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Updated: Feb 18, 2021 184 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Tiered Dress

Coffee Break | ·

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Ooooh: I had a nice time reviewing Nordstrom's new special section featuring Black-owned businesses and am in love with the big colorful prints from The Oula Company.

According to the designer's interview with Nordstrom (scroll down — I'm sorry I can't find a direct link), she was inspired by her mom's '60s and '70s wardrobe, her travels to Africa, and the Black is Beautiful movement.

I love that her line is made in America with a globally-sourced line of vibrant African wax fabric pieces. Love! This particular dress is $325 at Nordstrom; the website has a ton more (including masks with filters for $25).

Sales of note for 9.30.24

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon for this

    I’m kinda frustrated and I need to vent. I hope this isn’t an annoying thing to complain about. My partner of almost five years proposed over the weekend and we’ve been dying to tell our friend group face-to-face, but when we tried to get people onto a Zoom call to tell them the news, only one person showed up, didn’t even turn his camera on, and seemed pleased but it wasn’t quite the “OMG” reaction I’d been hoping for. The people whom I knew would be psyched for us were too busy to join the call. We’re gonna try again, but part of me wants to just be like “Oh my god, we’re TRYING to tell you some good news, can you spare five minutes SOME evening this week???”

    I know, it’s silly, maybe selfish that I want to see people’s reactions to this before we “go public” with the news on social media. I know people have Zoom fatigue at this point, but I didn’t think it would be *this* hard to wrangle people onto a quick video chat to tell them we’re engaged.

    • all about eevee

      I think maybe this Zoom call thing isn’t going to work out for you and you should mentally move on. Go ahead and announce your engagement on social media.

    • Senior Attorney

      Oh, I’m so sorry!

      I have to admit, back in December I missed a Zoom call that actually turned out to be a virtual WEDDING, because the hosts didn’t say what it was in advance and it just got lost in the shuffle. I feel like if you want people to tune in, you may have to spoil it some by saying “please join us because we have BIG NEWS,” to cut through the clutter of Zoom invitations.

        • Anon for this

          Thank you!

          I think you’re right about being more upfront that we have big news, I was hoping to make it a big surprise but clearly “we miss you guys and really want to catch up, maybe play some Jackbox” is obviously not working. I just didn’t realize how busy everyone is during this pandemic!

          The people trying to host a wedding on Zoom should have been a little more transparent. I do remember being invited to a VERY impromptu Zoom wedding a few months ago, but they did tell us it was a wedding.

          • theguvnah

            “I just didn’t realize how busy everyone is during this pandemic!”
            You’re being super passive aggressive here. People are sick of zooms and hitting the well-documented pandemic wall. Congrats but no one will be as excited about your engagement after 5 years of being together as you are; that’s not a dig on you, it’s just a fact of life.

      • Ellen

        Senior Attorney–
        We are all involved in our own issues, so I wouldn’t sweat it.

        As far as the OP is concerned, YAY! She is so darn lucky to be able to snag a man in this pandemic, and now she will not have to worry about quarantining or worrying about where he has been (s-xueally), so she will have a ready bunkmate now going forward to keep her warm (and warmer) w/o concerns. If I were in her shoes I would NOT worry or complain here , b/c there are so few eligible men out there to find, let alone choose from. FOOEY!

    • Anon

      Congrats!

      And I hear you. At this point, I’m avoiding zooms unless it’s mandatory for work (not a “nice to have” team-building thing). And unless you want to give a spoiler with the invite, sadly, 2021 may be like this.

      CONGRATS!!! From An Internet Stranger!!!

    • Anonymous

      Ugh, sorry about that. I will say, even in the time before Zoom (and by that, I mean almost 20 years ago now), I remember feeling like people’s reactions weren’t as exuberant as I would have wanted. I even complained about it a bit to my mom and best friend (who, to be fair, were both very excited for me). They kindly reminded me that this is is a big deal in my life, but not as much in other people’s. Engagements are not a performative experience.

      • Anon

        This is exactly what I wanted to say. OP should realize this is a big deal TO HER. Expecting people to be “OMG over the top” is just setting herself up for disappointment. Yes your close friends will be happy for you, but your expectations might be set too high.

      • Monday

        Also, ironically: the more responsible and appropriate your engagement is, the less of a reaction it gets. Someone you’ve been with for 5 years is probably someone people assumed you would marry, and even more so if things have been going well, you live together, etc. I’m sure all your friends will be happy for you, but there’s no element of surprise or wonder.

        I’m sorry for your disappointment. I also personally wish wedding culture were less “performative” as the above comment put it.

      • Anon

        LOL my friends and family shrugged and said “About damned time!” and that was that. People were surprised it took that long, if anything.

      • Anon

        Exactly. I would be very happy for a friend who just got engaged. I think in this situation you should have individual calls with your close friends to tell them. Honestly, unless it is a close friend, listening to an announcement via Zoom would not be something I would be interested in.

    • Cat

      I would text the entire group an excited picture and ask if you could do a 15-minute Zoom “cheers” on Friday night, rather than expecting that everyone is ready and eager to join a random “catch up” Zoom on any particular day. Zoom fatigue is real, sorry. But congrats!

      • Anonymous

        I love this idea. I am chiming in here specifically because I am a terrible recipient of this kind of news. I’m not a super fan of marriage and I detest weddings and wedding culture. I am never visibly capital E excited about anything much less an expected engagement. But . . . that doesn’t mean I would not be happy for you and want to wish you well. So an email to the nearest and dearest friends with a pic that communicates “engagement” and an invitation to a Zoom toast a day or two later would get a response and appearance from me for sure. And it would give me a chance to rehearse how to present my genuine happiness about your news.

    • Anon

      Can you just do a regular phone call to your closest friends? You can hear the excitement in their voices. I was engaged years ago and that’s how I did it. I didn’t wait to see people in person and I didn’t video chat them.

      • Anonymous

        This is how my friends announce engagement and pregnancies. We give everyone a 1:1 call. It’s nice because I know the reason I’m getting a surprise call is good news.

        On the flip side, when I got cancer I called everyone and they thought I was calling to say I was pregnant and they all opened the call with congratulations. So that was awkward!

    • Anonymous

      It’s not silly! It sucks to celebrate life milestones with friends over Zoom when it’s a platform everyone is growing tired of. You would have gone to a bar or something in the past and that’s not an option now – it sucks and it’s okay to be disappointed. Congrats on your engagement!!!

    • Anonymous

      I have Zoom fatigue. Did you tell them this was for a special purpose or just a say hello thing? The latter is not going to get you the attendance you want at this point in the pandemic – I’m sorry. If you told them that there was a special announcement that you wanted to make and they still didn’t join, then that sucks, I’m sorry!

      Regardless – CONGRATULATIONS!

    • Anon

      You need to let go of your expectation that everyone will be as thrilled for you as you are. It’s not fair, I know, but lots of people are at their limit right now. Manage your expectations to avoid disappointment. Be happy for yourself! Announce it by text or email or social media and just move on.

      Congratulations to you!

    • BeenThatGuy

      Congrats on the engagement! I’m sorry many of your friends missed the big announcement. Try not to let it dim your happiness!

    • Anon

      I am on Zoom what seems like all day, every day. I turn down social Zoom invitations, but it’s not because I don’t love my friends. But I’ll say even in the before times I probably wasn’t going to do a big OMG thing when people got engaged. I think you need to reset your expectations on multiple levels.

    • AnonMPH

      I’d just try calling people individually on FaceTime. That’s what we did to tell people (in the before COVID times). When I get a call out of the blue from someone who doesn’t call often, especially a FaceTime, I figure they might be telling me they got engaged/are pregnant whatever, but that doesn’t ruin the surprise/excitement or anything! Some people will miss the call/won’t pick up but they will probably call you back shortly. And then you get the excitement multiple times!

    • Anon

      Congratulations! One quick thought here: you’re not wrong to want to tell people over Zoom, but I think you are trying to create a substitute for an event that never really existed pre-COVID? All of my friends and I shared our engagement news over text or phone calls with our closest 3-5 friends and then went to social media. I’m always thrilled to hear my friends’ happy news, but it would seem a little contrived to me for the “we got engaged” update.

      • Anon

        Congratulations!!

        This. Normally an engagement announcement is via text/phone for closest friends and family, then social media. Pre-COVID, would you have insisted on getting together for a giant group dinner with all of these friends at once and not announcing until all your schedules synced? Because with my friend group, it’d take 6+ weeks to find a night for everyone.

    • Anonymous

      I hate being performative and think it’s so silly to have expectations of someone’s emotions and reactions on the spot, so this whole zoom thing would be really off putting for me. Be happy yourself with your own milestone, don’t put the happy pressure on others. To clarify I’m not an old, I’m a late 20s who went through my whole engagement and wedding without any public or social media announcement/photo/thing.

      • Anon

        You hit the nail on the head about what rubs me the wrong way about OP’s whole post. Expecting somebody to react a certain way is weird and not what I want my friends to do.

    • Anon

      I would be annoyed if I were part of the group that you want an on command and on camera reaction from. Send a group text with a video announcement and a couple of pictures and call it a day. How excited or surprised do you expect people to be if you’ve been dating for 5 years?

  2. Anonymous Grouch

    Congratulations on your engagement. Why are you trying to assemble a focus group before you “go public”? What if their reaction isn’t what you hoped? Will you call off the engagement? Hire a PR firm or online presence consultant? Is it really necessary to perform your life for others to this extent? I am baffled by this.

    • Anonymous

      JFC. I’ve been making an effort not to take the bait like I usually can’t help doing, but do you have to make it so hard? This literally the stupidest thing I’ve seen here in some time and that’s saying something.

    • Anon for this

      What? These are our close friends, and we want them to know before everyone else. It wouldn’t even occur to us they wouldn’t approve.

      • Anon for this

        I guess I just assumed they’d be excited for us. Maybe you’re right, maybe our friends secretly hate us and will just feel bitter and jealous if we invite them to share in our excitement.

        • Senior Attorney

          Haha good grief right?

          Plainly Anonymous Grouch at 2:52 p.m. is not your target audience.

          • Senior Attorney

            BTW if you can stand to wait another six weeks and do want to make a big splash, we announced on engagement on Facebook on April 1 and it was a lot of fun watching people try to figure out whether it was real or an April Fool’s joke. (Typical response: “This is either the most awesome thing ever, or the meanest April Fool’s joke ever.”)

        • Cat

          I think this poster was reacting to your “well the one person who showed up seemed pleased but we didn’t get the OMG over the top reaction we were hoping for” — which did stick out to me. We just called our close friends individually to tell them (years ago) and definitely felt the warm wishes loud and clear.

          So I do agree with the point that you don’t need to turn it into a big “surprise!” moment to get heartfelt congratulations! But… could have been expressed better.

        • Anon

          I’m a different anon. I don’t think Anon Grouch is saying your friends will hate you and feel bitter and jealous, but it is possible that even if you can connect with them, other people just simply aren’t going to be as excited about your engagement as you are and so you might be disappointed in their reaction regardless (like the one friend who did make it and didn’t give the reaction you were hoping for). And so not to put too much stock in these reactions – just carry on enjoying your engagement. (That’s my interpretation anyway!)

          Congrats on your engagement – it’s a fun time!

          • Anon

            It is hard not for me to whip out the Swiffer and get at all of the dog hair I notice when on a zoom, but maybe I am not at my best audience self these days. BUT CONGRATS!!! CONGRATS!!!

          • Anon for this

            Oh no, his reaction wasn’t really that big an issue, he’s generally a more dialed-back person anyway so I wasn’t expecting much from him in particular (and we’re definitely not about to “hire a PR firm” over it), but I can definitely think of some people in our group who would be really excited (at least, I’m 95% sure of it) and I want to see those reactions if I can.

            I agree that me expressing disappointment in his reaction was off, and I apologize for saying anything about it, that was dumb.

          • Anon

            Exactly. Don’t let this make your engagement a disappointment to you. Your friends have already communicated that they’re zoomed out (as many of us are) by not showing up. Just let them know either one on one or as an email announcement.

          • LaurenB

            It’s sort of like a gender reveal party — the concept is predicated on thinking that friends CARE SO VERY MUCH that one is having (a boy) (a girl) when no one is possibly anywhere near as excited as the couple themselves. And you can bet most people at gender reveal parties are faking their enthusiasm — they’re happy for the couple, of course, but it’s a piece of news that they register and move on with their lives.

    • Anon

      Be honest: are you an alien sent here to learn about human behavior, like in Third Rock from the Sun?

    • Anon

      I think it is kind of odd you wanted to have a Zoom call. I wouldn’t see the need to do so or participate in one.

      • Anonymous

        Agreed. You wanted to “see people’s reactions?” Strange. Just enjoy the fact that you get to spend the rest of your life with the love of your life. Yay! Other people’s reactions won’t change that. clearly, everyone is telling you that you should stop being so focused on external validation. Even pre-pandemic, friends have always called me directly to let me know of their engagements. Whatever you were expecting, you aren’t going to get it–but there is still so much joy to be had here! You found your person and have a happy and hopefully long life ahead. That is wonderful.

  4. Anon

    OK — there is this dress in a quieter print on the Nordstrom site. Would you wear either to a BigLaw casual office? I feel like I might. I want the maxi-caftan to become a thing. I feel like if we were denim-casual before and we’ve been in leggings for a year, this isn’t a bridge too far. With pointy-toe flats, I think I could do it.

    • Anon

      Haha no. This is a weekend dress one step above a nightgown. Do not wear this to any kind of professional office.

    • Anon

      A partner in my law office regularly wears caftan looking dresses to the office. But we are not even close to big law, and we’re in the south.

    • Anon

      Hmm. Jeans with something tailored on top can be authoritative. This dress, not so much.

      • Anon

        I feel like this is a bit of a mullet, especially now that the bottoms are pajamas and not actual pants, but I feel that “casual” should be dispersed evenly over an outfit.

    • BeenThatGuy

      I would wear this to my Big Corporate job, no question. I’d style it with a large belt to bring in the waistline and a nice flat or sandal.

    • Cat

      Nah. This dress mostly says “SAHM in the south” to me (based on my thorough perusal of what my friends are wearing on insta).

      I might wear it to my in-house job on a casual summer Friday when half the office is down the shore…

      • Anon

        I am a mom in the south — I may try this if it is what people look like in the wild these days (I am #teamfleeceleggings at the moment, but really yearning for some color).

        Real Q: how is this not just a midi-dress (and I am sort, so many things are more maxi with I wear them)?

        I would like an Office Wear Reindoctrination Camp at some point — I am OK with suits, but I never really mastered casual office attire (in part b/c of being thrifty and not changing size after our office changed its policy).

        • Cat

          I don’t know where the line is between midi and maxi, but I do know that all 4 of my acquaintances that live in Charlotte and Columbia wore dresses like this (in more muted colors) to host small-family Thanksgiving or Christmas this year…

      • Anon

        I would wear it if I were one of your colleagues who is at at the shore. Thrown over my bathing suit for cocktails on the beach—that’s the vibe.

    • BB

      I LOVE maxi dresses in the summer. They are as close as you can get to walking around outside in pajamas, especially the one I have that’s a tshirt jersey type fabric. So I am supportive of making this a thing :)

    • buzzkill

      No I love maxis in casual life but would not wear this kind of thing to work.

    • Bonnie Kate

      This is funny, I was just texting with friends about this yesterday. I’m in a senior position at a super casual enviro-tech company and well respected, so I can do a lot. But I just don’t know if I can go straight maxi-caftan and feel comfortable. But! Then I look at these pictures of Rachel Zoe and I think, this is pretty bad@$$ and maybe I could make these work….solid color dress, fitted jacket…

      Picture at the bottom: https://www.glamour.com/story/rachel-zoe-style-dos-and-donts-glamour-september-2012
      https://bulletbluesca.com/blog/bullet-blues-style-crush-rachel-zoe-black-maxi-dress-queen/
      https://www.fountainof30.com/celebrity-style-steal-rachel-zoes-major-maxi-dress-moment/

      Honestly though, not really. :) This is going to hang out on my Pinterest boards.

      • AIMS

        I had to go into the office this summer and wore a lot of long maxi dresses with longish blazers. The dresses were all dressy material (as opposed to stretchy jersey) and looked like nice blouses on my zoom calls, which is basically all I did at work. It was honestly the only time in recent memory that I felt like I looked “cool” at work.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t, but if I am being perfectly honest I will admit that I’ve worn yoga pants to the office this year so maybe anything goes now.

    • anon

      Women in my government office would wear it, but we were very casual even before the pandemic. Like lularoe on a normal day, nice jeans for a big presentation, maybe something suit-adjacent for a meeting with a senator.

    • AIMS

      I would 100 percent wear this on a hot summer Friday! I work somewhere reasonably formal. I think it’s all how you style it and how you carry yourself.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I remember seeing a woman walking into an office in a maxi-length, vibrantly printed shirtdress and she looked phenomenal. I was stopped at a red light so I had time to notice she was wearing heels and carrying a structured bag. So yes, I think this look can be done if the rest of the outfit is formal.

  5. anonshmanon

    What’s your favorite way to jazz up frozen broccoli? Although I prefer roasted broccoli, the convenience of a bag waiting in the freezer until its time comes is just what I need sometimes. But the flavor could be more interesting. Add butter? Spices?

    • Anonymous

      In the PNW and the answer is garlic salt and nutritional yeast (although All The Cheese sounds delicious too)

    • Anon

      Breadcrumbs toasted in a little butter. Lemon squeeze, a little shredded parm, toss broccoli. Chef kiss. But like Chef Boyardee kiss.

    • anon

      You can roast frozen broccoli and it is quite good. Salt, pepper, oil. 400 degrees, around 20 minutes. Not as good as fresh but good.

    • Anonymous

      I roast frozen broccoli. I usually do half the time without spices and then add spices when I mix/turn them. I like garlic powder and butter or a simple olive oil, salt, and pepper combo. Sometimes I add red pepper flakes as well.

    • Kelly

      I like to roast it with a little olive oil, garlic & salt. (to be honest, I like to char it a little – but husband prefers just nicely roasted, so sometimes I leave some in the oven a little longer). Everyone loves roasted brussels sprouts and cauliflower (well, we do) so a few years ago I did broccoli too, and it came out great. Yes, even frozen broccoli, and yes, even the stemmy bits….

      • BeenThatGuy

        +1 Char it. I use coconut oil instead of olive oil because it withstands the high heat better. But either works.

    • Anon

      I would mash it, mix it with eggs and seasonings and bread crumbs and fry as fritters. Yum!

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      Oh my god, just put some butter on it and move on, this isn’t a big deal. People in Texas are freezing to death and you’re worried about broccoli? You need therapy.

    • Anon

      I made a side dish of orzo with broccoli the other day. You cook the orzo in salted water and add fresh broccoli for the last two minutes. I’m sure frozen would work about the same.

      Drain, reserving some of the cooking water, and return the orzo and broccoli to the pot or a big bowl. Toss with more salt if needed, a little butter and/or olive oil, pepper, maybe some garlic powder, and a bit of the cooking water if needed. The broccoli breaks down and mixes with the orzo as you toss it. It’s quite delicious.

      Now for the salted water, for some reason I find orzo really soaks up the salt as it boils, so I usually go lighter than the “salty like the sea” level I use for other pastas like spaghetti and penne.

      • Vicky Austin

        Frozen totally works if tossed into your pasta water for the last couple minutes. I actually just posted about this the other day – I do it all the time with lots of different frozen veggies.

    • anonshmanon

      Thanks all, I had never thought to try and roast it from frozen. Lots of good ideas!

    • Formerly Lilly

      I buy the store brand microwave in the bag broccoli from Publix.

      Prepare a seasoning mixture of: sea salt, coarsest ground pepper, lemon zest minced j til it’s nearly pulverized, and red pepper flakes. Microwave the broccoli until it’s not quite as done as you like it, and meanwhile heat a skillet, preferably cast iron, until it’s very hot. Throw the broccoli in the skillet for a quick sear, without without a bit of olive oil, and then sprinkle and mix in the seasoning mixture.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Buy the Green Giant simply steam tuscan seasoned frozen broccoli instead of plain. It is delicious.

    • Anonymous

      Lemon and parmesan. All the other answers are wrong (other than that you can roast it, and even then my answer still stands).

    • PolyD

      Nuke it for a minute or two, no added water, just to get it a bit less frozen. Then sauté it in a pan with some olive oil, garlic, and red pepper flakes. Toss with some grated Parmesan and add a little pepper. I basically lived on this + pasta in normal times when I didn’t have much time to make dinner.

    • Trixie

      I roast frozen broccoli, and it is awesome. I can’t even tell it isn’t fresh! Toss with olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper, put in preheated oven at 400-425, 20-30 minutes. Add potatoes, onions, etc as you wish.

  6. Anonymous

    Sanity check please? My husband found a deal on a travel site and now wants to do a last minute vacation to Hawaii. It would work great with our schedule, but we have a two year old who’s never been on a plane before and we’re in the midst of a worldwide pandemic.

    I vetoed the idea because pandemic. Even if I didn’t feel irresponsible considering leisure travel now since it puts the general public at risk, our immediate family includes high risk people.

    He conceded the point but is low key pouting. He’s not an idiot but I think he has a serious case of quarantine fatigue. I feel his pain but I don’t think quarantine fatigue warrants taking a risk for a vacation.

    I feel like the bad guy here but I’m making the appropriate and responsible adult decision, right?

    • Anon

      Yes. I am trying to eat around the globe by going to all of the different restaurants in my town of cuisine of places I’d like to visit. Even if you had to do Hawaiian pizza (no Polynesian restaurants, but many Asian cultures are found in Hawaii and lots of fish / pineapple), could you maybe try a consolation prize? That way, when kiddo is ready to travel, they have a reference?

      To me, this helps mom and pops now. Hawaii will still be there :)

        • Anon

          In our house, we watch a lot of Geography Now! on YouTube b/c my kids’ virtual school has been so pitiful this year and it always me hungry for the food of the country we just watched. And then I hunt and can usually find something in my city even if it is a hike (so: weekend trip for earlyish dinner pickup).

    • Anon

      I feel this so hard. (Is he on Scott’s Cheap Flights? I got an email from them today about deals to Hawaii.) I am dying to take a vacation right now and I literally look up flights every single day. But no, we really should not leisure travel right now, even though it’s the saddest decision ever. Also, I think Hawaii has a 10 day quarantine right now anyway, so I don’t think you would get to do much before having to turn around and come home. (There might be some exceptions with negative test, etc.)

      On another note, realistically, when do you all think we can leisure travel again? Particularly interested in international travel to Europe. Assuming I’m vaccinated by June-ish, would a trip be on the table for this fall? I’m thinking probably no, but would love a little hope that it’s sometime soon.

      • Anonymous

        Hawaii waives the 10 day quarantine if you have a negative test. I still don’t think I’ll feel comfortable traveling until at least 2022, but like I said we have high risk family members so I understand that other people’s calculus might be different.

      • Anon

        Assuming I’m vaccinated, I’m tentatively planning late summer for domestic. I think international is going to be not until next year at least, though.

    • Anon

      You’re making the appropriate and responsible adult decision. Beyond the importance of staying home to protect the more vulnerable and limit the spread, how much would it stink if you had to quarantine with baby in a hotel room in Hawaii, especially if one or more of you became ill.

    • anon

      You definitely did the right thing! And I’m sure your husband knows that too.

    • asdf

      The US is now at ~2k cases daily. Three weeks ago we were at ~4k cases daily. Can he wait a few weeks? Do you want to set a threshold below which you feel comfortable? I’m not trying to be dismissive of your concerns, but the pandemic appears to be rapidly waning. (Thanks vaccines!)

    • Anon

      Your husband is to close to this and has already imagined himself in Hawaii. There’s a reason tickets are cheap, and that’s because it’s not a good idea right now and the less impulsive people aren’t buying them.

    • Anon

      Definitely did the right thing. As a compromise, could you plan a vacation to a drivable nature area? A lake during the early spring, somewhere in the forest over the summer, etc? I booked a house on the ocean for a week in May, and am so looking forward to it. It’s not 100% safe, but I feel the drive is ok (only stop for gas) and all activities will be outdoors so no different than home.

    • anon

      I had a trip planned to Hawaii in May, which we then rescheduled for November. Last fall, I followed their news about the testing program, etc. (We canceled the November trip and renovated our kitchen.) You have to test negative, with one of their partner orgs, to avoid the 10 day quarantine. Many of their partners don’t test 2 year olds. I probably wouldn’t want to test an asymptomatic 2 year old anyways. So maybe that’s your “out”?

    • Anonymous

      Yep, doing the right thing. My husband and I have been enjoying watching Rick Steves on PBS and planning our next European vacation. The anticipation is part of the fun. We hope to go to Hawaii too!

  7. Anon

    Talk to me about roasting peppers. I’ve tried it and the results are not restaurant-swoon-worthy. Not long enough? Not hot enough? Too much/little EVOO?

    Help!

    • Anon

      Probably not long and/or hot enough. My ideal roasted pepper gets a little charred, and they definitely shrink considerably. Mmmm, I love roasted peppers so much.

    • Ribena

      I use the ones that come in a jar. Much cheaper per pepper and I can save the fresh ones for meals where I want the crunch!

      • Senior Attorney

        Yeah, the ones in a jar are delish and no burned fingers on the stovetop.

        • Anon

          My only complaint about those is that they go bad in the fridge so quickly. I love them but I don’t want a whole jar at one sitting. Preferably I’d use the other half a week later, but it doesn’t keep.

          • Anon

            I’ve learned to make a bisque or sauce with what’s left in the jar (roasted red pepper blends really well in any blender). I find a little red pepper goes a long way for me on sandwiches, in tuna salads, or in feta/cucumber/romaine type salads, but blended into a soup it’s not too much for me.

          • Anonymous

            Yes – blend into a sauce, alone or with some roasted tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, maybe oregano. This makes a great bed for scallops or roasted white fish and you can freeze it for later.

        • Senior Attorney

          We never have any left over since we learned how to make homemade pizza…

    • Of Counsel

      I make them all the time since I buy the 6-pack of peppers at Costco and sometimes forget to eat them all. Roast at 500 degrees for thirty minutes, burning with tongs every ten minutes. Cover with foil and let them cool completely (which takes care of the burned fingers problem). The skin comes right off. Then add some olive oil and salt. I like a squeeze of lemon and some fresh thyme as well. Put in the fridge and the next day you have yumminess.

      Or just use the plain for cooking (I like them in hummus). Good either way!

  8. For Notinstafamous

    I left a comment with sci fi audiobook recs on this morning’s thread (but it’s in mod…as this comment will be for a while, I’m guessing)!

  9. Flats Only

    My retirement role model is Mrs. Roper from Three’s Company, so I’ll be bookmarking this dress. Staaaanley!

  10. The Original ...

    The engagement question made me realize that I wish there was a better way to share BIG news and be guaranteed to get the BIG reaction we all want when we have a major life moment. I would love to start a chain reaction or something! For example, I would love to do a zoom with that person, hear their whole story, hear about the proposal, see the ring, etc. I would be genuinely so excited to hear about their happiness. I have something major coming up tomorrow and have prepared myself for a lackluster reaction, but I’d love to have someone who would predecide to be super excited for me and ask all the questions and such.

    How do I make this a thing, darn it?!

    • Anon

      Don’t people have engagement parties? I guess that isn’t a surprise, but it’s a great opportunity to hear the story, see the ring, and so on.

      • Thanks, it has pockets!

        Yeah, but not during COVID times, and I think that’s why couples getting engaged nowish are itching to celebrate in a COVID safe way, knowing their “official” celebration may not happen until summer. So I get the desire, but they should probably calm down and just wait.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      You don’t. People don’t care about that stuff, and couples who try to perform their relationship for others are annoying.

      • Anonymous

        That’s such a deeply odd take to me. I’m there for my friends when they get engaged, get promotions, or have something to celebrate and it’s not because I feel obligated to witness a “performance.” It’s because I care about their lives and I love celebrating great news. OP isn’t talking about those random midweek posts on social media about how much someone LOVES their partner and how amazing and #blessed everything is – it’s a major life event that most people in all cultures enjoy celebrating.

    • AIMS

      I feel like we all know who would be excited about certain stuff in our lives (may be different people for different stuff) and I go to them with my news. I also telegraph what I need – like “oh my god, can I tell you something amazing that happened to me at work” or “can I brag about X” or even just “guess what!!! ???” (vs expecting them to figure out the level of excitement). I don’t have a super huge social circle but I tend to find this works. I mean this in the nicest way possible but I think once you’re done with college expecting any group of friends to be super excited on cue is hard and bound to disappoint.

      • Anonymous

        This is the way to go. Choose the people who you know will have a big reaction and give them a hint so they are ready to react. Surely some of your friends would love nothing better than to gush over your engagement. If my college bestie called me right now to say she was engaged, it would make my week and I would gush for as long as she wanted.

      • Senior Attorney

        Agree with this. A little expectations management can work wonders.

      • Vicky Austin

        I have to agree. And often times, if someone says, “oooh can I tell you something AWESOME?” I get freaking pumped to hear about the awesome thing. The anticipation does wonders.

    • Anon

      I may come across as a grouch, but this would fall into the “big reveal” category, which has only been A Thing since reality TV created an expectation that everyone gets all these moments in their life to be a special star, the center of attention. It’s problematic on many levels.

      You tell your parents, your siblings, and ask people one on one to be in your wedding party. That’s the first round. Then you can let the rest of the world know however you wish, preferably in an email or on social media, but not with any kind of “reveal” party, please. You can have an engagement party at some later point after everyone already knows.

      People will be happy for you! But not as excited as you are. Manage your expectations.

      • anonshmanon

        Yeah, I think if you expect people to have a big reaction to your big news (other than parents, siblings or a bff) you might set yourself up to be disappointed. That doesn’t mean it’s not special or important for you, of course!

      • Anon

        Yes. I think it’s probably reasonable to expect to have one or two friends in your life who are close enough to have the genuine OMG reaction the OP wanted from everybody, but to expect that from an entire group of people is only a recipe for disappointment.

      • LaurenB

        +1. Well said. I don’t think it’s “problematic” — I just think it’s annoying. My god, a 16 yo boy can’t ask the girl in math class to go to prom without it having to be a Big Public Thing. Young men are choreographing their family and friends to be on hand right after The Proposal. And don’t get me started on gender reveal parties. There aren’t that many people who care that much about these types of things, and this all sounds very Sorority Chorus to me.

    • Lilau

      Probably my age showing, but you call your best girlfriend, you both scream and shriek for two minutes, and she demands to know every detail and you tell her everything. Repeat for remaining girlfriends, favorite aunts and the wives of your cool cousins. Everyone else (particularly men and distant friends) is happy for you but not going to make a big deal of it.

      Unfortunately, I think engagement parties are best when impromptu (like you just got back from brunch with the ring and everyone in town shows up to your mothers’ house with champagne and they’re ordering pizza by dinnertime and also playing beer pong out back and your mom’s too happy to care).

    • Anon

      I’m perplexed by these replies. I’ve been known to burst into tears of joy over news like this, entirely sincerely. I don’t know if people are numbed out or what, but I don’t feel like there’s any rule that people won’t be very excited or that they won’t care. And I’m not an extrovert or otherwise very tied up in people’s lives; I’m just happy for them. I remember how happy I was when I got engaged, and that makes me feel excited for them.

      • Names

        Agree. I think a lot of people are just depressed right now and they’re not seeing the joy in anything.

      • Thanks, it has pockets!

        I don’t know. I know that for me, I do get excited by other people’s stuff really easily. I get pumped just watching my friends get their COVID vaccines. If one of my friends, or cousins, or my sibling announced a major life event I’d be over the moon for them. But I’m also annoying, and weird, and an idiot.

        • anonshmanon

          Sorry, I’m confused here. You’d be over the moon, you say. Above, you literally said “People don’t care about that stuff, and couples who try to perform their relationship for others are annoying.”
          What is going on? Are there two people posting with this user name?

          • Anon

            Or someone forgetting to switch between anonymous and their regular handle…

          • Thanks, it has pockets!

            Nah, I just have a weird tendency to absorb other people’s negativity and cynicism sometimes and I lose myself in that. There tends to be a lot of that here and it gets to me sometimes.

          • Names

            I’m sorry if you are having a bad day, but I think you need to own the fact that you are the one spreading negativity today and it’s not any other poster’s fault. We all have rough days and sometimes it’s best to just get away from the computer for a little bit instead of taking it out here.

          • Anon

            I understand about the negativity absorption. I saw your post about the Texas stuff and confess that situation had me really stressed today as well. I hope if you know people there that they are hanging in there and doing okay. I just heard from family that their grocery expedition was a success and someone shared some firewood with them as well for their fireplace. It’s not as cold as it was before, but some of them have caught colds since this started last week for them (their power was out before this became widespread), and it’s been a long week.

      • Walnut

        I’ve definitely squealed with joy at engagement news and also shown up at their place within a few hours with every wedding magazine on the rack so we could be excited in person.

        I have similar reactions to baby news, new puppies/kitties, buying a first house, announcement of tickets booked for an epic vacation etc. Life’s fun when you get excited about things your friends/family is excited about.

        • Anonymous

          “Life’s fun when you get excited about things your friends/family is excited about.”

          Hear hear. We need more of this!

        • AIMS

          Wise words but keep in mind everyone is different. My mom cried tears of joy when I told her I was pregnant, it sounds like the exact reaction many of you here would love, and while I love my mom and we are super close, it was not fun for me. I was like “yay, baby! Please stop!” I felt the same way about pretty much every milestone I’ve ever had.

        • LaurenB

          I have no doubt that you, yourself, are sincere, but my radar is up for people like that because I think a lot of them are insincere and are “performing.” I wouldn’t expect anyone to get *excited* that I’m taking a vacation (in pre-COVID times of course); I wouldn’t expect any reaction other than “oh, great! how fun, enjoy your trip” or maybe a piece of advice if they have something to recommend at that destination — and that’s about it. “Excitement” just seems too much, unless maybe my trip was to Sweden to accept the Nobel Prize.

      • Anonymous

        People are different. While I am happy for my friends when something good happens to them, I am not someone who gets particularly excited about ANYTHING. It’s not my nature. I fake it a bit for my closest friends because I care about them, but I’m otherwise meh about what is going on in other people’s lives. I don’t expect anyone to GAF about what is going on in my life to the level that I care about what is going on in my own life. People have a lot going on and it’s not their responsibility or job to make my life going’s on their top priority.

    • Anon

      Uhh, no. I am happy for my friends when they reach big milestones but my happiness and enthusiasm for a recently engaged couple will never equal their own and I won’t be made to feel bad for that.

      • Names

        No one said it had to be “equal.” It should just be proportionate. I’m thinking of that great Atlantic articles from years ago about “Masters of Love” and how it’s important to respond to events or updates from your partner appropriately. It’s a real relationship-killer if your partner says “I just got the promotion!” and you respond “Cool. What’s for dinner?”

        You’ll probably say “but that was about romantic relationships, not friendships” – but the lessons apply to friendships for me as well. I don’t see any downside to showing up and being excited and happy for my friends – because I AM excited! I love when people I love get good news. I’m also an introvert millennial so this isn’t some weird extrovert trait of mine.

        • Vicky Austin

          Yeah, everything that was said here. Of course I’m going to make a fuss when people have good news. It’s like saying, “Your good news IS good! Your excitement IS exciting! Your happiness IS a happy thing!” and I think people deserve to hear that. I’m an introvert too and making a fuss doesn’t come very naturally to me (and I don’t often have strong emotions at others’ news automatically), but I make an effort to do so.

        • Anonymous

          Honestly, sometimes the response is colored by things we see that the couple themselves don’t. Your boyfriend is a jerk? It’s gonna be hard to muster a lot of enthusiasm for that that.

        • Anon

          I was responding to somebody who said people should be “guaranteed” a “BIG” reaction. I strongly disagree with that.

  11. Wouldn't tip my flight nanny less than 5K

    Okay, hopefully this is a TRUE fun and frivolous question. Years ago my mom handed down her favorite pair of jeans from the early 80s: faded, high-waist Calvin Kleins. Mom jeans. Exactly what happens to be on trend at the moment. I’m stoked because they fit my waist perfectly, but they’re several inches too long in the hem. If I alter them to make them more current, how and to where should I bring up the hem? I’m thinking just above the ankle – google Everlane 90s cheeky straight jean, maybe slightly higher than in those stock photos – but I’m torn between cutting with scissors and doing a raw edge or a longer-in-the-back clean cut – taking to the tailor, or just leaving them untouched since part of me is reluctant to cut them at all since they’re my mom’s and I’m sentimental and also bad at this sort of thing <3 Any thoughts?

    • anonshmanon

      I’d hem them because wearing your sentimental item beats just owning but not using it. I have no opinion on the length. Your handle is hilarious.

    • Anon

      I would get them hemmed rather than just cutting them and wear them everywhere!

    • Anon

      is rolling them out of the question? My daughter is 19 and rolls everything.

      You could also ask your mom how to do a pegged roll cuff, if you want to be super authentic!

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