This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
There are so many lovely Altuzarra pieces on sale right now, including this “berry blue” suit with interesting wrap details and “blanket-inspired stitching” that “nods to the resort collection's '70s Western inspiration.” Maybe I've watched too much Westworld lately (and Making the Cut!), but I like it.
The jacket is $1197 (down from $1995), the pants are now $417, and the matching pencil dress is $1077.
A few other gorgeous options from the big sale: this Akris Punto navy suit with embroidered details is 40% off — love the top and skirt even if the cropped jacket isn't for you. This cashmere blazer from Max Mara is also kind of amazing and 40% off.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Vicky Austin
I’m not going to suddenly say stuff the rules, I know how important it is, but man, I am so sick of wearing a mask.
Anonymous
I am still WFH due to schools being closed, but should be back soon-ish due to camps and trading off with spouse.
I mask when I grocery shop. And maybe the elevator when I am back at work (have private office). I’m a solo car commuter. I have become a hermit otherwise with inside stuff and when I’m outside I don’t mask.
I am *thinking* of adding a mardi-gras mask just for levity, but it rather clashes with my mouth/nose mask. WWYD?
Anonymous
am i the only person who doesnt really mind? we have the cloth kind that ties behind your head in two places and i haven’t really been bothered at all putting it on or taking it off before going to places. i guess i dont find it uncomfortable and it hasnt been warm at all where i am and luckily wont be until mid-july-aug.
LaurenB
Yeah, I find it no big deal at all, but I’m wearing it for short outings (grocery store, etc.), not all day long.
anon
Just wait till it warms up :(.
Anon
You could do what I do and basically never leave my home!!
Vicky Austin
Healthcare worker :( I would love to, believe me!
Anon
Damn sorry!
Ellen
Hug’s to you, Vicky Austin! I always thought you were thoughtful and smart, and now I know why. As a health care worker, you are at the forfront of the fight against the virus, and we salute you. For us, the masks are a nuisance, but for you, they are a life and death matter. I just bought some masks that the company is donating for everyone that buys one to health care workers. A small gesture, but it’s what the rest of us are doing for the health care workers. I hope you get the ones I donated b/c they are supposedly very good cotton ones. I will let the hive know when I get them in the mail.
Anonymous
I am an essential worker and at work everyday for about 12 hours with a mask on. Even though I have my own office and bathroom, people have to come into my office throughout the day and office policy is the mask stays on when in the building. It is rough, especially when considering things like food and water… you really think about if it is worth it to have a drink of water…
Anon
i find it annoying to remember, but not that hard to wear. DH finds it super annoying. i always remind him that there are many people all over the world who are immunocompromised, including many children, who in non-covid times have to wear masks. if they can do it all the time, we can do it some of the time.
Sloan Sabbith
I have to wear masks any time I’m at a medical facility of any sort, on the plane, and during flu season on particularly packed public transport (not great about that last one) and it sucks. I feel for everyone right now, it’s no fun. They’re hot and my glasses fog up and you can’t eat or drink easily and it’s hard to be heard well. Ideally I’d be in N95 masks at hospitals and on planes, which are even worse. We aren’t supposed to use fabric masks because of bacteria growth when we cough into the fabric so this is tough right now. I have some N95s for if I have to go to a hospital and am otherwise trying to minimize how much I need to go out and have a mask on. I don’t judge anyone for hating wearing masks, it sucks.
Walnut
I dislike the feeling of my own hot breath on my face, the fogging of my glasses and a swear it feels like my eyelashes are batting against it.
But if mask means we can crack open the doors to reopening, I’m on board. Let’s do it.
Ellen
I do not mind the masking and wish more people would do it so that we can reopen the city. I know the air would be fresher w/o having to smell the breathe of these people, let alone their COVID 19 and their virus loads! FOOEY on that! We do not care to share their loads, thank you very much. Also, my ex who probably is virus free, largely b/c his breathe could kill a moose, also should wear a mask to protect the rest of us from that bad breathe! DOUBEL FOOEY on that! To think I let him do so much stuff and get away with it, all b/c I needed a boyfreind? What a doosh I was! But I am smarter now. No man shall be permitted near me, let alone inside me, until he proves that he is not interested in me for my body or my money. That is my new test to find a boyfreind in the post Pandemic world. For now, it is strictly look but don’t touch.
Casper
I have asthma and breathing through a mask is torture. Per office rules, I’m supposed to wear one every time someone is within 6 feet of me. Luckily the 10 of us still in the office have collectively decided not to wear them (no one from management is here so we’ve decided that we don’t have to follow their rules). I still have to wear them for meetings with outside clients and I internally cheer whenever someone tells me they don’t mind if I take it off. I’m dreading the work from home people coming back to the office because I’m sure they’ll insist on masks
Airplane.
I hate it too. I wear them very rarely – really only when I walk the dog (I’m lucky enough that I don’t go into stores (pharmacy delivers, groceries and wholesale butcher delivers) and I still find it irritating – I hate breathing through it, I hate something sitting on my face and not being able to see smiles or signal using a smile. So you’re not alone.
cbackson
I wear an N99 mask and it is torture. Very hard to breath in, which is apparently why they aren’t commonly used in healthcare settings. My fiance had them from some kind of demo/reno project he did. It literally is uncomfortable enough that I have to REALLY think about whether I want to go some place if it means putting the N99 on.
Small Law Partner
I live somewhere where masks are required at all times outside your home. Running, esp. long runs, with a mask on are such a pain we bought a treadmill.
I generally find them annoying to wear, but don’t mind that much except running.
Anonymous
I hate them too and I am starting to feel like if I am wearing them, then everyone else had better be wearing them too (and correctly). They are optional in my state but I wear a medical grade mask whenever I am indoors (outside of my hone obviously). I am starting to get endlessly annoyed with people who wear “breathable” cloth masks below their noses. And I don’t want to be a person who gets annoyed by stuff like this! Don’t want to police others behavior but if I am going to do this, with a certain level of effort to do it right, then I want everyone else to do it right as well. So yeah, I am sort of over masks and I hope this doesn’t go on forever.
Anonymous
It’s a no from me. That belt looks like a mistake and for me would become a fidget tool.
Anonome
I think I might like the belt if it was shorter and completely black. The two-tone is weird with that blue-purple fabric.
Anonymous
Yeah, that belt doesn’t make sense. And if it’s leather, it will complicate dry cleaning.
Senior Attorney
Man, those Altuzarra clothes are gorgeous! I wonder how much money I would have to have to be comfortable spending that much money on clothes?
Anon
That suit costs more than my wedding dress.
Senior Attorney
Ha mine too!
Anonymous
You’d probably wear it more often. :)
Anon
My cousin wants to visit me. She had already asked a couple of months ago, which I was nervous about (and I live in a major metropolitan area, so it didn’t seem smart for her to come to me, anyway) – I ended up asking some different questions about her symptoms and she ended up staying put. Now the question has come up again, but now it’s even harder because I’ve got this whole office setup (where I work in the guest room) and I’m also feeling a bit busy in general. In terms of transmitting, I’m personally somewhat OK with it.
I could re-jigger my life a bit (work in my room, etc.), or even offer to pay for her to stay at a cheap hotel room nearby. I have some boundary issues so I don’t know… what would you say?
Anon
You don’t want her to come. So say no.
Anon
+1
Senior Attorney
This. “So sorry that’s not going to work for me.”
Anonymous
Do you want her to visit?
Anonymous
“I can’t wait to see you but unfortunately I had to convert my guest room to an office! So annoying – but let’s plan something for sure once I don’t have to WFH anymore.”
Formerly Lilly
This. If she says she is fine sleeping on the sofa, then “Sorry but that doesn’t work with me on work from home status”.
Anon
I’m in a hotspot so maybe that colors my reaction (we don’t know where you are) but I have no cousins I would let into my home right now. My siblings, with whom I am close, are welcome to use a basement bathroom whereby I am supplying lysol wipes and hand sanitizer, but otherwise we exclusively hang outdoors from a socially-distanced distance.
Do what’s comfortable for you, but a hard pass for me, and a harder pass if anything but a personal car is used to get from cousin’s home to my home.
Pure Imagination
Use the pandemic as an excuse and start working on those boundary issues! “Hey, I’m not comfortable with visitors right now, but I’d love to meet up once things settle down.”
Anonymous
Agree with the “say no” advice.
Not having a guest room is a great defense to requests like this. Oh, that sounds great, we’d love to have you come stay, we don’t have a guest room any more but you’re welcome to sleep on the extremely lumpy and uncomfortable futon we have in the room where my son and husband play Xbox. People usually drop the idea of staying with us after that conversation. And so, OP, you also have a great defense to this: you no longer have a guest room. You have a home office.
Anon
Anyone here have kids with a large age difference and different partners and can offer advice?
I have a 5 year old from a prior marriage, with 50/50 custody — we had split when she was 1. I’ve recently gotten very serious with someone I’m seeing and we’re talking about our future together. He’s happy to have a second kid together or just be a step-dad to mine. I’m open to the idea of another kid, but I worry about how it would impact my kid. I don’t want her to feel neglected, but it’s inevitable that any future kid would be with me 100% of the time whereas she gets 50%. In case it matters, I think her dad is highly likely to get remarried and have additional kids, and I’m somewhat surprised he hasn’t yet.
My parents were divorced and had multiple other partners (my mom is on her 3rd…) so I have good ideas about how to navigate the step-parent thing (or really how not to…) but the sibling thing seems harder. I figure that if we go for the kid, they would be 8-10 years apart in age.
Anon
I feel like the step sibling dynamic is so different than the full sibling dynamic that you really should be talking about how to manage step dynamics. No matter what, it’s going to be different than full siblings just because your oldest child has two homes and your baby will (hopefully) not.
Anon for this
I’m 8 years older than my sibling (mom had trouble having a 2nd) and it was fabulous as kids. I got to play mommy at the perfect age for it – I got to do the fun aspects like playing, feeding baby food, etc but hand him off to my parents for diaper changes. There was no fighting or competition since we weren’t remotely close in life stage – no stealing of clothes, toys, jealousy over more permissive rules for the older one, etc. By the time he was in elementary school, I was in high school, but we still had fun playing video games like Mario Kart together, and I got addicted to Harry Potter listening to my parents read it aloud to him while I did homework in my room.
Sibling did have to sit through a ton of boring-for-him concerts, sports practices, etc but never knew life any other way :)
Anonymous
Friends adopted a much younger child when they had trouble having another kid. It’s different than half-sibs, but the age thing is just hard some times, but they are definitely a family in every sense of the word.
My kids have a half brother 10 years older than the older kid and they adore him and love when he visits. I do think that it is different when it is in the kids main home (or 50% home) vs one that a kid deals with only for fun visits (half brother is an adult now). As kids get older, they do things where school becomes where their life is, then friends, and they have activities and a bit of a separate identity than just their family, especially if they are splitting time.
Anon
I have kids 7 years apart and I love it and so far my kids seem to love it (they are 3 and 10 so it may change). That said, my kids are full siblings and I think the half sibling dynamic is a whole different thing so I don’t feel like I can tell you “go for it!” But I would not spend a lot of time worrying about the age gap.
Anon
there is someone who posts frequently on the mom’s board who has a teenage stepdaugther and a toddler son. she could probably offer some good insight
Anonymous
Since you already said it, she would feel neglected that her sibling gets you 100% of the time. Especially if her dad is likely to have another kid! Then both her siblings get to spend 100% of their time with their parents and she gets bounced around. Don’t have another kid!! If he’s fine being a step-dad to her, then let that happen.
Senior Attorney
This. I have made a ton of mistakes in my life but the one thing I am very very happy about it not having more kids after I remarried.
Anonymous
+1. If you have another child, your older child will feel that she’s no longer the priority. Your primary responsibility here is to your existing child.
Anonymous
Couldn’t you say that for any younger sibling? Even a full sibling? Or getting another dog? Or adding a sister-wife (kidding!)?
LaurenB
I never felt that way for one minute when my mother remarried and had my younger sister. We were her daughters, we were of equal priority, and we were equally my adoptive father’s daughters – the fact that my sister was “blood” and I wasn’t was irrelevant to anything. I think this is highly individual.
Anon
@LaurenB, if you lived with your mom full time, her second husband adopted you, and you had no contact with your bio dad, your experience is totally different than what OP is describing. OP’s child has a father she spends 50% of her time with, so any BF or second husband will never be her first child’s father and her child will never be his daughter. He can be a wonderful step-dad and a great addition to her life, but it’s inherently a different dynamic than what you had where your stepdad adopted you and you were living as a family unit all under one roof all the time.
Anonymous
I mean, you really can’t know that with certainty.
Two different friends had their mothers have oops babies when we were in high school. Initially, they were mortified. And the babies were wildly out of sync with their older siblings (all the standard 2.5 years apart or whatever). That was AT FIRST. Now, 20 years on, I can’t see either family without their caboose.
My mom and husband also each have sibs that are 7-8 years younger. Initially, the mom has the baby all the time; the bigger kids go to school, etc. But the bigger kids also had bigger kid privileges that I think they really enjoyed (e.g., parents are happy when you can drive and encourage your independence). My aunt wept when my mom left for college. I feel that they were so different (then, vs now you never notice the age gaps) that my mom was almost a hybrid of the cool young aunt vs older sibling. The rivalry just wasn’t a thing.
Anon
A much-younger full sibling is completely different than a half sibling. I’m not saying OP shouldn’t have a second kid if she wants one, but it’s apples and oranges to compare to an “oops” baby your mom and dad had together when you were in high school.
Anonymous
I’m not sure it matters to the older kids much. They see you focusing on someone not them and they don’t care so much who the daddy is.
BUT it is your house and you really do set the tone for what happens in it.
Anonymous
Huh? maybe the kid will be happy she has two homes and two sets of parents
Anon
You can’t make decisions based on how your kids will feel about them if their feelings aren’t entirely rational. You could look at this the other way – older sibling has FOUR parents and FOUR people giving them presents at birthdays but I only have TWO. (I am the older in this scenario, and this 100% happened with my little siblings on both sides when we were growing up).
You reassure them that that isn’t true and you love them – they’re not getting less of you because you and their dad split up. The most important thing is ensuring your new partner will be a good step parent and presence in your child’s life – that’s the non-negotiable here.
anon
I have two younger half-siblings and this wasn’t my experience. My dad remarried when I was 7 and had my siblings basically right away. I was jealous sometimes that they were with him all the time and I wasn’t, but I also got to do lots of stuff they didn’t do – special trips with my dad, activities only we did together, etc. My dad and I had a lot of special just-us traditions that didn’t involve my stepmom and siblings and I at least felt like they didn’t have big family events that didn’t involve me (if they did, I never knew about it).
Now that I’m a mom myself I can see how much of this depended on my stepmom, though. Like, my dad spent the bulk of his vacation time every year on solo trips with me and I remember coming back from them and she was so excited to hear about everything we did. He really prioritized me and only now as an adult can I see that he was able to do that because she encouraged him to even when it took him away from her and my siblings. She easily could have been resentful about any number of things he did to try to make me feel like I wasn’t second best.
I wasn’t super close with my siblings as a kid because of the age gap but we’re close as adults. My stepmom and I were never super emotionally close but that was honestly kind of easier in a lot of ways than my relationship with my mom, which was really emotionally fraught. My stepmom died of cancer a few years ago and I was honestly kind of shocked by how hard I took it.
OP
Thanks for sharing your experience! It’s really helpful for me to hear.
Anonymous
This is really good advice. You can do solo things with current kid when you have your custody time With her and solo things with kid #2 when she is with her dad. My BFF had a half brother born when she was 10 and she adored him. They have a great relationship as adults.
Anonymous
I remarried when my daughter was 5 and had a son when she was 8 and another daughter when she was 10. Because she was older, I was able to involve her a lot with their care and always made sure to find ways to include her. Like letting her pick out what the baby would wear that day. She LOVES her siblings sooo much and they look up to her. Of course, they all fight sometimes but they really have a strong bond. The youngest is 9 now and my older one takes both of them to do things (well before we were all quarantined…). I also made sure to have one-on-one time with my oldest and we used to go on a lot of trips just the two of us. Adding another sibling is always a big change for a family, but if you nurture the relationships between everyone I think it can be a blessing for the oldest.
OP
Thanks for sharing your experience!
BeenThatGuy
I have a 11 year old son that splits time 50/50 between me and my ex-husband. Ex is remarried and has a 5 year old with his wife. My son loves his little (half) sister but truly feels left out when he is over by his father. My ex and his wife focus on the 5 year old’s wants and needs and my son is left out. (These are my son’s words). When my son is with me and my live in boyfriend, he feels more relaxed, engaged, happy and part of a family (again, his words).
OP
Do you get the sense that there’s anything that they could do to mitigate this? A 5 year old is necessarily needier than an 11 year old, and I expect it was even more prominent when the 5 year old was a baby. This is exactly the kind of thing I worry about.
Anonymous
I don’t actually think a younger child needs to be prioritized. Plenty of babies and 5 year olds get dragged along to older siblings activities, put to bed early before Fun Older Movie Night, etc. you can’t set your life up as though you are first time parents of an only child with step sibling dropping by from time to time.
Anonymous
A wildcard is that ex could remarry someone with kids already, so there is also that. In that case, with steps instead of half-sibs, they may be treated even worse.
I treat my stepkid like I treat my kids (kids are half-sibs, not step-sibs). My ex-BIL married someone with a ton of kids and he/his new wife treat my nieces and nephews horribly (“real” kids get beds, visiting step-kids get a mattress on the floor or the couch; ex-BIL is rich, BTW, so this is all choice and not based on a lack of $ or ability to have a 5000 Sq ft).
Anon
I think it’s about how you treat them. Part of it is involving them. While a 5 year old is indeed needier, most 11 year olds need/want more independence as well, so it cuts both ways. I was the older (three younger half siblings, from 10 to 13 years younger) and the thing that bothered me was being excluded more than anything. My mom and step-father were better about this – they would always schedule big family events to coincide with my time in their house, and I always felt like part of the family. My father and step-mom, less so, and that hurt. If you’re doing a weekly family dinner out, schedule it when the WHOLE family is there, for example. There will always be little slights and hurts (on both sides – one set of siblings were extraordinarily jealous that I got to go on certain trips with the other side), but you can only do the best you can. This is true with whole siblings as well, especially with age gaps. Sibling dynamics are HARD.
OP
Thank you. This is the kind of practical advice I’m looking for.
Pure Imagination
I can’t comment on shared custody, but I’m eight years older than my half-brother and it’s worked out great. We were pretty close growing up and still enjoy hanging out today, although we don’t see each other that much now that we live in different states. It helped that he was really precocious and could jump in to older kid games and conversations earlier than his friends could with their siblings.
Housecounsel
I have no personal experience, but I think the fact you’re considering this issues shows you’re a loving mother, and you’re going to make very sure your child doesn’t feel neglected whether or not you have a second child.
OP
Thank you Housecounsel, you’re very sweet.
LaurenB
I have to say – my parents were divorced when I was small, my mom remarried when I was 6, my new dad adopted me (which is what was done back then, thus severing ties with my bio father who himself had gotten remarried in the meantime) and then they had my sister a year later – and the 4 of us were a family. There is something to be said for having a stepdad adopt a child, IMO. I feel fortunate I really didn’t go back and forth between two households once my mom remarried – I had a lot more stability.
PDXK
I feel like we’ve had this discussion before and some people had very negative responses, but chiming in from someone who had a good one. My half-sister and I have a huge age difference and I love the heck out of her and vice-versa, and we’ve only gotten closer as we’ve gotten older. Likewise, our kids have a huge age gap (bigger than ours), and it’s been really fun for us and them to have the spread where there’s always been a “sort of but not totally an adult” around for things like special hangouts and outings and real-talk life advice.
Anon
So, my mom remarried and I have two half sisters, 7 and 11 years younger. Difference is my dad never remarried and custody wasn’t 50/50 (I spent one weeknight and every other weekend at my dad’s). So glad I had the siblings, I loved it. One thing I wish my mom had done was actually to be better at acknowledging the differences in my situation than my siblings (I always felt like she was trying to create the image of one happy nuclear family rather than being more open/ok with the fact that my stepfather was a step and not a father, I had different experiences than the rest of the family, etc.).
Honestly as I got older I think the diffusion of parental attention that came with multiple kids was a huge, huge blessing. I am so glad I was not the sole focus of both parents, and my relationship with my mom is less fraught than my relationship with my dad for that reason. Also, of the three of us, my youngest sibling and I are closest (middle loves farther away and while we love her, personalities are very different).
Sinus surgery?
Has anyone has sinus surgery? I have had a sinus infection that I can’t shake. I have to blow my nose with gusto (the consistency can vary — thick to like caulk to almost chunky). This is with 2x/day sinus rinsing with steriods that were supposed to help open my nose. I also hack up phlegm. All of this makes me nervous re coronavirus (infection dates from the fall; all got postponed in March until office visits just started back up to re-confirm all this) — I am amazed that I haven’t been publicly scolded for coughing or worse. No antibiotics have worked per a recent CAT scan. I am tired of not being able to reliably breathe — I can’t run with my kids b/c I have to stop so often to blow my nose and can’t mouth-breathe enough for vigorous exercise.
How much time will it realistically take to recover from the surgery (like to be non-oozing in a nervous office setting) and then to actually be back to normal? Any other advice?
Sloan Sabbith
I have. It wasn’t great. I got my wisdom teeth pulled at the same time, which meant that my entire face hurt for weeks. I could have gone back to work after about a week, except that my wisdom teeth sites didn’t heal well and I couldn’t eat and had to go ok super strong antibiotics. I was still in a fair bit of pain and couldn’t bend over to pick things up or workout or whatever for 2 months because it created too much pressure. For the first 2 weeks I was supposed to do the rinses every 4 hours during the day.
I haven’t had any sinus issues since, though, so I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Pep
I had sinus surgery to remove a couple of polyps. The surgery itself wasn’t a big deal – over quickly in an outpatient surgery center – but I was not cleared to leave the house for five days afterwards. I wasn’t allowed to lift anything heavy or bend over.
That said, I’m SO glad I had it – almost life changing!
anonchicago
Oh man I could write a book on this; I’ve had multiple sinus surgeries including two deviated septum repairs. Septoplasty should be a one and done surgery but I’m the weirdo that needed it twice, 20 years apart, and need one more surgery as I developed a complication post-op.
In aggregate, yes, each surgery helped. The first septum surgery was a life changer and allowed me to fully breathe out of my nose for the first time in my life, and I was good for about 15 years. About 5 years ago I started having the issues you cite and finally decided to get the surgery again since multiple doctors pointed me in that direction.
I had my tonsils removed at age 5, first septoplasty at 13, and second earlier this year at 33. Maybe it’s the power of time or youth, but I have to say recovery for the first two surgeries was a lot easier. I had the surgery on a Wednesday and barely got out of bed until work on Monday. I was bleeding a bit that first week back at work but was able to hide it and just excuse myself every hour or so to clean and irrigate. Took me a few weeks to get back to the gym and walking outside then, bam, COVID.
I had supports in my nose after the surgery this time and once those were removed and swelling went down I felt a lot better, but developed scarring which I now need to get removed and can’t because of COVID.
That was a long answer and probably didn’t point you in a certain direction, so I’ll just say: I would do it again. Having a constantly dripping nose anytime I went outside in anything below 70F weather was depressing and mouth breathing created more serious effects (snoring, people telling me I’m loud, I got cavities for the first time in my life).
Anonymous
Thanks for asking because I am headed this way myself and would have scheduled the surgery had it not been for Covid-19. I have a deviated septum and a small polyp and was advised about 3 years ago that surgery would probably become a necessity. Well, it has. And I’m kicking myself for waiting so long.
One thing the ENT told me to do that I have been doing lately: every night before bed I put a q-tip covered with Aquaphor up each nostril and swab it around. It apparently keeps the tissues moister so the morning clear-out is easier. We sleep with a humidifier which I imagine you are doing as well.
Condolences, I’m sorry you’re going through this too and I totally hear you on the “I can’t believe I haven’t been scolded for coughing” thing as I cough a lot. It sucks.
Anon
I had it for very specific reason: I had a complication following an upper wisdom tooth extraction that resulted in a small hole between my mouth and sinus and subsequent full colonization of bacteria from my mouth into my right sinuses… Prior to this complication I had never even had a sinus infection.
Long story short, after battling a chronic sinus infection for 5-6 months, my ENT said that sinus surgery was only way to 100% clear the infection. I had it done only on one side, and my slightly deviated septum repaired at same time.
Recovery was pretty unpleasant and took a full 2 weeks until I felt even semi-normal. They pack your nose and you have to breathe only through your mouth which results in full-on dry mouth at night. You also have to flush our your nose with saline several times a day for weeks (you will have blood come out) and then daily for months after. However, in the end I’m really glad I did it and haven’t had a single sinus symptom since!
Anon
I didn’t get any replies this morning so hoping I’ll get some recs if I repost:
Any recommendations for ergonomic chairs that don’t break the bank? I’ve gone through two “pretty” upholstered desk chairs during the lockdown alone and my back and neck are suffering from it. I’ve learned my lesson and I’m ready to get something that is so not magazine/instagram worthy. I just want to be comfortable!
Veronica Mars
I have the Poppin task chair and I think it was in the mid $200s.
Anon
I have the Humanscale Cinto chair from Room and Board and I’ve been pleased with it. Not like an Aeron or similar but better than the dining chair I’d been using.
NY CPA
Staples Marrett chair is comfortable and my back feels supported. It’s on sale right now.
Ses
I have the Hermann Miller Celle and am super happy with it. I would not spend the £600+ new, but for £250 used, it is so worth it for the last 4 years. They are easy to get used.
Anonymous
I feel like my husband and I are in a conversation rut. A bit of background – We have a 1 year old and are both lawyers working full time from home right now, but we also have a nanny so we’re in the extremely fortunate position that we are not balancing the simultaneous work full time and full time childcare. So, from a “stress” prospective, we are essentially at the same level as pre-COVID 19. However, I feel like since we spend every waking second working 10 feet apart, we hear each other’s work conversations/share a few bits throughout the day, so the usual sharing of our days at dinner time is now…. crickets for 75% of it. We also throw a lot of parties, but with no vacations planned, no parties planned, no live sports to watch (another big activity for us), I’m just at a loss.
So, what are you all talking about that is not the 2020 election, COVID, or related to either one of these things? To be clear, I think they’re both important and need to be talked about generally, but it’s a bit all consuming right now and I’d rather talk about something new.
Anonymous
We watch a lot of TV.
Anonymous
Next steps in home improvement is what *he* is on about. Maybe make a list and rank what you will do when you can start having people out to quote projects?
Anon
My husband and I were watching the Big Bang Theory episode last night where they go over the 36 questions that make you fall in love with somebody. Our relationship is in good shape, but we really enjoyed the questions – they’re fun and thought-provoking and led to follow on questions. https://bigthink.com/ideafeed/how-to-fall-in-love-36-questions-and-deep-eye-contact
Anonymous
Not Op but This is such a fun list! Thanks!
Anon
I’ve actually had fun going through a list of movie and tv show opinions (name a tv show where you hated the main character, name your favorite movie in a genre you normally dislike), that sparked a nice conversation.
I also like discussing fantasy vacations and what would be must haves in our dream house if money were no object.
Anonymous
DH and I talk about favorite old movies, new activities we want to try post-covid, places we’d like to visit post-covid, things we can do for staycation during covid.
We recently watched a short doc about someone biking the Great Divide MTB trail which lead to a whole discussion about biking and how much we’d have to train to do it and how old the kids would have to be to do it with us.
Pure Imagination
Politics and current events (not always the 2020 election), interesting things we’ve read about or heard about on interesting websites or podcasts, travel plans and the history/culture of places we’d like to go, reminiscing about past trips, which memes are the best right now, our cat and what she would be saying to us if she could talk…
Delta Dawn
Do you have a yard? We have been talking a lot about yard improvement projects, and doing some of them on the weekends. We did a curbside pickup of mulch and remulched our flower beds, that sort of thing. Anything like that you could brainstorm about over dinner? Even if you don’t plan to actually follow through on the project (we haven’t on about half of our ideas), it’s at least a new topic.
Sloan Sabbith
My parents have been doing a lot of planning what trips they want to take, watching old home videos (if which we have hundreds) and watching a lot of TV.
Senior Attorney
TELEVISION IS GREAT.
Anon
Maybe you and your husband could facetime other people during dinner? (Presuming the 1 year old is sleeping…) That way you could tell other people about your joint day, hear about someone else, and then that might even give you something to talk about after!
Airplane.
New TV shows we watch together, we talk about podcast we listened to that morning while cooking lunch. Memes. New and short lived trends on TikTok.
Abby
TV shows, Movies, we will rank and discuss characters or the marvel movies on which ones are the best and worst. We play games, backgammon, othello. Also have been making craft cocktails all quarantine and discuss what we like or dislike, what we wanna make next, etc. I’m big on hosting, travel, and sports as well, so we just thoroughly discuss other hobbies we’re adding to fill the time. I really recommend listing 3 things you’re grateful for a day! Starts dinner on a positive note, and conversation usually goes on a tangent from one of the items.
anon a mouse
We do the NYT Sunday crossword together every week (taking turns to fill things in), and it’s been a great conversation starter. I knew an obscure poet one week and we ended up talking for an hour about our favorite literature from college courses.
It’s hard, otherwise — we are living the same life in the same house. There’s nothing new to share!
LaurenB
I think we are all in conversation ruts. I call my mother and my two young adult children every single day and it’s always “What’s new” – “I got nothing for you.” There’s only so much office gossip or TV show discussions we can do.
Anon
Yup. I kinda stopped doing happy hour type zooms cause I feel like I have nothing to add and I don’t want people to start thinking of me as super boring.
Diana Barry
OK, ladies who have managed to exercise with FT jobs and kids, how do you do it? And when?
I would like to exercise more than once a week – I have been doing Pilates. My issues are (1) I feel like if I’m not working I need to be helping the kids with their schoolwork, (2) my younger 2 kids really need handholding with schoolwork so I also need to be taking time out of work to help them, (3) I am a partner so I also feel obliged to work a good amount to help the firm’s (and my own!) bottom line, (4) I can’t exercise after dinner since it keeps me up at night. I also tend to be anxious so if I am feeling anxious, my first reaction is to “work more” (I do realize that exercising more would help me to feel less anxious!).
Should I block it out on my work calendar? Any other tips/tricks you would suggest? Waking up at 5 or 6 is also going to be a non-starter. ;)
Anonymous
Get up at 6 and do it. 6 is not an outlandish time. There is no magic time fairy coming to save you. If you won’t work out during the work/school day or after dinner, morning is your option. I manage 2 days a week during the week and an extra hard workout Saturday.
anon
+1 early morning sounds like the only option. I never thought I’d become a morning person but you do get used to it eventually, especially if you can get to bed at a reasonable hour (easier said than done, I know). And as a bonus, you don’t have the guilt of “I should be working out” hanging over you all day.
anon
Yep, pretty much. This is literally the only solution that has allowed me to exercise consistently. At least now in pandemic times I’m getting up at 6 instead of 5.
Senior Attorney
Yup. That’s the only way I’ve been able to make it work when my schedule is crazy, because it’s the only time that isn’t committed to something else (except, you know, sleeping).
AFT
+1. Whatever time you’re waking up now, wake up 30 minutes (or whatever the length of your workout) earlier. There will always be an excuse as to why a different doesn’t work – trust me, I know and have used them all.
mclawyer
I know you said waking up at 5 or 6 is a non-starter, but that is the only way I have been consistently able to work out 4 days a week. I will just skip it if it is in the afternoons or other things inevitably come up. I sleep in my workout clothes sometimes to motivate me just to get it done.
Anonymous
Some combination of running while the kids are biking, family hiking on the weekends, treadmill running in the evenings after they are in bed. 20 mins of pilates in the evenings after they are in bed. Cosmic kids yoga with the kids. Walk around the block by myself.
Anonymous
Do a packed lunch for them in them in the morning just like they were going to school. They can feed themselves lunch while you workout at lunchtime.
Anonymous
I take my toddler out jogging around 5:30 while the older ones are watching TV and my husband is making dinner or do an online video after bedtime. I love running by myself to clear my head but this is second-best.
Anonymous
I also hate working out at 5 or 6 (in large part bc my kids are still waking up multiple times a night) so I would suggest trying to get it in at lunch or some other hour during the day where you can steal away to do it. It’s hard in the present situation, but I have tried to workout while my kids are watching a show in the same room and that’s sometimes worked.
Anonymous
I always work out at lunch. It used to mean going to the office gym or going for a run outside. Now that we are all home, it means taking the kids on a bike ride at lunch while I run. We also do yoga or a workout video if we can’t get outside.
Anon
It’s going to have to become a starter, or your workouts aren’t going to happen. I don’t make the rules :)
Tea/Coffee
I wake up at an outlandish time (4a) and have shortened my 1 hour workouts to 30 mins.
30 min yoga flow, or a 30 min video (kickboxing, cardio, hiit type stuff) or i log onto work 30 mins early and then run later once the sun is up.
I can do longer indoor workouts on the weekend (still waking up early) or go for a longer run. Working out in the house while my kids are awakE never ever works.
I hate missing my hour long yoga classes, and feeling like I am only getting in super short runs, but it is the best I can do right now. It’s enough to take the edge off, my husband is still alive.
Anon
Same advice I gave another poster: 15-20 minutes during the day when there’s a lull.
If you’re not on Zoom meetings, then be in your workout gear. When things slow down, or when you start to get cross-eyed from being at it for so long, go for a 1-2 mile run or do a Fitness Blender. Your goal isn’t to knock it out of the park; it’s to get your blood pumping every single day.
Do a wall sit while you’re helping your kids with school work. Plank when you’re on conference calls. Do flutter kicks while you answer emails from your phone.
Pure Imagination
How are others pulling that off? Are you showering immediately after? It seems like it would add up to more than 15-20…
Anon
I don’t shower immediately after running. I change out of my sweaty bra and underwear and put on a sundress or clean work out clothes until I can shower. Usually by the time I can shower I completely forgot I even went running.
Anon Probate Atty
What others have said, except now in the time of no traffic, I can actually wake up at 6:30 , work out for 30-40 minutes, and still get to work by 9 AM (our office is open). So working out has become even easier. I work out at home (used to be the gym) about 4-5 times per week (rowing/yoga/HIIT) and I walk the dog for at least 20 minutes a day. Between the two activities, I’m feeling pretty good and I am down about 5 pounds since the lockdown began.
Anonymous
Have your older kid help with a homework hour or so in the afternoon for the younger kids and reward her with something … or hire a tutor?
Ses
I’m also not up for the early mornings. Get a trainer who can work over zoom/facetime/etc, block 45 minute sessions during work hours whenever you can find time. I like late morning for this. Lets me put out any work fires before I take the trainer meeting. I focus on strength exercises and avoid anything with a lot of setup or equipment fiddling.
Block it a week ahead so people see you have a meeting and schedule around it. You may lose a little work time a couple days a week, but you’ll make it up in alertness and good health.
NYCer
I go to a 45 minute barre type class once or twice per week during lunch. I also try to run for 20 min both weekend days. I try to walk as much as I can every day.
Pre-kids I was an early morning exerciser, but now I prefer to spend that time with them. Exercising and getting ready before they wake up would entail waking up way to early (for me).
NYCer
And during work from home times, my schedule is all over the place. Still try to do an on demand barre class twice per week and run twice per week though.
anon.
agree with everyone else – if you’re still reading, i wake up at 4:45 to workout from 5-6. Only possibility right now.
mclawyer
I know you said waking up at 5 or 6 is a non-starter, but that is the only way I have been consistently able to work out 4 days a week. I will just skip it if it is in the afternoons or other things inevitably come up. I sleep in my workout clothes sometimes to motivate me just to get it done.
Anonymous
Does anyone use GoodNotes for digital planning/journaling? Just realized stickers are a thing…
Anon
I guess this is a version of AITA on Reddit . . . . or let’s make it, am I unprofessional and how much damage have I done?
I was just on a Zoom call with multiple members of senior management, talking very little. My cat was pawing at the door for me to let her in. I got up and let her in. She jumped up on my desk and sat in view for a minute, then hopped onto my lap, out of view. I didn’t say anything and neither did anyone else.
My boss sent me an IM saying he did not find it unprofessional,but others might, so I should keep her out of view. I took that to mean he thought it was unprofessional.
How bad was it?
Anon
It was 100% fine and your boss is unreasonable. I’ve seen pets. I’ve seen spouses. I’ve seen naked toddlers that streaked across a room after a bath b/c they didn’t realize parent was on a video call. I’ve heard kids yelling, dogs barking, leaf blowers, etc. etc. etc.
You are fine.
Anon
This.
Senior Attorney
Yup.
That said, now that you know your boss doesn’t like it, you need to keep her out of view if possible.
Anon Probate Atty
I don’t think it’s bad. Seeing people’s pets and/or kids on Zoom has become really common since the lockdown began. I actually think it adds some pleasantness to the day.
Anonymous
It wasn’t bad at all. Your boss is weird. Try and keep kitty out and otherwise don’t worry. My kitty joins public meetings via zoom where I’m running the show and it’s fine.
Anonymous
I think it’s what happens when you WFH. At least you didn’t have a toddler vomiting on your or a baby nursing at the same time.
IDK why we need zooms — we are so not camera-ready. I feel like they should be camera-optional or you should be able to have an avatar.
anon8
Not bad at all. Boss needs to chill.
Pure Imagination
Not bad at all. I’ve met all my coworkers’ pets and everyone thinks it’s fun and cute. Your boss is being weird about this.
A dog person
Not bad, unless you created (inadvertently!) an impression that you were coaxing the cat to come up. As long as your focus was on the meeting and you treated the cat as a distraction that you gently removed, you’re fine.
Anon
I’ll be the voice of dissent. I think it’s unprofessional under normal circumstances. Your boss and I may be outliers, and that’s fine. But it’s distracting to have pets in view during a call.
I wouldn’t say this is that bad though because we are in the middle of a pandemic with forced WFH.
Walnut
What? No. Your boss is weird. My senior leadership has specifically indicated that seeing bits of home life in the background of video calls has added some nice reality to the situation and none of us should stress about it.
anne-on
Not bad. I mirror the people below – my kiddo hasn’t made an on-camera appearance, but I’ve seen other people’s kids, pets, and spouses. My cat also likes to sit in my lap and I has joined a handful of calls now as my options are lock her out and let her howl, or let her sit quietly on my lap. I’ve gotten a handful of ‘awws’ and then we all move on. Same for when people’s kids pop up – we’re at home with no help, what else are they supposed to do, make their kids invisible?
Anon
Not bad at all. That said, is your boss of the older generation? I’m noticing a strict age divide on how everyone is handling work from home – in part because the younger generation is more apt to have roommates or even kids. Or they just have more egalitarian marriages. My older colleagues tend to bar anyone from entering the room they are in while they are on a call. My younger colleagues may have a roommate or spouse stroll through to grab something from the fridge or home office. At first I thought it had to do with space issues like the older people have more room for separate offices. But as a meeting or two has wrapped up I’ve heard the older colleagues joke “oh, my wife will be glad she can use the microwave now.” Whereas one of my younger colleagues had to pause a video and mute herself while her roommate ground some coffee beans. I’m middle aged and I think I’d have no problem with my spouse using the microwave during one of my calls but I would ask my roommate to hold off on grinding the coffee until I was off a work call! It’s been an interesting sociological experiment though!
I had a webinar today though and the oldest man on the screen (probably in his 80’s) had a cat jump up in his lap in the middle of it.
anon
Agree with others — your boss is being weird. My entire team lives for pets walking into the frame.
Anon
Call me a crazy cat lady, but I would have been delighted to see that.
anonshmanon
wow, your cat didn’t meow loudly for everyone to hear, knock over your laptop, walk over the keyboard typing random stuff in the chat, show butthole on camera, or distracted you enough to miss relevant parts of the meeting. She simply exists and was visible for a short time. If your boss can’t handle that, he should not be working with other living beings.
Pure Imagination
Snorting at all of this. It’s so true though – unless your pet actively interfered with the meeting, it’s nbd.
pugsnbourbon
Someone legit had a BIRD on a call today. I was dying to see him but we just heard him squawk/screech/chirp. Next time I will ask.
OP your boss is either entirely unreasonable or she was given bad advice and is now passing that along to you.
Sloan Sabbith
My supervisor’s cat jumped up on her desk during an interview with a candidate. No one cared. Your boss is being weird and unreasonable.
Anonymous
I live for the random appearance of coworkers’ cute pets these days. I think it’s fine.
Anonome
I try to keep pets offscreen, from the perspective of a life-long cat owner who knows how much they enjoy presenting their buttholes. A flop-down and a roll-over takes them from “cute” to “AUGH!” in about three seconds.
Anonymous
Nina Totenberg was live on NPR and broke to tell her husband to.come back later with the roses he had picked for her from the garden. If Nina is relaxing, you and your cat can relax.
pugsnbourbon
That’s adorable. Next time my wife wanders behind me during a call I’m going to tell her to come back with flowers.
LaurenB
I don’t even like cats at all, don’t want them in a room with me – and I’d have no problem with this. These are unusual times and it’s no big deal.
Anon
Wow. I’m so shocked to read this. My two cats are regular Zoom attendees. I work for a large company (~30,000) and during a Zoom with the CFO, he picked up his new puppy and introduced her to all of us. It’s called being human.
anon
Makeup and masks: Any recs for a foundation that stays put and doesn’t smear all over the mask? The tinted moisturizer I usually wear during warm weather is a disaster. (I have a lot of facial redness and don’t feel comfortable going bare-faced … the mask gets removed at some point.)
NY CPA
Not sure about how it would work with a mask, but I bought the Estee Lauder Double Wear foundation in February and found it to be really great. I stopped into the department store to try it on and get color matched on the way to the gym, and left it on while I worked out to see how well it stayed in place. There was still plenty of it on after my 30 min spin class (and I’m one of those people who sweats like a pig!). I was very impressed.
anon
Can’t vouch for how well it stays put with masks but have you ever tried the Dr Jart Cicapair Tiger Grass Color Correcting Treatment? It starts out greenish and blends to match your skin tone (assuming you are fairly light) and does a great job neutralizing redness. It’s very thick so I imagine it has good staying power.
Alternatively, what about setting your tinted moisturizer with a powder? And/or one of those makeup setting sprays?
Anon
Hope you see this as it’s late — you might try IT cosmetics CC+ cream 50 SPF. I have rosacea and tend to sweat, and this doesn’t budge on me in the summer or even while working out. The only issue I have is that the colors tend to be rather yellow, except the Fair Light which is perfect for me. I use a makeup sponge to put it on.
anon
OP here. I’ll give it a shot. Rosacea is my issue, too. I agree that IT’s color selection leaves a lot to be desired, but I do like some of their formulas.
Worried
Paging bunion poster from this morning! I started developing bunions — likely genetic— in my mid thirties, and am late 40s now. I had a custom orthodic made by a podiatrist through my medical plan( I’m Canadian, and my plan for some reason only cover a partial orthotic) anyway, the orthotic raises my arch and helps the toes space out. It has reduced the progression, but it is still gradually getting more inward. The orthotic reduces pain, especially when I go on longer walks and am standing, so this may work. The podiatrist told me that I can still wear ‘less supportive’ ie fashion shoes for an hour or so and then change. Most of my shoes are now bunion friendly, and boots are your friend. Sandals pose more issues, and I wear naot or earth sandals and try and buy the cuter styles, but It is hard to find shoes that accommodate the orthotic and I mourned my nicer shoes a while ago. Some brands that work are vionic…I haven’t pulled the trigger, but my orthotic is similar to theirs and I’ve tried them on in store— I currently have something similar, so I may purchase in the summer when stores reopen.