This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Sometimes you need a dramatic top on a Monday. I love the high-ruffled neck and bold pattern on this silk-satin Saint Laurent blouse. I would wear this tucked into a pencil skirt or a pair of high-waisted trousers.
If you need to wear a full suit, the bell sleeves would look fantastic peeking out of the sleeves of a black blazer.
The top is $1,650 at Net-a-Porter and comes in French sizes 34–42 (roughly 0–10 in U.S. sizes).
A few more affordable options are from NYDJ ($46.72 on sale) and Stine Goya ($162 on sale, $140 on sale).
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
dc wills
Any recommendations for a DC-area lawyer to draft a straightforward will and whatever other estate-planning documents should accompany it? Spouse & I are homeowners with kids, but no particularly interesting financial circumstances, so I think much of this will be boilerplate. Would love to connect with someone who won’t charge an arm and a leg. Thanks!
Anon
Someone on the mom’s page recommended Lincoln Park Associates. I haven’t finished the process with him yet, but it’s been a simple process (and transparent pricing) for my standard estate.
Oh hi
This might’ve been me :). We used Don Marlais there and were pleased. A close friend referred him.
Anon
Check to see if either your or your spouse’s company offers estate planning as part of your disability insurance. We were able to get our will preparation covered by Metlife through my work. They have a list of approved attorneys. (we’re in DC as well)g
Anonymous
Or your EAP.
Anon
Due to shoddy labor practices combined with a meh experience for a while, and a terrible experience this morning, I’m canceling Prime. What alterative do you use and will it drive me as crazy as Prime does?
obviously, buying less is a great solution. I already don’t buy much but I live downtown in a city without a car so I have no access to big box retailers (closest I get is the mini city targets). I also work crazy hours and the stores near me (that are still open… downtown looks a bit like a ghost town still after pandemic and riots) are still on pandemic hours, which means they’re all closed by the time I finish work. The stuff I do buy in Amazon is kind of random and hard to find other places (even Walmart sometimes).
Anon
You just order it form the individual retailer/manufacturer online, or go to the store when you do have time. I’ve had Prime, and don’t get the fuss. It wasn’t cheaper, faster or easier.
OP
Prior to recent issues, I was often able to receive items from Prime in less than 24 hours. Not paying shipping for each transaction really, really saves money (if I order items 4x a month and shipping is usually $5-$7 a pop, that adds up! Especially since with Amazon I could have several items on one order that may have required 3 different stores at once (for example – I recently ordered a book, a sun hat, and a coffee maker – if I ordered directly from a retailer that would be 3 different orders so $15+ in shipping). $15 shipping per order may sound like nothing, but I make 50k.
For retailers that offer it/that are nearby I do in store pick up as much as possible, but with so many stores nearby closing that’s harder to do.
Anon
If you want to buy a book, a sun hat, and a coffee maker in one swoop you could just go to Target or another big box store. There are tons of places to buy books (local bookstores, online bookstores like Thriftbooks, your local library). Ditto sunhat and coffeemaker.
OP
okay maybe that wasn’t a great example – but I know several things I’ve ordered in the past on Amazon are not available at my Target.
I try to use my local bookstore as much as possible (and they’re great about ordering things for me they don’t keep in stock!) but they’re only open 10-6 so it’s hard to get there.
Anon
Target’s in-line selection is wider then the in store selection, especially if your local store is one of the small city stores. Don’t assume that just because you haven’t seen it in store that Target doesn’t sell it.
Anonymous
Why are you comparing a Target store to Amazon online? Instore items are only a small selection of what retailers sell these days. Target online to Amazon online is the comparison.
And most stores now have their inventory listed online so if you want an item that day, you just check which Target has it in stock. That’s even faster than ordering from Amazon with 2 day shipping.
Anon
Also a lot of the random cheap things that Amazon sells are also sold by many other places. If there’s a specific thing you want you can reverse image search it – tons of sellers sell on both Amazon and eBay.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, I have all but stopped buying from Amazon and I am mostly able to find what I need at Target. But if I poke around the internet a bit I can find pretty much anything I can find at Amazon somewhere else.
Anon
Right, but decent labor practices costs money (or time, if you go to an actual store). Free shipping isn’t free. That cost gets made up somehow, like via crappy labor practices. I make 50k, too. If I can’t afford it all-in, including shipping or whatever, then I can’t afford it. Thems the breaks.
Anonymous
Thank you for saying this!!!!!
Anonymous
+1
Anon
You’re going to have to accept that you’re not going to get the same delivery cost and timing as prime when you give it up.
AnonInfinity
I came down to say this! I decided to stop Amazon Prime several years ago and haven’t looked back. It’s very rare that I truly need something within 48 hours that I haven’t been able to plan for, so I just go to a store or pay extra shipping on the very rare occasions that happens. I have used Amazon 4-5 times over the past 2 years for things I truly couldn’t find elsewhere. The biggest part of making this change is managing expectations that cheap and instant gratification might not be possible with every little thing, and that’s fine. The bonus for me is that it’s helped me interrogate whether I truly need an item and I end up buying less in general.
Anon
This + buy less stuff.
Anonymous
I get Target shipments for toiletries and random household goods.
Shopping
As PP said, you just google the item and buy it from another provider either online or in person. You will likely end up paying for shipping. Note that if you really can’t find the item elsewhere, you can still buy from Amazon without Prime; again, will just cost you the shipping amount.
anonshmanon
But orders over $25 ship for free, so if you can batch smaller things together, that’s not so hard to reach.
Anon
I also live downtown without a car and no access to big box stores and it’s the reason I have Amazon Prime. There really isn’t an alternative.
OP
Ok that’s good to know. I’m just so fed up with the diminished service and poor customer service!
anon
Could you offer some examples? Truly just curious/seeking to understand. I can’t say that I’ve ever had a customer service issue or diminished service but for a delay in shipping (delay = don’t get much within 24 hours these days, but within 3-5 days? nearly always.).
Anon
What issues are you running into? I haven’t yet had problems.
OP
I ordered something today that I need somewhat urgently (and is not available at any stores within a 40 min drive!) and the estimated ship date is over 1 week away. I have another package that’s been in transit for over a week (also not available in stores near me). Twice in the last month I’ve ordered things that I need by a specific date, have ordered it like 5 days prior to needing it, and have not received it by the date.
Most things are coming in 3-5 days, rather than 1-2 which is fine, I get it but I don’t get why I’m paying for Prime if shipping isn’t 1-2 days as advertised. Every time I’ve asked customer service about that I’m told too bad, so today I was fed up and finally told them that I”m canceling.
I’ve also tried to cancel items after ordering them due to long ship dates and have been unable to do so. Like, I order on Monday with an estimated delivery of Thursday, I get notified that the item is delayed and will be late so I cancel on Wednesday, it shows up on Saturday or Sunday. I’m unable to cancel because the item has already shipped, but it still takes several days to show up. For reference.- every time I’ve seen a delivery driver its an Amazon driver in an Amazon truck so this isn’t caused by USPS delays.
I had one minor issue with Target shipping, and Target immediately refunded and was very helpful.
AnonMPH
I’m confused about your example about canceling…they always let me cancel, and refund me, but then the item does often show up later. Are they not allowing you to cancel? Or are they just not able to recall the item because it’s already in transit/they don’t know exactly where it is?
Also just because it shows up in the end in an Amazon truck, doesn’t mean that somewhere along the line it wasn’t transported by UPS, FedEx or USPS.
OP
they don’t let me cancel. I should return, but it’s a PITA so I normally end up donating or giving away the item in my local buy nothing group
Anon
Of course you can’t cancel something that’s already on the truck! That’s the same no matter where you shop.
OP
the annoying thing is when I asked customer service about the longer delivery times despite having 1-2 day shipping, they told me that the shipping only counts after it’s left the distro center, which means I should be able to cancel on Wednesday. This is why I’m fed up with their customer service – things just don’t seem to add up!
Anon
You also know that you have to choose prime items to get prime shipping, right? Sounds like user error/not understanding how things work on your end more than an Amazon problem.
Anon
I would not assume that there is user error. I’ve also had my Amazon deliveries start to take 5-6 days. It used to consistently be 3 days prime shipping, despite the fact that it is suppose to be 1-2 days and I live in a major city. However, over the last year, I’ve had multiple prime shipments that take almost a week (and this is during a time period in which my Target and Chewy shipments have gotten faster, not slower). Friends have noted the same thing.
Their customer service has also gotten worse. When I had late shipments 5+ years ago, customer service would always apologize and give me a month or two of free prime membership to make up for it now. I caller earlier this year because a birthday present I ordered was taking 6 days to get here despite saying it would be 2 days. Amazon didn’t care at all and was basically like, so what? It really turned me off.
OP
Im aware of needing to select Prime items. I always filter so I only see Prime items. I’m still having these issues.
MechanicalKeyboard
I think that you can get away without Amazon but you’d need to adjust your expectations a bit. The reality is that you cannot buy random low price things and get them quickly sans shipping costs any other way. Which isn’t actually a huge burden for most people. The workarounds are to be a bit more thoughtful and bundle your purchases, pay more for shipping, or shop in person.
Target has decent same-day-delivery, 2-day shipping, and curbside pickup options. Of course you’d need to plan things out a bit more because you can’t just order $2 widgets everyday and skip shipping costs.
Think about it this way – Amazon can offer you crazy fast and free shipping because of their shoddy labor practices and any other entity that could do the same thing, at the same scale, would have to be shady as well.
Vicky Austin
+1 to all of this
Senior Attorney
Yup. If you want things fast and cheap then you are going to have to accept that it’s because of shoddy labor practices. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/13/opinion/stimulus-unemployment-republicans-poverty.html
Anon
I am not sure the basis for arguing that Costco or Target’s labor practices are all that much better than Amazon. Target and Amazon have the same minimum wage and Costco’s is only $1 more per hour. And to the extent there is a difference it can largely be chalked up to the fact that Amazon is so much bigger. (But full disclosure this may be because I had a friend who worked for Target and said it was horrible so I am biased.)
There is no way to get the same service with fair labor practices without paying a lot more or shopping in person (and making sure the places you are shopping have better standards – I still remember the person who told me she went to her local coffee place instead of Starbucks because “Starbucks is evil” and I had to point out that her local coffee place was paying barely above minimum wage and provided no benefits. ) In my case shopping in person required an hour round trip drive so I bundle my purchases and buy from Amazon.
Anonymous
Costco pays their employees significant above minimum wage, and they have a system whereby loyalty is rewarded with generous raises. It is not uncommon for normal staff such as cashiers to be making 40-50k/year at Costco. It is way way way better than Amazon, target, or Walmart.
Anon
Costco’s starting minimum wage is $16/hour (and that is pretty recent). Target and Amazon pay $15/hour. Walmart is at $11/hour so that is a significantly lower amount.
I am not trying to defend Amazon here (I am particularly concerned with the safety records at their warehouses) but it pays well above minimum wage.
They are such different companies that comparisons are just really hard. And I love Costco and shop there a lot – but there are an awful lot of things I buy that are not just available there (or are only available in bulk amounts that I cannot use or store).
Anonymous
Order from Costco online. They pay their employees a living wage and the larger sizes often means less packaging. Not true for all products but true for many of the things we use – olive oil, meats, kids snack/lunch supplies etc.
Order from Costco store. No Costco in my city but there is one in the city about a half hour away. We don’t use Instacart, we use an independent service that carbon offsets their emissions and doesn’t allow tips but pays their employees $15/hr minimum to start. Order one day, they shop and deliver the next. Great for perishables or other items available instore only. (this week’s order included organic ground beef, instore bagels, cherry tomatoes, hanging flower baskets, toms shoes for me, crocs for the kids, and book for DH for Father’s Day).
Anon3
I live in NYC and find it really hard and more expensive to get some things locally. One regularly used item is $10 more at my local grocery store and $7 more at target online. I needed it and searched all other neighborhood stores one day and could only find it at the local grocery store at the high mark up. I resigned myself to buying in advance on prime now as it is the easiest and most cost effective way to get it twice a month!
Anonymous
I live in NYC and hear this, and we still order a lot online, but if you want that local grocery to stay in business you should try to shop there too – the cost of doing business here is high.
One nice shop local/small with same day delivery alternative in NYC is Shopin.nyc. It started in Brooklyn but I think has expanded to Manhattan. It is harder to search than Amazon, but you can get a decent variety of random stuff.
Anonymous
I live downtown without a car and it’s just….not a problem. Most ‘needs’ are only wants and I can do without. For specialty items I’ll walk to shops on my lunch hour if it’s the type of store that closes early. I used to be a prime person too, but a few years ago I took a critical look at my relationship with my consumerism.
Anonymous
+1,000
Cb
I find if I put things on my list for when I get to a big shop, half the time, I don’t actually need it.
NYNY
I have not used this service, so can’t speak to the quality, but BJ’s partners with Instacart for delivery. Would that help with your random combo orders? Bonus, BJ’s pays their employees better than the river company does (but you should tip your delivery driver in cash).
Anonymous
There is no alternative that is just as easy.
Bonnie Kate
Recently I’ve had way faster shipping from Target than Amazon. I totally feel your post – I was actually really surprised over the weekend when I was looking for something fairly normal (those glass pebbles that people use for fish tanks and vase filler) and all the Prime items where over a week out for delivery – like what happened to two day shipping? I was already much more inclined to avoid Amazon purchases but sometimes the quick and easy shipping was just so convenient.
Unfortunately, my Prime membership is probably safe due to my heavy use of the free books that I read from Prime Reading and First Reads….I could get rid of everything else from Amazon but I LOVE my Kindle.
Ribena
I know grocery delivery doesn’t work the same way in the US but what I do is add it to the list of things to get next time I get a grocery delivery (which I do once or twice a month) from the big grocery store. Alternatively I can cycle over to a different big grocery store on a weekend day.
OP
I love grocery shopping so have never used grocery delivery, but I’m shopping at city grocery stores so they’re tiny and my selection is limited there. The only way to get a big grocery store is to go out to the burbs, which isn’t practical for me.
Anonymous
Does your city not have Door Dash or Instacart? I’m just confused how my small Canadian city has tons of grocery delivery options in addition to those two but your presumably bigger city’s doesn’t? Most grocery stores carry various dry goods as well and offer same day delivery no?
OP
Does your city not have Door Dash or Instacart? I’m just confused how my small Canadian city has tons of grocery delivery options in addition to those two but your presumably bigger city’s doesn’t? Most grocery stores carry various dry goods as well and offer same day delivery no?
Anonymous
Is that like a botega? You gave the example of sun hat/book/coffee maker – they have all those at my local grocery store and I assume at the Walmart here too. Maybe not every book but a decent selection of recent bestsellers.
Anon
Anon at 11:42 – where do you live? I’ve lived in cities my whole life, and have never seen a coffee maker or sunhat at a grocery store. Books, yes, but it’s a horrible selection. And this is at larger suburban grocery stories, not smaller city locations.
OP
No, I shop at Giant. It’s a smaller footprint because it’s downtown but even at bigger stores in the burbs I’ve never seen hats or coffee makers at a grocery store! Except the random cr@p aisle at Aldi.
No Walmart within easy commuting distance for me, though yes they have all of that + groceries there.
Anon
Instacart had way more vendors than just grocery stores. Postmates will also shop anywhere.
Anon 10:38/11:42
@ Anon 12:12 – I live in a small Canadian city as I said in my post but here Loblaws across the country and competitor stores carry clothing items seasonally in stores (Loblaws carries the Joe Fresh line) and there is a housewares section with basic items like baking sheets, coffee makers, kettles etc. Walmarts here also have groceries (including produce) and dry goods. Usually US has way more selection in store so surprised this is an issue for OP. I recall a couple grocery stores in Florida from vacations that were basically food only but even those had seasonal items like sunhats, beach towels etc .
Anon
Anon at 10:38: No, grocery stores are not like that in the US, at least in my experience. They have food, flowers, and maybe some balloons. I (assume) that the story you went to in Florida was in a vacation area, hence why they had the random towels. I’ve never seen towels or hats in a grocery store, except in a very very vocationally area.
Ribena
It’s not practical for me either, which is why I only do it once a month or so! I get delivery once or twice a month with bulky and heavy non perishables and then supplement from the city centre stores in between
Anon
Probably doesn’t help you much in labor practices but how about Walmart. I used to use Jet but they were acquired by Walmart. I think you can pay a membership like Prime to get unlimited shipping. I haven’t used it but have friends that do that seem to like it.
Anon
I used to be a hardcore Amazon prime user and don’t have a membership/can’t refer the last time I purchased from Amazon. I’ve had no struggles at all adjustment, but some of my reasons were (1) I left biglaw and again had time to stop by a store or two on my way home and (2) since living biglaw, retail therapy is no longer my way to deal with stress.
How to replace it depends on what you are buying. For pet food, I started using Chewy. For random household items (e.g., scissors, tape, pans), I either stop by CVS or Target during the day or on my way home from work. For books, I switched to a local bookstore (they are always happy to order something for me if they don’t already have it in store) and picking up a lot more from the library. I didn’t ever purchase clothing or food from Amazon, but instead ordered from clothing stores and stop by the grocery store on my way home.
I really haven’t noticed an increase in how often I have to pay for shipping, but I also don’t need to buy stuff that often.
Anon
Do you really need things in 24 hours? This is the most environmentally damaging aspect of shipping and probably responsible for a lot of the labor abuses too. I have a disability that means I don’t really drive and live somewhere not very transit friendly so I really rely on delivery and do use Prime for a lot of stuff, but I do almost everything on subscribe and save or the slow shipping. I definitely understand why ordering online makes sense for a lot of people, I just don’t know why it matters that you get things so fast. I try to buy as little as I can, so it actually helps to have monthly orders rather than impulse buys.
OP
My current conundrum is that my work computer charger crapped out and Amazon is saying its an 8 day delivery. I called Staples and checked online at Target, but it’s only sold in person at Best Buy and the closest one is 45 mins away. I ordered through Amazon, Walmart and Target (Walmart and Target do not have in store, only online) and the shipping for all of them is several days. I’m getting by right now using my personal computer, but I can’t do that for the next week. Work will not replace the charger, or if they do, it will take weeks, if not months.
When I buy other things on Amazon I usually bundle and buy once I have a fair amount of things in my cart, unless something is time sensitive. I also always select the bundled delivery (all items delivered at once), unless something is time sensitive. I’ve ordered things 5-7 days in advance before going out of town twice recently, did not select the slower shipping, and both time the item came after I had already left. Obviously yes, I should be better at planning ahead but I’m not, I know that about myself, and thus pay for Prime.
Anon
That’s computer stuff in general right now.
Does Staples or Target have a universal charger (one with many different size interchangeable tips) you could buy instead? No matter what vendor you end up with, if you need a particular make/model, you’re going to have to wait for it.
Anon
Some times, you just need to wait.
That’s just the nature of life. If you really can’t wait, your choices are to go to best buy to pick up the charger or have someone (e.g., friend, taskrabbit) do it for you.
Amazon has trained you to expect everything ASAP. But that just not possible for everything.
(And honestly, your job sucks if they will not replace it for you. It’s their responsibility to provide you with a working computer)
OP
My work is at a grant funded non profit and they are unable to keep extra’s on hands – every computer, charger, device, etc is accounted for. So, if they need more they need to a) get approval and b) order them
Anon
Sounds like you get a free two week vacation, working for an incompetent employer. Though presumably the people in charge would prefer you to spend the hour and a half it takes to buy one at best buy and charge it to the company. Your work is the one on the hook though, not you.
Anonymous
What kind of employer doesn’t maintain their own equipment? I think this problem goes beyond Amazon
anonshmanon
In this particular instance, since work is being zero helpful about providing you with the tools you need for your job, I would have said ok, I literally cannot use my work computer, so I will spend 2 hours paid time going to Walmart to get a new charger. Or if you are too senior, get someone else to do that.
I think in general, you need to see the connection between those 2-3 days that Amazon might be able to ship faster than its competitors, and the many stories out of their warehouses, where people walk 20 miles in a shift and wear diapers, and have 15 seconds to find a certain item. The labor conditions are how they get an edge to ship stuff out faster (as others have said). Something has to give.
One avenue that hasn’t come up is to tap more into the used market. I have no idea how the craigslist/facebook market offerings are where you are, but if you are checking 4 retailers already to urgently find a thing, then it may be worth an extra minute to search these sites.
Anon
+1 to all of this
Anon
I think your expectations are unrealistic.
Anon
Re: amazon and not your work providing a charger. Your work should totally provide a charger.
Anonymous
order direct from the manufacturer and pay for express shipping
work computer dying is a fairly specific set of circumstances.
Senior Attorney
I would drive the 90 minutes on the clock during the work day.
anon
+1 if your office cannot provide you work equipment, get work equipment on company time.
Anonymous
I get grocery staples and natural beauty products from Thrive.
anon
One alternative I have used is shipping to my local hardware store for many household items. If you have an Ace or True Value-affiliated hardware store, you can use the brand website and order unusual items that they wouldn’t necessarily have in stock and pick it up at your local store. I did this recently for a replacement water filter for my fridge–much easier to look it up by model # online and I was told by our local store that it helps their bottom line to go through them.
pugsnbourbon
Ooh thanks for this tip. I wouldn’t have thought of going through the hardware store.
Anon.
This is what I’ve been doing for random house and garden stuff. My local ACE even had dishwasher detergent and soap, when it was sold out everywhere at the beginning of the pandemic!
Anon
Reading through all your responses, I’m just going to say it – you’re confusing wants with needs and are too lazy to put any effort into getting actual needs. Your work charger conked out and you need one that’s a 40 minute drive away – ok so go get it. Get a friend with a car, an uber, a taxi. Take a long lunch and go get it. Stop expecting the world to cater to your ridiculous expectation of fast, good and cheap when you won’t give an inch due to inconvenience.
Senior Attorney
This is not very nice but it’s also not wrong.
Anonymous
+1 harsh but accurate. Sometimes doing the right thing requires a little effort
OP
There are two different issues here. My main issue is that I am looking to stop using Amazon because I”m tired of their bad service. Due to where I live and my job (long/unpredictable hours and not great pay), it’s harder for me to cut the cord than I expected. Was looking for a workaround, and will be trying Target and Walmart. If that doesn’t work, I”ll go back to Amazon. The finding a charger is a separate issue, which is moot because the store doesn’t even have what I need in stock right now. I’m using my personal as a work around, and that will have to do. But, the point of this post was being annoyed at Amazon for not fulfilling what they advertise and also asking for other workarounds.
But also, even if the charger was in stock I would not be permitted to take time out of my workday to go. I am junior and my office is not very forgiving about being away from your computer at all during the work day.
Anonymous
So get a new job?
anonshmanon
…not forgiving about being away from your computer that has no functioning charger? You have to see that your work is unreasonable. It doesn’t matter what their funding source is.
Anon
What would your manager tell you to do in this situation? This is actually their problem to solve, not yours.
anon
If your office doesn’t want you away from your computer during the workday, then they need to provide you with equipment you need. It’s not like you’d be going to a yoga class in the middle of the day. Picking up a work item that you need to do your job that your office isn’t providing you is work related. Seriously. This is a made up problem. Did you actually ask your manager what she wants you to do? Because I bet her answer would be for you to be away from your computer for 90 minutes so you can do your job rather than not be able to do your job for 8 days while you wait for a new part.
Anon
Have you even asked anybody at your office about the computer charger and what to do? You’ve got to stand up for yourself a little bit here, you’re being a total pushover. And you did say in your very first sentence that part of your issue with Amazon is the negative social impact, so don’t be surprised that people are commenting on that aspect as well.
lifer
I have similar issues limited time/low income issues and take care of someone severely disabled and Amazon has been an absolute lifesaver. I do not leave the house to shop anymore except for extremely rare circumstances. This is not the life I want, but it is my life for now. Yet I still try to do what I can to minimize my purchasing at Amazon, but Yes… Amazon has saved my life multiple times and prevented a nervous breakdown.
I buy many things through Target.com, Costco.com, and have a favorite online medical supply site or two and bundle purchases to save on shipping. For almost every type of item you need, there is a website you can find where you can buy it as an Amazon alternative, and you just learn about them over time.
When something is specialized/urgently needed, I buy from the source or a more specialized (ie. pricey) store online, and pay the additional shipping charges. Those are special circumstances. I also search for the best price online and coupon codes using add-on Apps on my computer so sometimes prices really are cheaper at other places even if you “pay” for shipping.
Anonymous
Amazon is mostly only problematic when someone is ‘always amazon’. It can be hard to be ‘never Amazon’ but there is lots of room in the middle to do what you are doing which is look at other options first and not default automatically to Amazon for every single thing.
anonshmanon
yay for middle ground!!
Anon
I just have to laugh because I recently bought something in-person at Best Buy (with excellent personalized service) and felt so good for shopping “local” instead of online. And then I remembered when “shop local” meant mom an pop stores and not just “not Amazon”.
Anon
So, OP, I read your thread about shoddy labor practices and diminished service, but then I read all your replies and they’re about the fact that you can’t get things in two days, which makes me think your “shoddy labor practices” thing is a bit hypocritical. You don’t want them to have better labor practices. You’re having a tantrum about them not getting things to you in two days, which means you want all those laborers to work harder and faster.
OP
I guess my thing is that Amazon has the means to pay workers a good wage / hire more workers / give good benefits and still turn a profit, and yet Amazon does not.
Anon
Agreed. They could hire more workers and pay them better without raising product prices.
anon
Two separate thoughts:
1. Go on your local Buy Nothing group on Facebook and see if anyone has a spare charger you can have or borrow.
2. You said above that your work is unforgiving about people being away from their computers, but you have a computer that is nonfunctional so you literally can’t fulfill that obligation regardless of whether you go 40 minutes to a store to get the equipment you need. You also say you’re junior, and I know when I was more junior I used to think issues like this were super black and white and might have been afraid to even raise this issue with my manager, thinking this is MY problem and I NEED to solve this myself. So my question is, have you actually raised the problem with your manager and asked what can be done to solve it? Have you *asked* if you can take a couple hours to go buy (at your own expense, it sounds like, which is another problem) the equipment you need to do your job? Or you just assuming the answer is no and creating a bunch of stress that might in fact be a non-issue?
Anon
I had an awful spring work wise (like 90 hour weeks, lots of stress, etc). Things calmed down a few weeks ago, so I let myself “coast” last week but I really need to get my butt back in gear this week (another big project with a deadline in 2 weeks). I”ve been in a funk for a while (like 8 months!), and as someone who used to pride myself on my great work ethic it’s really bringing me down how “lazy” I’ve become. Obviously yes pandemic, everyone’s struggling, yada yada yada but that rationale does not fly in my office (we work in pandemic response, so the pandemic is not a reason to not get things done!).
Long story short – for the last several months (except when it was super busy) I’ve struggled to buckle down and get work done. I have coasted for as long as I can and now if I don’t start producing I”m going to have serious issues. Despite knowing that, I cannot get myself to focus and get quality work done in a reasonable amount of time. I’m open to any and all advice!
OP
edited to add – I suffered from legitimate burnout this spring. I have taken a few long weekends here and there and I have a nice, long vacation planned for August. I know that’s probably the answer, but I need to find a solution in the meantime.
Anonymous
You aren’t lazy! You’ve been excessively overworked to the point you have nothing left to give.
OP
that’s why I used the quotation marks. I know I”m not lazy – just exhausted! I’m really disappointed that I had to go from one truly insane project immediately into a pretty fast paced one, but the timing for this was out of mine and my boss’ control.
However, I feel like I”m lazy and I know my boss definitely feels that way!
Anon
I also have had an enormous workload since the pandemic began. I was pretty good until around the one year mark, but then I began to have more difficulties focusing. Now, I build in “rewards” such as a 5-minute online stretch class, a short guided meditation mid-day or mid-afternoon, a 10-minute break to do some strengthening exercises prescribed by my PT, even allowing myself to switch projects once I reach x goal. It’s small stuff, but it helps. I am also hiking every chance I can, largely weekends; it helps me so much if I can get out into nature.
Anonymous
If it feels like there aren’t good answers, I think that’s because there aren’t. Humans aren’t meant to work 90 hours a week in high stress situations all the time. if you don’t process all of the stress and emotions that come with that, your body does what it needs to do and that looks like burnout (which it sounds like it’s actually continuing, not over). Is this a job you can keep at given all of this?
Barring all of this, you just buckle down and do it. Find all of the ways to make your job the only thing you have to do – outsource everything else in your life, eat right, sleep well, meditate.
annie
I’m in a very similar position. I know WFH has contributed to it so I’m working from a WeWork today and generally trying to add in more structure to my day. My office isn’t reopening yet but things (restaurants, cafes, etc) are all open here so I’m going to try to find some solutions like this.
Marshmallow
I could have written this! I said something similar to my therapist a couple of weeks ago and she said, “Are you really procrastinating? Or is your brain telling you it needs a break?”
OP
Oh I 100% agree that I need a break. But I just can’t take one yet.
And… I’ll admit I had this problem pre-pandemic as well (was not working crazy hours then, all my crazy work stuff is due to pandemic)
Anonymous
Learn a 10 or 15-minute meditation technique. If you can learn to turn off for a short period I find you can be more productive despite the “break”.
Also, learn the Nitric Oxide Dump and practice it two or three times a day. I used this throughout the day when I was having trouble getting to the gym, which is very mentally important to me. Now I often do it on rest days and at night a couple of hours before I want to sleep since I typically work out in the morning.
Anon
My 8 year old is getting into makeup. I’d like to let her experiment but want to emphasize that it requires the responsibility to take it off at night and take good care of your skin. Any recommendations for a good facewash routine that is good for kids? I use Cetaphil and cotton pads, followed by face lotion, but don’t use super pigmented color. So maybe something similar but more effective at removing eyeliner?
Anonymous
Is this a thing now? It never occurred to me to allow anything other than the play makeup before they were teenagers. Any I accidentally the strict mom?
A
You’re not. Maybe I’m a typical Asian mum but I think 8 is way too young. my 9yo is still a tomboy but is occasionally interested in my lipsticks and blush. I’ve applied some faintly to her cheeks maybe once or twice but she does NOT get to use anything on her own. I’ve also explained that the longer she delays using stuff on her face, the fewer problems she’s likely to have.
And that she is lovely as she is, with no need to use makeup…
Marshmallow
Micellar water and a cotton pad should be ideal for this.
anon
+1
Cat
Am I an Old for thinking that age 8 was when I had a couple of drugstore eyeshadows and blushes that I was allowed to use when playing dress-up… but was definitely not wearing anything that my regular evening shower wouldn’t get rid of?
Anon
I wasn’t allowed any make-up until age 12.
Cat
Yeah 12 was when I was allowed “real” makeup too (junior high). This was just for playing in the dress up box at home – definitely not outside the house!
Anon
I have a 15-year-old and it’s surprising to me to hear that some 8-year-olds are wearing makeup on a regular basis now? Eyeliner at age 8? Maybe I am living a sheltered existence in flyover America, but I don’t remember any of his female friends at school or in his sport wearing makeup that young. Some of them just started wearing makeup in the last year or so. Maybe he isn’t friends with the glamazon set, LOL
OP, I don’t have an answer to your question because my perspective is a girl that young shouldn’t be wearing makeup routinely. I don’t think it’s good for their skin or their self-image. I think it’s important to be conscious of seeding into girls at a young age the message that how they look as themselves isn’t good enough, and they require alteration to look acceptable to others. Those kinds of messages create emotional baggage that’s hard to drop later in life. I am also kind of wondering if this is a fake/tr0ll question as it will definitely generate some strong responses.
Anon
8 year olds aren’t wearing serious makeup to school on a daily basis, they’re playing with it like you’d play dress-up. When I was a kid I think we would put it on each other and half the time it would be surprise clown makeup and we’d fall all over ourselves laughing about it.
Anon
uh, then why is the OP asking about what sounds to me like creating a routine for makeup removal for her 8-year-old? I was an 8-year-old girl at one point and played with makeup like you are referencing. I didn’t use so much, or use adult products, to the point that I needed makeup remover (vs. the soap I used in the bathtub) to take it off.
anonymous
If you’re an old, I am too. When I was 8 “make up kits”–essentially toys–were a thing: basically bright colored plastic boxes with costume make up. It was barely even drug store makeup. The idea of letting an 8 year old develop an actual make up routine and wear eyeliner makes me cringe. I didn’t even get my ears pierced until I was 9 and my parents felt assured that I could care for my earrings/ears properly.
LaurenB
8 yo seems a little young for anything other than maybe lip gloss. Maybe a special nailpolish or updo for a special occasion, or something for dance recital or a play, but this sounds like foundation, eyeliner, eyeshadow. I would not have allowed this tbh. Whatever happened to Bonne Bell Lipsmackers?
Anom
I have an 8 yr old in 3rd grade. I’d limit the experimentation as much as possible. At that age their skin is so perfect that I’d be nervous about disrupting the natural balance of oils. I pretty much only have my daughters (6 & 8) wash their faces with water in the shower unless they really need soap. And then I use my own gentle cleanser. Time to teach proper face cleansing when they reach puberty and actually need it.
Anonymous
This is so crazy to me because my kid turns 8 in Sept and is in 1st grade this year! And yes, she plays with makeup too but it’s more like art/dressup/play. She doesn’t wear any of it “seriously” and certainly not to school. Lipgloss/stick for dance recital and hair chalk/temp dye for crazy hair day only. Nailpolish fairly regularly though- we use sally hansen quick dry.
Anon
Why is your kid so old for their grade? My 7 yo is starting 3rd grade and turning 8 yo in September.
anon
your 7 year old is crazy young for 3rd grade! I was young for my grade and turned 7 years old in August before starting 2nd grade. Most of the 2nd graders turned 8 during the year.
Sounds like Anon’s kid will start 1st grade as a 7 year old and then turn 8 early in the school year. Old for her grade, but not absurdly so.
also – rude to ask why someone’s kid is “so old” for their grade, no?
Anon
I read that is that, in September, her kid will be in 2nd grade and turn 8. Isn’t that the normal age if you have a August or September 1 birthday deadline for starting school and start K at 5? Turn 6 right after starting K, 7 right after starting 1st, and 8 at the start of 2nd grade. What’s odd about that?
Anon
It is all district dependent. When I was a kid, I started kindergarten at 4 and turned 5 in October. So I was 7 turning 8 in third grade too. Then cutoffs were changed and some kids were ending kindergarten at 6 and for redshirt kids, 7!
Cat
Turning 8 in September of 2nd grade means you’re just one of the oldest in your class… I have a summer birthday so made the cutoff, but definitely had classmates that were nearly a year older than me!
Anon
Easy solution, don’t let your 8-year-old wear eyeliner.
Mrs. Jones
No eyeliner for 8-year-olds seems like a reasonable rule.
lifer
+1
You are just asking for an eye infection.
Anon
Agree with others that 8 is too young for wearing makeup for anything other than playing dress up at home. Maybe a lip gloss for out and about but that would be it.
I’d introduce a basic cleanser like cetaphil and show her how to rinse it off or wipe it off with a wet washcloth. She should be wearing sunscreen anyway so it’s a good practice to make sure you get it all off before bed.
Anon
Neutrogena makeup wipes.
Anonymous
Garnier micellar water is a good drugstore solution.
Anon
I think it’s great that she’s developing the skills and hand-eye coordination at an early age. I would use a two-step make-up removal process (oil based cleanser, water based cleanser) and emphasize the need to be gentle with the cotton pads. I’m not sure that every brand of make up is designed or safety tested with developing children in mind. Make up is surprisingly laxly regulated in general and can have some pretty questionable ingredients. If you agree that it makes sense to get an especially “clean” make up brand, it’s possible you can also pick one that’s easy removal?
Anonymous
Ugh…now we’re pretending that toxic beauty standards for girls are good for hand-eye coordination? Your point about “clean” make-up brands is important, though. I wouldn’t want my young daughter playing with unregulated cosmetics, especially when serious pollutants like lead are known to be in lipstick and other make-up types that are likely to be especially appealing to young kids.
OP, IMO, 8 is too young for anything other than play make-up. Eight-year-olds are not generally responsible enough to handle it, especially with eye make-up, and your daughter will have plenty of time to do this when she’s older. The exposure to parabens, lead, phthalates, and more is especially harmful pre-puberty – there are even linkages between high levels of exposure to certain endocrine-disrupting chemicals and precocious puberty. Long story short, your daughter isn’t old enough for make-up unless it’s as a toy – but make-up in the U.S. is too dangerous to be a toy.
Anone
Makeup is different than it used to be. With the rise in popularity of Youtube, tiktok, insta and all the makeup tutorials that accompany them, younger and younger kids are being exposed to it; they think of it as a fun way to express themselves. And this sort of thing gets through parental control filters and is everywhere. It’s really tough to be part of the first generation of parents that had to deal with social media and its reach and affects on children. It is super easy to judge, but much harder to deal with these issues firsthand. As the parent of a 16-yr-old boy and a 14-yr-old girl who started to get interested in makeup at age 10 or 11, I truly have to pick the issues that are the most important to take a stand on, and makeup is not one of them.
Anonymous
Maybe you don’t think it’s important in terms of the social media aspect and that could be true for many families, but most people I know are totally unaware that cosmetics in the U.S. are not regulated or tested for safety and that endocrine-disrupting chemicals can wreak havoc on young children’s development. This needs to be talked about WAY more.
Anonymous
11 is not 8.
Anon
@12:07 – do you not wear makeup or do you have brands you trust? I use mostly Clinique due to allergies. Any thoughts on that brand?
Anonymous
I don’t wear make-up anymore, but check out the Environmental Working Group and also Tarte cosmetics. You can check your specific products on the EWG website!
anon
If only there were other ways for children to develop hand eye coordination.
Anon
Right? Like why would we put girls in robotics or electronics or mechanical engineering courses for kids when we could just hand them an eyeliner and be like, “here you go, honey, learn some hand-eye coordination!” I am sure the economic outlook for run-of-the-mill makeup artists beats anything that, say, a robotics engineer will be able to command in the coming decades. /s
This is the tyranny of low expectations, my friends. As a mother, I strive to be better than this. We can and should actively counter societal expectations that girls and women are meant to be decorative.
Anon
Well, the other ways I developed hand eye coordination definitely did NOT transfer to applying eye make-up for me, so it really would have helped me to have started practicing earlier!
A lot of the responses on this thread seem to view makeup as somehow bad. I wouldn’t encourage an eight year old to be interested, but I wouldn’t stigmatize an interest either; that seems unhealthy.
Anon
I don’t think makeup is bad. I wear makeup and like buying makeup. I don’t think encouraging an 8-year-old to wear eyeliner, or wear makeup regularly, is a healthy endeavor for a child of that age. At 11 or 12, completely co-sign helping a girl understand more about makeup. At age 8 I was still playing with dollhouses. Whether you want to admit it or not, telling little girls that makeup is necessary or desirable for women is a loaded message. Everyone wants to complain about how fast kids grow up and how sexualized children are, but cheugy moms and women who love being “girly” certainly don’t want to seem to want to do anything about it when they could take action in their own households.
Anon
I wasn’t interested in makeup or dollhouses at age eight; kids are different? It’s not clear to me that it’s not healthier to approach makeup as a skill, interest, and art form than it is to wait until an age when it’s more burdened with societal expectations and complexities? An 11 year old may feel pressured by messages about women’s desirability in a way that an 8 year old is not. I don’t know if this particular eight year old is more interested in an outlet for creative expression or more influenced by societal messaging, but my impression is that there’s a younger generation makeup culture right now that is often much more opt-in and creative than pressured (people who don’t consistently wear makeup but who still put effort into reproducing specific looks, cosplay creations, vintage styles, etc.).
anonymous
Sorry, but just no. Applying eye liner can be tricky, but it’s not a question of whether you basic hand-eye coordination skills. It’s a question of practicing this one specific skill; mostly, getting comfortable sticking a pencil/liquid real close to your eye and learning techniques from youtube or whatever. Seriously, how many years do you think that someone needs to develop the hand-eye coordination to put on eyeliner? Don’t try to drag everyone into a “is make up bad” debate. That’s not what people are saying and you know it.
LaurenB
Ha. I’d rather my 8 yo take up calligraphy if developing hand-eye coordination is a need!
Anonymous
I have an 8 year old. She has a Lip Smacker palette with blush and a rainbow of eyeshadow (blue! green! purple!) and I cannot imagine letting her even play with anything else. Occasionally I will let her have a swipe of my lip gloss. Everything she wears is for play only and comes off in the tub with water and ivory soap. I cannot imagine a scenario (save perhaps halloween or a ballet recital) where eyeliner could be appropriate at her age.
Anon
I was thinking that OP’s daughter may be in dance, gymnastics, cheerleading or theater…. something where makeup is common. My friend’s 5 or 6 year old is in competition dance. Mom is a former elite dancer now teacher so I assume she knows what she’s doing. Her kid wears more makeup for competition than I wore for theater back in the day. Eyeliner, fake lashes the whole nine yards. I’m not saying it is good, I’m just saying it is a thing in certain activities. But Mom or a hired makeup artist usually applies it, not the kid.
anon
Thanks for reminding me why I don’t enroll my daughter in dance. I find that whole culture toxic and gross. Which is too bad, because dance is a really beautiful art form, but naahhh.
Seventh Sister
This is so studio-dependent. My kid is at a recreational-to-serious ballet school and only the oldest girls (the ones who do summer intensives/compete in YAGP) wear makeup for performances. Mine is 13 and I barely managed to get her to bring a powder compact for the last recital.
Anon
Honestly, this is probably why I was never allowed to do those activities (well I did theater, but we didn’t wear makeup on stage until high school). From a little kid through high school I played a ton of sports (great way to learn eye hand coordination!) and took music lessons and did the school plays, but I know there is NO WAY I would have been allowed to do an activity that encouraged or mandated makeup, fake lashes, etc. as a elementary schooler.
My mom wears makeup every day and as an adult I do too so this isn’t being a makeup hater.
Anon
this is exactly why I was never allowed to do dance as a kid, and don’t think I’ll allow my daughters to partake either.
Played lots of sports, learned a lot of great life lessons, and had a great time. I’ll definitely encourage them to go that route.
Anon
It really depends on the dance studio. If your kid is interested, I would at least check out if there is a studio whose approach you agree with.
I did dance until high school. I enjoyed it and it was good exercise, but I was never serious or competitive. IME, as a non-competitive dancer, we wore makeup once a year for our end of the year recitals. My mom put it on, and it was exclusively brush and eye shadow, just like all the dress-up makeup play people are talking about
anon
An 8 year old wearing eyeliner makes me sad. Maybe instead of encouraging makeup experimentation, encourage her to appreciate the natural way she looks?
Anon
OP, don’t worry about these haters. A lot of people on this thread hate makeup and people who wear it and judge them harshly for it. Their judgment isn’t limited to 8 year olds.
pugsnbourbon
Nah. I wear makeup daily and I still think 8 is pretty young for stuff like eyeliner.
Anon
Same. I wear makeup daily and buy expensive makeup because I like it. I don’t think having 8-year-olds wear so much makeup that they need a remover is a good idea.
Saying that people who have valid questions or criticisms of an idea are “haters” is a bad look, FYI. Pretty juvenile, Anon at 11:24. I hope you use better language to describe things in your professional life.
Cat
Same. I’ve enjoyed makeup since junior high. But at 8 I was busy with Disney movies and American Girl dolls and Barbies and a dress-up chest… not perfecting a cat-eye.
busybee
I wear makeup daily and think it’s inappropriate for an 8 year old
Anon
So true.
Anon
I love makeup and wear it daily, even at home on the weekends. I love makeup more than I should. But I’m feeling decidedly pearl-clutch-y at the thought of an eight year old wearing it in a context other than play or for a specific activity where it is the norm. Like someone else said, it makes me feel sad.
Anon
I don’t leave my house without make up on, but 8 is too young.
LaurenB
Not me! I wear makeup daily, I like and buy nice makeup brands, and when my daughter was an appropriate age (maybe 12 or 13 or so) I took her to an Aveda salon and had them show her how to get a fresh, natural look. That has nothing to do with the fact that I wouldn’t want to have an 8 yo wear makeup, except maybe a little lip gloss. It’s just too young IMO. Go much younger and you’re in Jon Benet Ramsey land.
Anon
I think people are making a lot of assumptions about how the makeup looks (does this look like adult makeup, or like what a kid would think is pretty?), where it’s being worn (is this at home, out in public, at school?); if there’s social, marketing, or peer pressure, or if this is more of a personal interest or a desire to imitate mom, etc. To me, “experiment” sounded like “for fun, at playtime,” and it seems natural to want to wash it off thoroughly before bed. And I would guess that typical for-kids makeup (e.g., Claire’s) is probably sketchier than real makeup in terms of what the ingredients might be and whether it’s good or bad for skin. I can also imagine a questionable version of what’s happening here (like an eight year old wearing eyeliner and falsies and lipstick to school everyday, possibly along with the rest of her makeup wearing eight year old clique), but is that what’s happening at all?
Anonymous
Make-up for 8 year old should be basically clown makeup / costume fantasy – not «pretty» IMO.
And taking it off is «play time is over» and done by parent, not «evening skin care».
Seventh Sister
I’d try plain old cold cream. My sister and I did this kind of thing constantly at that age, it was fun and part of “dress-up,” no damage done.
Anon
Wow, people are seriously projecting here.
Anon (OP)
Wow I’m a little shocked at the responses. I think I should have been clearer that this was experimenting for play time at home, not some sort of daily makeup to school thing. I think maybe saying “routine” was the problem? I didn’t mean daily use, I meant a good remover plus lotion or cream or something.
As far as why she’s into it, she has a few friends in dance and gymnastics, plus babysitters and older sisters of friends who are into makeup YouTubers. She still plays with Barbies and kicks a$$ on the soccer field, and she also wants to play with makeup on days where she doesn’t have a game or school or camp. I thought real makeup would be LESS sketchy than the weird play makeup that I used to buy at Claires as a kid myself, but it is harder to get off drugstore Revlon blue eyeshadow and my Tarte eyeliner with soap and water and worried about using my adult-level stuff.
I also totally agree about not wanting to introduce societal pressure at this age, but it’s already there. We’ve had many conversations this year about how using filters on social media can shift how you think about your own face, and how dress codes that talk about “distracting boys” are unfairly burdening girls, and how every ad is designed to sell you something, sometimes by making you feel bad about yourself. She doesn’t have a phone and we barely watch TV, but she still knows about James Charles and Among Us and Kylie Jenner from kids at school. Her best friend is a grade above her (third grade last year), and a girl in her class started her period this year, so we also have had talks about puberty and se%. It’s hard to walk that balance between protecting her innocence and empowering her against the constant messages from society and encouraging her self-expression.
Anonymous
Thank you for clarifying! I was one who got bad vibes from the wording, and yes, it did sound like a daily use kind of situation. I think in terms of getting rid of very pigmented make-up, and assuming now that eye liner is used for drawing whiskers, not for eye looks, what you want is fatty cleanser. A miscellar water, oil or cold cream will do the job, with a luke-warm water rinse. I think teaching her not to share eye-makeup with friends and washing her brushes regularly will have a bigger impact on skin health than which cleanser, though.
Anonymous
Don’t blame this on gymnastics. Kid gymnasts do not wear makeup to compete. Nail polish is a deduction and coaches discourage eye shadow, etc.
Same with dance. A real professional ballet school is not going to have kids wearing heavy makeup the way a competition studio does.
Source: Mom of serious gymnast and dance student
Anonymous
Heads up about the Dreamstation CPAP (and BiPAP and mechanical ventilator) recall today. I remember that some comments here about the life changing effects of CPAP when needed helped me pursue getting a sleep study in the first place. Feeling frustrated that they couldn’t foresee this problem, but here we are.
anon
Thanks for posting — I received no notification. This is disturbing, to say the least, particularly as they are recommending discontinuing use and have no concrete timeline for a fix. I’m a zombie without mine.
Anon
Wow. That’s incredibly dangerous to say just don’t use. People literally die in their sleep from sleep apena. I don’t think I have the recalled machine but I do use a CPAP so I appreciate the heads up! I’m actually going camping without it this weekend (where I will have no electricity), for the first time in the ten years I’ve been on CPAP. The only other time I have slept without it is overnight flights. I’m worried but everyone, including my doctor has assured me a night or two should be okay…
Anon
I think it depends on whether you can get an alternate machine. The foam *may* cause cancer and they have not yet had a single case. You should definitely look to switch but personally, I wouldn’t discontinue until I got my new one.
From Phillips:
To continue use of your device due to lack of alternatives, consult with your physician to determine if the benefit of continuing therapy with your device outweighs the risks identified in the recall notification.*
They are doing a big CYA and passing the buck to the docs. No one wants to say, yeah, use this recalled device, you will be fine. But it’s not like the risk is infection or electrocution that would be more immediate.
Anon
I’m not so sure. Here is the official letter: https://www.philips.com/c-dam/b2bhc/master/landing-pages/src/update/documents/philips-recall-letter-2021-05-a-2021-06-a.pdf
They are recommending an inline bacterial filter for anyone who can’t discontinue use. The fact they aren’t just recommending an inline bacterial filter to everyone as the solution tells me they think this isn’t totally adequate. But they aren’t recommending continued use without a filter.
And isn’t it possible they are also downplaying risks as another form of CYA?
Anon
Thanks @ 12:07. I appreciate your perspective.
Anon
Wise ladies, please comment your best hacks for feeling well-rested, energized, and happy when you wake up. Signed, Got 8 Hours of Sleep but Still Feeling Like I was Hit by a Bus This Morning.
Anon
No alcohol, plenty of fluids but tapering off after 6 PM, exercising daily but no hard cardio after 7 PM, comfortable sleeping temp and sleeping alone are my best bets.
anonshmanon
For me, it’s the morning caffeine withdrawal that makes me wake up feeling all gremlin-y. I have one coffee in the morning and decaf for the rest of the day to preserve my sleep. If I need another pick me up, I try to get by with spicy ginger tea. This rule goes out the window at conferences or on the holidays…
Anon
Good point. I should have included limiting caffeine to one cup, early morning, with my list. That’s exactly what I do, and thanks to the list, decaf Rishi teas during the rest of the day if I want something other than water.
Anon
Following because same! I’ve been sleeping more than I have in a long time (used to average 7 hrs a night, now usually get 8-8.5), but I wake up exhausted constantly!
I went and got bloodwork done (not really because of this – was a happy coincidence that I happened to have my annual last week and my insurance requires us to get bloodwork every year), but everything came back normal. I’m working on making sure I get enough Vitamins B and D and iron now to help with my exhaustion.
Overall I sleep better in a cool room, and when I take gummy melatonin (the pills don’t work for me), and drink sleepy time tea before bed.
OP
Also seeking your best hacks for getting through today when I feel like I was hit by a bus
Anon
taking walks! When I used to work overnight (8p-8a) I used to get up on an hourly basis and take a 10 min walk through the office. My walks were more effective than coffee or water to keep me awake.
Also would drink a LOT of water, limit myself to a few coffees, and I ate a lot of candy to stay awake. Note – I stopped working nights 1.5 years ago and I still am trying to lose the night shift candy weight.
Tea/Coffee
Drink lots of water and stand up! Standing desk > sitting desk on days when i am literally nodding off… harder to do that while standing lol!
Eat or drink very cold things. Very warm things tend to make me all cozy and sleepy but cold things perk me up
If you are wfh, take a cold shower mid day. Heck another one mid afternoon too!
Bright lights, loud music with a beat
Do things that involve interacting with another person – meetings, phone calls, etc. hit-by-a-bus days are NOT good days for quiet introspective work
Signed,
Used to have to pull all nighters all the time
Anonymous
Take a quick walk outside plus a couple sips of Gatorade. It at least gets me through the day, even though I’ll just end up hitting the pillows early in the evening.
roxie
lemon waters, tons
an energizing yoga sequence from youtube
standing while working
Anon
Accept that you’re going to feel like crap and that there’s not a “life hack” for everything and we can’t be 100% optimized every single day?
Anon
I don’t know about this. Every time I ever followed up with a doctor on something like this, something was optimizable (low vitamin D, low B vitamins, impaired sleep, even just dehydration/electrolyte issues). Why suffer needlessly?
cara
Contrary to this, exercising (going swimming) in the evening and then passing out like a log really helped me feel well rested when I wasn’t
anon
I have to get outside and move. It is often a struggle to get up and get dressed to go but my morning dog walk usually helps immensely.
Anon
For me, it’s about getting enough sleep regularly. After 3 days of enough sleep, I start to feel human again. Just one night helps but is not enough.
Anonymous
When I am inexplicably tired, I think it is often because I’m fighting off a virus or something – I blame my immune system. Or hormones. Getting moving does often help me feel more energized, although it is a fine balance; sometimes I just really do need more rest.
Anin
I sleep & operate best when I:
* take a 4-5k walk during lunch (my city is built in a hill, so this is a nice workout), I usually just switch off or take low-involvement bsn calls or private calls
* exercise 3-4x week (this is on top of the walk, I do spinning and weights and yoga), each workout is 50mins
* drink one bottle of water, I am not limiting my coffee intake (I am resistant to caffeine)
* regular gardening
* no stressful/work discussions after 7pm
* no food after 6pm (I wake up naturally at 5:30am, so I am in bed at 9-10pm, and I like to have “empty” stomach)
* no alcohol ( I stopped the occasional glass of wine in Jan this year and never looked back)
* if I feel like I would have trouble sleeping, I listen to some audiobook or asmr (eg history or mystery stories by French Whisperer)
* I like to sleep in cold room with open balcony window for constant flow of fresh air
When I feel like bus hit me, walk is the best solution for me. No amount of water or coffee can fix this, the walk (or is it the hills?) gets my blood going.
Anon
Ok that was me today. I had a 7:30am dentist appointment before work which meant getting up an hour earlier than usual, and I wasn’t able to make myself go to sleep an hour earlier last night.
I do not have a daily fancy coffee habit so on days like today, I tell myself the entire time that after my appointment I can go to Peet’s and get whatever I want. Which is what I did. It didn’t 100% fix it but it did feel like accomplish task = reward, which also works on my dog!
Anon
My best “hack” is going to bed early enough.
Losing pregnancy at 39 weeks
We had something unimaginable happen to us a week ago. We went to a scheduled OB appointment at 39 weeks, happy and not anticipating anything, when they could not find a heartbeat. Our boy had died.
The entire pregnancy was healthy and he was always healthy and developed really well. We did not think this could happen in a million years. No risk factors for me, no high blood pressure, I did not have a sip of caffeine for 9 months.
This still does not feel real or make any sense to us. How could this happen out of nowhere? He was perfectly healthy and fine.
I don’t know why I am posting, other than that we are just overwhelmed with grief.
Anonymous
I’m so sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking and devastating.
Anon
I am so, so sorry for your loss, and all the pain.
Anon
Oh my word. I don’t have words to express my shock and sadness for you.
nuqotw
I’m so, so sorry.
Anon
That’s horrible. I’m so sorry. Hugs from an internet stranger.
go for it
Oh my, my deepest sympathies to you and yours~ all the hugs~
Anonymous
I’m so sorry that you are hurting. Please know that this is a thing that can happen and it has nothing to do with how good you were during pregnancy. Life just isn’t fair an awful lot of the time.
Anon
I’m so so deeply sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine your pain. Sending you hugs from an internet stranger.
Anon
I am so, so sorry.
This does not make it any better, except to say that the pandemic has seen a horribly high rate of stillbirths. One of my friends was most of the way through her third trimester and… no heartbeat. It’s horrible.
Anon
To the OP – I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you get all of the support you need during this difficult time. Please take all the time you need to heal and grieve. Appoint someone at work to spread the news on your behalf so you do not need to. Once you know what will work best for you, tell people your preferences. If you eventually want to return to work and have everyone pretend nothing happened (as my coworker wished when his wife passed) have someone spread the word. If the condolences and talking about it helps, have someone spread the word it is okay to talk about it and to check in with you.
Re the post I am replying to – I had not heard that. I heard that miscarriages and infertility were down during the pandemic. I wonder if there is any correlation between that and the increased stillbirths – as in, these were not viable pregnancies anyway but something about the pandemic made them hang on longer than normal. High risk women are normally told to rest as much as they can. Many people spent a lot more time lounging during the pandemic than normal. Maybe that extended these pregnancies. So sad.
Anon
My understanding is that poor antenatal care contributed to the higher stillbirth rates. Telemedicine doesn’t capture everything. Pandemic stress can cause problems.
Are miscarriage rates actually down, or is the reporting of them down because women are miscarrying at home without having ever gone to the OB-GYN office? Normally, women would make an appointment when they get a positive pregnancy test; they might wait longer because of the pandemic, miscarry at home around week 6 or 8, and never make official statistics.
Anon
You guys, take it offline or star another thread. This is not the thread for you to intellectually puzzle over this.
Anon
I am so sorry. That is terrible I feel awful that it happened to you.
Anon
Hugs. I am so so sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts. From a stranger.
No Face
What a nightmare. This is a significant death, and I hope you have the opportunity to morn. So sorry for your loss.
pugsnbourbon
I am so sorry – there are truly no words.
anonymous
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to your family.
Quail
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Know that this internet stranger is thinking about you and your family during this terrible time. And there is nothing, nothing you could have done differently. It is not your fault. I hope you can take the time you need to grieve.
Anon
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the grief.
It is okay to be overwhelmed with grief; you have been through an overwhelmingly tragic experience.
Please keep posting here. We may not have answers or the right things to say all the time, but we are here for you. I am hoping someone here may have a recommendation for an infant loss community where you could find people who have been through what you have gone through.
My heart goes out to you. Please take care of yourself.
Anon
I’m so sorry, can’t imagine how hard that is. Posting to mention the Pinch of Yum blog – they lost a baby either right before or after birth and have a lot of posts and resources on grieving.
Anon
I’m so, so sorry. That’s just absolutely devastatingly awful.
Patricia Gardiner
I am so, so sorry for your loss. How absolutely heartbreaking.
Anone
I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. Please come to us whenever you need support.
lifer
Oh my goodness…
Sending you my strength. I hope you are in a safe place where you are getting good care.
Please come back and tell us how you are doing so we can help and support you.
I am so, so sorry.
A
I’m so very sorry. Sometimes there are simply no answers in the universe. And certainly nothing that would make sense to you.
anon for this
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Vicky Austin
I am so sorry, OP.
Anonymous Canadian
Oh, my heart breaks for you. Please know I am sending love and most sincere sympathies to you with this devastating news. I have no advice or answers for you but I know you loved your baby with your whole heart and he had a wonderful mother. Please do your best to take good care of yourself.
Anon
This is a beautiful reply.
Anon
+1 beautiful and eloquent reply. It brought me to tears.
OP: I share this story in hope it may bring some comfort in the future. 25 years ago, my childhood best friend’s family lost their baby boy at 39 weeks. My friend and I were 8 at the time. The family chose to name him and as it was autumn, the family bought a small pumpkin for the baby along with the larger pumpkins for the other family members on the front porch. Each year, there was a baby pumpkin with the others. While we no longer live in the same city, I happened to visit my friend a few years ago around Halloween. She had a baby pumpkin amongst the big pumpkins. I noticed and she said “of course, it is for James.”
I hope you will find the support you need at the time and you and can remember the baby boy that was so loved.
Walnut
Oh my goodness – I am so sorry. All the hugs and tears from this internet stranger.
Senior Attorney
Oh, I am so, so, sorry for your heartbreaking loss! Big hugs from an internet stranger who is weeping along with you, here at my desk.
Anin
I am so sorry you have to go through this, the pain and shock is unimaginable. Sending you strength and a hug. Take good care of yourself and your partner, allow yourself plenty of time to grieve, and I can only recommend seeking a help of a therapist early on.
anon
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
anon
Words are inadequate. All I can say is that I am so, so terribly sorry.
LaurenB
I am so very sorry for your loss. Take care.
Not that Anne, the other Anne.
I am so very sorry for your loss. There are no words that are adequate for this.
Anonymous
I am so so sorry for your loss. I encourage you to post on this site as you need to, these internet strangers will be happy to be here for you.
Anon
I am so sorry for your loss. Currently pregnant with our first and something like this is my worst nightmare. I can’t imagine what you and your husband are going through, but sending so many hugs to you.
anon
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I was pregnant with twins after IVF and lost one at 24 weeks. The PGS testing we did on the embryos prior to implantation and the subsequent testing done on the fetal tissue revealed no abnormalities, so we don’t know what happened. It’s devastating, and you have my deepest sympathy.
Coach Laura
I’m so sorry. Wishing you and your loved ones peace and comfort.
Unsub
I am so sorry for your and your husband’s loss. My heart and thoughts are with you.
Anon
For environmental and health reasons, I’d really like to move to eating more organic food, using more natural products, etc. but I find them to be prohibitively expensive sometimes (my monthly grocery budget is $200 or $50/week; my personal care budget is $100/month. There’s a little wiggle room here, but not a ton as I make 55k/year in a H/MCOL area).
For non-food products, I’d be fine ordering online and receiving a delivery. I usually food shop at some combo of Sprouts, Whole Foods, a small Giant, and a local small grocery store. For personal care, I mostly shop at Target but sometimes Walgreens. No car, so limited to places I can walk/bike/subway to.
I think I”ll start by saving my organic purchases for the dirty dozen (minus strawberries! the organic strawberries were 2x as expensive as the regular ones last week), but am looking for suggestions on eating/using clean products on a budget!
Anon
Frozen berries were the absolute biggest factor in getting my produce budget under control. They are fragile foods with limited shelf life, and prone to disgusting contaminants like bug eggs.
Anon
Frozen berries are amazing, and I say this as someone who is averse to frozen produce.
Anon
^^this, even if you’re not focused on saving money…frozen berries are just so. much. easier.
OP
Good call! I’ve used frozen before in oatmeal, but do you eat them plain? If so, how?
I used to thaw berries overnight in the fridge, drain them and add them to oatmeal. The consistency was a little off and they were sour but were fine enough for oatmeal. I don’t think I’d enjoy snacking on them as is though. I try to limit my snacks during the day to fruits/veggies/nuts, so snacking fruit is a big part of my diet.
Anon
I just eat them straight from the freezer. It tricks my brain into thinking I’m eating popsicles or ice cream.
anonshmanon
frozen berries blended with a frozen banana is even better faux ice cream.
pugsnbourbon
Frozen produce in general is a pretty good value, in that I don’t end up with sad forgotten veggies in the crisper.
AIMS
Try to figure out what is in season and eat accordingly. Even organic strawberries are much cheaper in the summer months; same with tomatoes, etc., or asparagus and citrus in winter.
OP
I mostly eat what’s in season (most foods just aren’t good out of season!) but overall grocery prices have been $$ lately and organic even more so!
Anonymous
Organic is not nearly as important as eating plant based for environmental or health outcomes. A bonus is that it’s actually usually cheaper to transition to a plant based diet (assuming you eat actual whole foods and not processed stuff).
OP
I’ve tried to go flexitarian and it isn’t working for me right now. My diet is mostly whole foods (+ ice cream) but when I have tried switching to plant based I’m STARVING by like 2pm. I’ve made sure to include plenty of protein and fats in lunches but I’ve found I really struggle without some meat.
anonshmanon
hehe. My diet is whole foods + potato chips.
Anon
Have you looked into CSA shares that offer delivery? Sometimes they can be a good deal. A lot of the small previously organic local farmers I know have soured on the rising costs of organic certification that favor larger farms. They also don’t always agree with what’s allowed (things that concern them) and what isn’t (things that are maybe not ideal but are much more sustainable). So you may be able to find ethical farmers that aren’t certified and that may cost less since they aren’t passing on the costs of certification.
OP
oh such a good idea!
Anon
A CSA will be at least $50 a week, that’s not a reasonable option.
Anon
If OP lives alone, some CSAs do a half share, or every other week share, which might be a cheaper option.
Anon
Our half share CSA is $25 per week.
Anonymous
My full CSA share is $100 a month. It’s very doable, depending on your location.
Anon
Honestly, one of the biggest things you can do is just cut out as many personal care and cleaning products as possible, which will actually save you a ton of money. I’m really scent sensitive, so even a lot of “natural” products are pretty much unusable as far as I’m concerned, but good old baking soda and vinegar work for most cleaning, with some Dawn thrown in for the hard stuff- it works much better than any of the natural soaps you have to use 10x as much of, so I figure it’s worth it.
I’ve also had good luck with Trader Joe’s for hand and bar soap, face cleanser, and moisturizer that don’t irritate my very very sensitive skin and are pretty cheap. Not sure if that’s an option for you?
Also, in general, you’re exposed to a higher load of persistent organic pollutants when you eat higher on the food chain, so you’ll reduce your exposure and save money if you eat beans instead of fish, for example.
Anon
This is a good one. Vinegar and baking soda and a couple of reusable spray bottles and you’re really all set for the majority of cleaning tasks. I guess I’d also add dawn dishwasher liquid to the list (Dawn is my version of Windex from My Big Fat Greek Wedding – it works for everything.)
Anon
On a tight budget your best bet is probably shopping at Giant in person. It’s just easier to see what’s on sale and what looks good. Peapod is reasonable for ordering online but never order from Instacart. If you have a produce -specific store like Produce Junction, they also usually have good pricing. Ethic groceries might also be good bets for produce depending on what you have. I’m a CSA member but those things and most farmer’s markets here are really expensive.
Also agree with paring down personal care items – things like skincare are fun but generally they’re overpriced snake oil.
Anon
I never do grocery delivery – its a waste of money, I enjoy grocery shopping, and I like picking out my produce myself! Even in the height of the pandemic, I always shopped in person.
LOVE Produce Junction! Totally forgot about them, but there’s one near my parents (45 mins from me); I’ll go next time I visit them! (and then I can split stuff with them because no matter how many peaches I eat, I will not be able to eat all 27 they give me!)
Anonymous
Organic meats at Costco are same price as the non-organic meat at my local grocery store. I order some online and use local grocery delivery service for instore only items.
At local store, bananas are not much more expensive to buy organic. Generally focus on buying orangic for the things where you eat the skin – apples, grapes, peppers, berries. Watch out for sales and aim for better not perfect. I buy non-organic produce plenty of times too. For cleaners, I like Method brand.
Anonymous
Organic animal products use more land and water than conventional animal products so if the goal is environmentalism, animals are not the answer.
Anonymous
Except that organic practices are much better for water quality overall (DH is an agricultural scientists whose work focuses on studying pesticides in agricultural run off water). And organic farms generally (though not always) have better animal welfare practices.
And with a dairy/egg/nut allergic child I’d like to know WTF she’s supposed to eat for protein. Her brother is chickpea allergic so lentils are out.
Anonymous
Tofu, seitan, tvp, Butler soy curls, tempeh, other beans such as kidney, navy, cannellini, etc.
Anon
I was going to gently suggest that some people have medical diets that make it very difficult to be meat free. I can’t have gluten or dairy, I’m allergic to avocados, strawberries and mangos and I have crohn’s disease so I need to eat relatively low fiber and avoid seeds and raw veggies. I eat meat or fish with a steamed veggie for dinner most nights. We buy the organic meats less for environmental reasons but more for humane reasons. Our local grocery store sells meats from regional farms that have humane practices. If I have to eat cow, I’d rather eat a cow that was happy during its lifetime.
Anon
Obviously not everybody can go vegetarian or vegan, but in general a lot more people should to have a positive impact on the environment. Don’t take it so personally when somebody suggests that it’s a good idea. It’s not like they’re hoping your kids in particular will starve to death.
Anon
Animal farming can also preserve richer ecosystems than a lot of agriculture can. I grew up in a heartland area which was basically just monocrops as far as the eye could see. Maybe that’s what’s needed to feed the world, but I now live around a lot of sustainable agriculture animal farms, and they seem so much more inviting in terms of the diverse plant and animal wildlife habitats they support.
Anonymous
Those mono crops are mostly animal feed, but good try.
Anonymous
To replace a lot of cleaning products, I like Force of Nature.
Alanna of Trebond
I really like BlueLand.
Cb
I buy the big bottles of eco cleaning products, hand soap, shampoo etc. It’s a more expensive outlay but is SO much cheaper than just buying shampoo when you’re out. But the most eco purchase is the purchase you don’t make, so cutting down on the number of products you use etc is really helpful. It’s also a little thing, but I bought spring onions 6 months ago, planted them, and haven’t had to buy since.
Anonymous
If there is a food coop in your area, sometimes they have good prices for organic and minimally treated food.
The biggest tricks I know of for reducing grocery expenses are to focus on unit pricing (cost per ounce – buying in bulk is often cheaper), make things from scratch as much as possible, and to know what a good price is for something you buy regularly so you can stock up when things go meaningfully on sale. Review the weekly ads each store puts out and make a plan for what to buy that week, and plan your meals around what is on sale. Ideally, you figure out how much of each thing you need to buy so you won’t need to buy again until it is on sale again. This is obviously harder for produce, but you can freeze things. I learned a lot about this from an old book, The Complete Tightwad Gazette. It’s pretty dated, but the baseline strategies for reducing what you spend on food are sound.
Also, I would focus on food more than personal care products as “natural” is borderline meaningless for the latter. And/or embrace Dr. Bronners – dilute! dilute!
Anon
+1 to all this. I love my local Co-op and the Indian market near my house. I rarely go to the big supermarket anymore – no need.
I’m one of the lower-income people on this board and I eat a ton of beans and eggs… for protein, I suppose, but mostly because I’ve learned some really good ways to prepare them, so they’re just in the rotation because I like them.
Plant based really is the way to go to save money, and it definitely can be filling; you just need to learn how to make the right stuff (which will depend on what you like). I’m looking forward to okra being in season, because bhindi masala is one of my favorites to make and I can eat myself stupid on it.
When it does come to meat, if you make recipes that called for ground meat (chili, spag-bol, etc), use 1/4 – 1/3 the amount the receipe calls for. You’ll get the texture and mouth-feel but can stretch one package a lot further. My co-op portions its meat offerings smaller, so you’re not forced to buy 2 pounds or whatever. I usually buy 3/4 to 1 pound and get about 3 recipe batches out of it.
Sally’s Baking Addiction black bean patties are to die for – actually better reheated and very, very filling. They are also a great addition broken up and added to salads.
Lastly, for me, local > organic. Whenever possible, know where your food comes from. Not using pesticides is great and all, but if the end product’s been picked by poorly treated workers and trucked the whole way across the country, it’s sort of a moot point in terms of environmental & other damage. Likewise, if meat is organic, but raised and processed in the CAFO model, what’s the point?
Non-food ideas
I changed over to silicone menstrual cups years ago, and generate less hygiene related trash than before. I had to try a couple before I found the perfect size and shape, but love my current one (Lunette, a Finnish brand).
I do microfiber cloths (no soap) and cloth napkins instead of paper towels and napkins. I get dishwasher soap, toilet cleaner and laundry detergent. Dawn and vinegar mix is great for cleaning the shower and tub.
I am highly sceptical towards skin care, soaps and shampoos that are marketed as natural. As an allergic person, I know natural does not necessarily mean suitable for my skin, and I always go for scent-free and less harsh ingredients rather than “natural” which often has lots of essential oils, perfumes and smellies. Chemical (which of course, makes no sense, it’s all chemical) is often my best friend.
I try to buy clothes without added metals like silver, which is a total waste of a a resource as well as not good for you.
One purchase that is well worth the investment, is a Guppy bag or similar, which will help you release less microplastics while doing laundry.
Coach Laura
Funny, the organic strawberries at my local stores were cheaper for the past two weeks than the non-organic. Maybe it’s just because it’s strawberry season.
Anonymous
I order from Thrive.
nuqotw
Anyone for an “I did a minor task that was provoking ridiculous levels of avoidance” thread?
I’ll start.
(1) I scheduled a kid’s doctor’s appointment.
(2) I sent an email I forgot to send two weeks ago and was embarrassed about.
(3) I scheduled an appointment to get a new work ID. Yes, this requires an appointment.
Anon
I mailed a baby gift that has been sitting for several weeks.
Anonymous
Finally my Be The Match swabs in the mail!
Walnut
Yeah!! Go you!!
Anone
awesome!
MagicUnicorn
Finally made the phone call to request my 401k rollover.
pugsnbourbon
Oh jeez, I need to do this!
Shelle
I canceled my gym membership after not going in over a year!
Anon
You’re inspiring me. I’m going to make a serious effort to send back that return today!!
anon
Here’s more inspiration for you! Don’t be me! I thought I had more time to mail a return, but I didn’t check, procrastinated through a Saturday, and missed the deadline. Now I have $400 in crappy clothing I don’t want! Still feel sick about it. Do not be me!
Anon
Thank you. This is $13 which is why I hesitate but I’m never going to wear it and it needs to be out of my house!
Anon
PS call them and plead your case!! I find saying “this is all my fault but I’m hoping you can help me out” to be most successful. Good luck!!
lifer
I changed a battery in a phone handset. I have needed to do that for more than 1 year….
Senior Attorney
Haha my husband has at least three wristwatches and apparently the batteries on all of them are dead. I found this out when he bought a new wristwatch over the weekend…
Anon
I did the wristwatch battery run last weekend! It feels great to be wearing a watch again instead of checking my devices for the time.
lifer
The sad thing was that the battery was in my fridge (where I keep a ton of back-up batteries of all kinds) and the phone was just a few feet away. And that was too large a chasm to cross.
Senior Attorney
I get it, man. I totally get it.
Anone
I finally filed a response to an audit that I was avoiding for almost 5 months. As is so often the case, it wasn’t really so bad once I started it.
HW
Thank you for this, you all inspired me to go pick up the dry cleaning I dropped off 6 weeks ago
Anon
Looking for recs for a blender, specifically one that is good for smoothies. Looking to keep it under $100.
Also, if you have any good smoothie recipes, please post them below!
Anonymous
I love my Vitamix, but for under $100, the Ninja is a good option. I still use mine occasionally because you can blend in the same cup.
I don’t do “recipes” and don’t understand that concept. Throw whatever fruit you have in, add a liquid (oatmilk is good or water even), ice, and you’re good. I put spinach in nearly all as it’s almost tasteless when combined.
OP
A Vitamix would be awesome, but I”m asking for this as my birthday gift from my parents and I don’t like to ask for expensive things from them!
Im someone who needs recipes – I’m so bad at conceptualizing what goes together in my head! Like even at Cava I struggle (Chipotle is fine because it all goes together, less so at Cava).
Anon
They aren’t under $100, but we’ve had a Ninja for almost three years now and still love it. I hated putting ice in smoothies before we got it; I’d always end up with ice particles in the bottom of the cup. The Ninja pulverizes ice really effectively. We got a Nutra Ninja Duo and use the cups (vs. using the pitcher) all the time. We got ours for around $150 on sale.
Curious
1 frozen banana
2 Tbsp peanut butter
2 Tbsp cocoa powder
1/2c or so milk or alternative
Place in single serving Ninja bottle. Blend.
Love my Ninja blender so much…
Anon for this
Add some crushed ice to this and (especially if it’s hot and/or you’ve been sweating a lot) a pinch of salt. One of my favorite treats!
Curious
Yummmmm. Word to the wise… you may need to avoid the salt depending on your peanut butter. Ours definitely runs on the salty side.
AnonATL
Depending on the volume you make, I like the single serve one from Hamilton beach. So much easier to clean than a full size blender and inexpensive.
Anon
Thanks! I think single serve would be ideal (my roommate doesn’t like smoothies so they’re just for me).
Do you find that the Hamilton Beach one handles ice/frozen berries well?
Anon
Nutribullet is great for smoothies! I paid less than $100 though I also took advantage of a sale.
kitten
+1 I’m pretty hard on mine (4+ smoothies a week with ice/frozen produce) and my last one lasted 5 years. I just replaced mine for ~$60. I’m sure there are better ones out there but it’s perfect for me, a single person on a budget with limited kitchen space.
I usually make basic protein shakes, but my favorite “dessert” smoothie is cashews, banana, almond milk, chia seeds, vanilla, dash of maple syrup or honey, pinch of salt, and ice. The cashews make it creamy like a milkshake.
OP
Thanks so much for this rec! Have limited kitchen space and would only be making single serve smoothies so will look into this!
Anon
I have a fancy oster blender with all the bells and whistles, plus a workhorse of a Cuisinart food processor (the kind you can’t but anymore) and all the attachments. You know what I use 99% of the time? The As Seen On TV Nutribullet my kids talked me into for making smoothies.
I make hummus in it. I make all kinds of green sauces (have a bunch of cilantro or parsley that you need to use before it gets gross? Throw it in the blender and make something like pesto out of it. It will be delicious). I whirl cans of whole tomatoes before making sauces. I make actual smoothies. I make breadcrumbs. You name it. I use that sucker all the time.
My expensive top of the line appliances collect dust in the cupboard.
Anonymous
I have a vitamix and it’s the thing I would try to save if my house were burning down….As for smoothies one on frequent rotation at my house:
A bunch of spinach
Frozen banana
1/2 an avocado
1 cup of almond or coconut milk
1 tsp of spirulina
Sometimes I add 1 – 2 tbs of flaxseed or chia seeds, a slice of ginger and 1/4 c of oats. Today I did this mix and added in a few slices of frozen peaches as well. Even my boyfriend who is put off by the green color thought it was good.
Elderlyunicorn
I have been making this smoothie a lot …
Handful of spinach & 1 C of liquid (oat milk, soy milk, whatever) – put this in the bottom of the blender
1/2 avocado
1 C frozen berries
I add a little flaxseed, too
squeeze of honey
Anon
I just bought an off brand blender from Amazon and it is absolutely amazing, like way better than I ever expected. I think it is an unbranded Vitamix, and it performs so much better than any other blender I’ve had (Oster, Nutribullet). I exclusively use it for smoothies and wanted something that could crush ice and frozen spinach. I will put a link in a reply so this doesn’t get stuck in mod.
As for the smoothie recipe, I use Kelly Leveque’s “fab 5” smoothie formula: protein, fat, fiber, and greens. My go to is 1/4 cup berries, 1/2 cup frozen spinach, peanut butter, and Orgain whey protein powder. Sometimes I will add flax or chia as well.
Anon
Here is a link!
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07Y65QSGH/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1
slurp slurp
I have a Nutribullet, and I really like it! Today I made this smoothie and thought it was yummy (my partner agreed): spinach, unsweetened vanilla flax milk, and a few chunks of frozen banana, pineapple, and mango (from the frozen section at my grocery). I threw in some flavorless protein powder to make it more filling.
Tomorrow, I want to try it with spinach, flax milk, banana, peanut butter, and chocolate flavored protein powder.
Anon
Apologies if this has been asked recently: Does anyone have a good recommendation for shorts that I can put under a dress to prevent chafing? I like wearing dresses in the summer & walk around a lot but need to avoid the rub (right now I’m a cusp size on to plus sizes)
No Face
I wear Jockeys slip shorts from Target.
go for it
+1 and I size up for coolness
Anon
+1 – they’re the gold standard IMHO
Anonymous
Men’s boxer briefs. They’re cheaper than specialized products for women.
Anon
I like the soma ones. They are a little bit longer so they don’t ride up and they aren’t constricting.
Anonymous
I prefer using a chafing cream, to wearing shorts. The monistat one is really nice, but Body Glide also works.
Anon
Vaseline also makes one that I’ve liked. It’s a twist-up stick like deodorant.
Anon
I do under armor spandex. This is what we wore under our kilts at Catholic school and what we wore under our skirts to play field hockey and lacrosse and I just never stopped. I’ve tried less athletic ones, but find they just ride up. If it’s worked for me since I was 12, I see no reason to stop now!
Anon
My daughter is a high school athlete and they call these “spandex.” To me, spandex is a fabric, but to her spandex is a pair of undershorts. (Her sport is field hockey so they wear skirts for competition)
Anon
Thigh Society – the cooling ones. Almost like they aren’t there.
Worried
These are all great suggestions here. I find jockey shimmies work on milder summer days, but in the heat of summer I wear thin cotton or cotton blend leggings that I simply cut off into bike shorts. I usually purchase the thinner type of leggings from h and m or old navy for this. You can sew where you cut them off, or leave it unfinished ( it may curl a bit depending on how much stretch the fabric has). These work great in the summer and I pretty much live in dresses and skirts all summer this way.
Anon
I like 100% cotton bike shorts. Most of mine are from Champion.
Anon
I tried the jockey slip shorts but didn’t like them (I am a grandma and like wearing a half slip, and it was too many layers together, and not working alone). I switched to a megababe thigh rescue stick and have been very happy.
Anon
My absolute favorite ones are Nike that came as part of tennis/golf skirt. I would buy more tennis/golf skirts just to get those shorts. They are longer than ones sold to wear alone but still high enough to work under a skirt/dress. They don’t ride up like others I have tried.
Out of ideas
High school graduation gift ideas? Family member (girl) is graduating this month and I know cash is king and will be giving accordingly but I’d like to get some token present as well.
Feeling a little uninspired because this is a young woman who pretty much has everything and then some. She’ll be living off campus in her own apartment, parents are buying her a car, college is paid for, she has all the “fancy” young girl dream ticket items already but I really would like to commemorate the occasion somehow besides just giving her a check. Probably overthinking it but would love some gift ideas in the $50 range or thereabouts.
Anonymous
Photo frame? College swag (bag, sweatshirt, flip flops etc)? Summer beach tote?
go for it
How about a classic book
with a lovely note from you? Erich Fromm the Art of loving?
Anon
Any nice branded college gear would be great, especially women’s sweatshirts (though they can run a bit pricey, closer to $100 than $50). If you want something smaller, a college branded key card holder+lanyard (she’s going to need it to enter many college buildings).
Anon
piece of jewelry? My college had a cool pendant with a meaningful image on it (forget what it was but it wasn’t our logo – maybe the rose window from the chapel? I don’t know) that my work study boss gave me when I graduated.
Other ideas: Yeti mug, something from the college bookstore, subscription to Birchbox/FabFitFun/whatever for a few months, subscription to a magazine or newspaper, a print to hang in her apartment?
honestly sounds like she has everything she could ever want, so maybe a donation to a scholarship fund at her school?
Curious
My neighbor got me glossy wood bookends from my alma mater that I found exceedingly grown up and still use :). That was for college graduation but might be good for this?
Cat
Would it help to think of it as a housewarming gift? Pretty mugs for coffee (Anthro is great for this)?
anon
When I graduated from high school, my uncle sent me a few branded items from my college bookstore–sweatshirt, travel mug, that type of thing. I was thrilled with it! (FWIW, I had a similarly privileged background.)
Anonymous
Wat about a hat, sweatshirt or t-shirt with her new college logo?
Out of ideas
OP here. I should have added that her mom bought out the whole campus shop — she has almost every single item of swag at this point, including sheets and bookends.
Anonymous
For a kid who has this much stuff, the only way to impress is with a thoughtful, meaningful gift. I’d pick a novel that was important to you at her age and inscribe a hardbound copy with a note.
Anon
is she a kid who will appreciate something meaningful? If she is, great! If not, I’d skip a gift altogether.
It sounds like the cash won’t even make much of an impact on her. What about taking her out to a nice lunch before she moves? Or a Groupon/gift certificate for something fun to do near her college? Once in college my dad gave me money to take some friends out for dinner and we had a blast.
Anon
Just send her a card then.
LaurenB
A sweatshirt or other swag from her college. Alternatively, a cute idea that can be as inexpensive or as expensive as you want to make it would be gift cards to an ice cream shop, coffee shop, cupcake shop, etc. in her college town. I’ve done that on several occasions and been thanked profusely!
Anon
I see you are also related to my nieces. I sent them a card and wished them the very best. Don’t feel compelled to throw money at someone who has no need of it.
roxie
honestly, a nice card and a donation in your name to a local community charity in her new college town and why you chose it.
Anon
My best friend’s Mom bought me the “Life’s Little Instruction Book” book. It is a small beautiful hard cover book. Each page is a piece of life advice from the author like “never ask someone why they aren’t drinking.” She wrote her own little inscription in the cover. I still have and cherish it. I have read it cover to cover many times and still follow some of the advice there.
Anon
I think this is it
https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/the-complete-lifes-little-instruction-book_h-jackson-brown-jr/270893/item/1910311/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxLiz8NyX8QIVhMWGCh0wZwNQEAQYBCABEgKr9vD_BwE#idiq=1910311&edition=1885813
Anon
Link in moderation.
Senior Attorney
I love stuff like this!
Good Vibes?
I have an interview for a job I’m REALLY excited about later this afternoon – not sure what I’m asking for – thoughts? prayers? good vibes?, but would appreciate all of the above.
I voluntarily left a super toxic job at the end of March and have been searching since. I can (luckily) afford to be out of work for longer, but while I accurately assessed the financial aspect of leaving without something lined up, I absolutely did NOT accurately assess the mental health aspect and have really been suffering on that side. I like this company and I think it’d be a good fit, so hoping it works out!
Anon
Name it and claim it!
Senior Attorney
VIBES!!! You got this!!
Anin
Sending good vibes and report back!
Vicky Austin
Speak it into existence!! You got this!
Anonymous
Does anyone get into phases where they’re like — I can’t do life alone, I’m not capable of it, how will I live like this?
But thing is there’s no solution. I’m 42 and there’s no boyfriend or husband waiting in the wings. I’m super picky about my space so a roommate isn’t a solution. My parents would love for me to move back home with mommy and daddy. We’re Asian so to them unmarried daughters (and sons) live at home forever. But omg no — having spent a few weeks with them in the pandemic, I’m realized you get zero space, zero silence, and are expected to live like it’s high school with lunch and dinner at x time, being interrogated and talked out of it if you want to go out esp after dinner etc. I’m sure this is just an over reaction phase but how to deal? I’ve been living on my own since I went away to college — dorms in college and law school but then apartments in 3 different cities from age 25+.
Anon
My dear, you ARE capable of it. You’ve been doing it for years.
Give yourself some credit!!!!
Anon
What is it that you’re struggling with?
Anonymous
I’ve been through phases of this since getting divorced 10 years ago. Someone on this board recommended “Live Alone and Like It” its a resource book written in 1936 and some of it still holds up today. I keep it and read it when I’m down. It’s a good reminder of the advantages of living alone. I also try to remember its better to live alone and enjoy my own company rather than live with someone and feel lonely.
Senior Attorney
Oh, wow, I think that was me! And yes it is SO MUCH BETTER to be alone that living with the wrong person!
Anon
If the issue is struggling with things that are stereotypically “male” tasks, if you don’t feel up to learning them (or are physically incapable, like moving large furniture) I suggest finding a great handyperson and paying them well. Don’t be embarrassed to call them to change the lightbulb over the vaulted stairs because you are too afraid to climb the ladder. Even married people I know outsource for either lack of time, skill or desire.
Anonymous
2nd this!
Senior Attorney
Absolutely! I’ve had good luck with TaskRabbit for this kind of thing.
Anin
I feel you! I am also single and move internationally for work often, am also picky and so on. Generally, I like my life and am very grateful for it, but there were specific moments when I wished I had a partner to share the load or just as a mental support (think tough work situation like internal investigation or going through a major surgery during lockdown). My mantra is that with or without a partner, I have one life and I will do 120% to live it in a satisfying and meaningful way. And as this forum shows, love/partner/kids can happen anytime. Just fill your life with meaningful-to-you moments. You don’t owe anyone anything. If you don’t want to live with parents, don’t. You are an adult and have full agency over your life. Enjoy it.
Family vacations
How do you guys feel about vacationing with extended family? Long story: my husband and I are both immigrants with family outside the US, except my BIL who moved during the pandemic to now live in the same city as us. My sister’s family visits US every summer and was planning a trip in 2020 and asked us in Feb to do a week long trip with us in summer. I told my DH who said it’s our 10-year anniversary in summer and I want us to do something with just our family. We can’t two week-long trips, so after some back/forth he said he’s disappointed that I picked vacation with my side family over an anniversary trip with just us/kids. Of course, neither one of those trips happened in 2020. Fast forward now, we have booked travel over 4th July week. Now my sister family and my parents want to come visit us and asked if we would be open to having them join us over 4th July week. My DH was not happy about it – he said sister family can join, but having parents there will change the tone of the trip and he’s burnt out and he’s looking forward to this trip and he wants it to be just fine. I said, my parents will stay with my sister in a separate place, there won’t be any expectation to spend all time together (I cleared with my sis our concerns).. DH said yea right, I know how that goes. He said a reluctant yes to them joining us. Sister and family thought some more and decided against joining us. But I’m still upset with my DH — mostly because he said hes “so relieved” to hear they aren’t joining us.
Keep in mind that when we first booked July, we asked BIL family to join us. Then we changed the location to someplace further away, still told BIL family to join, but they said no. I think DH would’ve been ok with my sis/family (without my parents) joining us, but I/my sister didn’t want to exclude my parents.
I think there is a bigger problem here that comes up every year — for my sister this is her time to travel/vacation when they visit us and want us to join them. But for my DH, he doesn’t want a family reunion trip every year. He told me last year, he would be ok with a weekend/long weekend trip, but a week of vacation is precious time. In the past, when I didn’t work and could go visit my sister in her country, my DH would get upset if I went too often/too long (2-3 weeks) coz he missed the kid(s) too much. DH wants us to travel together as much as can and not separately, but then he doesn’t want to spend too much time with my family (or his family tbh, though his brother he’s closest to and they are local now so we see them 2-3 times/week). I know and agree that my family has strong personalities, and his is more chill, but family is family and I love mine and get selfish about spending/maximizing as much time as possible with them.
Anon
I agree with your husband. Extended family trips are not the same thing as vacation. Throughout your life you have to do both, but don’t mistake one for the other.
It sounds like your husband wants a vacation, and I don’t blame him, but that means not making it an extended family trip this time.
The only nitpick here is that your husband seems to view his own brother as less of an interloper than your family members. If he really wants to delineate vacation from extended family time, that needs to exclude his family as well.
Anonymous
+164839937154142527939….
Senior Attorney
I agree with your husband, too. I feel, though, that he needs to compromise on making it possible for you and kids to spend time with your family some time other than during your husband’s limited vacation time?
Family vacations
Well, so my family does end up visiting and staying with us for a few weeks every year – so I guess that’s enough family time?
Anonymous
That would be plenty of family time for me. I also agree with the above that “family trips” are not vacations and “vacation time” from work is unfortunately used for both ;)
Anonymous
Oh my gosh yes. Give your husband the vacation he wants with just you and your kids!
Anonymous
So they normally stay a few weeks every year and in addition to that you are considering spending your actual vacation with them. That’s a very reasonable thing to not want.
Any way you could do a solo trip to see them during the year, and spend a long weekend there with kids and husband at home? It’s not bad that you want to see them! But it sounds like it’s an anti-vacation for your husband (would defo be for me), and it’s not a bad thing to make your own family a priority a few weeks during your vacation, and get your family fix at some other time.
Anonymous
That’s sort of a big detail which almost entirely exonerates your husband. If they visit and stay for a few weeks they should not take over vacations too.
Anon
Seriously! The poor husband, let the man take a REAL vacation!
Anon
Yes, that would be more than enough family time for me. If I had family visiting for several weeks a year would also want to do a “vacation” with just my immediate family and not have the pressure of having other people – even family members I knew well – along.
My husband and I struggled with this issue when we were first married; we spent the first three years of our marriage using every bit of vacation time visiting our families (largely due to the fact that they communicated an expectation we would do that). I finally had enough, and we sat down and negotiated what we were willing to do (which was to see each side of the family once a year over holidays, but reserve “vacation time” for ourselves) and then communicated those boundaries to our parents. And then we stuck by those boundaries even in the face of objections, guilt trips, etc. You, your husband and your children deserve time together as a family unit unto yourselves, and it’s up to you to set and communicate those boundaries with your family.
Senior Attorney
Good grief, yes! Adding vacations with your family is too much!
Anonymous
Well, my husband always wants to bring my mom along on our vacations because he thinks our little family of three is not big enough to be really fun and he adores her. But I think he is an outlier and we would never want to spend our limited vacation time with any of the rest of our extended family.