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Updated: Mar 4, 2019 218 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Striped Textured Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This textured sheath dress from Banana Republic Factory looks great. I love the way that the fabric is pieced together — it makes the pattern look a lot more interesting. The dress is machine washable, has a hidden back zipper, and is available in sizes 0–20. It's on sale for $49.98 (from $89.99). Striped Textured Sheath Dress This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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Comments

  1. How do people who wear wool coats in 20-30 degree weather keep warm?

    Where to buy a really warm professional wool coat? I’m in NYC and notice that a lot of people in the Wall Street area wear what looks like black wool coats outside their suits. So when I wear my dark red down coat to business meetings I look very different from others. I tried wearing a JCrew thinsulate wool coat, but it was not warm enough. I tried a vintage cashmere coat from Burberry, which was still not warm enough. So it doesn’t seem like price point makes any difference in terms of warmth.

    How do people keep warm wearing wool coats in the winter? Is there a secret trick that I’m missing? Do they have special fur linings or something? If so, how can I get one?

    • anne-on

      I think the Canadian brands do this best. My Mackage wool coat is SO much warmer than any other one I tried. They also apparently have a down lined wool coat line. Soia & Kyo is another one I’d look at. And hey – they’re likely to be on sale now!
      https://www.mackage.com/us/en/henrita-gx-classic-wool-jacket-with-removable-fur-collar/HENRITA-GX.html?dwvar_HENRITA-GX_color=COL272&cgid=womens-wool-coats-down-lined-wools#start=1&cgid=womens-wool-coats-down-lined-wools

      • waffles

        Second this. I recently replaced my Soia & Kyo coat with a Hobbs coat and it is definitely not as warm. The Soia & Kyo incorporated more layers into the fabric.
        as an aside, Soia & Kyo and Mackage are actually related brands…

      • Anonymous

        +1 or a full down “sweater.” But honestly I see lots of men running around with no hats and such when it’s freezing and I just assume they are more willing to suffer than I am.

      • Anonymous

        This. Smartwool makes a nice thin vest that layers well over a dress and under a wool coat. Get it in black and remove it when you remove your coat.

        Other option is layers – warm pashmina scarf crossed to cover your chest under the wool coat, high collared wool coat and another large wool scarf on top of my coat. Warm gloves. Hooded wool coats are harder to find but also provide additional warmth, especially if you are not wearing a hat.

      • Senior Attorney

        I was at the Uniqlo store the other night and they were selling their lightweight collarless down coats and jackets as outerwear or as a liner for a wool coat.

    • Anonymous

      I find them warm enough over suits (which provides a bunch of warmth with the suit jacket and shirt underneath), but not over dresses. So, what you’re wearing underneath might make a difference. I think that’s why it works for men so well. They already tend to run warmer (I know…stereotype…but it’s been true in my life), plus are typically wearing suit jackets with a long sleeved button up and undershirt under that. They also get a win on footwear with practical shoes over real socks. So I guess my advice is to look at what you’re wearing underneath and make sure you’re wearing warm weather accessories – scarf, gloves, footwear, something on your head.

    • Gi

      Wool isn’t all that warm compared to a puffer or quality parka. They’re probably just cold. Maybe lots of layers.

    • Anonymous

      IDK

      I want a coat I can wear over a suit that doesn’t make me look like the Michellin Man. I gave up — I wear a down coat (it’s not too puffy for down, but it is warm at least).

      The younger British royals have a strong coat game. Coats always look mumsy on me. And worse than that when I’m wearing anything thicker than a thin dress. Waah.

      If you have figured this out — sleek + warm coats, pls chime in.

    • Cat

      – Layers (a thin sweater + a suit jacket + a wool coat = plenty warm for many)
      – Scarf, earmuffs, and good gloves add more comfort than you might think
      – If you’re only outside for 10 mins at a time, you don’t get THAT cold
      – A high of 35 on a calm day feels positively balmy compared to the recent cold AND windy weather — if it’s a high of 25 with a windchill, I am definitely opting for my puffer.

      That said… down coats are certainly gaining traction. I’d just pick a black one in a tailored shape, rather than a red one, for workwear.

      • Anonymous

        Where I am, it’s not the cold but the dampness that kills me. I’d take sub-zero over 40s and damp any day.

    • Anon

      Hack – get a coat you like in a slightly too large size (make sure it fits over your suit jacket easily/etc., and a bit bigger) and get a layer of flannel sewn into the coat’s lining. I’ve done this with my main wool/blend dress coat (black, knee length) and my ‘spare’ coat (wool, maroon, peacoat) and it is a gamechanger. I’ve gotten it done for less than $30 each time but your tailor could be more expensive. If you do this, they can remove the lining fabric, line with flannel, and then put the lining fabric and labels back in so it looks nice and is easy to put on. I do not recommend lining the sleeves if they are close to perfect fit – in my experience, if I’m wearing a scarf and good gloves, my arms rarely get cold under my coat.

      Bonus points if you can find a hat that works with your hair. Having your head covered and neck covered goes a long way.

    • Equestrian attorney

      A few things
      – wool content and quality matters. You want more than 50% wool at least, and well more expensive isn’t always better, this tends to be an area where you get what you pay for.
      – a thin down puffer underneath also helps. Uniqlo sells affordable ones that work well.
      – accessories: wear a scarf, gloves, and a hat (I skip the hat for formal situations because I feel like a five year old, but it’s a lifesaver otherwise). Also, warm socks on top of tights.
      I have to second the recommendation for Canadian brands – I have a Soia & Kyo (Mackage’s cheaper, “younger” brand) wool coat that is surprisingly warm and very work-appropriate.

      • Anon

        I tried Soia & Kyo before but they don’t fit my body shape very well. I have very broad shoulders and most of their designs look better on women with narrow shoulders.

        Are there brands with high quality wool that you recommend?

    • anon

      I’m not claiming it’s true for NE or NYC winters in general- never been there. But at the specific temps you mentioned, I wear a waist length poly-wool mix over a dress (single layer) and tights.

      Some people naturally run hot & sweaty; maybe you don’t, and so you need a warmer coat. It is what it is.

      • Mpls

        I would say that for the NE/NYC/Midwest winters, you always want your winter coat to cover your butt.
        1) It’s still part of your torso, which you want to keep warm
        2) keeps the winter wind from whistling up the back of your jacket

        • anon @ 9:46

          I’m just offering an explanation of why she might see other people wearing streetwear that wouldn’t work for her. I don’t think anyone should be self-conscious about wearing a big coat, but I also wish people would stop telling me what to wear. Everyone gets to make the practical choice that works for their body, and that may vary widely.

          I’ve lived in Vancouver/Victoria and commuted by foot and in an open boat, which is very wet and windy, although I didn’t wear skirts then. And now I live in northern Idaho, which gets darn cold in the winter, and I don’t get out my long coat or tall boots till the temperatures drop closer to zero-Fahrenheit. I do keep a hat in my purse to please the worriers in my family.

    • Never too many shoes...

      Definitely real wool makes a difference but not too much cashmere as it is delicate. Also a large cashmere scarf filling in the neckline and wool or wool lined leather gloves. Size up for a good fit over a suit.

    • tesyaa

      I would split the difference and go with a sedate, slim cut black down coat. Warmth technology is so much better than a few decades ago, so why go backwards to a wool coat on those really cold days? Also, I think on the super cold days, everyone understands that warmth is more important than appearing a tiny bit more professional.

      The ideas of layering down vests under an elegant coat or wearing extra sweaters (unless you want to layer anyway) seems so inefficient (glad it works for people who do it).

        • tesyaa

          I think it would depend on your price point. My personal price point is mall brands, but you can upgrade. There’s a Cole Haan coat that a lot of people here recommend, but you can obviously spend more on Moncler and you probably get what you pay for.

    • Anonymous

      I graduated from college in 1998, so I spent my teen years in and the first decade of my working life (in NYC) only wearing wool coats. On really cold or snowy days, I would break out my ski jacket, but puffers were just not a thing. I never had a wool coat with thinsulate. I remember I had a wide woven wool scarf that I would cross over my upper body under my coat on cold days.

      We all wore more layers under our coats and wore seasonally appropriate fabrics. Take today for example: it was 15 degrees when I left the house (going up to mid-30s and sunny – which is pretty warm). I commuted in a knee length puffer, and I’m wearing jeans and a poly-silk blend blouse. In the 90s, there’s no way I would have worn this top by itself on a cold day- I would have been in a long sleeve silk sweater under a suit jacket or (on the weekend) in a thicker sweater with a long sleeve layer underneath. If I really wanted to wear the blouse on its own at work, I would have had a layer over it for my commute.

    • Anon

      I have a knee length wool Jones new Yoek.coat that is sleek and keeps me very warm. The length is key.

    • anon0308

      Since no one has added this- I find that on extra cold days a fleece below my wood coat makes all the difference. I just use a zip up cheapo old navy performance one- but I’m sure you can find fancier. No one can see it under the coat.
      I also at some point got wool tights and a wool or some kind of meant for cold weather undershirt.
      Suffered through law school in Boston. :)

    • Small Firm IP Litigator

      I have yet to figure this out as well. I am still somewhat cold in a below the knee puffer when it is in the 40s. I’ve given up on wool if it is below 55 for a high, and just do down. I have a Marmot Montreaux in black. I take the hood off for professional occasions. I don’t think it is stylish, but it is not attention grabbing and I am not frozen.

      • Anonymama

        I think the underlayers can make as big a difference as the outer layers. I’ve found wearing a close-fitting first layer, even a cotton tank, and a warm sweater and scarf and socks, even with a lighter coat, keeps me so much warmer than just a huge coat.

  2. Anonymous

    I just discovered this page so forgive me if this topic has been covered recently, but I’m curious about people’s experiences with having kids and taking time off after you’ve returned from maternity leave. At my current job (biotech start up) I have very minimal paid time off (10 days vacation, 5 days sick time) and a pretty strict no working from home policy. Thinking ahead to if I have a baby, I imagine between the kid being sick (will have to go to day care), me being sick, taking time off to go to doctors appointments etc, that I’m going to use up all my PTO and my family is basically not going to be able to take a vacation for the first 3-4 years of a future kids life? For those with similarly strict working policies, is that how it ends up working? I of course am hopeful that if I were to have a baby that my supervisors will be more flexible, but honestly it’s not something I’m sure will happen. And thankfully my husband has a more flexible schedule so maybe we won’t have to burn through all my time, but I’m just not seeing how it’s all going to add up.

    • Lana Del Raygun

      If your husband can take care of pediatrician appointments and sick days that will make a big difference. It would also help if you’re allowed to flex your hours to make up time instead of taking PTO (I’m pretty sure this is legal for non-exempt workers if it’s within the same week, or possibly pay period, unless you’re in California; if you’re exempt it should be fine; IANAL). A lot of the well-baby visits are front-loaded in the time when you would hopefully still be on maternity leave. Also, can you find a pediatrician with evening or weekend hours?

    • Anonymous

      This comes up a lot of the mom’s site. A few ways to tackle it.
      1. use a nanny or aupair – this means less likely to contact germs and get sick especially in the first year. May need to offset your schedule and your husband’s – one person goes in early, one stays late to make this work.
      2. take half days to cover sick days – this doesn’t use up your vacation days as quickly if you take half a day off and your husband takes half the day.
      3. use long weekends to get vacations – you can do a mini-vacation of 4-5 days if you take a day or two on either side of a long holiday weekend
      4. use unpaid leave – some employers will allow you to take unpaid leave if needed
      5. use family – grandparents might not be able or willing to provide full time children but may be able to watch the grandbaby for a couple days when they are sick.
      HTH!

    • Anonymous

      I’m in a job where we need “butts in seats” for 8 hours a day and limited work from home, but I have some wiggle room to move my hours around if something like doctor’s appointments come up. Is that possible for you, so you work 7-3 and then do an afternoon appointment, etc.? Or work 10 hours one day and 6 the next to accommodate time out of the office?
      FWIW, when my kid was in daycare for the first year of his life, he was “sick” pretty much constantly but this meant a runny nose, which he could go to daycare with. It was pretty infrequent that he had to stay home.

    • Anonymous

      IDK

      My husband’s job has 10 vacation days a year. Which was more than I ever took as a single childless person but nowhere near adequate for a be-familied person with: kids who get sick – have snow days – have teacher workdays – have 2 weeks off at Christmas and 1 week off for break, never mind summers; never mind aging parent (2 replacement hips that he went to help out around the house / assist with PT appointments, etc. And I swear the kids only get sick (or better: get lice!!!) when I am already on travel for work.

      I have encouraged him to use FMLA or unpaid leave but he is (honestly) a sissy who will be a very cranky person at home rather than rock the boat at work (whereas I am totally unafraid, mainly b/c I have no option but to make it all work; I can WFH (often better in theory than in practice — esp. if kid has a stomach bug and can’t walk yet).

    • The original Scarlett

      Honestly, start advocating for more flexibility for everyone at work. When you make it a mom/parent issue, you get the resentful people. When you start asking “why do we keep these hours, why does it matter where we answer email, why does it matter when we get in and leave if we get our work done, etc.” you can start to change your butt-in-seat culture. Doesn’t help with your immediate what to I do today issue, but you can start to change things by not just accepting them, and you can make your office more flexible for everyone who works there – we’ve all got issues.

      • Anonymous

        It doesn’t naturally come up. When I was single, I rented, so the building maintenance staff took care of things. The married guys with houses largely have SAHWs who can meet the plumber, deal with car maintenance, etc.

        Then if you go from single-renter-transit taker to married-car-house-baby, it hits you all at once like a ton of bricks.

        • Anonymous

          I’m single and I own a house and a car and have pets. In fact most of my single friends are homeowners at this age (mid-30s). There’s no one else to stay home with the plumber, take the car in for an oil change, take the pets to the vet. This idea that all single people have zero responsibilities is really damaging.

          • Anonymous

            No one is trying to be damaging. Just saying that it’s not really an encountered thing until you encounter it.

            I can remember when I was a single-renter-transit-taker realizing that I could only live in transit-accessible neighborhoods or ones very close to work b/c if my unreliable and aging car broke down (which was often), I needed to have a way in to work and back that was not a $50 cab ride. My job then gave out transit passes, but even the occasional cab ride was far less than a car payment (never mind the fee for the parking garage).

            I feel that as a single person, I couldn’t say to work with no warning “my car broke down today and I am taking the day off while it is in the shop.” They’d expect for me to have a reliable car or figure out how to get to work.

            [OTOH, you can’t plan around sick kids — other than redundancy in backup care, which I understand is $$$ or lots of health-young-retired-grandparents, which not everyone has.]

          • Anon

            It’s not that single people have zero responsibilities. Parents have significantly more. Add “kids” to house, car and pets and it’s just a different ball game. To be clear, I advocate for flexibility for everyone.

          • Anonymous

            Agree. When I was single, I owned a home, a car, had a pet, and traveled frequently for work. It was very difficult (and sometimes expensive – dog boarding isn’t cheap!) to get things handled when I was the only one who could handle them.

            Now that I’m married, I have less travel, more WFM flexibility, and a full time WFM husband, so it feels much easier.

          • anon

            Yeah, people usually don’t go from single, renting, pet-less transit taker to married, house, car, baby over night.

          • Anonymous

            When I was 20s and single, being in a coma might have flown as an excuse not to be at work. But otherwise, the expectation was to be at work and if you weren’t, it was remarked on how you weren’t pulling your weight / weren’t dedicated / should have addressed your personal issues so they didn’t impact work.

            Maybe things have changed, maybe my workplaces then were particularly unforgiving, but that was what I saw for jobs 1-3. I’m old enough that this was at the dawn of blackberries and when laptops were still relatively novel (and work was done in the office). Now technology has blurred the line a bit, perhaps too much (pls, if a family member is at the hospital, maybe consider not responding to your work e-mails unless you’re in the bored-and-waiting phase of whatever it is).

          • Anonymous

            When I was single, I started with a condo and then a house. OMG — the condo was pretty new and a company took care of outside maintenance. It was pretty close to renting. But the older house — what a shock. The grass didn’t mow itself (and I lived next to a church, so I tried to be mindful of when their services were). There went my weekend. And g-d forbid I needed to be home from 1-6 for the cable guy or any other service person . . . Also, when it snowed, the walk didn’t shovel itself.

            Luckily, the pet adoption people were anti- single person adopting if you worked outside the home for >40 hours a week, so I got rejected fast.

        • Anon

          The married guys having stay at home wives who deal with all of this: so important.

          It is really hard for them to understand that the oil doesn’t change itself, the groceries don’t get bought by the refrigerator fairy, and dinner doesn’t cook itself. It might be a sexism issue, because the worst offenders have had other issues with women.

      • Anonymous

        Taking the lead on this is a sure way to get mommy tracked. If non-parents don’t want a ‘butts in seats’ culture, then it’s on them to ask for change, not for them to expect new moms who already face a lot of bias to lead the change.

        • The original Scarlett

          I’m actually suggesting that everyone speak up. The non-moms can take this up. Managers who don’t have kids read here and can speak up. It’s harder to do when you’re junior, but as you advance you have a voice you can use. I don’t have kids and when I hit a level of influence at my organization I pushed for this and we have it now. It just takes speaking up, more people get it than you think.

    • Anonywitch

      All these are good suggestions. Also you probably are going to have to accept that the first 3-4 years of kid’s life may not hold much vacation for you. Unfortunately, those are often “crunch” years for working parents, and they may just be hard years. Take heart; it is temporary.

      • anon

        I’d second this. My kids are older now, and lo and behold, we’re actually using our vacation days for real time off! After grinding away for close to a decade, it feels like a true luxury.

    • Anon

      Get a different job. Honestly. The first couple years of child rearing are hard. You need to have an employer that treats you like a human being. Their leave/vacation/sick policy is not meeting market conditions. It’s not normal – and it’s them, not you. Go find an employer that offers better benefits.

      • Anonymous

        I hate to say it, but businesses only really change after enough people leave. Once they encounter that, then they will change. But not before.

        If you ask, I’d ask once, before you are pregnant, but only once. Look around — do you see dual-working parent parents? You could talk to them and see how they manage. But if you don’t or you can’t tell, I think the writing is on the wall.

      • anon0308

        100% agree… I know it’s a super privileged thing to just say – oh ya get a new job- but at the very least look around. You are in TECH- a notoriously telecommuting friendly field (& often companies have great bonding packages), and you may be surprised that there are better options out there.

    • anon a mouse

      I have a good bit more leave than you, and I still used pretty much all of it over the first 2 years. When possible, we split the days so that we are each only taking a half-day. We joined an emergency nanny service ($$) so that if something comes up we can hire someone for a day or two.

      The hardest for us have been the days where kid can’t go to daycare for some policy decision — like here (NoVa) we’ve had a ton of weather-related closings and delays. Luckily my employer generally matches the school closings but DH’s does not. And then there are the days when your kid has a fever and is sent home from daycare, and by policy can’t come back the next day even though the fever is gone. I understand the policy, but that’s a whole day of leave for a kid who isn’t really sick at that point.

    • Anonymous

      Seriously? You move from a biotech startup to a bigger biotech or big pharma. Two weeks of vacation is on the very, very low end for biotech. If they aren’t offering industry standard vacation time, what else are they cheating you on?

    • Anon

      If your child goes to group childcare, you will burn through way more than 5 sick days/year. If you have a nanny or grandparent watching the baby, s/he will get sick way way less.

    • JTM

      Sounds like you need a new job. That level of vacation and sick time is abysmal.

      • anne-on

        +1 My very first job out of college was like this (also a start up, but waaay back in the aughts) and we had 15 days of time period (sick/vacation/personal/etc.). There were literally 5 holidays we got and it was MISERABLE trying to take vacation/take leave if I was sick/etc. etc. I moved on and have vowed to never again (if I can help it) go back to a job with so little leave. I can’t imagine swinging this as a parent, kids are sick so often, school closes, life happens, etc.

    • Anon-nah-nah

      I have similar concerns about butt in seat time when my kid gets school-aged. Does anyone here do a split shift of sorts where you work a couple of hours early in the morning (like 5-7), do breakfast and dropoff, then go into the office for five or six hours? This is a workaround I am considering but I wonder if I am crazy to think this would work.

      • CHL

        I do something similar and I’m in a global role so it actually works out really well. I’m sharpest in the morning so get a good amount done, have a little bit of a brain refresh, the commute is a little easier and I still get my in person time.

      • Out of Place Engineer

        Not exactly the same, but husband & I stagger our shifts. I usually work 6 AM – 3:30, get he kids from school then log back in as needed from home. He checks his mail first thing from home, takes the kids to school, then works 9:30-5. This works for us because my work culture skews early & his skews late.

  3. NYJL

    What is your experience with Junior League in NYC? I went to an orientation session recently and am on the fence about it. There were quite a few UES rich stay at home types and even a snobby teenager from one of the Uber expensive private schools here. Their Instagram page seems to be tagged with a lot of young women partying at fancy events. It’s nothing at all like what I envisioned. Is JL in NYC really that white and snobby or is this just a one-off?

    • Anonymous

      IDK

      The JLW was very diverse, especially with the outwardly-facing community placements. There was some of the stereotypes, but it was about 50% working lawyers when I lived there.

      Most leagues recognize that growth is likely to come from working women, so ask some of the leaders you’ve met if there isn’t a newish member in your field that would be willing to meet you for coffee so you can check out how it is actually experienced. Even if it’s a lot of ladies who lunch, it is probably also a lot of ladies who work through lunch to get to meetings and help in their communities.

      FWIW, I’m a partner in BigLaw and would encourage my daughters to do it — from it, I know a lot more community leaders than I otherwise would have and am able to better plug into my community as a sustainer. I also know more people in other fields — healthcare, nonprofit, universities, banks. I think it has made me a better citizen. At lot of the JL members show up for parties (and who doesn’t like a party), but there are a lot of women who work hard at their job and then come in to volunteer and I totally respect the struggle and admire them for giving back.

      • Pretty Primadonna

        I am a sustainer in a Leauge in the SEUS and I completely agree with you. My League’s demographic skews young and has a much larger percentage of working women than SAHMs now. That was not the case even five years ago.

    • Penny Lane

      That’s always been the stereotype of JL, from what I understood. I think there’s obviously a spectrum and a lot comes down to the specific people in the group but … yeah.

    • Anon

      Lol. I dunno about NYC, but here in the south my stereotypes about pearl-wearing (and clutching) JL-ers have almost never been disappointed.

      • Anon

        I’m in the south and I had never even heard of Junior League. I had to look it up. It sounds good in theory but turned off by the stereotype already

        • anon0308

          Anon @ 10:04, it has always seemed like a service sorority vibe to me- not for me in college, not for me now.

      • cbackson

        I am a former JL member in Atlanta, and I had that stereotype but it turned out to be way off base. JLA is super ethnically diverse and is mostly working women. Anyone can join (you have to pass a SUPER low-key screening interview if you don’t have someone in JL to refer you, but that’s it.) The League’s focus areas for advocacy are prevention of child s*x trafficking/assisting survivors of s*x trafficking, early childhood education, and prevention of generational poverty. I had a very good experience, TBH.

        JLs really vary from place to place – JLA’s focus on issues that have been, to put it mildly, controversial in ATL is probably on the more unusual end. I know a lot of JLs, in the south and elsewhere, are much more peal-clutchy, though (and much more exclusive; I remember looking at the website for JL of Houston and it basically said “if you don’t know a JL member who can refer you, make better friends.”)

        • Anon

          JL Nashville is similar to JLA. We focus a lot on human trafficking and other social issues. Frankly, most people I have encountered join for community service or networking. Recently, we’ve actually had trouble with attendance for social events.

          • +1

            ^^ JLN member and can confirm the above. We have general meeting options for midday lunch or after work. I have never made a midday lunch meeting, but always go to the after work ones and almost all of us are coming from work. Perhaps the midday lunch meeting is skewed to WFH/SAHM, but my experience at events has been that most women work outside the home and for the moms, most are in dual career homes or still work in some capacity. There is some of the social stuff (if you want it, it’s there) and sure, some people are old Nashville money, but for the most part it’s young professionals wanting to network and actually help the community. You apply and pay your dues–no recommendation/screener required.

    • anon

      I can’t comment on NYC, but I was a member for three years in my Midwestern city (pre-kids) and my gosh, that is time I’ll never get back. It was a totally different world, in terms of privilege and snobbery. I naively got into it for the community service and to meet people. The reality was much different. There was so much activity, but so little DOING, if that makes sense.

      • Anonforthis

        As I’ve heard it put once, a lot of spending $300 on a dress to wear to a fundraiser where you’ll donate a net of $50. No thanks.

    • NYC Anon

      I also went to an info session (NYC) once, and was not impressed enough to apply. I have a very close friend who is a member in NYC and loves it, and has made many friends. I have also been to a few events, and in my experience the group does sway young.

    • CR

      I was in NYJL when I lived in NYC and loved it. 85% of members are working women. In my experience there were a lot of members who joined (as I did) for networking purposes. My JL circle had racial diversity, but the Brooklyn JL is much more diverse. There are 3,000 members and room for all interests. Just avoid the parties and fundraisers and choose a committee where you are directly volunteering or doing something else more to your taste.

  4. Suits suits suits

    Does anyone have any suggestions for brands that are slightly cheaper than Boss/theory but aesthetically similar for classic suiting? Those two brands fit well but are a bit too pricey for my budget. Not a huge fan of banana republic.

    • anne-on

      Have you tried Brooks Brothers? It’s as classic as you get and they run 25% off sales a few times a year (and you may have a corporate discount day).
      JCrew’s going out blazer is pretty good for day to day wear (wouldn’t interview in it) and then Reiss, Hobbs London, and LK Bennett all have nice suiting separates.

    • CPA Lady

      Have you checked poshmark (or sometimes even thred up)? If you’re a fairly consistent size you can get really good deals on expensive clothes. Make sure you click the little heart icon on items you like on poshmark– if you do that the sellers will send you offers like free shipping or discounts or both.

    • j-non

      Ann Taylor has good suiting, but their fits are weird. I always need to try on. Second Brooks Bros. I miss Halogen suiting- those fit me perfectly and were so reasonably priced!

  5. Anon

    Talk to me about the Cancun airport. I just booked a trip to Playa del Carmen flying into the Cancun airport. For some reason, my anxiety is through the roof (which is so weird to me because I have traveled extensively about 7 years ago and even lived in a Spanish speaking country for 2 years). I’m flying in and my sister gets in about an hour later. We have transportation booked from the airport and we put in her flight details for that transportation because she gets in later. Apparently taxis are not a good option from the Cancun airport because they are few and very expensive. I’m so used to just getting a taxi upon arrival. So we have the transportation booked but now I’m freaking out — what if one of our flights is delayed and one of has to find transportation from the airport (probably me because our transportation is tied to her flight)? Are there good options available? Will there be somewhere for me to wait after I clear customs? I never thought this would be an issue but after reading some tripadvisor questions, I realize there really isn’t anywhere to just sit and wait. Luckily we both arrive into the same terminal, because I read getting to different terminals is basically impossible. So I realize I am being entirely ridiculous and I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, but does anyone have experience with the Cancun airport and can help with these irrational fears/anxiety?

    • Anonymous

      It is irrational. Take your time with customs, go to the bathroom and freshen up when you’re through. Sit on your suitcase and read a book while you wait if there are no seats.

      On the off chance your flights are delayed/messed up, you can probably get a taxi even if it is a little pricer than you would like.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve only been there once but there were a ton of taxis at the airport. The parking lot was basically full of taxis just waiting for tourists. I don’t remember how much it cost but I wasn’t surprised or anything. Worst comes to worst you’ll wait a little while and pay out the nose for a taxi, right? From what I recall, the airport is very very basic – there’s not a lounge or anything where you can sit and hang out and I don’t recall whether there are restaurants/coffee stands anywhere. You might want to pack a snack just in case.

    • Pompom

      Most of the time, the companies providing airport to resort area transfers will monitor your flights and keep in touch with you about delays, and they have easy options to get you when you do arrive. No experience with the Cancun airport, but rather in Punta Cana in the DR: our flights were delayed and we arrived a full 24 hours later, and the transfer company was the easiest to deal with because they are just so used to this. They were texting us and very flexible and understanding. I’m sure you can and will have a similar experience if you can find an organized and formal looking transfer company.

      I get anxious about this too, fwiw. Arming myself with knowledge of my options ahead of time helps me tremendously.

    • Abby

      You will be ok! Don’t be anxious about what-ifs. If your flight is delayed, you have an hour until your sister gets there anyway. Plus your sister is not going to take transportation without you, she can ask to wait for you so you won’t have to take a cab alone. I can’t remember if there is anywhere to sit, but there are a lot of signs directing you to find transportation. These drivers do it everyday, they will have a sign with your names.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      It is a reasonably big airport and I can only speak for the terminal I’ve been to but I’m pretty sure you can go from arrivals up to departures where it might be easier to wait. I can’t remember about cafes/seating etc but I’m pretty sure there was something.

      If you get there and you miss the transportation there are loads of options. We had transfers organised by our hotel and they were with Amstar which is a huge company (and we found them reliable) and you can get onto a shuttle by just showing up at the counter when you arrive.

      Also while it doesn’t sound like you’ll need it, there is a free shuttle bus between the terminals.

    • Anon

      I have no idea what you’re talking about. We took a taxi from the airport to our resort and it was fine and cheaper than a comparable taxi ride in the US. Maybe it’s expensive for Mexico, but Cancún is a resort area so it won’t be as cheap. Note that it’s cheaper if you pay in pesos, even though they will accept USD.

      • Anon

        And it was cheaper than our resort’s private transit, which is why we did it.

        • Anon

          Hmm. EVERYTHING online says that the county has a tariff on taxis leaving the airport, so they are much more expensive than private transportation and not recommended.

          • anon

            That’s because they want you to use their pre-booked service. My sister and I used a taxi to and from the Cancun airport. It was cheaper and more convenient than pre-arranged airport transit. It was a bit anxiety inducing to figure it out at the airport because of the language barrier and the extreme sales culture, but in retrospect was no big deal. Just don’t let the hype get to you.

          • Anon

            I looked at my notes from our trip a couple years ago. The cab was the equivalent of $35 (we paid in pesos, it’s more in USD, as I mentioned) for a 15 mile trip. It looks like private airport transfers start around $50, so I really don’t think it’s cheaper than a cab. Either way, $35 is not worth getting worked up over. If you can afford a trip to Cancun, you can afford a cab ride to and from the airport.

    • JTM

      I was just there a few weeks ago. It’s really easy to navigate. Also btw it’s not impossible to navigate between the terminals – the airport has a shuttle! So whatever you’re reading has really bad information.

      Once you clear customs, there’s a bit of seating at baggage claim, or you can go out and head to the area where the shuttles are. There’s also a patio with food and drinks for purchase, so grab a seat and a margarita and RELAX.

      Also just find your shuttle company and tell them your name on the reservation/confirmation number and they’ll take care of you. And then RELAX on vacation girl.

    • Curly

      This happened to me! And it was just fine! We arranged transport through the hotel (were staying in Tulum). The driver just waited for us. We were delayed by a couple of hours. It was really no big deal at all. There did seem to be taxis there without passengers, so I think you’d be able to find one, even if the driver left. Or you can call your resort once you get there if your transport isn’t there. Have so much fun!

    • Equestrian attorney

      I’ve flown into Cancun and taken a public bus into PDC several times. It was absolutely fine and packed with tourists. This is a safe part of Mexico and the airport is pretty similar to most airports.

      • ALX emily

        Yeah the bus to Playa is fine/cheap/easy so you definitely won’t be trapped at the airport no matter what!

    • Anon

      It sounds like you are unfamiliar with the Cancun airport. If so, you need to know that as you are about to exit the building to the parking lot where the ground tranportation is, there is a hall full of people trying to get your attention. They are selling things and you want to get through here with no engagement with them. In my experience, even a polite “no thanks” constitutes engagement with them and they will try to stop you. It’s ok to be a little rude through this area with eyes straight ahead and no response to demands for attention. More pertinent to your enquiry, we have used Kalido travel on several occasions for ground transportation. I don’t know if they can assist in your particular circumstances, but you could ask. They are near instantly responsive to Facebook messenger. They are reputable and reasonable in my experience.

      • anon

        Ugh. I hated that part. Not the best start to what was supposed to be a chill vacation.

    • Stars

      I visited Playa del Carmen late last year. The airport was a breeze and although DH and I arranged transport through my resort (so no taxi from Cancun airport experience), I found that everyone at the airport (+ the many bus/van drivers outside) was very helpful and understanding. I echo what the other posters mentioned: this is your VACATION. Keep your general travel wits about you and this will be a breeze. Also, one random comment: I distinctly remember that the bathrooms on the way to customs were super clean. Something minor (and random), but it shows the attentiveness of airport staff. Hope this helps – get excited for vacation!

  6. This is a really cute dress!

    I really like this dress — very cute.

    [If anyone has it IRL, has it pilled any? That would be my one concern.]

    • Housecounsel

      I don’t have it, but agree it is very cute and just went to look at it on the site. It’s only 35.5 inches long. That’s not going to work for me!

  7. migraine sickie

    My migraines inevitably turn into a…pukefest, for lack of a more delicate word. Like the worst stomach flu you’ve ever had, dry heaves, 3 or 4 days without any food or much water. I miss a ton of work, because it’s just not possible to power through or ignore it.

    These days the pain is very manageable, maybe a 3/10? And the frequency is lower, too. But missing almost a week of work at a time is brutal even with my very generous PTO.

    I realized recently that I’ve never heard of anyone else mentioning symptoms like this with their migraines. But on the other hand, iit’s easier to talk about headaches than stomache ailments,and Ive never actually asked people. So I’m asking now- has anyone had this happen to them, or even know of it happening to freinds or family they talk about health with?

    • anne-on

      Nausea and vomitting is definitely a migraine symptom (and one I get) but the extent you’re experiencing sounds waaaay worse. I assume you’ve brought this up with your neurologist? I’d be all over the new injectable drug if you’re still at this level of suffering.
      Practically – if you catch it at the beginning can you treat it to ward off the worst of the side effects? I keep bonine everywhere for this purpose – bonine + salt + carbs + caffeine is a real lifesaver in the early stages for me. You may also want to ask your doctor about an emerency scrip for diclegis or zofran if it is this severe.

    • Meara

      Wow, not for 3-4 days at a time no! Definitely I get nauseated, and there was one point in my life where I was getting a lot of migraines and puking multiple times a week and lost 20 pounds in a summer, but that’s when I got on medication! It’s been years and I quit the daily preventive meds, but that symptom tends to not be so bad now even when I do get them—and if I take a pill for it, goes away and I’m mostly fine in a few hours. See a doctor.

    • I have no idea

      Could you get an Rx for Zofran, the anti-nausea anti-vom drug that is common for morning sickness? Or does immodium anti-diarrheal or Cipro help? (Cipro will kill all bacteria in your stomach, even the good ones, so use sparingly!)
      Just brainstorming here, feel free to ignore.

      • OP

        yep- I’ve tried several antinausea meds. Sometimes they help.
        Its not bacterial-they always test me when i need a note for work. Not pregnancy either!

      • Anonymous

        Please don’t take Cipro if you don’t actually have a bacterial infection. Misusing antibiotics is how we get antibiotic resistance.

    • Anon migraineur

      Yep. Days of vomiting and dry heaving for me as well. Abs of steel here, and I can count on one hand the number of situps I’ve done in my lifetime. I use up my PTO and if I have to, take days off without pay. I’m lucky in that all of my employers to-date have been understanding. And my family and friends, once they see how brutal the migraines are, are quite sympathetic. (My father suffered from cluster headaches for years.)

    • January

      I’ve heard of this. I believe the medical diagnosis is Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome (ugh – sorry!) or abdominal migraines. You might do some research on those term and ask your doctor/neurologist about it. Good luck!

      • OP

        Fascinating–I’ve never heard of those. It seems like I (and we, as women) have to do a lot of the leg-work on figuring out our own medical issues, so those keywords might be really useful to me!

        • Anonymous

          +1 to January’s comment. I had CVS as a child and grew into “regular” migraines, which is often what happens. CVS is a lot more common in kids, so your doctor might not even think of it as a possible diagnosis.

    • Belle Boyd

      Yes, been there, done that. I’ve logged a ton of time camped out on my bathroom floor with praying-to-die, puking migraines and I’ve spent a lot of time in the ER thanks to those miserable things, too.

      You need to find a neurologist that specializes in migraines. There have been incredible advances in medications for migraines that work wonders (though I can’t guarantee what your insurance will cover – that’s a whole other issue for a whole other discussion.) There’s a lot of trial and error involved, I won’t lie about that. BUT, once you find what works for you, it is life changing. If you are seeing a doctor for your migraines and this is something new, bring this up ASAP.

      If you haven’t yet done it, log your migraines as well as what you ate that day, how much sleep you got, the weather, where you are in your cycle, and anything out of the ordinary (stress, etc.) Your doctor can also guide you with this. This is a very good way of learning what your triggers are and help you to avoid/manage them.

      • Anonymous

        Not the OP, but I finally started seeing a migraine specialist, have tried and failed all the usual preventatives and now my insurance will cover either botox or CGRP. I’m going to have this conversation with my doc, but since it sounds like you’ve been there, I’m curious if you’ve tried either of those and how they worked for you.

    • anon0308

      It is VERY common for me- I describe it like really bad motion sickness. The good news is, for me, I often feel relief after I puke. Anyway- I take maxalt when I first start feeling it, and it helps a lot. Same with managing triggers (but that’s a lot less perfect of a science imho).

      • anon0308

        Also, if you take bc pills or other hormonal meds, might be instigating it– I have major problems with those and nausea too (and no surprise that pregnancy is a 9m long hormonal puke fest for me as well).

    • Anon

      I have low grade nausea and motion sickness almost all the time, but rarely bad enough to actually throw up. It sounds like you’re at the more extreme end, but it’s definitely a migraine symptom. Are you taking preventatives, botox, CGRP, etc? You didn’t say how frequent they are, so you may not qualify for all of those things, but it sounds fairly disruptive even if the frequency is low. You should be seeing a neurologist if this is happening regularly.

      • OP

        FYI–I would say all of this too, aside from the migraines, and my GP recently suggested surgery to get tubes in my ears to fix it? I haven’t seen the ENT specialist yet, but you might ask.

    • ToS

      Lots of great comments here, and a PSA, that even with generous PTO, this would qualify for intermittent FMLA leave as a serious health condition, if you have been with your employer long enough AND if your employer is large enough.

      • OP

        Thanks, I would not have guessed that. I bet we have FMLA, but I’ve never looked into it, I’ve just burned all my vacation time.

    • SFchic

      Yes, the cyclical nausea/vomitting is not unusual with migraines. You can even have it with no headache at all. It is often misdiagnosed and poorly treated. You need to see an appropriate doctor.

      You haven’t mentioned yet – are you seeing a neurologist who specializes in migraines? A PCP is not appropriate for managing this and is sending you astray. An ENT is not appropriate for this. At all. My goodness, do not have surgery on your ur Eustachian tubes. That is cray.

      Have you been started on preventatives? Which ones? Are you taking reglan for the nausea?

      If you feel comfortable mentioning your city I can give you some Doctor names…

    • KTA

      Based on your responses, it sounds like you might not be working with a neurologist yet. I hate to be that guy- but a friend of mine from high school was just diagnosed with brain cancer, and the tumor was located at the base of her skull. It caused VERY similar symptoms to what your are describing. Your condition does sound more like the cyclical nausea/ab migraines mentioned above, but PLEASE see a neurologist immediately if you have not. These are not “normal” symptoms!

  8. Spearfish, SD recs (Anon100)

    I’ll be in Spearfish, SD next week for a work trip and I have one free afternoon to do some exploring in the area.

    What should I see in Spearfish Canyon? Which waterfalls? Any easy/short hikes that are a must?

    TIA!

    • Candidate

      I’m more familiar with the parts of the Black Hills National Forest that are closer to Rapid City – if you are willing to get over in that area, Sunday Gulch or Harney Peak are my top two (closer to Sylvan lake). That is a long drive from Spearfish though! Closer to you, Bridal Veil falls are the best!

  9. Vicky Austin

    Okay, here’s a question. We’ve talked lots about office decoration, I know, but is there any art that would be just TOO weird (without being obviously not appropriate)? I recently was in someone’s office and it looked like they had brought half of Comic-Con back with them. Surely that’s excessive? What if they’d chosen pieces that didn’t scream CAPTAIN AMERICA or GAME OF THRONES and just looked like ordinary art?

    • The original Scarlett

      I think it depends on whether you want to blend in or stand out. Having comment-worthy office art is a great way to make a statement, in my opinion. But I’m more of a “have a brand” type than others and I like quirk.

      • Anon

        +1 I’m in biglaw and I love people’s offices that have interesting art. I agree with branding. I have my diplomas up, some abstract art with bright colors from an artist I love and lots of random other stuff that makes great conversation peices (think travel souvenirs, memorabilia from my favorite sports teams, etc). The decor makes my office feel less sad and I have bonded with lots of people over our mutual interests or friendly rivalries of sports teams.

        • +1

          It’s cool if that’s what they like. I am known for keeping my office impeccably clean, so people always comment on that, as well as the million pictures of my dog (all nicely framed) and souvenirs from my [big football school] alma mater.

          For what it’s worth, I’d much rather have to look at Captain America and comics, or really anything, than go to another office with a million files stacked everywhere with nowhere to sit, no clear floor space, and dust everywhere.

          • Anon

            Omg yes on the ridiculously unorganized offices. I hate working for people who are like this. I’m scared of knocking over one of their giant stacks of paper. There’s no where to put documents I need for the call and sometimes no where to sit. As long as your office has space for me to sit I don’t care what’s on your walls

    • Anonymous

      I have a coworker whose office is like that. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. With the caveat that we’re not in external-facing roles so it’s not like we’re taking client meetings in our offices, I could not care less what art or decorations someone has up as long as it’s not offensive.
      I did have one person in my department who was super into decorating for holidays and would spent half a day or more each month changing out her decor, including making seasonal crafts and trying to recruit others to join her. That was an issue because it took up so much time and was a distraction, but just having a lot of decorations by itself isn’t a problem.

    • Anon

      It wouldn’t be excessive in my workplace unless there was nudity in the art. But I work in IT so a lot of us are geeks.

      • Anon

        +1, except we’re a small law firm with a lot of characters, so everyone has interesting art. Yeah, sure, diplomas are there, but the art is way better.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        That’s pretty much my standard. There’s one partner I work with who has a bunch of Star Wars art in his office and I love it. Rarely do we have clients in our offices, though.

    • Lana Del Raygun

      Ooh this is a good question! I have Mulder’s “I WANT TO BELIEVE” poster that I really want to hang up but I think it would be too weird, especially since it’s like four feet tall.

    • anon

      Depends on the office and profession. I love art and art history and tend towards the weird, so there’s a pretty wide range of things I might put up in my home or in office if I had free reign. Lots of famous art has nude figures or some degree of sensuality, which in my mind eliminated them from the office even though art history nudity isn’t lewd. Everyone in my firm has cool stuff on the walls, but it’s very unoffensively cool. People show case their interests without risking making anyone uncomfortable or looking like you didn’t understand you were in a professional environment. I.e., hand drawn map of your favorite part of hiking trail, beautiful drawing purchased in Italy, photos taken by the attorney, subdued sports memorabilia. Comic-con office would look ridiculous in a law firm and raise eyebrows.

      • Anon

        I disagree that this is the case at all law firms. My firm has a lot of very modern art and one floor that is entirely decorated with pop art from comic books.

    • nuqotw

      At the risk of outing who I am…I have a bunch of origami that I made hanging from my office ceiling. I’m an academic, so maybe eccentric decor is more okay, but even if it’s not, I love it and I find it relaxing, and I am okay with it if someone decides I have a weird taste.

      • Anonymous

        I read this and did a double take because I’m also an academic with origami hanging from my ceiling! Internet cheers :)

    • Anonymous

      15 years ago when I first got my own office, I had a Harry Potter poster on my wall— it said You Know Who with glowing eyes.

      I now have adult art in my office and I miss that poster so much. It was great for putting people at ease when I was trying to take affidavits. I once had a man stop crying and start talking about Harry. I also, before the release of the last book, got into a chat with a young woman about my age about whether RAB was Regulus Black… while her attorney gnashed his teeth and tried to put up with us toggling between the legal matter at hand and OMG Horcruxes.

    • Rainbow Hair

      Literally this morning I was texting with my husband like, “since we’re having trouble figuring out where to put all the living room art, maybe some can come to my office?” and he said “nah.” And then we discussed the [body parts] and [body parts] that would not be appropriate. I’m making a conscious effort not to buy myself too much nekkid art any more because I want more in my office… but then my husband falls in love and we have to keep it at home.

      I try to keep my stuff pretty neutral, but I’m sure my personality shows through. I have a Kaye Blegvad “Mansplaining” print and some somewhat psychedelic art featuring cats, but all in very neutral colors. One large piece done by an artist in my family. Lots of family pics.

      • Senior Attorney

        Heh. We have a giant painting of two nekkid ladies in our living room so I know where you’re coming from!

        I have a giant painting of a purple elephant on a turquoise background in my office (title of the piece is “The Elephant in the Room,” of course) and I love it. Also a shelf of toys and various other oddities including a lime green velvet sofa and aqua leather side chairs. I love personal-looking offices!

        • Never too many shoes...

          I am all about personal offices. I have my diplomas, some abstracts, a large framed poster of song lyrics from my favourite hippie band and a framed target from the gun range behind me (which I think subconsciously says not to mess with me too much). Plus my own coffee machine. My firm is very chill and we never meet clients or insureds in our personal offices.

          • Anon

            Yikes, I’d feel really uncomfortable in your office with a framed gun range target! Like, super uncomfortable and I would immediately think that you’re a crazy gun nut.

          • Anon

            I agree with Anon at 1:48 and for what it’s worth I enjoy shooting ranges and am probably less anti gun than most on here. I’d consider taking that down

      • Rainbow Hair

        We’ve got a psychedelic nude caveman (sort of in the style of Laurie Lipton), and hmm a psychedelic nude lady with rainbow volcanos (I’m beginning to wonder if there’s a theme… well actually the model for the rainbow volcanos woman is the creator of the psychedelic cats, so, yes there’s a theme), and then I have this print called Undressing that I’m obsessed with, but like, lookit the name. Even my beloved Women By Women calendar has lots of parts that I can’t put up in the office. Though TBH, I wouldn’t want to deal with the “heh heh”s of certain people I work with toward some of my beloved (nekkid) art.

      • HSAL

        I’ve got a photograph in our closet that was a gift from a college boyfriend. It’s from a series of bodyscapes by Allan Teger. They’re amazing.

      • Ellen

        I don’t know about nudity in the office — I do not think photos or artistic depeictions of naked women (or men) are appropriate art for the work place, but I can tell you that when the manageing partner took us to a very fancy steak restrunt on Avenue of the Americas by Rockefeller Center, we sat in a room with very revealing nude female pictures that the manageing partner’s brother kept ooogeling with Frank. Those two kept lookeing at me, pointing and laughing and then saying it was ONLEY art, and it was a fancy place, so I should not worry about it. I think there is a proper place for that kind of art — in a museum, but NOT where women must look at it, and be judged by men who compare us to the so called art. Pictures are always done and redone, but we are what we are, and it is not fair to compare us real persons to the reworked artwork. I told them that if we were truely able to look like that, we would NEVER go out with schlubs like them! They kind of stopped ooogeling me that night after that, but it is a lesson for others facing this situation in the HIVE. Do NOT let men objectify you by comparing you to these artworks. It is not fair. After all, we do NOT compare the men we know to Michaelangelo’s “David”. That would be “no contest!” with the men I’ve known. FOOEY!

    • PolyD

      A friend gave me a poster of 100 cocktails, you scratch off which ones you’ve had.

      Probably I shouldn’t hang this up at work.

    • anon0308

      I often give my husband vintage signed band posters or original comic illustrations (neil gaymon & tmnt)- he has a few hanging up in his office… I don’t think you want to hang up tons, but a few can be a good way to show your personality and a good icebreaker for people coming in.
      I work from home- so my office is a junkyard lol.

    • OP

      DH is a lawyer with 10 years of experience, and his coworkers are the ones who have made this happen to his office with a steady stream of gifts. They also give him geeky ties, although of course he doesn’t wear them to court.
      OTOH…gendered double standards. But his female coworkers also wear themed tee-shirts when the crew goes out to the Marvel movies, so…

    • anon

      Slightly off-topic, but my friend and I were recently discussing whether we could use the subscription swag from Bitch Magazine at work…a brightly colored coffee cup that say something like “raging bitch”. It would suit either of us, personally, but everyone wouldn’t know it was a little too accurate. The funny thing is, she thought her stern, senior, government official boss could probably carry it off, no problem.

    • Anon

      I dream of walking into an office with a print of “Fisherman’s Wife” just like Peggie Olson in the last episode of Mad Men. It will probably never happen, but I can dream.

    • KS IT Chick

      I’ve got a decent amount of art on my walls, and it is meant to represent my personality/interests, as well as be a conversation starter. There’s the ink & charcoal of a raptor that I bought at a charity auction (the bird was in the custody of a friend who is a master falconer), the pen & ink of a young woman in contemplation of the night sky, a signed & numbered print from a fantasy artist, and a Skymall print of the name of my alma mater spelled out by pictures taken around the university. I don’t pretend that I am sterile or bland and without a life outside work, and I want things that make me happy to surround me. If there’s a theme or brand, it’s that I like a lot of different things and want to be reminded of them.

  10. Horse Crazy

    My almost 2 year old male, fixed, tuxedo cat wakes us up almost every morning. He scratches our mattress/box spring and/or scratches the blackout curtains on our window, whether they are open or closed. I know ignoring them can break bad habits, but he is ruining our stuff (and the curtains belong to our landlord). We usually spray him with a water bottle, but he just does it again and again. I have sprayed the mattress and curtains with Petlinks Scratch Stop Deterrent Training Cat Spray – the spray has worked for our couch in the living room, but it does not seem to deter him in the bedroom. If we close the bedroom door, he scratches and bangs on it. His littermate (also male) sleeps through the whole thing. I’m so tired of waking up between 4 and 5 every morning! HALP!

    • First Year Anon

      Just before closing your bedroom door at night slide a large object (chair or something) infront of the door so he can’t access it? That’s really annoying!! And I love cats but I would not be waking up for a cat every day.

    • AnonZ

      I had a similar issue and finally determine that my cat was hungry. Now I make sure I top up his dry food bowl before bed so he can snack if he wants to overnight, and haven’t had an early morning wakeup since then. If you don’t want to leave out an all-night buffet, you could also consider a feeder with a timer that releases some food at around 4:00. (It might take him a few days to learn that food is magically appearing in his dish while you sleep.)

      • Equestrian attorney

        +1. My kitty did this until we got the PetSmart auto-feeder (expensive, but so worth it) and it goes off at 5:30 am. She occasionally still comes over in the morning, but mostly to snuggle.

        • Tetra

          +1 it worked great! Cat goes and eats at 5:30, then comes back to bed and sleeps with us until we get up. She knows we have nothing to do with food so doesn’t bother us.

    • Anonymous

      My cat does stuff like this when he’s hungry, so I got him an automatic feeder that goes off at night. He doesn’t usually bother me at night anymore.

    • Cat Lover

      Does he have lots of suitable scratching options? I trained my cat by using deterrent spray on bad items and catnip spray on good items. I would spray the crap out of his (many) scratching posts/pads with the catnip spray in order to attract him to them and associate what items were for him and which were not. I also closed my door every night and covered the bottom portion of the outside of it with double sided sticky tape (it was special cat tape I got on amazon). He didn’t like the sticky feeling on his paws and got used to the idea that bedtime meant the door was closed. Now he’s a happy cat that goes to bed when we do, only in his bed in the living room. It won’t happen overnight but be firm.

      • Anon

        Agree.

        My cat has a four foot tall scratching post, a scratcher that hangs on the back of the door, a scratch rug (about a foot square), and an Emery Cat. I might get her another scratcher, as she loves going at my Oriental rug.

    • anon

      We basically did sleep training with our cats – we started with 5 minutes, and then worked our way up to 20 minutes. They had to be quiet for that length of time before we’d open the bedroom door to go feed them. It took quite a while (3 weeks, maybe?) and they need a refresher periodically (just a few days where we go back to a timer). It was really hard for us, because they are loud and yowly and we just wanted them to STOP, but it was very helpful in convincing them that scratching at the door wasn’t the best route.

    • Anon

      To be honest, I’d close the door over a long weekend and put earplugs in. That way, you wake up when you want to, and not on his schedule. You can also put foam weatherstripping on the door jamb to try to minimize the banging, but that will make the door a bit harder to close.

      I’ve also had luck with taping aluminum foil to things, and using those huge double stick sheets that they sell at the pet store. If you’d rather not do that, you can start using lavender linen spray on everything. Cats don’t usually like that smell, and it’s supposed to be good for sleeping anyway….

      The problem now is that he knows without a doubt that either you get up or he gets a reaction when he scratches your bed or curtains, but the couch doesn’t get that same reaction. That’s probably why he’s still doing it.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      They make motion-triggered air puff spray cans. You could try shutting your door and putting those in front of it so they will trigger when he tries to scratch.

    • Senior Attorney

      Years ago I had a cat that did this. At night we kept him locked in the another room (with litterbox, food, and scratching post) on the other side of the house where we couldn’t hear him.

    • Anonymous

      We had to get a scatmat to stop our cats from scratching and banging on the door before we wake up because they always found their way around a box or whatever other object we put outside our door. It has been a lifesaver.

    • Anonymous

      my cat runs around on a cat wheel (bathroom) whenever he wants & gets special fun catching the laser pointer on the floor

  11. AFT

    I like the dress! Extra 40% off with code “CLEARANCE” drops it down to $29.99

  12. Kk

    My director’s mom just died- our functional team of about 10 people sent a sympathy card, and our bigger team of about 100 sent a gift donation. Our team of her direct reports (about five of us) would like to send a gift as well, to her home when she returns from the funeral. Is flowers too hokey? Should we send wine or a gift card or like a memorial plaque or something? What would you like to have received?

    • The original Scarlett

      Personally, I don’t think you can go wrong with flowers (unless she’s got a known allergy or something). That’s hands-down my favorite thing to receive and always makes me a little happier than I was before, even in sad times.

      • anon

        Either flowers or a donation to a charity if one is listed in the mother’s obituary. In the latter case, maybe send a card letting them know you did this, otherwise, there could be a long delay before she finds out, when the charity finally gets around to sending her a note. The point really isn’t the gift, it’s just letting her know that you’re thinking about her, and there for her.

      • tesyaa

        Depending on religion, flowers may be out (Jewish mourning rituals don’t include flowers). I am with the fruit basket.

    • Anonymous

      Flowers of zingermans does a good food basket. Definitely not wine or a plaque.

      • Anonymous

        Why not a plaque? (I hadn’t heard of sending one, but I’ve seen them displayed in offices before.)

    • Anonymous

      Instead of flowers, is there an organization you can make a donation to in her memory? I would appreciate that more than flowers (which die themselves. . . )

    • Anon

      I would not send wine in this situation. Wine seems more celebratory to me. When my grandmother died, my mom’s office sent her a beautiful orchid plant that actually rebloomed a year later, which my mom saw as a sign from her mother at the one year anniversary. She got so many flowers that obviously died and she threw them out but the one plant she received lasted.

    • Anon

      My staff gave me an orchid when my mom died. I kept it in my office and it bloomed all winter and cheered me up. They gave it to me when I got back to work. Just a regular white phalaenopsis but with two branches of blooms. You can get nice ones at Whole Foods for a much better deal than floral delivery.

      • Anon

        Yeah, I like the idea of a live plant, especially one she could keep at the office.

      • SFchic

        +1

        When my Mom died, her big law close knit work group bought her a beautiful potted plant. We actually planted it in the garden. Lovely.

        Honestly, flowers just die, and you have to find someplace to put them …. I never give them. Food, donations were the best.

  13. Sticky Work Situation

    My boss — GC of the Co. — is in a nasty turf battle with another VP in the company, and, unfortunately, I have unwillingly been sucked into the middle of it. GC thinks that everyone is out to get her and acts accordingly. She creates issues where there previously were none.

    I wrote a legal opinion two years ago, and VP did not like it. VP told GC that I am incompetent. GC is new to the industry and does not understand the issue in the legal opinion, so she had 4 other attorneys at the company review it. 3 of 4 agreed with me, and 1 said that my interpretation was reasonable but also saw a different interpretation. My boss is not knowledgeable enough to form her own opinion on the issue. Characteristically of GC, she told me all of this, which I do not think is appropriate. She wrote a response to VP yesterday, which said that my interpretation was reasonable but so was another interpretation. GC did not mention 3 of 4 others agreed with me, did not strongly defend me or my work. (Side note: I have been given two raises in the last 6 months and received the highest possible review rating.) GC forwarded me the email after the fact.

    Is there anything else I can do to repair this relationship with the VP? Do I confront GC on not more strongly defending me?

    • Anon

      Why would it be inappropriate for your boss to tell you those things? I would be more upset if my boss *didn’t* tell me that kind of thing. Also her communications with the VP sounds just fine.

    • Anon

      I would move on and keep it professional. I was in a similar situation with my boss and my boss’s boss where they each complained to me about the other all the time. It stressed me out but I tried to remain neutral and I’m glad I did because I was inclined to side with my boss, but he got forced out by his boss, who then became my new boss.

      None of us are at the same company any more and I’m fortunate to count both of these guys friendly professional contacts and, in the case of my original boss, a friend.

  14. Rainbow Hair

    While we’re talking about art…

    I bought this calendar largely because it was printed with the intention that you take the pages out and frame them later – perforated to take the date part off the page. But! The art is 12.5″ x 11.75″ and I cannot find an appropriate frame! I was thinking maybe it’s a European thing (the company that made it is in Sweden?) but IKEA let me down as well. Any insights?

    • Gail the Goldfish

      You could try to find a mat to mat it to a standard size. Or custom framing, but that is pricey.

      • Rainbow Hair

        Yeah I was thinking of that, but do I just have to get an enormous frame? I guess 16 x 20 would do it, but there’d be ~2″ on the horizontal sides and ~4″ on the vertical and that might look ridiculous? Though maybe if I have a row of three or four, all matted the same, that might make it look less unbalanced? Or more unbalanced IDK.

          • Gail the Goldfish

            For some reason I never thought of putting art on top of the mat, but that is kind of genius. If you can’t find a US standard frame that wouldn’t look enormous, maybe try European standard with a mat for more size options?

      • Jules

        Questions from a person with little dexterity: How do you secure it to the mat, and how do you get/keep it straight in order to do so?

    • Anon

      Generally a 2″ matt on both sides is best. So, a 16″by 16″ frame would work well. Also, Matts tend to be weighted on the bottom. So the top and sides have a 2″ matt and the bottom has a 4″ matt. So a 16×18 would work well too. Just make sure you get a big enough matt.

      I matted artwork in high school and high schoolers don’t know how to select a standard sized piece of paper.

      Also, IKEA doesn’t carry 11×14 frames, which is a super standard size. :/

        • pugsnbourbon

          I really like matboardandmore dot com for things like this. I swear I don’t work for them, I’ve just gotten several weird-size mats and frames from them.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’ve had good luck getting strange-size frames at amazon. You could get something close and float the art on top of a mat as others have suggested.

    • Anonymous

      In this situation, I get custom mats cut to fit standard-sized frames. The mat won’t be the same width on all sides of the picture, but as long as the mat isn’t too narrow in some places it works better than you might imagine.

    • Rainbow Hair

      Woohoo got 16×16 frames at a good price, and yeah I have a thing about going to art stores and buying pretty solid colored paper to serve as a fake mat (my frames used to be exclusively from thrift stores with pretty paper making up the difference between the size of the art and the size of the frame), so yay! These are gonna look so good!

  15. Anon

    I’m planning a simple wedding. I’d like to purchase my bridesmaids’ dresses myself (they will all have travel expenses). Budget around $100/each. I’m looking for a simple, knee-length black dress that works with a variety of sizes, covers normal bra straps, etc. One might be pregnant at the wedding so a similar maternity style would be great. Will pick jewelry later. I do want everyone in the same style (not just have them pick their own LBD).

    Related note – if you were a bridesmaid, would you rather have a gift card to buy the dress yourself (online/in person) or tell bride your size and have bride order and ship to you for tailoring if needed?

  16. pregnant and interviewing

    Hi wise ladies – I’m interviewing at 34 weeks next week, and as I’m preparing notes and practicing, I’m feeling much less sharp and lucid than I have for such things in the past. I have that dreaded pregnancy fog that I know not all women get — but for those who have, any tips on getting sharper? Do I avoid sugar/drink a lot more water? My brain just feels blunted, somehow. Thanks a ton in advance.

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