ByCorporette Staff Hours Updated
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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Puff-Sleeve Sweater

For me, this fall is all about cozy sweaters. A bright, puff-sleeve turtleneck is right up my alley.

For the office, I would pair this with a dark, skinny pant and some fun, dangly earrings. For the weekend, I would wear this with jeans or the pleather leggings that I’ve been eyeing but can’t quite figure out what to do with.

The sweater is $64.95 at Eloquii and comes in sizes 14–28. It also comes in black and a dark green. Right now you can get 40% off select styles, which brings the price down to $38.97. Puff-Sleeve Sweater

An option in straight sizes is this sweater from H&M for $19.99. (Note that the polyester portion of the fabric blend is recycled.) 

Sales of note for 12.3.24 (lots of Cyber Monday deals extended, usually until 12/3 at midnight)

Sales of note for 12.3.24 (lots of Cyber Monday deals extended, usually until 12/3 at midnight)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

405 Comments

  1. How would you handle this? I’ve always heard, you don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see a baby coming out of her. Yesterday I saw my doctor in person for the first time since January, and as soon as she came in the the room, I could tell she was visibly pregnant. She didn’t tell me she was, so I said nothing, because I would never want to make that mistake. But it felt like I was being kind of rude by not acknowledging it. When I was scheduling my follow-up with the receptionist, she mentioned my doctor would be on maternity leave starting in January, so I said “Oh, I didn’t know that she was pregnant!” and she looked at me like I was an idiot, since I’d just seen her. But I feel like unless the person tells you, you should never ask, right?

    1. Right not to ask. In the receptionist interaction, at that point is when I’d usually say “oh thank you for confirming, she didn’t mention it but I didn’t want to say anything you know!”

    2. Yeah I’m in the camp that you never acknowledge it until the expecting mother says something, but it does get weird when she’s very pregnant.

    4. “That’s wonderful news!”
      “Congratulations!”

      Those are your appropriate responses. Not to comment on how big or little her bump is – because pregnant women get very sensitive about both of those things. Just… don’t comment on her appearance.

      If you feel like someone looks at you like an idiot, just say, “Hey, I just don’t assume that a woman is pregnant unless she says something. Postpartum women look pregnant. Women with abdominal cysts look pregnant. Women who have a late miscarriage or a stillbirth can look pregnant. If she wants me to know that she’s having a baby, she’ll tell me.”

    5. I also agree, but for different reasons. Given the pandemic, so many of us have been isolating and cooped up in our co-op apartements where we have little to do besides watch TV and eat. As a result, many of us have put on weight, both in the front (Covid belly) as well as in the back (Covid tuchus). This condition has been well recognized, but deemed justifyable b/c of the need to isolate and social distance. The virus has also curtailed our ability to meet new people, including men, and since it is also well established that s-xueal activity keeps us trim, our inability to have s-x at all during the pandemic has contributed to Covid belly and Covid tuchus. Therefore, many of us can look pregnant, but in reality, we are guilty of nothing more then “showing” not the effects of unprotected s-x, but rather the reality of not being able to exercise regularly to keep that weight off our bellies and/or tuchii. So I think people should be a little more careful, and to continue NOT to ask until told what the story is. And if it turns out one of us has actually gotten pregnant during the pandemic, KUDOs for doeing so!

    6. You were totally in the right here, but still it’s so awkward when people get THAT pregnant and don’t acknowledge it.

      1. I inadvertently did this when I was pregnant. I felt weird re-announcing my pregnancy every time I saw a new person, and I assumed the news would spread around but apparently the people I told were very discreet because I ended up having a lot of people very gingerly ask if I was pregnant just a few weeks before I was due.

      2. I disagree. The doctor was performing her job, and her pregnancy isn’t relevant to it. I guess she could have mentioned upcoming maternity leave for scheduling purposes, but otherwise, I don’t think it’s fair to expect a pregnant woman to “acknowledge” her pregnancy in all her working interactions.

        1. The only time I think it is unfair not to mention it is if it means you are passing off something very personal and important to the patient/client to a colleague. If I was very visibly pregnant and I was meeting with a family law client about their divorce case, I would feel obliged to cover who was taking over the case while I was out. If I was a doctor and had a patient needing regular medical care for an issue (say monthly visits) I’d want to assure them their was a transition plan in place and I had the other doctor totally up to speed. Otherwise, I’m causing my client/patient worry.

      3. No the doctor does not need to announce her pregnancy at the beginning of every appointment. The patients are there to take care of their own health, not to chit chat about their doctor’s life. Idk if I’ve ever had a doctor’s appointment that lasted more than like 20 minutes. Can you imagine having the same conversation every 20 minutes all day every day?

        1. I think the general convention should be that if you are very clearly past the “common miscarriage” time period (i.e. after five or six months) and your pregnancy affects another person – in this case transition of care for a patient, or in other cases who will be handling a legal case or covering maternity leave you need to talk about it. If it is not relevant then it’s not necessary to mention. For example a PCP who sees patients once a year doesn’t need to mention it but a cancer care doctor or specialist should. A receptionist doesn’t need to mention it but an accountant at a two person accounting firm should.

        2. I think doctors have a responsibility for continuity of care and a pregnancy impacts that. I would be livid if one of my regular doctors just left me in the hands of a random substitute without a proper plan.

          1. How often do you go to the doctor? I honestly could very easily miss an entire maternity leave. And frankly, I wouldn’t be “livid” if my doctor made plans fort that and didn’t tell me personally. I’m definitely not her only patient.

          2. “Livid” is a bit dramatic here. This is the same entitlement mentality that causes my husband’s patients (he’s an ob-gyn) to call him at 2 am for constipation or 3 am to refill birth control pills, and to guilt him for attending our family’s special events instead of being 24/7 on call to deliver their babies. There was nothing in this post suggesting that there was a circumstance where the doctor’s pregnancy (and presumable medical leave) was going to impact care for the OP.

          3. @ Anon 11:46, I probably go to the doctor every 3-6 months or so which is 2-4 times a year. Luckily I live in a civilized nation where maternity leave is often a full 12 months, so that’s a lot of appointments for my doctor to miss especially since I have a lot of unusual conditions which a random doctor can’t step in to manage

    7. It’s not rude not to acknowledge it, but I do think there wasn’t a need to pretend you hadn’t noticed to the receptionist. :)

    8. Same rule. My variation is always, ‘Oh, congratulations!’

      If they act like ‘you should have known, weirdo,’ I just usually smile and look at them and say, ‘You never assume.’ That usually takes care of it.

    9. I think that fibroids and some IVF medications / reactions can cause belly swelling that looks like a baby bump and is probably a distressing shape for the owner of the body. So I’d not remark, even if the person seems great with child (one person’s “obviously” 9-month bump is another’s giant fibroid or body rebelling against fertility treatment). I worked by someone who looked second-trimester pregnant for about 10 years and I’m sure she was tired of it. It’s none of my business, but my mom had fibroids and I’m guessing that this is what she had as well.

      1. Just to add, I looked pregnant for about two months after I saw an ultrasound with no heartbeat. Someone asking questions like when I was due or boy/girl would have torn me to pieces.

        1. When I was in the first trimester with my baby, several members of my husband’s family decided that “stare at my stomach, giggle, and gossip” was going to be how they would entertain themselves over the holidays. We announced our pregnancy and these jackdonkeys basically said – of course it’s easy to get pregnant when you’re almost 40, ha ha, why were you worried, and miscarriage isn’t a thing. I literally asked them how they could be so certain that I wouldn’t miscarry or have fertility challenges and they said it doesn’t happen.

          The icing on the horse manure pile of rude was that my SIL was also pregnant, quite unexpectedly after years of struggling with infertility. She had a miscarriage two weeks later. You know, that infertility and miscarriage that isn’t actually a thing and makes the “stare at a woman’s stomach” games all in good fun.

      2. Agreed – none of your business, so do not ask.

        I have an egg retrieval tomorrow AM and currently have 37 follicles waiting for harvesting. I look just like I did when I was about 20 weeks pregnant because I am so insanely swollen from the meds and quantity of follicles. Not only am I not pregnant, I wish to be pregnant more than most could fathom. Someone asking me if I was pregnant would be a punch to my swollen, sore and medicated gut.

          1. PCOS, baby. It’s the only positive news to come out of this horrendous process. TBD what’s actually in those follicles or their quality, but I’ll take it. I’m legit a whale. So thankful for WFH right now!

          2. Just to warn you, I got more bloated AFTER my retrieval so make sure you have some super stretchy pants or even just a bathrobe on hand for WFH the next few days. I had the swallowed a basketball look which was totally a mind f*ck when I was trying to get pregnant.

      3. This is a good point. I got ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome after my egg retrieval for IVF and fluid filled a large part of my abdominal cavity. I stayed home from work until I recovered because it was painful (and my doc was worried for a bit I might have to be hospitalized to deal with it) but it also really did look like I was pregnant. So you never know and you handled it fine OP.

      1. OP here, I didn’t think it was my business! Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being rude by not acknowledging an obvious situation.

    11. Definitely dont ask. In your case with the receptionist I think if you say “oh really? great!” then you arent pretending you didnt notice the pregnancy- your question/surprise can feasibly be about the timing of her maternity leave.
      In person with a pregnant person, you definitely dont have to pretend you didnt notice- you can say something like “I’m happy for you! Do you know if it will be a boy or girl?” and move on in the conversation!

    12. Yes. You don’t need to talk to your doctor about her pregnancy. Also you didn’t have to play dumb with the receptionist. There’s nothing to “handle” here.

      3. OP here. All I meant by “handle” was, was it rude for me to not have acknowledged an obvious situation. Just wanted to make sure I did the right thing.

    13. I don’t think it’s weird in this case. She’s your doctor, not your friend or your co-worker. She has a limited amount of time to spend with each patient and doesn’t necessarily want to waste part of that time announcing her pregnancy to every single person she sees. If I were her, I would not have said anything unless it was relevant to scheduling–e.g., “I’d like to see you back for a follow-up in three months. I’ll be on maternity leave then, so you can either schedule with Dr. Colleague instead, or schedule with me after I return.”

    14. In my personal experience (currently 36 weeks pregnant), I have been disappointed that people do not comment on my pregnant state. There is something really nice about being congratulated and being shown interest. Ignoring that I’m pregnant feels weird since it’s the biggest life news I’ve had in a long time!!

      1. That’s was my concern – I see her one a month (although it’s been virtual most of this year) and I didn’t want to seem like I was being rude by saying nothing – but glad I erred on the side of caution, because you just never know.

    15. Same happened to me at my podiatrist appointment. She didn’t bring it up so I didn’t ask. The nurse had to come back in the room after the doc left so I asked her. She said “yes! And we are all so excited!”

      But you did the right thing. Don’t ask! I’ve been asked before when I wasn’t pregnant (remember when empire waists were in style? I worked that dress once!) and it made me feel like crap.

    16. I’ve had five pregnancies in a relatively short period of time and one healthy baby.

      I’m going to be honest here, this process has resulted in 50 pounds of weight gain.

      I get asked if I’m pregnant fairly often or people just assume I’m pregnant and it’s quite traumatic. Not because of the weight call out but because of all the loss.

    17. When I was in my thirties, I presented to the same potential client twice. Once when I was about 5 months pregnant, and once when I was 8 months. I was presenting to a group of people that were about half women, most of them older than me.

      I didn’t say anything about my pregnancy either time. The second time when I walked into the room (admittedly, my belly entered the room well before the rest of me did) some of the women started giggling and pointing at me. Then one said “we weren’t sure you were pregnant last time, but we’re sure this time!” So I smiled and acknowledged their good wishes but I have to say, it threw me off my game. They were looking at my belly for the entire discussion. I was so self conscious about my pregnancy weight gain. I was co-presenting with a guy, and he got impatient about the whole thing, which also made me feel awkward with him.

      I wish they had brought it up afterward. They had brought in lunch for after the presentation and that would have been a fine time. I might even have brought it up if the conversation had turned chatty.

      I’m posting this to say, don’t ask someone when they’re acting in their professional capacity. Treat a pregnant or possibly pregnant woman like you’d treat any other professional.

  2. Any recommendations for a bakery that delivers in the Boston/Cambridge area? It’s my friends birthday next week.

    1. This is easy, but kind of ironick since we are all aware of Covid belly and Covid tuchus. Call Tout Les Jours in Allston! They deliver and I got great cake from there every time I visited my Uncle Sy! Give them a call and have your freind enjoy, but tell her not to overdue it or her tuchus will telegraph she is eating great cakes to the world! But Yay! we all deserve some sweet cakes this time of year!

      https://www.tljus.com/locations/
      152 Harvard Avenue., Allston, MA 02134
      T. (617) 787-1069

      1. +a million to Flour. Their sticky buns are amazing and their cookies are to die for. The Cambridge one should deliver locally but it is a bit of a pain to have to do a login to their own website/delivery service. Since they do (or did anyway, haven’t ordered from their since February) use their own ppl to deliver their radius is a bit smaller than you may expect, so it never hurts to call and check.

      2. + another million to Flour! WAY better than Tatte (sorry other commenters, but it’s true :) )!

      1. Ha! I would say Tatte (the one on Summer St. anyway) has better coffee and ‘fancy’ pastries, but Flour has better American style pastries (cookies, brownies, sticky buns) and MUCH better lunch offerings.

    5. Flour! Tatte is A). owned in part by the former owner of Panera B). just had a huge dust up with BLM and c). has consistently taken COVID less seriously and encouraged riskier behavior of customers. I loved both before. Now I’m Flour only.

  3. Try out Indian breakfast dishes. You’ll have to google them but they’re all yummy.
    You don’t ever have to eat oatmeal!

    Poha
    Idlis
    Dosa
    Paratha

    I’m sure there are many more.

      1. Don’t get put off by the batter making etc. All you need is a Vitamix type Blender batter will last DAYS in your fridge. And you could try quinoa topped with veg also.

        Check out ethnic cuisines. And don’t forget eggs.

        1. You can just buy the fermented batter at the Indian store. Makes it super easy to make dosas and idlis – just a few minutes. We use various types of dips and chutneys as a side (pesto, salsa, chutney etc).

  4. Any tips on getting through a job you hate? I had posted earlier this year about how covid had turned my busy-never- in- the office job into nine hours of computer work from my dining room. I hate to quit my job, I’ve been here for nearly a decade.

    But I cry most workdays and I literally hate every second that I’m tied to the computer. I dread waking up in the morning. To make matters worse, I’m pregnant and this company owes me leave. So I feel like I have to stick with it for six more months or so. Still, the thought of another day, typing motions and keeping timesheets (I specifically went in house to avoid these) is enough for me to contemplate quitting every day. My life is otherwise good and I don’t think this is a chemical imbalance, just a deep, deep dislike of the type of work that I never wanted to do.

    1. Take a day off. Take a week off, if you can!

      Give yourself permission to just do the bare minimum. Remind yourself that it’s not like this forever. Honestly, when I had a job I hated, I would buy myself sushi for lunch every Thursday as a reward for making it through the week (Fridays already were their own gift).

      Remind yourself that this is only a part of your life, not your whole life. Take breaks to take walks. Give yourself grace.

    2. Longer term the answer is likely a new job but pregnant in the middle of a pandemic is not a great time to be job hunting. I would focus on getting through the period until your maternity leave starts then take as long as a leave as you can. For now, take breaks and go for a walk at lunch. Try to do one small thing at home every day that you couldn’t do if you were stuck at the office. Water your flowers, eat lunch on your back deck etc.

      What helped me get through a period where I really hated my job was to have a note next to my monitor that reminded me what my job provided other than job satisfaction – money to pay my mortgage, financial freedom/paid vacation to travel, health insurance, paid maternity leave etc.

      When it got really bad, I also had a post it that said ‘it’s not coal mining’. My great-grandfather was a coal miner and it was a solid reminder that there are much worse jobs.

    3. Second the idea of vacation. I felt really bad taking time off when I was pregnant because I had upcoming maternity leave, but pregnancy is exhausting. There was a day I had scheduled off to go to an event and I literally slept on the couch.

      Whether or not it’s a chemical imbalance or hormones, pregnancy really reduces your bandwidth. Take some time off.

    4. I was in a similar place in August where the whole working from home on my tiny desk from law school. What made a difference for me was finding some ways to break up the groundhog day feeling of 2020. At the encouragement of some of the partners at work (meant in a kind way because they also confided it helped their mental state), I ended up going in a day a half day week to my office just to have a break from home (and kill trees). I also started giving myself permission to make non-essential, but essential for me, trips like going to a boutique to buy fancy candles. For me at least, it turned out that I wasn’t so much hating my job but the whole sitting on my computer at home was the most obvious manifestation of 2020 that I directed all my 2020 feels too.

      1. Boy can I relate to this. Especially the part about working the office part time. It’s nice to have somewhere to go.

    5. It sounds like you are an attorney so switching jobs isn’t likely to fix the problem since all of our mediations and depositions are remote for the time being. If you are a more social person, I know Zoom doesn’t fix it but does it help you to have Zoom over a phone call or email? If so, schedule more Zooms.

      For time keeping, I am THE WORST at that and the only thing that helped me was downloading the free program Manic Time that tracks what I do and lets me tag it on a visual timeline as I go. I have a very high case load so I have tons of .1’s throughout the day so entering time on my billing software as I go wasn’t working. With manic time, if I tag it throughout the day it adds it up for me so I can do one entry per client at the end of the day. Even if I skip entering it for a few days (which I know is a bad habit) the software lets me easily see what I was doing at different times. Even just tagging which client you were working on will make time entry so much easier. For in-house I’m guessing it’s projects over clients but it would still work.

      Also, make sure you aren’t doing more than you have to tracking wise. We were told we had to track our admin time so I was entering a bunch of stuff to my admin code breaking it down like .2 filing emails, .4 returning new client calls, .5 meeting with assistant to go over tasks …. when all they cared about was the aggregate time and I could just enter 1.5 – general admin. That alone saved me so much stress, particularly when I realized I could round and it didn’t have to be precise. I’d just enter all of my regular client time, see how long I worked, subtract the total client time and bill the rest to admin.

      I know it is mentioned a lot here but also consider an anti-depressant until life returns to normal. Crying daily warrants it!
      Good luck!

    6. Oh honey, I cried every day going to work for two years. It was a terrible time in my life. I had a commute and would put on makeup in the car because I cried all the way to work. Hugs.

      You are still working at home? Can you move work spaces for a change of scenery? Light a candle? Play some music? Wear the the softest slippers money can buy? Listen to music or podcasts to let your mind wander? Or try similar comforts in the office if you are back. Hang in there, it will not last forever.

    7. No real advice, just commiseration. Pre-pandemic, I had a busy work life with frequent travel and court appearances. Every single day was different. An “office day,” where I just had to work on the computer, was a nice break. Now it’s just office days in my house for the foreseeable future. I mentally drag myself from task to task. It really sucks. This all really sucks.

      I reframed the issue. At its heart, work is just labor I perform in exchange for money. It means nothing else. I don’t have to like it. I like the having food security and a safe place to live. It’s a big change from enjoying work and striving to advance my career goals. It is what it is.

    8. Talk to your OB. It could be that you hate your job, it could be hormones, or if could be both.

      I wouldn’t have been able to sit at the dining room table to work when heavily pregnant. That would have killed my back and would have resulted in swollen ankles. Can you move to a more comfy place where you can put your feet up?

      Try to go out on maternity leave as early as possible. Toward the end of my pregnancies (the last month before leave) I started working 3 days a week until I gave birth, and I came back on the same schedule for a while. Can you do that? I had a doctor’s note recommending no more than 24 hours of work per week, due to my back and swelling issues, and that really helped get my employer to grant it.

  5. OMG I snorted at yesterday’s woodsy preppy wear as clubbing attire. And bright shiny fancy suits in iBanking. Can we have more please?

    Mine: I had oxblood leather pants once (they were nice! and unlike the Friends episode with Ross’s leather pants, they were lined so very easy to put on). Somehow I wore them with . . . loafers and socks. And possibly a sweater layered over a turtleneck. Not sure what that sort of look was. Naughty bookworm?

    1. I shudder to remember the waffle-weave purple long-sleeve shirt with thumbholes that I owned in early high school. It would have been emo but for how incredibly tame it was. I wore it under a light grey T-shirt.

      1. Ha! I had a purple waffle-weave hooded sweater – definitely a TJMaxx find – with thumbholes. I wore it at least weekly through my freshman year of high school.
        I also wore a cream thermal henley under the band t-shirts I had. So hardcore.

          1. Oh God, probably the junior section at Kohl’s or Penney’s. There was a gray and black striped one, too.

    2. I’m sure I’ve admitted this on here, but I’m fairly certain that I went through a large part of the first decade of this century with my jeans so low rise that there was some plumber crack showing at least 20% of the time.

      I also have owned such fashionable things as: platform flip flops, short sleeved shrunken blazers (which I’m pretty sure I wore to work when I worked for a Legislative body that required ‘jackets’ in certain areas), and so. many. vests. Why did I always default to vests, guys? Why was old-timey bartender a look that I thought worked for the office.

      1. Haha, I love a vest! I wouldn’t wear one now but I think they are so spunky!
        I went to a rich kid Catholic college and I was neither rich, nor Catholic, and was so insecure about my lower-middle class upbringing. I put together some very random outfits in my efforts to “fit in”.

    3. No platform flip flops here per se… but pretty sure those Steve Madden open toe slide wedges needed to be surgically removed from my feet sometime in 1999.

      2. I remember trying to convince my mom to let me wear them to my Bat Mitzvah…sigh.

    4. I took Home Ec because the Principal ruled out taking Welding. I made a dress out of a random print fabric my mom bought out of a sale bin because she didn’t want me to “ruin anything good.” I got completely done with the assembly, put it in and only then realized I was wearing a shapeless bag with a ditzy print of corn. It must have been intended for kitchen curtains.

    5. Oh yes yes yes.
      I worked in a support role one summer for a nonprofit in DC (I was 23). On a very hot and muggy day I wore a white v-neck t-shirt (opaque!) tucked into a black skirt that was objectively too short. A staff member walked by my little temp cube, said hello, and then immediately mentioned to the next person over that they needed to remind the incoming corps members to dress professionally for their intro weeks. Mortifying. Went home and threw the skirt away.

    6. I confused formal for social and formal for work in the beginning. I had this amazing maroon skirt from Forever 21 that was super body con (like tucked under my butt) and went just past my knees. It was definitely made for a nice dinner out. I’d pair it with this black tank that had funky neckline (not sure what it is called) but it kind of cut inward and then up with like a little turtle neck (half an inch) but exposed a lot of shoulder. I’d wear a racer back bra so my straps wouldn’t show. I’d toss on a cardigan over it if I was cold and of course wore stiletto heels with it. It was my go-to outfit at least once a week at the small law firm I was clerking at. I honestly don’t think anyone there cared. We rarely had clients in the office.

      However, one day I was walking around law school in this outfit (since work was after school) and my international law professor stopped and said “woah! What have you got going on tonight?” He wasn’t being rude, he honestly thought I was going to a wedding or something after school. When I said “oh nothing, just work” his face said all I needed to know about my outfit. Facepalm.

      1. Men’s work formal and going-out formal are the same thing, with the exception of tuxedos and morning dress. A man can wear the same suit to a wedding, court trial, and Valentine’s Day dinner.

        It’s really hard for young women to distinguish between “work formal” and “fun formal,” especially when all of their formal events are fun formal: prom, semi-formals, dances, weddings, date nights.

    7. One of my professors in grad school wore Birkenstocks, zip-off hiking pants, and T-shirts from the Yosemite or Yellowstone gift shops nearly every day. She had waist-length hair with lots of gray and wore glasses. She was also a genius in a male-dominated quantitative field (advanced statistics), a key support to everyone in my program, and a really nice person. Whenever I see someone dressed in a dowdy way now, I wonder how much I’m judging the cover and not seeing the the value that person is bringing to the table.

      1. I work with a lot of people like that. At this point, I’ve figured out how to separate my vast respect for their subject matter skills with benign amusement at their lack of dressing skills.

        I would never say anything to them about it and while I do gossip with a couple of close coworkers about partially egregious style faux pas, we also recognize that these people are very, very good at what they do and poor dressing does not detract from those skills.

      2. Aww, I took classes from another of her tribe (this version wore a floppy fishing type hat … always). I consider this my version of “when I am old I will wear purple”

      3. I feel like profs in grad school just get to dress like this. It is very straight from central casting. If I saw this on a college campus, I’d assume it was likely to be a Nobel laureate and go on my way. If I saw them in BigLaw these days, it would be an equity partner, probably someone on the management committee. No one else would dress that . . . crunchy (not in Colorado / Nor.Cal. / Oregon / Seattle).

      4. My boss, a pretty eminent professor in her field, wears the ugliest red blazer which clashes with her red hair.Every time she’s on television, I get texts from friends, ‘Oh, NAME is wearing the blazer’. Before big tv appearances, our comms director and I ask what she’s going to wear and try to steer her away from it.

    9. I have posted this before. I grew up in a fairly rural area and working at JC Penney was my part time job from age 16 all the way until I graduated from college – both near my college and at home for the summers.

      I was job hunting and knew I’d need suits so I sewed one myself and then I bought one on deep clearance from the JC Penney sale racks.

      When I showed up in the SF financial district wearing my pink go-to-church skirt suit (which I didn’t know was different than a real suit when I bought it) and everyone I passed was wearing black, gray, and navy, I suddenly realized I had made a huge mistake.

    10. When I was in grad school, I did a lot of testing on people with pretty severe dementia. I was used to people thinking I was their daughter, their souse, their cleaning services, the queen of England. I heard all kinds of (unintentionally) obscene things, the sort of stuff that happens when the part of your brain that “filters” doesn’t work properly.

      Anyway, I was running some cognitive tests on this woman and she leans over, grabs me by the shoulders and says “what are you wearing?! I can’t believe you left the house like that!” I just let it roll off my shoulders and kept on with the testing. She had really extensive dementia.

      Anyway, I got back to the car and realized that I was wearing a dark bra under a white collared shirt with no undershirt and it was completely visible. Also, it was wrap style and when I bent over slightly, my b**bs totally fell out in a totally inappropriate way.

      I was mortified, and my patient was totally right. Nobody else had said anything to me all day!!

  6. Question/fun diversion – are any of you planning to buy an adult advent calendar? I am SUPER tempted by the Jo Loves/Diptyque ones (I’m a fragrance/candle person more than a beauty person) but oh my is that a lot of cash. Very jealous of the UK readers who can get the Cult Beauty and Selfridges ones!

    2. Last year, my husband bought me the Trader Joe’s 12 Days of Beauty advent calendar and I absolutely loved it.

      1. As a lapsed Catholic, I do think it’s weird (not bad, just weird) to see advent calendars so commercialized. And this one is such a bastardization. I assume you’re supposed to have it end on Christmas? The 12 days of Christmas start on Christmas and end on the Feast of the Epiphany, which is not at all how it goes in popular culture. Just an observation that it’s weird!

        2. It’s not that weird, a lot of things get commercialized and make it into main stream culture and are disconnected from their religious or cultural origins. Have you ever been to a yoga class? Gotten chocolates for Easter?

        3. The 12 days of Christmas is not an Advent calendar. The days in December up until Christmas is not an Advent calendar. These might be Fun December Treat of the Day calendars, but not Advent calendars. I am a lapsed Catholic, but the terminology still bothers me.

        4. Anon at 10:05 here. I’m Catholic of the most definitely not lapsed variety and am completely unbothered by this. Maybe it’s a reference to the 12 days of Christmas, which I am well aware start on Christmas and end on the Epiphany. Maybe it’s meant to be used whenever. But I was a beached whale of a pregnant lady, feeling anything but lovely, and it was so nice to be able to open a little door and get a lip balm or sugar scrub.

          It does not impact my faith.

          1. I’m thankful you said that. When people get on their high horse about things like this (did Jesus really eat sprinkle cookies?) it’s good to remember that none of this affects your faith.

    4. I feel like I’ve never really thought about advent calendars with stuff in them (other than cheap chocolate) being a big thing before.

      But if you have kids to buy for, last year, my SIL got the kids each a lego advent calendar, with a tiny project for each day. Messy and annoying in the way that all legos are, but it was very cute and a huge hit with the kids.

      2. My son was a lego-holic and I had to absolutely jump on the lego advent calendar the minute it went up for sale. They’re gone in a few days if not hours! But I agree they’re great. You get a lot of minifigs in the advent calendar, and minifigs are otherwise hard to come buy without buying a whole set.

        The completed daily legos just went into our Christmas decor, so we had legos in our ceramic Christmas village, in between the nutcrackers etc.

    5. I am 100% eyeing a bourbon and whiskey advent calendar. It will break my vow of not drinking during the week, but may help me keep my vow of not murdering anyone!
      We’ve done the lego calendars for the kids for a few years now. They are astonished that some calendars have a piece of candy each day and have requested that instead.
      Growing up, my advent calendar cost 3.99 at the grocery store. Each day I got a… bible verse. And I was okay with that.

    6. I love advent calendars! My favourite is the M&S beauty calendar, but if I lived in the UK I’d also get a Edinburgh Gin one.

  7. Does anyone have the Spanx faux leather leggings? I’m looking at the regular and the Moto.

    Also – has anyone tried the Target ‘Assets’ version? Are the Spanx ones worth being double the price?

    1. I have the Moto and love them. I am probably a S on the size chart but went up to a M and didn’t regret it. I bought mine on sale on QVC website of all places.

        1. I’m the anon from 9:51 and I also sized up to a medium despite being recommended a small.

    2. I have the Spanx ones (not moto style). I didn’t expect to love them but I do. The fit is flattering, they’re not super constricting or uncomfortably tight, and they’ve held up through numerous washes. The length is generous — I’m 5’8″ and there’s a little bit of bunching around my ankles.

    4. I have a moto pair that are quilted- they are a little scratchy on the inside and not my favorite. The leather look flaked off in places after a while, even though I never put them in the dryer. I LOVE the high waisted green camo spanx leggings- they are super soft and the waist is delighfully compressive. Theyre not meant for working out- just wearing around- but I find that I reach for them first, frequently.

    5. I have two pairs of the Spanx non-moto ones and I love them. I bought them on Poshmark though because I was not at all willing to pay full price!

      If you are in doubt re: size, size up one as they are snug. I have the XS, but I think I would have been perfectly fine in the S and it would be less arduous to get them on :)

    6. I bought faux leather leggings from Express last year just to try out the trend at a lower price point and I love them. I’ve seen them on sale for $25. Not compression but the material is pretty thick.

    7. I tried the Spanx leggings last year (non-moto) and returned them. They were shiny but did not look leathery at all. This year i bought the Commando ones, which I think are much more “leather” like, if that’s what you’re going for. Definitely size up for either.

    8. I have the regular Spanx faux leather leggings. I’m now a permanent WFH employee and I wear them about once a week with a comfy sweatshirt and sneakers. I’m only 5’0″ and I wear the petite/short length without any alterations. I bought the in XL – I carry most of my weight in my belly and weigh around 140 lbs. They are worth the price to me because I wear them so often. They have also held up well to washing.

    9. Yes, I actually don’t find them very flattering on me because they squash my butt down a little bit and I don’t need tummy control so it’s not really worth it. But I think that’s what they’re supposed to be doing so the answer is probably just that I don’t like compression leggings. :)
      I have the moto ones and I like how they look with a couple sweaters I own. I do think the quality is pretty good. I see them on sale at Nordstrom quite often.

  8. Susan Collins is getting scared and wants to play the victim instead of assuming accountability for her actions. She’s obviously voting for Trump, but won’t admit it – which is even more despicable than announcing you love Trump. Excerpt from The Hill below. Who’s making another donation to Gideon today with me? I’m also donating to Biden-Harris to acknowledge last night’s debate.

    “Collins, who did not support Trump in the 2016 election, has refused to reveal whether she will vote for him in November….Politico noted that Collins has not led a public poll since July and surveys show Gideon in the lead by an average of 6 points. However, a Bangor Daily News poll released this week showed a tighter race with Gideon in the lead by a single point.

    Collins insisted that the race is “essentially tied” when speaking to the outlet last week. “It’s very frustrating because it’s backed by so much money. And it’s been going on for two years now: Non-stop negative ads. That eventually it pulls you down,” Collins said of the campaign against her. “What’s amazing is that I’m still going to win.”

    1. The poll that Gideon is only up by 1 point scares me! Democrats can’t really take the Senate without Maine. I think some people fell for her “no vote on the Supreme Court until after the election” thing, even though it was obvious McConnell gave her permission to do it because he has the votes without her and knows she’s vulnerable.

      1. I’m sure she’ll come up with some dramatic speech about how she prayed over this issue and on October 30, it became clear to her that seating Barrett was the right thing to do…I can’t stand how she pretended to have the moral high ground in her despicable vote for Kavanaugh. Donate, donate, donate!

  9. Did he not notice the fly on his head last night or was he silently dying to swat it away? I haven’t seen a fly indoors and landing on a candidate ever.

    3. I think 1) he noticed it and 2) showed remarkable restraint in not going after it. I would have been a hot mess had that happened to me (luckily I would not have generated the memes — nothing like having silver hair when a fly lands on it #TeamBrownHair). I would have looked like some one with . . . St. Vitus Dance? Hot mess for sure.

    4. I don’t think he knew it was there. His hair looks pretty stiff, and flies are quite light, and it wasn’t crawling around. Assuming it landed without him seeing it fly in. If he knew it was there he is a freakish robot for his ability to ignore it.

    6. I don’t think he noticed it. I also wonder if Harris noticed it. I would have had a hard time not saying “uh, you have a fly on your head.” If he had noticed it, he could have nonchalantly touched his head to make it fly off. Though I guess if it just came right back that would have been worse.

    7. I don’t feel flies when they land on my hair, so I’m thinking he really didn’t notice.

  10. I have decided that our family will likely get covid some time next month or after Thanksgiving. Why? In November, kids start going back into their schools part-time and will likely take the bus either one or both ways (logistics; kids are at schools with the same start time but not very close together). Stepkid comes home from hot-spot college and has been seeing GF at her college; stepkid’s other family thinks corona is a hoax and the pandemic has never happened for them (OTOH, none of them has been sick, including a cancer patient in the family). It’s just a matter of time and luck and this point.

    I can think of laying in provisions for 2+ weeks (assuming we have one laggard who doesn’t get sick with the rest of us but gets sick later or we have a wave of isolation for exposure before actually getting it later from someone else).

    What else *should* I be doing? Maybe get my car inspected? Pay quarterly taxes?

    1. This is so weird to me. Why don’t you, you know, take steps to avoid corona instead of throwing up your hands? Ask step-kid to quarantine for a few days or get tested. Don’t put one or both kids on the bus. Double-check that you have the best masks you can possibly find.

    2. My kid has been going on a bus for a few months with low capacity and masking. No one has gotten sick. Wear masks in the house if your stepkid can’t or won’t isolate.

      1. I think she’s more worried about step kid, not a school taking proper precautions (and remember SO MANY are not).

    3. I think this is excessive. Car inspected? Like, what? No. I don’t think you’re certain to get covid. I think it is a good idea to have Tylenol and a thermometer on hand, and some food. But unless you have no friends or live in the woods, if your whole family gets covid you can have soup delivered and other supplies.

      1. I think by car inspection she’s just thinking – take your car for an inspection (like for emissions) now, versus get into a situation where the car inspection needs to happen but no one in the house can drive it to the testing station. But in general, aren’t you people stockpiling to some extent? I don’t mean wiping the grocery store shelves clean of everything or being a prepper, but laying in a few extra cans of soup, pasta, canned or frozen vegetables, toiletries, etc.?

    4. I had to travel right before everything shut down and I brought a lot of stuff with me to keep myself comfortable if I got sick and had to quarantine at my destination. I would do the same thing for home. What do you usually want when you are sick? I made sure I had re-filled my inhaler, had rx cough medicine on hand from when I had recently been sick, got over the counter flu medicine, a thermometer. I have a pulse ox because I have asthma but that can be a useful metric.

      What fluids do you crave when you are sick? What comfort foods? Have those in the house.

    5. If your spouse insists on allowing stepkid in the house, you need to take your kids and move out.

      1. No, that’s absurd. That’s not how stepfamilies work. What you DO need to do is not “welp, stepkid coming home, can’t do nothing about it!” and instead make a quarantine plan, masking plan, and testing plan. COVID isn’t a “teehee who cares” disease – take it seriously for the rest of us in your community if not for your own family.

      2. This is cruel and abusive to step kid. They’re a family and it’s terrible to behave as if her stepchild isn’t really part of her family.

        1. He is part of the family, but family doesn’t behave the way he is behaving. You don’t put your parent, step-parent, and siblings at risk because of your own selfish and reckless behavior. I wouldn’t allow my child to come home from college if he were behaving in this fashion. Not sure why OP should be expected to allow it from her stepchild.

          1. The stepchild is seeing their significant other, which is pretty common behavior for people in relationships. In what way is the stepchild practicing “reckless behavior”?

            OP, keep the house sanitized and keep doors and windows open as much as possible to allow air circulation. Bundle up in sweaters and crank the heat up for a short period, if needed. You can certainly stock up on grocery provisions, as well, but I’m not sure I understand your questions about the car inspection and taxes.

            Whatever you do, PLEASE don’t create (potentially lasting) division between your biological and step children by treating any one of them as pariahs.

          2. During this pandemic, it is is not safe or appropriate to spend time with people outside your household unless you are masked, distanced, and preferably outdoors. If stepchild and his girlfriend are a household, then they need to behave as one and should not go to stay with their parents and younger siblings.

          3. He is seeing his girlfriend and attending college in a hotspot. That’s pretty darn reckless. I wouldn’t allow my child into my home if he were doing those things.

          4. Yeah, going to school and seeing his serious girlfriend, what a reckless tool! /s if it isn’t obvious.

          5. What exactly is the stepkid doing that’s “reckless”? He’s going to college and seeing his significant other. Most adults are doing similar things and more. It sounds like his mom might be behaving recklessly, but it’s really unfair to blame him for her behavior, or tell them that he has to cut his mom out of his life if he wants to have any contact with his dad’s family.

          6. Anons at 11:33 and 11:34…I assume you are just trolling but, on the off chance you are serious:

            1) The child is a college student. Obtaining an education is his ticket to financial stability and lifetime success. Do you expect him to drop, put his education on hold, and have his dad and step mom pay his bills indefinitely?

            2) I work in healthcare and I can attest that zero reputable health experts are recommending that people in functioning, non-long-distance, exclusive dating relationship go 1-2 years without seeing their significant other.

          7. @Anon at 11:33 that’s a nice arbitrary rule you made up about not consorting with people outside your household, but virtually all college students have roommate(s) and will be returning to their families for holiday breaks so basically no college student is following your rules. Someone in a monogamous relationship is less risk because he his bubble is limited to one person and he isn’t hooking up with lots of different people (and you’re kidding yourself if you think teenagers aren’t hooking up even during the pandemic).

          8. Family gatherings are a huge driver of the spread of COVID. It’s not any safer for a non-household member to stay in your home just because you are related to him.

            My kid is still in high school, but if she were in college she would not be on campus right now. If she had insisted on going to campus, I wouldn’t have paid her tuition and she wouldn’t be allowed back into my home without quarantining.

          9. Oh for heaven’s sake. I have two young-adult children. One lives by herself and works from home, so is fairly isolated and takes covid precautions seriously. The other has two roommates — one of whom has high-risk conditions so all 3 of them take covid precautions seriously). I still am allowing my young adult children in my house, even though one of them lives with 2 other people. This is about figuring out the “how,” not issuing a blanket “stepkid cannot come.” I didn’t get the sense that stepkid was partying til dawn in frat houses or licking doorknobs.

    6. You are not certain to get Covid at all. Most people I know have been living life basically normally since June – going out, seeing friends, traveling, kids in school and activities – and I don’t know a single person who’s tested positive. (For the record, I’m being more cautious. I think it’s irresponsible to behave as if we’re not in a pandemic. But being reckless is not a guarantee of catching Covid at all and honestly I would be surprised if you get it.)

      1. Well then you are lucky. Stepchild is coming from a hotspot. I also lived fairly normally, just masking until fourth of july when a bunch of people traveled and brought it back with them, resulting in hundreds of deaths in my city. I personally know several people who had it and many others who lost family members. Don’t shrug off the seriousness because “it didn’t happen to me”. How cruel.

        1. I’m not shrugging off the seriousness at all. Statistically, 90% of Americans have not had Covid, despite many or most people doing all the things you’re describing. Saying you’re that not likely to get Covid is just math. Of course it’s a possibility.

          1. Isn’t it horrifying that 90% of Americans have not had it and already 200k are dead? The point is that OPs chances of contracting are not low for the average person (who takes reasonable precautions and lives in an average city) since he’s coming from a hotspot college and going back and forth between a family that doesn’t believe it’s real.

      2. “Most people I know have been living life basically normally since June – going out, seeing friends, traveling, kids in school and activities – and I don’t know a single person who’s tested positive.”

        What godforsaken part of the country is this where people have been living life normally? Don’t tell me, let me guess, masks are Against Mah Rights.

        1. Liberal city in the northeast. Sorry you missed a chance to sh!t all over the hicks in the Midwest!

          I never said no masks! No idea where you’re getting that from. People definitely mask up in public, especially indoors.

          2. You never miss a chance to get in a dig at Lauren, but you can’t even get your facts straight…

          3. You live in Chicago and have said multiple times that the non-Chicago Midwest is just uneducated, Trump-loving rednecks.

          4. I’m well aware she lives in the Midwest. You can live in an area and still look down on it and the other people who live there. Her many contemptuous comments about the Midwest (and South) are offensive to me as someone who grew up there, and her living there doesn’t make them any less offensive.

        2. How about a north eastern state with a positive case rate below one percent for weeks?

      3. Same, anon at 11:08. The people on this board are outliers in terms of their conservatism re: covid. I don’t know anyone in real life who would be worried about the scenario OP describes.

        1. This! I am not sure if it is because we have some many people from the NY/NJ area who are understandably traumatized or what but the people on this board who are vocal on this issue are crazy over the top in terms of their idea of what constitutes acceptable behavior.

          We are in this for the long haul at this point. We need to encourage a level of caution that is sustainable. But then I have a spouse in health care and kids in school (in-person) so my level of risk acceptance is clearly higher than some (who would probably say I should quit my job to home-school my kids and throw my husband out of the house).

    7. I think this is a clear cut case of “protect your own against step child”. He is your child, but he also has an objectively higher liklihood of bringing sickness into your house – would you throw up your hands if one of your kids or you had an immune deficiency? Please don’t be that mother that lets her other kids get sick in favor of not “stirring the pot” with your spouse over another child, but especially a stepchild who your other kids can easily “other” and blame for you favoring your spouse and stepchild.

      In short, this is both a “protect your more vulnerable children” and “don’t favor your spouse’s and stepchild’s comfort over your other kid’s health”. I’m sorry I can’t believe throw your hands up is the choice you make as a decent parent. Stepkid is an adult, protect your minor children and yourself please.

      1. How sick to create this kind of division in a family between step and biological children. Your recommendation reads straight out of the “Evil Stepmother in a Disney Movie” playbook.

        OP, I commented above directly to you. Wishing you and all of your loved ones well.

        1. The comments here about stepkids and how you can put your “real” family above them always blow my mind. And I’m not even in a blended family!

          1. It’s not about whether he’s a stepkid or a “real” kid. He is living at school, so he is no longer a member of the household for COVID purposes. Either he isolates for two weeks and then comes home to stay in the family bubble and interact only with the household, or he stays where he is.

          2. It’s not about putting the “real” family above the stepchild. It’s about protecting the minor children from an adult child who wants to give them all COVID.

          3. College students are (mostly) legally adults, but they’re not developmentally and practically adults. A college student who is still financially dependent on their parents for tuition money cannot be expected to stand up to them the way an adult can.

            And seriously, he “wants” to give them Covid because he’s… attending school and seeing his girlfriend? I trust that you have no one in your “bubble” except yourself and you haven’t left your house since March, but unfortunately we can’t all be Perfect At Covid.

      2. Her kids are extremely low risk, because they are kids. In the absence of a high risk person living in the home, you can’t keep the stepkid away. Take precautions as others have suggested.

        1. +1 you know the common flu is more deadly to children, right? And no I’m not a Covid denier, I know it’s not like the flu in general and is a serious illness in adults, especially older adults, but the “you have to protect your minor children from this reckless viral vector!” pearl-clutching is beyond absurd.

          And if you’re that concerned about your kids getting Covid, why are they in school at all or riding the bus? Their cumulative exposure from those activities is much greater than from one visit with your stepkid.

          1. The OP is actually not that concerned, she asked how to prepare for a Covid outbreak in her house. It’s others jumping in that she should ban her stepkid. There is a middle ground.

    8. I have been prepared to get Covid since March since DH works in the hospitals. I have cold meds ready, kleenex, and also ingredients to make chicken noodle soup. I don’t have kids, so I’m just prepping for 2 of us, but that’s about it.

      1. Good news is they now say healthcare workers have had Covid at lower rates than the general population – presumably due to having PPE at work and generally being more cautious outside of work.

    9. Did you post about your stepchild a few weeks back? If so, it seems like you are looking for excuses to exclude your stepchild from your home.

      1. Yeah I feel so bad for this poor kid. I don’t care if he’s old enough to vote, he’s still a kid who needs his parents.

        1. This is an interesting position. Usually comments here about college students are “but he’s an adult! let him do whatever he wants!” You can’t have it both ways. Either he’s an adult who gets to make his own choices and live with them, or he’s a kid who has to follow the rules of the house. He doesn’t get to run off to college to party and spend time with his girlfriend, expose himself to the virus at his other parent’s house, and then come home and expose the rest of the family. He needs to pick a bubble and stay in it.

          1. Tell that to the tens of millions of kids who’ve been living at college the last few months and are heading home to their families for the holidays. I get that it’s not optimal from a public health perspective, but the idea that we can *never* combine households while the pandemic is going on or that this kid is some kind of terrible person who deserves to be shunned by his family for his choices is baffling to me. He’s not doing anything the vast majority of kids his age aren’t doing – going to school, seeing an SO and then going home for the holidays – that’s all completely normal, and I don’t understand why people are blaming him for it.

      2. OH was this the step mom who wanted her step son to become a delivery driver instead of pursuing law school?

        (If not, my apologies to both step mothers. Hopefully for the sake of any and all children involved, they are being raised in healthy and supportive homes.)

    10. You’re getting some weird responses, but I totally get where you are coming from! You recognize that your risk factors are about to increase exponentially, and it makes a lot of sense to plan ahead so that if the worst happens you aren’t scrambling to deal with it. We did something similar this summer in making a rough plan as to what we would do if my elderly parents got sick (plans for care in home, deciding what hospital we would take them to if needed – the large research facility that has experienced a lot of covid patients rather than the smaller closer options, etc). I think it’s a great idea to plan ahead for doing the things that would fall to the wayside if your family was sick, as well as making an emergency plan and stocking up supplies to get through the illness. I would think about is what in person chores you can do now rather than putting off until December. Car registration can probably be done online, but what about car service and inspection? Holiday-related errands? Maybe take a quick run through your credit card and bank statements from November and December of last year to get a reminder of the tasks you normally complete at that time of year and figure out what could be shifted forward. Hopefully you’ll be fortunate and avoid getting sick, but the less exposure you have during this anticipated high risk time, the better!

    11. We are hoping to not get it but are making preparations in case we have to quarantine or, god forbid, get sick. We make sure that we always have 4+ weeks worth of toilet paper, cold/fever meds, canned soup/frozen food/rice, and a few extra toys/games squirreled away to help keep the kid entertained.

      On a more serious note, it’s always a good idea to make sure that both spouses have all the bank account information and know when bills need to be paid, that you have advanced medical directives in place and that your spouse knows your wishes, and your estate planning is done and accessible. Not trying to be morbid, but the time to think about those things is before you actually need them.

    12. I can see why people think your question is weird but TBH I had a gut feeling I was going to get it a couple months before I actually did. I focused on being as healthy as possible by working out regularly at lunch time to get lots of vitamin D and exercise, eating a large variety of vegetables, and taking certain vitamins/supplements. Back then it was not easy to get groceries delivered, so I also stocked up on food, including frozen veggies. I had a thermometer and oximeter and once I had COVID, it gave me peace of mind to check my stats twice a day. Who knows if any of this helped but I ended up having an extremely mild case. The college kid should isolate for a couple days and then get tested before coming home from college, in my opinion.

      1. Are there good oximeters or will ones from Target do? We own thermometers (the ones where you scan the temple, not the touchless ones). If we do get sick, I can see an oximeter being handy now vs prior times.

        I think that for all of us on this board, even if our personal habits don’t change in November / December, those of a large chunk of the country will change (or that will happen within a person’s contacts). So while I want my kids back in school desperately, I recognize that I may not send them until after January so that things can calm down a bit — it is like Memorial Day all over again (in my area, colleges that are in-session will close until mid-January, so all those college kids coming home for Thanksgiving will still be home through New Year’s, will take their exams at home, and will probably not sit home alone once they are out of academic things to do). Even if you just go to the grocery store, the profile of store workers and your fellow shoppers may change. Ditto those neighbors you hang out with outside (how much longer can we hang out outside when it is starting to get dark early and also cold?).

        As they say on Game of Thrones, winter is coming.

        1. I have a ZacVrate I got for about $15 on Amazon. I got it for asthma not COVID but last I checked, they were back in stock.

    13. I think it’s smart to prepare to just in case, especially if you have young kids. A lot of preparation can do double-duty for another lockdown, natural disasters, etc. Here are my thoughts:

      -Food, especially food that is easy to prep if adults that are super exhausted. Possibly a plan for contactless delivery of food for kids if adults are exhausted for an extended period.
      -hygiene items
      -If kids are too little to do dishes, a supply of paper plates
      -make sure you have extra supply of prescriptions if you can
      -any medicine, comfort items, medical equipment you’d want while sick (depending on your family—thermometer, pulse ox, nebulizer, honey, ibuprofen, kid medicines recommended by ped, herbal tea, etc)
      -things to keep kids happy if adults need more rest than they do
      -getting must-do tasks done ahead of time
      -staying on top/ahead on regular chores like laundry
      -whatever you need for your regular emergency kit and emergency supplies given your area. In California, we’re facing wildfires and wildfire smoke along right now. Many people need air purifiers and seal off their windows with painter’s tape. I imagine this would be especially important for a Covid patient.

    14. I don’t think you’re being alarmist but rather pragmatic – hope for the best but plan for the worst.

      I have some (small) stock of the standard treatments for The Rona that you can buy over the counter: Vitamin C, Vitamin D, melatonin, zinc, Pepcid (famotidine if you can’t find name brand). I take all that stuff now anyway (except the Pepcid) on a regular basis (C bc I eat poorly, D bc I’m prone to seasonal depression, melatonin for poor sleep schedule, zinc as a general immune booster).

      Disposable masks. Soup. Gatorade. Thermometer. Think of the last time you had the flu and what would have made you feel better. I don’t have giant stocks of stuff but we are a family of six and even despite precautions, regular illness goes through our household like wildfire.

  11. I was SO impressed with Kamala’s debate performance last night! She didn’t let the VP rile her up, but she consistently put him in his place. I texted several friends and family members about it, and they all seemed basically pleased with her performance but none seemed as giddy as I was. Curious about what others think.

    1. I had really high expectations but I thought she wasn’t great and missed some opportunities to get good comebacks in. Definitely voting Biden-Harris though and don’t know anyone who was influenced by the debate.

      1. Fair! It’s possible that I was blown away because my expectations were low…I wasn’t at all a fan of her debate style when she was running for president, so last night far exceeded my hopes.

    2. I was too distracted by him disrespecting both of the women on stage and never shutting up. Made me standby.

          2. When they count this, how do they count the time Pence was speaking over the moderator or Harris? Does that count as his time or their time or what? Serious question.

        2. No, they got the same amount of time. Technically Pence had more time, but only three seconds so I think it’s fair to call it even :)

        1. I had thought your use of “stand by” was some kind of cheeky reference to the Proud Boys!

          I like the audio of her saying “I was speaking.” I’m sure she has had to perfect her tone, over decades, in saying that as a black woman. Not good that it needs to be so carefully calibrated, but all the more impressive how she nails it.

          1. I wish she had just played patriarchy chicken and just kept talking, ignoring him interrupting her. There’s no need to acknowledge him. On the flip side, that could mean some of her important points could be drowned out so maybe she did do the best thing. At one point though, she yielded to his interruptions and I was yelling at my screen. KEEP TALKING.

    3. I agree, I thought she did great and I was a little surprised the pundits seemed to think they both just did ok. On a more superficial level, I thought she looked great, especially compared to Pence. She looked alive and glowing. He looked like a corpse – the fly didn’t help.

      1. Mike Pence is a room-temp glass of milk and he always has been. Lord I cannot stand him.
        The largest HIV outbreak in decades happened in Indiana because of his deliberate failure to act – he has zero credibility on any public health measures. I would have rather heard what the fly had to say.

      2. Performance aside, I had the same reaction. I want her skincare routine, because dang, she was glowing and looked fantastic. Pence looked half-dead, per the usual.

    4. She was horrible. The constant Mean Girls smirking reminded me of every half-witted girl I went to school with who would make fun of the smart girls for answering questions in class.

      That stuff is “cute” and “sassy” in television but is wildly inappropriate in an actual adult environment. What was Biden thinking having her one heartbeat away?

      1. Would you describe Pence’s inability to tell the truth about COVID as “wildly inappropriate”? Would you also describe Trump’s debate performance as “wildly inappropriate in an actual adult environment” and question the judgment of anyone who voted for him for actual president, not even just vice president? If not, GTFO.

          1. It is perfectly appropriate in a debate to make clear to your audience that you disagree with what the other person is saying and find it untrue. The correct way to do that is with facial expressions and not interrupting. She was just fine.

          2. It was a debate. There is a choice between two options in less than 30 days. If you criticize one side’s inappropriate conduct, then pointing out how the other side is conducting themselves inappropriately is not whataboutism.

          3. What Biden/Harris will do as a team can be and is different than the platform Harris ran on when she was running for President. When you are VP you defer to the P. Also, someone running for President can also change their mind. They can say Hey, I want to ban fracking but I see most of my constituents don’t so I’m no longer going to pursue that.

            That’s how mature adults govern.

      2. I’m a liberal and I found Harris’s constant smirk offensive and annoying as well. We’re not talking about Pence here. Stop pivoting like Trump. What happened to, “when they go low, we go high”? I thought Harris had more integrity than that, but her facial expression came off as very smug and petty.

        2. I don’t mind Harris’s mannerisms much, but I really disliked her reaction in that Colbert clip, and I think that’s coloring how I see her now.

        3. Think about her choices. She has to have a smile plastered on her face in order not to come across as an angry black woman. She had to stand her ground a couple of times when he interrupted her or took her time (but not every time!) but she had to do it nicely.

          Women are up against so much more implicit bias than men, and black women double that. Think about your own biases. Why would you comment on her smile, call it a smirk, and not comment on Pence’s constant interrupting, overtalking, evading, and mansplaining?

      3. So apparently you are easily swayed but the likeability of a candidate despite their competence to govern? That’s how the current one got in power, despite incompetence. Also…for some people that’s just their face. She probably held it like that trying to do a “half smile” so she didn’t come off as “angry black woman” and you interpreted it as a smirk. Think before you post.

      5. Oh yes, Anon at 10:07 am, I’m sure you’re just as accomplished as Senator Harris.

      6. Uh, it isn’t Kamala Harris who gets the “wildly inappropriate in an actual adult environment” award.

    5. I only half listened as my husband was watching on the iPad. His take was that she was off putting and “sounded like a lawyer.” He thought Pence came off better even though we’re both voting democrat. But I very much doubt that a vp debate or even the presidential debates will change anyone’s vote.

      1. So your husband, like most men (and a lot of women) finds powerful, smart, asserting women who don’t apologize for taking up space to be off-putting, and mediocre (worse than mediocre) white men to be competent. You won’t acknowledge this, and neither will he, but there it is.

        My husband watched Kamala’s performance with admiration, often interjecting encouraging remarks when she made a particularly good point.

        1. Sounds like her husband is like some men I know, who seem to be put off by some unidentifiable quality in Harris that they just can’t put their finger on. They simply don’t like her, you know. Hm, wonder what it could POSSIBLY be!

        2. This this this this! Sounded like a lawyer??? Isn’t that what we want our politicians to sound like? Ugh.

      2. This makes me enraged. There’s no way for a woman to sound not off-putting or lawyerly and still be professional or polished. Such a double standard that I’m realizing we can never, ever win. No woman is ever going to be likable enough

        1. This, right here. Beating misogyny, sexism, and male violence is truly the greatest battle for women everywhere in the world. No matter where you live, no matter your wealth status or your race or your class, if you are a woman, you are battling crap like this every single day.

        2. completely agree. If she hadn’t kept that half-smile on, she would be accused of looking angry. Now she looked smirky. There is no way to win.

          1. I watched the entire debate and did not think she was smirking. In fact, the only comment I thought to myself was that she had great teeth! I asked Dad about her teeth b/c I wished my teeth look like hers when I am her age. He agreed. He loves her teeth. I learned from Dad that Biden’s has had work on his teeth. Biden is 78 years old and Dad said that Biden’s teeth were unnatural for a man his age unless they were recently either:
            1) bleached professionally by a hygenist;
            2) professionally veneered by a dentist;
            3) brand new dentures; or
            4) professionally painted with enamel finish.

            Is there anyone in the hive that has great teeth and if so, how do you manage them, given that we must drink coffee in the morning and have wine @ dinner. Both stain teeth. Any ideas for me would be great!

        3. My DH said he didn’t like the way Sen Harris debates, either. He said he was hoping she’d be more like Elizabeth Warren (farther left in some issues than we are but “wiped the floor” w her opponents at the last debate). DH also said Tulsi Gabbard was better at debating than Sen H last night. So, it is possible to think she wasn’t great, and not that it was her gender that made her not great at debating.

          1. I think it’s really naive to assume her gender has no role in his statements. Sexism doesn’t mean you think all women are unqualified, it means you sometimes hold women to different standards than you do men. It’s a well-documented thing that people think much more highly of female politicians who aren’t currently running for office, so warm fuzzy feelings about Warren or Gabbard – neither of whom is currently running for anything – definitely don’t persuade me that gender isn’t in play here.

          2. Fair point, anon 1:33, and I agree a lot of the criticism against Sen Harris is indeed sexist. I think it’s wrong to assume any criticism of her must be sexist,however, and doesn’t end up helping us convince others of her merits.

      3. As a not white lawyer I often get called arrogant, rude, unlikable etc for stuff that’s vaguely hilarious.

        Like, I will get actual performance feedback saying things like “she wouldn’t let me cut ahead of her in a line for the photocopier because she’s so full of herself” or “she brought coffee for our assistant but not for me even though we share an assistant, how rude” or “she brought up her law school because she thinks she’s all that”.

        And I always feel that these comments say more about the person who makes them than they do about me. I wish they would just go for it and call me “uppity”.

        These are the same sort of men who complain that other women lawyers are timid, meek, not assertive, not confident and have poor court manner. There is no winning with them.

        1. It’s even worse for WOC for sure, but I’ve had similar experiences as a white woman with a direct speaking style and a lot of public speaking experience. I was told I had a “tone” when I asked a benign question about the office reopening policy (a lot of other people on that call that I know well confirmed that no, I do not have any kind of tone and even if I did, why would it matter?) and back in my college days, I was told I was “angry” at debate tournaments while my male counterparts got “passionate.” It sucks because the second you start softening your language, you get criticized for ladyspeak. You can’t win.

          1. At a performance review I went to they told me my clothing made me seem too severe and unapproachable but they could not think of one woman whose style they approved of for me to copy. (Apparently no woman has ever dressed appropriately in the history of the world).

            I swear women put up with so much pure stupid from men because we can’t outright just say that we are not the problem.

        2. As a WOC lawyer during oral argument once, I increased my volume, tone, and intesity to match that of the (woman) judge asking questions. I was still respectful and I don’t think the judge thought I was rude or anything. (For example, I began speaking over her at one point and immediately caught myself and apologized and she apologized back and said to continue speaking.) We were having an intense debate about a particular facet of the law and how it should apply or not to my case. Afterwards, I received comments from some older, white men that I was rude, too intense, angry, etc. Comments from women were that I did a great job.

          The next week an older white man in my office had an oral argument and became visibly frustrated with one of the (women) judges questioning him. He raised his voice and spoke over her. I thought it was incredibly rude and I think she did too. She did not stop talking and forcibly told him that she was speaking. Afterwards, all the white men thought he did a great job pushing back against the Court….

      4. My mother and I found her dry and not very charismatic as well. And we’re minorities voting for Biden. Putting all the sexism and gendered expectations aside (which clearly exist), we think Michelle Obama would have done a much better job. Harris’ answer to the question about BreonnaTaylor seemed especially dry. She seemed exhausted, and then immediately pivoted to George Floyd, at which point she became much more comfortable (but it was also clear that she was memorizing some lines). We both thought what happened to Breonna Taylor was just as, if not worse, than what happened to George Floyd, so it was weird to see such a difference in her reactions. Honestly, putting all the gendered stuff aside, she is just not a very charismatic speaker. I wish Michelle Obama would run.

        1. But Michelle Obama is not a politician — why do we do this to women candidates? “I will vote for a woman, just not THAT woman.” Of course you think MIchelle Obama should run – she does not express ambition (not that she has none, but she doesn’t express it because that was not her role as first lady). Just like people approved enormously of Hillary when she was senator and SOS, but the minute she wants MORE, she is unlikable.

          Examine yourself! Why is it that the woman you approve of as a candidate is a woman who expresses no such ambition?

          3. EXACTLY. This is like all the Bernie Bros who said in 2016 that they didn’t have a problem with Hillary’s gender, just her politics, and they would loooove to vote for their progressive hero Elizabeth Warren. And then guess what, when Elizabeth Warren ran for president, they all voted for Andrew Yang. Women are admired until they run for something, especially president. I hate men.

        2. This is a bizarre comment. Michelle Obama is not running for office and has expressed no desire to.

      6. Anon at 10:27 checking back in to the responses. My husband is married to a woman lawyer and also voted for Hillary. But that doesn’t erase his take that Kamala is not a strong debater. She really sounds like a prosecutor. That’s not effective on a televised debate. She had the better platform and points to make, but I didn’t read any articles this morning of any pundits gushing over her performance. As I said, I didn’t really watch. But I also found her off putting in the presidential debates and know many women who shared that opinion. If it matters, we both voted for Warren in the primary.

        1. This is the “but some of my best friends are black” response. Just because he voted for Warren (or Hillary) doesn’t make his response less sexist, less gross. Yes, sometimes our husbands are sexist–I have to check mine on mansplaining at times, and he too voted for Warren. I am just f*ing sick of hearing about “likeability” because that doesn’t apply to men, full stop.

      7. My husband liked her. Of course, he’s married to a lawyer and tends to like articulate women.

        2. My husband was actively cheering for her. We are white not POC, but he also is married to a lawyer and likes articulate people.

        3. This is my husband too. We’re Canadian so he also stans Chrystia Freeland and Catherine McKenna.

    6. I think she was solid. She didn’t have a lot of room to go after Pence in a more forceful way without falling into all the ‘angry black woman’ tropes that would be used against Biden-Harris in tv ads for T-P.

      1. This is exactly why I think she smiled so much. I didn’t see it as a smirk at all like the commenters above. I think it was a legitimate, intentional smile to come off as likable and not “angry” (which is ridiculous and she shouldn’t have to do that, but if she hadn’t, she would have been criticized for it).

    7. I was so frustrated with Pence not answering the peaceful transfer of power question I wanted to throw something at my TV

      Flies know BS when they see it.

  12. Any recommendations for a good stylist in DC who specializes in cutting curly (3A) hair? Ideally, i’d like someone who is a bit edgier.

    I just got a haircut and look like little orphan Annie!

    1. As a 2C, I swear there isn’t one. I’ve looked like Annie for the last 3 years…yay for blow outs and ponytails ? There was a curly salon in DuPont that I tried 5 years ago…Fiddlehead was its name maybe? But my hair was legitimately horrific after that cut and I never went back.

    2. The cut I got at Fiddleheads looked great, but I WAS looking for Natasha Lyonne in Russian Doll, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

      1. what stylist did you use at fiddleheads? I went to the location in Bloomingdale and hate my cut! Think i need a better stylist.

    3. DC area not DC (Rockville, MD, on 355/Rockville Pike): Oasis Salon. They supported me in growing out my curly hair after having it short for *decades*.

    4. I love Robin Wagner at Metropolis on 18th street in Adams Morgan. She’s not a curly hair specialist but has done a great job with my curly hair and that of several friends!

  13. On a completely frivolous topic about the debate, I loved Kamala Harris’s necklace. Does anyone know who the designer is or where I could find something similar?

    1. I love Harris’s style. She looks like she is in charge. I want to know how she can pull off suits and collars–I’m 4 inches taller than she is and still look like a kid playing dress-up in a pantsuit or a collared jacket. I suspect the same thing would happen if I tried to wear pearls, but I’m inspired to try it.

        1. No, I have everything tailored. Maybe she can get by with it because she is older.

          1. It’s because she has a large head. Classic menswear collars look so much better on those with larger proportions up top. It looks like dress up on us small-headed gals. For us, the mandarin-style collar is the equivalent of the collared blazer.

    2. I loved Kamala Harris’s lipstick (gloss?). It looked perfect. I would love to copy it in the right natural tone for me.

      1. It was not, but I like that one too! This one was large pearls with what looked like aquamarines or blue topaz attached to the bottom of the pearl; had sort of an RBG dissent collar vibe.

      2. It had an Irene Neuirth vibe for sure. I wonder if it’s made for her, maybe a gift for her from the line.

    5. I’m not going to post a link but if you Google Kamala Harris pearls, as I did last night, you will not find that necklace but you will find lots of articles about why she wears pearls. It’s a cultural angle I found really interesting.

      Also I’m a huge pearl fan myself so I would love to see Kamala’s style bring more interesting pearl styles to the marketplace.

  14. A coworker has been on leave for mental health reasons for a month. This is his first week back. I invited him to a volunteer thing I do (packing hampers for thanksgiving) because I thought he could maybe use some human interaction as he mentioned he hasn’t been seeing much of anyone except his sister this last month. I do something like this every week at a fixed time and frequently invite other lawyers and pre covid we would get coffee after so it was always a light social thing.

    Anyway I didn’t see it but apparently he showed up drunk and was sent home. He shot me a text saying it was so embarrassing etc and I told him it was all okay and maybe he could come out another time. I’m not going to tell anyone about this incident as it would just spark a lot of bad gossip but I will see him at 1 PM this afternoon. Any advice about what to do?

    1. You do nothing. It’s over and you know not to invite him again. He seems to be implying that it’s your fault he showed up drunk and was embarrassed? If so, please know that is not your issue or cross to bear.
      Just ignore him except for work stuff and keep note if he is drunk on the job.

      2. +1 and I would absolutely NOT invite him any other time or to anything else. This could impact your reputation with this group and beyond. You tried to help, he effed it up.

        1. It’s a group where there are a lot of individuals who were homeless, had addictions, are still going through recovery etc. There are people doing court ordered volunteer work or volunteering as part of probation etc.

          None of that describes me but I like this group for other reasons. And I know people who volunteer with them who feel it helps them stay sober.

          So honestly they would be happy to see him again.

    2. I used to work with a guy who was drunk all the time. He was the life of the party whenever we all went out after work or to some sort of work related party. But he also acted drunk at the staff meetings. He got sent home from work a number of times and was on the written performance improvement steps.

      He ended up going to rehab and then when he came back it turned out it had been not just alcohol, but also heroin. I know this because he decided to share his story with us. It was nearly getting fired that finally made him face his addictions and get help. In fact, rehab was the employer’s requirement, the other choice being involuntary termination

      You can’t really help an addict that is merely your coworker, but in the case of my former coworker, the rules and regulations of the job were what saved him.

  15. I am four weeks and few days pregnant and had some questions for you all. I understand the research and current advice on caffeine set the limit at 200 mg. I think the research makes even more of a case for under 100 mg. That said, did any of you have like 3-4 oz of coffee ( would be under the 100 mg)? What was your personal approach to caffeine? My friends have generally felt comfortable with keeping it under 200 mg, and I wanted to gather some other experiences. My second question is when did your morning sickness negin? Aaaaaj. Thank you, all.

    1. Congratulations! My good friend who just had a baby didn’t feel comfortable with any caffeine until the third trimester. I agreed with that approach since people aren’t very good at judging how much coffee they’re drinking and caffeine content can vary depending on many factors. Also, she had nausea starting at 5-6 weeks.

    2. I had a half cup in the morning and a half cup in the afternoon. Depending on how you make your coffee it has different amount of caffeine.

      Starbucks decaf is my fav decaf. I also drank a couple cups of decaf a day.

      Don’t stress about it too much. It’s a guideline. If you’re at 150mg or 250mg it’s not going to be determinative for your pregnancy.

    3. You will get better answers on the moms version of this site. There are many commenters there who do not go to this one anymore, because the tone here can get angry/harsh really fast.

      To answer your question, when pregnant I am very heavy on my oatmilk in my morning coffee – like half the mug. I get the feeling of drinking a full mug of coffee without drinking that much caffeine. I could not tell you in oz or mg how much I was drinking. I never had morning sickness so I can’t address that.

      Congrats!

    4. I’d stick to lower level caffeine black teas and call it a wash. It gives you a little caffeine but not a lot.

    5. Congrats! I had the equivalent of about 8-10 oz of coffee a day, usually in the form of two half-caff coffees or one caff/one decaf. But be aware that an 8oz cup is tiny! And if you want dark chocolate or other caffeinated stuff later in the day, you may want to stick to a half cup. That was, by far, the hardest part of pregnancy for me!

      Oh and my morning sickness started at 8ish weeks and ended at 13ish weeks almost to the day both times.

    6. I drank one cup of coffee a day until my morning sickness started, around 6 weeks. After that, even thinking about coffee gave me heartburn. I switched to tea for the remainder of my pregnancy. If I could have stomached coffee, I would have kept drinking a cup a day.

    7. Congrats! I would have been comfortable with a cup or two of coffee every day but I switched to decaf pre-preg because I didn’t like being dependent on caffeine and getting headaches when I missed a day. I drank decaf throughout pregnancy which horrified my BFF (apparently it has some bad chemicals in it? I dunno, my doctor said it was fine and I didn’t care).

      I never really got morning sickness. I felt vaguely nauseous in the afternoons, especially driving home from work, and I think that started around week 8 or 9. Mostly I just needed to eat bland, carby foods – I subsisted on buttered Eggos for several weeks – but as long as I listened to my body and ate what I was craving I felt ok. I never threw up. And I had a girl, which is generally correlated with worse nausea.

    8. I felt comfortable with caffeine, but in the first trimester I had a huge coffee aversion, so any caffeine I got was from a Coke a few times a week. In both pregnancies, I couldn’t stand the smell or taste of coffee until my 3rd trimester.

      My morning sickness both times started in the 9-10wks pregnant time period. First pregnancy it was managable with eating small meals, plus the Unisom+B6 trick. Second pregnancy I needed medication from my OB, as I was constantly nauseous and threw up more times than I liked, and that continued into my second trimester.

    9. Congratulations! Do join the mom’s site.

      My rule on caffeine was to follow my previous general habits, but try not to go overboard. For me, that meant 2 cups of black tea a day, and maybe a cup of coffee or soda a few times a week (usually instead of one tea). But I would avoid just drinking coffee mindlessly because it was offered at a conference or things like that. (Drink water instead – you need all the water, believe me!) I never really had morning sickness, but did get a lot of dizziness and headaches in the probably 6-10 weeks ranges.

      Good luck to you and enjoy it!

    10. I switched to decaf. I drank one or two cups of decaf coffee or decaf black tea a day. Some days it was a morning decaf coffee and an evening decaf tea. So 2 decaf cups max per day. I stuck to that while nursing too. I never had morning sickness. Two healthy boys. Anecdotally, I’ve heard morning sickness is more common or worse with girls.

    11. I had 12oz cup of standard Folgers type brew every day. No problem.. until week 32 or so, my son’s heart started skipping beats periodically. Apparently this is super common for all pregnancies and not just where caffeine is concerned. I saw a perinatologist just to be safe, and they saw nothing wrong with his heart, said it’s common, but to cut caffeine just to be safe. So I switched to decaf for the duration of my pregnancy, and his heart rhythm went back to normal. You can start with maybe half-caff and see how that goes.
      I am also of the mindset of everything in moderation for pregnancy. Occasional cold deli meat is super low risk. So are tons of other things you are told to avoid. Many people on this board and the mom’s board recommend Expecting Better and it has a lot of practical non-scary research on pregnancy.
      I never had morning sickness, other than right when I found out I was pregnant when I smelled bacon. It lasted like 1 day. I have heard that if you go too long without eating, it will make morning sickness worse. Keep some crackers or maybe a simple granola bar with you at all times.
      Congratulations and good luck!

    12. I switched from a Starbucks Venti to a Tall. I never had morning sickness, but I did have bad heartburn starting second trimester, and I needed to have coffee on a full stomach post breakfast.

    13. You might like to read Expecting Better. Friends have enjoyed it as less patronizing and black-and-white than many pregnancy guidance books. While you might not decide to do All The Things, it’s helpful for putting risks and rules in perspective.

    14. so i drank coffee until week 5/6 – probably one cup a day, when nausea kicked in hardcore and i didn’t have coffee again until my kids were 6 months old as i just couldn’t stomach it. if i could have, i def wouldve had a cup a day. now that my twins are 2, i have like 16-20 ounces of coffee a day .

    15. Currently pregnant for the 3rd time ( 1 MC, 1 live birth, currently 25 weeks) and have a double espresso Americano everyday. I never get morning sickness. When pregnant I avoid artificial dyes and sweeteners and focus on eating real, whole foods, preferably organic, if I eat a lot of junk I get a headache and will feel a little nauseous sometimes too.

    16. I don’t drink caffeine (gave it up ~ 3 years ago), so only had whatever trace amounts are in decaf coffee and dark chocolate.

      For me, I had “evening sickness” from weeks 7/8 through 14. I felt great in the morning and then nausea would hit around 4-6pm and last until I went to bed. I could eat anything I wanted before the nausea hit each day, so I’d get in my fruits/veggies/etc. early, and then dinner was typically a bowl of plain oatmeal and a plate of lemon wedges (and twice, a cheeseburger from Five Guys). And then it vanished overnight at week 14.

    17. Currently pregnant– do look at the mom’s site, but it tends to be more information talking about parenting young children. I think people on this page are way too quick to say anything pregnancy/child related should be on the moms site.

      I’m at the end of the first trimester, and I felt comfortable drinking 1 cup a day. I did not really measure this strictly, so on some days this was 10-12 oz, which is about 200 mg. My obgyn did not have an issue with this. Pre-pregnancy I drank 1.5-2 cups a coffee a day, so I haven’t really decreased that much. I tried to stop drinking coffee at the beginning of pregnancy and felt so awful it wasn’t worth it. I think the bigger thing is not to dramatically increase your consumption to get through the fatigue. Emily Oster’s book “Expecting Better” has a lot of info/data about this. If you are really worried, your doctor should be able to give you some guidance on what he/she prefers.

      My morning sickness was from maybe week 6-10. It very much went through phases and was not the same every day. Mine was normally worse in the period between lunch and dinner. I only had a couple mornings that were bad.

    18. I drank one cup of coffee each morning and sometimes a cup of tea in the afternoon.
      I never had morning sickness.
      Congratulations!

    19. I cut back but not out, I think I stayed under 200 most days but wasn’t super vigilant about it and definitely went over a lot of days. FWIW once you dig into the research around the 200 mg of caffeine isn’t really as rock solid as most of the recommendations out there suggest, meaning there’s plenty of evidence that having a bunch more than 200 mg is probably not as bad as the recommendations suggest. As an aside, you’ll find is true of almost all research/recommendations related to pregnancy.

    20. First pregnancy, cup of black coffee every morning, sometimes two. Skipped diet soda. Kid totally fine.

      Second pregnancy, cup of black coffee every morning, drank diet coke pretty often because I was hecking exhausted with toddler, full-time job, and pregnant. Kid totally fine.

      One thing I began to learn when I was pregnant is that when kids get involved, there will always be a nonmedical “expert,” or a fellow parent, or a well-meaning relative or friend with a suggestion to stop doing something pleasurable on the off chance that it could potentially have some less-than-optimal effect on “the children.” Don’t listen to these people.

      1. Yep. And I say that as someone who actually did avoid most of the things you’re “supposed” to avoid. But you can never please everyone.

        1. Yep. And I say that as someone who actually did avoid most of the things you’re “supposed” to avoid. But you can never please everyone.

    21. I drank a cup a day. Dark roast has less caffeine than lighter roasts, so you can always target that. If you want to switch to decaf (or half caf, you can mix) La Colombe has good options. I also never had morning sickness.

    22. I’m not a coffee drinker, but I drink so. much. tea. that I would not be surprised if I hit or exceeded the 200 mg limit pretty regularly while pregnant and nursing. I’m also a fan of dark chocolate though I think that has less caffeine relative to the quantity people typically consume. My kid is smart, happy and healthy and was big at birth (8 lbs) and an incredibly chill baby who slept great.

    23. Since the ACOG recommendation, backed by science, sets the limit at 200 mg, and you’re well below that with your proposed 3-4 oz of coffee, why are you even sweating this?

    24. First kid = 2 cups.
      Second kid = a pot? Who knows, I was so tired.

      Both pregnancies were normal and babies were healthy. I couldn’t tolerate coffee in the beginning of either pregnancy, but my dentist (!) said to have a coke because the sugar and bubbles calm the stomach and the caffeine helps with the caffeine-withdrawal headaches. I loved her for it.

    1. I sure hope booties are still stylish! I just ordered two leather pairs that are currently on the way to my house. One is a brown pair and one is a very light, almost-white gray that I think nods to the white boot trend while being easier to keep clean.

      I see that the Doc Marten look is very “in,” but I intend to pass on that one. I think (maybe someone else can confirm) that thigh-highs are also en vogue this year, but that’s another trend I won’t do.

      As for riding boots, I think the jury’s still out. I’ve seen a few online articles indicating that they may be more in style this year than in recent years. Regardless, I’ve been hanging on to my brown and black Frye riding boots from a few years back in hopes that they’ll still be in good shape when the style inevitably roles back around.

      1. You’ll have to pry my Frye riding boots out of my cold dead hands. I’m not exactly *stylish*, but I think they are classic especially here in the south.
        Nothing is better to me than dark jeans, a classic cut sweater, and riding boots.
        But like I said.. I’m not exactly trendy.
        I’m team house sneaker in the cold months and house birks in the heat.

        1. I am with you. I own three pairs and I will never, ever give them up. I don’t care if they’re in / out / ageing / whatever. I love my Fryes and once they break in, they are literally the most comfortable shoes I own…even more so than my running/walking shoes.

          But I’m also An Old™ and finally, at nearly 50, have discovered that I wear what I like (classic verging on preppy) and not trendy, as well as what fits more my more-or-less rectangular/busty body. While what I wear isn’t always hip or with the times, I like how I dress and don’t have nearly as much angst about fashion as I did in my younger years.

    3. Knee high with leggings, not jeans (tone on tone look), or with pencil skirts (lol not this year)

      Over the knee- with jeans or leggings; I saw one person wear them with a mini skirt and it was just too much look IMHO

      Booties – wish they would just go away already. I’m seeing cute sneakers more than booties and am happy about it.

    4. I read this as boo*s and thought gosh I hadn’t even thought about it yet!!

  17. So I’ve been thinking about this since my last physical. My doctor told me that I need to have 50% minimum of my food be vegetables and do at least 20 minutes of serious cardio a day for a total of 2.5 hours a week. And I don’t know…those seem…unrealistic (unless you’re a vegetarian)? Like I cook 80% of my own meals and probably average 30% vegetables (+30% carbs + 30% meat). And I do 15 minutes of strenuous cardio weekdays and an hour on weekends. I guess I felt like I was doing pretty well? And also, do people really have time to do more every day?

    1. You’re doing fine. It’s nice to eat more vegetables, but don’t kill yourself trying to make it happen.

    2. I’m not sure, but I’m following with interest. Diet culture and calorie counting have made me lose sight of the forest for the trees. My diet is not good and compulsive eating is an issue for me (anxiety/OCD; yes, I’m in treatment) and I’d like to improve my health.

    3. What problem is your doctor trying to address? I would use FitBit or cronometer to diet track for a week and see how you are doing in terms of macros and micros. (Though keep in mind that the potassium goals are controversial and unrealistic.) If you’re getting plenty of fiber and plenty of the vitamins that come from vegetables (C, A, E, K), then I’d wonder what the goal is. If the issue is weight loss or weight maintenance, I can imagine a doctor recommended vegetables over simpler starches for blood glucose control, but again I’d want to see numbers (A1C, glucose tolerance test, insulin, something) to support that recommendation.

    4. I rarely eat meat (because I don’t like it that much) and I think as a society we’ve tricked ourselves into thinking that a dinner time meal has to include meat. It does not. You will get enough protein elsewhere unless you’re, like, a competitive weightlifter. I think you could pretty easily get to his recommendation there. Eat fewer meals with meat and/or have significantly smaller portions of meat.

    5. First, how is your health? Is your doctor giving you general guidelines for healthy living, or is he addressing specific health metrics that you need to take seriously?

      Second, if you decide to take your doctor’s advice, I would focus on incremental changes. What can you do to increase your vegetable intake? Can you add a vegetable at breakfast or for a snack? Can you increase your serious cardio to 20 minutes twice a week? Whenever I’ve had success dieting, I’ve started by changing one thing per week until I have pretty good habits overall. For me–it doesn’t take that long, it’s just that a few unhealthy eating habits really add up!

    6. I really enjoy my apple watch as it pushes me to ‘close my rings’ – standing, activity (calorie count) and exercise. Their definition of exercise includes everything from yoga to walking, so I’m much more likely to fit that in on days I can’t get out to do a ‘strenuous’ workout. Before I was more in an all or nothing mindset, and this encourages a more middle of the road approach – 2 minute dance party in the kitchen! walking the dog! hauling laundry up and down stairs! – these all count too.
      For vegetables yes, I think he’s right, and I also struggle with that level of consumption, but I mostly try to aim to add veggies or fruit to every meal instead of beating myself up over not eating enough of them.

    7. I think a lot of it is the pervasive meat and potatoes myth, in that they’re considered staples of all meals. Humans need a large variety of plants for their micronutrients in addition to fibre. The meat a potatoes diet is a great way to be chronically constipated. Unfortunately I don’t have a ‘solution’ that falls within social norms.

    8. is there additional context? i have had similar discussions with my doctor, but i am pre-diabetic (despite being at a normal BMI, just predisposed to high blood sugar i suppose) and we’ve talked a lot about eating mostly vegetables, fewer carbs, and in my case i dont really like red meat so i mostly stick to plant protein or some chicken and fish. we’ve also had the high intensity cardio discussion because..once again… higher blood sugar that i would like to get down to normal levels without additional medication. so i think if you are addressing specific issues like that it sounds reasonable. if you’re overall very healthy with no issues then maybe it isnt necessary

    9. The exercise seems to be the easiest to fix – just add five minutes. I tend to think of it as dancing wildly to five of my favorite songs and it works pretty well. As far as food, I suggest 1) try making vegetarian based dinners with no meat. Indian food is really easy to do this as so many are naturally vegan, and 2) slightly decrease your meat serving size and slightly increase your veggie serving size, for me this means 2/3 of a big chicken breast instead of a whole one, a pile of salad, and some kind of cooked vegetable dish (for ease, the steamable veggie bags at the grocery store are great for this and often come in a light sauce or spiced).

    10. Maybe think of your total veggie consumption for the week rather than day by day. We eat 3-4 vegetarian dinners a week, and 3-4 meat centered meals with one or two veggies in the side. So even if the meat dinners are only 1/3 veggies, it balances out better over the course of the week. Lunch is often leftovers and cut up veggies on the side. I’m not sure if we are at 50% veggies, but meat definitely is a smaller piece of the pie.

    11. Hi, I have been working on this during the pandemic since we are home more. For breakfast can you add veggies to a scramble, for lunch can you add a side salad or soup and for dinner can you add things to the rotation that have more veggies as a feature, like a stir fry or fajitas? I also found pasta dishes work that list a veggie as the main ingredient, like one with sausage and green peppers and another with broccoli. It will over time stop seeming odd to buy giant bags of produce.

    12. You might try “vegetarian before 6” (VB6) which is a Mark Bittman thing.

      I find I can’t get enough veggies unless I have a veggie bowl for breakfast (scant layer of brown/wild rice precooked ahead of time, roasted veggies left over from dinner (zucchini, red bell peppers, baby potatoes, cauliflower, onions) then fresh sauté 2 cups of spinach in olive oil, layer lox or soft boiled egg on top and a smear of veganaise with paprika and lemon juice.

      Or I make ahead egg muffins (egg plus egg white mix) with mix/match of caramelized onions, spinach, bell pepper, steamed cauliflower or broccoli and a sprinkle of parmesan but I’m trying to avoid eggs so I don’t have this very often.

      Then plant based lunch with big spinach or kale salad with fun dressing, apples, dried fruit, nuts or whatever. Sometimes Pinch of Yum’s make ahead cauliflower taco meat, almond flour tortilla and avocado and shredded lettuce/cabbage on top.

      For dinner, curry or stir-fry shrimp/fish or roasted fish with more roasted veggies with spicy coating. Riced cauliflower or Trader Joe’s cauliflower or kale gnocchi or garbanzo or lentil pasta. Occasionally brown rice pasta.

    13. I think it’s just about adjusting the proportion of your meals. Fill your dinner plate with half veggies and boom, you’ve achieved the goal. If you don’t eat fruits and veggies at breakfast eat more at lunch, like a veg soup or salad. It sounds hard but it’s just a slight shift. Most people don’t eat nearly enough vegetables and it sounds like you’re doing better than average already!

      1. +1 I did this about a year ago, it’s surprisingly easier than you think. Overnight oats with frozen berries for breakfast takes care of breakfast, then lunch and dinner I just increase the amount of vegetables I was already planning to eat and decrease the amount of everything else. Also, I find having a veggie tray available for snacking (it’s the one thing I “meal prep”, which means I just wash and chop up vegetables on Sunday afternoon) also helps.

    14. I find this advice completely vague. Does your doctor mean 50% by volume (e.g. half a plate) or by calories (this does very difficult). Honestly, doctors are so bad at math I doubt the doctor knows him(her)self.

    15. You’re fine on the exercise front because you are hitting pretty much hitting the weekly target. Maybe bump up from 15 to 20 mins on the days you have time.

      Fill half your plates with veggies is pretty generic health advice. It’s been the standard advice in the Canadian food guide for ages. Aim for it but obviously don’t let perfection be the enemy of progress. You’re probably not going to hit 50% at 3 meals a day every single day. It’s just a goal to shoot for.

    16. I’ve seen this advice several times with pictures. Americans think their plate should be 1/3 protein, 1/3 starch, and 1/3 veg. But in reality it should be 1/4 protein, 1/4 starch, and 1/2 veg. This lines up with the food pyramid.

  18. How can you determine the material of your countertops? DH bought our condo early on in our relationship. He thinks the countertops are granite, and maybe they are, but I am pretty sure he is just assuming. Same question for the floor, no idea if its real wood, what kind of sealant, etc., without relying on DH.

    1. You can visually tell the difference in most cases. There will be guides online for this. I can spot laminate or LVT from a mile away.

      1. Same here. You should be able to tell the difference between real stone countertops and synthetic, and laminate/vinyl and wood.

        If you can’t, maybe pay a contractor or appraiser to come in and take a look?

        1. Or a realtor. They would probably come in and take a look for free, just to get their name in your Rolodex.

          2. I’m a long time commenter and I feel like I won some sort of unofficial award for having your legendary self comment thrice to my reply!

    2. I would ask a friend – you can tell by looking at them if you know the difference. If you could post a picture here we could tell you.

  19. I’ve been using dating apps for the last few years but am finding it harder and harder to find matches on the different apps. Has anyone signed up for the “A-List” (paid) version of OKCupid? Was it worth it? I’m just so tired of swiping on people and not knowing whether they saw my profile and didn’t like it, just aren’t active on the app, or something else. I’m just trying to find a more successful way to online date. Alternatively, if anyone knows good single men in DC, send them my way, please (mostly kidding).

    2. My friend is doing A-list right now and not finding it any more useful than the free version.

      1. I tried these years ago, but found that men on the web were just interested in hooking up with me, and did not respect me as a person for my mind, irregardless of what they said in their profile. Men claimed to be sensitive and interested in a long-term relationship would up being leches who had their had their hand up my dress in the cab before we even knew each other’s last name! So I gave up. This app could be different, but the net of it is that the only way to figure out who a guy is is to spend time with him, and not to let him have s-x with you until you are fairly confident he will not leave after he has finished.

  20. DH has to start work travel (by plane) next week. What’s the best practice these days – mask or mask plus face shield? He’ll definitely try to sit alone…

    FWIW I’m not worried about us – low risk group – but i have two kids in school right now and if he were to get covid, they’d have to go remote and that would be unfortunate.

    1. Mask is sufficient to follow the rules, but if he’s willing to wear a face shield in addition I think that’s a good idea.

      1. If you can find one, an n95 plus eye covering (glasses if you can’t get a face shield) is the best way to go. He is more likely to be at risk traveling through the airport than on a plane where everyone is following the plane rules. If only a regular medical mask is available, advise him putting a tight buff over the mask to seal the top and edges of the mask closer to his skin.

    2. if he can do mask + face shield, I would recommend that, and don’t eat/drink on flight/in airport. out of curiosity, what does your DH do that work travel is now required again?

      2. Not the OP, but I am going to have to travel to an acquisition for integration next month.

      3. Not the OP, but I am going to have to travel to an acquisition for integration next month.

    3. Most people wear just a mask. We’ve flown twice during the pandemic (tested negative both times) and in our experience people were respectful of the rules other than de-planing, when the usual ‘heaven forbid one person beats me off this plane’ instincts are apparently extremely difficult to repress despite the flight attendants instructing people to stay seated until the row in front of them was empty.

      JetBlue and Southwest are at least still flying lower capacity so if he has the option to go with one of them (rather than American) I’d suggest doing that too. If he does have to fly American, will his work cover purchasing one of the nicer seats at the front of the plane (main cabin extra)? Then he gets a little more personal space as well as the ability to get on later and off faster.

    4. if possible, Delta would be great. It is the most consistent with covid-19 responses and they are 100% blocking middle seats. they’ve also had the most public response of “if you don’t wear a mask we will boot you and won’t be sorry about it.”

      I’ve personally flown Delta 6x through pandemic and feel as safe as one can be – I wore just a mask (no filter), but would say the exponential benefit of mask+shield is going to be better if you have access to a shield. Have not contracted virus.

      1. +1 I’m probably not flying until I’ve been vaccinated, but I am 100% switching to Delta at that point, even though I have (had, I guess) status on both AA and United. They have handled this far better than any other airline, blocking middle seats and actually enforcing their mask requirements. They booted and banned the Navy SEAL who shot Bin Laden because he refused to mask up! That takes guts.

        1. I heard the story about the Navy Seal refusing to wear his mask but I had not heard they booted and banned him. That’s amazing!

          They have also been great with credits. I was very ill right before the US learned about COVID. I had a non-refundable ticket but called and told them I was contagious and couldn’t fly. They gave me and my husband credits with medical documentation. The credits were going to expire this year and they extended them such that I have to book travel by year end but can travel anytime next year.

      2. I’ve flown Delta and United during the pandemic. Would 100% fly Delta again- they blocked off middle seats (although I think they will soon stop doing that) and actually told people when their masks had slipped down off their noses. Felt very safe.

        United on the other hand – I will not fly again until I’ve had a vaccine. Their mask enforcement was a total joke. The guy across the aisle from me took off his mask as soon as he sat down and left it off the entire flight, talking loudly, then snoring loudly. The flight attendants passed by him so many times and did absolutely nothing.

      3. Alaska Airlines also has great covid protections and is not afraid to kick people off the plane who aren’t following them.

    5. FYI, Delta just let a GOP senator (Senator Wicker) fly with his mask on his chin. The rules aren’t being applied consistently.

  21. I’d like to get a few pricey items from Sephora, but I think there’s a sale coming up? Does anyone know the dates? I know F&F sale is this weekend, but don’t you have to know someone who works there? (I don’t!) I can wait a week or two but I’m not sure I’d want to wait until Thxgiving . . .

    1. It starts Friday the 9th and runs through Sunday the 18th. You need a code from an employee. It’s 20% off a single purchase, either online or in-store. There are employees giving out their codes if you have a R3ddit username and go to the Sephora sub.

    2. If you wait til I think Nov/Dec they do the beauty insider sale. Depends on your tier level I think if you get 10-20% off. Keep an eye on Nordstroms though, sometimes they price match when sales happen at Sephora.

  22. One of my closest friends and her husband are hoping to adopt a baby. Her adoption agency has asked for a referral letter, and she has asked me to write it. I am tremendously honored and want to write the best letter I can. Any suggestions of what I might include?

    1. Whenever people ask me to write recommendation letters for them, I always ask whether they would like to write the first draft. Might you want to do that?

      1. Ugh no, that is not good. That would be super awkward for me to try to imagine what my friend wants to say about my ability to be an adoptive parent. Ask them if they’d like to review the draft, not write it.

      2. Ugh I hate this. It’s so uncomfortable to write about yourself, especially in a situation like this where the letter writer is a friend not a professional contact. I think it’s fair to ask them generally what they’d like you to say and ask for any guidance the adoption agency has about what should be in the letter, but I would be so annoyed if I asked a close friend to do this for me and she made me write it myself.

        1. I would be annoyed if somebody made me write it myself, too. Which is why I suggested that OP MIGHT want to ASK whether they would LIKE to write the first draft. Sheesh.

          1. Jeez defensive much? It’s hard to say no when someone asks if you’d like to write the letter yourself. Most people consider letter-writing a chore and usually it’s phrased as a request but doesn’t actually feel like a request. Granted, my experience has been in the professional realm and I realize a friend dynamic is different than a professor-student or employer-employee dynamic, but I still feel like it’s a crappy place to put your friend in – they either say no and feel guilty they’re burdening you or they say yes and have to write a letter about themselves that they don’t want to write. Asking them if they’d like to review the draft is much better. That’s something they can easily say no to if they don’t want to know what’s in the letter (but I expect they would say yes).

          2. Exactly this. lt would feel like the person “offering” this “option” is looking to offload an annoying task or hinting that it’s burdensome.

          4. I understand why people ask the person being recommended to write the first draft. The idea is that the applicant knows what the organization is looking for better than the recommender does. I don’t like asking the applicant to write the first draft, so I just ask if there are any specific points the applicant needs covered in the letter.

          5. Man, I would be so hurt if one of my closest friends didn’t want to write an adoption referral letter for me after watching my (likely years-long) infertility struggles because it was an “annoying task” My close friends all wrote bar admission letters for me and an adoption referral letter feels so much more personal and significant (since the bar really just wants to know you’re not a criminal and don’t have a crazy amount of debt). But if you really don’t want to do it, just decline. Don’t put your friend through a fake “offer” to have her write it herself.

          6. I’m with SA. I know plenty of professors and bosses who ask their subordinates to draft the first letter. It’s ok to say no, either way. I think the OP just wants to write an effective letter and having never written an adoption recommendation letter before, hopes to make it what her friends think would be most effective. SA is not defensive much at all. jeez

          7. I’ve written bar admission letters for people and it’s straightforward. One of my friends has written letters for his friends who are looking to be first-time adopters of pets. I’m an alumni interviewer and volunteer my time to interview and write letters for applicants to my university. This stuff might be a pain, but it’s also what people DO.

            I would focus on things like good judgement, stability, warmth, and their connections within the community (their families of origin, friends, civic groups, etc.). You want to project that this is a person who is kind, loving, has great judgement, and will provide a great home environment for a child. Think about all of the problems kids can have and think about people you know have handled (or ignored) those problems.

            Things like – you’ve known this woman for 20 years, she’s a close friend, she’s a great listener, she finds it easy to understand other people’s needs and works to be able to help them, she has long-term friendships and would provide a stable and loving environment for a child.

          8. 1. It’s actually not ok to say no to professors and bosses. Career services at both my college and law school was very explicit with us that we had to do it even if it was presented as an “option,” because it was the professor’s polite way of offloading the work.

            2. Professors and bosses have dozens or hundreds of these letters to write and offload them because it isn’t a good use of their comparatively valuable time, which is perfectly reasonable. But writing one letter about something this personal for a close friend is totally different and I would be so hurt if a close friend saw this as just another task to be offloaded and not worth investing any of their time or effort in.

          9. I think SA’s suggestion is helpful, normal, and opens up lots of possibilities that lie somewhere in between (like meeting to brainstorm together or discuss the broader application context, or asking for a bullet point lists of topics to include in the letter).

          10. I would be so incredibly offended if my friend asked me to write the first draft. This is not a typical recommendation letter. Sorry SA but I think that’s a terrible suggestion. And yes, your response came off very defensive.

    2. Do you think she can share a sample from the agency? I usually ask the person if there is anything specific they want me to emphasize (like often people choose people who will demonstrate different sides of their personality – how responsible they are, how caring, etc.). I tend to follow the following pattern when I write referral letters for other purposes:
      1. Introduce myself
      2. Describe how long I’ve known the person and how we met in a descriptive manner (like “I met Jane at [Employer], where she has been a thoughtful and caring mentor during the 5 years we’ve worked together.”
      3. Paragraph re: great attribute 1 + anecdote demonstrating
      4. Paragraph re: great attribute 2 + anecdote demonstrating
      5. Close with strong recommendation (“Jane would be an outstanding mother because [x y z]”

    3. I did this for a friend recently. I was honored too – I didn’t find it to be an annoying task at all! I mentioned how long we had been friends, and mentioned several of their qualities that I found very endearing – their compassion, warmth, humor, love of learning, kindness and commitment towards each other as a couple. I gave examples of activities we enjoyed together, and noted that they both had strong support networks of family and friends, have been successful in their careers, and are engaged in their communities. Again, gave some examples whenever I could.

      With respect to the discussion about asking if they want to do a first draft – I guess it doesn’t hurt to ask, if you are really stumped for what to say. Or you could ask if there is anything specific she would like you to mention or emphasize.

      Good luck to your friend!

    4. I have done the same (written a letter for an about to adopt friend couple). It was very well received, they were so happy to read it and their adoption bid was successful.
      I mentioned:
      – how long and well I know the couple, met many times for dinner, visited their house, gone on trips together
      – watched them interact with each other, us, kids if applicable (playful, friendly, good with nieces/nephews)
      – find them to be a loving couple, a caring home, always open to guests, very hospitable, generous
      – strong values like kindness (I specifically mentioned my friend never liked to bad mouth people!), valued family above all, importance of character, honesty etc.
      – I liked how the couple’s personalities played off against each other, they provided balance to each other
      – stable high earners in good careers, will be able to provide for kids

    1. I rarely wear heels over an inch or so, but those shoes are lovely! I had never heard of the brand; how sad they are folding.

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