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Suit of the Week: Sergio Hudson

Suit of the Week |

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

This suit comes in both burgundy and teal, and I’m kind of in love with both of them. From the Net-a-Porter product page:

Sergio Hudson hopes to bring back the joy of fashion with richly colored and immaculately tailored collections. This gabardine blazer has sharp peak lapels and padded shoulders to create structure. It fastens with a single covered button.

Love it!

The blazer is $1395, and the pants are $1045 — if you’re in love with the matching turtleneck bodysuit it’s $395.

Looking for something more affordable? This suit we featured in yellow is still available in red in petite, tall, and regular sizes 0-20 at Banana Republic. Meanwhile, this single-breasted pantsuit set is available in sizes 14W-36W.

Psst: I don’t think I’ve ever seen an orange suit as stylish as this one — and this yellow suit is a LOOK and I am here for it.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:

  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
  • Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
  • Boden – Up to 50% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
  • Express – 40% off dresses & tops
  • J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
  • Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
  • Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:

  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
  • Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
  • Boden – Up to 50% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
  • Express – 40% off dresses & tops
  • J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
  • Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
  • Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    So gorgeous, and a great opportunity to dress like Michelle Obama at the last inauguration.

    • Ellen

      Or Alicia Keys! She was so good the other day on TV! I wish I looked like her, let alone had her talent! If I did, I would not have to be slogging through all of the poopie at work, trying to find people that can corroborate how our client’s workers are dogging it and should not get WC benefits! In a way, I am a mercenary, Dad says and he is right. If I can get someone off WC, or prevent him from getting it in the first place, I am a winner. The guys sometimes are injured, so I usually will stipulate to 10% disability to settle a case, tho the manageing partner does not like that. But to me, a win is a win if all parties come away with something if they deserve it.

    • Anon

      Are people wearing pants pooling on the ground like this? How would you hem a fuller leg like this (or would you go all the way to a crop just above the ankle)? And with what shoes? It’s 2021 and I’ve forgotten how pants work.

      • Anon

        I got a couple pair of very wide leg pants this season and hemmed them like the yellow suit linked above. They’re maybe 1/3 to 1/2 inch above the ground, and I hemmed them for flats.

        I wore heels with wide leg pants when that was the trend before and almost died a few times when the heel would somehow get caught in the cuff/around the fabric! So, flats for me this time. I love the look.

      • Anon

        A wide legged pant looks best when it’s very long. It shouldn’t be dragging on the ground but it should be 1/2”-ish shorter than the sole of your shoe, which means pant length will vary with what shoes you wear. Or to put it another way, you only wear those pants with the shoes you had them hemmed for.

        It’s a hassle and not the thing for someone who’s going to regularly be walking in the rain or snow or mud, but it’s certainly beautiful.

        In my opinion, don’t wreck gorgeous pants like this by cropping them to make them practical. That ruins the whole look, and world look silly while being worn. If you want cropped pants, buy pants meant to be worn cropped.

    • Anon

      Look at the yellow pants and then the teal version. Which one is hemmed right? The Yellow ones would get less yucky in winter much b/c they are hemmed higher. Maybe you need that with a light color?

      • Anon

        I looked. The teal are slightly too short for the shoes the model is wearing. The yellow look perfect. The burgundy pictured, when you click through, are pooling on the floor and are too long.

  2. Anon

    Does anyone have a recommendation for a good cosmetic dentist in the DC area? Looking to do some whitening, potentially some teeth re-shaping, maybe a few veneers.

    • Mac

      Arango Smiles is about 15 minutes outside of DC into NOVA, but Dr. Arango is amazing!

      • Ellen

        His last name is Smiles? Dr. Smiles, a Dentist? Come on! He must have changed his last name so that he could be a better businessman as a dentist, right? It’s like a proctologist being named Dr. Tuchus! Appropriate but still a bit smelley! FOOEY!

  3. Senior Attorney

    I love the orange one but the way they have it styled makes me laugh VERY LOUDLY.

      • Anon

        Idk I wear a sarong and flip flops at a resort but what do I know. Should I be showing up to the pool in my orange suit?

        • BeenThatGuy

          This might be the answer to all the summer questions of “what do I wear to my bosses pool party?”

      • Anon

        I’ve honestly never seen anyone in a suit at a resort. I’ve definitely never seen anyone wearing a suit jacket and suit pants over their strappy bikini/monokini (whatever that model has going on there). Do you wear this look when you’re on vacation – suit over swimsuit? In what context? I am genuinely fascinated. Is this like a go-to look for a resort dinner in fancy restaurant’s patio?

        Also, the pants on the orange suit are too long, which is especially obvious in the back view.

    • Anon

      If you aren’t wearing your suits with bondage bikinis I don’t know what to tell you, plebe.

  4. Anonymous

    Sharing my daily cringe moment. Today on our last team meeting of the year, our 2 SVPs did an “icebreaker” that had us pick one colleague we want to be more like. Of course, over half the participants picked one of the SVPs. No one picked me, and other colleagues didn’t get mentioned either. Super awkward.

    • Ellen

      I know. What a suck-up moment for everyone! Everyone is trying to score brownie points with some guy with bad breathe just b/c he is an SVP. Give me a break! We don’t do any of that stuff, other than Secret Santa. I did not get the teck guy this year so I am ahead of the game. The IT guy always stares at my boobies which is quite distracting. FOOEY on him!

    • Anon

      Ooof. What a terrible icebreaker. That’s not going to “break the ice” in a group, it’s just a structured exercise helping people suck up to coworkers/superiors. Barf.

  5. Anon

    In the good news department, Jim Bob Duggar lost his bid for the Arkansas state senate. If anyone wonders why I keep my registration R vs independent, it is because sometimes I feel needed to vote against people in primaries.

    • Arkie

      This is a welcome spot of good news.

      If only there were hope for any of the rest of the political situation here!

    • Anon

      My state lets you switch which primary you vote in every year, which is nice. This year we’re voting in the R primary because there is an MTG-wannabe running for state senate in my district (I live in a blue college town in a purple county in a very red state).

      • Anon

        My city has some positions that are at-large and some that are elected by wards. The wards tend to get the crazies, as the city as a whole would likely find them unelectable (purple state, blue city but the blue breaks down in interesting ways in different parts of the city). Also, one women in particular runs for obscure offices where she may some day get elected; all she does is bring the drama and is a bit pro se frequent flyer at the courthouse.

    • Anon

      I’ve been reading articles about Josh Duggar’s conviction and I have to say, that family needs to just go away. You don’t get to hold yourself up as some kind of paragon ideal of Christian virtues when your oldest son has been convicted of possessing child pornography. IMO it’s just a matter of time before more skeletons start popping out of Duggar closets.

      • Anon

        AND YET the sister molestation thing happened years before they ever became famous. IIRC, someone at Oprah’s show got wind of rumors and never had them on, so it was not unknown or totally hidden even back then. That alone makes me so stabby mad. They all knew what Josh was all along. Those poor sisters — just collateral damage.

      • Anon

        As other places on the internet have observed, Josh learned this behavior from somewhere or someone. It wouldn’t surprise me if we find there’s more abuse in the family and their faith community.
        Agreed that this family and all they ‘stand’ for needs to go far, far away.

      • Anon

        The parents actively covered it up too. Protecting their son at the expense of their daughters – and probably his daughters too, sadly. The parents should go to jail too.

        • Anon

          You can see it in the design of the house. You had to go through the parents bedroom to get to the sisters’ bedroom. It is just horrifying that the real estate testifies to the need to get the girls away from him.

  6. Anonymous

    I’m working on emotional eating patterns and have realized that I use food as a “reward” in many situations. Gotten through a hard meeting? Eat a cupcake. Went to the doctor? Stop at the cafe for a treat.

    I’m trying to 1) dismantle my need for a reward, but 2) identify other rewards that would be good substitutes. The key for me – food is instantaneous, fast, and immediate. Things like “go get a pedicure” are so much more time consuming that they don’t feel like they really work the same way. What rewards work for you? I would love to hear.

    • Kayla

      Buy a lipstick or nail polish from the CVS next to the office.
      Take 20 minutes to read a book.

    • Anon

      I think this is definitely a personality thing, because I can’t relate to it at all. My reward for making it through a big meeting or an appointment is relief that it’s over and I don’t have to think about it any more. I think most things you try to substitute are also potentially problematic, since they mostly involve spending money frivolously and perpetuate the mindset that adult life is something you need a reward for, which seems like a stressful way to live life.

      But I understand just it might not be easy to break that habit, so in the mean time, maybe switch to rewards that give yourself time to relax and set up healthy behaviors, like taking time to read a book, go for a walk with a friend, see a movie you’ve been wanting to see, do yoga for an hour, try a new coffee shop (I guess this is still food related, but make it more about the experience and just have coffee or your drink of choice). Think of things you like doing but don’t make time for, like any old hobbies, and use those as rewards as a way of incorporating more pleasurable things into your life regularly, not just as a reward. You always deserve to be happy, not just when you’ve been a good girl.

    • anon

      Watching a fun show or Christmas movie that I’ve been wanting to see.

      But, also… food. Getting pedicures. When I have more time, getting my eyelashes done (keratin “lift and tint” treatment). Maybe a massage if I’m feeling spendy and it’s been a particularly bad week.

      Clearly I need to think about this as well.

    • anonymous

      Following with interest because I definitely do the same thing. Can you slowly switch to different types of food? Instead of a cupcake, maybe a small piece of quality chocolate?

      • Anonymous

        OP here: I think my goal is to not have it be food at all. Kind of like an alcoholic going cold turkey.

    • Anonymous

      Orgasms? Not at the non-WFH office, obviously, but at home it’s great.

      But if you need something that costs money, how about tipping yourself? You’ve been good – 5 dollar tip. Put the money in a jar or a separate account, and do a monthly or yearly proper splurge.

      • Anon

        Not a bad idea, but similar to the “you deserve to be happy all the time” comment, I don’t like to put conditions around having orgasms; I deserve one whenever I want one. And having them is an essential part of a happy life, for me.

        The “tipping yourself” idea is good, with a big goal out in the future to aim for. I would save for a big trip.

    • No Face

      I am the same way! And accidentally trained my kid to think the same way. Oops.

      I treat myself to sparkling water and herbal tea all day long. I also treat myself to breaks when I’m working. If I’m working from home, I treat myself to a nap.

      • Anonymous

        From OP: I think a break from work is actually a great idea and often what I really want.

    • Joan wilder

      I’ve been recently reading about hypnosis to change these subconscious habits and I’m thinking of trying it to break one of mine. I feel like if it works-amazing and if not I’m no worse off than before.

    • Anon

      Is it wrong that I think “so what” to using food as a reward?
      Why is having treats considered so bad?

      • Pompom

        I see what you are saying and can empathize, but I think for many of us, food = reward can get into some very disordered eating patterns quickly, consciously or not.

        • Anon

          This, and also, I am mid-40s and too many food “treats,” given to myself for whatever reason, make it very difficult for me to maintain my weight. And I am a size 14/16 already so not trying to stay super-thin, just trying to maintain where I am at. I was up 5 lbs at my last doctor’s appointment and when I was lamenting to the nurse she said “unfortunately, an extra couple of Hershey’s kisses a day can start to catch up when we get to this age.” For me, excess weight is hard on my joints, it makes my blood pressure go up, and it causes my A1C and fasting blood glucose to go up. I don’t want to be diabetic or have high blood pressure as I have relatives who died of those conditions, and I want to maintain good mobility as I age so I can travel and fully experience life. So finding alternative “treats” that aren’t food is what I need to do. It is hard for me, as it may be for others, because I definitely came from a family where food = love and the response to a bad day at school was “let’s go get an ice cream cone.” Those patterns are hard to break once they’re ingrained.

      • Anonymous

        From OP: Having treats isn’t bad, unless they are bad for you. And they are indeed bad FOR ME. I don’t think they are bad for everyone at all. My relationship with food is like an alcoholic’s relationship with wine, and FOR ME, it is causing health issues. Thus trying to change it.

    • anon

      Listening with interest. I also need the instant gratification that snacks provide.

    • SF Attorney

      Look up what Gretchen Rubin says about rewards vs treats. I don’t remember it well enough to explain but I think it’s helpful.

      • Anon

        Also compare Charles Duhigg, who recommends discovering what it is you’re really craving and substituting it. The what depends on the why. Are you feeling low and looking for a blood sugar rush? Do you need a mental reset? Are you thirsty?

    • Woof

      Work your way toward no treats, but in the meantime, get less sugary and caloric ones and buy smaller ones. Buy a plain cookie, not a cupcake. Throw out half the cookie and eat the rest seated at a table or in your car. Buy a small biscotti, or similar. Buy a banana or an apple. Give your self a month, smaller treats, throw out part of each purchase, then on a certain date, go to no treats, just gum or a seltzer water, or 30 seconds of deep breath.

  7. Anon

    I am in BigLaw. I’m a former blackberry user who hates e-mail on my iPhone where I have to scroll down (sometimes way down) to get to attachments. I generally use fresh e-mails or at least re-title ones with a fresh title when the old title no longer relates to what is on the e-mail. I find that there are a couple of practice groups that will use “Big Teacup PSA” as an e-mail title for months (so I just want to print an e-mail to read it carefully and it was . . . 20+ pages long and this is even though this e-mail does not relate to prior ones (just between the same parties). Is it too much to have subsequent e-mails be fresh ones with a helpful title (Big Teacup Merger — indemnity issues, Big Teacup Merger — W-9s, Big Teacup Merger — wiring instructions, etc.). I get keeping a common e-mail title nugget to help direct e-mails towards folders, but at some point it seems a bit crazy.

    • Anon

      What email app are you using? The Outlook app is good and the attachments are at the top of the email.

    • Anon

      I have my email programs set to group messages automatically, so I hate it when people change subject lines. But I think this comes down to personal preference and neither side has much standing to tell the other to change.

      For attachments, I think if you find the right email app you can won’t have to scroll.

      • Anon

        In an e-mail folder, how to you find the e-mail with the revised blackline of a ground lease if all e-mails have the same title and the “backstory” is included in every e-mail going forward (so a search filters out very little)? This is where I am struggling. I have a folder with tons of e-mails, all with the same title and I waste so much time trying to find things. No docs are saved on the system under c/m #s, so I can never find anything.

        I like: [Deal name] — [specific issue / document]

        • Anonymous

          I use the search function to find the email instead of going to a folder and scanning through subject lines to find an email.

          • Anon

            I do that and it pulls up 500 e-mails with the thing in it (the e-mails asking about the status of the thing, the thing, questions about the thing, comments about the thing, additional drafts of the thing, redlines of the thing . . .). I am just resigned to reading all the e-mails and trying to sort by ones with attachments and sometimes by date.

        • Ribena

          This is my problem – lets say I’m a teapot specialist at a crockery company. Whenever anyone is doing a project involving teapots they will email me with ‘teapots’ in the subject line – which I’m sure makes it really easy in THEIR inbox but doesn’t help me at all, because everyone does the same thing. Likewise, my calendar is full of ‘Ribena/X teapot discussion’ without any context.

    • Anon

      I scan the subject lines to see if I need to bother reading the 100s of e-mails I get each day (especially if I’m remote or just relying on my phone screen), so having a subject line that relates to the contents is very helpful. If the title is “wiring instructions,” that’s not a need to read promptly e-mail to me but if it says “Big Teacup — ERISA issue,” I know I need to read that promptly.

    • Cat

      My email related rant – thanks to IT, every email from an external sender has [External] before the subject line, and then the message preview that you can see while in your inbox is completely consumed by the Warning – This Message Originated from an External Sender disclaimer.

      Basically meaning my inbox is half-useless at a glance.

  8. Business for sale, manager included

    A friend of mine works as the manager for a small business owned by other friends of ours. She’s an excellent manager of the business, knows the ins and outs like no one else, and is functionally the heart of the company. She’s also really underpaid for her role, skill set and the value she brings to the company. In fact, I think the business owners take advantage of her. She does too, but because of the friendship relationship and some other personal life factors, she’s put up with it. She’s also thinking of leaving the company in the next couple of years in order to relocate to another state.

    Well, she just found out (not from the owners) that the business owners are quietly negotiating the sale of the business to a third party. They obviously haven’t told my friend, but they’ve made assurances to the third party that she will stay on and continue to manage the transition during and after the sale.

    My friend is not happy that they didn’t tell her they are selling the business and certainly not happy that she’s been packaged as part of the sale. What advice would you give her in this scenario?

    • Flats Only

      Demand a retention bonus to stay through a certain date (1 year post closing perhaps), which would also be payable if the new owner terminates her employment. Be prepared to walk if they won’t agree to it.

    • Anonymous

      Maybe they wanted to finish negotiating the sale before they told her about it, and not tell her “we’re thinking of doing this, but maybe it won’t be happening”? Maybe they’re terrible people who are double-crossing her. Who knows.

      Does she want to continue doing her job? if so, this is the chance to renegotiate her salary and role. Is she ready to make a move? Great time to do it. In short, if she can make a decision not based on her feelings of hurt and anger toward the previous owners, there are lots of opportunities here.

    • Anonymous

      She needs to get a few other job offers lined up with salaries. Then she needs to negotiate for a higher base salary, and for a 3 month, 6 month, 9 month, and 12 month retention bonus, in escalating amounts. She is definitely not obligated to stay as part of sale.

    • Anon

      Pointing out the obvious: she’s an at will employee, not an indentured servant. (I am not trying to sound rude.) If the buyers want her to stay on, they need to demand a retention agreement that can be assigned at will. If they aren’t doing that, they have no legal right to force obligations upon a third party – and she is legally a third party to the sale.

      They can make assurances all they want; your friend can make her own choices and is not bound by what her employer says on her behalf without consulting her. Not an indentured servant.

    • Anon

      As someone who works on M&A integrations for my employer, while we do take into account selling owners telling us “oh, so-and-so will definitely stay on to help with the transition,” we don’t count on it, or at least not until we’ve talked to the person involved and figured out their interest level in staying on. The current owners committing her without her knowledge does not equal her being in some kind of ironclad agreement she can’t get out of; employment is still at-will and she can leave for any reason or no reason if she wants. I would recommend that if she is essential to the business operations, when the new company reaches out to her (which should be during due diligence, but may be after the sale is closed) she advocates for herself and mentions that she’s been job-hunting and may not stay with the organization unless there are good reasons for her to stay. The new company may raise her salary, give her a retention bonus, or otherwise attempt to retain her to ensure the transition goes smoothly (that’s what we would do; institutional knowledge is very valuable and we try very hard not to lose it if we can avoid it, especially right after an acquisition).

      However, she should job hunt now, because regardless of what conversations have been had with the existing company owners, once the sale is closed, the new company is usually not under any obligation to keep anyone on and may have a completely different plan for the business than how it’s currently operating. Long story, but we bid against another company to acquire a small firm with a great business proposition and book of business – the people we lost to bought the small company, fired everyone other than two account executives, and just folded the entire operation into the parent business. That’s not an unlikely scenario, and your friend needs to have a Plan B regardless of whether she wants to stay on with the business or not.

    • Anonymous

      For context, coming from the M&A world, as an “mere” employee she’s not entitled to know, nor is it typical that employees would be told, that the owners are negotiating a sale of the business. Her role may be more integral to the transition than most employees would be, but most trade sales are completed assuming that employees will be staying on under new owners and have to figure out what the transition looks like.
      If, knowing what she knows now, she doesn’t want to remain there, she can share that, but “hurt” probably shouldn’t come into play here with the owners – that’s on her to resolve (disappointment that she’s not as highly valued as she thought?).

      • Anonymous

        Agreed. Look OP I understand they’re your friends and mixing business with friendship is complicated. But the fact is that both of your friends need to look out for their own business and financial interests. Your business owner friends aren’t doing anything wrong by negotiating a sale of the company without telling their employee, even if the employee is also a friend. In fact they were probably instructed by their lawyers to not tell employees. Your employee friend shouldn’t martyr herself for the business; if she isn’t being paid fairly and/or she’s concerned about job security then she should look elsewhere. Neither of your friends has any obligation – moral or otherwise – to put someone else’s financial well-being above their own.

    • Anon

      I belong to a 100+ year old professional organization. There exists a similar professional org, and there are serious, long-standing beefs between our two orgs.

      About three years ago, my org announced that we were in talks to merge with the other org.

      As a follow up to the announcement, the head of our org and the board (all volunteers, all our professional peers) held a zoom Q&A to go over the proposed deal. They were all gung-ho and treated any objections as merely complaining. A ton of work had taken place in deal secrecy and they were ready to pull the trigger by the time they announced it to us.

      Unfortunately for them, fortunately for us, the merger required a supermajority of the general membership to approve in an election, which it did not receive. In fact, it was resoundingly defeated. The board members I know personally described themselves as shocked and disappointed.

      I realize mergers need to be shrouded in secrecy. However, it was the secrecy that killed the deal. The membership subsequently replaced the head of the board and many of the board members. People can get swept up in deal mania and drink so much of the associated kool-aid that they can’t imagine everyone else won’t be equally excited about it.

      Sorry this is happening to your friend. She should definitely update her resume and put her name out there for new opportunities. The combination of being underpaid and taken advantage of is a big no-go, even absent a merger.

  9. Anon

    Le sigh. I have some stuff in my cart. If I throw in a package of masks, I can get free shipping. A mask disappeared yesterday (and it was a good one — probably fell off my lap when I got out of my car last night) and I feel like, yes, a fresh order of masks would not be out of line now. Some of my first set is looking grim.

    • Anon

      Yikes, if you still have the first set of masks you bought, please buy some new ones!

      • Anon

        I hear you, and yet I had such a panic of being without that I just moved them to the back of the basket they are in.

      • Cat

        what’s wrong with wearing masks from 2020?? I have two packs of the Athleta ones still in rotation from mid-summer 2020. They wash nicely and the elastic is still good…

          • Anonymous

            If you wash them more than about 25 times or so the elastic starts to fail. A lot of the ones with sewn-in filter fabric also aren’t tested for effectiveness after a gazillion washes.

          • Cat

            I’ve washed mine frequently in a mesh delicates bag. Elastic is still very springy. So, points to Athleta!

      • Anon

        The disposable ones? I have some, but am saving for when I will be inside in a more unknown / germy environment (hospital, medical office of sick people) where I may want to just trash it on my way out. The running out feeling with them is real. And I guess double-masking (washable + medical) is back as a non-crazy option.

        Y’all have seen the Cornell article circulating around?

        • Anon

          You can reuse disposable masks. KN95s hold up a lot better than surgical masks and I feel like they don’t get as dirty as cloth or surgical masks, because they’re more bill-shaped so they don’t sit right on your mouth and nose.

    • Anon

      In my city, + rates trended < 5% for long enough that I got excited. Then:

      ENTER STAGE LEFT: new variant

  10. LaurenB

    Masks! I typically wear the blue disposables but I’d like a pretty white one to wear at a wedding next year (all participants will be vaxed and a negative Covid test required within 24 hours of the event, and this is a take-Covid-seriously crowd in a blue state). Online suggestions for nice quality that doesn’t look too bride-y? Or should I go to a bridal store in person? My dress is black and white and I’m wearing it with big pearls hence why I want a white mask.

    • Anon

      Go with the all-black ones. Does better with any staining / lipstick (I know, why do I still bother?) issues. And lets you eat blueberry pie and remask with abandon. And then more pie :) If not pie, red wine and other staining things.

    • Anon

      I would go with black, too. I think it looks more polished. White cloth masks have always read as tighty whities to me.

    • Cat

      not ‘pretty’ but the classic KN95’s are way more flattering on my face than white fabric masks.

      • Anon

        Yes, I’d just wear a white KN95 from masklabs.us, which I was referred to more than a year ago from someone here, and thank you! That’s pretty much all I wear, though I have ventured into colors now…

        • Anonymous

          I would go with black. I was in a meeting today with someone wearing a white KF94 and it had makeup all over the edges. Eeeew.

    • Pep

      There are some fancy mask options on Etsy. I got a hunter green lace one that almost perfectly matched the dress I wore as a guest to an October wedding.

    • Anon

      Definitely go with a black mask – they look sleeker and “dressier” (lol to a dressy mask) than white masks. If you look at pictures from red carpet events in 2021 most men in black and white tuxes wear black masks. Women generally opt for darker colors too, but sometimes match the print of their dress.

  11. wedding guest help

    Help me budget for being a wedding guest! Multiple 2020 and 2021 would-be weddings are happening in 2022. I’m expecting 5-7 weddings in 2022 and 3-4 each year after that for the next few years.
    I don’t know how I made it to my late 20s without figuring this out (I think my friends who got married younger had fewer, smaller events?), but I need help estimating what it’ll cost to attend each wedding so I can plan now rather than being thrown off by unanticipated expenses. Could I ask the hive to please share expenses I should expect and approximately how much is reasonable for things like gifts, bridesmaid dresses, etc.
    This is what I’ve got:
    For the wedding itself: travel if applicable (flights, hotels, rental car if needed), re-wear as many dresses as possible or use Rent the Runway, $100 gift if giving cash or something of similar value from the registry, meals out/incidentals if it takes up an entire weekend
    For weddings where I’m in the bridal party: travel to the bachelorette weekend, entertainment/food expenses during the bachelorette, potentially those #bride squad t-shirts that everyone is posting on Insta nowadays, bridesmaid outfit (do I need to be ready to pay for hair and make up? I’ve never even had my own done professionally so I have no idea what the norm is),
    if MOH: I know I’d be expected to help day of wedding with helping things run smoothly and maybe help plan the bachelorette… am I missing anything?

    • Anon

      You’re missing bridal shower expenses – gift and maybe travel.

      I would really talk to the bride about wedding expenses if you are asked to be in the wedding party. I paid for my bridesmaids’ hair, makeup, and hotel room; they bought their dresses ($150 or so) and wore sandals/shoes that they already owned. Plane tickets and rental car were on them. I paid for the bach party (escape room and dinner two days before the wedding). Other brides expect to do things differently – it really does run the gamut.

    • SC

      If you’re in an out-of-town wedding and plan to attend at least one out-of-town event, I’d budget $4000 for that wedding. Roughly $1500 for flights, hotel, and expenses for each trip, plus $1000 for your dress, tailoring the dress, hair/makeup, and gifts. Some weddings aren’t this much, and some are dramatically more.

    • Anon

      I think your wedding guest list is about right. Travel can be a lot though. We’ve dropped $2k+ on weekend trips to attend weddings.

      Bridesmaid obligations vary so much. I’ve only been in one wedding, MOH for my best friend. I helped organize her shower and attended via Zoom. This was pre-pandemic, but I was on the other side of the country and she had a short engagement and I really didn’t have the $ and time off work to go for the shower and then back a month later for the wedding. She understood. I sent a nice shower gift. She paid for our dresses and didn’t expect us to get hair and makeup done, although I wanted my hair done so I organized a hair stylist to come to the venue for me and several other bridesmaids. I also picked up Starbucks bagels, coffee and fruit for the bride and other bridesmaids on the wedding day, which people seemed to really appreciate. We chose our own shoes or jewelry. I went out a day early for the welcome dinner. She expected us to do a lot of set up and tear down for the dinner, which was kind of annoying (she is very affluent, and should have paid people to do this rather than roping her friends into it). She also didn’t have a day-of coordinator and I was sort of thrust into that role and hated it, but it did not cost me any money.

      When I got my married, I expected my bridesmaids to attend the wedding and rehearsal dinner and to buy a dress and wear a certain color shoe. I paid for them to get their hair professionally done. In hindsight, I wish I’d paid for their dresses and let them decide what to do about their own hair, like my friend did (I was the first of my close friends to get married). I had a day-of coordinator and demanded much less of my wedding party in terms of logistical stuff than my friend did.

      No one in my circles did bach parties, a fact for which I’m eternally grateful. I love my friends but I’m very introverted and the idea of spending 72 hours straight drunk in Nashville with 10 other women in bride squad t-shirts is my version of h3ll.

    • Anonymous

      Depending on the destination, cost of travel and accommodation, as well as the specific details of each event and expectations of your role, your costs could vary from the price of a gift to thousands in travel and expenses. I don’t think a useful estimate is possible without more details.

  12. Anon

    Maybe HIPAA wouldn’t allow for this, but does anyone know if anyone is studying Nick Cordero (and any similar COVID cases — younger healthy person with really wretched COVID)? I feel like that is one of the great missing links. Age is generally such an excellent proxy for co-morbidities and risk, except for outliers that are just shocking to those of us reading the daily updates.

    • Anon

      Nick Cordero got sick way before vaccines were available. Also, I have read that doctors think there is a genetic susceptibility involved when people get severe Covid, but it’s complex and they aren’t very close to zeroing in on it.

      Beyond that, I have to say that I feel like focusing on outlier cases is a great way to ratchet up anxiety far past the point where it serves us. There are outlier cases of any disease, including the flu. Cancer is another good example – how is it possible that Chadwick Boseman died of colon cancer, which used to be considered an “old person’s disease,” at only 42, after years of being ill? In that case, would it really help me to know details about his life or what he could have done “wrong” to get cancer? Maybe he did nothing wrong. Maybe he didn’t have a genetic susceptibility or make bad choices (he was obviously very fit, which is supposed to mitigate colon cancer risk). Maybe bad things happen to good people for no reason, and maybe even though I am a good person and try to make good choices, those same things could happen to me through no fault of my own. And I, and everyone around me, would just have to figure out how to live with it. Because we can only control so much in life.

      There’s an attitude that’s been present on the board for many years that’s always troubled me, which is that if something bad happens to someone, they must have deserved it, or brought it on themselves in some way. It’s a fallacious belief and also the source of much anxiety, because then people spend tons of time and energy focusing on doing everything “right” so they will be “safe.” The bottom line is that none of us are ever completely safe, no matter who we are or what we do, and focusing on trying to be “safe” over just trying to make good choices wherever possible seems to be very life-limiting for some folks. So, maybe consider that people aren’t “studying Nick Cordero” or other outlier cases because there’s nothing more, really, to be gained from studying his case. He was young and healthy. Covid came along and there were no vaccines or effective treatments. He got sick. He died. It happens. If something like that hasn’t happened to someone you know IRL – via Covid or some other illness – you’re either very young, or very lucky.

      • Anon

        This is a great response, agree 100%.

        I would just add that a lot of people got very sick early on in part because nobody really knew to take precautions yet and were likely exposed to higher doses of the virus than people later on when it was more common for people to mask and distance. Also, medical treatment has gotten much better. We have monoclonal antibodies and other pharmaceutical treatments and now know that covid isn’t just a respiratory disease-clotting is common but can be reduced with the right treatment (I believe this was one of the issues in the Cordero case), proning helps, and lots of other things along those lines. But even with all this knowledge, bad things happen to good people all the time and it’s often nothing they did or anything that could be predicted, it just happens

        • Anon

          I do remember the clotting piece of that now — and I’m so grateful that the science of that got figured out.

      • Anon

        I think it’s all genes, so maybe there is something to learn or at least help us understand our bodies a bit more. Sickle cell disease is really, really hard to live with and yet it coveys an advantage where there is naturally-occurring malaria. Someone had to discover that. And it makes the world make a bit more sense.

        And cancer is just a beast. Oddly, if it strikes when you are older, it tends to be survivable (or not as life-shortening). But it just seems so vicious the younger it strikes. And that is scary — I know people are studying that though.

        In my house and in a relative’s house, we all eat the same thing. One person in each house has genetic high cholesterol. Drugs will help them live longer lives than generations ago. One person in each house has really low cholesterol eating the same exact foods.

        The more I know, the more it all seems predetermined. Habit matter, but they often are no match for bad genes (but see the malaria example — often “bad” genes are there for a reason, but that isn’t always immediately obvious).

        • Anon

          As someone who studies genetics for a living (but isn’t involved in covid research), I think people generally overestimate the effects of straight up genetics while underestimating the effects of gene-environment interactions (this includes habits like diet, exercise, and smoking/drinking, but also stress, infections, pregnancy, and everything else that happens to you over your life). People are certainly studying the genetics of covid susceptibility, but like most other health conditions, there probably won’t be a simple genetic cause, but many, many genes that combine to increase susceptibility. I strongly suspect that in the case of covid, a lot of it will come down to the immune system, which is affected both by genetics and by all of the things your immune system has been exposed to, plus other environmental factors. This either primes your immune system to respond well, respond poorly, or respond in a dysregulated way that ends up killing you. This is a big part of why older people are more susceptible, but probably also explains a lot of the differences in younger people. It’s quite clear that “healthy” habits make you less susceptible to lots of things, including covid, but it’s certainly no guarantee, it just increases the odds a bit.

          • Anon

            This. This is also part of why I’m so worried about my kid getting Covid, especially when she’s immunologically naive. We have no idea what a childhood Covid infection will do to your body, and won’t fully know for decades.

          • Anon

            With kids though, I feel like we have two years of data of them generally being fine after. Much more so than adults. That was the whole point of why so many schools shut down — teachers were often rightly afraid of their actual risks. The kid risk so far hasn’t materialized. With the adults, we know. Even kid long COVID seems to be more rare than adult long COVID. We’re not running towards the risk, but my kids go to schools with no vax requirement and I figure we’ll all get it b/c it doesn’t seem to be going away. Year 3, here we come :(

          • Anon

            I don’t think anyone is disputing that children seem to fare better than adults, especially when it comes to acute Covid and immediate long Covid. But there are many viruses that cause damage that doesn’t appear for many years (e.g., measles and SSPE) or can reactivate later in life and cause other, potentially serious, complications (e.g., chicken pox and shingles). And getting infected at a younger age is not always better – with SSPE, it’s kids who catch measles before age 1 who are most at risk. If there’s an equivalent of SSPE for Covid, we wouldn’t know yet. There is substantial evidence Covid infects the brain and causes brain damage, so something like that happening isn’t at all beyond the realm of possibility. Every viral infection, particularly with a novel virus, is something that can fundamentally re-wire your body and how your body is going to respond to infections, cancers, etc for the rest of your life. It’s not something to write off as NBD just because don’t die in the acute phase of the virus.

            I don’t think closing schools is the answer, fwiw. But I would like immediate access to vaccines for younger children (they’ve been in phase 2/3 trials since June and millions of 5-11 year olds have been safely vaccinated, there’s no reason there can’t be an EUA for under 5 now for parents who want it), and I wish the government would have done a better job with rapid testing and that we could have embraced universal mask-wearing to protect ourselves and others.

        • Anon

          My grandmother got breast cancer in her 80s and lived 10+ more uneventful years. I don’t even consider it a risk to me b/c many people don’t life to be as old as she was when she got it.

    • Anon

      I’ve been wondering this. They did look into the genetics of ACE2 receptors at one point (some people have more than other), but I don’t know if the correlation with severity held?

      I am seeing some talk about connective tissue disorders (the EDS conditions and their ilk) as a risk factor for long COVID complications. So maybe that’s not as unpredictable as it seems, except that so many people with mild presentations are minimally symptomatic and totally undiagnosed especially younger in life.

      • Anon

        There is severe COVID and there is horrendous beyond-awful COVID. Nick Cordero and the many young pregnant women who didn’t survive are just so haunting.

        • Anon

          Pregnancy compromises your immune system, so that’s not rocket science. I think Nick Cordero probably had a genetic predisposition to more severe disease, but it sounds like also got spectacular unlucky. He kept having complication after complication and even then, from what I understand, he almost survived. It’s sad but freak things happen. I know a 5 year old who got some minor viral infection and got sepsis and died. Terrible things like that just happen sometimes, and there isn’t always a deeper explanation beyond just awful luck.

          • Anon

            I know a girl who got MRSA and died and her mom was 9-months pregnant and they didn’t want to let her visit in the hospital. It was so, so, so sad. Nothing was wrong with the daughter until she got MRSA.

    • Anon

      I was kind of hoping people would study the thymus since the severity/age correlation in some ways mapped onto the loss of the thymus. That wouldn’t answer the question about young people who are outliers, but it might have helped answer the question about why risk increases with age even aside from comorbidities? Maybe it’s an abandoned hypothesis by now. It seems like it would be easy to check if young people without thymectomies were at disproportionately increased risk though.

        • Anon

          No, they’re totally different organs. Thymus is part of your immune system, thyroid is part of your endocrine system which controls metabolism.

        • Anon

          No, it’s different. If I understand, it’s the organ that programs the immune system. It’s one of the reasons children’s immunity is so different (they still have an active thymus gland).

          It stops programming the immune system at some point before adulthood and then shrinks over the course of life until it’s basically gone in one’s 80s. It’s considered inactive in adulthood, but it’s a little suspicious that it takes “about a lifetime” to vanish. It would be really weird to discover it wasn’t totally 100% inert, especially since it barely physically exists by midlife, so I was surprised to see the hypothesis at all. Maybe it was a wild guess not worth investigating in the end, but it also felt like it would be easy to investigate, or at least I would have been curious to see it demolished if it actually made no sense.

          There is ongoing research though; people want to understand this. There are autopsy studies too; I saw one recently from a child, which broke my heart, but they are still learning.

          • Anon

            OK — even though it’s not the thyroid, my kids endocrinologist says that if you life long enough, you go hypothyroid. Sort of like men and prostate cancer. You die with it (but not of it generally).

          • Anon

            Hypothyroidism is quite different than cancer. It won’t kill you even if you have it your whole life and never treat it. Untreated cancer will eventually kill you, although it may take years or even decades to do so.

          • Anon

            Point taken. I know older men who forgo treatment of stage 1 prostate cancer b/c it won’t likely prolong their lives and the QOL hit they take is significant. Sort of how old people, really old people, often decide they’d rather risk seeing their grandchildren than possibly dying without seeing them now that close to 2 years have passed with no end in sight.

          • Anon

            You’d definitely want to treat hypothyroidism though, and it’s treatable. I’ve been on thyroid replacement meds since I was 18. The only hard part is getting the dose right so you feel right and not a little under or over.

          • Anon

            I had a parent become hypo in his late 70s, so I’m pretty sure that they found it a bit by luck (so maybe there is a lot of that lurking around or doctors of older people just test for it).

    • AnonMPH

      I’m sure someone is studying this, but also, Delta causes much more severe disease in younger people. Young unvaccinated people have been dying of Delta since the summer, which has been in the news plenty. So I would not say that in the time of Delta age is an excellent proxy for risk of severe covid anymore, particularly given that the older population is much better vaccinated. Providers tell horrible horrible stories about young people, particularly pregnant women, and their unvaccinated outcomes with Delta. It’s still rare, but it’s much less rare than it was with wild type covid.

  13. Nylongirl

    Hello Hive, thank you all for going out of your way to add books & tips. I appreciate your kindness so much. Here are all the wonderful book recs: Motherless Daughters (and their FB group), Motherless Mothers, The Dead Mom’s Club by Kate Spencer, Healing After Loss by Martha Hackman, The Loss that is Forever, and Year of Magical Thinking.

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