Coffee Break: The Square Wrap

94 Comments

1. My OB’s office recently switched to a medical record system that means I now have access to the physician’s notes from our appointments. I was looking at the ones from my postpartum visit, and saw that the record says “live birth: 2, SAB: 1, IAB:3”

   According to the internet, “IAB” means induced ab*rtion. But I’ve never had an elective ab*rtion – I’ve had 4 miscarriages (which I know is what “SAB” refers to), one of which had to be surgically treated. Is there any reason to correct this with my doctor’s office? It seems like my history of multiple MC is medically important, but I’m done having kids, so maybe not?

   1. The surgical treatment for your miscarriage is your IAB.

      1. No, this would still be coded as an SAB with D&C or medication indicated separately. Many SABs will never require either.

   2. Abortion is a medical word for ending a pregnancy, it doesn’t mean you didn’t want a baby. SAB means spontaneous abortion. If you needed medicine or surgery to compete the pregnancy termination it was “induced” abortion. It’s not used only for elective abortion.
      Sorry for your losses.

      1. But I only had one surgical procedure. The others just happened on their own.

         1. It sounds like maybe they got the two backwards is all.

   3. Any pregnancy loss is considered an abortion. A miscarriage is a spontaneous abortion. If you’ve had 4 miscarriages, it probably should say IAB 4 not 3.

      Coincidentally, I had an ob appt today and saw my after visit notes. I’m pregnant. It says “gravida:3, term: 0, AB: 2, ectopic: 1”. I had an elective abortion in my 20s + an ectopic pregnancy, so that’s the 2 AB.

      My sister has had recurrent miscarriages, many of which were treated with a D&C, which is no different than the D&C I had for an elective abortion.

      1. Why would a miscarriage be listed as IAB rather than SAB, though? I’ve had surgical treatment for one and nothing for the other three.

         1. I would ask. Send a portal message. My doctor just lists it all together as AB.

   4. If you live in an anti-choice state, yes, I would push to correct this. We’re entering the era of increased prosecution of women and I would take no chances. Technically an induced abortion is not the same as a spontaneous abortion (the procedures are largely the same, but the reasons for having them are not), and if you were planning to have more kids, I would get that corrected so your providers understand how many miscarriages you’ve had (so that can be treated accordingly). I wouldn’t want a provider to think that I had three elective abortions if it was actually three miscarriages. Since you’re not, though, I wouldn’t bother.

   5. Why not ask your doctor’s office for the reason? I understand your question.

      1. I guess I’m reluctant to bother them if it’s insignificant but I supposed this is what portal messages are made for…

         1. I’d just send the message. “Low-priority question here, I was reviewing my record and curious why two of my spontaneous miscarriages were coded IAB instead of SAB. Could you please clarify or correct them?”

            1. this

            2. Thanks! This is helpful.

2. Does anyone have a great moisturizing sunscreen? I got a Biore one and it’s sadly a bit drying…

   1. I do not like her whole vibe but super goop really is best in show.

      1. Supergoop is not Gwyneth’s company, if that’s what you mean. Separate company, confusingly similar name.

      2. What is “her whole vibe”? Supergoop is different from Gwenyth Paltrow’s Goop, if that’s what this is referencing. And it’s also my fave!

      3. Supergoop isn’t actually connected to Gwyneth Paltrow! And it really is the best.

      4. I’ve been using the Trader Joe’s moisturizing sunscreen, which is apparently a dupe for Supergoop, and I like it a lot.

         1. Second this! It’s effective and affordable.

         2. I love the TJ’s sunscreen!

      5. Supergoop and Goop are totally separate, FYI.

      6. My husband loves Play! and I wish I didn’t love Unseen Sunscreen as much as I do. I can’t speak to their moisturizing properties – I use a separate moisturizer.

         1. Which of the Supergoop ones have the least sticky feel? Not OP but need something non-sticky – ideally I’d find that in a mineral sunscreen.

            1. Unseen Sunscreen has that powdery feel you get with some makeup primers, if you’re familiar with that. I’d describe Play! as more of a classic sunscreen, which is why it’s fine for my bald husband to slather all over his whole head.

            2. Supergoop Matte Sunscreen is a mineral sunscreen and does not appear to have a sticky feel. My family is responsible for about 1% of Supergoop’s stock price because we use the following: 1) Unseen sunscreen – my facial, chemical sunscreen that doubles as a makeup primer 2) Matte Sunscreen, a mineral sunscreen used by spouse and child both of whom have sensitive skin. It is slightly tinted which takes away the white cast you can get from mineral sunscreens. 3) Play – a very nice body sunscreen. It has two wonderful features: it is not stick and comes in a bottle with a pump. I put it by the backdoor during the summer and we apply as we leave.

            3. It’s silicone. The powdery/primer feeling.

      7. Amazing! Very good to learn – thanks

      8. Gwyneth Paltrow is weirdly anti-sunscreen! https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2021/03/31/gwyneth-paltrows-beauty-routine-has-experts-decrying-her-spf-advice/4818281001/

         Supergoop is not her company as others said.

   2. Cerave Day does it for me. I don’t love Supergoop myself.

      1. +1 to Cerave.

   3. I use the Aveeno Hydrate and Protect every day – I have sensitive skin and it doesn’t sting the way a lot of sunscreens do, nor does it break me out.
      Caveat is that it doesn’t play super well under foundation – concealer and blush are fine. If I want to do foundation I have to let the sunscreen fully dry and do a layer of setting spray before applying foundation.

      1. I use Aveeno Positively Radiant daily moisturizer SPF 30. Love it!

   4. I like the isntree moisturizing one, it’s very glowy.

   5. I’m liking the new Eucerin Face Immersive Hydration Daily Lotion SPF 30. https://www.eucerinus.com/products/immersive-hydration/immersive-hydration-daily-moisturizer-spf-30

   6. Olay

   7. Olay spf 30.

   8. Neutrogena ultra sheer dry-touch sunscreen lotion is terrific! Comes in a variety of SPF levels, and more. Very moiturizing.

3. Can you all check my thinking on this? My 80 year old mom needs a new car. I’m thinking of having her lease a car because 1) I never, ever want to worry about car maintenance (my elder care obligations have dramatically increased and I’m honestly looking at what makes my life easier, ya know?) and 2) the only places she goes are the grocery store, our house 10 minutes away, and the doctor, so keeping mileage low shouldn’t be a problem. Am I missing anything, any obvious downsides?

   1. She may have to do routine maintenance at the dealership (oil changes, brakes, etc). How convenient is it to get the car to a dealership for these routine items?

      She will need great insurance. Does she have that?

      What if you need to terminate the lease early? If she becomes unable to drive or heaven forbid, passes away, what are your financial obligations ?

      1. Great questions – thanks! There are dealerships in a 25 minute radius. But two of you have mentioned early termination and that’s not something I had considered at all – I’ll be sure and read the fine print.

         1. I find that leased cars tend to be easier than owned cars at death – no looking for title, no worrying about whether it has a lien, no worrying about taking it to a dealer and getting a good value or selling it to a family member, just take it back and be done.

   2. I have never leased a car. My additional thought would be what happens to the car if your mom dies during the term of the lease. Does the lease terminate, is the estate (you) stuck with it until the end of the lease term, or is the car returned with an additional cancelation fee or something else entirely? Can you live with each of these options? They do seem a bit easier than having to sell a car.

   3. I would do a lease if only to get access to a newer model with the best safety features (which could be prohibitively expensive for someone to buy in their 80s). However, shouldn’t this be your mother’s choice?

      1. I’m sure it is the mother’s choice. Based on my own recent elder care experiences, I bet Mother is asking OP either for a lot of help making the decision or to just handle the process and final decision for her.

         1. OP here. Sunshine has it right. We casually went to a dealership a couple weeks back, and my mom didn’t even want to test drive the car – “Honey, why don’t you drive it? If you say it’s good, it’s good enough for me.” So within mom’s parameters (budget, easy to get into and out of, preferred colors), this is wholly my decision.

            And yes, getting newer safety equipment is so much more affordable when leasing instead of buying!

            1. is she getting nervous driving? That reaction is really weird. You want to be physically comfortable in the car…

      2. If you are relying on someone else handling the logistics, it’s a joint decision. It’s entirely possible that the mother wants to get a set of wheels in a way that reduces the inconvenience and expense for her daughter.

   4. Are rideshare services readily available for her? Just thinking if those are literally the only places she goes… might be a lot less than actually leasing a car.

      1. That’s a good idea for when she gets older and I have concerns about her driving. I’ll put that away for later! I don’t right now, and we’re looking in the $250-$300/month range, which would probably be a wash when it comes to rideshare costs.

         1. There might be a low-cost service available for her instead of a traditional rideshare company. My FIL relies heavily on something like that and I believe he pays $5/ride to go anywhere in the county.

            1. My mother has something like this in her Boston suburb.

            2. If it’s what I’m thinking of, this is the accessibility version of public transport (dial-a-ride, etc — called different things in different cities) and while I’d definitely encourage people to look into it if needed two big caveats:
               – you may need a doctor’s authorization, kind of like getting a disability parking sticker (attesting you cannot use regular public transport), not usually a huge hurdle though
               – it is much less convenient : like in some cities you can only get your pickup scheduled for a 2 hr window (“we’ll come get you sometime between 8am and 10am”) and even then the services have a reputation for not hitting the window or not showing up at all. (Again, varies by city, just… Google yours before you rely on this, if you have other options)

         2. Including insurance?

         3. Don’t forget to add in the cost of maintenance, gas and insurance. With my same age parent, it easily became more affordable to rideshare (and less risky than an elderly driver!)

         4. factoring in insurance, the increased likelihood that an elder will need time off from driving due to medical issues, and the headache of getting an elder to give up keys if they have them when the time comes, it sounds like rideshare would be better

   5. An 80 year old might only be driving for another year or two, is it worth it to get a new car?

      1. The 101 year old guy who drove from his assisted living center to my JCC twice a week for pickle ball had his own parking spot. For 2 years. Until he passed away.

   6. I recently spent a lot of time getting an elderly client out of her lease. It’s only possible two ways: she dies, or she transfers the lease to someone else. We ended up going to Carmax, who acquired the lease. You should also think about really high insurance coverage, because at that age she will probably hit someone or damage the vehicle trying to park it. Also think about an umbrella in case someone dies in an accident. My client had had a small stroke, and we all shuddered to think if it had happened while she was driving.

      1. +1

         Yes…. She needs a lot of insurance.

      2. if she is “probably going to hit someone” she should not be f***ing driving. end of story.

   7. I recently spent a lot of time getting an elderly client out of her lease. It’s only possible two ways: she dies, or she transfers the lease to someone else. We ended up going to Carmax, who acquired the lease. You should also think about really high insurance coverage, because at that age she will probably hit someone or damage the vehicle trying to park it. Also think about an umbrella in case someone dies in an accident. My client had had a small stroke, and we all shuddered to think if it had happened while she was driving.

4. If I’m at work typing this, I’m probably too old for trying women’s rugby. Yes?

   1. Nope! Always try the thing instead of putting false limits on yourself.

      1. +1

   2. No absolutely not. You’re never too old to try new things. Learning is great for the brain and body! (Personally rugby scares me though so I’d wear a lot of padding Michelin Man style).

   3. No.

   4. I played women’s rugby in college and it was wonderful. I still remember the sign they had “Short, tall, big or small, there is a place for you”. You can quit if you don’t like it. But asking strangers on the internet about it is a sign you want to do it. Give it a shot!

   5. No, do it! Sounds like fun!

   6. Yes

      Like, why as a grown adult, who knows better, would you start participating in a tackle sport when your risk of serious and/or long term injury is so high. Just… why?

      1. The best things in life carry some risk. It’s not a reason to not do most things. I’ve gotten in thousands of hours of skiing and thousands of hours of insane joy – something I would have closed myself off to if I had never taken the plunge in the first place.

      2. Because it’s fun, physical activity is good for you, and there’s no sense in dying before you even get to the grave.

   7. Ordinarily, I would say yes. But in this instance, I would weigh things like health insurance quality, level of physical fitness, availability of support system and potential impact on any dependents if you’re injured, etc. I also would think very carefully about long-term health impact. My husband was a college athlete and has had 3 knee surgeries now and it’s really impacting his physical fitness opportunities with aging. He’s lucky he had those surgeries at a younger age when healing was more on his side. And every year it seems like he’s getting more aches and pains as it all catches up with him. I am 50 and enjoy hiking, brisk walks with my dog, and active vacations––and I wouldn’t sacrifice my knee health these days for anything. And in the next 25 years, I’d like to be the one who isn’t in a wheelchair if I can help it. There are a ton of other activities that support good health and make you less prone to injury–so why go for something likely to do the opposite?

      1. For someone who is drawn to the fun and excitement of tackle team sport, walking the dog just ain’t going to cut it. There’s such thing as finding too many good reasons not to do something. It’s very, very unlikely that going to one day or week of rugby to try it out is going to destroy OP’s knees or put her in a wheelchair or mean she can’t ever vacation again.

         1. Way to intentionally misrepresent there. Skiing or trapeze or almost everything else mentioned is totally different than taking on a tackle sport as you age. A tackle sport puts wear and tear on your body in ways that are totally different and usually aren’t readily apparent at the time or probably even appreciated until you’re older and realize that others around you can be more active in everyday lifestyle ways you can’t. Rugby is to joint health like smoking is to lungs. Running, tennis, or pretty much any other sport adults do just isn’t the same. Skydive until you’re 100. Life is short. But I wouldn’t let present you sacrifice the active health of future you for something with so little payoff.

            1. She isn’t making a lifetime commitment. Quitting before you even try it has lifelong costs too.

            2. Cautious Anon, I’m with you. I know someone who tried snowboarding at 40 and the first time she stepped on the board at her LESSON she slipped and broke her wrist. There’s plenty of ways to try new things and physical activities that stretch your current capacity without doing something that has a higher risk of weird joint twists than a lot of others.

   8. Never too old. I started trapeze classes and rock climbing in my 50s. Go for it and report back.

      1. Trapeze and rock climbing are safer that tackling and shaking that brain around. Nevermind the joints…..

   9. I say go for it! If you’re worried about injuries, a touch (not tackle) league is an option

   10. Your inquiry doesn’t indicate if you are considering trying women’s tackle-rugby. Don’t do that. Tackle sports are dangerous to the brain; no number of concussions is “safe.” Not worth it. But perhaps touch-rugby?

5. Backdoor Roth question. I make too much to contribute to a Roth (and to make pre-tax contributions to an IRA) so for the last two years, I have contributed post-tax to a traditional IRA. I’d like to switch those contributions and the amount that I’m about to contribute for tax year 2023 into a backdoor Roth. My understanding of that process is: I can contribute this year’s max to my traditional IRA, then I fill out the forms with my bank to roll that amount over into a Roth IRA. Next year, I’ll contribute to my traditional IRA again and roll it over into the same Roth account again. Is that correct?
   And, are there any issues with me rolling over 3 years of post-tax traditional IRA contributions from my traditional into the Roth? (2021, 2022 and now 2023.)
   Thanks in advance. I am so grateful for the advice and wisdom on this board!

   1. When you roll, you’ll need to pay tax on any earning on the rolled portion.

      1. If you roll it over immediately, there won’t be any taxes. OP, if you Google for it, there are good step by step guides out there now. Also, watch out for the pro rata rule!

         1. OP here – I’ve googled, but my situation is a little more complicated than the step-by-step guides address. The pro rata rule is kind of what my questions are getting at. All of my IRA contributions are post-tax. Watch out for the pro rata rule how/in what way?
            Thanks again. I am not at all financially fluent and have no one to ask about this offline.

            1. Caveat that I’m NOT an expert (I learned from here too!), but if you have a traditional IRA somewhere (perhaps from an old job), you’ll find that it gets taxed when you do the rollover. You ideally want to not have a traditional IRA anywhere else because when you set a new one up to do rollovers, you want to roll it over immediately (before there’s time for earnings) and then have to pay tax on a $0 balance, which is obviously zero. If you have an old IRA floating around elsewhere, it gets counted too and would make your balance not zero. That’s the pro-rata rule.

   2. I was told that if I converted anything into a Roth IRA, all existing IRAs would be included and qualify as income for the year. For me thats almost $500k so I just don’t have a Roth.

      1. This is not true—you can do a partial conversion or backdoor Roth, although it is slightly more complicated with the pro rata rule. https://www.schwab.com/learn/story/backdoor-roth-is-it-right-you.

   3. Just curious…. why does a backdoor Roth exist? Why not just have everyone eligible for a Roth? Now that I think about it, a Backdoor Roth is even better than a traditional Roth, as there isn’t the yearly cap?

      1. Roth conversions can be done at any time on your traditional IRA balance. This can be beneficial for the government because it provides tax income at the time of conversion (in some cases—as mentioned above, if contributions are post-tax and there is no growth, there would not be taxes owed) years in advance of when a traditional IRA distribution would be taxed. It can also be beneficial for people with a lower income year than normal, such as those who are taking time off work or retire early, because they can convert part of their traditional IRA balance to a Roth that year and potentially pay a lower tax rate on the conversion.

   4. This is correct, although if you use Vanguard it is literally a single button to convert to Roth, not a form you have to fill out. You (or TurboTax) will fill out form 8606 for your taxes and pay taxes on the amount of growth in the IRA (not the post-tax contributions, but the amount the investments have grown in value and any pre-tax amounts that may have been contributed). It is easier than it sounds.

      1. THANK YOU to everyone in this thread who took the time to answer my question, I am so appreciative of this community and I am truly more wise because of you all.

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