ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 363 Comments

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Poplin Utility Shirtdress

A woman in a green shirtdress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Shirtdresses are summer staples for me. They’re cool enough so I don’t look completely wilted after my commute, but still polished enough for the office.

This bottle-green number from Talbots is right up my alley. I would swap out the self-belt for something in a darker color and add some comfy flats and gold jewelry.

The dress is $139-$159 at Talbots and comes in misses sizes 2-18 and plus sizes 14-24. At checkout, you'll get 30% off!

Sales of note for 12.5

363 Comments

  1. Let’s have an outfit thread – what’s everyone wearing today? I’m in gray pants, a medium blue shirt, and a black cardigan…

      2. Um, same. I am so glad it’s not just me! (But going to throw on a top for a Zoom in a minute.)

    2. Wide leg dark wash trouser jeans, black mock neck tank, camo casual jacket (jean jacket style but not denim), black clogs, and the same dainty golf jewelry (small hoops, necklace, bracelet and anklet) that I alway wear

    3. Sand relaxed chinos from Talbots, a hip length pink linen button up from TJ Maxx. Oofos slides but will change to sneakers if I leave the house.

    4. I am in the office today and it is supposed to be warm and sunny for the first time in a long while! Wearing a half-tucked linen popover, cropped kick flare jeans, leather flat sandals.

    6. Pajamas. I WFH and I woke up to an email that my colleague’s baby arrived two weeks early, so I’m too busy putting out fires to put on clothes.

          1. Why? Are you changing sizes where you need to try on a lot or mobility challenged? I’m not understanding. Panty hose used to slow me down if it were humid but not that much.

          2. What weird question Anon @ 9:38. Sometimes it takes a few minutes to decide what to wear!

          3. 20 minutes? How. I can do hair, skincare? Makeup, and get dressed in less than 20 mins

          5. Takes me about forty minutes to do hair, skincare, light, minimal makeup, and get dressed if I want to look polished. I can do twenty minutes but then I look slightly like a hot mess. Weird of you to be so obsessed with and judgmental about someone else’s morning routine. And some of us just don’t like to rush.

        3. It takes 7 seconds to write that comment and a lot longer to get dressed. So great you always find time for these kinds of comments though, especially when someone is having a rough day!

        4. Not the Anon above.

          It’s not just about time; it’s a totally different task in a different area. If I am in my office, I can quickly pop open a browser or my phone for a 30 second mental break while waiting for a colleague to reply to a Teams message. It interrupts the flow to get out of my chair, go to my bedroom, decide what to wear, wash my face, all that.

          1. I am a morning shower person so putting on clothes will happen and what it is doesn’t add materially to the time.

            I could stay in a robe a bit in a lazy morning where I walk the dog before my shower but have a large triple-pooping large dog to walk (for the comment way down below). I pick up his poop (legally required, in a city).

        5. lol. I read here with coffee and also email for work even if I am not ready to get dressed. Weird to care what she is doing.

    7. Straight light blue jeans and a pinkish beige cotton sweater with a tone-on-tone polka dot pattern (WFH).

    8. Taking the dog in for surgery – clinic is an hour + away.

      Light blue sleeveless linen top with white linen shirt worn open over it. Blue chino pants. Navy and white sneakers with light blue bombas socks (almost no-show, don’t remember what that’s called). Two wedding rings + pearl and turquoise earrings. Longchamp crossbody bag (leather, not le pliage) in midnight blue.

      I also have a lightweight cardigan over the shirts right now because it’s chilly. It will eventually be 90 degrees around the clinic where I have to entertain myself for a few hours.

        1. Thanks, both! He’s under right now and I won’t get him back for 4+ more hours!

    9. Tan utility shirt, black wide leg jeans, black loafers, big earrings. Somewhat basic but that’s how I roll.

    10. Straight desk blue with white plaid trousers, white popover blouse, navy blue blazer, black fashion sneakers

    11. I wfh but I’m actually wearing one of my “nicer” t shirts today – scoopneck with stripes and half sleeves. CRZ Yoga joggers.

    12. Slim straight leg black jeans, large cream sweater (it’s cold and gross today), gold sneakers, gold jewelry. Olive raincoat when I was outside.

    13. Casual office. I’m in a navy striped J Crew top, cropped wide leg jeans, flats, pearls.

    14. Athleta Brooklyns and an ancient cashmerr sweater from Lands End that I have never babies and Hoka trail runners. It’s a plane travel day — may the odds be in my favor.

      1. Update: a piece of oily and delicious hash browns landed on my pants. Somehow the oil spot dispersed to where it isn’t noticeable now. Wouldn’t work with spaghetti but these wash and dry quickly and the wicking works for sloppy people.

        1. Seriously, those are like magic pants. I get so much use out of mine. Probably the only thing I own that work just as well for dog walking at a park and biz casual days.

      2. A bunch of the Brooklyns past season colors are on sale right now with relatively good size availability fyi, just ordered some last night

    15. Good American palazzo jeans in a medium blue wash. Blue pocket company t-shirt. Black birk clogs and black jacket.

      Lazy outfit because my allergies are kicking my butt this week and especially this morning. it’s just so nice out though so I keep on going outside to get further poisoned by pollen.

    16. Black suit (trouser pants), grey shell, necklace, and black pointy toe flats. In office day as a fed.

    17. Wide-leg jeans with a cool twisted seam detail, a Rag & Bone white crewneck tee, and my “Dude” cardigan thrown over the top because it is chilly. Bare feet for WFH, but I will put on silver clogs to go out later.

    18. Burgundy corduroy pants and fine gauge wool sweater. It’s still chilly up here in the hinterlands.

    19. I’m actually in the office today, for my quarterly report. Bright pink shell, navy cardigan, gray slacks, and black shoes.

    20. Dusty blue cropped pants, ivory v-neck silk top, navy cardigan. Snakeskin-print shoes to add a little something.

    21. An old Land’s End pique dress with brown and black leopard print and a green cardigan.

    22. In the office today so: mustard yellow print top with a mustard yellow open work cardigan from Ann Taylor Factory, straight white ankle jeans from Talbots 4+ years ago, beige ankle boots that have little cut outs.

      1. I love the sound of that color combo. I’m kind of on a mustard yellow kick. We just got mustard yellow nightstands and they keep bringing me a lot of joy every time I see them.

    23. I’m wearing dark, straight leg jeans, a black corduroy blouse with small floral print (it’s a little chilly here today) and black loafers. I am actually in the office, but there is only one other person here today.

      1. After I posted, I realized that I bought the blouse I’m wearing based on a Frugal Friday post about it I saw on this very site!

    24. WFH at my in-laws for the week, so college T-shirt and blue flowery J Crew Factory shorts.

    25. JCrew ivory cashmere short sleeve sweater, Vince ankle pants, Rothy’s point shoes with the ivory tweed body and black toe cap, gold necklace with pearl stations. Bags are an ivory Coach Factory small crossbody and a BB red leather basket weave tote.

    26. WFH today so white and navy striped scoopneck shirt on top, with sports bra and leggings underneath so I can aspirationally be that much closer to exercising later in the day.

    27. Love my outfit today! In person at new job… Green & cream snake-print midi button-up dress from H&M, cream open blazer from Stitchfix, cream patent shoes in what I would call a low-block-heel Mary Jane slingback square-toe from DSW (these feel very GenZ trendy to Millennial me)

    28. An old blue pencil skirt, and a sweater twin-set with silk inserts. Not a classic cardigan, a more sporty cut. Not sure about the shoes yet, still waking up.

    29. Haven’t completely decided but I’m leaning toward Barbie hot-pink suit with off-white button-up blouse and off-white lug-sole loafers.

      1. Yes I’m retired but today is Rotary meeting and then I’m doing a shift at the local Showcase House of Design.

        1. It’s from BR and Facebook is reminding me this morning that I wore to my daughter’s grad school graduation seven years ago, so it’s OLD.

    30. Blue wide leg trousers, white t-shirt, white sneakers and a navy blazer. I’m heading to kindergarten graduation this afternoon and it’s outdoors!

    31. Going to the office and actually have plans tonight straight from work (very rare) but toddler woke me up early and I’m tired from weeks of grinding long work days so I didn’t have a lot of effort in me.
      Wearing dark Ayr jeans, shiny black top from WHMB, olive cardigan and white Naturalizer sneakers.

    32. J. Jill straight leg flat front linen blend khakis, a zip detail peplum knit shirt (looks less dated than it sounds), and a Kapital sweater as my “cozy work at home sweater” + my Tiffany “T/smile” necklace (gift from husband). Also wearing house slippers but if I go outdoors, my Madewell ponyhair leopard print sneakers likely.

    33. Love this game! Red kick flare cropped pants from Anthro, white graphic tee with a red heart hidden-ish under a navy sweater blazer with red-lined sleeves. White Rothy’s loafers with a rainbow pattern.

    34. Khaki Kenzo Jeans blazer and top with huge pink flowers and paillets (I know) and maxi khaki skirt + blush flats from Uterque.

    35. In the office today, so: Camel colored pants suit from Banana Republic Factory that was featured on this site several weeks ago — I love it! Soft, fits well (after a return of the slacks for a larger size), doesn’t wrinkle, and is machine washable. Business travel, here I come! Plus a slim leather belt and a v-neck leopard-spot (black and camel color) short sleeved knit top, tucked in to the high-waist suit slack. With black and tan Sanctuary Rumble peep-toe slides.

  2. Casual day–only meetings are with my immediate team. Navy cotton sweater with ivory stripes, sleeves cuffed. Wide-leg, pleated khaki pants. Burgundy leather Ecco sneakers.

  3. The outfit thread is fun!

    Anyone up for a petty rant thread? Rant can be as petty or not-petty as you want.

    1. There is a guy in my open plan office who has SUCH a loud voice and he takes calls at his desk rather than going to a meeting room (like most people do). He’s so loud and distracting, it drives me crazy!!!

    2. Petty: tired of working with adults who cannot write a coherent sentence to save their own lives. Seriously, their notes from the hostage room would probably say “help, us ok” and no one would know what was going on.

      Second not petty: if I hear one more person complain about bikes on the trails while simultaneously leaving their bag of dog sh*t out to rot in the sun, I will lose it.

      1. “help, us ok” bahahaha. That’s so much how people around me text and chat. I spend a lot of time rephrasing and confirming intentions, gah.

    3. The fact that I’m expected to make one single three-week bucket of PTO work for all of my sick time, vacation time, and any semblance of paid maternity leave drives me up the wall.

      1. That isn’t petty! I had to make that work and it was the worst. About six months after maternity leave, I was just beyond burnt out. It’s so mentally tough to not have time available to take off.

      2. I have the same leave situation, and now that I’m looking for a new job I’ve made 4 weeks (or sick leave in addition to PTO) a firm requirement in my search. 3 is really hard to deal with!

      3. Ugh. My petty complaint related to this is that I’m middle management and I cannot convince my upper management that this is completely unreasonable for the lower level people. I keep trying. There’s a retirement coming in August that will make it easier to change in September.

      4. I hear you. I had the same leave policy and I still get the odd comment from upper management about how disappointed they were I didn’t get to take a honeymoon. The witty retort I keep in my head is that I’ll take the honeymoon when I leave this job in a few years.

        1. I would bite all the way through my tongue if management said that. The reason is the PTO policy and it is within your power to change!! greatly in awe of your self control

    4. I just started a new job doing work I really enjoy with people I have known for a long time and really like. Unfortunately, their practice is to make every communication a new task or comment in Asana instead of sending e-mails like normal people. So now I have an e-mail inbox full of “Susie assigned you a task” and “Joan mentioned you in a comment” and I have to dig through the tangled mess that is Asana to figure out what they are trying to tell me. I am afraid this method of communication will inevitably lead to dropped balls and general confusion.

      1. OMG I hate this so much. We just got a new person in our office who seems to like operating this way. Hopefully he figures it out when I don’t follow up on any of the things he’s assigned me or mentioned me in on some random platform.

    5. This is THE pettiest thing of all time. My apartment is located at the bottom of the complex and it’s about 1/4 walk to the top where the mail/package room is located. That’s fine, but every single time I set out to go up there, all of a sudden it’s Richard Scary’s busy town. People walking big aggressive dogs, tons of cars zipping around, delivery trucks backing up at a snail’s pace right in my path, people pulling in and out of the tiny leasing office parking lot, the Amazon guy delivering packages to the USPS mailroom, people going through the roundabout trying to wave me ahead to my death, just so much activity. Also I can’t stand the feeling of cars creeping along behind me to get to “their” parking spot while I, the pedestrian, walk across the parking lot.

    6. I took a friend out for an expensive birthday dinner last night. I had a gift with me, so it was pretty obvious that it was a special occasion. We were seated 20 minutes after the reservation which was no problem. At the end of dinner, the server dropped off the check unsolicited. We asked about dessert (it’s a birthday dinner!), and she handed us the menu and asked if we wanted it to go. Um, no? We want to stay and eat dessert! The restaurant was busy with tables, and we were out the door by 10 p.m. so it’s not like we were staying past close. I still tipped 20% but it’s annoying to drop $$$ and feel uncomfortable about overstaying our welcome, especially when they seated us late in the first place.

      1. I would definitely say something, and slightly reduced the tip (I don’t think it’s fair to tip nothing, but you don’t have to tip a full 20% for bad service).

    7. The fact that I’m rewarded for doing a good job by receiving more work to do. Corollary is that others in my group who do a bad job are rewarded by having their work reassigned.

    8. My nieces and nephews are completely unable to properly respond to an invitation with an RSVP request. I need to book the tables, please let me know if you are coming.

    9. I already posted up thread but guess I’m on a roll today – I can’t stand how my best friend’s husband is SUCH a jerk about pulling his weight. Not only does he handle approximately 1/70th of the load, he makes sure to grumble and sulk if he’s ever asked to do anything. She keeps saying “I just need to live with it because I don’t want to get divorced and not see the kids every day” but she’s excusing more and more awful behavior. I would want her to be the guardian for my kid but I don’t think I can ask now because he reaches new depths almost daily.

      1. remind her that her kids are learning that this is how you should treat someone and/or be treated. part of being a good parent is setting a good example

        1. She knows. She’s made her decision to live with it but when it comes to guardians, I feel bad that I won’t choose her (even though I love her so much and think she would be a great guardian) because of how much he detracts from their house. It’s far beyond what I can even describe her and it breaks my heart to see her twist herself into knots to excuse him.

    10. feeling like i can’t speak or say anything without first acknowledging my privilege/feeling like i’m supposed to be ashamed of my background. Jerry Seinfeld actually kind of touched on this during his graduation speak at Duke.

    11. Getting laid off and job searching while unemployed is the hardest thing I’ve been through. I’ve dealt with the unexpected death of a parent and a beloved pet passing away while I was on vacation. What I’m going through now is worse.

    12. OMG THE MEN. I was doing a shift as a greeter at the Showcase House of Design yesterday and part of that is telling fun facts about the house. This MAN (Boomer, of course) came back after he’d gone through the house and said, “You told me this house was the Design House in ’76 and ’93, and I asked several people inside what year it was previously the Design House, and they all gave me different answers”

      Me, trying to laugh it off: “Well, let’s just say mid-70s and early 90s!”

      Him: “NO! One of the people inside told me 1996! That’s not early 90s!!”

      Me: “Haha, okay, sorry about that! Have a good day!”

      Me, inwardly: “Okay, you a$$hole. You are right and I am wrong (maybe). Congratulations on proving your superiority to me, a volunteer standing out here in the hot sun for a good cause. This is why we choose the bear.”

      1. I really dislike people (and it seems they’re all men) who keep asking the same question of different people, answer shopping their way through a situation. Like WHY do you keep asking the same question.

        1. It’s not just men. Yesterday morning at school a mom asked me what time our kindergartners have lunch and recess and I told her. And she looked really skeptical and said “um ok, I guess I’ll ask someone else.” Wtf!? I know I’m right (I volunteer at the school and have the times committed to memory and also in writing) but even if I wasn’t, it’s a rude reply!

      2. There are a lot of comments I have that aren’t appropriate for a fashion blog.

        I’m the OP and my petty rant is also about men.

        H and I are getting separated, in part because of the (bleepy), misogynistic advice his “friends” give him.

        One friend got divorced a hot second ago. Friend married his college sweetheart and they promptly moved to a small town for his job. Sure the economy sucked in 2009, but still, small town and what is a basic job. This kills her career prospects. After 15 years of this, she walks out.

        Nowhere in those 15 years did he say “you know, I can be an IT architect anywhere. Let’s find a place that allows your career to soar.” Nope. HIS basic office job is in Knoxville, Tn, so they stay in Knoxville, TN. No, he’s not a high level manager or rolling in dough or saving the world by doing all the IT for Doctors Without Borders.

        A HOT SECOND later, he’s getting remarried. Which is 0.7 hot seconds after he said he wasn’t going to rush into things with someone else and was going to focus on being a good dad to his son.

        So when H, who had already had a lot of issues with being a donkey’s rear end to me, did something awful that will permanently affect me, he talks to Friend. Friend says I don’t have a right to be mad.

        Well, I’m considering the source, and the source is a dude who effed up his first marriage by being a selfish jerk, complaining that his wife just had to make sacrifices, and is getting married in the middle of June. To a woman he’s known for less than a year.

        1. This isn’t the point at all, but is Knoxville TN a small town to people here? I’m genuinely curious. To me 200k people is not a small town, but maybe my perspective is different.

          1. That’s a small town. San Antonio TX is 2.5 million people. Fresno CA is more than half a million.

        2. It always baffles me to oblivion that people (often men) are willing to take the advice of objectively poor life performers over someone who knows them well and has skin in the game (i.e. their spouse). To me it means they want to and pretend to live in a completely different reality than the one that’s actually taking place. There is no cure against that, they have to hit the proverbial rock bottom and by then it’s too late. Can’t wait to see how the dumb friend’s makeup life goes.

      3. I’m going to push back against this a little because the event charges admission. It’s fine to use volunteers but the event needs to make sure they’re properly prepared!

        1. And explain to me how we’re not properly prepared? I actually gave him the right information, and the job of the volunteers is not to be docents (the designers are in the rooms to talk about the decor; the history of the house is in the brochure that is handed out to everybody), but to make sure traffic flows and people watch their step. The actual answer people should have given, by the book, I guess, is “I’m not 100% sure but it’s in the booklet you are holding in your hand.” So I guess if somebody instead give an answer that is substantially correct but off by a year or two (and that matters WHY?) we go straight to the presidency of the No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Club.

          2. You have a right to be mad! Also, in 2024, ask the phone in your pocket if you are that particular.

        2. But are the specific years really that important? I wouldn’t say someone was not properly prepared for not knowing that. Plus it’s probable that SA DID give the correct years…

      4. I choose the bear even over a boor of a mansplainer. I’d rather the bear just kill me! Sorry that happened to you.

    13. People who program their cameras to yell at me when I am taking a morning walk past their house.

      2. Ugh, there’s one of those on a corner house along a relatively busy condo complex. I’m sorry that their packages get stolen, but I doubt their annoying camera is stopping anything. The package thieves are innovators who have discovered the power of hoodies to hide their features.

    14. In a meeting last week:
      Sales man: we can absolutely create that bill of material for you; just send us the specs
      Me: really? they’re pretty vague and 500-1000 pages that they have to wade through. my engineers normally have to create the bill of materials for you to quote it.
      Sales man: no absolutely we can do that, just send them over.

      The next day: I get a project that has a 700 page spec with drawings and send it over “hey here’s a simple one, can you put together the bill of materials as we discussed? We need it for XXX panel”

      Three days later:
      Email for sales man tech person: is there a [list that basically tells you the bill of materials] in the specs?

      No, no there is not. Which is what I tried to tell you from the outset. Your team does not have the expertise to put together this bill of materials. Which is fine. Just don’t pretend like you can.

    15. I have a UTI and it is the worst one I’ve ever had. The doctor wants me to come in to do a test for the type of bacteria rather than just calling in a script…understandable but annoying! I just want this healed!

      1. ughhhhh that’s the worst!!! it’s definitely an understandable but annoying one; I cannot understand why they haven’t figured out a way to streamline UTI treatment.

        2. I ordered the urine sample cups online (or I pick one up from the nurse a appointments so I always have one at home), and have the UTI test strips. So when I think I have a UTI, I do a test strip if I’m not sure. And my doc wants to do a urinalysis/urine culture, I can do it immediately so she can prescribe an antibiotic the same day. You can drop off the urine sample at your local lab chain or hospital clinic etc..

        3. Where I am in Canada pharmacists can now prescribe for minor things like UTIs. It’s great!

    16. The substack newsletter I got this AM from a writer that emplored us all to make our lives as working parents simpler by….buying 10 acres in an Italian farming town and just picking up and moving there. Sure, super easy! Let’s not address the red tape around immigrating, the fact that not many jobs allow you to just up and move countries, and that some of us have extended family we can’t just leave. Argh.
      This is why I don’t follow Ballerina Farm type content, I honestly thought this person was smarter than this. Instant unsubscribe.

      1. This is hilarious. The answer to every parenting problem is “just be rich and buy your way out of the situation!”

    17. I am trying to organize an event. There are only 2 people in my organization who are authorized to talk to venues and such. This year I was so well organized, nailed the date down in Feb, filed my request with that office. Sent them multiple follow ups, had a meeting with the guy who can get me a venue, walked him through everything that I uploaded, he made copious notes and said he would reach out to venues. I followed up, he scheduled another meeting to go over what I am planning, as if the first one never happened. So now it’s almost 3 months later that I learned I can’t have my first choice venue. Which he could have known since they don’t rent their space during the school year generally, and apparently he works with that venue regularly. He’s like ‘do you want to move your dates?’. The dates I announced to the stakeholders 3 months ago??? Venue search back to square one. Ugh.

    19. This would probably out me but it is very petty. My workplace is a fenced campus with all the rules. One of them is that you can ride a bike with a helmet, but not an e-scooter. You can bring it on site but you have to walk/push it. My building is very close to the gate so that is what I have been doing for the last 6 months. I think the rule is stupid but I have been following it to a t, I never ride the scooter on site.
      Our safety person is a very abrasive personality and they saw the scooter locked at the bike rack yesterday. So they sent a division wide email to remind us that scooters are verboten on campus. I secretly hope they see my scooter parked here many more times and get all twisted trying to find the scooter driving culprit.

    20. My extremely petty grievance is that the cool sticker I got yesterday and wanted to put on my computer turned out to be the kind that goes inside a car window, so it’s backwards and won’t work on the computer.

    21. I’m waging a silent battle with a Gym Bro who always comes into the workout area after me and turns off the fan. I turn it back on. He turns it back off. I gave him the “I see you” eye fingers today.

    22. The lock on my door broke, and I’m on the outside and my dog is on the inside. Building manager thought they had all day to deal with it (WTF?!), and I had to put some fire under them.

  4. We’re considering planning a cousin meet-up in Bend, Oregon next year for July 4. My husband and I would be going with a young baby and would want to stay in our own room/place to make that easier and the other two groups (DINK couple and then husband/wife + two young kids) want to stay together. They will be more price-sensitive than we are, although they’ll at least want a comfortable living space that’s large enough for everyone. Are there any good areas for vacation rentals where we could all be “together” but have the space I described? We have people interested in fishing, biking, hiking, lake swimming, and tasty food, but with a heavy dose of “kid friendly” at this stage of life. It’d be nice to not be TOTALLY isolated from town, although nature is most important. I’m sure we’d all appreciate good views since we’ll be dealing with nap schedules at the houses during the day. If I had to estimate budgets, my husband and I would go up to $350 per night for just us and the other two couples probably won’t go higher than $250 per night for each family. Is this doable in Bend for a five-day or week vacation?

    2. Grew up in Oregon, so this is my memory of childhood trips to sun river more than recent data but iirc it is /very/ family friendly, but definitely a “resort”/vacation development, won’t feel like a town. But there are lots of walkable playgrounds, bike paths you can get directly on from the house if you need to do swaps letting each parent get out on their own. Very safe roads – like you could let early elementary kids bike to the playground alone

    3. Sun River does look promising for the kid-friendly vibes, although a preliminary look made it seem like cost could be a challenge during July 4. We could consider going a different week though…

    4. Black Butte Ranch. Has a range of house rentals of different sizes and is an older community, so not as pricey/fancy.

  5. I have a dress like today’s pick – same dark green, but linen and a full button front from neckline to hem. I bought it in Paris (ooh la la) and this post is reminding me to wear it.

    I don’t love how high the effective front slit is when I sit down – I think that’s what’s keeping me from wearing it. But it is very pretty.

    1. I love the look of shirt dresses but I need them either to be lined, or to have the buttons stop at the waist. I had to donate one after realizing the buttons gaped when I sat and if you were sitting next to me you got flashes of upper thigh/belly/undergarments. No thank you. It reminded me of a boss I once had who wore all of his button downs slightly too small so that we had lovely views of his belly when he moved.

  6. How are Mango’s tween jackets for fabric quality and fit? A decade ago I found the arms / shoulders to be snug and I had teeny arms now. Now I am a M in many brands (mainly to glide over my hips) and my arms / shoulders are still small.

    2. I’m a M/size 8 with a muscular body and I find Mango fits TTS with a slight, slight lean to small-ish. Last year, a red tweed lady jacket from Mango was promoted here and I purchased it. I still wear it all the time and love it.

  7. My boyfriend wants a dog, which I’ve never had before (I’m a cat person). He claims that there is no need to pick up dog poop from the backyard because it breaks down and becomes part of the soil. I was like “what?!?” I do not want a yard full of poop! He says it breaks down in a matter of days and is adamant that he has owned dogs his whole life and never picked up poop from the yard. I’m completely clueless when it comes to dogs but this sounds disgusting to me. Who is right in this instance?

      1. + a million. No, this is not how it works and your yard will be gross if you don’t pick it up.

      2. 1000% – Not picking up the mess on at least a weekly basis is gross. There is a guy in our area that offers yard clean up for this. If boyfriend is really pushing for a dog but doesn’t want to commit to the responsibility of cleaning up, maybe he should research cost of a weekly service then. – Also the bigger the dog the bigger the mess.

    2. If you live somewhere warm, with a lot of rain and a smallish dog, then perhaps. Also dung beetles are a thing and can break it down. Pretty much all of these things have to happen together for the magic disappearing act to happen.
      The much more likely scenario is that he is right – he didn’t pick up the poop. Someone else did and he’s oblivious.

    4. Eewwwww, you are right and he’s… not.

      I would also ask if this is a symptom of a larger problem. Maybe he’s just weird about dog poop. Maybe he doesn’t think things are problems if they are someone else’s problems (he doesn’t use the yard so it being covered in feces isn’t a problem). Don’t continue dating the latter type.

    5. I know people like this but cannot imagine. We pick up after our dog in our yard. When we’ve missed a spot, I promise it doesn’t break down in days and is just gross. I’m team always pick up poop.

    7. No, he is wrong. It breaks down in something more like months…
      I do know people with very large yards and a fenced off dog run they don’t scoop, or very rarely — but they don’t use that area for anything else. Maybe that’s what he’s done in the past?

      1. +1. we have 7 wooded acres, and our dogs poop in the woods so we don’t pick it up. If they pooped in our actual yard around our house we’d have to pick it up.

      2. We used to live on five acres, and still picked up from the grassy area around the house (less so if it was further out).

        How does your boyfriend expect to mow the lawn if it’s covered in dog poop? I mowed lawns for a lot of dog owners and picking up the poop was always Step One.

    9. I’m practically throwing up in my mouth just listening to your boyfriend’s insane justification that makes no sense and goes against all principles of dog ownership and being a good citizen. You shouldn’t get a dog with him because he will definitely not pick up from public spaces either.

    10. My husband and I had this same disagreement and it drove me bananas! FWIW it will break down but it does take days and if your dog poops at least once a day, then assume you’ll find 4+ turds out there at any given point in time. It was a constant problem when we lived with a smaller yard and I’d be out there dodging turds while trying to mow and also feeling like I couldn’t walk barefoot on my own lawn. It wasn’t until we moved to a place with a much bigger yard that it stopped bothering me. If your yard is less than 1/3 of an acre, make him pick it up.

    11. Yuck. I have a dog and if we didn’t pick up poop, our yard would be covered in dog feces. It would stink to high heaven and our neighbors would call the police (with good reason). I pick up every day in the summer, every second day in the winter. Unless you have miles and miles of acreage, that sounds super gross.

    12. Your yard will be the body farm of decomposing poop. It isn’t that fast unless it rains constantly. Then ewww if you have well water. Meanwhile you can’t use the yard and it may kill all the grass. Also: dogs sometimes eat their poop.

      1. Agree!

        On the well water part, the aquifer a well draws from should not be pulling in unfiltered surface water runoff. I am in a quick-draining, sandy area with a 30 foot well (that is considered rather shallow as far as residential drinking water wells go). Even then, the water in the aquifer has filtered down through the soil and bedrock before it gets pulled in by my pump. If well water has surface poop, there is something drastically wrong with the system.

        1. Should is a key word.

          I’m thinking of people I know on septic and well water who don’t do wash when it’s raining or ever use bleach because apparently the septic field has everything in delicate balance. They are at least on opposite sides of the house and the well is up hill from the septic field (but extends lower into the earth). Camping has me skeeved out after having to treat water and some people not getting how leave no trace goes with human and food waste.

          1. I am 100% on team boyfriend-should-scoop-the-poop but if your water’s not potable when it’s raining, you need a new well or point of use disinfection. (If it’s happening regularly/normal storms — even a well designed well can need disinfection after eg. catastrophic flooding)

    13. Your boyfriend’s idea is disgusting and unrealistic. Poop does not break down that fast unless there is torrential rain and the poop is not firm to start with. You would need to step in it to mow the lawn, and the dog will end up walking in its own poop. It attracts flies, it smells. It kills the grass. It builds up if you have snow that hides it before you can remove it, and in hot dry weather it dries into rock-like pucks.

    14. You by a billion. Besides the gross factor of poop everywhere, dog waste spreads disease! It shouldn’t sit out anywhere, even if you don’t use your yard for anything. Blech.

      1. We had beaches close in my area because there was so much damn dog waste that people didn’t pick up that it made the water toxic to swim in. Don’t be those people.

    15. Fwiw, my next door neighbors don’t scoop (2 large huskies) and I do not smell it ever. Maybe it’s climate dependent? I wouldn’t want to live there bc they don’t use the yard for anything, and all the grass has died – but it’s not a smell problem at least

        1. It totally helps that I don’t have to look at it – there’s a solid fence, and thinking about it maybe that even helps with the smell too, since there’s no strong breeze. (houses are built into a hill, so I can see into their yard from the top of the stairs out the back door, but if it weren’t for that I wouldn’t know)

    16. He is completely wrong and insane. I’ve owned 3 dogs in my life. I pick up my current dog’s poop twice a week minimum in the winter and daily in the summer.

      And literally any Canadian with a dog can tell you that it does not ‘break down’ quickly. If you don’t stay on top of it over the winter, you have a spring full of smush poops in the backyard.

      DH is a cat person and not a dog person and part of the deal with getting a dog was that it got picked up regularly.

      1. And it smells to high heaven during the spring thaw! I get so annoyed with the people in my Midwest neighborhood who take this approach. Cat person 4 lyfe.

      2. And guess what happens if you haven’t picked it up and it snows and you roll snowballs in the yard?

      3. 100%. In my Canadian climate failing to pick up poop would never ever work, winter or summer.

      1. Seriously. It makes you wonder what other dog maintenance he’s oblivious about. How often does he think he needs to bathe or groom it? Does he plan to take the dog on multiple walks per day or exclusively let it out in the yard? How long will he leave the dog home alone? How often is he going to vacuum the floor and car (and furniture if he allows that)? He sounds like he either wasn’t aware of all the tasks his parents performed or he grew up with a dirty home and dog. Don’t agree to the dog unless he’s on board with baseline pet care

      2. +1. My husband had a dog when we got together, and he was just like this. He did not pick up the poop from the back yard, so it was 100% unusable by humans. He also did not spend as much time as he should have walking the dog or socializing it. Also, he did not get the dog altered. He should not have owned a dog. It was a big dog and was already 9 when we got together. Within 2 years, he had passed from a sudden illness. My husband did not want another dog as it was too hard on him when he died. But within a few months he was talking about getting a cat because he was sure that he wouldn’t get attached. Well, he is 100% attached to the cat. He took over scooping her litter box when I got pregnant. That pregnancy is now a 5 year old, and he’s still scooping. All of that to say, there is hope for change!

    18. The middle ground is you train the dog to go in a certain area. We had a wooded area in our lot so that’s where the dog went. Any dog poop that was on the grass got picked up.

      It’s possible he means something like this, vs letting the dog poop sit around in the grass. It’s a dog, not a horse!! ;)

    19. I think it depends on the yard. When I was a kid, our yard wasn’t that big, but the back part of the yard was bushes and leaf litter (where we dumped our leaves each year). The dog almost always went there and we just left it (I don’t think we could have easily picked it up even if we wanted to). We did a little bit of scooping if she went in the grassy part of the yard, but not much, and it was fine. We were kids and out there playing all the time, so we definitely would have stepped in it or noticed if there was poop all over or if it smelled.

    21. It doesn’t break down in a matter of days, but I do think it’s fairly common for dog owners with fenced yards to not pick up poop from their own yards. If the dog spends a large chunk of the day alone in the yard, you don’t know where the poop is.

      1. There is so much wrong with this comment. Poop aside, if you are going to leave your dog alone in the yard for a large chunk of the day, you shouldn’t have a dog. They need walks, play, and mental stimulation, not retreading the same piece of grass by themselves. Also you can find where the poop is by the swarm of flies.

        1. I agree that it’s unreasonable not to pick up (and responsible to train the dog where to go!), but surely many dogs would prefer to hang out in the yard instead of in the house while their owner is working? And everyone with a job leaves their dog alone for a large chunk of the day (even with WFH, who is playing with their dog, walking their dog, or mentally stimulating their dog while sitting at a desk!).

          i walk my cat and play with my cat, but he still wants to spend a large chunk of the day every day on the catio.

        2. I have a rescue who loves to hang out in the yard for the majority of the day where she can see deer and chase squirrels. Guess I better return her to shelter to save her from this horrendous life at our farmhouse.

        3. Huh? Everyone with an office job leaves their dog alone for 8-9 hours a day, five days a week. You need to give it walks and stimulation when you’re home, but most dogs spend a large chunk of the day alone.

    22. Two things immediately come to mind:

      About a decade ago I was house hunting and one of the houses had a back yard covered in dog poop. It was absolutely disgusting and clearly had been building up over years. Northern climate, so I think it froze and defrosted every season.

      My neighbor is good about cleaning up backyard poop but when she doesn’t, he dog eats its own poops and them vomits them back up. It is beyond disgusting and I’m sorry to have to share that…

      Moral of the story, you HAVE to pick it up.

    23. I have 2 dogs and 5 acres, and I still clean up the poop near the house once in a while, but it’s not gross. All of these “ewwwws” have me kind of scratching my head. Keep a scooper set and a small bucket by the back door, and once a week or so, maybe on trash day, line the bucket with a plastic bag and throw the poop into it. The poop doesn’t stink after it has aired out for a couple of hours, so the comments about smelling it next door are also head-scratching. Maybe if you had a whole bunch of dogs in a confined space would be an issue, but a single dog in a normal-sized yard? Neither smelly nor gross.

      1. Yeah i think the size of the yard is relevant. If people are thinking city yards where the dog is always pooping right next to the house I can see why they think it’s gross. But I’m in a suburban area with huge yards and never heard of anyone picking up poop in their own yard. The dog doesn’t poop right up near the house. I’ve also never smelled a neighbor’s dog poop, and I have a sensitive nose. But again size of the yard and proximity to neighbors is probably a factor, we have some space from our neighbors.

      2. “Normal sized yard” is very context dependent. I have “large” yard for my area, and my entire property is 65 ft x 125 ft, with a good bulk of that taken up by a house and driveway. I imagine a dog in that context, and pooping in the backyard would be turds everywhere.

      3. Social media hygiene is insane. The way randos freak out over washclothes and towels and shoes in the house or outside clothes worn in the house and, now dog feces, cracks me up. There are huge differences in the way that people live but most people, even with shoes in the house and some backyard poop are not gross. Take you piety elsewhere.

    24. Agree with everybody else, and this whole thread is literally making my eyelid twitch…

    25. He is wrong; what happens is that the entire yard becomes encrusted in excrement to the point that it’s indistinguishable from the soil to the eye but it still stinks and is full of bacteria. They’re not wild animals, and a yard wouldn’t be an adequate space for them to use this way if they were. CDC, any vet, any source you check will back you up.

    26. You are right. I have a fenced in yard (not large, but big enough to throw a tennis ball for my 20 pound dog), and let my dog outside to go to the bathroom on her own in the yard a few times a day. We also walk daily, and she does her thing on walks, so isn’t going in the yard all the time. I still scoop at least once a week. It absolutely will not disintegrate within a few days. I’ve let it go a few weeks if I’m swamped at work and no one is coming over (I live by myself), or if I’ve been traveling and forgot to scoop before I leave – and it’s still there when I get back.

      1. I have a 47 lb dog, so not giant poops, and we couldn’t go a week. Maybe every other day at most. But mostly daily.

    27. He has owned dogs his whole life and has never cleaned up their poop from the backyard so that means he’s never had a backyard that doesn’t stink and isn’t full of flies. Disgusting.

      Find a new boyfriend.

  8. Asked this in an afternoon chat yesterday, but for more visibility: for a “business attire” mid-week gala in the DC area, would you wear – a dress – just a dress — that is a shade more party than board room (ala some of the dresses in the “day-to-night” Corporette post), a dress and blazer and sparklier-than-usual jewelry, a pant suit, or something else? There are no online pictures of prior galas for this group, I know that was a recommendation in the past.

    1. This seems like the perfect time to wear a fun jumpsuit with sparklier jewelry or fun shoes.

    2. I hate when organizers don’t realize that what you call your event has some impact on what people think they should wear! Gala to me says formal evening attire, maybe even a long gown. Business attire is more appropriate for an Awards Dinner or similar.

      In this case, I would go with a business-appropriate dress in a slightly more fun, but still dark, color – purple, green, etc. I would add sparkly earrings. I would bring a wrap in case of cold, not a blazer. DC is not the most fashion-forward environment.

      1. I attended a Sat. gala for a nonprofit housing corporation recently, and I wore a black and gold knee length cocktail dress. I got a lot of compliments, but I was definitely more dressed up than 90% of the room. Most women were in pants.

    3. It depends on what the gala is, but most of the time most of the attendees are just wearing the business formal they wore to work. If you’re getting an award you can be dressed up a bit, or if it’s themed (Equality PAC, etc) you can wear something with a nod to a theme. But, at least 30% of the room will be men in their regular suits. I think any of the things you mentioned are fine and wouldn’t be give a second glance. A jumpsuit may be pushing it style-wise for a weeknight DC gala, unless you’re in a more creative field.

    4. I would probably wear a LBD with a Chanel style jacket. Ditch the jacket if the vibe leans more c-cktail.

    5. I attend a lot of nonprofit and political weekday galas, and most people just arrive in their business attire. Pretty boring! My go-to is a dark suit (navy/dark grey/black) with a fun top. Maybe a colored shoe.

      1. I also attend lots of these in DC. I’m almost always coming from work, so I usually wear a dress/blazer combo to work, then ditch the blazer and add maybe add a necklace or earrings, and try to switch out my work bag for a small clutch. I’m still usually among the dressier looking attendees. There are frequently a handful of folks who do show up in floor length gowns – some of them rock it and seem happy to stand out, and some are clearly uncomfortable.

        As an aside – it has never occurred to the men I work with to change out of their boring work suits before we head out to these things. So feel free to opt out of worrying about this!

  9. Has anyone been prescribed Slow Fe for iron? Is it actually easier to take because it’s slow release? Also do you think it’s ok to take at night after dinner – assume dinner won’t be heavy on dairy, black tea etc as those things inhibit iron. I know they say take iron empty stomach but that makes me nervous from a gut perspective.

    1. I take SlowFE after breakfast. I DGAF if it inhibits iron absorption; I would rather comfortably get 90% of the iron every single day than get 100% and be nauseous or schedule my meals around it.

    3. I am team liquid iron. Not sure if it’s just in my head, but I find it easier to digest.

    4. Always with food. Loved Slow Fe when I was prescribed while pregnant. Didn’t realize how bad I felt until I started it, perked me right up. But never in an empty stomach!

    5. Have taken it with both pregnancies. I’ve always taken it in the morning with my prenatal, etc. Have not had any issues.

    8. I prefer the new heme iron formulations they have these days (I get Proferrin Clear).

    9. I take MegaFood Blood Builder as my iron supplement. You can take it on an empty stomach and I have never experienced any side effects from it. I usually take it at night right before bed. I took it after a postpartum hemorrhage that had tanked my iron levels, and between that and eating a lot of red meat my iron levels were right back where they belonged two weeks later.

  10. My insurance has raised the cost of one of my prescriptions, so for the first time I’m looking at ordering it online. Do you have any mail-order pharmacies that you recommend — any stories or cautions of what I should be aware of?

    1. I’ve had a horrible, horrible experience with Express Scripts recently. A 90 day prescription was lost and they said there was no option to resend. When I pressed on that I’m certainly not the 1st person on the planet to have medication not delivered properly, they doubled down that there were no provisions in my policy to cover replacement. I had to have a new prescription sent to a physical pharmacy and pay out of pocket.

    2. I’ve only ever ordered from the mail order pharmacy from my insurance (CVS Caremark is the big one, but different plans contract with different pharmacies). That’s usually the way that you get your meds cheaper while still covered by insurance, though there are now all the places that will also prescribe drugs for you too, but your insurance may or may not cover those, depending on what kind of plan you have.

    3. If this is a prescription from a specialist, you could ask your doctor’s office. For example, my dermatologist has recommended a mail order pharmacy for some topical products. Your insurance may also have a preferred mail order pharmacy, such as OptumRx. If this is a maintenance medication you may be able to get 3 month supply prescriptions if your doctor orders it.

    4. I’ve had really good luck with Mark Cubans’s pharmacy. A drug with a $400 copay from my insurance is $25 to $30 at his pharmacy. Shipping is quick, I usually receive it a day before the estimated arrival date.

    5. My insurance requires me to use Optum Rx for maintenance meds like thyroid and birth control. I haven’t had any issues.

      1. Any reliable sources for Eliquis for cheaper drug costs from non-U.S. pharmacy sources, not international options? I have family members that have insurance but are still facing $300-400 in costs for a month’s supply. The physician samples only are covering the first 1-2 months.

        1. What healthcare do they have? I have a “gold” PPO and my Eliquis is $60/month on it. Do they have a high deductible plan? If Medicare eligible do they have a drug plan? My husband is on the CVS one and he pays almost nothing for drugs.

    6. I’m not sure if this would work for you but I’ve been using Capsule in NYC and it’s been excellent. No problems at all.

    8. Costco mail order pharmacy is great. I’ve had super customer service from them.

  11. If you eat tofu often or even paneer – what are you ideal easy sauces or combos of vegetables you put in? Ideally things I can do fast. I have looked at bottled sauces so I’m open to those suggestions but IDK most of them seem to have a boatload of ingredients that I’ve never heard of. It leaves me thinking – this is what goes in a chili tofu??

    1. Trader Joe’s Soyaki sauce is my favorite for tofu. Slice up the tofu and pan fry it, put some of this sauce on there are let it caramelize on the tofu. This one doesn’t really have unrecognizable ingredients imo.

      1. Hah, I was going to suggest the same thing. I am vegetarian, eat a ton of tofu, and cook it this exact way with TJs Soyaki every time.

    2. I use air fried tofu in a sort of riff on a True Food Kitchen grain bowl. I make this sauce:
      1 1/2 tablespoons honey
      1 tablespoon Sambal Oelek (I use Thai chili paste because I couldn’t find the sambal oelek)
      1 tablespoon dijon mustard

    3. coconut milk + peanut butter + a shake of whatever spices sound good is my go-to “curry-ish” sauce

    5. If you or a restaurant cook chili tofu from scratch, you don’t need that many ingredients. But if you think about leftovers, they will change texture, taste, smell, and color within a few days after cooking. If you want bottled or other ready-to-heat products to have a consistent texture, taste etc after weeks on the shelf, you need to work with additives that stabilize and preserve those characteristics.

    6. I think I’ve posted this before, but one of my favorite quick dinners is tofu-based. I have a 12″ cast iron skillet that I heat on the stove while I lightly press firm tofu and cut it into triangles (regular block of tofu cut into 6 cubes, then cut each cube diagonally). I don’t even season the tofu, just dredge it in cornstarch, and pan fry it in just enough oil to cover the bottom of the pan, turning to get three sides of each triangle until they’re brown and crispy. While the tofu cooks, I wash and cut up a green veggie – I’ve done broccoli, snap peas, asparagus, and bok choy, but almost anything would work in bite-size pieces – and add them to the same pan after I’ve removed the tofu, keeping the same oil and any cornstarch residue left in the pan. I sear the veggies a little, then stir once and add some tamari and grated ginger (bought fresh, but peeled and then frozen for easy use) and then turn off the heat. The pan retains heat, so they continue to cook a bit. Serve with bottled peanut sauce to dip the tofu, but you could make your own.

      1. Oh, and I always use House of Tsang peanut sauce, which doesn’t have any unpronounceable ingredients and is available in my local not-fancy supermarket.

    7. I like cubed tofu in a Freshii Pangoa bowl knock-off with Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce & a squeeze of fresh lime wedge.

    8. Look up recipe for dubu jorim (Korean braised tofu) – sauce is made of soy sauce, sesame oil, chili flakes (if you like some heat), minced garlic, scallions. One of my favorite sides growing up.

    9. I like Stonewall sauces, they have Roasted Garlic Peanut, and Sriracha Teriyaki

  12. Any recommendations for eco-friendly detergents that get mud out of kids’ clothes? We’ve been using Meliora, but it can’t keep up with my 3 year old who is obsessed with digging in the dirt. Any recommendations for other favorite eco-friendly and effective cleaning products?

    1. Unfortunately, natural detergents aren’t a great match for muddy toddler clothes. I think this is the stage in life when I started using Tide. Oh well.

      1. +1 I am a relatively crunchy person (cloth diapers, composting, natural dish detergents, no harsh cleaning chemicals) and I still use and swear by Tide. A good soak in oxyclean before the wash also helps.

    2. Have you tried adding in washing soda? It’s a ‘laundry booster’ but cheaper and (imho) works better than oxiclean. I usually add about 2-3 Tbsp to every load along with about half that much detergent and then vinegar in place of a softener (about 1/4C to 1/2C of vinegar straight into the wash).

    3. I soak it in Oxyclean before washing and if it’s really bad, I’ll leave it in the sink overnight. I also have a kid who loves rolling around in the dirt. Yesterday we had a pile of topsoil delivered and on the way to daycare he wistfully said, “I can’t stop thinking about that dirt!”

          1. When I was 12 or so and excited about growing vegetables, my parents got me a truck load of good soil for my birthday and stuck a big bow on it. It was a great present!

      3. Yup. I have Oxyclean dissolved in water in the laundry sink and just add clothes to it throughout the week. Low-effort and effective!

    5. We use Ecos and it works pretty well. It’s gotten out mud and the unholy mixture of sunscreen, bug spray, sweat, and dust that you get after backpacking trips.

    6. I use natural cleaning products as much as possible (vinegar and baking soda for almost everything), but I swear by Dawn for washing dishes and Tide Free and Clear for laundry. I have very sensitive skin and am scent sensitive, but I’m fine with these, which is more than I can say for a lot of brands that claim to be environmentally friendly, plus they actually work, so I can use less of them, much less water, and use cold water for laundry, which is has a major environmental impact. I just got so fed up with wasting huge amounts of hot water trying to get my dishes and clothes clean with supposedly environmentally friendly products that didn’t work very well. If something better has come out recently, though, I’d be happy to hear suggestions.

    7. My teenage son is a baseball player and they are required to wear white pants (ugh). The only thing that works for me is scrubbing with Fels Naptha, soaking, then washing with Tide.

    9. I use ECOS fragrance free laundry detergent and a scope of OxyClean free and clear in all my heavily soiled loads. Despite all my efforts to use fragrance free products, we rely heavily on Spray n Wash stain spray for all the toddler food stains. Nothing natural/clean works as well and I don’t want clothes covered in stains.

  13. I am a Biglaw partner in specialist area about to go in-house for the first time. I will be GC of a very small law department. The company is long-time client and most of their business is focused on my specialized area but I will have to become more of a generalist in my role. Also, I’m am not a litigator but now will be overseeing some litigation. Are there any resources you all can recommend? What should I do in preparation for the move? Any things you wish you would have known/done before starting in house?

    1. Another GC here and my advice is to lean on your department heads to bring you up to speed. You’re not going in to be the SME, you’re there to connect the dots and be the relationship partner. You don’t need to learn the ins and out of litigation, but you will want to have someone strong running that area for you. You want to empower your SMEs and help guide them to align with the company’s goals not do their work.

    2. Assuming you will now have responsibility for HR matters, my advice is to always get outside help at the beginning. I thought of myself as pretty intuitive on most legal matters when I became GC, but my gut seemed to be almost always wrong on the HR stuff. And getting those wrong can have big consequences.

    3. Like you, I moved from a law firm to a GC role. The biggest leap (and what I have seen others have problems with) is the switch between being extremely risk adverse and giving very conservative advice to being a business partner who needs to balance legal risk with potential reward.

      In a law firm, you get a “can we do this” question and it is easy to write a 20-page memo outlining the risks. Your executive team does not want or need that. They need to know (in a paragraph or 15 minute meeting): (1) This is illegal and if you do it someone could go to jail or we could get company-ending fines (rare but I have had it happen; fortunately, they took my advice so I did not have to go to the Board); (2) This is low risk; go ahead (less rare); and (3) This is moderate risk. The downside is XYZ (e.g. if we get caught there is a $2500 fine but cost of compliance is $30K; if we get sued, we will lose but this person is not likely to sue, etc.; this contract has these issues, but it is (for example) Google and they are not going to revise it and we need them ). Because your job is not to avoid all risk; your job is to make sure they know what risks they are taking.

      Also, don’t forget to give the executive team the “I am not your lawyer; I am the company’s lawyer” speech at the beginning.

  14. Question for parents who have been through the teen years. How did you make sure that you were getting quality time with your teen 1:1 during these years and as a family? Son is 14, and I feel like we’ve become a glorified taxi service to various activities, and our time together doesn’t feel very high-quality. When he’s home, he’s either studying or decompressing or practicing his instrument. I just … miss my kid? His little sister (5 years younger) is also bummed out that her big brother doesn’t seem to want to hang out much these days. I feel that, sister! I know this is a completely natural, normal part of life, but I also don’t want us to completely drift apart! Since he’s entering high school this fall, this stuff is on my mind these days. He is a good kid and seems genuinely content. (I mean, as much as a 14-year-old can be content!)

    1. Camping and eating meals together. Every night doesn’t work with 4 schedules but we do weekends and Monday and Friday with at least 3 of us if not all four.

      1. Well, you’re making me feel a little bit better because we are doing OK on the family meal thing.

    2. Driving can be good quality time. You could make a no-screens rule. I know a family that did this and the son and father chose to learn Spanish together via audio lessons during their longer drives and it was a great bonding experience. Similarly, no screens in the bedrooms, and/or screens needing to be parked somewhere after a certain time. Give your son as much incentive to be in the common areas as possible.

    4. Family meals, aim for a weekly family movie night with taking turns who picks, trips for ice cream or starbucks before/after activities.

      Quality over quantity. Even 15-20 minutes of focused time helps keep the connection. Does he have a favorite childhood book? Maybe he would be interested in reading to his sister for a few minutes every day?

    5. I can totally relate. My son will be 16 next month and I often feel like I miss him, even when we’re in the same house. Add in the fact that he spends 50% of his time by me and 50% by his dad, it’s hard to adjust to. For me, I prioritize evening meals together. It isn’t always fancy but I do try to cook/meal prep for homemade meals. He appreciates that because there’s not a lot of home cooked meals by his dad. I also find we have our best conversations in the car, on the way home from the gym. That said, he won’t let me go to HIS gym, so I drop him at his gym, go to mine around the corner, then pick him up when we are both done. I think the endorphins help him open up on the ride home, so I drive really, really slow!

      1. I remember doing a lot of talking with my parents on the (long) drive home from school growing up.

        1. I just had a really nice chat about this with my dentist. My son is 3 and hers is 23, and she told me when he’s a teenager, that I should plan a car trip if I want to have a real talk.

          1. This is a real thing – something about not having pressure to make eye contact and have a Real Conversation helps!

            DH and I will go for a walk or casual bike ride when we need to talk as it feels much easier.

      2. oh you mean one day i’ll be able to be awake in my house without my kids wanting to be in the same room as me!?! Good to know bc right now i feel like i have two shadows…which i’m sure i will miss one day

        1. You’re in the thick of it right now and it feels so suffocating because all you can think about is getting through the day. But one day, everything changes. It’s a different kind of hard.

        2. Same. I know I will miss it when my 6 year old no longer wants to constantly be next to me/in my lap but oh my god right now my introvert self is so touched out and talked out.

          1. OP here, and I totally feel you. My younger kiddo is 9, and she wants to talk 100% of the time she’s with me.

    6. We are a ski family and even as teens my kids never say no to a ski trip. That, and/or family vacations. Travel sports can also create a lot of bonding time but I didn’t mess with that.

    8. He doesn’t want quality time but he does want you to BE THERE. I thought once my son was with friends all the time and out and about, that I could go to the gym more, or hang out with my girlfriends after work. But, no. If he had to be home unexpectedly, he would freak if I was not where I BELONG AT HOME. Just be the rock for him. He will come back to you, mama, when he gets a little older.

    9. At 14/15 our kids were each required to spend some commute time riding in the front passenger seat being active passengers – we discussed what I as the driver watched out for (possible hazards), when to signal to change lanes, when to brake for yellow, etc. Then another ride they’d call out the hazards or tell me what they’d do. Not every ride. Not the whole ride, allowing time for chatting. The side-by-side vs face-to-face arrangement seemed to help my boy raise some issues in our car talks more easily. I’ll admit to taking a longer way home a few times; I’m sure he knew.

    10. Late reply but I have some thoughts! My eldest is 14 and does love to be up in her room FaceTiming friends or doing skincare. Couple of things we do:

      – I have a big car (3 kids + spouse so we have an 8-seater — means whole family can come somewhere with each kid bringing one friend) and try to volunteer to drive my kids and their friends whenever I’m able. Allows me to hear their conversations and they often ask my opinion etc. Great way to get to know the ancillary characters.

      – I also love driving our kids to and from activities and we try for no screens in the car so eventually the talking happens.

      – QUALITY OVER QUANTITY. They don’t want to spend 4 hours actively engaging with you and you probably have other things you’d also like to do! So think about a 15 minute Starbucks run, asking them to come with you to pick out plants for the yard, whatever.

      – Concerts, shows, live theater, professional sports games — these have been great bonding experiences with all three of my kids (I have an 11 and an 8 year old in addition to the teen). I’ve seen musicals, Dude Perfect on tour, a book talk with Lauren Graham (b/c we love Gilmore Girls/watched it together), a jazz performance by one of their music teachers, and many an NBA game. None of this has to be expensive or fancy, but it’s a way to make a memory 1:1.

  15. Does anyone have any tips for getting kids to execute the last 10 – 15 minutes of the morning smoothly? Something about finishing breakfast causes all h*ll to break loose in the morning. They cannot seem to execute the last few steps – brush teeth, put on shoes, pick up one’s stuff, and get out the door – without a sibling fight. I feel like we’ve tried everything: rewards for being ready early (ask Siri a question or Duolingo), consequences for being late (loss of screen time/extra housework) and micromanagement (standing over them and acting as a physical buffer between siblings – often I am collateral damage when one tries to get at the other). This morning as I returned from getting something for kid 1, kid 2 pulled kid 1’s feet out from under kid 1, and kid 1 fell face first on the floor. Please help!

        1. No with ease but yes with 3 months of strict retraining. But then it’s summer. fresh start in the fall? Or do now because camp will be a thing in the summer each day.

          1. Eek — 3 weeks. IMO in 3 weeks you can break and make a new habit but only if intentional.

    2. Is it feasible to keep them away from each other? Switch up the routine a little bit so it’s staggered and they aren’t in each other’s way?

      1. Mom of K & 4th boys with the same issue. Yes, staggering is the way (or, as the offspring would say – ya gotta keep em separated!). One kiddo brushes teeth, the other puts on shoes & socks, or grabs snack/lunch/backpack/jacket. You could even change where they brush their teeth if you have multiple sinks.

        Alternatively, wake one up first and get them breakfasted before the other is eating.

    3. Getting to ask Siri a question or do Duolingo doesn’t seem like a very good reward to me, lol.

      Not a mom but I was a professional nanny for years. I struggled with getting out the door too. One of my favourite methods was to turn it into a competition – who could get ready first. They fell for it every time!

      2. I like this method but I worry about the competition turning the kids against each other. We sometimes have used this as “race against mom/dad” and that sometimes works. Asking the kids to stand on the door mat when they’re ready (thanks Busy Toddler) has also been surprisingly effective… the intrinsic reward of everyone being able to see they have completed everything and are ready to go before mom is often a big hit.

      3. Ha, my toddler is obsessed with Duolingo. He calls it “the owlie”. He plays the French one and doesn’t understand a thing, but likes to tap the various words. It would be a great reward for him.

    4. We use alarms on devices – mostly my phone. Last few minutes need a parent within arms reach to keep everyone on track. Keeping kids apart helps – each kid gets a designated time/sink for teeth brushing/face washing etc. Clothes picked out and bags packed the night before. Grade 1 and 3 are young so they are not going to be able to get everything across the finish line on time by themselves for a while.

      One kid making the other trip and hurt themselves on purposes is not a scheduling issue. We’re pretty tough on consequences for sibling violence.

      1. Yeah, that part stood out to me, too. The purposely tripping thing would have swift consequences. I don’t have much tolerance for physicality beyond roughhousing (and both kids have to be having fun or it’s OVER).

        1. what swift consequences would you impose in the morning as you are trying to get out the door?

          2. At that age it can be a stern warning that it will be discussed in the evening. We usually require a written apology note for violence and the kid to come up with a repair. (based on the acknowledge, apologize, repair framework). My kids have lots of flex re messy outdoor play or field games that involve rough housing but intentional violence towards a sibling is not on. DH doesn’t hit me, we don’t hit the kids and the kids don’t get to hit/hurt each other. Accidents happen but intentional injuries are not okay. Grade 1 and 3 are not toddlers learning the rules.

    5. Can you switch up the morning routine? The solutions I see are:
      1) Brush teeth earlier in the getting ready routine — I’ve done this right after waking up my entire life, not waiting until after breakfast
      2) Sitting down for breakfast means you’re fully dressed (shoes and all) and ready (bag packed)
      3) Plates in the sink/dishwasher right after eating
      Then you’re ready to grab your coat and go out the door (fingers crossed) without drama

    6. Just an idea…can they get ready at different times? I have 3 that all have to be at the bus stop at 7:15. Our schedule is:

      6am: 2nd grader wakes up, gets dressed, hair brushed. Goes down to eat breakfast.

      6:3/6:40: K kiddo gets up, I help her get dressed and she brushes her hair then goes down to eat. At this point 2nd grader is done eating, so goes to brush her teeth and put on shoes. She can play after that so plays for like 30 min.

      6:45-7am: my grumblemuffin of a 5th grader who would prefer to sleep til 9 gets up, hogs the bathroom until 7:12 getting ready, then shoves her feet into shoes and grabs a muffin to eat at the bus stop. While this is going on, my K kiddo eats breakfast and brushes her teeth downstairs to avoid The Grumpy One. If she’s ready before 7:15, she gets to play on my phone on the front steps until it’s time to go, but she had to be in shoes with backpack on.

      It took us a while to figure this out but our 2nd grader needs time to wake up, needs her own space, and is hangry. So she gets first and can do all her stuff solo while still having time to play in the morning. She usually colors but if she uses her iPad she has to do it in the front hall fully dressed with coat/shoes/backpack on so she can run out the door.

    7. Brush teeth, put on shoes, and have packed bag / coat / whatever else is needed by the door (or in the car!) before breakfast. Literally nothing to do after breakfast besides clear plates and get in the car.

    8. Making it a competition at our house only makes it *more* likely that someone will get pushed or kicked going out the door. I take two 1st graders to school (my kid and the neighbor’s kid) and there have been times when one kid pulls the other kid back and throws him to the floor in order to be out the door first. I have found that what works is less micromanaging and a more hands off attitude with strict timelines and separation of the kids. So our morning looks like:
      a) setting the “leave the house” alarm ten minutes before we need to be pulling out the driveway – so for us it’s at 8:46 for a (ideally) 8:55 departure. Once the alarm goes off, I yell, “Shoes and socks!” and the expectation is that the kids get their stuff on.
      b) the rule is once your shoes and socks are on, you get your backpack and go outside to the car. I need to separate them or else the kids will start getting into it with each other and the one that isn’t ready will lose focus while trying to retaliate against the one who is ready.
      c) around 8:52, I go outside and just sit in the car. Usually one kid will be outside by then. I tell the kid who is still inside without shoes and socks that we will be in the car and please remember to shut the front door on their way out. Then I just sit in the car and wait. Usually the last kid is out not much later. If it gets to 8:56 and the last kid is not out, I go in and get him, but usually once they realize that they are the last one in the house, they get their act together and come out.
      Caveat – this probably works mostly because these two kids hate being late and do genuinely want to get to the school bus on time. My niece, who does not care about being late, would probably just dawdle inside once everyone else is outside.
      Also – we brush our teeth first thing in the morning too.

  16. I have a housecleaner come weekly. I have a screened porch that periodically needs mopping and the railing wiped down to remove pollen. Would it be appropriate to ask her to do this, assuming she has the time?

    3. I would expect to pay extra for that. Those things aren’t standard cleaning tasks for any cleaner or cleaning service I’ve employed across several different states.

    4. My cleaner does this every week (patio, not screened porch) and I pay extra for it.

  17. I have been going to a hair stylist I like for about 8 years. It is a small salon that she owns; usually she is the only stylist but occasionally there is another one and there are chairs for four. What is starting to annoy me is that increasingly she has another client come in while I’m there and I have to wait while she attends to them e.g., apply highlights and foil. It isn’t always clear to me how much “extra” time I am waiting beyond the time I need to wait for my own color to process. I go regularly for roots color and every few months I also get a trim/shaping of my style. I’ve only been to three stylists in about thirty years; the other two never worked on other clients while I was there. I always have something to read but I know this practice is making my appointment take longer — it can be close to two hours for roots color and basic styling after. Of course, I can talk to her about this. But what I’d like to know is whether this is the norm in salons.

    1. Two hours for those services is super normal in my experience. Most hairdressers I’ve had do work on other clients while my color is processing. I had one who didn’t do that, and the whole process still took 2-3 hours, so in my experience it doesn’t add much time. I have been told my hair needs to process longer due to the texture and the grays that are mixed in.

    2. My stylist is the salon owner and does the same thing. It really doesn’t bug me that much because she is usually doing a haircut while my roots are processing anyway. I’m rarely out of there in less than 90 minutes, but I can’t imagine where she’d reduce the time anyway. I guess doing another client’s foils would probably take longer than a simple haircut; maybe that’s something to be annoyed about.

    3. This is the norm in my experience and two hours for a colour/cut/style seems standard to me.

    4. My mom and I go to the same stylist and schedule overlapping appointments like this on purpose. On the odd weekend our schedules didn’t match up, the stylist cuts someone else’s hair while my highlights are “cooking.” Seems normal to me.

      1. Agreed that this is normal salon practice. If my roots need 45 to cook, I would expect her to be applying color to someone else, or doing a cut, or blow out during that time. This is her job and I would expect her to maximize her earnings. What’s the alternative? Sit and chat with the stylist for 45 minutes? I want to read, snooze, catch up on texts or whatever.

        1. Yeah, it’s definitely not fair to expect the stylist to be waiting around doing nothing (and not making money) while your colour is processing.

    5. I don’t color my hair, but I’m almost always the haircut that’s happening while my stylist’s client’s hair processes. Very normal.

    7. Agree with the others that this is normal salon procedure when doing color. With any color process, there’s usually 30-45 minutes of processing time, so if you’re doing single process color, no cut, and simple drying/styling after – not a full blowout – then the shortest appointment would be an hour and a half to two hours. If you feel like you’re spending a lot of extra time waiting after your color has processed and before she dries your hair, then you can ask her if there’s a way to minimize that, but you should be willing to pay more for her time if you don’t want her to use it during the downtime of your appointment.

    8. If my color appointment is in the evening or on a weekend she usually cuts someone else’s hair while my foils are cooking. But the salon has assistants to wash hair or remove foils and apply toner, so I never have to wait. I have a ton of hair and even partial highlights take 3.5+ hours so I wouldn’t have the patience to sit around any longer.

    9. this is super normal and would be unreasonable to complain about. Every salon/stylist I’ve been to do this, and when there isn’t another client at the same time, it’s maybe 10 min faster if that.

    10. Nope, two hours is the time it takes for color. The time it takes to process is pretty specific. If she were making you wait too long you wouldn’t be happy with the outcome. Agree with everyone else that this is totally normal. Think about how much more you’d be paying if you were her only client.

      1. Thanks everyone. Good to know that is pretty normal. What I was trying to indicate is that the time I wait while processing varies. I haven’t timed it, but it probably varies between 45 minutes and an hour. And I think this is because she is working on another client. I’ll just accept it. I was particularly bothered yesterday because she was an hour late for the appointment, due to traffic. And I was early as I was in the area for another appointment, which was quick. So the overall time dedicated to my hair was a lot yesterday!

  18. Keeping on the hair theme! I’ve been finding lately I need to air dry my hair due to morning time constraints with getting my kids to daycare and getting to my office on time. When I arrive at the office it is kind of frizzy and wild versus the way it lays smooth when I have a chance to blow dry. Currently a hairbrush and a minute crouched under the hand dryer is helping me out a little, but the office bathroom is shared among many and I’m not excited about someone eventually walking in on me doing that. What are my options? For reference, I have fine straight hair 1A (maybe 1.5A as it’s getting wavier as I age) for anyone familiar with that scale. It doesn’t feel like I can bring a hair dryer to my office bathroom… are there products I can put in it while wet that will help it smoothly dry? Something I can apply once dry to help it stay calm and smooth without weighing it down? I currently use Eva NYC Mane Magic 10-in-1 primer after showering. Can’t shower/style the night before and can’t currently adjust schedule to use hair dryer at home on the busy mornings I’m referencing in this post. Thank you!

    1. Get a travel size straightener to keep at your desk and run it over your hair quickly in the bathroom at work?

    3. Do you have a private office? Can you bring a portable mirror and power strip, and do what you need to do in your office?

    4. If you’re getting frizzy hair unless you blow dry, you do not have type 1A hair. (either 1C or 2B)

      That said, Pantene’s green conditioner or Living proof for frizz control do a great job.

    5. I have the answer to this! Color wow one minute transformation styling cream. You can get it at Sephora. While you are shopping there, check out the color wow money mask too.

    6. Try Tigi’s Small Talk. Or Paul Mitchell Skinny Serum. It won’t make your hair quite as straight and styled as blowdrying, but it will take the frizz down a few notches.

    7. I’ve had some luck with Color Wow One-Minute Transformation cream to fight frizz in dry hair without heat tools. You can get a small travel size at Sephora or Ulta to try it out.

    8. Ymmv but I have wavy/curly hair and it ‘air dries’ best if I twist it up into a claw clip until it’s about 75% of the way dry and then scrunch it with a tiny bit of gel/curl cream and let it air dry the last little bit. Otherwise it’s a frizzy mess.

    9. I have a Wet Brush that has nylon bristles “infused with coconut oil” (I am skeptical of this claim) but for whatever reason, it tames or at least tones down the frizz more than my normal Wet Brush with just the plastic ball-tipped bristles. Maybe pick one up and try it? It was ~$10 at Target

  19. I cannot win: every umbrella I buy ends up breaking in some way; please provide recommendations. What hasn’t worked: the cheapo umbrellas, which break very quickly. The nicer umbrellas, which break in less than a year. The well-regarded umbrella, which started developing holes in the fabric (which it should not, for what I paid). The golf umbrella, which now doesn’t want to stay closed. Help!

    3. I’m with you – every umbrella I’ve had eventually breaks, so I buy >$20 ones and just replace as needed.

    4. I like BLUNT umbrellas. I’ve had mine a few years and I noticed from the website there is a two-year warranty.

  20. Has anyone planted datura / trumpet flower in your garden? I got some at a local plant sale last week (the little old ladies’ garden club had a sign saying this flower is a must, so big and showy, it’s great!) but now that i google it i’m a bit terrified because it’s so toxic. I was pondering throwing it away, but I did notice critters are eating my daylilies, coneflowers and asiatic lilies, so I’m wondering if i could plant it near them to deter the deer or rabbits. but can i remove it safely at the end of the season?

    1. My only knowledge of datura is that it frequently shows up in murder mysteries. The person who grows it is almost always either the murderer or the victim or at least ends up under a cloud of suspicion and blame for being the source of the poison, so on that basis, it seems like a bad idea to keep it in your garden! I doubt it will deter rabbits or deer from eating your other plants. Herbivores are usually very good at selectively avoiding toxic plants but eating everything else.

    2. Would it actually deter deer/rabbits, or just poison them? If it’s toxic (vs just tastes bad to deer/rabbits) then I don’t know that you’ll stop them eating it or things around it, you’ll just have poisoned animals walking around the neighborhood?

      I would use other methods to deter deer/rabbits (fences, smelly things).

    3. I haven’t planted it but it’s grown in my garden before on its own. In my experience, the deer/rabbits won’t eat it but they will still certainly eat other plants nearby. I’d just wear gloves when removing it but wouldn’t be very concerned about toxicity unless you have kids.

    4. I’ve never had issue with critters eating it. It’s a perfectly nice ornamental plant. It’s not a deterrent, but is a nice plant to offer some visual variety, and is fairly tough.
      Don’t plant it near any root vegetables, or you risk digging up and cooking some wacky root by mistake along with your carrots and potatoes.

      1. I would not be afraid to grow datura if I were already growing another highly toxic nightshade in the form of potatoes!

          1. I have nothing against potatoes for eating (did you think I was trying to say people shouldn’t eat potatoes?). Potatoes aren’t toxic or deadly. But the potato plant is (i.e., the leaves, the berries).

          2. It sounded that way.
            My point with mentioning to be careful planting it around other root veggies is that it’s fairly easy to accidentally dig up a piece of root and prepare it with other veg, which would make for a memorable, if uncomfortable dinner. It’s a common enough thing in some places where root vegetables are grown commercially and datura grows somewhat wild at the edge of fields.

          1. Y’all should know this! If your potatoes sprout, please don’t eat any green sprouts. Only the potato itself is safe to eat.

    5. Many plants are toxic. Datura, yew, foxglove, the Asiatic lilies you already have, weeds you didn’t plant on purpose. So unless you have a specific concern (kids, pets) in the area you’re planning to plant it, I wouldn’t throw it away; I’d just follow the same safety precautions as with other toxic plants.

  21. Does anyone know what date the third child discussion was? I think last week sometime? Or was that on moms..??

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