Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Silk Crepe Tuxedo Shirt
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
January is a great time for looking through your closet and assessing what’s working, what’s not, and what needs to be replaced. For me, a true white blouse is a wardrobe workhorse. Despite my best efforts, they always end up looking a little dingy after a year or two of wear, so I’m constantly on the lookout for new ones to add to my rotation.
This tuxedo shirt from Banana Republic is perfect. I love the tuxedo-style pintucks and blousy fit, and the banded collar will go nicely with just about any topper.
The top is $160 at Banana Republic and comes in regular sizes XXS–XXL and tall sizes S–XL. It also comes in black.
This “tuxedo tunic” from J.Crew has a wider size range of 0–24 and is on final sale for $80 with code SHOPSALE.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Psst – some of our other favorite silky blouses include these:
Pictured above, some of our favorite brands for silk button-front blouses: white / black / beige / blue / white (not pictured but also!)
Sales of note for 3/15/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)
Sales of note for 3/15/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- I'm fairly senior in BigLaw – where should I be shopping?
- how best to ask my husband to help me buy a new car?
- should we move away from DC?
- quick weeknight recipes that don’t require meal prep
- how to become a morning person
- whether to attend a distant destination wedding
- sending a care package to a friend who was laid off
Work vent. Right now, because of some weird staffing things and a transitioning org chart, I have some shared staffers. Their primary boss is somebody I really like personally and professionally she does a good job with her work… but her very lax policy on hours is kind of killing me right now. I know it’s only temporary, so not my battle, but… that’s why I’m going to complain here and then let it go.
Her team’s work is very independent and project based. So it’s like they need to attend a few meetings a week at designated times and then go off and work independently. She also personally is somebody who usually starts working between 9-noon… then will often take off a few hours in the afternoon… then will work late. Her team members who I’m ‘sharing’… take the lead from her with regards to their hours. Like, working from 2-11PM with several random hour long breaks. Unfortunately, my work is more collaborative/has more drafts and work products that need to be turned over. Because of this, I work generally a pretty standard workday and then log on in the evening to catch up on email.
…But now I’m basically needing to work a solid few hours in the evening if I want to collaborate with the shared staffers because that’s when they’re working. I can’t really force them to re-jigger their schedules… what I did ask for is just to mark on their calendars when they’re scheduled to work so I can at least plan. I also kind of look like the stickler because – in comparison – I’m ‘strict’ with my staffers’ schedules. (Note: I ask that they start no earlier than 7 and finish normal hours no later than 6 but can make their own schedules within that…)
TL;DR – I’m frustrated that my shared staffers work such weird hours it’s making me work extra long, but I can’t really change it.
Oh that sounds extremely frustrating! How much longer will you be working with them?
Somewhere around 6 months more, but depending on some hiring decisions… it could be 3 months, could be a year.
Can you really not ask them to prioritize a few hours a day that overlap with your working hours? That’s not the same as asking them to change their entire schedule, just make sure that there’s some time that works with your schedule. If you’re actually doing so much synchronous collaborative work that a few hours a day isn’t enough, then I think this is the kind of work where it’s just not reasonable for everyone to have their own working hours and something needs to be changed to make this work for everyone (that might mean you change your schedule to start work later and end later, but all options should be discussed to come up with something that is manageable for everyone).
This. I would start a conversation with the other supervisor to figure out a way to make this more equitable.
+1
Could they be “yours” from 2-6 and then “hers” later?
The whole idea is that this isn’t a long term plan. Unfortunately, other parts of my job need me to be available during normal working hours, so shifting my hours isn’t an option.
It stinks that I’m not usually available to answer questions for this team via email… thus, assignments take excessively long because the feedback process isn’t smooth. It’s just the nature of the work. I also am sensitive to the fact that they’re really doing me a favor by helping out my team.
This is exactly right. I think 7-6 is not a flexible arrangement at all, and may not work for a lot of the teammates, but surely you can schedule a meeting in that time window that works for everyone. You don’t need all the day time hours. Just focus on what you do need, and go get it. You have the right to expect people to work with you at normal hours. Just like you respect other people’s needs to work flexibly in the night, they need to respect yours to work flexibly in the day. Be clear and direct on what you need, don’t try to manage their whole day, but drill down into what you actually need from them.
That sounds really annoying. I’m a little unclear on seniority here – are you supervising them? If so, I think you are well within your rights to ask that they be available from 2-5 or whatever common hours you tend to need them. Even if you don’t supervise them, I would get on the phone and chat with them about this (or maybe their boss first depending on your office hierarchy). Maybe they don’t realize that you’re effectively working double shifts. It sounds like you’re making all the compromises here and they are continuing as they were. If I knew that someone I was working with was in your position and working early mornings and late nights due to org changes out of their control, I would gladly make time for them earlier in the day when we are both still typically working. And I would encourage everyone in this situation to be really communicative about when we need to collaborate, in advance, so we make sure our schedules align when needed. (Sorry, I know you said you just wanted to vent, but this doesn’t strike me as a problem without a solution!)
I’m the same level as their main supervisor and supervising various tasks. My boss sees that I’m having to work extra hours or have projects take extra long, but the solution involves hiring more/other staff. Hence the timeline to having this be ‘fixed’.
I think the part I’m having a hard time expressing is that… this team just has a culture of ‘get your work done, hours don’t matter’… which isn’t the culture my team has, nor could we have because a big part of our work is working across teams. So – for example – supervisor and I have a standing staff coordination meeting which she often takes from the car with no service or she’ll be like in the grocery store…
A thought, could you and your team adapt to working more asynchronously like the other team? I’ve seen a lot more teams operate like your colleagues and I think work is going this direction. Might be time to change?
Hard disagree. someone is out of sync with professional norms, but it is not OP
So, this was something I thought a lot about. Is there a strong business reason for me to keep the setup I have. And ultimately I think some work is more collaborative. It’s more reliant on others and has more (smaller) products. Compared to the other team whose work is really oriented around one or two big projects.
As a note about colleague – the nature of their work just… lends itself to the fact that yeah, a lot of time it makes sense to work hours all over the place. It’s just annoying for me for now.
I disagree with this. Asynchronous working only works when it does. It is a nightmare for projects that truly require collaboration — the challenge is sometimes, it is only the leader who sees who poorly the project progresses. Everyone thinks “I’m getting my work done, so who cares” and it requires constant supervision by the leader to ensure that you don’t end up with a bunch of lovely puzzle pieces that do not quite fit together. In many cases, it works. In many cases, it creates extra work and can greatly increase supervision requirements. (unfortunately, often accompanied by a chorus of complaining by people who prefer to work independently than to work collaboratively to achieve the big picture).
Hey 11:02, “professional norms” are evolving. Don’t be a dinosaur. I’m 57 and I recognize this. You can too. Be a little more imaginative.
That doesn’t sound like conductive conditions for having a meeting. What you describe seems very unprofessional, and I would not have that kind of meetings under those conditions.
This also makes her other decisions rather suspect and as if they are out of line with professional norms.
Can you be clear up front about when you need responses or drafts turned and they’ll figure out when to work to make it happen? That doesn’t help if you expect people to be on email for quick questions and they aren’t, but will mean you don’t have a big void when you don’t know what is happening.
Yeah, this is where I’ve ended up. Being really clear on when I need it plus asking them to keep their calendars updated with their working hours.
None of this solves the underlying fact that because they’re ‘temporarily’ helping out, they have a lot of questions while they’re actually doing the work – many of which are one offs. Within 6 months, their next project round will be in full gear and my new staffers will be onboarded and none of this will be an issue. But for today – thank you all for validating how annoying this is.
Hey, thanks guys for letting me talk through this.
I think Anon at 12:03 really hit it on the nose – I think that asynchronous works for some things (and this team is an example of that), but sometimes you do end up with a lot of pretty puzzle pieces that don’t quite fit together unless you, as the manager, stay on top of it.
Man. Being a manager is so much more complicated than just ‘go to work, be good at your job, then sign timesheets.’
I would just send them meeting notices during a normal workday. Sometimes I’ll work weird schedules but if someone actually wants to meet at a different time I’m fine with it – but if not what’s the point of working some arbitrary schedule? Sometimes all you need to do is ask.
Let’s talk about snoring.
I have snored my whole life. It’s sooo embarrassing. I got a mouth piece a few years ago that worked well for a while but seems to be less effective now. I’m not overweight by any measure. I really would rather not do a CPAP for lots of reasons, plus I didn’t technically have sleep apnea last time I had a sleep study (although I swear, how would they know because I barely slept??). Has anyone tried the Smart Nora or any other trick that worked? I feel so bad that I keep my husband awake or he has to sleep in the kid’s room.
As the spouse of a snore-er i highly recommend the bose sleepbuds. They’re expensive but you can return them within 90 days if you don’t like them so not too much commitment. They’re tiny, they’re comfortable, and they really do mask the noises so I can sleep without wanting to push my spouse off the bed.
Do you have a link? I get lost in their options. Please, please, -spouse of a snorer, too!
They’re the Bose SleepBuds II. Link here: https://www.bose.com/en_us/products/wellness/noise_masking_sleepbuds/noise-masking-sleepbuds-ii.html#v=noise_masking_sleepbuds_ii_white
In terms of hearing an alarm, they have a build-in alarm function that works well. I do find that probably 1/3 of the time I take them out and put them back in the case while I’m sleeping somehow so I’d recommend keeping a back-up alarm on.
They’re also adjustable in terms of how much noise they block, so you can change it depending on your situation – I quite like them when flying too for example but I’ll turn it down so I don’t miss any emergency announcements!
Thanks!
Are you still able to hear an alarm clock when you wear them?
Weird, I was coming on here to create a snoring post because last night apparently I was snoring so much that my newish boyfriend very politely woke me up/asked me to turn over. Yikes, had no idea I snored, honestly. I’m not overweight either (well, 10 pounds) and I thought I mostly sleep on my stomach but I guess I roll over. Definitely curious about any success anyone has had. Seems like maybe I should try to do a sleep study?
Do you snore in all sleeping positions? I sometimes snore if I sleep on my back, but never on my side. Same thing for my husband, so I just poke him to roll over if he wakes me up. If so, can you train yourself to sleep in a different position?
Usually I’m okay on my side but recently that’s been a problem too. :(
Do you sleep on your back? This has been the case for my past bed partners who have snored. Forcing someone to turn onto their side would always resolve it.
I would suggest 1) getting a new mouth device/getting that reevaluated, 2) get a new pillow to properly support you in your primary sleeping position (you might also consider adding a wedge pillow – this enormously helps my dad who is a chronic snorer), and 3) try to get another sleep study.
When was the last time you had your sleep study? I ask because I think they’ve changed a lot in the last 10 years. My wife did hers at home – I can’t remember all the details but it wasn’t much different from a regular night. You might get different/more accurate results if you’re able to repeat it.
CPAPs have also changed over the years; I was surprised when my partner got one how quiet and minimalistic the whole thing is.
This was my first thought, as I just went through this process. Easy home sleep study, and my CPAP machine is quiet. My husband and I both sleeping much better now, because my loud snoring is gone and I am actually sleeping through the night.
I recently started using something called a Bongo device. It looks like a tiny set of bongo drums and goes into my nostrils when I get ready for bed. It is designed to keep my airways open when I am exhaling, by restricting the amount of air leaving my lungs and using it as pressure. It’s something that the sleep specialist said she prescribes for mild obstructive sleep apnea, since CPAP machines are expensive and can be noisy.
I won’t say that the device is a miracle cure. Every night, when I quit reading and try to go to sleep, I have to consciously think about how to breathe so I can actually exhale against the pressure. It has a strap to help keep it in place that doesn’t always do it’s job. But, I am snoring less than I was, and my husband isn’t having to nudge me to move as often. It’s very obvious when the device moves or falls out, because I suddenly start snoring a lot more.
Could you discuss this with a dentist? Some dentists near me do evaluations to see if minor surgical procedures or structural devices may be enough to address snoring and sleep apnea.
I don’t snore but have shared a bed with lots of them and came here to say you shouldn’t be embarrassed at all! This isn’t some failing of yours. It happens! Please don’t feel embarrassed!
That’s really nice of you to say.
Totally agree, nothing to be embarrassed about at all.
An over the counter sleep device has worked well for me–try a mouth piece again. You can buy them on line and on Amazon. You submerse them in very hot/boiled water, bit on them to create a good fit, and then advance the bottom part of the device to pull your lower jaw forward a few millimeters. They do work, and I adjusted to it quite quickly.
How is the quality of your sleep? (Are you wakeful, do you feel rested?) If it’s good, maybe sleeping by yourself/separately would be a solution. It might be worth it for both of you to get quality sleep.
A friend uses the Sleep Nora system and he and his wife like it and say it works. It is not a cure all but it is apparently greatly reducing the issue. I am currently battling with husband on this one so we may be trying it soon!
Wife of a very loud snorer here- loud enough to be heard throughout our two-story house. He also talks in his sleep, thrashes around, etc. It’s pretty much impossible to sleep in the same bed with him. He refuses to get a sleep study evaluation which several doctors have recommended. So I sleep in the spare room several nights a week- I need my sleep. He does not like that we’re apart, but I don’t like not sleeping. So until he gets a sleep study and hopefully some help, that’s my solution and I’ve told him so. (BTW I have tried earbuds, ear muffs, white noise, etc, etc. so I can honestly say I have tried to work with the issue. I’ve come to realize the problem is not me, it’s him. ) Do what you have to do to get your sleep- it’s critical to your own health.
Search help please~
The other day there was a post about single travel to Arizona. My search efforts have not proved fruitful. Will someone find it for me? I need a vacation!
There was some one who wanted to know about Palm Springs, but that is in California. If you want to know about Palm Springs, that was in yesterday’s thread. I left a comment there, tho it seems to have disappeared. Anyway, good luck in your hope you find a guy when you go there. I visited Arizona as a child and loved the Painted Desert. Go there while you’re there!
Thank you
No idea on the post, but go to Miraval in Tuscon. Perfect for a solo trip.
Thank you
Here is a head-scratcher for today. Middle schoolers are back in school (hooray). This year, they have gym class. And they have to change for gym. But it’s 2022 and everyone’s in sweatpants. In former times, there was a school uniform that you had to buy and wear. Now, the school hasn’t mentioned it, as something rightfully no longer bothered with (we have some from neighbors). So, one kid dutifully changes from sweats into more sweats (but often doesn’t fully reverse it; the outfits that come home are . . . interesting; intentional sweats vs utility sweats). The other kid is bringing token gym clothes but often not changing and just flying beneath the radar. It’s a bit of moderate amusement (no, I’d never call the school or fuss about this; they are dealing with enough drama).
There’s literally nothing head scratchy here.
Yeah, I’m in my late 20s and never had a gym class uniform. I would frequently wear sweatpants, or even worse, pajama pants. Your kids sound funny!
Middle school wardrobe strategies rarely make sense.
Case in point: The current wind chill is -1. 12-year-old comes to the breakfast table wearing a t-shirt and pants, whining that he’s SO COLD and can’t possibly eat breakfast when he’s so miserable. When it’s gently suggested that maybe a hoodie would solve his problem, he gets offended and says that he’ll overheat in a hoodie. I give up.
My favorite was a few years back a local newspaper had a photo of a student wearing a parka and shorts in -20F weather. You couldn’t really see his face and he asked not to be named – because his mom would get mad if she saw what he was wearing.
I work at a university and really feel my age every year when I see students walking around in t-shirts in January. I want to run around screaming “put on a coat!” but I also have photographic evidence of me in college out in sub-zero temps wearing ballet flats (no socks) and a thin peacoat over my “going out top,” so I really cannot judge.
Middleschooler sounds menopausal. That’s all I can think when ours are always in shorts, angrily in shorts, especially this time of year.
I think there actually are hormonal changes in puberty that make kids run hot. All the middle schoolers I know wear way less clothing than seems appropriate for the temperature.
Perimenopause is proving to be second puberty for me – body changes, moods, etc, so yeah.
wait this continues into middle school?!?! i thought my 3 year old would grow out of it
Lol no
Hahaha but don’t worry, you care less about these things when they are older. There’s only so many battles you can fight..
I’m sorry to say that yes, it does. LOL. But I care less now. If he’s cold, that’s on him.
And it doesn’t stop after middle school! At least now that we have hit high school I have decided mine is old enough not to die from weather-inappropriate clothing and can suffer through either shivering or sweltering all day.
Yep. Most days my son feels like looking cool is more important than being warm, so fine. I remember being that age and making those same choices. I eventually learned, and I’m sure he will too. He’s a foot taller than me so obviously wrestling him into his coat, which is what I did when he was 2, isn’t a thing. If people want to judge me for letting him leave the house without a coat in 15-degree weather, they can try to get him to put a coat on. And good luck to them in that endeavor!
Thanks for the good laugh. My 7th and 9th graders have lovely warm winter coats . . . which mostly hang in the closet. But I had the same exact experience with my kids in gym. Older one brought home the gym dress down sheet for me to sign, I bought the grey shirts and such, and then I think he never wore them and if the teacher cared I never heard about it. The younger one dresses down every day. She lives in fear of being made to pull a shirt out of the extra gym shirt bin at school. Which, gross. I hope whoever at school has to wash those gets hazard pay!
Oh, yeah, I feel you. And it’s like you want to make sure you’re following the rules, but nobody knows what the rules ARE anymore, and you don’t want to make anyone feel bad for not being clear about the rules.
Our MSer has been changing for PE all year (uniform into uniform sweats) incl shoes. But since break, they have not been changing (to limit use of cramped locker rooms) due to surging cases. We STILL aren’t clear on the shoe policy (her gym shoes are still in the locker she’s not allowed to use) but apparently nobody is and I’m just hanging my hat on “this won’t be the hill the school chooses to die on.”
However my husband does pickup and says the stinky MSer who gets into the car on PE days just about knocks him over. She has deodorant… in the locker she’s not allowed to use. I feel so badly for their afternoon subject teachers…
And the same totally applies at work. We used to be a solid business casual and slightly more so if you’re hanging out with the bosses (like, presenting at an exec mtg? Don’t wear jeans and maybe throw on a blazer). Now, my c-suite boss comes to meetings in jeans and hoodies. But other people are still dressing like it’s 2019.
Oh, that is awful. They need to suspend PE if they are not allowing locker room access.
At a pre-pandemic back to school night, one of the eighth-grade teachers stood got up and said “The one thing you need to know for eighth grade is DEODORANT. If your child does not apply it after PE, I will Febreze them when they enter my classroom.” That was all she had to say.
Okay well obviously you should buy her some more deodorant.
this sounds like my middle schooler SD’s school, it is wildly confusing and absolutely lacks any rhyme or reason. like, just cancel gym if the locker rooms are somehow worse for covid spread than lunch. It’s the dumbest thing.
I was excited to get a 5l cast iron casserole dish in the sale(I think you’d call it a Dutch oven in the States). But now all the recipes I look at I think I’d either make in the slow cooker or in a normal pot on the stove. What do you like to make in them? My in-laws are coming for lunch at the weekend and I’d like to make a nice cosy dish. Thanks!
I use my Dutch oven all the time for soups and chili. These are some recipes I’ve made recently:
https://iowagirleats.com/sweet-corn-kielbasa-and-potato-soup/
https://www.onceuponachef.com/recipes/classic-beef-chili.html
https://www.budgetbytes.com/spiced-lentils-with-carrots/
Chili! And any time I have to brown hamburger meat — the sides catch the grease spatter better than anything else. Also, I sear meat that I roast or braise on the stovetop and then throw it into the oven, low and slow for hours with some root veggies. Yum.
They do best with things that are long and slow. Sure, lots of recipes can be made in any container/pot big enough to hold the ingredients.
I use my cast iron dutch ovens frequently for making beans (bring to a boil, then put in low (250F) oven till done), oxtails (sear, then 250F till done), and similar.
I love to do braised short ribs in mine. My husband also does a lot of stews, or pot roast.
COA au vin, pot roast, lentil soup, onion soup.
Soups, stews, curries, pot roast – anything you would make in a large pot on the stove or in the slow cooker. You can also bake bread in it.
We bake bread in ours, and use it several days a week for curries, chili, soups, stews, all kinds of things.
So I think food made in a slow cooker is strictly utilitarian. Way to make a meal when you’re working and need it to be functional. If you actually want it to taste good, use the Dutch oven.
+1. I love my InstaPot and slow cooker for the convenience, but the food never tastes as good as cooking stovetop/ oven in a dutch oven.
I swapped all my cookware (other than a single nonstick pan for eggs) for enameled cast iron. So…basically use it for everything where 5l is an appropriate size. It’s a “normal pot”, just an especially nice and effective one. They heat super evenly, so whether its a long and slow dish or something quicker (I happily brown chicken in mine) it’s a good choice. They also stay warm longer, so I can turn off the stove and it’ll stay hot for quite a while if anyone in the household isn’t eating right away.
+1 I use mine for everything. I have a Dutch oven and a cast iron braiser and those are the only things I use on the cooktop. They are super versatile IME/IMO!
Same here on all counts. I made Nigella Lawson’s meatballs and orzo in it the other night. (But boy did I ever have to add a lot of extra spices to get it to have any flavor — do not recommend! I guess I should have known better than to do an “Italian” recipe from a Brit…)
+3 I make everything I can in enameled cast iron. I roast chickens in them. Make a pot of beans or stew or soup. I make pasta sauces in them and then add the almost cooked pasta to finish in the sauce, then I bring that pot to the table to serve from. Everything I cook other than eggs, really, I make in cast iron.
I go swimming at the gym, and usually wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants on the 15 minute walk there and back. These clothes don’t get wet, and I change once I come back. How many days in a row would you wear these clothes without washing them?
Idk a week?
I’d probably wear them for the entire length of a laundry cycle, which for me is about every two weeks.
Same.
+1
I’d put in my weekly wash at the end of the week.
5?
I’d treat them like I do sheets and towels: throw them in whenever I do laundry , which is usually every 5-10 days.
5-7 days.
a week, which is my normal laundry cycle. Switch up obviously if they get messy or smelly but a half hour walk outside in winter doesn’t seem prone to creating stink.
One thing I’ve found is my sweatpants get stretched out with each use, so I will wash them when they get too saggy.
A huge thank you to the posters who made suggestions as I watch my cousins ‘ kids this week. It’s not stress-free but I’d give us a solid B so far and that’s better than I’d hoped.
I don’t know what the situation is, but you’re doing a really kind and generous thing. A solid B is great! Go you!
I was so impressed by your original post! Keep checking back (and let us know what tips were most helpful! I’m Curious ;)). You’re doing an amazing thing.
Great! We’ll need to hear some war stories when it’s over…
I don’t recall who recommended it but I got an ororo heated vest after someone here recommended it and it may be my newest most treasured piece of clothing. Thank you for the recommendation!
Oh, yay, that was me! My MIL told me about the brand when my husband was constantly complaining how cold he was. He likes his, when he bothers to charge it.
I swear, my husband’s ororo vest and all of his outside coffee meetings it has supported have saved my marriage during pandemic cold spells.
+1! I bought some for DH and me, they’ve been great!
Same here, I bought one for my dad after reading about it here and he says it’s great. Thank you to the person above who recommended this!
Any sustainability practices/product recommendations?
My intention for the year is to reduce my environmental footprint and two things I’d like to do are reduce single use plastics and be more mindful of the full lifecycle of things I buy (so recycling things that are recyclable but can’t go in curbside by taking them to drop off locations, etc.). I’ve already made some progress in this area but I’m trying to go easy and take small steps so I don’t burn out and rebel by wrapping my entire house in saran wrap. A few things I’m considering when my existing products run out: blueland laundry soap/dishwashing tabs/hand soap and bar shampoo/conditioner (fine, wavy hair), so any reviews/recommendations for those in particular would be appreciated!
I use Blueland hand soap and cleaning product tablets and really like them. I did not like their dishwashing tablets (they didn’t dissolve properly and left white streaks all over the dishes) or their clothes washing detergent (similar issue; it didn’t dissolve fully and I had to rewash things, which isn’t very eco-friendly). Seventh Generation powder laundry detergent works very well IME. I’ve heard Dropps makes better dish detergent tablets and I’d be interested in a review on those if anyone uses them.
The awesome thing about the Blueland soap and cleaning product tablets is never running out of a needed product. I always have a stash of both and so I’m never out of hand soap, glass cleaner, etc.
Good to know about blueland! Unfortunately that my was my experience with dropps dishwasher tabs, too and I was hoping the blueland ones would work better. I’ll give the seventh generation powder detergent a try!
I really like Drunk Elephant face wash bars, FYI. And they aren’t wrapped in plastic. I buy them in person when I’m at a store that carries them and don’t get a bag. :) Also, tell store clerks you don’t need a bag! Even with clothing (I drive in my car so put it there or just stick it in my purse – works most of the time).
Ooh maybe I’ll try that when I run out of face wash. I have been a loyal glossier milky jelly user for years now, but I wish it came in bigger bottles. And yes, I’m always just cramming stuff into my work bag when I go to the store, lol.
Seventh Generation dish washing powder is my favorite! I bought it once when my store was out of liquid dishwasher detergents and I have never gone back because I think it works a lot better. I think it’s a great example of a change that has actually made me happier in addition to reducing some plastic in my life.
+1 to Seventh Generation dish detergent. I have very hard water and generally don’t have a lot of luck with eco friendly soap or powders in general, but this one actually works.
I’ll have to put in a request at our Target as they don’t carry the 7th Gen dishwashing powder (but they carry almost everything else 7th gen makes, which is odd). Thanks for sharing your review!
Same. We have hard water, which might be part of the problem. I’m not sure. I’m trying the laundry detergent strips now – I’ve used them once and it seemed to work, but I’m trying to use up the regular soap first. Also, Blueland is great for travel when you don’t care as much but don’t want to buy 30 pods for a 5 day trip.
Drive less. That’s really it. You buy less that way, get in better physical shape, don’t have to fight for parking, etc. Ortlieb makes the best panniers, IMO – waterproof, comes in different sizes and tough as hell. I can easily fit a week’s grocery shop in them.
I just read your response below and you’re well ahead of me. You mentioned you don’t drive. Are you in one of the few areas that isn’t car-centric (NYC, etc)? If not, how did you manage to cut the cord? I don’t drive often, but I have an old beater, it runs, I keep it registered, and can’t quite bring myself to get rid of it. My city is very, very, very car dependent, buses are notoriously unreliable and I’m one of few people who, by choice, cycle for transportation, so there’s not much in the way of community support (even within the cycling community).
I guess consider not replacing when it dies/needs a massive repair? Are you well-served by Uber and taxis? I did the math once and realised we could take a taxi every day in our previous city for the cost of our car costs.
I have no idea… I’ve never taken an Uber. There are taxis, but I’ve never known anyone to use one for something other than going to the airport.
I am not in a major city (NYC, etc.) where it’s particularly easy to not have a car, but I haver otherwise lived in cities like that as an adult, so I never got used to having a car. I will say, though, that although I don’t own a car, my SO does, so I do have access to a car for rare errands and rely on other people driving (grocery delivery, etc.) from time to time, so I have not completely cut the cord, so to speak. But the biggest thing I did was chose to live in the middle of our (not very big) downtown so I can walk most places (I also have a bike, but our downtown is really small, so I mostly walk) and switched to a WFH job. I think holding on your old beater is actually probably fairly environmentally friendly? Better than buying a new car that required a lot of energy to produce, etc. I feel you on community, though, when I talk to people where I live about not driving they look at me like I have three heads.
I get toilet paper delivered in a box once every 6 months and it’s all wrapped in paper. I also get dishwasher tablets delivered, wrapped in cardboard. Bonus – I haven’t had to make a special trip to the grocery store in AGES. I have a refilling shop locally so I bring in bottles for body wash, dish soap (I like ecover), etc. Bar soap is also fine but it gets squidgy in my shower set up. We also rarely use a paper towel. I like the solid shampoos but then tried Living Proof and my hair looks like a gorgeous pony so I’ll use plastics for that and do penance in other ways.
I keep a box in the utility room for anything that needs to be recycled specially and wait til the box gets full to make a trip. I’ve also been trying to mend things – stitching the hole in the leggings that only get worn at home etc.
I found the book Waste Not by Erin Rhoads very motivational and not overwhelming for getting started. I’m doing a no buy/low buy January and keeping a note on my phone of all the things I normally would have bought but resisted and it’s really opened my eyes to all the stuff I convince myself I “need” and don’t really. For me, a lot of zero waste starts with not buying random stuff in the first place. I’ve also found bringing my own jars to shop the bulk bins at my local co-op to be immensely satisfying. I would also look for a local soap maker for bar soap, there seem to be a million of those businesses and it’s a lot less packaging/emissions generally than ordering online.
Yes, totally agree about just buying less stuff generally. And looking into a local soap maker is a good idea – we have a local company that makes refillable products (lotions, dishwashing soap, etc.) and unfortunately their stuff is just… not great. It feels like they’ve cornered the market in my city, but I bet there are other options.
Good bar soap is relatively easy to make, so I bet there’s another option! My sister makes it as a hobby so I just put my order in with her and can get a whole “loaf” of whatever I want, it’s awesome.
I went through this process after I found MMM for frugality reasons and it really was mind blowing how little I need to buy for most of my needs. Now my brain automatically thinks through how to address a need through things that I already have.
Oh I am also doing a no-buy January (“no-new 2022” as long as I can) but I didn’t think of making a list for motivation. That’s a great idea.
I hadn’t phrased it that way, but “no-new 2022” as long as I can is also what I’m aiming for this year. Having outgrown all my suits, I think that might end up being an exception for me, but otherwise I have enough clothes to last… indefinitely, probably (and probably enough toiletries to at least last me until the fall). Love the idea of a list in my phone of all the things I “needed” and then immediately forgot about.
Environmental impact is dominated by home energy use, transportation, and your diet. If you want to make a difference, focus on these big three and forget about all the consumerist nonsense about buying different/more expensive stuff. Buy less stuff, make your house more energy efficient (this is hard if you rent, but you can still be mindful of energy usage), drive less and consider a more efficient car, fly less (when you do travel, one longer trip makes more sense than lots of short ones), eat less meat and dairy. And vote and advocate for better climate/environmental policy!
Most things that aren’t recyclable at curbside pick up don’t make much sense to recycle anyway and you driving to a recycling center negates a lot of that impact. Trying to reduce waste in general is good, but don’t make the mistake of using more energy driving all over the place to find shampoo bars instead of just picking up something at the store you already go to. Plastic packaging is lightweight and saves lots of energy in shipping, so you’re better off with that than something heavier that still gets thrown away (but it is better to buy in bulk and reduce packaging over all). Focus on the big picture, but you can still do small things if that’s more manageable, like cooking one meatless meal a week, calling your senator/reps, etc.
I very much agree with you! I already don’t drive, don’t eat meat, just try to reduce shopping in general, etc. etc. but I still think making easy substitutions in favor of more eco-friendly options is worthwhile.
Oh, I agree, I just think you need to be careful about what’s really better. I focus on reducing packing overall rather than just plastic and on reducing shipping weight by buying dry instead of wet, so stuff like shampoo bars and soap tablets do really make sense from that perspective. But it also matters that they work- it’s not worth buying an eco friendly soap that you have to use 5x as much of or run extra rinse cycles to get off or requires extra drives to get. It makes sense to focus your time on the things that matter most.
Totally, and I don’t want to waste time/energy trying a bunch of things that don’t work (and require extra wash cycles, etc.) particularly if they require shipping.
I think the not working thing is what gets me so frustrated about these discussions when they focus on personal care products and cleaning supplies. I have really hard water, super sensitive skin, and am also very scent sensitive, which is often a big problem with brands that otherwise claim to be good for people and the planet. I just got so sick of throwing out stuff that I can’t use or it doesn’t work, which has made me extremely skeptical about a lot of these products. I decided to just focus on buying a minimal set of products I know work and to either pick stuff up when I’m already at the store or make one bulk order with slow shipping every so often.
Anon @ 11:16 I agree – I have super sensitive skin and get migraines from certain smells, so for beauty products I’ve largely just tried to streamline and stick with tried and true products (versus trying a bunch of things and ordering a lot of samples like I used to).
And I’ll add it’s much better to pick up that shampoo at the grocer rather than buying it and having it shipped individually to you. Also, when you do order online, pick slow shipping.
+1 on slow shipping. Make big orders instead of many small orders and let them deliver it when it works most efficiently, not overnight. It’s clear this has a huge effect on energy use and reduces pressure on workers.
I agree with this. In particular, changing your laundry detergent while still using a tumble-dryer (if you have a living situation that allows you to use an alternative) is playing violin on the deck of the titanic.
+1 on skipping the dryer. I usually put my shirts in for 2-3 min to get the wrinkles out and then hang or use a drying rack for everything else. I have a great set of hangers with clothespins on them for hanging socks and underwear to dry without taking up much space.
same! the only thing I dry all the way through is sheets because I don’t really have the space to hang them properly.
I air dry almost everything and find it weirdly therapeutic. We bought our 1961 home from the original owner, and upon seeing the clothesline installed in the backyard, our realtor was all, “don’t worry, that’s easy to remove!”. I let her know that a clothesline was a selling point for me, hah. Nothing better than line-dried sheets.
oooh, the smell of sun in the sheets? Fantastic!
I have a west-facing front yard that would be so sensible for a clothesline. I own. No HOA. Which neighbor would kill me first? I do adore sun-dried sheets, which will always remind me of my grandmother who lived in a tiny town where everyone had a triple-line clothesline in the back yard (who even knows that “getting clotheslined” is now?).
I was waiting for negative comments, but the only ones I’ve had are from neighbors who say the lines make them nostalgic and they ought to do it, too! I live in a relatively nice neighborhood with 50s-70s homes on larger lots, though. People keep their homes nice and tidy, but it’s not fancy. I’m sure there are people who don’t like it, but if we all did what the Neighborhood Curmudgeon wanted us to do we’d never have any fun.
A front-yard clothesline in my neighborhood would be taken as a freebie pickup zone – not maliciously, we have a strong curb pickup culture.
Not specific to your questions, but we stopped buying ziplocs, straws, and other single-use, disposable kitchen plastic when availability was a big issue earlier in the pandemic and haven’t really gone back. We wash and reuse plastic bags from our other food purchases (like bread, farro, etc.) a few times over and invested in some reusable silicon straws and beeswax wraps. For consumables where I can’t find a readily-available plastic-free version, I try to buy the largest container to minimize the ratio of packaging to product.
One thing that’s been really easy for me is to wash plastic forks etc at the sink at work and then just reuse them. I bring my lunch almost every day and have used the same fork, knife, and spoon for like . . . a year? I know a lot of this stuff doesn’t matter, but I am convinced that repetitive changes – mostly just NOT using something – really does matter.
Reducing plastic utensils is definitely good, so no criticism there, but maybe I’m just a snob and hate eating with plastic. If you have the ability to store silverware, why not just bring a set from home to use? I always just keep an odd set in my desk and a spoon in my bag. I honestly have no idea where they even came from- I think I’ve had the same spoon in my bag since college 20 years ago! If you’re more likely to lose the silverware, then I guess reusing the plastic makes sense.
Yeah. I have a policy of not buying extra things to be environmentally friendly, so I don’t want to buy a whole new set of silverware. And I don’t want to lose mine from home. So, plastic it is.
I picked up a set from goodwill. I figured it had already been made and purchased, and was not part of a larger set so less valuable.
I had a large collection of plastic utensils collected over decades and beyond my need for them. They make excellent plant and seed labels in the garden; the handles are flat and can be written on.
No recs on those items but a few ideas: buy clothes used (I like swap.com or thredup.com), reduce meat and dairy (I’m not remotely vegetarian or vegan but I’m trying some easy swaps like oat milk for regular milk in my coffee), wash clothes on cold whenever you can, dust under your fridge to make it run more efficiently, unplug your toaster when not using it . . .
I’ve slowly changed over to zero (or at least minimal) waste products as I finished up conventional ones over the years. Here are the things I do that might not be as obvious:
-Try to imagine what your grandmother or great-grandmother would have done in the pre-plastic days. A ton of products are either unnecessary or redundant. Civilization got by just fine before Swiffers, Saran wrap, and Ziploc bags.
-Freeze items in mason jars (leave space at the top for expansion). Avoid using foil, aluminum foil, and parchment paper. It drives me crazy when recipes will specify to cover something in plastic wrap when a plate or kitchen towel will do.
-Line the trash bin with paper grocery bags (we compost, so we don’t have a lot of wet garbage; any trash from meat products go directly to the bin outside. On that note, eat fewer animal products). While we mostly use reusable grocery bags, we always seem to have a couple of paper grocery bags around.
-We use bar soap and a brush to hand wash dishes (I’ve used anything from Ivory to savon de Marseille to Dr. Bronner’s and they all work great. I give preference to soaps that aren’t wrapped in plastic and don’t use palm oil).
-Powdered dish and laundry detergent. For treating laundry stains, I just dilute some detergent in a spray bottle and sometimes use hydrogen peroxide (and sunshine! It works magic).
-For cleaning products, I use filtered water and vinegar for glass, the Mrs. Meyers concentrate for most surfaces (this comes in plastic, but 1/4 cup makes a gallon of solution and my bottle has literally lasted years. I’ll look into alternatives once it’s used up), Bon Ami or Barkeeper’s friend for things that need to be scrubbed, and if I absolutely need to sanitize with bleach, I keep a canister of Comet with bleach that comes in a cardboard tube. We use Redeker wood scrub brushes and compost them after. Old flannel sheets make the absolute best rags.
-Beauty products in glass and aluminum bottles. I use argan oil from TJ’s to moisturize my face and on the ends of my hair (rosehip oil is also nice for the face); Burt’s Bee’s lip balm and hand salve that come in aluminum tins (TJ’s also sells a salve in the winter months that’s nice); Hey Humans brand lotion and toothpaste that come in aluminum packaging; silk dental floss that can be composted; deodorant that comes in cardboard tubes (I like Hey Humans).
-Install a bidet to reduce TP usage, and buy TP wrapped in paper (I buy Boardwalk brand, which might be a bit too rough for some people, but we find it’s fine)
-Seriously consolidate your errand running and online orders and just plain don’t buy things (or at least delay buying if you’re replacing something). I’ve been amazed at how many things we thought were household “essentials” that really aren’t. I limit my non-grocery/essential buying to the last Friday of each month so we can really consider if it’s worth buying.
Oh! And if you live somewhere where you don’t like the taste of your water, our Berkey filter is seriously amaaaaaaazing. Love it.
These are all great suggestions, thank you! I will admit that TP is my achilles heel (or… other body part). I’ve only tried the who gives a cr@p brand, though, and I know there are a bunch other brands now. Looks like you can even get Reel at target, so maybe I’ll give it another go. Switching from liquid dish washing soap (for hand washing, not in the dishwasher) to bar soap is one of those things that seems so weird to me (for no reason!) but you’ve inspired me to try it.
Oh and totally agree about recipes that suggest wrapping thing in saran wrap. I have a set of pyrex bowls that have lids (plastic, but I’ve had them forever) and I just do that – much easier than wrangling with plastic wrap anyway.
Yes, I only buy bowls that have lids for this reason!
Pro tip: I have glass lids for my 10 and 12 inch skillets and they work great as lids for big mixing bowls for things like bread rising and the like.
I’ve tried to focus on this a bit more in the last year or two. I live alone so a lot of it is focused on not wasting food. Here are some of the simple things I’ve done:
1) Compostable trash bags
2) Compostable dog p**p bags for cat litter scooping
3) Participate in our city composting project
4) Stack errands as much as possible for one trip as opposed to numerous
5) re-use all plastic bags (usually ones that are part of packaging for products – I only use re-usable bags for shopping) for things like bathroom trash liner, litter cleanout, etc.
6) stasher bags – for everything from cheese to making smoothie packs w frozen berries
7) Signed up for local CSA
8) Started freezing veggies/fruits that were at risk of going bad because I didn’t plan out well enough
9) mason jars of varying sizes to freeze homemade broth/stock
10) Souper Cubes to freeze varying meals/sauces/soups
11) Use the eco setting on my Nest
12) Unplug all kitchen appliances/chargers/random lights when I’m going on a trip or will be away for more than a day or 2
13) Electronic option for all notices/bills/EoBs instead of mail
14) Try to buy the least processed, most natural food items
15) *This is a new one for me* Not prewashing dishes before putting them in the dishwasher
potentially unpopular opinion: almost none of this stuff matters on the individual level. Our best chances are the country and corporate level. Don’t spend energy tying yourself up in knots about how to do this. Redirect all that energy into community organizing and supporting candidates who lead on this issue.
I think it takes individual effort as well as Country and Corporate cooperation. You get big wins from county and corporate level of effort, yes, but corporations won’t change unless their customers do. Politicians sure AF won’t do anything unless they feel they’ll still get votes from their constituency. If Americans keep overconsuming (we do seem to be the lead offenders on the amount of resources consumed per capita) then corporations and law makers are going to quite happily cater to that status quo without a care for the environment. Change starts at home.
I do agree that tying yourself in knots to be the ‘perfect’ environmentally conscious person is probably not as effective or best use of your effort. It’s going to look different for everyone as our lives are all different. Starting where you are at, increasing your changes over time as you get the hang of things, and using a portion of your time and energy to get active and call for changes via political and other efforts might just be the way forward.
I am a regular blood donor. I feel very called to do it, perhaps religiously and perhaps affected by friends who work in professions where they actively help others (whereas I drive a desk and at best passively help). Our local blood banks are almost out of blood. My sense is that while many people are excluded (lived abroad, cancer, medicines, etc.), many people are still eligible but don’t donate. What might make a difference to help others try to donate? I went once with a female friend who failed the iron test (so badly that she went to the doctor and is now treating her anemia), so IDK if offering to go with people makes a difference or what there is that I could reasonably do to help change this a bit. I am not interested in lecturing people, but more trying to overcome hesitation and offer delicious snacks / take out afterwards.
Convenience. Pre-Covid, I would donate whenever blood drives came to my employer. It was easy enough to sign up online and then just pop into the conference room/lobby for 15-20 minutes. However, I’m far less likely to drive to a Red Cross to donate blood.
same, office drives make it so easy.
I have also donated during Covid when the Philly Red Cross did a drive at the Center City HQ building, but the everyday locations are awful.
The one on 22/Chestnut? They still do drives there!
Agreed that going to 7/Spring Garden is way more inconvenient, but at least it’s accessible on the El.
*both locations are booked weeks in advance, prioritize platelets/plasma over regular blood (which is all I can donate), and are generally inconvenient to get appointments at!
oh good to know – they do not advertise that well. when I searched “red cross philadelphia” the main page lists the HQ and then below that, donation centers, with no mention of drives at the HQ at all!
+1. I once worked somewhere where we had regularly scheduled blood drives, you got time off for doing it and sometimes you even got a half day off to use in the future. People donated!
My high school also did at least an annual blood drive.
I keep seeing posts like this, so I went to the Red Cross website. I live in a city of 250,000 people. There are no places listed to donate within the next month.
Posted below but this!
I’m in a city of over 1 million. There’s one blood donation location downtown and one subway distance from downtown and you have to book 6+ weeks in advance. Pop up clinics seem rare.
If I could do a walk in or sane week appointment somewhere on my way home from work I’d be donating ever 56 days (if I’m not anemic…)
This makes me appreciate Houston. We have blood drives regularly all over the city. I’m already booked for this weekend (.25 miles from my house) but I appreciate this post.
They are slammed, like every place else, with a shortage of employees/volunteers to run the blood drives. Try America’s Blood Centers, the NY Blood Center (if you are in NY) or your local hospital may be large enough to have it’s own donation center (In DC Children’s has one).
https://americasblood.org/
https://www.nybc.org/
https://www.giveblood.org/ (Gulf Coast)
https://childrensnational.org/departments/pathology-and-laboratory-medicine/blood-donor-center (DC Children’s Hospital)
https://www.chop.edu/centers-programs/blood-bank-and-transfusion-medicine-division (CHOP/Philly)
https://www.mskcc.org/about/get-involved/donating-blood (Sloan Kettering direct donation center)
I have links in moderation.
I’m sure they’re in a tough situation staff-wise, but this has been a problem for 4+ years.
Oh gosh thank you for this! I have tried to make appointments with Red Cross and been unsuccessful. Tried Childrens and they have a mobile donation site in my neighborhood later this month.
When I lived in the DMV, I donated AT Inova Fairfax Hospital.
Smaller city, same. I am furious – I’m not going to drive an hour each way to donate blood during the workday. Do you want my blood or not? FWIW, have donated multiple gallons in my life.
I used to give blood regularly with a friend – I don’t know how we got into the routine of doing it but for some reason like clockwork every couple of months we would go (and I think go to a movie after? it was kind of a strange standing date now that I think about it) and that definitely made it easier. If you have friends who you think would be amenable but just aren’t particularly driven to make it happen maybe ask them, “Hey I have a blood donation appointment on xyz date, any interest in joining and then getting lunch after?” and if they say “oh I would but I have xyz on that date,” you can follow up and ask if they’d like you to let them know the next time you go? I think having a buddy would definitely make this more appealing to a lot of people.
I’m a huge proponent of giving blood and used to do it several times a year, but every time I’ve tried in the last 3 years I’ve been anemic. While I still try here and there I try less often because it’s so inconvenient (especially since I know I’ll probably be intelligible). It’s darn near impossible to find a slot at either Red Cross location that’s reasonably close to work/home (and neither are all that convenient – they’re still both 35/45 mins away. I live in the city, no car so it need to be walkable / accessible via subway for me). I’ve had to book like 6+ weeks in advance and by then usually something comes up and I can’t go but there’s also no appointments to change to. The Red Cross calls me weekly asking me to sign up for appointments and then doesn’t have availability. When I go, I either have a long wait or there’s literally no one there donating and several people working so they could probably take walkins. I’m somewhat afraid of needles (I get over it bc donating blood is important but also view giving blood as exposure therapy), so I don’t love that they’re always pushing platelet donation on me – it’s taking a lot of courage to do a normal donation!
In addition to my low iron levels (I eat so many dark leafy greens, take a multivitamin with iron and purposely eat more meat before the appointments), the last time I donated I almost passed out on the subway home. The overall restrictions are also tough: I’ve had to wait after piercings and travel. I try to plan my workouts and my happy hours around donating but I both workout and socialize 5/6 times a week.
Tl;dr is that I’m usually anemic and can’t donate but also the Red Cross makes it difficult/inconvenient to do so.
If you haven’t tried a heme iron supplement, it may be worth looking into. Even when I eat leafy greens and red meat, I still don’t hit my intake targets, and the kind of iron they use in multivitamins doesn’t seem to do anything for me.
Similar problem. Last time I did it, I passed out, woke up, and barfed. The fainting-nausea connection is strong for me and even multiple vials for a blood test has put me on the floor before. I don’t feel comfortable throwing up in front of friends or my staff, and because of my reaction can’t safely go alone.
So! How is that salvageable? I’d love to see mobile blood drive in my residential area on evenings or weekends so I could be in a better position to take that risk.
I’m needle-phobic and have to build myself up and use breathing and relaxation techniques to get through a simple blood draw. I have donated blood before but they had a terrible time getting the needle into my arm (I have the infamous “rolling veins”) and then sitting there with the needle in my arm gave me a panic attack. Regular donating isn’t going to be a thing for me, sorry.
Same here — not needle phobic, but I have tried multiple times over the years and I always faint and make a nuisance of myself. I give back to the community in other ways.
An accountability partner/someone hold me to it and not let me chicken out would do the trick. None of my friends donate and I’ve gotten as close as the door, but can’t get through. I’m pretty sure once the needle is in, all would be okay, but there’s definitely some fear of the unknown.
Talking about it as a regular action in your life routine helps! I recently found out a colleague donates blood regularly and it jogged my memory that it’s been awhile since I had, as well. It was very much indirect and not preachy, à la:
“What are you doing this weekend”
“Donating blood, doing some house project, etc.”
(Conversation ensues about donating.)
I didn’t frame it well above, but what what stick out is how could tell they were (rightfully) proud of their commitment to action, and it motivated me without a “why don’t you donate/you should do this” tone!
(But – I was also a past regular donor, YMMV)
Second to that, chuckling at the memory: I used to find the robo reminder calls from ARC annoying yet HIGHLY effective.
I also found out about my anemia when I tried to donate blood – there was a blood drive in my grad school so it was convenient, otherwise I wouldn’t have tried. Before that I couldn’t donate for a while because of travel etc, and tbh now I’m hesitant because even though my anemia is treated I don’t know if its high enough to donate blood.
Extremely specific question but I think it was a common problem for a while so maybe one of you know: I gave blood twice in the early 2000s, and both times my blood gave false positive results for HTLV. I received a letter basically saying don’t try to give blood any more, it is too much work for them to track down the false positive from my blood since they test in batches. I think there is now some recourse of getting cleared again to donate – tried contacting the Red Cross but haven’t received an answer. Has anyone else been in this situation?
Add me to the group that has the iron issue despite doing all the things my doc tells me (I’m usually super close to being okay but not quite okay – v frustrating) and loss/lack of convenient options.
Yes! I’m usually very, very close (I think the minimum needed is 12? I’m usually like 11.8/11.9). Close enough that they offer to stick me again and try again thinking it might be a fluke. I’ve never qualified on the second try either.
Where I go, they don’t even stick you — some thingie that scans through your thumb.
I’m very Type B but get very competitive about not failing the iron test (I do every 3 years or so and it just burns me up).
Training the phlebotomists. I am sick and tired of unnecessarily painful sticks, terrible bruising, scarring, and similar complications because the workers are unskilled. I heal slowly and I’m over being a guinea pig for some doe-eyed 19-year-old.
A friend really into donating used to post a pic on FB every time she went, got a pin, etc. “My good deed for the day! Donate if you can!” Good reminder.
There was a blood drive in a government office when I was there one day, and they were super committed to getting people in and out in a hurry, so I donated that day. But those mobile blood banks? Never again – they take FOREVER. A community group (the Rotary?) has a monthly drive at a community center near me, but they only have like 20 appointments and they fill up so fast (I guess with group members!) that there’s never an opening for me. I hate to say this, but the blood groups need to make it easier to donate!
If anyone here is reading, I know blood groups will happily come to your office or location if you think you can provide the bodies. I was planning on getting sign-off from building mgmt to hold one in my downtown office building before covid.
Since COVID though? Workers aren’t in offices even, so IDK that it happens now. That may be why locations are overwhelmed and supply is still short.
That’s why I said if you think you can provide the bodies. The community group that does the monthly drives near me has done it all through COVID. The community group hasn’t had trouble bringing the bodies. Of course no one’s in offices anymore, but if you belong to some organization or whatnot…
I was an essential worker for most of the pandemic , my office was always full and people 100% would have donated (anything for a 20 min break in a 14 hour day! Plus, being in helping profession I think we’d be into donating).
My new job is not essential but has probably 30% of the work force onsite on any given day! There’s definitely an appetite in some office buildings!
I was previously an extremely regular donor, but then was unable to donate for years due to having had malaria, and following that, having been married to a man who was bis*xual (note: this is now no longer a complete barrier to donating blood so if you previously couldn’t donate for this reason, you might be able to!). All in all, I was ineligible to donate for about 10 years. I’d love to donate again now, but convenience is the major issue – I always donated at drives before, and right now, the only option is an appointment at a blood center and the one close to me seems only to be doing plasma, platelets, or something called “Power Red (that I’m not eligible to donate given my blood type).” With work and 3 kids, I can’t manage a standalone appointment at a faraway blood center – it would end up being probably 3 hours of time, and I’d have to get childcare for it. I am sure that blood drives are hard during COVID but that’s the major issue for me.
My partner donates platelets every month at a Red Cross facility in our area. He has a blood type that is very in-demand so he also feels called to do it. It isn’t convenient at all, especially since platelets takes a couple of hours, but they have TVs and he watches Netflix and has a good time with it.
I, on the other hand, am terrified of the whole concept. I feel sick when I have to get blood taken at the doctors office, and that takes 3 minutes.
Honestly? Covid testing.
I know a lot of people who donated pre-vaccines because you could get the blood tested to see if you had antibodies.
Tests are so hard to come by now, plus I know people who would donate but aren’t because they are afraid they have Covid but are asymptotic.
But – the main issue is 100% availability and convenience of appointments. There are no blood appointments available for 2+ weeks in my city and I can’t give platelets or power red. I have a 1.5 mile walking commute that pretty much crosses through the entire downtown of my city and there are zero places to donate in that area. Literally not a single donation site in the downtown of a city!
Same issues of location and lack of appointment availability as others have. I’ve done it whenever my employer offers it, but have a hard time getting away during a work day to donate (it seems in my area that the only appointments are during the work day).
I always thought it would be great if medical offices offered it as an opt-in service after an appointment. I would gladly stick around an extra 20 minutes to give blood.
Love that idea!
I am eligible, but (a) I tend to overheat and get nauseous when giving blood, and once I threw up, which is probably not helpful for their process, and (b) I have a blood type (B-) that only about 15% of the population can receive, so unless there’s a shortage, like now, my understanding is that my blood isn’t that likely to get used.
If CVS (or urgent care, or something similar) could offer walk in/same day appointments to donate blood I would do it every 56 days during my lunch break or on my way home from work. It’s just too hard to get an appointment (3 week wait!) and most locations are too inconvenient to get to.
As a former frequent donor, I get the Red Cross robocalls all the time but it’s so hard to find an appointment! I keep hearing about the urgent need for blood, but they aren’t meeting donors halfway – it’s hard to get an appointment, locations are inconvenient so it doesn’t feel like they actually want my blood!
Does anyone know whether the changes in CDC regarding people who have lived in Europe, are actually being implemented? Like everyone else, I have not found open appointments with the Red Cross since 2020, when a poster here regular encourages people to donate. So I haven’t actually been able to find out if the Red Cross will take me now, when they didn’t before.
Last time I tried was a blood drive at work when I had just moved to the US, and the nurse treated me with pretty obvious disdain for coming in without being able to pass all the questions on the screening form. It wasn’t a great experience.
If anyone has alternative links for donation centers in the Bay Area, that would be cool. The America’s blood link from above has one location that’s an hour’s drive and also fully booked.
A sorority sister of mine in college grew up in the UK and she was literally yelled at to get out of a campus blood drive when we were in college. Obviously, in the UK having lived in the UK for 5+ years is not disqualifying so she didn’t know she was black listed from giving blood in the US.
I currently can’t donate because of my latest ear piercing. My friend can’t because he’s gay. I understand the need to give “healthy” blood to those who need it, but some of the restrictions are excessive…
What do people in the UK / Europe do for blood? I’m guessing they just figured out that mad cow was probably not the big deal we make it out to be and proceed on with the blood they have. Yes? No?
I think it’s less that mad cow is not a big deal and more that it’s water under the bridge. The incubation period is so long that it’s very hard to monitor, and it’s often first diagnosed by autopsy. But there are already hundreds of confirmed cases of people contracting Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease from blood, blood products, and transplants (and we’re working on preventing this by being even more careful).
I’ve honestly stopped eating deer because I don’t want to be patient zero if CWD decide to jump species.
yep, as far as I know, European countries just let their residents donate the blood. At least they do in Germany.
wait a minute, is wild game not screened for CWD in the US??
There’s testing of game for CWD, but last I checked it was not widely utilized.
For Norway: you can’t have lived in the UK between 1980-1996, or been given blood there. Otherwise, the UK is not considered a particular risk for blood givers.
I’ve been disqualified for years due to the mad-cow disease stuff since I was “associated” with an American military base in Germany in the early 1990s. It looks like that particular disqualifying factor has been dropped, so maybe I will make an appointment and see what happens.
It’s terrible that people get treated with disdain – I genuinely didn’t know this was a disqualifying factor until I tried to donate blood about a decade ago. The nurse doing the screening was like, “Wow, I’ve never had someone meet that criteria! Where did you live in Germany?” She was super nice and gave me a treat anyway.
I wouldn’t meddle in your friends’ donation decisions. If someone expresses interest in donating, by all means encourage and support her. But don’t try to recruit people who haven’t opened the door, or proactively ask people whether they are donors. I am not ever going to be a blood donor because I am a difficult stick and am forever teetering on the edge of anemia. I serve in other ways that best suit my natural talents and capacities, and I don’t need any lectures on why I should at least attempt to donate blood. A single person cannot be all things to all people.
No one is looking to lecture anyone! It seems more like finding the tipping point for people who are able to give and would be open to give but just haven’t gotten around to doing The Thing.
E.g., this year I have donated (I reward myself after and rebook, so this is a routine I can stick with); I have not worked up a sweat yet and it’s . . . eek, 1/18. So that Thing has not happened yet (and should — I need to find my tipping point for getting that done).
I was born in Europe and raised there in the 90s so I can’t give blood. Which honestly seems odd to me since mad cow disease hasn’t been a thing for a while, but such is life.
I’ve tried several times to donate. I always tell them I am a hard stick and they assure me this is their literal job and it will be fine. And then they can’t find a vein and it’s painful and discouraging. I think for every one successful donation I have 5 unsuccessful tries. Haven’t been in a while because of it but I am feeling compelled to give it another try.
Thank you for asking this! I’ll be getting my third and fourth unit of blood in 3 days this afternoon. Blood donations are helping me avoid organ damage. Friends have been looking into giving, and here are the barriers: (1) The appointment shortages are an issue in Seattle, too; a number of friends are going to adjacent towns to give. (2) Many have small children they are trying to keep safe from Omicron. (3) While they’ve eased many restrictions on giving (e.g., around here they don’t ask about sexuality any more, and travel more than 3 months ago is normally fine), med techs don’t always have up to date training and turn away eligible people, such as friends born in India. (4) Anemia and fear of needles.
The short answer is it’s actually a huge logistical hassle to give right now, and it feels not worth it if you’re unsure whether you’ll faint, be anemic, or feel COVID safe. So if you can help reduce that friction there are a good number if people who are willing to give it a try.
Oh, add “or be disqualified”. And it’s awesome that you do this and don’t find it a huge logistical hassle! Thank you so much.
End Curious stream of consciousness.
My partner works with someone that I met who has sickle cell and needs transfusions, so I think of her as why I do give regularly. Some conditions really rely on other people and I just wish the news on blood supply weren’t so alarming. Some things can’t wait. :(
<3 yes. Thank you.
For everyone who struggles with iron levels and giving blood, make sure you eat a good sized meal one hour before donating. I’m vegetarian and was failing the iron tests last year when I went to donate in the morning. A woman who worked at the donor center asked if I eat breakfast, and I answered no. She told me to start coming after lunch. Sure enough, my iron was well within range when I donated after having lunch.
Not in the US, so maybe different rules, but a heads up on how to be invisibly disqualified, keep it in mind.
I occasionally qualify, occasionally not, depending on how the “garden” grows. As a single person, I’m not willing to give up s*x, (non-regular partners means not eligible) and don’t particularly want a discuss or defend that with a well-meaning regular blood giver.
My SO needed blood last week due to cancer treatment/side effects and where we are in Seattle had only a one day supply of blood. He needed 2-3 units. They gave him one and that didn’t work so he had to stay another day and get two more units. Very frustrating and also expensive.
I can’t give blood either due to clotting disorder and sometimes need blood. It’s very scary.
Can anyone recommend a Sherwin Williams paint color? I need a light, neutral color, preferably that skews rosy rather than yellow.
I recommend searching Pinterest to get an idea of colors you might like, then ordering a large stickable swatch from samplize to see how it looks in the light in your space (cool northern light, warm western light, all artificial, etc).
I love Snowbound! A light greyish cream, it’s a perfect off-white neutral IMO. I dislike yellowish paints, and I’ve painted several rooms in my house with Snowbound and don’t see any yellow undertones. It looks slightly different based on the light in the room but very neutral and looks great in all cases. Don’t let the website preview deter you, it looks awful there and a lot darker, but if you google the color and see some real life examples/read through some reviews/get a sample, it looks much better IRL.
Remodelista has a round up of white paints, check there and get samples from samplize to test in your light.
Mallory Nicklaus Home on Instagram just painted a hallway a pretty cream that looks rosy. Maybe send her a message? I know she posted the color in stories, but I can’t find it now. And keep in mind that Sherwin-Williams and every other paint company can do each other’s colors.
OP on this issue, thanks for the suggestions.
Shopping help– I never spend bonus money on myself, but I decided I want to use up to about $300-400 to get myself a pretty everyday necklace to slightly class up my casual workwear. Would love some suggestions!
I just did a (tiny) diamond bezel set (so durable) solitaire necklace. It goes with everything, it’s trendy enough but it’s akso such a classic. If I had more money, I would have gotten a larger diamond but still dainty necklace. I think I spent approx $300
I always recommend these JeanJean Vintage pendants made from Victorian seals – they are very pretty, subtle small pendants. I have one in 14k gold and it’s very high quality. Love that I got to pick a design that was meaningful to me:
https://www.etsy.com/shop/jeanjeanvintage?section_id=19827089
I love the look of antique lavalier pendants – so feminine and delicate. I also like wearing vintage charms (intended for bracelets) as pendants. My favorite store vintage things is Market Square Jewelers – lots of fun charms and lavaliers on their website. I also love the pieces at Catbird and Soulbound.
Have fun shopping!
Moissanite.co is having a sale – their lab created stones look like diamonds and they have pretty bezel set necklaces in your range.
Are you working in person or are you on Zoom all day? For Zoom you will want something heavier. In the Before Times I used to wear my Blue Nile diamond circle necklace daily. It’s too delicate to show up on Zoom, so now I go with my Blue Nile silver bead necklace or my ByChari paperclip chain necklace.
Melanie Casey!
How are services like Venmo and Zelle and Splitwise going to work now that I’m reading they will want personal details on recipients? I’m not a drug dealer or doing anything untoward, but I guess I will start needing cash again? I pay my summer sitter on the books but still use Venmo to get funds to her.
The same as they work now but with basic information.
Huh? Where are you reading this? I just googled and there is nothing I’m seeing that’s in 2022 about additional information asks. I’m use Venmo, Paypal, and Cash App and have not been asked for anything recently in order to continue using them.
You already had to give them PII to use them, and they have to follow various laws/regs which can require them to tell you what is being collected, what they do with it, and what rights you have.
All over the news. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/venmo-paypal-zelle-must-report-600-transactions-irs-rcna11260
Am I reading this right – the news article makes it seem like they’re going to be relying on users to appropriately code transactions as “goods and services” vs. “friends and family” and that’s how they’ll know whether to 1099 people?
Prior to Amazon starting to collect sales tax at time of transaction, our state government did a publicity push to try to get people to self-report how much money they were spending at Amazon (and elsewhere online, if taxes weren’t paid at the time of their transaction) on their state tax return, so consumers could then be good citizens and pay gross-receipts tax on the sales. You can imagine how well that went. I imagine this whole idea of “please self-report when a transaction is commercial vs. friends and family” is going to go about as well.
No, they make the decision whether it’s commercial vs. friends and family based on other factors, including what option you choose (for some services you choose f&f vs. commercial when you make the transfer, and that determines who pays fees – you or the recipient), how the recipient is set up (ie, are they using Venmo for Business), and whether the recipient used business information to create the account.
Source: work in this industry.
Okay so a more accurate description from the OP would have been super helpful. These services are actually nor asking for more PII which seemed to be what the OP was concerned about.
OP – you don’t have to do anything new except say you’re paying for a service vs P2P. I think you’re overreacting and this is a non-issue.
Are you talking about the IRS reporting rule? It doesn’t affect what you need to do – it just lowers the threshold at which the person to person payment services report to the IRS. These services already have personal and bank account information on their users – think about what you have to provide to use the service. The recipient provides the same thing. So they have your first and last name, a credit/debit card number or bank account, date of birth, etc. That’s all necessary in order for them to meet their anti-money laundering and other banking-relating requirements, and this doesn’t change that.
The main headache will be for freelancers and contractors, because they may end up with double-reporting that they need to prove in order to avoid double taxation (i.e., the vendor reports paying you $600 and the payment service reports receiving $600, and proving those are the same transaction becomes your problem). But honestly my taxes are already such a headache as a freelancer, this is just another drop in the bucket.
I use the Revlon styleizer to dry/minimally style my hair, but I’m wondering if the dyson is quicker?
I used to shower at night, air dry my hair and straighten it in the morning, but now I workout/shower in the AM. Hair is fine but there’s a lot of it, has a weird wave pattern and a cowlick.
I have 35 mins between getting in the shower and leaving my apartment and I spend 10-15 of those minutes on my hair! In an ideal world I’d let my hair air dry 80%, then use the Revlon then touch up with a straightener if needed, but I don’t have time to let it dry on it’s own.
I’m debating getting keratin (could let my hair air dry on my 40 min walk to work and know it’d look good) or a dyson (to hopefully cut down on time, could use various attachments in place of the 3 tools I currently use)
Do you use a blow dryer before using the styleizer? I feel like that would cut down on drying time and then use the styleizer when you’re 80% dry. The Dyson is way overpriced, you can get a great blow dryer for under $150.
I do! It definitely shorter than doing it all with the Revlon
Glad to hear it. Honestly, 10-15 minutes doesn’t sound bad especially if you have a lot of hair. It takes me about 15 minutes to dry and style my hair and I have straight armpit length hair. I air dried for years but can’t stand how that looks anymore.
I might be asking for too much! But, my hair is not even shoulder length which is what annoys me! When it’s dry I can straighten it all in less than 5 minutes.
If I’m not showering/drying my hair I can do my entire morning routine (make bed, brush teeth and floss, skincare routine, makeup, straighten hair and get dressed) in the time it takes to listen to Up First; dealing with my hair literally doubles how long it takes for me to get ready.
I have the same type of hair and I used to use the Revlon, recently switched to the Dyson. I like the Dyson a lot. It saves about 3-4 minutes, so not a whole lot, but I like that it uses less heat than other tools. Since my hair is fine it’ s more susceptible to damage and so the price of the Dyson was worth it for me.
My daughter gets keratin and I’m tempted to get it myself. Her normally curly hair dries naturally to very light waves. I think it would be especially good in summer, when humidity and sweat cause even straightened hair to frizz up quickly.
With preliminary blowdrying it still takes me almost an hour to get straight and dry hair with the Revlon (long and thick hair here) so I think 10-15 mins is amazing.
A good friend has covid. I’d like to drop off a care package at her door, thoughts on what to include? I know that her throat is raw right now, so I’m thinking some shelf stable snacks to munch on later and teas for now. Any other fun ideas?
Honestly? I drank so much cocoa over Christmas when I had covid!
That’s so sweet of you. When I was really sick with Covid a few months ago, I loved chicken broth with ginger and lemon, the sun noodle ramen kits, and macaroni and cheese (all brought by friends). Magazines and a roll of cookie dough were fun for when I started to feel a little better. A friend dropped off an entire wheel of Brie, which cracked me up. Clean pjs would have been great because doing laundry was a challenge…
Do you have a store that does good local soups either dried or in a jar? That could be nice. Crossword or something to do or read that isn’t on a screen?
Rao’s jarred soups?
Most of my neighbors have covid right now. Since I am the healthy neighbor, I have been picking up what they need. The most common requests have been soup, crackers, mac & cheese, ice cream, tea, coffee, cocoa, and hard candies (probably for the sore throats).
I love this top, great pick! Now Gap and BR have disappeared from U.K. high streets I keep forgetting they exist.
I’m so sad about this. Sometimes my kid needs PJs or I need a pair of jeans and I just want to go into a store and buy those things.
I’ve been ghosted, and I’m having a hard time processing my feelings about it. This was my first experience since a divorce. I’m 40. I know intellectually that this isn’t a reflection on me, but I’m taking it so personally. I feel terrible about myself and so stupid for opening up to a guy who had a bunch of red flags (ladies man, chaotic). Please tell me I’m not as stupid as I feel
He sucks. Might I suggest https://bronxzoo.com/roach if you’d find it a bit cathartic?
Hahaha I love this.
Shift your mindset on dating. YOU are the catch. THEY have to prove they’re up to your standards. Don’t give away your power.
But girl, yes, I felt all weak and schoolgirlish when I first got back out there. I desperately wanted to be liked. Nope, acknowledge to yourself how great YOU are and carry that confidence and power out with you when you’re swiping and meeting up. Good luck! (And yes, I met someone on T inder and later got remarried – it happens!)
Thank you.
This is going to sound strange but – when I’m feeling like that it helps to get angry. I know that ghosting is common but it’s also not okay and you don’t have to pretend that it is! This is also not a reflection on you or your choices. This is bad behavior by a grown adult who is too immature to handle a situation appropriately.
You aren’t stupid; you’re a human being who felt a connection with another human being who turned out to be someone you couldn’t trust. There are trustworthy men out there; this guy wasn’t one of them. I’m sorry this happened, but take it as a valuable lesson you got to learn early on in being back out there. You also learned another valuable thing, which is to listen to your inner voice when it’s trying to warn you about red flags. Your first impressions or conclusions about someone are rarely wrong. Better to disconnect from someone who may be great, but is setting off all your alarm bells, than hang in and hope your intuition is wrong, and then find out through painful experience that your intuition was correct all along.
Agree with Anon at 11:22 – remember that you are the catch, and any man you date has to live up to your standards and prove himself worthy of your time and attention. It’s probably best to hold back on sharing personal details and putting in emotional investment until someone shows (not says – shows) over a consistent period of time that they’re worthy. Also, remember that the guys you’re seeing are likely still seeing other women (unless they’ve specifically said otherwise) and so you should keep your options open as well. Don’t stop looking or going out with other men until you’ve had a very explicit, specific conversation with a man about exclusivity. Yes, I know it feels exhausting but it’s the best way not to get over-invested in someone who doesn’t feel the same about you.
You’re not stupid, you’re human! Would you rather be closed off, guarded, not willing to be vulnerable at all, etc., which by the way would be terrible for finding a partner? No. You’d rather be a human with emotions and feelings! Even though they can be hard sometimes.
It’s a quick read but very helpful in changing how you manage your emotions around things like this – grab The Four Agreements. Dating is hard and putting yourself out there is hard! You’re doing great and it’s a big step to do it at all especially after a divorce. I’m rooting for you!
I guess I read The Four Agreements at an opportune time because I remember this line really stood out (paraphrasing): “If someone is not treating you with the respect you deserve, it’s a kindness/blessing if they leave.”
You’re brave! You can’t meet someone & fall in love & live happily ever after unless you put yourself out there. Of course take the lesson, but don’t discount the value of being out there/don’t get too discouraged. You’ll recover from this and do better next.
Ugh, so sorry! Years ago when I was between marriages, my therapist told me “most men are unsuitable,” and for some reason that really helped me shift my perspective away from thinking it was my fault when something didn’t work out. And Lord knows it’s certainly true!!
Lol, the fact that Senior Attorney (the one and only!) responded already makes me feel better. Thank you.
This is….perfect.
I’ve been there! Dating after divorce is hard. You’re not stupid at all. It’s okay to acknowledge how much this sucks. You don’t have to bounce back right away.
When someone I thought was promising ends up being a jerk, I try to remember to thank them for showing me who they are early. Idk the circumstances of your divorce, but after you’ve been through heartbreak over a guy who wasn’t who you thought he was, and who led you on for YEARS with his good guy act, you learn to appreciate it when jerks show their colors early(ish). It still hurts but thank god I dodged that bullet.
I’m 37, divorced, and also experienced anguish over being ghosted. Just remember, it really isn’t about you. The ghoster is disrespectful and unable to communicate. That isn’t the type of partner that you want or deserve.
Posting late so I’m not sure if you’ll see this, but…the first guy I dated after my divorce ghosted me after five months of exclusive dating. Five months! Sometime around month four things started going south and he ghosted for nine days and then reappeared. When I asked why he ghosted, he insisted he hadn’t, he would never do that, and he had just been busy. Stupid me, I dated him for another month before he disappeared for real!
FWIW, I raised my expectations for how I deserved to be treated after that, dated a bunch more guys, and have now found an amazing man. There’s hope.
Can I get some recs on the best vacuum and/or vacuum mop combo for high traffic areas? The kitchen and living room constantly feel dirty no matter how much I clean (two young kids, so lots of crumbs and spills). I have tile in the kitchen and hardwood with an area rug in the living room. Do I need to get separate pricey devices? Ideally I’d get one cordless vacuum mop that could handle both tasks – but it seems like most of those only work for hard floors or rugs/carpet, not both. Budget is $400 but willing to go higher for the perfect device. Would prefer cordless so I’ll actually use it. Please help!
A house cleaner. I have no idea, cleaning floors is not in my JD.
WTH?
Honestly the number of times women ask for recommendations on vacuum cleaners here makes me ragey – it’s not 1952. Outsource that or have you husband do it, or just buy a friggin device that’s got a good rating at Target. How is this anything to spend your precious time on.
Uhh, because if you’re a functioning adult you have to figure out a way to get your floors clean? And if you have little kids, that doesn’t exactly wait for a cleaning person?
What?? I’m a single woman with a kick@ss career and personal life but I still have this question! Especially since my hobbies require cleanup.
I ask for recommendations because I work at a non profit so my budget is not high enough for a house cleaner nor a dyson – I need the best bang for my buck.
How is being ugly on the internet something someone spends their precious time on?
Not every poster on this board is a) partnered and/or b) has money for domestic help. Get out of here with that snobbishness.
I’m the OP of the thread. I actually do have a house cleaner who comes once a week, but as another poster pointed out, toddler messes are daily, and I know very few people who have a full-time housekeeper. So that’s why I was asking for recs – I figured others on this board have had to deal with similar situations. FWIW, my husband did buy (and we use) a roomba, but it takes a long time to run, so we only use it every few days (and it obviously doesn’t solve the mopping problem). I was hoping to find a lightweight, powerful device to that I could use to vacuum the high traffic areas 1-2x/day.
To the posters who responded with helpful advice, thank you so much! It sounds like I’ll need to get a cordless vacuum and then figure out the mopping solution separately.
I’m looking for a good table saw if you’d prefer to make recommendations for that.
I am offended by the request for table saw recommendations. I was too smart for shop class and am so important that I delegate all light bulb replacements and other manual labor to my husband, who also does 100% of cooking and laundry and hired our nanny and cleaning service with zero input from me. Don’t you know that this is a site for high-achieving women?
Uh, what? While I’d hire a housekeeper in a hot minute if I could afford it, alas I can’t. We don’t all make enough to afford that.
Also, I am not a big fan of cleaning but vacuuming is one thing I do enjoy so spending some time to pick a vacuum isn’t a big deal.
Jfc
That was super snotty, and BTW, when you have little kids, you’re constantly cleaning your floors. Toddler messes don’t wait for a cleaning person, sorry to say.
And a house cleaner is not in my public service budget.
I have a JD and a graduate degree, neither of which has rendered me incapable of cleaning my own floors.
I have a Dyson cordless vacuum that picks up dirt on hard floors and carpets between weekly cleanings. It was under $200 on some Black Friday sale. On a weekly basis, I mop tile with a sponge mop, mop wood floors with a microfiber mop made for wood floors, and vacuum rugs and carpets with a real corded vacuum cleaner.
Same here! Do you let your mess just ripen until the professionals come? Ew, David!
I love the “ew, david” at the end of this comment!
I’m kind of laughing at the fact that you think a JD is so special as to render you incapable of cleaning.
Pretty sure that poster meant “job description” but agree the response in general was unnecessary!
No, I definitely think she meant lawyers don’t clean houses. I have never seen job description abbreviated as JD.
I know that vacuum mops exist, but my thinking is that there are more points of failure and also, that they do each job less well. IMO, it’s sort of sacrilege to not vacuum the floor before mopping! In your situation, I’d get a cordless stick vacuum and a steam mop for the tile.
A Labrador Retriever. My floors are constantly “tongue clean” & not a crumb to be found.
Golden Retrievers also perform crumb removal, but they leave fur everywhere. It’s a tradeoff.
My golden retriever mix has been deputized to clean up the floors after the toddler’s meals. She takes a lot of pride in her work.
Gross. Dog mouths are so filthy that licks and bites have caused people to lose limbs.
I am confident no one has lost a limb because their dog licked the floor.
It’s a risk I’m willing to take every damn day
We have a Shark Navigator for our main vacuum that works great that we got refurbished for around $100 around five years ago. I don’t feel like a higher-priced vacuum would clean *that* much better. For daily cleaning, we have a Eufy 11s robot vacuum that runs daily and does a good job at generally keeping crumbs at bay, and now we only use our big vacuum probably once every two weeks? For spot cleaning and quick jobs we have a Shark cordless vacuum that’s great for things like the car floor and our basement stairs (and as a bonus, my 4yo niece LOVES using it and asks to vacuum when she comes over :-) It’s super lightweight and easy to maneuver). I think we spent $400 total for all three and we’re really happy with them. Mopping is a totally different task and I wouldn’t combine them. We have a Shark steam mop that has held up great and an old school sponge mop and bucket for deeper cleans.
Dyson cordless is nice, but Miele is amazing and worth the splurge (seriously).
Source: I grew up cleaning house with my immigrant parents–am now a JD who still vacuums almost daily *and* has a cleaning team.
Sorry you got an ugly comment!
We solved this with a robot vacuum that we run every other day. Spills we have to mop up when they happen, but crumbs and dog hair are very well handled by the robot vacuum (we got one of the Roomba models, it was about $300). The Roomba has also had the benefit of training us to keep things up off the floor. If your kids are really young, this may be tougher for you than it was for us. FWIW most households I know have found that a robot vacuum is the solution to having perpetually clean floors. It’s the lowest-labor device I know of that can keep floors clean. People do not actually need to mop floors as much as they seem to think. Robot vacuum + hand spot-cleaning of spills keeps our floors very clean with minimal labor and fuss, and definitely without complex floor-cleaning equipment.
I don’t think the answer to all cleaning questions is “get a housekeeper” (although I have one who comes every other week). But I also think there are a lot of repetitive questions about vacuums or floor-cleaning equipment on here that I admit I also don’t understand. There are product reviews all over Amazon and there’s a whole subreddit about vacuum cleaners people can peruse if they want to deep-dive into the subject. If people have kids or pets, floors are going to get dirty. If there was a floor-cleaning product out there that resulted in floors being clean all the time under every possible circumstance, believe me, I would have sold my car or second-mortgaged my house to buy that product if I had to.
+1, especially since you mentioned that you do have a housecleaner. Having the roomba run once a day will take care of that floor grime between cleanings. It will miss spots some days, but that’s ok because it will get that spot the next day.
We have a bissell steam cleaner and a dyson hand vacuum and that gets us by between visits from our cleaners. But we also only have carpet on the stairs and everywhere else is hardwood or tile. The dyson is mostly for crumbs and spills.
The steam cleaner is not cordless but it is pretty magical.
I like Shark products. Started with a Shark and then tried Dyson since everyone loves them and since they’re pricier than Sharks, they must work well, but it actually broke! So went back to my old Shark, which was still working. For mopping surface stains quickly, I like the Swiffer wet products since they are easy to take out and mop a room or area in 5 minutes.
Dyson stick vacuum and for spills, I use a wet paper towel and floor cleaner (like the method one that smells like almonds) to wipe it up. If I mop the floor I use an O’Cedar mop but usually it’s not necessary to break that out for small toddler messes.
Bissell Crosswaves also exist and are popular, but for some reason cords make things seem more complicated to use even though it’s really not. You might look into that if you want a device that does both. My brother raves about his.
I LOVE the Bissell CrossWave Cordless Max. We also use it on our rugs. It vacuums and mops the floor. We use this frequently but also have a cordless Dyson for quick clean-up of the post-meal toddler crumbs.
I want to offer something useful, but I never figured it out myself. We adopted our first dog when the kids were 3 and 18 months because I needed an ever-present, living vacuum. Created other problems but there aren’t crumbs anywhere, so that’s something!
Thoughts on the best weeklong Scottish itinerary? Edinburgh and Inverness are high on my list, and then literally everywhere else so it’s an issue of narrowing it down.
I spent a week in Scotland about 6 years ago. My itinerary was:
1) Arrive Edinburgh, one night in the city.
2) Leave early next day for St. Andrews. 3 nights in St. Andrews (golf school, touring the city, lovely walks on the coastal path).
3) Train to Inverness. Two nights Inverness (hikes, drive around Loch Ness, visit castles)
4) Train back to Edinburgh, two nights Edinburgh
In Edinburgh I stayed at the Glasshouse and in Inverness I stayed at Bunchrew House; I recommend them both. St. Andrews was the Hotel du Vin, which was fine but unexceptional other than location (close to the Old Course).
What do you want to see and do? We honeymooned in an old crofter’s cottage in the Highlands and LOVED it. Our cottage was in Fort William and we took daytrips from there.
History, shopping, scenery, not hardcore hiking.
Scone palace was the highlight on my week in Scotland, almost 20 years ago!
Ooh let Ribena and I know and we’ll take you to coffee! I shamefully haven’t been further North than Aberdeen in my 10 years here, but I love St Andrews and all the seaside villages in Fife. I like Glasgow but my husband says that’s because I’m American and feel at home in a city on a grid. Skye is the obvious choice but depends on the time of year, and it is a trek. Arran is boring, Mull is cuter in terms of other islands.
Oh you’re def on my itinerary!
Yes!! Coffee and bookshops too if you like!
We did a week and a half-ish with a rental car, and prioritized hiking and booze. Had a blast. Can’t wait to go again. Our itinerary was roughly:
Train to Edinburgh from London, pick up rental car (would’ve stayed overnight if we had a do-over)
2 nights near Loch Lomond
3 nights near Fort William/Glencoe (we stayed at the Creag Mhor Lodge…absolutely loved that place, 10/10 would recommend. this area is a fantastic base for hiking if that’s your thing.)
4 nights on Isle of Skye (absolutely recommend!! if not Skye, I’d do at least one island; Islay is a great option if you’re into whisky)
2 nights near Aberlour (stayed at The Craigellachie Hotel, which was lovely and their restaurant The Copper Dog was outstanding; this is near the Cairngorms so we originally intended to do more hiking but ended up taking it a bit easier and just did a full day of whisky tasting/lounged. If you like whisky, this is the other area to go other than Islay. I’d be happy to pass long recommendations for distilleries and a driver, if that’s of interest.)
2 nights in St. Andrews (husband loves golf so this was a can’t-miss for us)
1 night in Edinburgh
Lol girlllll. You did 14 nights! It’s narrowing it down to 7 that’s the challenge:)
Loved the Cairngorms, even though we only did light hiking. Heritage railway there was fun for a dinner trip. Our favorite part was the Orkney islands, but that may be too far away if you only have a week.
We did two nights in Edinburgh, drove to Oban to spend two nights and visited Stirling Castle on the way, took a bus tour to Iona/Mull/Staffa while in Oban (a break from driving and they managed all the ferry stuff), two nights/three days in Skye (took the car ferry from Mallaig to Armadale — book ahead of time, this route takes 4.5 hours including ferry time), took bridge off Skye to Perthshire and spent the night in Pitlochry, then back to Edinburgh (90 min) to fly back home. By far one of the best trips ever!!
Morning! DH and I are looking for a house in the suburbs and currently live in a large city. We are expecting our first child. There are a few areas we are interested in, but basically, the decision we have to make is a smaller/older house in a more upscale community with top schools, nice downtown, community resources, etc. vs. bigger/updated house in a not very nice suburb (but not unsafe or anything) meh schools, no downtown, no community resources. We are having a lot of trouble finding a house in the upscale community that fits our needs since we both WFH space is really a premium. My take is the actual house affects your day-to-day than the community you live in, and that if the schools become an issue that we’ll be in a better position to move to the nice community in 5-10 years anyway. Would appreciate your insights, thanks!
I’d never bother buying in a community with bad services.
I personally would get a bigger house in the less nice community. If you’re both WFH full time, you need more space and a house you mostly enjoy.
Do both communities have suitable daycare options? Is one farther away from the closest big city? Do you have family or friends closer to one of them?
I’d almost always say the smaller house, but if you both work from home I think that tips the scales in favor of getting the space you need.
I live in the old house in the walkable hood. There were babies there when I had babies but eventually they all left once they were school-aged for more space. So now I have middle-schoolers in a neighborhood with a new bunch of babies who will leave in 5 years.
At this stage, the community is less important. In elementary school years, it is much more important. We bought a smallish house with reasonable but not amazing schools fully intending to move in 5 years. 5 years later, we couldn’t really afford it (without going all out), and by the time we could, we were kind of wedded to the neighborhood/community. I really love that my kids have friends within walking distance, and the neighbors they can go to if they need help. So, I think if you really think you can move in 5 years, community is less important, but I wouldn’t bank on it. 5 years is not that long.
Personally I’d choose the smaller/older in a nicer area! I prefer the character/quality of older houses and I’ll never move to an area that isn’t walkable to the town’s downtown. Also, in my area, these towns are closer to the city, which is my preference.
Are you both permanently wfh? If this is a “temporary” situation, I wouldn’t buy a house around wfh if you’ll go back to the office eventually.
I also think if you’re considering moving to the “nicer” area eventually for the schools, I’d prefer the continuity of being in the area, making friends, etc.
I think that your community really starts to matter when you have kids that start kindergarten. I have been in my little neighborhood for probably 15 years at this point but only started to get to know my neighbors when I had kids. So to me smaller house in better community is a no brainer over a nicer house in a meh community with meh schools. And the years FLY when you have kids so I wouldn’t just move to the big house with the goal of moving in a few years – it will be harder than you think, esp. because you will accumulate enough stuff and really grow into that bigger house.
This. Plus in our area, the popular local school fills fast. Registration for the pre-K program is May of the year they turn 3 so if you don’t live in the neighborhood then, you’ll go on a waitlist or have to go to the less popular school.
Are you just looking at what’s on the market? Everything good in my neighborhood (very similar to your description above), sells off market. We have realtors ask at least once a month if we are selling.
I would pick smaller in a real community over generic exurb sprawl any day, but I don’t mind having my WFH desk in the corner of the living room while DH’s is in the guest room, and personally do not want more house to maintain or car dependency.
I can certainly see both perspectives. I currently live in a small, old house in an area like the first community you describe. Sometimes square footage doesn’t translate directly to usable space, so you need to be critical about what your needs are and how the space works. We passed on other houses with similar square footage to ours, but found ours solved some issues. We have a small bonus room that can be walled off from the rest of the living space with French doors; that has been key to the versatility of the space over the years. It let my mom put the baby down for a nap in a pack and play on the 1st floor when that was a priority. One kid used it for virtual school when that was our life. It could be a WFH space, but we decided instead to dedicate a WFH setup in the basement, which isn’t ideal but gets the job done–we spruced up a separate room with an actual door that closes apart from the kids’ play area and laundry area. Other neighbors with similar footprints have 4-season porches that are their office setups–if you’re out walking, you can wave at some neighbors while they’re on their work calls, haha.
We moved to the burbs in a big house in a boring suburb and swore we’d move — it’s a huge PITA to move houses, we probably won’t do it until my eldest graduates high school. I don’t think nice Ks or anything like that matters though until you get to middle/high school, though, so i’d say you have a longer timeline than that. i’d probably say go for the house you like best individually, and scope out coworking spaces near you to see if that would fit in the budget.
I chose the upscale community in your example, and I am very happy with my decision. I bought before I had kids, and the prices have steadily gone up. Homes that are smaller, crappier, with worse yards sell for more than what I paid years ago. My first kid has special needs, and the services for her at the top-notch schools are phenomenal. My errands are easy because I have basically whatever I need within 10 minutes. The okay suburb with amazing homes that I love got sucked up into “anti CRT” racist nonsense, so I’m glad I did not move out there.
I bought the smaller house in a nice suburb and we’re in the process of adding office space over the garage. If you’re up for doing work on it you might have more options – definitely not cheap to do that but maybe you don’t need the space right away and it’s something you’d add in a couple years.
Anyone have recommendations for where to stay along the Amalfi Coast? We’re thinking of going there for a our honeymoon this fall. All of the towns sound lovely and I’m even contemplating staying in two places over a 3-4 day stay. Ease of transport is important. We’re not huge beach people but would enjoy some water activities. Thanks!
I know Positano is the cliche spot, but sometimes things are that way for a reason. We stayed in an AirBnb an uphill walk (many stairs) from the beach in Positano and it was just so truly lovely that we never wanted to leave. We had a car and had plans to drive to other little Amalfi coast towns, but we were happy to just putter around Positano that whole time. If you only have 3-4 days I would NOT split your time between two towns. The towns aren’t very far apart and you want to feel relaxed while you are there. We went in September and it was perfect- still hot enough to lay on the beach but not as insanely crowded as it would have been in true summer. Have so much fun!
My indoor Meyer lemon tree has produced three gorgeous lemons, ripe for the picking. I wanna bake something! Any favorite lemon bakes? Bonus if they’re gluten-free.
Greetings from North Florida, where I can’t even give away all my meyer lemons! Sally’s Baking Addiction lemon bars are a great pick when you only have a few. I also like to sub out meyer lemon juice for lime in any key lime pie recipe. Meyer lemons are really sweet though, so you might need to add a bit of lime juice so it’s not cloyingly sweet.
One more, but takes some effort and ingredients unless you are already into baking cakes: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1019675-lemon-almond-cake-with-lemon-glaze
If you ever find yourself with too many, I make a couple of gallons of preserved lemons every year, following Kenji’s/ Serious Eats’ procedure. They’re amazing with fish and poultry.
I love this one: https://leitesculinaria.com/332/recipes-meyer-lemon-tart-chocolate.html
Smitten Kitchen’s whole lemon tart is great for meyer lemons because you put the whole lemon into the curd. And it’s super easy to whip up. It’s not gluten free, though but the crust is basic shortbread so maybe there are workarounds?
Anything with lemon curd!
I’m planning a trip to Italy in late March and apparently they only consider vaccination certificates valid for 6 months after your most recent dose. I’ll hit the six month from my booster while I’m there (I have health conditions and work in education, so I was eligible on Sept. 23 and got my booster a few days later). I guess I have no choice but to get a fourth dose before I go? The vaccination certificate is required for everything over there, including hotels, and mine would be invalid during my stay if I don’t get a fourth dose. But I feel kind of weird about it, when it’s not officially recommended in the US and I’d kind of have to lie to get it. Is anyone else in a similar situation? What are you doing?
plan your trip at a different time and go earlier? we’re doing that for a trip to Disney.
Can’t go earlier, it has to be over Spring Break. I’m also not sure I’d want to go any earlier even if we could, because I’m hoping the Omicron wave will have subsided a lot by then.
I’d check in with places you’re staying. There are official rules and there’s what actually happens on the ground. A friend was really worried about this for a trip to Portugal and it just ended up being a non issue.
Nah this is real for Italy. Source: my job where I am an Italy specialist and am in regular-if-not-daily communication with colleagues in Italy.
OP, if you want to go to Italy in March, you have to get another booster (at least two weeks prior to departure, according to current guidelines). If you don’t want to get a booster yet, go somewhere else.
The current US guidelines call for a booster 5 months after the second dose in the primary series, but there is no authorization for a second booster at this time. Presumably either the CDC will authorize additional boosters or the Italian authorities will adjust their requirements before OP travels. Or there will be another variant and borders will be closed. Or who knows what else will happen. There is only so much advance planning one can do these days.
I don’t know that the CDC is very concerned with Americans being able to travel to Italy though. They’ve advised against most international travel anyway. Their recommendations are based on what they think Americans need to stay out of the hospital, and they may not see a need for young healthy people to get a fourth dose by March, especially if the current wave is receding.
I’d get a fourth dose.
I would just get the fourth dose, and it may very well be officially approved by the time you need to go anyway.
Just wait and see. By March there will probably be CDC guidance about a fourth dose.
Where have you seen the 6 months period? I am checking their official web and I only see “present the COVID-19 Green Certificate, or equivalent certificate, certifying the completion of the vaccination cycle to the transport operator at the time of boarding and to anyone appointed to carry out the checks”
https://www.salute.gov.it/portale/nuovocoronavirus/dettaglioContenutiNuovoCoronavirus.jsp?lingua=english&id=5412&area=nuovoCoronavirus&menu=vuoto&tab=4
If you cannot get in the plane without the vaccination certificate it doesnt matter where is also requested there.
The validity of the Green Pass is reduced to six months as of February 1, so you have to be within 6 months of your most recent dose (although maybe it only applies if you’re un-boosted?)
I think there is a chance that (i) Italy will update its guidance once many/most people start hitting the six month mark after a booster (i.e., eliminate the requirement if cases are down), or (ii) the US will have more guidance about a fourth dose as more people hit the five or six month mark.
Personally, I would not get a fourth dose if it is not authorized in the US, but I am sure others would feel differently.
I don’t think Italy is even authorizing 4th doses for its own citizens, so I think this is just a problem with the guidance not being updated to reflect the timing of when people have gotten boosters. I would just keep an eye on things. I’m hopeful that by March, if we’re talking about second boosters we’d be talking about Omicron-specific boosters. If not, I don’t see much point in getting a 4th one. Data out of Israel is not showing much value in a 2nd booster/4th shot, so I don’t see countries flocking to adopt them as policy.
I swear I’m going to get around to *doing the thing* and finally call a real estate lawyer to help sort this out, but in the meantime, advice/perspectives welcome.
2 brothers were going to buy their mom a house to retire in but by the time the purchase came around, Brother A just had a baby and wasn’t really involved in actual mechanics of purchase. Mom contributed $100k for down payment, Brother B took out a mortgage and is on the deed for the house. Brother A has paid for half the mortgage, taxes, maintenance for the past 5 years. Now, Brother B just got married and Brother A just had another baby and is focused on wills/estate planning and is realizing that this wasn’t really structured correctly (duh).
How to fix this? Both brothers have a great relationship so it isn’t a matter of not trusting each other to do the right thing. Refinancing the mortgage to add Brother A to the mortgage and deed isn’t ideal because rates have gone up. Brother B was told it isn’t possible to add Brother A to the deed without also adding him to the mortgage. Brother B has no plans for children and has no will/inclination to do estate planning so everything will default to his new wife. Mother is now concerned that if something happens to Brother B, she and Brother A have no claim to the house despite the fact that she’s living there and Brother A has paid for half.
Help? Is it possible to be on a deed without technically being on the mortgage in MA? Is that risk substantially greater to Brother B than the situation Brother A is in where he’s paying for something he has no legitimate ownership of?
Stop this silliness and hire a real estate lawyer.
Find a real estate lawyer. They can draw this up for your family properly.
I am licensed in MA. Caveat: real estate isn’t my area. However, I see no reason why you can’t add someone to the deed who isn’t on the mortgage; you just can’t transfer the deed away from the mortgage-holder.
I’m on the deed with my husband but only he is on the mortgage, but that happened at the time we bought the house, so I have no idea how to do that after the purchase. A real estate lawyer would know!
Agree, hire a lawyer. Right now, today.
If the house is solely in Brother B’s name, Mother’s concern seems valid.
Even if everyone “does the right thing”, getting the house tangled up in probate proceedings seems unnecessarily complicated. Interest rates are still pretty low, so the argument for not refinancing seems pretty weak. For what its worth (in CA), my husband & I both own our house but the mortgage is in my name only.
Does it ever seem like people in the same income range as you live these lives that are so fabulous – mostly with regards to travel – and you wonder how in the world? I know usually people just say oh family money – parents either pay for their trips or gave them a huge housing down payment that their monthly costs are nothing etc. But I’m talking about friends you know well – who’ve shared their families are of regular means or there isn’t much family relationship.
Looking at pics from the long weekend of a couple I know in the same income range as me staying at a beach hotel in Fla where a room goes for $1300/night minimum. Which follows a trip to the UK in Dec and a week in California this fall; both of which also involved hotels but regular luxury – not like this one. I look at myself and all I can think is – are our saving/priorities THAT different??
I just assume they are going into debt, not saving, refi-ing their home, etc. We all have different priorities. Mine is to have savings and retire sooner rather than later. I just keep that in mind when I see the pics of those fabulous vacations that I do not take.
I don’t think you can necessarily assume it’s debt. Everyone has different priorities.
I was coming here to say everybody has different priorities. A friend of mine used to say “you can have anything you want, you just can’t have everything you want.” Obviously your friends really want those luxury travel experiences and have figured out ways to make it happen.
Yeah, I agree. I really hate that attitude. I know it feels better to assume they must be doing something wrong to have more than you, but it’s not a productive or kind way to look at the world.
I hate that attitude so much.
I don’t know about this. In some cases, I know it’s debt, and I’m still jealous!
Yeah. They are. Like people have no idea my hobby is 30k plus a year. Which is why I can’t afford 17 stupid girls’ weekends away a year.
What is your hobby? Now I’m curious.
Competitive ballroom dance
Wow — I had no idea. I am glad I was working late the night one of my friends tried to get me to go. I don’t feel so bad about my yarn stash now :)
Different Anon, but one of my good friends is an equestrian, and a serious one. She has mentioned some of the costs to me. I feel like you have to be an heiress, which she kind of is, but modestly, and I think all of that money is gone now. It’s easily $100k/year at her level, if not more.
You don’t have to spend this much! I do because I can afford to and like it.
That and you comfort with debt. I randomly had a conversation with a friend who disclosed that he and his wife routinely carry a credit card balance and just transfer balances to new cards to save on interest. This blew my mind! To me balances = things you have to pay off in full every month.
Your saving priorities might be different! But they also might not be spending $1300/night — either because they’re using points, going mid-week, or because they’re using credit cards that help bring the cost down (e.g., 4th night free cards).
+1, we have been traveling a ton lately and, although not staying at $1K per night hotels, wouldn’t be surprised if some of our acquaintances are like “how the h-ll.” The answer is we booked a bunch of stuff dirt cheap last spring and early summer when everything was still Covid-reduced and just re-opening (think – booked September flights to Europe for I think $450 each), and have been using points or miles.
I am pretty sure we’ve spent the same amount on 3 7-10 day trips this year that we’d normally spend on one plus a long weekend or two.
Yes I stayed at a gorgeous hotel in Paris, posted pics of myself there on social media, and friends who travel a lot were like “ooh la la,” which honestly I felt the same way.
But it was all points.
Could I have stayed at a mid-level suburban hotel in the US with the same number of points? Yes, I could have. But it wasn’t real out of pocket money for me, and I got to pretend I was extremely fancy for four days.
This is my BFF – she seriously has millions of credit card points from her job, so they travel in style and are always able to upgrade. She also gets nice bonuses that go almost completely to worldly adventures for her family and all four children.
Or, your friends might be in debt up to their eyeballs, embezzling from work or cheating on their taxes. You just never know.
They may be up to their eyeballs in debt, saving very little for retirement, or not saving for the kid’s college.
If it makes you feel better, a lot of it can be based on family support even when they come from a “normal” family. My siblings and I regularly get emails from my dad asking us to please help him spend 1m+ in Marriott points that are due to expire. DH and I took a trip to the Maldives precovid that was almost entirely paid for on points – I was very grateful for the points, including when friends asked about the trip! But to someone looking at my Instagram pictures, it might have looked like we dropped 20k on a week in an above water hut, which we could simply never afford.
Wow, that’s so generous of him and sounds like an amazing trip! My parents have given us some points and miles here and there before but nothing like that. Even little amounts do add up though.
My HHI is $150k, debt free, substantial retirement savings, and we regularly spend $15-20k per year on travel for our family of 3, and it’s going to increase substantially once our kid gets out of daycare and we no longer have that huge expense (currently ~$15k). We don’t stay in $1k a night hotels often because I generally value the ability to take more trips over ultra luxury hotels, but we have done it a couple times and will do it more as we get older and build more wealth. Our ability to spend this much on travel is a combination of several things, not necessarily in order: 1) priorities – we basically never buy “stuff”and we drive 20 year old cars, 2) we live in a LCOL area and have a cheap home with very minimal maintenance costs – I know a lot of people who are “house poor,” especially in HCOL places like Bay Area, 3) my salary is a lot lower now, but I had a very lucrative and stressful job in my 20s that allowed us to save a ton and 4) we graduated with very minimal student debt thanks to a combo of family support and big scholarships.
Also even that very high budget doesn’t represent all of our travel because some of our travel is gifted (my mom and daughter and I have done some trips together that my mom mostly paid for, and my parents generally offer to pay for our flights to visit them) and some is subsidized (my husband travels a lot for work and sometimes we go with him, so his flight and a modest hotel room are covered in that situation).
I know lots of people like to assume that their more visibly lavish friends are somehow morally inferior by assuming they have lots of debt or no savings or live of mommy and daddy’s money, but it could just be different priorities on how they spend their money or they make more money than you think.
Honestly, it doesn’t matter why they’re able to spend lavishly, it’s still better kept to ones’ self. Putting it out there is just ostentatious.
I don’t think it’s ostentatious to post vacation pics on your social media account or whatever. Why hide it?
Why put it out there?
To share with family and friends. Isn’t social media mostly for sharing pictures? If you don’t want to see someone’s pictures why be friends with them on those platforms?
We don’t have any non-mortgage debt and we save what I think is plenty for retirement (>$50k per year) but I think many of my friends who don’t do as much travel save quite a bit more than we do.
Yeah, I know a few couples like this and have also wondered how they swing it. I chalk it up to they’re probably not saving for retirement (we’re early 30’s some of our peers haven’t started yet) and they’re not really saving at all. Basically they have a decent HHI but likely living paycheck to paycheck. I get envious of the fancy cars, houses, and vacations but I value savings a lot more I guess.
Or they lose a job and are SOL really quickly. Bluntly, age discrimination is real, skills atrophy, and financial collapses happen. Some people do not plan for unemployment. Maybe it works out, but when it doesn’t, it is savage.
After a childhood of vacations going to visit the biggest ball of yarn and staying in roadside motels with vibrating beds, luxury travel is a huge priority to me. Experiences, and making memories with my family, are worth my $20-30K allotted annual budget.
We are soul sisters, except my parents actually traveled with me to a lot of cool places. But I spend an obscene amount on luxury family travel and have no regrets.
The Cut posted on Instagram the other day about a woman who was scared to tell her boyfriend she had student loans and $15k in credit card debt, and the comments were full of people saying “doesn’t everyone have $15k in credit card debt?” It answered a lot of my questions about how people afford things, if people think $15k in CC debt is no big deal.
I also stopped wondering how certain people I know IRL afforded certain things, like new BMWs or new huge houses or fancy trips, when they would later declare bankruptcy. Guess that’s how they afforded it.
I don’t necessarily think everyone who’s living large is living on credit but I know a lot of people think debt is NBD and live their lives on the financial margin. My financial advisor, when we were doing our initial financial review with him, looked surprised when I gave him the balance numbers in our savings, checking, retirement and college savings accounts. When I asked why he looked surprised he said “very honestly, most people make money and they spend the money they make. They don’t save. Then they come to me in their fifties and ask when they can retire, and aren’t very happy when I tell them they might never be able to retire. I’ll just let you know right now – you and your husband will be able to retire at 60, no problem, if you keep this up.” I took that as an indicator that even though I feel we could do better with our savings, we’re still doing better than a lot of people.
I experienced extremely long stints of unemployment due to being stuck in a one-horse town caring for sickly family. I spent almost a decade cobbling together retail, waitressing, and freelance jobs to keep food on the table (not in one stint, but total time among downsizings). So I’m well aware that while I may be earning a comfortable salary now, I’m way behind the eight ball compared to the people who have a consistent job history. I can’t ever make up that time contributing to retirement accounts with yearly caps, nor will I be able to take advantage of compounding the way they can.
So TLDR I am not at all surprised at my spendier peers. (And while I’m at it, a PSA: Get your eldercare and estate stuff in order like a responsible adult, so your own kids don’t have to delay their retirement.)
At least for me I really do think it’s just different priorities – for example, I save my disposal income to use on travel and fitness classes, whereas other friends don’t prioritize travel and would rather buy a sporty/fancy car. But… because I post my travel adventures on social media, I do know I curate my feeds so it looks like I have a lot more money than I really do. Reality is, I live simply most of the time, I try to maximize travel points via gaming my credit card purchases, and look for a lot of travel deals and/or tack on a leisure trip after a business trip. I don’t carry any debt other than my reasonable mortgage for a 3br townhouse.
Different priorities is what I was going to say, too. I have always prioritized saving and having enough money in a f*** you fund so that if I need to bug out of a bad situation, I can. I still have fun, but my hobbies are pretty simple. I prioritize making my life as good as it can be, so I get the treats I want while making sure all the major expenses are kept in line. A friend prioritizes escaping from her life: she wants to get away from the daily slog with vacations. Mostly, this is fine, but when she came close to losing a job, we had to broach the topic of me giving her a personal loan because she couldn’t survive more than 2 weeks. She does save up, but just so she can spend it all.
Does anybody know of any online meeting tools that allow any ol’ member of the public to participate but require some kind of verification of identity? We keep getting zoom bombed by somebody who makes up a new fake name every time and I hate it, but we can’t just stop having public comments. I think the answer might be going back to in person meetings and limiting participation to people who are actually there, but maybe there’s some miracle tool for online meetings that can help.
Is the zoom bombing person interrupting verbally? Can the moderator just mute that person each time?
Yes, but it’s still quite disruptive whether it lasts for a second or a minute.
We use a public link and a private link. The private link is shared with known stakeholders only. IT merges the two but keeps the public line muted except during specified comment periods.
Genius.
Can you do a webinar and have them submit comments by typing them in?
We have everyone register for events and meetings. Only those registered actually get the zoom link. This started after a very unfortunate Zoom-bombing incident.