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Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Cap-Sleeve V-Neck Sheath Dress

Roland Mouret Cap-Sleeve V-Neck Sheath Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Owning something from Roland Mouret is on my bucket list, I think — I always swoon when I see one of his gorgeous, gorgeous dresses. Some of them can have a vintage vibe — specifically, “lady villain in a 1930s movie,” which of course I like — but this simple sheath dress lacks that, while maintaining a very Mouret tailored look. It’s $1450, available for preorder. Roland Mouret Cap-Sleeve V-Neck Sheath Dress Two lower-priced alternatives are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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152 Comments

  1. Important life observation:

    After spending HOURS reading Reddit’s ADD forums during work hours (not ironically) over the past few months, I have found that I can just about conquer the world (or 90 mins of uninterrupted work) with Spot. ify’s “productive morning” station and 10 mg of Adderall.

        1. Growing up, my mom basically rolled her eyes and said ADD/ADHD didn’t exist and that the parents were just uninvolved and kids were lazy, and while I know realistically it’s not true that’s been a hard stereotype for me to overcome. But I’m a young professional now (have been in the workforce for about 5 years) and though I am successful in my career, it’s been feeling like an uphill battle for a long time.

          You inspired me to call and make an appointment with a psychiatrist for next week. I think I’ll let the professionals determine this one.

          1. I think that there’s some lazy parents who don’t want to parent and just medicate their kids.

            My parents were really insane/disciplinarians and I was really really bright/good at school, so I never had to really deal with myself, but when I got into a more independent place, I found that I had a really hard time.

            The adderall changed my life (No joke). So did starting a job I gave a $hit about after 6 years at a law firm….and some other workarounds.

            So, good luck with your appointment!

    2. Thanks for that one! I’ve been using Stephen Thompson’s Songs for Editing playlist, which is good and long (16 hours!), but not all of it is to my taste – although I’ve discovered some interesting songs on that one.

      I don’t have them on my phone now, but I need to re-find my white/pink noise playlists. Some were just white noise, others were more of the “ocean sounds” type of noise, but they were good for days when I needed to shove in earbuds and drown out everyone around me, but I didn’t want to listen to regular music. Especially when I worked in a noisy cube environment. Also good for calming me down when I would get into a “I can’t do this, I hate this, oh no I’m going to fail” anxiety spiral from work that I had procrastinated for far too long and I was working on a time crunch. I think this might have been one of the sources of the files I used: http://naturesoundsfor.me/s/white-noise#nsounds

    3. You’ve just spurred me on to make a doctor’s appointment to talk about ADHD. Thank you!

    4. I wonder if I have ADHD, too. Could you describe how you came to figure it was ADHD and not merely lack of willpower or focus (because I fear that mine might be the latter)?

      1. For me, it was listening to the episode of Stuff Mom Never Told You about ADD. It was like they were describing me.

      2. I think I have a healthy dose of also being lazy a.f./disinterested, to be honest.

        BUT, here’s where I think the diagnosis stopped being ridiculous for me. When reviewing the test/evaluation results, they indicated that I was rushing to get done and not paying attention to the work (true). I also lose my place in the conversation, can never find stuff, always feel flustered, mind wanders to ANYTHING remotely interesting when put up against any anxiety, and so on and so forth.

  3. After everyone raved about the Karmen pump, I tried it this weekend and hated it…super uncomfy :(

    BUT I did try the Payless Janine pump and was so miraculously surprised! They are pointy toed,a bout a 3 inch heel, but incredibly comfortable right out of the box and really well cushioned. I wore them for a 10-hour workday and my feet felt good all day–no soreness or blisters, and they have a lot of support at the heel and ball of foot.

    1. I much prefer the Janine to the Karmen. I literally wear the nude-for-me version several times a week during the Spring/Summer and always have an extra pair in my closet. For that price, it’s worth it to me to just wear them until they fall apart.

  4. 1. CW Capital is the RE firm. Google Special Servicers and you can learn more about that industry. As with all things, “special” translates into “things are bad.”

    2. Re firms hiring, I’d never say “don’t use a recruiter.” What I think is preferred is to network a ton and use a contact go on informational interviews and nose around for who might be hiring. My hierarchy is contact > recruiter (working for form) > blindly applying. I’m never sure how non-retained recruiters work these days.

    DC is a great town. Open to transplants. People come from many schools. Hard to find such an open market if you go to another city. Since you’re there, maybe use your time to network around and find a place that’s a better fit (which may be doing financial fraud litigation or even criminal work).

    1. I just read the weekend thread. I was in BigLaw for several years and recently transitioned to a general counsel’s office in a government agency, doing litigation work. I absolutely love it. Good money, very normal hours, and very challenging work (will be arguing in the federal court of appeals in a few months). Everyone in my group is from a top law school, with a federal appellate or federal district clerkship.

      Please don’t write off all government jobs. If you can find a job in a general counsel’s office with an agency, that could be your best bet. I do strictly appellate, but if you prefer general lit there are options there too. Obviously, for this sort of role, I would trumpet your litigation experience in general without focusing on the bankruptcy niche. Even if you don’t have substantive knowledge of the subject matter of the agency, don’t write it off. I knew nothing about my subject area before starting his job but just touted by lit experience in general.

      1. Yep. And the way that the gold zipper stops awfully short in the back, creating quite the slit.

      2. “Signature Style: “Galaxy Dress.” Fitted silhouettes that retain a feminine, sensuous feel.”

        I like the dress, but I doubt the designer meant for a dress described as “sensuous” to be worn to work.

      3. I was thinking Claire Underwood (although her dress would be in a neutral), but she would NEVER be seen with an exposed gold zipper.

      4. I also don’t love the external darts on the back. Feels almost like lazy construction, although I guess it’s supposed to be an interesting design detail.

  6. I have the 2nd lower priced alternative (Tahari). I ordered it from 6pm dot com when it was on clearance for $29. I think at that price it was not worth sending back (and paying return shipping), but I wouldn’t be happy if I paid too much more for it. The fabric looks a bit cheap, the color is really bright, the neckline is hard to pair with a jacket or sweater, and I think it’s cut a bit too large up top, at least for me: not so much in bust, but shoulder/stomach/etc. Also, i think it would be better on someone taller – on me the neckline was lower than it should have been. I actually almost never wore it until I was about 4 months pregnant when it was comfy to accommodate the growing bust/belly.

    1. I have the Tahari version as well, but love mine. I got it in navy on Rue La La, for about $50 if I remember correctly. It may be that it fits well because I am busty. I also like the heavier fabric because it hides flaws.

  8. Need a little advice. I work in an industry where I deal a lot directly with clients but public speaking is not usually a requirement. I do find with one-on-one presentations, meetings, calls etc but we have an upcoming event of ~100 people or so where I have to speak for about 5 minutes plus Q&A. I have a history of panicking during these things (mind going completely blank, wrong words coming out) but it has been 10+ years since I’ve done it and I’ve mature a lot since (just the one on ones freaked me out then). Not doing it is not an option unfortunately. I have a little under 3 weeks to prepare so any tips/resources/commiseration would be awesome!!

    4. Honestly? Xanax. That got me over the exact same symptoms when I would have to present in front of 100s of people. There finally just came a point when I didn’t need it any more. My mind knew it was going to be fine, so I stopped having any of the other manifestations, and then my presentations went fine.

    5. Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love Pricey Monday’s and this sheathe dress! Great pick, Kat and Kate! It is expensive, but sometimes, it is worth it to spend the right amount of money on the right dress b/c if you win 1 case by dressing properly, you are a winner! YAY! I will ask dad if I can buy this dress b/c the manageing partner will go 50/50 with me on it. That is still alot of money for 1 dress, tho. To bad I am not a partner at a BIG Firm, b/c then I could afford it! FOOEY!

      As for the OP, do NOT sweat it. I practice at home in front of a mirror so that I am NOT self consius. A littel secret: I sometimes practice in my nightie in front of a mirror, goeing thru my ENTIRE arguement that I am makeing the next day in court. So this way, when I make the arguement with my clotheing on, it is SO much easier. I recomend you try this. But make sure your curtain’s are drawn, b/c there are alot of peeople who like to stare in my window from the apartements next door, and you do NOT want them to see you w/o clotheing on. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      1. This is a great example of why people don’t like Ellen. There’s fun, and then there’s mocking other peoples’ problems. I get that it helps somebody’s ego who thinks this is fun/everybody ~*~loves her, but it’s just lame and not true.

    6. You can do it! I’m not a strong speaker and get really nervous in front of crowds (as in voice shaking noticably) when giving a talk. What has helped me get through the last two presentations I’ve given is to practice, practice, practice my “speech” part out loud in my office alone. If you don’t have a private office, book a conference room or practice at home. Try not to use slides – if you don’t, it’s easier to make eye contact with friendly faces. For the Q&A, remember that you really know your stuff! Have some extra FAQs in mind in case no one in the audience asks a question.

      1. I was going to say practice, practice, practice as well. Do you have colleagues that would be willing to serve as an audience for a dry run for you? I know a handful of people isn’t the same as hundreds, but it would help.

        Also, practice in front of a camera, and then make yourself watch it, rehearse and then record again. Seeing yourself on camera lets you see any little things you hadn’t noticed before, like if you are saying “um” a million times, or fidgeting with your hands or standing awkwardly, etc.

      2. Believe it or not the Q&A is not at all scary to me. I think I see that more as a one on one conversation and I can just respond instead of having to make sure I remember everything I was supposed to say.

        Also the practice part is obviously important but as of right now I haven’t even been told my topic (not under my control). They are really stressing me out because they need to narrow it down (there’s two longer speakers first and then I get to tie into it later) but I cannot practice something that hasn’t even been fleshed out yet!

        Those recommending Xanax – I guess I don’t even know where to get that. My gp? I’m also a little concerned about what happens if I don’t respond to it correctly – maybe it doesn’t work or it does other things I don’t expect. Surely I can do a trial run but it won’t be in the same conditions…

        1. No to Xanax! You do not want to be drugged when you are in front of an audience–that will just make it worse. You can totally do this.

        2. I was an ok public speaker and then developed such anxiety over it that I actually had what I think were panic attacks. I never couldn’t complete what I was speaking about, but remember one time on a webcast (in a room by myself thankfully), I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, as I was so tightly strung that I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I found it didn’t matter how much I prepared or didn’t prepare.

          I’m not sure what changed, but that experience has totally disappeared. I definitely feel that I’m having a conversation with my audience now whether I’m speaking live or on a webcast. One of my friends thinks my experience changed because I was diagnosed with big C (my mind decided that if I could get through that, speaking in public was no big deal). I have no idea if that’s true or not, but I do think it is worthwhile to see someone and try an anti-anxiety drug and see how it works. That could be a short term solution as once you get through a few speeches without having any difficulty, I think your mind could rewire itself and the anxiety could subside.

          Good luck – I feel for you – I hated that feeling.

        3. That is too big a gun for most of us, and I would NEVER NEVER NEVER try Xanax for the first time before a big talk.

          Propranolol is the traditional treatment for stage fright. It simply relaxes the body by quelling the “fight or fight” = fear reasponse. You heart doesn’t race and pound, your hands don’t sweat etc.. Amazingly, it calms the mind consequently without sedating you.

          I’m a musician. Propranolol is commonly used before concerts and auditions.

          Yes, this is fine to talk with your primary care doctor about.

      3. +1 to practice, practice, practice. As a music performance major in college, I had crippling stage fright. Now I routinely speak to audiences of hundreds of people who in some cases don’t really want to hear what I have to say, and I have managed to be pretty successful at it. Here is my preparation process:

        – Write out what I want to say word for word. This helps me organize my thoughts and come up with key phrases I want to use in the presentation.
        – Practice out loud until I can say it fluently. This does not actually mean reading or reciting what I wrote verbatim. I will recite certain key phrases, sentences, or examples from memory, but the goal is to be just talking, not giving a monologue.
        – Make up a new set of bullet-point notes that hit just the most important points or phrases. Sometimes I print the PowerPoint slides 3 to a page and put the notes next to them. Other times I will organize the notes under bold topic headings so I can easily find my place if I get wrapped up in speaking and lose track of where I am in the notes.
        – “Moot” the most likely or difficult questions, on paper and/or out loud.

        Practicing out loud is key. I usually get tripped up the first two or three times I go through a presentation, and if I can get that out of the way alone in my office or hotel room, then I am totally fine in front of the audience.

        If you know your material inside out, are confident in your preparation, and are excited about what you have to say, you will find that once you get started, everything will just flow. If you can see the audience, it can help to pick out a few people who seem to be engaged and make eye contact with them.

        One thing NOT to worry about is what will happen if something goes wrong. If your mic doesn’t work, or your slides start advancing without your clicking them, or if you forget where you are and have to flip through your notes to find your place, just make a quick joke about it, calmly fix the problem or call for the person who can, and keep on going. These little bobbles will sometimes even help you bond with the audience.

        Finally, remember that if someone asks you a very detailed or technical question that you don’t remember the answer to off the top of your head, it’s perfectly all right to say you’ll have to look it up and get back to them.

      4. Practice in front of a mirror — I find it’s more awkward to stare at yourself talking than a room full of people so once I’ve practiced directly into a mirror a ton, the actual presentation is fairly comfortable.

    7. Preparation!! You have three weeks. For your prepared remarks, write up your remarks like a speech. Do not plan to wing it or “speak to the slide”. Practice over and over. Record yourself (I used my iPad to do this.) You will feel foolish and be insanely self critical when you watch your recording, but by the fourth or fifth time, you will be numb to it. Get the timing right – when you watch your recording back, ask yourself if you are rushing. Speak more slowly and clearly. All audiences appreciate this.

      Then when it is time to do your presentation, it will feel routine. Tell yourself this: no one knows more about this than I do. After all, it is true. That’s why you are doing the presentation.

      During the QA, obviously know your stuff and have a cheat sheet of key numbers ready, but if you don’t know the answer it is perfectly OK and professional to say “I don’t know that off the top of my head, but please email me and I will get you the answer.”

    8. Record yourself and watch the video to find out what trips you up, and practice especially for that. I’ve found that I get tripped up (start stumbling over my words and talking fast) when I lose eye contact (my eyes go up to the ceiling and then my brain loses focus too). So my best way of practicing is to practice by making eye contact with people / things (even lamps, beds, bottles, when practicing by myself).

    9. Propranolol. Seriously, it’s the only thing that helped me. Keeps my voice from breaking, helps my mind stay on topic. It’s a miracle for me. I can handle public speaking now. Ask your doctor– it’s commonly given for public speaking.

  9. Any recommendations for must sees/must do’s in the Phoenix/Scottsdale area? Hubby and I are planning an anniversary trip there the second weekend in December. We are staying in Scottsdale two nights, then Phoenix downtown two nights. We aren’t huge hikers/outdoor people, but I think should at least try one outing of the sort since that’s what the place is known for and it looks so beautiful. We originally looked at an all-inclusive in Mexico for some beach time but took advantage of the recent SW sale for super cheap flights to Phoenix. All that to say, I wouldn’t mind hanging at the awesome pool at our hotel with a tiki bar but have heard mixed reviews of whether it will be warm enough. He loves city life and would be interested in Christmas-y things. Would love to hear your ideas! TIA!

    2. Rent a convertible and drive through the saugero cactus forest that’s b/w Phoenix and Tucson. Also you can drive to San Javier del bac just south of Tucson (old mission).

      On the way through Florence, mind the signs cautioning you against picking up hitchhikers. :)

      1. I live in Tucson. Don’t do this drive for the scenery. It’s really boring, on a major and busy freeway, and likely the ugliest part of Arizona. And if you are coming for four days, you’ll waste a full one coming down to the Mission, which while beautiful isn’t worth 2.5 hours in the car each way. Consider changing your trip to spend two days in Tucson instead of downtown Phoenix (unless you are coming to go clubbing and shopping – those are certainly better in Phoenix). Then you can do the Mission, the Desert Museum (google this – an incredible wildlife preserve where zoologists do research and rescue native animals, and a great way to see our gorgeous outdoors if you aren’t a nature person), Pima Air Museum, etc.

    3. We did a day trip to the Grand Canyon and as someone who was not excited about the Grand Canyon before going, let me tell you it was AWESOME!!!! It is a full day though, but well worth it.

    5. Cannot recommend Sedona enough. Its 1.5hrs from Phoenix. It will totally take your breath away. You can hike or just drive around to a few great viewpoints, and do some shopping.

      1. I agree, Sedona is spectacularly gorgeous. In some ways, I thought it was more beautiful than he Grand Canyon (which for somehow was, for me, just too much to comprehend). I was not impressed with shopping in Sedona, I thought it was super-touristy, the same t-shirt and souvenir shops for blocks. Lots of New Agey stuff, though, if you’re into that.

        1. Agree that Sedona is a must see. The red rock formations are stunning. If you do have time, I would really recommend the Grand Canyon as well. As mentioned above, it takes a whole day, but for me it was a bucket-list kind of thing. There are helicopter tours that look amazing (warning: we were signed up for one, but it was “too cloudy” and they cancelled it, so we scrambled to find a bus tour at the last minute, which was also cool). In Pheonix/Scottsdale I would recommend dinner at Cowboy Ciao. Specifically the Stetson Salad if you’re into that :)

          1. The Grand Canyon could be snowy that time of year, as could Sedona. But Sedona would be a great day trip – just bring something warm/look at forecast. I’m not sure why you would split up the trip into 2 hotels only a few miles apart, unless there was some reason to be in downtown Phoenix at night. For me, I’d hate changing hotels but you might not mind. Agree with the Frank Lloyd House. Also there’s a cool musical instrument museum in north Phoenix. Walk around “old town” Scottsdale for shops and galleries. The desert botanical garden is beautiful. Have visited many times to see family and never do much of anything downtown – all Scottsdale. There are casinos if you’re into that and one of them has a rooftop restaurant, can’t remember which. People rave about a pizza place – bianco??

    6. Phoenix and Scottsdale have really, truly awesome museums if you’re at all into those. The Musical Instrument Museum is one of my favorites in the entire world. The Heard Museum (focusing on Native American history and culture) is great, too.

      Also, there are amazing botanical gardens in Phoenix/just outside of Phoenix. It’s a great way to get some sense of the local flora and fauna without a major hike. The suggestions to do Sedona or the Grand Canyon are nice, but I wouldn’t recommend them if you only have a couple of days (especially since they’re not actually in Phoenix or Scottsdale–and Phoenix itself has tons of stuff to do!).

      Also, Phoenix and Scottsdale both have INCREDIBLE food scenes. Pomo (amazing neopolitan style pizza, great setting, cheeses and meats imported from Italy weekly), Postino (wine and bruschetta bar), Hula’s Modern Tiki (an adorable tiki bar and Hawaiian restaurant), Barrio cafe (upscale Mexican), Zin Burger (best burgers and shakes ever), the Windsor (awesome for dinner or brunch), and Vovomeena (amazing brunch) are some of my favorite Phoenix and Scottsdale restaurants.

      1. Thank you all so much! I am getting more and more excited about this trip. For those who asked, the splitting up of hotels was a compromise. One is the Sheraton Desert Oasis for the resort feel that I wanted, while my husband would rather have been in the city the whole time. The other is the Hotel Palomar, walkable to the Suns game on Sunday afternoon.

        That Desert Museum sounds awesome! I love seeing wildlife but hate the work of hiking to find it. We may have to drive in just for that :) Sounds like we will need to do Scottsdale as well. Can’t wait to look into all of these!

        1. Meant Sedona, not Scottsdale. The pictures I’ve seen from Sedona look incredible!

          1. Could you do two nights in Sedona and two nights in downtown Phoenix? Sedona has lovely resorts.

    7. If you love a good bargain, Nordstrom’s only clearance store, Last Chance, is in Phoenix, in the Biltmore area. Thanks to Nordy’s generous return policy, tons of amazing items make their way there. A lot of the stuff has some sort of error (stains, rips, tears), but there are amazing deals to be had if you look–I have found tons of items with no or minor (deodorant stains, for example) defects. I found a DVF sheath for $30 (!!) brand new without any defects, and Jimmy Choo heels for around $100 (had one minor repair). Over the past couple of years I have accumulated quite a lot of Vince, DVF, Kate Spade, Milly, Cole Haan, Hugo Boss and even Armani for about 80-90% off retail. The dresses and shoes are the best bargains, the purses tend to be picked over (though I did find the large Le Pliage tote for $30 once).

  10. Believe it or not the Q&A is not at all scary to me. I think I see that more as a one on one conversation and I can just respond instead of having to make sure I remember everything I was supposed to say.

    Those recommending Xanax – I guess I don’t even know where to get that. My gp? I’m also a little concerned about what happens if I don’t respond to it correctly – maybe it doesn’t work or it does other things I don’t expect. Surely I can do a trial run but it won’t be in the same conditions…

    1. My anxiety about public speaking is pretty crippling. I talked to my regular doctor, and she prescribed me a low dose of Xanax. I take it about 20 minutes before the presentation and it helps. It isn’t a miracle–I’ll never be someone 100% comfortable public speaking–but it takes the edge off so I can remember what the heck I’m supposed to be saying.

  11. Particularly now that it’s getting colder, PLEASE feature dresses with sleeves! This dress is lovely (apart from the ahem… zipper) but I just couldn’t see wearing it until May or June because I would freeze in my office.

    1. I wear my sleeveless dresses all winter long because I don’t like the way sleeves bunch up under jackets. I noticed recently that I hardly ever wear my dresses that have structured sleeves.

    2. I usually wear a jacket or cardi all day anyway, so I’ve started wearing a long-sleeved shirt (I cut the neck out of a few cuddleduds-type undershirts) under sleeveless and short sleeved items in the winter, so that I can wear them comfortably under something else. Of course, that’s a disaster if you want to take the outer layer off, but I rarely do.

  12. Thanksgiving etiquette Q:
    My in-laws (4 people total) announced they were coming for Thanksgiving dinner at our house this year (we had already invited my parents). We just moved into our house, have almost no furniture, I’m taking the February bar exam and my husband has some huge work deadlines in December and January as well, so needless to say hosting everyone is extremely inconvenient right now, and we told them that. They were upset, because my parents are coming, which I can understand but 1) having 2 people in your house versus 6 is a very different matter, and 2) I don’t feel like I need to be a “hostess” for my parents – I don’t need to cook or clean for them (in fact, they take care of me and my mom will probably insist on cooking every meal we eat at home while she’s here) – so it’s way, way less stressful on me than having in-laws I feel obligated to take care of.
    Anyway, we told them we’d love to have them next year and we thought we had worked out a compromise for this year (we have dinner on Thursday with my parents at our house and then we go Friday through Sunday to a town a few hours a way to visit my husband’s extended family and my in-laws fly there), but then my in-laws announced today that they’re unsatisfied with that plan, and they want to come to our house Friday-Sunday. On the one hand, I’m extremely tired of fighting about this and it will be somewhat less stressful if I only have to cook the actual dinner for 4 instead of 8, and they won’t really overlap with my parents (who are leaving our house Friday morning), so space will be less of an issue. But it doesn’t really remove my concerns about our house having no furniture and my husband and me both being too stressed to host. I also think it’s incredibly rude that they keep inviting themselves to our house and I feel like if we cave and agree to host them Friday-Sunday, they’re basically being rewarded for their terrible behavior.
    Thoughts?

    1. Oooh yes, this would be a reward for bad behavior. I think you need to say that you’ve made plans surrounding the previous compromise and that you were looking forward to seeing the extended family as well. What does your husband say? I’d be getting him to draw these lines, very firmly.

      The only way I can see letting this go is if it is far less stressful to have them at your place than to go to the town a few hours away to visit.

      1. My husband is anti-conflict and would personally rather cave to avoid drama (and I do mean drama – when they don’t get their way they scream and yell and get extremely cruel and vicious and basically behave in a way I have never seen adults behave), but he will stand up to them if it’s what I want.

        I am very much looking forward to seeing the extended family (who are far saner than my in-laws) and it would definitely be far less stressful for me to roadtrip there and stay in a hotel versus having them visit us.

        1. ” when they don’t get their way they scream and yell and get extremely cruel and vicious and basically behave in a way I have never seen adults behave…”

          With this added background, I have to really encourage you not to cave – they sound like the kind of people who will take caving once as a sign that their antics work, so while you may buy yourselves some immediate-term peace by caving now, you’re signing yourselves up for a whole lot more of the same in the future.

        2. Your in laws sound like an Indian TV serial stereotype:)

          Anyway, I would just say that their plan is not doable as you’ve already made plans to travel and cannot change that. End of story.

        3. Wow. I sympathize greatly! I’m so glad to hear he’ll stand up to them if you want it, and I think this episode may help him see his family’s behavior in the right light – he is surely somewhat inured to their histrionics from the past, and needs to see what it’s like from the outside.

          Stand your ground. I’d feel exactly the same as you do. You said no. You had a great compromise. Don’t let them bully you.

      2. If you are planning to go to the extended family Friday-Sunday, and in-laws can see you there, I’d move forward with that. In-laws can come to your house Friday-Sunday, but you won’t be there.
        Also, and separately, do your inlaws realize they are burdens as guests? Do they expect you to clean/cook etc. for them? Or is that pressure you put on yourself because they aren’t “your” parents? Not that they sound like reasonable, kind people otherwise, but if it’s the latter and not the former, I could see even reasonable people being a little hurt that they can’t visit their son and his wife but the wife’s parents can visit the wife and their son.

    2. My thoughts are that people don’t get to just invite themselves to your home, no matter who they are. Where is your husband in this? From the “fighting about it” comment, I gather he’s either actively agreeing with them, or at least not backing you up and you’re left to deal with them. Either way, completely not cool.

      The script here, if your husband is willing to stick to it, is super-easy – “Mom, Dad, we love you and we’re looking forward to seeing you at *extended-family-thing*, but we cannot accommodate you as guests in our home right now. We’re happy to have you come stay with us at *whatever other time* when we’ll be ready to host you properly, but we can’t host you this Thanksgiving. I understand if this is upsetting for you, but this is the plan, and we’re sticking to it and we’re not going to talk about it again. ::Insert subject change::”

      That’s it. There’s nothing else really to say (to your in-laws, anyway). You’re adults, you control who is invited to your home, they are not invited to your home at this time, the end, at least, assuming you and your husband are on the same team about this. If you’re not, you have a problem with your husband, not your in-laws.

    3. I would probably have everyone come in Thursday and have them help out with cooking. In the grand scheme of things, 4 more people isn’t that much and you’re probably not going to be working on that day anyway. Warn them about the furniture situation, space, etc, and then stop worry about it. Plus then you’d have even more time, without having to travel Friday-Sunday. They’re family, you shouldn’t have to worry about impressing people with furniture or a put-together house. It’s ok to ask them to pitch in and help cook or clean up. If they hate it, they can stay at a hotel – and they may even do that if you warn them that they’ll be sleeping on your living room floor due to lack of space. I get why you would only want to have your parents there, but I also get why it would seem a little offensive to your in-laws to exclude them. Maybe it’s just the way my family is, every family is different, but I don’t believe that families always have to maintain strict standards of etiquette. Of course it is rude to invite yourself somewhere, but at the same time, it’s how many families work and I wouldn’t find it personally offensive if my in-laws wanted to spend time with us. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t – maybe they’re awful or pushy people, but don’t stress about doing what you have to do. It’s ok to be honest with them.

      1. This. I’d okay the Thanksgiving meal, phone in the prep as much as possible, and flatly veto any staying at your house.

        There isn’t a big difference cooking for four more, and you’re drawing a really aggressive line in the sand for no real reason.

        1. Oh wait though. If these people are total psychos always, not just disappointed to be excluded from Thanksgiving because furniture, my advice changes.

          1. Agree.

            This will be excellent practice in boudary-setting in case you ever have children. Which ups the stakes and the drama and wanting the comfort of a door you can lock and that you alone (pls tell me they don’t have a key) by 1000%.

          2. Yeah, I agree. I didn’t realize that her in-laws were psychos when she first posted. I was projecting my own self into it, which would involve loving my family and helping them out instead of being rude and demanding and expecting you to cater to me despite the warnings. :)

          3. Although I should add that you should realize that not inviting them is hurtful in the way that not inviting all the kids in your class to your birthday party is hurtful. Sure, maybe you don’t like that kid for a good reason, but it still sucks to be excluded. Although it’s not like lying about it is setting a good precedent, either.

          4. They had plans to do something else with the in-laws and other husbands-side-relatives that weekend. And the in-laws are demanding a change that would stick it to the other relatives. Don’t cave to a demand that you cancel plans with others. That is just rude.

            With inlaws, it’s not all-or-nothing for every holiday. You get some, inlaws get some and you take the long view.

            Why do I think that the husband is an only child?

          5. anon at 1:02, he’s not an only child (husband’s younger sibling and partner are the other 2 people who would potentially be visiting). But they do have a strange family dynamic where the younger sibling is kind of ignored and my husband gets the brunt of all their emotions, good and bad.

    4. Just say no (or more, accurately, have your husband say no). Although not ideal, he can send his parents a loving, carefully-crafted email if he can’t handle the phone call. Speaking from experience, you need to set some holiday season ground rules now or it will continue to stress you out every year. The first 3 Christmases of our marriage where the most difficult, as we nagivated the expectations of his family, but it was completely worth it.

      1. Wow, I obviously meant “navigate”, but “nagivate” now seems astonishingly accurate.

    5. I just got to “I’m taking the February bar exam” and no no no! Bar comes first! You don’t need any added stress. Do whatever is easier for you and your husband. You should not have to be hostess. Lay down the law now! If they are offended, invite them over for something after the bar exam.

      1. But the February bar exam is 3 months away at Thanksgiving . . . Do people really study for the bar for 3 months?

        1. 1. Does it really matter? No on the invite should mean no.

          2. Yes, especially if you still have to work during the day. The stakes are too high — if you fail, you might not have a job anymore (and forget finding another). Plus, even registration is a pain (and expensive). She feels as she feels.

          1. Yes, I’m working a 60 plus hour a week job, and am probably not going to be able to take much if any time off, so I have already started studying pretty religiously.

        2. I just was curious about the context. My point was more along the lines of Anon @ 12:37 below. As to Anon @ 12:25’s points:

          1. Yes, it kind of does matter. Of course you can just lay down a hard line and say ‘no’ to family. In theory, I suppose they are supposed to respect the ‘no’ invite without ever questioning it. But as another poster noted, that’s not really how families work. Your justifications/excuses are judged all the time.

          2. Obviously it makes a difference if the OP is working while she is studying.

        3. I’m assuming OP is working while studying or only taking a few weeks off to study full time right before the bar. Even if she does have 3 months to study after Thanksgiving, the holidays and New Years can take up time and you need to be mentally prepared to study. A stressful visit from the in-laws followed by the stress of the holidays can really take a toll. She should have as little stress as possible in the weeks/months leading up to the bar exam because it is such a stressful process. (Almost) Whatever a bar taker needs to study and pass should be respected regardless of how unreasonable it seems to others.

      2. but thanksgiving is only in November – that’s months and months later. Presuming in-laws could be reasonable, I’d have a hard time with that as an excuse.

        1. The in-laws do not get to judge how “reasonable” OP’s excuse is. She has said they can’t come and made other arrangements to visit with them and that is that. My husband and I have a personal hobby that occurs on certain days of the year and we don’t let anything other than funerals interfere with our schedule. However, I am sure to people not involved in this hobby that saying no, we can’t make your wedding/party/etc. because of this hobby doesn’t seem reasonable. But they don’t get to decide that; we do.

          1. +1,000:

            The in-laws do not get to judge how “reasonable” OP’s excuse is.

            Esp when they are crazy. It will never be reasonable enough for them.

          2. But the in-laws will judge you, just as the friends who’s wedding you skip for your hobby also will judge you. Whether or not you care about that is a different story – maybe you don’t care if you cause hurt feelings because you want to do something that seems unreasonable, but maybe some people do care. If you care, I wouldn’t pick an “excuse” or “reason” that could easily be criticized as silly. And I think not prepping for the bar over thanksgiving weekend when it’s months away sounds silly & I’m a lawyer.

    6. I can see them being annoyed that they were not invited when your parents were but their reaction is completely inappropriate and childish. Your husband should be the one taking care of this and being the bad guy. If he’s not willing to take on the fight, outsource as much of the food prep as possible. Don’t worry about the lack of furniture as they already know about it and let them sit in folding chairs.

      1. No no no

        You already had plans to visit other relatives (the nice ones) on husband’s side. Don’t burn bridges with them by cancelling at the whim of the crazies.

        “But we promissed so-and-so so we won’t even be in town Fri-Sun.”

      2. If her husband is not “willing to take on the fight”, maybe it’s time to get another husband. Otherwise he is willing to make things awful for his wife (and himself) because he is too weak/scared/immature/lazy/whatever to deal with his parents. What other horrible behavior is he willing to subject his wife and kids to just so he doesn’t have to stand up to someone?

        1. Anon, I don’t disagree that the husband is a major contributing factor to the problem here, but I think you’re being somewhat unkind in your interpretation of his behavior – when a kid grows up in a family system where the options are “comply with parents’ every whim, no matter how impractical or absurd” or “be subjected to significant verbal and emotional abuse and yelling and screaming,” being able to accommodate (unfair, ridiculous) parental whims becomes a matter of survival, not weakness or laziness. Imagine being five or six or nine or ten, trying to set a reasonable kid boundary, and having the people you’re literally dependent on for survival viciously turn on you – of *course* husband sucks at setting boundaries with his parents!

          With that said, it doesn’t excuse husband from learning how to set adult boundaries with his parents now, but if he’s (a) never had to do it before; and (b) been berated and subjected to verbal abuse every other time he’s tried to set a boundary, it’s not a surprise, and not necessarily a sign of weakness/laziness/poor character, that it’s hard for him to do it now. The question for OP is, how open is your husband to the idea that boundaries are needed? Does he “get it,” but just fear it? Or is he still in a stage of denial and thinking of his parents as the most important people in his life to appease? Basically, if husband is willing to work on this issue (and starts working on it now!), I don’t think it’s unreasonable for this to be learning process for him, and I don’t think OP needs to go husband hunting just yet.

          1. Thanks for this KKH. I agree my husband needs to work on this, but he’s a wonderful person and I’m definitely not ready to give up on him or the marriage. He has dealt with this verbal abuse (and this really is what it is – abuse) his whole life and so much of his methods of dealing with his parents are based on this. He does get it that boundaries are needed, and is willing to work on it, but I know it will be a slow process.

            The depths of their cruelty and abuse is just incredible to me, since my own family was super loving and rah rah you’re so great. These are people who, at their son’s PhD graduation in the sciences from one of the very best universities in the US, told him he was a “failure” and a “complete disappointment to the family” because they were upset when they heard that some of his classmates had postdocs at more prestigious institutions (for the record, neither of them has a PhD, not that it should even matter). So while I acknowledge that his behavior dealing with them needs to change for the sake of our family, I feel a lot of sympathy for him and I know these patterns of behavior are much bigger than me.

          2. Speaking as a 30-something adult with parents who aren’t vicious like above but *love* crossing boundaries, it can definitely be a scenario that he’s always caved and now being married has made him face just how often his family crosses the line to “unreasonable demand” territory. I was completely oblivious at first just how many times I cave to make my parents happy — until my (now) husband pointed it out. Then, I couldn’t stop seeing it. It’s been a process to say no when there is literally 30 years of saying yes playing at your conscious — and you’re saying no to people who know exactly what to say (or not say) to get you to acquiesce. It’s exhausting — and I constantly question whether I’m doing the right thing, even when I know I am!

    7. We have similar dynamics with family. His are atrocious, demanding, and like to throw their weight around, and mine are kind, loving, and extremely helpful. I’m very close to them, so we have more of a “family” dynamic and both accommodate each other. Naturally, we spend a lot of time with my parents and virtually none with his. I second the need to draw clear boundaries here. You take care of yourself first. You’re not going to engender goodwill by giving them what they want; they’ll just demand more later or find you ungrateful in some other way. I would have your husband lay the facts out there, and if your family comes up, just describe the ways they don’t impose upon you and why that makes the situation different from theirs.

      Stand your ground and let them throw their hissy fits. That is not your problem, and the sooner you can let go of feeling responsible for that, the easier your life will be on this front.

    8. When you say that you “have almost no furniture” – do you mean that you upsized and now you have a bigger house with some rooms not completely furnished? Or do you mean that if they came they would literally be sitting on the floor to eat and sleeping on the floor because you don’t have more than 4 chairs and no guest bed (or only one, already taken by your parents?) Has that been communicated to them? Or would “good children” be expected to sleep on the couch and give his parents your bed if there is no guest bed?

      Can you tell your husband that if they come, he will be completely on his own dealing with them – that you plan to go lock yourself at the library or coffeeshop (I’m sure you can find one that is open) all day Friday and Saturday to study and leave them to him? I don’t like giving ultimatums, but I’ve found if I let my husband know that dealing with his parents is 100% on him because I won’t be there, he is more likely to stand up to them visiting.

      Also, I agree with everyone else that you should be prepared for this fight to happen again at Christmas and other major holidays for the next few years, so you and your husband should talk about what you would ideally want and then what you are willing to compromise on – and then back each other.

    9. Thanks for your comments. Whatever happens this year, there is definitely a larger issue that needs to be worked out regarding them and me and my husband and how we communicate with them. My husband is a very nice guy, but he has trouble standing up to them. He does so at my insistence, but then he tends to throw me under the bus, e.g, “You can’t come because it would stress [OP] out” not “you can’t come because it would stress us out.” He is a huge conflict avoider and, if it were up to him, would give in to their demands. He does not seem to realize that it is not just about giving into their demands for one particular holiday and will set a precedent and make them even more demanding in the future. He seems to think if we give them what they want, we can have peace, but it never works that way. Give them an inch and they take a mile, etc.

      When I said we “fighting about this” I did not mean me & my husband. It’s mostly my husband and them and it’s not so much fighting as him telling them “It’s going to be this way” and then them calling him 20 times and screaming at him and calling him a terrible person and me a terrible person, etc. I haven’t communicated with them about this at all directly, although they’ve sent me a few nasty emails (that I ignored).

      It’s sad – emotionally, financially and logistically we have been ready to have a baby for a while now but I keep putting it off because I know these issues are going to be amplified by a factor of 10 once there’s a grandchild (their first) in the mix and that terrifies me.

      1. It sounds like your husband is just as much a part of the problem as your in-laws. I think you are right to put off having children given the situation and you and your husband could probably benefit from counseling. Does he know that you are holding off on children because of this? If not, I am sure it will be painful for him to hear, but maybe it will help him see the seriousness of the situation.

      2. Your husband needs counseling – his parents sound like they’ve done a number on him, and it sounds to me like he’s going to need some help sorting out exactly how deeply his parents have warped the whole family system.

        1. I’ve read all the comments and yes to counseling for your husband, with a few couples sessions thrown in the mix.

      3. This certainly is a problem, but do take heart in that you aren’t the first and I know you can find the tools out there to work through it, if that’s what’s in the cards. There are some good signs already!

        I had a book recommended to me called Boundaries in Marriage, and that was very good. Regular/semiregular counseling did too – I know it’s TIME which is precious, but we decided we could not afford NOT to.

        If I could recommend one thing to consider – don’t shield your husband from the communications you get from his family directly, don’t hide them/delete them. You don’t need to make a big production, but make sure he sees all the sides of the equation. He may be not seeing/trying to ignore that component, and will reevaluate his behavior somewhat if he sees what it looks like to have someone else be treated as he is/was. And you’re so right about kids – it’s going to be another immediate set of demands. They need to respect you. Period.

      4. try marriage counseling actually. we have a similar dynamic – my husband wants me to intervene with his difficult family (because you know I will!) but then he resents me for doing it. You guys probably need some help before it blows up on you. it’s a no-win for you unless you get it out in the open.

      5. I always said that my ex-bf needs to fight for me with his family because they will love him no matter what, but they will easily hate the gf. I tried to avoid fighting with his family to keep a decent relationship with them despite things that caused serious problems for my relationship. I ended up fighting with my ex about the problems and his refusal to do anything about it. He’s my ex-bf for good reason.

      6. You are so much more patient than I am. I would have already told these people they can act like reasonable humans or we won’t be communicating with them at all, let alone spending holidays with them. These people are abusive and mean. I second everyone’s comments that your husband has done the best he can after struggling through that dysfunctional dynamic for years, and it seems that he is making an effort. That said, you DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS. AT ALL. These people are too mean to be entitled to the same accomodations that you might offer in a normal, non-abusive situation. You are making huge concessions by even being willing to travel and spend any time with them. Please don’t let these hateful people alter your timeline for kids– deal with them now and make it known that they will not continue to treat you this way. That starts with “I cannot host you this Thanksgiving and that is final. And, if you continue to berate my husband and me, we will not come visit either. And, if this abuse continues, our relationship with you will not continue.”

      7. If you want some tough love and excellent advice from women who have been in this exact situation, get thee to the Dealing With the In Laws board on Babycenter (despite the fact that it’s on Babycenter, it’s not just for couples with kids). Your situation is a classic.

      8. They can’t scream at him if he blocks their calls. Two entities form this dynamic. He has to disengage, do a little operant conditioning (if you start screaming I’ll hang up-(then do it)). Their behavior is unacceptable–so DON’T ACCEPT IT.

    10. I’m an actuary. When I was preparing for one of my most important exams, my husband’s brother and his wife decided they wanted a cheap vacation to our city (SF) so would be staying with us for the entire last week of April. My exam was the first week of May.

      I very nicely told them that if they could come the second week of May we would be happy to host them, but that the last week of April would not work.

      Hissy fit ensued. The whole family talked about what a b1tch I was. My husband caved. They came to stay the last week of April.

      I spent that week almost entirely at the library. I did not cook. I did not hostess in any way. I lived up to the b1tch label they had bestowed on me.

      I passed the exam and lost the in-laws. Because that husband is now my ex-husband.

      I came out way ahead, if you ask me.

  13. My hubby and I are interested in going on a trip in February to somewhere warmer than our New England home. Doesn’t need to be warm enough for swimming but it would be nice if it was sunny and warm enough to spend time outside. Looking for some place that is laid back but also has plenty of things to do.

    1. Charleston, SC
      Savannah, Georgia
      SF/Napa Valley (rain possible, especially this year, but you’ll likely have some decent days)
      Vegas (not a whole lot to do in the city itself, but can take daytrips to Death Valley National Park, Hoover Dam, Grand Canyon, Valley of Fire State Park)
      Southern California -any or all of San Diego, LA, Santa Barbara, Big Sur,

      1. Wait a sec, did you honestly just say there’s “not a lot to do in the city itself” in Vegas? I mean, I get that it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but there’s a ton to do there.

        I’d add New Orleans to the list myself.

        1. Well, if you are interested in spending time outside, what is there to do on the strip? It’s not exactly fun walking up and down it.

          1. I personally love walking on the strip. Great people watching. And the outdoor pools and bars. Yes, it’s not “outdoorsy” but I didn’t read that the original poster wanted something in nature – just outside. Which to me includes outdoor day drinking options.

          2. If you like people-watching, Las Vegas is an amazing place. There is literally no inapropriate dress. I would just invent stories about people, starting when I got on plane (ran out of Vodka).

            You can go by the pawn place that has its own TV show.

            And the shopping is pretty good.

        2. I guess I meant more for a repeat visitor, who has walked up and down the strip and seen every casino. It’s not a city like New York where you could visit for a week every year and never run out of things to do. You walk up and down the strip, visit every hotel, which takes a day or two max, and that’s pretty much it. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Vegas, but all I do there is eat & drink & lay by the pool. I don’t exactly think of it as a place with a lot of activities, per se.

          1. Pools are also closed in Vegas in February, which eliminates one of the major things to do there.

    2. I love New Orleans, and it’s both laid back and has lots to do (including, and mostly, outdoors). But in February it can be chilly here. Warmer than New England, of course, but still uncomfortably cold and damp. It’s not like that all February, but it may be hit or miss.

  14. Hey, quick question – my brother just started shopping for an engagement ring for his girlfriend (yay!), and would like to find her something vintage or vintage-style. Any recommendations for Etsy sellers or similar resources I could recommend to him? His budget is under $2K, so I thought he might have better luck finding something cool through Etsy or similar, as opposed to just going to a chain store or local jeweler, but I haven’t used Etsy for fine jewelry purchases before and don’t know any specific shops to recommend. Thanks in advance!

    1. Hey, quick question – my brother just started shopping for an engagement ring for his girlfriend (yay!), and would like to find her something vintage or vintage-style. Any recommendations for Etsy sellers or similar resources I could recommend to him? His budget is under $2K, so I thought he might have better luck finding something cool through Etsy or similar, as opposed to just going to a chain store or local jeweler, but I haven’t used Etsy for fine jewelry purchases before and don’t know any specific shops to recommend. Thanks in advance!

    2. I’d recommend he look at the website for Catbird, or if he’s in NYC, go visit the store.

    3. Brilliant Earth has an estate/heirloom section that has some gorgeous rings. I like old diamonds for their history and consider them an alternative to the diamond industrial complex.

      1. Yes, but watch out for Brilliant Earth on new rings (some of which have vintage designs).

        Two friends and I all have rings from BE – attracted by the conflict-free gems & recycled gold/ platinum – and we’ve ALL had problems with our rings in <5 years of marriage that BE has been reluctant or unwilling to fix.

        I used to be a huge fan of BE for the ethical/ enviro aspects of their business, but have become disillusioned by the poor quality of their products.

        1. uh, the problems weren’t with our marriages, the problems were with the rings and BE was reluctant/ unwilling to remedy them.

          Sorry for the misplaced modifier!

    4. Run some searches on Etsy for “estate” jewelry, there are several good stores. Also check out the site Rubylane

  15. Hi Everyone,

    BF and I are planning a trip to England and Scotland (mostly Glasgow) for April. I need help picking out the perfect pair of waterproof, warm, stylish shoes that I can walk in all day but still look decent wearing in a moderately fancy restaurant. They should also look decent with flares (SO OVER skinny pants) and have a bit of a platform or heel to keep said flares off the ground. I personally hate the look of anything that remotely looks like a sneaker or has a “sporty” aesthetic. Any thoughts? ?

    Any other fashion suggestions would be appreciated as well.

    2. I think that this is a unicorn. Anything warm and waterproof tends to need socks. Socks don’t work in a fancy restaurant (IMO). But I would love to know if the unicorn exists — I am a dedicated shoe swapper as I go ultra-utilitarian with the first part of your ask (and I’m a dedicated LaCanadienne wearer, but don’t have a pair that would seem to be a good match for flares).

      I generally like western boots with flares, but not sure how you’d do if you were walking on anything very slick. I think you’d want rubber soles.

      1. Why don’t socks work in a fancy restaurant? I get that that’s true if you’re wearing a skirt or dress, but I wear pants 99% of the time, especially at work.

        1. I think that socks work only if they are concealed in boots. But visible socks for women in a fancy restaurant just don’t seem to work. It’s not fair! Especially when it’s cold out.

    5. I find the Sam Edelman Petty ankle boots to be really comfy and look nice under pants/jeans/skirts. I sprayed them with a waterproofing spray and they’re in great condition.

    6. Leather boots (that have been weather-treated) are about the only thing that I can think of that fits the bill here. A low, block heel would be comfortable but give you the height you are looking for. You may also need to bring a pair of wellies!

      1. I lived in Scotland for quite a while without needing wellies in the city – as a tourist, if it’s raining that much you won’t want to be wandering around.

        Ankle boots are good – Ecco has a few pairs that have low heels (including some with rubber heels) that are also fairly waterproof. Just check how cobbled the places you’re going are, as I find any sort of heel and cobbles a painful combination as a tourist having a long day.

    7. Aquatalia boots are the best – rubber soles, comfortable for walking, cute, and warm.

    8. Dansko boots: great for walking, super comfortable, a bit of a heel/ platform, great with flares.

  16. I’m in Lausanne, Switzerland for a couple of weeks last-minute — any restaurant recs? TIA!

  17. Just catching up on the weekend’s thread and realized there may be some possibilities for you at my company (which could include travel, consulting, law degree valued). I’d love to get you in touch with our recruiting manager. If you’re interested, you can email me at Caitlin@UpswellHealth.com.

    (BTW, email domain is NOT my daytime gig, so don’t let that confuse you!)

  18. Anyone have any advice for a junior litigation associate (just entering 3rd year) at a biglaw firm trying to find something with a better work life balance? I prefer litigation and/or regulatory work to transactional work. Unfortunately I’m also single with a mortgage and medical bills, so I can’t work part-time or accept a super low-paying legal aid job… Although I definitely don’t need six figures.

    I was thinking maybe small law firm or government, but really have no clue how to find these jobs beyond spamming my resume to every opening on indeed or monster. And for that matter, I have no idea how to figure out what kind of reputation a small firm has without asking, which would kind of harm the anonymity of the job search. Thoughts?

    1. Small firms are tough — it’s really hard to get a sense of expectations from the interview process alone and fit is sooo important. It’s really easy to be miserable in small law. Sorry to be a downer. If you are making the move on your own, so there is no hard deadline, I really suggest playing up the networking game so you can vet potential firms through someone with inside information.

    2. Any law school friends/classmates who went to work for small to mid-size firms? I had several friends over the years ask about potential openings at my firm in a very casual way.

    3. Indeed and Monster are not the best places to look for government jobs. If you’re looking for a local government job, check with your state league of cities, the state bar, IMLA, and the incredibly tedious process of looking at different municipal websites.

  19. Anyone hit by the ridiculous late return policy from Rent the Runway? I sent back two dresses via UPS dropbox a day ahead of when they needed to be postmarked before leaving to go home to my state from a wedding in Michigan. Last week, I received an email from RTR stating that my dreses were returned. I thought it was odd, but just guesses they were reminding me to write a review of the dress. Then I see that my credit card was charged $900! A fee for the two dresses I ordered and a purse! I have reached out to their collections department, but have heard nothing back. the UPS tracking number shows the package was picked up on October 12, almost a month after I left Michigan. Anyone have any experience in dealing with them?

    1. This seems a UPS issue than a RTR issue. From RTR’s perspective, it is probably unaware that you had actually returned the item on time. I would wait to have my convo with the RTR rep and see how they react first.

    2. This happened to me once. I had dropped the dresses in a ups rather than a usps box. (totally my fault but they had just switched companies.) Anyway, I figured it out almost immediately and they waived all fees. Hope your experience is similar. Good luck.

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