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Coffee Break: Team Jewelry

Kohl's Alabama Crimson Tide Crystal Sterling Silver Huggie Hoop Earrings | CorporetteOK. If you know much about me, you'll know: football is NOT my thing. Heck, team sports is not my thing. But: I do like a good huggie earring — so I was kind of excited to see that Kohl's has a huge selection of fairly classy “sports fan jewelry.” (Alas, none of my or my husband's schools are represented via huggies, so I've chosen to feature these pretty red ones.) If you're in an office that shows team spirit — or just looking for a nice selection of huggie earrings with bright colors — do check out the full line at Kohl's. These smaller huggies (.55″) are closest to the size of earrings I've always loved, but these “inside out” huggie earrings, at .88″, are only a leeetle bit bigger, and also very pretty (they have the jewelry on the inside of the back of the hoop). The pictured earrings are $70 (were $175). Kohl's Alabama Crimson Tide Crystal Sterling Silver Huggie Earrings (L-4)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

91 Comments

    1. Agree the Kohl’s stuff looks cheap – thanks for the alternate suggestions! :)

    2. Hi Ladies,
      Thanks so much for recommending us Anon Worker Bee! You are correct all of our jewelry uses genuine freshwater pearls (with a few exceptions on some of the red and black jewelry which is it pretty obvious from the beads!!). If you make a purchase in the next week use coupon code “corporette1” at checkout to receive free shipping :) If anyone has any questions please feel free to reach out to me-we can also do custom orders. Enjoy!

    1. I’m in San Jose and my awesome, incredible mortgage broker would be able to recommend a realtor in that area: Ross Huffman at imortgage. I used his recommended realtor to buy and sell this spring and was not disappointed.

    2. Lauren Kraus was a bulldog for us and negotiated a reduction in price after we were in contract – unheard of in our hot market. She’s in Walnut Creek but will run all over the East Bay for you.

    3. Arlene Baxter at Red Oak Realty is great! Helped us – as first time buyers – get a home we love! She talked us through ups and downs of bidding on – and not getting – two houses, until we put together a killer deal for the third, which we got (and which, in retrospect, is way better than either of the others.).

    5. Astrid Lacitis with Vanguard. Just be prepared to get a place quickly when you work with her.

  3. Have a client driving me up the wall today being nit-picky on my work. I’m just very frustrated. Went and cried in the bathroom for a little bit. Any tips/tricks/advice on refocusing on getting through to 5 pm today? Because right now I just want to go home, put on leggings and get in bed with a bottle of wine.

    1. No advice, but I sympathize. I am stuck in the middle between 3 co-counsel who disagree on the strategy for a brief. Every time I revise, the others disagree with the new direction. Ugh.

    2. *hugs* And start picking out the type of wine you’ll uncork, the trashy TV show you’ll unwind to, and make your to-do list for tomorrow so you can put today behind you!

    3. As a veteran of 30 years in law, breathe deeply, have a drink of water, turn your chair away from your desk for a minute and think about the successful transactions you have been involved in- walk around the floor and have a moment’s positive interaction with someone on a different topic- then sit down again and work as fast and hard as you can for an hour. Look up and it will all seem better!! Hugs. My daughter starts work in Big Law next month, and this is my advice to her.
      My mother’s advice to me was to put some lipstick on!!

  4. Has anyone had luck retraining a dog who bites? Our small rescue pup is eight years old and is aggressive toward strangers who come to the house. If we don’t hold her back, her she will bite ankles. Once she sees a stranger is welcome, she settles down. This weekend she nipped our one year old. I’m heartbroken thinking that we may have to find her a new home, but just not confident that training will work well enough for us to trust her around little ones. Any experience with this?

    1. Have you worked with a professional dog trainer before? I think that’s your first step. And keeping her and your baby completely seperate

      I think it matters whether you are really retraining her or not. It sounds to me like you never bothered to train her not to bite, and it’s just now an issue, versus her previously having been trained and regressing. I think you owe it to her to be a responsible owner and give training a try.

      1. No, we have not trained her previously because (stupidly) we thought we were managing it. Obviously I will try training, but I am hoping to hear from someone (other than the trainer, who stands to profit from my attempts) that this has worked. I am so nervous in the meantime that she will end up hurting the baby, despite my intent to keep them separated.

        1. Yes, training dogs absolutely works. Seperate rooms with closed doors + crate as necessary. Baby gates etc.

        2. If she’s been repeatedly nipping your guests, is that really managed? I know it might have seemed fine to you, but it’s really not fine to not train her because you want to save some money.

          1. No. It’s clearly not managed. I don’t think there’s any question about that, or about the fact that I have messed up here. No need to continue to point that out.

      2. Yep, get a professional involved. Is she fearful? Is she growling and backing up and telling everyone to get away her before she bites? Is she resource guarding? Is she charging strangers? Working with a behaviorist or a good trainer can help. Has she been fully vetted? Eyes and ears are working, no pain, no medical condition to cause the behavior.
        It’s your responsibility to keep your child and dog safe from one another. Little kids can irritate or hurt dogs without meaning to. It doesn’t mean that your dog or your child is bad, but you have to be careful. Don’t leave them alone together, don’t let your child approach the dog while eating, sleeping or playing with a favorite toy. Rehoming a senior dog with a tendency towards biting will not be easy.

        1. My MIL loves the dog and has volunteered to take her in if need be, so that is a nice back up plan if it becomes necessary. Our dog did not growl, she was not near food or a toy, she just had her checkup at the vet and is fine, so it was truly unexpected. Just looking ahead to the future, with more kiddos and their friends running around the house…we have to be totally confident that everyone is safe.

          1. Have you punished the dog for growling in the past? If so, then the dog has learned that growling is bad, so she won’t do it. You’ll need to really be attentive to her body language to see how she is signaling distress. Licking her muzzle when not near food, yawning when not tired, very wide eyes – these are all physical signs of stress/anxiety in a dog.

    2. I don’t have experience with a dog biting but I will say that training was hugely successful in not only getting our dog to behave well but also teaching us how to train him ourselves. The trainer we used did a wonderful job of explaining how to train him, when to reward, when to start tapering rewards and how to redirect behavior. Our trainer wasn’t affiliated with any big box stores so I can’t say how those programs are but the one we went to was well worth the money.

    3. We have had a lot of success using positive reinforcement training with our dog. He is reactive towards other dogs and towards small children (he will bark at strangers but no fully aggressive behavior). We haven’t really worked on the children thing (we don’t have any and you can’t really do real world training with children the way you can with other dogs) but with his dog reactivity, we have seen great strides. We took a small class with 4 other reactive dogs and eventually worked up to using the other dogs as decoys. Basically the principle is counter conditioning – everytime he sees a dog, he gets a treat. Everytime a dog barks, he gets a treat. Everytime he sees a dog and then turns back to me, looking for a treat, he gets a treat.

      The reactive behavior was totally fear-based. He was giving us signs (that we couldn’t see/didn’t notice) that he was reallllllly scared. The barking and snapping (no biting yet, but I understand biting is usually the result of barking and snapping not “working” for the dog, so it escalates) was him saying “please, other dog/child/scary thing, please go away”.

    4. Assuming it was just a minor bite (not a full on attack), it can certainly be addressed with behavioral modification training. I’ve done some rescue work (which inevitably resulted in dog bite situations), and there is a good chance you will have to retain a specialist. A lot of dog trainers won’t get involved if the dog has already bit a human due to liability issues. Unfortunately that probably means more money. About half this battle is going to be training your child (I realize what that means with a 1-year-old) as much as training the dog. If the dog is reacting to the kid being in it’s space, the easiest fix is keeping the kid out of the dog’s space. That may mean the only solution is keeping the dog away from the kid until the kid is old enough to understand how to appropriately behave around a dog.

      1. I understand your reasoning but disagree with your conclusion. Avoiding contact with the baby only means that the dog will continue to think he/she is dominant and the behavior is justified for anybody invading the dog’s space.

    5. Have a trainer come for a few sessions – this is totally fixable. Since you’re worried about her biting strangers you are stressed out and she can see that and she is more likely to bite them. Everyone needs to practice calming down and realizing strangers are new friends and a professional trainer can show you how to do that.

      1. I didn’t realize he was biting a child and not adults. Talk to trainer, but it might be a re-homing situation. A good trainer should know the difference.

    6. I guess I’ll be the voice of dissent here and say that I would never be comfortable keeping a dog who is, as you describe, aggressive and a biter in the same home as my young children. It’s a tough situation, but I think your first priority is providing a safe home for your baby. Unfortunately, incidents like this could be more common as your child moves past the relatively-immobile first year and becomes a rambunctious toddler.

      A couple years back, my niece was bitten rather seriously by their family dog, who had not previously shown signs of aggression. She required plastic surgery and still has a prominent scar on her face. Even if training would help, I would have a hard time forgiving myself if a more serious incident occurred in the future, particularly because your MIL has offered to take the dog.

      1. I agree with this. If a dog cannot be trusted around an immobile, uncoordinated 1 year old, they will be awful around a 2-3 year old who doesn’t have the judgment not to terrorize a dog, but has the control to tease it with food and toys. My dog is old sweet and has never bitten anyone, but I still fear that the food and toy taunting may one day be too much. And even if the dog doesn’t actually hurt someone like Anon @ 3:50 describes, I would hate for the child to be traumatized by it and have a fear of dogs. I may be cold, but there is where you remove the dog from the situation.

        1. I somewhat agree. Our dog is incredibly sweet, had him since he was 9 weeks old, has never shown any aggression, we can pull his ears or even reach in his mouth and take out food and he just goes with it, but I still never leave him alone with the kids (19 mo old twins). Dogs can just do so much damage to a child so quickly. It seems the best solution is to have MIL take the dog while also attempting retraining. If the dog gives up biting entirely, then consider taking the dog back. But I wouldn’t have a dog that even just nips in my house with tiny children. (Any chance this is a herding dog, by the way? Is it herding nipping or aggressive nipping? Neither is good, but it seems like herding behavior might be easier to control.)

        2. And to add one more variable to consider – you may do a wonderful job training your kid to be gentle with animals, and you may be able to train the dog to have a great relationship with your kid. But don’t forget that as they turn 3, or 4, or 5 years old, they’ll have playmates over, and it’s pretty much a guarantee that one of those kids will at some point do something to provoke the dog (whether it’s because they’ve never been around animals, or they weren’t raised right, or they are immature…). How will the dog react then? Can you ever be sure enough?

          1. And this is why my dogs spend the majority of playdates/parties sleeping securely in our bedroom. I trust them, but it’s not worth taking a chance.

      2. This is fairly fresh for me, because just this weekend, I had to put down a much beloved dog due to aggression and biting issues. He was a rescue and had clearly been punished for growling (before I got him) so he bit without warning. I worked with a trainer who made it very clear that it is critical, in working with aggressive dogs, to ensure that you have a life situation/home in which you can keep others safe during the retraining process. Ultimately, it became apparent that I did not, and we were unable to find a new home for him given his known bite history.

        This was the most heartbreaking and awful decision I have ever had to make in my life, and it very clearly brought home to me that it is ESSENTIAL that dogs be socialized and trained from an early age, and that undesirable behavior be dealt with appropriately (the fact that he had clearly been physically punished, not trained via a positive method that would reinforce good behaviors and reduce fear/anxiety was almost certainly the major contributing factor to the biting issue). It sounds like you have the option to give him time to be in a home where he can safely be retrained – please take it. If you can provide a safe environment, many, if not most dogs, can be trained out of this type of behavior.

        2. My parents went through the same thing a few months ago with a rescue who had been severely abused as a puppy. They were heartbroken, but there really was no other option – even according to the rescue group, which could not take him back given his history.

      3. I’ll be the dissenting voice, as well. We kept a dog that made me uncomfortable around our kids, but who had never shown any aggression to humans. We kept him separate from the kids, but one day my husband and I miscommunicated and the dog was out while the kids were. He was just walking by our toddler and our son made an unexpected move (didn’t try to grab the dog or anything – just herky 18-month old movements) and the dog turned and bit my son in the face. You don’t want that guilt if you can avoid it.

      4. Yes, I feel like there’s possibly a divide here between parents and non-parents. Before my baby came along I would have rationalized a way to keep this dog and done any amount of training to fix the problem. But now that we have a toddler I have to put her safety first. I can make sure she gets training at my MIL’s so that she will be calmer and safer, but I can’t compromise on my child’s safety in the meantime.

        1. To be coldly logical, as well, you know this dog bites. What if insurance doesn’t cover any damages resulting from future bites? For us, after the dog bite, it was too much of a risk to keep a dog that I couldn’t trust in the house.

          Hugs – it’s a hard decision.

        2. You are right to remove the dog from your home. We had to make a similar decision and it was terribly guilt-inducing. We got our dog as a rescue puppy a year before our baby was born. We spent many hours training her, invested thousands of dollars in trainer fees and doggie day care, and did everything we possibly could to socialize her properly, but somehow she decided that in our “pack” she outranked me and nothing we did could remedy it. She never bit or actually threatened to bite anyone, but she acted aggressively towards me and generally made our lives miserable. She refused to go outside by herself, even for a minute, and would howl whenever anyone sat down or paid attention to anything other than her. After our daughter arrived, we had to keep the baby penned up to protect her from the dog. On one rare occasion when we let them be in the same room under close supervision, the dog started running around like a maniac and jumped over the baby, who had just learned to stand up. That was the last straw, and the next day we called the rescue agency to return her. The agency treated us like horrible, selfish people, and vilified us in the profile they posted on their website in an attempt to rehome the dog–it was written in the dog’s voice, to the tune of “I thought I had found my forever home, but then my family decided to have a human baby and returned me because they loved their human baby more and they didn’t want to bother with me any more.” We later found out that another dog from the same litter had previously been returned for similar reasons, and that it took more than a year to find a new home for our dog. Although my husband and I are both lifelong dog lovers (I even competed 4-H obedience and showmanship with my beloved childhood dog), after this experience I don’t think we will ever have another dog again.

          1. I’m sorry for you and the poster above who had to put a dog down. Some dogs are just wired wrong and there’s no training in the world to fix it.

    7. Not sure if this has been said yet, as I haven’t read through all the comments in reply, but if your pup is a rescue, I’d start by contacting the rescue and asking them to recommend a trainer – most reputable rescues already have trainers on file that they work with, and will want to help you be able to keep your dog (if only so they don’t have to rehome it, since most rescues have a “must return dog to us if it needs to not live with you anymore” clause in their adoption agreements).

      Also, we had a dog when I was young who bit unfamiliar children – my mom did not have the time/funds to retrain him, so he went to live with my grandmother, and the change in environment (from being one dog in a five-pet, two-kid household that was also something of the neighborhood hang-out spot to being the only dog in a quiet home with two semi-retired adult owners) made a huge difference for him – after about a month with my grandmother, he never bit again. From what we can figure, he just wasn’t built for the chaos of a busy, young-family home. So I guess my story is half-hopeful – I think biters (especially nervous/anxious biters) may be able to be reformed, but I think it’s likely to take a major overhaul of the living situation to do the job.

    8. Well I guess I will be that harsh one. You need to train both the animal and your child. I grew up with a pet that bit when provoked. My parents taught me that…. I had it coming. I learned not to be an a**hole to the animal and it learned not to bite me. As an adult I have many pets and am a proponent for forever meaning forever.

        1. If he’s untrainable you’ll have to return him or put him down.

          *kidding*

    9. Absolutely trainable. We have a rescue with a lot of issues and there is a huge variety of quality in trainers – some are worthless, some are amazing. Don’t go with the cheap option associated with your pet store – ask your vet for recommendations. You may also want to look into a certified behavioralist – they’re super expensive (like trainers with vet degrees) but have much better results. I’d also purchase and put into practice ‘Click to Calm’ right away (we’ve had awesome luck with clicker training). You have to commit to putting in serious daily training time though. Best of luck!

  5. Wanted to offer two items to you ladies before I put them on ebay:

    – J Crew #2 pencil skirt in herringbone tweed, ivory/green, size 6. Excellent used condition.

    – Caslon knit blazer, purple, M.

    Will email pictures of the actual items upon request! It is dianabarry r e t t e at gmail (no spaces)

    Will also try to post links to follow.

  6. Am I the only one who hates the word huggies? I don’t know why it bothers me, but I would never buy a pair of earrings labeled as such because I am a weirdo.

    2. Because it’s a diaper brand and doesn’t sound like something you want near your face?

      1. +1. It’s also kind of a diminutive form, which feels infantilizing/childish. Like a nook vs a pacifier, which I’m usually okay with because it’s baby stuff. But here we’re talking about non-baby apparel/accessories. I realize it’s shorter than saying “close fitting to the lobe”, hence some of the popularity.

      2. I’ve never seen or heard anyone use the word besides here so I would be fine buying them and wearing them. I don’t really talk about my earrings like ever.

    3. I also abhor the diminutive aspect of it. It is a small hoop earring. If that means it “hugs” the earlobe, so be it, but leave it there. But I guess it’s like “selfie” and similar.

    4. HA! Thank you all for giving me words to describe why it bothers me. I had never thought of these as anything other than small hoop earrings before reading it here, but it’s now burned into my brain!!

  7. They don’t call them by all the team names – but LSU/Kansas is Purple and Michigan/Auburn is blue. You can search all team huggies to find your colors.

    1. That is what I dislike most about these earrings – the single color. My team has two non-white colors and if the earrings had featured both of them, I might have considered them.

  8. What do you wise ladies think is an appropriate way to handle parents who show a lot of favoritism toward your younger (and underperforming) sibling? When I say underperforming, I mean deciding he didn’t need a job because he had family to support him, spending a ton of money on dad’s credit card, and generally being entitled and demanding. It’s not like I *need* to do anything about this, but I don’t really feel inclined to carry on as usual and pretend everything is okay because I find their behavior hurtful and it makes me angry. Similarly, cutting them off seems a little harsh- not that I wouldn’t like to do it. I just don’t know how much longer I can handle having to interact with parents who are so indifferent to me and seem to expect me to do whatever my younger sibling “needs.”

    1. Do you mean “favoritism” like they have affirmatively told you they wouldn’t do the same for you (i.e., support you if you didn’t have a job), or “favoritism” just like they allow it and you’re upset that you’re a productive member of society. If it’s the latter, you buck up and remember that you are an adult and this is what adults do. If it’s the former and you’re unable to support yourself, but they won’t support you though they are supporting him, well, than you have a right to be upset.

      1. I mean the former. That has happened, and there’s also a really huge attitude difference which involves them being really indifferent to me (except when they want me to do things for them) and they have also been unkind to DH. He no longer interacts with them. My own interaction is not terribly great, but sometimes I feel like what little interaction there is is too much.

        1. That sounds terrible, and I’m sorry you’re going through it.

          I would tell your parents how you feel about their treatment of you and your DH, and make it clear that, although they choose to take care of your brother when he’s perfectly capable of taking care of himself, you will not be a part of it. And if they can’t respect the boundaries you’ve set, you don’t need to interact with them.

          1. I went through something very similar, although somewhat less severe. I would strongly recommend talking to a therapist. I tried, for a long time “bucking up” and “being the adult”, but that didn’t help at all with the fact that I was deeply hurt by my parents’ relative indifference to me. I found that talking to a therapist helped, but I just want to acknowledge how painful this situation is for you.

            And to everyone who says “Fair is everyone getting what they need” — that is only one definition of fairness. I would offer that an equally fair response, when someone isn’t pulling their weight, is that “everyone should be treated the same.” So if you expect one kid to pull their weight, you should expect the other to too (absent extenuating circumstances like health, etc.).

    2. Kill it with kindness. I know my parents appreciate that they don’t have two entitled and demanding adult children, and they do express that when it comes to holiday and birthday gifts and when I see them in general. I used to resent my younger underperforming sibling but now I just try to be super nice.

      1. Agreed. Life isn’t fair, and as one comment below says “fair is everyone getting what they need”. This is the premise behind why the richer pay more taxes, and some people get more benefits from the government like social security, welfare, etc. I know that isn’t a personal relationship, so it’s easier to be objective about it, but realize that your parents are struggling with how to help your other sibling (whether or not you agree with their methods is not really relevant to this particular discussion), and that it’s not about you. I say this as the sibling who didn’t need nearly as much ‘help’ as my other sibling. Letting it go has made my relationships with *everyone* better because I don’t hold resentment and I am happy with my life.

        The being mean thing to you DH- is this related or not? I think I would need more context to understand how to answer your concern there appropriately.

    3. It’s insanely common. I used to struggle with it, until I read “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn”. There’s a line in it that resonated with me because it so perfectly defined the relationship between me, my parents, and my sibling.

      In it, the main character struggles and hustles to get an education, while her mother coddles and makes excuses for the brother his whole life.

      When the main character finally discusses it with the mother, the mom replies with something along the lines of “I helped him because I knew he needed it. I knew you would find your own way no matter what obstacle was thrown at you”

      This hit me in a real way–it was a moment that caused me to reflect on my own relationship. It made me realize that my parents were favoriting my brother out of meanness or cruelty or spite–it was because they knew I’d fight and hustle to get things done, while my brother would limp along and probably be a deadbeat if they didn’t serve as a crutch for him. And while I may think they NEEDED to do that in order for him to grow, that’s a hard thing for a parent to do.

      Does it impact your relationship? Yes, of course. But embrace this as not a criticism of you or a display of different levels of affection

      1. +1 I’m from a big family, and my mum always says, “Fair doesn’t mean everybody gets the same; fair means everybody gets what they need.”

        2. +1. At the same time, I think it’s difficult because the line between needing and wanting can be blurred (and the perception is necessarily emotional). My parents often pick up the tab for plane tickets when my brother flies home for a visit – he’s gainfully employed and very good with his money and budgeting, but he’s in the military and so there’s just less disposable. I have no issue with this at all. But it SERIOUSLY pisses me off that my BIL routinely ask my ILs for money for gas, cigarettes, etc., because he can’t be f**ked to hold down a job. And he lives at home. And he and my brother are the same age (early 30s). There is no mental or physical reason why he can’t self-support, he just doesn’t want to. He doesn’t NEED help.

          1. My comment is in moderation because of ciga****e. Yeesh.

            Anyway….

            +1. At the same time, I think it’s difficult because the line between needing and wanting can be blurred (and the perception is necessarily emotional). My parents often pick up the tab for plane tickets when my brother flies home for a visit – he’s gainfully employed and very good with his money and budgeting, but he’s in the military and so there’s just less disposable. I have no issue with this at all. But it SERIOUSLY pisses me off that my BIL routinely ask my ILs for money for gas, smokes, etc., because he can’t be f**ked to hold down a job. And he lives at home. And he and my brother are the same age (early 30s). There is no mental or physical reason why he can’t self-support, he just doesn’t want to. He doesn’t NEED help.

      3. The also may be setting him up for failure in the future. He will learn that he can always run to mommy and daddy whenever he needs help. If they are not around to baby him, it will come as a shock and he will not know how to take care of himself. I feel bad for him.

      4. Oh goodness, this is exactly the scenario with my brother and parents.
        My brother has always struggled academically but my parents have given him the best support they could afford or stretch their finances to a breaking point for him. They sent him to expensive private college, he took an extra year to graduate, was on academic probation for a semester. He only had a job for 6 months and has been unemployed for over a year now despite having a fancy college degree. My parents are retired now, have very limited retirement funds and cannot support my brother any longer. They also live in our home country so my brother has been living with me for over six months. I am so frustrated and angry but also don’t know what else to do because he is family after all.
        My parents almost make me feel guilty at times, they will say “You have done so well for yourself, it won’t hurt you at all to help your brother a bit when he is in a bad spot”. Unfortunately, so called “bad spot” has continued for so long.

    4. I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this. My DH is in the same position (his mother clearly favors DH’s younger sister, who has a host full of issues from here until Timbuktu). The favoritism has been going on for his whole life, and it’s very very hurtful, especially because both DH and his sister were equally supporting his mother financially.

      Ultimately, they had a huge blow out fight (somewhat about this but other issues as well) and they are barely on speaking terms now. She no longer comes to visit us, and our phone conversations are cordial but not warm. It is sad, but I think in a way DH is much happier now. He stood up to her finally and he feels good about that. He also doesn’t think that she is a good person or a good influence on our kids, so the lack of a relationship doesn’t bother him.

      I think you should talk to your parents about it, but know that they may not change. And if they don’t, you need to see if you can accept the status quo.

    5. So, just to be clear, my problem isn’t that I don’t get as much stuff or help from my parents. It’s that they’re indifferent and cold toward me and nasty to DH, while being very warm to my delinquent brother. I think it’s right that they’re warm and kind to him. I just think they should give a cr*p about me too.

      1. I think you’re absolutely right. My parents display some favoritism to my younger sister but they’re also warm to me – I just get less help because apparently I need it less (which is probably true).

        Have you ever told your parents how you feel? It’s possible that they may not realize they’re acting this way towards you.

        If you have or you think it wouldn’t fix things, I would maybe just realize that it’s going to be that way and stop putting so much into that relationship. It’s hurtful and unfair but we can’t control how our families behave, we can only control our responses.

      2. That’s awful. So sorry. It obviously hurts you so you have every reason to bring it up with your parents. They may not change, but at least you have pointed out the issue to them and told them that it’s not acceptable. And if they don’t change, do you really want to maintain a relationship? I would find it hard to do that, personally.

      3. Now that I read this…it’s hard to say- are they doing it because they think they need help? How does your DH get lesser treatment because of your brother? That doesn’t make sense (meaning, if that is what your parents do, then I agree with you it is ridiculous).

        Again, I think we’d need more details to help you out here!

        1. DH gets lesser treatment because he’s the spouse of the lesser favorite child. Not worth being nice to.

    6. My Parents are like this too. My brother is a reject, basically non functional. He ate cereal for a whole week once because he was out of groceries and couldn’t be bothered to go get more. My parents bank roll his life: car, apartment… everthing. Where as I get exactly zero from them. I honestly resent them and I think my brother would learn a lesson or two from being homeless. I deal with it by avoiding my family. Once or twice a year at most.

      1. I used to feel similarly, but all that it did was stress me out. Once I let it go I felt so much better. It’s not good that your parents coddle your brother, but being angry just makes you angry.

        But, I totally understand how hard this is and I’m sure it’s more complicated than what you have written here.

        1. I am definitely not angry, but I just don’t really love my family which is okay. We as a society have this weird notion that we must love and respect family with no logical basis. Biology does not circumvent bad behaviour or being a bad person

          1. I guess I interpreted resent = angry, which isn’t always true.

            Yes, I agree with the we must love with no logical basis statement and how that isn’t always good. I have come to the point of acceptance of the situation and peace with it, which is different than love.

  9. I’m a lawyer who is speaking at a conference later this month (break out workshop to about 30 people). It’s not a CLE conference, but it’ll be social workers and some law enforcement. I am planning on wearing a ponte dress with sleeves, and I’ll be speaking at a podium the whole time. Do you think that this reads appropriate? I don’t want to be overly formal? Dress for the people who attend will be business casual.

    1. I’d wear a suit with a colorful top or some sort of jewelry/scarf to brighten it up.

    2. I don’t think a full-on suit is necessary, although you might want one if there’s also networking involved or the attendees are your clients or potential clients. I’ve gone to a lot of CLEs where some presenters wore suits and some didn’t (both men and women). That said, when I speak I usually wear at least a jacket and a sheath dress or suit separates.

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