressed that he seems to pull his own weight (and maybe some of yours?) when he’s there.

      1. Right? My former husband traveled a lot for work and it was so much easier when he was away! In fact, it was when he finally started working in town full time that I realized I had to leave!

        1. My husband pulls his own weight and then some, and I still find keeping house easier when he’s gone! He creates so much mess and wants to eat all the time and is hung up on his own schedule and needs attention and conversation. He was out of town this weekend for the first time in two years, and I got his chores and mine done plus some extra stuff, in the same amount of time it takes me just to fulfill my own responsibilities while he’s around. Living with another person is just challenging, even if they are an equal partner.

        2. +1
          When I was in my 20s and was married for the first time, I got really sad when my then husband would go overseas for work (generally 3 weeks at a time). I don’t know why, because we barely got along when he was home.

          Now that I’m much older and married to a much more suitable man, I still recognize that having a break now and then is liberating!!

        3. “Wants to eat all the time” is challenging for me, even living with the most wonderful man in the whole wide world. When I’m on my own I eat when I’m hungry and often skip meals. My husband seems to eat by the clock and it still blows my mind when he says “what’s for lunch?” just a few hours after a big breakfast.

          1. Hahaha I am your husband in this situation! I start planning for lunch pretty much when breakfast is done. Sometimes breakfast gets delayed and then I have to figure out lunch right away! My DH was bewildered by this but I basically explained it as “the breakfast got debited to the 7am account”. Yes I am an accountant why do you ask?

    20. Is this a real question? I’m wondering if OP is messing with us and we’ve all fallen for it.

      1. Totally fake, but people usually jump all over the person who calls it out. There is a pattern of similar posts that try to stir up outrage by playing on traditional gender roles.

        1. Like the woman who once said she’s never pumped her own gas…I still wonder about that one.

          1. Wait that’s legit. In New Jersey self pumping is prohibited by law. I’d have to really follow the directions on the pump and hope it was clear enough to figure out.

          2. I live in a certain Pacific Northwest state and it’s actually illegal to pump your own gas! “Job creation”, lol.

          3. Oh, no, in this case she didn’t know how. Her husband or father had always done it.

  11. What’s your favorite spill proof travel mug? I’ve been using Contigo for years (based on recs here!) but they’re starting to leak. Wondering if anyone has found something even better. Thanks all!

      1. +1 – can’t wash in the the dishwasher but so great it’s worth it (and that’s saying a lot).

        1. Soooo let’s say, purely hypothetically, that one puts it in the dishwasher despite one’s best intentions of hand washing it. Will it like melt and ruin the dishwasher? Or will the mug just not work as well? Not that that’s what happened to my Contigo at all….

          2. Ooops, I put my Zojirushi in the dishwasher and it’s been ok so far after several years of use…

    3. Ha, I did a Zojirushi vs Yeti (not leakproof afaik) comparison here in the comments in 2019 you might useful. Zojirushi is absolutely leakproof but there are some nuances regarding assembly and possible user error.
      2021 update — my husband puts his in the dishwasher even though you aren’t supposed to, and so far its been fine. So we are still Zojirushi all the way!
      https://corporette.com/jodee-mini-dress/#comment-3933339

      1. I had no idea you are not supposed to put them in the dishwasher. We have two that are at least four years old and dishwashed regularly. While they have dents and the paint has come off the champagne one, they are completely leak proof and keep liquids at near-boiling temp for hours.

    5. Yeti. I love that they’re all dishwasher safe – even the caps. I use a rambler with a hot shot cap.

      1. I have the Yeti Rambler with the hotshot cap too and I love it too…so much easier to clean than the zojirushi.

    6. I would get another Contigo! Who the heck wants to hand-wash some super-special travel mug?

    7. Yeti. I was very much opposed to paying that much for a f-ing thermos until I actually got one and now I use it even just sitting at my desk for coffee because it keeps it warm for so long- and keeps water cold for so long, too! And it’s dishwasher safe and I do not buy daily items I have to hand wash.

    8. I’m very happy with my Zojirushi. I previously had two “Thermos Commuter” bottles which are basically the same thing at the same price point – both lasted about 5 years of heavy use and then the lid hinge broke. I was okay with that, but not thrilled. I think the Zojirushi is slightly nicer – the bottle is physically smaller and lighter (it seems) to hold the same volume of liquid and still keep it scorching hot.

  12. Kansas City recommendations (food and things to do)? Spending a weekend there later this month and want to make the most of it

    1. KC is BBQ. Among the best is Joe’s Kansas City BBQ. The original location is a converted gas station, but all of the locations are good.

      The World War I memorial is always amazing. Besides the permanent exhibits, they almost always have special exhibitions going on.

      There’s an outdoor art installation at Starlight Theater that’s an immersive Van Gogh experience that is ongoing until 12/31.

      The Plaza is second only to Paris for the number of fountains. It’s mostly walkable, with lots of funky shopping.

      Beyond that… what types of things do you like to do/food you like to eat? KC has lots of neighborhoods that are enclaves of food and art and fun.

      1. Seconding Joes (original location /gas station— there’s a park nearby if weather is nice and you’d like to eat outside —-Rose-something, i think) and WWI museum! Those were our first stops when we visited in March.

    2. I have only been to town a couple of times, but the one thing I remember enjoying is the Negro Leagues Baseball Hall of Fame.

    3. The WW1 museum is very well done and I believe the Auschwitz exhibit is still at Union Station (I haven’t been to this exhibit, so no personal recommendation). Jack Stack BBQ is right up the street and I had a shockingly delicious brunch at Lidia’s once. FWIW, my suggestions are all a couple years aged, so give preference to any readers who are more up to date.

    4. Q39 BBQ
      Are your driving or flying? I always love a good trip to IKEA. (FWIW, we don’t have an IKEA in my area)
      Union Station
      If you like antiques there is a huge multistory antique shop downtown. I can’t recall the name but its a few blocks away from the Marriott downtown.

    5. If you’re looking for an area to wander around and enjoy, Westport is by far my favorite neighborhood in Kansas City. Tons of cute restaurants and bars and shops.

    6. For food, I like Extra Virgin and Corvino (both kind of downtown – EV is small plates and Corvino is a supper club). I used to love Blue Stem, which is closed, but the owners also own Rye in OP. For BBQ Arthur Bryant’s (the original) is an experience. Food is delicious of course, but part of it is the neighborhood/vibe.

      Second the WWI museum. They have a VR experience going on right now; it was sold out for weeks earlier in the summer but it could be back on. Plus, the Nelson Atkins (art) is right across the street.

      If you like zoos, KC’s zoo is amazing. The Africa section is wonderfully done and *huge*. Very open.

  13. I have $100 to Goldbelly. Any recs? The gift givers intent was I think for me to enjoy a cooking class (which I theoretically do enjoy but just hard to fit in right now). There are overall a lot of offerings and I’m a little overwhelmed about other ways to use the gift card.

    1. I would get food you don’t have easy access to, or something regional from a place you love.

    4. We really loved the Gelato Gift Box from Nancy Silverton Nancy’s Fancy, also the Breakfast Burrito Sampler from Cofax Burritos. Also loved the ribs and pulled pork box from Memphis Central BBQ.

  14. NYC people, any recommendations for a bakery or other place that I could order a birthday cake or cupcakes to be delivered to an NYU freshman dorm? Any other ways this aunt can celebrate her niece’s first birthday away from home remotely? Thanks

    1. Venieros is an old style bakery and it was one of my favorites when I was there.
      Insomnia Cookies are popular but not quite a cake.
      Milk Bar cake if she is into that
      Mollys Cupcakes

    4. There are so many options in NYC! I’m a fan of Schmackary’s cookies, and Milk Bar has local outlets.

    7. Billy’s bakery makes yummy cakes, and echo others on Venierio’s and Milk Bar. Disagree on the Baked by Melissa recs – too much frosting and food coloring for a bite of cake. You can basically get anything delivered here, but make sure she’ll be around to receive it and/or the delivery service has her cell number.

      1. +1 to the Baked by Melissa dislike. They are ubiquitous but I don’t think they taste good.

    8. NYU grad here. Milk bar is excellent and a fun choice. Insomnia cookies always arrived still raw in the middle for me, so might avoid that. Takahachi bakery in Tribeca delivers and has an amazing strawberry shortcake and a cool matcha crepe cake. You could also send babka from Zabars!

  15. My zip-up fleece jacket has given up the ghost after 10+ years of service. And now there are so many fleece jackets that I just do not want to spend the rest of the month clicking around the interwebs and reading reviews. Is windblock worth it? Women’s sweater fleeces seem to be so very fitted that I’m not sure I could find one for a shorter boxy person (petite large would likely be as semi-fitted as I’d want; usually a medium but I hate things that are very tight).
    And am I right that the very plush fleece will pick up all sorts of nature gunk and be harder to launder vs traditional fleece? I have a small credit at LLBean that I could use but not wedded to that for the right fleece. If there are any rock star fleeces with full zippers, pockets, etc.

    1. Can you re-buy the one you had? Sounds like it held up pretty well.
      Honestly my basic-b1tch North Face fleece is still wearable after 10 years; the pockets are shredded but otherwise it’s held up.

      1. If only “basic b*tch” fleece was a searchable term. Fleece has gotten as complicated as denim (wtf is a barrel jean? how to you search for “not cropped” and also “not rolled hem”). I took a lot of symbolic logic in college and get how to program for what I want and am a native English speaker and feel like if stores had inventory, you could go in and ask this question to a human but on the websites, it is just depressing and not fruitful.

        1. Not to TJ your own comment but FWIW you are not alone in being frustrated by search functionality. Like on Airbnb there’s a filter for saying “accepts pets” but not the reverse (i.e., show results only that do NOT allow pets). On Target there’s a filter for “shipping” but the results that are returned – once you click into them it’s in-store only for many of the items.

          (Also, I really wish other software & s-tes would be smart enough to know a minor typo in your search the way that Google does!)

          1. I totally need AirBNB to filter for “no pets have been here” after being in one that was supposed to be “sparkling clean” and was actually full of cat hair (to the point of it being on all curtains and having cat hair tumbleweeds). Which is not only gross, but I’m really allergic to cats. Back to hotels.

          2. We don’t book anywhere that allows pets, and will also double check by asking the host before booking (like you, allergic to dander) — but having to click into the listing to figure that out is so inefficient!!

          3. Anon at 10:33, we can’t do AirBNBs either as my son is really allergic to cats. I think people either bring in cats surreptitiously (without the owner’s knowledge) or the owners allow it on a case-by-case basis and then say that cats have never been in the property. After a couple of experiences where he had to spend the entire trip on serious antihistamines, we went back to hotels.

        2. Basic b*tch fleeces and other coldweather essentials hold up really well, so buying used is a really good option. My basic coats, down vests, and fleeces all look brand new.

    2. Starting from I just don’t understand one fleece in 10 years, I like the Dudley Stephens line of fleeces, they don’t pill or shrink up up weird.

    3. 1. What are you using it for? Hardcore outdoor hiking, or just casual wearing around town? I don’t know that a fluffy plush fleece would be much harder to wash.
      2. On the shape, I have found Patagonia to be durable and good for shorter-torsoed boxy shapes. Or you might even consider a men’s fleece if the arm and body length might work for you.

    4. If I were you I’d browse LL Bean and buy the most attractive one with the features you like. LL Bean is short and boxy so it sounds perfect for you. I have many fleeces and ultimately they’re all kind fo the same performance-wise.

      1. As a fellow short person, I think LL Bean is good for this because they actually sell jackets in petite sizes, which is really what I need. Every once and a while I get lucky and find something at Patagonia that actually fits, but they’re mostly too long in the torso and sleeves- those sweater fleeces are one of the worst offenders. It’s a shame, because I love their stuff, but they really don’t make it to fit most women. Some of their pants come in short lengths, but no tops; and I don’t think they have pluses either.

        1. Eh, I’m on the taller end, and Patagonia REALLY doesn’t fit me well. I think it’s for people who are cut very, very straight through the torso. It is not made for hips, I’ve found. Which is too bad, because the sleeve length is nice. :)

          1. That’s exactly my point- it comes in very few sizes and the cuts are unforgiving, so it doesn’t fit most women, even the one in the sizes it could fit! It’s just interesting, since it seems like a deliberate choice that runs counter to their message about sustainability. If I have to get rid of my clothes every time I gain or lose weight, that’s not sustainable!

          2. Got it, I see what you’re saying! I completely agree. Weight fluctuations happen, and I’m not happy if a 10-pound shift leads to something being unwearable.

          3. So I am not a L but have hips that make me definitely a M and I just buy things like fleeces and jackets in a L so they will never not fit. The minute I became a borderline M (up from S), I only bought Ms. Clothes that fit are only for work clothes and cute things, not for service or casual items like fleeces.

          4. Agreed, I have hips and Patagonia jackets and fleeces don’t work for me. Sizing up just seems to emphasize the bad fit.

    5. If you don’t want things tight, don’t buy any of the newer Patagonia Better Sweaters. I have an old one that is perfect in a medium and I tried to buy a new one in a large and it was skintight. It was not only less comfortable, but way less functional for my needs outside. Hate the trend to make women’s outdoor clothing just as non-functional as women’s regular clothing. If I were you, I’d just go with something at LL Bean.

      1. Yes! The better sweaters are so tight across the bust on me. And I’m not very busty.

    6. Yeah, I’d say go to the usual sources (LL Bean, LE, Columbia, Eddie Bauer, North Face) and pick one you like. I would stay away from the plush ones. I just posted this on the mom board, but I have one of those super soft ones and it’s either boiling hot or allows way too much wind through the weave. There is rarely anything in between and I regret the purchase.

    7. I have a very basic one from Columbia (the Benton Springs) that is perfectly serviceable. It’s a midweight fleece, soft, holds up to repeated launderings, and is inexpensive enough that I don’t worry if I spill on it or am hard on it. It also fits my pear shaped body pretty well. Size up if you are going to layer over sweaters.

    8. I have the LL Bean one that looks identical to the Patagonia Better Sweater one and I love it. I would have bought the Patagonia but the LL Bean was a gift and I’m very happy with it.

  17. Seeking vacation recs for Spring Break 2022, by which time my kids (ages 6, 9, and 12 by the time of travel) will hopefully be vaccinated against COVID. Our spring break is the last week of March/1st week of April and we’ll be traveling from the Midwest. We only have 6 days total including travel time and budget is flexible-ish (under $10K for sure, under $6K ideal).

    By that time, we will have recently been to the Maine coast, Orlando area, and Scottsdale AZ — all in AirBNBs. Would ideally like to stay in a hotel/place where we don’t have to make 3 meals a day. Open to all kinds of ideas! We were originally thinking we’d fly to Salt Lake City and explore Canyonlands and Arches National Parks, but now I’m not so sure. Don’t want full-on snow (we don’t ski, either…open to learning?) but cold/adventurous or warm/relaxing are both on the table. Would love input from this group.

    2. I love Phoenix / Scottsdale. Marriott Desert Ridge is a nice resort that does well with families. Desert Botanical Garden is lovely in spring and Phoenix has a lot of hiking in the city itself and nearby. Not sure re Cactus League schedule, but that is worth checking out. Plus, you can easily drive to Flagstaff if you want cold.

    3. We’re hoping to do Tuscany for Spring break with our then 4 year old. I’m hoping she will have gotten at least one dose by then, but even if she hasn’t we’ll probably make the trip. Once we get there it would be a pretty socially-distanced trip, and planes themselves aren’t terrible risky.

  18. I started the morning reading the paper and got mad at Kyrie Irving re his COVID stance and how we don’t need more martyrs for that movement and now hearing that Colin Powell (fully-vaxxed) had died of COVID complications and I’m so, so sad at this terrible disease taking such good people away from a world that needs more of them and now has fewer.

    1. It was unfortunate that he died. Colin Powell had multiple myeloma, so it was questionable whether or not the vaccine would work for him.

      1. …which 100% should have been the headline vs the one I read “Colin Powell, fully-vaccinated, dies of COVID complications”. I’ve seen some outlets update/clarify at this point in the morning but MAN, that made me mad. Just fuels my anti-vax ILs in the deep south and others like them.

      2. A friend’s mom has multiple myeloma and the treatment made her seriously immunocompromised; she has basically not been able to leave her house for months due to risk of infection – not just Covid, but many types of infection. Not cool that’s been completely dropped out of some of the headlines about Colin Powell.

        1. Yep – this. The focus is that he died of COVID, not that he had a preexisting condition that made even the common cold dangerous for him. So misleading.

      3. And he was 84 (which surprised me, I for some reason thought he was a lot younger). Age is still a big risk factor, vaccinated or not.

        It is unfortunate. I may not have agreed with his politics, but he was one of the few level-headed, rationale men in politics left.

    2. I am also really sad about Colin Powell. He was a true statesman; we need more people like him.

      1. I saw him speak a few years ago. You want to like the guy but you can’t forget about WMD, which is basically what everyone else who saw him that day said. He said it would be a significant paragraph in his obituary someday, and there it is today.

        1. Info that turns out later to be false is a risk we all run — glad I will not be famous enough to have any official obit that goes beyond naming family members.

    2. I like the sleeves and overall cut/knit of the dress. But that price for viscose is absurd.

    3. I love the sleeves and the dress. I was ready to purchase it until I saw the price. O_O

    4. I love this sleeve style! Not only is it professional for work, but I can also clean the kitchen counters while making my coffee!

  20. I’m new to tracking my time at work, and I’m struggling. I work fast and in concentrated blocks, but I also get distracted a l lot. I do a lot of good work, but something that might take other people 5 hours of focused work will take me 2 hrs of heavy concentration + 2 hrs goofing off/thinking about it. So what should I put for my hours? I also don’t want to not bill a full day when I am doing a full days worth of work, just in a different pattern.

    1. I think you are giving other people more credit for being focused than is actually due.

    2. You can’t bill for time you didn’t actually work, so I would set up timers (most timekeeping software has this) and pause/start as needed. Sometimes I forget and have to make a manual adjustment. Your timekeeping software probably also has an app, so that’s super helpful if not in front of computer.

      Billing time forces you to become less distracted (it stinks b/c I work the same way as you).

    3. Use a timer and bill in blocks of time with a reasonability standard. When I used to bill, I’d keep the timer going if I needed to get up to sharpen a pencil, grab tissue, or anything that took less than a few minutes related to being…human or their work. I’d stop time for long bathroom breaks, meal breaks, mental breaks longer than a few minutes, etc.

    4. When you are thinking about a task (real substantive thinking, not just avoiding the task thinking), that is billable time.

    2. While I understand it, I feel that the “trend setters” truly don’t live in cold places.

      I don’t want to wear loose knit joggers or strraight/boot/wide leg pants in cold weather just so that I don’t look out of touch. The air blows right up all of it. you can’t keep warm. Your feet, ankles and calves don’t stay warm. Any suggestions for arguable “cute” and “current” styles that you also won’t freeze in? And by freeze, I mean snow, ice, and subzero temps for much of the Winter. Not 50 degrees and sunny.

      1. It was about 40 degrees when I took my kid to the bus stop this morning, and I wore my fleece-lined leggings that go down into my socks. Don’t know if I was fashionable, but I was warm!

      2. Joggers aren’t open at the bottom, they are cuffed, and baggy enough you could layer long underwear under them.

        1. My hate on joggers come from them hitting mid-shin. They are really knickers and I’m only 5-4.

        2. What shoes do you wear with joggers though? Whenever I see them styled they are with low sneakers and the ankle is exposed. I’m uninterested in my ankle exposed when it’s freezing out

          1. Not to scare you, but I saw someone wearing over-the-knee socks yesterday. No doubt, it is the fault of joggers that such items exist.

      4. I often wear silk long underwear under wider pants. This is mostly for when I have multi-hour meetings and the temps are predictably set to meat locker. If I am wrong on the temp, I just run to the restroom and remove my base layer.

    3. nope, leggings are always in style for active women…not wearing loose joggers to the gym or to run + they are totally different looks…..loose and comfy jogger for hanging about vs. sleek legging in variety of fabrics to work out, run, dress up or down.

    4. I certainly thought so based on the fashion blogs. Then I went to the fancy mall in our mid-sized SEUS city this weekend and saw a zillion girls and women aged 16 through 40-plus wearing an identical outfit of black leggings, t-shirt, jean jacket, and sneakers.

      1. I’m in a large SEUS city and same. If you’re young and very chic, it may be a high waisted leggings and a crop top instead of the tee.

        Also, we’re still in skinny jeans here although they’re not necessarily jeggings-level tight anymore.

      2. Same here in Scotland, although people are moving into autumn jackets and puffy coats the last couple of weeks.

    5. I’m still wearing leggings. I don’t feel like joggers look good on my short, apple shaped body where I carry most of my weight in my belly. I prefer to wear a looser, tunic top with leggings so it skims over my middle. I don’t know what type of tops work with joggers.

      1. Agreed – I wear joggers at home to be comfortable, but I don’t really understand what top looks good with them.

        1. I was going to wear joggers while traveling a couple of weeks ago and ultimately didn’t because I was confounded about what to wear for a top. If I wear a sweatshirt and joggers, I don’t look cute; I look like a big lump.

        2. Slimmer joggers (Vuori) + a waist-length or front-tucked top is cute. I have an insanely long torso so basically every top is waist-length on me.

      1. Same. I tried to like them, I did, but they just don’t work for my shape. Somehow leggings work for my pear shape better than joggers.

    7. I am so glad to see leggings fade away. I can’t stand them. I would wear clown pants rather than leggings any day.

  22. Yellowstone trip advice: where is best to fly into? We will need a car and would prefer not to drive more than 2 hours.

    We are looking at 7-10 days total, next summer. We like to hike (day hikes, nothing too strenuous). We will spend 3-4 nights in the Lake Yellowstone Hotel, what would be best for a second destination? Are there any good hotels or homestays outside the park that won’t also be an hour to get anywhere in the morning? Is it crazy to add 2-3 days at the end of a week in Yellowstone and go to Jenny Lake/Grand Tetons? Yes I have looked at a map but sometimes it’s hard to get a sense of what the conditions are actually like on the ground.

    Also, if you have used a private outfitter for camping gear, please recommend them. My 2 kids really want to camp at least one night so we will make this happen.

    1. I would absolutely tack on Jenny Lake and Grand Tetons at the end of the trip. When we went to Yellowstone, we flew in and out of Jackson.

    2. I flew into Jackson. I think you’re going to have a tough time getting around the park if you don’t want to drive more than 2 hours at a time and you also want to stay outside the park. I’d highly recommend staying in the park. I stayed at Old Faithful Lodge in the cabins (they’re… rustic), Canyon Lodge, and Mammoth in a hot tub cabin. The hot tub cabin was my favorite and the Canyon lodge was reasonably modern. I would not stay at OF again; the only upside is easy early morning and late evening access to OF and the other nearby geysers – much more pleasant without the crowds.

      Two or three days is perfect for the Tetons; we stayed in Jackson Hole to visit the park, though I don’t recall if it was within 2 hours.

    3. I did a similar trip this summer and VASTLY prefer Grand Teton to Yellowstone for several reasons. I’m active and enjoy strenuous hikes (but I don’t do any backpacking or mountaineering or anything that intense) and found the hiking in GT way better than Yellowstone.

      I flew in/out of SLC so that’s a longer drive than you want. We considered flying into Jackson, Bozeman (also spent 2 nights here) or Idaho Falls all of which were moderate drives, but we had trouble finding rental cars there.

    4. While visiting or passing through Yellowstone, I’ve stayed in Cody, West Yellowstone, Jackson, Cooke City, and Gardiner. Of those, the only one that really made sense for going back and forth on a daily basis was Gardiner, but it’s a fair amount of driving no matter where you stay. Even if you stay in the park, you’ll end up doing quite a bit of driving to see the various places. There can be quite a lot of traffic in the summer, plus the speed limits are relatively low, you’re on mountain passes, there’s wildlife to avoid, and things like forest fires that close roads, so it takes a lot longer to get places than you might anticipate. Also, it’s definitely worth checking the construction schedule, since one of the roads is often closed each year, or closed at night/early in the morning and that might affect where you’d want to stay or which direction you’d want to come in from. The Lake area is nice and central so it makes a good base and pretty much any where else you want to go from there would work, but the Tetons would make sense if you fly out of Jackson. I’ve also flown out of Bozeman and Idaho Falls.

    5. Jackson and yes to adding on Jenny Lake & Grand Tetons. We stayed at the Jenny Lake Lodge with a 4 year old and enjoyed the peace, calm and gorgeous surroundings. The drive into Yellowstone is not far.

    6. You can definitely visit both parks in that time frame. I prefer Grand Teton to Yellowstone. We flew into Jackson Hole when we went three years ago. I would definitely stay inside the parks.

  23. Well, friends, it happened – I used a bidet this weekend for the first time.

    PSA – I think I’m a convert. Sibling bought a $30 one off Amazon and I know they make more expensive models but I was surprised.

    2. Just last week we installed a bidet (Toto Washlet) and I am SO pleased. It is the best.

        1. See, the heated seat creeps me out because my mind thinks it is warm from someone else’s butt.

  24. I’m looking for leggings for lounging but that can stand up to regular long walks as well and that don’t fade. Old Navy leggings hold their color and stay true black after washing, but can’t withstand the chaffing of my thighs. Lands End leggings are thicker and don’t fall apart at the seams, but fade after just a few washes. I’m short and bottom heavy (XL in ON and LE brands). Any ideas or am I looking for a unicorn?

    2. First time poster, long time reader here. You need what I’m wearing right now — Anne Mulaire leggings. She’s a Métis designer in Canada, who uses eco-friendly fabrics knitted in Canada and all her garments are sewn in Canada. Plus, her stuff is carbon-neutral. Check out annemulaire dot ca.

      Her leggings are indeed miraculous unicorns. You can wear them forever without them bagging or sagging. The waistband is wide and so comfortable you will never once think about what you’re wearing (so many other brands, I’ve had to roll them back up when they roll down over my belly or yank them back up when they slip off my hips). You can customize the length and the sizes go from XXS to 6X. Just the best ever.

    3. I wear LLL Aligns for lounging and long walks. Mine are 2 years old and haven’t pilled or faded yet. I have not worn them for running or high-intensity workouts, though.

    4. Maggie’s organics the ‘blackout’ kind. They are made of organic cotton using fair trade practices and union labour. All around amazing company without synthetics. Be careful because lots of companies try to trick consumers by using bamboo and calling it a natural fabric but it’s actually a semi synthetic due to the chemicals needed to refine the fibres.

    5. I like the Fabletics leggings in their Motion 365 fabric. I have a dark green pair that I’ve been wearing at least weekly since Feb 2020 and they’re still in great shape. (Fair warning, Fabletics does have a subscription model that they promote pretty heavily, but it’s totally optional.)

    6. The Boden activewear ones are great for this! I wouldn’t wear them to work out because they’re so thick but they’re my go to for schlubbing around and doing errands at the weekend.

  25. I know it’s only October, but does anyone have good holiday gift ideas for husbands/dads/ brothers who are “I don’t need anything” people? (Doesn’t help they also all have late October/November birthdays)

    In the past I’ve gotten them LL Bean’s wicked good slippers, which have been a huge hit. This year, I’ve already pre ordered my bouton and cocktail recipe book loving husband “The Oxford Companion to Spirits and Cocktails”, but still looking for other ideas if anyone has any.

    1. If they say they don’t need anything, why are you still buying them gifts? Maybe get them consumables or restaurant gift cards instead of more stuff.

      But if your husband likes cocktails then check out the barware at Cocktail Kingdom.

    2. I get my dad a gift basket of fancy cheese every holiday season. He loves it.

      For your husband, maybe a c0cktail subscription box?

    3. I get my dad a gift basket of fancy cheese every holiday season. He loves it.

      For your husband, maybe a c0cktail subscription box?

    5. Last year I got my dad one of those smoker tubes you can use in a regular grill – it was a big hit.

    6. I bought fun ethical socks (from Thought here in the U.K.) and books for everyone last year.
      This year my dad is getting boat stuff, and my brother is getting a leather strap for his Apple Watch. My uncle is getting another wine book – I got him Cork Dork last year and have ordered Wine Girl for this year.

    7. Got my dad a weather station one year – can mount it in the year and it’s connected to an app (some options are less techy). Pretty cool!

    8. If you want to lean into the cocktail theme, Cocktail Kingdom has great barware. I especially love the stepped jigger. You also could add a really good vermouth like Carpano Antica or some fun bitters to your home bar.

      These are more stocking stuffers, but I bought my husband a bristle-free grill scraper, a magnetic wrist band for drill bits, screws, etc., and a universal socket.

      My husband is a comfort guy, and he loves lounge pants and good undershirts.

  26. Any recommendations for a romantic weekend getaway in early December? Leaving from NYC and prefer to drive, but willing to drive 3-4 hours. In recent years we went to Newport and Saratoga Springs and loved both, but this time the schedule doesn’t work until December and I’m out of ideas. We like nature but not strenuous hiking (cliff walk at newport was perfect), walking around cute towns, small museums, bookstores, and great food. We’re both vaccinated and any locality that requires vaccinations for hotels and indoor dining gets a huge plus.

    Would love recommendations for towns/cities/locations but if you have specific hotels/B&Bs to recommend that’s even better! TIA!

      1. Thanks, we are thinking somewhere in Hudson Valley but are overwhelmed with options. Any specific towns/hotels you would recommend?

    2. Grey Towers in the Poconos is lovely to visit; TONS of AirBNBs and inns serving the nearby ski areas.

    3. What about Mohonk Mountain House in the Hudson Valley? Or an inn in Litchfield County, CT?

    4. Finger Lakes, maybe? The towns are tiny but it’s cozy with lots of good scenery. There’s usually mulled wine in the tasting rooms in December. Lots of easy hikes that are festive if there’s light snow.

        2. Watkins Glen, Geneva, and Hammondsport all had decent food options. Hammondsport is like the size of a postage stamp though. I’ve stayed at various b&bs and at watkins brewery rentals (townhouses/ with kitchen). In December you’ll probably have a great selection of places to stay and would base it on that.

          1. We stayed near Watkins Glen for a week this summer and it was great.

            You could also add Ithaca if you like museums and good food. Cornell has a pretty decent art museum, and campus is really pretty to stroll around.

      1. I ate at the DeBruce over the summer and it was EXCELLENT. We stayed at a sister hotel about 40 minutes away, Kenoza Hall, which is I think supposed to be there most “luxury” option. I will say that both hotels are fairly close to the road which didn’t quite fit my mental picture of them, and I thought Kenoza Hall, although generally lovely, was charging a bit too much for what it offered. I haven’t been, but The Maker in Hudson, NY looks really nice — and is walkable to stuff in the way that Kenoza/DeBruce is not. Beacon NY is also a great destination.

    7. New Hope, PA and Lambertville, NJ (they are connected by a cute walkable bridge)? Cute small towns, good at xmas decorations, good food and B+Bs, pretty nature walks nearby.

      Similarly, maybe Cape May could fit that (I love the beach in winter).

  27. So we’re headed into sweater season. How are ya’ll storing your sweaters? I will keep folding the heavy, bulky ones, but is it such a crime to hang lightweight sweaters? I only have so much shelf space, and I can’t stand mixing the bulkies and the slims.

    2. I used to think not hanging them was just hype but I put on a sweater the other day and the shoulders were all weird and stuck out where the corners of the hangars were, almost like little puffed sleeves except they arent. I dont have room to fold and store, so I’ll have to stick with it, but just a warning that that might happen!

      1. Not to hijack, but any good moth proof sweater storage options? I have a cedar lined closet and also use moth repellant bars, but went to put on a cashmere sweater on this weekend and found moth holes … any good storage bags that aren’t laden with chemicals? Or other ideas? Thank you!

        1. Make sure you wash your sweaters before you put them away for the season. Moths are attracted to body oils left behind. Even if your sweater doesn’t look dirty, it has body oils on it.

          I also have good luck storing my sweaters with cheap lavender scented soap – yardley lavender bar soap left in the box, tucked in between my sweaters.

        2. Where did you store your cashmere? Had you actually stored it in the cedar closet?

          1. Yes, folded on cedar shelves. I’m thinking I might need a canvas storage box or similar and will try the lavender suggestion. Open to any ideas.

      2. I have a couple sweaters where I wish the length was longer, so I actually started hanging them upside down on pants hangers… I use the snap kind of pants hanger and it seems to work okay for my purposes.

    3. I hang my cardigans, fold my pullovers. My cardigans do sometimes (like 10% of the time) get shoulder marks from the hanger but I have a standing steamer and it takes care of it very quickly.

      I don’t have much drawer or shelf space so this is my only solution anyway.

    5. I hang lightweight sweaters folded. For bulky, I use those fabric storage cubes turned on their side and fold the sweaters. They stack nicely in the cube and you can see your choices.

    6. I fold them, each in its own ziplock bag, and put them in tin trunks under my bed.

  28. Hi! I’m old and apparently have gum issues–I’m looking for periodontist recommendations in inside-the-Beltway Nova. Thanks!

    2. No recommendations but see if you can get a teeth cleaning while at the periodontist. My periodontist’s office does the BEST teeth cleanings ever. I kept going back there for my cleanings even after they said I didn’t need gum surgery.

  29. Speaking of LL Bean, which bean boots would you get if your feet got cold? The thinsulate? Or gore-tex and thinsulate?

    I have Columbia snow boots but they overheat unless I’m standing in actual snow, and I want something for the cold and wet/slushy weather we have here in NYC most winters (30-40 F). I don’t really care about them being on the tail end of the trend cycle.

    1. The best snow boot I have ever had is the Sorel Joan of Arctic. Worth every darn penny for being warm and waterproof.

      1. Are these heavy? I had the Joan or Arctic boots and donated them because they were so heavy I could barely walk in them!

        1. I have both and like the Joan of Arctic for real snow (I live in a place with a lot it) but the Out and About are not heavy and great for slushy, wet weather. They keep my feet decently warm with thin wool socks.

    3. Warning, I find my Bean Boots to be very slippery and not conducive to walking on sidewalks in Boston. I have the thinsulate ones, which are plenty warm.

      1. I do not recommend Bean Boots for snow or ice either. They are great for slush and muck when temperatures are above freezing, but not for slippery frozen conditions. I have the unlined ones and the rubber part gets very cold in snow.

    4. Cold, wet – great for bean boots
      Legit slush – big ol’ hell no for bean boots

      I love my BBs but they are terrible in slushy weather. I live in Boston and wear them during light snows, rain and like 3-4 days after a big snow when sidewalks are otherwise clear (they’re great for big puddles at the intersections in the city – just march on through!). But they do not grip to actual slush and you will almost certainly fall. Don’t get me wrong, I get a ton of miles in them each winter up here and they are a staple, but there are specific weather days that they absolutely do not work.

      I do have the Thinsulate ones now and while warmer than non-Thinsulate, they are not meant to be a warm boot. They’re meant to be a boot you wear a thick wool sock in. For commuting, though, I get away with a basic sock to move a few blocks between parking garage and office or to run an errand. I would stand outside in the bitter cold for multiple hours in them.

    5. Ugg Adirondack Boots are the best. Ugg shearling, so super warm. But don’t look like Uggs. Lighter than Sorels.

  30. Mask advice for traveling? I’m traveling internationally on Wed., to Rome, and somewhat anxious about the flight. Have you flown internationally (or cross country) recently? I know I need to test negative for COVID 48 hours prior to the flight, but I’d like to wear an N95 mask the entire time. I worry it will be too difficult to sleep in during my red eye. Maybe a KN95 with a cloth mask? I have a face shield that I never even used, which I’m assuming is too much.

    1. If you want to wear an N95 the entire time, then wear it. I personally just wear a regular surgical mask, but plenty of people seem to wear N95s and sleep just fine (I have flown to Europe and cross country).

    2. I flew to Hawaii with my 3 year old in June. We wore KN95s – they’re comfortable to leave on for ~12 hours (N95s are not). I wear glasses so I had eye protection, but I didn’t make my kid wear a face shield. It was fine. We took our masks off to eat and drink but otherwise had them on, and most others on the plane did the same (we were in premium economy, fwiw). My 69 year old mom flew separately and just wore a cloth mask. None of us got sick. Honestly I feel a lot safer on flights were everyone is tested even though I don’t know how much impact it actually has on the risk.

      1. Oh and get a vaccine booster if you’re eligible. That reduces your risk a lot more than a fancy mask or face shield.

    3. You won’t be able to sleep in an N95. I tried a KN95 and that was too restrictive and I switched to regular cloth. A face shield is useless don’t bother.

      1. YMMV, but my whole family slept ok in N95 masks when we travelled to Europe on a red-eye flight. Including my 5 yr old.
        My recommendation are 3M’s Aura masks, available at Home Depot. They have the “fish mouth” shape vs. the duck bill/coffee filter shape, so they are away from your face.

      2. I find an N95 way more comfortable than a surgical or KN95 mask. I like that it is stiff and does not touch my face. And I prefer the over-the-head loops, the others are very uncomfortable on my ears. So really varies by person.

      3. A face shield isn’t useless–it provides eye protection. But not respiratory protection. And you probably don’t need eye protection while you are asleep.

    4. I wore a KN95 on recent flights, and it was fine. Honestly, the least annoying thing about sleeping on a plane.

    5. Agree the KN95 will probably be more comfortable than N95. I found the airport to be the most congested place, and that’s where I wore the KN95. I started on the flights with a KN95 but ended up switching to a cloth or a disposable one. Also, not sure about Italy but I was delighted by the COVID-mindedness of the country I travelled to – people were far more distanced and cautious! Of course, I was originating in Texas :)

    6. I wore a KN95 on a six hour flight in June (pre delta variant, or awareness of delta variant). It was fine.

    7. I have the “duck” shaped Kimberly Clark N95s and they are SUPER comfortable, way more so than the 3M N95s I have and also better than the KN95s I’ve tried. If you search for “kimberly clark n95 duck” it will come up. :)

    9. Wore a KN95 on overnight flight to Italy last month, and it was perfectly fine to sleep in. (As an aside, a planeful of sleeping people in both face masks and eye masks is kind of hysterical to witness…)

    10. I find KF94s to be more comfortable than anything else, including cloth mask. They don’t touch my mouth. The ear bands are where i have issues and that is true with any style of mask.

      1. Have you tried the double band behind the head? Much more comfortable for me than ear bands.

  31. Those of you with kids – will your kids be trick or treating this year? And if so where do you live?

    We are trying to figure out how much candy we need. We do plan to give it out but will be outdoors and masked. Trying to anticipate the size of the crowd because we live in a big neighborhood and give out several hundred pieces in normal years. (And candy is shockingly expensive this year!)

    1. SEUS here. We are not participating in trick-or-treat (too many germy kids crowding at the door! even more worried about RSV, colds, flu than COVID), but it sounds like everyone else is and it may be bigger than ever this year.

    2. Yes for me. We are in MA and there was no trick or treating last year, so this year I expect to be normal-to-large.

    3. Big city SEUS. We are doing candy (full bars) out on card tables on the front side walk (vs front door) and the kids will walk by and pick up. We will be hanging outside on chairs to watch the kids walk by, but won’t hand out candy. Also, we are moving our neighborhood time on all this up to be 5-7 vs later so it is more contained / smaller, to be in mainly waning light vs strictly night, and b/c Monday morning comes too d*mn early much less the Monday after Halloween.

    4. Big city SEUS and everyone I’ve talked to is trick or treating pre-COVID style. Halloween parties have been outside, though.

    5. Probably, yes. Red Midwest state, everyone is acting like the pandemic is over, but we’re continuing to be cautious until my preschooler can get vaccinated. Our neighborhood is highly vaccinated and at this point I’m trying to balance the small risks of Covid against the harm of missing all this normal childhood stuff, so we’ll probably go to a few houses on our block wearing masks. If there are houses that have put the candy out in contactless ways (last year people hung it on trees and did candy chutes) we’ll seek those out, but I expect most people in our area to just be doing normal face-to-face trick or treating this year. Even without Covid I doubt my kid would have the stamina for more than a handful of houses.

    6. Yes, we’re trick-or-treating. Midwest college town. Lots of people made alternate plans last year, but this year seems to be back to normal …

    7. OP here Thanks everyone. Follow up question – do any of you just close up shop and turn the lights out early, and does that work? I really don’t enjoy the late trick or treaters anyway (lots of drunk, pushy adults just dragging their kids around long after the kids have had it)

      1. OP again, Wow that sounded literally you kids get off my lawn. To be clear, I never begrudge any kids including teenagers trick or treating. It’s the fully grown adults with their own trick or treat bag/pillowcase that annoy me. They’re also the ones that will dive their hand into my bowl and take a big handful of candy rather than letting me put one piece in their bag.

        A big year for us is around 500 pieces of candy, like I don’t even sit down between answering the door, so I need to figure out a strategy!!

        1. Yes; always. Porch light goes off at 8 and we will not answer the door. We have a large barky dog now who will probably run people off this year (he got last year off and was our pandemic dog).

        2. Oh yeah, we always just turned off the light at a particular time and didn’t answer the door. I feel like the porch light and front room lights being off is a pretty clear signal. You can also just leave a bowl on your front porch after 8 (or whatever time) and once it’s empty and has not been replenished, that also signals to people that you’re done.

        3. I make sure all lights are off before I head to work, slink inside at some point, and either go to a friend’s or watch TV in the back of the house. I have never handed out candy. Halloween is a huge deal in my neighborhood (some houses see 2000 kids, massive displays, etc.) and I usually don’t even get a knock.

          1. Wow, 2000! I thought my 300-500 was bad (depending on whether Halloween is on a weeknight or a weekend, and the weather)

        4. Oh, I resent the teenagers trick-or-treating, and I have a teenager. If they’re old enough to get a work permit and a driver’s license, they’re old enough to get their own candy. I give a pass to older kids taking younger ones around.

          We turn off the lights and lock the door at 9:30 regardless of how much candy we have left (I will give big handfuls after 9 p.m. just so we can get rid of it). One year we did have someone ring the bell after we closed up shop but we ignored it and they went away and fortunately didn’t smash decorations or leave dog poop (ew!) on our porch or anything.

          1. I came around on the teenagers after reading an article that pointed out that trick or treating was probably the least harmful/dangerous thing they could be doing and what’s a piece of candy anyway?

            My own kids stopped trick or treating around middle school but they continue to dress up and hand out candy – and yeah, once in a while a friend’s younger sibling needs escorts and the teenagers get to take them, which they are excited to do.

          2. My own kids stopped trick-or-treating around age 12, but I don’t resent the teenagers at all! And I could also buy my own kids candy, but its the experience!

      2. The one time I tried that, we got a bag of dog p00p on our doorstep. People are so entitled.

      3. Yes. Close up shop and turn off the lights. It’s the universal signal for “We are out of candy!”

      4. I give out candy until I run out, at which point I close the door and turn out the lights. Never any problem. Typically 1-2 groups still ring the bell (right after I shut down) and I ignore. I’m in a major urban area and typically get over 100 kids. Usually I run out about when it gets dark (my kids are mid elementary, I’m out of patience by then as well). This year, my neighborhood is doing the same as last year—candy chute from front door down front steps to kid on sidewalk. In my area, that’s like 10 stair steps on average. So minimal space invasion.

      5. Yes, always. Our dog barks at trick or treaters so we usually turn the light off by kid bedtime (currently 730ish) she doesn’t wake our sleeping child. In our area, almost everybody respects the rule that no porch light = no candy.

    8. I grew up in a pretty rural area and we only trick or treated at houses of people we knew. Our parents would drive us from house to house, our parents’ friends would exclaim over our costumes and “try to guess who it is” and then we’d get some candy and go to the next house. I now live in a large city with several neighborhoods that are Halloween “destinations” and it’s just absolutely wild to me.

      OP, you are being a good neighbor to your immediate and extended community by participating in this. My feeling is, rather than trying to guess how much you’ll “need”, think about how much your want to spend, and then when you’re out, you’re out. Put up a big sign, “Sorry! We got hit early, and hard … we’re all out!” And turn off the lights. (I totally understand that in some neighborhoods, this opens you up for pranks, innocent and not, so ymmv of course.)

  32. Anyone that camps or hikes, can you recommend a good budget friendly tent and sleeping bag? I’m not going to be hiking the alps, but do need something rated for sub-20F temps.
    Also if you can recommend some good thick sleeping socks, that’d be great.

    1. Sea-to-Summit sleeping bag liner (small fleece sack) makes any sleeping bag better. Sleep in a hat. Any thick wool hiking socks (I have LL Bean and Darn Tough) are good. I have a sleeping bag left over from a relative’s year’s in scouting and it’s good, rated to 20 degrees (so 20 degrees and you don’t die; doesn’t mean that you’d be comfortable to 20 degrees). You can also throw a blanket on over your sleeping bag.

    2. My #1 tip is not to store your sleeping bag in the stuff sack. Store it loosely rolled in a mesh laundry bag or hung up in a closet. Storing it compressed will pack down the filling, eliminating the little air pockets that give it its insulating power.

    3. I bought a sleeping bag that kept me toasty in Patagonia and the Alps. Brand name Prima, made in Czech republic. For socks, I recommend Smartwool merino socks, they have many options (I liked the thicker ones for sleeping). I used Icebreaker Merino long leggings and longsleeve tshirt as pyjamas.

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