This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
Ooh: this is a nice deal on a basic suit. The sculpted stretch suit blazer is now $84 (down from $140) – and it's avialable in gray and black in petite and regular sizes 0-20; these matching trouser pants look perfect.
(I think this skirt is matching — we featured it a while ago for the morning report.)
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! s
Some of our favorite budget-friendly interview suits for women include stores like Banana Republic Factory*†, J.Crew Factory*†, Mango*, and Express†, as well as widely available brands like Anne Klein Executive, Vince Camuto*, Calvin Klein*†, and Tahari ASL. For a vintage vibe, check Amazon seller Marycrafts*. (* = some plus sizes also, † = petites)
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Wildkitten
Long time no chat, ladies. I start a new job next week. I plan to have food prepped, clothes steamed, what am I forgetting to get ready? I haven’t worked full time in an office in YEARS at this point (and my new gig will be somewhat flexible but for the first week I’m really going to lots of places and meeting people and learning things, so there will be WFH flexibility later but not right away.)
Anon
Car maintenance: gas tank full, tires at the proper PSI, washer fluid topped up, coins or tokens or toll chip reader at the ready.
Layers for aircon misery.
Wildkitten
I forgot about air conditioning. Thank you!
Cornellian
Personal stuff for the office? I like to have floss, mints, hand cream, some snacks, etc. for a drawer or file box.
Wildkitten
Yes! This list is helpful.
Curious
Tampons and a change of shoes! Also I got a simple modern Summit water bottle as a gift, and it is amazing. Maybe that for fun? We missed you!
Senior Attorney
Welcome back, Wildkitten!
Just make darned sure that water bottle is professional!!!!
Anon
Tweezers, pads/tampons, Advil
Anonymous
stuff for paperwork that you might have to look up (cell phone numbers, addresses, routing info)
a blank check
maybe address labels if you have a lot of forms to fill out by hand?
a pair of shoes to save you at the end of the day if needed.
Anon
Headphones if you are not going to have your own office where you can shut your door for calls and meetings. Make sure that you have IT help if you need to connect wireless ear buds to your new laptop. And be prepared for florescent lighting again! That was my biggest thing when I went back to the office a few days ago – headphones and the terrible lighting!
Anon
Notepad and pen to take notes
Anon
Keep up your regular routines (dinners with friends, exercise, weekly phone calls to family, etc), despite your busier schedule. You’ll regret it if you let it drop for “just a week or two” and end up losing it. (Ask me and my new pants how I know!)
Tweeter
Omg welcome back?! Have thought about you a lot over these past years
Wildkitten
Thank you! That’s very sweet. It’s been a wild five years. Hopefully this next starts gets me back on smooth sailing.
Anon
passport for i9 paperwork, photo of your license plate and registration of you’re parking at work for car permit.
virtual hugs!
Ellen
Me too. You were one of the old timer’s and it’s great that you are getting back into the job market! Kudo’s, but since I am again late to the party, I have nothing else to add to the list. Just remember to keep a little tube of petroleum jelly in case your pumps irritate your feet. I know that I have been wearing my Nike’s around and my feet have flattened and expanded since the pandemnic. So getting back into pumps was challenging for a few days, and I seriusly thought I would need to buy size 7’s and give away all of my 6’s but fortunately that did NOT happen.
Good luck to you and remember that even tho we are older then we used to be, we are much more stable and mature and better then we were when we first met here on corporette so many years ago.
It is also a testament to others here that freinds remain freinds, even if only virtual. One of these days, we have to arrange a big Corporette meetup!
So good luck to you! YAY!
anon2
My husband is in a bit of a rut with work – just finding it dull on the day to day. I’m trying to think of something I can do for him to get him out of his routine. I looked into a somm class and test, but it is only offered once a year, and we just missed it. I think he would like learning about wine, but I think he would also like studying for and passing a test.
He likes to exercise but mostly just at the gym. He otherwise mostly putters around our house and doesn’t have specific hobbies (other than podcasts and audiobooks and hanging out with our little ones).
Any ideas?
Senior Attorney
Get him a Fitbit and get him starting his steps! It goes well with podcasts and audiobooks for those getting-in-the-steps walks around the neighborhood (which if the little ones are in strollers, they can join).
Ellen
I agree with senior attorney. When I was dating my ex, I was much more athletic then he was, and I walked to work, at lunch and then finally walked home mainly to remain svelte for him (yuck!). But my Fitbit kept me on track and he was very proud that my tuchus was very firm (double yuck!). I still rely on my Fitbit (a newer one) to track my progress, and I am now doing so much walking now that I hope to be trim again in a few months for the summer when I am going to the Manageing Partner’s house in the Hamtons!
So you do the same thing. Get him a fitbit, and encourage him to synck it to his laptop where all the features can easily be tracked (by you and him). That way, he won’t become a sloth, and he will be out in the fresh air, which is better then inside doing reps lifting weight’s in a sweaty gym.
Look into the Fitbit Versa 2, which is what I have, and he will love it!
Curious
Buy him flowers? I know it sounds odd, but it’s worked for me in a similar circumstance before.
AIMS
Does he have any hobbies that lessons would help with? Maybe a foreign language or musical instrument? Training for a half-marathon?
Or maybe you could do something together like taking a cooking class? Or watch all the movies of a favorite director or on some best of list?
roxie
why are you babysitting your husband though
Anon
Seriously. Is he not capable of finding his own hobby?
Anonymous
Make a plan to get up and watch the sun rise, go for a walk and pick up treats at a bakery. I’m a night owl and I do this every once in a blue moon and it always makes me appreciate the day a bit more.
Anon
Why does BR now think we all wear three or more layers all the time? All their clothes are styled with jackets or coats or a sweater tied over the shoulders. Very Fancy but I can’t tell how the suit is cut! Does no one ever go inside?
Anon
It is for me? I run cold AND sit under a HVAC duct. I am wearing Docs b/c I can wear them with thick wool socks even though it is legally spring tomorrow.
Anonymous
Because they want us to buy all the layers.
Anon
From a marketing perspective, the hope is that some people will just buy the whole outfit. That way they sell not just a suit but a coat and maybe accessories.
Anonymous
Maybe they don’t want us to see how poorly the clothes fit?
Anon
I find that BR and BRF clothes to fit well. I think it is just styling for them.
Alli
I haven’t had much success with BRF suits. Ill fitting and cheap looking.
Curious
Today in continued annals of Doing The Thing (disability leave, good fatigue day edition): I went to install child proof locks in the kitchen and discovered most of the cabinets already had half the work done. Previous tenants or owners childproofed with the exact same latches. I drilled a total of four holes. I have been dithering over this for weeks. (To be fair, one should not use power tools at all if one is concerned about their reflexes. But I am amused that I never even noticed the job was half done).
Anonymous
Can I just vent about how annoyed I am about the weird child p**n sentencing questions KBJ is getting at her hearings? At first I thought they were just really odd, but now I have read that they are based on the crazy Q Anon stuff about a cabal of elites ab*sing children. How can these senators take themselves seriously when they are playing directly to conspiracy theorists? It is so depressing.
Curious
Yeahhhhh right there with you.
Anonymous
I’m having a hard time watching any of it. I find the whole thing disgusting that they’re going to focus on what books are in a children’s library (?!) while Clarence Thomas can have the same job given what his wife has done.
Anon
I am nonpartisan in my hatred of it (and really all government hearings, where everyone seems to have made up their mind and it’s just for generating soundbites for campaign ads and requests for funds (apparently both parties have my cell # and I am busy blocking numbers yet again)). It’s theatre. I feel bad that anyone would have to go through this and I wonder how an average person would do (or someone who DNGAF and just answered candidly and/or did the eye rolls, side eye, and RBF that I’d likely eventually break down and start doing).
asAnon
I honestly never took the “Russia is influencing US elections” stuff very seriously. I basically felt like, well, it’s not great, but it’s probably well within our rights to listen to Russian bots all day if we want, as well as to vote for whomever we want, even if we’re deluded.
But now that I’ve watched people in life slide from confusion over the pandemic, to antivax conspiracy theories, to QAnon, and most recently to sharing QAnon adjacent propaganda favoring Putin and opposing Ukraine right now, I’m thinking I was a bit naive about this. It’s horrifying to watch QAnon ideas go mainstream to this extent.
Anonymous
QAnon is a disease, I have to deal with the public and the amount of pro-Putin views I encounter is truly shocking. I believe this is directly linked to illiteracy.
Bonnie Kate
Illiteracy + inability to evaluate sources. I think people who didn’t grow up with the internet give a lot of credibility to things they read, because when they were in school things they read were newspapers and books – things that more likely than not were at least edited by someone. Now anyone can produce “news” articles with zero editing or oversight whatsoever, but the ability to look at a something online and critically assess if it’s real/true/factual or not isn’t a skill a lot of people have.
in a similar vane, I’m the one who gets all the weird quasi-real looking but actual spam emails forwarded to me with requests “is this real?”….people just aren’t good at critically reading.
Not Q
I do not see that connection at all, and I don’t know why news outlets continue to report that the questions are connected to QAnon. They’re not. It delegitimizes the very real threat that QAnon poses, to attribute to it everything the other side does that we disagree with. The Republicans’ point has nothing to do with QAnon. They’re making the case that she’s extremely “soft on crime” and someone who sympathizes with criminals, including the “worst of the worst” — 9/11 terrorists and sex offenders.
Anon
I work in politics and read way too much political news every day, and I haven’t seen anything about it being connected to Q, which my sources generally do report on. It’s my understanding that the only argument Rs think they can get to stick against her (because, ya know, she’s actually qualified) is that she’s soft on crime.
Anonymous
Read the Vanity Fair article on the alt-right reception to this.
Anon
I think you are missing some insinuations. To those who have ears to hear, the idea is that she’s essentially a Pizzagate collaborator along with the Clintons, Hunter Biden, etc. Maybe it’s still bad to call them out on it though.
Not Q
I have ears to hear. I’ve listened to the last three days. I have not heard anything close to the expression, or insinuation, of the belief that she’s “essentially a Pizzagate collaborator along with the Clintons.” I’m sorry, but that’s a bridge too far for me – a liberal! That is something that is getting drummed up in liberal talking head spaces (heard it on the What a Day podcast this morning, for one) and reported on as if it were true. If you have actually been listening to the hearing, it’s not.
Anon
I guess that’s good to hear? I haven’t been listening myself: I’m only judging from the reactions of QAnon people, but maybe it’s impossible at this point to say words without feeding into their beliefs.
Anon
Ok I think you may be missing that Graham & co aren’t speaking to you, but to a GOP base. That base has a fringe that DOES believe QAnon thing (and not a ‘maybe this weird thing IS true’, but ‘we are actively campaigning on these QAnon grounds’). To this audience, the fact that so many questions were framed around child pornography and child abuse resonates. It is like a dog whistle. Sorry you don’t hear it, but in this scenario, you’re not a dog.
Not Q
It is absolutely not a dog whistle to inquire about whether someone consistently sentences below average on one particular type of sexual crime and what that reflects about their beliefs of the impact of said crime. I’m really afraid of the collateral consequences of assuming that anyone who expresses concern about sexual offenses against children is actually just a Republican QAnon truther who should be dismissed outhand.
Anon
What to wear to a late April wedding? Dad’s wedding, in a church with attendance of family and only a few close friends. Less than 30 people. We’ll be going to dinner after. East coast so weather can still be variable. Only found out the exact date last week.
AIMS
There was just a post about this at GoFug…. https://www.gofugyourself.com/fug-nation-loves-cute-dresses-to-wear-to-weddings-03-2022
Boden has a lot of really cute dresses aright now, too. I’d go for something with sleeves probably.
anon
DH and I have fallen into a rut where the rare date night is dinner and drinks, then off to pick up our kids from the sitter and go home. I would really love to have other options! In the summer, it’s a lot easier to do. We enjoy kayaking and biking together, or even going on walks. But when that’s not an option, it’s like we’ve forgotten how to just play and have fun. Concerts are nice but happen only a few times a year. Any ideas for activities that get us out of the house? We aren’t really “sit around and play board games” people. (We find games incredibly tedious and something we force ourselves to do with the kids.) We used to go to more movies, but we’ve both been pretty uninspired by the offerings in recent years.
These don’t need to be super romantic, pull-out-all-the-stops dates. Normal is fine. Budget options are fine. Like, the bar needs to be really low because we’re frankly out of practice, between having two kids and a pandemic to contend with.
Cornellian
Maybe a cooking, painting or other activity class? Probably not a budget option but not that expensive, either.
Anonymous
Late-night museum, indoor crazy golf, wind tunnel free flight, drunk bingo, drive-in movies, stand-up comedy night…?
Ellen
You can get Twister, and play it either just with him @ home, or you can have a double date with another couple, and it’s fun b/c you can get into all kinds of funny positions. If it is just you and him, once you’re both more flexible, try to play Naked Twister. You start with your clothes on, but you must take off an item of clotheing every other turn. In mabye 15 minutes, you’ll be able to move from the game to the carpeted floor where I think you will be able to figure out what to do! YUMMY!
Anonymous
explore an area of town and just walk around?
Anon 2.0
Commit to a theme. DH and I are currently doing a “Reuben Tour” of our city. Each Saturday we try a new restaurant for lunch that serves reubens and we are making our own rating scare to choose a “winner” at the end. After we finish this, I think we may need to go on a quest for trying as many Mexican restaurants as possible in our city. Not a date night, but we have also used the same theme idea before for movies. We choose a certain actor or director and commit to watching their movies. I find it gives it a bit more “structure” if that makes sense and something we look forward to, rather than just scrolling Netflix for 30 minutes and maybe finding something to watch.
Anon
We are doing this with burgers, and it’s amazing.
I’m also thinking we should do Mexican next.
Heads up that Servant of the People is finally back on Netflix if it’s of any interest. It’s been helping me watch something positive and relaxing when my mind is otherwise too preoccupied with what’s happening right now to watch something else.
Senior Attorney
This is a great idea!
anonymous
If the kids are at a sitter elswehere, take the opportunity to garden without the kids in the house! It’s been making a huge difference for DH and I lately to prioritize that and it’s different without kids at home.
Anon
We send the kids to youth group at church so we can be alone at home together.
Shenandoah
What about classics like bowling? Or something else active/dynamic like TopGolf or axe throwing. An adult arcade? Offbeat museum you haven’t checked out? A speakeasy?
Anon
Our faves: pub trivia (way less tedious than a board game but YMMV), art galleries, picking a neighborhood in the city and just exploring, first Friday art walks if your city has them, plays at your local theater, take a beginner adult class of something (pottery? dance?).
anonyme
We did an archery lesson a few months ago, and it was really fun!
Kristina
Dance lessons. My long-term boyfriend and I started dance lessons at our local Arthur Murray and it has been amazing. You touch each other, you learn a new skill, you get active, and you learn a ton about each other.
Anon
DH and I really love mini golf and ice cream for a date night. Low stakes, you’re outdoors, no phone, and a chance for a little gentle ribbing.
Anonymous
We like bowling, bar night trivia, couples massage (pre-pandemic), museums, any live music we don’t really care what it is. We also like to drop the kids off at grandma’s and go home to an empty house!
roxie
Depends where you live but any small city will have
– axe throwing
– dance lessons
– brewery or distillery tours
– museum exhibit and events
– volunteer opportunities – support a soup kitchen together for example
– escape rooms
– cooking classes
– a workout class you can do together
– couples massage?
check out something like AirBNB experiences maybe?
Anon
Following up on the posts yesterday, how do you know when you’re ready to have kids? My boyfriend and I both love babies/kids, and have been sort of fantasizing about the idea of having one of our own in a long-term way. It’s made me realize that I have no idea what some of the personal/professional/financial milestones would be to meet prior to making a decision like that.
For context, we’re 25, live in a VHCOL, and have a few hundred grand saved between us. I’d like to have kids around 30, but also feel like I can’t imagine feeling financially secure enough in five years to bring a little person into the world. I’m also not entirely sure about my career and wonder if having a kid makes it impossible to change your professional trajectory later on (i.e., need to have everything figured out before then). Is there a moment at which that changes / a goal to reach? Or do you just bite the bullet and hope that it all works out?
ANON
do single people things…travel a lot and generally live selfishly until you decide to have kids because it just becomes a lot harder after that.
Anonymous
you’ll never feel ready!
do you want to be married for kids or will you skip that part? if married that will delay TTC by 2-3 years (getting engaged, planning wedding, enjoying first year or two of marriage, possibly moving house/town).
i had my first at 34 and just felt so exhausted trying to keep up with her so i’d go earlier if possible.
Anon
Oh gosh, I’m 34 and just found out I’m (finally) pregnant. Hope I can keep up! I do wish I had started having kids earlier in life. Spent a lot of time on the fence about it (aka wasn’t with the right person), so you’re ahead in that regard. I obviously don’t have firsthand knowledge of this but I have solid indirect knowledge through close family and friends to say, babies are only as expensive as you make them. If you don’t have family, daycare is absolutely a cost. But they don’t need half the items people think they do. Don’t stress finances! Do your due diligence to prepare but know there is plenty of flexibility in how much raising a child costs… and it doesn’t affect how healthy, happy, and well-rounded your child ends up being.
OP
Aw, your last sentence is beautiful and comforting!! 34 still sounds super young to me and I am sure that waiting for the right person is worth having waited the extra years. My mom had be at 38 (I was an accident a year before her divorce) but she had a go-with-the-flow attitude around kids and we spent a lot of time gardening/painting/doing low-key chores around the house. I imagine the energy thing is a bit similar to the money thing in terms of being a bit dependent on the expectations you’re putting on yourself? (Not to invalidate that it’s a ton of work no matter what). Congratulations on the amazing news!!!
Anon
Are you tr0lling? You have “a few hundred grand” saved at 25 but you don’t think you’ll be financially secure enough at 30 to have a child? If you genuinely feel this way, get help for your anxiety.
anon
Yea I had to reread that multiple times bc I was like wait what?
Anon
Right? At 25, I was living in a trailer, throwing stock at the local grocery store (with a college degree) and it was the best job I’d ever had. The opportunity to have kids passed me by because I was nearly 40 before I had a job that paid a living wage and didn’t involved 70 hours & night shifts.
OP, a bit of perspective is in order here.
OP
OP here! Didn’t mean for this to cause anyone else anxiety. I live in a super super high cost of living city. A two-bedroom house or apartment can easily cost $1.5 million, with monthly mortgage payments around $6,000. The few hundred grand is both me and my boyfriend’s, not mine along. Figuring out a way to support kids / get a large enough house / potentially pay for childcare in this city (where all of my family lives) seems super overwhelming right now. Honestly I’m wondering how other people do it without staying in demanding fields or making hundreds of thousands a year? Is it just a matter of moving somewhere lower cost?
Sorry again to have caused any anxiety – should have clarified about the city’s COL being a major stressor.
ANON
I’m in a VHCOL city and honestly it’s only expensive if you choose for it to be expensive. I’m in NYC and I have friends who live in the city and want to send both kids to private school even though their public schools are just fine. So between their mortgage and tuition, that’s over 15k a month. I live in an outer borough at a smaller apartment – it’s a squeeze for us and a kid but livable. We plan to send him to public school and our monthly fixed expenses will be less than a 1/3 of the city folks though we have a high income. If you want a certain city lifestyle, yes, you need to keep your golden handcuffs on. But you don’t have to keep that lifestyle. Plenty of people in VHCOL cities have kids on below median salaries.
Anon
You know the vast majority of people around the world don’t even have a fraction of what you do and still manage to have kids, right?
Anon
This is also true for the majority of people w/kids in this HCOL city.
Anonymous
You’re not causing any anxiety for me I just think you sound incredibly naive and like you should interact more with people who aren’t rich.
Anon
Yeah even in NYC you are WAY ahead for your age. Most people are in grad school with debt or working low-paying jobs in their mid 20s. You’re not causing me anxiety; I have a fine life on a much lower salary in a lower cost of living area. I think you need help for your own anxiety because you have no idea how well you’re doing. You’ve been out of college for, what, at most 3 or 4 years? To have a net worth above zero is an accomplishment, to have one above $100k is incredible. If you can’t afford a child, no one can.
Ellen
I think that we need to focus on just having kids ASAP, once we have a man. I worried to much about my career so did NOT focus on men until I was already on cusp of infertility. By that time, men were NOT interested in anything other then quick s-x in my bed, quick b/c they were mostly limpy and not at all interested in my needs. So while your young, go for it, and don’t worry about it. Youll figure it out once the child arrives. My sister has 4 kids, and she does not even work, but she may be a little unusual. You can do it, so just leave your pills in the drawer and you’ll have a great kid by this time next year! YAY!!
Anonymous
Since people are being mean to you I’ll chime in with real advice for VHCOL city (I commented above re marriage): the timeline is both longer and shorter than you think. shorter in that 4-5 years is probably the earliest you could have a baby if you do the newlywed stuff. and also longer in that “house with room for kids” doesn’t matter until kid #2 or #3, which is more like 10 years out if you get pregnant again when #1 is 2-3 years old.
Anon
It is not mean or inaccurate to say a 25 year old with hundreds of thousands of dollars in savings is doing better than the vast majority of people, even in a VHCOL city. When I was 25 I was in grad school in SF with a net worth well below zero. I had a kid at 31 and have never had trouble providing for her. Suggesting you won’t be financially ready for a kid in 5 years when you currently have hundreds of thousands in savings is absurd. I don’t care where you live.
OP
Thank you so much for this perspective. It’s comforting to remember that needing many bedrooms is a while out, and at that point needing to stay here to support family members may no longer be as much of a concern. Also thank you for the practical advice! Totally understand people’s pushback and I do know that I have money anxiety from growing up in precarious situations / feeling way less equipped than my friends who grew up wealthy in terms of knowing how to manage money or what is “enough.”
ANON
I’m the ANON at 3:34 and I am pretty irritated by the tone of the comments here. I grew up with a similar background with a single mom making less than 40k a year and went to public schools my entire life and worked since I was 15 and therefore graduated with very little debt. So yes, I started out with a higher net worth than my peers at graduation too but it was also after a lifetime of scarcity mindset. It’s not as dramatic as OPs anxiety but I can empathize with where she’s at. Because of my upbringing I live below my means and feel anxious about spending money on things that ppl in my tax bracket do and it makes me feel like the fact that they can so easily own a home in Manhattan and send their kids to private school means I don’t make enough or have enough. Given that background, I do think OP needs to work on her mindset a bit because if you feel anxious about your money combined with the inevitable mom guilt, you’re going to drive yourself crazy with wondering if you’re not doing enough for your kid when that happens. At the end of the day, yes, your kid will have a more financially comfortable life but being a good parent is so much more than that.
OP
Thank you so much for this. It’s really comforting to know there are people who can relate to this type of situation. I have college friends in other cities who I know have less than I do, but they also have wealthier parents and haven’t felt restricted about making choices like grad school or fellowships or taking time off to travel. I based my decision on which college to based on money, I worked 30+ hours a week to cover my expenses while going to class full-time, and I chose not to go to grad school immediately after undergrad because I’m scared of debt. I feel like there are a lot of things people don’t talk about in terms of expenses associated with coming from a less-privileged background (I.e., my mom always joked that I was “her retirement plan” and I have a brother I will probably need to take care of at some point in some capacity down the line). There are a lot of people with backgrounds way more precarious than mine, and I think people underestimate the impact that has on your psyche and your capacity to feel financially secure.
I’m in therapy and have talked with her about the money/scarcity mindset before, but it’s hard to recognize when it’s projection since it always feels real. It’s also a lot harder to let yourself off the hook / give yourself permission to not worry than it sounds like it would be. (I’m sure people can relate to this in other capacities on some level?). I definitely don’t want to ever let this impact kids / or to contribute to other people having the same feelings I do about money and life in general.
Hope you have a really good rest of your day / thank you again for your comment.
Anonymous
Totally agree. And I do not have family money, but DH and I do have a (non law) masters degree and we had about the kind of savings OP and her BF have at 25. We’d both been working decent jobs right out of undergrad and maxing our retirement funds- I stuffed everything into a Roth 403(b). The market was good to us! I have kept a quarterly net worth calculator tracker for the past 14 years and I just looked. When I was 25 and DH was 26 we had $200k in savings and retirement, $50k in debt (more was to come as DH was in business school), and owned a home in the Boston suburbs that we paid $400k for and later sold for $550.
Getting ready
From what you’ve said, you may need more mindset preparation than financial preparation. Talk with your partner about what you’re each planning to do for your families of origin. Talk with your therapist about setting limits. Talk with your family of origin about what they can expect.
Make sure that your limits are compatible (financially and bandwidth) with being the kind of parent and partner and person you want to be. As you were hinting at, you have a lot of money, but it can be drained by needy family pretty quickly unless you hold firm to limits. Even worse for a child, your time and energy can be drained pretty easily by needy family of origin.
Anon
Yea I feel like this poster needs to go away
Anonymous
That was my thought–totally fake. If they’re 25 and went to law school, they’ve been working for max 1 year.
Anonymous
It’s definitely family money.
OP here again
OP again… Honestly this is really validating. I grew up lower income in the same VHCOL city I live in now with a single mom making around 40k a year supporting two kids (+ frequent bouts of unemployment). It was super stressful and I started working at 15 making $9 an hour to try and help her with her credit card debt. I know that many, many people around the world (and in my city) have kids making less than I do. Most of my family does. But I also don’t want my kids to worry about putting themselves through college the way I did, and to be able to go through life without worrying about money the way I had to.
Not law, but have worked in tech for a few years since graduating. Have kept expenses low and have saved up about 180k (which includes 401k contributions, so not helpful on the kid-front). The “few hundred grand” was including what my boyfriend has saved. I feel like our combined savings / income is lower than what most of our friend group and peers have, though we don’t speak openly about salaries so that may be inflated by my own money anxieties and scarcity mindset from growing up. Appreciate everyone’s reframes!
Anon
Most of my friends work in tech in the Bay Area. None of them had $180k saved by age 25. Many were in grad school living in one of the most expensive cities in the world on $20k stipends. They all had kids in their early 30s and have become homeowners just fine. I find it hard to believe you’re this out of touch that you have no idea how well you’re doing for your age.
OP
None of my friends went to grad school, which may be the disconnect? Grad school I’m sure boosts your longterm earning potential, but maybe would make it so you have less money at 25.
Allie
I would not try to get everything in order first — life rarely provides that order.
Anon
I’m sorry to be snarky but… you have a few hundred grand saved and are worried you wont be financially ready anytime soon? The vast majority of professionals in VHCOL areas have maybe, if they are lucky, tens of thousands saved before having kids. Obviously the vast majority of humanity has kids with far fewer resources than that.
Whether you are emotionally ready is an entirely different matter, but please don’t kid yourself about the financial aspect of this.
Aunt Jamesina
You have way more saved up than most people who have kids. You’ll never feel like you’ll have enough money or be 100% ready. That said, at your age I’d have some fun and work on any major personal or professional goals you have your eye on.
Ribena
Is there some sort of fertility check up your doctor can do now? You’d kick yourself if you waited five years to start trying and discovered you couldn’t get PG easily
Anon
If you’re commited maybe look into housing prices/neighborhoods you’d want to own in? It is of course fine to have a kid in an apartment but casually browsing homes for a few years before you buy can help you pull the trigger more easily if you already know what area you want/what average costs are/what your dealbreakers are.
Logistically, I found it was helpful to be pregnant/have a small child on a team that I’d been working with for a while and had built up a lot of credibility with because my productivity took a hit when I was pregnant and then my kid got all the daycare crud their first year. If your company has awful health insurance/mat leave maybe look into other companies with better policies and try to apply there? You may not use insurance/leave much as a young, single healthy person, but you’ll use it a TON as a pregnant person/with a child.
OP
This is so helpful! Living in a suburb would make things a lot easier and developing a sense of camaraderie with your team seems like it would help soften the stress of things a lot.
Anonymous
Girl what is this nonsense. You’re 25 and have a few hundred grand in savings but don’t think you can afford a child in 5 years? Get a grip. Grow up. Examine your privilege.
anon
+ “a few hundred grand”
You need perspective before you need to have children. That is all.
Anon
Yup.
OP
OP again – posted an explanation above, but the “few hundred” is between me and my BF. Grew up low income with single mom / put myself through college / half of my cousins have been housing insecure (two have been actually homeless) in the last several years. I genuinely don’t know how much other people make just because it seems like everyone around me tons and tons of money, but explicit numbers are never discussed. I do think I make less than most of my peer group in my area, but maybe this is just a very, very small niche of working-in-tech-without-having-gone-to-grad-school folks. I’m actually surprised that no one on this board can relate to the feeling of nothing ever being enough living in a VHCOL city / folks who grew up lower income having no frame of reference for what they’d need to be financially secure?
Anon
$180k is a huge amount to have at age 25 when you’re three (?) years out of school. You know a lot of people have six figure educational debt, right?!
Anon
I’m doubtful that you make less than your friends, and think it’s more likely that it seems to you like you have less money because you are saving a vastly larger percentage of your income. Think about all the things you could have done or purchased over the last few years if you were not saving thousands each month.
Anon
Ugh yes :( hoping there’s some type of student debt relief soon.
And thank you for that. I know (now) that this was an annoying post, but I thought most people my age hoping to be middle class in my city had a lot more saved than me. I’ve been beating myself up a lot lately over my spending / feeling I don’t have good longterm earning potential.
I hope you have a really good day / weekend!
Anonymous
Some stuff to consider:
Are you and your boyfriend on the same page in terms of how to raise kids? Values, private vs. public school, would he be willing to be a SAHD, do you have backup in terms of baby sitters and family that could help out?
Do you live somewhere where it’s okay to handle a pram and shopping? will you have to carry the child five stairs without an elevator and the shopping in the other hand? Is there well-functioning public transport or will you have to do everything by car?
Have you read the fine print (actual written stuff or unspoken culture) about how both your workplaces handles families? Will he get enough time at home with the baby without resigning? Will you? (I’m assuming you’re in the US and both your rights are terrible, but you might be at a more progressive place).
Do you have any family or friends that are in the same place, that would give you people to talk to about child specific stuff, that you could meet up with or that you could swap babysitting with? You might be so much ahead of your friends that you’ll feel out of touch (or that they are).
OP
This is so helpful! I hadn’t thought of any of these things and they’re all really important. Having a family is one of my major goals but also something I feel embarrassed talking about with anyone IRL, and so it’s helpful to have all of these things to consider
Anonymous
I asked a similar question here but I was 30 and married. I decided to just go for it, because there’s never a time when you are totally ready. I got pregnant a few months later. And then, I was diagnosed with cancer while pregnant, terminated the pregnancy, and had infertility caused by chemotherapy. 2 years of cancer treatment, 1 year of rest, and 2 years of infertility treatment later, I am finally pregnant again.
What happened to me is extreme, but you never know what life has in store. There is no perfect time to have kids. The advice I give is to have kids when you want them, not based on some arbitrary milestone. It’s not school – you don’t need at A+ before proceeding to have kids. I know so many friends who ended up having kids years later, or not at all, due to things out of their control – infertility, stillbirth, illness, caring for sick parents, etc. You should have them when you are ready because you could lose your chance.
OP
This is really powerful. Thank you so much for sharing. And a huge congratulations on your pregnancy <3
Anonymous
DH and I got married at 25. We bought a house fairly short after and had fun renovating it i nights & weekends. We got t a dog. We travelled. My loans were paid off. We had a pretty decent emergency fund (high 5 figures). DH went back to get his MBA and finished that at age 28 adding another 30k of debt but also graduating with a job that would quickly pay that off.
We’d always talked about having kids (more than one). At one point DH said 4 (!). Around age 27/28 I brought up that if he really wants to leave having 4 kids on the table, and I want to be done having kids by my mid 30s (which I did, particularly since we were married so young), well, gotta get going.
We put it off for another year or so, but when we were 28 we decided to pull the goalie. After 5 months nothing happened, so we started Actively Trying. I was pregnant in 4 months and had our first at 29 (DH was 30). We later had two more kids; my youngest arrived just after I turned 34.
He got a vasectomy that Christmas break ;).
I think you need to know that you will never be at the right time or have enough money. But for us, working backward from our end goal (multiple kids, all out of college or otherwise out of the house by mid 50s) helped solidify that it was time to start trying.
OP
Aww! This sounds like such a great trajectory. It’s lovely to hear such a sweet/wholesome story about people building a family together and learning about how certain things fall into place.
Anon
I also read this as trolling…if you’re 25 that means you’re out of school ~3 years. I find it hard to believe anyone just out of undergrad is making more than $100k, maybe $150k at the absolute max? If you’re saving $60k/year, that means your take home pay probably does feel tight. I make $100k/year, save $30-40k/year (which is way more than others I know), and my take home after taxes is only about $42k. So…yes, you probably do feel like you can’t afford kids because you’re saving so much. You’re young, so it’s great you’re putting so much money in now but you can dial the savings back SIGNIFICANTLY once you have kids and you will have a lot more money to cover daycare and other expenses. And as everyone has already piled on….You clearly grew up to have an incredible job (top 1% in the world and probably in the US for your age range) despite being raised in challenging circumstances. Focus on what you can do to be a good parent, and less on finances.
Anon
Right. You must be saving a very large portion of your salary in retirement, which is commendable but also not really necessary. It’s really ok to save “only” $20k/year for retirement, maybe even less during the years when you have significant childcare expenses. Also keep in mind that if you’re buying a $1.5M house, that’s another form of retirement savings. You can downsize to a lower cost of living area in retirement and sell that huge asset (which will likely appreciate significantly over your working years). I’m in a LCOL area and have more cash retirement savings than my friends in VHCOL areas but they have houses that are worth eight times what my house is worth, so it’s not like I have a higher total net worth.
Anon
Ok having read all the comments, money concerns and the advice aside, before you have kids you really need to work through your hangups because otherwise you’re going to pass on some unhealthy socioeconomic issues to your kids.
Anon
If you (mid thirties) had a day to spend with your dad (mid sixities) in NYC in April, what would you do?
We’ve both been many times before and have have done all the museums, Empire State Building, etc. I want to plan a fun day for us but I’m feeling overwhelmed with all the options!
Anonymous
I would take my dad (87) to see Hadestown, but he is always up for anything.
OP
Great idea but we’re seeing The Music Man which is the primary purpose of our trip!
AIMS
+ 1. I’d go see a show and have lunch somewhere fun.
Senior Attorney
I would book a photographer and have them do a photoshoot of me with my dad. I did it with my son when I was in my mid-50s and we both treasure those shots. E.g. https://www.viator.com/tours/New-York-City/Private-Custom-NYC-Photo-Tour/d687-33272P2
Go for it
One world observatory! It was divine on a sunny day
Ellen
There’s also the new lookouts at the top of new buildings at Grand Central and Hudson Yards. Unless he is afraid of height’s, he should love it. My dad did and he is older then your dad; he said it reminded him of his days behind the Iron Curtan when he was able to parachute in and have s-x with pretty local women. Every time he tells those stories, Mom gets mad, but they were NOT married yet. He said they did not shave so he was not that excited with them anyway.
NYCer
I know you said all the museums, but does that include the 9/11 museum? It’s worth a visit if you haven’t been. You could couple it with a visit to the top of One World Trade Center, and lunch somewhere fun in the West Village or Tribeca.
If he’s in good walking shape and the weather is nice, you could spend a few hours doing a big walking loop in Central Park, and then finish (or start) with a fun lunch.
AIMS
Also – you can’t do “all the museums” and all the old standbys always have new exhibitions. The Frick is temporarily in a new space (the old Whitney) and it’s really fun to see all those impressionists in a totally modern space. If you don’t want to a museum, that’s totally cool, but it’s literally impossible to do them all and be done.
If a show was out, I would go down to the Morgan Library & check if they have an afternoon concert that day. Or, if the weather is nice maybe take the ferry to Brooklyn and explore somewhere new.
Anon 2.0
Is anyone following the case of ReDonda Vaught? I’ve recently learned of this and have been researching. Essentially, a nurse overrode a lot of system warnings they resulted in administering the wrong medication that killed a patient. She self reported the error immediately but the hospital did not make the required reports they should have. The issue it seems, is the hospital had been instructing nurses to override popups instead of fixing the underlying system issues. Some places are saying the hospital even gave nurses handouts on overriding the warnings. Despite the objections of the family, she is being criminally charged. Should she lose her nursing license? Yes. Is this criminal? I don’t think so. It just seems this us setting a precedent for overworked nurses to be charged and corporate hospital systems to get away scot free. Thoughts?
Anon
I’m not following this case. But I do know that hospitals and pharmacies have software that “cries wolf” constantly. I believe they’ve done this as CYA since it makes it easier to throw people like this nurse under the bus (“we did warn her!”). Some of the things that throw up warnings are genuinely laughable (like a drug interacting with the condition it treats, or the medication it counteracts which is why it’s prescribed, etc.). It would be great if this case led to some pushback since the status quo is dangerous.
Anon
No but does she seem to have a good lawyer? And is it an election year for the prosecutor?
anon
This sounds like a nightmare. I don’t know if the individual should be held liable, but the hospital certainly should.
Betsy
I was recently in the hospital and my nurse had to override the system for basically every single medication they gave me. It seems like these systems are set up to do nothing but cry wolf. I absolutely feel for this woman.
Curious
I cannot believe she’s being charged even against the objections of the family. Nursing is a calling and I’m increasingly convinced we are trying to drive everyone halfway reasonable out of it and teaching.
Anon
Is more than overriding the system. The order was for Versed (sedative) she looked for it in the system as ‘versed’, but drugs are listed by their generic name, so she should have looked for ‘midazolam’. She only. entered ‘ve’ and vecuronium came up and she went with that. There were multiple prompts she had to bypass. Vecuronium is a paralytic, and there are warning on the vial. You also have to reconstitute vecuronium, and the dose she gave is was different (I believe 2 mg was ordered and she gave 10 mg of vec). Versed is a VERY common drug given in the ICU. As an ICU nurse, all kinds of red flags should have been going off for her. And the standard of care is to monitor the patient after giving versed (especially with an elderly patient) which she did not do. She made all kinds of mistakes, and 100% losing her license is warrented. I’m torn on criminal charges, what about someone not paying attention while driving and kills someone? Those people are prosecuted. I feel this is the same. I am an ICU RN and drug errors happen, and some of them have horrible consequences, but this goes beyond a simple drug error. Most nurse I know agree with this viewpoint.
Anon
Forgot to add – Vandy also bears a lot of blame. She reported it appropriately but Vandy tried to cover it up. They also had ongoing issues with the drug system and it was giving more warnings than normal, so that should have been addressed.
lipstick
+1
Agree with all of this.
Signed,
Doc that has cared for many patients in ICU receiving Versed daily.
What a terrible error.
Anon
For those of you who manage your family’s finances: how do you work it out with your partner? Do they just trust you’ll make good-faith, well-researched decisions and let you do what you want? If you want to, say, use a new-to-you investment vehicle do you get their okay first?
Anonymous
What is an investment vehicle? All vehicles are depreciating assets at best.
Anon
As in a product, like equities or REITs.
anonshmanon
thanks, I also misunderstood that one!
Anon
Lol no worries. I guarantee you my spouse has tried to make the argument that vehicles he wants to purchase are investments. Sure, babe, sure.
Discuss and Agree
We agreed on goals first; everything over those goals from our salaries are basically for us to spend as we like. We have expenses divided between us (who pays for what), and a set amount we put into retirement/college/vacation/life funds. If I chose to spend money on a hobby and he choses to invest in bitcoin, that’s fine. For the accounts that are not essentially fun money, we do discuss and agree on which retirement fund, which 529, whether to save for a car or get a loan/lease, etc. My 401K is invested in slightly more conservative funds than his 401K, but we discussed that earlier. Since we have set goals, the goals more or less drove some of the decisions on investment vehicles anyway (when we will need the money, how much, and risk profile/how much we’d hate to lose it).
Anon
Thank you! My partner is not fluent in financial strategies or investment products and does not research them at all, but is fluent in asking me all sorts of questions that amount to concern over any risk at all. I like the idea of starting conversations with our shared goals and then working backwards from there.
Anon
Short answer: yes he trusts me.
Long answer: our finances are super simple. All our investments are in 457 and 403b target date funds with a little bit in 529s. I don’t invest in any new vehicles. He has a general sense of how much we save each year.
Anonymous
We have separate investments, I am more conservai than my husband, so together we make up a diversified portfolio. We don’t buy anything big or new without checking
anon
I manage our day-to-day finances. I make sure bills are paid, I track where we are in terms of our monthly budget, and I move money between accounts as needed. I still communicate regularly with my husband, and I make sure he has access to all our accounts just in case.
As far as investments go, DH and I talk about overall goals and decide on our investments together. We don’t have that much money, and our investment strategy is pretty simple. I would not use a new-to-me investment vehicle without running it by him. But if I said, “Here’s this investment vehicle. I researched it, and blah blah blah,” he’d probably trust me and agree.
Anon
I do the research and propose the plan with the rationale, along with a ~2 sentence explanation of what we would do if we don’t pursue recommended course of action or pro’s and con’s. Usually SO signs off immediately. If he has questions, we discuss in more detail and then make a joint decision together.
MagicUnicorn
I put a pen in his hand when I need his signature on something and I remind him that bananas don’t cost ten dollars. Other than that, his eyes glaze over when it comes to finances, so it’s all me.
Anon
Lolololol. I’m the OP and this is how half our financial conversations go.
Sutemi
We have a fairly simple investment strategy, and I do the work on making it happen. I made him read “The Coffeehouse Investor” which is a short, simple book explaining index funds. Only after we agreed on the high level strategy (our target allocations and that we use index funds) would I agree to take on all the investing mechanics. Over the years he got more interested and learned more, but I always keep things simple enough that if I died or was incapacitated he could take it over. I saw what happened when my dad died and my mother knew nothing about investing and never want him to be in that position.
That also means that I don’t go crazy with different investment vehicles. Sure, without me he might be less tax optimized but he isn’t going to be ripped off by a shady advisor either!
ALT
I’m looking for a new job and I just got an email that I was asked back for a second interview with a company, which is great. The issue is that the interview is a full day of shadowing. This seems like a lot to ask of someone who is fully employed and on the office full time—I have to request a day off on super short notice, rearrange my schedule to accommodate a full day of an interview…is it bad if I ask them to do something that’s more accommodating?
I’ve never run into this and it’s a bit strange in my opinion. I was told in my first interview that the next step would be a call with the hiring manager, so to move directly to an all day shadowing is just a big change.
Thoughts??
Anon
That is crazy to me.
Anon
I’d ask a clarifying question – one that politely suggests to them that they’re nuts and possibly that they skipped a step.
“Hi HR, Thanks so much for following up with me about this next step in the interview process. I understood that the next step would be a call with Name. Will I still have a call with him/her? I remain extremely interested in joining Company and am available to speak with Name at [availability], but I’m sure you can sympathize that taking an entire day off work this early in the interview process can be challenging.”
Cat
+1, and also, take note that unreasonable expectations of interviewees (which this, btw, 100% is) is unlikely to mean they don’t have unreasonable expectations of employees…
Anonymous
“Shadowing” seems odd to me, but in my field the callback is usually a half-day or full day that includes multiple panel and individual interviews, lunch, and a job talk.
Senior Attorney
Hey, shoutout to whoever recommended the Murderbot Diaries. I gobbled the first two whole over the weekend and just loved them! So fun! Any recommendations for similar once I finish the series?
Anon
Oh I got the books too based on this site. I have only had time to read one chapter, but it was assuming
Katrinka
Murderbot Diaries are amazing!! Similar in that it’s sci fi and has sort of a similar-tone narrator is Project Hail Mary, by Andy Weir, the same author who wrote The Martian (but much different style of book this time). Very interested in other recs from folks who like these type of books.
Anon
I would not recommend Andy Weir to anyone who likes female-driven or -author sci fi. His books don’t even pass the Bechdel test. In PHM the only female character is written terribly and comes off as completely stupid, despite having a position of authority (the protagonist – a high school science teacher – has to explain to her that hydrogen and oxygen make water). I know the exposition is intended for the reader’s benefit, but it was a really sexist and gross choice to have everything mansplained to the only female character.
amberwitch
Don’t know if I was the one making this specific recommendation, but I’ve been recommending those to everybody who wanted to listen – glad you also liked them:-)
In general, I think Martha Wells is a great writer, but she mostly do fantasy, not science fiction.
If you like the science fiction aspect, and the non-human aspect, I’d recommend Ann Leckie Ancillary justice (first in a trilogy). Not as funny, but really interesting and funny in an absurd way.
Senior Attorney
Ooh! just put those on my wishlist!